Original subtitles

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

? Where the four winds blow

? And it's five miles wide

? Where a six-gun rules and a man can't hide

? A man can play

? And a man can win

? Lucky Luke rides again

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

? There's a man who waits

? Over yonder hill

? And when he shoots, he shoots to kill

? But he don't know that in the end

? Lucky Luke will ride again

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

? On the dusty trail

? 'Neath the western sky

? Where the sun shines hard enough to fry

? A cowboys dream must never end

? Lucky Luke rides again

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

Full house, Kings and tens (chuckles).

Well, but hold it.

Four of a kind (laughs).

I knew I felt lucky.

Your luck just run out there didn't it?

Nobody beats me, not even with four of a kind.

How 'bout six of a kind?

Oh, oh Sheriff, I'm sure glad to see you.

Just what's going on here?

Oh well, some folks just like to turn a friendly card game

into a bramble bush.

Oh no, not another card shark.

Luke, last time it took all night

to clean up the mess you made.

Don't worry Lotta, I'll mop up.

Luke, Lucky Luke?

Ah, you heard of me?

Ah shucks.

Don't change the subject.

I'm still tryin' to get out the stain

the last poor man left my floor.

[Farley] I thank you Mr. Nickels.

[Mr. Nickels] Thank you.

[Farley] All right Laura, let's get goin'.

Hey, give me that sack.

I was gonna buy that sack of oats.

For a dam horse you ain't.

These oats are for my children's breakfast.

Pa, Pa, it's okay.

Get out the way Laura.

Gentlemen, please,

there's a wagon load of oats arriving in the morning.

Good, you come back in the mornin'.

Suppose I don't wanna do that?

I suppose you both simmer down,

and tell me what the problem is.

I already paid for them oats in there.

He was stealing.

(Farley and Harp gasping)

Young lady, what's the trouble here?

Well Pa and I came into town for supplies.

And these hockbusters

snatched the last sack of oats (gasps).

That right, just one sack left?

Yes sir.

Got an empty sack?

Yeah.

(Farley and Harp gasping)

That's enough oats for each of you,

til the wagon comes in tomorrow.

Ah boys, thanks for being such good sports.

Laura.

Who's paying for these lollipops?

Laura?

Yes Sheriff.

Is your Pa always so hard headed when he's shopping?

Just when he runs into cattlemen.

[Farley] Laura, I told you about talking to strangers.

Come on, we're leaving.

Thanks Sheriff Luke.

Now why would two men

wanna shoot it out over a bag of oats?

[Jolly Jumper] Would you believe high cholesterol?

Farley, we got to talk.

No Laura, you stay here with the young 'uns.

I'll be back in a bit.

Sure Pa.

Where you goin'?

Shh.

Them cattlemen are already driving their herds

into our valley.

Well Red, that can't be,

the cowpoke at the store

was only buying grub enough for half a dozen men.

Well, that's not what I'm told,

and that ain't the half it.

Well them cattlemen are not gonna let us farmers

on their grazing land.

We gotta get them before they get us.

You're talkin' crazy Red.

Anyone else here think I'm loco?

All right, now I know

where we can get the kind of fire power

them cowpunchers can't fight.

[Biscuits] Secret weapon?

That's what Mr. Joseph says.

'Cause those settlers gonna be lying in wait for us,

if we try to ride them cattle into the valley.

I told ya I don't trust farmers.

They look peaceful enough,

but they'll plow you under the first chance they get.

Well Mr. Joseph said we better handle this

before we round up the herd.

Don't you know any other tunes?

[Biscuits] Everybody eatin' Hank?

Ready Bushwack?

Go get it.

Good dog Bushwack.

I toss you a bone,

and you come back with a whole meal.

Hey Lotta, what a surprise.

See, she fetched your bone for you.

Thank you Lotta.

Very funny Luke.

Figured you'd be hungry and maybe lonesome.

Unless you like talkin' to the dumbest dog in the West.

Oh, I brought us some wine I've been saving.

Ah, Venda Le Julin, 1799.

Good stuff.

You bet your saddle it...

How would you know that?

Ya know.

[Both] Lucky guess.

Gotcha Panchito.

Buenos dias.

I can never surprise you Sheriff Luke.

You would if you knocked.

Si senorita.

Luke, I found the settlers camp.

Good work.

Thanks Lotta, be back.

Come on, let's go.

Wine?

[Farley] Sheriff, something wrong?

Nope, I just stopped by to say, howdy.

Hi Laura.

Hello Sheriff.

Laura, this is man talk,

get those children cleaned up and get 'em to bed now.

[Jolly Jumper] Get 'em to invite you to supper,

you'll like it, it's beans.

Hey, what's that, beans?

Yeah, have some, we got plenty.

[Luke] Thanks.

Wanna show you something Sheriff.

This is El Viagrande.

That's Spanish.

Hmm, thanks.

Beautiful valley,

and we got a government deed to settle it.

Of course, them cowpunchers

claim they got a deed to graze it.

It's like them oats Sheriff,

both of us need it,

but only one's gonna end up with this land.

You split the oats.

Why can't you split the land?

Cause we're planting crops.

Well you graze 10,000 head of cattle over our land,

won't be worth a bucket of warm spit.

[Jolly Jumper] Disgusting.

Well I'm not the Marshall of this territory,

but if I could see your deed, I could...

Thanks very much Sheriff, we can handle this.

All right, thanks for the beans, nice and crunchy.

Sheriff Luke.

Laura, what's the matter?

There's something I gotta tell you.

[Biscuits] Harp, our only chance

is to get the same kind of fire power

as those settlers have.

[Harp] That's just what Mr. Joseph said.

Ya know, for a government agent,

he seems kind of well, violent.

[Biscuits] Well, so what if he's on our side.

I say that we need him.

What do you say?

[Harp] I say between that dagblasted harmonica player,

and that howling coyote, I can't hear myself think.

Well now, why didn't I think of that (chuckles).

[Biscuits] Whatever we do to those settlers,

it has to be before round-up.

We don't wanna stampede the herd.

[Luke] Hi folks.

[Harp] Ah, Sheriff ah, we were just discussing ah...

[Luke] Viagrande.

Popular topic.

[Jolly Jumper] Wonder what the ranchers

are having for supper?

[Luke] What's that, beans?

[Harp] Yeah, we got plenty, have some.

[Luke] Thanks.

[Biscuits] We'd eh, offer your horse some oats,

but we're a little short tonight.

[Jolly Jumper] I'll settle for a Caesar salad.

[Luke] I was at the settlers camp and...

[Harp] And uh, they said that they have the deeds

to move into that valley, not us.

[Luke] They also say,

you cowpokes have something up your sleeves

besides hair and sweat.

[Jolly Jumper] Cancel the salad, I lost my appetite.

[Harp] We didn't start this thing.

[Biscuits] You've got no authority here.

We don't need no half-baked lawman

telling us how to handle our own affairs.

[Luke] Maybe not, but I don't want anyone getting hurt.

(burps) Talk about half-baked, thanks.

[Jolly Jumper] First time I ever heard you

complain about beans.

[Harp] I still don't like this idea.

[Biscuits] Don't pay half no mind Mr. Josephs.

You just deliver the munitions,

and we'll have the gold for ya.

[Harp] Biscuits, this ain't right.

We ain't no soldiers, we cowboys,

and our job is tending herds of cattle

that's drift across the plain as far as the eye can see.

[Farley] Red, I got a gut feeling something's wrong here.

[Red] Well stop feeling with your gut,

and start thinking with your head.

Evening Mr. Josephs.

Guess you know why we're back.

We're ready to make a deal.

Well just what kind of deal did you fellas have in mind.

Hold it right there.

You yellow-bellied tinhorn.

[Joe] It's me, you morons, Joe.

[Jack] Sorry Joe, didn't recognize you.

In them fancy duds.

We're used to you looking shabby.

Shut up.

Relax Averell, it's just Joe.

[Will] So what happened Joe?

Did they fall for it?

Like a fat man on the gallows.

I got them settlers thinking

that the cowboys are out to ambush them, and vice-versa.

So...

What now Joe?

Well now it's time for Mr. Josephs

to live up to his end of the bargain.

Have you boys arranged everything

with Slim and Fort Mustang?

Mm hmm, Slim's ready and awaiting.

You know, this is a pretty scummy trick Joe.

Even for a Dalton.

Yes it is, isn't it?

And the best part,

is getting Lucky Luke right where it hurts.

Starting a range war with Daisy Town right in the middle.

Lucky Luke won't even know what's coming,

til it hits him right in the jaw.

Wow, ain't she a whopper Joe?

Pa, where did you and Red go last night?

[Farley] That don't concern you Laura.

You went to see that Mr. Josephs, didn't you?

You been spying on me girl?

I heard what Red told you last night.

Pa, what he wants you to do is wrong.

Who do you think you are?

You sound like that cowboy Sheriff.

If you ever back talk me again, I swear...

Laura, Laura, I'm sorry.

Someone is egging both sides into a showdown,

and it's not a cowboy or a settler.

Luke, some folks are bound to scrap no matter what.

You can't patrol the whole territory.

Yeah, but I'm supposed to protect Daisy Town.

Range wars have wrecked bigger towns than ours.

Look at the Gizzard Gulch or Sageberg.

Look where?

Never heard of them.

That's the point, ghost towns,

and I have to make sure that it doesn't happen to us.

This girl Laura's been talking about a Mr. Josephs.

I never heard of him either.

Me neither, til yesterday.

What happened to Bushwack?

Did you give him some of that fancy wine last night?

Now look Luke, waste good wine on that living doormat?

All I did was let him sniff the cork.

Poor Bushwack, I guess he's not cut out

for the finer things in life.

And how about you Luke?

Well I...

Thanks for the coffee.

Who goes there?

Whoa, just me, Slim.

Come on through Slim, let him in boys.

All right Joe, coast is clear.

What do ya know?

We're in.

Whew, I'm dizzy.

[Joe] You oughta be used to that by now.

Hurry up Joe, if they catch us, we'll all hang.

Come on, come on, move those kegs.

Will you be careful.

Stop that, what are you trying to do, get us all killed?

[Slim] Well, that's about it, I'll be seeing ya.

Sure that load's secure?

Oh yeah, you bet.

[Averell] Darn it all Slim, I gotta message my leg.

I got a charley horse.

[Joe] Shut up.

Did you say something Slim?

Huh me, no, uh must be, must be my stomach grumbling.

Well it just won't shut up sometimes.

Shut up, shut up!

Well, gotta get to Fort Thunderbird, so long.

You know what Jolly?

I like this, drinking coffee,

bunking out under the stars,

with nothing but a saddle for a pillow.

Kind of reminds me of the old days.

[Jolly Jumper] I hate it when he gets all misty on me.

I know, I know how you hate it

when I get all misty like this.

Besides, I better keep my mind on this Mr. Josephs.

Long way from home, aren't you Panchit?

Laura, what are you doing out here?

You know it's dangerous.

[Jolly Jumper] Well what am I doing here?

I'll take you back to your camp.

Come on, I'll take you home.

It's not my home anymore.

Why not?

Because I'm gonna be your new deputy.

[Slim] Whoa!

[Jack] Hey, why are we stopping?

[Joe] And what's that funny noise?

[Jack] Well that fool Averell went and fell asleep.

[Joe] What's the hold up Slim?

[Slim] As far as I can go Joe.

I get too far off my schedule,

the Colonel will have my hide.

[Joe] You don't drive us down there, I'll have your hide,

and I'll make a circus tent out of it.

[Will] Well, what do ya know?

[Averell] We're here.

[Joe] Yeah, only the kegs are still up there.

[Slim] So long boys.

[Will] So long Slim.

[Jack] So long slim.

(Averell snoring loudly)

[Laura] But why not?

[Luke] Well, first of all, I already have a deputy,

second, you're only 14 years old.

[Laura] 14 and a half.

[Luke] Ha, my mistake.

[Laura] It's because I'm a girl, right?

[Luke] No, ever hear of Annie Oakley or Calamity Jane?

I'd be proud to have either of them as my deputy.

Well, here we are.

[Jolly Jumper] How 'bout Black Beauty, what a filly.

[Laura] At least tell me what your gonna do now.

[Luke] I'm gonna track down this Mr. Josephs.

[Laura] That will be easy.

See, Pa and Red went to see him last night,

they were due West and the wagon had a cracked wheel,

so you can follow the track.

I figured they went...

[Luke] All right, all right,

you might be a good deputy after all.

[Jolly Jumper] Deputy?

She oughta run for Sheriff.

[Luke] Let's make it official.

Raise your right hand.

Do you swear to uphold the laws

of Daisy Town and this territory?

[Laura] I do.

What's my first duty Sheriff?

[Luke] Keep an eye on your camp,

let me know if you hear anymore talk about this Mr. Josephs.

[Laura] Oh, do I get a badge?

[Luke] When you earn one.

Now get some sleep.

[Laura] Yes sir Sheriff.

(whimsical honky-tonk music)

[Jolly Jumper] Glad we got that settled.

Good work boys.

Now take those kegs into the shack.

Joe, whatcha doin', you gone loco?

Sometimes I wonder how I wound up so smart,

and you three ended up with the brains of a rock.

Don't you remember the plan?

Plan, oh yeah.

Oh yeah, the plan.

By noontime, those stupid sidebusters and cowpunchers,

are gonna make us Dalton's,

the richest men in the territory.

Yeah, rich.

You sure you hadn't forgotten nothing?

Yeah, we always forget something.

Don't fret boys,

I thought this one out from start to finish.

Nothing could go wrong.

Wouldn't be too sure Joe.

All right Mr. Smartychaps, tell me, what could go wrong?

Lucky Luke could find out.

Lucky Luke, who the blaze would be so dumb

to tell Lucky Luke about our plan?

Well, you just did Joe.

Howdy Mr. Josephs.

How long is he been standing there?

Going on seven minutes.

Seven minutes, seven minutes why didn't you tell me?

I was waiting for a lull in the conversation.

- Oh, Mr. Williams, Mr. - Jacks, Mr. Averells.

Got no call to be spying on us.

Unless you count stealing gunpowder.

We didn't steal any gunpowder Sheriff.

We're changed men, totally reformed.

See, nice duds, $50.00 shoes, fancy cigars,

heck, we even got ourselves some manners.

How 'bout a light (chuckles).

[Jolly Jumper] Listen to 'em,

guess they like our surprise visit.

See Sheriff, we ain't outlaws no more.

We're legitimate businessman.

You legitimate businessmen almost blew us to kingdom come.

You think this is gunpowder?

That was just my little joke.

Show him Jack.

Sawdust?

I ain't fool enough to light a cigar

in a room full of gunpowder.

So, you're gonna sell those cowboys and settlers sawdust,

and tell them it's gunpowder.

That's what's so nice about being a businessman.

Ain't a whole lot different from being an outlaw.

(Dalton gang laughs)

What are gonna do Sheriff,

arrest us for the possession of sawdust?

[Luke] Nope, I'm gonna show both sides

what's in these kegs.

[Joe] Oh no you ain't, 'cause by now they're so riled up,

they just go out and get real gunpowder.

And Daisy Town will be smack dab in the middle.

A real range war.

So you see, you need us, to buy you some time.

I thought of everything, admit it Sheriff.

You really stepped in it this time (chuckles).

(whimsical music)

Funny you put it that way Joe,

a man who thinks of everything,

should never walk behind a horse in his new shoes.

$50.00 shoes.

I'll help ya Joe.

Silk handkerchief.

Annie, I was wondering if you...

Just a minute Sheriff.

[Jolly Jumper] Look at that,

I don't see her throwing her shoes around.

Still hangs a bit to the left.

I know the telegraph office is closed,

but I need to send a message right away.

[Annie] Don't fret, Sparky left me a key.

You type pretty fast.

Daddy made me take up typing,

so I'd have a skill to fall back on.

What's it say?

The office you have wired is not in service at this time,

please check your number and wire again.

[Man] Ranchers, come on everybody, place your bets.

So much for Fort Pinto.

Try Fort Escort.

If these kegs are Army property, I can arrest Joe Dalton.

For stealing sawdust?

Luke, you're grasping at straws.

I've nothing else to go on.

(crowd shouting loudly)

[Man] Come on everybody, place a bet.

Ranchers or settlers.

[Luke] I've gotta do something soon.

Fort Escort, no missing kegs, stop,

suggest you try Fort Fiesta, stop.

Keep at it Annie.

Men, tomorrow, Mr. Josephs sells us his gunpowder,

then if those settlers set one toe in El Valle Grande,

it's war,

w-o-r-e, war!

(ranchers cheer)

We oughta stampede 'em.

All right, all right, at ease.

Now we didn't start this fight,

but those sidebusters, they ain't like us.

They're different from us.

They're different from us.

Them cowpunchers want a war, we'll give 'em a war.

El Viagrande is rightfully ours.

[Ranchers] That's right, that's right, that's right.

Excuse me gentlemen.

That kind of talk wasn't meant for your ears.

How much did you hear?

Just about all of it.

If you're gonna hit me, go ahead,

but I'll still warn Sheriff Luke.

Fine, fine, if he means more to ya

then your own flesh and blood.

Pa, I'm thinking of you too, and the young 'uns.

Red's gonna get us all killed.

Bronson Cave.

What?

Bronson Cave, that's where we're meeting Mr. Josephs.

Annie, I just can't wait any anymore.

If those folks find out they were cheated,

all hell's gonna break loose.

Wait Luke, we haven't heard from Fort Mustang yet.

Never mind, I'll get the Dalton's on something else.

Deputy, weren't you supposed to keep an eye on your camp?

Sheriff, I know where Red

is meeting Mr. Josephs this morning.

Well, what do ya know.

Maybe the winds starting to blow my way again.

Come on.

[Jolly Jumper] Stand back folks, give me room.

Here we go!

Oh my God.

[Man] Who are you pushing?

Sheriff!

Lotta, have you seen Luke?

Oh he just rode out of town with the Farley girl.

I guess he's gonna stop the Dalton's big boondoggle.

Fort Mustang just wired, 60 of those kegs were stolen.

Oh, I love perfume.

A little strong, don't you think?

They were holding these kegs for a drilling company.

The sawdust is only packing for nitroglycerin.

Nitro, Luke doesn't know what he's riding into.

[Luke] Go Jumper go, no time for dawdling.

[Jolly Jumper] Dawdling, he thinks I'm dawdling.

You wanna see dawdling?

I'll show you dawdling.

And tell Luke to be careful of that nitro.

Any little jolt might set if off.

Especially if it gets hot.

Whew.

Gonna be a scorcher today.

There's a burr under my saddle

I want you three to take care of,

before we meet our customers.

We know Joe.

Bronson Cave.

Git off.

[Jolly Jumper] Dum, dee dum dum,

diddle dawdle dawdle dawdle, oh do do do.

All right, so this is dawdling, I get the point,

but now let's get going.

[Jolly Jumper] Yeah.

Jolly Jumper, the lives of innocent people are at stake.

[Jolly Jumper] Dawdle dawdle dawdle.

Not to mention their horses.

[Jolly Jumper] Oh, he didn't tell me it was serious.

Let's go!

[Red] So, you told her about the cave?

Yeah, and Laura's gonna tell that Sheriff,

so you best call off that fool meetin'.

(laughs) The meetin' ain't gonna be at Bronson's Cave.

Mr. Josephs figured you'd fold on us,

so we told you the wrong place (laughs).

Ah!

[Man] Hey my horse, come back here.

Ah, let that turncoat go.

We got an appointment at El Viagrande.

[Harp] Ha!

(mellow honky-tonk music)

(crows cawing)

I, I don't understand.

I guess we're early.

Oh no, you're right on time.

Let's take care of that burr

under Joe's saddle (chuckles).

Why didn't you let me do that before?

Now we got to ride all the way back to the shack.

We mean the Sheriff dummy.

Come on.

(suspenseful music)

But they have to be here.

Maybe they're inside the cave.

(Dalton gang grunts)

(boulder rumbling)

Laura!

(Dalton gang laughs)

Let's git.

[Luke] That was close, you all right?

[Laura] Yes, I'm fine.

Oh no, we'll never move that rock.

We're trapped.

[Luke] Maybe not.

(Luke whistles)

[Jolly Jumper] Ooh, ooh, how uncouth.

[Luke] Jumper, get help!

[Jolly Jumper] Great,

how am I supposed to tell 'em, charades?

(Jolly Jumper whinnies)

There must be another way out,

we gotta stoop those Dalton's.

Sheriff, I'm sorry.

Some deputy I turned out to be.

Don't say that, you did the right thing.

I lead you right into an ambush.

It wasn't your fault.

Ouch!

[Laura] Wait, I see something.

we're not alone.

Let's go, if there's a back door to this place,

the wolf will find it for us.

Yo, hey!

Hey, that's my wagon.

Oh, you must Laura's father.

Jolly Jumper.

[Jolly Jumper] Hmm, now this might be

a little tougher than I thought.

Sheriff, what if there is no back door to this cave?

Suppose we follow this wolf all the way to China?

That's no way to think.

I can't help it, I'm not a real lawman.

I'm not brave, like you.

Not brave?

You're as brave as anyone I know.

I am?

Yeah, and smart,

I wouldn't have found out

what the Dalton's are up to without you.

Why are you the only one who thinks I'm special?

Maybe because I'm the first one to notice.

This valley belongs to us Josephs.

What'd you ask them varmints for?

We got a deal.

No we had the deal.

What are these farmers doing here?

I thought this sale was supposed to be exclusive like?

Ah what are you cooking up?

You can't even cook beans.

Ah, gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not blow up at each other.

Hiya, whoa, whoa.

[Lotta] Luke, Laura!

[Luke] You'll see, we'll get out of here.

(wolf growling)

Oh, she's found her pups.

Listen sidebuster, we had this deal set,

so you're not moving in.

We're already here, you're moving out.

We'll see who's moving out.

You wanna showdown?

[Both] You wanna showdown?

Boys, he wants a showdown.

(gun fires)

All right, let's quit the bickering,

and start the bidding.

The bidding?

We already settled on a price.

Yeah, so did we.

Of course ya did, that was before

I knew I had two interested parties.

Bidding is the only fair way to settle this boys.

[Laura] Sheriff.

Hey, ha, pull,

pull, hiya, pull Jumper.

Can I give ya a hand?

Oh sure.

Luke.

[Farley] Laura.

[Jolly Jumper] Jumper!

Sheriff, you gotta stop the Dalton's before it's too late.

Too late for what?

Remember those kegs of sawdust?

I'm ready to start bidding with this cheapskate.

Why you ain't worth the paper your note is written on.

I don't need paper, I got gold.

Fool's gold.

Biscuits, can't you see he ain't playin' with a full deck?

Look at him, smoking that cigar,

settin' on top all that gunpowder.

All right, I'll start the bidding at $5,000.00.

Who'll say five, do I hear five?

Do I hear...

No, it can't be.

I know those hoof beats anywhere.

Ah, doggonit.

[Farley] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sheriff, what are you doing here?

I'm trying to stop you

from cutting a deal with a common horse thief.

Horse thief?

Yeah, Joe Dalton.

Joe Dalton?

Why, I heard he don't go nowhere without his brothers.

That's right,

he doesn't.

[All] The Dalton's!

By the way Joe, you sure picked the wrong kegs to steal.

You're sittin' on nitroglycerin.

Nitro?

Glycerin.

Idiots, can't you see he's bluffin'?

You know as well as me,

there's nothing but sawdust in them kegs.

Sawdust.

[Harp] Get a rope.

[Biscuits] We've been taken.

We have been taken, by God, that's two of us.

Why this crook has been tryin' to steal my gold.

Your gold, it's my gold.

My gold.

I say we drag 'em by his fancy boots.

[Harp] Let's get 'em.

[Red] Tar and feather him as well.

Let the law handle it.

Well, I'd rather tar and feather him.

I told you he was crazy.

Lucky Luke, I vowed the next time you humiliated me,

would be the last.

Yeah, and that was at least two humiliations ago.

He shot my deal full of holes, I'll give ya that,

but you're never gonna convince me

that I was sitting on a keg of nitro the last 20 minutes.

I'm not?

No you're not,

because nitro is 10 times as powerful as gunpowder,

and comes in tiny little bottles,

like these.

[Biscuits] Folks, move!

Let's get out of here.

Titus!

[Jolly Jumper] Whoa, I forgot Joe.

Sheriff.

Look.

? Oh my darlin', oh my darlin'

? Oh my darlin' Daisy Town

? I'll say baby

? You say maybe

? And I'll really stick around

? You're my baby

? I'll say maybe

? And I'll really stick around

Oh thank goodness you're all right.

I guess we can't say the say for Viagrande folks.

I guess we'll have to be movin' on.

So much for our grazing land.

So much for our farms.

Ya know, we get some of those tourist types

from back East,

charge 'em two bits a head,

and we just might have something here.

[Jolly Jumper] And that's how The Grand Canyon came about.

One of the most famous sights in the American Southwest,

and if you believe this story,

I got some canyon land I'd like to sell ya.

? Of all the lonesome cowboys in the West

? I figure I've gotta be the lonesomest

? I want to ride the range where there's lots of elbow room

? Feel the wind blow free and smell the sagebrush plum

? Rather be on my own

? So I'm singing my lonesome cowboy blues

? Yes I'm the lonesomest cowboy that I know

? But when it comes to courtin' and such I move real slow

? Met a purdy gal asked to get hitched the other day

? My horse got so upset we rode the other way

? I gotta be on my own

? So I'm singing my lonesome cowboy blues

? Some folks think it's heaven in a hotel

? With their puffed up pillows and their quilts piled high

? Well I don't hanker for no hotels

? Just wanna get my boots off by the campfire's glow

? While the lonely coyotes cry

? Well my bed is my horse and saddle

? And my blanket is the sky

? Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo dooh

? Where the four winds blow

? And it's five miles wide

? Where a six gun rules and a man can't hide

? A man can play and a man can win

? Lucky Luke rides again

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo dooh

? There's a man who waits over yonder hill

? And when he shoots, he shoots to kill

? But he don't know that in the end

? Lucky Luke will ride again

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo dooh

? On a dusty trail 'neath the western sky

? Where the sun shines hot enough to fry

? A cowboy's dream must never end

? Lucky Luke rides again

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo dooh

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo dooh

? Lucky Luke, born to ride

? With a six-gun by his side

? Lucky Luke, here's to you

? Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo dooh

[Jolly] Ain't we supposed to be ridin' off

into the sunset?

Welcome, Luke, show's about to start.

Tonight, as a part of our prison's

new rehabilitative arts program,

Dalton brothers present their historic production

of highlights from Shakespeare.

I said historic, just like in Shakespeare's time,

all the women's roles are going to be played by men.

Is it a good thing?

We want gals.

Quiet, quiet, sit down, sit down now.

Now, let's get this thing started.

To be

or not to be,

that is the question, all right.

Whether tis nobler in mind to suffer the slings of...

(clangs)

Alas, poor Yorick.

Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well.

Yeah.

A fellow of infinite jest,

of most excellent quality.

He hath borne me upon his back a thousand times.

Here hung those lips I have kissed so many times.

Very effective, the gravedigging.

Yep, it sure is.

That was the last poor Yorick remembered.

Next, the balcony scene with Romeo and Juliet.

Now, we're talkin'.

Sit up, Luke.

This is the good part.

But soft, what light through yonder winder breaks?

It is my lady.

Oh, it is love.

She speaks and she says nothing.

See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.

Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand

that I might touch that cheek.

She speaks...

It's so romantic, it' takes my breath away.

[Romeo] She speaks.

Uh huh.

Oh, speak again, bright angel.

Are you wondering, Romeo, Romeo, where for art I, Romeo?

Perhaps, I, Romeo, should deny my father

and refuse my name.

But if I won't, would you no longer be a Capulet?

Well, that was about the most inspiring thing

I've ever heard in my life.

Wish somebody would say he wanted

to be a glove on my cheek.

I wonder where Joe went?

I swear, Luke, you don't have a romantic bone

in your body.

Might as well be talking to a post.

It's just a play, Lotta.

Oh, western men, they shoot and pillage

and carry on like savages.

They never wanna dig deep into their poetic souls.

Like him?

I'm the gravedigger again, in Twelfth Night.

A woman wants poetry, flowers, attention.

Attention, Luke.

Nobody dies in Twelfth Night, it's a comedy.

Who cares?

The Daltons are in prison.

They're not your responsibility.

Give it a rest.

If music be the food of love, play on.

Oh, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound,

that breathes upon a bank of violets.

Enough, no more.

Tis not so sweet as it was before.

Away before me to sweet beds of flowers.

(laughs)

Love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.

Follow me.

Hold on there, Joe.

We gotta take a curtain call.

The guys are still clapping.

They don't wanna go back to their cells.

Come on, I dug us a tunnel.

This is our big chance

to see what Warden Bellfellow thought about our show.

Boys, it was absolutely wonderful.

Inspiration, too bad all

of Daisy Town couldn't have seen it.

Well, I would have invited everybody,

but well, you understand, security.

Why not do the show in town?

You could have it at my saloon.

My dear, my brothers and I long to return

to the stage.

Only the Daltons would have to be guarded,

and Luke could take care of that, couldn't you, Luke?

[Luke] No.

Luke?

What in the world is this?

The Dalton's escape route.

Boys, boys, boys.

[William, Jack, Averell] It was his idea.

How do you expect to be rehabilitated

if you're gonna keep tryin' to escape all the time?

This time, I feel bad about it.

Well, we're makin' some progress here.

I see no reason to deprive Daisy Town

of the wit and the wisdom of the bard.

You're a trusting soul, Warden.

Well, I trust you, Luke.

You can keep the Dalton boys in line.

I'll have my seamstress, Betty Lou, make some costumes.

- She's a whiz with a needle. - Lotta.

How long would that take?

- Give her until Saturday. - Lotta.

How about Saturday afternoon?

That way the ladies can come, too.

Oh, that settles it.

I'll deliver the boys on Saturday mornin'

in time for a dress rehearsal,

and that way we won't inconvenience Luke

for more than a day.

Oh, Luke doesn't mind.

I mind.

It's your job, Luke.

My job is to keep the peace,

not to follow the Daltons around.

Oh hey, they'll stay in line.

They'll behave.

Won't you, boys?

[William, Jack, Averell] Yes, Warden.

It's quite a selection.

You outdid yourself, Betty Lou.

I hope they'll be all right.

Are you kidding?

You have done the impossible.

Made the Daltons look like kings.

What's this?

That isn't for the Daltons.

Well, I should hope not.

It's gorgeous.

It's your size, isn't it?

I made a hat, too, and gloves.

You're a real romantic, aren't ya, honey?

I read about it.

Well, you're never gonna find romance reading about it.

You gotta go out and make it happen.

Ya got your eye on a particular fellow?

Well, there's one, but he's kinda spoken for.

You mean married?

Oh no, I'd never.

Engaged?

No.

Then he's fair game.

You go right after him.

I can't, he doesn't even know I'm alive.

How could he?

You blend into the walls, but in this,

you could really catch his eye.

Is he comin' to the show today?

Well, there's no time to waste.

You get right upstairs and get ready.

I wanna see you in that hat, the gloves,

the whole nine yards.

But the Daltons are coming.

Oh, I'll button up the Daltons.

And use some of my makeup.

I wanna see some color on those cheeks.

You boys don't be givin' the sheriff any trouble.

Here ya go, Luke.

Here's the keys to the handcuffs,

a snack for Averell, he tends

to get a little cranky in the middle of the afternoon.

I'll keep it in mind.

The stage is all ready boys, whenever you are.

Costumes are waiting.

Lotta, what brought this on?

Civic responsibility.

Daisy Town could use a little culture.

You call that culture?

One leg at a time, Averell, just like us.

It's better than nothing.

It's just that I need to hear those stirring words

of love, Luke.

If I have to bring in the Daltons to say 'em,

then that's what I'm gonna do.

Who knows?

Maybe a little poetry will rub off on Daisy Town, and you.

Me?

It would be nice if you were inspired

to tell me how you feel about me, in words.

Words?

Words, people use them all the time

and they don't fall over dead.

It doesn't have to be poetry.

Although, if you wanted to say you were head

over heels or something, stuck on, intrigued,

taken with, partial to.

Scrapin' the bottom of the barrel here, Luke.

Lotta,

I'm fond of you.

Fond?

Cross my palm with silver

and I will reveal all.

I follow the gypsy trail,

and I bring good fortune to those who bid me stay.

I am ready for customers.

You can form a line to my left.

Hi, Lucky Luke.

Ma'am.

For heaven's sake, Luke, say something about the dress.

Oh, mighty nice.

Thank you.

leetchen, leetchen.

Cross my palm with silver and I will tell your future.

No thank you, I don't.

You don't believe I have such powers,

but I am Estheranza, a gypsy queen.

I come with the wind

and I know many things.

You have secretly been in love

with someone for a long time.

That's in my hand?

But you are afraid to tell this person how you feel.

A lot of that goin' around.

Because you sense this person doesn't love you.

True.

I have just what you need, love potion,

guaranteed.

Love potion!

A curse on now believers. (Spits)

Give this to the man you love,

and he will be yours forever.

As long as you are the first person he sees

after he drinks it.

This potion was brewed

in the magic of a midsummer night.

One sip and your eyes will open

to the infinite,

romantic possibilities

of the universe.

But don't take my word for it,

I will demonstrate, if there is a volunteer.

How about you, Luke?

Yeah!

There's no such thing as a love potion.

Beware, lest you be doomed to a life of loneliness.

He's shakin' in his boots.

Be careful, Luke.

Come on, you don't really believe in all this hocus-pocus.

I believe there's more to life than fun.

Set me up, gypsy, I'm ready for someone new.

Well, Jack Dalton.

Tell me about yourself, Jack.

But you're Luke's girl.

That's over, Jack.

It's you I want.

Why? I'm nothing like Luke.

So much the better.

Come on, Jack, do me a little Shakespeare.

I suppose I could compare you to a summer's day.

Bingo.

[Cowboy] A summer's day.

Sure looks like true love to me.

You gonna fill him full of holes, Luke?

Like Swiss cheese.

(laughs)

What for?

I don't have a jealous bone in my body.

I'm a reasonable man.

Excuse me.

I never realized you were so sensitive, Jack.

Darling.

It won't work.

What won't?

You can't make me jealous by throwing yourself

at a common criminal.

Jack is an uncommon criminal.

He's gentle and sensitive.

He knows how to use words to win a girl.

What about us?

What?

Us.

Sss?

Us.

(laughs)

There is no us.

From now on, it's Jack and me.

Fine, it's fine with me.

Sure, Luke.

Any reason why it shouldn't be?

No, not in a million years.

If I look bothered it's just because

Joe Dalton is missing.

Going somewhere?

I was consulting my muse.

It got a little stuffy inside.

Back inside, Joe.

It's barbaric.

I get punished because my brother's makin' time

with your girl.

Start rehearsing.

Everybody on stage.

Break it up, you two.

How come I have to play the girl?

Hey, I'm Ophelia, and I ain't complainin', Averell.

But Juliet doesn't have any lines.

Juliet has got plenty of lines.

You can't never remember 'em.

You won't regret it.

This is gonna make me the happiest woman in the world.

Can I get you anything, Miss Betty Lou?

Take a break, Hank.

Sure.

Mighty hot day, want a sarsaparilla?

Sure.

There you go.

Thanks.

[Cowboy] Cheating on me.

Get back, get back.

Come on, big boy.

Sheriff, we can't rehearse with all this noise.

Got a s'prilla?

Yes, I mean, no.

Tastes like a s'prilla to me.

What's wrong?

You drank the love potion.

I did?

I do feel myself strangely drawn to you.

Well, try not to be.

I have no choice, it's destiny.

Be mine.

But what about Lotta.

I don't want Lotta.

But you said that Lotta was lovely

and temperate like a summer's day.

Death Valley in August, compared to you.

I turn my back for one second.

Well, what's the matter, Lotta, losing your touch?

I can get him back.

All my life, I've wondered what true love is,

and now I've found it.

And may I say, you look particularly lovely in that dress.

I'm sorry, Lotta, he took the love potion by mistake.

This is because of the potion?

I knew it was powerful but my, my.

What happened to my bottle?

Says he needs fresh air.

Keep an eye on him.

[Jolly] He needs more than fresh air.

I've seen geldings with more on the ball.

Lotta?

Estheranza, the gypsy.

You stand like that for a reason?

I took the love potion.

I'm waiting for Lotta to come along

so when I look at her, she'll fall in love with me.

Listen, you got it wrong.

If you want Lotta to fall in love with you,

you have got to be the first person she sees

after she drinks it.

Oh oh.

Should I open my eyes?

Count all the way to 10 first.

One, two, three,

all the way to 10.

[Jolly] Oh oh, you gotta be kiddin'.

Oh, Jolly Jumper.

Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?

[Jolly] Not in this lifetime, fella.

Oh, it's all right.

I'll learn your language.

It might take me a little time,

but then we have our whole lives.

[Jolly] Oh, Luke!

You might as well stop your game now.

I don't know what you're talkin' about.

You're faking this potion business.

I don't know how you got Jack to go along but.

I wouldn't be so sure, Luke, look out the window.

Just a minute. Lotta.

[Cowboy With Black Hat]I think you better get

over here, Luke.

Never saw anything like it.

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love.

I'm in love with a wonderful horse.

[Jolly] Oh, this is unnatural.

Is he out of his mind?

He didn't follow the directions for the potion.

This is getting out of hand.

The potion's a fake,

and I'm gonna prove it once and for all.

I'll take that.

Love potion.

See, nothin'.

I'll be darned.

It does work.

Convinced, convinced, convinced.

Today only, two bottle for six bits, huh?

[Jolly] Ugh, hairy human lips, blech.

(singing)

We are going to be rich, leetchen.

(honky-tonk piano music)

(bangs)

Entry.

Tell me the potion's a fake.

I always thought it was,

but now I think the potion has powers

which even I could never have imagined.

You should know, you took it.

But I was only pretending.

Are you sure, haven't you been feeling sort

of warm toward Jack lately, hm?

Oh, he has fine qualities which I hadn't noticed,

but oh no.

What if I am in love with Jack?

Maybe the potion is real.

Can I have an endorsement?

No.

Look, you don't understand.

Maybe I could get one from the Schnitzel with the horse.

I can't be in love with Jack,

especially now that he's in love with Betty Lou.

Give me the antidote.

No one has ever asked for the antidote before.

I don't think there is one.

Then what am I gonna do?

Accept your fate.

Ay yi yi.

Wait a moment, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

Give me your palm, give me your palm.

Okay, you have a very complicated love line.

Many men, many men, are yet to fall in love with you.

Many?

I see a philosopher, a traveler,

a lawman, a gunfighter,

a kind of a poet,

all of them will be devoted to you.

You are lucky.

Lucky?

Could you possibly be wrong about this?

It's possible.

See, according to this, I am supposed to fall in love

with a very short man with an enormous burden.

I am still waiting.

Over here, leetchen.

I wait no more.

I'm doomed.

I need your help.

I don't have an antidote for your brother.

Forget him, I need fog.

Fog?

Fog, for the show.

Thick, blinding fog.

Cross my palm with silver,

and I shall brew you a fog worthy of kings.

I can't pay you till after the show.

You have to visit a bank first.

Your credit is good, but not perfect.

Coffee?

Yes.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

and summer's lease hath all too short a date.

Hi, Lotta.

[Jolly] Oh, Lotta, please, please, please.

Don't give me that look.

At least somebody's in love with you.

I don't care, I don't care.

They deserve each other, that two-timing snake

and that ungrateful wretch.

You're speakin' of the woman I love.

I gave her a job.

I gave her advice.

I was her friend,

and this is how she pays me back.

By stealing the one man that I ever truly loved.

I'd come back to you if I could.

I think I can get over you, Jack.

I'll never get over Betty Lou.

She and Luke are gonna live happily ever after,

while I'm destined to live forever in torment.

Why don't you do us both a favor

and get Betty Lou outta town?

She doesn't even like me.

How am I supposed to get her away from Luke?

Here, take my gun.

Now, go get the woman you love.

But thy eternal summer shall not fade.

I can't, she looks so happy.

Hold that thought, Jack.

And tonight, when you're in your cell all alone,

picture how it will be when Luke and Betty Lou

ride off into the sunset together.

[Luke] Sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines,

and often is his gold complexion dimmed.

Luke, I challenge you to a duel.

No, no, no, not a duel, just get Betty Lou and go.

He'll just come after me.

I might as well settle this once and for all.

Where did you get the gun, Jack?

From me.

Well, wait a minute, I can fix this.

Betty Lou, tell Jack a duel is outta the question.

No.

No?

No one's ever fought over me before.

It sounds exciting.

You're right, there's nothing more thrilling

than a duel between romantic rivals.

Come watch from my balcony, we'll have lemonade.

Lotta.

Lotta.

Jack,

let's talk.

How many lumps do you want?

Pardon?

Sugar, in your lemonade.

One, I like mine tart.

Indeed.

Jack, I don't wanna shoot you.

Drop your gun.

I'm a desperate man.

I can see that, but you can't outdraw me.

Watch this.

Lotta, toss down some of that sugar.

[Lotta] How many lumps?

All of them.

(gun fires)

Oh.

Sorry, as long as you're alive,

I don't have a chance with Betty Lou.

And without her, I might as well be dead.

If that's the way you want it.

(glass breaking)

Count of three.

Yep.

Here comes the Swiss cheese.

(laughs)

One.

Two.

This is for you, Betty Lou.

No!

Wait, don't do it!

Jack, I'm yours.

That I were a glove upon that hand,

that I might touch that cheek.

Oh.

I'll never leave your side, Jolly Jumper.

[Jolly] Try walkin' behind me.

Let's go, Averell.

Gotta go, he's very strict.

[Jolly] Hurry back, I want us to grow old together.

Now, maybe things can get back to normal around here.

Hey, I saved somebody's life today.

Don't I get any appreciation?

Thanks for saving Jack's life.

Everything all set?

All set, Warden.

No problem with the Daltons?

No more than usual.

That's what I like to hear.

Ah, is this feeling better now?

Will your foot feel better?

Yeah.

Good, that's good.

Yeah.

Just what I need, I'm feelin' mighty parched.

Me, too.

This tastes familiar.

No, it doesn't.

It's been spiked, it's got love potion in it.

Does that mean?

Now look, fellas.

I love you, Lotta.

You love Betty Lou, I love Lotta.

Say you'll be mine forever.

Over my dead body.

Not again.

We begin our program with Ophelia and Hamlet,

from Hamlet.

My love, I have remembrances of yours

that I have longed, longed to deliver.

I pray, now receive them.

No, not I.

I never gave you aught.

They're killin' each other, give me fog now.

(applause)

Come on, come on, the show is over.

And I don't want any of that curtain call thing, either.

We're getting out of here now.

I'm not leavin' without Lotta.

I'm not leavin' without Lotta, either.

And I'm not leavin' without Jolly Jumper.

Leave them all, they are idiots.

True, but they're my brothers.

Wait a minute, there is no fog in Hamlet.

[Jolly] This is what I get for parkin' in a tow-away zone.

(rhythmic orchestral music)

Are we almost there yet?

10 minutes closer than the last time you asked.

I can't drive with people breathing down my neck.

Sit down, the woman needs room.

Ouch.

Averell.

They ain't no room in here, Averell.

Why don't get out and ride Jolly Jumper?

Never, we don't have that kind of a relationship.

I volunteer to jump.

No, no!

(-Lucky Luke Rides Again- by Roger Miller)

Can you see 'em?

No, but I can follow the tracks.

(-Lucky Luke Rides Again- by Roger Miller)

What now?