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1
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:30,119
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
2
00:00:30,338 --> 00:00:33,380
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
3
00:00:33,595 --> 00:00:36,432
All mimsy were the borogoves
4
00:00:36,766 --> 00:00:40,308
And the mome raths outgrabe
5
00:03:08,186 --> 00:03:11,769
It is the middle of the Dark Ages.
6
00:03:11,981 --> 00:03:16,478
Ages darker than anyone
had ever expected.
7
00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:21,819
An horrendous monster casts
a dreadful pall of fear...
8
00:03:22,033 --> 00:03:25,035
... over a once happy land.
9
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:28,449
As towns and villages
are torn apart...
10
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:31,620
... the helpless survivors
seek refuge...
11
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:35,751
... behind the walls of the great city.
12
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,504
But out in the forest...
13
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,007
... in isolated pockets...
14
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:46,098
... still untouched by the ravages
of the monster...
15
00:03:46,311 --> 00:03:50,355
... life and business goes on...
16
00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:52,546
... as usual.
17
00:03:54,932 --> 00:03:58,348
Thirteen, fourteen.
There's another little one.
18
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,098
- Fifteen.
- What are you doing, Dennis?
19
00:04:01,772 --> 00:04:03,315
Stocktaking, Father.
20
00:04:03,525 --> 00:04:06,276
- You took stock this morning.
- I did.
21
00:04:06,486 --> 00:04:09,403
It never hurts
to keep an account.
22
00:04:09,697 --> 00:04:11,357
In business now, Father...
23
00:04:11,574 --> 00:04:15,358
Never mind that nonsense
and help with this cask.
24
00:04:15,578 --> 00:04:19,623
All right, Father.
I'll finish stocktaking later.
25
00:04:21,751 --> 00:04:26,794
You see, the secret of the craft
is to keep the stake...
26
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:30,293
Take hold of the hoop.
27
00:04:32,179 --> 00:04:34,136
Dennis. Ralph.
28
00:04:37,394 --> 00:04:40,929
Good day, Mr. Fishfinger.
Can I be of some assistance?
29
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,818
- Well...
- Dennis, what are you...?
30
00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:49,280
Yes, well, see, I need
some barrels, Dennis...
31
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,112
...for shipping dried fish
to the city.
32
00:04:52,327 --> 00:04:55,446
Big demand there,
since this monster scare.
33
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,952
Goodness, prices go up all the time.
34
00:04:58,166 --> 00:05:00,836
That's great.
Tell me, Mr. Fishfinger...
35
00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:04,746
...do you believe stories
about villages being destroyed?
36
00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:07,504
I haven't seen the monster myself.
37
00:05:07,719 --> 00:05:10,257
When I was in Muckley the other day...
38
00:05:10,472 --> 00:05:12,714
Muckley? That's a ways.
39
00:05:12,932 --> 00:05:14,842
Two miles or more, easy.
40
00:05:15,644 --> 00:05:18,348
Gosh, I'd like to travel someday.
41
00:05:19,147 --> 00:05:21,021
- About the monster...
- Yes.
42
00:05:21,232 --> 00:05:24,270
Well, this grain merchant,
over in Muckley...
43
00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:28,235
...he claimed that he'd
actually seen it.
44
00:05:29,951 --> 00:05:34,529
Turned his teeth snow-white
overnight, they say.
45
00:05:38,669 --> 00:05:42,454
- Anyway, about the barrels...
- Yes, well, must be cheap.
46
00:05:42,674 --> 00:05:44,465
First, must be cheap.
47
00:05:44,843 --> 00:05:50,596
We can attend to your needs.
Exactly how inexpensive?
48
00:05:52,267 --> 00:05:55,268
- No more than tuppence apiece.
- Tuppence?
49
00:05:55,478 --> 00:05:58,645
What are you talking about?
I can't turn out...
50
00:05:58,857 --> 00:06:01,098
...a decent barrel
for that price.
51
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,278
- Father, don't you think...?
- Be sensible.
52
00:06:04,488 --> 00:06:08,736
They only have to last until
they get to the city.
53
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:13,574
I don't make barrels to last
two or three days, Fishfinger.
54
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,708
I make barrels to last a lifetime.
55
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:20,459
- Everybody knows.
- You'll never understand.
56
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,544
Or you either, Dennis, I'm afraid.
57
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,251
You don't want barrels.
You want bags.
58
00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:27,757
Get out!
59
00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:29,431
- Look, Father...
- Out!
60
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,847
Don't come back with shoddy deals.
61
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:35,475
- Yes. Goodbye.
- Tuppence!
62
00:06:35,897 --> 00:06:39,147
- I'm sorry, Mr. Fishfinger.
- It's all right.
63
00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:42,445
He's given me a very good idea.
64
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:46,315
Wait!
I think I can get...
65
00:06:46,534 --> 00:06:47,863
Bye, Dennis.
66
00:06:49,162 --> 00:06:50,621
Tuppence!
67
00:07:02,385 --> 00:07:04,045
Griselda.
68
00:07:06,722 --> 00:07:09,723
- Yeah?
- It is I, Dennis...
69
00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:12,259
...come to see you.
- I see.
70
00:07:13,312 --> 00:07:15,769
How are you, my love?
71
00:07:17,609 --> 00:07:19,685
Have you missed me?
72
00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:23,070
It's lovely to see you again.
73
00:07:23,283 --> 00:07:25,441
I think about you all day long.
74
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:28,412
I dream of when I'll ask
for your hand in marriage...
75
00:07:28,621 --> 00:07:34,078
...and we'll build that cottage.
I'll come home, we'll have supper. Hey!
76
00:07:34,294 --> 00:07:37,045
Roger, what are you doing?
Just you...
77
00:07:37,338 --> 00:07:38,998
What?
78
00:07:42,970 --> 00:07:45,758
Oh, Griselda. Sorry.
79
00:07:45,974 --> 00:07:47,433
Griselda.
80
00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:53,935
I can't ask for your love until
I can marry. Say you'll wait.
81
00:07:54,316 --> 00:07:57,732
- Say I've got a chance...
- Let go!
82
00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:01,065
- Why, Griselda, why?
- I've gotta scratch.
83
00:08:01,407 --> 00:08:04,112
Oh, Griselda.
Griselda, l...
84
00:08:05,119 --> 00:08:09,828
- Sorry, Dennis. How's your father?
- Never better, Mrs. Fishfinger.
85
00:08:14,086 --> 00:08:16,328
- Is that Dennis Cooper?
- Yes.
86
00:08:17,757 --> 00:08:22,799
Hello, Dennis. You've got
garbage all over your vest.
87
00:08:23,681 --> 00:08:27,050
Look after your appearance.
Bad for business.
88
00:08:27,268 --> 00:08:29,973
By the way,
thought you'd like to know...
89
00:08:30,188 --> 00:08:34,268
...I got Wat the Mercer
to run me up a few cloth bags.
90
00:08:34,484 --> 00:08:37,401
I wish Father could've
seen it your way.
91
00:08:37,695 --> 00:08:40,947
Yes. A man's got to move
with the times.
92
00:08:41,283 --> 00:08:44,902
When you take the shop,
we'll do business.
93
00:08:45,121 --> 00:08:47,791
Oh, that won't be for some time yet.
94
00:08:49,376 --> 00:08:52,579
It's getting late.
I'd better be going.
95
00:08:52,796 --> 00:08:54,789
Okay by me.
96
00:08:55,215 --> 00:08:57,421
Drop in anytime, Dennis.
97
00:08:57,843 --> 00:08:59,801
Goodbye, Griselda.
98
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,658
Father!
99
00:09:35,050 --> 00:09:39,214
- Is that you, Dennis?
- Yes, Father.
100
00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:43,891
- Come closer, Dennis.
- Yes, Father.
101
00:09:48,815 --> 00:09:52,149
- What happened?
- My heart.
102
00:09:53,278 --> 00:09:55,187
I haven't long.
103
00:09:56,949 --> 00:09:59,785
I'm going...
I'm going to...
104
00:10:00,495 --> 00:10:01,775
Throw up?
105
00:10:02,288 --> 00:10:03,831
No.
106
00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:08,157
- Father.
- Son.
107
00:10:08,378 --> 00:10:12,921
What shall I do without your
guiding hand, without your skill?
108
00:10:14,175 --> 00:10:16,084
- Son.
- Yes, Father?
109
00:10:17,388 --> 00:10:19,380
I'll tell you...
110
00:10:19,849 --> 00:10:23,681
...you're going to end up
just like that...
111
00:10:26,981 --> 00:10:28,641
...Fishfinger.
112
00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:30,858
Who, me?
113
00:10:31,735 --> 00:10:35,864
I know Mr. Fishfinger's
a successful businessman, but...
114
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,321
Because you've got no understanding...
115
00:10:40,538 --> 00:10:43,539
...of craftsmanship.
116
00:10:44,083 --> 00:10:48,496
No appreciation
of the beauty of wood.
117
00:10:49,922 --> 00:10:52,995
- But...
- Because you're just a shallow...
118
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:56,301
...dull, pretentious...
- Father!
119
00:10:56,513 --> 00:11:00,512
Little stocktaker!
120
00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:03,390
Oh, Father, you're delirious.
121
00:11:03,605 --> 00:11:06,808
- You don't know what you're saying.
- Yes, I do.
122
00:11:07,025 --> 00:11:08,270
You whimpering...
123
00:11:08,485 --> 00:11:10,193
...snotty-nosed...
124
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:14,235
...cretinous oaf!
125
00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:18,483
- I've wanted to say this for years.
- We're not alone.
126
00:11:18,829 --> 00:11:21,914
You're everything I despise!
127
00:11:22,458 --> 00:11:24,166
Dad's raving, I'm afraid.
128
00:11:24,377 --> 00:11:26,583
No, he's not.
129
00:11:26,796 --> 00:11:31,921
You and your kind will drive good,
honest craftsmen to the wall.
130
00:11:32,134 --> 00:11:34,542
Do you hear? To the wall!
131
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:38,630
Honestly, I was only
trying to improve the business.
132
00:11:39,309 --> 00:11:42,144
You won't have my business...
133
00:11:43,230 --> 00:11:44,973
...to improve anymore.
134
00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:51,027
Not my cooperage.
Because I'm taking it with me!
135
00:11:51,239 --> 00:11:54,691
- I don't understand.
- Don't understand? Damn ninny.
136
00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:56,820
I'm renouncing you.
137
00:11:57,289 --> 00:11:59,328
You're no craftsman's son.
138
00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:02,958
Get out.
Out of my sight!
139
00:12:03,753 --> 00:12:06,873
Stocktaker!
140
00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:35,576
Griselda!
Griselda, my angel!
141
00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:38,492
- Go away. We're eating.
- Is Griselda there?
142
00:12:38,707 --> 00:12:42,325
- Is that Dennis?
- Yes, sir. Can I speak to Griselda?
143
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:47,835
- She's eating. What do you want?
- I'm going away to the city.
144
00:12:48,175 --> 00:12:51,259
I'll come back
and claim Griselda's hand.
145
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:53,795
So you will, Dennis. Goodbye.
146
00:12:55,267 --> 00:13:00,180
Griselda, I'm going away.
Say something. Say anything.
147
00:13:00,399 --> 00:13:04,610
- Pass the potatoes.
- I heard that! You are in there.
148
00:13:05,445 --> 00:13:09,146
Darling, I'm going.
I may not see you...
149
00:13:09,408 --> 00:13:11,234
That's rotten!
150
00:13:14,664 --> 00:13:17,997
For me? Griselda, you do care.
151
00:13:18,626 --> 00:13:23,122
A keepsake, something that
will always remind me of you.
152
00:13:23,339 --> 00:13:26,673
I'll carry this next
to my heart until we next...
153
00:13:26,884 --> 00:13:29,007
Say bye to the boy, Grisey.
154
00:13:31,556 --> 00:13:33,347
Meet.
155
00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:43,400
Goodbye, Griselda.
156
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:27,902
No, no! Stay away, stay away!
157
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,324
Stay away from me!
158
00:14:56,231 --> 00:14:58,769
What's that? What was that?
159
00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:18,667
Good morning, Your Majesty.
160
00:15:20,342 --> 00:15:22,168
Good morning, Passelewe.
161
00:15:22,636 --> 00:15:25,839
- Good morning.
- And to you, sir. A fine day.
162
00:15:26,056 --> 00:15:28,725
Your business goes well, I trust.
163
00:15:28,934 --> 00:15:31,685
One doesn't like to complain.
Your own?
164
00:15:31,895 --> 00:15:34,138
One does one's best, you know.
165
00:15:34,357 --> 00:15:36,349
I hear you're opening a shop.
166
00:15:36,567 --> 00:15:39,237
By the town gate. An area of growth.
167
00:15:39,445 --> 00:15:42,731
I agree.
I trust we'll hear an order soon.
168
00:15:42,949 --> 00:15:46,448
Certainly.
If your prices are competitive.
169
00:15:46,661 --> 00:15:47,775
Surely.
170
00:15:48,037 --> 00:15:51,038
What's the latest wine-to-water ratio?
171
00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:55,461
It's two wine to one water still.
It can't hold at that rate.
172
00:15:55,671 --> 00:15:57,462
They're lucky to get wine.
173
00:15:57,673 --> 00:16:02,751
Is that all? I detected a certain
oneness in the last consignment.
174
00:16:02,971 --> 00:16:07,763
That's odd. It was robust when it left
my premises. Get a move on.
175
00:16:08,351 --> 00:16:11,387
I'll send you a sample
of our new port...
176
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,772
Move it, you lame buggers.
That would be kind.
177
00:16:14,984 --> 00:16:19,895
- Why has the king called this council?
- Lord knows. Get going, you!
178
00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:24,534
I hear he is urged to take
measures against the monster.
179
00:16:24,744 --> 00:16:27,033
Allowing the peasants to leave?
180
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:32,835
It could very well be. And that would
not be good for business. Move it!
181
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,201
- After you.
- No, you first.
182
00:17:05,413 --> 00:17:07,536
You're too kind.
183
00:17:57,303 --> 00:18:01,431
Attention!
Our Most Glorious Majesty...
184
00:18:01,724 --> 00:18:05,223
...King Bruno the Questionable.
185
00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:14,236
Son of Olaf the Loud.
186
00:18:14,489 --> 00:18:16,861
Oh, he's coming! He's coming!
187
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:22,075
- I'm not finished yet...
- Oh, look out! He's here!
188
00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:31,245
- Your Majesty.
- Pay attention, Your Majesty.
189
00:18:31,465 --> 00:18:34,632
You must see it's
of the gravest urgency.
190
00:18:34,968 --> 00:18:38,469
- Yes, yes. Of course.
- Jesus Christ!
191
00:18:40,016 --> 00:18:42,175
Quick sire, down.
192
00:18:46,439 --> 00:18:48,266
Stop it!
193
00:18:50,027 --> 00:18:51,819
Come on.
194
00:18:54,365 --> 00:18:55,824
Bless my soul!
195
00:18:56,158 --> 00:19:00,951
Great-grandnephew...
196
00:19:01,163 --> 00:19:03,701
...of Emperor Otto the Bent...
197
00:19:06,222 --> 00:19:08,581
...conqueror...
198
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,212
...of Freedonia.
199
00:19:12,427 --> 00:19:15,428
Let him go! Get up, man.
200
00:19:15,638 --> 00:19:18,758
You'll get your rags all dirty.
201
00:19:19,851 --> 00:19:22,638
Sire. Help us, sire.
202
00:19:22,854 --> 00:19:25,523
The monster is ravaging
the countryside.
203
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:30,193
It has destroyed our homes.
We haven't eaten in days.
204
00:19:30,529 --> 00:19:31,774
- Weeks.
- Months.
205
00:19:32,072 --> 00:19:34,646
- Except...
- I ate my shoe yesterday.
206
00:19:34,867 --> 00:19:39,493
Oh, that's nothing.
I ate three toes off of my right foot.
207
00:19:39,705 --> 00:19:42,540
- Terrible...
- That ain't your right foot.
208
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:45,912
Know-it-all!
Are you a doctor or something?
209
00:19:46,129 --> 00:19:50,459
I saw a doctor once.
He didn't see me. I was hiding.
210
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:55,089
Your Majesty, save us
from the great green beast.
211
00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:58,141
- Gray!
- The side I saw was a dirty yellow.
212
00:19:58,392 --> 00:20:01,144
- No, it were more orange.
- It was gray!
213
00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:08,521
Now stop it. Stop it, all of you!
214
00:20:08,737 --> 00:20:10,730
Go on, get out, get out!
215
00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,072
What are you doing? Get out!
216
00:20:13,284 --> 00:20:15,360
I'll read this to the king.
217
00:20:15,578 --> 00:20:17,618
- Stop it!
- Go on!
218
00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:24,578
It seems, Passelewe, that my subjects
are becoming a pain in the arse.
219
00:20:24,796 --> 00:20:27,203
Yes. Well, you must do something.
220
00:20:27,424 --> 00:20:32,087
Your kingdom is paralysed with fear.
The city is packed with refugees.
221
00:20:32,304 --> 00:20:37,013
They're easy prey for every
sharp-witted merchant and trickster.
222
00:20:37,351 --> 00:20:42,393
Past grand master of the Royal Order
of Lowndes Victor, Saviour of Wales.
223
00:20:44,608 --> 00:20:47,445
- Hey!
- And king.
224
00:21:08,385 --> 00:21:12,928
Your Majesty, your council
meets today in solemn session...
225
00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:16,759
...to urgently discuss
the terrible havoc...
226
00:21:16,978 --> 00:21:20,643
...wreaked by the monster
all over the countryside.
227
00:21:20,857 --> 00:21:24,356
Nobody gets in here
without money or possessions.
228
00:21:24,569 --> 00:21:27,322
But I've got possessions. See?
229
00:21:27,531 --> 00:21:29,026
That's only a rock.
230
00:21:29,242 --> 00:21:30,700
- Only a rock?
- Yeah.
231
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:34,610
Listen, what if this is not
just an ordinary rock?
232
00:21:34,830 --> 00:21:37,950
What if this is a diamond?
233
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:41,702
It don't shine. Now get out of here!
234
00:21:43,297 --> 00:21:44,839
Right, next.
235
00:21:45,049 --> 00:21:49,961
- What have you got? Any grain? Cloth?
- I haven't got anything.
236
00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:54,510
- But it's important that I get in.
- They all say that. Move on.
237
00:21:54,726 --> 00:21:58,771
You don't understand.
I'm here for a job. I'm starting over.
238
00:21:58,981 --> 00:22:01,057
I've got lots of good ideas...
239
00:22:01,275 --> 00:22:06,235
Now look, sonny, shove off.
Wait a minute! What have you got here?
240
00:22:06,532 --> 00:22:08,192
What's this?
241
00:22:09,076 --> 00:22:12,611
You told us you had nothing.
242
00:22:12,913 --> 00:22:15,404
- That's not for eating.
- What?
243
00:22:15,624 --> 00:22:18,460
You could last for a week on that.
244
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:21,671
Just a minute.
What are you up to, sonny?
245
00:22:22,048 --> 00:22:24,456
Oh, nothing. It's a memento.
246
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:25,792
A memento?
247
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:29,754
My sweetheart gave it to me.
248
00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:31,682
She gave you that?
249
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,509
Yes.
Can I have it back, please?
250
00:22:35,396 --> 00:22:38,101
God, she must really love you.
251
00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,399
Do you really think so?
252
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:44,654
Yeah. I've got a sticky feeling
inside me just thinking of it.
253
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:48,614
- You sure are a lucky guy.
- Come on, Fred. Cut it out.
254
00:22:48,827 --> 00:22:52,742
- He's not getting in.
- Give him a break, just this once.
255
00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:55,079
No chance. Now push off, you.
256
00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:05,625
Just because he's got a potato...
257
00:23:05,845 --> 00:23:07,637
That's what they all say.
258
00:23:07,889 --> 00:23:11,389
- Wait a minute.
- Hey, you!
259
00:23:12,311 --> 00:23:14,434
Come back!
260
00:23:18,025 --> 00:23:20,315
That's far enough.
261
00:23:21,446 --> 00:23:24,116
Let's have a look at your legs.
262
00:23:42,594 --> 00:23:44,171
Next.
263
00:23:49,059 --> 00:23:50,767
And so, Your Majesty...
264
00:23:50,978 --> 00:23:56,221
...your great-great-great-great-
great-grandfather...
265
00:23:56,442 --> 00:23:59,893
...King Max the Vainglorious,
by a tournament...
266
00:24:00,112 --> 00:24:05,155
...chose from his knights a champion
to free the kingdom from pestilence.
267
00:24:05,619 --> 00:24:10,115
Mounted on his mighty charger,
Sir Bromiades waged...
268
00:24:15,795 --> 00:24:17,622
What's that?
269
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,791
Quickly, man. Somebody
might be trying to poison me.
270
00:24:25,266 --> 00:24:29,727
- Plaster, Your Majesty.
- Oh. Carry on, Passelewe.
271
00:24:30,355 --> 00:24:33,688
- Mounted on his...
- The 11th...
272
00:24:34,484 --> 00:24:38,067
- Mounted on his mighty...
- No, wait. Twelfth century.
273
00:24:38,279 --> 00:24:41,067
Shut up! Fool!
274
00:24:41,699 --> 00:24:42,898
Carry on.
275
00:24:43,118 --> 00:24:46,737
Until peace was once more
restored to the kingdom.
276
00:24:46,956 --> 00:24:51,250
With that, King Max rode back
to the cheers of his subjects...
277
00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:53,916
...who lined the road for 50 miles.
278
00:24:54,547 --> 00:24:59,090
Fifty miles? Do you mean
they cheered him all that way?
279
00:24:59,301 --> 00:25:04,463
Wow! They certainly
must have respected him.
280
00:25:04,891 --> 00:25:07,892
You're right.
We'll hold a tournament.
281
00:25:08,186 --> 00:25:12,765
It's years since we've heard the
clash of sword against shield...
282
00:25:12,983 --> 00:25:16,981
...the clamour of armoured
knights crashing to the ground...
283
00:25:17,195 --> 00:25:22,403
...the spurt of blood as the dagger
is thrust into unprotected groin.
284
00:25:22,617 --> 00:25:25,075
Oh, no, dear. No, no, no.
285
00:25:25,456 --> 00:25:29,537
What I had in mind was
a tournament à plaisance.
286
00:25:31,004 --> 00:25:32,913
A plaisance?
287
00:25:33,131 --> 00:25:37,045
Passelewe, do my ear holes
hear aright?
288
00:25:37,260 --> 00:25:43,015
A plaisance, with blunted sword
and collared lance?
289
00:25:43,226 --> 00:25:44,636
Where's the honour?
290
00:25:44,852 --> 00:25:48,636
Where's the glory in buffoons
playing pillow fights?
291
00:25:48,856 --> 00:25:54,230
No! It must be L'outrance.
To the death.
292
00:25:54,654 --> 00:25:57,192
- Please, Bruno, please.
- No, no, no.
293
00:25:57,406 --> 00:26:00,573
Go with all speed and
make the arrangements.
294
00:26:01,410 --> 00:26:05,195
I can't wait to tell the princess.
295
00:26:16,927 --> 00:26:19,003
Daughter?
296
00:26:19,638 --> 00:26:23,174
Still working hard, I see.
297
00:26:23,393 --> 00:26:27,308
You and the blessed Sisters of Misery.
298
00:26:27,523 --> 00:26:31,272
Well, what are you making, daughter?
299
00:26:31,485 --> 00:26:36,232
A tapestry depicting the famous
siege of Castle Apcadwallader.
300
00:26:36,658 --> 00:26:41,237
See? In this portion,
the king is eating his horse...
301
00:26:41,455 --> 00:26:44,872
...on the 98th day of the siege.
302
00:26:45,084 --> 00:26:46,578
Splendid!
303
00:26:47,503 --> 00:26:50,588
Very pretty, daughter.
But you were always...
304
00:26:52,050 --> 00:26:56,261
Careful, Father.
Sister Winnet fell out last week.
305
00:26:58,222 --> 00:27:02,470
Daughter, our kingdom will
soon be free of the monster.
306
00:27:02,686 --> 00:27:07,182
I have declared a tournament
to find a champion to destroy it.
307
00:27:07,399 --> 00:27:09,522
- What, the kingdom?
- Oh, no.
308
00:27:09,735 --> 00:27:13,815
- Of course not, silly. The monster.
- Oh! I see.
309
00:27:14,031 --> 00:27:15,774
Yes, and not only that.
310
00:27:15,991 --> 00:27:20,404
The successful knight
will win your hand in marriage.
311
00:27:20,621 --> 00:27:22,947
Marriage?
312
00:27:23,625 --> 00:27:26,626
Yes, well, you want to
be married, surely?
313
00:27:26,836 --> 00:27:28,795
- Of course, Daddy.
- Then...
314
00:27:29,006 --> 00:27:32,755
But I want to marry a prince.
I'm supposed to.
315
00:27:33,302 --> 00:27:36,967
That's why I wait here,
like all the books say to.
316
00:27:37,181 --> 00:27:41,050
Are any of the contestants princes?
317
00:27:42,062 --> 00:27:46,143
- Well, not exactly.
- No?
318
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,526
No, but I could make one
a prince, couldn't I?
319
00:27:49,737 --> 00:27:52,359
- I mean the winner.
- It's not the same.
320
00:27:52,699 --> 00:27:57,159
No, not really. Well, never mind.
321
00:27:57,370 --> 00:28:02,614
Once the monster is destroyed, I will
build you a beautiful bridal suite...
322
00:28:02,877 --> 00:28:05,712
...in the lovely west tower.
323
00:28:16,223 --> 00:28:17,848
On second thought...
324
00:28:18,058 --> 00:28:21,144
...I think the view
from the lovely east tower...
325
00:28:21,354 --> 00:28:24,308
...would be infinitely
more preferable.
326
00:29:10,449 --> 00:29:12,572
- Who is it?
- Excuse me.
327
00:29:12,827 --> 00:29:14,950
- Watch him.
- What does he want?
328
00:29:15,162 --> 00:29:19,244
- Could I have some of your soup?
- He's after our soup!
329
00:29:19,459 --> 00:29:22,247
- Somebody stop him!
- Poke a hole in him!
330
00:29:22,462 --> 00:29:25,831
- I'll do anything.
- Will he gather firewood?
331
00:29:26,049 --> 00:29:29,549
- What do you think?
- We should poke a hole in him.
332
00:29:29,761 --> 00:29:32,929
I'll collect firewood
if you let me have soup.
333
00:29:33,141 --> 00:29:35,299
Where do I get it from?
334
00:29:49,950 --> 00:29:53,200
Well, could I have a taste
of the soup first?
335
00:29:53,454 --> 00:29:56,490
Just see if I like it?
No, I thought not.
336
00:29:59,629 --> 00:30:04,125
Well, I'd better go then.
The firewood, was it?
337
00:30:58,942 --> 00:31:01,564
So, you've discovered my diamond mine?
338
00:31:01,903 --> 00:31:06,067
- I was gathering firewood.
- Liar! It's diamonds you're after.
339
00:31:06,450 --> 00:31:10,662
- Those aren't diamonds. They're rocks.
- Rocks?
340
00:31:11,998 --> 00:31:15,996
Quick thinking, but not quick
enough to save your skin!
341
00:31:16,210 --> 00:31:20,340
The secret of my diamond
mine dies with you!
342
00:31:54,168 --> 00:31:58,416
I just dropped in to tell you
to start without me.
343
00:31:58,924 --> 00:32:01,380
Perhaps another night.
344
00:33:05,037 --> 00:33:07,243
Hey! Hey! Hold it!
345
00:33:07,456 --> 00:33:10,492
Open up there! Open the door!
346
00:33:10,709 --> 00:33:13,117
Open it up! Open up in there!
347
00:33:13,796 --> 00:33:19,384
Open it! Open the door! Open the door!
348
00:34:04,852 --> 00:34:07,888
Rush hour!
349
00:34:32,757 --> 00:34:35,628
Hearken before it is too late!
350
00:34:35,844 --> 00:34:40,056
Repent! Cleanse yourselves!
351
00:34:40,265 --> 00:34:43,101
The beast is at the gates!
352
00:34:45,146 --> 00:34:48,266
The beast is at the gates!
353
00:34:49,734 --> 00:34:54,148
- Cleanse yourselves!
- Horrible. Horrible.
354
00:34:54,907 --> 00:34:56,615
Repent!
355
00:34:57,159 --> 00:35:00,528
The beast is at the gates!
356
00:35:00,955 --> 00:35:03,161
Cleanse yourselves!
357
00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:06,912
All citizens, listen to me.
358
00:35:07,128 --> 00:35:11,172
- Yeah, you better bloody listen!
- I hope you're listening!
359
00:35:12,008 --> 00:35:14,879
Are you listening up?!
360
00:35:15,679 --> 00:35:18,763
- You better listen up!
- Shut up!
361
00:35:19,099 --> 00:35:22,100
- You were making noise.
- You never listen.
362
00:35:22,311 --> 00:35:24,718
- Sin!
- Sin. Sin.
363
00:35:25,063 --> 00:35:27,981
- The spikes of the pondylus.
- The pondylus.
364
00:35:28,191 --> 00:35:31,477
- The crests of the dactylopters.
- Dactylopters.
365
00:35:31,778 --> 00:35:33,606
- The trigla.
- The trigla.
366
00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:39,025
- And the flying hogfish.
- And the flying hogfish.
367
00:35:39,245 --> 00:35:44,916
Are as nothing compared to
the beast that holds us prisoner!
368
00:35:45,252 --> 00:35:49,749
- The beast...
- Flying hogfish?
369
00:35:50,926 --> 00:35:53,418
I seen a gliding hogfish once.
370
00:35:53,638 --> 00:35:57,552
Never flying. Not actually flying.
371
00:36:02,021 --> 00:36:07,181
Stewed mackerel! Stewed mackerel!
372
00:36:10,488 --> 00:36:14,403
Cabbages. Cabbages.
373
00:36:14,743 --> 00:36:19,405
Rats killed, lady.
All very tidy. All very quiet.
374
00:36:19,623 --> 00:36:21,165
- Morning.
- Oh, morning.
375
00:36:21,542 --> 00:36:26,287
- I'm afraid I haven't got any money.
- Oh, that's all right.
376
00:36:26,505 --> 00:36:28,498
Thank you.
377
00:36:29,383 --> 00:36:30,497
Thank you.
378
00:36:30,717 --> 00:36:33,470
- Is that yours?
- Well, of course it is.
379
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,922
Whose did you think it was?
380
00:36:36,141 --> 00:36:37,801
- New to the city?
- Yes.
381
00:36:38,017 --> 00:36:41,351
I came to start a new life here.
Get a job.
382
00:36:41,646 --> 00:36:45,691
A job? No chance, son.
Oh, thank you, governor.
383
00:36:45,984 --> 00:36:48,939
There must be plenty of opportunities.
384
00:36:49,155 --> 00:36:51,029
Morning. Thank you.
385
00:36:51,241 --> 00:36:54,741
I am a qualified cooper's apprentice.
386
00:36:54,954 --> 00:36:56,698
Cooper's apprentice?
387
00:36:56,956 --> 00:37:01,333
Well, what a coincidence.
I'm a cooper myself.
388
00:37:01,544 --> 00:37:04,628
You may even have heard of me.
Wat Dabney.
389
00:37:05,298 --> 00:37:07,207
Wat Dabney!
390
00:37:07,467 --> 00:37:11,381
Not the Wat Dabney?
Inventor of the inverted firkin?
391
00:37:11,596 --> 00:37:13,257
The very same, lad.
392
00:37:13,515 --> 00:37:18,059
Now, if I can't get a job here,
what chance have you got?
393
00:37:18,312 --> 00:37:23,223
Come here. Here.
You see that plaque?
394
00:37:23,442 --> 00:37:27,107
There, under the barrel.
That's a guild sign.
395
00:37:27,905 --> 00:37:31,190
To work there,
you've got to be a guild member.
396
00:37:31,451 --> 00:37:35,745
But you're not,
and I'm not and not likely to be.
397
00:37:35,956 --> 00:37:37,035
That's not fair.
398
00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:40,125
Fair or not,
guilds have the town sewn up.
399
00:37:40,752 --> 00:37:43,670
- Morning.
- What am I gonna do?
400
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,798
It's no good going around
with a long face.
401
00:37:47,050 --> 00:37:49,208
I did for weeks. Nearly starved.
402
00:37:49,427 --> 00:37:53,344
Then only this morning,
I thought of this.
403
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,600
Hey...
404
00:37:56,896 --> 00:37:59,683
Maybe we could team up together.
405
00:38:00,775 --> 00:38:02,234
Sure.
406
00:38:02,443 --> 00:38:05,563
- All we've got to do is...
- No. Goodbye.
407
00:38:05,822 --> 00:38:08,313
I think it's a one-man business.
408
00:38:08,575 --> 00:38:11,992
What a golden chance he's missing.
409
00:38:41,485 --> 00:38:44,355
Attention! Attention...
410
00:38:44,571 --> 00:38:47,062
...ladies and gentlemen, please.
411
00:38:47,365 --> 00:38:51,910
In my humble capacity
as herald to His...
412
00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:56,244
Magnificence, King Bruno
the Questionable...
413
00:38:57,795 --> 00:39:02,291
...it is my privilege to announce...
414
00:39:06,763 --> 00:39:08,802
...a joost...
415
00:39:09,057 --> 00:39:11,466
Sorry, a joust...
416
00:39:12,353 --> 00:39:16,730
...to the death,
to choose a champion.
417
00:39:17,817 --> 00:39:20,652
A champion to free the country...
418
00:39:20,861 --> 00:39:26,485
To free the country from the torments
and ravages of the...
419
00:39:28,869 --> 00:39:30,863
Excuse me.
420
00:39:31,707 --> 00:39:33,580
Thank you very much.
421
00:39:39,715 --> 00:39:43,000
As a reward for killing the monster...
422
00:39:43,260 --> 00:39:46,545
...the king's champion will receive...
423
00:39:46,805 --> 00:39:53,259
...half the princess's hand
and the entire kingdom in marriage.
424
00:39:55,982 --> 00:39:58,225
Correction. It is, of course...
425
00:39:58,486 --> 00:40:04,275
It is, of course, the king's hand
and half the princess's kingdom.
426
00:40:05,701 --> 00:40:07,112
Excuse me.
427
00:40:10,916 --> 00:40:12,625
Yes, I see. Thank you.
428
00:40:12,835 --> 00:40:16,667
I've just received final
confirmation of the final terms.
429
00:40:16,881 --> 00:40:19,502
It is, of course,
the princess's hand...
430
00:40:19,717 --> 00:40:24,426
...and half the entire kingdom.
431
00:42:17,302 --> 00:42:21,347
- Beware the Jabberwock, my son.
- Cabbages.
432
00:42:21,557 --> 00:42:25,506
- The jaws that bite...
- Can I have one for nothing?
433
00:42:25,894 --> 00:42:27,093
Get off.
434
00:44:12,052 --> 00:44:15,552
Hot roasted rats! Only a farthing.
435
00:44:16,223 --> 00:44:17,599
Rats on a stick!
436
00:44:17,892 --> 00:44:20,976
Shortly, one of you
will own this egg...
437
00:44:21,270 --> 00:44:25,767
Get them hot! There you are,
sonny. Off you go then.
438
00:44:26,276 --> 00:44:30,404
Here! Get your rats! Only a farthing!
439
00:44:30,614 --> 00:44:34,065
Turnips. Get your turnips.
Turnips here.
440
00:44:34,826 --> 00:44:38,278
Turnips. Get your turnips.
441
00:44:58,977 --> 00:45:00,222
Hey, watch it!
442
00:45:14,829 --> 00:45:16,786
Jesus Christ!
443
00:45:19,875 --> 00:45:22,497
I'm sorry.
I only wanted a turnip.
444
00:45:22,712 --> 00:45:24,456
Just keep walking.
445
00:45:26,133 --> 00:45:29,632
Hold up one minute.
I'll have you out in two shakes.
446
00:45:29,886 --> 00:45:32,342
- Come on!
- I've got it, really.
447
00:45:35,100 --> 00:45:36,678
How about that then?
448
00:45:36,977 --> 00:45:40,677
First-class service as advertised.
Tell your friends.
449
00:45:44,903 --> 00:45:47,939
- Where do you want it?
- By the burnishing pit.
450
00:45:48,156 --> 00:45:50,232
Over by the burnishing pit.
451
00:45:50,450 --> 00:45:55,243
Suppose you want this lot today.
What happened? A tree fall on him?
452
00:45:57,791 --> 00:45:59,250
All right up there?
453
00:46:01,921 --> 00:46:05,291
You're the master armourer!
Look at this arm brace!
454
00:46:05,509 --> 00:46:07,300
You call that workmanship?
455
00:46:07,511 --> 00:46:09,883
- I can't do...
- Look at this jambeau!
456
00:46:10,138 --> 00:46:12,630
- What's wrong with it?
- It fell off!
457
00:46:12,850 --> 00:46:14,594
You can't please people.
458
00:46:14,811 --> 00:46:18,096
I sent for the best armour.
Arm braces are simple!
459
00:46:18,314 --> 00:46:21,765
I don't want to hear it!
You said Friday afternoon!
460
00:46:21,984 --> 00:46:24,773
And to me,
that means Friday afternoon!
461
00:46:24,988 --> 00:46:28,523
- I put three of my best men on the job.
- No good!
462
00:46:29,535 --> 00:46:30,697
Get back!
463
00:46:30,911 --> 00:46:32,987
Come on, boys. Come on.
464
00:46:34,456 --> 00:46:37,243
And don't bother
sending a bill, either!
465
00:46:51,558 --> 00:46:53,052
Excuse me.
466
00:46:57,689 --> 00:47:00,227
Excuse me!
I couldn't help noticing...
467
00:47:00,442 --> 00:47:02,520
Get on out of here!
468
00:47:03,697 --> 00:47:08,738
It would increase your efficiency
if you moved your box to here.
469
00:48:02,385 --> 00:48:04,958
You clumsy idiot!
470
00:48:05,179 --> 00:48:07,587
- Let's get out of here.
- I was trying...
471
00:48:07,807 --> 00:48:10,381
- You did beautifully!
- What about him?
472
00:48:10,602 --> 00:48:15,645
Come on! I'll buy you a drink.
We'll go to the Queen's Haemorrhoids!
473
00:48:21,636 --> 00:48:23,878
- That better?
- Oh, yeah.
474
00:48:24,097 --> 00:48:26,968
- I can't remember when I ate last.
- I know.
475
00:48:27,183 --> 00:48:29,853
I once went without food for 147 days.
476
00:48:30,604 --> 00:48:32,098
147 days?
477
00:48:32,355 --> 00:48:34,763
It was the siege of Caerlaverock.
478
00:48:34,983 --> 00:48:39,396
Food was so short... What's the matter?
You got a stomachache?
479
00:48:39,738 --> 00:48:42,408
I was trying to work out my next move.
480
00:48:42,742 --> 00:48:46,490
So was I. Jeez, why worry?
481
00:48:46,704 --> 00:48:51,331
I've got to! It's a big step coming
from a small village to a city.
482
00:48:51,584 --> 00:48:56,412
I know! That's what attracted me to
the life of a squire, the travelling.
483
00:48:56,631 --> 00:48:59,169
One day you're in Hertford hunting...
484
00:48:59,383 --> 00:49:05,672
...the next you're in Scotland being
burned at the stake. The adventure!
485
00:49:05,891 --> 00:49:10,517
Like the time we was fighting
the Blessed Sisters of St. Alopecia...
486
00:49:10,729 --> 00:49:12,556
...a band of warrior nuns.
487
00:49:12,898 --> 00:49:15,815
It sounds exciting.
But how secure is it?
488
00:49:16,026 --> 00:49:18,780
- Now, you take coopering...
- Coopering?
489
00:49:18,989 --> 00:49:22,442
Coopering! Hell!
That's no life for a man!
490
00:49:22,661 --> 00:49:25,864
It is too. Barrels and casks
are very important.
491
00:49:26,206 --> 00:49:28,614
- Now, in commerce...
- Commerce!
492
00:49:29,042 --> 00:49:32,411
Rubbish! Now you listen to me.
493
00:49:32,671 --> 00:49:37,167
My knight was wounded, and there was I
with my back to the wall...
494
00:49:37,384 --> 00:49:40,505
...two great nuns
coming at me with maces.
495
00:49:40,722 --> 00:49:45,680
- Fighting nuns isn't respectable...
- Here, I'll show you! Come here!
496
00:49:45,893 --> 00:49:48,016
Now you try. Come at me. Put up!
497
00:49:48,229 --> 00:49:52,856
Pretend that drumstick is a mace.
Oh, come on!
498
00:49:53,401 --> 00:49:55,559
Really let me have it.
499
00:49:55,778 --> 00:49:56,976
- Come on!
- I can't.
500
00:49:57,321 --> 00:49:59,564
Go for me!
I deflected the mace!
501
00:50:02,661 --> 00:50:05,366
Then I grabbed her like this!
502
00:50:05,581 --> 00:50:07,490
- Talk to the landlord.
- What?
503
00:50:07,708 --> 00:50:10,709
Then I threw her again like this!
504
00:50:11,045 --> 00:50:13,370
- Distract him.
- What for?
505
00:50:13,756 --> 00:50:17,089
She was tough, see,
but I grabbed her in the old...
506
00:50:17,301 --> 00:50:19,924
- Keep him talking.
- I don't understand.
507
00:50:20,264 --> 00:50:23,467
You will. Just do it!
508
00:50:23,684 --> 00:50:25,892
Now here comes the best part.
509
00:50:26,104 --> 00:50:30,932
She broke my grip.
She was coming in for the kill...
510
00:50:31,151 --> 00:50:33,642
...when I turned tail and ran for it.
511
00:50:33,862 --> 00:50:37,065
Slamming shut the castle doors,
I barred them...
512
00:50:37,407 --> 00:50:41,738
...grabbing one of the novices
as a hostage.
513
00:50:42,372 --> 00:50:45,207
I fought my way
up to the battlements...
514
00:50:45,416 --> 00:50:47,789
...hacking and slashing as I went.
515
00:50:48,002 --> 00:50:51,454
All in tears, in cuts!
516
00:50:53,049 --> 00:50:57,343
Easily outdistancing the enemy,
I escaped.
517
00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:18,694
Open this up! Open it up!
518
00:51:23,499 --> 00:51:24,744
What the hell?
519
00:51:29,672 --> 00:51:32,377
All right, men.
Coming up right away.
520
00:51:33,635 --> 00:51:35,758
Let's have some decorum here.
521
00:51:49,194 --> 00:51:52,397
- What do you want?
- Well, I was just wondering...
522
00:51:52,614 --> 00:51:56,398
- Speak up! I'm a busy man.
- That's what I wanted to ask.
523
00:51:56,618 --> 00:52:00,154
I used to be a cooper's
apprentice, and I was...
524
00:52:00,373 --> 00:52:03,124
Coming up. What is it? Spit it out.
525
00:52:03,334 --> 00:52:06,999
I wondered if you could tell me
about the inn business.
526
00:52:07,213 --> 00:52:09,538
- I could change trades...
- What, now?
527
00:52:09,757 --> 00:52:13,007
Mr. Rotcod, that party in the corner
is waiting!
528
00:52:13,219 --> 00:52:16,422
Tell them it's coming up.
Go away! I've no time.
529
00:52:16,639 --> 00:52:21,302
It would help if you put the ale
over here and the mead over here.
530
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,355
I noticed
you're impairing efficiency by...
531
00:52:24,564 --> 00:52:26,439
Will you get out of my way?
532
00:52:27,443 --> 00:52:31,856
- Betty, come and give me a hand.
- Your wife's not here.
533
00:52:32,073 --> 00:52:34,646
- Your wife?
- Not here?
534
00:52:34,867 --> 00:52:37,869
Not here? Where is she?
535
00:52:38,914 --> 00:52:40,741
- She's...
- She's what?
536
00:52:40,958 --> 00:52:42,998
I don't know. Maybe she's...
537
00:52:43,253 --> 00:52:47,582
And where's your friend,
that loudmouthed squire?
538
00:52:49,217 --> 00:52:51,459
- What?
- No.
539
00:52:51,678 --> 00:52:53,754
- No what?
- They're not upstairs.
540
00:52:53,972 --> 00:52:57,556
I mean, they're not here.
No, they're not here.
541
00:52:57,768 --> 00:53:00,176
What?
542
00:53:00,396 --> 00:53:02,638
You swine!
543
00:53:04,817 --> 00:53:07,854
I'm gonna kill him,
then I'm gonna kill you!
544
00:53:08,112 --> 00:53:10,105
Right.
545
00:53:45,945 --> 00:53:47,605
You toad!
546
00:53:51,743 --> 00:53:54,697
Right! What's all this?
547
00:53:54,913 --> 00:53:58,994
Brawling in the public streets.
Disturbing the king's peace?
548
00:53:59,210 --> 00:54:01,701
This man... My wife...
Let go of me.
549
00:54:01,921 --> 00:54:04,922
All right, hold him, Fred.
Now young fellow...
550
00:54:05,133 --> 00:54:07,706
Here, I know you!
551
00:54:07,927 --> 00:54:11,047
It was him who tried to get in
the other day.
552
00:54:11,305 --> 00:54:15,255
- My wife and the squire...
- The dungeon will sort them out.
553
00:54:15,477 --> 00:54:19,807
Right. Then we can put
irons on their legs, eh?
554
00:54:20,024 --> 00:54:21,518
- But...
- You can't!
555
00:54:21,775 --> 00:54:25,227
Destroy the monster?
556
00:54:25,446 --> 00:54:28,815
If you destroy the monster,
you destroy the city.
557
00:54:29,158 --> 00:54:32,492
The long term will show
that we owe the monster...
558
00:54:32,704 --> 00:54:36,454
...a period of prosperity
unprecedented in this kingdom.
559
00:54:36,709 --> 00:54:40,078
This is ridiculous.
The tournament must continue.
560
00:54:40,296 --> 00:54:42,039
A champion must be chosen.
561
00:54:42,256 --> 00:54:45,293
Bruno, the merchants
may be prospering...
562
00:54:45,551 --> 00:54:50,178
...but your kingdom's collapsing.
- Oh, yes. Oh, well...
563
00:54:50,389 --> 00:54:52,596
Now hear this!
564
00:54:53,601 --> 00:54:57,980
The king, that flower of chivalry,
that prince of monarchs...
565
00:54:58,191 --> 00:55:01,690
...that paragon of potentates,
is going to speak.
566
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:04,811
Hear the wisdom, witness the wit...
567
00:55:05,031 --> 00:55:10,820
...observe the oratorical eloquence,
lend an ear.
568
00:55:11,037 --> 00:55:12,235
Beautifully said.
569
00:55:12,497 --> 00:55:15,949
- To the mellow voice,
the tender tones...
570
00:55:16,210 --> 00:55:19,377
...the coruscating consonants...
571
00:55:19,713 --> 00:55:23,213
...of His Majesty, King Bruno.
572
00:55:24,385 --> 00:55:26,093
Very lovely. Well, l...
573
00:55:26,303 --> 00:55:29,755
- who is going
to give it to you straight...
574
00:55:30,015 --> 00:55:33,432
...clarify the conundrums,
dazzle us with logic.
575
00:55:34,272 --> 00:55:36,845
My lords, Your Grace...
576
00:55:37,066 --> 00:55:39,984
...Your Honour, the king!
577
00:55:41,612 --> 00:55:43,320
Oh! Oh, yes.
578
00:55:43,573 --> 00:55:48,780
Bishop, how can you, a man of God,
say that the beast is good?
579
00:55:49,037 --> 00:55:51,907
I welcome your question.
580
00:55:52,665 --> 00:55:55,240
Indeed it may seem paradoxical...
581
00:55:56,337 --> 00:56:00,749
...but since the advent of the beast,
church attendance has tripled!
582
00:56:00,966 --> 00:56:06,637
Tithing has increased. Long lines of
sinners wait eagerly for confession.
583
00:56:06,848 --> 00:56:09,849
- Piety has never been higher.
- Oh, bravo.
584
00:56:11,269 --> 00:56:15,019
- Well, my lord bishop...
- Oh, yes.
585
00:56:15,232 --> 00:56:19,859
The king will speak. The king.
586
00:56:20,071 --> 00:56:21,695
Thank you.
587
00:56:23,407 --> 00:56:25,483
- Guard!
- Sire.
588
00:56:25,701 --> 00:56:27,326
- Kill that man.
- Sire.
589
00:56:27,536 --> 00:56:30,206
What? Who?
590
00:56:30,915 --> 00:56:33,786
Anyway, the most potent...
591
00:56:35,380 --> 00:56:37,456
...most poetical...
592
00:56:37,715 --> 00:56:39,340
...most prestigious...
593
00:56:44,138 --> 00:56:47,638
Well, Your Majesty,
what is your opinion?
594
00:56:48,518 --> 00:56:51,721
- Give us guidance.
- Even a hint.
595
00:56:51,938 --> 00:56:53,481
I think...
596
00:56:57,215 --> 00:57:00,002
What's that? What's going on here?
597
00:57:00,343 --> 00:57:03,013
Just one moment.
598
00:57:09,853 --> 00:57:11,644
What's going on here?
599
00:57:11,855 --> 00:57:15,605
Who dares sully my castle
with unseemly brawls?
600
00:57:15,819 --> 00:57:17,859
Guards, bring them in!
601
00:57:18,780 --> 00:57:21,152
We'll show them who's king here.
602
00:57:21,408 --> 00:57:26,153
- But we have important matters...
- Important matters, Passelewe?
603
00:57:26,371 --> 00:57:30,286
Surely keeping the peace
in my own castle is important.
604
00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:32,708
First things first!
605
00:57:39,053 --> 00:57:42,089
They'll taste the king's justice.
606
00:57:43,265 --> 00:57:44,724
Put me down!
607
00:57:52,776 --> 00:57:53,938
Silence!
608
00:57:56,863 --> 00:57:58,405
Silence!
609
00:57:59,199 --> 00:58:01,026
Now what's this all about?
610
00:58:01,368 --> 00:58:04,819
- The squire! Behind my back!
- Calm, my man.
611
00:58:05,038 --> 00:58:08,407
Remember you're in the presence
of your king.
612
00:58:08,625 --> 00:58:10,534
Guards, let him go.
613
00:58:12,046 --> 00:58:13,327
Let him speak.
614
00:58:13,965 --> 00:58:16,716
Your Majesty, this man...
615
00:58:17,009 --> 00:58:18,753
This man...
616
00:58:20,763 --> 00:58:24,216
- What's going on here?
- Look out, sire! Get down!
617
00:58:37,115 --> 00:58:39,274
- Hold it!
- Get him!
618
00:58:54,676 --> 00:58:56,254
This is outrageous!
619
00:58:58,388 --> 00:59:01,840
- Weren't there two of them to start?
- Yes, sir.
620
00:59:02,517 --> 00:59:06,136
- Where's the other one got to?
- I don't know, sir.
621
00:59:12,487 --> 00:59:17,065
Right. Then it falls upon us
to find this man guilty.
622
00:59:18,409 --> 00:59:21,529
Guilty? Guilty of what, sire?
623
00:59:22,372 --> 00:59:23,747
Cannibalism.
624
00:59:34,094 --> 00:59:37,130
- Keep your eyes peeled.
- Right.
625
00:59:38,473 --> 00:59:41,428
Quick, down this way!
626
01:00:23,354 --> 01:00:27,020
- Check up there.
- No. Come on!
627
01:00:37,077 --> 01:00:39,285
A man!
628
01:00:39,498 --> 01:00:41,158
Watch the princess!
629
01:00:42,709 --> 01:00:45,996
- A man!
- At last you've come!
630
01:00:50,177 --> 01:00:52,798
- I'm sorry, barging in...
- Don't be shy.
631
01:00:53,013 --> 01:00:54,757
I knew you'd come someday.
632
01:00:54,973 --> 01:00:58,888
- I was coming up the stairs...
- Put this on. You turn around!
633
01:00:59,269 --> 01:01:03,599
- I don't want to bother...
- You must have travelled far to come.
634
01:01:03,816 --> 01:01:07,730
Swum rivers, climbed mountains,
fought battles.
635
01:01:07,945 --> 01:01:10,069
You can turn around now.
636
01:01:12,325 --> 01:01:15,659
There. Do I come up
to your expectations?
637
01:01:15,870 --> 01:01:18,741
Do you find me beautiful?
638
01:01:19,082 --> 01:01:20,742
Oh, yes. Thank you.
639
01:01:21,126 --> 01:01:24,376
Oh, come, my prince. Don't be shy.
640
01:01:24,629 --> 01:01:27,749
But I can't.
I'm not dressed for the occasion.
641
01:01:27,966 --> 01:01:29,165
Tush.
642
01:01:30,177 --> 01:01:34,127
You mustn't worry about
those filthy peasant rags...
643
01:01:34,390 --> 01:01:37,676
...which you were no doubt
forced to don.
644
01:01:38,185 --> 01:01:42,017
Soon we'll have you attired once more
in princely finery.
645
01:01:42,231 --> 01:01:44,983
No. You see,
there's been some mistake.
646
01:01:45,192 --> 01:01:47,982
- My name is Dennis.
- Prince Dennis.
647
01:01:48,197 --> 01:01:52,944
- No, Dennis Cooper. I used to be...
- Your face. You're wounded.
648
01:01:53,162 --> 01:01:56,780
- No, it's nothing. Just a bruise.
- Just a bruise?
649
01:01:56,999 --> 01:01:59,205
How brave you are, my prince...
650
01:01:59,418 --> 01:02:02,953
...for surely it must have been
a terrible blow.
651
01:02:03,172 --> 01:02:04,999
No, an innkeeper sat on me.
652
01:02:05,216 --> 01:02:07,255
You see, he thought...
653
01:02:07,468 --> 01:02:10,719
Well, this squire, you see,
his wife...
654
01:02:10,931 --> 01:02:14,264
What, the innkeeper's wife
was a squire?
655
01:02:14,476 --> 01:02:17,892
I've been dreaming of this day
for so long...
656
01:02:18,104 --> 01:02:23,099
...but little did I expect one
so brave and valiant and wise...
657
01:02:23,318 --> 01:02:26,604
...one who's crossed
the seven seas for me...
658
01:02:26,822 --> 01:02:31,900
...and galloped across deserts
and canyons to be by my side at last.
659
01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:33,993
- My love.
- Come.
660
01:02:35,123 --> 01:02:37,032
Tell me of your adventures.
661
01:02:37,291 --> 01:02:40,743
We must get to know each other
before we're married.
662
01:02:40,962 --> 01:02:45,209
Married? No, I'm sorry, miss.
I can't do that.
663
01:02:45,425 --> 01:02:50,421
Can't?
My prince, did I hear you right?
664
01:02:51,099 --> 01:02:56,058
- It's very kind of you to ask...
- No, don't tell me. I know.
665
01:02:56,355 --> 01:02:57,849
- I know.
- You know?
666
01:02:58,065 --> 01:03:04,150
In your adventures, you rescued
a maiden chained to a dark cliff.
667
01:03:04,363 --> 01:03:08,065
- No, not exactly.
- She fell in love. You fell in love.
668
01:03:08,285 --> 01:03:14,074
There and then before the gods, you
made a pact only death could break.
669
01:03:14,333 --> 01:03:16,824
- No, you're on the wrong tack.
- Come.
670
01:03:17,169 --> 01:03:19,956
You must not linger
in idle conversation.
671
01:03:20,714 --> 01:03:23,631
You gained entry to the castle
by stealth...
672
01:03:23,842 --> 01:03:27,294
...and now you must leave
in the same way.
673
01:03:27,513 --> 01:03:28,889
I know.
674
01:03:29,182 --> 01:03:32,385
Sister Jessica, give your habit
to the prince.
675
01:03:32,727 --> 01:03:35,479
- My habit, princess?
- Yes, and hurry.
676
01:03:35,688 --> 01:03:38,773
But what's wrong
with Sister Marian's habit?
677
01:03:39,067 --> 01:03:41,392
Don't be silly. Here.
678
01:03:45,990 --> 01:03:48,909
Now, my prince, this is the plan.
679
01:03:49,870 --> 01:03:53,323
Tomorrow is St. Talulah's Day,
and by first light...
680
01:03:53,542 --> 01:03:57,242
...a nun must depart
this city and lay fresh dogwort...
681
01:03:57,462 --> 01:04:02,041
...on the spot where St. Talulah was
murdered by the Benslow Four.
682
01:04:04,303 --> 01:04:07,554
You shall be that nun. Sister Jessica?
683
01:04:09,226 --> 01:04:10,886
Sister Jessica.
684
01:04:13,397 --> 01:04:17,062
- Well, give it to the prince.
- Thank you, Sister...
685
01:04:22,114 --> 01:04:24,652
Then, proceed to the western wall...
686
01:04:24,950 --> 01:04:27,193
...but by the back streets only!
687
01:04:27,412 --> 01:04:29,701
When you get to the gate, say:
688
01:04:29,914 --> 01:04:33,081
"I have the holy dogwort
for St. Talulah's spot.
689
01:04:33,293 --> 01:04:36,709
Let me pass
that I might pray awhile."
690
01:04:42,594 --> 01:04:44,919
Oh, my prince.
691
01:04:45,931 --> 01:04:48,469
- Is this yours?
- Yes. No!
692
01:04:48,726 --> 01:04:51,431
Please let me have it.
693
01:04:51,645 --> 01:04:55,940
Let me have it as a souvenir
of our hopeless, flawless love.
694
01:04:56,193 --> 01:04:58,518
- I'll cherish it always.
- I can't...
695
01:04:58,737 --> 01:05:01,358
And now, my prince, you must flee!
696
01:05:01,573 --> 01:05:04,360
No! No, don't kiss me.
697
01:05:04,576 --> 01:05:07,282
- I couldn't stand it.
- I wasn't going to.
698
01:05:07,497 --> 01:05:08,576
Just go.
699
01:05:08,790 --> 01:05:11,460
Just go, my prince.
700
01:05:11,669 --> 01:05:13,211
And remember:
701
01:05:13,420 --> 01:05:17,881
"I have the holy dogwort
for St. Talulah's spot."
702
01:05:18,092 --> 01:05:20,583
In Latin, my love.
703
01:06:03,098 --> 01:06:04,891
- Evening, Sister.
- Evening.
704
01:06:30,462 --> 01:06:32,419
What have we got here?
705
01:06:32,672 --> 01:06:35,080
A strange face?
706
01:06:35,300 --> 01:06:37,708
And a pretty one.
707
01:06:37,928 --> 01:06:41,344
Well, now, let's have a look.
Let's have a kiss!
708
01:06:41,556 --> 01:06:44,843
- Come on, sarge. She's a nun.
- So she is.
709
01:06:45,395 --> 01:06:49,143
Let's have a Christian kiss.
710
01:06:55,029 --> 01:07:00,107
- What's the matter, sarge?
- Put me to bed, boys. Put me to bed.
711
01:07:11,345 --> 01:07:16,257
- It's the devil in the guise of a nun!
- It's a nun in the guise of the devil!
712
01:07:16,476 --> 01:07:17,638
- Get her!
- Get him!
713
01:07:17,852 --> 01:07:19,892
Get them both!
714
01:07:20,146 --> 01:07:24,726
Citizens! A sacrifice must be made
to the monster...
715
01:07:24,943 --> 01:07:28,360
...that lurks in the darkness
in wait for us all!
716
01:07:28,740 --> 01:07:33,616
And what better than to sacrifice
one of the beast's own servants...
717
01:07:33,953 --> 01:07:38,699
...whom we caught masquerading
as a holy sister of the Mother Church?
718
01:07:44,131 --> 01:07:47,251
We will fire him
into the eternal darkness...
719
01:07:47,593 --> 01:07:51,721
...as a testimony
to our piety and godliness.
720
01:07:54,058 --> 01:07:57,557
Imagine his agony
as the flames rise higher...
721
01:07:57,937 --> 01:08:01,271
...higher until he is
but a ball of living fire!
722
01:08:01,525 --> 01:08:02,806
Oh, the agony!
723
01:08:03,736 --> 01:08:07,686
Imagine his horror
as the mighty ballistic device...
724
01:08:07,907 --> 01:08:12,071
...hurls him high into the depths
of the blackened sky!
725
01:08:12,412 --> 01:08:15,366
Are you imagining the horror?
726
01:08:15,623 --> 01:08:18,826
Imagine the terror of his suspense...
727
01:08:19,127 --> 01:08:21,748
...as our poor sacrifice waits...
728
01:08:22,005 --> 01:08:28,091
...for the darkling earth to rise up
and crush him to its harsh bosom!
729
01:08:28,429 --> 01:08:30,220
Oh, the suspense!
730
01:08:30,556 --> 01:08:33,889
- The incertitude!
- Oh, the incertitude!
731
01:08:34,101 --> 01:08:35,560
I like suspense.
732
01:08:35,896 --> 01:08:38,268
Imagine his final horror...
733
01:08:38,523 --> 01:08:41,477
...as his miserable life
is snuffed out...
734
01:08:41,736 --> 01:08:45,734
...in a glorious bone-crushing
cascade of phosphorescence...
735
01:08:45,948 --> 01:08:51,191
...as he finally, agonizingly
smashes into the ground!
736
01:08:55,249 --> 01:09:00,291
- That's not fair, that.
- No, it's definitely not fair.
737
01:09:00,505 --> 01:09:01,751
What's not fair?
738
01:09:02,007 --> 01:09:05,673
- How come he gets to go?
- Why should he have the pain?
739
01:09:05,929 --> 01:09:09,049
And that bone-crushing horror.
I want to go!
740
01:09:09,307 --> 01:09:11,383
- I want to go!
- I want to burn.
741
01:09:11,601 --> 01:09:15,219
I want to feel my bones
burst into a billion pieces!
742
01:09:15,438 --> 01:09:18,225
I want to trace
across the firmament...
743
01:09:18,441 --> 01:09:20,398
...a glowing ball of flame...
744
01:09:20,610 --> 01:09:24,312
...a testament
to our godliness and piety!
745
01:09:24,532 --> 01:09:28,197
- What does that mean?
- I don't know, but I want it!
746
01:09:28,411 --> 01:09:29,869
I want it!
747
01:09:41,174 --> 01:09:44,176
- Hot!
- Fire!
748
01:09:53,062 --> 01:09:55,684
Nice.
749
01:10:00,487 --> 01:10:04,022
Another glorious day
for a tournament, eh, Passelewe?
750
01:10:04,241 --> 01:10:06,199
I suppose so, Your Majesty.
751
01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:08,662
You suppose so?
752
01:10:08,872 --> 01:10:10,580
Suppose so?
753
01:10:10,790 --> 01:10:14,409
Buck up, man. Buck up.
It's tournament time!
754
01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:16,789
Certainly, Majesty.
755
01:10:17,297 --> 01:10:22,375
But I can't but think there must be
a better way to choose a champion.
756
01:10:22,595 --> 01:10:27,138
A better way? What better
than the shattering of lances?
757
01:10:27,350 --> 01:10:30,683
The flailing of the mace?
The thrust of swords?
758
01:10:30,895 --> 01:10:33,386
The ring of fauchon en cuissard?
759
01:10:33,606 --> 01:10:39,727
What better way than an honest
tournament, Passelewe? Yes.
760
01:10:41,156 --> 01:10:44,905
My dear, how beautiful you look.
761
01:10:47,287 --> 01:10:48,995
Yes.
762
01:10:51,333 --> 01:10:55,332
- What on earth is that?
- But, Dad...
763
01:10:57,799 --> 01:10:59,341
Daddy!
764
01:11:16,862 --> 01:11:19,567
Look at that! Did you see that?
765
01:11:19,782 --> 01:11:25,203
Right in the middle of the old
demi-brassarts. Jolly good. Bravo!
766
01:11:25,413 --> 01:11:28,996
Another one on the maimed list.
Probably dead by now.
767
01:11:29,208 --> 01:11:31,996
A scratch.
Plenty more where he came from.
768
01:11:32,211 --> 01:11:34,584
Not really, sire.
769
01:11:34,797 --> 01:11:38,712
What do you mean, Passelewe,
"Not really, sire"?
770
01:11:38,927 --> 01:11:42,842
Now, which part of this
is giving you difficulty?
771
01:11:43,057 --> 01:11:46,757
Well, all of it, frankly.
What do you mean by it?
772
01:11:46,977 --> 01:11:53,146
I mean by saying "Not really, sire,"
the true situation is likely to be...
773
01:11:53,359 --> 01:11:55,565
...ipso facto, to the contrary...
774
01:11:55,778 --> 01:11:59,361
...and the exact opposite
to that which you perceive.
775
01:11:59,574 --> 01:12:03,703
I appended, because, after all,
you are the king, aren't you?
776
01:12:03,913 --> 01:12:07,364
And that's a reasonable way
of addressing a monarch.
777
01:12:07,583 --> 01:12:10,419
- Daddy.
- What is it, darling?
778
01:12:10,629 --> 01:12:13,998
- What is it?
- Look at that brute of a knight.
779
01:12:14,216 --> 01:12:20,884
- I couldn't marry anything like that.
- Of course not. You won't have to.
780
01:12:21,099 --> 01:12:23,257
He won't...
781
01:12:25,895 --> 01:12:28,102
...win.
782
01:12:29,649 --> 01:12:32,816
Passelewe, what were we discussing
a moment ago?
783
01:12:33,027 --> 01:12:38,105
- The toll of your knights, sire.
- Now, just a moment, Passelewe.
784
01:12:38,325 --> 01:12:43,949
You used that "sire" for the same
reason you used it in the first place?
785
01:12:44,165 --> 01:12:46,038
- Right.
- Right.
786
01:12:46,250 --> 01:12:47,993
- I thought so.
- Right.
787
01:12:48,210 --> 01:12:53,205
According to my records,
65% of the knights of your realm...
788
01:12:53,424 --> 01:12:56,627
...have been killed or maimed
in the tournament.
789
01:12:56,886 --> 01:13:01,134
Passelewe, that's no figure at all.
No figure at all.
790
01:13:01,349 --> 01:13:07,933
Now, if it was 83.3% or 97.4%,
now that is a true percentage...
791
01:13:08,148 --> 01:13:11,814
...in the truest sense.
- My dearest Bruno, do listen.
792
01:13:12,029 --> 01:13:15,896
If this continues, even until
the end of the week, where...
793
01:13:16,116 --> 01:13:17,611
- Hold it!
- What?
794
01:13:17,827 --> 01:13:20,994
This one I must see.
795
01:13:24,959 --> 01:13:27,830
There must be
a better way of choosing.
796
01:13:31,383 --> 01:13:35,332
Ethel? Is that you, Ethel?
797
01:13:35,553 --> 01:13:38,888
I wondered what happened
to you last night.
798
01:13:39,141 --> 01:13:41,811
Can't talk.
Due in the lists in 10 minutes.
799
01:13:42,019 --> 01:13:44,689
I'm coming, Mother.
800
01:13:47,274 --> 01:13:50,643
Watch where you're getting
the blood! Christ!
801
01:13:50,945 --> 01:13:55,571
- How else can we choose a champion?
- We could call an election.
802
01:13:55,825 --> 01:14:01,864
Election? Oh, no. Nonsense.
It wouldn't be fair to the knights.
803
01:14:02,082 --> 01:14:07,207
- They could draw lots.
- Draw lots?
804
01:14:08,588 --> 01:14:13,831
Bless my soul. You might as well do it
dip, dip, dip, my little ship...
805
01:14:14,052 --> 01:14:17,259
...or one potato, two potatoes.
806
01:14:17,517 --> 01:14:21,182
Or even hide and seek.
807
01:14:22,480 --> 01:14:27,475
48, 49, 50!
808
01:14:27,736 --> 01:14:29,942
Coming!
809
01:14:35,952 --> 01:14:38,954
The cardinal said,
"I asked for 13 vergers.
810
01:14:39,207 --> 01:14:43,074
Why have you brought me 13 virgins?"
811
01:14:43,336 --> 01:14:47,914
Now, we're in the garden
and a thousand voices said as one man:
812
01:14:48,132 --> 01:14:52,675
"Ave, ave, passed through this way."
813
01:14:54,222 --> 01:14:57,473
Ave, ave, what?
814
01:14:58,102 --> 01:15:01,102
- Why do I need to say ave?
- Just sit back...
815
01:15:01,313 --> 01:15:04,764
...and let something nice happen
to you for a change.
816
01:15:04,983 --> 01:15:09,028
Looks like they've chosen a champion.
Can you see who it is?
817
01:15:13,617 --> 01:15:16,620
It's my boss. Christ.
818
01:15:16,956 --> 01:15:20,455
Well, congratulations, sire.
We have a champion.
819
01:15:20,668 --> 01:15:23,159
Good. Where is he?
820
01:15:23,421 --> 01:15:25,829
They haven't found him yet.
821
01:15:26,049 --> 01:15:30,427
- Is that good?
- Yes. That's what makes him a champion.
822
01:15:30,929 --> 01:15:33,135
I see.
823
01:15:38,438 --> 01:15:41,474
They will find him, won't they?
824
01:15:44,777 --> 01:15:49,155
- You must be very proud.
- Proud, you shit? Shit!
825
01:15:49,365 --> 01:15:53,197
- Isn't that a great honour?
- Maybe he'll get the honour.
826
01:15:53,453 --> 01:15:58,579
I'll get a dragon's tooth up my bum
and a shilling-a-year pension.
827
01:15:58,792 --> 01:16:05,246
I'll have to sit vigil with him
all night as well. Christ, what luck!
828
01:16:06,717 --> 01:16:10,216
I promised my body to a woman tonight.
829
01:16:10,429 --> 01:16:14,427
Maybe I could go
and tell the lady that...
830
01:16:17,896 --> 01:16:20,269
Wait a minute.
Maybe you could do it.
831
01:16:20,483 --> 01:16:23,235
Certainly I could.
I'll tell the lady...
832
01:16:23,444 --> 01:16:28,189
- No, no, not that. Sit the vigil.
- Me?
833
01:16:28,407 --> 01:16:32,619
I could give you my hat, my cape.
834
01:16:32,829 --> 01:16:35,500
Just keep your head down.
He'll never know.
835
01:16:35,708 --> 01:16:39,576
- I can't do that. It's not right.
- Who'll know? Come on!
836
01:16:49,264 --> 01:16:52,015
- A beast!
- Here I am.
837
01:16:52,225 --> 01:16:54,468
Oh, not you!
838
01:16:57,606 --> 01:16:59,682
Forget it.
839
01:17:57,296 --> 01:18:01,626
- Squire? What squire?
- You know what squire.
840
01:18:01,842 --> 01:18:06,837
Oh, my rheumatism. That cell
was so damp. Two whole nights.
841
01:18:07,098 --> 01:18:09,174
Oh, you poor dear.
842
01:18:09,392 --> 01:18:12,892
Come, let me undress you
and put you to bed.
843
01:18:13,105 --> 01:18:16,474
It must have been an awful experience.
844
01:18:16,733 --> 01:18:18,525
It was.
845
01:18:18,735 --> 01:18:23,979
Oh, Betty. Your hands are
so soft and warm.
846
01:18:24,242 --> 01:18:29,367
You don't really think there was
a squire up here in our bed, do you?
847
01:18:29,622 --> 01:18:34,001
- Well...
- Do you? Come, let me take those off.
848
01:18:34,211 --> 01:18:36,667
And that.
849
01:18:37,214 --> 01:18:40,001
Doesn't that feel better?
850
01:18:42,136 --> 01:18:45,836
Bernard, my darling.
851
01:18:59,489 --> 01:19:00,983
Come.
852
01:19:31,231 --> 01:19:33,106
Citizens...
853
01:19:33,359 --> 01:19:35,897
...nobles...
854
01:19:36,195 --> 01:19:38,022
...gentry!
855
01:19:38,280 --> 01:19:40,403
The king.
856
01:19:41,867 --> 01:19:43,659
Me? Oh, yes.
857
01:19:47,581 --> 01:19:53,206
Good Sir Knight, you have proved
your worth on the field of honour.
858
01:19:57,927 --> 01:20:01,592
And now you must prove yourself
in mortal combat...
859
01:20:01,848 --> 01:20:06,759
...with a monster so terrifying,
so awe-inspiring, so horrible...
860
01:20:07,020 --> 01:20:12,062
...so soul-destroying
that even I would hesitate...
861
01:20:13,027 --> 01:20:17,024
...to meet it face to face...
862
01:20:17,281 --> 01:20:22,109
...in hand-to-hand combat.
Was that all right?
863
01:20:22,828 --> 01:20:25,200
Well, I suppose so, my darling.
864
01:20:26,290 --> 01:20:30,621
And so, go forth and slay the beast.
865
01:20:32,548 --> 01:20:36,795
And take with you
the royal blessings...
866
01:20:37,053 --> 01:20:42,427
...and also the blessings
of Mother Church.
867
01:20:44,060 --> 01:20:45,969
Bishop!
868
01:21:05,332 --> 01:21:08,702
- Get out of here!
- Bloody sods!
869
01:21:42,707 --> 01:21:45,280
- Is that all?
- That's it.
870
01:21:50,799 --> 01:21:53,753
Right. Herald?
871
01:21:55,262 --> 01:21:58,133
Have the gates opened.
872
01:21:59,975 --> 01:22:02,513
Well, carry on!
873
01:22:03,437 --> 01:22:05,845
Open the gates!
874
01:22:22,333 --> 01:22:24,409
Fare well.
875
01:22:26,879 --> 01:22:28,457
Wait!
876
01:22:36,057 --> 01:22:39,224
He took his vorpal sword in hand
877
01:22:39,435 --> 01:22:43,101
Long time the manxome foe he sought
878
01:22:43,690 --> 01:22:47,639
So rested he by the Tumtum tree
879
01:22:47,861 --> 01:22:51,480
And stood awhile in thought
880
01:22:52,116 --> 01:22:55,200
And as in uffish thought he stood
881
01:22:55,411 --> 01:22:58,744
The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame
882
01:22:58,956 --> 01:23:02,621
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood
883
01:23:02,835 --> 01:23:06,749
And burbled as it came
884
01:23:07,673 --> 01:23:09,667
Lance.
885
01:23:10,385 --> 01:23:13,635
Lance, lance.
886
01:23:32,576 --> 01:23:35,114
Come on. Come on.
887
01:24:11,910 --> 01:24:13,702
Griselda.
888
01:24:17,583 --> 01:24:20,583
Go get them, boys!
889
01:24:25,632 --> 01:24:28,171
Monster? Monster?
890
01:24:31,307 --> 01:24:33,714
Where monster?
891
01:24:38,356 --> 01:24:40,479
There he is!
892
01:24:43,278 --> 01:24:46,445
Don't let him get away.
893
01:24:47,241 --> 01:24:50,159
Monster? Monster?
894
01:25:14,895 --> 01:25:17,766
I am here, Griselda. Fear not.
895
01:25:18,023 --> 01:25:23,777
Gee, a knight!
I never saw a knight before.
896
01:25:25,009 --> 01:25:27,217
Oh, Mr. Fishfinger!
897
01:25:27,471 --> 01:25:29,962
Oh, stop dribbling, woman.
898
01:25:30,182 --> 01:25:35,389
Oh, bless you. O noble lad.
Oh, thank you.
899
01:25:35,604 --> 01:25:38,523
Stand aside, Mrs. Fishfinger.
900
01:25:43,114 --> 01:25:45,071
Sorry. Are you all right?
901
01:25:45,784 --> 01:25:48,322
You almost cut my arm off!
902
01:25:48,579 --> 01:25:53,537
You always were a clumsy one,
Dennis Cooper.
903
01:25:53,792 --> 01:25:55,999
Shame on you!
904
01:25:56,211 --> 01:25:59,995
Get out! Jesus!
905
01:26:00,257 --> 01:26:03,756
I could get blood poisoning.
Was that sword sterilized?
906
01:26:03,969 --> 01:26:08,513
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
I'll bind it up. I'll get bandages.
907
01:26:08,767 --> 01:26:10,806
Jesus. Get off!
908
01:26:12,479 --> 01:26:14,352
Dad!
909
01:26:15,190 --> 01:26:18,107
- What?
- Look.
910
01:26:23,239 --> 01:26:26,076
Good Sir Knight. Good Sir Knight.
911
01:26:26,285 --> 01:26:30,864
We're so grateful to you for
rescuing us from those foul fiends.
912
01:26:31,123 --> 01:26:33,330
Upsy-daisy.
913
01:26:34,460 --> 01:26:36,499
Very gracious of you, Sir Knight.
914
01:26:36,712 --> 01:26:41,374
We're very undeserving, really.
We're just humble fisher folk.
915
01:26:41,592 --> 01:26:44,548
However, we do have
this maiden daughter.
916
01:26:44,764 --> 01:26:46,674
As there is this custom...
917
01:26:46,892 --> 01:26:51,056
...the knight quite often marries
the maiden he's rescued.
918
01:26:51,272 --> 01:26:53,809
Say hello to the knight,
Griselda honey.
919
01:26:54,066 --> 01:26:56,604
It was me that rescued you.
920
01:26:56,860 --> 01:27:00,728
Will you clear off?
What do you say, Sir Knight?
921
01:27:01,115 --> 01:27:03,154
Good Sir Knight.
922
01:27:10,959 --> 01:27:13,035
- Well?
- Hark. Be gone.
923
01:27:13,253 --> 01:27:15,578
- Wait!
- Come back here!
924
01:27:15,839 --> 01:27:18,626
Sir Knight, come back, please!
925
01:27:18,842 --> 01:27:23,089
Griselda. Mr. Fishfinger.
I've got to go. Sorry about your hand.
926
01:27:23,346 --> 01:27:24,676
It hurts!
927
01:27:24,932 --> 01:27:27,767
I've missed you.
I've kept your potato.
928
01:27:27,977 --> 01:27:29,601
Bye!
929
01:27:30,479 --> 01:27:33,646
You really are
a big disappointment to me.
930
01:27:33,900 --> 01:27:36,936
I thought you were gonna
make something of yourself.
931
01:27:37,195 --> 01:27:39,436
He is the king's champion!
932
01:27:39,697 --> 01:27:44,775
Call yourself an eligible suitor for
our fair Griselda? You're a vagrant!
933
01:27:44,996 --> 01:27:47,404
Hold him, Madge. Hold him!
934
01:27:47,624 --> 01:27:49,996
You leave her alone. Leave her alone.
935
01:27:54,632 --> 01:27:56,671
Go on!
936
01:28:35,633 --> 01:28:37,507
Someone at the door, dear.
937
01:28:38,344 --> 01:28:40,752
- We must make up our minds.
- Gentlemen!
938
01:28:40,972 --> 01:28:43,642
- We can't delay.
- Let's do something.
939
01:28:43,851 --> 01:28:46,555
This king's champion must be stopped.
940
01:28:46,770 --> 01:28:49,772
The monster must be protected.
941
01:28:49,983 --> 01:28:53,233
If he kills the monster,
we'll all be ruined.
942
01:28:53,445 --> 01:28:55,105
Let me prevail upon you.
943
01:28:55,322 --> 01:29:01,574
No more argy-bargy is necessary
because I have a plan.
944
01:29:07,461 --> 01:29:11,458
Behold! The Black Knight.
945
01:29:13,508 --> 01:29:15,382
Wonderful!
946
01:30:15,075 --> 01:30:16,902
We must be getting closer.
947
01:31:29,239 --> 01:31:31,991
Grease. Grease.
948
01:31:55,350 --> 01:31:57,473
Now that.
949
01:32:59,212 --> 01:33:01,335
Get him.
950
01:38:34,909 --> 01:38:38,029
And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
951
01:38:38,246 --> 01:38:41,615
Come to my arms, my beamish boy
952
01:38:41,833 --> 01:38:45,367
- Oh, frabjous day!
- The monster's dead!
953
01:38:45,586 --> 01:38:48,124
The monster's dead!
954
01:39:22,461 --> 01:39:26,161
Stop! No one's to enter the city
unless they have money.
955
01:39:26,381 --> 01:39:28,623
Stop, I say!
956
01:39:42,899 --> 01:39:45,105
Oh, my God!
957
01:39:47,320 --> 01:39:50,523
Cancel those shipments
of wine, grain, straw!
958
01:39:50,740 --> 01:39:52,698
Cancel everything!
959
01:40:06,507 --> 01:40:11,964
- Dennis, here she is. Griselda!
- Here I am.
960
01:40:13,056 --> 01:40:14,931
It's me!
961
01:40:17,395 --> 01:40:19,684
Dennis, it was always you!
962
01:40:19,897 --> 01:40:22,104
You's the one we was pushing for.
963
01:40:22,316 --> 01:40:25,437
We'll have the wedding tomorrow.
This afternoon.
964
01:40:25,654 --> 01:40:28,026
We'll get the bishop.
965
01:40:29,116 --> 01:40:30,990
Dennis, you're wonderful.
966
01:40:31,201 --> 01:40:36,160
Griselda, at last we can have
the life we always wanted.
967
01:41:06,614 --> 01:41:09,401
My boy, congratulations.
968
01:41:09,617 --> 01:41:12,287
We offer you our heartfelt thanks.
969
01:41:12,579 --> 01:41:15,783
You have cleared the
kingdom of a great menace.
970
01:41:16,042 --> 01:41:22,923
I am happy to fulfill my promise and
to bestow upon you...
971
01:41:23,132 --> 01:41:25,505
- What's his name?
- It's Dennis.
972
01:41:25,718 --> 01:41:29,846
Dennis Cooper, Your Royalshipness.
That's his fiancée, my daughter.
973
01:41:30,056 --> 01:41:32,216
You, Dennis...
974
01:41:32,435 --> 01:41:35,602
...one half of my entire kingdom.
975
01:41:38,233 --> 01:41:42,942
And the hand in marriage
of my daughter, the princess.
976
01:41:43,154 --> 01:41:46,737
Come, my boy. To the palace!
977
01:41:50,413 --> 01:41:52,452
Griselda!
978
01:41:53,583 --> 01:41:56,370
I pronounce you man and wife.
979
01:41:56,586 --> 01:41:59,540
Prince and princess!
980
01:42:16,273 --> 01:42:18,231
Dennis!
981
01:42:19,235 --> 01:42:21,109
Griselda!
982
01:42:24,032 --> 01:42:28,445
Whose idea was it to run him off
without a wedding? Shut up!
983
01:42:40,300 --> 01:42:42,277
Look out, sire!
74693
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