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1
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:30,291
BONES CONWAY: Well,
uh, here's lookin'
at you, pilgrim.
2
00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:33,250
So, Jack, this is good.
3
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,458
JACK KAUFMAN:
What are we gonna do tonight?
4
00:00:35,458 --> 00:00:37,250
BONES: Oh, you know what?
I was gonna ask you.
What?
5
00:00:37,250 --> 00:00:39,583
JACK:
Can Gabriella hook me up
with her, uh...
6
00:00:39,583 --> 00:00:41,417
BONES: Oh, you know what?
She's got this new friend
7
00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:43,125
she met the other day
at the mall.
8
00:00:43,125 --> 00:00:45,125
Her name is Rosa.
JACK: Yeah? Hook me up.
9
00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:48,709
Yeah, she's Spanish. Espanol.
JACK: Hook me up.
Si, si, senor.
10
00:00:48,709 --> 00:00:50,792
BONES: But the only thing...
Wow, watch out for that.
11
00:00:50,792 --> 00:00:54,625
BONES: The only thing is,
Rosa, she's kind of dumb.
She's kinda...
12
00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:57,333
Watch out for the water!
Water, water! Ahh!
13
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:02,000
Whoa!
14
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,709
She's kinda like,
she's kinda like large.
15
00:01:04,709 --> 00:01:06,291
JACK: That's good for me.
16
00:01:06,291 --> 00:01:08,125
Bones, look out! You're gonna
get killed, right there.
17
00:01:08,125 --> 00:01:11,000
BONES: If it's too hot
for ya, son, get
outta the kitchen.
18
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,959
This is war.
No room for
the faint of heart.
19
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:16,959
When you're in
the heat of battle,
and you lean down
20
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,083
and put your hand
in a puddle of goo,
21
00:01:19,083 --> 00:01:21,667
that two seconds before
was your friend's face,
22
00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:25,333
that is war, son,
now that is war!
23
00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:29,458
This right here?
Well, this is just a game.
24
00:01:29,458 --> 00:01:31,500
Look at this road
right here. See that?
Hop it.
25
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,000
BONES: Yeah. Boom! Watch this.
You're doin' great.
26
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,500
That's nice.
See how I just
blew all those guys?
27
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:37,834
Look. Now there's
the thing.
28
00:01:37,834 --> 00:01:39,333
Look up!
Look up! Look up!
29
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,041
No, on the...
Oh.
30
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,333
VOICE: Game over.
You are dead.
31
00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:46,041
Shouldn't we
get back to work?
32
00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:48,417
I'm working.
Look, I'm testing
out new products.
33
00:01:48,417 --> 00:01:50,166
What are you
so paranoid for, anyways?
34
00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:51,709
Pretty soon we're gonna
have our own store.
35
00:01:51,709 --> 00:01:54,500
Look, Quinn's gonna
fire your ass
from this place.
36
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:57,166
Do you think I'm scared
of that... What is he?
37
00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:58,250
He looks like a Lurch.
38
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,000
"Hey, I'm Quinn."
39
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,875
Are you
afraid of him?
No.
40
00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:04,166
Bones?
41
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,834
Quinn's
lookin' for you.
42
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,041
I told him you
were playin' video games.
43
00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:10,083
Hold this, okay?
I gotta do somethin'.
44
00:02:10,083 --> 00:02:13,375
Oh, yeah,
you're not afraid, huh?
45
00:02:39,041 --> 00:02:42,792
This is all for you.
See all the money I'm savin'?
46
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:45,166
Wow, Quinn, look at you!
You're lookin' fantastic!
47
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,750
Is that a new suit?
It's got to be Armani.
48
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,542
Oh, it's J.C. Penney.
49
00:02:51,542 --> 00:02:53,542
At least
you wear it well.
50
00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:55,083
Is that Brut I smell?
51
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,792
What did we say about
leaving the sales floor?
52
00:02:57,792 --> 00:02:59,583
You told me not to,
and I won't.
53
00:02:59,583 --> 00:03:02,667
If this place catches fire,
I'm sellin' tape decks
to the firemen.
54
00:03:02,667 --> 00:03:05,083
You're not selling
anything to anybody!
55
00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:07,333
That's why we're
letting you go.
Where?
56
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:10,166
Home.
No, no, no, no, Quinn.
Hey, hey, you can't fire me.
57
00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:13,291
C'mon! I'm a Crazy Boy!
I'm a dedicated Crazy Boy.
58
00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:15,583
Bones, let's not
drag this out.
59
00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:17,500
Look, Quinn, hey look.
C'mon. Please.
60
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:18,750
I mean,
my rent's due.
61
00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:21,250
My mom, she needs another
tummy tuck. Please. Come on...
62
00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:23,083
No, Bones.
No, not this time.
63
00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:24,917
Please, there's
a lot of personal...
64
00:03:24,917 --> 00:03:26,083
Please don't
let me...
65
00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:28,417
Please don't let me go, Quinn.
I could be crazier.
66
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,041
Let go of my leg!
67
00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:31,792
I could be totally insane!
68
00:03:33,625 --> 00:03:37,333
Bones, let go of my leg.
WOMAN: Bones,
you have a customer waiting.
69
00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:41,083
You'll have
to excuse me, Mr. Quinn.
I have a customer,
70
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:43,583
a customer who evidently
asked for me by name.
71
00:03:48,625 --> 00:03:50,458
Hi! May I
help you, miss?
72
00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:53,208
Yes. You sold me this
Watchman last week,
73
00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:55,000
and, uh, I'm afraid
I have to return it.
74
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,458
See, I knew
you'd be returning it.
75
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:58,625
It's too small.
It'll ruin your eyesight.
76
00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:01,500
And besides, I could tell
the one you really want
is this one.
77
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,500
This is our
top-of-the-line.
78
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:07,750
Our very best
35" projection stereo
color monitor,
79
00:04:07,750 --> 00:04:10,083
with advanced
super-digital P-in-P.
80
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,667
I'm sorry.
That's way out
of my price range.
81
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,834
Not with our $200 rebate,
no money down,
82
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:17,500
ten-month deferred,
64-month layaway plan.
83
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:20,625
You ask yourself,
"How could it be?"
Right?
84
00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:24,667
♪ Because-a we're-a
Crazy Boys! ♪
85
00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:26,333
Sorry, they make
us do that.
86
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,583
That's a very
nice offer,
but this is just a...
87
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:31,166
Plus this screen, though,
it promotes good eyesight.
88
00:04:31,917 --> 00:04:33,166
Really?
Uh-huh.
89
00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:36,000
Four out of five optometrists
recommend it.
90
00:04:37,417 --> 00:04:39,875
Okay, I'll take it.
91
00:04:39,875 --> 00:04:41,417
BONES: Okay, fantastic.
Here you go.
92
00:04:41,417 --> 00:04:43,250
I'm gonna take this
to the cashier,
93
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,959
and I'm gonna
arrange everything.
94
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,291
Thank you very much.
95
00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:48,834
WOMAN:
...you're needed for
a carryout.
96
00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:50,834
Huh?
97
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:55,208
Hmm? C'mon. Am I not
still a Crazy Boy?
98
00:04:57,125 --> 00:05:00,333
That is Brut I smell,
you pervert.
99
00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:05,500
Bones!
100
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,542
C'mon.
101
00:05:07,542 --> 00:05:10,375
BONES: Shh. Coming.
102
00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:12,083
NEWSCASTER: Friends
of both parties...
103
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:15,375
Have been making
frequent appearances
at the courthouse all day...
104
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,917
Gabriella,
you were outstanding.
105
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:19,875
Yeah, right.
This is the last time
106
00:05:19,875 --> 00:05:21,959
I save your butt, okay?
107
00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:24,041
I work too, you know.
I know. It was an emergency.
108
00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:25,542
The guy was about
to fire me.
109
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:26,875
It's always an emergency.
110
00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:30,917
They better take
that TV back.
They're gonna take it back.
111
00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:35,250
Now, how 'bout just
giving your little
Italian sausage man
112
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:38,208
a little kissy-pooh?
113
00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:40,291
NEWSCASTER: The U.S. has
issued strong warnings...
114
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:44,458
GABRIELLA: You are so
irresponsible!
115
00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:47,208
Can't you be
serious for one minute?
116
00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:50,959
BONES:
Okay, I'll be serious.
Let's get naked.
117
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,417
GABRIELLA: Not now! Not here!
118
00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:55,083
Why? Don't you
love me anymore?
119
00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:57,750
GABRIELLA: Yes.
Yes. Of course I love you.
120
00:05:57,750 --> 00:06:01,291
Yeah, but look, your boss
is gonna catch us.
Come on, a little...
121
00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:05,083
I don't care about
that perverted fatso
in a J.C. Penney suit.
122
00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:07,959
Bones!
123
00:06:07,959 --> 00:06:10,250
BONES: Jack, turn it off!
Turn it off!
124
00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:11,625
Turn it off!
125
00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:22,291
Well, uh...
126
00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:30,625
I can't believe
he actually fired us.
127
00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:33,333
Oh, come on, Bones,
we blew up 22 TV sets.
128
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,333
Yeah, but don't those things
come with warranties?
129
00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,250
I'm sorry, man.
You know, I didn't realize
130
00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:38,959
Quinn could see you
in all of those TVs.
131
00:06:38,959 --> 00:06:40,792
No problemo,
my friend.
132
00:06:40,792 --> 00:06:43,375
I was sick of gettin'
down on my knees
for that guy, anyway.
133
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:46,792
Whoa! Bones,
I had no idea.
134
00:06:46,792 --> 00:06:48,208
Begging for my job.
135
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,250
I know. I know.
136
00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:52,083
You know what, Jack?
This is amazing.
You know what this does?
137
00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:54,667
Yeah.
This brings us
one step closer
138
00:06:54,667 --> 00:06:56,875
to the store.
139
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,333
No, no, no.
What this does is it
brings us one step closer
140
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,959
to living in the dumpster.
141
00:07:00,959 --> 00:07:05,333
How are we gonna get rent
for the store if we don't
have rent for our apartment?
142
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,166
Excuse me.
Can we play through?
143
00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:09,166
Yeah.
144
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:11,333
Sorry, we were
just discussing...
145
00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:16,333
Hey!
Oh, my God!
146
00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:17,667
Army!
147
00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:20,458
Navy! Air Force!
Marines!
148
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,875
No.
149
00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:25,667
Did you order a code red?
Answer me!
150
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,625
Did you order
a code red, man?
151
00:07:27,625 --> 00:07:31,333
You want the truth?
You can't handle the truth.
152
00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:33,375
Yay!
He's goofin' off.
153
00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:34,959
C'mon, Bones.
154
00:07:34,959 --> 00:07:37,333
Wow, that was my
Nicholson impression.
JACK: Good.
155
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:42,208
I do it sometimes
when I play golf.
156
00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:45,125
Bones, c'mon, man!
I couldn't help myself.
I'm sorry.
157
00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:48,333
When you join the Army,
is it true you have to give
your whole life away?
158
00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:51,041
Nah. It's nothin'
like that with us.
We're in the Reserves.
159
00:07:51,792 --> 00:07:53,709
What's that?
160
00:07:53,709 --> 00:07:55,542
Let's just get
this straight here.
161
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:56,750
After our
basic training,
162
00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:59,625
we owe you two weeks a year
and one weekend a month
163
00:07:59,625 --> 00:08:01,500
for which we get paid.
164
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:07,500
And on top of it,
you're gonna throw in
$2,500 just for signing up?
165
00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:08,583
Basically, yes.
166
00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:13,083
Wow! Then how come everybody
isn't in the Reserves?
167
00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:15,709
Do people actually know
about this stuff?
168
00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:18,625
Well, we do try
to advertise.
169
00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:21,709
Oh, yeah. Um,
"It's not a job,
it's an adventure."
170
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,750
No, that's the Navy.
171
00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:26,959
"The few and the proud?"
No, that's
the Marines.
172
00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:29,417
Hmm. "Keep going,
going and gone?"
173
00:08:29,417 --> 00:08:33,333
No, no. That's the,
um, Energizer bunny.
Gentlemen.
174
00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:35,083
We're, "Be all you can be."
175
00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:36,250
Yeah.
176
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,792
♪ In the Army
177
00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,917
You need us,
and we need you.
178
00:08:40,917 --> 00:08:42,041
It's a win-win
situation.
179
00:08:42,041 --> 00:08:46,083
I got one more
question. Could I get a pen?
180
00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:48,417
Oh, no. Actually, could
we just have a second...
181
00:08:48,417 --> 00:08:51,083
Uh, amongst ourselves?
Certainly.
182
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:52,583
Take all the time
you need.
183
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:54,417
Just hold that ballpoint.
184
00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,834
Just one...
JACK: Come here.
185
00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:02,417
This is insane!
"Why doesn't everybody join?"
186
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,000
Weren't you listening
to him in there?
187
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,542
Shh.
188
00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:08,291
It's like joining
a health spa,
only they pay us.
189
00:09:08,291 --> 00:09:11,333
Oh, my God.
You're going nuts.
We are the beneficiaries.
190
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,625
We get a guaranteed check
for eight years,
191
00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:15,166
and a special skill.
192
00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:16,709
A special skill?
Yeah, yeah.
193
00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,750
Look at the pamphlets.
Yeah, here we go.
194
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:22,333
"Land Combat
Missile Op?"
Opportunities!
195
00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:24,417
"Tactical
Fire Specialist?"
196
00:09:24,417 --> 00:09:26,458
You heard him talkin'
about combat pay, right?
197
00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:29,667
You know, you have to be
in combat to get paid
for that, right?
198
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:33,500
He said Reserves
aren't called up unless
there's a major conflict.
199
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,125
When was the
last war, huh?
Yeah!
200
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,333
World War II?
201
00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:38,083
No!
Twenty years ago.
202
00:09:38,083 --> 00:09:40,125
Have you ever heard
of Vietnam, huh?
203
00:09:40,125 --> 00:09:43,291
Desert Storm? No?
No. Uh-uh.
204
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,166
What?
I'm kidding.
Gimme the brochure.
205
00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:48,750
We're gonna go to
the Unemployment Office.
No, just let me see it.
206
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:52,792
Let me just check.
"Tank Turret Repair,
Land Mining Specialist."
207
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:56,333
"Water purification?"
Water purification!
208
00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:58,542
That's it.
What?
209
00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:01,041
Water purification.
I'm telling you,
it's a snap.
210
00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:02,667
My brother's
a pool man.
211
00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:06,125
Hey, look, you take
dirty water and you
make it clean.
212
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,166
How hard can that be?
I don't know.
213
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,834
And, hey, if there is a war,
what are we gonna
go in there with?
214
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:13,333
Water balloons?
215
00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,375
That's... I mean...
But, but...
Jack.
216
00:10:15,375 --> 00:10:18,458
Yeah?
This is for
our future, okay?
217
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:22,000
If we can sign up now,
we get a guaranteed check
for $2,500.
218
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,834
If you times that
times two... Wow!
219
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,542
That's $6,000.
That's nice.
220
00:10:29,542 --> 00:10:31,875
I know. Yeah.
It's a nice
chunk of change. Huh?
221
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,542
But, hey.
222
00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:35,083
This is for our store.
223
00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:40,166
Yeah.
Look, I'll even
give you first billing.
224
00:10:40,166 --> 00:10:41,417
No, you don't have
to do that.
No, no, no.
225
00:10:41,417 --> 00:10:46,250
"Jack's and Bones'
Palace of Stereos."
Oh...
226
00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:48,709
Let's just do it.
All right. All right.
all right. Let's do it.
227
00:10:48,709 --> 00:10:51,375
Oh, yes!
228
00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:55,417
♪ Get a haircut
and get a real job
229
00:10:55,417 --> 00:10:59,000
♪ Clean your act up
and don't be a slob
230
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,208
♪ Get it together
like your big brother Bob
231
00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:07,208
♪ Why don't you get a haircut
and get a real job
232
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:11,125
♪ I need to try
that 9:00 to 5:00 scene
233
00:11:11,125 --> 00:11:14,875
♪ I told myself that
it was all a bad dream
234
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,291
♪ I found a band
and some good songs to play ♪
235
00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:21,750
Hi. Um...
236
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:26,917
See, everybody knows me
for my hair.
237
00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:30,583
What I need
you to do is just,
238
00:11:30,583 --> 00:11:32,125
just a little bit
on the side.
239
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:35,250
Not a whole bunch.
Kinda keep it like
it's still...
240
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:37,417
I'd like to see you
in something short but sassy.
241
00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:38,917
A real '90s look.
242
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:41,125
Something that works
as well on the rifle range
as it does in the disco.
243
00:11:42,417 --> 00:11:43,875
Okay. That's perfect.
244
00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:49,583
♪ Get a haircut
and get a real job ♪
245
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,792
MAN: All right.
246
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:04,875
Does my head...
247
00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:06,792
I mean, look at it.
I don't know. Yeah.
248
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:09,291
Does it look bigger
than it did...
249
00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:11,959
I mean, do I look
like a baked potato?
Honestly?
250
00:12:11,959 --> 00:12:15,458
Yeah, honestly.
It... It looks great.
It really does.
251
00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:17,792
Really! Really?
Really!
252
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:19,959
It looks macho.
253
00:12:19,959 --> 00:12:21,291
All right!
254
00:12:21,291 --> 00:12:23,625
Look at these, man.
Look at these.
255
00:12:23,625 --> 00:12:27,166
Army issued.
See, I think
those are unique.
256
00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:29,083
Idiotic!
No, those are unique.
257
00:12:29,083 --> 00:12:31,667
See, you're distinctive.
No one has them.
Really?
258
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,792
You're king.
One of a kind.
All right!
259
00:12:34,792 --> 00:12:38,166
They broke the mold
when they made you, Jack.
260
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,333
JACK: Bones, I can't...
I can't do it!
261
00:12:58,333 --> 00:13:01,333
Jack, come on.
I can't do it, man!
I can't do it.
262
00:13:01,333 --> 00:13:03,875
This is just like
your childhood, remember?
263
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:08,000
Yeah, yeah.
You're right, you're right.
264
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,000
That guy is exactly
like my dad.
265
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,667
See? Come on!
266
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,000
Wait a minute, though!
My childhood sucked!
267
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,375
No, I can't do it, man.
I can't...
268
00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:19,709
I can't handle
being yelled at by some
muscle-bound drill sergeant.
269
00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:22,208
No, man.
I can't do it.
270
00:13:22,208 --> 00:13:24,041
Get the hell off
the truck!
271
00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:28,875
Oh, whoa.
272
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,875
She can drill me anytime.
273
00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:33,041
On the double, right now!
Come on!
274
00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:36,208
Move it! Move it!
Hello, Sweet Pants.
275
00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:38,375
Get down here!
Get down!
276
00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:40,375
Oh, rough stuff. Hi.
277
00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:41,917
And take those
glasses off!
278
00:13:41,917 --> 00:13:44,166
What'd you think? You're
on some beach or somethin'?
No.
279
00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:45,417
What's your
name, Private?
280
00:13:45,417 --> 00:13:48,250
Bones Conway,
reportin' for duty, sir!
281
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:49,583
All right!
282
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:51,542
I mean, ma'am,
sergeant, whatever.
283
00:13:51,542 --> 00:13:54,709
You will address me
as Drill Sergeant.
284
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:58,750
Do you understand?
285
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:01,709
Yes, but you don't need
to yell, 'cause look,
I'm standing right here.
286
00:14:01,709 --> 00:14:03,417
I'm not yellin'
at you, Private.
287
00:14:03,417 --> 00:14:05,083
Drill sergeants
do not yell.
288
00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:06,709
We simply speak
in a voice loud enough
289
00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:07,875
so everyone can hear.
290
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:11,250
That way we all learn
from each other's mistakes.
291
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,417
Oh, okay.
Thanks for explaining it.
292
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:16,583
From here on out,
your butt is mine.
293
00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:19,417
You will obey
every order
294
00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:21,917
without question!
295
00:14:21,917 --> 00:14:23,417
Grunt!
296
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:28,083
Oh, you're
a funny boy, huh?
297
00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:29,417
Cutie pie, right?
298
00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,417
Well, I don't know ya,
but I don't even like ya.
299
00:14:31,417 --> 00:14:33,083
And I make it
my personal mission
300
00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:34,500
to turn you into a soldier.
301
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:35,917
For the next eight weeks,
302
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:39,083
I'll be all over your butt
like white on rice!
303
00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:41,458
Is that a promise?
304
00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:45,458
Give me 20!
305
00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:49,041
Well, my wallet...
Here, hold these.
Drop and give me 20!
306
00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:52,166
Boy, you better get on
the ground and give me
them push-ups.
307
00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:54,333
It's been a while.
308
00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:57,667
All the way
up and down, right?
309
00:14:57,667 --> 00:14:59,583
Pump!
Pump.
310
00:14:59,583 --> 00:15:02,959
One!
311
00:15:02,959 --> 00:15:04,250
Is that good?
312
00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:14,625
Get up! Get up!
313
00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:18,333
Everybody up!
314
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:24,500
On your feet.
Off the racks right now,
sleepin' beauties.
315
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,875
Get your butt
off that rack.
316
00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:41,333
Ow! Ow! Ow!
317
00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,375
Get up!
I'm up. I'm up.
318
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,291
I'm up!
319
00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:48,333
Extend to the left!
320
00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:50,166
ALL: Extend to the left!
321
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,792
Forward!
322
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,291
All right,
Privates, on command
begin like the last drills.
323
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:02,083
Run in place.
When I say go. Go!
324
00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:15,083
Jack?
Yeah?
325
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:19,125
Where'd the sun go?
326
00:16:19,125 --> 00:16:20,875
There is no sun
anymore, Bones.
327
00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:23,875
The sun is gone.
328
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:27,166
We died, and this is hell.
329
00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:29,083
Oh, okay. Thanks
for explaining it.
330
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:37,041
Private, you've got
that weapon around backwards.
331
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,542
Oh. Thanks.
332
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,792
LADD: See the picture on
the front of this weapon?
BONES: Mmm-hmm.
333
00:16:54,417 --> 00:16:57,750
It's put there
for Privates like you.
334
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,417
It's idiot proof.
335
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:07,250
Seven, Drill Sergeant!
336
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:10,250
The gig line runs down
the seam of your shirt,
337
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:13,583
through the edge of
your belt buckle, down
the seam of your zipper.
338
00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:15,959
This is a
straight gig line.
339
00:17:15,959 --> 00:17:17,792
See it,
340
00:17:17,792 --> 00:17:19,041
learn it,
341
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:20,792
do it.
342
00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:29,792
From here on out,
anyone without
a straight gig line
343
00:17:29,792 --> 00:17:31,458
will have
to answer to me.
344
00:17:35,792 --> 00:17:39,458
Conway, what
the hell is this?
345
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:43,125
Drill Sergeant,
I guess my gig line
needs straightening, huh?
346
00:17:45,959 --> 00:17:48,083
Ah!
347
00:17:49,959 --> 00:17:51,250
Oh!
348
00:17:52,125 --> 00:17:53,750
Thank you,
Drill Sergeant!
349
00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:56,125
Don't thank me.
Thank your recruiter.
350
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,500
Come on, boy! Come on!
You can't do it!
351
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:08,750
I know you
can't do it!
352
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,333
There are two types
of bayonet fighters,
the quick and the dead.
353
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:12,500
What are you?
ALL: Quick!
354
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:13,625
What are they?
Dead!
355
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:14,792
What are you?
Quick!
356
00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:16,000
What are they?
Dead!
357
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,166
What are you?
Quick!
358
00:18:17,166 --> 00:18:18,291
What are they?
Dead!
359
00:18:18,291 --> 00:18:20,542
Any volunteers?
BONES: Yeah!
360
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,583
What are you, crazy?
I sure am.
361
00:18:23,583 --> 00:18:26,333
I'm a crazy boy!
362
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,166
Hello!
363
00:18:29,166 --> 00:18:30,875
LADD: Conway.
Yes, ma'am.
364
00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:33,500
Come here.
I'm on my way.
365
00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,208
Mmm.
366
00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:39,125
Hi.
Hit me.
367
00:18:39,125 --> 00:18:41,333
Let's not fight.
Come here.
368
00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:43,458
Hit me or
you'll be sorry!
369
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:45,375
I can't hit you.
You're a girl.
370
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,834
And...
371
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,959
I love you.
372
00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:53,000
You got two seconds
to hit me.
373
00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:59,709
Okay, but this
is gonna hurt.
Any other volunteer?
374
00:19:00,709 --> 00:19:02,417
ALL: Oh!
375
00:19:02,417 --> 00:19:05,417
Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
I was just gonna...
376
00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:08,542
I'm gonna teach
you a lesson.
377
00:19:08,542 --> 00:19:10,041
Never...
378
00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,208
Drop...
379
00:19:13,375 --> 00:19:15,250
Your guard.
380
00:19:16,917 --> 00:19:20,166
Got it!
381
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:23,542
Can I please
throw up now?
382
00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:27,041
Get up! Pump! Get mad.
383
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:29,625
Yeah, you get mad, you!
Get mad!
Thirty-eight, Drill Sergeant!
384
00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,583
Now, listen to me
very carefully, Private.
385
00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:33,458
This is exactly the
same as practice,
386
00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:35,208
but this is
a real, live grenade.
387
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,250
I want you to do exactly
as you've been trained.
388
00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:38,750
Yes, Drill Sergeant.
389
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,417
When I give the command
to execute,
390
00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:42,583
I want you to drop the pin,
throw the grenade.
391
00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:43,792
Yes, Drill Sergeant.
392
00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:45,583
Drop the pin,
throw the grenade.
393
00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:46,750
Yes, Drill Sergeant.
394
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,041
Execute.
395
00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:54,083
Move it!
396
00:19:59,291 --> 00:20:01,875
BONES:
Help! Help!
397
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:08,375
Thanks, Drill Sergeant.
You saved my life.
398
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,417
I owe you one.
399
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:13,291
No, you owe me 50.
400
00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:24,542
Fifty!
401
00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:27,417
♪ Mama, mama can't you see
402
00:20:27,417 --> 00:20:29,792
ALL: ♪ Mama, mama
can't you see
403
00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:32,625
♪ Drill Sergeant Ladd
made a man outta me
404
00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:35,625
♪ Drill Sergeant Ladd
made a man outta me ♪
405
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,291
OFFICER 2: And that I will
obey the orders
406
00:20:37,291 --> 00:20:39,792
of the President
of the United States.
407
00:20:39,792 --> 00:20:43,750
ALL: And I will obey
the orders of the President
of the United States.
408
00:20:43,750 --> 00:20:47,000
And the orders of the officers
appointed over me.
409
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,291
ALL: And the orders
of the officers
appointed over me.
410
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,375
According to regulations...
411
00:20:52,375 --> 00:20:54,125
ALL: According to
regulations...
412
00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:57,000
And the uniform code
of military justice.
413
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,500
ALL: And the uniform code
of military justice.
414
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,041
So help me God.
415
00:21:01,041 --> 00:21:03,333
So help me God.
416
00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:05,667
You look great!
Nice to meet you.
Bye.
417
00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:08,208
Be good. Take care. Bye.
418
00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:11,333
Ah, it's the uniforms, man!
I know.
419
00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:13,500
LADD: Private Conway!
420
00:21:17,333 --> 00:21:20,000
Never thought I'd say this,
but I think I've done
the impossible...
421
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,667
I've turned you
into soldiers.
422
00:21:21,667 --> 00:21:23,333
BOTH: Thank you,
Drill Sergeant.
423
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,125
Carry on.
424
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:39,375
Uh, is this, uh,
unit 341?
That's us, soldier.
425
00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:41,875
Hey, Bones Conway, here.
This is my partner Jack.
426
00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:43,208
Hi. Christine.
427
00:21:43,208 --> 00:21:46,041
Nice to meet you. Looks like
we'll be working together.
Good.
428
00:21:46,041 --> 00:21:49,000
Christine, a la
G.I. Jane, right?
429
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,458
What brings a pretty
little lady like you
to water purification?
430
00:21:52,709 --> 00:21:55,208
I wanted infantry,
but until they ax that crap
431
00:21:55,208 --> 00:21:57,250
about women not being
allowed in combat,
432
00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:59,542
I'll just have to settle
for kickin' your little butt.
433
00:21:59,542 --> 00:22:01,041
Oh!
434
00:22:01,041 --> 00:22:03,709
That would be nice.
435
00:22:03,709 --> 00:22:06,375
Feisty one, huh?
I like that.
436
00:22:07,208 --> 00:22:08,750
Shut up.
437
00:22:12,709 --> 00:22:15,291
I'm gonna have
to kill your friend.
438
00:22:15,291 --> 00:22:17,250
Hey, Bones Conway.
439
00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:19,917
Hey, Fred Ostroff.
Good to meet you.
440
00:22:19,917 --> 00:22:22,917
You okay, Fred?
Oh, man, I'm fine.
441
00:22:22,917 --> 00:22:23,959
Thanks.
Thank you.
442
00:22:26,375 --> 00:22:29,083
So, uh, what do you do
when you don't purify water?
443
00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:32,750
Well, I'm goin'
into my final year
of dental school.
444
00:22:32,750 --> 00:22:35,583
Wow.
Now that is great.
445
00:22:35,583 --> 00:22:37,583
No, it's not.
Why?
446
00:22:37,583 --> 00:22:40,417
Did you know that
dentists are more feared
447
00:22:40,417 --> 00:22:43,041
and loathed than
any other profession?
448
00:22:43,041 --> 00:22:44,083
That's including lawyers.
449
00:22:44,083 --> 00:22:46,750
No. See, I don't think
people hate dentists.
450
00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:49,208
It's just the sound
of that drill.
451
00:22:49,208 --> 00:22:50,750
Yeah. And then they
stick that sucking thing
452
00:22:50,750 --> 00:22:52,750
in the back of your
mouth like this.
453
00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:55,250
And the nurse says,
"I'll be right back."
454
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:57,959
Then they jam those
cardboard x-ray things.
455
00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,667
And then they...
456
00:22:59,667 --> 00:23:03,291
And you know when there's...
you have a cavity, they take
that pointy thing and they...
457
00:23:03,291 --> 00:23:06,208
All right?
458
00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:09,166
The nurse leaves,
and she goes to lunch.
459
00:23:09,166 --> 00:23:11,291
And she jams it
back there, right?
460
00:23:11,291 --> 00:23:14,625
Meanwhile, there is
a lead apron, right,
on the thing,
461
00:23:14,625 --> 00:23:18,458
and you're sitting
there like...
462
00:23:18,458 --> 00:23:22,125
Can somebody...
Help me?
463
00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:24,667
See, see? That's what
I'm talkin' about.
464
00:23:24,667 --> 00:23:26,500
If you don't want
to talk about it, it's okay.
465
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:28,500
Oh, no, no, no. It's good.
We should talk about it,
466
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:31,792
'cause my therapist said
that I need to get it out.
467
00:23:31,792 --> 00:23:33,500
Kinda like
an emotional enema.
468
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:36,166
So we talked about it
and said,
469
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,959
"Why not join
the Army Reserve?"
470
00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:40,667
"Be all that you can be..."
On the weekends.
471
00:23:41,667 --> 00:23:43,291
Yeah. Yeah.
472
00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:48,041
Maybe it'd help me to face
those things in my life
that I'm most afraid of.
473
00:23:48,041 --> 00:23:49,667
And what are
you afraid of?
474
00:23:49,667 --> 00:23:51,417
Uh...
475
00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:55,333
Well, I'd have to say,
uh, damn near everything.
476
00:23:55,333 --> 00:23:57,834
Floss?
Hey!
477
00:23:57,834 --> 00:23:59,166
Keep it.
478
00:24:03,166 --> 00:24:05,000
Good morning.
479
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,458
INSTRUCTION OFFICER:
Purifying our water is one of
the most vital operations
480
00:24:07,458 --> 00:24:09,000
in the military.
481
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,834
It is absolutely vital
482
00:24:10,834 --> 00:24:13,875
that you know your
equipment inside and out.
483
00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:24,583
Two soldiers must man
the hose at all times.
484
00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,834
This is for your
own safety, people.
485
00:24:26,834 --> 00:24:27,750
Okay!
486
00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:31,000
Never lose control
of your hose.
487
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,583
Turn it off!
488
00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:34,875
Turn it off!
489
00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:42,375
INSTRUCTION OFFICER:
After careful training,
you will be able to produce
490
00:24:42,375 --> 00:24:45,583
potable water from
the most disgusting, swampy,
491
00:24:45,583 --> 00:24:49,709
parasite-infected,
diseased water.
Hey, guys!
492
00:24:49,709 --> 00:24:53,208
Look. It's our first glass
of purified water.
493
00:24:53,208 --> 00:24:54,417
All right!
494
00:24:55,750 --> 00:24:58,041
Go for it, man.
Try it.
495
00:24:58,041 --> 00:25:00,041
Nah, I'm not gonna try.
496
00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:03,750
Here, you try it.
I'm not gonna try it.
497
00:25:03,750 --> 00:25:05,083
We should get Christine.
498
00:25:05,083 --> 00:25:08,041
BOTH: Yeah!
She'll taste anything.
499
00:25:11,709 --> 00:25:14,166
I'm not gonna try it.
500
00:25:14,166 --> 00:25:15,917
Oh, let's get Freddy.
501
00:25:15,917 --> 00:25:17,750
BONES: Okay.
CHRISTINE: Oh, Freddy!
502
00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,917
No, thanks. I'm allergic.
It'll make me break out.
503
00:25:21,750 --> 00:25:24,542
ALL: Well, then,
who's gonna try it?
504
00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:43,250
Who's the leader
of this outfit?
505
00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:46,291
ALL: He is.
506
00:25:46,291 --> 00:25:51,250
Son, I've been doin'
this for a long time,
and I gotta say,
507
00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:55,125
this is the best damn
glass of purified water
I ever had.
508
00:25:55,125 --> 00:25:57,125
Congratulations!
509
00:25:57,125 --> 00:25:59,959
Keep this up, and
I'll be puttin' you in
for Private First Class.
510
00:25:59,959 --> 00:26:01,917
BONES: Thank you, Sergeant.
511
00:26:01,917 --> 00:26:05,333
But I could not
have done it without
the inspirational guidance
512
00:26:05,333 --> 00:26:07,250
of my brother,
the pool man!
513
00:26:14,750 --> 00:26:16,125
Be right back, honey.
514
00:26:17,458 --> 00:26:19,625
Excuse me.
515
00:26:19,625 --> 00:26:21,250
Better go freshen up.
516
00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:27,667
You're not gonna follow me
into the bathroom, Bones.
517
00:26:27,667 --> 00:26:31,458
No, come on. Bye.
Oh, baby.
518
00:26:31,458 --> 00:26:35,166
Speak-a French
and Italiano.
519
00:26:35,166 --> 00:26:39,000
♪ Baby, baby,
let's get together
520
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,959
♪ Honey, honey, me and you
521
00:26:42,959 --> 00:26:46,792
♪ And do the things,
ah, do the things
522
00:26:48,291 --> 00:26:51,166
♪ That we like to do
523
00:26:51,166 --> 00:26:55,166
♪ Oh, do a little dance,
make a little love ♪
524
00:26:55,166 --> 00:26:57,375
Bones!
525
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,291
Put your
clothes back on.
526
00:27:03,291 --> 00:27:05,000
Come on. He hasn't seen
you in eight weeks.
527
00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:10,500
Yeah!
528
00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:12,875
Honey!
Look what I did for you.
The Army did this.
529
00:27:12,875 --> 00:27:15,041
You look buff.
I know.
530
00:27:15,041 --> 00:27:16,542
Did you miss me?
Of course I did.
531
00:27:18,709 --> 00:27:19,875
Uh, oh...
532
00:27:22,750 --> 00:27:25,750
Honey, wait, wait.
Hold it here a second.
Listen, hey!
533
00:27:25,750 --> 00:27:27,041
We're in the middle
of a party.
534
00:27:27,041 --> 00:27:29,208
Your friends might come in.
That'd be cool.
535
00:27:29,208 --> 00:27:30,917
I don't think.
I think it's very rude
536
00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:33,375
if we stay here more
than a couple minutes.
537
00:27:33,375 --> 00:27:34,875
Two minutes? That's perfect.
Uh-huh.
538
00:27:34,875 --> 00:27:36,291
I look to be
cuddled afterwards.
539
00:27:36,291 --> 00:27:37,542
Mmm.
540
00:27:40,667 --> 00:27:42,709
Hold that thought.
541
00:27:42,709 --> 00:27:45,917
Somebody better be dead.
Hello.
542
00:27:45,917 --> 00:27:48,250
MAN: This is
an official message.
543
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:53,166
I saw a flock of wild geese
migrating south.
544
00:27:53,166 --> 00:27:56,750
I say again, the geese
are migrating south.
545
00:27:56,750 --> 00:28:00,625
Yeah? Well, uh, my goose
is about to lay a golden egg.
546
00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:04,291
So, you're gonna have to
cruise the south solo, okay?
Have a nice flight.
547
00:28:04,291 --> 00:28:06,583
Who was it?
Someone who's
into birds.
548
00:28:06,583 --> 00:28:08,750
What?
I don't know.
Caw, caw!
549
00:28:14,041 --> 00:28:17,375
Look, you saw the goose.
I'm the walrus
and Paul is dead.
550
00:28:17,375 --> 00:28:20,000
And I'm tryin' to bury
my beak here,
so give it a rest!
551
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,917
All right,
that's it.
552
00:28:34,792 --> 00:28:36,125
Jack!
553
00:28:36,125 --> 00:28:38,458
BONES: Get the phone.
Who is it?
554
00:28:38,458 --> 00:28:41,041
It's a freak calling about
wild geese migrating.
555
00:28:41,041 --> 00:28:42,500
Hello.
Bones!
556
00:28:45,625 --> 00:28:49,792
What... No, just don't.
Christine, don't. Look.
557
00:28:49,792 --> 00:28:50,959
Which way?
558
00:28:50,959 --> 00:28:52,000
Who cares?
559
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,291
North or south?
560
00:28:53,291 --> 00:28:55,000
South.
561
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,417
Yes! Yes, yes!
562
00:28:57,417 --> 00:28:59,792
What?
563
00:28:59,792 --> 00:29:01,667
You guys,
don't you remember?
564
00:29:01,667 --> 00:29:04,000
About the code?
565
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,625
So that if we got called up
for active duty then we
would know it was for real.
566
00:29:06,625 --> 00:29:10,083
It's gotta be a mistake.
It's gotta be Chad.
567
00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:12,667
Hello, Mama?
It's Frederick.
568
00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:15,834
Uh, you sittin' down?
569
00:29:15,834 --> 00:29:19,375
Chad is an African country,
the one that Libya's
about to invade.
570
00:29:19,375 --> 00:29:21,458
Uh, turn off the music.
571
00:29:24,041 --> 00:29:25,458
Do you remember
when you told me
572
00:29:25,458 --> 00:29:27,667
that every Black man
should visit the motherland?
573
00:29:27,667 --> 00:29:31,125
Bones, why do you think
I chose water purification?
574
00:29:31,125 --> 00:29:33,583
Mmm, is your brother
a pool man?
No.
575
00:29:33,583 --> 00:29:36,417
It's because Chad
is in a desert.
576
00:29:36,417 --> 00:29:38,834
And water purification
is the Reserve occupation
577
00:29:38,834 --> 00:29:41,667
most likely to be called up
if there's a desert war.
578
00:29:41,667 --> 00:29:44,291
And there's a desert war,
and we're going!
579
00:29:45,834 --> 00:29:47,792
Mmm. That's it, Bones.
I'm gonna kill you.
580
00:29:47,792 --> 00:29:49,500
You gotta relax here.
581
00:29:49,500 --> 00:29:51,333
Okay? I'm gonna get
us outta this one.
582
00:29:52,667 --> 00:29:54,041
Trust me.
583
00:30:04,208 --> 00:30:06,000
At ease.
584
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,834
Sir, I know
we're going to Chad,
585
00:30:08,834 --> 00:30:11,375
but there's something
you need to know
about Jack and I
586
00:30:11,375 --> 00:30:12,375
before we go, sir.
587
00:30:12,834 --> 00:30:13,625
Yes?
588
00:30:15,041 --> 00:30:19,750
Uh, Bones and I
are very close friends.
589
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:24,875
Very.
Oh, I see.
590
00:30:24,875 --> 00:30:28,417
In that case, boys, I guess
you're not going to Chad.
591
00:30:31,834 --> 00:30:33,500
Sorry to
disappoint you, sir.
592
00:30:37,250 --> 00:30:38,709
Uh, just one thing.
593
00:30:40,709 --> 00:30:42,625
Mmm-hmm. Anything.
594
00:30:43,750 --> 00:30:44,750
Kiss 'im.
595
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:48,083
'Scuse me?
596
00:30:48,083 --> 00:30:49,917
Kiss your friend.
597
00:30:49,917 --> 00:30:52,208
You don't have a problem
with that now, do ya?
598
00:30:54,208 --> 00:30:55,917
Oh, no.
Uh-uh.
599
00:30:55,917 --> 00:30:57,750
He kisses me every day.
600
00:31:15,625 --> 00:31:17,083
Just do it.
601
00:31:22,834 --> 00:31:25,792
Oh, shit.
Is it hot in Chad?
602
00:31:25,792 --> 00:31:28,458
As the Libyan raids
against U.N. forces
603
00:31:28,458 --> 00:31:30,125
near the border continue,
604
00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:32,291
this U.S. force
is being readied
605
00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:33,750
to deter the invasion
606
00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:35,333
threatened
by the Libyan leader
607
00:31:35,333 --> 00:31:38,375
in his television broadcast
last night.
608
00:31:38,375 --> 00:31:40,333
As the buildup
here continues,
609
00:31:40,333 --> 00:31:43,291
the first Army Reserve units
arrived here today.
610
00:31:43,291 --> 00:31:45,875
These units will aid
in the supply...
Hello, Mama.
611
00:31:45,875 --> 00:31:48,333
...and logistical support
of the growing
U.S. presence here.
612
00:31:48,333 --> 00:31:51,792
These troops
are in high spirits,
and the morale is high.
613
00:31:51,792 --> 00:31:53,917
And their hopes are high
that this mission...
All right, soldiers, let's go!
614
00:31:53,917 --> 00:31:56,458
...will remain
a peaceful one.
615
00:31:56,458 --> 00:31:59,709
Reporting live from Chad
for Worldwide News Report,
616
00:31:59,709 --> 00:32:01,667
this is Stu Krieger.
617
00:32:18,375 --> 00:32:21,000
I am First Sergeant
Brandon T. Williams.
618
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,792
It is my intention to run
this company like a clock.
619
00:32:23,792 --> 00:32:27,834
If one gear slips in my clock,
my clock'll
tell the wrong time.
620
00:32:27,834 --> 00:32:31,500
If one spring is loose
in my clock, my clock'll
tell the wrong time.
621
00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:34,291
First Sergeant Williams
likes his clock
to tell the right time.
622
00:32:34,291 --> 00:32:36,000
Do you understand me?
623
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,083
ALL: Yes, First Sergeant!
624
00:32:38,083 --> 00:32:39,583
What did he just say?
625
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,542
I don't know. Something
about his clock being broken.
626
00:32:44,542 --> 00:32:46,667
Have my words
fallen upon deaf ears?
627
00:32:46,667 --> 00:32:50,667
Yes, Sergeant!
I mean, no, Sergeant.
628
00:32:50,667 --> 00:32:52,417
Don't you know
I'm your First Sergeant?
629
00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:57,375
Well, actually,
I wish you were
my First Sergeant,
630
00:32:57,375 --> 00:32:59,709
but I already had
a couple ones already.
631
00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:03,375
Drop
and give me push-ups!
632
00:33:03,375 --> 00:33:05,083
You will continue
to do push-ups
633
00:33:05,083 --> 00:33:07,041
until you learn to address
me as First Sergeant,
634
00:33:07,041 --> 00:33:08,208
is that clear?
635
00:33:08,208 --> 00:33:10,375
Yes, First Sergeant!
Count off!
636
00:33:10,375 --> 00:33:13,000
One, First Sergeant.
Two, First Sergeant.
637
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,542
Three, First Sergeant.
Four, First Sergeant.
638
00:33:15,542 --> 00:33:18,208
Five, First Sergeant.
Six, First Sergeant.
Don't eyeball me.
639
00:33:18,208 --> 00:33:23,000
Seven, First Sergeant.
Eight, First Sergeant.
Nine, First Sergeant.
640
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:27,750
10, First Sergeant.
11, First Sergeant.
12, First Sergeant.
641
00:33:27,750 --> 00:33:31,417
13, First Sergeant.
14, First Sergeant.
642
00:33:31,417 --> 00:33:34,291
123, First Sergeant.
124, First Sergeant.
643
00:33:34,291 --> 00:33:37,709
125, First Sergeant.
That's enough.
On your feet!
644
00:33:37,709 --> 00:33:39,875
Son, I bet you did a
lot of push-ups
645
00:33:39,875 --> 00:33:41,333
when you were in
basic training, didn't you?
646
00:33:41,333 --> 00:33:44,458
Yes, First Sergeant.
Well, you just did
your last push-up, soldier.
647
00:33:44,458 --> 00:33:46,083
I will never ask you
to do another.
648
00:33:46,083 --> 00:33:47,417
Thank you,
First Sergeant.
649
00:33:47,417 --> 00:33:49,750
You just graduated
to peelin' potatoes.
650
00:33:49,750 --> 00:33:53,417
BONES: 6,543, First Sergeant.
651
00:33:53,417 --> 00:33:57,500
6,544, First Sergeant.
652
00:33:57,500 --> 00:34:02,250
Oh, First Sergeant.
6,545, First Sergeant.
Ooh.
653
00:34:02,250 --> 00:34:05,625
Six thousand, one...
600,000,
654
00:34:05,625 --> 00:34:08,458
5,452, First Sergeant.
655
00:34:09,458 --> 00:34:11,542
Shit, I lost count.
656
00:34:11,542 --> 00:34:13,625
BONES: Wait, we got it!
We got it! We got it! Look!
657
00:34:15,375 --> 00:34:16,625
CHRISTINE: That's my butt!
658
00:34:16,625 --> 00:34:20,041
JACK: Good one, Bones.
659
00:34:20,041 --> 00:34:22,500
MAN: ♪ Kumbaya ♪
CHRISTINE: Stop it!
660
00:34:31,458 --> 00:34:34,458
Oh, cool, look.
Hey.
661
00:34:34,458 --> 00:34:35,959
It's a sunroof.
662
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,500
Oh, look.
663
00:34:56,500 --> 00:34:59,583
Gabriella tucked a little note
into my duffel bag.
664
00:34:59,583 --> 00:35:01,959
JACK: Aw!
BONES: Yeah.
665
00:35:01,959 --> 00:35:07,000
"Dear Bones,
by the time you read this
I will already be..."
666
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:12,125
What? "I will already be
in Milan with Guido."
667
00:35:13,291 --> 00:35:17,166
Oh, she dumped ya.
Sorry, Bones.
668
00:35:17,166 --> 00:35:19,000
I must say, this guy
sounds really nice.
669
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,166
He's got a villa
right on the Adriatic Sea.
670
00:35:21,166 --> 00:35:22,542
Jack, don't rub it in.
671
00:35:22,542 --> 00:35:24,500
No, no.
You're better off.
672
00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:28,208
She's a horrible speller.
There's only one "S"
in loser. Look at that.
673
00:35:28,208 --> 00:35:31,041
And, "Immaturish"?
I don't even think
that's a word.
674
00:35:31,041 --> 00:35:34,875
Gabriella, she...
She broke my heart.
675
00:35:34,875 --> 00:35:36,208
Sorry.
676
00:35:36,208 --> 00:35:39,041
Well, fortunately,
I'm too shallow
to stay bummed for too long.
677
00:35:39,041 --> 00:35:41,583
I'll take that.
678
00:35:41,583 --> 00:35:43,375
Mmm.
679
00:35:43,375 --> 00:35:45,208
Uh, would you mind turning
the light off please, Jack?
680
00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:46,917
Oh, yeah.
681
00:35:46,917 --> 00:35:51,041
Fred, you checked your bag
for scorpions. Right?
682
00:35:51,041 --> 00:35:52,583
For scorpions?
683
00:35:52,583 --> 00:35:54,250
He's messing
with you, Fred.
684
00:35:54,250 --> 00:35:55,667
JACK: No, I'm not.
685
00:35:55,667 --> 00:35:58,625
Chad is the scorpion capital
of the world.
686
00:35:58,625 --> 00:36:01,834
Yep, Fred.
They're big ones too.
'Bout as big as my fist.
687
00:36:01,834 --> 00:36:04,208
JACK: They outnumber people
two to one.
688
00:36:04,208 --> 00:36:06,709
And that margin grows
with every sting.
689
00:36:08,041 --> 00:36:09,917
So, have a good
sleep, Fred.
690
00:36:09,917 --> 00:36:12,083
Good night,
everybody.
Good night, Bones.
691
00:36:12,083 --> 00:36:13,542
Night, Sue Ellen.
692
00:36:13,542 --> 00:36:15,875
SUE: Night, John Boy.
693
00:36:15,875 --> 00:36:17,250
Scorpions!
694
00:36:18,625 --> 00:36:20,375
Yeah, right.
695
00:36:28,792 --> 00:36:30,917
I got one.
I got one!
696
00:36:30,917 --> 00:36:33,041
I got one.
I got one!
697
00:36:33,041 --> 00:36:35,333
I got one.
I got one!
698
00:36:35,333 --> 00:36:39,250
I got one.
I got one!
699
00:36:39,250 --> 00:36:43,125
I got one.
I got one!
700
00:36:43,125 --> 00:36:46,417
Very funny!
701
00:36:46,417 --> 00:36:49,709
We're just tryin'
to help ya get over
your fears, Fred, really.
702
00:36:49,709 --> 00:36:52,250
Fred, don't worry about it.
You come sleep with me.
703
00:36:52,250 --> 00:36:55,959
I'd rather
take my chances with the
scorpion, thank you.
704
00:36:58,875 --> 00:37:01,083
God, I hate this.
705
00:37:01,083 --> 00:37:03,834
It's not that bad.
It's like camp.
706
00:37:04,959 --> 00:37:09,125
♪ John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt
707
00:37:09,125 --> 00:37:11,959
♪ That's my name too
♪ That's my name too
708
00:37:11,959 --> 00:37:15,417
♪ Whenever we go out
the people always shout
709
00:37:15,417 --> 00:37:18,333
♪ There's goes John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt
710
00:37:18,333 --> 00:37:20,125
♪ Da, da, da, da
711
00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:23,542
♪ John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt
712
00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:27,083
BONES: Come on!
♪ That's my name too ♪
713
00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:29,291
Shut up!
714
00:37:57,750 --> 00:37:59,667
Don't eat the chicken.
715
00:37:59,667 --> 00:38:02,875
Man, it tastes just like frog.
Are you... Can I...
716
00:38:02,875 --> 00:38:04,709
Thanks. Enjoy.
717
00:38:10,709 --> 00:38:12,333
STERN: Ready!
Go!
718
00:38:16,166 --> 00:38:17,375
Who are they?
719
00:38:18,208 --> 00:38:20,875
Special Forces.
Mmm.
720
00:38:23,542 --> 00:38:25,417
14.11 seconds.
721
00:38:25,417 --> 00:38:27,542
Damn! Try it again.
722
00:38:29,291 --> 00:38:31,709
SOLDIER: Go!
He's incredible.
723
00:38:31,709 --> 00:38:33,083
Time me.
724
00:38:35,041 --> 00:38:36,166
All right.
725
00:38:37,875 --> 00:38:39,375
Go!
726
00:38:39,375 --> 00:38:41,208
Shoo!
Shoo! Shoo!
727
00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:43,375
Shoo! Shoo!
728
00:38:43,375 --> 00:38:45,041
Shoo! Shoo!
729
00:38:50,208 --> 00:38:51,542
Where'd it hit?
Oh, that's not good.
730
00:38:51,542 --> 00:38:53,375
What happened?
That is not good.
731
00:39:00,667 --> 00:39:02,875
JACK: Oh, great.
He's comin' over.
732
00:39:02,875 --> 00:39:04,625
Just... Just don't
look at 'im.
733
00:39:06,041 --> 00:39:07,375
You lose somethin'?
734
00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:10,583
Yeah, thanks.
735
00:39:12,375 --> 00:39:14,250
You put it
in my lasagna.
736
00:39:14,250 --> 00:39:16,083
You better call 911,
get an ambulance,
737
00:39:16,083 --> 00:39:17,417
find a doctor,
order a toe tag...
738
00:39:17,417 --> 00:39:18,834
...'cause I'm gonna
tear off your head
739
00:39:18,834 --> 00:39:20,875
and spit it down your neck,
you understand me, boy?
740
00:39:21,750 --> 00:39:23,250
Huh?
741
00:39:23,250 --> 00:39:24,583
Hey! Hey!
742
00:39:26,083 --> 00:39:30,250
You have to relax a little.
Take it easy.
743
00:39:30,250 --> 00:39:34,083
We're in the middle of a war,
and we're on the same side.
744
00:39:34,083 --> 00:39:35,083
MAN: Yeah, dude.
745
00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:42,458
Would America
have won the Civil War
746
00:39:42,458 --> 00:39:45,792
if Benjamin Franklin
did not get along
with Eleanor Roosevelt?
747
00:39:45,792 --> 00:39:48,041
SOLDIER: Right on!
BONES: A little knowledge.
748
00:39:48,041 --> 00:39:50,125
A little knowledge
to parter.
749
00:39:50,125 --> 00:39:53,083
Hmm?
Go ahead, man.
750
00:39:53,083 --> 00:39:56,417
If our soldiers,
our American soldiers,
751
00:39:56,417 --> 00:39:59,625
acted like this
in Desert Storm...
752
00:39:59,625 --> 00:40:02,166
Saddam Hussein would
still be running Iraq.
753
00:40:02,166 --> 00:40:04,000
SOLDIER: Uh, what?
754
00:40:05,458 --> 00:40:06,709
Excuse me.
755
00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:12,291
So maybe we're a bunch
of Reservists fresh off
the plane, right?
756
00:40:12,291 --> 00:40:14,959
It's obvious.
But you regular guys,
757
00:40:14,959 --> 00:40:18,291
you've been here so long
that your brains are fried!
758
00:40:18,291 --> 00:40:22,208
So I guess, what I'm
really trying to say is...
759
00:40:22,208 --> 00:40:24,333
SOLDIER 2: Come on, genius,
spit it out.
760
00:40:25,709 --> 00:40:28,166
That doesn't mean
we all can't be friends...
761
00:40:28,917 --> 00:40:30,458
Please.
762
00:40:30,458 --> 00:40:32,458
There's only one problem
with you newbies.
763
00:40:32,458 --> 00:40:33,750
SOLDIER 3: Tell him
the truth man.
764
00:40:33,750 --> 00:40:35,625
You don't eat enough.
765
00:40:35,625 --> 00:40:36,834
No, that's, that's...
766
00:40:39,166 --> 00:40:40,667
OFFICER: Attention!
767
00:40:53,625 --> 00:40:55,000
As you were.
768
00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:03,166
Son,
769
00:41:03,166 --> 00:41:05,291
I bet the Mess Sergeant
could use a volunteer
770
00:41:05,291 --> 00:41:06,750
to peel potatoes.
771
00:41:06,750 --> 00:41:08,083
Yes, sir!
772
00:41:08,083 --> 00:41:09,542
Can we count on you?
773
00:41:09,542 --> 00:41:11,041
Yes, sir.
774
00:41:11,041 --> 00:41:14,041
Carry on.
775
00:41:14,041 --> 00:41:17,041
I happen to know,
on this base, there's not
one unpeeled potato.
776
00:41:32,291 --> 00:41:34,208
I heard the, uh, Libyans
are already backing down,
777
00:41:34,208 --> 00:41:35,709
and we're gonna be
outta here in two weeks.
778
00:41:35,709 --> 00:41:36,750
Yeah?
779
00:41:36,750 --> 00:41:39,208
Well, I hear they're sending
20,000 more troops,
780
00:41:39,208 --> 00:41:41,375
and we're gonna be
here 'til Christmas.
781
00:41:42,417 --> 00:41:44,375
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hey! Wait!
782
00:41:44,375 --> 00:41:45,583
Where you goin'?
783
00:41:46,834 --> 00:41:48,583
It's not like
I got bad breath.
784
00:41:54,083 --> 00:41:55,250
Help.
785
00:41:56,750 --> 00:42:00,417
And until they comply
with U.N. resolution 991,
786
00:42:00,417 --> 00:42:02,750
I don't think anybody's
goin' anywhere.
787
00:42:02,750 --> 00:42:04,959
Uh, you're amazing,
Christine.
788
00:42:04,959 --> 00:42:07,125
How do you keep up
with all that stuff?
789
00:42:09,750 --> 00:42:11,083
Christine?
790
00:42:12,041 --> 00:42:13,250
Christine?
791
00:42:16,542 --> 00:42:18,083
All right,
quit screwin' around.
792
00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:23,750
Chris, send some water
with this mud!
793
00:42:29,959 --> 00:42:31,291
Chris!
794
00:42:35,166 --> 00:42:36,458
Jack?
795
00:42:38,959 --> 00:42:40,125
You...
796
00:42:41,333 --> 00:42:43,792
Fred?
797
00:42:47,208 --> 00:42:49,125
How's it feel to be dead,
water boy?
798
00:42:52,333 --> 00:42:54,959
I don't know.
How does it feel
to be a dick, dick?
799
00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:05,250
Dammit!
Where's my water?
800
00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:07,500
There was none delivered
last night, First Sergeant.
801
00:43:11,375 --> 00:43:13,458
Goddamn piece of shit
newbies.
802
00:43:13,458 --> 00:43:15,709
How am I gonna run
a decent H.Q.
without my coffee?
803
00:43:21,875 --> 00:43:24,542
That is truly
a pathetic sight.
804
00:43:24,542 --> 00:43:25,875
Who perpetrated this?
805
00:43:34,542 --> 00:43:35,959
Ow!
806
00:43:39,875 --> 00:43:41,834
Who did this to you?
807
00:43:41,834 --> 00:43:43,750
I can't tell you,
First Sergeant.
808
00:43:43,750 --> 00:43:46,333
What? You have
too much honor?
809
00:43:46,333 --> 00:43:50,250
No! I've been
threatened with death.
810
00:43:50,250 --> 00:43:53,041
Untie these clowns,
and get me some water!
811
00:43:57,208 --> 00:43:59,208
DRILL SERGEANT:
♪ I just love it
any ol' way
812
00:43:59,208 --> 00:44:01,208
PLATOON: ♪ I just love it
any ol' way ♪
813
00:44:01,208 --> 00:44:03,667
I have an announcement.
814
00:44:03,667 --> 00:44:06,375
Do you guys want your water,
'cause you're lookin'
a little bit crispy?
815
00:44:06,375 --> 00:44:08,542
You better...
Oh, I know.
I know. I know.
816
00:44:08,542 --> 00:44:12,542
Tell me if this is right.
I better call 976,
find a doctor
817
00:44:12,542 --> 00:44:15,000
and tag an ambulance,
'cause you're gonna
tear off my toe
818
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,250
and spit down my head,
right?
819
00:44:17,250 --> 00:44:19,041
Do you guys want
your water or not?
820
00:44:19,041 --> 00:44:20,875
SOLDIER: Sergeant!
821
00:44:20,875 --> 00:44:22,709
Report to Captain Roberts.
You've got a mission.
822
00:44:24,166 --> 00:44:26,917
SOLDIER: Water boys,
823
00:44:26,917 --> 00:44:29,875
report to
First Sergeant Williams,
you've got a mission too.
824
00:44:29,875 --> 00:44:32,417
Listen up!
Captain Denby says
825
00:44:32,417 --> 00:44:36,834
we're gonna resupply
the forward U.N.
peace-keeping base.
826
00:44:36,834 --> 00:44:39,917
This is a very simple,
routine mission.
827
00:44:39,917 --> 00:44:43,583
You will fall into line
in a very large,
very prepared convoy.
828
00:44:43,583 --> 00:44:47,417
All you have to do
is follow the truck
in front of you.
829
00:44:47,417 --> 00:44:49,959
When your troops get thirsty,
you will give them water.
830
00:44:49,959 --> 00:44:51,625
Conway,
you look confused.
831
00:44:51,625 --> 00:44:53,917
Are you sure
you wanna send us
to a forward area?
832
00:44:53,917 --> 00:44:56,917
We're just water boys.
You are soldiers!
833
00:44:56,917 --> 00:45:00,458
You will get in that convoy,
and you will be a credit
to the United States Army.
834
00:45:00,458 --> 00:45:02,750
Is that clear?
ALL: Yes,
First Sergeant!
835
00:45:02,750 --> 00:45:05,000
Then muscle your lollygaggin'
butts and move out!
836
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,709
ALL: Yes, First Sergeant!
837
00:45:34,166 --> 00:45:36,166
Dammit!
838
00:45:36,166 --> 00:45:37,834
Forget it.
They're gonna send
a tow truck.
839
00:45:42,125 --> 00:45:44,583
Man, what I wouldn't do
for a double-meat,
840
00:45:44,583 --> 00:45:46,834
chili cheeseburger
right now.
841
00:45:46,834 --> 00:45:49,959
No, a margarita
on the rocks.
842
00:45:49,959 --> 00:45:52,458
Mmm.
843
00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:55,667
Or some fresh,
buttery Jiffy-Pop.
844
00:45:55,667 --> 00:45:57,333
That's not popcorn, boys.
845
00:45:57,333 --> 00:45:58,667
Hmm?
846
00:45:58,667 --> 00:46:00,208
That convoy's
under attack.
847
00:46:03,333 --> 00:46:05,583
Really?
I don't think so.
848
00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:10,458
A maniac's shooting at us!
849
00:46:10,458 --> 00:46:12,166
It's not a maniac.
It's the enemy!
850
00:46:12,166 --> 00:46:14,041
What the hell
are you doing?
Surrendering!
851
00:46:14,041 --> 00:46:15,291
Don't shoot!
852
00:46:26,333 --> 00:46:27,500
Damn!
853
00:46:30,250 --> 00:46:32,375
Nice goin', Christine.
854
00:46:32,375 --> 00:46:35,375
Did you have to shoot
so close, huh? You scared
the shit outta me.
855
00:46:35,375 --> 00:46:36,625
Well, excuse
me for livin'!
856
00:46:36,625 --> 00:46:39,375
I was just tryin' to save
your worthless little life.
857
00:46:39,375 --> 00:46:43,041
Christine,
are you aware that after
a near-death experience,
858
00:46:43,041 --> 00:46:45,333
there's often
a desire to have sex?
859
00:46:45,333 --> 00:46:47,208
Yeah, Jack.
That's right.
860
00:46:47,208 --> 00:46:49,375
I feel it.
All right!
861
00:46:51,041 --> 00:46:54,208
Just not with you...
Ever!
862
00:46:54,208 --> 00:46:57,375
Got it?
Yeah. Got it.
863
00:46:57,375 --> 00:46:59,208
I'm glad we could have
this little talk.
864
00:46:59,208 --> 00:47:01,208
I didn't feel anything.
865
00:47:01,208 --> 00:47:04,166
You guys,
let's get outta here
The truck's on fire!
866
00:47:22,250 --> 00:47:23,291
Stay low. It's gonna...
867
00:47:30,500 --> 00:47:32,417
...explode.
868
00:47:34,166 --> 00:47:35,625
Where's Bones?
869
00:47:37,959 --> 00:47:39,917
BONES: Hello!
870
00:47:45,083 --> 00:47:47,750
Now rickity-tick
your mustering lollygaggin'.
871
00:47:47,750 --> 00:47:50,917
Let's lollygaggin'
outta here!
872
00:48:01,125 --> 00:48:03,000
Isn't the road
that way?
873
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,542
Takin' the shortcut.
874
00:48:04,542 --> 00:48:06,166
Is there one?
Mm-hmm.
875
00:48:06,166 --> 00:48:08,458
The road curves
around like this.
876
00:48:08,458 --> 00:48:10,959
All we gotta do is
cut through the desert here,
877
00:48:10,959 --> 00:48:12,792
and catch up with
the convoy over there.
878
00:48:12,792 --> 00:48:14,458
Watch out! Come on!
879
00:48:14,458 --> 00:48:16,500
I think I know
what I'm doing here.
880
00:48:16,500 --> 00:48:20,458
I guess this is the wrong
time to tell you guys
I get very easily carsick.
881
00:48:35,750 --> 00:48:39,291
CHRISTINE: Bones,
I don't see a road.
882
00:48:39,291 --> 00:48:41,125
I have the best
sense of direction
883
00:48:41,125 --> 00:48:43,834
of anyone you know.
The road's over there.
884
00:48:43,834 --> 00:48:46,625
Three miles...
Maybe four.
885
00:48:46,625 --> 00:48:49,834
JACK: Oh, yeah.
Maybe 10, maybe 20.
886
00:48:50,875 --> 00:48:52,875
Maybe our truck
is sinking.
887
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,792
No!
888
00:49:11,834 --> 00:49:14,000
Push!
889
00:49:16,166 --> 00:49:18,875
Just forget it, okay?
Just shut it down.
We'll dig it out.
890
00:49:18,875 --> 00:49:21,667
No, stand back.
Stand back.
I'm gonna rock it.
891
00:49:27,667 --> 00:49:29,875
Will you quit?
It's not working.
892
00:49:29,875 --> 00:49:32,709
You're sucking too much sand
into the air filter.
893
00:49:32,709 --> 00:49:36,375
I order you
to shut it down now!
894
00:49:36,375 --> 00:49:38,083
You order me?
895
00:49:38,083 --> 00:49:39,709
Yeah, but I'm
Private First Class.
896
00:49:39,709 --> 00:49:41,417
Okay?
I'm ordering you. Come on.
897
00:49:41,417 --> 00:49:44,083
The only reason
you made...
898
00:49:44,083 --> 00:49:46,375
Private First Class
899
00:49:46,375 --> 00:49:48,750
is because your brother's
a pool man.
900
00:49:54,458 --> 00:49:56,417
Huh? You happy?
901
00:49:56,417 --> 00:49:57,917
Get off!
You happy?
902
00:50:00,208 --> 00:50:03,041
Yeah, well, I hope you brought
your Triple "A" cards.
903
00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:04,583
Let's see.
904
00:50:09,709 --> 00:50:12,333
Oh! Well, look.
You cracked the block.
905
00:50:12,333 --> 00:50:14,250
I could've done it
if you hadn't stopped me.
906
00:50:14,250 --> 00:50:15,792
Yeah! You're
so full of it.
907
00:50:15,792 --> 00:50:18,083
You know what?
CHRISTINE: Shut up!
908
00:50:18,083 --> 00:50:20,583
We gotta figure out
what we're gonna do.
909
00:50:20,583 --> 00:50:23,125
Why don't you just ask
our fearless leader here?
910
00:50:23,125 --> 00:50:26,125
Private First Class Bones,
the one with
the highest rank.
911
00:50:26,125 --> 00:50:29,417
All you had to do, Jack,
was just listen to me. Okay?
I was trying to...
912
00:50:29,417 --> 00:50:32,417
All I've ever done is
listen to you, and look
where it's taken me.
913
00:50:32,417 --> 00:50:36,417
Look! We're in
the middle of some
African hellhole
914
00:50:36,417 --> 00:50:39,792
under a flesh-frying sun
with the sky filled
with vultures
915
00:50:39,792 --> 00:50:43,083
ready to pluck out
my eyeballs.
916
00:50:43,083 --> 00:50:46,750
Vultures don't come around
unless something's
about to die.
917
00:51:03,625 --> 00:51:07,083
Are you ripping the sleeves
off your jacket?
918
00:51:07,083 --> 00:51:10,000
Well, that's
gonna look sexy.
919
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,792
Jack, tomorrow we have to walk
away from this water truck.
920
00:51:13,792 --> 00:51:15,458
We have two canteens
between us.
921
00:51:15,458 --> 00:51:18,125
We're gonna fill
up the sleeves
of our jacket's with water
922
00:51:18,125 --> 00:51:19,375
and then we
have more water.
923
00:51:19,375 --> 00:51:22,458
Am I the only person
who paid attention
in survival class?
924
00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:28,000
There's a scorpion
on my back!
925
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,500
There's a scorpion
on my back!
926
00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:30,959
That's enough!
927
00:51:30,959 --> 00:51:33,333
There's not a scorpion
on your back!
928
00:51:33,333 --> 00:51:35,583
Uh-uh.
929
00:51:35,583 --> 00:51:38,000
There is a scorpion
on my back!
930
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,667
Fred, there's nothing
on your back.
931
00:51:40,667 --> 00:51:43,000
You keep on
imagining things.
932
00:51:45,500 --> 00:51:48,333
Thank you.
I needed that.
933
00:51:50,375 --> 00:51:52,000
I'm sorry I snapped.
934
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,500
Look, you don't
have to apologize.
935
00:51:54,500 --> 00:51:56,291
You're right!
936
00:51:56,291 --> 00:51:58,375
I see things
very clear now.
937
00:51:58,375 --> 00:52:00,208
All right,
Fred!
Hey?
938
00:52:00,208 --> 00:52:03,166
FRED: Look guys,
I want to apologize
to everybody. Okay?
939
00:52:03,166 --> 00:52:04,834
He's okay.
I feel like
a brand-new man.
940
00:52:04,834 --> 00:52:07,000
All right.
Now, can we
get some rest?
941
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:08,667
Okay.
Thank you.
942
00:52:18,750 --> 00:52:20,542
What are you doing?
943
00:52:20,542 --> 00:52:23,542
Just felt like going...
944
00:52:23,542 --> 00:52:25,041
You're always playing!
945
00:52:26,625 --> 00:52:28,875
Did you guys see that thing?
It was...
946
00:52:38,208 --> 00:52:40,750
BONES: Follow me. I know
exactly where I'm goin'.
947
00:52:40,750 --> 00:52:43,542
♪ When all
there's left to do
948
00:52:43,542 --> 00:52:44,667
Trust me.
949
00:52:44,667 --> 00:52:47,375
♪ 'Cause you're fightin'
what's been done
950
00:52:49,291 --> 00:52:53,792
♪ This is where
sadness breathes
951
00:52:53,792 --> 00:52:55,917
♪ The sadness
of everyone
952
00:52:58,125 --> 00:53:01,458
♪ Just like when the guys
quit the damn at Otter Creek
953
00:53:01,458 --> 00:53:04,291
♪ And all the water
backed up
954
00:53:04,291 --> 00:53:07,583
♪ Deep enough to die ♪
955
00:53:09,250 --> 00:53:11,750
You guys, get down.
I see something. Get down!
956
00:53:22,667 --> 00:53:25,750
It's a truck!
There's the road.
We are saved!
957
00:53:25,750 --> 00:53:28,166
I told you I had
a flawless sense of direction.
958
00:53:30,709 --> 00:53:33,583
BONES: What a coincidence!
That truck looks...
959
00:53:33,583 --> 00:53:36,125
That looks like our truck.
960
00:53:42,959 --> 00:53:44,625
BONES: Hey,
listen you guys. Hey.
961
00:53:44,625 --> 00:53:47,792
I figured out
why we went in circles.
962
00:53:47,792 --> 00:53:49,959
Do you remember
our map-reading class?
963
00:53:49,959 --> 00:53:52,959
We didn't follow the sun!
964
00:53:55,166 --> 00:53:59,458
Look, this stream
is due west.
965
00:53:59,458 --> 00:54:02,625
All we have to do is walk away
from the sun in the morning,
966
00:54:02,625 --> 00:54:05,959
and towards the sun in the
afternoon and we should
be there by nightfall.
967
00:54:05,959 --> 00:54:07,166
So you're saying
968
00:54:07,166 --> 00:54:10,625
we should risk being
dried up into human
jerky again...
969
00:54:10,625 --> 00:54:14,000
...just to follow another one
of your half-baked plans.
970
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:15,500
I'm not saying
anything, okay?
971
00:54:15,500 --> 00:54:17,375
I mean, I'm pretty sure
this is gonna work.
972
00:54:17,375 --> 00:54:19,583
But since
I let us down before,
973
00:54:19,583 --> 00:54:21,333
I say from here on in,
974
00:54:21,333 --> 00:54:23,333
we put everything
to a vote.
975
00:54:23,333 --> 00:54:25,083
We can't vote.
976
00:54:25,083 --> 00:54:27,083
You order. We follow.
977
00:54:27,083 --> 00:54:29,458
Okay, well, I order
us to vote.
978
00:54:29,458 --> 00:54:32,834
That is not how
the Army goes. You have
to tell us what to do.
979
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:35,291
What if I'm wrong?
980
00:54:36,500 --> 00:54:39,458
Then... We die.
981
00:54:44,667 --> 00:54:47,000
I order us...
982
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:50,333
To do a sunbaked...
Plan thing.
983
00:54:50,875 --> 00:54:52,166
We're dead.
984
00:54:55,542 --> 00:55:00,375
BONES: Hey, guys,
just think of it
as a very long day...
985
00:55:00,375 --> 00:55:03,542
...on a very big beach
in a very dry year.
986
00:55:22,875 --> 00:55:24,291
JACK: Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
987
00:55:24,291 --> 00:55:26,333
Wait a minute.
It's the ocean.
988
00:55:27,208 --> 00:55:28,625
I don't see anything.
989
00:55:28,625 --> 00:55:31,375
What, are you blind?
The...The waves!
990
00:55:31,375 --> 00:55:33,458
It's the ocean!
991
00:55:33,458 --> 00:55:35,375
It's a mirage!
992
00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:37,208
It is a mirage!
993
00:55:37,208 --> 00:55:38,959
And there's Caesars.
994
00:55:38,959 --> 00:55:40,583
And right across
the street is the
Barbary Coast
995
00:55:40,583 --> 00:55:43,583
where you can
get a $3.99 buffet.
996
00:55:43,583 --> 00:55:47,250
It's the ocean!
Come on!
997
00:55:47,250 --> 00:55:49,250
Come on! Let's go!
998
00:55:50,500 --> 00:55:53,250
Come on!
First one in!
999
00:55:54,542 --> 00:55:55,792
Come on!
1000
00:56:08,125 --> 00:56:11,083
Here's a canteen.
Go get your boy
'cause he's buggin'.
1001
00:56:25,250 --> 00:56:28,000
Are you okay, man?
Are you okay? Here.
1002
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:29,417
Take a sip.
1003
00:56:30,959 --> 00:56:33,041
Listen.
1004
00:56:33,041 --> 00:56:35,291
Look, Jack,
we got two choices...
1005
00:56:35,291 --> 00:56:37,625
One, we could put
your clothes back on,
1006
00:56:37,625 --> 00:56:38,875
we get ourselves
out of this mess.
1007
00:56:38,875 --> 00:56:40,959
Go back to Glendale.
Start up our own store.
1008
00:56:40,959 --> 00:56:43,709
Become rich and famous!
1009
00:56:43,709 --> 00:56:47,000
Or two, you can lie here
butt-naked and crust away,
1010
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,333
leaving your skull to be found
by a young Arabic prince
1011
00:56:49,333 --> 00:56:51,417
that's gonna use it
for an ashtray.
1012
00:56:55,125 --> 00:56:57,792
You don't want that
in your head.
1013
00:56:57,792 --> 00:56:59,959
You make the call.
Come on, let's get outta here.
1014
00:57:01,375 --> 00:57:03,417
What do you say?
Come on.
1015
00:57:03,417 --> 00:57:05,709
Here. Here.
1016
00:57:05,709 --> 00:57:07,000
Here. Here.
1017
00:57:08,834 --> 00:57:10,333
Come on.
1018
00:57:11,875 --> 00:57:13,000
Come on.
1019
00:57:15,625 --> 00:57:19,375
Hey. Oh, Jack,
look at that ass!
1020
00:57:19,375 --> 00:57:22,667
Maybe you should stay naked,
get some sun on those cheeks.
1021
00:57:31,375 --> 00:57:32,667
What?
1022
00:57:32,667 --> 00:57:34,667
Oh, man, now
I'm seeing things.
1023
00:57:34,667 --> 00:57:37,000
The palm trees
right on the horizon.
1024
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:38,834
CHRISTINE: Oh!
It's another mirage.
1025
00:57:38,834 --> 00:57:42,917
Oh, my God,
I see it too.
It's not a mirage.
1026
00:57:42,917 --> 00:57:46,208
Those are the palm trees!
It's the oasis!
1027
00:57:46,208 --> 00:57:49,250
Oh, man.
You saved our lives!
1028
00:57:54,875 --> 00:57:57,417
Where's my kiss?
Christine?
1029
00:58:04,417 --> 00:58:06,542
This stream
was due west. Right?
1030
00:58:06,542 --> 00:58:08,208
It was on the map, right?
1031
00:58:09,041 --> 00:58:11,041
Where's the water?
1032
00:58:13,208 --> 00:58:15,542
This is sand.
1033
00:58:21,500 --> 00:58:22,583
Nobody move.
1034
00:58:24,875 --> 00:58:27,291
There is a big snake
right by your feet.
1035
00:58:29,291 --> 00:58:31,083
Ah!
1036
00:58:31,083 --> 00:58:33,125
BONES: Thanks for
not movin', Jack.
1037
00:58:35,417 --> 00:58:38,250
Throw me the gun.
1038
00:58:38,250 --> 00:58:41,083
If you don't attack it,
it'll go away.
1039
00:58:41,083 --> 00:58:42,792
I, I don't want it
to go away.
1040
00:58:42,792 --> 00:58:44,250
I want to have it
for dinner.
1041
00:58:44,250 --> 00:58:46,125
Throw me the gun.
1042
00:58:55,500 --> 00:58:57,041
Ah!
1043
00:58:58,417 --> 00:59:00,250
You want some
of this, baby, huh?
1044
00:59:00,250 --> 00:59:01,583
There you go.
Come on!
1045
00:59:01,583 --> 00:59:03,667
Oh, oh...
1046
00:59:03,667 --> 00:59:05,750
Oh, no. Oh...
1047
00:59:05,750 --> 00:59:07,333
I'm still
gonna getcha!
1048
00:59:09,667 --> 00:59:12,000
You're gonna die, vermin!
I'll kill you!
1049
00:59:15,834 --> 00:59:19,000
Huh?
Shudda-budda-da-da-da!
1050
00:59:24,625 --> 00:59:25,959
Huh?
1051
00:59:25,959 --> 00:59:28,291
It's a win-win situation.
1052
00:59:31,083 --> 00:59:33,500
Would you look at that?
1053
00:59:33,500 --> 00:59:34,834
JACK: Water from
the bullet hole.
1054
00:59:38,625 --> 00:59:41,125
Water! Yeah!
1055
00:59:41,125 --> 00:59:43,792
JACK: Water! Water!
1056
00:59:43,792 --> 00:59:47,458
Fresh water!
I can't believe it!
1057
00:59:48,834 --> 00:59:50,333
Is it snake yet?
1058
00:59:50,333 --> 00:59:53,000
Depends how
you like it.
Well done!
1059
00:59:54,750 --> 00:59:57,500
He used to be
afraid of scorpions,
now he's eatin' snake!
1060
00:59:57,500 --> 00:59:59,667
That is impressive,
Fred.
1061
00:59:59,667 --> 01:00:03,125
I thought
we were all gonna die.
1062
01:00:04,208 --> 01:00:05,667
But you
pulled us through.
1063
01:00:06,875 --> 01:00:08,291
I don't know how,
1064
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:10,333
but thank you.
1065
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,875
That was, uh...
1066
01:00:24,500 --> 01:00:25,875
Pretty exceptional.
1067
01:00:27,500 --> 01:00:29,542
So what are you gonna do
if I get us rescued?
1068
01:00:32,041 --> 01:00:33,375
Um...
1069
01:00:34,041 --> 01:00:35,375
I will
1070
01:00:36,625 --> 01:00:38,709
take off all
your clothes,
1071
01:00:40,542 --> 01:00:42,166
tie you to the bed,
1072
01:00:44,208 --> 01:00:49,125
rub warm oil
all over your body,
1073
01:00:49,125 --> 01:00:52,333
from the bottom
of those feet to the
top of that head,
1074
01:00:53,709 --> 01:00:57,250
and proceed to have
the nastiest,
1075
01:00:57,250 --> 01:01:01,250
freakiest sex with you
that you have
ever imagined.
1076
01:01:01,250 --> 01:01:03,959
Wow.
1077
01:01:03,959 --> 01:01:07,417
Oh, that's it. Dammit!
I saw her first!
1078
01:01:07,417 --> 01:01:09,250
And look what happens!
1079
01:01:09,250 --> 01:01:11,458
The same thing that
happened with Gabriella.
1080
01:01:11,458 --> 01:01:12,750
I saw her first.
1081
01:01:12,750 --> 01:01:14,291
And Wanda Tushman.
1082
01:01:14,291 --> 01:01:16,375
In the third grade.
I saw her first!
1083
01:01:16,375 --> 01:01:19,333
And that girl in
Palm Springs that
turned out to be the guy.
1084
01:01:19,333 --> 01:01:21,083
I saw that thing
first, too.
1085
01:01:21,083 --> 01:01:22,959
You know
why I'm not just
1086
01:01:22,959 --> 01:01:24,583
strangling you right now?
1087
01:01:25,417 --> 01:01:27,250
'Cause you
can't cook a snake?
1088
01:01:27,250 --> 01:01:29,041
No.
1089
01:01:29,041 --> 01:01:32,083
Because no matter how long
we've been friends,
1090
01:01:32,083 --> 01:01:36,500
I never thought
you'd be the kind of guy
that would save our lives,
1091
01:01:36,500 --> 01:01:38,917
let alone kill a snake.
1092
01:01:38,917 --> 01:01:41,000
But you did.
Hey, man, thanks.
1093
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:42,417
Yeah.
1094
01:01:44,083 --> 01:01:46,083
I think it's the U.N. flag.
1095
01:01:46,083 --> 01:01:48,417
We're saved!
1096
01:01:48,417 --> 01:01:51,208
Guys, Christine and I are
gonna need some time alone.
1097
01:01:51,208 --> 01:01:52,417
Sure, man!
1098
01:01:56,542 --> 01:01:59,709
REPORTER:
...President in the situation
room of the White House today.
1099
01:01:59,709 --> 01:02:01,250
And the President
is scheduled to address
1100
01:02:01,250 --> 01:02:04,959
the nation tomorrow at
6:00 P.M. Eastern
Standard Time.
1101
01:02:04,959 --> 01:02:07,291
We will...
Welcome.
1102
01:02:07,291 --> 01:02:11,125
You are the reservists
from Glendale, California.
Correct?
1103
01:02:11,125 --> 01:02:15,125
According to W.N.R.,
you are presumed dead
in a truck explosion.
1104
01:02:15,125 --> 01:02:17,166
Um, where are we?
1105
01:02:18,959 --> 01:02:22,625
You are on a military base
well inside Libya.
1106
01:02:22,625 --> 01:02:24,000
That is all
you need to know.
1107
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,333
Oh, I forgot to mention.
1108
01:02:27,291 --> 01:02:28,959
The war is
starting tomorrow.
1109
01:02:28,959 --> 01:02:30,542
How'd you know that?
1110
01:02:30,542 --> 01:02:33,083
American TV.
1111
01:02:33,083 --> 01:02:37,166
Your country is
expected to start bombing
our air bases tomorrow.
1112
01:02:37,166 --> 01:02:38,583
And when that happens,
1113
01:02:38,583 --> 01:02:42,750
we will unleash missiles
with chemical warheads
against your bases.
1114
01:02:42,750 --> 01:02:44,500
Consider yourself lucky
to be here.
1115
01:02:45,291 --> 01:02:46,500
Sleep well.
1116
01:02:49,250 --> 01:02:52,333
You know, this is fine.
It's like the time you
got us arrested in Tijuana.
1117
01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:54,166
Except we're in Libya.
1118
01:02:54,166 --> 01:02:57,792
And your dad's not gonna
pick us up here, brother.
1119
01:02:59,333 --> 01:03:01,500
Yo, aren't you guys
also American?
1120
01:03:05,834 --> 01:03:07,500
Ah, see. I see.
1121
01:03:07,500 --> 01:03:09,667
I was wounded and
I don't feel well.
1122
01:03:09,667 --> 01:03:11,959
Please sing a song
to comfort me.
1123
01:03:11,959 --> 01:03:14,208
Sing a song?
Any song!
1124
01:03:14,208 --> 01:03:15,500
They could hear you.
1125
01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:17,542
Oh,
because of the thing.
1126
01:03:17,542 --> 01:03:18,875
Oh, okay.
1127
01:03:20,083 --> 01:03:21,750
♪ Rescue me
1128
01:03:21,750 --> 01:03:23,500
Sing.
1129
01:03:23,500 --> 01:03:27,750
♪ I want your tender charms
'Cause I'm so lonely
1130
01:03:27,750 --> 01:03:29,375
♪ And I'm blue ♪
1131
01:03:29,375 --> 01:03:31,417
My team was on
strategic recon.
1132
01:03:31,417 --> 01:03:32,750
Oh?
1133
01:03:32,750 --> 01:03:34,875
You know,
that's when you go
behind enemy lines.
1134
01:03:34,875 --> 01:03:37,875
And try to locate
their assets like
tanks and bunkers.
1135
01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:41,083
We were on our way
to a resupply drop
and we were ambushed.
1136
01:03:41,083 --> 01:03:43,291
The other guys
were killed.
Killed?
1137
01:03:43,291 --> 01:03:45,709
♪ I need you
by my side
1138
01:03:45,709 --> 01:03:48,041
♪ Can't you see
that I'm lonely
1139
01:03:48,041 --> 01:03:50,458
I took a bullet in the leg,
and they brought me here.
1140
01:03:50,458 --> 01:03:54,041
♪ Uh-huh, I don't know
any words to this song ♪
1141
01:03:54,041 --> 01:03:56,250
♪ Kiss me, baby
♪ Kiss me, baby
1142
01:03:56,250 --> 01:03:59,083
♪ Kiss me, baby, yeah
Hold me, baby ♪
1143
01:03:59,083 --> 01:04:00,750
♪ Love me, baby ♪
♪ Love me, baby ♪
1144
01:04:00,750 --> 01:04:02,750
Use this to dig
around the base
1145
01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:04,250
of the bars
on the window.
1146
01:04:04,250 --> 01:04:05,917
I got one of them
loose already.
1147
01:04:05,917 --> 01:04:09,083
Escape?
What are you, crazy?
1148
01:04:09,083 --> 01:04:11,750
♪ Ahh, oh-ho
♪ Uh-huh
1149
01:04:11,750 --> 01:04:14,959
Look. It's the duty
of every POW
to try to escape.
1150
01:04:14,959 --> 01:04:16,083
We're in the
middle of a desert.
1151
01:04:16,083 --> 01:04:18,083
What good is it
gonna do for us to escape?
1152
01:04:18,083 --> 01:04:20,542
To complete the recon
mission, soldier.
1153
01:04:20,542 --> 01:04:23,917
The special operations
cargo plane was instructed
to make a supply drop
1154
01:04:23,917 --> 01:04:27,208
at a rendezvous point
about 15 K north of here.
1155
01:04:27,208 --> 01:04:28,458
If we can
get off this base,
1156
01:04:28,458 --> 01:04:30,417
I can get us to
the rendezvous point.
1157
01:04:30,417 --> 01:04:32,750
You're insane. Okay,
the Libyans are gonna
launch chemical weapons.
1158
01:04:32,750 --> 01:04:33,709
We're much safer here.
1159
01:04:33,709 --> 01:04:36,625
No. I'm a soldier,
and I got a job to do.
1160
01:04:37,417 --> 01:04:39,291
And so are you.
1161
01:04:39,291 --> 01:04:41,959
Now get to
work, Private.
1162
01:04:41,959 --> 01:04:43,959
♪ I'm lonely
1163
01:04:43,959 --> 01:04:47,458
♪ Yeah, rescue me
Pretty baby ♪
1164
01:04:58,458 --> 01:05:00,125
Bones.
Ah-ah, ah-ha.
1165
01:05:02,709 --> 01:05:04,291
My heart.
1166
01:05:04,291 --> 01:05:05,333
You know what?
1167
01:05:05,333 --> 01:05:08,125
You didn't scare me.
I just felt like screaming.
1168
01:05:08,125 --> 01:05:11,125
Don't worry about it.
Most men think I'm scary.
1169
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,250
So, you can't sleep, huh?
1170
01:05:16,250 --> 01:05:17,583
I'm too excited.
1171
01:05:17,583 --> 01:05:19,834
Excited? They might
torture us tomorrow.
1172
01:05:19,834 --> 01:05:21,750
They might
even kill us.
1173
01:05:21,750 --> 01:05:24,667
I know. It's just like
the night before Christmas.
1174
01:05:24,667 --> 01:05:27,375
Yeah, well at my house
we got presents.
1175
01:05:27,375 --> 01:05:31,250
I'm talking about
the anticipation.
1176
01:05:31,250 --> 01:05:35,000
We might die.
We, we, we might escape.
1177
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:36,291
We don't know
what's gonna happen.
1178
01:05:36,291 --> 01:05:38,917
That's the coolest
thing in the world.
1179
01:05:38,917 --> 01:05:41,834
Most girls are into
horses and stuff.
1180
01:05:41,834 --> 01:05:43,166
You're weird.
1181
01:05:44,917 --> 01:05:46,667
Most men say that, too.
1182
01:05:48,250 --> 01:05:49,667
I like it.
1183
01:05:51,208 --> 01:05:52,500
You do?
1184
01:05:53,834 --> 01:05:56,041
Yeah. Horses are boring.
1185
01:06:03,208 --> 01:06:05,667
So...
1186
01:06:05,667 --> 01:06:09,166
...if I do get us out
of here and I will,
1187
01:06:09,166 --> 01:06:12,917
is it true what you said
about tying me up and
all the wild sex stuff?
1188
01:06:13,709 --> 01:06:15,375
Only if you kiss me again.
1189
01:06:22,375 --> 01:06:24,875
Okay, wait. Wait...
1190
01:06:24,875 --> 01:06:27,542
I think I got it.
Wait, look...
Wait, look at it.
1191
01:06:27,542 --> 01:06:29,709
You got it?
Yeah, look at it.
1192
01:06:35,375 --> 01:06:37,041
Stern?
1193
01:06:37,041 --> 01:06:40,166
Stern, you gotta wake up.
I can't turn the alarm off.
1194
01:06:40,166 --> 01:06:42,375
It's not an alarm.
It's an air-raid siren.
1195
01:06:42,375 --> 01:06:44,041
Oh, thank God!
1196
01:06:45,417 --> 01:06:48,250
I thought it was... I was
having another panic attack.
1197
01:07:08,125 --> 01:07:10,083
BONES: It's okay,
it's okay.
1198
01:07:26,834 --> 01:07:29,458
Yes.
1199
01:07:32,583 --> 01:07:36,208
Almost. Try it again.
1200
01:07:36,208 --> 01:07:38,291
Okay. Cross yo...
1201
01:07:42,792 --> 01:07:46,291
That was good.
Just a little more to
the left and you got 'em.
1202
01:07:46,291 --> 01:07:48,208
Yeah. You guys
just keep trying.
1203
01:07:48,208 --> 01:07:51,500
BONES: Do you guys realize
what we are doing right now?
1204
01:07:51,500 --> 01:07:54,166
This is a scene from
Pirates of the Caribbean.
1205
01:07:54,166 --> 01:07:57,458
All we need is that
mangy dog, right?
1206
01:07:57,458 --> 01:07:58,792
And we can go...
1207
01:07:58,792 --> 01:08:00,625
STERN: Quiet.
Just try it again.
1208
01:08:14,583 --> 01:08:15,709
Ah.
1209
01:08:30,834 --> 01:08:32,166
How much do you
love me?
1210
01:08:42,667 --> 01:08:44,208
Uh, I'm sorry,
I don't get it.
1211
01:08:44,208 --> 01:08:46,000
What is it with
us and trucks?
1212
01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:48,667
We get 'em, we break 'em,
we smash 'em, we crash 'em.
1213
01:08:48,667 --> 01:08:50,041
We run out of gas.
I don't get it!
1214
01:08:50,041 --> 01:08:51,709
Yes, yes, yes.
I understand that.
1215
01:08:51,709 --> 01:08:53,375
But we're not
getting tortured by
1216
01:08:53,375 --> 01:08:55,208
Babaga-douche
right now, okay?
1217
01:08:55,208 --> 01:08:58,875
No, instead we're lost
in the desert again.
1218
01:08:58,875 --> 01:09:01,375
Without food
and water. Again.
1219
01:09:01,375 --> 01:09:03,750
Stuck with this
Special Forces guy.
1220
01:09:03,750 --> 01:09:05,583
He can't even walk 'cause
he got his leg shot off.
1221
01:09:05,583 --> 01:09:07,333
Fred, we're free!
1222
01:09:07,333 --> 01:09:09,041
Yeah, and we're
gonna die free!
1223
01:09:09,750 --> 01:09:11,166
Or maybe not.
1224
01:09:15,875 --> 01:09:20,875
BONES: 55 American dollars.
1225
01:09:20,875 --> 01:09:24,375
Then on top of it,
see this truck?
1226
01:09:24,375 --> 01:09:26,917
Serious, bona fide
Libyan Army
1227
01:09:26,917 --> 01:09:28,375
fighting machine.
1228
01:09:28,375 --> 01:09:31,250
And it's all part of
this amazing offer,
my friend.
1229
01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:32,667
I mean,
if you're lucky,
1230
01:09:32,667 --> 01:09:34,250
it might even have
a Kuwait track.
1231
01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:36,250
You can play
abu-dabu-da
stuff on it.
1232
01:09:38,250 --> 01:09:42,166
Huh? And you ask me,
how could it be?
Why such a deal?
1233
01:09:42,166 --> 01:09:44,625
Because we're crazy boys!
1234
01:09:44,625 --> 01:09:46,750
We're givin' it away!
1235
01:09:51,917 --> 01:09:53,250
Hmm?
1236
01:09:55,417 --> 01:09:56,750
You like this watch?
1237
01:09:56,750 --> 01:09:58,875
BONES: Is it interesting?
JACK: No, no, no.
1238
01:09:58,875 --> 01:10:01,083
Not the watch.
He likes it.
1239
01:10:01,083 --> 01:10:03,750
Come on. It's got
the faces of the moon
and a compass.
1240
01:10:05,250 --> 01:10:07,917
What? This has a compass?
Yeah.
1241
01:10:07,917 --> 01:10:09,500
Really?
1242
01:10:09,500 --> 01:10:11,458
Yeah, well, we've been
stuck in the desert
for three days,
1243
01:10:11,458 --> 01:10:13,959
and you're telling me
this watch has a compass.
Sorry.
1244
01:10:13,959 --> 01:10:16,834
Ooh, Jack, oh, you're gonna
get some noogies later.
1245
01:10:16,834 --> 01:10:18,583
I'm gonna just
pound you like this.
1246
01:10:18,583 --> 01:10:20,625
JACK: I forgot.
Yeah, well, uh...
1247
01:10:20,625 --> 01:10:25,291
Well, you're gonna forget
about your little watch here,
Jack, because it's gone!
1248
01:10:25,291 --> 01:10:26,959
Uh-huh? Here you go,
my friend.
1249
01:10:27,875 --> 01:10:30,291
BONES: Hey,
you guys. In my life
1250
01:10:30,291 --> 01:10:33,959
I've seen
a lot of camels' toes,
1251
01:10:33,959 --> 01:10:36,959
but I've never seen one
on a camel.
1252
01:10:36,959 --> 01:10:38,792
I think he's got a crush
on you, Bones.
1253
01:10:39,542 --> 01:10:41,750
Really? How can you tell?
1254
01:10:41,750 --> 01:10:45,458
'Cause he's been
nibblin' on your ears.
Yeah?
1255
01:10:45,458 --> 01:10:47,500
And licking
on your neck.
1256
01:10:48,417 --> 01:10:49,917
It's okay.
1257
01:10:49,917 --> 01:10:51,125
You're just a camel.
1258
01:10:54,291 --> 01:10:57,667
STERN: Our supply drop's
on the other side of
that Libyan base.
1259
01:10:57,667 --> 01:10:59,166
BONES: What Libyan base?
1260
01:10:59,166 --> 01:11:01,166
Bones, are you blind?
1261
01:11:01,166 --> 01:11:05,125
It's a Libyan base
covered with a camo tent.
What are you talking about?
1262
01:11:05,125 --> 01:11:07,000
I guess we're gonna
have to go around it.
1263
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:09,166
Around what?
1264
01:11:09,166 --> 01:11:11,125
CHRISTINE: See that
Jeep right there?
1265
01:11:11,125 --> 01:11:12,834
BONES: Mmm-hmm,
I see the Jeep,
but I certainly don't...
1266
01:11:14,083 --> 01:11:17,166
Oh! You mean
that Libyan base,
1267
01:11:17,166 --> 01:11:20,000
the one under the camo tent!
1268
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:22,709
I thought you guys
were talking about
some other Libyan base.
1269
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:25,709
FRED: Will there be
medical supplies?
1270
01:11:25,709 --> 01:11:28,542
STERN: Medical supplies,
uniforms, food,
water, radio.
1271
01:11:28,542 --> 01:11:29,875
Everything you need.
1272
01:11:29,875 --> 01:11:31,041
BONES: Yeah,
but where is it?
1273
01:11:31,041 --> 01:11:32,166
It's supposed to
be right here.
1274
01:11:33,875 --> 01:11:37,375
Hey, you guys!
Come on!
1275
01:11:37,375 --> 01:11:40,417
Hey,
come on, you guys!
BONES: What is it?
1276
01:11:40,417 --> 01:11:41,583
CHRISTINE: Come on!
1277
01:11:54,917 --> 01:11:56,333
ALL: Yeah!
1278
01:12:01,125 --> 01:12:02,709
BOTH: Hot Wheels!
1279
01:12:16,542 --> 01:12:19,250
BONES: Stern,
these things are intense!
1280
01:12:19,250 --> 01:12:21,250
No wonder people
join the Army.
1281
01:12:21,250 --> 01:12:23,959
♪ Be all that you can be
1282
01:12:23,959 --> 01:12:26,500
♪ You're in the Army ♪
1283
01:12:26,500 --> 01:12:28,000
What happened to him?
1284
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:29,667
His leg looks
pretty bad.
1285
01:12:29,667 --> 01:12:32,083
I think it's infected
'cause he lost
a lot of blood.
1286
01:12:32,083 --> 01:12:34,417
But look at his gums!
They're fabulous, man.
1287
01:12:34,417 --> 01:12:37,250
Not a touch of gingivitis.
He's been flossing.
1288
01:12:37,250 --> 01:12:40,417
Yeah, but why is he
acting so wasted?
Oh, that's the morphine.
1289
01:12:40,417 --> 01:12:43,166
Absolutely!
The "morphine,"
the better.
1290
01:12:45,959 --> 01:12:48,083
BONES:
Hello! Somebody
answer us, please!
1291
01:12:48,083 --> 01:12:50,750
You gotta believe us.
We're stuck out here
in the middle...
1292
01:12:50,750 --> 01:12:52,083
Please, just help us...
1293
01:12:52,083 --> 01:12:53,750
Get ahold of yourself,
soldier.
1294
01:12:53,750 --> 01:12:55,583
Oh, thank God, it's you!
1295
01:12:55,583 --> 01:12:58,125
Listen...
Don't say my name.
1296
01:12:58,125 --> 01:13:01,792
What did I say to you
when you first arrived
in Chad?
1297
01:13:01,792 --> 01:13:04,291
Uh, something about
your clock being broken.
1298
01:13:04,917 --> 01:13:06,291
Close enough.
1299
01:13:06,291 --> 01:13:07,917
Okay, calm down, son,
1300
01:13:07,917 --> 01:13:09,250
we're gonna
get you outta there.
1301
01:13:09,250 --> 01:13:10,667
Now listen carefully.
1302
01:13:10,667 --> 01:13:13,458
Your call sign
is now Glendale.
1303
01:13:13,458 --> 01:13:16,625
Our call sign
is now Burbank.
1304
01:13:16,625 --> 01:13:18,834
Did you recover the
fast-attack vehicles,
Glendale?
1305
01:13:18,834 --> 01:13:21,333
Oh, you mean
those dune buggies!
1306
01:13:21,333 --> 01:13:22,792
Yeah, those things
are intense.
1307
01:13:22,792 --> 01:13:25,125
Good. This equipment
was intended
1308
01:13:25,125 --> 01:13:28,125
for the Special Forces
team to carry out
a vital mission.
1309
01:13:28,125 --> 01:13:31,125
You are our only assets
on the ground
1310
01:13:31,125 --> 01:13:33,792
with the right equipment
in the right place.
1311
01:13:33,792 --> 01:13:35,291
Say what?
1312
01:13:35,291 --> 01:13:37,667
You have to
take over, Glendale.
1313
01:13:37,667 --> 01:13:39,834
Listen. Let me
explain something.
1314
01:13:39,834 --> 01:13:42,375
First of all, Sergeant,
we're water boys.
1315
01:13:42,375 --> 01:13:45,333
Okay, please...
You're soldiers first,
Glendale!
1316
01:13:46,417 --> 01:13:48,542
Now, listen up.
1317
01:13:48,542 --> 01:13:52,667
The Libyans have a mobile
scud launching base
right in your area.
1318
01:13:52,667 --> 01:13:54,959
These scuds are loaded
with chemical weapons
1319
01:13:54,959 --> 01:13:57,667
and targeted
at U.S. bases.
1320
01:13:57,667 --> 01:14:00,500
Our aerial photographs
haven't been able
to find 'em.
1321
01:14:00,500 --> 01:14:03,000
You want us to find 'em?
But what about Stern?
1322
01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:05,458
Stern can find 'em.
He'll be up pretty soon.
Stern?
1323
01:14:05,458 --> 01:14:09,417
Daddy, why can't I go
to ballet class?
1324
01:14:09,417 --> 01:14:10,875
Teacher says
I'm a natural.
1325
01:14:12,166 --> 01:14:14,542
These scuds can't be
spotted from the air
1326
01:14:14,542 --> 01:14:16,834
because of
heavy camouflage.
1327
01:14:16,834 --> 01:14:21,250
Camouflage?
Why didn't you say so
in the first place?
1328
01:14:21,250 --> 01:14:23,250
Listen, we saw the thing
this morning.
1329
01:14:23,250 --> 01:14:25,875
Stern wrote down
the coordinates.
Right, Stern?
1330
01:14:25,875 --> 01:14:29,583
We'll tell you where it is.
You guys can come here
and bomb the hell out of it!
1331
01:14:29,583 --> 01:14:31,166
Come on.
Send the Air Force.
1332
01:14:31,166 --> 01:14:33,375
It's not enough
to tell us.
1333
01:14:33,375 --> 01:14:36,542
You have to go
back there and paint it.
1334
01:14:36,542 --> 01:14:40,208
Paint it? Trust me.
It looks perfectly
fine the way it is.
1335
01:14:40,208 --> 01:14:42,709
I mean,
paint it with the laser.
1336
01:14:42,709 --> 01:14:46,083
The laser target designator.
It's in your equipment.
1337
01:14:46,083 --> 01:14:48,542
All you have to do
is return to that base,
1338
01:14:48,542 --> 01:14:52,166
point the laser at it,
and call me back
on the radio.
1339
01:14:52,166 --> 01:14:53,875
The Air Force
will do the rest.
1340
01:14:53,875 --> 01:14:56,583
You can be a mile away
in perfect safety.
1341
01:14:58,667 --> 01:15:00,083
All right.
Wait a minute.
1342
01:15:00,083 --> 01:15:02,625
Chris? Get over here.
CHRISTINE: What?
1343
01:15:02,625 --> 01:15:04,417
Bones, they can't
make us do anything.
1344
01:15:04,417 --> 01:15:06,542
We don't know
how to use this stuff.
1345
01:15:06,542 --> 01:15:09,542
Fred, you use lasers
in dentistry, right?
1346
01:15:09,542 --> 01:15:11,542
Uh-uh. I know
what's goin' on!
You're gonna try to
1347
01:15:11,542 --> 01:15:12,917
make the brother
hold the laser, right?
1348
01:15:12,917 --> 01:15:15,417
No. My laser was
a little, itty-bitty laser.
1349
01:15:15,417 --> 01:15:17,583
This is a big laser.
There's a difference.
1350
01:15:17,583 --> 01:15:20,417
WILLIAMS: Glendale?
Glendale!
Mmm-hmm. No.
1351
01:15:20,417 --> 01:15:22,375
Can't they just
evacuate the bases?
1352
01:15:22,375 --> 01:15:24,750
Or we can take an hour
out of our busy lives,
1353
01:15:24,750 --> 01:15:26,917
hop in these cool
dune buggies,
1354
01:15:26,917 --> 01:15:30,041
pop the base with the laser,
and let the Air Force blow
the hell out of it!
1355
01:15:30,041 --> 01:15:31,125
Now, you listen
to me, Glendale!
1356
01:15:31,125 --> 01:15:34,083
Please hold yourself
there one second.
1357
01:15:34,083 --> 01:15:35,583
I'm just trying to
have a moment
with my friends.
1358
01:15:35,583 --> 01:15:36,750
Is that okay?
1359
01:15:36,750 --> 01:15:38,917
Just have
a cup of java.
Please chill.
1360
01:15:41,083 --> 01:15:43,709
Fred, when you
first got here,
1361
01:15:43,709 --> 01:15:47,125
you were completely
freaked, right?
Yeah.
1362
01:15:47,125 --> 01:15:50,041
And now look at you. Huh?
You're a regular GI Joe.
1363
01:15:50,041 --> 01:15:51,583
A fightin' man
from head to toe!
1364
01:15:53,291 --> 01:15:55,959
And, Chris,
you wanted infantry.
1365
01:15:55,959 --> 01:15:58,625
Well, now's your chance.
Let's see what you've got.
1366
01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:05,375
And, Jack, my friend,
you were a complete screw-up.
1367
01:16:05,375 --> 01:16:08,166
But now look at you.
You're still a screw-up.
1368
01:16:08,166 --> 01:16:10,583
But if you did this
and you survived,
1369
01:16:10,583 --> 01:16:13,250
you'd have stuff
to tell your little
screw-up grandkids.
1370
01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:15,333
Basically, you guys,
up to a few months ago,
1371
01:16:15,333 --> 01:16:18,291
we were all a bunch
of minimum wage losers
from Glendale.
1372
01:16:18,291 --> 01:16:20,959
But this whole event
has changed our lives.
1373
01:16:20,959 --> 01:16:22,333
You know
who we owe it to?
1374
01:16:22,333 --> 01:16:24,500
♪ The Army ♪
1375
01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:25,959
This is something
we gotta do!
1376
01:16:25,959 --> 01:16:27,625
Come on!
Get on with it!
1377
01:16:27,625 --> 01:16:29,333
Chris, I know
you're with me.
1378
01:16:30,709 --> 01:16:32,667
Yeah, boy.
1379
01:16:32,667 --> 01:16:35,542
Fred, listen,
if you can't handle it,
I understand, man.
1380
01:16:35,542 --> 01:16:36,667
I can handle it.
1381
01:16:37,709 --> 01:16:39,041
Jack, what do you say, man?
1382
01:16:40,667 --> 01:16:43,041
Oh, I say...
I say you're crazy.
1383
01:16:43,041 --> 01:16:45,041
I think you're all nuts!
1384
01:16:45,041 --> 01:16:47,834
But you're the Private
First Class. I'm the Private.
1385
01:16:47,834 --> 01:16:49,834
And I'm gonna follow you,
my friend, wherever.
1386
01:16:51,500 --> 01:16:53,792
All right, you guys,
let's do this thing.
1387
01:16:53,792 --> 01:16:55,000
Kick it, man!
1388
01:16:55,000 --> 01:16:56,125
Stern, you ready?
1389
01:16:57,834 --> 01:17:01,041
Let's go, Bones!
I know, I know.
1390
01:17:01,041 --> 01:17:03,834
There's just
a little bit of business
I have to take care of.
1391
01:17:06,333 --> 01:17:10,041
Ah, you're gonna
have to go now.
1392
01:17:10,041 --> 01:17:15,542
You're gonna have to go
be all the camel
that you can be.
1393
01:17:18,291 --> 01:17:19,375
Bye.
1394
01:17:23,375 --> 01:17:27,375
All right, troops!
1395
01:17:27,375 --> 01:17:29,375
Let's go bust
some scuds!
1396
01:17:35,875 --> 01:17:37,417
♪ Hit the street runnin'
1397
01:17:38,542 --> 01:17:40,542
♪ Had an angle in mind
1398
01:17:41,875 --> 01:17:43,917
♪ Lookin' for a shelter
1399
01:17:44,834 --> 01:17:47,041
♪ Doin' double overtime
1400
01:17:48,250 --> 01:17:50,375
♪ I get a little crazy
1401
01:17:51,125 --> 01:17:54,375
♪ But I won't be denied
1402
01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:58,542
♪ Gotta find the time that
takes the inside outside
1403
01:18:00,917 --> 01:18:05,250
♪ Tumblin'
in a world of swirl
1404
01:18:07,208 --> 01:18:11,625
♪ Rumblin'
in a world of swirl
1405
01:18:12,375 --> 01:18:14,583
♪ In a world of swirl
1406
01:18:22,000 --> 01:18:24,750
BONES: All right.
Glendale to Burbank.
Come in.
1407
01:18:24,750 --> 01:18:26,250
I wish we had
cooler code names.
1408
01:18:26,250 --> 01:18:27,750
WILLIAMS:
What was that, Glendale?
1409
01:18:27,750 --> 01:18:31,083
Nothing. I was just saying
that these code names suck.
1410
01:18:31,083 --> 01:18:32,959
Can I call you
General Sweet Pants?
1411
01:18:32,959 --> 01:18:35,291
You better remember
who you're talking to,
Glendale.
1412
01:18:35,291 --> 01:18:36,625
Are you in position?
1413
01:18:36,625 --> 01:18:38,125
Guy's got
no sense of humor.
1414
01:18:38,125 --> 01:18:40,000
Yeah, we can
see the target.
1415
01:18:40,000 --> 01:18:41,792
Have you painted it
with the laser?
1416
01:18:45,166 --> 01:18:46,959
BONES: Just did.
1417
01:18:46,959 --> 01:18:50,041
Good goin', Glendale.
The air strike
is inbound.
1418
01:18:50,041 --> 01:18:53,208
You should acquire
the target in seven minutes.
1419
01:18:53,208 --> 01:18:56,625
It is vital that you
do not take the
laser off the target
1420
01:18:56,625 --> 01:18:58,709
until the target
is destroyed.
1421
01:18:58,709 --> 01:19:00,834
Can you hold it there
for seven minutes?
1422
01:19:00,834 --> 01:19:04,709
I got it propped up here
on the rock! I can hold it
all day long. I'm good to go!
1423
01:19:04,709 --> 01:19:06,166
No problem, Burbank.
1424
01:19:06,792 --> 01:19:08,959
Good! Lay low.
1425
01:19:08,959 --> 01:19:11,417
And report any change
in situation.
1426
01:19:11,417 --> 01:19:13,083
We'll be standing by.
Out.
1427
01:19:29,834 --> 01:19:32,000
Come on!
1428
01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:33,208
Come on!
1429
01:19:38,291 --> 01:19:40,709
Tell me again
about the store.
1430
01:19:40,709 --> 01:19:44,333
Ah, the store.
It's gonna be great!
1431
01:19:44,333 --> 01:19:45,667
We're gonna have
our own room
1432
01:19:45,667 --> 01:19:48,000
where people can get
their feet massaged...
1433
01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:49,458
No!
1434
01:20:08,709 --> 01:20:09,875
BONES: Burbank!
1435
01:20:09,875 --> 01:20:12,083
Burbank, Burbank,
we're under attack!
1436
01:20:12,083 --> 01:20:13,542
Hold your
position, Glendale.
1437
01:20:13,542 --> 01:20:15,458
And keep that laser
on the target.
1438
01:20:15,458 --> 01:20:18,041
BONES: On the target?
We are the target!
1439
01:20:20,458 --> 01:20:22,375
Tell 'em to hurry up!
1440
01:20:22,375 --> 01:20:26,250
You better hurry.
We've got 60 pissed off
Libyans headin' towards us.
1441
01:20:26,250 --> 01:20:27,542
Stay with it!
Stay with it!
1442
01:20:31,750 --> 01:20:33,542
Let's get these guys,
Jack.
Come on.
1443
01:20:33,542 --> 01:20:34,667
Okay.
1444
01:20:35,709 --> 01:20:37,750
We know how
to do it.
All right.
1445
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:40,750
This is for
the Glendale water boys!
1446
01:20:50,250 --> 01:20:52,083
Not bad, huh?
Whoo!
1447
01:21:14,750 --> 01:21:15,917
Reload.
1448
01:21:24,458 --> 01:21:26,458
Ah! Turn it!
1449
01:21:51,291 --> 01:21:54,458
Shit!
1450
01:21:54,458 --> 01:21:56,959
They missed.
BONES: Well, at least they
didn't blow up my head.
1451
01:21:58,542 --> 01:22:00,834
WILLIAMS:
Great going, soldiers.
We knew you could do it.
1452
01:22:00,834 --> 01:22:02,667
Oh, Burbank?
1453
01:22:02,667 --> 01:22:06,250
I'm gonna find you
the biggest bottle of
champagne in Chad!
1454
01:22:06,250 --> 01:22:07,834
Yeah, well, don't pop
the cork yet.
1455
01:22:07,834 --> 01:22:09,291
The bombs missed.
1456
01:22:09,291 --> 01:22:10,750
The base wasn't hit.
1457
01:22:10,750 --> 01:22:13,417
You better send
another air strike
here and send it fast!
1458
01:22:13,417 --> 01:22:14,834
Wait one.
1459
01:22:22,333 --> 01:22:24,000
Glendale?
1460
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:27,458
The back-up strike of
F-111s is being diverted
to your target.
1461
01:22:27,458 --> 01:22:31,333
E.T.A. three minutes.
Three minutes?
What, are you crazy?
1462
01:22:31,333 --> 01:22:32,333
We don't have three minutes.
1463
01:22:32,333 --> 01:22:34,834
In three minutes,
we're gonna be shish kebabs!
1464
01:22:34,834 --> 01:22:37,333
We're under
serious attack!
1465
01:22:37,333 --> 01:22:39,000
You'll have
to hold them.
1466
01:22:51,542 --> 01:22:54,917
Oh, shit!
Oh, my God.
1467
01:22:54,917 --> 01:22:56,709
You better get
the planes here sooner.
1468
01:22:56,709 --> 01:22:58,583
The scuds are
ready to fire.
1469
01:22:58,583 --> 01:23:00,750
Two minutes
and 30 seconds.
1470
01:23:03,709 --> 01:23:06,375
Hey. Hey!
Where's he goin'?
1471
01:23:13,500 --> 01:23:16,375
Hey! Hey!
1472
01:23:20,709 --> 01:23:24,542
All right, my man!
1473
01:23:24,542 --> 01:23:27,375
You stay right here.
I gotta go.
1474
01:23:37,583 --> 01:23:39,917
BONES: Hey, guys,
move over! Move over!
1475
01:23:42,500 --> 01:23:45,250
"Cock firing mechanism."
1476
01:23:45,250 --> 01:23:48,959
WILLIAMS:
Report the situation.
Shut up.
1477
01:24:01,750 --> 01:24:05,041
"Aim, set range if known
or estimate?"
1478
01:24:05,041 --> 01:24:07,792
Who came up
with these directions?
I don't know.
1479
01:24:07,792 --> 01:24:09,125
Tell me to shut up
one more time
1480
01:24:09,125 --> 01:24:12,333
and I'm gonna
rip your spine out and
use it for a putting iron!
1481
01:24:12,333 --> 01:24:14,458
Shut up. I'm not good
with directions.
1482
01:24:16,125 --> 01:24:19,417
"Push safety
and hold down."
1483
01:24:19,417 --> 01:24:21,000
Okay, now, everybody back!
1484
01:24:21,834 --> 01:24:23,792
"Fire by pushing trigger."
1485
01:24:28,959 --> 01:24:31,625
Suck on this
a-one time!
1486
01:24:37,625 --> 01:24:39,750
Oh. Sorry.
1487
01:24:44,917 --> 01:24:46,625
Last chance, my friend.
1488
01:25:12,500 --> 01:25:14,333
Yeah!
Yeah!
1489
01:25:14,333 --> 01:25:15,834
Whoo!
1490
01:25:20,667 --> 01:25:21,959
Oh, man!
1491
01:25:23,375 --> 01:25:24,875
ALL: Oh!
1492
01:25:24,875 --> 01:25:27,792
BONES: Guys, at my signal,
everybody scream like crazy.
1493
01:25:27,792 --> 01:25:31,250
Make 'em think we've got
50 guys up here, okay?
Uh-huh. Okay.
1494
01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:33,709
One and go!
1495
01:25:48,291 --> 01:25:49,709
We scared 'em!
1496
01:25:59,250 --> 01:26:02,041
Yeah, don't mess with
the Glendale Reservists!
1497
01:26:03,542 --> 01:26:04,709
FRED: Behind you!
1498
01:26:04,709 --> 01:26:07,208
Two weeks a year,
one weekend a month.
1499
01:26:07,208 --> 01:26:08,834
We're the few!
1500
01:26:08,834 --> 01:26:11,208
We're the proud!
1501
01:26:11,208 --> 01:26:15,458
We're the water boys!
1502
01:26:15,458 --> 01:26:18,041
FRED: Bones, duck!
CHRISTINE: Get down!
1503
01:27:07,959 --> 01:27:10,458
Yeah, hey.
All right, Stern.
1504
01:27:10,458 --> 01:27:11,583
Thanks.
1505
01:27:11,583 --> 01:27:13,667
Not bad for a bunch
of water boys, huh?
1506
01:27:13,667 --> 01:27:17,125
No! Soldiers!
I'm proud of you guys.
1507
01:27:17,792 --> 01:27:19,792
WILLIAMS: Glendale!
1508
01:27:26,834 --> 01:27:30,166
You oughta be
damn pleased
with yourselves!
1509
01:27:30,166 --> 01:27:33,041
Congratulations.
You did an outstanding job.
1510
01:27:33,041 --> 01:27:34,583
It wasn't a job,
First Sergeant.
1511
01:27:35,166 --> 01:27:36,667
It was an adventure.
1512
01:27:56,750 --> 01:27:58,291
Hey! Hey!
1513
01:28:04,375 --> 01:28:07,125
Oh.
1514
01:28:08,750 --> 01:28:12,500
You're gonna have to go
get a blood test, Bones.
What?
1515
01:28:12,500 --> 01:28:15,166
♪ Bang, and here we go
1516
01:28:15,166 --> 01:28:18,041
♪ Watch the road
Don't drive so slow
1517
01:28:18,041 --> 01:28:20,875
♪ It takes so long
And it's so hard
1518
01:28:20,875 --> 01:28:24,750
♪ There's a billion bones
in my backyard
1519
01:28:24,750 --> 01:28:29,709
♪ I get excited
I get so impatient
1520
01:28:29,709 --> 01:28:32,375
♪ It takes too long
to get back home
1521
01:28:32,375 --> 01:28:37,458
♪ But you and I, do or die
And we've only just begun
1522
01:28:37,458 --> 01:28:40,083
♪ And I feel like
havin' fun
1523
01:28:42,000 --> 01:28:44,875
Have a good day.
If you need anything
come see us.
1524
01:28:44,875 --> 01:28:47,917
Look at that hair!
Oh, hey!
1525
01:28:47,917 --> 01:28:49,750
How you doin'?
Real well.
1526
01:28:49,750 --> 01:28:51,667
Jack and Bones, huh?
Yeah.
1527
01:28:51,667 --> 01:28:53,375
You fellas gonna be
all you can be?
1528
01:28:54,291 --> 01:28:56,041
It's a win-win situation?
1529
01:29:05,458 --> 01:29:08,041
Oh, this is crazy, man!
No, it's brilliant!
1530
01:29:08,041 --> 01:29:09,583
It's just two weeks
a year, man.
1531
01:29:09,583 --> 01:29:11,542
One weekend a month.
1532
01:29:11,542 --> 01:29:13,291
That can't be right.
I swear!
1533
01:29:14,041 --> 01:29:15,083
Trust me.
1534
01:29:23,083 --> 01:29:25,750
♪ It costs too much
1535
01:29:25,750 --> 01:29:27,583
♪ And I talk too much
1536
01:29:28,917 --> 01:29:31,250
♪ It takes so long
1537
01:29:31,250 --> 01:29:33,709
♪ And it goes so fast
1538
01:29:35,250 --> 01:29:39,917
♪ I can't think
too straight
1539
01:29:41,917 --> 01:29:44,959
♪ Oh, oh, oh
1540
01:29:44,959 --> 01:29:47,917
♪ And we've only
just begun
1541
01:29:47,917 --> 01:29:50,792
♪ And I feel like
havin' fun
1542
01:29:50,792 --> 01:29:53,458
♪ And I swear
I'll be all right
1543
01:29:53,458 --> 01:29:55,834
♪ Until the next one
1544
01:29:55,834 --> 01:29:59,333
♪ And we've only
just begun
1545
01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:02,291
♪ And I feel like
havin' fun
1546
01:30:02,291 --> 01:30:05,125
♪ But I swear
I'll be all right
1547
01:30:05,125 --> 01:30:07,166
♪ Until the next one
1548
01:30:08,125 --> 01:30:11,125
♪ And I start off
feeling swell
1549
01:30:11,125 --> 01:30:14,125
♪ Pretty soon
I'll turn to well
1550
01:30:14,125 --> 01:30:16,792
♪ But I swear
I'll be all right
1551
01:30:16,792 --> 01:30:18,667
♪ Until the next one
1552
01:30:19,834 --> 01:30:22,625
♪ And I start off
doing fine
1553
01:30:22,625 --> 01:30:25,667
♪ Pretty soon
I'll keep in time
1554
01:30:25,667 --> 01:30:28,333
♪ But I swear
I'll be all right
1555
01:30:28,333 --> 01:30:31,375
♪ Until the next time
1556
01:30:31,375 --> 01:30:34,333
♪ And I start off
doing fine
1557
01:30:34,333 --> 01:30:37,166
♪ Pretty soon
I'll keep in time
1558
01:30:37,166 --> 01:30:39,834
♪ But I swear
I'll be all right
1559
01:30:39,834 --> 01:30:42,667
♪ Until the next time
1560
01:30:42,667 --> 01:30:45,709
♪ Until the next time
1561
01:30:45,709 --> 01:30:48,333
♪ Until the next time
1562
01:30:48,333 --> 01:30:51,667
♪ Until the next time
1563
01:30:51,667 --> 01:30:53,500
♪ Until the next time ♪
1564
01:30:53,500 --> 01:30:57,291
What should we do?
Water purification
sounds good to me, man.
115744
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