All language subtitles for Modern.Family.S11E16

Aww, goodbye, drawer dedicated
to batteries and takeout menus.

And goodbye, wall dent,

from when we thought Lily
was a trombone prodigy.

Mitchell!

That was your last
eye roll in this house!

You know what, when the new baby comes,

can you not do it as much?

Because, you know,
you did it around Lily a lot, and...

Okay... hey, hey, no, no, no.
Don't throw those away.

I-I might want to use those

for my big baby reveal to the family.

If he's bald, I can do
a whole Elton John thing.

Not only are we moving,

but we're adopting a baby
that's due in two weeks.

And that is stressing me out
because eleven years ago,

I revealed Lily with "The Lion King,"

and there's a lot of pressure...

- Self-imposed.
- ...to top myself.

So, I've been workshopping a few ideas.

I hope everyone here likes...

baby!

I can see that taking
everyone's breath away, no?

Uh, I'm more concerned about
the city taking our baby away.

- Subtitles by explosiveskull
corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com

Okay, the repair guys are
gonna be here in five minutes.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but we might actually
be getting away with...

- Hey!
- Hey! What are you guys doing home?

Yeah, I thought you went
to that beach cleanup.

Well, we tried,
but the beach yoga people

wouldn't even move a hundred feet down.

You'd think they'd have
been a little more flexible.

Oh, Phil.

The good news is,
we're back and we are here

to help you set up
for the twins' Easter party.

Um, we're good.

Anyway, we got this covered.

And you guys had such a long morning,

why don't Gamma and Grampy grab a nap

so that they're fresh
for the party, huh?

Okay.

- Okay.
- But I...

It's all good. We got it.

Last weekend, Mom and Dad

went to the artichoke
festival in Monterey.

And Dylan's mom had the twins,

so we took the opportunity
to have a little party,

just to see if we still had it in us.

We did.

I'm trackin' the pizza guy,

the pizza guy, the pizza guy!

His name is Ibrahim!

Don't forget the garlic knots,
garlic knots, garlic knots!

Yo! This party is the GOAT.

Greatest of all time.

I'm Doug,
your across-the-street neighbor.

I was just curbin' my bins,
heard the party noise,

thought I'd join up.

Want a refill on that?

There is no scenario where
I accept a drink from you.

Lit.

Nice to see the Dunphy name
still carries some party clout.

Ah!

You know,
we're running low on jungle juice.

Just soak it up with a towel
and wring it back into your cup.

Mm. Okay.

Cool!

What kind is that?

Uch. Can I have one conversation tonight

without someone asking
me about my snake?

Ohh! Good Lord!

- What happened?!
- I slipped on that drink you spilled.

Oh! Hurt my ankle really bad.

I mean, I don't want to sue you,
but I don't really see any other option.

Do you?

So now I work for Doug.

Hey, everybody!

Ibrahim has arrived, has a...

Don't stare at it! Put it out!

We made some temporary fixes

and scheduled repairs for today,

when Mom and Dad said
they'd be at the beach.

Then they came home early.

It's just hard when you
can't trust family members.

"Don't Gamma and Grampy
want to take a nap?"

That's not insulting to you?

Phil.

- Phil!
- I... wasn't sleeping. I was listening.

And g-good for you. That is...
That is a lot of steps for one day.

I was talking about the kids.

They're treating us
like actual grandparents

instead of the... the...

premature grandparents we clearly are.

I'm the only one in
my aqua aerobics class

who doesn't need two noodles.

I put the eggs in a cute
basket for the Easter egg hunt.

- I saw it in a magazine.
- Cute.

- Haley.
- Oh, no.

Honey, your dad and I
didn't feel like taking a nap.

Why don't you give us
a job for the party?

Uh, well, we could use
some help dyeing these eggs.

But why don't you change
for the party first?

- Oh, good idea!
- Yes!

Phil, wakey, wakey!

Okay, we got sixty seconds, people.

We gotta move fast. Come on. Come on.

Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Come on, move faster!

Let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go!

Would you hurry it up a little bit?

Oh, come on!
Get out of here now! Go, go, go!

Thank you so much.
I love you guys so much. Bye!

Okay. I think
we actually got away with it.

- Oh, no.
- I have to stop saying that.

That dude from the party said
that his python was pregnant.

Do you think those could be her eggs?

Oh, my God!

Is one of them hatching?

- That's so disgusting!
- Ohh.

We have to cancel the party!

What? No way! We just got back in
with this parent group

after our daughter's biting spree.

If they didn't love
their kids being gummed

by an adorable toddler,
I don't think they're gonna

love their kids getting
punctured by a python!

Calm down.

Snakes lay all their eggs
in one dark place.

I've got them all here.
I'm gonna run them by the pet store.

Oh, my God. Is one of them moving?
Get them out of here.

They're so gross.
Gross, gross, gross, gross.

Hey, where you running off to,
little buddy?

And where are you
running off to, big buddy?

Hey, stranger!

Going out again?
I barely see you these days.

I'd love to hang out, Jay,
but I've got a wine club meeting.

What, are you into wine? I love wine!

- Okay. See ya.
- Wait a minute!

I'm gonna open a bottle later on.

Why don't you bring one
and we'll have a little tasting?

I guess I wouldn't mind that.

I'll stop by the store on my way back.

While you're there, would you be
a prince and pick me up a soda?

I've got homework.

Where'd you get a fifty?

Don't worry about it.

Welcome to your new house!

I don't remember this room
feeling so stark and cold.

Luckily this is a smart house.

Adam, warm light mode.

Initiating.

- Oh!
- Oh, no... no!

No, that just brings out the
molding around the windows.

I... Does it feel like
we're in a nursing home?

Adam, party mode!

Initiating.

Oh, God. No!
No, that's... that's even worse.

I'm... I'm sorry, I just...

I don't feel like I've ever
been in this house before.

Adam, I swear to God!

Initiating.

Did we just make a huge mistake?

Mitchell, you know you hate change.

Remember when you shaved your beard?

You screamed in the mirror,
"Oh, my God, you look hideous!"

That was you.

I mean, you have been
a crab all day long.

How do you know?
You haven't even been around us!

I took a crazy guess.

Look, this is buyer's remorse.

I learned that from my mentor,
Phil Dunphy,

and I know how to fix it.

Come with me if you want to live...

in this house...
and not be a bummer to everyone.

Lily, you need to help me
start unpacking.

We need to work on my baby reveal.

Adam, thinking mode.

Initiating.

I know it sounds crazy, but it works.

In order to accept the new house,

you have to properly say
goodbye to this place.

Okay, I'm not talking to a house. Okay?

And... And why are the movers
just sitting out there?

Don't worry about them.
I'll handle them.

I used to be a mover.

I kind of fell into it when
I helped an ex-boyfriend

steal his brother's refrigerator.

Okay, wait, so you've been a cab driver,
a hairdresser,

a spokesmodel, and a mover.

I-Is your life real?

Is anything real?

That was a question that I asked myself

when I was a philosophy professor.

Now, say goodbye to the house.

Tell it how much it meant to you.

Be honest with each other,
like two lovers

that know that the time has come
when they must part ways.

Okay, well, usually, I would just

take my gym membership off his keychain

and then introduce him to my mother.

Hey, house.

Hey, you humps!

We're paying you by the hour!

We're on a coffee break, lady.

Oh, don't give me that.

I used to do your job.

And this attitude,
this is why people hate movers.

That and all the stealing.

Whoa! You think you can do better?

I hate to burst your bubble wrap,

but I know I can.

We actually double booked today,
so this works out.

- Have at it.
- Oh, no, no, no, no! Ay, wait!

Come back, humps!

What are you doing with the cat?

Okay, don't worry. On the day,
I will replace Larry with the baby.

Once the family is all
seated around the table,

I'll undo the security rope

and then let the baby
hover above the table

for all the family to marvel at.

Wait. Phone's ringing.

Hello?

Yes, speaking.

What?

No!

Oh, honey, did you just take a sip
from the paintbrush water?

I think I'd know if I did, Claire.

Oh! This must be
the grandparents' table!

- I wouldn't say that.
- No, I d... I don't think...

These are the kids' grandparents,
Gamma and Grampy.

Oh, nice to meet you.

I'm Meemaw. This is Bobo.

Have you met GimGim and Mimsy?

Oh, you know what?
Why don't you take our seats?

I think we're at the wrong table.

Oh! My back!

Oh, it happens to me all the time.

Oh.

I'm gonna get you
the name of these shoes.

Doug, I have cooked for you,

spray tanned you,

taken two of your sign spinning shifts.

Are we seriously not even yet?

I think you're making
too big a deal about this.

I just need you to dress up
like Harley Quinn

and give a foot massage
to the winner of my game night.

Don't worry.

I'm gonna win.

And get this, Gerald fell again.

Wrist this time.

That man's got more pins in him
than a tailor's mouth.

He never learned
how to fall the right way.

- Too proud.
- Wait, there's a right way to fall?

Really? A follow-up?

Resist the temptation
to break the fall with the hands.

Land on your bottom.

Aim for the meat, not the bone.

Oh... Mimsy!

See? Good as new.

My dear husband, such a gentleman.

He always opens the bathtub door for me.

Yeah. Would you excuse us just a second?

'Cause she was.

It's not good.

Oh, totally!

We're just remembering
something that happened

on our last Negroni crawl in Frogtown.

Oh, Frogtown!

- Oh, "Bird on a bird!"
- "Bird on a bird!"

Oh, you all got the TikTok invite

Bridget from Quibi sent out
for her matcha pop-up

on Thursday, right?

- You guys down?
- Oh, yeah, that sounds...

frosty.

Small hiccup.

When I got to the pet store,
I was down one python egg,

- which means...
- There's one still here.

Yeah, and I just checked
the living room, and it's not there.

Okay, nuggets! Everyone outside!

It's time for the egg hunt!

Hey. Small hiccup.

Now it's time for the bottle I brought.

Unh-unh-unh!

Fresh glasses.

This, my friend,
is a 2009 Chateau Trotanoy.

You might want to cinch your belt up.

It's liable to blow your trousers off.

Mm.

- It's nice.
- "Nice"?

I understand why you would like it,

but... this is what my wine club friends

would call "an obvious choice."

I get it. You haven't developed
a taste for fine wine yet.

Um, I hate to say it,

but I probably know more
about wine than you do.

Two months ago, you couldn't drink rosé

unless it was mixed with Snapple.

There's only one way to settle this...

are you up for a little
blind taste test?

Bring it.

Joe, go to the wine cellar,
pick out five random bottles.

- We have a wine cellar?
- What's a wine cellar?

You were my first.

And we'd both been through so much.

I mean, I was neurotic.

You had a-a bathroom off the kitchen.

But we both found each other.

Anyway, I...

I-I-I feel like, um,
I have to say something.

It's not you. It's... It's me.

I just, um...

I need more space.

But we could still
remember the good times.

Um, like... like when I first moved in

and all I had was that boombox.

Yeah, um... what do you say? Yeah.

Huh?

One more time?

♪ Now I've had the time of my life ♪

♪ No, I never felt like this before ♪

♪ Yes, I swear it's the truth ♪

What do you say? Huh?

Takes you right back, right?

To Valentine's Day 2003...

and four.

♪ And I owe it all to you ♪

Gloria was right.

Once I said goodbye,
I was able to embrace this new house

and spend the next few weeks
getting ready for the baby.

I just needed closure.

And... And s... And so did the drapes.

Because the... the dancing got, uh...
g-got pretty dirty.

♪ Because I've had the time of my life ♪

♪ No, I never felt this way before ♪

♪ Yes, I swear it's the truth ♪

- ♪ And I owe it all to you ♪
- Mitchell!

The baby's here. He's early.

What? I-I'm not ready!

Well, get ready.

And we will be discussing why you were

"Time-of-my-Life-ing" without me.

The uneducated palate would
identify this as a Cabernet,

when, in fact,
it is a Merlot from Bordeaux.

- Correct.
- Oh! Lucky guess.

In my twenties, I befriended

a sommelier from Paris... Marcel Caron.

In fact, I went to stay with him.

We'd drink wine all night
and fall asleep

to the sound of an accordion
on the Rue de Montparnasse.

Much like this wine,
that story has too many fruity notes.

Next glass.

And... sip.

Mm.

That is a mature Napa Valley Cabernet.

- Correct.
- Unh! Eat that, old man!

You know,
you don't have to spike the football

every time you get an answer right.

Only you could make talking about wine

into something obnoxious.

Score is tied, two-two.

Time now for the final wine.

And to reveal the answer...

Wait a minute.

Maybe we shouldn't.

Before we turned this
into a competition,

we were both having fun, right?

We were doing something we both liked.

It did occur to me that
this whole afternoon,

neither one of us
checked our watch once.

And if we flip this over,
one of us is gonna feel bad

and it could ruin the thing.

I mean, let's face it,
we don't have a ton in common,

but today I saw
a little bit of me in you.

You can be a competitive jerk.

And based on that summer in Paris story,

you can be kind of a sensitive,
even perfumy type of...

That'll do.

Look, when you get back from your trip,

why don't we make this a thing?

We'll have a wine
tasting once a month...

without the competition.

I'm in.

Damn it!

Competitive bastard.

Oh, I love that kid.

Time to face facts, honey.

It's the grandparent's table for us.

- Grandpa Phil, huh?
- Mm.

Guess I could get used
to shaving naked at the gym.

Mm.

The hardest part is, our kids
aren't gonna need us anymore.

And it does means we raised them right.

On the bright side, one of them actually
vacuumed the living room rug,

and... looks brand new.

- Guys, help!
- Don't listen to her! I need you more!

- I spilled my drink at the party, and Doug came
- We had a huge party, and a snake guy came,

- and slipped and hurt his ankle, and now
- and the snake laid eggs, and it accidentally

- he's gonna sue us unless I...
- got mixed in with the Easter eggs... - Shut up!

Mom, I know you told me not
to buy expensive sunglasses

because I'd only lose them,
but then I...

They're on your head.

Oh. Cool.

Hey! You find it?

No, but I just realized

why they call rolling two ones
with dice "snake eggs."

That's snake eyes.

Oh. Then what did I realize?

Don't worry. I got this.

What's with the bunny suit?

Well, I needed a plausible
reason to be out in the yard.

- It's your house.
- Okay, I-I like the costume.

I found one!

- Oh, no!
- On it!

Ooh!

I've never seen so many pretty ones.

Mama!

The Easter Bunny stole my basket!

T-That's because I'm the Easter Bandit.

You were a little bad last year.

I know.

I have five now!

Five eggs?!

Well, congratulations!

You get to trade these five eggs

for one...

solar path light!

This egg's moving!

Wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

That is a magic egg.

Ohh!

Close your eyes and make a wish.

Okay.

- Where's my egg?
- Disappeared. Gotta go!

Uh, can I at least
get a picture with you?

- Uh...
- Grandpa!

Uh-oh.

One very quick pic.

Uhp! Got my own finger. Sorry.

Ah.

Well, that's me. How'd I do that?

Here we go.

Wait. I'm getting a call.

Who do I know in Delaware?

Let it go to voicemail, Jim!

Okay.

Stop squirming, Easter Bunny!

And one...

Three!

- Got it.
- Have a good year, everybody!

Be good! Especially you!

What is the big emergency, Alex?

I was using my Shop-Vac
to give myself a hickey

to show the guys at game night.

Hello, Doug.

Oh. The mother.

Look, Alex isn't coming to game night.

She's also not cooking you ribs,
doing your laundry,

or getting you an online M.B.A.

Actually, I might finish that.

- I really think we could make the Dean's List.
- Tch!

Well, we had a deal,

so if she's not gonna keep up her end,

I guess I'll just have to sue.

Oh, no, no, no, Doug.

I think that we can work that out

right here, right now.

What do you think...

of this number?

I'd like it a lot better
with another zero on the end.

- Oh. Okay.
- Yeah.

Well... I blame myself.

You... You try to instill

a sense of responsibility
in your children, and...

obviously, I failed.

I don't know why I'm surprised.

It's the story of my life.

Loveless marriage, no job, and now...

Some reason,
I thought that being a mother

would be the one thing I got right.

Well...

Could you at least wait
till Wednesday to cash this?

Um...

No.

Sorry about your miserable life.

I have faith that
you'll get it together.

- Ohh!
- Oh, Mom!

Oh! Oh, my wrist!

- My wrist!
- Oh, my God.

It's broken! He pushed me!

- No, I didn't!
- Yes! You did! I saw it.

That's elder abuse.

You messed with the wrong Gamma.

Long story short,
Doug and I decided to call it even.

And, thanks to me,
not one child got bit.

Are you really gonna keep that thing?

Do we always have
to talk about my snake?

Okay, this is too soon.

She wasn't supposed to give birth
for two more weeks.

Yeah, and, you know,
not to be critical of women,

but how hard is it just to hold it in?

You know, I had that giant coffee

and sat through Manny's
one-man "Uncle Vanya."

We... We...
We still haven't baby-proofed.

We don't...
We don't have a changing table.

I haven't even started painting
the mural above the baby's crib yet.

Okay, so I guess
there are some positives.

- Guys! - Oh!
- Oh! Oh!

Lily, I'm so sorry.
I forgot you're back there.

And every time you speak,
it's like a... a ghost popping out.

There's no carseat back here.

Okay, Lily, you don't need a carseat.

Honey, not everything
is about you! Come on!

For the baby!

Oh. Oh, my G... Oh, my God!

It's packed away.
It's... It's in the moving truck.

Okay, but can... can you hurry?

Sorry I was late.

A smokey set up a bear trap,

and I had to back off the hammer.

I'll get your carseat in no time.

Where are the movers?

Those were no movers.
They were just men carrying boxes.

Those things were broken
before we packed them, huh?

Are we sure we put the carseat in right?

What do you mean, we?
I-I-I don't know. It felt shaky!

Oh, God, this is bad.
This is really bad.

We don't have diapers,
we don't have formula...

I don't even know where we live.

If somebody asks for an address,
what am I supposed to say?

"Some new house someplace"?

- Guys.
- Aaah! - Ohhh, my gosh!

O-O-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're awful.

We haven't even checked in with you.

You... You must be freaking out, too.

No, I'm not, and neither are you.

This is just your process.

You get hysterical,

you worry about every detail,

then you turn on each other...

- No, we don't!
- Yes, we do.

- How dare you.
- And after all that craziness,

when it really matters the most, you...

- W-What?
- W-W-What do we do?

Our son.

He's beautiful.

We got this.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay, so, Gloria said she set up
Joe's old bassinet in our bedroom,

and I think we have enough
diapers to last us till morning.

D-Don't forget to support his head.

I will. It's not my first rodeo.

Oh, I can't wait
to take him to his first rodeo.

Okay, um, she's asking what time

she should bring everyone by
for the baby reveal.

I don't know, may...

Maybe it should just be the
four of us tonight, huh?

Aww.

You know, I... think I finally realized

what this house
has been missing all along.

- Recessed lighting.
- Totally.

- Subtitles by explosiveskull
corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com