Original subtitles

♪

(thunder rumbling)

Rex?

Come here, boy.

Come here, Rex.

(sighs)

(thunder cracking)

(staggered breath)

♪

(screams)

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Who did you say this happened to?

My aunt's ex-husband.

No, no, this is urban legend garbage.

Next are you gonna tell me about

your cousin and a crybaby bridge?

Or better yet, did your,

did your old friend from middle school

maybe microwave a poodle?

Pop rocks and soda?

A hook hanging from the car door?

No?

For Christ sake, could you at least

Snopes your stories before you start

spouting them off.

Well, my friend, I'm gonna have to demand

that you get behind me, young worthy caller,

as I cast thee away to the land of dead air

and the gnashing of the teeth.

You know, I really feel like I have to apologize to you,

my faithful listeners.

I cannot subject you

to such tyrannically mundane drivel.

For those of you just joining us

from the outside world...

Or as I like to call it

the dark ether separating

the there and now...

I am your host, Amos Satan, and this is Scarewaves.

♪

Now, as many of you have already heard,

tonight is our last night on the air.

Now, before you go and, uh,

Google how to tie a noose or Amazon yourself

a pack of razor blades,

I've decided to make this night

a little special.

Now, generally, I act as a conduit

for which you all get a soapbox

to share your stories of the strange,

the paranormal, and the terrifying.

But for tonight, I'm gonna share

just a sample of my personal

knowledge on the topic.

Oh, wait, here we go,

we have a caller.

Yeah, Amos?

That's me, brother.

I have a story I really wanted to tell

on your show.

I know it's the last night...

And you somehow missed the moment

where I announced a shift in formatting?

I've been a listener for a long time,

and I always wanted to tell you this,

but I was afraid to call.

Well, facing fears is an exciting

prospect to me.

Please continue.

Oh, when I was a little girl

my mother had one of those silly

beehive hairdos, you know,

the really tall one?

And spiders hatched out of it?

You gotta be kidding me.

That's not what happened.

Oh, well, I apologize.

Please continue.

It was ants.

You gotta be kidding me.

This has gotta be a joke.

You know what, hate is a very strong word,

and that's why I'm gonna use it right now.

I hate you, I hate you and everything you'll ever be.

I'm just gonna segue into my first story.

You know, a lot of you may not know this about me,

but I'm a bit of an art fan.

Some people say that I don't get out much,

but I am a creature of the night,

and that is when all the best parties take place.

But the thing that enamors me the most...

Not necessarily the art itself,

but the passion behind it,

that all-consuming desire to create,

and just how far that can take a person.

This story is about a man

who committed himself to his art,

and would do anything to achieve his goal

of creating something to die for.

We'll call this story "Painting After Midnight."

(crickets chirping)

(clock ticking)

I am so excited to be here.

You know, don't take this

the wrong way but I would never

in a million years have thought

I would be here being painted by you.

Thank you.

Please, sit still.

You know, that was before.

Before two years ago your work was shit,

but now, I'm impressed.

I don't pose for just anybody.

I own my own gallery and I only pose

for people I admire.

I'm not just some model off Craigslist.

Please, try not to move.

There is something about talented men

that I just cannot resist.

When a man is strong physically

he can move a couch or a desk,

but when he's strong mentally,

creative, he can move mountains.

Hold that pose, please.

Garrett, don't be coy.

Who has time for such things?

Kiss me.

Once I'm finished.

I wanna capture your beauty first

before I experience it fully.

Oh, I love that way with words you have.

(mumbling under breath)

This is a nice studio you have.

Thank you.

Is the pose all right?

Do you want me to move my hands?

Please, hold that pose.

Have you ever...

Shh.

I think I have to be...

Wait, it's almost time.

(clock tolls)

(woman screams)

♪

(doorbell chimes)

Yeah, can I help you?

Hi!

You had an ad for a room for rent?

Artist preferred?

Right, of course, come on in.

I'm a photographer.

That counts as an artist, right?

Fine art photography.

I've got references.

I don't, um...

have a lot of money.

That won't be a problem.

Huh, Mom?

No, it's perfect.

Only $200 a month.

I know!

I'm not stupid.

He's harmless.

Oh!

Jeez, I'm sorry.

Mom?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Can I call you back later?

Okay, bye.

I'm Linda, Garrett's new roommate.

Oh, hi!

I'm Jenna.

I'm being painted.

He, uh, Garrett...

he's painting me tonight.

A portrait I mean.

(laughs)

Um, he went out to get supplies or something.

Oh, so you're a model?

Off and on.

I mean, pays the bills.

And it's better than dancing,

or stripping, I mean.

Right.

Do you want some coffee?

Sure.

I never knew you could make so much.

Well, yeah, I mean, the girls who don't

blow it all on stupid stuff,

they do pretty well.

(Garrett clears throat)

Linda, hi.

Didn't realize you'd be here today.

Yeah, I was able to get things moving

a little faster than I thought possible.

I sent you an email.

I hope it's not a problem.

Oh, no, it's fine.

I see you met Jenna.

Yeah, she's pretty fantastic.

Linda's gonna photograph me.

Well, that's great.

Uh, speaking of...

it's getting late, we should probably get going.

Time's wasting.

All right, let's go!

Have fun!

I will.

♪

(clock ticking)

Two hundred bucks is two hundred bucks.

(clock tolls)

(light clicks off)

(Jenna moans)

♪

(exaggerated sigh)

Roommates.

(turns on rock music)

Good night.

Hey there, sleepyhead!

Want some coffee?

Sure.

Oh.

You've got some...

What?

Paint on your ear.

♪

Jenna's a sweet kid.

Yes, sweet.

♪

Actually, I should probably get going.

Catch you later.

Sure.

(birds chirping)

♪

♪ I'm sorry I got drunk ♪

♪ And ruined your good time

♪ I was just so busy stopping all my problems

with the wine ♪

♪ It wasn't anything you did,

I just can't handle this ♪

♪

I'm going... out.

Okay.

Hey, have you heard from Jenna lately?

I've been trying to get a hold of her all week.

Uh, yeah, uh...

her and I had a dispute.

She's not real happy with me right now.

Sorry if I messed that up for you.

No biggie.

It happens.

Don't shit where you eat.

♪

♪

(Garrett chanting)

♪

(chanting continues)

♪

♪

(birds chirping)

♪

Garrett?

Garrett?

♪

Garrett?

(clock ticking)

♪

♪

(phone vibrating)

♪

♪

(thump)

(Linda gasps)

(ripping)

(crying)

Too bad it had to be this way.

He doesn't like it when I deviate.

I'm sorry about your clothes.

I have to cut them.

But you won't be needing them.

What are you talking about?

Let me go!

I, I can't do that.

I really am sorry.

He's very...

insistent.

Who?

I can't say his name!

Not yet.

He might not give me the gift anymore.

I thought it was over when you found that ladder.

I thought you would just leave.

Stupid girl.

(smack)

It's gonna be a pleasure to paint you.

It's gonna be beautiful.

What gift?

I'm sorry?

You said he gives you a gift?

What gift?

Art.

More beautiful than I could've

ever imagined.

Now be quiet.

I need to concentrate.

(sobs)

I'd prefer without the ropes,

but this'll be something different.

♪

(chanting)

♪

Shut up!

It's part of the cost.

Just like you.

One for every full moon.

Murderer!

I've never killed anyone in my life.

Stop squirming!

♪

Ugh!

No!

This is part of the deal, isn't it?

The painting?

Just, just put it down.

Go to hell!

That would be a gift compared to what will happen.

♪

(canvas tears)

♪

What have you done?

You...

(clock tolls)

♪

(Linda gasps)

(growling)

♪

(clock tolling)

♪

(Linda gasps)

♪

(growling)

(screaming)

(crickets chirping)

(clock ticking)

(camera shutter clicks)

How about this one?

Perfect!

Now, turn your head a little bit.

(camera shutter clicks)

Excellent.

Perfect.

You look beautiful.

(giggling)

♪

(chanting)

♪

(clock tolls)

♪

Now, I don't want you to think

that I see all artists as selfish and heartless,

I would never paint in such broad strokes.

(laughs)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

You know what, I'm not sorry, okay?

This my show tonight, folks.

But to placate you all, my lovely listeners,

the phone lines are indeed open,

and clearly you already know the number.

Hello, caller, you're on the air.

I wanna fuck you, Amos!

Well, while I certainly appreciate the sentiment

of your comment, I've no doubt

that the validity of what you have to say

may be lost on the FCC.

But what the hell?

It's our last night on the air.

They can just put it on my tab.

Are, are you still there?

Hello?

Yeah...

So, what can I do for you?

Uh, I thought you would hang up on me.

I, uh...

(phone clicks)

Well, fair enough.

You know, my grandfather was a man of few words himself,

although I never hope to see him naked.

I appreciate you, sweetheart.

Hello, next caller.

Amos Satan?

That's me, what can I do for you?

Well, for starters,

you can start paying your debts

like a grown man.

'Scuse me?

Don't you get your mail, Amos?

Or should I call you Eric?

Listen, buddy, this is neither

the time or the place to drudge up

whatever it is you're selling.

You can't hide.

Goodbye, dickweed.

For some people, they can never have enough.

Their sense of entitlement

will forever redefine what "fair" means.

I'm not trying to get political or anything,

I mean, whether you're talking about a politician

or just simply a friend who's grabbing

the last piece of bread while you're waiting

for your entree, it doesn't matter.

Everyone has their own idea

of what fair means.

This story is about two men

who draw a line in the sand,

but as the waves crash in,

that line begins to erode.

Is blood really thicker than water?

I know one thing for sure,

someone is about to get their fair scare.

Don't let the puns stop you, folks,

it's a good one.

♪

Crying,

tugging on my jersey,

pulling my tail,

puking on my shoes.

Yeah, it's a hard knock life, Pokey.

Don't call me Pokey.

Nobody is ever gonna call me Pokey again.

Yeah, whatever.

Good evening, this is Ronnie Reynolds

with a news update.

Our Pilots won the ballgame,

but it was the entire team that lost

as a bandit robbed the ticket booth

at gunpoint tonight.

Although exact totals have not been released,

the armored car was at the end

of a long circuit and may have been carrying

upwards of $2 million.

More information...

That ain't right.

That bag was awful heavy.

♪

You left a candle burning in the window.

Did you get the money?

Of course!

They didn't even notice me coming up on them.

Of course they didn't notice.

You aren't anybody.

The power switched off.

Don't worry about her.

I ain't the one that gotta worry about her.

But could you two keep it down a bit?

Relax.

There's no neighbors for 15 miles.

Moons out, goons out.

♪

You didn't think we'd need three glasses?

I told you this was foolproof.

It was even better than foolproof.

Turns out that armored truck that came

to pick up the gate at the ballpark,

well it was the last haul of a long day.

We ain't just got a couple thousand in there.

I think we've got a million.

That's a hell of a three-way split.

Who said anything about a three-way split?

Ole Pokey here did all the shooting and the robbing,

and I drove the getaway car

and was the brains behind this operation,

but what exactly did you do?

This is my grandmother's old house.

A place where we can hide.

It can never be traced to us.

And did you kill your grandma

for this place?

No!

Then you ain't done nothing.

We could've found the keys to this place ourselves.

They're probably under that concrete frog out front.

Do you have something to say to your cousin?

What'd I tell you about calling me Pokey?

Hey, your husband got a little salty tonight.

Seems he gets a crawl up his butt

about that mascot thing.

I thought that was just to scare people.

Oh, it scared 'em all right.

A few bullet shots to the chest

would scare the hell out of anybody.

They didn't take me serious.

Nobody takes you seriously.

You're the mascot.

Well, that's why I had to pull the gun out.

Oh, Jesus.

That's why it was foolproof.

They were unloading the gate.

They never imagined the mascot

would come up on them.

But they laughed at me.

Again, mascot.

People are supposed to laugh!

Well...

they ain't laughing now.

You know, I ain't had nothing but my uncle's shine

out of these old ball jars.

We had wine glasses.

We broke 'em in a fight.

To wedded bliss then.

There's been a change of plans.

See, since your husband decided to go all O.K. Corral,

I probably won't be leaving till the morning.

Let things settle down a bit,

so if you could just point me

to a guest room.

Upstairs.

Thank you.

Now, I'm a might tired myself,

but your husband might have some adrenaline

he needs to shake off from all the gunplay.

If my Tommy John surgery had took,

I'd be in the majors right now

instead of being the mascot.

But that's how it went down.

And here we are.

Tommy John?

That sounds like a salon, not an operation.

I mean, I was in Iraq pulling shrapnel

out of my leg from an IED

with a KA-BAR,

and you hurt yourself throwing a ball.

Tommy John was only in the top ten

of left handed pitchers of all time is all.

And I'm sure when they run the bottom ten of that list

your phone will be ringing off the hook.

Now, half of that is mine,

and the other half is yours,

and whatever you do with your half

ain't none of my concern.

So...

You gonna pour me a glass?

(crickets chirping)

♪

♪

(door creaks open)

♪

Mitchell's asleep.

I didn't think he sent you.

Two-way split?

I already got one with your husband.

♪

I'd say that seals the deal then.

♪

Hey!

There's a lot more skanks like you in the world

than there are bags of money.

And I stopped letting little Robbie

make executive decisions a long time ago.

Not since middle school.

You bastard.

I'm probably gonna regret that.

♪

You're looking pretty down for a guy

that just got a bag of money.

You're gonna be gone in the morning,

so don't worry about it.

Maybe I'll see you at Christmas.

Shit...

I'll still be in Bangkok

watching the ping pong shows at Christmas.

Look, uh...

Your marriage ain't my business.

Damn straight.

But your wife just came to me

talking about a two-way split.

What are you talking about?

I don't know if she means to snitch you out or kill you,

but I ain't having any part of it.

That's some bullshit.

Blood is blood, cousin.

It's the way it's always been.

I remember when you were in the hospital

getting your operation done,

there was, uh, some real Bull Durham shit

going on with your teammates,

except a lot more spit roasting.

(dog barking)

♪

We gotta do something about Robbie.

I'm even less afraid of a bat

than you throwing a ball at me.

Did you ever have a hit in the major leagues?

I can't say major leagues, can I?

The stadium that you robbed...

you bottomed out.

What was it?

Single A?

Triple A?

It was one of those battery sizes.

Triple A.

Right below the majors.

Right below

the majors.

(grip tightens)

♪

(screams)

Mitchell?

Hey buddy.

(exhausted sigh)

Oh, shit fire and pray to Jesus!

You could've just strangled her.

You are so dramatic.

Man, she's got an ass like a dump truck.

How come I never noticed this before?

There's a river a ways through the woods.

So, lift with your legs.

All right.

Oh, uh, you got a little something on you.

Oh.

One, two...

♪

(splash)

♪

Burial at sea.

Bye.

♪

Well, do you suppose her grandma's

got anything stronger than wine up at the place?

I just need some sleep.

You sure do, you had a hard day.

Look, you take the guest room.

I'll take the couch.

♪

(water bubbles up)

♪

No!

♪

(door creaking)

♪

(panicked breathing)

♪

Ava?

(exhales)

(shrieks)

♪

♪

Robbie?

♪

Robbie!

♪

(door creaking)

No!

♪

No!

(gunshot)

♪

We forgot the bat.

I threw it in with her.

Thank you.

Thank you for looking out for me.

Blood is blood.

Blood is blood.

I would've split it with you, cousin.

But I don't have to.

♪

I mean, it was just an accident.

What the hell?

Where's my money?

(gunshot)

♪

All that cold hard cash,

what would be going through your head?

I guess in Mitchell's case it was a bullet.

But don't let the gruesome death

or tawdry sex distract you

from the moral of the story.

Never get married.

Even if your mom likes her.

Well, my friends, I have to go take

a little breaky-poo so I can go

sharpen my teeth,

that's code word for use the bathroom.

So, please enjoy this song

as I go see a man about a horse,

but don't go anywhere,

'cause I'm only really just getting started

right here on Scarewaves.

♪

(muffled music)

♪

♪

Just do the show, brother.

(flushes)

♪

I'm ba-ack!

Did you miss me?

Of course you did, because I'm your main man,

your guide into the dark,

the cult of personality himself,

Amos Satan, back to continue

this very special episode of Scarewaves.

You know, you would think that I've seen it all,

and that I've become pretty desensitized

to all things that go bump in the night,

but that isn't always necessarily the case.

I actually spooked myself a little bit

as I was walking through the empty hallways

of the station to make my way

to the little boys room.

A walk I've made so many times

can feel so different when there's just

something off.

Call it a feeling in your guts, if you will,

and I will.

It seems to me that people are the most on edge

when they're convinced in the back of their minds

that someone or something is coming for them.

Most of the time this can be something

really simple like a boss harping on you

over a deadline,

or a spouse demanding that you make a decision

on whether or not to trade in the Lexus.

But what if the thing that was coming for you

wasn't something you could avoid

just by hiding in the bathroom

and listening to your iPod?

What if you were hiding from yourself?

From the past?

Part of you?

Where could you go?

Where could you hide?

This is exactly what the man

in my next story had to figure out.

He too has a past he's trying to hide from,

and a new job in a dark office building, naturally.

Let's call this story "Office Case."

Do you know why you're here today,

Officer Easterly?

Yeah, it'd be kinda hard not to know why.

The office is very concerned

by this latest incident.

Now, my job here today is simple:

I'm gonna lay out the facts

as I have them in the file,

then I'm gonna get your story.

Do you have any questions before we begin?

Yeah.

You have a cigarette?

I'm sorry, there's no smoking

in this building, Officer Easterly.

All those pesky

rules and regulations, you know?

You have some kind of problem with me, pal?

I'm just doing my job, Easterly.

But then you know all about that defense, don't you?

♪

I was wondering if you were gonna show up.

Had a flat tire.

I'm only three minutes late.

Have you had a tour of the building yet?

Yeah, the HR girl did one for me.

Great!

I've got places to be.

How often do you do your walk-throughs?

I'm gonna have to plead the fifth on that one.

So, what kind of issues have they had around here?

Ah, your usual stuff.

Uh, kids who think it's a thrill

to break in after hours,

very rare burglar,

and if you're lucky,

the occasional couple who comes in

to get it on!

And your response to that?

Focus adjust on the security camera,

there's popcorn in the vending machines.

Look, it's an easy gig.

You do your walk-throughs

as often or as little as you like.

As long as nothing happens,

no one's gonna check up on you.

So, why is it so dark around here?

Ah, the building owners are a couple

of those green nuts.

The lights automatically turn off at 6pm every evening

except for the main hallway,

which doesn't turn off till 11:30

unless someone's working late.

We're working late.

I guess we're not someone.

What if there's an emergency?

Well, maintenance can turn the power on,

but they like having that power,

and I think they enjoy fucking with us.

What kind of weapon do you use on duty?

Why?

Are you gonna shoot maintenance?

Are you planning a coup?

Jesus, you're uptight.

I need to show you where the lawyers

on the third floor keep their pot.

Look, I don't carry one,

but if it makes you feel better, you can.

It's BYOG around here.

All right, tough guy.

Here's your flashlight.

Here are your keys.

Try not to shoot anyone.

What's that supposed to mean?

I watch the news, okay?

All those scumbags you axed deserved it.

Let's get one thing straight.

I didn't axe anybody.

All I did was find myself in situations

where I had to fire my weapon at criminals

in the line of duty.

Look, man, I'm not judging.

But if you shoot anyone around here,

try not to make it the lawyers

coming in for their stash.

Their buddies will defend 'em

and they'll take you for everything you got.

♪

I want you to walk me through the night one more time.

Step by step starting from the moment

you received that call.

We have been through this three times already.

This is bull and you know it!

I would think someone in your current position

would be a lot more willing to cooperate.

I am willing to cooperate

with the department.

What I am not willing to do is sit here

while some little shit plays games

trying to catch me in a lie,

and is too fucking stupid to realize

there is no lie!

You don't seem to appreciate

your current position, Officer Easterly.

Yeah, well I appreciate it a lot more than you realize.

This isn't the first time I've been here

because I had to do something in the line of duty.

Yes.

You're pretty proud of that reputation, aren't you?

Just as proud as you are.

I built my reputation

fighting for what I believed in,

not caring what anyone in this department thought of me.

I fought for what I believed was right,

and for the greater good.

What do you believe in, Easterly?

♪

♪

Perfect.

♪

(chuckles)

That little bastard was right.

Dear dirtbag.

My apologies

for removing

your stash.

I'm just looking out for the interests

of everybody in the building.

I'll be watching you.

♪

(chuckles)

(toilet flushes)

Let's see what those defenders of the law

think about that.

♪

Police, freeze!

I said freeze!

Get on the goddamn ground!

Don't move.

I said don't move.

I said don't...

(gunshot)

♪

♪

Hello?

Security.

Anybody here?

♪

(water running)

♪

What the hell is...

Links!

You goddamn son of a bitch!

Is this you?

I'm not putting up with any hazing bullshit!

Help!

Oh, I got you now.

Police, freeze!

♪

You're not a cop anymore.

Help!

Shut up! Shut up!

All right, asshole, let her go!

I said let her go!

Fuck you, pig!

Get down.

I said get down now!

Fuck off!

Don't move, put it down!

Put it down!

Put it down, goddammit!

(gunshot)

♪

(crickets chirping)

♪

Fuck is maintenance up to?

Links, is this your idea of a joke?

It's not too goddamn funny.

If you're trying to get yourself shot,

you're doing a good job of it.

Oh, Links, you motherfucker.

All right, punk, put down the gun

and let him go.

Eat shit, pig.

Let me go, just let me go.

Shut up, I'm trying to think!

I said let him go.

Look, there's nowhere for you to run,

nowhere to hide,

now just put down the weapon

and let him go.

Fuck you!

No cop has ever done shit for someone like me.

Fine.

Look, my backup is on the way,

they'll be here any minute.

Now, just put down the gun and let him go.

Run, run!

Hey, man, I guess you got me.

I guess I do.

(gunshots)

So...

What really happened at that crack house, Easterly?

After all, you're the only one

in any kind of condition to tell me the whole story.

The scumbag fired at me.

I had no choice.

What about the bystander?

She a scumbag, too?

Still living regret free?

Shooting that little girl

is the only thing that I regret

from my career.

I don't think I'd feel the same about shooting you.

Your badge and gun, officer.

After all this time, that's it?

You're kicking me out!

You disobeyed a direct order.

And result was a dead civilian.

You're damn lucky you're not being charged.

I was just doing my duty.

Well, I see it differently.

Way I see it,

if you'd done your job,

that girl would still be alive.

But you have your whole life

to contemplate that one, don't you?

♪

This is Unit 23,

I am entering the premises now.

10-4, Unit 23.

Proceed with caution.

Suspect is believed to be armed

and extremely dangerous.

10-4, dispatch.

Goddamn cop killer.

Just great.

♪

♪

♪

(gunshot)

Dispatch, this is Unit 23.

Shots fired, I repeat, shots fired.

I'm going after the perp now.

Unit 23, advise you hold your position

and wait for backup.

Negative, dispatch.

I am not letting this son of a bitch

shoot another cop.

Easterly, hold your position.

That's an order.

♪

(gunshots)

Dispatch, this is Unit 23.

Repeat, Unit 23, perp is down.

I'm moving in to investigate.

♪

Dispatch, this is Unit 23,

send the paramedics now.

Now, goddammit!

♪

♪

The hell?

Custodial.

Custodial!

Is there anybody in this shit hole?

We're here with you, officer.

Links.

Is that you, you son of a bitch?

Look, I am tired of this bullshit.

I'd like to know how you're doing this.

Are you really that foolish, officer?

Can't you tell what's going on tonight?

You deserved it.

Each one of you deserved it.

If you're trying to torment me

with my regrets, it isn't gonna work.

I'd shoot each one of you again.

Did I deserve it, officer?

♪

I didn't mean it.

You killed me, officer.

You were supposed to protect me.

I didn't mean it.

I'm sorry.

♪

You wanna make it right?

How?

How?!

♪

Hey, super cop, have your had your dose

of serve and protect for the night yet?

Come on, man, don't tempt me

to go back home.

The sweet embrace of my sweaty sheets beckons.

Oh, shit.

♪

In the end, he found himself

back in the nightmare,

but did he ever really leave the nightmare

to begin with?

Ooh, I can hear your silence.

Sorry, no quips or puns here.

I'm not that predictable, am I?

Nope.

I think to crack a joke right here

would be an absolute cop out!

Ha, I win.

Ooh, we have a call.

I'm so sad to hear you go.

I know, my friend, I know.

But there is often a time to move on.

I'm sure you will get by somehow without my show.

I'm not talking about your show.

You've messed with the wrong people.

Man, the prank callers sure are out tonight.

Must be the full moon.

You can't hide.

Just like that crooked cop, you're dead.

How dare you try to threaten me.

I'm not afraid you.

Obviously, the only people I'm afraid of

are the people who know where I keep

my coffin when I sleep.

You know, endings can be very hard,

but there is something to be said

for having certainty.

Now, while I may not love ending my program,

it is a kind of liberation.

I know that after tonight,

it is time to move on.

Wouldn't it be worse to wait endlessly?

Uncertain of when or how things would cease?

That is where fear exists,

in the unknown.

What's gonna happen to us in the next day?

A promotion at your job?

A new relationship?

A brain tumor?

Life is full of those unknowns.

But that just leads me into my final story of the night.

A young woman wants more out of her life

than she's currently getting.

And she's relying on her boyfriend

to take the final step.

But this will bring into her a whole world

of uncertainty where she will wonder,

is it worth the wait?

(phone vibrates)

It's about time!

You just can't stand to be away from me,

can you baby?

Oh, you know I can't stand it.

So, you ready?

Yeah, I got your little present,

and we'll be all set to give it to her,

but...

don't you think it's a little... gruesome?

Don't think of it as brutality.

Think of it as...

simplicity.

When?

Uh, soon, I promise.

Please don't make me wait much longer.

I feel like I'm going insane.

I'd never do that to us.

This is for us.

I just, I don't know how much longer

I can stand this waiting.

I haven't gotten a real night's sleep in weeks.

It has to be tonight, okay?

All good things come to those who wait.

You know I hate clichés.

It'll be ours.

All ours.

All ours.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I'm so glad to see you.

You've been so busy and I've just missed you.

I have something special planned for you tonight.

Me too.

♪

Come on!

♪ Walking down the hallway and I cannot seem to concentrate ♪

♪ Already hit the floor four times during my dizzy state ♪

♪ Walk around today like I haven't got a fucking clue ♪

♪ And I'm the one who's fucked up

and I'm wondering what's wrong with you ♪

♪ I think I'm losing my mind ♪

♪ I think I'm losing my mind ♪

♪ I think I'm losing my mind ♪

♪ Once again

♪ Hypocrite who hates on hypocrites ♪

♪ I'm always first to contradict ♪

(music fades out)

Come on, tonight!

Get it done tonight!

(moaning)

♪

What's the matter?

I'm pretty sure you got yours, too, you know.

Oh, I did.

In spades.

Then what's wrong?

You're beautiful.

Thank you.

But you're trying to change the subject.

Did you get it?

Of course I got it.

It's in a duffle bag in the living room.

I figured you could use that

to carry our loot.

Isn't that a little barbaric?

Don't be childish.

I got it with cash

20 miles from home.

Everyone has one.

No one will suspect a thing.

We could even just throw it in a lake

or a river after it's done.

It'll be long gone.

Never to be seen again.

Can't be that easy.

Why not?

I watch those crime investigation shows.

No murder weapon, no conviction.

Do you have to use that word?

Look, you said it yourself.

You love me, and I love you.

She's in the way.

She doesn't care about you.

At least not the way I do.

No one could love you the way I do.

She keeps her money in a drawer

in the back of her closet.

Nobody knows it's there.

She doesn't even trust banks,

the dumb bitch.

Don't speak ill of the dead.

Jesus.

I love you.

I love you, too.

We will be together.

Once she's gone.

Ah! Was it worth it!

(panicked breathing)

Nothing!

Goddammit!

(giggling)

(giggling)

(phone vibrates)

You all right?

Me? Oh yeah, I'm just stretching it out, you know?

I heard your cell phone go off.

You know, you're pretty popular tonight.

No, not really.

Come on.

There's been more buzzing in your pants

than in a nun's sex life.

(giggling)

You're sick.

Well, that's why you love me.

Yeah, I guess so.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

You're acting a little off.

No, not really.

You know, try to relax.

Here, you want the remote?

(giggling)

(phone vibrating)

Soon?

That's it?

Is this even gonna happen today?

Oh, I've gotta get a grip.

We're gonna be fine.

We'll be fine.

♪

(phone vibrates)

Oh, what was that?

You okay?

Yeah, this movie's...

it's wild.

You're awfully jumpy tonight.

I guess so.

Do you want something, like some soup or popcorn?

Maybe a drink?

No, I'm all right, okay?

All right, well, just cool your jets.

Yeah? Are you okay?

I thought you were being a little weird yourself.

Yeah, well... I'm tired.

Oh.

I guess I thought that we were gonna watch

a midnight movie tonight.

That's what I thought was gonna happen.

Yeah, well, I changed my mind.

♪

This is gonna take forever.

Ugh, Jesus Christ.

♪

Jesus Christ!

♪

This is just like him.

Just like him.

He promises so much.

Does he ever follow through?

♪

Why should he?

He's got two women in his pocket.

Ugh!

I must look like such an idiot.

♪

I love him so much!

(heavy breathing)

He loves me.

♪

I know he does.

He really loves me.

♪

Baby, I finally did it.

It was worth the wait, I...

Tara?

(screams)

♪

Nothing?

Are you kidding me?!

Work with me!

Goddammit!

Goddammit.

♪

(knocking)

♪

(knocking)

♪

Was it worth it, Tara?

Hello?

Was it worth it?

♪

Who's ever out there...

you better get the hell out!

I got a .44 Magnum and I'm not afraid to use it!

That is if my cop boyfriend

doesn't come out first!

(crickets chirping)

♪

(panicked breathing)

Maybe I'm not cut out for this.

(muffled gurgling)

Maybe I'm just hungry.

♪

I'm just seeing things.

♪

I gotta get a grip on myself.

♪

Are your eggs tainted?

An epidemic that's sweeping the nation

tonight at 10 o'clock.

(phone vibrates)

"I'm sorry"?

What the fuck does that even mean?

Just do the deed!

Just bash her in her skull!

♪

This is taking weeks!

♪

He's taking the money.

He's taking the money.

He has more than enough evidence on me.

♪

He can prove I bought the hammer.

He hated her!

That bastard!

You can't do this to me!

♪

You're not bringing me down, lover boy.

I'm not some stupid bimbo!

(door cracks)

♪

Was it worth it, Tara?

Was it?

I didn't do it!

I didn't kill you!

I'm sorry!

Was it worth the wait?

Was it?

I didn't do anything!

Was it worth the wait?

I didn't kill you, it was his idea!

I just went along with it!

Was it worth the wait?

I'm sorry!

(thump)

(car door opens)

(door squeaks)

Tara?

I'm so sorry.

I just couldn't do it.

But... we could still be together.

I mean, I broke up with her tonight.

♪

(screaming)

♪

All right.

Time's up, deadbeat.

You know, maybe patience isn't a virtue after all.

But let's not let the moral of the story slide by.

Always kill your girlfriend.

Well, I hope you have all enjoyed

this final night delving into

what scares us most of all:

the unknown.

As I prepare to make my own voyage

into the ambiguity all around us,

I just wanna say that I appreciate you

lending me your ears and your minds.

Like I promised all along,

I've given them back to you,

but with one small piece of advice attached:

don't spend your time fearing the undiscovered,

for life is far too short for most.

Simply respect it for what it is,

and sail onwards aboard the big ocean

we call life.

I'm Amos Satan, your favorite fiend,

signing off.

Ahoy, my friends,

and good night.

(deep exhale)

I'm sorry, but the show's over,

I've gotta pack up.

You're not going anywhere.

I don't understand.

You owe people money.

If you don't have the cash,

there are other ways for you to pay.

Why don't you just turn around

and walk away, okay?

We'll leave it at that.

You know, I'm a fan of yours, actually.

I listen to your show pretty often.

Tonight's episode might be my favorite.

But I realized something.

You don't listen to your own stories.

'Cause everyone that lies, cheats, and steals

gets their comeuppance.

I guess tonight really is your last night.

Well, there's one thing you forgot about my stories...

What's that?

It always ends with a twist.

♪

(screams)

(gunshot)

♪

♪ Hearing something creepy

coming through my radio ♪

♪ A late night broadcast

of Amos Satan's horror show ♪

♪ Tales of terror,

some you won't believe ♪

♪ Late night is paranormal,

he's got what I need ♪

♪ Blood

♪ Deceit

♪ Revenge

♪ Complete

♪ Horror

♪ Lies

♪ Wicked stories in your ears

all fall before your very eyes ♪

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Hellish tales of crime and woe ♪

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Coming through my radio ♪

♪

♪ A ghoulish facade is over on my radio ♪

♪ It's got me hooked on Amos Satan's scream show ♪

♪ Tales so dreadful they make my skin crawl ♪

♪ But I can't just sit down ♪

♪ I gotta listen to them all go ♪

♪ Deceit

♪ Revenge

♪ Complete

♪ Horror

♪ Lies

♪ Wicked stories Satan has

are falling before your very eyes ♪

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Hellish tales of crime and woe ♪

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Scarewaves

♪ Coming through my radio ♪

♪