Original subtitles

♪ Ooh Ooh 15 ♪

♪ Ooh Ooh 15 ♪

♪ Ooh Ooh 15 ♪

♪ Ooh Ooh 15 ♪

Boys, Nat.

Did you know that they have straight ones and bent ones?

And if you look at their hands, you can tell how big it is.

I mean, can you imagine owning this thing with a will of its own?

Don't you think about it all the time?

Actually, Polly, no.

They do weird things.

You have a thought, it stands right up.

Isn't it amazing?

I mean, I can't imagine what it would be like to have one, can you?

Polly, can you keep your voice down?

Oh, honey, uh, don't forget to mail the check to Ohio Bell on the 15th.

- Dad? - Yeah.

It might get cold, so...

which of these sweaters do you like best?

Oh, I don't know.

Can you choose one for me, please?

- Okay? - Okay.

Hello!

What's wrong? Am I embarrassing you?

Hey, Mr. Becker.

I like you to meet my new friend, Mr. Pecker!

Oh, stop it. Give it to me.

Here, I'll be good.

Tangent. It's tangent.

Tangent's over next to it.

We know what A is, we know what X is.

Maybe, you know what X is.

If I know what A is, I know what A is.

Look, Jeff.

If A is 37, and all of this is a circle,

then what's X?

X is the way I sign my name.

Dumb, dumb.

Gerry, honey. It's almost time for dinner.

This kid is not leaving the table until he gives an X.

What's X?

Ultraviolet rays.

Keep it, fella.

You just lost dinner.

What's X?

A dirty movie?

Okay, smart guy.

No Learner's Permit.

How do you like them apples?

360 minus 37.

Too late.

You can forget about driving as far as I'm concerned.

That's not fair.

Life's tough, buddy.

Mom!

Can't you get him off my case?

I mean, now, Gerry says I can't get my Learner's Permit.

He can't stop me, can he?

Um...

Jeffrey.

We're family. You're part of the family.

As long as you live here, you have to respect both Gerry and me.

Oh, Ma.

This boy is not eating with us tonight.

I don't even want to see his face.

Oh, don't worry. You're not gonna see my face.

Ever again!

[BABY CRIES]

That was smart.

Hey, what's up?

Not much.

Have you seen Polly?

No.

Oh, cheer up.

- You're lucky. - Yeah.

Now, don't forget to keep the doors locked.

Thanks, Polly.

You don't have to be alone, Natalie. You know that.

Your aunt Gail has a room already for you.

She gave such hard time about letting you stay alone again.

And Polly's parents.

Oh, Polly, I forgot to tell you. Your mother called.

Watch your hand.

- Dad. - Hm.

I wish you didn't have to go.

Oh, Natalie.

Why are you being so stubborn?

Why won't you stay with your aunt Gail?

Because I live here.

And besides...

Polly's father was a sales rep until he asked for a new position.

Polly's father is in an entirely different line of work.

Well, if I want to win that Future Leaders contest,

I have to really concentrate on my essay.

- And I just can't do it at Aunt Gail's. - Mmm.

(Great car.)

(Big hands.)

Ridiculous.

Need new points and plugs.

I love you.

The United States government has told South Africa,

it is deeply disturbed and concerned over recent violence,

which has taken at least 26 lives.

In addition, 300 people have been injured.

Violence--

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[RING]

[RING]

[RING]

Hmm.

What happened?

Did you and your mom get in the fight?

Well...

parents and kids always fight.

It's the way of the world.

He's not my parent.

Adults and kids often fight.

He's not adult, either.

He threatens, tries to bully me.

He insists that I have to be exactly like him.

I'm not living there anymore.

Don't get too comfortable.

You're really being great, Nat. I can cook, you know?

I'm sorry, you won't get the chance. But, you're leaving.

Tomorrow, at 7 A.M. But, promptly.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Hi, Daddy.

No, you didn't wake me.

- MTV. - It's only me.

- Music Television. - Nothing's wrong.

I'm just tired. I need to sleep, that's all.

- All day, all night... - No, don't worry about me, Dad.

- I like being alone. - it never stops.

- You're my favorite, Daddy. - MTV.

Good night.

So every month,

the menstruating women go to these huts,

while the men remain in the houses?

So it is believed

that contact with the women will make the men impotent.

Senator Natalie Becker,

isn't it true that the moment your father left home,

you had a boy spent the night with you?

Well, um, I was very young then.

And...

well...

we must consider the climate of the time.

I see.

I'll be up soon, dear.

Ha ha.

Aah! Oh, my God.

Jeff.

♪ Little boy sweet ♪ ♪ Little boy sweet ♪

♪ - Sweet little boy of mine ♪ ♪ - Boy of mine ♪

♪ I want to know you ♪

♪ - I want to show you ♪ ♪ - Ooh ♪

♪ What's on my mind ♪

♪ Here in the night ♪ ♪ Here in the night ♪

♪ Here in the night ♪

♪ So tight, so tender ♪

♪ Holding you ♪

♪ - In my arms ♪ - Hi, Casey.

- Oh, hi, Lisa. - Hi.

Hey, Moran. Nice shirt.

Is that the one you wore yesterday?

Uh, back of the line, moron.

Oh, God, my heart.

I may die on this spot.

How can he see anything in that albino?

Hey, Nat, um, I want to--

Also have what is bliss.

Have you seen him without his clothes on?

(Have you seen him without his clothes on?)

(Have you seen him without his clothes on?)

You still have not told me what living together is like?

We're not living together.

Could you please keep your voice down? I don't want anyone to know.

So, Nat, I'm sorry about telling Casey.

I didn't mean to spread it around.

♪ I know, we could be for keeps ♪

- Nat. ♪ - 'Cause your love runs so deep ♪

♪ I've known since you met me ♪

♪ I'll be yours if you let me ♪

♪ Little boy sweet ♪ ♪ Little boy sweet ♪

♪ - Sweet little boy of mine ♪ ♪ - Boy of mine ♪

♪ I want to know you ♪

♪ I want to show you ♪

- Oh, my God! ♪ - What's on my mind ♪

I'd like to speak to Dr. Rodney about my son, Jeffrey Moran.

Uh-Uh. No, absolutely not. It's out of the question.

Wait.

I have something to show you.

Open it.

♪ Two friends are we? ♪

Where did you get this?

My God! Look at me.

All that hair.

And you.

God, we were so ugly.

I mean, we've known each other all our lives.

You were Dr. Jeff's first patient.

Oh, my God.

Don't you remember the examination? I'm better now.

And I'm a gourmet cook.

I'm famous for my hug-cooked-pork.

I'm an excellent brother. I mean...

I take care of my sister all the time.

Look, Jeff. I need my privacy.

I need quiet to get my work done.

I mean, especially now.

The anti-nuke rally is coming up. And...

the Planning Committee is coming over today.

And I have to study. I have lots of tests.

I just can't do it.

I'm sorry.

[DOOR OPENS]

So, Nat, please. You won't regret this.

I promise.

Mm, only for one more night. You get it?

After you.

But, you're still not moving in.

[DOG BARKS]

Mmm, pardon.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, is Jeff home?

Yeah. He hasn't quite opened his eyes yet.

Oh.

Well, uh...

are you ready?

- Me? - Yeah.

Yeah.

- Just a sec, okay? - All right.

I guess it's kind of hard, you know, living with a guy.

Under the circumstances.

Look, I'm not living with him.

I just feel sorry for him, so I'm letting him stay for a few nights.

Oh, yeah.

It's a bad scene at his house.

Well, you know...

his stepfather and all.

Are your parents divorced?

No, my mom is dead.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

What did she die of? Do you mind me asking?

No.

I hardly ever get to talk about her.

Everyone is just afraid to ask, I guess.

She had leukemia.

Oh, I collected for leukemia once.

Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Nat.

I'll see you.

Oh, hey, um...

are you coming to the football game this afternoon?

I mean, well, it's only a JV, you know, but...

Jeff is great to watch.

We call him "Mighty Mouse".

Do you want to go out with me Friday night?

Me?

Yeah, you.

Heather?

Well...

what about Lisa?

What about Lisa?

Uh, look, I'll, I'll call you later,

I mean, later about the time and stuff, okay?

Okay.

Polly?

Polly.

♪ Ooh Ooh 15 ♪

- What? - Since no-one--

Okay, I'll see you guys later.

♪ Ooh ♪ - You knew I loved him.

You had to know.

Polly, I didn't.

He's going to love you. I know it.

I'm so sorry. Believe me.

So, how come no boy ever likes me?

I swear, I'm the only sophomore who never had a boyfriend.

Polly, lots of guys like you.

Yeah, retards and toads.

Jeff likes you.

Jeff.

Jeff's not a boy.

He's my friend.

Look.

Leave me alone, okay?

I got to go.

(So, Jimmy Akers asks me out.)

(And he's a senior.)

(He takes me to this concert...)

(and we have front-row seats.)

(Casey's there, too.)

(He sees me with Jimmy...)

(and he looks crushed.)

(The music is great.)

(And the lead singer is so gorgeous.)

(At first, I think, maybe, it's my imagination, but...)

(then there's no mistaking it.)

(The lead singer keeps looking at me the whole time.)

- We'll have some pizza. - Come here, little guy.

I know we had it last night,

- but I like pizza. - You can replace my dog, Willy.

- Look! There's Zoo Knudsen. - Who?

Don't you know anything about baseball?

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

He got a sister lives on our grove.

Boy, I wish I could take you with me.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disappoint you.

- Daddy, look. - My coach won't allow it.

Nor all those fancy hotels.

Oh, here you go, Miss.

I know, I know him.

Who is he?

You don't follow baseball, do you?

I mean, that's Zoo Knudsen.

He does the underwear commercials.

See you.

Hi.

Wow, cotton candy!

Where did you get that?

In there.

Can I have some?

Sure.

Mmm.

Looks good.

Can I have some?

Mmm. You're delicious.

What's your name?

(This is unbelievable.)

Polly Franklin.

- Zoo Knudsen. - I know.

- Yoo-Hoo, Zoo. - Oh, man.

Come on, this way.

- Quick, in here. - Where.

- Where? - Piece of me.

- Follow me. - Okay.

Inside.

I can't seem to get away from that lady.

I thought she lived in Pittsburgh.

Can I help you?

Uh...

Well...

my wife and I, we were looking for, uh...

A negligee.

Weren't we, sweetheart?

Well, uh, what sorts of things does your...

wife like?

What king of stuff do you like?

Hmm.

Oh, I don't mean you personally.

I, I mean, you know, guys.

Uh-huh, guys. Well, let's see.

Guys like...

This one, don't you think?

Guys would really like this one.

- Really? - Yeah.

But, do guys like bras?

Nah, guys don't like bras.

I mean, I could find a bra, to all here, that a guy might like.

But, for the most part--

Hey, that's kind of nice, actually.

It's not bad.

(If I only had something to fill it.)

So, what's it gonna be, dear?

For our wedding night.

Oh, I guess, this one.

If you really like it.

This is nice.

I think this will be all.

90, 90.

31, 31.

Hut 1.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

It's getting ridiculous.

Leaving home, he's going to live with a friend.

Uh, today, I went to a guidance.

And I feel like, the fastest possible way

to get him back home is to, to take him off the team.

I really do. I know, the first team all that,

and I know that he's important.

Yes, he is.

Jeff?

My mom got me kicked off the team.

Well, um...

I was thinking of getting steak tonight.

Is that okay with you?

Yeah, steak.

Great. Fine.

- Nat. - Yeah?

Steak.

Thanks a lot. I mean it.

I can kiss you.

Yuck.

How old are you? Could I get arrested?

Fif--, uh, I mean 18.

All right, honey.

Everything all right in there?

Yeah.

I haven't made out like that since I was a sophomore at Fayette senior high.

So...

When will I see you again?

Let's see, next in our schedule, we've got Pittsburgh,

St. Louis,

and then we're back home in New York.

New York.

- Can I come? - Sure.

Oh, how will I get in?

Uh, when you get to the stadium, you tell them you're a friend of mine.

(Now...)

(his arms were like rocks,)

(and the door handle was killing me, but...)

(it was...)

(a wonderful pain.)

(Dear Zoo,)

(it's been seven minutes since I've been in heaven with you.)

(And only the certain knowledge of our future together)

(helps me through this lonely vigil.)

♪ Dear, you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

And so, I've decided that you can have Casey.

Zoo is much more mature, and---

Look, what do you think?

Oh-oh.

This is going to look great on you.

He's gonna love you.

Oh, I can't believe I mailed that letter.

It's corny.

I mean, it's ridiculously corny, isn't it?

Isn't what?

Oh, saying that I love you, and I'm counting the minutes.

Not if you mean it, really.

Oh, you're such a good friend.

Oh, I have something for you.

Chocolate.

It takes the place of love.

Really. I read it.

It affects your brain cells the same way love does.

I guess, people think it's strange the two of you living together.

I don't know, I guess--

Look, there's plenty of room in this house.

People can think what they want to think.

My mom was the one who taught me that.

Ahem.

Oh, I never really saw it that way.

Ahem.

Um...

You know, you, you're really different from other girls.

I mean, you take things much more seriously for you.

You know, at first, it kind of turned me off.

You know, I thought you were uptight or something.

No, no, I mean, I like you.

I mean, you haven't heard the good part yet.

What's the good part?

One day, I saw you smile.

And it really knocked me out.

Your smile...

it's like...

the sun breaking over a gray day.

My face is like a gray day?

Oh, no, no, no.

Your face is, is beautiful.

Your eyes are beautiful, but it...

it was always...

overcast.

Look, Natalie...

I go out with a lot of girls.

I mean, I'm not a monogamous...

type guy on the hall, but...

well, you're different.

You're something else.

What am I?

Well, I just told you.

Um...

I have, I have to go to the bathroom upstairs.

I'll be right back, okay?

- I can't watch this. - I can.

Oh, disgusting!

[BEEP BEEP]

- Hello. - Help me.

I'm failing.

I'm doing a terrible job.

Okay. Now, don't panic. Just let go.

Okay, we were sitting and talking.

And he was telling me everything that he liked about me.

And then all of the suddenly, it got, it got really weird.

And how do you mean "weird"? Like, kinky?

No.

Awkward, uncomfortable.

I said I was coming up to go to the bathroom, then.

- Okay. - I called you.

Okay, he talked and talked.

He told her that she was beautiful, and

said she was something else, and then she said "what am I?",

and then it got awkward. What should she do?

Now, she told him she was going to the bathroom.

So, she'll have to flush the toilet. Soon, she has to go down.

- I'm serious. That's too bad. - Shut up!

Okay, okay, listen.

Jeff and I, both strongly feel that there should be no more talking.

The time has come for action.

Polly, for the last time,

your mother and I don't want you to look in our tapes.

Now, I want you to go down there

- and fix as I told you. - Bye, Jeff.

I got to go. Bye.

Ah.

[CHEERING]

I didn't go to the bathroom.

Look...

I'm, I'm sorry I've made a mess of things.

It's just that--

I don't know. I've never really...

been out with you before.

And...

I just don't know what to say.

I mean, if, if you want to talk about

government or...

genetically produced fuel or something...

that's fine. Or...

we don't have to talk at all.

That's all.

You can go if you want to.

Tell me about genetically produced fuel.

You really want to know about genetically produced fuel?

Uh-huh.

That's exactly what I want to talk about.

Hm, can you believe it? Casey's still here.

Shall we?

Of course.

Hey, did I tell you?

Casey's taking me for my driver's permit.

- Really? - Uh-huh.

♪ I'm ready for you, baby ♪

Come on over here, baby!

♪ Ready or not for love ♪

Wanna go for a romantic drive?

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready or not for love ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, I'm ready ♪

Jeff, you play baseball, right?

Yeah.

How would you feel if I said this you...

"Before I met you...

"there were only base hits at best.

"But you really are a grand-slam home run." Okay?

How would you feel if I said that to you?

No one really ever said anything like that to me before.

Did you really mean all that stuff?

What stuff?

You know, base hits,

grand-slam home runs?

Jeff, what are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

Zoo Knudsen.

New York eagles.

Zoo Knudsen?

He's a friend of mine.

Everyone knows he can't hit the slider.

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready for you, baby ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready or not for love ♪

♪ Ready for you, baby ♪

♪ I'm ready or not for love ♪

♪ I'm ready or not for love ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready, ready, ready, ready ♪

Hi.

You must have very strong feelings, Natalie.

Your mother dead, your father so, so absent.

What do you see in this picture?

Well...

- You see, there's this girl. - Mm-hm.

And...

- occasionally, she does some modeling. - Mmm.

So one day, she got a job posing next to a piano...

- holding this doll baby. - Mmm.

So she did it, and got paid for it.

And she went home.

That's a very interesting story, Natalie.

These are zinnias.

Is anything that you can tell me about the zinnias?

I can't tell you their color they are because it's black and white.

Uh-huh.

Uh, hurrying home, Natalie? Hmm?

Isn't it true that the...

reason you are hurrying home

is because of a certain...

young man named...

Jeffrey Moran?

Actually, no, Dr. Rodney.

I have a lot of homework to do.

Your mother seemed very concerned, Jeff.

Can you tell me anything about that picture?

Well, you see, there's this boy...

and he did modeling.

And one day, he had a job posing next to a piano...

holding a doll baby.

- Mmm. - And he did it.

And he went home.

And later, he got a check in the mail.

That's a very interesting story, Jeff.

Who told you to say that, hm?

Did Natalie Becker tell you to say that?

Doesn't, in fact...

Natalie Becker tell you a lot of things to say?

How to act, how to talk?

Isn't that, in fact, why you're here?

Because not your parents,

but Natalie Becker has decided to take over and...

guide your life?

[BELL RINGS]

Look, Dr. Rodney, I gotta go have a test.

Oh, I'm very pleased

that you're so concerned with your schoolwork.

I want you to...

study hard for that test, huh?

Will you promise me that?

Oh, Jeff, there's one more thing, uh, I wanted to ask you.

why was that the boy model got a check in the mail...

and the girl model was paid right there and then?

(Okay.)

(I could really do it.)

(I could say I was sleeping at Natalie's,)

(take the bus to the airport, and fly to New York.)

(I'm gonna do it.)

(After the game,)

(Zoo takes me to his hotel.)

(Everybody knows Zoo.)

("Yes, sir, Mr. Knudsen.)

(I'll make sure that you and your delicious wife are not disturbed.")

So, Lisa, hey. Are we going out Saturday?

I got the tickets to that concert.

Yeah, yeah.

I can fit you in, I guess.

Okay. See you, Jeff.

I don't think he heard you.

Bye, Lisa.

What's wrong with him?

I don't know. He's having a rough time at home, I guess.

At home?

I thought he lived with Natalie Becker.

Yeah, she's letting him stay there.

Ooh, my parents are going away this weekend.

They're going to visit my sister at the State Penn.

- Uh-huh. - I mean, Penn State.

Well, he can't drive.

Come here, you.

Mmm...

Lisa, yeah, I have to go before he wrecks my--

- Hm. - Mmm.

Car.

♪ Hmm mm mm ♪

♪ Hmm mm mm ♪

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

♪ Hmm mm mm ♪

Hello?

Hello?

Aunt Gail?

This is strange. I thought I called home.

Who's this?

It's Natalie.

Natalie, I, I didn't recognize you.

I thought it was a boy.

Wait a minute. I, I'm confused.

Why were you calling home?

Uh, oh, I, I wasn't. I was calling you.

Oh!

Now, wait a second. I--

Well, well, thanks, aunt Gail. Bye. [CLICK]

Just don't answer the phone, okay?

Just don't.

Well, don't take candy from strangers.

Just don't.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

I don't know any Greeks.

Isn't Casey Greek?

James Casey? Try Irish.

Irish.

Are those the guys who keep, like, hundreds of wives?

With a heritage like that,

you're playing with fire.

Those are the Muslims.

Muslims, Irish...

I'm just telling you, look out for yourself.

[BANG]

There are about six of us going.

I figure if we leave by 9:00, we...

should be there in plenty of time to get in a snage.

Should I bring a blanket?

Uh, sure. Why not?

- I'll talk to you later, okay? - Okay.

- Hi. - Hi.

So, where have you been?

I've been around.

I still have government next to your French.

Oh, I didn't know you had government when I had French.

Mm-hm.

I always see you coming down the hall from gym.

You're so sweet.

Why, why didn't you ever say hello?

What are you doing tonight?

Ah, you sure kiss nice for someone...

with as little experience as you have.

You know, almost everybody kisses.

It's weird.

All over the world, people kiss.

Um, the Saudis kiss.

The Mongolians kiss.

And the French kiss.

Definitely, the French kiss.

Hi, honey, I'm home!

Oops!

Boy, today has really been a bust. I mean crummy.

Uh, I, I better get going.

Oh, hey.

No, don't leave on account of me.

I mean, I just live here.

Actually, I just came to get my raincoat.

Natalie, can I borrow your bathrobe.

I mean, your raincoat.

Mmm.

[THUNDER]

[FOOTSTEPS]

I found it.

[THUNDER]

It was in your bedroom, of all places.

[THUNDER]

[THUNDER]

Hi.

Hmm, I, I...

I don't really know what to say.

Oh, I got a letter from your dad last Friday.

Now, he doesn't know whether he wants to be a filmmaker or a musician.

Maybe, I'll write him.

He's staying with friends in California.

He doesn't really have an address.

Why did he write you?

Oh, he wanted me to wire him something.

I really wish that you would come home, Jeffie.

I really do.

Natalie's dad isn't gonna let you live there forever, you know?

Then where will you be?

All you ever think about is yourself.

Ever since I first met Gerry,

if I didn't pay attention to you every single second,

you would sulk or wouldn't eat...

- or-- - Or what, mother?

Ah, excuse me for wanting to spend time with you.

I can't image how insulting that must have been.

God!

[THUNDER]

[THUNDER]

Sit down.

[THUNDER]

- Come here, sit down. - No.

Why not?

Um, I'm uncomfortable.

Being up here, I can't help it.

It's just the way I feel.

Wow, you're so old-fashioned.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Oh, come on. Just leave it.

Please?

Hello?

Hi, Mrs. Franklin.

- Polly's not here. - I'm here.

I really have no idea where she is.

Honest to God.

Jeff? Oh, he's fine.

He's, um, studying.

Yep, Dad's still away.

Dinner? I'd love to come.

Okay. Bye, Mrs. Franklin.

[THUNDER]

[THUNDER]

(Casey's car.)

Why are you sleeping outside?

I felt like camping out.

In the rain?

That's Casey's car, isn't it?

I know why you're here.

It's because they're in your bed.

Disgusting!

(My best friend, and she didn't even tell me.)

[THUNDER]

♪ One and one are two ♪

♪ That's what's meant to be ♪

♪ Two lives intersecting ♪

♪ Like geometry ♪

♪ I know in this whole world ♪

♪ Only you and me ♪

Uh.

[THUNDER]

Are you sure?

Uh-huh.

Is that your mom?

Yeah.

She's pretty.

You look just like her.

- Hi. - Hi.

(God, she looks so mature.)

(The way she stands.)

(That womanly smile.)

How are you?

Fine.

(The last time I hugged her...)

(she was a virgin.)

So what's new?

- Hm? - Um...

I'm finding out about Washington tomorrow.

Mm-hm. Is that all?

Mm-hm.

Nothing else is new?

Hm?

Not really.

(I'm going to kill her.)

(We have absolutely nothing in common.)

(Nothing.)

(But when I get to New York...)

(Zoo will show me everything.)

(Oh, Zoo, I knew you'd remember me.)

COMPUTER VOICE: "Dear Polly,

"thanks for your letter.

"It's always nice to hear from my fans.

Love from Zoo."

Well, bye.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Polly?

Hello!

Ah.

Oh.

Guess what?

I made it. I'm going to meet the president.

I'm so excited.

This is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life.

Mr. Stanley said my essay's the best they've seen from a sophomore.

We'll stay at this Phoenix Park Hotel.

And they even give us spending money.

Stop.

Want to see a little play I just made up?

Once, there was a girl named Petunia...

who had a friend named Nathan.

I'm supposed to be Nathan?

Nathan is a very experienced boy.

He's gone all the way.

And Petunia is less experienced.

She's been to second base.

Maybe, third... once.

But, she's really hot to trot.

Tragedy strikes.

Nathan doesn't like virgins.

Polly, I like you.

Thus...

Petunia decides,

she'll just teach herself.

Did something happen between you and Zoo?

Polly.

Plenty of guys like you.

You know, I think it's just that...

you decide to get yourself all involved

with some impossibility like Zoo Knudsen.

Would you just leave Zoo out of this?

There's nothing the matter between me and Zoo.

Everything's fine.

What is it, then?

What did I do wrong?

Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong.

You're just perfect.

You've got your perfect little career and your perfect little boyfriend.

Tell me miss future leader.

How does it feel to be breaking up a happy couple, hm?

How will your constituents feel when they hear about that?

I did not break up Casey and Lisa, Polly.

They weren't even going together.

Well, that's not what the rest of the school thinks.

Who? You tell me one person.

See?

Zoo gave me this.

He sent you that?

Jeez Polly, that's really gross.

If you think he likes you, you're kidding yourself.

He does too. And anyway...

I picked it out.

It's my taste.

And if that's what you think about my taste,

then you can just get out!

I mean it, get out!

Miss do-not-litter-the-sidewalk.

Miss do-not-pollute-the-air.

Little miss pure, but you're not and I know it.

What? You think you're so hot

just because you slept with James Casey III?

Let me tell you something.

If you think that he is your boyfriend, just think again, sweetheart.

I did not sleep with Casey!

I didn't.

Get out of here, you swine.

Hi, Jeff?

It's me, Polly. I'm glad you answered.

Hang up, mother.

Thank you.

So, where's your roommate?

They did? They left you all alone?

Aw.

Well, how about a little company?

Okay, great. I'll see you in five.

Bye.

(Zoo will love that I'm so experienced.)

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You were delirious, you know.

Two days and two nights.

Jeff?

- Do you like me? - Well, maybe that's why I'm so hungry.

Me?

Like you?

Nah, um, not really.

Mother?

Have you ever wanted to kiss me?

Thanks for sewing the shirt.

But, I can't find my pants.

Get back in bed.

That's the only thing that's kept me there this long.

Polly?

I think, I think you're really pretty.

No, I'm not.

Uh, yeah. You are to me.

I thought I saw something.

Yes.

I need to know,

you might say something that would be enable us to help you.

Like, notifying your wife, for instance.

What did I say?

If you had a wife.

What did I talk about?

You talked of Margo.

She uh...

pulled out a red dress.

What else?

Oh, you mentioned someone named...

Is that all?

If you have a wife, we could notify her.

No wife.

Polly?

Yeah.

I have something.

From my brother's wallet.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

You know...

Zoo has a belt like that.

At first I thought, maybe, he got it at Morgan's.

But then, he said "No".

A friend from Fayette made it for him.

Jeff?

[ZIPS PANTS]

[BELL RINGS]

All right, all right, line up, now.

Come on, watch it, now.

- Alright people, I don't want to be--. - So...

do you think that I'll have time to really ask the president questions?

I don't see why not.

They allow time for him as scheduled.

What do you want to ask him?

I don't know exactly,

but, it's about the equal rights amendment.

I had a stinking suspicion you were gonna say that.

Listen, don't be disappointed if you get one of his back-ups.

I mean, the president does pretend to be pretty busy man.

Pretend?

Is your father still away?

- Does he know yet? - I told him when he called last night.

He must very proud of you?

- Hey, Jeff! - Shh.

Isn't that Casey with Lisa out on the field?

Okay. Kick it there.

- I'm sorry. - I can't believe it.

Let's go back in as fast as possible.

Come on. Club boy, girl-boy, let's go.

Keep these two lines separate there.

Come on, I want to see sixty five--

Come on, try to keep it quiet.

Hey, wait up.

What's wrong?

I saw you and Lisa during the fire drill.

So?

I'm here with you.

I mean, I, I was waiting for you.

Look...

Lisa's Lisa, and you're you.

What's that supposed to mean?

That my relationship with you is totally different from my relationship with her.

Do you sleep with her?

Look, I never tried to put anything over on you.

I told you from the beginning I'm...

I'm not a monogamous type guy.

Come on, Natalie.

I really like you. I told you.

I know.

And I know you told me that you see a lot of girls.

But, you weren't seeing her when we first started.

Yes, I was.

The whole time?

Look, Natalie, it's not like anything has changed.

Look.

I don't care what you do, just leave me alone, all right?

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

The clothes I made from only the finest cemetery.

♪ Dear you ♪

And he has his own special walk.

♪ - Want me ♪ - The walk. Hey, hey, I'm different.

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

That's right. He walks--

♪ Love, me ♪

He has a little exchange--

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

- ♪ Ooh ooh ♪ - Go away, Jeff.

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

You knew everything, didn't you?

I mean, you knew it all along.

He likes you a lot.

I happen to know that as a fact.

Come, my little cabbage.

Let me make you a nice meal.

How about mustard milk with...

- tomato garnish? - ♪ Love me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Love me ♪

- I have a friend that plays third base. - Mm.

- You might know him. - Oh.

His mane is Zoo Knudsen.

- Oh, yeah? - Yes.

Have you ever seen those underwear ads that he's done?

- Not really. - You haven't?

- No. - I don't believe it.

- They're really good. - Mm.

Sport-shorts.

- Oh, yeah. - It's not a good name.

- It's okay. - Natalie.

Look, I'm...

I'm really sorry if I hurt you.

But, uh...

I mean, can't we just try to work things out?

Look, Natalie.

How, how about if I just call you later?

No.

I don't think so.

Why?

Uh-huh. No.

Coca-Cola never work.

That's what my mom means. That's why I'm here.

Yo, Natalie.

Go away.

I was wondering. You're smart.

What kind of birth control do you use?

I don't use birth control.

You mean, wait, you mean you just chance it?

I don't use birth control because I don't--

Because I, I would never---

Because, I don't do anything that would result in pregnancy.

That's why?

Oral sex! That's what I told him.

Thank you so much.

Come here.

[HONKS HORN]

Hey, Jeff.

Get in the car. I'll drive you.

So, how are you doing? Are you passing everything?

Yeah, I'm passing everything.

Hey, that's great.

That's really terrific.

Keep up the good work and you stand the damn good chance

to get into a decent school.

Can't you get it through your thick skull?

I don't want to go to college.

And even if I got all As, I still wouldn't want to go to college.

Well, what are you gonna do with your life?

Maybe, I'll go to umpire school.

Umpire school.

You know how much those guys make?

Who cares? I mean...

You always say it's important to get a job that makes you happy.

That's what makes me happy.

Maybe, you can get off my case about it.

Hey, you got to grow up.

No, you got to grow up.

You know, I mean, you got to understand

that just because I'm not gonna be just like you...

doesn't mean I'm not gonna be a decent and happy person.

Jeff, while I'm away, the house is yours.

To Washington.

Wait one minute.

Just a small token of my esteem.

Jeff, you shouldn't have.

Doris?

Of course.

Ah, allow me.

That's so sweet, Jeff, really.

Thank you.

Well, say hi to the Pres for me.

And hurry home, honey.

[DOOR OPENS]

- Mmm. - Mmm.

Aunt Gail!

Aunt Gail.

Hi, I had no idea you, uh, had company.

I brought you some food.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm Jeff Moran, a friend of Natalie's.

I was just here raking leaves.

Um, we've already eaten.

Who's Doris?

Doris. Oh, that was a sample. You see...

it takes two weeks to get the monogram to write.

And I figured, she needed it quickly...

in case they stick her with a guy-roommate in D.C., you know?

Oh, you've gotten it? That's fantastic!

You don't seem very happy about it.

Oh, she's extremely excited about it.

That's all she talks about.

Well, when is your plane leaving? I can take you there.

You ought to ask me to do these things.

It's tomorrow morning, at 9 o'clock.

9 o'clock!

- You'd better get busy. - She's right.

Uh, come on, Jeff. I'll take you home.

So, Jeff, uh, Natalie made dinner for you tonight?

Uh-huh. This is it, right up here.

Oh, this one? Oh, okay.

- Okay, thank you. - Uh-huh.

- Have a nice evening. - You, too.

Okay.

Listen up, gang.

I've got some disappointing news for you.

The president has been called away unexpectedly this morning.

- Oh. - Oh.

However, the president is extremely interested

in future leaders of our country,

and has requested that the vice president lunch with you in his place.

Well, not at the vice president's place, you understand, but in his stead.

Why don't we move into the next room for dessert and more formal conversations?

- No, thank you. - I read the president and first lady

had quite a free hand with it.

Of course, there have been extensive renovations on the White House.

There was a fire caused in, uh, the 19th century.

- Oh, really? - Most recent extensive renovations--

Would you like to meet the vice president?

I'd love to.

As you can tell, they'd done a magnificent job

in restoring this beautiful old building.

Thanks so much for coming.

- Thank you. - See you again, soon.

- Uh, Mr. Vice President? - Yes.

I'd like you to meet Natalie Becker from...

- Ohio. - Yeah.

Ohio. Mm-mm.

Wonderful state.

Oh, uh, you know that one of your senators is here today.

Henry!

Yes, yes, I remember, uh,

Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati.

Oh.

Henry, I've just been talking with one of your constituents here.

Senator Peterson, Natalie Becker.

Oh, glad to know you, Natalie.

I know of you, senator Peterson.

In fact, I wrote you a letter...

about the allocation of funds for route 202

after you campaigned on the platform for improved mass transit.

Excuse me, I'll leave this matter with you, Henry.

- Uh, nice to have met you, Miss Becker. - You too.

You know, if I hadn't voted for that bill,

we would have settled with the conversion of all low state lands for freeways.

But isn't it your job to see to it that

bills get formulated without those kind of riders attached?

Young lady, it seems to me that you and I are about to come to loggerheads here.

Loggerheads? (Loggerheads, loggerheads, loggerheads)

What the hell kind of word is "loggerheads", huh?

Uh, perhaps, you'd like to visit my offices while you're here.

My research staff have just collated the study on cloud seeding

which might interest you.

Given the water shortage.

I'm not sure about our schedule. Excuse me, please.

- Mr. Williams? - Yes.

Is there a time for me to visit the senator's offices this afternoon?

Well, not, unless you want to skip the sightseeing.

- Sightseeing? - Yes.

Oh, Mr. Williams...

uh, why don't you take her sightseeing later this afternoon?

If you think it's that important.

If you'd like me to.

Thank you very much.

This one you owe me, Williams.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Just a sec.

Okay.

- Hi, Mom. - Bye-bye.

- Bye. - Honey, I'll be back later--

[BAT HITS BALL]

Zoo, I'm here!

Strrrrike!

Whoa!

Hey, beer!

Can I have a hot dog?

Batting in the clean-up position, playing third base,

number 39, Zoo Knudsen.

Hey, Zoo!

Hey, Zoo!

- Zoo! - Come on, Zoo.

Hi!

All right, Zoo. Go get them.

Do it, Zoo.

Yay!

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Woo!

I don't think senator Peterson likes me very much.

His staff did this whole research project...

recommending cloud seeding,

so, I asked him about the cloud seeding in Iowa.

And...

didn't their farmland get completely flooded last spring?

Look, I wouldn't worry about it. The guy's a yo-yo.

You know?

You should see this place in the springtime.

The magnolias.

The cherry blossoms.

I'm a real romantic.

What the--?

Do you think...

it would be better to me to clerk with the supreme court when I get out?

Or just practice public interest law for a few years?

Listen.

If you want to be president...

you're gonna have to learn how to make deals.

Now...

The problem with making deals is

that you won't be you when you start making deals.

And you're what's so special.

I won't lose that.

How can you be so sure?

I have a little voice inside.

It's me, Zoo!

Zoo!

Zoo!

Zoo!

Zoo!

Zoo.

Zoo, it's me. It's Polly.

Zoo, Zoo.

- Come on, come on, come on. - Let me go.

- Come on. - Let me go.

Come on!

Get off of me!

- Come on. - Zoo.

- Put me down/ - Hey!

Zoo, it's Polly. Zoo!

- They're yelling for your blood today, buddy. - Tell them to let me back.

Tell them to let me back, Zoo.

- Zoo! - Yeah, buddy.

- Zoo! - Move, move!

Tell them to let me back!

- Let me go. - Come on.

Look, but if you can't produce a ticket, I think I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Oh, yeah. Listen, if you did something,

you'd find my ID, you big baboon.

- Come on, settle down. - Let go of me!

- Settle down. - Let go!

Officer.

What's wrong? Is this one in trouble again?

You know her?

Yeah, she's, uh, she's a friend of my sisters.

Press?

It's Bill.

You think you can behave if I take you out on the field?

(Ooh, cute.)

I can't have you screaming and yelling when I work.

Okay, officer.

(Ha ha.)

Yeah, okay, sure.

Come on, you. I'm missing my shots.

- That was a man in New York. - What?

He says he has Polly's purse.

Mm.

So, what's Polly's purse doing in New York?

That's what I don't understand.

She's seeing Jeff today.

What's Natalie's number?

[RING]

- Hello. - Jeff, Stu Franklin.

Oh, Stu. Uh, it's Bob, Bob Becker.

Oh, Bob. Hi.

Do you know where Polly is?

Uh, well, Natalie's in Washington, so I don't know.

I just got in a little while ago.

Well, Bob, put Jeff on the phone, then, okay?

- Who? - Jeff.

Jeff Moran.

Jeff Moran?

Hey, Polly. It's me, Jeff, remember?

Hey, Polly. How's it going?

Yeah.

Hey, just thought I'd pop over unannounced.

Is Polly home?

Come on in, Jeff.

Polly's purse in New York?

Well, she was in love with this one baseball player

who played for New York.

I'm gonna call the stadium.

No, I'm gonna call the police.

No.

We're gonna go down to the police and have them call the stadium.

How does she know Zoo Newton?

Knudsen. It's Zoo Knudsen.

What are you putting your girdle on for? We're not going out to a nightclub.

Well, I don't want to look like an animal.

I guess you got a boyfriend back home, huh?

Yeah.

Well, no.

Not anymore.

Mm-mm.

Um, would you like to come back to my place tonight?

I don't think so.

Come on.

Let's go see the Washington monument.

Oh, that's great.

I love the Washington monument.

This is it.

You'll sleep here.

I'll drive you to the airport in the morning.

[WHISTLES]

The bathroom's through there.

You have parents?

Mm-hmm.

Don't you think you should let them know where you are?

Not particularly.

Not particularly?

Won't they be worried?

Probably.

So, Bill.

What's it like...

an orgasm?

Well, you're too much, you know that?

With a girl, I mean.

Is it different, you know, from...

when you do it to yourself?

Look.

There's a bed...

bathroom...

here's water, bread,

and I'll make you an egg tomorrow, but let's, let's leave it at that.

Okay?

But, what's it like when you're with someone else?

Okay.

If I tell you, will you call your parents, telling them where you are?

- Okay. - What's the number?

Tell me first.

Okay.

Here it is.

Exquisite relief from torture.

Torture?

Thank god she's safe.

Zoo Knudsen?

Big time.

Call off the police.

I'm gonna kill that girl.

Torture?

Why torture?

Well...

because it's real torture not to have the orgasm.

So why do you torture yourself?

Why don't you just have it?

Because it feels so good to just almost have it.

Better than to have it?

In a way, yeah.

Really?

In a way, no.

Well...

would you show me?

Oh, cut it out, Polly.

You wanna see me when I was 15?

Look at that boy.

Is that the kind of guy you'd like to have an orgasm with?

No, right?

You know, you all go for that stuff.

You ought to have some jazz...

looks, fame, age.

You know...

there was this guy at school...

shot his mother.

Every girl in 11th grade was after that guy.

Now, there's a face only a mother could love.

Other people could love your face.

Yeah, well, it's just so happened I don't want them to love my face.

I want them to love me.

I could. I could love you.

Do you want me to?

Oh.

Look what I've got here.

Chicken.

Bill?

Would you give me a kiss good night, anyway?

Please?

Good night.

Thank you for a wonderful evening.

Ah.

Mm.

Ah.

- Who are you? - I'm Jeffrey Moran, sir.

Um, a friend of Natalie, your daughter, sir.

She's been helping me out in my time of need, and...

well, she really has a very big heart.

Those are my pajamas.

Uh, look...

Sir, I want to make a clean breast of things. I mean...

well, your daughter, she's really something.

Well, she's not that much. I'm just saying that...

I live here.

You live here?

Temporarily, of course.

(It's my 21st birthday.)

(And I go to this huge party in New York.)

(As soon as I walk in,)

(who should I see but Bill, the photographer.)

(At first, I'm really worried that he'll teasing me)

(about that scene at the stadium.)

(But, he just tells me that I turn)

- (into a beautiful woman.) - Polly.

Nat!

Oh, my God! What are you doing here?

Oh, oh, you're not gonna believe what happened to me.

I went to New York, after all, right?

And I didn't see Zoo.

But, I stayed with the nicest guy.

Do, do your parents know?

He's a photographer.

And, and he had all these pictures.

You stayed at his house?

- ... connecting to Pan Am, flight 16. - Well, yes.

- Oh. - But...

he made me sleep on the couch and call my parents.

Oh, did you meet the president?

No.

Oh, how about...

I don't know, the first lady, the vice president, the senator?

You look so pretty.

- Really? - Yes.

- I met the vice president, - Mm-mm.

and senator Peterson who is a real yo-yo.

and this aide who was a nice guy.

Sort of, and he showed me, he showed me around and everything.

And I learned so much from him

- more than any of the big-name people. - I know, this guy I met

was a nobody, too, but--

What's wrong?

I just remembered something.

I'm mad at you.

- Polly. - But, let me just show you

this one picture. Okay.

Oh, I'm off Zoo.

You know, it was fun, but...

I, I don't think I'm into that anymore.

Okay, now, Bill does not seem like the kind of guy I would usually go for.

But, I haven't, I haven't had so much fun with a guy since...

I hung around with Jeff.

- Jeff, huh? - Oh.

Hi, mom.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

She's here.

- Hello. - Come in.

Ah, I've been trying to reach you, at least, a dozen time.

- I tried to reach you back. - Well...

I'm always home.

Nevertheless, I tried to reach you.

I'm home all the time.

All right.

This time, you have to come.

I don't have to do anything, you know.

Why don't you just leave me alone?

Jeffie...

I'm your mother.

Some mother...

abandoned her kid for her husband.

Oh, you little brat,

I did not abandon you.

You left.

And don't forget that.

Oh, and you, young lady.

You were so busy playing house,

you didn't realize how many people you were hurting, did you?

I'm sorry.

Listen, mother.

Natalie likes me.

She's happy to see me when I get home from school.

In fact, who invited you here, mother?

You made Jeffrey here upset.

Oh, excuse me for wanting to be with you. I didn't mean to insult you, son.

I have no idea what's going on here. I would say, you got some explaining to do.

Oh, don't yell at her.

- I made her do it. - Really?

No, you didn't. It was my decision.

What was going on in your head?

You tell me you're fine.

You tell me you're too old to stay with your aunt Gale.

I am too old.

Well, you're not old enough to live with a man.

We didn't do anything.

I was not living with a man.

Where are your things?

In the piano bench.

Ha ha.

Where are his things?

Natalie.

In the piano bench.

Hee hee hee!

Ah.

You're really disappointed in me, aren't you?

Yes, I am really disappointed in you, especially, since you didn't tell me.

Jeffrey.

- Next time, you're gonna have to stay - What are you doing?

with your aunt Gale.

Why don't you just stay home?

Jeffrey.

I'm not coming home.

I'll go to California to live with my father.

Natalie, I've tried to explain this to you.

They have a very good man working this territory.

I can't just walk in there and say "give me".

You could look for a new job.

Natalie, I can't.

I'm making decent money for the first time in my life.

California, huh?

Yep.

He always told me any time I wanted, I could come live with him.

Oh, Jeff, come out of the clouds.

Jeff, he doesn't have a home.

He doesn't have a job.

He hasn't spoken to you since when?

The only thing that man knows how to do is play.

What's wrong with playing?

You used to carry me around on your back like a pony.

Ha.

Oh, listen, honey.

It was you that got tired of that, not me.

It was you that realized that your friends were more fun

after school than your mother.

- Well, I grew up. - I know, and I'm glad.

But, tell me, how did I let you down?

- You married Gerry. - Aw, Jeff.

Gerry's a good man.

Why can't you give him one chance he'd never have?

I don't want to give him a chance.

He's not my father.

He's the only one you'll ever have.

Come here.

Honey, I'm sorry.

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

Stop. No.

Come on, you guys have to make up.

I'm so embarrassed.

He hates me.

Polly, Jeff couldn't hate you.

That's what you think.

You want to know how to play this game?

Concentration, that's all it takes.

Make sure you keep your eyes on the ball and don't get distracted by the other guy.

Hi, Mr. Jones.

- ♪ Ooh ooh ♪ - You got it made.

- ♪ Ooh ooh ♪ - Whoa!

Come on.

- Come on! - ♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ I want to say ♪

♪ In this letter ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Maybe, I'll include one P.S. ♪ ♪ P.S. P.S. P.S. ♪

♪ Written very clearly, my return address ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ I want to say ♪

♪ In this letter ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you, that's all ♪

♪ In my letter ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me, that's all ♪

♪ In my letter ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Dear you, love me ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you, that's all ♪

♪ In my letter ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪