All language subtitles for Radioland Murders (1994) [ENG]

The Lone Ranger!

The makers of Fleischmann's
High Vitamin Yeast present

I Love A Mystery.

Hop Harrigan,

America's Ace
of the Airwaves!

A big howdy-do and how-are-you
from Chicago, Illinois,

where we're about to bring you
the Cinderella story of 1939.

That's right. Local radio
station WBN may be small,

but they've got
a lot of big dreams.

And tonight,
those dreams could come true

as they go nationwide
in their revolutionary attempt

to create a fourth
national radio network.

Oh, Miss Henderson,

the Biff Blaster,
Space Ranger script
is a minute and a half over,

and Mr. Whalen doesn't know
what he should do.

Well, lose all
the exploding asteroids,

give the Venusians
one-syllable grunts.

Have you seen the General?
No.

I just want you to know
that I'm not just a page.

You know,
I'm a man of many talents,

and if you ever give me
a chance to prove myself,

you won't be sorry, Miss Henderson.
Mrs. Henderson.

Her name is Mrs.
Right, Mr. Henderson.

Not now, Roger.
I don't have time to be talked out of divorcing you.

"Hiya, Roger, that's a swell suit.
Oh, the dog says hello,

"and, say, what's that
last thing? Oh, yes,

"my life has no meaning
without you."

Suit up, fellas.
Yes, ma'am.

Penny, this is me. Remember?

The joint checking account,
the little hairs on the sink, you know.

How can you throw away
everything we have?

Had, Roger. Past tense.

Speaking of tense,
I'm busy.

I'm trying to stay
on top of things around here.

I always liked you
on top...

Of things.
He didn't let me finish.

Walt!
Walt!

Yes.

I can't do this scene
in the Second Act.

It's terrible!
It's unmotivated...

Calm down, boys.

Clive,
you're absolutely right.

Now, the problem
as I see it is this...

Kill him in the first act.
We'll have one more go at it.

Has anyone seen the General?

On stage.
On stage.

Let's go, men.
No time for slackers.

Thirty minutes to combat.
Chest out, shoulders back.

Little more spit
on that shine.

Excuse me, General, sir, you're needed
back in your office.

Can't lead the troops
from the rear.

It's about the script,
it's Mr. King.

Carry on, men.

Our sponsor wants to give us a
well-deserved pat on the back.

The most revolting,
moronic and insipid trash

I've ever read in my life.

And, General, I expect you to do
something about it.

Calm down, Bernie.

We're open to suggestions.
Damn right you are. And here are mine.

Billy! Billy, my baby!
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hi, Son.
Best row in the house.

Looks like we're finally
going on the air.

Let's check the tower voltage
and turn on the generators.

Those scripts stink!
They're not funny.

Here, look at this one.

A philosophy professor
who murders people

by convincing them
they don't exist?

It's satire, Mr. King.

It's crapola, Mrs. Henderson!

I am General Whalen's
biggest sponsor, young lady.

And if I pull out,
the others will follow.

You heard him, Henderson.
Double-time. Yes, sir.

It's so silly, isn't it?
The little disagreements couples have?

Little disagreements?

You had an affair, Roger,
with the station manager's wife.

I told you 100 times
nothing happened.

Right, with an actress billed
as the Va-Va-Va-Voom Girl.

It's not my fault
she's done the classics.

Everything was fine,
everything was jake,

and you had to throw it
all away for one night of pleasure.

Well, believe me, sister,
there was no pleasure.

Spare me your shortcomings.

Penny, Penny, did you hear
what King just did?

He threw out
half the scripts.

He threw out
half the scripts.

Someone ought to
stand up to him.

Someone ought to
stand up to him.

Five primetime scripts,
he just gives them the heave-ho.

For the love of Mike,
will you say something?

Fix your rug.
Oh, my God.

Mr. General
Whalen Junior, sir.
Yes.

You're the director.
Yes.

This is no time to panic.
Can you think of a better time?

Five scripts!
Five scripts!

Don't!
Tell that S-O-B King to do his own rewrite!

Gentlemen, lady,
please, a little decorum.

What's going on in here?

You people should be
ashamed of yourselves.

Penny's just doing her job.
Now, let's give her a little support.

Let's put our shoulders
to the wheel, and,

you know, do whatever it is
Penny wants us to do.

That's not funny.
Listen, kids, I know this stinks.

I know you've been working on
those scripts for six months,

and I know we go on the air
in 15 minutes.

But somehow, you gotta take these
cockeyed notes and make them magic.

You'll get paid overtime.

She's right.
That's the word.

Am I a complete
raving lunatic,

or have we not been paid anything
in the last three weeks?

Can't both be true?

The knife in the back.

The sound of
the human head smashing.

No. Something is
not quite right.

Try honeydew.
Good idea.

Because I'm your wife,
that's why!

And next time you send me flowers,
spell my name right!

Oh, hey...
Thank you very much, I was...

Oh, Mr. Katzenback,
Ruffles said he'd like to speak to you right away.

Said you'd know
what it was about.

Ruffles?
Ruffles?

Ruffles. Trumpet player.
Oh, please, that horn-blowing...

Now, you listen
to me, Junior.

Don't you think that I don't know
what's going on,

because I do know, and now you know
that I know.

Listen, I don't know
what you know that I know,

but I do know that you don't know
what you think you know.

Oh, no?

No.

Come on, Penny,
back to the booth.

Clearly, this man is an idiot.

Sir?
Yeah?

Wrong way.
Oh.

Please.

Okay, so he leans over
and he kisses the moose, and then...

And he says what?
"Honey, I kissed a moose!"

Forget the moose!
I could care less about the moose!

I got something else
that he could kiss.

All this work
without a day's pay!

I think my head's
gonna explode!

No. Still not the sound
of the head smashing.

That's it.

To all the local stations
who have affiliated with us,

be assured that I have assembled
a top-notch squadron of professionals,

redefining the phrase
"grace under fire."

Help!

Miss Henderson? Have you seen her?
No.

Miss Henderson?

Anyone seen Miss...

Billy.

Oh, Mr. Whalen Junior, sir.
Yes.

They don't know whether they're
opening on the announcer or the music.

Oh, that's right.
I forgot to make up my mind about that one.

Okay.

Forty seconds to air,
and where the hell is our director?

Okay, I got it.
Decision made. Problem solved.

Thirty seconds, Max.
That's good. That's good news.

Here we go.

And now, gentlemen,
I give you America's newest network,

WBN.

Junior, what are we opening with,
music or announcer?

- Okay, cue the...
- 5, 4, 3...

Cue the announcer!
Cue the announcer.

Cue Dexter.

Clear the airwaves.
Clear the airwaves.

And from the four corners
of this great country,

the Whalen Broadcasting
Network says,

"Hello, America!"

Please welcome
the Rick Rochester Band with The Dead Tones

and the lovely
Miller Sisters.

But first, gather up
the kids and caboodle

and stay with us
till the stroke of 12:00,

for an evening of everything
but the kitchen sink.

Oh, well, it sounds
like we have that, too.

Believe you me, folks,
we've got a night full of surprises.

"Dig and dig to find some dirt

"Dig too deep
and you'll get hurt"

Something cut in?
Well, that's not right.

What went wrong, Max?

Must have been
an open mike.

No, no, no.
I only have one pot open.

Cue the band.
Cue the band.

I hate opening nights.
Aunt Millie's.

Stand by, Aunt Millie's.
Watch that overload.

Zoltan, you got a pen?

Thanks, pal.

Max, promise me nothing else
is gonna go wrong tonight.

Promise.

We've got a show, people.

Out!
No writers backstage.

What a ham.

Get him off.

Close the curtain.
Close the curtain.

Cue the commercial.
Cue the commercial.

He's dead.

Stand by, Black Whip.

Will you stop fussing?

Hate to be
a stickler for detail,
but we don't have a script.

We don't have...
We don't have a script? Where is Roger?

Billy, would you get
to the writers' room?

Tell Roger we need
that script right away.

Right. You can count on me,
Miss Henderson.

Through rain, snow, sleet...
Billy, beat it!

Keep going.

So the Black Whip hits him
on the head with his log.

Dad, he doesn't have a log,
he has a whip.

If he had a log, he would
be known as the Black Log.

What do you expect me to do,
improvise?

Don't worry,
I'll take care of it.

Let's get back to what we're not
getting paid for.

This ending is
strictly phonus-balonus.

Can't we find
a fresh way out of this?

Let's think...
He could hug him.

Hug him?
Hug him?

Yeah. Tell him they're long
lost brothers and make him his partner.

Morgana, you did it again.

You know, she did it again!
Let's go, let's go!

We lost him.

Not again.
Not again.

This is just horrible!
Not really.

Catch your head in a threshing machine,
now that's horrible.

How convenient.
Oh, shut up.

Out of the way! Out of the way!
Watch it, Billy.

This new ending's gonna knock them dead.
Hey, you guys,

where's the...

Script?

Move! Move!
Come on, go!

We've got to talk, Junior.
Not now.

Gangway! Coming through!
Coming through!

Hot script coming through!

Hang on to your toupee,
Junior.

Hi, Roger.

No, no, no. I'm okay.

I want my script!
I will not go on without my script!

Sorry, Mac.
This way out, guys.

It's amazing people
don't get killed around here.

Moley hokes! Ruffles is dead.
I can't believe it.

Hey.

Hey, you need
a fill-in on trumpet?

Just keep her on,
keep her on. Get her back on.

It's incredible.
The woman's been doing the same damn thing

over and over and over again
for five minutes.

Get this stiff
out of here.

The girl has about
30 seconds before she drops.

Five bucks says you're wrong.
You got it.

Fellas, wait!
Hey!

Mr. H, where'd you go?
Come on, Penny needs that script now!

Roger!

Oh, God.

Well,
she brought down the house.

Let's go straight
to another commercial.

Cue the King commercial.
Cue Dexter.

Well, we all know
the Black Whip's unbeatable,

as unbeatable as
a bottle of King brew beer.

Is the Black Whip
standing by?

I don't care if their
sponsors are here!

I asked for a big gun and they
give me this silly little teeny one!

Phil sounds nice and relaxed.

Roger, where the hell
have you been?

The, the...
What? Spit it out!

The lights were against me.
Go!

And like the Black Whip,
it's strong.

Oh! The typist.

Nice of you to join us!

Phil.
Thirty seconds, Phil.

That filthy mess
is my script?

Some pals are dropping by
after a day at the ballpark.

Which beer will replenish their zest
and bring that sparkle back to their eye?

Look, Phil,
come on, cut it out!

Fifteen seconds.
Fifteen seconds!

Cue the organ.

The Black Whip.

Cue curtain.

They call me the Black Whip.

The other way. The other way.

Are you all right?
Oh, peachy, now.

I could use
a hand up, though.

Well, looks like we lost
the evil Freeman gang, Happy.

Let's ride the DBs
on this whip crack.

I don't like it, Happy.

It's too darn
quiet out there.

Listen, nothing but crickets.

Look out for that
rattlesnake, Black Whip!

Hand me my whip, Happy.

You got him, Black Whip.

Oh, no, the Crazy Gulch Gang!

Here they come.
They're shooting at us!

Lookit. Oh, no!

Knock it off, Roger.

Have you finished the
Gork: Son of Fire script yet?

It's percolating.

Well, bring it to a boil.

Oh, come on, Penny.
Okay, okay. Now, here's how I figure it.

We met working on the radio,
we got married working on the radio.

We can't get divorced.
You might end up marrying out of the medium.

Great idea.
Someone with less imagination.

Less imagination?
Have you seen Walt Junior?

No, ma'am.
Where the hell is he?

Well, excuse me, operator,
I think I have a bad connection.

And, say, if it's Claudette
you're talking about,

that was your imagination!

My imagination!

I saw you locked together
in her dressing room

like Siamese twins attached at the zipper.
But she attacked me.

What? Assault with a friendly weapon?
You were lying on top of her.

Oh, now, come on, Penny.
She took me down with a headlock.

I never knew what hit me.

Your shirt was off!
It ripped on the hat rack when I fell!

Well, she wasn't
wearing a stitch!

Breakaway evening gown?

Okay, okay, so the woman holds the
land speed record for stripping.

What is it, sweetheart?

Well, I...

Mr. Ruffles...

I mean, I know nobody
liked him, and he drank and all,

but I'm just thinking about
his wife and his four kids,

and it's just so awful.

Ruffles is dead?

This is no time to give up.

We're all wearing
our Thermic Molecular Transometer suits.

They should protect us

in our quest to thwart
the Neptunian lava monster.

Biff, it's getting closer!

Jumpin' jiminy
gee whiz, Biff!

Quiet, Jimmy.

There's no time for that now.

Betty, let me
check your tubes.

Check anything
you want, Biff.

After all, the future
of the universe depends on you.

Okay, okay,
so you don't believe me.

But if you just give me a chance,
I'll prove it, Penny.

Prove to me you can rewrite
Home is Where the Heart Aches.

For Pete's sake, come on.
I need that script in 12 minutes, Roger.

You'll get your rewrite
and proof positive

there's no funny business
between Claudette and me.

Wabash 3-1800, please.

Did you happen to
find us a director?

Mrs. Reedy?
Oh, standby, Polka Minute.

No, no, Claudette.
What about Ruffles? You big octopus.

Claudette.

Caught me
at a bad time, kid. I'm in.

So am I.

Nobody enters
my dressing room uninvited.

What the hell do you think
that star means?

You're Jewish?

I don't have time to mince words, Claudette.
I want my marriage back.

And you're gonna get it
for me, tonight,

when you tell Penny
what really happened.

Scram, scribbler,
you're boring me.

Here. Is that
what you want? Huh?

You want me to beg?

I'm so deep in the doghouse,
I'll beg, I'll fetch, I'll roll over.

What more can I do,
Claudette?

I'm risking everything
just coming here.

If I'm caught with you again...

- I'm a dead man.
- Claudette?

Oh, God, it's my husband.

Herman, I told you, I don't
like to be disturbed before a show

or after a show

or at home in my bedroom when
I'm thinking about a show!

I spoke to Ruffles
before he died.

What do you mean?

Who is that?

No, not under there.
Geez, I could have sworn I left that script...

Oh, hiya, Herman.
I didn't hear you come in.

You! What is this weasel
doing in here?

Maybe it blew over there.
What do you think?

Roger!
About that script change

you wanted me
to run past Penny,

would after the show
be soon enough?

After the show? Sure.

Sure. Great.

Well, guess I'll get back
to the old word factory.

Leave you two alone.

All by yourselves.
Good night.

Later.

Shocking, isn't it, my dear?

No, Wolfgang, don't!

Can't you see you're mad?

Mad? Mad, you say?

But I'm the one
with the branding iron,

and you're the one
with the soft, pink flesh.

Now talk!

Okay, I'll tell you.
I'll tell you everything.

It's paprika.

Paprika is the secret
of my potato salad.

Paprika?

Hey, quick rewrites.

Those writers are pros.
Once they warm up,

they'll start hitting them
out of the park.

...Pontiac running board
wasn't as good as the Chevy.

Dad, do you wanna shut up
about the car?

Please, I need a script now!

Wait a minute, wait a minute!
There's one!

- That's one of the good ones.
- You almost lost it.

Take this one, kid.
Great.

That was easy. Wait a minute.
This is Tom Adventure.

They need Home is
Where the Heart Aches.

Home is Where the Heart Aches!

Two minutes, no script.
And no director.

I could yell "fire" over the intercom.
We could call it a night.

Hey, wait a minute, this is good stuff.
Who put this in the garbage?

I did. It stinks.
That's yesterday's script.

Okay, now we're cooking with gas.
That's a great script.

Well, hello.

This is sensational!

That's the best.

Okay...

- Terrible.
- No wonder it was in the garbage.

Roger, this is terrible.
This is bad. This is bad stuff.

I found it, Jules.
It belonged to Ruffles.

Oh, if you're gonna be
a serious gin-hound,

I recommend that
you develop some taste.

This is rat poison.

Oh, what the hell.

For Pete's sake, Jules,
we got work to do.

I'll drink to that.

You idiot.

Don't stick your bald head
in my face again.

We'll finish
our little discussion later.

Are you all right?

Of course I'm all right.

Ups-a-daisy. You should be in the booth.
Why?

You're the director.
I know that.

It's not like I don't know what I do.
I do know what I do.

It's just that when you have as much
to do as I do do...

Don't tell my dad about this, okay?
He'll have my head.

Then where would you
put your hair?

I'm sorry?

I said,
I'll see you down there.

Okay, Walt's on his way.

Now all we need
is a script.

What? No script?

Girls, girls, please.
Back to the mikes. It's gonna be just fine.

We need some sort
of a final scene here

between the husband
and the wife.

Yes. Now, think,
think, think.

What if the wife
smashes him over the head

with a frying pan,

then chops him in
hundreds of tiny little pieces

with her shiny,
new carving knife?

I don't think so.

It's a family show.

Okay, well, then, what if
she does it to the whole family?

No!
What's wrong with you?

You never like
any of my ideas.

Hold it. Husband says,
"Darling, you can't leave.

"What would it take
to make you stay?"

She says, "Try chloroform."

This isn't a comedy.
That wasn't a joke.

The hell it wasn't. Okay, okay,
okay, okay. How about he says,

"I can't go on without you.
I can't clean, I can't iron,

"I don't know my way
around the kitchen."

And she says, "Buy a map.
Then we'll talk."

Morgana, two. Writers, nothing.
She's good.

That works.
I know.

Okay, here you go, kid.
Take it away.

Go, go, go!
Run! Run!

Go, go, go!
I'm going. I'm going!

Fifteen seconds.

I have the scripts!

Mr. Katzenback.

Have you people
no idea of discipline?

We have a script.

And we have a director.
Of sorts.

Cue that slimeball announcer.
Cue Dexter.

And now time for
Home is Where the Heart Aches.

Rotate the stage.
Oh, I hate that stage.

This rotating stage is the best idea
I've ever had.

Cue the organ.

Tonight, we join Mildred
and her mother

in their tastefully
decorated kitchen.

Not quite ready.
Billy.

Slow stop. No, slow!

That's Billy.

Abandoned by Jim,
my husband of 20 years,

and recently disturbed by the
news that Ellen, my loving daughter,

is marrying Jim's
illegitimate stepson,

I find myself mired
in a week-long depression.

Tell me, Mom.
What should I do?

Die, infidel.
Die like a dog,

writhing in pain
from the horror

known as the curse
of Nebuchadnezzar.

Well, that's not right.

Thanks, Mom. You always
seem to know what's best.

That's good!
We didn't write that.

It's too creative.
You got that right.

Excuse me, I think
someone's at the door.

Billy.

Is there a problem?

Damndest show I ever seen.

Artistic.

Oh, that must be your father.
You take it.

What the hell is going on?

One is doing the soap,
the other's doing Tom Adventure.

Toilet.
Sir?

Billy!
You bellowed?

Get this to the actors,
and then get those scripts sorted out.

Well, Mom, it's getting
close to lunchtime and...

Traitorous words,
you American slime.

And your last, as it's time
for me to finish you off with your own rifle.

Did you hear me?
Your own rifle.

My own rifle?

Yes, yes. Where is that
rifle of yours?

You're not going to
shoot me, are you?

Well, perhaps I was hasty.

After all, shooting you
would be wrong.

Whoa. That hurt,
that hurt.

Mildred, is that you?

What's he doing now?

I'm sorry
I frightened you, dear.

I was kidnapped
by a band of Egyptian nomads

and hypnotized into thinking
I was a warrior of the Sahara,

but the gunshot snapped me
out of it, and now I'm back.

Do you have any coffee made?

Why, yes, Mom.
There's a fresh pot on the stove.

Sounds perfect,
even though there's...

"Hardly time to say a prayer

"Before we move
on to the air"

What?

I'm going down to
check master control.

Cue the commercial.

Billy!
See if anyone's in Studio B.

Billy, bring me
a tomato, quick!

Billy, find my tuba player.

Blue Sky.

Fresh as a spring rain.

Cool as a summer breeze.

Blue Sky has got the smoke
that goes down

smooth.

I told Dexter not to smoke.

If you ask me, they ought to
put warnings on those packages.

It's not Dexter.
It's coming from somewhere else.

It's coming from right here.
Someone's idea of a joke?

Studio 13.

I'm gonna go see
what's going on.

Penny, I'm only gonna
say this once...

Hey, Mr. H,
you're looking chipper.

Penny in the fishbowl?
I gotta talk to her.

Yeah, but I wouldn't talk
to her before you finish...

Gork: Son of Fire.
Don't get your pants in a bunch.

Penny, I'm only gonna
say this once...

Let's get that pack
of butts off stage

and get
the microphones out, boys.

Ready light cue,
as you will.

There is an evil
that lurks behind you.

Is it your shadow,
or is it the Mind Bender?

Are you sure
this is the right floor?

There's nobody up here,
Mrs. Henderson. It's all right, Dottie.

Fred Smith, an ordinary man
not unlike you or me,

walks home on
a fog-shrouded night.

This is the night when he
will reach deep inside himself

and discover the Mind Bender.

What's that sound I hear?

What do you think you're doing?
Looking for you.

Well, you scared the bejesus out of me.
Really?

Sounded like a squeal
of delight to me.

Someone is fooling
with an open mike on 13.

Look,
I just wanted to say that I...

Okay.

All right. Bad timing.

Look, you think after the show
we could get a cup of java or something?

Roger. Keep trying,
it'll come back to you.

Dead man.

Where?

Strange eating habits, indeed.

Well, Maynard, tell us, which part
of this Buick did you eat first?

With a little deviled egg,
the lug nuts make wonderful appetizers.

Lug nuts.

Well, gentlemen,

when you see
the rest of the firepower

that we have marshaled for you
this evening,

I'm gonna expect you
to do your duty and run out

and enlist in my war against
the other three networks.

My girlfriend and I...
Girlfriend, hey.

We're thinking about
eating a bus together.

Won't that be scrumptious!

We'll do our best to
check in with you then.

Call the police.

And now, the girl with
the va-va-va-voom voice,

Claudette Katzenback!

The General's son
just committed suicide.

Tough break.

Hate to lose that weak-kneed,
lily-livered son of a...

Famous general,
right, sir?

You're wanted in
the General's office
right away.

Mr. Station Manager, sir,

you're supposed to rush down
to the General's office right away.

Though being my boss
and all, I suppose

you can just slowly
saunter if you want to.

Carry on.

That was the Va-Va-Va-Voom
Girl herself,

Claudette Katzenback.

All right, ladies and gents.

At 7:15 this evening,

young Walt Whalen Junior
was found hanging in an empty studio.

The apparent cause
of death, suicide.

My son didn't have enough courage
to commit suicide.

It was murder!

Maybe suicide, maybe murder.
Either way, I'm missing my dinner.

It was murder, and I brought you here
to find the killer.

And I don't want you to leave
until you've done that.

Do you understand me,
Lieutenant?

Get my people out of here
as soon as possible.

I've got a network to run.

Now, which of you...

You sent for me?

Maybe. Who are you?

I'm Claudette Katzenback,

the Va-Va-Va-Voom Girl
with the va-va-va-voom voice.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Lieutenant Cross, the Chicago cop with
the sh-sh-sh-short temper.

I'm here investigating
a Mr. Walt Whalen Junior's death.

Walt? Dead?

No. Why didn't
anybody tell me?

Not that I actually
knew the man. I didn't.

I mean, he was a director,
wasn't he?

I'd like to play poker
with you sometime.

- Which one of you is Penny Henderson?
- That's me.

What do you do around here?
Just about everything, sir.

Shut up and sit down.
Okay.

I'm the General's secretary,
sir.

My condolences.
You found the dead guy?

Up on the 13th floor.
See anybody else up there?

We just found
Walt hanging there.

I infer by your use
of the plural

that there was somebody else
up there with you?

Not with me.

When I got up there,
I saw Roger coming down the hall.

Roger!

So, you must be Roger.

Must I?

I've got one question
for you, young man.

Why were you up there?

Did you have business
in that studio?
What were you doing?

Isn't that three questions?

Nothing, nothing.
I was looking for Penny.

To discuss a script.
He's a writer.

A writer? I hate writers!

They drink too much,
they beat their wives...

Lieutenant!

What?

No, no. Not, "What? I didn't hear you."
I mean, what!

What the hell is
going on around here?

Somebody else died
in Radioland tonight.

Why weren't we notified?

It was a trumpet player, but the
doctor said it was just a heart attack.

The coroner says different.
Says your trumpet player was murdered!

Pickled with
an arsenic-and-gin cocktail.

That was rat poison.

He showed me Ruffles' flask.

Flask?
Roger had it.

Déjà vu.

This is all
very explainable, okay?

I was running by when they were carrying
Ruffle's body off the stage.

And he happened to drop his flask
on my script, and I just...

I just picked it up.

I don't suppose you still have it?
No, no, of course not.

Why would I still have it?
Right here in my pocket,

where in all the confusion,
I forgot that I put it.

Careful! It might
have fingerprints on it.

Fingerprints?

Of course
there are fingerprints.

My fingerprints. I'm holding it, you idiot.
Give me that!

Well, well, well.
Roger's a regular Johnny-on-the-spot.

Placed at the scene
of Whalen's death, and now he has the poison

that killed poor Ruffles.

Hey...
Oh, pipe down, Dexter.

Roger may be a lot of things,
but he's not a murderer.

She's right.

I'm not even a lot of things.

I said,
shut up and sit down.

You seem to know him
pretty well, for a secretary.

Well, I'm his wife, too.

Ex-wife. Soon-to-be ex-wife.
We're getting divorced.

How come?
I couldn't trust him.

He lies.

Not big lies.

One big lie. But he never lied
about killing anyone.

That I know of.

I'll remember you when I need
a character witness.

Isn't that what's referred to
in police jargon as a lead?

Oh, put a sock in it, Dexter.

I happen to know that
you had a fist fight

with Junior just before
he was killed.

Guess that makes you what we
refer to in police jargon as a suspect.

Now you're talking!
Shut up.

And sit down, I know.

Stay put, Mr. Morris.

We'd like to ask
our suspect a few questions.

Don't wander too far,
Shakespeare!

You're next.

Thanks a lot!

I'm a suspect.
Okay, Roger, I'm sorry.

It's a little late
for that now!

That lunkhead copper's gonna want me
on a carpet in a couple of minutes.

I gotta clear myself,
and fast.

And now, here they are,
America's favorite hosts...

All right.

Well, well, well.

Looks like Ruffles
caught your good side.

You're double-jointed, huh?

This is all the proof I need.
Give me those!

You know, I'd kill to have
pictures like these.

Maybe your husband would, too.

And now,
that rip-roaring, rococo Romeo

of ridiculous,
roguish rigmarole

and rhapsodic,
rapier-like repartee,

Won't happen again,
Dexter.

...Rick Rochester
and his Rascals of Rhythm.

I'll ream those writers.

Thank you! Yes!

"You hadn't
a clue of what to do

"When you caught
your falling star"

Well, that's a good idea.
You got a better one?

Check for open mikes.

Oh, that's original.

What the hell is
wrong with my stage?

This can't be happening.
Not to my baby!

Looks like your baby needs
a good whack in the axle.

Don't you touch my stage!

Somebody better do something
about your big idea stage,

'cause the band's
a-going 'round again.

I've got it!
Is it contagious?

Just don't give it to us.

No, no, no.
I've solved the murder.
Jeepers, Roger.

No, listen to me, Penny.
I know...

I know more about that
stage than anyone.

Wait a minute, Katzenback,
I wanna talk to you!

Oh, wait a minute, Mr. H,
I think the cops want you upstairs.

Gangway!

There must be
a loose connection
underneath the stage.

I will fix it!

Just shut off the power to the turntable
while I'm down there.

And find me someone
to fire!

What? Oh, God.

Hold it, Herman.
We have some talking to do.

Tough guy, huh?

Yes, sir, General, I know.
We need to get it fixed.

We're doing
everything we can.

Roger.

I'll call you back.

What is going on here?

Herman?

What do you think,
Herman, huh?

Blackmail a good motive
for murder?

You're crazy, Henderson.

My wife was fooling around with
everyone and his dog. Even I know that.

Ruffles showed you
these photos,

then you killed Walt Junior
for messing around with your wife.

You see. Yeah.

Yeah. See?
It's sabotage. Yeah.

German engineering could never
be ruined by American pipe.

There it goes again.

I gave no...

Herman!

Perry, Perry, kill the revolve!
We've got people under there!

Henderson, wait. I'm caught!

I've got to go down there.
Let me go, please, please.

Pull me!
I'm pulling!

Henderson!

Henderson!
For God's sake, Henderson!

Henderson!

It's Katzenback!
Move out!

Oh, God, it's Herman!

He's... He's...everywhere!

Roger. Where's Roger?

If you find his diamond,
I know he'd want me to have it.

They missed me.

I think I'll talk
to the cops now.

WBN...

What happened?

Katzenback is
mashed potatoes.

Dead?
Very.

When is this going to stop?

I see this as
a classical tragedy

in three acts. Act One,

Claudette and young
Walt Whalen Junior

were indulging in
some illicit sexercise.

Exhibit A.

Ruffles Reedy had the photos.

He was blackmailing them,

threatening to go to
Claudette's husband, Katzenback.

So Walt Junior put an end to Ruffles Reedy.
He shut him up permanently

with poison. Exhibit B.

Unfortunately...

Unfortunately...

Excuse me.

Unfortunately,
he killed him too late.

Ruffles had already blown
his tune to Katzenback.

Am I going too fast
for you, Lieutenant?

Yeah, you wise guy...
Act Two.

In a fit of insane jealousy,

Katzenback kills Walt Junior,
his wife's young lover,

which brings us to Act Three,
the final act. The denouement.

Where Claudette, distraught, avenges
Walt Junior's death by killing her husband,

Herman Katzenback.
Lights down, curtain, thunderous applause.

Not bad, Sherlock.

Anytime, chief.

I'm proud to have brought
Claudette Katzenback to justice.

Though in a way,
I almost feel sorry for her.

You know, such a bitter,
conniving, twisted personality.

I'll murder you,
you little punk.

Though you gotta
love her way around a show tune.

Lieutenant, he hates me
because of a silly joke.

You see, I made his wife believe
we were having an affair.

And this is his revenge.

Well, it was just
a little joke, stupid!

Well, nobody's
laughing, sister.

You don't know how much
I'm gonna hate saying goodbye

to all you swell
show biz people.

Watch your fingers.

The book's slamming shut
on this case.

I slammed my fingers
in a car door once.

Ouch.

Cuff her.

No! You mean,
you're actually arresting me?

This is an outrage.
Penny...

Roger...
Soldier, that was clear thinking under fire.

Thank you, sir.

How much do I
pay you, anyway?

No, no.
No, that's not necessary, sir.

I mean, I only make $40 a week and...
Sounds about right. Dismissed.

We've lost our director
and our station manager.

A new leader's got to come forward
and take command.

Well, the troops will
follow you anywhere, sir.

I'm talking about you, Henderson.
You're the director.

You're the new
station manager.

I know, I know,
they're big shoes to fill,

but I think she has
the feet for the job.

I've got to go coddle King
and the affiliates.

I'm depending on you
to keep this network running.

Yes, sir.

At ease, Private.

Director.

Get back to your typewriter.
We got a lot of work to do.

Miss Henderson,
Miss Henderson! Hey, Mr. H.

What is it? Oh, Johnny Ace,
Hard-Boiled Dick,

the actors still don't have their scripts.
What?

Yeah, and they're up right after
Ben Butter's talking pig.

Well, get to the writers'
room and get the scripts. Quick, come on.

Come on, clear the way.

All right, all right.
Come on, come on.

Hey, take her downtown.

Wonderful.
Wonderful. Wonderful.

Johnny Ace, Hard-Boiled Dick
is up in five minutes.

I know. Deirdre, get this to the actors.
Is that the whole thing?

That ought to hold them till Billy
gets down with the other pages.

And stay out!

We haven't been paid
in three weeks,

and we're not gonna rewrite
any more pages until we are!

Am I making myself clear?

Sorry, I might be
little on edge.

Come on, guys,
you can't do this.

There are a lot of people
waiting on those pages.

Will you quit fooling around?
We have work to do. Now, come on.

Go chew a bone.
He's with me. Come on.

Give me those notes.

Here's your script.

One page?
Sorry.

Sorry?

This is pitiful.

"Beginnings and endings are easy

"But your words are
twisted and wheezy"

What are those things? There's been three
or four of them tonight.

Only three of them.
Right before each of the murders.

I remember them, Mr. H.
I remember them all, word for word.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What are you talking about?

Well, when it comes to radio,
I'm kind of a Mr. Memory.

You know, I even remember the
first thing I ever heard on radio.

It was Kay Kornwall's
Kollege of Musical Komedy.

Kid! Just give me the first one, will you?
Oh, right.

"Dig and dig
to find some dirt

"Dig too deep
and you'll get hurt"

"Dig and dig to
find some dirt"

That could be Ruffles, right?
He was blackmailing everybody.

Kind of a reach, Mr. H.

Then there was,

"Hardly time to say a prayer
Before we move on to the air".

Air. Heir! Heir.
That could actually be
"heir" as the H-E-I-R.

The General's heir, right?
Walt Junior.

And now, here's another
thrilling episode of

Johnny Ace, Hard-Boiled Dick.

I've gone through this once already.
But it's not any...

Get their butts out there.

Who do they think we are?

Go! Go!

They only have the one page of the script
I wrote for them.

Better one than none.

Just another day in the life
of Johnny Ace, Hard-Boiled Dick.

Except today was
not an ordinary day.

I'll say.

Good morning, Johnny.
So, what's the latest?

Well, looks like we're in mid-case
without a parachute, toots.

What? That's it?

That...
Oh, this will be good.

What should we do now,
Johnny?

Oh, brilliant improvisation.

It's hard to say.

A situation like this
can fool you.

I mean, you step up to the
plate expecting a high, hard one.

The actors are improvising?

I mean, just when you think
you know who the killer is,

I mean, just who you
think it was, wasn't.

Katzenback!
Katzenback!

Claudette's the falling star
he caught having an affair.

Keep it coming.

"Beginnings and endings
are easy

"But your...
But your words are twisted and wheezy"

Words, words...
Twisted and wheezy.

That's smoking?
Coughing? The...

Dexter!
Dexter!

What's Dexter
got to do with it?

One minute,
you're walking on water,

and before you know it,
you're all wet.

Oh, this is so sad.
Pathetic.

Well, never mind.

Dexter and everybody
who left here in a hearse

used to work with my dad
back at WOWA in Peoria.

Till the FCC scandal broke it up.
Scandal.

Yeah, and their bathrooms
was just as dirty.

Coming in!
Shake a leg and zip it up.

WOWA.
Peoria.

Jumpin' Jehoshaphat!
Dexter is next!

And, toots?

Yes, Johnny?

You look after the office
until I'm back.

Now we're in trouble.
Cue Dexter.

We'll return with the
exciting adventure conclusion of

Johnny Ace, Hard-Boiled Dick
in just a moment.

Dexter!
Dexter!

It's locked!
Dexter.

I'd like to take this opportunity
to talk about Sunrise Surprise Coffee.

Dexter! Open the door!
Open the door!

That rich, aromatic, flavorful way
to start the day.

Dexter! Open the door!

Mmm.

Just one sip and you'll see
what I mean when I say...

Get the stand, will you?
Get the stand!

Then, on three. One, two...

Three?
What are you doing?

What in the...

Open up the...
The door!

It's not supposed
to be locked.

Hey!
Cut it out!

Come on, come on.

Phil, call Doc Burman.
Everyone get back to work.

So I guess we'll be needing
a new announcer, huh?

Go to Tom McCallum's
dressing room,

tell him he's just been
promoted to announcer.

Tom McCallum?
Now.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

"Your words are twisted
and wheezy"

That's you, Dexter.

I want a cop stationed
at every exit of the studio.

Any man, woman, dog,
cat or duck tries to leave,

pull them and chain them
to a desk.

You seen Tom McCallum?
No.

Hey.

Whoa.

What?

Not again.

Dexter's dead.
It's another murder.

I'm going home.
But the police won't let you.

You! Front and center.

I got a job for you.
Yes, sir, General Whalen.

We'll have the new announcer
up and running before you can...

Stow it, grunt.

I can't have any scuttlebutt
about our latest casualty.

If the affiliates get word,

they'll be out of here
quicker than Shinola through a goose.

Do whatever you have to do
to keep them in that room.

Boy, I love radio,

but I love
a good pee even more.

Open up!

I gotta go to the bathroom!
An empty bottle's always good in a pinch.

May I have your
attention, please?

Quiet!

I know things have been
a little crazy around here tonight,

and you're all shook up.

Since we can't leave,
and we still got a job to do,

we might as well do it
and do it right.

Look, all I'm saying is,
we're a team.

And we gotta trust the police
to do their job

and get back to
caring about ours.

It's not our job to care.

It's everyone's job to care.
It's everyone's job to care.

Look, Penny's right.
We do still have a job to do.

And believe me, pretty soon they're gonna
nail this schizo,

this nutsy,
mad-dog fruitcake.

Henderson!

Come with me.

Obviously,
there's been a mistake.

- Murderer!
- Yeah.

You're gonna talk
if I have to wring it out of you!

No! Please,
I can't take any more.

Go on, kid.
Spill the beans.

Well, I told you,
it wasn't me.

But all four of those victims
had something in common.

Yeah. They're all dead.

Besides that. They all worked
together a few years ago at radio station WOWA

in Peoria. Won't fly, Lindbergh.
This is Chicago.

Peoria's a lot smaller
than Chicago.

Look, I heard about
an FCC scandal there.

Maybe someone's trying to
kill them all to keep it quiet.

Yeah, and maybe the Easter Bunny
craps colored eggs!

Listen to me, scribe.

You led me down the garden path
with that Claudette broad.

But you were the one
with Ruffles' flask.

You were the one who was up there
hanging around with Walt.

You were the one with Katzenback when
he got crushed into kibble.

And you were the one who just
happened to get there in time

to see Dexter light up
like a Roman candle!

How do you explain all that?

I'm having an off day?

What about those recordings, huh?
That mysterious voice?

I got two words
of advice for you, punk.

Get a lawyer!

Wait a minute.

What mysterious voice?

"Across the wave

"You gathered your host

"To see them line up
from ghost to ghost"

That one! That one!
That's the killer.

He's broken into the broadcast
before each of the murders.

Those riddles tell you
who's gonna be next.

Big deal.

You could have
written them yourself.

You said
they were recordings.

All right. All right.

You got 30 seconds
to tell me what it means.

Hey! Hey! Now take it easy.
Take it easy, fellas.

Just going to a typewriter.
It helps me think.

Thanks for the tan.

You're the engineers.
Have you tried everything?

It's not here, Penny.

That voice is not coming through
any of our mikes or any of our studios.

Oh, well, I got news for you.
It's being broadcast over our airwaves.

Penny, what are you
trying to say?

You think this is my fault
or Tommy's?

No! I don't care whose fault it is.
Good. Then understand

that the real problem is not
where the voice is coming from.

Right.
It's who might die next.

Okay. Okay. Here we go.

"Gathered your host

"from ghost to ghost"

"Ghost to ghost."

That could actually
be coast to coast.

That's the radio station.
Right?

And, "Gathered your host,"
it's...

General Whalen.

He's the host.
He's gonna be killed next.

We'll see.

And now, celebrating his
100th year in show business,

Milt Lackey.

Here we go, Bernie.
The crown jewel.

Thank you. Thank you.

Open up!
I gotta go to the bathroom!

I get up in the morning,
and I read the obituary column.

My name isn't in it,
I have breakfast.

The day I see my name in it,
I'll still have breakfast.

I'm not leaving
on an empty stomach.

General Whalen, I...

Hey, hey, hey.
Excuse me, General,

I'd like you to let two of my men
accompany you to your office.

There's a...
Strong probability...

There's a remote possibility

that you could be
the killer's next target.

Me? Bull twaddle.

I'm staying right here,
on the front line.

You know, General,
being the law and all,

I got the authority to shut
this three-watt circus down.

Humor me.

Jenkins, Muldoon,
go with the General.

The rest of you come with me.

We're gonna take Mr. Henderson
here someplace quiet

where we're gonna
have another little talk.

Cuff him.
You can't do that, Lieutenant.

Shut up.
Lieutenant!

General.

In what other business
can a man my age

walk out on the stage,
smoke a cigar,

tell a few jokes,
sing a few songs

and use the same color lipstick
that Dolores del Rio uses?

Everybody wants to know
when I'm gonna retire.

I'll never retire.

You think his parents
beat him when he laughed?

Oh, I'm even gonna
take my music with me.

Tommy,

was that a smile?

Yeah. Take a look at this.
Max, Max, Max.

What? What?
Come, look, he's laughing.

Oh, my goodness.

Holy mackerel!

He's laughing.

Bernie King is
actually laughing.

All right, come on. No, no, no.
Wait a minute, Lieutenant.

Bernie King never
laughs at anything.

All right. Come on, kid.
We got a lot to talk about.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Something's wrong up there.

The General was supposed to be
in that booth till you took him out.

Bernie King's gonna be
killed by mistake.

Oh, gee, I hate interrupting
a man who's enjoying his own murder so much.

Let's go!

Oh, my foot!

That's it. The only thing
I got that still works.

Now that's great radio.

Yes. He's laughing, General.
Laughing?

Hey! That way! That way!

Spread out.
He couldn't have gone far.

Move it! Move it!

I guess he had a lot
of laughs stored up.

He really loves it, sir.

What's next? Bring me
that list of programs.

Now?
Yes, now.

Retire.

Who'd support
my mother and father?

Mr. King!

It's locked!

Hey! Put up your hands.

He's dying in there.
We gotta break the glass. Use your gun.

Dying?
Use your gun!

Right.

I meant shoot it!

I know that.
You...

Give me that.
Give me that.

Tell you what... Okay.

What are you...

Thank you very much.

I'm out of bullets.
Go get Cross, will you?

Quick, get out of here.

Mr. King.

Henderson.
Yes.

Those jokes stink!

Mr. King.

Mr. King!

He's dead, Lieutenant.

It must be nitrous oxide.

Laughing gas.

Get a doctor, Mahoney.
Wipe that smile from off your face.

This is murder.

Cuff him, boys.

Okay, Henderson,
no more funny stuff.

It's the gas, Lieutenant.

The laughing caves
in your windpipe.

It's a long, painful,
ugly way to die.

Put a lid on it, Henderson.

Murder may be a big joke
to you, but not to me

and not to my men.

We'll probably get the chair.

Deirdre.

Get him! Get him! Get him!

Where's Penny?
She's with the General.

Tell her I love her.

General, Roger Henderson
just killed Bernie King.

That's ridiculous.

We caught him
red-handed, miss.

He can't be dead.
He's our biggest sponsor.

Not that it wouldn't be
a tragedy if he wasn't.

Henderson, let's march.

General, I really think
you better stay up here.

I don't take orders
from sergeants.

Men, I understand
the gravity of the situation.

I will treat every step
as if it could be my last.

Oh, dear.

Oh, my gosh.

No time to faint.

The first thing I want to know is...
Lieutenant!

The General's been murdered.
I knew it!

I mean,
I didn't really know it.

How could I? Really?

Look out?
What does that mean?

You scoundrel.
Take that. Take that.

Sic him, lads!

- I have to go to the powder room.
- Great timbers.

Well, I wonder
where he came from.

Where am I?

Don't worry, young lady,
you're safe now.

Oh, thank you...

I just can't believe it.

One minute, he's standing right next to me.
And the next minute, whoosh!

Hey, Lieutenant. Lieutenant.

Look at these scratches.

Something was tampering
with the controls.

What's this?

Thank you, Jack.
That was the bravest rescue I've ever seen.

I don't have time
for fear, ma'am.

That's why they call me
Jack Granite, man's man.

This is a nightmare, Max.

I know we're all
a little bit jumpy right now.

Could Roger have...

Why?
Well...

It doesn't make sense.
No.

I'm gonna go talk to him.

Really?

Look, I have a new lead.

Well, so do we.
What?

Believe this belongs to you.

Found it at the bottom
of the elevator shaft

where the controls
were tampered with.

No, I'm...

I must have dropped it
somewhere, you know?

Really? Maybe you
dropped this, too, huh?

Found it clutched
in Walt Whalen Junior's hand.

Looks like he grabbed it from
somebody just before he got hung.

No, now, hold it.
I've seen that knife before and I...

Where the hell
have I seen it?

Roger.

Penny!

No, no, it's all right.
It's all right. Go ahead.

Penny.
What in the world is going on, Roger?

What?
Tell me something. Tell me anything.

Look, I didn't do anything.
You gotta try harder.

I didn't do anything!

Penny, please,
I'm begging you.

You have to believe me.
Nobody else will.

I didn't kill anybody. But I'm very
close to figuring out who did. Okay?

Who did it then?

Okay. Okay.

I'm not sure. But it involves
an FCC scandal and a merger

and radio station WOWA
in Peoria.

Three strikes
and you're out, Houdini.

We're gonna be leaving now,
Mrs. Henderson.

You can tell your crew
it's finally over.

But...
You're a writer, Henderson.

Time for you to
write something for me.

What?

A confession.

I killed them.

Yes. Yes. I killed them all.

Why'd you do it, kid?

Why? You wanna know why?

Because I hate
doing rewrites!

Watch out!

All right.

Stand back, men.
Give him room.

Rewrites! Polishes! Gags!
I mean, they always want more gags.

And then they
read them wrong, anyway!

They all laughed at me.
I'm just the writer.

They thought they were better than me,
but they weren't!

They're just cockroaches!

And what do you do
with cockroaches?

You squash them, squash them,
squash them, squash them, squash them!

And you think that's all?

No, no, no.
I've killed dozens.

I've got names, dates, all the evidence
you could possibly want.

Where?

Upstairs in my desk.

All right.
All right, now.

Take it easy. Take it easy.
Calm down. Calm down.

We're gonna go upstairs,
we're gonna have a nice little talk.

Penny, are you all right?

Everything's
falling apart, Max.

People dying.

Roger being
arrested for murder.

I just can't believe it.

I mean, the second I met him,

it was like he'd been there
my whole life.

Right from the start.
It's like, I don't know...

An old sweater or something.

You know?

Warm and comfortable
and familiar.

We met for lunch,

and we were best friends
before they could take our order.

It was like we had
so much in common.

We laughed
at the same things.

We thought about
the same things.

I don't know what to think.

I thought I knew him.

I couldn't have been that
wrong about him. Could I?

You want a straight answer?

No. Yes.

Penny, now, you know that
Roger is not a maniac killer.

Roger is not organized enough
to order dinner, let alone plan six murders.

And as for Claudette,
oh, come on. I saw them...

No, what you saw
was a crazy woman

throwing herself
at an innocent bystander.

Number one, Roger loves you.

Number two, Claudette has tried
to jump on every man in this building

at one time or another.
Believe me.

Smart of you,
cooperating with the police.

It'll look good in court.

Come on, son. Be a man.

Okay.
That's it.

Paychecks!

Paychecks!
Paychecks, everybody!

Stand back!
Don't interfere!

This man just
confessed to murder!

Where's my overtime?

You'll never take me alive,
coppers. Never!

Don't jump or I'll shoot!

I...

Don't look.

Kid's lost it.

Go downstairs.
Find what's left of him.

Yes, sir. Let's go.

What a bunch of nimrods.

Let's find him.

Where the hell is he?

I don't see him.

Oh, there he is! Up there!

Stop or we'll shoot!

He's got a gun.
A gun?

Now we'll never
get our money.

- Hey!
- Give up, kid!

Hold your fire.
I'm gonna get the Lieutenant.

Jump, Roger, jump!

Atta baby, go!

Hey, stay where you are!

Max, I'm getting some voltage
fluctuation here.

Oh, God.

This guy's good.

I can't believe I did that.

Hey, did you hear?
Mr. H escaped!

Search the room, lads.

Over here. Come on.

He's not here, sir.

Call headquarters
and get more men up here.

We're gonna have to search every
square inch of this building.

He's got a gun, sir.

Shoot to kill.

So you have to realize that

there's a lot of work that really goes
into a radio station...

Excuse me, young man.
Excuse me.

Yes, killer penguin,
Studio 10.

Mrs. Henderson dropped these papers.
They may be important.

Oh, yeah, sure.
I'll get them to her for you.

See, you gotta understand they
let me in the booth anytime I want.

Hello.

Where you can pop, pop, pop
your troubles away.

Slide in, relax.

And remember,
even a busy modern gal

needs to be squeaky clean
for her man.

Penny? Penny.

Oh, cue the band. Cue Anna.

Cue band. Anna, go.

Miss Henderson, some penguin told me
you dropped this.

You know, I heard that they have
orders to shoot Mr. H on sight.

That's crazy.

Can you live without me
for a few minutes, Max?

Sure. Penny, be careful.

Remember, there's a killer
loose out there.

Billy.

Don't scream. Don't scream.
Don't scream. It's me.

Roger?

Take my head off.

What in the sam hill...

Are you completely
out of your mind?

Okay, okay,
so I'm suspected
of six grisly murders.

There's no reason
not to be civil.

Lieutenant Cross has his men everywhere.
They're looking for you.

We shouldn't even be up here.
I know. I know, Penny.

I had to talk to you before,
you know, something happened.

Are you cold?
I brought your scarf.

No, no, no.

You know, penguins,
we're used to it.

I think...
I think...

No, you go first.
You go first.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

We're talking
at the same time.

Married people do that.

Penny. Penny.

You remember our first time up here?
Yes.

Remember when we sneaked up here,
we brought that champagne?

We stared up at that tower,

and we figured out
how we could talk

to the whole world
through radio, you know.

You know, take the people
anywhere we wanted.

Yeah.

I don't know if you even
believe I'm innocent.

But I love you.

I do.

I better go.

Your head.

Don't lose your head.
Oh.

Roger,
what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna break into the file room.
What?

No, no, no.
Penny, come on. Listen to me.

All the victims were involved
in something over at WOWA.

I'm gonna get to the bottom
of this bucket of clams.

Roger,

I'll get you the key
to the file room.

No.
Why not?

No. Penny, no. This is murder,
and I don't want you involved,

you know,
when I do get caught.

Okay, penguin, hands up!

Which is right now.
Don't shoot!

He's got a gun!
What are you talking about?

I don't have a gun.
Yes, you do. I'm his hostage.

No. Oh, my hostage!

Of course you are.
Now, stay back!

Stay back, I tell you,
or we'll both go over.

No!

Now, let's justput that gun down.
Put it down!

I'm putting it down.
I'm putting it down.

Put your hands up. Put your hands up.
Yeah.

And throw that gun over here.
Come on, throw it over here!

Stay back!

Stay back, cop,
or I'll let her have it.

I'll let her have it.
I'll hurt her.

Okay, okay.
So, now I'm involved. See?

Fiftieth floor, maintenance closet,
10 minutes.

We don't have to
rewrite this script.

King's dead!

Is that okay with you, Jules?

He seems to be okay with it.

I want you to
start up on the roof

and work your way
down floor by floor.

He's wearing a penguin suit.
Well, get going.

A penguin shouldn't be
hard to spot.

Right, sir.

Billy Budget, report to the
control booth immediately.

Billy, report to
the control booth.

Wait a minute, that's me.
Now!

You called, Miss Henderson?
Don't move!

Don't shoot!
Please, he's one of us.

Please.

Billy...

That concludes tonight's
presentation of Sentimental Whispers.

I'd love to know whose idea this was.
I could kill him.

Get this to the top writer.

Jules? He's out cold.

Our best writer.
But that's Mr...

Oh! Yeah, sure. You got it.

Keep up the good work,
fellas.

You know, I was thinking about...
Now!

Mr. H! Mr. H!

Hey, Mr. H! Wait a minute!

Billy!

Get back here!
Billy?

Where the hell is he?

Conchita.

You know,
I was looking for a penguin,

but I guess I got
a couple of minutes.

It's me, you chowder-head.
What are you doing here?

Geez Louise,
Mr. H! It's you!

You sure got
some great melons.

Sorry, just trying to lighten
a serious situation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where's Penny?

The cops are on her
like red on an apple.

She sent me
to give you this.

She's a pip.

Nice work, kid.
Keep your nose clean.

Don't tell anyone
you've seen me. Now beat it.

Well, golly, Mr. H?
Can't I stay with you?

No.
Help you on your quest

to right this terrible wrong?
I mean, every hero needs a little sidekick.

No, no. I'm no hero.

Well, sure you are.
No, no, I'm not.

Sure you are.
Knock it off!

Sorry. Come on,
the way you've been

fighting back
when the chips are down,

for your life,
your best gal.

To a young person like myself,
desperately in need of a role model,

you're an inspiration.

Maybe you're right. Let's go.

This is great. The spotlight of justice
has fallen on me.

And together, we will thwart
the dastardly minions of crime.

Oh, can it, will you, kid?
Nobody talks like that in real life.

Got you, boss. Let's cut the
ham out of the club sandwich.

What's the skinny, compadre?

Come here.

What are you doing?

Tonight on Ungawa,
the Jungle Boy,

can Ungawa save
Dr. Ashton-Reeves,

his trusted
English benefactor,

when they are outnumbered
by a hair-raising horde

of horrible headhunters?

I say, old chap.

Appears to be a bit of
a sticky wicket ahead.

Easy for you to say, eh?
What?

So, this is the tomb
of Anarkali.

It's too dark in here.
I can't see a thing.

I know it's in here.
It has no shape, no body.

It wants to do to us, what it
did to Dr. Anton when he opened the tomb.

It's here! It's ripping
the skin off my body!

Help me, Reginald, please!

Hold this.

Please!

Jeepers, Mr. H,

you sure we're doing
the right thing here?

Oh, take it easy, kid. Look, how
long have we known each other anyway?

Six days.
Exactly. There's a bond there.

Wait a minute.

"Miscellaneous."

Found it!

WOWA list of employees.
FCC scandal.

Where's the light switch?
I'll get it.

What's in here?

That's the file room.
It's locked.

It was the killer.
I saw him. He was...

Horrible!

He was a tall guy and

short, too.

And he was wearing
this really nice suit.

Though it was kind of shabby.

And he had blackish,
brownish,

reddish, blondish,
kind of, whitish hair.

And he definitely
went downstairs,
or maybe it was up.

Busy, busy.

Uh-huh.

All right. Perfect!

I don't know
what happened to Billy.

Ten minutes to the last show,
we don't have a script.

And this differs
from the other six times

this has happened tonight
in what way, exactly?

The writers have left the building.
Good answer.

I don't get it.

It's gotta be somebody
who's still alive.

Wait a minute.

He's the one! Ssh.

That's where
I saw that knife.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it.
I mean, like, why him?

How am I gonna tell anybody
without getting filled full of lead?

Gork: Son of Fire!

Yeah, I'll get to it.
I'll get to it.

That script's
not finished yet.

Look, he almost killed
someone else up on the roof.

I don't give a rat's behind
where you pull them from!

I want at least two more
squads up here.

With tear gas,
riot guns and dogs!

Roger hates dogs.

All right,

little lady,
I got one question for you.

What exactly were you doing up
on that roof in the first place?

Doing? Me?

I was just getting
a little fresh air.

Hey, do you hear something?
Yeah.

He's on a ledge
outside Rehearsal Room 3.

Let's go. I don't want him
falling again unless I push him.

Attention, all personnel.

Attention. The police
have located the killer.

I repeat,
they've located the killer.

What does she think
she's doing?

They've cordoned off
Rehearsal Room number 3.

Thanks, kiddo.

We can all relax now
and get back to work.

All right!

In a moment,
Gork: Son of Fire,

after this.

Control booth.

Billy, it's for you.

Me? A phone call
for me, here?

Well, it must be
pretty important.

Hello, Billy Budget here.

Do you want to help
Roger Henderson?

Sure. Sure I do.

Then make contact
with the Latin bongo player

in the eighth floor
broom closet.

Gotcha. I'm on it.

Well, who was it?
It was, The Tribune.

They want to sell me
a subscription.

I'm gonna think about it.

Mr. H! Good disguise.

Look, you gotta give
these pages to Penny, pronto.

It's the first part
of the Gork script.

Tell her I'll finish
the rest as soon as I can.

Now go.
What a trouper, Mr. H.

Wanted for murder, forced to
wear a series of humiliating disguises,

and you still find time
to do your job.

I'm a memory.

...invites you
to go back in time

a million years,

to the thrilling
adventures of

Gork: Son of Fire.
Gork: Son of Fire has arrived!

Where'd you get this?
A certain unnamed writer

who said the rest is on the way.
Is he okay?

Well...
Go get this to the actors.

We're on the air.

Billy!
Slow down.

Five bucks says he makes it in 10 seconds.
You got it.

Come on, Billy,
come on.

Who's got my script, huh?
Who's got my script?

Out of the way!
Out of the way!

What are we going to do?

This is crazy.
I can't do this.

Lines!
Yeah!

Lost again.

Gork: Son of Fire!

Fighting the terrifying
20-ton tyrannosaurus.

One name stands
out above them all.

Lightning strikes
as Gork proudly drags home

a pterodactyl
after his daily hunt.

Oh, what's this?

Odd metallic object in cave.

Not rock. Cold, shiny.

It have place to sit.
Gork sit.

It's a time machine, and Gork
has accidentally activated it.

The caveman is
transported through

centuries, hurtling
through eons of time.

Until he at last

finds himself standing in his
mastodon robes and dinosaur headdress

in the middle of a large
metropolitan radio station.

What the...
Radio station?

I don't know what's going on.

What the hell was
that little announcement

about, Mrs. Henderson?
Listen!

Six brutal murders have
been committed in the station.

Judging by the offbeat way...
Grok?

Gork.
Gork

dresses, I...
It's not making much sense.

Should I cue in a commercial?
Oh, no. Let it play, Max.

I think he's trying to tell us something.
So am I.

You've just made yourself
an accomplice, Mrs. Henderson.

He sure smells
like a dead animal.

The way I figure,

anyone who dresses like that
is either a nut or a killer.

Gork no kill.

Gork peace-loving caveman.

Must unmask real killer.

Clear self. Find way back to
prehistoric wife. Convince her to stay married.

Wild guess,
those are Roger's pages?

Maybe Lieutenant Cross
evolved enough to listen to truth.

That's me.
They're talking about me.

Gork know about crime,
Lieutenant.

Gork grow up in
rough neighborhood.

Fifty million people
are hearing my name, huh?

I hate cavemen almost
as much as I hate

radio writers
and missing my dinner.

Gork not sure he have solution
right on tip of fingers

or tip of tongue

or on top of head.

Hey, you!

Maybe Lieutenant have
a few questions for Gork.

Questions? No,
I don't have any questions.

Take it easy.
This is your baby, Neanderthal.

Either you know who the killer is
or you don't.

It's not like the answers
are suddenly gonna drop out of the sky.

That's him!

Watson, I want
more men backstage.

A very cluttered
time machine.

I got it, I got it.
I got it, I got it.

Gork see photograph
of six victims.

Gork find link between six
at radio station in Peoria.

No, no, no.
Get back! Get back!

Might say, missing link.

Don't let me die!

It's him!
The killer!

Let's get out of here.

Get me that writer.
Get me that writer.

You can't stop now.
We're still on the air.

Billy! Get them back on.

Max, tell me
that wasn't Roger.

Okay, that wasn't Roger.

Come on, get back there.
I'll figure something out.

So, this all started
with Ruffles,

who got poisoned
with his own hooch.

Who's Ruffles?

Can't you follow anything?

Next come Walt Junior,
man who wear
animal pelt on head.

Then useless station manager,
Mr. Katzenback.

At this point, it seemed like
a love triangle.

But then Dexter, the announcer,
was fried by his microphone.

That was a cruel one.

There he is!

Finally, laughing gas meant
for both General Whalen and Bernie King.

What a way to go.

So, the elevator was
a last-minute change of plan.

Victims all worked
together before

along with one more person,

the killer.

Don't make me do it!

Okay, I tell you
who killer is now.

Only one person had
know-how

to put mystery
recordings on air

and pearl-handle pocketknife
he always carry.

Penny...
He must be going somewhere with this.

I point to him with club.

The killer is

our sound engineer,

Max Applewhite.

I always like
Roger's writing.

He takes chances.

You see? You see?
It wasn't me.

It was Max!

Of course it's him. It was
Max Applewhite, clear as a bell.

Max?

Wait a minute. Back!
Back to the control booth!

Who's Max Applewhite?

Stop it, Max, please.

No! Stop! No!

No, stop it!
Max!

Get out! No.

- It's Max! He's gone crazy.
- Get out of the way.

That's right,
it was me, Max Applewhite.

I killed them all.
I wanted to destroy
the network.

Destroy the network?
Max, but why?

Destroy the network?
But why, Max?

Because those people destroyed me.
Because they destroyed me.

- How?
- How?

They were all
stockholders in WOWA

15 years ago,

and they all lied to me!

I could have had the patent.
I could have had the patent,

but I needed their money
to prove that my ideas worked.

And I trusted...

God, I could just kill them!

Well, I did kill them.

But I never meant
to frame Roger.

It's just that
he made it so damn easy!

I got him!

Let me in there.
Shut up!

You see, I was an inventor.

I believe I came up with the greatest
single invention of the 20th century.

What invention?
But when those

people in Peoria saw
that I could really do it,

they became afraid.

And they took all my designs,
and they locked them in a safe,

and they told me that
I couldn't work on them anymore,

because they owned them!

Do you believe that?

Well, tell me,
do they own me?

Do they own this audience?

Do they own Chicago?

The world?

I gotta start
using the stairs.

Well, do they own this?

Or this?

What are you doing?

Or this?

- Scripts?
- Please, Max!

Time to go!
Where are we going?

It's a surprise!

I'm a professional.
I'm not supposed to ad lib.

Go with the flow.

There's nobody here.

Is there any other way out of here?
No.

Yes. Yes, the wiring chute.

There's a ladder
up to the roof.

Both you follow them.
We'll meet you up on the roof.

Well, we're still
on the air.

But they're out
of script pages.

Get me the air corps.

That's our Billy!

How goes it?

Name, Little Spark.

What's he doing?
I don't know.

Gork's sidekick
from cave down road.

Well...

Gork have hands full
with modern problems.

So I finish story,

how he solve murder

and he get back
to easier time

of volcanoes,
earthquakes, warring tribes

and ferocious,
man-eating dinosaurs!

You all right?

- You two guys, go upstairs!
- Right, sir.

Where's Penny?
That Applewhite character

got her on top of the roof.

The roof?
What are you talking...

Move!
Okay.

Gork

make ultimate sacrifice.

And send for help on
prehistoric tom-tom.

Gork not so sure
Gork like idea.

Hang in there, Gork.

Go on! Move!
Okay!

What is all this, Max?

This is my little sanctuary.

It's my lab where I've been
creating the future.

Come on, where'd he go?
Penny!

Which way...
Penny!

Where is he?

What's that?

Television.

I created it over 25 years ago.

Oh, I know everybody's
working on it now,

but my design is
still the best.

They wanted to destroy it,
so I hid it.

They'll never
find us in here.

Roger!
Penny!

Don't, don't, don't, Max!
Don't do it.

You're not going anywhere,
Applewhite.

You just told 50 million people
that you're the killer.

Well, you won't get me.
Back out!

Come on, Max.

I'll kill her!

Well, take me, Max.
Take me instead.

Wait, listen to me.
We both love Penny.

We don't wanna
see her get hurt.

And you probably don't
even like me, right?

So it'll be easier
for you to kill me.

What am I saying?

What are you saying?
I don't know. Come on, Max.

No, Max. It's okay. Come on.

Thanks. This will be easier.

Always glad to help.

Climb.

No. No!

Okay.

Max, Roger's
afraid of heights.

I'll remember that.

Well?
I sent for reinforcements.

There's nobody left.
Shut up.

- Go!
- Okay, okay.

You know, Max, I'm not so sure
this is the best way out of here,

but where are we going?

To heaven, Roger.
We're going to heaven.

It's quite a climb.
Yes, it is.

Let's go.

You know, Max, it's kind of brisk up here.
Why don't we just go back?

I can't go back!
Why not?

Because I've seen the future.

What are you talking about?

Television.
Come on, Max.

Up!
Okay, okay.

Up, up, up!

Okay, okay.

Max, what is that?

Run for it, kid!

What? What do you mean,
"Run for it"?

He's gonna kill my husband!

Max. Max!

He's crazy!

Max, no!

Radio is over!

Thank you again, Major.

We couldn't have
done it without you.

Okay, goodbye.

Are you okay?

Yeah. And you?
Yeah.

I can't believe
he killed people over this.

Radio was his life.
How could he think it was over?

He was just wrong.
He was wrong, that's how.

I mean, radio will never die.

It would be like
killing the imagination.

Oh, my gosh.
We're still on the air.

Poor Tommy.

Let's go and scrape what's
left of that psycho-killer

from off the pavement.

Hey! I'm talking to you guys.

Billy!

Five more minutes.
We're short. What do we do?

I don't know.

Have them do
the commercial again.

What are you doing?
Well...

Mrs. Henderson. Great lineup of shows.
Oh, really? Thank you.

I think I speak for
all the affiliates

when I say we're all pleased
as punch to be on board.

Thank you. Well, I'm sorry,
but I have to get back to the booth.

Keep up the good work!

- Are you okay?
- We did it.

Billy saved the show.

Great. Oh, cue Tom.

Oh, cue Tom.
Cue Tom.

Quite a day.
Yeah.

Yeah, but just remember,

today is the first day of the
next part of your life you haven't lived yet.

Roger...
It's a slogan I wrote.

I know, I know,
it needs a little work, but...

From all of us here at WBN,

good night to
everyone in Radioland!

Can we just go home?

Do you mean it?

You really are
the only guy for me.

I know.

"I know"?

What? What did I do now?
Oh, nothing. Forget about it.

What? What gives with you?

I was 1,000 feet up
in the air with a madman,

risking my life for you,
and you say forget it.

Oh, well, nobody asked you to.
I would have gone,

but, oh, no,
Mr. Marvel has to go.

I did it because I love you!

You love me? Well, what about
how much I love you?

Oh, oh. So what you're saying
is that you love me more than I love you?

Oh, you're impossible!
Oh, you're impossible!

And that's it from
WBN in Chicago.

If it wasn't clear before

it's certainly clear now.

There'll never be
anything quite like radio!