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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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(metal clanking)
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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(film reel rolling)
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(people chatting)
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- [Narrator] When you
hear the first computer,
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fax machine, female lawyer.
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Where do you think they're all from?
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The Silicon valley?
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Perhaps even New York.
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No, this is Iowa.
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Home of the only division
1A football stadium
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named after an
African-American, Jack Trice.
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Who attended Iowa State
University in the 20s.
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He was the second
African-American competing
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in college football at a major university.
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Who's the first?
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Frank Holbrook, who played for the
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00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:04,763
University of Iowa a decade earlier.
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00:01:05,758 --> 00:01:07,680
During the Civil War,
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00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,456
76,534 Iowans served in The Union.
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No other state had a higher percentage
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of its male population serve.
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This is Waterloo.
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Waterloo, Iowa.
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This city, with the
greatest tractors ever made.
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This is East High.
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Record for the longest
football winning streak
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00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:35,293
in the state.
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Strangely enough, the record
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for the longest losing streak, too.
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But whatever.
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00:01:40,958 --> 00:01:43,940
Hey, Cedar Falls, suck my dick from behind
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for pointing that out in the first movie.
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Waterloo West High.
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The high school of the greatest wrestler
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of all time, Dan Gable.
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00:01:53,070 --> 00:01:55,300
Waterloo is the home of the greatest
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American Navy family, the Sullivans.
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The Sullivan brothers
all died on the same ship
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00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,801
in the South Pacific during World War II.
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This is a story that inspired the movie,
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Saving Private Ryan.
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But my town of Waterloo,
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that's where you're gonna get
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00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,890
the real American Experience.
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A large glass of scotch,
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plenty of great food,
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and genuine conversation.
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(light music)
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- American Pie was awesome.
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- I can't believe the kid
from Rookie of the Year
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got Tara Reid.
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- Harold was not aware of this.
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Who was the kid from Rookie of the Year?
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- Thomas Ian Nicholas, if I ever meet him,
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I'm gonna tell him The Floater was shit.
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- Tara Reid is hot.
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- I like the part where the dude
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put his dick in the pie.
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- How do you know he's Jewish?
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- Because his dad is Eugene Levy, Jew.
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- You come off so antisemitic.
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You need to work on that.
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- The intern Clinton nailed was a Jew.
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- You know, in 20 years,
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our presidents, they'll
be married to models
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and plowing porn stars.
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- You Neanderthals.
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- Since your parents divorced,
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your weekends with your
dad have been great.
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- Thank you Father,
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for allowing us to watch R rated movies.
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- Pisses Mom off, which is funny.
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- I prefer American
Beauty over American Pie.
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It will win an Oscar.
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- I would rather see a Jew screw a pie
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over a plastic bag in the wind any day.
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- Dad keeps asking me how many times
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the new boyfriend comes,
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comes about three times a week.
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Mom comes about seven or eight.
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00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:02,700
Quit being such a fag, Dad.
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Move on, get a chick,
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sell some more Saturns or something.
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- If you ever need to
talk about your feelings,
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after the divorce, Harold
is a good listener.
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- Feelings?
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I have two Christmases
now, you cock munchers.
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- Hey, where's Taylor?
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00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:20,030
- He's hanging with his girl he met.
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She's here for the summer.
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- What is this, Grease?
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♪ Those summer, nights ♪
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- I prefer Grease 2.
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00:04:29,857 --> 00:04:31,280
Much better movie.
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Musical scenes, way better.
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Best bowling scene in film history.
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- Taylor would sell out his buddies
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for a chick any day.
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Pervert, Dee tried to tell him
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to keep his hands to himself.
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- I will wait for the right girlfriend.
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Harold is classy.
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I want a lady with that same standard.
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- Fag.
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(light music)
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- [Brunette] No way Richard Gere's going
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to rescue you if you're a hooker.
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- Yeah, I guess he did make out with her.
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You don't kiss a hooker on the mouth.
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- No.
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- They'll bite off the tip of your tongue.
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- [Brunette] They'll bite right on.
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- [Blonde] Like that shame on guy.
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- Wait, Sham-Wow guy.
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00:05:04,894 --> 00:05:05,960
- You know the guy from the infomercial
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with the shammy.
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- Yeah.
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00:05:08,061 --> 00:05:08,894
He made out with a hooker.
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And she bit off the tip of his tongue.
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- [Brunette] Holy shit!
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- [Blonde] Bit it right off.
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You don't kiss a hooker on the mouth.
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- No shit.
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And Richard Gere gives her money
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to go shopping?
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- No, no.
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00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:20,540
- He would've taken her in an alley,
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00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,147
bent her over a dumpster, and said,
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"yeah, take that pig!"
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00:05:23,542 --> 00:05:25,810
- Now that's a movie I would totally
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go, I would pay money to see that.
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00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,500
- Yeah, you we think we're above men
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00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,610
in this area, but we are just as depraved.
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00:05:31,610 --> 00:05:32,443
How many copies
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00:05:32,443 --> 00:05:33,784
of Fifty Shades of Gray were sold?
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Three blockbuster films.
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- Oh, my God.
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00:05:36,398 --> 00:05:39,680
Honestly, I mean, I'd
rather see that rich guy
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work over that chick,
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00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:43,343
than watch the fucking Notebook.
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00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,986
- I would rather have
my Catholic grandmother
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00:05:45,986 --> 00:05:48,570
catch me watching hardcore
145
00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:49,623
gay porn
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00:05:49,623 --> 00:05:51,550
than to watch the fucking Notebook.
147
00:05:51,550 --> 00:05:53,620
- Gay porn is the best, though.
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00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,005
That's a real romance movie.
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00:05:55,005 --> 00:05:57,620
- Well, no, watching some twink
150
00:05:57,620 --> 00:06:00,024
get turned out by a couple of hairy bears,
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00:06:00,024 --> 00:06:01,340
hot.
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00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:03,084
- Yeah, take that pig.
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00:06:03,084 --> 00:06:04,980
(laughter)
154
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:05,813
- Hey, where's Tanner?
155
00:06:05,813 --> 00:06:07,040
- I don't know, man.
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00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,470
I don't think his fiance
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likes him hanging out with me.
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00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:10,853
- Why?
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00:06:10,853 --> 00:06:12,610
- She treats me like I'm
from Marshal Town, man.
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00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:15,288
I'm gonna take him out to the Tiger's Den.
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00:06:15,288 --> 00:06:17,770
He's gonna get hopped up on crystal meth,
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00:06:17,770 --> 00:06:19,404
take a swing at a stripper.
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00:06:19,404 --> 00:06:21,980
- Well, she did have to
pick you guys up last week
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at four in the morning.
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- It's different man.
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Dave's stash makes some
killer Vegas bombs.
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Look at you man.
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Maybe you're the issue.
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Maybe he can't come here because of you.
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You look like
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00:06:35,204 --> 00:06:37,860
the devil wears Tommy Bahama.
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- Hey bro,
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this shit gets me anything I want.
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00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:43,481
And you're no peach yourself either.
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- I know.
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00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:47,124
A grown man wearing Justin Bieber jacket.
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Maybe she's a little bit right.
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00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:50,200
But still, fuck her.
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00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,033
- Dude,
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00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:53,330
you tell him to tell her
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00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,640
he's at the real library.
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00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,063
- That's what I'm thinking.
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Maybe you she'll
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00:06:58,030 --> 00:06:59,640
wind up allowing him to come out.
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Maybe he's gonna go and say he's gonna
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00:07:01,401 --> 00:07:02,234
I don't know,
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00:07:02,234 --> 00:07:03,937
get like a boxcar kids
188
00:07:03,937 --> 00:07:06,463
novel, or Sweet Valley High.
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00:07:06,463 --> 00:07:09,900
Hey, have we had this conversation before?
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00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:11,440
- Matt,
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00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,820
we have this conversation
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00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:13,670
every time.
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00:07:13,670 --> 00:07:14,962
- Tanner's fiance's a bitch.
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- Major bitch.
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00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:18,680
She's says that Tanner
can't come down here anymore
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because she doesn't
want him hanging around
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00:07:20,220 --> 00:07:21,210
Mr. Lance.
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00:07:21,210 --> 00:07:23,844
- Oh, she said Jeff Lance is a misogynist.
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00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,140
(laughter)
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00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:25,973
- What a dumb clam.
201
00:07:25,973 --> 00:07:27,524
I don't even know gymnastics.
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(laughter)
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- No, dude.
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00:07:29,190 --> 00:07:30,660
That's a contortionist.
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00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,420
- What the hell's a misogynist?
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00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:34,220
- It's a man who's
prejudice against women,
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00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:35,640
thinks that they're inferior.
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00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:36,473
- Doesn't she know
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00:07:36,473 --> 00:07:37,939
that I'm Jeff Lance?
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00:07:37,939 --> 00:07:39,460
I love women.
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00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:40,660
- That's right man.
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00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,420
You love women.
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00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:45,124
You're Jeff Lance.
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00:07:45,124 --> 00:07:48,010
You don't treat women like an object.
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00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:50,540
They treat you like an object.
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00:07:50,540 --> 00:07:51,580
- I know.
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00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:52,960
I'm actually sensitive.
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00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,180
I have feelings.
219
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:55,723
I want to be held and listened to
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00:07:55,723 --> 00:07:57,083
like a puppy.
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00:07:58,580 --> 00:07:59,413
- You know what,
222
00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,213
I'm gonna text Tanner,
223
00:08:02,213 --> 00:08:03,046
tell him
224
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,190
hey,
225
00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:07,350
tell your fiance
226
00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:08,681
that Jeff says
227
00:08:08,681 --> 00:08:12,340
misogynists is an awfully big word
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00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:14,690
for such a little girl.
229
00:08:14,690 --> 00:08:15,993
And send.
230
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,530
- Dude, that's something
a misogynist would say.
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00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:21,150
- Exactly.
232
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,361
- Funny, bro.
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00:08:22,361 --> 00:08:23,210
(laughter)
234
00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:24,863
- Don't worry about it.
235
00:08:24,863 --> 00:08:25,696
She doesn't it to everyone.
236
00:08:25,696 --> 00:08:27,480
- Yeah, she calls everyone sexist,
237
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:28,400
racist,
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00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,460
homophobe.
239
00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:30,930
You name it.
240
00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:32,804
- Small minds do it all the time.
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00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,380
Sexist.
242
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:35,213
Homophobe.
243
00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:36,430
Racist.
244
00:08:36,430 --> 00:08:38,179
Vocal trump cards for the idiots.
245
00:08:38,179 --> 00:08:40,623
- You are a little antisemitic at times.
246
00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:42,440
- Don't worry, Matt,
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00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,433
the Jews will not replace you.
248
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:47,553
- Hey.
249
00:08:48,739 --> 00:08:50,760
Got a text from Tanner.
250
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,195
His fiance says she will let us come over,
251
00:08:53,195 --> 00:08:55,090
but for just one drink.
252
00:08:55,090 --> 00:08:58,150
And we have to have it in the driveway.
253
00:08:58,150 --> 00:08:59,220
- In the driveway?
254
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:00,840
It's like on King of the Hill,
255
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,062
Dammit Bobby.
256
00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:04,201
The Fiance is such a bitch.
257
00:09:04,201 --> 00:09:06,638
- Yeah man, I don't
know what you mean man.
258
00:09:06,638 --> 00:09:07,859
(inaudible)
259
00:09:07,859 --> 00:09:09,440
(laughter)
260
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,638
You know what, fuck it.
261
00:09:10,638 --> 00:09:11,471
Let's have shots.
262
00:09:11,471 --> 00:09:12,676
- Shots.
263
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:13,509
- Shots.
264
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,090
You ever know about Toby Huss?
265
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:22,333
Actor from Marshalltown?
266
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:24,880
Played the voices of Kahn
267
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,253
and Grampaw Hill.
268
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:28,940
So anyway,
269
00:09:28,940 --> 00:09:29,910
he was up for the part
270
00:09:29,910 --> 00:09:32,318
of Mr. Miyagi,
271
00:09:32,318 --> 00:09:34,560
and he showed up to the first audition
272
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,920
piss drunk and did the most racist,
273
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,050
asian voice he possibly could,
274
00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:41,115
and got brought back
for the second audition.
275
00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:43,150
In his second audition,
276
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,761
he came in sober,
277
00:09:44,761 --> 00:09:46,398
lost the part.
278
00:09:46,398 --> 00:09:48,500
- So dude, where you headed?
279
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:49,333
Waterloo?
280
00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:50,740
- Sierra Falls.
281
00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:52,019
I'm fucking with you.
282
00:09:52,019 --> 00:09:53,801
(laughter)
283
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,218
(rock music)
284
00:10:04,419 --> 00:10:06,361
♪ The hate you fought for reason ♪
285
00:10:06,361 --> 00:10:09,299
♪ Found out your faults ♪
286
00:10:09,299 --> 00:10:10,441
♪ Hide behind ♪
287
00:10:10,441 --> 00:10:14,819
♪ The picture perfect lights ♪
288
00:10:14,819 --> 00:10:17,638
♪ the times you in the corner ♪
289
00:10:17,638 --> 00:10:19,198
♪ Dusting for fingerprints ♪
290
00:10:19,198 --> 00:10:20,739
♪ From cages painted pretty ♪
291
00:10:20,739 --> 00:10:24,782
♪ Pictures of your sins ♪
292
00:10:24,782 --> 00:10:27,897
♪ Give me ig-ig-ignorance ♪
293
00:10:27,897 --> 00:10:30,417
♪ Give what you can give ♪
294
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:32,499
♪ Ig-Ig-Ignorance ♪
295
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,179
♪ Hit them with ♪
296
00:10:34,179 --> 00:10:35,274
♪ What to give ♪
297
00:10:35,274 --> 00:10:36,897
♪ Alright ♪
298
00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:39,314
(rock music)
299
00:10:56,398 --> 00:10:58,478
♪ Put on-on-on the table ♪
300
00:10:58,478 --> 00:11:01,139
♪ Watch for shifty eyes ♪
301
00:11:01,139 --> 00:11:02,681
♪ Serving cold revenge ♪
302
00:11:02,681 --> 00:11:06,851
♪ With the side of spite ♪
303
00:11:06,851 --> 00:11:08,973
♪ Satisfaction don't come easy ♪
304
00:11:08,973 --> 00:11:11,533
♪ But to take it all with ease ♪
305
00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:13,331
♪ With our guests, them guests ♪
306
00:11:13,331 --> 00:11:17,171
♪ I'll just better leave ♪
307
00:11:17,171 --> 00:11:19,949
♪ Give me ig-ig-ignorance ♪
308
00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:22,552
♪ Give what you can give ♪
309
00:11:22,552 --> 00:11:25,213
♪ Ig-Ig-Ignorance ♪
310
00:11:25,213 --> 00:11:26,628
♪ Hit them with ♪
311
00:11:26,628 --> 00:11:27,651
♪ What they give ♪
312
00:11:27,651 --> 00:11:29,149
♪ Alright ♪
313
00:11:29,149 --> 00:11:30,653
♪ Ignorance ♪
314
00:11:30,653 --> 00:11:34,371
♪ Hit them with ♪
315
00:11:34,371 --> 00:11:37,121
♪ What they give ♪
316
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,850
- [Narrator] Pro-wrestling was a staple
317
00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:42,040
in every kid's lives at some point.
318
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,320
There's three
319
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,170
prestigious
320
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:46,860
pro-wrestling hall of fame's in America.
321
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:48,312
Cauliflower Alley Club,
322
00:11:48,312 --> 00:11:50,109
WWE,
323
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:51,420
George Tragos,
324
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:53,660
Lou Thesz Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame.
325
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,180
That one is held here
326
00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:56,413
in Waterloo, Iowa.
327
00:11:58,290 --> 00:11:59,123
Former inductees are,
328
00:11:59,123 --> 00:12:00,620
Mick Foley,
329
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,820
Edge,
330
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:03,170
Kurt Angle,
331
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:04,830
Iron Sheik,
332
00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:06,250
Jim Ross,
333
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,690
Terry Funk,
334
00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:09,970
Rowdy Rowdy Piper
335
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:12,486
The Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase,
336
00:12:12,486 --> 00:12:14,750
the excellence of execution,
337
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:16,023
Bret "The Hitman" Hart,
338
00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:18,060
and even the governor,
339
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,683
Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
340
00:12:20,626 --> 00:12:21,760
But the one,
341
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,830
the one that always stuck
with me and my friends,
342
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:24,663
the man,
343
00:12:24,663 --> 00:12:25,970
spent more money
344
00:12:25,970 --> 00:12:27,630
on spilled liqueur
345
00:12:27,630 --> 00:12:29,940
from all ends of the world in one year
346
00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:32,330
that you'll ever make in a lifetime.
347
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,288
I'm talking about the kiss stealing,
348
00:12:34,288 --> 00:12:35,890
the wheeling, dealing,
349
00:12:35,890 --> 00:12:37,628
Rolex wearing,
350
00:12:37,628 --> 00:12:39,850
limonene riding,
351
00:12:39,850 --> 00:12:42,233
jet flying son of a gun,
352
00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:45,040
the nature boy,
353
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:45,873
limonene Flair.
354
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:47,883
Woo.
355
00:12:51,986 --> 00:12:53,008
- I was in there
356
00:12:53,008 --> 00:12:53,841
cause I'm loud in there,
357
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,767
and I saw you out here
just bumming around.
358
00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:58,184
(soft music)
359
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:04,570
I landed you a ticket.
360
00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:05,826
- Dude.
361
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,527
When the fuck did you
become a pro-wrestler?
362
00:13:07,527 --> 00:13:08,670
- Since 2010.
363
00:13:08,670 --> 00:13:10,327
You know that.
364
00:13:10,327 --> 00:13:11,650
Dipshit.
365
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:12,706
- Jesus Christ.
366
00:13:12,706 --> 00:13:13,729
That's awesome.
367
00:13:13,729 --> 00:13:15,100
- Yeah, you can get one $20.
368
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,450
No, you know what,
369
00:13:16,450 --> 00:13:17,447
friends and family discount,
370
00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:18,280
30.
371
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,670
Yeah.
372
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:20,870
- Fucking A.
373
00:13:20,870 --> 00:13:21,730
- Drinks after?
374
00:13:21,730 --> 00:13:22,830
- [Matt] Drinks after.
375
00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:28,387
(rock music)
376
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:44,530
- [Announcer] Our boy, Frisco.
377
00:13:44,530 --> 00:13:46,130
And the monster,
378
00:13:46,130 --> 00:13:46,963
Malice.
379
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:50,984
(rock music)
380
00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:58,177
(cheers and applause)
381
00:14:00,128 --> 00:14:01,127
Wrestling fans,
382
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:02,127
our winners.
383
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:05,907
Wrestling tag team champions,
384
00:14:06,908 --> 00:14:08,865
the team of (inaudible),
385
00:14:08,865 --> 00:14:09,782
and Malice.
386
00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:14,547
(rock music)
387
00:14:30,384 --> 00:14:31,426
(soft music)
388
00:14:31,426 --> 00:14:33,767
♪ I was pouring myself a stiff drink ♪
389
00:14:33,767 --> 00:14:35,868
♪ At Christmas ♪
390
00:14:35,868 --> 00:14:37,847
♪ Eve ♪
391
00:14:37,847 --> 00:14:40,668
♪ You was looking at me ♪
392
00:14:40,668 --> 00:14:42,424
♪ Like I should ♪
393
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:45,426
♪ Go ♪
394
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:47,868
♪ You think by now when see ♪
395
00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:50,188
♪ That bottle ♪
396
00:14:50,188 --> 00:14:52,588
♪ You should know ♪
397
00:14:52,588 --> 00:14:55,628
♪ We're not walking sideways ♪
398
00:14:55,628 --> 00:15:00,628
♪ I ain't trying to steal the show ♪
399
00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:04,050
♪ Where I drink ♪
400
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:05,746
♪ So I drank ♪
401
00:15:05,746 --> 00:15:08,130
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
402
00:15:08,130 --> 00:15:10,066
♪ Bottoms up ♪
403
00:15:10,066 --> 00:15:11,730
♪ Well I drink ♪
404
00:15:11,730 --> 00:15:13,548
♪ So I drank ♪
405
00:15:13,548 --> 00:15:14,866
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
406
00:15:14,866 --> 00:15:17,708
♪ Bottoms up ♪
407
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:21,207
♪ I was watching the game at the bar ♪
408
00:15:21,207 --> 00:15:23,346
♪ Last Monday ♪
409
00:15:23,346 --> 00:15:25,000
♪ Night ♪
410
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,210
- Guys, how was it?
411
00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:27,948
- Better than Bros.
412
00:15:27,948 --> 00:15:30,265
♪ It was time to ♪
413
00:15:30,265 --> 00:15:32,850
♪ Go ♪
414
00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:34,087
♪ But my friends are here ♪
415
00:15:34,087 --> 00:15:36,247
♪ And there's lots of beer ♪
416
00:15:36,247 --> 00:15:38,172
♪ And the post game ♪
417
00:15:38,172 --> 00:15:39,607
♪ Show ♪
418
00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:43,067
♪ So before you get mad at me later ♪
419
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:48,067
♪ Just remember that I told you so ♪
420
00:15:50,007 --> 00:15:51,664
♪ Well I drink ♪
421
00:15:51,664 --> 00:15:53,330
♪ So I drank ♪
422
00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:55,287
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
423
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,766
♪ Bottoms up ♪
424
00:15:57,766 --> 00:15:59,410
♪ Well I drink ♪
425
00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:01,308
♪ So I drank ♪
426
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,298
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
427
00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:05,383
♪ Bottoms up ♪
428
00:16:05,383 --> 00:16:07,250
♪ Well I drink ♪
429
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:09,185
♪ So I drank ♪
430
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,785
♪ Now I'm drunk ♪
431
00:16:10,785 --> 00:16:12,884
♪ Bottoms up ♪
432
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:16,505
♪ Well I drink ♪
433
00:16:16,505 --> 00:16:19,204
♪ So I drank ♪
434
00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:21,044
♪ Just like Hank ♪
435
00:16:21,044 --> 00:16:26,044
♪ Now I'm ♪
436
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,723
♪ Drunk, again ♪
437
00:16:35,204 --> 00:16:36,150
- [Matt] Firewater,
438
00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:37,570
a bar that is one block
439
00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:39,640
from the Sullivan brother's center.
440
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:40,980
On stage right now,
441
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,710
Pamela the Punisher poet.
442
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,360
The only dominatrix poet
443
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,160
to ever make it.
444
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,090
And, her sidekick,
445
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,923
our good friend Sam the Slave.
446
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,521
- Ode to the little piggy,
447
00:16:54,521 --> 00:16:58,345
dirty, nasty little piggy.
448
00:16:58,345 --> 00:16:59,943
I'm going to make you mine
449
00:16:59,943 --> 00:17:02,601
so get on your knees
450
00:17:02,601 --> 00:17:05,023
and whine, you nasty swine.
451
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,703
I am Pamela,
452
00:17:06,703 --> 00:17:08,137
the Punisher poet.
453
00:17:08,137 --> 00:17:10,720
And you're just my little piggy
454
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,702
and everyone's going to know it.
455
00:17:13,702 --> 00:17:18,201
I am the only dominatrix
poet to ever make it
456
00:17:18,201 --> 00:17:21,663
so get on your knees you nasty little pig
457
00:17:21,663 --> 00:17:22,663
and take it.
458
00:17:24,063 --> 00:17:26,313
(snapping)
459
00:17:30,543 --> 00:17:31,945
(soft music)
460
00:17:31,945 --> 00:17:32,961
- I love Pamela the Punisher.
461
00:17:32,961 --> 00:17:33,961
I love poetry.
462
00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:36,025
You girls have boyfriends?
463
00:17:36,025 --> 00:17:38,425
(inaudible)
464
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,675
(snapping)
465
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,440
- Yes.
466
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,460
Fantastic.
467
00:17:46,460 --> 00:17:48,633
I love you Pamela the Poet Punisher.
468
00:17:52,940 --> 00:17:53,970
- Rutro.
469
00:17:53,970 --> 00:17:55,630
Where's Scooby and the gang?
470
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:57,183
- Solve any mysteries lately?
471
00:17:57,183 --> 00:17:59,600
(soft music)
472
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,040
- No, not,
473
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,670
not today.
474
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:07,503
Why?
475
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,551
- Is your mom picking you
up from little league later?
476
00:18:09,551 --> 00:18:12,490
- I'm in a league.
477
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:15,083
- Is your priest still molesting you?
478
00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:20,270
- You look like Lance
Armstrong without the roids.
479
00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:21,540
- You look like Tom Hanks
480
00:18:21,540 --> 00:18:23,060
and the end of Philadelphia.
481
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,983
- You look like Chaz Bono
in a fun house mirror.
482
00:18:29,892 --> 00:18:31,380
- Sam.
483
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:32,332
What's up man, how's it going?
484
00:18:32,332 --> 00:18:33,332
- Good.
485
00:18:33,332 --> 00:18:34,910
(inaudible)
486
00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:36,270
Yeah, could I get a scotch please?
487
00:18:36,270 --> 00:18:37,260
- Yeah, put that one on me.
488
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:39,620
- Classy as always, sir.
489
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:40,460
Dude, how's it going man?
490
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:41,935
Where's Tanner at?
491
00:18:41,935 --> 00:18:43,972
- He's with his fiance, man.
492
00:18:43,972 --> 00:18:46,890
- Well that's what happens, right.
493
00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:47,972
You get older.
494
00:18:47,972 --> 00:18:49,673
You get kids.
495
00:18:49,673 --> 00:18:52,703
Got a nice wife, I guess.
496
00:18:56,528 --> 00:18:59,200
Or you can just be the guy
drinking alone at the bar.
497
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,033
- Yeah.
498
00:19:01,589 --> 00:19:02,650
- Right.
499
00:19:02,650 --> 00:19:03,620
- Yeah, yeah.
500
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,316
Apparently right now,
501
00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:06,313
he's two knuckles deep
502
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,913
in a game of scrabble with his finance.
503
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:09,040
(laughter)
504
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:09,873
- Scrabble.
505
00:19:09,873 --> 00:19:11,870
Don't you have to know words for scrabble?
506
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:12,703
- Yeah.
507
00:19:12,703 --> 00:19:14,553
You know that guy's just
playing idiotic stuff.
508
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,020
He's probably sitting there bored
509
00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,990
making houses and stuff like that.
510
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,332
- Fucking lame crap.
511
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:20,730
- Idiot.
512
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:22,030
He's gonna play like this,
513
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:22,970
they, them,
514
00:19:22,970 --> 00:19:25,008
it, as, and,
515
00:19:25,008 --> 00:19:25,841
an,
516
00:19:25,841 --> 00:19:27,510
and then do the D.
517
00:19:27,510 --> 00:19:29,120
And then yeah, you know
he's gonna get to there
518
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,930
and have like the wrong one.
519
00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:32,377
Like he's gonna go ahead and say ah,
520
00:19:32,377 --> 00:19:33,400
this means
521
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,390
they are, right.
522
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:35,223
They are, right.
523
00:19:35,223 --> 00:19:36,140
He's gonna be asking.
524
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:38,890
- His fiance has to be having
the worst time right now.
525
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:44,092
- Well, woo.
526
00:19:45,113 --> 00:19:46,567
Look what he just played.
527
00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:49,300
Actually, Tanner is playing scrabble
528
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,133
with is fiance
529
00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:51,563
with a bunch of her friends.
530
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,830
She spelled Fount,
531
00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:55,860
which earned her
532
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:56,983
24 points.
533
00:19:58,210 --> 00:19:59,210
She was quite proud.
534
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,120
Tanner had a word too.
535
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,650
His fiance kept pestering him
536
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,293
on his vocabulary all night.
537
00:20:09,193 --> 00:20:10,191
Starts with a Q.
538
00:20:10,191 --> 00:20:11,193
That earned him
539
00:20:11,193 --> 00:20:12,130
triple letter score.
540
00:20:12,130 --> 00:20:14,310
So guess what Tanner's word is.
541
00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:16,360
I'll give you a few hints.
542
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:17,310
Muff grunt,
543
00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:18,900
box burp,
544
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:19,746
sliz sneeze,
545
00:20:19,746 --> 00:20:21,800
womb wheeze,
546
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,829
cunt cough.
547
00:20:23,829 --> 00:20:25,490
That's right.
548
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,314
Tanner's word is Queef.
549
00:20:27,314 --> 00:20:28,680
And if you're still lost,
550
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,274
Google pussy fart.
551
00:20:30,274 --> 00:20:33,830
Queef earned Tanner 63
points total on the word
552
00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:35,100
and gave him the lead.
553
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:36,720
His finance was pissed.
554
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,872
But her Ceder Falls
friends were impressed,
555
00:20:38,872 --> 00:20:40,850
and also laughing so hard
556
00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:43,330
that Tanner's finally in with them.
557
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:44,920
Just goes to show you
558
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,090
everyone comes together
559
00:20:46,090 --> 00:20:47,430
at a campground
560
00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:49,032
over a twat tune.
561
00:20:49,032 --> 00:20:52,370
- Triple letter score
on the letter Q, nice.
562
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:53,203
- Nice.
563
00:20:53,203 --> 00:20:55,330
He's putting that extra chromosome to use.
564
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:58,030
- I'll drink my scotch to that.
565
00:21:00,690 --> 00:21:02,060
- I'm telling you guys,
566
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:03,850
Jeff Lance is my real father.
567
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:04,683
I know it.
568
00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:05,750
- He went in with your mom
569
00:21:05,750 --> 00:21:06,890
when he was 12 years old,
570
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:08,386
you do realize this.
571
00:21:08,386 --> 00:21:09,220
- That's what I'm saying.
572
00:21:09,220 --> 00:21:11,688
She had Jeff in class when he was 12.
573
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:13,843
- That means your mom's a child molester.
574
00:21:13,843 --> 00:21:17,506
- Yes, but my real father's a stud.
575
00:21:17,506 --> 00:21:18,339
- Well, it makes sense.
576
00:21:18,339 --> 00:21:19,746
You do like raw dogging the strange.
577
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,996
(laughter)
578
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,260
- [Matt] Patrick Plumly.
579
00:21:24,260 --> 00:21:25,650
He owns On The Rocks,
580
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:28,269
a bar with over 15 different Moscow mules,
581
00:21:28,269 --> 00:21:30,500
eight craft beers on tap,
582
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,150
and even more bottled and canned.
583
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,620
A place like On The Rocks is a staple
584
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:35,920
in the Waterloo nightlife.
585
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,900
Come have some of the best drinks,
586
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:42,000
cocktails, beers in the whole Ceder Valley
587
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,940
all while taking in some artwork
588
00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:45,043
of a vintage Waterloo.
589
00:21:51,154 --> 00:21:52,140
The Dipshit Twins,
590
00:21:52,140 --> 00:21:53,848
the smartest guys in the valley.
591
00:21:53,848 --> 00:21:56,909
They received the highest
marks at Iowa State University.
592
00:21:56,909 --> 00:22:00,680
Later, they attended both
Columbia and Harvard.
593
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,160
Inspired by their heroes,
594
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,550
Neil Degrasse Tyson
595
00:22:03,550 --> 00:22:04,573
and Carl Sagan.
596
00:22:06,182 --> 00:22:07,015
But like any other genius,
597
00:22:07,015 --> 00:22:08,150
if you want to throw them off,
598
00:22:08,150 --> 00:22:09,810
get them on a sex topic.
599
00:22:09,810 --> 00:22:12,210
It totally throws a genius off.
600
00:22:12,210 --> 00:22:14,520
Einstein can come up with
a theory of relativity,
601
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,730
but ask that non-practicing Jew krout
602
00:22:16,730 --> 00:22:18,830
to find the G spot on a woman,
603
00:22:18,830 --> 00:22:20,740
and he will be more shaken
604
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:22,440
than Richard Spencer
605
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,764
asking for directions in a KFC
606
00:22:24,764 --> 00:22:25,650
on the southside of Chicago.
607
00:22:25,650 --> 00:22:26,483
- You know,
608
00:22:27,622 --> 00:22:28,667
I was thinking
609
00:22:28,667 --> 00:22:31,425
on the topic of black holes again.
610
00:22:31,425 --> 00:22:33,230
- Here we go.
611
00:22:33,230 --> 00:22:34,900
- We do not know
612
00:22:34,900 --> 00:22:36,865
what laws of physics
apply within a black hole.
613
00:22:36,865 --> 00:22:38,865
We just don't.
614
00:22:38,865 --> 00:22:40,467
We're applying standard laws of physics,
615
00:22:40,467 --> 00:22:41,810
but they can't apply there.
616
00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:42,643
They can't.
617
00:22:43,484 --> 00:22:44,317
- Again,
618
00:22:45,265 --> 00:22:46,550
the standard laws of physics
619
00:22:46,550 --> 00:22:48,300
can apply to a black hole
620
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,110
if there is any presence
621
00:22:50,110 --> 00:22:51,770
of something here on earth
622
00:22:51,770 --> 00:22:53,230
such as
623
00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:54,200
gravity.
624
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,033
- Gravity.
625
00:22:55,033 --> 00:22:57,201
Oh, so that's what
Google was talking about
626
00:22:57,201 --> 00:22:58,380
when I looked it up earlier.
627
00:22:58,380 --> 00:22:59,213
- Yes,
628
00:22:59,213 --> 00:23:02,130
the same gravity that
takes this beautiful dart
629
00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:03,100
to the black
630
00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:04,700
hole of that
631
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:07,190
gaping bullseye.
632
00:23:07,190 --> 00:23:08,370
Right in the center.
633
00:23:08,370 --> 00:23:09,203
Don't look.
634
00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:11,860
- Well,
635
00:23:11,860 --> 00:23:13,100
- Jesus Christ.
636
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:16,321
What in the world of Breaking
Bad biology did I walk in on?
637
00:23:16,321 --> 00:23:18,253
- [Both] Matt.
638
00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,004
- You nerds talking about
639
00:23:21,004 --> 00:23:23,520
Black holes again?
640
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,190
- Just because we identify as nerds
641
00:23:25,190 --> 00:23:26,970
doesn't mean you can call us nerds.
642
00:23:26,970 --> 00:23:28,110
We can call each other nerds.
643
00:23:28,110 --> 00:23:29,540
You can't call us nerds.
644
00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:30,520
Nerd.
645
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,080
- Hey, nerd.
646
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:32,913
- Hey.
647
00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:34,400
- Yes, we're talking about black holes.
648
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,250
- Man, you guys talk about black holes
649
00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:37,996
more than Robert Pinero.
650
00:23:37,996 --> 00:23:41,950
- Hold on.
651
00:23:41,950 --> 00:23:43,884
He's doing that comedy thing again.
652
00:23:43,884 --> 00:23:45,080
(laughter)
653
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:46,440
Because
654
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,340
Robert De Niro,
655
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:48,822
Bobby as I call him,
656
00:23:48,822 --> 00:23:50,990
he likes black women.
657
00:23:50,990 --> 00:23:52,305
So that is funny.
658
00:23:52,305 --> 00:23:53,590
(laughter)
659
00:23:53,590 --> 00:23:54,530
- Bobby of Niro
660
00:23:54,530 --> 00:23:56,065
likes black.
661
00:23:56,065 --> 00:23:58,444
(laughter)
662
00:23:58,444 --> 00:23:59,960
(inaudible)
663
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:00,959
- Jesus guys.
664
00:24:00,959 --> 00:24:01,964
Seriously.
665
00:24:01,964 --> 00:24:02,961
But I'll play along.
666
00:24:02,961 --> 00:24:04,385
- Oh.
667
00:24:04,385 --> 00:24:05,382
- So,
668
00:24:05,382 --> 00:24:06,215
let's just say the guy
particle accelerator
669
00:24:06,215 --> 00:24:08,780
and taken out all these mini black holes.
670
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:10,401
- Yes, you're speaking my language.
671
00:24:10,401 --> 00:24:13,620
- They go ahead and toss us
672
00:24:13,620 --> 00:24:15,564
into the Mandela Effect.
673
00:24:15,564 --> 00:24:17,987
Mandela Effect.
674
00:24:17,987 --> 00:24:20,830
The Mandela Effect refers to
an enlarged number of people
675
00:24:20,830 --> 00:24:22,350
share a false memory,
676
00:24:22,350 --> 00:24:24,660
originally attributed to the existence
677
00:24:24,660 --> 00:24:26,240
of multiple universes.
678
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,840
Are we currently residing in it?
679
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:30,945
- Let's see.
680
00:24:30,945 --> 00:24:33,278
(inaudible)
681
00:24:36,588 --> 00:24:37,522
Answer the question.
682
00:24:37,522 --> 00:24:38,545
- Bernstein.
683
00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:41,185
I guess you could be a possibility.
684
00:24:41,185 --> 00:24:42,393
Next question.
685
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,206
- It could be a possibility.
686
00:24:45,206 --> 00:24:46,730
- But.
687
00:24:46,730 --> 00:24:49,206
- If only you were to believe in
688
00:24:49,206 --> 00:24:51,160
alternate timelines.
689
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:52,970
Or I don't know,
690
00:24:52,970 --> 00:24:54,030
maybe something
691
00:24:54,030 --> 00:24:55,906
like alternate universes.
692
00:24:55,906 --> 00:24:57,321
(laughter)
693
00:24:57,321 --> 00:24:58,840
A bubble universe.
694
00:24:58,840 --> 00:24:59,800
(inaudible)
695
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:00,633
- I get it.
696
00:25:01,581 --> 00:25:02,586
Like Rick and Morty, right.
697
00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:05,110
- No, I don't like Rick and Morty.
698
00:25:05,110 --> 00:25:06,540
It's too smart for me.
699
00:25:06,540 --> 00:25:07,900
Make my brain hurt.
700
00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:08,733
- Pickle.
701
00:25:10,188 --> 00:25:11,868
- Pickle dick.
702
00:25:11,868 --> 00:25:12,970
Ow.
703
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:14,320
- It's pickle Rick.
704
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,086
I got another question for you guys.
705
00:25:16,086 --> 00:25:17,980
You think
706
00:25:17,980 --> 00:25:19,564
because
- Yes.
707
00:25:19,564 --> 00:25:20,960
- These black holes opening,
708
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,265
toss us into an alternate universe
709
00:25:23,265 --> 00:25:25,423
within ourselves
710
00:25:25,423 --> 00:25:29,110
that we actually have non binary people.
711
00:25:29,110 --> 00:25:31,639
People who do not identify
712
00:25:31,639 --> 00:25:33,360
as either gender,
713
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,780
nor masculine, nor feminine.
714
00:25:35,780 --> 00:25:38,364
That they see neither of them.
715
00:25:38,364 --> 00:25:42,610
That however they exist
outside the binary,
716
00:25:42,610 --> 00:25:45,640
and outside the cis normativity.
717
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,200
I'm telling you some people
718
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,550
do not see gender, but just see
719
00:25:49,550 --> 00:25:53,270
who they actually are as a person.
720
00:25:53,270 --> 00:25:54,764
- See people.
721
00:25:54,764 --> 00:25:59,063
I've been to 17 different colleges.
722
00:26:02,210 --> 00:26:03,559
- Dizzy.
723
00:26:03,559 --> 00:26:04,930
Matt,
724
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:08,623
what the fuck are you talking about man?
725
00:26:08,623 --> 00:26:09,704
- Yeah.
726
00:26:09,704 --> 00:26:11,846
What are you saying?
727
00:26:11,846 --> 00:26:12,929
- I'm just saying
728
00:26:12,929 --> 00:26:14,370
these people don't see gender.
729
00:26:14,370 --> 00:26:16,086
- You're hurting Dipshitowits one.
730
00:26:16,086 --> 00:26:17,733
- Shut up, Dipshitowits two.
731
00:26:18,806 --> 00:26:21,786
- How can you not see gender?
732
00:26:21,786 --> 00:26:22,619
That's
733
00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:25,260
all you can see when you're doing it.
734
00:26:25,260 --> 00:26:26,130
Look,
735
00:26:26,130 --> 00:26:27,809
hey, hey, hey.
736
00:26:27,809 --> 00:26:29,328
Honk, honk.
737
00:26:29,328 --> 00:26:30,850
Honk, honk.
738
00:26:30,850 --> 00:26:31,750
- It's all you can see.
739
00:26:31,750 --> 00:26:34,348
It's all you can see.
740
00:26:34,348 --> 00:26:36,806
- Hey, hey, gender, gender,
741
00:26:36,806 --> 00:26:38,060
gender, gender.
742
00:26:38,060 --> 00:26:39,804
Hey, hey, hey.
743
00:26:39,804 --> 00:26:40,958
- Let's put it,
744
00:26:40,958 --> 00:26:41,934
hey,
745
00:26:41,934 --> 00:26:43,033
hey.
746
00:26:43,033 --> 00:26:44,472
Hey.
- I'm doing both parts.
747
00:26:44,472 --> 00:26:45,305
Hey.
748
00:26:45,305 --> 00:26:46,310
What?
749
00:26:46,310 --> 00:26:48,020
- You're gonna get us kicked out again.
750
00:26:48,020 --> 00:26:48,913
- Sorry.
751
00:26:48,913 --> 00:26:49,746
Sorry.
752
00:26:49,746 --> 00:26:50,579
- What are you gonna do?
753
00:26:50,579 --> 00:26:52,433
Oh yeah, here's a big seven inch
754
00:26:52,433 --> 00:26:54,230
dark and red veiny,
755
00:26:54,230 --> 00:26:55,440
sweaty,
756
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,553
smelly non-binary.
757
00:26:57,553 --> 00:26:59,233
- It's my big,
758
00:26:59,233 --> 00:27:00,593
huge,
759
00:27:00,593 --> 00:27:01,510
two inches,
760
00:27:02,593 --> 00:27:03,596
give or take
761
00:27:03,596 --> 00:27:04,876
veiny.
762
00:27:04,876 --> 00:27:06,193
Looks almost like--
763
00:27:06,193 --> 00:27:08,694
- Big, huge,
764
00:27:08,694 --> 00:27:09,916
two inches?
765
00:27:09,916 --> 00:27:11,196
- Go.
766
00:27:11,196 --> 00:27:12,211
- I mean,
767
00:27:12,211 --> 00:27:13,414
I don't think they see
it kind of that way boys.
768
00:27:13,414 --> 00:27:15,710
- Well you sometimes
you need a microscope,
769
00:27:15,710 --> 00:27:16,853
but you can see it that way.
770
00:27:16,853 --> 00:27:17,810
- You can see it.
771
00:27:17,810 --> 00:27:19,290
I've looked.
772
00:27:19,290 --> 00:27:20,870
Scientific curiosity.
773
00:27:20,870 --> 00:27:21,743
Nothing weird.
774
00:27:23,230 --> 00:27:24,833
Look, Matt,
775
00:27:24,833 --> 00:27:26,300
let's put it in dummy language.
776
00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:28,214
- Yeah, we're the Dipshits.
777
00:27:28,214 --> 00:27:29,713
Sure.
778
00:27:29,713 --> 00:27:30,546
(laughter)
779
00:27:30,546 --> 00:27:31,379
- There's no denying dick.
780
00:27:31,379 --> 00:27:32,212
- Yeah.
781
00:27:32,212 --> 00:27:33,045
- [Both] There's no denying dick.
782
00:27:33,045 --> 00:27:34,296
There's no denying dick.
783
00:27:34,296 --> 00:27:35,879
There's no denying dick.
784
00:27:35,879 --> 00:27:37,297
There's no denying dick.
785
00:27:37,297 --> 00:27:38,715
There's no denying dick.
786
00:27:38,715 --> 00:27:40,220
There's no denying dick.
787
00:27:40,220 --> 00:27:41,676
There's no denying dick.
788
00:27:41,676 --> 00:27:42,593
There's no.
789
00:27:43,478 --> 00:27:44,556
- You know what.
790
00:27:44,556 --> 00:27:45,596
- What?
791
00:27:45,596 --> 00:27:46,429
- Let's go home.
792
00:27:46,429 --> 00:27:47,396
- Yeah.
793
00:27:47,396 --> 00:27:48,419
- Get the whiteboard out,
794
00:27:48,419 --> 00:27:49,253
put some fricking Windex on it.
795
00:27:53,180 --> 00:27:55,240
And then we're gonna figure this out
796
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,010
for once and for all.
797
00:27:58,010 --> 00:27:58,843
- Yeah Matt.
798
00:27:58,843 --> 00:28:00,959
You're such a fricking A-hole.
799
00:28:00,959 --> 00:28:03,140
Pardon my language, but
800
00:28:03,140 --> 00:28:04,020
we're trying to
801
00:28:04,020 --> 00:28:05,839
go on solve
802
00:28:05,839 --> 00:28:06,672
the straight dairy problem.
803
00:28:06,672 --> 00:28:08,457
Now you got me all twisted up.
804
00:28:08,457 --> 00:28:09,624
Now we have to
805
00:28:10,614 --> 00:28:11,730
fricking solve
806
00:28:11,730 --> 00:28:12,880
non-binary.
807
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,690
- Computer scientists.
808
00:28:14,690 --> 00:28:15,523
Let's go.
809
00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:20,863
- A couple of science nerds,
810
00:28:20,863 --> 00:28:22,450
they're not very PC.
811
00:28:22,450 --> 00:28:23,283
Indepedent film.
812
00:28:24,639 --> 00:28:27,421
They must have meant Independent film.
813
00:28:27,421 --> 00:28:30,959
The Mandela Effect.
814
00:28:30,959 --> 00:28:31,830
But an Independent film
815
00:28:31,830 --> 00:28:33,401
set in Waterloo, Iowa
816
00:28:33,401 --> 00:28:35,503
named Bros.
817
00:28:35,503 --> 00:28:37,023
Oh man, that's got to suck.
818
00:28:38,340 --> 00:28:39,300
- You running off my customers again?
819
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:40,940
- Come on man, they
were just gonna drink up
820
00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:42,380
my fucking favorite scotch.
821
00:28:42,380 --> 00:28:43,919
- Doesn't matter.
822
00:28:43,919 --> 00:28:45,037
- Tell you what,
823
00:28:45,037 --> 00:28:47,650
I'm gonna drink the
majority of that bottle
824
00:28:47,650 --> 00:28:49,160
in there anyways.
825
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,641
And they were probably gonna
have a bunch of waters.
826
00:28:51,641 --> 00:28:53,190
It won't matter.
827
00:28:53,190 --> 00:28:54,500
They're science dorks.
828
00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:55,990
I'm a drunk.
829
00:28:55,990 --> 00:28:56,883
I pay more.
830
00:28:58,340 --> 00:29:00,160
- I love alcoholism.
831
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,677
- Hey, hey,
832
00:29:01,677 --> 00:29:03,040
the Waterloo Manati meeting just let out?
833
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,100
- Matt, good to see you.
834
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:05,530
- Good seeing you.
835
00:29:05,530 --> 00:29:07,544
- Where's your buddy, Tanner?
836
00:29:07,544 --> 00:29:09,763
- He's out with his fiance tonight.
837
00:29:09,763 --> 00:29:10,660
- Yep.
838
00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:13,043
That happens when you get older.
839
00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:14,803
People, they get married.
840
00:29:14,803 --> 00:29:15,713
They have kids.
841
00:29:16,570 --> 00:29:18,062
Be happy for your friend.
842
00:29:18,062 --> 00:29:20,290
- Yeah, speaking of which,
843
00:29:20,290 --> 00:29:21,867
he's playing scrabble with her.
844
00:29:21,867 --> 00:29:24,302
Check out the word he played.
845
00:29:24,302 --> 00:29:25,790
- Oh, yeah.
846
00:29:25,790 --> 00:29:27,530
That's nice placement there on that Q.
847
00:29:27,530 --> 00:29:29,064
Triple letter score.
848
00:29:29,064 --> 00:29:30,720
63 points.
849
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:31,793
Very nice.
850
00:29:32,970 --> 00:29:33,990
- Yeah.
851
00:29:33,990 --> 00:29:35,090
I hate drinking alone.
852
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:39,960
- Eat your bread
853
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:41,840
with joy and drink your wine
854
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:42,850
with a merry heart,
855
00:29:42,850 --> 00:29:44,640
for god has already approved
856
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,080
what you do.
857
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:47,200
- That's beautiful.
858
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,680
Who's that?
859
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:49,704
Luke Bryant?
860
00:29:49,704 --> 00:29:50,702
Kanye West?
861
00:29:50,702 --> 00:29:52,020
- It's Ecclesiastes nine seven.
862
00:29:52,020 --> 00:29:53,203
It's from the bible.
863
00:29:53,203 --> 00:29:54,270
- Yeah.
864
00:29:54,270 --> 00:29:56,382
I always try to give
musicians way too much credit.
865
00:29:56,382 --> 00:29:59,077
- Let me ask you something,
866
00:29:59,077 --> 00:30:00,641
what have you done so far today?
867
00:30:00,641 --> 00:30:02,702
- Well, it started off.
868
00:30:02,702 --> 00:30:04,100
I had some shots with
Jeff Lance at the Library.
869
00:30:04,100 --> 00:30:05,170
I went and saw
870
00:30:05,170 --> 00:30:07,070
pro-wrestling at the Five Sullivan Center.
871
00:30:07,070 --> 00:30:10,106
And went and saw Pamela The
Punisher Poet next door.
872
00:30:10,106 --> 00:30:11,706
It's been pretty cool.
873
00:30:11,706 --> 00:30:14,850
- All that in the course
of one Saturday afternoon
874
00:30:14,850 --> 00:30:16,106
in the Cedar Valley.
875
00:30:16,106 --> 00:30:17,760
You know,
876
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,880
the Douist define grace
877
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:21,240
not so much
878
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,400
by the words that you say,
879
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,510
but by your actions,
880
00:30:24,510 --> 00:30:25,343
your movements,
881
00:30:25,343 --> 00:30:26,393
how you live life.
882
00:30:27,330 --> 00:30:30,190
You have more wealth in
these few city blocks
883
00:30:30,190 --> 00:30:31,430
than most people have
884
00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:32,710
anywhere in the world.
885
00:30:32,710 --> 00:30:34,149
Where else,
886
00:30:34,149 --> 00:30:34,982
other than
887
00:30:34,982 --> 00:30:36,149
maybe Las Vegas or something
888
00:30:36,149 --> 00:30:36,982
can you get
889
00:30:36,982 --> 00:30:38,687
a glass of scotch that full?
890
00:30:38,687 --> 00:30:41,980
Be happy for your friends,
891
00:30:41,980 --> 00:30:43,160
for they come and go.
892
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,110
You know they'll always be those children
893
00:30:46,110 --> 00:30:47,100
and those wives out there.
894
00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:48,130
Be happy for them too
895
00:30:48,130 --> 00:30:50,506
because this too may come for you someday.
896
00:30:50,506 --> 00:30:51,339
- Yeah.
897
00:30:53,029 --> 00:30:54,229
What if it doesn't?
898
00:30:54,229 --> 00:30:56,240
- Well then you're just
another old guy at a bar.
899
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:57,669
But see that's okay too.
900
00:30:57,669 --> 00:31:01,060
You need to cherish your memories,
901
00:31:01,060 --> 00:31:02,549
enjoy your scotch,
902
00:31:02,549 --> 00:31:04,926
and remember the five Sullivan brothers.
903
00:31:04,926 --> 00:31:08,250
They would have loved to be
able to come back to this town
904
00:31:08,250 --> 00:31:11,288
and enjoy it the way that you have.
905
00:31:11,288 --> 00:31:13,393
- How'd you get so wise?
906
00:31:16,140 --> 00:31:18,430
- I come from Oelwein, Iowa.
907
00:31:18,430 --> 00:31:21,050
Oh hey, I have two tickets
to the court games.
908
00:31:21,050 --> 00:31:24,380
Starts in about 15 minutes.
909
00:31:24,380 --> 00:31:26,100
If you can find somebody
to go with you, great.
910
00:31:26,100 --> 00:31:28,191
If not, then you just enjoy your evening.
911
00:31:28,191 --> 00:31:30,393
- Thanks man.
912
00:31:31,348 --> 00:31:33,400
I always appreciated our friendship.
913
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:34,410
- Take care.
914
00:31:34,410 --> 00:31:36,283
Finish that scotch.
915
00:31:41,223 --> 00:31:43,640
(rock music)
916
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:51,647
- [Matt] The Cedar Valley court games.
917
00:31:51,647 --> 00:31:55,566
Waterloo's Midwest
professional basketball team.
918
00:31:55,566 --> 00:31:59,510
Actually, the Midwest
professional basketball league
919
00:31:59,510 --> 00:32:00,889
champions.
920
00:32:00,889 --> 00:32:03,556
(group chatter)
921
00:32:17,929 --> 00:32:20,346
(rock music)
922
00:32:29,050 --> 00:32:31,717
(piano playing)
923
00:32:49,630 --> 00:32:51,226
- Speaking of broke,
924
00:32:51,226 --> 00:32:52,059
do you have enough money to finish
925
00:32:52,059 --> 00:32:52,892
paying for your haircut?
926
00:32:53,910 --> 00:32:55,146
- I see, it's cool, it's cool.
927
00:32:55,146 --> 00:32:56,149
It's hard out here man.
928
00:32:56,149 --> 00:32:58,890
- You look like Raggedy Anne
after a house fire, man.
929
00:32:58,890 --> 00:33:00,870
- People's hair,
930
00:33:00,870 --> 00:33:02,730
I mean one more hair strand
falls out your hair, man,
931
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,970
you're gonna look like broke
Bruce Willis or something.
932
00:33:04,970 --> 00:33:06,466
I'm just saying.
933
00:33:06,466 --> 00:33:07,967
- Jersey Shore reject.
934
00:33:07,967 --> 00:33:09,097
You look like old Asians (inaudible).
935
00:33:09,967 --> 00:33:11,781
- Speaking of that,
936
00:33:11,781 --> 00:33:13,100
you sure look like you came off the gas
937
00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:14,100
golf course seven.
938
00:33:14,100 --> 00:33:15,550
- I did, I see you dad there.
939
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,264
- Speaking of rejects,
940
00:33:18,264 --> 00:33:19,269
like your hairline's been rejecting
941
00:33:19,269 --> 00:33:20,330
your forehead a little bit.
942
00:33:20,330 --> 00:33:21,610
I don't know what's going on.
943
00:33:21,610 --> 00:33:22,607
- Your hairline look like a fundraiser.
944
00:33:22,607 --> 00:33:23,440
I'm sorry.
945
00:33:24,826 --> 00:33:25,659
- You guys are black.
946
00:33:26,662 --> 00:33:28,506
(laughter)
947
00:33:28,506 --> 00:33:31,003
- You kind of look like an Oreo.
948
00:33:32,069 --> 00:33:33,130
- A broreo.
949
00:33:33,130 --> 00:33:34,148
- A broreo.
950
00:33:34,148 --> 00:33:35,189
I like that.
951
00:33:35,189 --> 00:33:36,329
I like that, let's toast
to that right there.
952
00:33:36,329 --> 00:33:37,327
- Bros for life.
- Bros for life.
953
00:33:37,327 --> 00:33:39,994
(piano playing)
954
00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:43,024
- So I was thinking,
955
00:33:43,024 --> 00:33:44,030
and I think I might like the sound
956
00:33:45,269 --> 00:33:46,220
of some little feet pitter pattering.
957
00:33:46,220 --> 00:33:48,230
I think maybe we should start a family.
958
00:33:48,230 --> 00:33:49,063
- Oh my god.
959
00:33:49,063 --> 00:33:50,720
I love being your wife.
960
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,047
I would make such a great mom.
961
00:33:52,047 --> 00:33:53,190
I would love to have
962
00:33:53,190 --> 00:33:54,570
a little boy or girl with you.
963
00:33:54,570 --> 00:33:55,460
- Okay.
964
00:33:55,460 --> 00:33:56,850
I'll throw away the condoms.
965
00:33:56,850 --> 00:33:57,980
You start taking your temperature
966
00:33:57,980 --> 00:33:59,090
and charting your days.
967
00:33:59,090 --> 00:34:00,650
And I'll triangulate the insemination
968
00:34:00,650 --> 00:34:01,680
for the best possible outcome.
969
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:03,240
- The way you sound it,
970
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,340
it's so dirty.
971
00:34:04,340 --> 00:34:05,173
I love it.
972
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:07,800
- Black Hawk county seat
973
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,610
was originally in Cedar Falls.
974
00:34:09,610 --> 00:34:11,070
- Yeah, and then some Waterloo residents
975
00:34:11,070 --> 00:34:12,550
went over and seized the documents
976
00:34:12,550 --> 00:34:14,030
and brought them back to Waterloo.
977
00:34:14,030 --> 00:34:15,060
- Wait, is this a story
978
00:34:15,060 --> 00:34:16,650
where they threw eggs at each other?
979
00:34:16,650 --> 00:34:17,749
- Yeah, they called it the egg war.
980
00:34:17,749 --> 00:34:19,950
- Hard boiled.
981
00:34:19,950 --> 00:34:21,546
Just like city councils in these towns.
982
00:34:21,546 --> 00:34:23,010
- Or over easy,
983
00:34:23,010 --> 00:34:24,810
like the Cedar Valley women.
984
00:34:24,810 --> 00:34:27,260
- So according to this,
985
00:34:27,260 --> 00:34:29,624
we conceived on the weekend
of the 11th and the 12th.
986
00:34:29,624 --> 00:34:32,240
- Hey, that was the weekend
987
00:34:32,240 --> 00:34:34,830
I was out of town at my nana's funeral.
988
00:34:34,830 --> 00:34:35,744
- Oh my god.
989
00:34:35,744 --> 00:34:37,268
Sorry.
990
00:34:37,268 --> 00:34:38,640
- It's okay.
991
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,640
I fucked somebody else that weekend too.
992
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:42,353
- C'est la vie.
993
00:34:42,353 --> 00:34:43,403
- Sera, sera.
994
00:34:45,010 --> 00:34:47,429
- Mom, you got to stop
hitting on guys my age.
995
00:34:47,429 --> 00:34:49,380
Stop flirting with my guy friends.
996
00:34:49,380 --> 00:34:51,870
- You know people think we could
997
00:34:51,870 --> 00:34:53,247
actually be sisters.
998
00:34:53,247 --> 00:34:55,070
- You slow down.
999
00:34:55,070 --> 00:34:56,430
You're way too much.
1000
00:34:56,430 --> 00:34:58,047
- I am a cougar.
1001
00:34:58,047 --> 00:34:59,829
It's our time now.
1002
00:34:59,829 --> 00:35:02,010
I will not slow down.
1003
00:35:02,010 --> 00:35:05,050
It's MILF time.
1004
00:35:05,050 --> 00:35:05,883
- Gross.
1005
00:35:05,883 --> 00:35:08,030
- Your little friend,
Jake, didn't think so.
1006
00:35:09,306 --> 00:35:11,973
(piano playing)
1007
00:35:19,004 --> 00:35:21,030
- [Matt] This is Elias,
1008
00:35:21,030 --> 00:35:22,469
a good Christian boy.
1009
00:35:22,469 --> 00:35:24,780
Drank way too much one night.
1010
00:35:24,780 --> 00:35:29,160
Actually, he went on an
entire weekend bender.
1011
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:32,250
Now, he's in alcoholic's anonymous.
1012
00:35:32,250 --> 00:35:34,309
So we refer to him as
1013
00:35:34,309 --> 00:35:36,780
AA Elias.
1014
00:35:36,780 --> 00:35:38,543
- Shit this shit's (inaudible) man.
1015
00:35:40,582 --> 00:35:42,467
Why don't they fix this shit, dude?
1016
00:35:42,467 --> 00:35:45,267
(inaudible)
1017
00:35:45,267 --> 00:35:46,684
Who gives a shit.
1018
00:35:51,710 --> 00:35:53,040
- Hey, Jorge.
1019
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:54,305
- What you want, dude?
1020
00:35:54,305 --> 00:35:55,630
- You know I'm really
concerned about you man.
1021
00:35:55,630 --> 00:35:57,266
I'm really concerned about your health.
1022
00:35:57,266 --> 00:35:58,526
Hwy don't you take a look at this.
1023
00:35:58,526 --> 00:36:00,020
Really could help you out.
1024
00:36:00,020 --> 00:36:01,010
- You think?
1025
00:36:01,010 --> 00:36:02,606
- Yeah man.
1026
00:36:02,606 --> 00:36:03,820
It helped me.
1027
00:36:03,820 --> 00:36:05,048
- Whatever dude.
1028
00:36:05,048 --> 00:36:06,410
Go away dude, I'm drinking.
1029
00:36:06,410 --> 00:36:07,540
- Alright, just think about it, man.
1030
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:09,129
- Yeah whatever dude.
1031
00:36:09,129 --> 00:36:09,979
Go fuck yourself.
1032
00:36:19,710 --> 00:36:21,377
Holy shit, AA works.
1033
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,571
Alright.
1034
00:36:25,571 --> 00:36:28,238
(piano playing)
1035
00:36:35,460 --> 00:36:36,931
- I love the two of you in Oz.
1036
00:36:36,931 --> 00:36:38,969
- What's up man.
1037
00:36:38,969 --> 00:36:41,528
- Hey, what's up Jorge?
1038
00:36:41,528 --> 00:36:42,707
What's up dude?
1039
00:36:42,707 --> 00:36:43,747
Marcel, can I get another run?
1040
00:36:43,747 --> 00:36:44,580
Thank you.
1041
00:36:45,609 --> 00:36:46,887
- This time of the day, dude?
1042
00:36:46,887 --> 00:36:47,720
- Yeah.
1043
00:36:49,507 --> 00:36:50,980
You have the same one too.
1044
00:36:50,980 --> 00:36:52,089
- I'm in mourning dude.
1045
00:36:52,089 --> 00:36:54,771
- Yeah, I guess I'm in mourning too.
1046
00:36:54,771 --> 00:36:57,390
- Why, Anthony Bourdain too?
1047
00:36:57,390 --> 00:36:58,280
You heard about that shit too?
1048
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,010
- No, Tanner.
1049
00:37:00,010 --> 00:37:01,440
He's got a fiance.
1050
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:02,370
Can't hang out with me.
1051
00:37:02,370 --> 00:37:03,520
- He found someone tighter than you, huh.
1052
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,190
- Yeah, I guess in a way.
1053
00:37:05,190 --> 00:37:06,710
- In a way?
1054
00:37:06,710 --> 00:37:08,211
Really?
1055
00:37:08,211 --> 00:37:09,370
- Yeah.
1056
00:37:09,370 --> 00:37:10,950
Who's fucking push light is that?
1057
00:37:10,950 --> 00:37:11,890
- That's that milk weed,
1058
00:37:11,890 --> 00:37:13,210
Tyler of the tool.
1059
00:37:13,210 --> 00:37:14,043
- Oh Jesus Christ.
1060
00:37:14,043 --> 00:37:16,350
Was diet mountain dew too spicy?
1061
00:37:16,350 --> 00:37:17,529
- For that milk weed
1062
00:37:17,529 --> 00:37:19,129
(inaudible) motherfucker, maybe.
1063
00:37:22,510 --> 00:37:23,369
- Oh yeah.
1064
00:37:23,369 --> 00:37:25,630
Extra cheese was a good call.
1065
00:37:25,630 --> 00:37:26,880
It's a two flusher, baby.
1066
00:37:34,830 --> 00:37:38,270
Pouring one out for your
dead homies over there?
1067
00:37:38,270 --> 00:37:39,720
(laughter)
1068
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:40,990
You guys both have a grinder.
1069
00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:42,130
That's how you guys met.
1070
00:37:42,130 --> 00:37:42,963
That's awesome.
1071
00:37:42,963 --> 00:37:44,307
Good for you guys.
1072
00:37:44,307 --> 00:37:45,140
You guys are a beautiful couple.
1073
00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:45,973
I like the melting pot
1074
00:37:45,973 --> 00:37:47,529
kind of situation going on here.
1075
00:37:47,529 --> 00:37:48,968
- Hey, at least I get
swiped right, motherfucker.
1076
00:37:48,968 --> 00:37:50,860
Hey, what's with the jacket?
1077
00:37:50,860 --> 00:37:52,409
Were you worried about
the Jews replacing you?
1078
00:37:52,409 --> 00:37:54,970
- You couldn't replace me.
1079
00:37:54,970 --> 00:37:56,306
I look like
1080
00:37:56,306 --> 00:37:58,220
if Adolph Hitler could
perfectly design somebody.
1081
00:37:58,220 --> 00:38:01,129
A genetically modified
boy band member basically.
1082
00:38:01,129 --> 00:38:02,187
(laughter)
1083
00:38:02,187 --> 00:38:03,720
- Yeah, the Richard Spencer Five.
1084
00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:04,553
I've heard of them.
1085
00:38:04,553 --> 00:38:05,557
- You're just like my uncle.
1086
00:38:05,557 --> 00:38:06,603
You went south of the border.
1087
00:38:06,603 --> 00:38:08,350
You got a nice Hispanic wife.
1088
00:38:08,350 --> 00:38:09,360
You're like the guy
1089
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:10,420
from Modern Family.
1090
00:38:10,420 --> 00:38:11,253
That's awesome.
1091
00:38:12,089 --> 00:38:12,922
(laughter)
1092
00:38:12,922 --> 00:38:14,589
- You're adorable.
1093
00:38:14,589 --> 00:38:15,880
- That's like your mom said.
1094
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:16,840
She thinks I'm real cute.
1095
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,730
She put me up in her
big strong Mexican arms,
1096
00:38:19,730 --> 00:38:21,440
like a big bundle of fruit.
1097
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:22,968
Just picked me up.
1098
00:38:22,968 --> 00:38:23,971
- Hey,
1099
00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:24,804
where's your dipshit friend at?
1100
00:38:24,804 --> 00:38:25,985
Tyler?
1101
00:38:25,985 --> 00:38:26,818
- Pulling doubles over
at the golf course, man.
1102
00:38:26,818 --> 00:38:27,651
Golf pro.
1103
00:38:27,651 --> 00:38:28,640
Making that good money.
1104
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,180
He's got a kid on the way.
1105
00:38:31,843 --> 00:38:33,145
He fucks girls, unlike you guys.
1106
00:38:33,145 --> 00:38:35,190
- Putting.
1107
00:38:35,190 --> 00:38:36,610
The short game.
1108
00:38:36,610 --> 00:38:39,027
Well, half the game actually.
1109
00:38:39,027 --> 00:38:40,787
You master this, and
1110
00:38:40,787 --> 00:38:44,766
I think I see a little
green jacket in your future.
1111
00:38:44,766 --> 00:38:46,143
But,
1112
00:38:47,185 --> 00:38:49,520
but you got to eye on the ball
1113
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,610
and then put through
1114
00:38:51,610 --> 00:38:52,663
to the hole.
1115
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:55,010
Through to the hole.
1116
00:38:55,010 --> 00:38:55,843
But,
1117
00:38:56,690 --> 00:38:57,945
you got to focus.
1118
00:38:57,945 --> 00:38:59,350
Buddy.
1119
00:38:59,350 --> 00:39:00,183
Focus.
1120
00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:18,481
- Hey, I thought that was
a baby ruth in Caddyshack.
1121
00:39:18,481 --> 00:39:21,100
- Yeah, but all they had was snickers.
1122
00:39:21,100 --> 00:39:23,324
- Hey, no more Caddyshack references.
1123
00:39:23,324 --> 00:39:25,203
- But man, orange balls.
1124
00:39:25,203 --> 00:39:27,865
Hey Wayne, this is a swanky joint.
1125
00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:29,763
Go tell him you're Jewish.
1126
00:39:29,763 --> 00:39:30,660
(laughter)
1127
00:39:30,660 --> 00:39:33,423
- No more Caddyshack references.
1128
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,890
No more Caddyshack references.
1129
00:39:37,890 --> 00:39:39,040
I'm fucking serious.
1130
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:40,950
- Oh baby.
1131
00:39:40,950 --> 00:39:43,018
This is a big one.
1132
00:39:43,018 --> 00:39:43,851
- Alright, don't count that one.
1133
00:39:43,851 --> 00:39:45,030
That was interfered with.
1134
00:39:45,030 --> 00:39:47,460
- The whole world needs ditch diggers too.
1135
00:39:47,460 --> 00:39:49,330
- What'd I say about
Caddyshack references?
1136
00:39:49,330 --> 00:39:50,825
- [Both] What's the matter?
1137
00:39:50,825 --> 00:39:51,658
I just want to bring you a present.
1138
00:39:51,658 --> 00:39:52,660
- No
1139
00:39:52,660 --> 00:39:54,170
more
1140
00:39:54,170 --> 00:39:55,200
Caddyshack references.
1141
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:56,410
- Hey, that's from Caddyshack two.
1142
00:39:56,410 --> 00:39:58,810
- Yeah, it's from Caddyshack two, bra.
1143
00:39:58,810 --> 00:39:59,930
- Shit man.
1144
00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:01,566
The last time I saw you,
1145
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:04,583
the night in Cedar Falls with Heather.
1146
00:40:04,583 --> 00:40:07,240
- Yet that girl talks
about how small my dick is.
1147
00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:08,410
Like you're six foot four,
1148
00:40:08,410 --> 00:40:09,570
everything looks that small
1149
00:40:09,570 --> 00:40:11,065
compared to that.
1150
00:40:11,065 --> 00:40:11,898
Come on.
1151
00:40:11,898 --> 00:40:12,731
- You ever notice when she gets mad,
1152
00:40:12,731 --> 00:40:14,530
she kind of looks like William Defoe?
1153
00:40:14,530 --> 00:40:15,390
- Oh dude, it's like
1154
00:40:15,390 --> 00:40:16,870
kind of like seeing my stepdad.
1155
00:40:16,870 --> 00:40:17,703
It's crazy.
1156
00:40:17,703 --> 00:40:18,560
Like
1157
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,870
the guy that got shot
by fucking Jake Taylor
1158
00:40:20,870 --> 00:40:22,490
from Major League in Platoon,
1159
00:40:22,490 --> 00:40:23,323
you know what I'm talking about.
1160
00:40:23,323 --> 00:40:24,340
- Yeah dude.
1161
00:40:24,340 --> 00:40:25,193
Oh my god.
1162
00:40:26,046 --> 00:40:27,043
Was she on the rescue
in the Boondock Saints?
1163
00:40:27,043 --> 00:40:28,120
(laughter)
1164
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:28,953
- Yeah.
1165
00:40:28,953 --> 00:40:30,462
Born on the fourth of July.
1166
00:40:30,462 --> 00:40:32,446
(laughter)
1167
00:40:32,446 --> 00:40:33,279
- You two are peas in a pod.
1168
00:40:33,279 --> 00:40:34,510
What are you, a fucking
1169
00:40:34,510 --> 00:40:36,025
shake swords together sometimes.
1170
00:40:36,025 --> 00:40:37,726
- That's not a bad idea?
1171
00:40:37,726 --> 00:40:39,385
- Yeah man.
1172
00:40:39,385 --> 00:40:43,220
Hey, you got to have somebody from a movie
1173
00:40:43,220 --> 00:40:44,070
talk shit about your dick,
1174
00:40:44,070 --> 00:40:45,822
who would it be?
1175
00:40:45,822 --> 00:40:47,042
- Oh man, probably Hannibal Lector, man.
1176
00:40:47,042 --> 00:40:47,940
He'd be like
1177
00:40:48,780 --> 00:40:49,810
go into great detail about it,
1178
00:40:49,810 --> 00:40:51,680
and then like snack that
shit up with some fava beans.
1179
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:55,683
What about you?
1180
00:40:55,683 --> 00:40:57,420
- Weirdly,
1181
00:40:57,420 --> 00:40:58,470
Cruella de Vil.
1182
00:40:58,470 --> 00:40:59,680
- 101 Dalmatians.
1183
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:00,745
- Yeah.
1184
00:41:00,745 --> 00:41:01,578
Yeah, she'd talk shit about it,
1185
00:41:01,578 --> 00:41:03,160
she'd still see the beauty in it.
1186
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:04,740
She'd just have to find a 100 more
1187
00:41:04,740 --> 00:41:06,660
and fashion it in to a fashionable jacket.
1188
00:41:06,660 --> 00:41:08,003
- A nice little dick coat.
1189
00:41:08,003 --> 00:41:09,313
- Yeah, who wouldn't wear
a dick skinned jacket?
1190
00:41:09,313 --> 00:41:10,445
- I would look good in a dick coat.
1191
00:41:10,445 --> 00:41:12,479
- That jacket is tighter than dick skin.
1192
00:41:12,479 --> 00:41:13,993
- Absolutely.
1193
00:41:16,700 --> 00:41:18,220
- So,
1194
00:41:18,220 --> 00:41:19,283
fuck it.
1195
00:41:19,283 --> 00:41:20,116
You want to go to Lava Lounge?
1196
00:41:20,116 --> 00:41:20,949
I'll buy you a scotch.
1197
00:41:20,949 --> 00:41:21,850
$12,
1198
00:41:21,850 --> 00:41:22,683
the good kind.
1199
00:41:23,721 --> 00:41:24,723
(laughter)
1200
00:41:24,723 --> 00:41:25,556
- Trailer Park Boys, nice.
1201
00:41:25,556 --> 00:41:26,958
- Nice.
1202
00:41:26,958 --> 00:41:28,825
- Well, it looks like
I'm Julien on this one,
1203
00:41:28,825 --> 00:41:30,323
cause I'm taking my drink with me.
1204
00:41:30,323 --> 00:41:31,540
- It's about to fucking time.
1205
00:41:31,540 --> 00:41:32,730
- Have a good one.
1206
00:41:32,730 --> 00:41:33,945
Adios amigo.
1207
00:41:33,945 --> 00:41:35,240
- Yeah, fuck yourself.
1208
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:38,290
- No, C3-PO has a silver leg.
1209
00:41:38,290 --> 00:41:39,801
- Mandela Effect.
1210
00:41:39,801 --> 00:41:41,560
- No, what.
1211
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:42,665
No, no, no, no, no.
1212
00:41:42,665 --> 00:41:43,662
C3-PO is gold
1213
00:41:43,662 --> 00:41:44,710
and Han did the Castle Run
1214
00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:46,720
in 12 parsecs.
1215
00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:47,553
Duh.
1216
00:41:47,553 --> 00:41:48,920
- Pretty sure it was 14.
1217
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,340
- He told Chewy
1218
00:41:50,340 --> 00:41:51,367
that he rounded down in Solo.
1219
00:41:51,367 --> 00:41:52,463
- Either way,
1220
00:41:53,481 --> 00:41:54,483
it's still impressive.
1221
00:41:54,483 --> 00:41:56,100
- So,
1222
00:41:56,100 --> 00:41:58,520
is Rey Han and Leia's kid?
1223
00:41:58,520 --> 00:41:59,353
- How the hell
1224
00:41:59,353 --> 00:42:01,683
would Luke and Leia not sense that?
1225
00:42:01,683 --> 00:42:04,541
I mean these jedis are unreal.
1226
00:42:04,541 --> 00:42:09,479
Leia can Mary Poppins
through the vacuum of space,
1227
00:42:09,479 --> 00:42:12,159
but she can't keep track of her damn kids.
1228
00:42:12,159 --> 00:42:14,810
- There's no way that
Rey is their kid anyway.
1229
00:42:14,810 --> 00:42:15,760
Han and Leia,
1230
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:17,070
no, there's no way.
1231
00:42:17,070 --> 00:42:18,382
No.
1232
00:42:18,382 --> 00:42:19,283
- Jedi's are shitty parents.
1233
00:42:22,677 --> 00:42:23,510
- Do you think
1234
00:42:23,510 --> 00:42:24,343
that
1235
00:42:24,343 --> 00:42:26,416
at like another bar in this town,
1236
00:42:26,416 --> 00:42:28,990
there are girls talking about Star Trek
1237
00:42:28,990 --> 00:42:30,550
like we're talking about Star Wars.
1238
00:42:30,550 --> 00:42:31,740
- No way.
1239
00:42:31,740 --> 00:42:33,540
- Yeah, Star Trek is dumb.
1240
00:42:33,540 --> 00:42:35,219
- You're right.
1241
00:42:35,219 --> 00:42:37,636
(rock music)
1242
00:42:38,510 --> 00:42:40,380
- You can have your Captain Pikard.
1243
00:42:40,380 --> 00:42:42,060
You can have your Captain Kirk,
1244
00:42:42,060 --> 00:42:43,518
but I'm after that Spock.
1245
00:42:43,518 --> 00:42:46,579
There's a reason for
live long and prosper.
1246
00:42:46,579 --> 00:42:49,299
I'd put a smile on that Vulcan's face.
1247
00:42:49,299 --> 00:42:50,560
- I understand that.
1248
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:51,620
But I want Mr. Chekov
1249
00:42:51,620 --> 00:42:52,880
as I want to make him my first.
1250
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:54,130
You know them virgins.
1251
00:42:54,130 --> 00:42:55,440
I want to take him boldly
1252
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:56,900
where no man has gone before.
1253
00:42:56,900 --> 00:42:58,222
- Girl.
1254
00:42:58,222 --> 00:42:59,219
- You know in can do a little.
1255
00:42:59,219 --> 00:43:01,000
- Only you girl.
1256
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,318
- I'm telling you,
1257
00:43:02,318 --> 00:43:03,358
that's the way it's supposed to be.
1258
00:43:03,358 --> 00:43:04,819
- Cheers.
1259
00:43:04,819 --> 00:43:07,236
(rock music)
1260
00:43:10,155 --> 00:43:10,988
- You know, I gotta say,
1261
00:43:10,988 --> 00:43:12,620
Rent by far is the greatest musical
1262
00:43:12,620 --> 00:43:13,630
ever created.
1263
00:43:13,630 --> 00:43:14,680
It has heart.
1264
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:15,800
It's visceral.
1265
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,470
And it just moves you
in every way possible.
1266
00:43:18,470 --> 00:43:20,870
And also, it really hits home
1267
00:43:20,870 --> 00:43:21,860
with all my gay friends
1268
00:43:21,860 --> 00:43:23,310
and what they have to endure.
1269
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,676
- Les Miserable is the
greatest musical of all time.
1270
00:43:27,676 --> 00:43:29,513
It digs into the human spirit,
1271
00:43:29,513 --> 00:43:31,250
the struggle.
1272
00:43:31,250 --> 00:43:33,139
They yearn to be part of a higher power,
1273
00:43:33,139 --> 00:43:35,262
and the grace of humanity.
1274
00:43:35,262 --> 00:43:38,000
- Cats is the best.
1275
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:39,330
I just love it.
1276
00:43:39,330 --> 00:43:40,958
Cute little cats running around.
1277
00:43:40,958 --> 00:43:44,100
And they don't make me
sneeze like real cats.
1278
00:43:44,100 --> 00:43:45,570
- The Music Man,
1279
00:43:45,570 --> 00:43:46,730
a light hearted musical
1280
00:43:46,730 --> 00:43:47,700
set in Iowa.
1281
00:43:47,700 --> 00:43:49,420
It saw the best production of it
1282
00:43:50,259 --> 00:43:51,379
at the Cedar Falls Community Theater
1283
00:43:51,379 --> 00:43:52,300
at the (inaudible).
1284
00:43:52,300 --> 00:43:54,120
The Waterloo Community Playhouse
1285
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,659
also had a superb production of it.
1286
00:43:56,659 --> 00:43:58,090
- You guys are all wrong.
1287
00:43:58,090 --> 00:44:00,878
I'm not trying to be a dickhead but,
1288
00:44:00,878 --> 00:44:03,278
awful selections.
1289
00:44:03,278 --> 00:44:05,961
Greese 2 is
1290
00:44:05,961 --> 00:44:08,662
profoundly better than everything
you guys have mentioned.
1291
00:44:08,662 --> 00:44:11,079
(soft music)
1292
00:44:13,940 --> 00:44:15,090
You can roll your eyes,
1293
00:44:15,090 --> 00:44:16,743
but it really is.
1294
00:44:16,743 --> 00:44:18,240
You're just gonna have to revisit it.
1295
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:19,624
The Music Man?
1296
00:44:19,624 --> 00:44:21,290
I don't mean any disrespect,
1297
00:44:21,290 --> 00:44:22,690
I just,
1298
00:44:22,690 --> 00:44:23,523
that's like,
1299
00:44:23,523 --> 00:44:25,181
it's child's play for grandparents.
1300
00:44:25,181 --> 00:44:26,870
It makes Iowans
1301
00:44:26,870 --> 00:44:27,885
seem like
1302
00:44:27,885 --> 00:44:30,940
frumpy fools that can't spot a fraud
1303
00:44:30,940 --> 00:44:32,163
a half a cornfield away.
1304
00:44:33,141 --> 00:44:34,802
It's not any good.
1305
00:44:34,802 --> 00:44:36,482
Cats.
1306
00:44:36,482 --> 00:44:38,743
Cats.
1307
00:44:40,270 --> 00:44:42,525
I don't have enough scotch for Cats.
1308
00:44:42,525 --> 00:44:44,620
Rent man.
1309
00:44:44,620 --> 00:44:45,890
Rent's insufferable.
1310
00:44:45,890 --> 00:44:46,910
It just, like I get it.
1311
00:44:46,910 --> 00:44:48,570
Like I understand the struggle.
1312
00:44:48,570 --> 00:44:50,330
Totally sympathize with the gay community
1313
00:44:50,330 --> 00:44:51,740
in New York City during Aids
1314
00:44:51,740 --> 00:44:52,573
and persecution,
1315
00:44:52,573 --> 00:44:54,983
living in weirdly shitty apartments.
1316
00:44:54,983 --> 00:44:57,270
But really all it did was enable
1317
00:44:57,270 --> 00:44:58,340
white sorority sisters
1318
00:44:58,340 --> 00:45:01,010
to slaughter more Karaoke songs.
1319
00:45:01,010 --> 00:45:01,923
I can't, I can't.
1320
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:04,283
Cats?
1321
00:45:06,100 --> 00:45:07,885
Les Mis.
1322
00:45:07,885 --> 00:45:10,024
I mean I don't hate it.
1323
00:45:10,024 --> 00:45:12,230
I like Anne Hathaway in the movie.
1324
00:45:12,230 --> 00:45:13,160
It's pretty great.
1325
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:14,890
But Jean Valjean
1326
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,350
is not
1327
00:45:17,350 --> 00:45:18,930
and will never be
1328
00:45:18,930 --> 00:45:19,763
Cool Rider.
1329
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:23,400
In Greese 2, Michael
1330
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,885
comes to America with a dream.
1331
00:45:25,885 --> 00:45:28,104
He makes his money
1332
00:45:28,104 --> 00:45:30,440
writing essays for the
1333
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:32,233
less fortunate folks at his school.
1334
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:34,390
And he saves his money
1335
00:45:34,390 --> 00:45:36,060
and he builds a motorcycle
1336
00:45:36,060 --> 00:45:37,510
from scratch.
1337
00:45:37,510 --> 00:45:38,803
A cool rider was needed.
1338
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:41,270
He built it from scratch.
1339
00:45:41,270 --> 00:45:42,470
He repurposed these parts
1340
00:45:42,470 --> 00:45:44,670
and he built them into something stronger,
1341
00:45:44,670 --> 00:45:45,503
faster,
1342
00:45:45,503 --> 00:45:47,643
and just beautiful.
1343
00:45:49,042 --> 00:45:52,070
I don't know what else you would want.
1344
00:45:52,070 --> 00:45:53,710
It's the American dream
1345
00:45:53,710 --> 00:45:55,350
in musical form.
1346
00:45:55,350 --> 00:45:57,950
Michelle Phieffer needed hell on wheels
1347
00:45:57,950 --> 00:45:59,480
and by god,
1348
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:00,833
Michael bird hot.
1349
00:46:01,842 --> 00:46:03,920
It also has the best bowling scene
1350
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,060
in cinematic history.
1351
00:46:05,060 --> 00:46:06,840
It's way better than that trite
1352
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,100
gooey Beatles karaoke movie
1353
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:10,870
across the universe.
1354
00:46:10,870 --> 00:46:11,900
- Seriously, Harris.
1355
00:46:11,900 --> 00:46:13,350
That's the best you can come up with?
1356
00:46:13,350 --> 00:46:15,042
- [Harold] Please I,
1357
00:46:15,042 --> 00:46:15,875
please, I prefer Harold.
1358
00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:17,565
- I prefer Harris.
1359
00:46:17,565 --> 00:46:18,863
- Okay.
1360
00:46:18,863 --> 00:46:20,510
- A couple reasons why Greese 2 is shit.
1361
00:46:20,510 --> 00:46:21,650
First of all,
1362
00:46:21,650 --> 00:46:23,430
Michelle Phieffer sounds like
1363
00:46:23,430 --> 00:46:25,450
she's got a dead cat stuck in her throat.
1364
00:46:25,450 --> 00:46:27,540
Her singing is atrocious.
1365
00:46:27,540 --> 00:46:28,770
- And yet she persevered.
1366
00:46:28,770 --> 00:46:29,930
- That was easily the worst movie
1367
00:46:29,930 --> 00:46:30,883
she's ever been in.
1368
00:46:31,870 --> 00:46:34,320
Secondly, there's a
production going on right now
1369
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:35,340
called 13.
1370
00:46:35,340 --> 00:46:36,460
These kids are in junior high
1371
00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:37,720
and they're putting on something better
1372
00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:39,200
than these 30 year olds could.
1373
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,401
Last,
1374
00:46:41,401 --> 00:46:43,090
these four musicals
1375
00:46:43,090 --> 00:46:44,264
were on a stage,
1376
00:46:44,264 --> 00:46:45,805
been on Broadway.
1377
00:46:45,805 --> 00:46:48,704
Greese 2 has only been in theaters
1378
00:46:48,704 --> 00:46:50,944
and has never won an award.
1379
00:46:50,944 --> 00:46:52,430
- Well,
1380
00:46:52,430 --> 00:46:53,920
better is the local theater.
1381
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:55,410
They chose to do Greese
1382
00:46:55,410 --> 00:46:56,660
instead of the wrong one.
1383
00:46:58,402 --> 00:46:59,235
If they would have got their heads
1384
00:46:59,235 --> 00:47:00,287
out of their asses,
1385
00:47:00,287 --> 00:47:01,120
they would have picked the right one,
1386
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:01,980
they would have found a cool rider
1387
00:47:01,980 --> 00:47:03,980
and Harold would have obliged.
1388
00:47:03,980 --> 00:47:06,650
(rock music)
1389
00:47:06,650 --> 00:47:08,220
- So what are you drinking there?
1390
00:47:08,220 --> 00:47:10,730
- Young lady, I am not drinking
1391
00:47:10,730 --> 00:47:11,820
anything.
1392
00:47:11,820 --> 00:47:13,260
I am experiencing this
1393
00:47:13,260 --> 00:47:15,510
single malt scotch.
1394
00:47:15,510 --> 00:47:16,680
- You know,
1395
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,240
every time you drink scotch,
1396
00:47:18,240 --> 00:47:20,820
it makes me really frisky.
1397
00:47:21,930 --> 00:47:24,160
- Well I do suppose that the
1398
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,038
experience is different for everyone.
1399
00:47:26,038 --> 00:47:28,620
- Well what are you doing later?
1400
00:47:28,620 --> 00:47:29,940
- Young lady,
1401
00:47:29,940 --> 00:47:31,140
must I inform you
1402
00:47:31,140 --> 00:47:33,163
that I'm wearing my purity ring.
1403
00:47:34,540 --> 00:47:36,720
- Why are you wearing a purity ring?
1404
00:47:36,720 --> 00:47:38,340
- Because
1405
00:47:38,340 --> 00:47:41,297
purity rings are so cool.
1406
00:47:41,297 --> 00:47:42,380
(inaudible)
1407
00:47:42,380 --> 00:47:44,817
- Cousin Harold.
1408
00:47:44,817 --> 00:47:47,276
Are you doubting the
1409
00:47:47,276 --> 00:47:49,770
coolness of my purity ring?
1410
00:47:49,770 --> 00:47:51,690
- Well if your ear wolf hat
1411
00:47:51,690 --> 00:47:52,970
is an indication,
1412
00:47:52,970 --> 00:47:53,803
yes, I am.
1413
00:47:54,657 --> 00:47:55,490
I've decided that purity rings
1414
00:47:55,490 --> 00:47:56,630
are no longer (inaudible).
1415
00:47:56,630 --> 00:47:59,233
- Well then they are no
longer hip for the Oliver.
1416
00:48:00,620 --> 00:48:02,850
Young lady may entice away.
1417
00:48:02,850 --> 00:48:06,290
- Do you want to experience
my place or yours later?
1418
00:48:06,290 --> 00:48:09,400
- Oh, Oliver does not
want to wait that long.
1419
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:10,630
How about
1420
00:48:10,630 --> 00:48:12,460
out back behind the dumpster?
1421
00:48:12,460 --> 00:48:14,017
- Dumpster fucking?
1422
00:48:14,017 --> 00:48:15,330
Yeah.
1423
00:48:15,330 --> 00:48:16,350
- Oliver,
1424
00:48:16,350 --> 00:48:17,790
please.
1425
00:48:17,790 --> 00:48:18,720
- Oh cousin Harold,
1426
00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:20,820
I suppose you're right.
1427
00:48:20,820 --> 00:48:23,750
How about we go back to my place
1428
00:48:24,660 --> 00:48:27,540
and we experience a bottle
of single malt scotch
1429
00:48:27,540 --> 00:48:29,137
and I will show you my huge
1430
00:48:29,137 --> 00:48:31,260
vinyl collection.
1431
00:48:31,260 --> 00:48:33,397
- Okay.
1432
00:48:33,397 --> 00:48:34,758
- My work here is done.
1433
00:48:34,758 --> 00:48:35,591
- Thank you, cousin Harold.
1434
00:48:35,591 --> 00:48:36,424
Thank you.
1435
00:48:44,556 --> 00:48:47,217
- Did she say dumpster fucking?
1436
00:48:47,217 --> 00:48:49,736
- I believe they said dumpster fucking.
1437
00:48:49,736 --> 00:48:50,569
Have you ever dumpster fucked?
1438
00:48:50,569 --> 00:48:52,640
- I've never had a dumpster fuck,
1439
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,078
but I've had a handjob behind
the Tasty Freeze one time.
1440
00:48:55,078 --> 00:48:57,647
- That sounds like you.
1441
00:48:59,962 --> 00:49:02,379
(rock music)
1442
00:49:09,162 --> 00:49:10,695
- You how I feel about
those tractor shots.
1443
00:49:10,695 --> 00:49:11,528
It's just kind of like,
1444
00:49:11,528 --> 00:49:13,110
actually that guy up there
1445
00:49:13,110 --> 00:49:14,110
on the TV.
1446
00:49:14,110 --> 00:49:15,800
He seems like a guy who
probably put himself
1447
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:17,279
in his own movies.
1448
00:49:17,279 --> 00:49:19,676
- Yeah, multiple movies
on the same subject.
1449
00:49:19,676 --> 00:49:22,670
- Always in the same bars,
1450
00:49:22,670 --> 00:49:24,053
in the same locations,
1451
00:49:24,053 --> 00:49:26,937
and it's always the same gay dick jokes.
1452
00:49:26,937 --> 00:49:28,600
- Constantly.
1453
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:30,150
Because the only thing
this guy finds funny
1454
00:49:30,150 --> 00:49:33,178
is dick jokes after a life
of touring and bar hopping.
1455
00:49:33,178 --> 00:49:35,120
- Drinking nothing but scotch.
1456
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:37,010
Pretty sure it just runs through his veins
1457
00:49:37,010 --> 00:49:37,920
and he just like
1458
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:39,956
pisses straight scotch.
1459
00:49:39,956 --> 00:49:41,590
- Burns all the time.
1460
00:49:41,590 --> 00:49:43,716
You can never tell when he's got the clap.
1461
00:49:43,716 --> 00:49:46,300
- I mean I'm sure he's got
some good drugs for that.
1462
00:49:46,300 --> 00:49:48,356
But three movies.
1463
00:49:48,356 --> 00:49:50,200
Fuck.
1464
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:52,479
Kevin Smith won't even
make a third Clerks.
1465
00:49:52,479 --> 00:49:53,673
- Definitely not.
1466
00:49:55,476 --> 00:49:57,220
- Strip clubs,
1467
00:49:57,220 --> 00:49:58,735
pornography shops,
1468
00:49:58,735 --> 00:49:59,710
come on Boss.
1469
00:49:59,710 --> 00:50:02,660
There's got to be
something else out there.
1470
00:50:02,660 --> 00:50:04,674
- [Boss] What would you suggest I do?
1471
00:50:04,674 --> 00:50:07,620
- Christian bookstores.
1472
00:50:07,620 --> 00:50:08,690
- [Matt] Boss.
1473
00:50:08,690 --> 00:50:10,340
This is the Boss.
1474
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:11,440
He owns a strip club
1475
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,660
and an adult bookstore in town.
1476
00:50:13,660 --> 00:50:15,330
This guy's former boss.
1477
00:50:15,330 --> 00:50:17,337
The Adult Shop Mop.
1478
00:50:17,337 --> 00:50:19,220
- Okay, the idea of
1479
00:50:19,220 --> 00:50:22,397
being in business is to stay in business.
1480
00:50:22,397 --> 00:50:24,020
You realize that, right.
1481
00:50:24,020 --> 00:50:26,202
Hey, you're a good kid.
1482
00:50:26,202 --> 00:50:27,940
Everybody likes you, Elias.
1483
00:50:27,940 --> 00:50:29,740
You know they call you AA Elias now
1484
00:50:29,740 --> 00:50:31,200
cause of that weekend.
1485
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:32,479
But that's okay.
1486
00:50:32,479 --> 00:50:33,450
AA's probably good.
1487
00:50:33,450 --> 00:50:35,220
Alcoholics anonymous works for some people
1488
00:50:35,220 --> 00:50:36,750
and seems to
1489
00:50:36,750 --> 00:50:37,730
work pretty well for you.
1490
00:50:37,730 --> 00:50:38,780
And that's good.
1491
00:50:38,780 --> 00:50:40,440
Let me pose something to you.
1492
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,719
Imagine there's a good Christian man.
1493
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:44,500
He goes to church
1494
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:46,260
every Wednesday and Sunday.
1495
00:50:46,260 --> 00:50:48,020
Goes to bible study,
1496
00:50:48,020 --> 00:50:48,900
a great man,
1497
00:50:48,900 --> 00:50:50,370
very faithful.
1498
00:50:50,370 --> 00:50:52,070
He's driving down the road one day
1499
00:50:53,359 --> 00:50:54,600
on his way to a bible study,
1500
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:55,562
soup kitchen,
1501
00:50:55,562 --> 00:50:57,670
what have you.
1502
00:50:57,670 --> 00:50:59,338
He gets a tightness in his chest.
1503
00:50:59,338 --> 00:51:02,090
It's pains in his arms.
1504
00:51:02,090 --> 00:51:03,978
Realizes he's having a heart attack,
1505
00:51:03,978 --> 00:51:06,362
pulls off to the very first place
1506
00:51:06,362 --> 00:51:07,800
he could find
1507
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:08,763
to seek out help.
1508
00:51:09,690 --> 00:51:12,000
He dies on the floor of that business.
1509
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:13,210
Say it's
1510
00:51:13,210 --> 00:51:14,730
my adult bookstore
1511
00:51:14,730 --> 00:51:16,480
or one of my strip clubs.
1512
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:18,190
The news will read
1513
00:51:18,190 --> 00:51:20,700
77 year old man dies of a heart attack
1514
00:51:20,700 --> 00:51:22,130
at 10:00 AM in the morning
1515
00:51:22,130 --> 00:51:24,380
at an adult bookstore or strip club.
1516
00:51:24,380 --> 00:51:26,618
You're automatically gonna
think this man is bad.
1517
00:51:26,618 --> 00:51:28,690
Let's go the other side.
1518
00:51:28,690 --> 00:51:30,430
Imagine there is an awful guy.
1519
00:51:30,430 --> 00:51:32,443
A guys that goes to my
strip clubs all the time.
1520
00:51:32,443 --> 00:51:34,720
He's at my adult bookstores,
1521
00:51:34,720 --> 00:51:36,280
complete porn hound.
1522
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:37,830
A complete reprobate.
1523
00:51:37,830 --> 00:51:38,850
A drunk.
1524
00:51:38,850 --> 00:51:39,803
A whore monger.
1525
00:51:41,050 --> 00:51:42,638
He's driving down the road one day.
1526
00:51:42,638 --> 00:51:44,518
It's a tightness in his chest.
1527
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:46,500
Pains in his arms.
1528
00:51:46,500 --> 00:51:48,300
Knows he's gonna have a heart attack.
1529
00:51:48,300 --> 00:51:50,190
Pulls off to the very
first place he can find
1530
00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:51,580
to seek out help,
1531
00:51:51,580 --> 00:51:53,070
and it's a church.
1532
00:51:53,070 --> 00:51:54,440
The news will read
1533
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:55,730
77 year old man
1534
00:51:55,730 --> 00:51:57,717
dies of a heart attack at 10:00 AM
1535
00:51:57,717 --> 00:51:59,290
on a Wednesday morning
1536
00:51:59,290 --> 00:52:00,530
at a church.
1537
00:52:00,530 --> 00:52:03,417
You're automatically
gonna think he's good.
1538
00:52:03,417 --> 00:52:05,193
- Well,
1539
00:52:06,100 --> 00:52:07,923
at least I tried.
1540
00:52:09,190 --> 00:52:11,020
- Always remember this,
1541
00:52:11,020 --> 00:52:12,870
amazing grace was written by an atheist
1542
00:52:12,870 --> 00:52:14,290
who was saved.
1543
00:52:14,290 --> 00:52:16,150
So never stop trying.
1544
00:52:16,150 --> 00:52:16,983
You're good man.
1545
00:52:16,983 --> 00:52:18,596
- Thanks Boss.
1546
00:52:18,596 --> 00:52:19,599
See you later.
1547
00:52:19,599 --> 00:52:20,432
- Bye.
1548
00:52:28,810 --> 00:52:30,200
- Praise be.
1549
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:31,530
Last time I saw an ass like that,
1550
00:52:31,530 --> 00:52:33,700
it was carrying our lord and savior.
1551
00:52:33,700 --> 00:52:34,860
- [Woman] Are you seriously
1552
00:52:34,860 --> 00:52:36,480
objectifying her right now?
1553
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,730
- No, I'm not objectifying her.
1554
00:52:38,730 --> 00:52:40,370
I'm just looking at her ass.
1555
00:52:40,370 --> 00:52:41,390
What's up with you broads
1556
00:52:41,390 --> 00:52:42,490
making up words and shit.
1557
00:52:42,490 --> 00:52:43,360
I'm trying to
1558
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:44,240
get my dick wet.
1559
00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:45,940
Talk to you later.
1560
00:52:45,940 --> 00:52:46,773
Anyway,
1561
00:52:47,759 --> 00:52:49,800
I feel like you can be Columbine
1562
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:51,633
and I decide to shoot a
bunch of kids inside of you.
1563
00:52:51,633 --> 00:52:54,110
Hmm?
1564
00:52:54,110 --> 00:52:55,390
You know mid 90s,
1565
00:52:55,390 --> 00:52:56,410
you're a pog.
1566
00:52:56,410 --> 00:52:58,596
I just start slamming that shit.
1567
00:52:58,596 --> 00:53:00,380
Maybe you pull a Fonz
1568
00:53:00,380 --> 00:53:02,538
and just bang against the jukebox til
1569
00:53:02,538 --> 00:53:04,200
Incubus plays,
1570
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:05,870
whatever that shit is you're into.
1571
00:53:05,870 --> 00:53:06,850
Kati Perry?
1572
00:53:06,850 --> 00:53:07,683
Taylor Swift?
1573
00:53:07,683 --> 00:53:08,516
I don't know
1574
00:53:08,516 --> 00:53:09,430
how old we are yet.
1575
00:53:09,430 --> 00:53:10,891
Can you get a drink?
1576
00:53:10,891 --> 00:53:11,780
Do you need a drink?
1577
00:53:11,780 --> 00:53:13,050
- Hey Boss.
1578
00:53:13,050 --> 00:53:14,610
- Matthew.
1579
00:53:14,610 --> 00:53:15,443
- How's it going?
1580
00:53:15,443 --> 00:53:16,870
- Kevin, get
1581
00:53:16,870 --> 00:53:18,626
this bro a drink on me.
1582
00:53:18,626 --> 00:53:21,209
So scotch?
1583
00:53:21,209 --> 00:53:22,580
- Definitely.
1584
00:53:22,580 --> 00:53:23,753
Definitely scotch.
1585
00:53:24,612 --> 00:53:26,612
- I got this Highland Park viking scotch.
1586
00:53:26,612 --> 00:53:28,880
Kevin suggested it.
1587
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:29,713
- Viking's honor.
1588
00:53:29,713 --> 00:53:30,546
- Viking's honor.
1589
00:53:32,290 --> 00:53:34,350
Good for us Norwegians.
1590
00:53:34,350 --> 00:53:36,230
- Yeah, but you know
what's not good for us.
1591
00:53:36,230 --> 00:53:38,330
What the fuck is this
AA pamphlet doing here?
1592
00:53:38,330 --> 00:53:40,600
AA Elias in here?
1593
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:42,132
- Yeah, he was just in here.
1594
00:53:42,132 --> 00:53:44,726
- I thought I saw that
snail trail leading in.
1595
00:53:44,726 --> 00:53:46,880
- Oh you heard about that weekend, huh?
1596
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:48,280
- Yeah.
1597
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:49,546
The bender to remember.
1598
00:53:49,546 --> 00:53:50,967
- Alcoholics anonymous
1599
00:53:50,967 --> 00:53:53,030
suits people like him.
1600
00:53:53,030 --> 00:53:55,030
That was a hell of a weekend for him.
1601
00:53:55,030 --> 00:53:55,863
I mean Jesus,
1602
00:53:55,863 --> 00:53:57,268
parents got to him late Sunday night.
1603
00:53:57,268 --> 00:53:58,850
His liver's inflamed.
1604
00:53:58,850 --> 00:54:01,370
He's got the worst case
of chlamydia or gonorrhea.
1605
00:54:01,370 --> 00:54:04,386
That kid could not handle
a weekend of liqueur.
1606
00:54:04,386 --> 00:54:06,060
That was really,
1607
00:54:06,060 --> 00:54:07,985
I heard it was an epic weekend.
1608
00:54:07,985 --> 00:54:09,310
I heard it was a lot of fun.
1609
00:54:09,310 --> 00:54:11,240
- I saw him at the
beginning of that weekend.
1610
00:54:11,240 --> 00:54:15,030
He showed up with a bottle of scotch
1611
00:54:15,030 --> 00:54:15,908
ready to roll.
1612
00:54:15,908 --> 00:54:17,412
- Oh yeah, he was a ball.
1613
00:54:17,412 --> 00:54:20,710
But yeah, I think alcoholics anonymous
1614
00:54:20,710 --> 00:54:23,172
is the correct position for him.
1615
00:54:23,172 --> 00:54:24,169
I think that's the
1616
00:54:24,169 --> 00:54:25,920
great place for him.
1617
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:27,040
- Hey,
1618
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:28,630
coasters?
1619
00:54:28,630 --> 00:54:30,100
- I didn't see any.
1620
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,588
Kevin, you got coasters?
1621
00:54:31,588 --> 00:54:33,027
- [Kevin] We're all out.
1622
00:54:39,730 --> 00:54:40,563
- AA works.
1623
00:54:40,563 --> 00:54:41,396
(laughter)
1624
00:54:41,396 --> 00:54:42,229
- AA works.
1625
00:54:42,229 --> 00:54:43,062
- Alright.
1626
00:54:43,980 --> 00:54:45,530
- Do you need someone to
co-sign a loan for you?
1627
00:54:45,530 --> 00:54:47,353
I don't know where you're at in your life.
1628
00:54:49,260 --> 00:54:50,760
Would you like to see how much of my penis
1629
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:51,710
could fit in your mouth?
1630
00:54:51,710 --> 00:54:53,520
I think you could almost
get the whole thing.
1631
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:54,750
You seem like you have
1632
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:55,583
like a really
1633
00:54:55,583 --> 00:54:57,820
just can do attitude,
1634
00:54:57,820 --> 00:54:58,870
you know what I mean.
1635
00:54:58,870 --> 00:55:00,350
You're a fighter.
1636
00:55:00,350 --> 00:55:01,270
You're a survivor.
1637
00:55:01,270 --> 00:55:02,905
- Are you a letter?
1638
00:55:02,905 --> 00:55:04,745
- [Tyler] I've been told
that I'm a D before.
1639
00:55:04,745 --> 00:55:06,504
So.
1640
00:55:06,504 --> 00:55:07,506
- As in a douchebag?
1641
00:55:07,506 --> 00:55:08,500
- Like dick.
1642
00:55:08,500 --> 00:55:11,710
I don't know if it's a big
one, but it's a pretty cock.
1643
00:55:11,710 --> 00:55:12,580
It's nice to look at.
1644
00:55:12,580 --> 00:55:13,980
- Anyway.
1645
00:55:13,980 --> 00:55:14,900
Since you're a letter,
1646
00:55:14,900 --> 00:55:16,585
I'm gonna need you to C your way out.
1647
00:55:16,585 --> 00:55:17,740
- Oh, that's funny.
1648
00:55:17,740 --> 00:55:20,938
I'm gonna need to see you M on those tits.
1649
00:55:20,938 --> 00:55:22,562
(laughter)
1650
00:55:22,562 --> 00:55:23,566
- I was actually
1651
00:55:23,566 --> 00:55:24,470
one of your businesses today.
1652
00:55:24,470 --> 00:55:26,010
- Well thank you for your patronage.
1653
00:55:26,010 --> 00:55:27,465
- Yeah.
1654
00:55:27,465 --> 00:55:29,060
(laughter)
1655
00:55:29,060 --> 00:55:30,310
- That's classic.
1656
00:55:30,310 --> 00:55:32,185
Alright, which place were you at?
1657
00:55:32,185 --> 00:55:33,764
- Mini cinema.
1658
00:55:33,764 --> 00:55:35,260
- Did you wash your hands
1659
00:55:35,260 --> 00:55:36,686
before you shook my hand there?
1660
00:55:36,686 --> 00:55:38,745
- Shit.
1661
00:55:38,745 --> 00:55:40,526
- That's okay, that's okay.
1662
00:55:40,526 --> 00:55:41,588
(laughter)
1663
00:55:41,588 --> 00:55:43,750
- So it was weird.
1664
00:55:43,750 --> 00:55:44,657
I went in there
1665
00:55:44,657 --> 00:55:46,745
and I didn't see Porn peddler Pete.
1666
00:55:46,745 --> 00:55:49,042
- Oh, he doesn't work for me anymore.
1667
00:55:49,042 --> 00:55:52,300
- What happened?
1668
00:55:52,300 --> 00:55:54,483
- Well he pirated pornography.
1669
00:55:54,483 --> 00:55:56,436
I can't stand for that.
1670
00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,640
I mean when you sell pornography,
1671
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:00,160
you have to pay the taxes,
1672
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:01,440
the rights,
1673
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:02,745
all these different fees towards it.
1674
00:56:02,745 --> 00:56:04,500
He didn't do that.
1675
00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:05,550
That's not right.
1676
00:56:05,550 --> 00:56:07,560
People spend a lot of time and money
1677
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:08,440
making pornography.
1678
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,090
They should be paid
1679
00:56:10,090 --> 00:56:11,924
a living wage for such things.
1680
00:56:11,924 --> 00:56:15,070
Yeah, so he was pirating pornography
1681
00:56:15,070 --> 00:56:15,950
all over town.
1682
00:56:15,950 --> 00:56:17,625
And I found out about it
1683
00:56:17,625 --> 00:56:18,560
and I had to let I'm go.
1684
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:19,560
Broke his heart.
1685
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:20,393
He loved that job.
1686
00:56:20,393 --> 00:56:21,330
- He did love that job.
1687
00:56:21,330 --> 00:56:22,770
Man, this whole time,
1688
00:56:22,770 --> 00:56:24,450
everybody thought you
were morally bankrupt.
1689
00:56:24,450 --> 00:56:26,543
I guess we were just in a recession.
1690
00:56:26,543 --> 00:56:27,520
(laughter)
1691
00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:28,788
- Irony isn't it.
1692
00:56:28,788 --> 00:56:30,410
- Now you say it,
1693
00:56:30,410 --> 00:56:31,950
now I do remember something about it.
1694
00:56:31,950 --> 00:56:33,920
I heard his house got raided.
1695
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:34,950
Like the police came in,
1696
00:56:34,950 --> 00:56:36,157
swat team came in
1697
00:56:36,157 --> 00:56:38,505
and they found some stuff in the basement.
1698
00:56:38,505 --> 00:56:40,300
- I didn't hear about this.
1699
00:56:40,300 --> 00:56:41,133
What?
1700
00:56:41,133 --> 00:56:42,724
- He had an archive of secret things.
1701
00:56:42,724 --> 00:56:45,380
I mean it was almost like Donnie Darko
1702
00:56:45,380 --> 00:56:46,850
and you realize Patrick Swayze
1703
00:56:46,850 --> 00:56:47,720
had like the
1704
00:56:47,720 --> 00:56:49,490
kiddie porn dungeon in there.
1705
00:56:49,490 --> 00:56:50,327
It wasn't like that.
1706
00:56:50,327 --> 00:56:52,410
It was a whole nother thing.
1707
00:56:52,410 --> 00:56:53,590
Raider porn.
1708
00:56:53,590 --> 00:56:54,423
- What's raider?
1709
00:56:54,423 --> 00:56:55,290
I've never heard of a Raider porn.
1710
00:56:55,290 --> 00:56:56,240
What's Raider porn?
1711
00:56:57,510 --> 00:56:58,970
- It's when white supremacists
1712
00:56:58,970 --> 00:57:00,710
have furry parties
1713
00:57:00,710 --> 00:57:01,910
and they bang each other
1714
00:57:03,486 --> 00:57:04,319
and film it.
1715
00:57:04,319 --> 00:57:05,748
- But wait a minute.
1716
00:57:05,748 --> 00:57:06,610
How many animals in the animal kingdom
1717
00:57:06,610 --> 00:57:07,690
are actually white?
1718
00:57:07,690 --> 00:57:09,086
- Like a snow leopard.
1719
00:57:09,086 --> 00:57:10,846
- You got doves.
1720
00:57:10,846 --> 00:57:14,693
Like an albino squirrel maybe.
1721
00:57:16,100 --> 00:57:17,330
- God man, a polar bear.
1722
00:57:17,330 --> 00:57:18,163
- [Kevin] Polar bear.
1723
00:57:18,163 --> 00:57:19,406
- Polar bear.
1724
00:57:19,406 --> 00:57:20,404
Yeah, polar bear.
1725
00:57:20,404 --> 00:57:22,490
- You know when it's white supremacists
1726
00:57:22,490 --> 00:57:24,206
is all in the missionary position.
1727
00:57:24,206 --> 00:57:25,326
(laughter)
1728
00:57:25,326 --> 00:57:26,300
So it's gonna be boring as hell.
1729
00:57:26,300 --> 00:57:27,133
- But wait a minute,
1730
00:57:27,133 --> 00:57:28,440
if a brown bear comes in
1731
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,244
it just kind of throws
the whole thing off.
1732
00:57:30,244 --> 00:57:31,300
- Yeah.
1733
00:57:31,300 --> 00:57:32,962
They ain't letting this guy in.
1734
00:57:32,962 --> 00:57:33,982
Come on.
1735
00:57:33,982 --> 00:57:35,422
- Imagine he walks in,
1736
00:57:35,422 --> 00:57:36,502
do you mind if I dance with your dates?
1737
00:57:36,502 --> 00:57:37,501
(laughter)
1738
00:57:37,501 --> 00:57:38,505
- Oh come on,
1739
00:57:38,505 --> 00:57:39,502
they're gonna worry about it.
1740
00:57:39,502 --> 00:57:40,505
They're gonna produce
some sort of skunk baby
1741
00:57:40,505 --> 00:57:41,502
in their minds.
1742
00:57:41,502 --> 00:57:42,505
Come on man.
1743
00:57:42,505 --> 00:57:43,502
That ain't gonna happen.
1744
00:57:43,502 --> 00:57:44,505
- Imagine a neo-Nazi
1745
00:57:44,505 --> 00:57:45,502
mid stroke in the middle of raider porn
1746
00:57:45,502 --> 00:57:46,505
and a black bear walks in.
1747
00:57:46,505 --> 00:57:48,170
Allah, adult shop mop
1748
00:57:48,170 --> 00:57:49,865
and I'm soft.
1749
00:57:49,865 --> 00:57:51,270
(laughter)
1750
00:57:51,270 --> 00:57:52,130
- I mean hand job
1751
00:57:52,130 --> 00:57:53,440
even just,
1752
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:55,140
I watch you, you watch me.
1753
00:57:55,140 --> 00:57:55,973
I would
1754
00:57:55,973 --> 00:57:56,837
eat ass,
1755
00:57:56,837 --> 00:57:58,400
but that would be like
1756
00:57:58,400 --> 00:57:59,330
eating at Benny Hannas
1757
00:57:59,330 --> 00:58:00,250
from the looks of things.
1758
00:58:00,250 --> 00:58:01,170
- Seriously?
1759
00:58:01,170 --> 00:58:02,608
- Yeah.
1760
00:58:02,608 --> 00:58:03,441
For serious, oh big time.
1761
00:58:03,441 --> 00:58:04,274
- This is the best you
can do to pick up a girl?
1762
00:58:04,274 --> 00:58:06,024
- I mean,
1763
00:58:06,024 --> 00:58:07,831
the next one is either pull out a wallet
1764
00:58:07,831 --> 00:58:11,650
or get you in one of my
dad's Nissan's or something.
1765
00:58:11,650 --> 00:58:12,630
I don't know
1766
00:58:12,630 --> 00:58:14,231
what you're currently,
1767
00:58:14,231 --> 00:58:15,329
your like current APR is
1768
00:58:15,329 --> 00:58:16,162
or what your
1769
00:58:16,162 --> 00:58:17,350
as far as lease goes or anything,
1770
00:58:17,350 --> 00:58:18,183
but I can get you a car.
1771
00:58:18,183 --> 00:58:19,388
I can get you money.
1772
00:58:19,388 --> 00:58:22,620
Some fake titties, or something.
1773
00:58:22,620 --> 00:58:23,453
Whatever you want,
1774
00:58:23,453 --> 00:58:24,286
I would do it for you.
1775
00:58:24,286 --> 00:58:26,049
- Dude, I am too good for you.
1776
00:58:26,049 --> 00:58:28,005
- There's only one way to find out.
1777
00:58:28,005 --> 00:58:29,089
And a lot of times,
1778
00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:29,922
like the big trend right now
1779
00:58:29,922 --> 00:58:31,089
I've seen online is for women
1780
00:58:31,089 --> 00:58:31,922
to like carry men.
1781
00:58:31,922 --> 00:58:32,755
I can be that piece of shit boyfriend
1782
00:58:32,755 --> 00:58:34,090
that all your friends joke about.
1783
00:58:34,090 --> 00:58:34,923
And you know, really though,
1784
00:58:34,923 --> 00:58:35,954
when you come home,
1785
00:58:35,954 --> 00:58:36,787
I'm--
1786
00:58:36,787 --> 00:58:37,620
- Dude, I've been there, done that, so.
1787
00:58:37,620 --> 00:58:38,526
- You haven't done this yet tough.
1788
00:58:38,526 --> 00:58:40,030
- Raider porn.
1789
00:58:40,030 --> 00:58:41,340
There's actually raider porn.
1790
00:58:41,340 --> 00:58:42,173
That's not a joke?
1791
00:58:42,173 --> 00:58:43,508
- No dude.
1792
00:58:43,508 --> 00:58:44,509
I'm dead serious.
1793
00:58:44,509 --> 00:58:45,509
- Why the hell did he have
raider porn in his basement?
1794
00:58:45,509 --> 00:58:46,342
- I don't know man.
1795
00:58:46,342 --> 00:58:49,130
He had like some weird, sick
little obsession in there.
1796
00:58:49,130 --> 00:58:49,963
And he kept going with it.
1797
00:58:49,963 --> 00:58:51,140
- And the cops
1798
00:58:51,140 --> 00:58:52,280
came for it.
1799
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,452
Oh god.
1800
00:58:53,452 --> 00:58:54,285
- They did dude.
1801
00:58:54,285 --> 00:58:55,118
- Oh my god.
1802
00:58:55,118 --> 00:58:56,940
I bet his nice little Methodist mother
1803
00:58:56,940 --> 00:58:59,730
lost it when she saw the cops showing up
1804
00:58:59,730 --> 00:59:01,051
to get his raider porn collection.
1805
00:59:01,051 --> 00:59:02,593
- He was always in to like
1806
00:59:02,593 --> 00:59:03,612
weird figure skating,
1807
00:59:03,612 --> 00:59:04,445
but maybe because it's like
1808
00:59:04,445 --> 00:59:05,790
usually white petite girls.
1809
00:59:05,790 --> 00:59:06,652
- Well he was an interesting,
1810
00:59:06,652 --> 00:59:08,470
he was an interesting duck.
1811
00:59:08,470 --> 00:59:10,070
- Always kind of floating through the air,
1812
00:59:10,070 --> 00:59:11,030
maybe like a bird.
1813
00:59:11,030 --> 00:59:12,231
- A strange kid, a strange kid.
1814
00:59:12,231 --> 00:59:13,750
But,
1815
00:59:13,750 --> 00:59:15,169
I can forgive all that.
1816
00:59:15,169 --> 00:59:17,010
But you don't pirate pornography
1817
00:59:17,010 --> 00:59:18,290
because people are not being paid
1818
00:59:18,290 --> 00:59:19,911
the proper taxes, fees and residuals
1819
00:59:19,911 --> 00:59:21,729
that they are entitled to.
1820
00:59:21,729 --> 00:59:23,740
But raider porn,
1821
00:59:23,740 --> 00:59:25,290
that's a bridge too far.
1822
00:59:25,290 --> 00:59:26,929
- Oh my god.
1823
00:59:26,929 --> 00:59:29,389
Look at this sack of shit.
1824
00:59:29,389 --> 00:59:30,700
Look at him.
1825
00:59:30,700 --> 00:59:31,746
- Oh Christ.
1826
00:59:31,746 --> 00:59:33,500
That is worse than
1827
00:59:33,500 --> 00:59:37,130
having raider porn is
being a stand up comedian.
1828
00:59:37,130 --> 00:59:39,660
- I heard that porno Pete was actually
1829
00:59:39,660 --> 00:59:41,240
saying that he was watching that stuff
1830
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,415
to build up a stand up comedy act.
1831
00:59:43,415 --> 00:59:44,720
- So his
1832
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,713
excuse was I have a raider
porn collection to--
1833
00:59:47,713 --> 00:59:50,560
- Work on a bit.
1834
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:51,760
- To work on a bit.
1835
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:53,610
I think I'd rather be a porn hound
1836
00:59:53,610 --> 00:59:55,153
than be a stand up comedian.
1837
00:59:55,153 --> 00:59:55,986
That is like the lowest of the low.
1838
00:59:55,986 --> 00:59:57,227
- God, can you imagine what
it would have been like
1839
00:59:57,227 --> 00:59:59,130
if we had to go around like
1840
00:59:59,130 --> 01:00:00,671
the community--
1841
01:00:00,671 --> 01:00:01,671
- You had to go door to door
1842
01:00:01,671 --> 01:00:02,673
and tell everybody he was a standup.
1843
01:00:02,673 --> 01:00:04,570
(laughter)
1844
01:00:04,570 --> 01:00:05,700
I'm sorry.
1845
01:00:05,700 --> 01:00:07,269
I'm Pete, I live down at--
1846
01:00:07,269 --> 01:00:09,450
- I live within your community.
1847
01:00:09,450 --> 01:00:10,283
- Oh my god.
1848
01:00:10,283 --> 01:00:12,055
What was his Methodist more upset about?
1849
01:00:12,055 --> 01:00:13,640
The fact that he was
1850
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:15,892
peddling porn and
pirating it all over town
1851
01:00:15,892 --> 01:00:18,230
or that he's gonna be a stand up comedian?
1852
01:00:18,230 --> 01:00:20,010
(laughter)
1853
01:00:20,010 --> 01:00:21,210
- Dude, I don't know.
1854
01:00:21,210 --> 01:00:22,043
It's got.
1855
01:00:23,031 --> 01:00:24,231
Oh my god.
1856
01:00:24,231 --> 01:00:25,271
- [Boss] Speaking, yeah, Jesus,
1857
01:00:25,271 --> 01:00:26,273
speaking of the devil,
1858
01:00:26,273 --> 01:00:27,271
look at that sack of shit.
1859
01:00:27,271 --> 01:00:28,295
Oh my god.
1860
01:00:28,295 --> 01:00:29,292
- [Matt] Oh my god.
1861
01:00:29,292 --> 01:00:30,373
How embarrassing would that be.
1862
01:00:30,373 --> 01:00:31,575
- See,
1863
01:00:31,575 --> 01:00:34,840
I bet his parents are so proud.
1864
01:00:34,840 --> 01:00:35,673
Oh my god.
1865
01:00:35,673 --> 01:00:36,730
- Oh yeah, definitely.
1866
01:00:36,730 --> 01:00:38,780
That guys is just driving like
1867
01:00:38,780 --> 01:00:40,640
a red mustang
1868
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:42,150
with a canvas top convertible.
1869
01:00:42,150 --> 01:00:43,820
Not even a V8, a V6.
1870
01:00:43,820 --> 01:00:44,700
Automatic.
1871
01:00:44,700 --> 01:00:46,310
- It was a V8.
1872
01:00:46,310 --> 01:00:48,332
I hope I'm never
1873
01:00:48,332 --> 01:00:51,095
that low that I have to
do something like that
1874
01:00:51,095 --> 01:00:52,300
to garner attention.
1875
01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:53,610
- Oh dude.
1876
01:00:53,610 --> 01:00:55,233
I'd rather be sucking dick
from behind in the alley
1877
01:00:55,233 --> 01:00:57,410
making decent wage off of that
1878
01:00:57,410 --> 01:00:58,880
than to ever have to speak any kind of
1879
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:00,450
words into a microphone.
1880
01:01:00,450 --> 01:01:01,950
- Matt, please, let's make a promise
1881
01:01:01,950 --> 01:01:04,340
that we never, ever have
to do standup comedy.
1882
01:01:04,340 --> 01:01:05,173
- Yeah.
1883
01:01:06,012 --> 01:01:08,429
(soft music)
1884
01:01:09,550 --> 01:01:11,153
- Real quick, bathroom, three minutes.
1885
01:01:11,153 --> 01:01:12,170
- I don't want to.
1886
01:01:12,170 --> 01:01:13,175
- Behind this jukebox?
1887
01:01:13,175 --> 01:01:14,170
We fucking pull this thing out.
1888
01:01:14,170 --> 01:01:15,175
- I really don't want to.
1889
01:01:15,175 --> 01:01:16,040
- That's okay.
1890
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:17,397
I'll watch you do some stuff.
1891
01:01:17,397 --> 01:01:19,990
- Indeed rather have
the Bros two times over
1892
01:01:19,990 --> 01:01:21,690
than I'd have you.
1893
01:01:21,690 --> 01:01:23,410
- That'd probably feel about the same.
1894
01:01:23,410 --> 01:01:24,935
You got a little
1895
01:01:24,935 --> 01:01:26,523
nubby nubby in each hand.
1896
01:01:26,523 --> 01:01:27,735
A little corn holder.
1897
01:01:27,735 --> 01:01:29,020
If that's what you want,
1898
01:01:29,020 --> 01:01:30,534
I'll arrange it.
1899
01:01:30,534 --> 01:01:31,367
I know them.
1900
01:01:31,367 --> 01:01:32,535
- They don't like you though.
1901
01:01:32,535 --> 01:01:34,003
- No one really does, but I mean.
1902
01:01:34,003 --> 01:01:35,130
- Then why are you here?
1903
01:01:35,130 --> 01:01:38,540
If no one likes you,
then why are you here?
1904
01:01:38,540 --> 01:01:40,135
Why don't you go fuck off?
1905
01:01:40,135 --> 01:01:42,193
Back to Douche land?
1906
01:01:42,193 --> 01:01:43,450
- I will do that.
1907
01:01:43,450 --> 01:01:45,000
If you change your mind,
1908
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:46,220
I'll be over here.
- I won't.
1909
01:01:46,220 --> 01:01:47,111
- That's okay.
1910
01:01:47,111 --> 01:01:48,133
You might.
- So fuck off.
1911
01:01:48,133 --> 01:01:48,966
- I've got that thing
1912
01:01:48,966 --> 01:01:49,799
in the back of your mind.
1913
01:01:49,799 --> 01:01:50,850
You'll be thinking about it.
1914
01:01:50,850 --> 01:01:51,683
- [Girl] Nope.
- [Tyler] Think about it.
1915
01:01:51,683 --> 01:01:53,065
- [Girl] Fuck off.
1916
01:01:53,065 --> 01:01:55,390
- God.
1917
01:01:55,390 --> 01:01:56,610
I can't get any pussy in this place.
1918
01:01:56,610 --> 01:01:58,350
I might as well go
fucking kings and queens.
1919
01:01:58,350 --> 01:01:59,660
- Jesus Christ dude,
1920
01:01:59,660 --> 01:02:01,427
you're objectifying that sliz.
1921
01:02:01,427 --> 01:02:03,110
- What does that even mean?
1922
01:02:03,110 --> 01:02:04,250
Objectifying?
1923
01:02:04,250 --> 01:02:05,944
You sound like one of those broads man.
1924
01:02:05,944 --> 01:02:07,212
- You know,
1925
01:02:07,212 --> 01:02:08,800
loose morals,
1926
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:09,751
a little bit of loose action.
1927
01:02:09,751 --> 01:02:10,584
That's what I mean.
1928
01:02:10,584 --> 01:02:13,340
- [Tyler] Yeah, then objectifying I was.
1929
01:02:13,340 --> 01:02:15,720
It's my objective all night to do that.
1930
01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:17,323
Trying to find some clam, man.
1931
01:02:17,323 --> 01:02:18,230
A little slam clam.
1932
01:02:18,230 --> 01:02:19,063
Clam digger.
1933
01:02:20,900 --> 01:02:22,060
Anything I can do to muff some duff.
1934
01:02:22,060 --> 01:02:24,460
- [Matt] I didn't realize
your a shoreman yourself.
1935
01:02:24,460 --> 01:02:25,570
Nectar Wookie,
1936
01:02:25,570 --> 01:02:26,900
a lifeless idiot
1937
01:02:26,900 --> 01:02:27,880
whose whole existence
1938
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:30,151
consists of following around
bands like Base Nectar.
1939
01:02:30,151 --> 01:02:32,700
When they're not out selling bunk drugs,
1940
01:02:32,700 --> 01:02:34,600
veggie burritos and grilled cheese,
1941
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:36,190
they're often swiping drinks
1942
01:02:36,190 --> 01:02:38,730
and trying to borrow literally everything
1943
01:02:38,730 --> 01:02:40,600
at music festivals.
1944
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:43,830
A Nectar Wookie is the
natural enemy of a hipster,
1945
01:02:43,830 --> 01:02:45,380
kind of like in Twilight
1946
01:02:45,380 --> 01:02:47,255
with the vampires and werewolves.
1947
01:02:47,255 --> 01:02:50,910
Hey, Kristen Steward is a jew.
1948
01:02:50,910 --> 01:02:53,000
Why else would she get
with a 100 year old guy
1949
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,812
with a nice german car?
1950
01:02:54,812 --> 01:02:57,145
(inaudible)
1951
01:02:58,687 --> 01:03:00,590
- I don't mean to cause alarm,
1952
01:03:00,590 --> 01:03:02,913
but doth my nostrils deceive me,
1953
01:03:02,913 --> 01:03:05,510
we have a nectar wookie
1954
01:03:05,510 --> 01:03:06,343
in our midst.
1955
01:03:08,150 --> 01:03:10,480
- Oh, I'm sorry yeah.
1956
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:11,313
That's me.
1957
01:03:11,313 --> 01:03:12,812
I haven't,
1958
01:03:12,812 --> 01:03:14,209
I haven't showered in a few weeks, so.
1959
01:03:14,209 --> 01:03:16,871
- Also, Bonoroo has a
bathroom in a few weeks.
1960
01:03:16,871 --> 01:03:18,920
- No, that's,
1961
01:03:18,920 --> 01:03:20,673
that's actually next week,
1962
01:03:20,673 --> 01:03:22,193
I'm pretty sure.
1963
01:03:22,193 --> 01:03:23,203
Yeah.
1964
01:03:23,203 --> 01:03:24,813
- I don't have marijuana.
1965
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:28,023
That drink was not yours.
1966
01:03:28,929 --> 01:03:31,770
Bonoroo is that way.
1967
01:03:31,770 --> 01:03:33,260
- Oh, okay.
1968
01:03:33,260 --> 01:03:34,880
- Yeah, Phish is about
to take the stage man.
1969
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:35,920
You should go.
1970
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:37,150
- Guess what,
1971
01:03:37,150 --> 01:03:38,040
guess what,
1972
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:39,140
Base Nectar
1973
01:03:39,140 --> 01:03:40,720
not on the jukebox.
1974
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,100
How about you dubstep
1975
01:03:42,100 --> 01:03:43,380
walk away from the situation
1976
01:03:43,380 --> 01:03:44,950
you fucking wookie.
1977
01:03:44,950 --> 01:03:45,790
- Jesus, okay.
1978
01:03:45,790 --> 01:03:46,623
I'm sorry.
1979
01:03:46,623 --> 01:03:48,150
- Stay the fuck out of gong fu, okay.
1980
01:03:48,150 --> 01:03:49,329
- By the way,
1981
01:03:49,329 --> 01:03:51,191
you guys have any mushrooms?
1982
01:03:51,191 --> 01:03:52,309
- Get the fuck out of here.
1983
01:03:52,309 --> 01:03:53,290
We don't have anything.
1984
01:03:53,290 --> 01:03:55,490
- [Tyler] Fucking Mark
Walberg in Rock Star.
1985
01:03:57,964 --> 01:03:59,030
- That's not a bad movie, honestly.
1986
01:03:59,030 --> 01:04:01,082
- Hey, did you see what
happened to my drink?
1987
01:04:01,082 --> 01:04:03,120
- Sorry man.
1988
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:05,170
The fucking woff took it.
1989
01:04:05,170 --> 01:04:06,003
- Sorry man.
1990
01:04:06,003 --> 01:04:07,260
- Thanks for looking out, man.
1991
01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:09,523
Bartender, get these bros a drink on me.
1992
01:04:11,710 --> 01:04:13,460
- [Kevin] So bros, it's last call.
1993
01:04:13,460 --> 01:04:14,950
What are you thinking?
1994
01:04:14,950 --> 01:04:15,980
- Scotch.
1995
01:04:15,980 --> 01:04:17,150
- Scotch.
1996
01:04:17,150 --> 01:04:18,440
- Scotch?
1997
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:19,273
- Scotch.
1998
01:04:19,273 --> 01:04:20,443
- Scotch.
1999
01:04:20,443 --> 01:04:21,447
- Better not be Doers.
2000
01:04:21,447 --> 01:04:22,444
- Alright, bros,
2001
01:04:22,444 --> 01:04:23,602
this is Singleton,
2002
01:04:23,602 --> 01:04:24,652
the Glenlive 12 year,
2003
01:04:25,500 --> 01:04:26,780
single malt.
2004
01:04:26,780 --> 01:04:27,920
You know about that, Harold.
2005
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,033
- [Harold] Hey, it's not
Doers guys, we're good.
2006
01:04:32,983 --> 01:04:33,816
- [Kevin] We'll pour it neat.
2007
01:04:34,723 --> 01:04:36,786
- [Matt] You know what that means?
2008
01:04:36,786 --> 01:04:37,619
- [Tyler] No.
2009
01:04:37,619 --> 01:04:38,706
- Harold.
2010
01:04:38,706 --> 01:04:40,188
- [Harold] Yes?
2011
01:04:40,188 --> 01:04:42,370
- [Tyler] You're pouring it really quick.
2012
01:04:42,370 --> 01:04:43,642
That's neat man.
2013
01:04:43,642 --> 01:04:45,193
Neato.
2014
01:04:48,082 --> 01:04:48,915
- What I'm gonna do now
2015
01:04:48,915 --> 01:04:50,802
is I'm gonna put a couple drops of water
2016
01:04:50,802 --> 01:04:51,635
in each one.
2017
01:04:51,635 --> 01:04:53,500
It changes the molecular density.
2018
01:04:53,500 --> 01:04:54,343
It opens it up.
2019
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:56,770
- [Tyler] Like a bouquet.
2020
01:04:56,770 --> 01:04:58,000
- [Matt] Exactly.
2021
01:04:58,000 --> 01:04:59,320
- [Tyler] Like a lady's legs.
2022
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:00,770
- [Matt] With the best water
2023
01:05:01,724 --> 01:05:02,570
in the valley.
2024
01:05:02,570 --> 01:05:04,390
Actually in the world.
2025
01:05:04,390 --> 01:05:05,223
- [Harold] Yep.
2026
01:05:06,220 --> 01:05:08,159
- [Tyler] Best hangover cure
2027
01:05:08,159 --> 01:05:09,590
right there.
2028
01:05:09,590 --> 01:05:11,230
Water.
2029
01:05:11,230 --> 01:05:13,280
- I wish we had some Roy Orbesen records.
2030
01:05:15,184 --> 01:05:17,601
(rock music)
2031
01:05:21,308 --> 01:05:23,378
Is that how you discard your scotch?
2032
01:05:23,378 --> 01:05:25,143
- Yeah, is there another way?
2033
01:05:25,143 --> 01:05:26,800
- My god, you're still doing
2034
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:28,450
fucking Big League Chew?
2035
01:05:28,450 --> 01:05:29,283
- Fucking A right man,
2036
01:05:29,283 --> 01:05:30,562
cause I'm a pro.
2037
01:05:30,562 --> 01:05:31,599
- We should have given him Doers.
2038
01:05:31,599 --> 01:05:35,746
- What is the next plan of attack?
2039
01:05:35,746 --> 01:05:37,600
Cause this is a lot of fun and all, but--
2040
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:39,282
- I have a Lyft.
2041
01:05:39,282 --> 01:05:40,882
- Who?
2042
01:05:40,882 --> 01:05:43,080
- Somebody named Ling.
2043
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:44,100
- No.
2044
01:05:44,100 --> 01:05:44,933
No, no, no, no.
2045
01:05:46,343 --> 01:05:47,630
Trust me.
2046
01:05:47,630 --> 01:05:49,650
I got pepper sprayed by that broad.
2047
01:05:49,650 --> 01:05:50,780
No.
2048
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,082
- I'm from Brooklyn, you motherfucker.
2049
01:05:52,082 --> 01:05:53,050
- Wait, wait,
2050
01:05:53,050 --> 01:05:54,743
there's a Brooklyn in China?
2051
01:05:54,743 --> 01:05:56,844
- I sprayed her with my pepper.
2052
01:05:56,844 --> 01:05:58,867
- Oh, I think I heard of that.
2053
01:05:58,867 --> 01:06:01,120
Did she join AA Elias after that?
2054
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:02,710
- Oh hell yeah, she did.
2055
01:06:02,710 --> 01:06:03,543
- Okay.
2056
01:06:03,543 --> 01:06:04,764
- Oh yeah.
2057
01:06:04,764 --> 01:06:05,950
- Yeah I'd sober up if
I had to bang this guy.
2058
01:06:05,950 --> 01:06:06,783
- I'm just saying,
2059
01:06:06,783 --> 01:06:07,616
if I had my dick inside you you,
2060
01:06:07,616 --> 01:06:09,324
your gonna make some good
positive changes in life.
2061
01:06:09,324 --> 01:06:10,600
- My god.
2062
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:12,060
Look, I'm gonna get on
2063
01:06:12,060 --> 01:06:13,010
Uber right now.
2064
01:06:13,010 --> 01:06:14,980
I know I'm not gonna get
in the fucking Uber Jew.
2065
01:06:14,980 --> 01:06:16,160
- Oh, the Uber Jew.
2066
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:17,290
Yah.
2067
01:06:17,290 --> 01:06:18,450
- Uber Jew?
2068
01:06:18,450 --> 01:06:19,283
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
2069
01:06:19,283 --> 01:06:20,800
- It seems a little
2070
01:06:20,800 --> 01:06:22,306
antisemitic and maybe a bit tasteless.
2071
01:06:22,306 --> 01:06:23,910
- Oh my god.
2072
01:06:23,910 --> 01:06:27,410
It's not like I fucking
called in the sheeny shuttler.
2073
01:06:27,410 --> 01:06:29,804
Fucking kike cart dude.
2074
01:06:29,804 --> 01:06:31,560
Oh my god dude.
2075
01:06:31,560 --> 01:06:33,240
- [Tyler] I'm on the old hieve highway.
2076
01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:35,613
- [Matt] Hey, (inaudible)
2077
01:06:37,858 --> 01:06:38,850
- I wouldn't say I'm gay.
2078
01:06:38,850 --> 01:06:41,362
But I've definitely done
some gay shit, dude.
2079
01:06:41,362 --> 01:06:43,295
- Yeah you have.
2080
01:06:43,295 --> 01:06:44,223
- Yeah.
2081
01:06:44,223 --> 01:06:45,260
- We're fully aware.
2082
01:06:45,260 --> 01:06:47,162
- You haven't?
2083
01:06:47,162 --> 01:06:50,470
No?
2084
01:06:50,470 --> 01:06:51,936
- No.
2085
01:06:51,936 --> 01:06:52,884
- Harold was never
2086
01:06:52,884 --> 01:06:54,178
partook in homosexual.
2087
01:06:54,178 --> 01:06:55,011
- You're gonna tell me with that jacket,
2088
01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:57,573
and that beard you guys have
never done anything gay?
2089
01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:00,883
- Maybe watched the WNBA.
2090
01:07:03,680 --> 01:07:05,375
- I would tell you,
2091
01:07:05,375 --> 01:07:06,575
if you got more in touch
2092
01:07:06,575 --> 01:07:07,408
with your male side,
2093
01:07:07,408 --> 01:07:08,680
you might have,
2094
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:09,513
I don't know,
2095
01:07:09,513 --> 01:07:11,053
more luck getting women.
2096
01:07:11,053 --> 01:07:12,740
- I actually prefer the WNBA.
2097
01:07:12,740 --> 01:07:14,196
It's more a team sport.
2098
01:07:14,196 --> 01:07:16,091
(laughter)
2099
01:07:16,091 --> 01:07:17,650
- The only reason you
like watching the WNBA
2100
01:07:17,650 --> 01:07:18,970
is because a lot of those ladies
2101
01:07:18,970 --> 01:07:20,230
have Adam's apples.
2102
01:07:20,230 --> 01:07:21,599
- I really appreciate their talent.
2103
01:07:21,599 --> 01:07:22,590
- God, would you be in to it
2104
01:07:22,590 --> 01:07:23,870
if they did?
2105
01:07:23,870 --> 01:07:25,339
- No, dude.
2106
01:07:25,339 --> 01:07:27,670
I'm like a fucking ancient Roman warrior.
2107
01:07:27,670 --> 01:07:30,070
That is the only reason why
me and my other male friends
2108
01:07:30,070 --> 01:07:31,940
have bonded in the way that we have.
2109
01:07:31,940 --> 01:07:34,400
I wouldn't say it's
anything sexual about it.
2110
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:35,460
It's more about
2111
01:07:35,460 --> 01:07:36,820
becoming brothers,
2112
01:07:36,820 --> 01:07:38,239
becoming closer than you ever could.
2113
01:07:38,239 --> 01:07:39,358
Someone's life in your hands,
2114
01:07:39,358 --> 01:07:41,554
you want to really trust somebody,
2115
01:07:41,554 --> 01:07:43,516
jerk that dick off.
2116
01:07:43,516 --> 01:07:44,410
You know what I mean.
2117
01:07:44,410 --> 01:07:46,220
You really learn a lot about somebody.
2118
01:07:46,220 --> 01:07:47,679
- Achilles and Hector, you are not.
2119
01:07:47,679 --> 01:07:49,350
- No, hell no.
2120
01:07:49,350 --> 01:07:51,460
I'm not gonna die because
the back of my fucking ankle
2121
01:07:51,460 --> 01:07:52,390
gets tweaked.
2122
01:07:52,390 --> 01:07:53,656
You know what I mean.
2123
01:07:53,656 --> 01:07:54,890
(laughter)
2124
01:07:54,890 --> 01:07:56,356
No, I'm
2125
01:07:56,356 --> 01:07:57,740
like Brad Pitt,
2126
01:07:57,740 --> 01:07:59,396
but more like Brad Pitt in Snatch.
2127
01:07:59,396 --> 01:08:00,740
You know what the fuck I mean.
2128
01:08:00,740 --> 01:08:02,290
- You like dikes?
2129
01:08:02,290 --> 01:08:03,576
- Yeah.
2130
01:08:03,576 --> 01:08:04,420
Do I like dikes?
2131
01:08:04,420 --> 01:08:05,716
Or docks?
2132
01:08:05,716 --> 01:08:06,719
- Guys.
2133
01:08:06,719 --> 01:08:07,552
You like guys?
2134
01:08:07,552 --> 01:08:09,600
- Eh, I wouldn't say I like them,
2135
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:12,040
but if you've never had
a dude jerk you off,
2136
01:08:12,040 --> 01:08:13,578
you haven't lived.
2137
01:08:13,578 --> 01:08:15,320
The textile strength that a man has
2138
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:17,260
is so much better than a woman's.
2139
01:08:17,260 --> 01:08:18,820
- Those calluses.
2140
01:08:18,820 --> 01:08:21,050
- It's like getting a fucking handjob
2141
01:08:21,050 --> 01:08:22,938
from a ranch hand, you know what I mean.
2142
01:08:22,938 --> 01:08:26,538
Just a good firm old
Midwestern hand shake.
2143
01:08:26,538 --> 01:08:29,418
You know what I'm talking about.
2144
01:08:29,418 --> 01:08:30,620
In fact,
2145
01:08:30,620 --> 01:08:31,453
let me show you.
2146
01:08:31,453 --> 01:08:32,890
From what I've learned by,
2147
01:08:32,890 --> 01:08:33,723
I don't know,
2148
01:08:33,723 --> 01:08:35,119
being amongst my fellow men,
2149
01:08:35,119 --> 01:08:37,210
I'm gonna teach that lady over there
2150
01:08:37,210 --> 01:08:38,753
a thing or two
2151
01:08:38,753 --> 01:08:40,095
she's never seen.
2152
01:08:40,095 --> 01:08:41,108
(laughter)
2153
01:08:41,108 --> 01:08:43,279
I'm gonna get her to suck my whole penis.
2154
01:08:43,279 --> 01:08:44,298
- Her?
2155
01:08:44,298 --> 01:08:45,295
- Yeah.
2156
01:08:45,295 --> 01:08:46,128
- Her?
- Yeah.
2157
01:08:46,128 --> 01:08:47,316
Tiddle biddies over there.
2158
01:08:47,316 --> 01:08:48,319
- Her?
2159
01:08:48,319 --> 01:08:49,316
- Her?
2160
01:08:49,316 --> 01:08:50,335
- Yes, let me,
2161
01:08:50,335 --> 01:08:51,168
let me show you guys, okay.
2162
01:08:51,168 --> 01:08:52,770
I'm, this is gonna be
2163
01:08:52,770 --> 01:08:54,700
Trojan warrior
2164
01:08:54,700 --> 01:08:57,554
and that's my young squire.
2165
01:08:57,554 --> 01:08:58,510
- This is the moment where Harold
2166
01:08:58,510 --> 01:09:00,923
is continually baffled
at how we are friends.
2167
01:09:01,999 --> 01:09:02,832
- Let me give you a piece of advice.
2168
01:09:02,832 --> 01:09:04,140
- I wouldn't recommend this.
2169
01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:05,396
- I would not recommend this.
2170
01:09:05,396 --> 01:09:06,495
- Why?
2171
01:09:06,495 --> 01:09:08,474
(laughter)
2172
01:09:08,474 --> 01:09:10,030
She's too easy.
2173
01:09:10,030 --> 01:09:11,236
It's too easy of a kill?
2174
01:09:11,236 --> 01:09:13,210
It's like hunting a wounded deer?
2175
01:09:13,210 --> 01:09:14,130
That's fine.
2176
01:09:14,130 --> 01:09:15,336
That's all I fucking hunt,
2177
01:09:15,336 --> 01:09:16,756
you know what I mean.
2178
01:09:16,756 --> 01:09:17,754
- I think Tyler needs a challenge.
2179
01:09:17,754 --> 01:09:20,370
- I'll accept roadkill.
2180
01:09:20,370 --> 01:09:21,360
Yeah, absolutely.
2181
01:09:21,360 --> 01:09:22,720
- Okay.
2182
01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:24,100
- How about just enough funds
2183
01:09:24,100 --> 01:09:25,050
to go malt scotch
2184
01:09:25,050 --> 01:09:26,794
to appreciate this moment.
2185
01:09:26,794 --> 01:09:27,730
- You guys keep my seat warm.
2186
01:09:27,730 --> 01:09:29,490
I'll be getting my dick wet.
2187
01:09:29,490 --> 01:09:30,323
When I get back,
2188
01:09:30,323 --> 01:09:31,810
you guys can help dab it off
2189
01:09:31,810 --> 01:09:32,643
and tell me how great we did.
2190
01:09:32,643 --> 01:09:34,351
- He's always so rude.
2191
01:09:34,351 --> 01:09:36,530
(rock music)
2192
01:09:36,530 --> 01:09:37,363
I'm not a prude,
2193
01:09:37,363 --> 01:09:39,223
but I can see him appreciating the crude.
2194
01:09:43,010 --> 01:09:44,462
- What's up girl?
2195
01:09:44,462 --> 01:09:45,295
Get you a drink?
2196
01:09:45,295 --> 01:09:46,128
- Yeah.
2197
01:09:46,128 --> 01:09:46,961
Like Red Bulls over here, baby.
2198
01:09:46,961 --> 01:09:48,119
- Sure, I love to smash
Red Bull vodkas with you
2199
01:09:48,119 --> 01:09:49,341
all night
2200
01:09:49,341 --> 01:09:52,397
and then you can fuck me doggie style
2201
01:09:52,397 --> 01:09:54,721
while we watch the new season
of Blue Mountain State.
2202
01:09:54,721 --> 01:09:57,645
Do you like Nickleback as much as I do?
2203
01:09:57,645 --> 01:09:58,478
- Yes.
2204
01:09:58,478 --> 01:09:59,311
- Yeah.
- Oh my god, yeah.
2205
01:09:59,311 --> 01:10:00,144
- I fucking love Tool.
2206
01:10:00,144 --> 01:10:01,123
Yeah.
2207
01:10:03,150 --> 01:10:04,000
- Pull my hair.
2208
01:10:05,218 --> 01:10:07,101
- You're towing my toolbox baby.
2209
01:10:07,101 --> 01:10:08,359
- Oh god.
2210
01:10:08,359 --> 01:10:09,738
Get this little tool out right here.
2211
01:10:09,738 --> 01:10:12,071
- Why do you call it little?
2212
01:10:13,252 --> 01:10:15,952
- Damn, can I get a couple
vodka red bulls on her please?
2213
01:10:15,952 --> 01:10:18,494
- Wow, seriously?
2214
01:10:18,494 --> 01:10:19,327
- Uh uh.
2215
01:10:19,327 --> 01:10:21,178
- Who the fuck do you think you are?
2216
01:10:21,178 --> 01:10:23,540
Do you think I'm just
some little tool shed
2217
01:10:23,540 --> 01:10:24,426
you can do whatever
the fuck you want with?
2218
01:10:24,426 --> 01:10:29,426
God, you are such a
typical Cedar Falls WASP
2219
01:10:30,510 --> 01:10:31,890
who probably only got through high school
2220
01:10:31,890 --> 01:10:33,922
on the fact that daddy
owned a car dealership.
2221
01:10:33,922 --> 01:10:35,781
How many freshmen cheerleaders
2222
01:10:35,781 --> 01:10:38,130
have you had your dirty little fingers in
2223
01:10:38,130 --> 01:10:39,520
after a lacrosse game?
2224
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:40,357
Huh?
2225
01:10:40,357 --> 01:10:41,670
Go home.
2226
01:10:41,670 --> 01:10:43,290
Yeah, I can smell them from here.
2227
01:10:43,290 --> 01:10:44,270
Go home,
2228
01:10:44,270 --> 01:10:46,040
wash off the Axe body spray
2229
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:47,780
and wait for the next time that your mom
2230
01:10:47,780 --> 01:10:48,890
signs you up
2231
01:10:48,890 --> 01:10:49,990
for a bachelor date night
2232
01:10:49,990 --> 01:10:51,893
at your town's failing country club.
2233
01:10:52,847 --> 01:10:53,680
- Wow.
2234
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:54,513
You blew it.
2235
01:10:54,513 --> 01:10:56,064
Guess who played piccolo
their freshman year.
2236
01:10:56,064 --> 01:10:57,589
Peace.
2237
01:10:57,589 --> 01:10:58,629
- Whatever.
2238
01:10:58,629 --> 01:11:01,780
Small penis.
2239
01:11:01,780 --> 01:11:03,160
- [Tyler] It's bigger than yours.
2240
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:04,930
- I can't even see it through your jeans.
2241
01:11:04,930 --> 01:11:06,714
Get out of here.
2242
01:11:06,714 --> 01:11:07,790
- [Tyler] That's cause they're dark.
2243
01:11:07,790 --> 01:11:10,452
- Oh, what gives Charlie Brown?
2244
01:11:10,452 --> 01:11:12,029
- Fuck you man.
2245
01:11:12,029 --> 01:11:14,613
I struck out.
2246
01:11:14,613 --> 01:11:15,446
- Her?
2247
01:11:15,446 --> 01:11:16,613
With her?
2248
01:11:16,613 --> 01:11:17,674
- Her?
2249
01:11:17,674 --> 01:11:18,520
- Yeah, I struck out with her.
2250
01:11:18,520 --> 01:11:19,820
What's happened to me?
2251
01:11:19,820 --> 01:11:20,653
- Fuck this.
2252
01:11:20,653 --> 01:11:22,487
- Like pirates (inaudible)
2253
01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:23,500
- I think it was Kirk tonight.
2254
01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:24,333
- Guys.
2255
01:11:25,573 --> 01:11:26,751
I'm calling in the nuclear option.
2256
01:11:26,751 --> 01:11:28,340
- No.
2257
01:11:28,340 --> 01:11:29,710
Not the man who's had more girls
2258
01:11:29,710 --> 01:11:30,991
than anyone in Cedar Valley.
2259
01:11:30,991 --> 01:11:31,980
- Yes.
2260
01:11:31,980 --> 01:11:33,600
The sultan of sliz himself.
2261
01:11:33,600 --> 01:11:35,253
- I do admire that man's sexual prowess.
2262
01:11:35,253 --> 01:11:38,580
- And send.
2263
01:11:38,580 --> 01:11:39,890
- She's doomed.
- Oh boy.
2264
01:11:44,550 --> 01:11:46,760
(rock music)
2265
01:11:46,760 --> 01:11:48,073
- Sir, you have a message.
2266
01:11:57,271 --> 01:11:59,688
(rock music)
2267
01:12:21,860 --> 01:12:23,415
- Tyler,
2268
01:12:23,415 --> 01:12:24,517
Matt,
2269
01:12:24,517 --> 01:12:25,519
Harold.
2270
01:12:25,519 --> 01:12:26,534
- Mr. Lance.
2271
01:12:26,534 --> 01:12:27,519
Now might be a real good time
2272
01:12:27,519 --> 01:12:28,352
for you to get horny.
2273
01:12:28,352 --> 01:12:29,810
- It's my secret, Matt.
2274
01:12:29,810 --> 01:12:30,643
I'm always horny.
2275
01:12:30,643 --> 01:12:31,519
- Mr. Lance.
- So cool.
2276
01:12:31,519 --> 01:12:35,077
- He called me Harold.
2277
01:12:35,077 --> 01:12:36,077
- Oh my god.
2278
01:12:37,039 --> 01:12:38,740
Are you Jeff Lance?
2279
01:12:38,740 --> 01:12:40,433
- You're goddamn right.
2280
01:12:46,950 --> 01:12:48,657
Bros, Jeff Lance.
2281
01:12:48,657 --> 01:12:51,324
(group chatter)
2282
01:12:53,958 --> 01:12:54,890
- So what are you guys doing after this?
2283
01:12:54,890 --> 01:12:56,650
- Going to Cornstalk at Spicoli's.
2284
01:12:56,650 --> 01:12:57,483
- Oh really.
2285
01:12:57,483 --> 01:13:00,310
- I heard Carolina Spine is playing.
2286
01:13:00,310 --> 01:13:01,450
- Caroline
2287
01:13:01,450 --> 01:13:02,450
Spine.
2288
01:13:02,450 --> 01:13:04,040
- Caroline
2289
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:05,180
Spine.
- Get it right.
2290
01:13:05,180 --> 01:13:06,765
- I'm sorry.
2291
01:13:06,765 --> 01:13:07,690
- You know that song
about Waterloo, right.
2292
01:13:07,690 --> 01:13:08,941
- Yes, called Mrs. Sullivan.
2293
01:13:08,941 --> 01:13:11,530
- Okay, so like about
this Sullivan brothers and
2294
01:13:11,530 --> 01:13:13,842
all that jazz.
2295
01:13:13,842 --> 01:13:15,144
Okay, okay.
2296
01:13:15,144 --> 01:13:16,440
- So oh my god, right,
2297
01:13:16,440 --> 01:13:17,273
we gotta go.
2298
01:13:17,273 --> 01:13:18,445
- Yep, gotta go.
2299
01:13:18,445 --> 01:13:19,442
- Let's do this.
2300
01:13:19,442 --> 01:13:21,173
- Carolina Spine.
2301
01:13:23,600 --> 01:13:24,710
- Alright guys seriously,
2302
01:13:24,710 --> 01:13:26,050
get on the fucking horns.
2303
01:13:26,050 --> 01:13:27,070
We need a driver.
2304
01:13:27,070 --> 01:13:28,160
We gotta get down man.
2305
01:13:28,160 --> 01:13:29,290
Caroline's Spine.
2306
01:13:29,290 --> 01:13:30,163
- Okay, got it.
2307
01:13:31,270 --> 01:13:32,640
- Look at this, the initiative,
2308
01:13:32,640 --> 01:13:34,082
I love it.
2309
01:13:34,082 --> 01:13:35,064
Tyler the tool.
2310
01:13:35,064 --> 01:13:36,141
Does that say fucking Grinder?
2311
01:13:36,141 --> 01:13:37,050
- Yeah dude,
2312
01:13:37,050 --> 01:13:38,420
trying to get my butt hole licked.
2313
01:13:38,420 --> 01:13:39,880
- Can't meet a woman
with a tongue strength
2314
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:41,150
that I require.
2315
01:13:41,150 --> 01:13:42,790
- Tyler,
2316
01:13:42,790 --> 01:13:44,161
cool it with the butt stuff, bros.
2317
01:13:44,161 --> 01:13:46,360
I've done it.
2318
01:13:46,360 --> 01:13:47,590
- You got a ride?
2319
01:13:47,590 --> 01:13:48,640
- I'm a miracle worker.
2320
01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:49,900
- It can't be Lyft.
2321
01:13:49,900 --> 01:13:51,510
- Doth my eyes deceive me.
2322
01:13:51,510 --> 01:13:52,410
- There's this asian lady,
2323
01:13:52,410 --> 01:13:53,880
I climbed her great wall
2324
01:13:53,880 --> 01:13:55,490
like I was Mongolian.
2325
01:13:55,490 --> 01:13:57,202
Genghis Khan up in that bitch.
2326
01:13:57,202 --> 01:13:58,070
- This,
2327
01:13:58,070 --> 01:13:59,421
this is as poetic as Silvia Plath.
2328
01:13:59,421 --> 01:14:00,810
It is.
2329
01:14:00,810 --> 01:14:01,643
- Silvia Plath?
2330
01:14:01,643 --> 01:14:03,110
- It most certainly is.
2331
01:14:03,110 --> 01:14:04,450
- [Tyler] The chick
that wrote Frankenstein?
2332
01:14:04,450 --> 01:14:06,490
- [Harold] Harold's eyes
doth not deceive him.
2333
01:14:06,490 --> 01:14:07,440
- [Matt] Oh my god.
2334
01:14:08,962 --> 01:14:09,840
They should have sent a poet.
2335
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:10,673
- They did.
2336
01:14:11,682 --> 01:14:13,640
- Like Robert Frost?
2337
01:14:13,640 --> 01:14:16,633
- It's gold doth stay.
2338
01:14:19,298 --> 01:14:21,170
- [Matt] The Uber Jew,
2339
01:14:21,170 --> 01:14:22,330
the Jewish Uber driver
2340
01:14:22,330 --> 01:14:23,750
who is very Jewish,
2341
01:14:23,750 --> 01:14:25,520
hence he is
2342
01:14:25,520 --> 01:14:26,370
Uber Jew,
2343
01:14:26,370 --> 01:14:29,390
the greatest uber driver ever.
2344
01:14:29,390 --> 01:14:31,142
Fucking love that hebe.
2345
01:14:31,142 --> 01:14:33,700
Hey, he
2346
01:14:33,700 --> 01:14:35,430
who finds faithful friend
2347
01:14:35,430 --> 01:14:37,164
finds a treasure.
2348
01:14:37,164 --> 01:14:39,062
That's a Jewish proverb.
2349
01:14:39,062 --> 01:14:40,473
- Hey,
2350
01:14:44,800 --> 01:14:46,650
Bros got room for one more?
2351
01:14:46,650 --> 01:14:47,650
- Tanner!
2352
01:14:47,650 --> 01:14:48,483
- Hey.
2353
01:14:52,310 --> 01:14:54,140
- [Tyler] Turtles Reunion tour?
2354
01:14:54,140 --> 01:14:56,460
(group chatter)
2355
01:14:56,460 --> 01:14:59,361
- [Uber Jew] you got to sit in the back.
2356
01:14:59,361 --> 01:15:00,742
- [Matt] You got to sit bitch.
2357
01:15:00,742 --> 01:15:02,390
- [Tanner] Okay.
2358
01:15:02,390 --> 01:15:03,542
- Oh my god.
2359
01:15:03,542 --> 01:15:05,622
There hasn't been
2360
01:15:05,622 --> 01:15:06,520
anyone
2361
01:15:07,588 --> 01:15:09,360
as happy to see a Jew
2362
01:15:09,360 --> 01:15:10,193
since I don't know,
2363
01:15:10,193 --> 01:15:12,428
the disciples on first Easter.
2364
01:15:12,428 --> 01:15:15,046
- Starting with that right away, huh.
2365
01:15:15,046 --> 01:15:18,405
- Wait, so why are you back here again?
2366
01:15:18,405 --> 01:15:20,565
- Well, I moved back.
2367
01:15:20,565 --> 01:15:22,404
The cost of living in
2368
01:15:22,404 --> 01:15:24,030
Chicago was a little too high for me.
2369
01:15:24,030 --> 01:15:25,967
- Were you really in Chicago though?
2370
01:15:25,967 --> 01:15:27,486
Were you in Logan Square?
2371
01:15:27,486 --> 01:15:29,649
- I don't believe we've met.
- Or more like Evanston?
2372
01:15:29,649 --> 01:15:31,948
- Well Schaumburg actually.
2373
01:15:31,948 --> 01:15:33,470
- I'm Harold.
2374
01:15:33,470 --> 01:15:34,760
No, we have not had the pleasure.
2375
01:15:34,760 --> 01:15:35,670
- Yeah, I was gonna say
2376
01:15:35,670 --> 01:15:37,250
I would remember that beard.
2377
01:15:37,250 --> 01:15:39,009
- Is it reminiscent of mahogany and ash?
2378
01:15:39,009 --> 01:15:41,606
- No.
2379
01:15:41,606 --> 01:15:44,220
- Dude, that fucking hat is sick.
2380
01:15:44,220 --> 01:15:45,710
I gotta get me one of those
2381
01:15:45,710 --> 01:15:47,345
with gold on it.
2382
01:15:47,345 --> 01:15:48,348
And instead of the star,
2383
01:15:48,348 --> 01:15:49,366
maybe use something like a knife
2384
01:15:49,366 --> 01:15:50,805
or like a (inaudible) or something.
2385
01:15:50,805 --> 01:15:53,148
- I think that would be a little much.
2386
01:15:53,148 --> 01:15:54,945
You know I have to say,
2387
01:15:54,945 --> 01:15:56,385
I'm a little surprised.
2388
01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:57,382
- [Matt] Oh.
2389
01:15:57,382 --> 01:15:58,422
- To see
2390
01:15:58,422 --> 01:15:59,644
a hipster,
2391
01:15:59,644 --> 01:16:00,662
a tool,
2392
01:16:00,662 --> 01:16:01,810
and bros all in the same car.
2393
01:16:01,810 --> 01:16:02,705
I'm a little proud of you guys.
2394
01:16:02,705 --> 01:16:03,702
I am.
2395
01:16:03,702 --> 01:16:04,535
- Tyler] Is it breaking your heart
2396
01:16:04,535 --> 01:16:05,702
that we're ride sharing right now?
2397
01:16:05,702 --> 01:16:07,302
(laughter)
2398
01:16:07,302 --> 01:16:08,330
- Kind of makes you wonder why
2399
01:16:08,330 --> 01:16:09,940
Israel and Palestine can't get along.
2400
01:16:09,940 --> 01:16:11,450
- You know, there's actually more to that.
2401
01:16:11,450 --> 01:16:12,897
- I know.
2402
01:16:12,897 --> 01:16:14,120
- [Tyler] And just like that crystal
2403
01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:16,390
knocked the whole coverup bullshit
2404
01:16:16,390 --> 01:16:17,520
you guys came up with.
2405
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:18,900
I know a fucking scam
2406
01:16:18,900 --> 01:16:20,170
when you're trying to get that
2407
01:16:20,170 --> 01:16:21,700
window pane insurance money.
2408
01:16:21,700 --> 01:16:22,540
My dad sold them.
2409
01:16:22,540 --> 01:16:23,880
I know that he--
2410
01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:25,040
- Hey Tyler,
2411
01:16:25,040 --> 01:16:26,410
Crystal knock knock.
2412
01:16:26,410 --> 01:16:27,243
- Who's there?
2413
01:16:27,243 --> 01:16:28,481
- An inside job.
2414
01:16:28,481 --> 01:16:29,590
(laughter)
2415
01:16:29,590 --> 01:16:31,985
- And six million less Jews.
2416
01:16:31,985 --> 01:16:35,560
- You guys have not changed one bit.
2417
01:16:35,560 --> 01:16:36,490
- Why did you come back.
2418
01:16:36,490 --> 01:16:37,970
You were with your bubby you said.
2419
01:16:37,970 --> 01:16:39,650
And you were gonna work for your uncle.
2420
01:16:39,650 --> 01:16:40,760
- Well,
2421
01:16:40,760 --> 01:16:42,081
it ended up not working out.
2422
01:16:42,081 --> 01:16:43,900
- Is it bubby or booby?
2423
01:16:43,900 --> 01:16:44,900
- I'm not as good with the money
2424
01:16:44,900 --> 01:16:46,582
as I thought I was.
2425
01:16:46,582 --> 01:16:47,585
(laughter)
2426
01:16:47,585 --> 01:16:48,582
- That's the first you
2427
01:16:48,582 --> 01:16:49,585
I will ever admit that joke.
2428
01:16:49,585 --> 01:16:50,582
- So you weren't quite making six figures?
2429
01:16:50,582 --> 01:16:52,730
- We won't talk about it.
2430
01:16:52,730 --> 01:16:54,342
- They can't even make six inches.
2431
01:16:54,342 --> 01:16:55,622
(laughter)
2432
01:16:55,622 --> 01:16:56,870
- [Tyler] What are you doing?
2433
01:16:56,870 --> 01:16:58,070
Just rubbing nickles together
2434
01:16:58,070 --> 01:16:59,665
to making our money or what?
2435
01:16:59,665 --> 01:17:02,210
- Oh, I've missed you guys.
2436
01:17:02,210 --> 01:17:03,250
I really have.
2437
01:17:03,250 --> 01:17:04,830
- I just can't believe
we found you on the app.
2438
01:17:04,830 --> 01:17:06,260
It was a Christmas miracle.
2439
01:17:06,260 --> 01:17:07,790
Oh sorry, a Hanukkah miracle.
2440
01:17:07,790 --> 01:17:09,265
- Yes.
2441
01:17:09,265 --> 01:17:10,098
- Does Hanukkah have miracles?
2442
01:17:10,098 --> 01:17:10,940
- You can say Christmas.
2443
01:17:10,940 --> 01:17:11,820
I'm not offended.
2444
01:17:11,820 --> 01:17:13,404
- I don't want to offend.
2445
01:17:13,404 --> 01:17:15,010
I just want to be historically accurate.
2446
01:17:15,010 --> 01:17:16,550
- We're not offended
that you killed Christ.
2447
01:17:16,550 --> 01:17:19,404
- You know I really love riding with you.
2448
01:17:19,404 --> 01:17:22,053
You give us road scotch.
2449
01:17:22,053 --> 01:17:22,970
- [Tyler] Road scotch.
2450
01:17:22,970 --> 01:17:24,070
- Jesus Christ,
2451
01:17:24,070 --> 01:17:25,120
Glen Levit.
2452
01:17:25,120 --> 01:17:26,620
- At least it's single malt.
2453
01:17:26,620 --> 01:17:27,453
- Yeah.
2454
01:17:27,453 --> 01:17:28,480
- [Tyler] What, were they
out of Cutty Sark or what?
2455
01:17:28,480 --> 01:17:29,313
- Hey, you never know when someone's
2456
01:17:29,313 --> 01:17:30,760
gonna stiff you.
2457
01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:32,187
I can't reach for the top shelf.
2458
01:17:32,187 --> 01:17:33,760
- You're like fucking Pauly
2459
01:17:33,760 --> 01:17:35,159
drinking.
2460
01:17:35,159 --> 01:17:35,992
- [Tyler] Even the middle shelf.
2461
01:17:35,992 --> 01:17:37,574
- Like that time Piccolo's had Doers.
2462
01:17:37,574 --> 01:17:39,070
(laughter)
2463
01:17:39,070 --> 01:17:40,280
Jesus.
2464
01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:41,113
- I thought they didn't have Doers.
2465
01:17:41,113 --> 01:17:42,610
I thought they had
2466
01:17:42,610 --> 01:17:43,470
like Lauders.
2467
01:17:43,470 --> 01:17:44,890
- Harold had water that evening.
2468
01:17:44,890 --> 01:17:45,723
- Yeah.
2469
01:17:45,723 --> 01:17:48,032
(rock music)
2470
01:17:56,298 --> 01:17:57,295
- What's your middle name?
2471
01:17:57,295 --> 01:17:58,458
- What's your date of birth?
2472
01:17:58,458 --> 01:17:59,340
- Oh my goodness,
2473
01:17:59,340 --> 01:18:00,959
I do not have time for this, okay.
2474
01:18:00,959 --> 01:18:02,610
I work two jobs,
2475
01:18:02,610 --> 01:18:03,490
got a kid.
2476
01:18:03,490 --> 01:18:04,480
I'm getting crow's feet.
2477
01:18:04,480 --> 01:18:05,898
Okay, I just want to go to the concert.
2478
01:18:05,898 --> 01:18:09,055
- Hmm, well head on in.
2479
01:18:09,055 --> 01:18:10,639
- Sounds good to me.
2480
01:18:10,639 --> 01:18:12,415
- She looks pretty good for 46.
2481
01:18:12,415 --> 01:18:14,216
- 105.7 KOKZ,
2482
01:18:14,216 --> 01:18:15,200
Iowa's classic hits.
2483
01:18:15,200 --> 01:18:16,917
My name is Craig Lowey.
2484
01:18:16,917 --> 01:18:17,750
You know where you need to be tonight.
2485
01:18:17,750 --> 01:18:19,280
You need to be at Spicoli's in Waterloo
2486
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:21,490
because a fantastic
band is coming to town.
2487
01:18:21,490 --> 01:18:23,610
Jimmy Newquist and Caroline's Spine
2488
01:18:23,610 --> 01:18:25,168
are gonna be in town.
2489
01:18:25,168 --> 01:18:26,001
I know these guys for a long time.
2490
01:18:26,001 --> 01:18:27,130
They have the hit song,
2491
01:18:27,130 --> 01:18:28,420
Sullivan, among others.
2492
01:18:28,420 --> 01:18:29,590
We definitely want you to get out
2493
01:18:29,590 --> 01:18:30,440
and support
2494
01:18:30,440 --> 01:18:31,450
not only Spicoli's,
2495
01:18:31,450 --> 01:18:32,827
but Jimmy Newquist and Caroline's Spine.
2496
01:18:32,827 --> 01:18:34,590
If you've never seen them live,
2497
01:18:34,590 --> 01:18:36,170
you are certainly missing out.
2498
01:18:36,170 --> 01:18:37,173
And we want you to experience
2499
01:18:37,173 --> 01:18:39,020
Caroline's Spine tonight,
2500
01:18:39,020 --> 01:18:39,853
Spicoli's in Waterloo.
2501
01:18:39,853 --> 01:18:40,890
Check it out.
2502
01:18:40,890 --> 01:18:42,473
- Erin McCool.
2503
01:18:42,473 --> 01:18:44,400
My life changed.
2504
01:18:44,400 --> 01:18:45,855
How are you?
2505
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:47,311
- Cool dude.
2506
01:18:47,311 --> 01:18:50,397
- I prefer a handshake.
2507
01:18:54,840 --> 01:18:56,440
- Hey guys, this is James Patrick
2508
01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:57,370
at Rock 108.
2509
01:18:57,370 --> 01:18:59,960
Make sure you get to Spicoli's tonight
2510
01:18:59,960 --> 01:19:01,540
cause for one night only,
2511
01:19:01,540 --> 01:19:02,660
Jimmy Newquist,
2512
01:19:02,660 --> 01:19:03,730
Caroline's Spine
2513
01:19:03,730 --> 01:19:05,290
rocking the hell out of Spicoli's.
2514
01:19:05,290 --> 01:19:07,400
So make sure you're there tonight.
2515
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:08,233
- [Man] Harry, how's it going?
2516
01:19:08,233 --> 01:19:10,350
- It's be better if you'd call me Harold.
2517
01:19:10,350 --> 01:19:11,183
- I keep forgetting.
2518
01:19:11,183 --> 01:19:12,874
- [Harold] I prefer it.
2519
01:19:12,874 --> 01:19:14,186
- Well Harold, I got
something special for you.
2520
01:19:14,186 --> 01:19:15,150
Here's something that
you'll actually prefer
2521
01:19:15,150 --> 01:19:16,450
more than our water selection.
2522
01:19:16,450 --> 01:19:17,283
- Or your Doers?
2523
01:19:17,283 --> 01:19:18,217
- Or our Doers.
2524
01:19:19,330 --> 01:19:21,690
Alright, would Harold approve of this?
2525
01:19:21,690 --> 01:19:24,890
- Harold would approve.
2526
01:19:24,890 --> 01:19:25,843
- [Bartender] I'll pour you one up.
2527
01:19:26,751 --> 01:19:28,010
- It's better than Doers.
2528
01:19:28,010 --> 01:19:29,653
- [Bartender] There you are, Harold.
2529
01:19:29,653 --> 01:19:30,693
- You could have done
without the ice, but.
2530
01:19:30,693 --> 01:19:32,600
- Hey, welcome back to the show
2531
01:19:32,600 --> 01:19:34,210
on press roll with the sports guy.
2532
01:19:34,210 --> 01:19:35,043
I'm Gary Rime
2533
01:19:35,043 --> 01:19:36,863
along with my in studio producer
2534
01:19:36,863 --> 01:19:38,910
and cohost to the program,
2535
01:19:38,910 --> 01:19:39,930
Chris Gobinacker.
2536
01:19:39,930 --> 01:19:41,960
We affectionately call him
2537
01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:43,730
the sports stud.
2538
01:19:43,730 --> 01:19:44,890
Hey sports stud,
2539
01:19:44,890 --> 01:19:46,420
I got a memo here.
2540
01:19:46,420 --> 01:19:47,530
Caroline's Spine
2541
01:19:47,530 --> 01:19:49,550
is playing in Waterloo at Spicoli's
2542
01:19:49,550 --> 01:19:51,990
on University Avenue tonight.
2543
01:19:51,990 --> 01:19:53,980
Hey wasn't there a Caroline Spine
2544
01:19:53,980 --> 01:19:56,426
that was a great American figure skater?
2545
01:19:56,426 --> 01:19:58,080
- You're close, Sports Guy.
2546
01:19:58,080 --> 01:19:58,953
Caroline Zont,
2547
01:20:00,543 --> 01:20:02,085
and she is a great American figure skater
2548
01:20:02,085 --> 01:20:04,340
that is a three time
champion figure skater.
2549
01:20:04,340 --> 01:20:05,320
- Awesome.
2550
01:20:05,320 --> 01:20:06,350
Hey Sports Stud,
2551
01:20:06,350 --> 01:20:07,530
you know there's a
2552
01:20:07,530 --> 01:20:10,122
two time champion right
here from Waterloo,
2553
01:20:10,122 --> 01:20:12,670
the Cedar Valley court kings,
2554
01:20:12,670 --> 01:20:14,420
our minor league basketball team.
2555
01:20:14,420 --> 01:20:15,380
- You're right Sports Guy,
2556
01:20:15,380 --> 01:20:18,303
back to back Midwest league
basketball champions.
2557
01:20:18,303 --> 01:20:20,620
- Not to mention out own champions
2558
01:20:20,620 --> 01:20:21,550
on the ice,
2559
01:20:21,550 --> 01:20:22,750
on their skates,
2560
01:20:22,750 --> 01:20:25,160
the Waterloo Blackhawks Hockey Team
2561
01:20:25,160 --> 01:20:26,906
Anderson Cup Champions.
2562
01:20:26,906 --> 01:20:29,000
- It's impressive stuff.
2563
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:30,340
- Oh, baby.
2564
01:20:30,340 --> 01:20:32,506
I love these teams.
2565
01:20:32,506 --> 01:20:34,543
- What's going on boys?
2566
01:20:34,543 --> 01:20:35,543
- What's up?
2567
01:20:42,350 --> 01:20:44,490
- Drink it you pig.
2568
01:20:44,490 --> 01:20:45,663
- Yeah.
2569
01:20:47,722 --> 01:20:49,359
- It's a good night.
2570
01:20:49,359 --> 01:20:50,703
Wow man, nice penises boys.
2571
01:20:50,703 --> 01:20:52,320
You especially.
2572
01:20:52,320 --> 01:20:53,459
Shit man.
2573
01:20:53,459 --> 01:20:55,210
- Dude,
2574
01:20:55,210 --> 01:20:56,410
no homo man.
2575
01:20:56,410 --> 01:20:57,243
- What do you mean?
2576
01:20:57,243 --> 01:20:59,242
No, there's nothing gay about that.
2577
01:20:59,242 --> 01:21:01,080
It's just me applauding
another man's gift.
2578
01:21:01,080 --> 01:21:03,833
God clearly has blessed this young man.
2579
01:21:08,490 --> 01:21:10,059
- You're buying drinks, right?
2580
01:21:10,059 --> 01:21:12,506
(laughter)
2581
01:21:12,506 --> 01:21:13,453
- I'll put them on your tab.
2582
01:21:14,367 --> 01:21:15,365
Easy boys.
2583
01:21:15,365 --> 01:21:16,580
- See you.
2584
01:21:16,580 --> 01:21:18,961
- This is a song that
introduced me to you guys.
2585
01:21:18,961 --> 01:21:21,378
(rock music)
2586
01:21:47,685 --> 01:21:50,309
♪ It's not hard to reach back into a day ♪
2587
01:21:50,309 --> 01:21:52,965
♪ Underneath that Iowa sun ♪
2588
01:21:52,965 --> 01:21:55,706
♪ Running to the tower of Waterloo ♪
2589
01:21:55,706 --> 01:21:58,924
♪ Looking for the
Sullivan's train to come ♪
2590
01:21:58,924 --> 01:22:01,365
♪ And his five boys would run to the top ♪
2591
01:22:01,365 --> 01:22:03,829
♪ And salute him as he went by ♪
2592
01:22:03,829 --> 01:22:06,207
♪ First we'd wave hello ♪
2593
01:22:06,207 --> 01:22:09,567
♪ Then we'd wave goodbye ♪
2594
01:22:09,567 --> 01:22:11,466
♪ Goodbye ♪
2595
01:22:11,466 --> 01:22:13,883
(rock music)
2596
01:22:20,885 --> 01:22:23,349
♪ It's not hard to
reach back to the days ♪
2597
01:22:23,349 --> 01:22:26,367
♪ After the attack on Pearl ♪
2598
01:22:26,367 --> 01:22:28,767
♪ Overnight my buddies turned into men ♪
2599
01:22:28,767 --> 01:22:31,543
♪ Running out of time
for games and girls ♪
2600
01:22:31,543 --> 01:22:33,807
♪ And the Sullivan boys
were not overlooked ♪
2601
01:22:33,807 --> 01:22:37,509
♪ Uncle Sam calling each by name ♪
2602
01:22:37,509 --> 01:22:42,509
♪ The very next day they
left on a mystery train ♪
2603
01:22:42,805 --> 01:22:47,805
♪ Say goodbye, bye, bye, Mrs. Sullivan ♪
2604
01:22:47,984 --> 01:22:52,984
♪ And don't you cry, cry, cry, cry, cry ♪
2605
01:22:54,245 --> 01:22:56,186
♪ We regret to inform you ♪
2606
01:22:56,186 --> 01:22:58,965
♪ The Navy has taking your sons away ♪
2607
01:22:58,965 --> 01:23:03,965
♪ All five, five, five, five ♪
2608
01:23:03,967 --> 01:23:08,965
♪ So put your blue stars in the window ♪
2609
01:23:08,965 --> 01:23:11,065
♪ Your window ♪
2610
01:23:11,065 --> 01:23:13,482
(rock music)
2611
01:23:16,405 --> 01:23:19,066
♪ It's not hard to reach
back to her smile ♪
2612
01:23:19,066 --> 01:23:21,765
♪ When she'd receive a letter ♪
2613
01:23:21,765 --> 01:23:24,629
♪ And the letters they
sounded generally the same ♪
2614
01:23:24,629 --> 01:23:26,127
♪ Said if they couldn't be home ♪
2615
01:23:26,127 --> 01:23:27,668
♪ At least they were together ♪
2616
01:23:27,668 --> 01:23:30,085
♪ On a mighty fighting battleship ♪
2617
01:23:30,085 --> 01:23:32,906
♪ Somewhere in the South Pacific ♪
2618
01:23:32,906 --> 01:23:37,906
♪ The letters never got
much more specific ♪
2619
01:23:38,367 --> 01:23:43,367
♪ Say goodbye, bye, bye, Mrs. Sullivan ♪
2620
01:23:43,567 --> 01:23:48,567
♪ And don't you cry, cry, cry, cry, cry ♪
2621
01:23:49,464 --> 01:23:51,925
♪ We regret to inform you ♪
2622
01:23:51,925 --> 01:23:54,826
♪ The Navy is keeping your sons away ♪
2623
01:23:54,826 --> 01:23:59,525
♪ All five, five, five, five ♪
2624
01:23:59,525 --> 01:24:04,192
♪ So keep your blue stars in the window ♪
2625
01:24:13,386 --> 01:24:14,219
John, can you bring the
lights down a little bit?
2626
01:24:14,219 --> 01:24:16,200
Jut bring them on down a bit?
2627
01:24:59,103 --> 01:25:01,722
♪ It's not hard to reach back to the day ♪
2628
01:25:01,722 --> 01:25:04,885
♪ When the war finally came home ♪
2629
01:25:04,885 --> 01:25:07,466
♪ Uncle Sam, he'll send you a telegram ♪
2630
01:25:07,466 --> 01:25:11,855
♪ So he doesn't have to
tell you over the phone ♪
2631
01:25:11,855 --> 01:25:13,663
♪ I heard she cracked up ♪
2632
01:25:13,663 --> 01:25:16,805
♪ When they found out
what the war could cost ♪
2633
01:25:16,805 --> 01:25:19,525
♪ When all five of her boys ♪
2634
01:25:19,525 --> 01:25:22,346
♪ Were lost ♪
2635
01:25:22,346 --> 01:25:25,082
♪ They were ♪
2636
01:25:25,082 --> 01:25:27,602
♪ They were ♪
2637
01:25:27,602 --> 01:25:30,383
♪ They were ♪
2638
01:25:30,383 --> 01:25:35,383
♪ Say goodbye, bye, bye, Mrs. Sullivan ♪
2639
01:25:36,106 --> 01:25:38,042
♪ Go ahead and cry ♪
2640
01:25:38,042 --> 01:25:42,746
♪ Go ahead and cry ♪
2641
01:25:42,746 --> 01:25:44,502
♪ We regret to inform you ♪
2642
01:25:44,502 --> 01:25:47,420
♪ That all your sons have passed away ♪
2643
01:25:47,420 --> 01:25:51,866
♪ All five, five, five, five ♪
2644
01:25:51,866 --> 01:25:55,478
♪ So change your blue star to gold ♪
2645
01:25:55,478 --> 01:25:58,383
♪ Blue star to gold ♪
2646
01:25:58,383 --> 01:26:02,643
♪ Blue star to gold ♪
2647
01:26:02,643 --> 01:26:03,642
♪ Come on mommy ♪
2648
01:26:03,642 --> 01:26:05,343
♪ Change them to gold ♪
2649
01:26:05,343 --> 01:26:07,760
(rock music)
2650
01:26:18,842 --> 01:26:22,009
(cheers and applause)
2651
01:26:23,194 --> 01:26:25,611
(rock music)
2652
01:26:48,890 --> 01:26:52,057
(cheers and applause)
2653
01:26:57,653 --> 01:26:58,860
- [Matt] This is how it usually goes
2654
01:26:58,860 --> 01:27:00,430
in about every town.
2655
01:27:00,430 --> 01:27:01,620
People grow up.
2656
01:27:01,620 --> 01:27:02,920
They get married.
2657
01:27:02,920 --> 01:27:03,753
They have kids.
2658
01:27:03,753 --> 01:27:05,280
They move on.
2659
01:27:05,280 --> 01:27:07,510
The good times are
cherished and remembered.
2660
01:27:07,510 --> 01:27:10,133
When you see the wold guy
at the bar by himself,
2661
01:27:10,133 --> 01:27:11,434
drinking,
2662
01:27:11,434 --> 01:27:14,133
he was a bro one day too.
2663
01:27:14,133 --> 01:27:17,300
There are five Sullivan Bros
2664
01:27:17,300 --> 01:27:18,560
from this town
2665
01:27:18,560 --> 01:27:20,740
that would have loved
to have been back here.
2666
01:27:20,740 --> 01:27:23,513
I try to remind myself of
that as much as possible.
2667
01:27:25,480 --> 01:27:27,232
- [Corey Ford] Hey, it's
Corey Ford with KFUK radio.
2668
01:27:27,232 --> 01:27:29,320
Okay, fuck Cedar Falls.
2669
01:27:29,320 --> 01:27:31,010
It's gonna be a great day in Iowa.
2670
01:27:31,010 --> 01:27:33,000
It's gonna be a great
day in the Cedar Valley.
2671
01:27:33,000 --> 01:27:33,910
Our future
2672
01:27:33,910 --> 01:27:35,060
is bright.
2673
01:27:35,060 --> 01:27:37,050
And for the very last time,
2674
01:27:37,050 --> 01:27:40,923
this one goes out to the bros.
2675
01:27:43,493 --> 01:27:45,910
(rock music)
2676
01:27:54,032 --> 01:27:55,850
♪ They hate you for the reason ♪
2677
01:27:55,850 --> 01:27:58,330
♪ Found out all your faults ♪
2678
01:27:58,330 --> 01:27:59,849
♪ They hid behind ♪
2679
01:27:59,849 --> 01:28:04,032
♪ Picture perfect lies ♪
2680
01:28:04,032 --> 01:28:06,271
♪ They found you in the corner ♪
2681
01:28:06,271 --> 01:28:08,890
♪ Dusting for fingerprints ♪
2682
01:28:08,890 --> 01:28:10,314
♪ From pages painted pretty ♪
2683
01:28:10,314 --> 01:28:14,632
♪ Pictures of your sins ♪
2684
01:28:14,632 --> 01:28:17,210
♪ Give me ig-ig-ignorance ♪
2685
01:28:17,210 --> 01:28:19,973
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2686
01:28:19,973 --> 01:28:21,210
♪ Ig-Ig-Ignorance ♪
2687
01:28:21,210 --> 01:28:23,674
♪ Hit them with ♪
2688
01:28:23,674 --> 01:28:24,832
♪ What they give ♪
2689
01:28:24,832 --> 01:28:27,994
♪ Alright now ♪
2690
01:28:27,994 --> 01:28:30,411
(rock music)
2691
01:28:46,170 --> 01:28:48,272
♪ Put it on-on-on the table ♪
2692
01:28:48,272 --> 01:28:50,874
♪ Watch for shifting eyes ♪
2693
01:28:50,874 --> 01:28:52,233
♪ Serving cold revenge ♪
2694
01:28:52,233 --> 01:28:56,290
♪ With a side of spite ♪
2695
01:28:56,290 --> 01:28:58,872
♪ But satisfaction don't come easy ♪
2696
01:28:58,872 --> 01:29:01,472
♪ But to take it all with ease ♪
2697
01:29:01,472 --> 01:29:03,009
♪ Well I guess them guests ♪
2698
01:29:03,009 --> 01:29:06,853
♪ All just better leave ♪
2699
01:29:06,853 --> 01:29:09,365
♪ Give me ig-ig-ignorance ♪
2700
01:29:09,365 --> 01:29:12,213
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2701
01:29:12,213 --> 01:29:14,472
♪ Ig-Ig-Ignorance ♪
2702
01:29:14,472 --> 01:29:16,032
♪ Hit them with ♪
2703
01:29:16,032 --> 01:29:17,228
♪ What they give ♪
2704
01:29:17,228 --> 01:29:19,872
♪ Alright now ♪
2705
01:29:19,872 --> 01:29:22,289
(rock music)
2706
01:29:39,013 --> 01:29:40,890
♪ Ignorance ♪
2707
01:29:40,890 --> 01:29:43,632
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2708
01:29:43,632 --> 01:29:45,834
♪ Ignorance ♪
2709
01:29:45,834 --> 01:29:47,593
♪ Hit them with ♪
2710
01:29:47,593 --> 01:29:48,693
♪ What they give ♪
2711
01:29:48,693 --> 01:29:51,034
♪ Ignorance ♪
2712
01:29:51,034 --> 01:29:53,890
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2713
01:29:53,890 --> 01:29:56,232
♪ Ignorance ♪
2714
01:29:56,232 --> 01:29:57,813
♪ Hit them with ♪
2715
01:29:57,813 --> 01:29:59,072
♪ What they give ♪
2716
01:29:59,072 --> 01:30:01,770
♪ Give them ignorance ♪
2717
01:30:01,770 --> 01:30:03,434
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2718
01:30:03,434 --> 01:30:07,114
♪ Ignorance ♪
2719
01:30:07,114 --> 01:30:08,290
♪ Hit them with ♪
2720
01:30:08,290 --> 01:30:09,526
♪ What they give ♪
2721
01:30:09,526 --> 01:30:12,634
♪ Give them ignorance ♪
2722
01:30:12,634 --> 01:30:14,874
♪ Give what you can give ♪
2723
01:30:14,874 --> 01:30:17,573
♪ Ignorance ♪
2724
01:30:17,573 --> 01:30:21,573
♪ Hit them with ♪
2725
01:30:21,573 --> 01:30:24,323
♪ What they give ♪
2726
01:30:26,474 --> 01:30:28,891
(rock music)
176965
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