Original subtitles

The year was 1982, a time when big hair, tight pants and platform

shoes ruled the airwaves.

Vowing to be bigger, higher, and tighter than anything anyone had ever seen, four

guys from Iowa took the country by storm.

Breathing fire and pumping out power ballads, they were an overnight success.

Outlandish, loud, and heavy on the eyeliner, most believed they were on the

path to superstardom.

But after only one album and a scandal-plagued national tour, the band

ceased to exist.

Which is why we have to ask... Whatever happened to Rock Toxin?

From the start, Rock Toxin was known as the most outrageous band of an

outrageous time.

In the days when Olivia Newton-John was getting physical and Joan Jett was

telling us how much she loved rock and roll, Rock Toxin was topping the charts

with Leather Girl.

But it wasn't almost paradise for this rock and roll fantasy.

So, just how did this seemingly unstoppable act go from headliner to

barely remembered footnote? Maybe Rock Toxin guitarist Izzy Kitsap can help us

find the answers.

Who knows, man.

i mean sure you could blame it on the huge quantities of booze and illegal

substances we consume but um what was your question

whatever the real cause of the breakup no band did it more publicly than rock

toxic reports of the lead singer's erratic behavior had been making

headlines for weeks but on november 21st at a sold-out concert in philadelphia

dagger officially lost

See, right there. That's why we broke up Dagger.

Well, I thought you said you didn't know why.

Know why what?

And after that fateful night in Philadelphia, Dagger was never heard

from again.

Perhaps we should be asking, whatever happened to the Dagger?

Say, would you know when I get paid for this?

Well, yeah, let's go. You should have been out the door five minutes ago.

Is that an earring?

Uh, no, uh... You got an earring? You got an earring after I specifically and

explicitly said no? It's my body. No, it's not. It's on loan.

And as long as I'm paying for it, you're not going to punch it full of holes.

Olivia's ears are pierced. Olivia is A, a girl, and B, a good student who is not

bound and determined to drive her parents to an early grave. You're

ruining my life!

Usually. We're done talking about this. But why can't I go to Florida for spring

break? Dad!

Drinking, sex, and general debauchery come to mind. I can't believe you don't

trust me. It's not that we don't trust you. I'm going. Not till you take that

thing out of your head.

I can't wait till I go to college and get out of this prison camp.

Glad you have gold, sweetheart. Makes Daddy proud.

Joanne, let's try and finish up that Hoffman loan today. I'm sure the broker

is ready to see it our way.

It's already in your inbox.

And... Look what just came in. Are those what I think they are?

Yeah. He's handing them out tomorrow.

Any chance I could just take a little peek?

Mr. Hunter. I mean, good morning, sir. Morning, Carl.

He's just came in for you.

I was on my way.

If you need me.

You ready for the Donaldson meeting? Absolutely. I've got a PowerPoint ready

to go and numbers for every possible scenario.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

I don't know what I'd do without you, Jerry.

All right.

It is showtime.

Let's do this.

Good morning, Mr. Hunter.

Put some clothes on, woman.

You look like a $10 hooker.

This is a bank, not a truck stop.

Jack! Carl.

How's it going?

Let's go right back to the lab.

Fine.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I think you look great. I can't imagine anybody offering you less than $200.

You know, even as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew.

The nice thing about numbers is they don't lie. Any way I run them, I show

that we can offer you considerably more favorable terms than you're currently

receiving. This is all very impressive, gentlemen, but I... Already have a

relationship with another bank?

I can respect that. But you need to understand that we are a small bank with

personalized service.

We're a family.

We care what happens to you and to your company.

I mean, if there is a problem or you have a question...

Jerry will be glad to give you his own phone number. You can call him whenever

you want. I'm serious. I do. Hey, am I the only one that thinks it's too bright

in here?

It's much better. So, what do you say?

Don't answer that!

I mean, what could be more important than Donaldson?

Mr. Donaldson. Jack.

I'm sorry, but there's someone here to see Jerry.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought he was in here.

Jerry? I was just tying my shoe.

I trip once, chip a tooth. Lesson learned.

There's an Izzy Kitsap here, and he's insisting. Do you know this guy? No,

absolutely not. I've never even seen, heard of him before in my life. Have him

make an appointment. Actually, just get his number. I think he's scaring the

customers.

Come on.

Call the police. No, no.

It's okay.

I'll take care of it.

God, man, how long has it been?

Wait, what?

It's me.

It's Izzy.

Boy, he's a lot tougher than he looks.

What's the matter with you? First of all, my name is not Dagger. It's Jerry.

Jerry Harden.

Yeah, I know. I sat behind you all three years of third grade. And second, this

is my place of work. You just can't walk in here after 20 years. How did you even

find me? You're in the damn phone book. Jerry. Jerry Harden. What are you doing

here? And why are you dressed like that? Me?

You're the one that looks like a total moron. Nice tie.

What do you want?

I'm thinking about getting the band back together.

What? There is no... Have you completely lost your mind? No, Iz, there's

absolutely no way. Come on, man. Can't we even talk about it? You owe me. I owe

you nothing. Don't you want to even hear what I have to say? No.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to work. Well, that's cool.

That's cool. I can wait.

Hey. That's pretty sweet, huh? It's modeled after some chick that Dagger

used to... I mean, Jared. Ten minutes. Talk fast.

So I was doing one of these Where Are They Now shows.

You know they don't pay you for that?

No, no, I didn't know that. It sucks.

I can't believe I'm sitting here talking to you.

Your point?

My what?

Oh, oh, right, right, right, right, right.

Well, after that, this producer comes up to me, and he's doing this Kings of

Metal show at the end of the month.

He wants Rock Toxin to be in the lineup.

This is a joke, right? That's what I thought. But the 80s are so hot right

now, and they want to do this reunion thing.

And, Jerry, there's real money in it. Believe me, I asked. You see, don't you

get it? I'm a loan officer at a bank, a conservative bank, and I've got a wife

and two kids who don't know I was ever even in a band.

Whoa.

They don't know that you're the dagger?

They don't know that Rolling Stone once gave you three stars.

You're a god.

In certain limited circles.

You can't tell me you don't miss it. No, no, you're right. I do. I do. I miss it.

I miss waking up in the ER or coming to in some rat-infested stairwell because I

was so out of it, I couldn't make it up to my room. That I really miss. Oh,

yeah. It's all so glamorous.

They won't take me without you. Izzy, I'm sorry. I just can't. We were going

to be superstars. The only thing that we were going to be was dead.

You should thank me for what I did. Thank you?

I live over the garage at my mom's house.

Hey, how is your mom? She's good. She's good. She says hi. Yeah, well, tell her

I said... Hello, dear.

I'm Helen Hunter, and I am... Damn it. That's my boss's wife.

And chill, man. You still live in a free-ish country, right? You can have

coffee with whoever you want.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I'm Helen Hunter. I'm running for city council.

I'm so sorry it's the hair.

I thought you were a woman.

Anyway, I'm running for city council.

I don't suppose you're registered to vote?

Oh, no, sorry.

Once you have a couple of felony convictions, they don't let you on. But

if you'd like to have a seat and tell me your favorite positions on the issues.

Hi. Helen Hunter.

I'm running for city council and you look... Oh, God.

There, that's reason enough why I shouldn't do it. Just think about it.

I'm just saying think about it. I told you I can't. Hey, Helen!

All right, I'll think about it.

You look to me.

like the kind of girl that shines like a diamond and glows like a pearl

you look to me like you got what i

Having too much fun?

Fun suckers can always sense it.

Hey, guys.

Howdy. Hey, Mr. Hardin. Pretty good, huh? Liam just read it.

Before or after he finished his homework.

I took it out, okay?

Actually, the nurse took it out. She said I was so infected.

You guys sounded pretty good.

But I hope you understand this isn't your future.

How would you know? I know a lot more than you think.

Yeah, right.

The treble was up way too high and Dub was consistently a half a beat behind.

Do your homework.

Now.

Well, he's right. You were behind.

I wasn't behind. You were too fast. How could I?

You've got to get Liam away from those guys.

They're good kids.

I don't think they're the problem.

They're a bad influence.

We really don't have any other choice. He is going to St.

Bernadette's in the fall.

We'll figure out how to pay for it later.

So private school kids don't have bands?

At 15 to 20 grand a year, they better not. If I remember correctly, nuns and

metal don't mix well. Jerry, I'm glad he's in a band. I mean, I know where he

is all the time.

He's doing something creative.

He's... He's got attitude up the wazoo. He practically lives in detention.

He's got no direction at all.

Maybe music is his traction.

I'm going out.

Wait, when will you be home?

Mom. Okay, honey, before you bite my head off, did you tell your father your

good news?

I got into Northwestern today.

What?

That's fantastic, honey. I'm so proud of you.

Thanks. Not bad, considering I had to apply for my cell.

I'll see you at 10.

10.30. 10.

Northwestern needs a check by the end of the month.

A token hold her place check or an oh my god, I spent less on my first car.

The latter.

Seems like we're damned if we do and we're damned if we don't.

One straight A student is going to cost us a fortune to ensure her bright

future. And one straight C student is going to cost us a fortune to make sure

he even has a future.

I'll work it out.

You got a couple of new listings. I had a decent year.

I'm getting my bonus tomorrow, which better be huge.

No, we'll be fine.

No.

It just seems a little daunting sometimes.

Oh.

Oh, I ran into Helen again today.

She's trying to rope me into helping her with her campaign.

What a nightmare. That is the last thing I want to have to do.

Hey, Angela.

Give me the pen.

Your dagger.

My turn.

I know exactly what part of me I want you to autograph.

Jerry? Jerry?

Hey.

You okay?

You seem a million miles away.

What?

No, no, I'm right here.

Morning, Mr. Pollack.

Just doing a little Tai Chi.

It's called Idiot Greeting the Sun.

Hey, come on, Jerry. You're going to be late.

Open up, man.

Come on. Open up.

Come on.

Jerry.

What? Garbage.

See ya.

No way.

Oh, man, don't sneak up on me like that, man. I was in my place. I thought about

it, and I'm not doing it. Dagger. Jerry, come on. It's nice to see you again, Iz,

but you and your portable love lounge are gonna have to hit the road. I've got

a life now, and I plan on keeping it.

Jerry?

Now what am I supposed to do?

I don't have to pick up Mom until after three.

Thanks, Harvey. All right.

That guy is still out there.

If he comes in here again, call the police.

Hey, Mr. Cranky Boots, maybe this will cheer you up.

What?

This is a joke, right? Oh, sorry. I meant to warn you. Tough year.

No kidding.

I worked my butt off. That's why I pay you the good salary. Maybe if we close

that Donaldson deal.

Maybe?

I was counting on this.

Life's full of disappointments, Jer.

Have you seen the new Corvettes?

How much? What? You said serious money. How much?

Like 75 grand apiece. One concert? Just the one concert? Just the one. Just one.

Standing in the rain, with his head hung low.

Couldn't get a ticket, it was a sold out show.

Heard the roar of the crowd,

he could fit just the scene.

Put his head to the wall, and like a distant dream, he heard one guitar.

strings in a second-hand store didn't know but he

knew for sure that one guitar some way down low

wasn't one way ticket only one way to go

I know he's going to be there, right? Who?

Bobby. No way. Yeah? I just found out. Okay, you still have to take me

shopping? Oh, I know. Hey, I saw these shoes that look so good. You know what

that little outfit you were wearing? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I saw the shirt at this place the other day. It's going to be so fun.

Oh, I think I like the color. It's like a green.

No, I think it'll totally work.

It's a great idea.

And if it doesn't work, I'll be dead.

Because I'm going to kill myself if I'm the only one who doesn't get to go.

No, I think this is the last one.

Oh, it's okay. My mom always keeps an extra case in the laundry room.

On the way. Here's one. It's way down here.

Oh, awesome.

But aren't you worried that your parents might find out?

Please.

My parents are so totally clueless.

There's no way they wouldn't believe me. If I told them I'm volunteering at a

camp, they're underprivileged kids on spring break.

That's not the problem.

The problem is...

How do I get to Florida?

I wonder if they'd let me take the car.

Absolutely not! You're not setting foot out of this house. You are so grounded,

young lady.

Are you wearing tights?

I, uh, joined a gym.

Sherry Hardin.

Dagger. Found a place for us to rehearse. Close to home. Just like you

wanted.

That was quick.

This hot real estate babe totally hooked me up.

Can we get started today?

One sec.

Oh, do you mind if I grab this?

No, I'm on hold.

Hey honey, what's up? I'm with a client.

Um... I've got to get into this Donaldson thing. He liked the initial

proposal.

Do you mind if I work a little late?

No, no problem. How late are you going to be?

One sec.

Iz, how late do you think we'll go?

Nine.

A little after nine?

Yeah, I'll see you then.

Joanne, I think I'm going to head out a little early today.

Still using that natural deodorant, huh?

Guess this is a place.

It's a cop!

You got nothing on me. I wasn't even there. I want to see my lawyer.

Stu! Stu!

Calm down, man. It's Dagger.

Dagger's a cop?

No, I'm a loan officer, but I guess there's no need to ask what you've been

up to.

How you doing, dirtbag?

He really is you, you worthless pile.

That's not necessary.

A stoner, a con, and a dweeb.

Oh, yeah, this is gonna be great. This is Ramone Saint something or another.

He's taking Randy's place on base.

How many times I tell Randy, never pick your own shrooms, man.

San Martin.

How you doing?

Uh, good.

No offense, but you're like 12. What could you possibly know about rock and

roll? It's okay.

I heard your album.

I don't need to know too much.

So we gonna do this or what?

We waited 20 years. I think we can wait a couple of more minutes. I just want

everyone to be very clear.

Nobody can find out about this.

Nobody.

They do, it's over.

You ever heard of a band called Rock Toxin?

You okay?

What are you doing?

She's warning you that I'm here.

Oh, don't be silly. Why would she have to warn me? I love it when you stop by.

I tried.

So, what can I do for you?

Well, as you know, I'm running for city council.

And since our husbands work together, I thought you'd be the perfect person to

run my... Oh!

Oh, rock toxin!

Early 80s glam band, distant cousins of Kiss and Def Leppard, remembered more

for their raunchy behavior and filthy lyrics than for their music.

Those are the guys.

Oh, she's kind of a musical savant.

One-hit wonders are my particular specialty.

I think I'm attracted to the tragedy of it all.

Well, I just rented those wonders the vacant house on 6th Street to rehearse

in. I guess they're planning a big comeback.

Oh, how pathetic.

See? There's the tragedy part again.

So, a notorious degenerate rock group is rehearsing and living right here in the

neighborhood? Well, if you can be middle-aged and degenerate, then yes.

Thanks for stopping by.

I knew there was a reason I wanted you to run my campaign.

You've just given me my issue.

Helen Hunter.

Keeping our city smut-free.

You know, something like that.

Jasmine.

Mom's signature scent.

Okay, we ready to do this?

Oh, yeah.

Three, four.

Saturday night,

or is it Saturday morning?

Hurricane coming without no warning.

Don't beg, sit a tight black dress.

She left my brain and my life in a mess.

Whoa, whoa.

Okay, okay, we got the first one out of the way. What do you expect after 20

years? Everybody take a deep breath.

Let's just take it from the chorus. Stu, a little help.

That was terrible. Thanks for the bulletin. Three, four.

What the hell was that? Do you even

remember how to... play this song?

Me? Me? Why are you always blaming me? Listen, I've played on some of the best

albums of all time.

It doesn't get any simpler than one, two, three, four.

Okay, maybe like one, two, one, two.

I've just got two words for you guys.

Lip sync.

Alright, alright, alright. Maybe we should try a ballad. What about, uh...

Jailbait. No, I don't know. The girl in that song is only 17 years old. You

wrote the song. Before I had a 17-year-old daughter.

Oh, you had plenty of 17-year-old daughters back then, just not your own.

I don't want to talk myself out of a job here, but there's no way the guy's going

to be ready to go on in a week.

A week? We got a month.

We can do it.

What?

I talked to that concert guy this afternoon, and they want to see us

before we go on, make sure we still got it.

They want us to do a club gig.

Metro Club. No, no way. You said one concert. Look, if we don't do this, we

don't get the concert.

No concert, no money, nothing.

I knew I shouldn't have talked to you. I just don't. I swear.

All right, Leather Girl, from the top.

Hey.

Productive?

Well, let's just say it was a start.

Cold pizza's in the fridge.

Dinner was courtesy of speed dial tonight.

Oh, guess what?

Helen finally cornered me. You are looking at her new campaign manager.

I'm so sorry.

All I've got to say is Carl better have given you one heck of a bonus.

Well, uh... Not as much as I would have liked.

But I think we'll have no problem affording the kids' school.

Oh, good. One less thing to worry about.

Hey, have you ever heard of a band called Rock Toxin?

You okay?

Jerry! Wait, wait, wait, wait. Come here.

Yeah?

You okay? Yeah, yeah, it's okay.

I'm okay, thank you.

Rock Toxin? I rented them a house today.

Helen thinks they'll make the perfect lightning rod issue. Not the kind of

people you want living and performing in your community.

She was being ridiculous as usual, but then I started doing research on these

guys. Arrests, drugs, horribly misogynistic statements.

Oh, and they have this one song, Jailbait.

I can't believe... Yeah,

you have to admit that. It has a certain lyrical quality.

Please don't tell me you're defending these guys. They are disgusting.

No, no, no, you're right. I mean, at the very least, it'll get Helen's name in

the paper. It's not the worst idea.

I'm actually surprised these guys are even still alive.

Me too.

Allison, I love you so much. I owe you everything.

Oh, sweetie, it was just a piece of pepperoni pizza.

Oh, and your daughter made a preemptive strike. She told me what happened this

afternoon. Since when is thinking out loud a crime?

We gotta do something.

Well, she said seeing you in tights is punishment enough. Hey, I didn't look

that bad. She's claiming partial blindness.

You joined a gym?

Apparently not a moment too soon.

Could have been so much worse. I still don't understand what your dad was doing

in the laundry room.

Who knows? He's a freak. But now I'm for sure, for sure not going anywhere on

spring break.

It's so unfair.

Check it out. The 80s just threw up all over the floor.

Ladies, I'm playing a gig at the Metro Club Friday night.

And if you're interested, I could get you on the list.

No, thanks.

See? It's not like I'm riding on the back of motorcycles hanging out with

metalheads.

I don't drink. I don't do drugs.

What's the point?

Don't look now, but that guy's totally checking you out.

Right. My parents don't trust me, and rock star wannabes think I'm cute.

Not that guy.

The super hot one.

What super hot one?

Okay, we have confirmation of super hotness.

Where are you going?

If I never do anything wrong, and my parents still don't trust me, it's about

time I at least had some fun. I mean... What's the worst that can happen?

Hey.

Hi, I'm Olivia.

What's up? I'm Ramon.

Your husband called.

And he's working late again.

But these came for you.

Oh.

The card says he'll make it up to you.

How am I supposed to know who it's for if I don't read the card?

Hey, you don't think he's having an... No, I do not.

So he's working late. So he joined a gym. So he's suddenly sending me flowers

for some guilty reason known only to him. No, it's nothing. He's not having

an affair.

What? Who's having an affair?

No one.

This campaign can't be associated with a philanderer. If Jerry's having an

affair, you have to resign.

The truth is in my hands.

What good is my man if I can rock tonight?

Rock you tonight.

Rock you, girl.

Better. Better. Okay, it's late.

I'm out of here. Dagger, it's not even midnight.

Today's Thursday.

Friday's like... Tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Man, that's soon.

I thought we had a whole week. We'll be fine. I swear.

don't give me that look so i'm a little late getting back from lunch i was with

a client did he notice well if bellowing where the hell is hardened every five

minutes counts as noticing then yeah he noticed hey dad how's it going

it's going okay though the word suspicious does come to mind

Duffy, just here to deposit some of that hard-earned cash I got from old lawns

and babysitting.

I figure, uh, one and a half percent is better than nothing, right?

Right.

And this is the kid you suspect is on the road to ruin.

He's allergic to grass and he hates babies.

Stand so he can't see me.

Hi, I'd like to close out my account.

All $650 of it, please? That'll be way more than enough to cut a demo with mine

and Doug's.

I still don't think your cousin's cutting us a very good deal.

You could always ask your dad for the money.

Yeah, right.

There's no way you'd ever understand.

Helen, isn't this going to be a rough sell? I mean, most of these people

already bought tickets.

Well, it's not for them. It's for the media.

Channel 3's going to be here in about 20 minutes, if you call them like you were

supposed to.

You hold up the sign, I say a few words, and we're on the 11 o'clock news.

Hello, this is my mom.

Quick, drop me off where I'm back.

Hey, hot real estate babe is here.

Oh, my wife is here. Quick, drop me off where I'm back.

Thanks for getting us in. We totally owe you. No problem. And don't worry.

I'm sure we can figure out a way to even things up.

Hey, no promises about the show.

But it should at least be good for a few laughs.

Thanks. See ya.

not be serious.

Have you guys looked at yourselves?

I don't know. I think we look pretty good.

Laugh all you want, but we only got 10 minutes to get your makeup done. I'm

sorry, man. I was down there with this girl and... Whoa!

I'm not putting on makeup.

That wasn't part of the deal.

Yeah, well, it's part of our image.

It's what makes us so cool. I can't believe there was ever a time when this

was cool. Let me put it another way. No makeup, no pay up.

Sit.

I'll draw the line of tights.

I love the tights.

He sprained it once.

Woo! Who's ready to rock and roll? I'm ready, too. Baby, look who's still got

it. Oh,

that's not good.

Kings of metal.

Dagger, this is the dude I was telling you about.

You guys look, um... I'm really looking forward to seeing what you can do.

I've heard all your albums.

Album. Sorry I never got a chance to see you live, but, I mean, hey, let's face

it. I was, like, two, I think, when you split up.

But that's not to say I'm not a huge fan.

Huge.

You decide whether or not we get in?

Yeah, pretty much. So, I mean, if you guys tank, no hard feelings.

Whitesnake? is just waiting for me to give him the word.

In the old days, I would have head-butted someone like you.

My supporters and I are out here not because we favor censorship, but because

we support safety and decency inside our city limits.

This is for the children.

Thank you.

This has been Chloe Jackson Horowitz with City Council candidate Helen

Hunter. At the Metro Club protest, back to you.

Well, that should do it. Good luck with your protest.

Call it a night?

Yeah.

Chanting, I kind of forgotten about that.

What's the first song?

What's the first line?

You'll be great, man.

Saturday I've been around the world

This is Jerry Harden. You've reached my private line.

I'm not here right now, so please leave a message at the tone.

I've existed since the dawning of time.

You made me speechless like a rock and roll mind.

You are a part of me, and I am one with you.

We play together like the picks and the drums.

Hey, you want a beer?

What? You want a beer? No, thanks.

It's so loud.

I've got some extra earplugs. Here, hold this.

Oh, they're gonna drop that one.

Watch it, Grandpa!

was I supposed to do? I'm a father. And forgetting the words to songs that you

wrote, we look like idiots.

Hey, I didn't want to do this in the first place.

Out of nowhere, I get one more shot.

One more chance to make something of myself.

You take it all away from me.

Again.

That's it.

I just made the call. You guys are in.

Are you serious?

Totally. You guys were hilarious.

And we need some comic relief, yeah? People love that whole, like, I can't

believe how fat they've gotten.

Did I used to like that song kind of a thing? Yeah.

You were brilliant.

We're Rock Toxin. We're not a joke. Yeah, well, we are now.

So see you in a few weeks, huh?

Congrats.

Truly hilarious.

I'm not doing it.

Neither am I.

I think we should.

What?

You heard him. He thinks we're a joke.

Then let's prove him wrong.

You're getting a second chance.

Give me one, too.

I'm not going to let you down, Iz.

Dude, you know you ripped your tights.

What?

I knew I felt a draft.

I think I've got my sewing kit over here.

Is Olivia home yet?

Jerry, we need to talk. I'll say we do. Olivia was at the Rock Toxin concert.

What? How do you know that?

I got a call from one of the tellers who saw her there, so I went rushing right

over. What a relief.

Not about Olivia. Look, Jerry, I called you at the bank. You weren't there, and

I thought... Well, you can imagine what I thought. I can't believe you would

even think such a thing.

Mrs. Hunter wins the election. Can you ask her to keep the libraries open

later? Come here for a second, honey.

How was the concert?

What would you like to discuss first, the drinking or the lying?

You were drinking? I wasn't drinking, I swear.

Obviously, we'll start with the lying. I saw you. You couldn't have seen me. Yes.

Okay, so I went to the concert, but this guy in the band got me in. Whoa, does

this guy in the band know that you're 17 years old? Wait a minute, you're dating

a guy in... I'm gonna kill him. Calm down. It's not like that. If he laid a

hand... Nothing happened. You still don't understand.

You have no idea how much I understand. Olivia, you say we don't trust you and

then you do something like this?

You get back down here, young lady.

Wow.

I'm always at the receiving end of those. You know, I've never actually

gotten to watch one before.

Very cool.

What do you want? Can Spider and I listen to a CD in your car?

Battery's dead.

Sure, whatever. Just go.

Dad would freak if he knew he cut a demo. Hurry up. I want it here. Put it

in.

You never get enough.

Forget yourself.

There's no way my dad was listening to this. Rock Toxin. Never heard of them,

but they sounded pretty cool. Put it back in.

Rock Toxin.

Yeah.

Rock Toxin. So you never get enough.

Rock Toxin.

You never get enough. Rock Toxin.

It's not possible.

Knock, knock. Can I come in?

Like I have any say in the matter?

Hey, you messed up. It happens.

I'd help if you admitted it.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied. But I didn't drink, I swear.

Okay, I believe you.

I'm a little bit more concerned about the boy.

Ramon.

It's no big deal.

He's cute.

He's different from the guys I usually go out with. Which is why I'm sitting

here. Mom! Look, I know all the books say that I have to let you make your own

mistakes, but... Okay, Olivia, when I was your age, I started dating, for lack

of a better term, losers.

Ramon is not a loser.

Guys that did not respect me, that didn't treat me right. They just wanted

to take advantage of me.

I mean, I don't even know why I went out with them. I guess I thought they made

me look cool, and I was mad at my parents. I wanted to prove something. It

was a mess.

What happened?

Well, I met your father.

And underneath that big and truly horrible 80s hair, I found the kindest,

sweetest guy I'd ever met.

And from the moment he met me, he treated me like I was the most important

thing in his life.

Rare and wonderful, it's what he used to call me.

Didn't he know about all that other stuff?

Not really.

I mean, this won't come as a shock to you, but your father's pretty straight

-laced. It was months before I saw him without his shirt on. Mom, what?

Too much information. Not too much information.

Hey, Dad.

How'd you get that scar?

Well, I told you a thousand times.

Yeah, you said from a sword fight. But even when I was six, I knew you were

making it up.

Did you, uh, used to have a tattoo?

Liam, you're not getting a tattoo. I don't want a tattoo.

Well, I wouldn't mind a tattoo, but... No, that body, it's not alone.

Remember? Now, go to bed.

But, Dad...

Morning. New day, new week, new policy.

No more of this insane talk about Jerry having an affair. The amount of energy

that I'm wasting on... What?

Is Helen here?

I mean, I thought we were going with the awkward smile thing. Jerry called.

Meeting with a client this afternoon. Won't be reachable.

Might work late.

Might? Honestly, Serafina, this is exactly what I was... Call back!

To say he'd definitely be working late.

That new policy?

Cancel it.

Come

on,

let's go!

What are you doing here so early?

I took the afternoon off.

Come on, boys. Let's go. Time. It's a wasting.

Oh, and if you ever even speak to my daughter again, life as you know it will

cease to exist.

You missed half your cues on Friday. Let's try and tighten it up.

You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy.

And you say you want to go for a spin.

The party's up, you want to let me in.

You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy.

You keep on shouting, you keep on shouting.

Show us everything you've got.

Be the, be the black squad. You drive us wild. We'll drive you

crazy.

Yeah! Woo! Yeah!

Dagger.

Whoa.

Didn't we already have this conversation?

Oh, Jerry, get real. You haven't been home for dinner in the past two weeks,

and every time I call the office, you're not there, and now... I told you, I

pulled something at work.

You work in a bank.

Jerry, I know something's going on. I don't know what, but I know there's

something going on, and if you're not having an affair, why don't you just

tell me what it is? Oh, Allison, I love you so much. Just a couple more days, I

promise everything will be exactly the way it used to be. Who says I want to go

back to that?

What does that mean?

I have no idea what that means.

Forget it. Allison, ow!

No, I'm not backing out. I'm just saying, I got a lot of commitments right

now. We've all got commitments, Jerry.

You know, my cat's litter box doesn't change itself.

What? My marriage and my job are both on the brink. I just can't do the press

conference today.

This was your idea.

Let the world know we're serious.

We are serious. What band hasn't canceled a press conference?

Look, Carl, I didn't see you there. I kind of wondered where you'd been all

morning.

Just... No, golly. They advertise these as tangle-free.

So, are you ready for the big Donaldson meeting this afternoon?

The question is, are you?

I've... Oh, we've never been better prepared. The numbers may look great,

but I want you to know that I am not going to put up with any of this new...

Flaky behavior of yours.

Priorities, Jerry.

I'll be there.

Can we do something about this Muzak?

Just asking.

I wrote us down some questions.

Is it true you worship the devil?

Helen. Well, somebody's got to ask the hard question.

Yeah, fine.

Fine, fine, fine.

You guys ready? I got to be out of here in less than an hour.

Hold up, man.

You're always rushing me. If I don't do it right, my eyes won't pop.

Hey, hi, real estate babies here.

I can't go out there. No, there's no way. There's just no way. Jerry, calm

down. It's going to be okay.

If we have to cancel, we'll cancel.

Really? No freaking way.

No, no.

Okay,

somebody's got to ask.

Where the heck have you guys been for the last 20 years?

solving world hunger, being naughty, making farm animals nervous.

You know, we've been busy, right, boys?

Yeah. What about you, Dagger?

Um... London.

Been living in London.

That's a nice accent for a guy from Iowa.

Is it true you mean to undermine the moral fiber of the country's youth with

immoral and indecent lyrics?

Only if it's got a good beat and you can dance to it.

Come on, come on. Next question. I got 20 years of answers right here. You,

you. Plans for a tour.

Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.

Your lyrics and lifestyle would seem to indicate that you're promoting

promiscuity. Well, variety is the spice of life, baby.

Come on, somebody else, please, please, somebody else.

No, we're not.

We, or at least I, believe deeply in love. If you're lucky enough to find it,

no matter how imperfect or confusing or difficult it may seem, it's worth

fighting for.

It's rare and pretty wonderful.

Does that answer your question?

What? Yes.

Thank you.

We're done. Rock on. See you all tomorrow night.

What the hell was that all about? We were just getting warmed up.

A tour?

What was I supposed to say? You know, this whole thing doesn't revolve

around... Hot real estate babe is here.

Hi.

Uh, no autographs.

I'm... really sorry to bother you but i just realized that i never spoke to

dagger and um part of my responsibility as a real estate agent is to interview

all the occupants of the house so it'll just take a minute he's in the closet

thanks how come nobody ever comes backstage to talk to

the drummer dagger uh yeah

Can I ask you a few questions?

Sure.

Do you have any pets?

No.

Is that all?

Yeah.

No, no, no, that's not it. I was just wondering, that thing that you sat out

there, was that from something?

From something?

Yeah.

a song or a book i wear and wonderful my husband used to call me that when we

first met so no no it's uh it's not from something

your uh your husband must just be a really great guy

he is a great guy right oh yeah completely he's

well and we've been married a long time what do you mean

What does that mean? I don't know. Maybe he's changed.

Maybe I've changed.

Change can be good.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I certainly wouldn't mind spicing things up a little bit. I

just, I don't know. I mean, I talk to him. I do.

I just feel like I don't really know who he is anymore.

But you're still in love with him, right?

Yeah, very much.

What? I couldn't hear you.

I'm so sorry.

Thanks, bye.

Drive safe.

Alison? Is she gone? Sweet lady.

Her husband sounds like a real jerk.

That is my wife, you idiot.

What hot real estate, babe, is your wife?

Nice.

Though it sounds like you have a few problems. Hey, I didn't have marital

problems until you showed up. I don't know. Some of them seem pretty deep

-seated. Mm-hmm.

I don't have time for this.

Oh!

Tanker! I had to see you. What you said was very moving, but deep down I know

you're just as naughty as I am.

No, what you see is what you get.

Here.

I wrote my number on my bra.

It's my private line. You can call me any time.

I'll do that first chance I get.

No, Dagger, I can't wait. I have wanted you ever since I saw you open for Van

Halen in 82.

But it's not really the time nor the place.

You were at a Van Halen concert?

What about in the back of your minivan?

The seats don't fold down.

Stupid. I know, but it was extra. But I've really got to go, Helen. How do you

know my name?

It's written on your bra.

I'm sorry, could you hand me that boot, please? Yes.

Thank you very much.

Well, it's 4 o'clock, so... Actually, we have about 20 seconds, according to my

watch. I don't mind waiting a few minutes.

Well, I do.

4 o'clock on the dot.

Well, I gotta say, you're all very punctual. I like that.

Now, I know we're all very anxious to look over the final numbers, so... We'll

just...

Are you wearing lipstick?

That's what you get for borrowing lip balm from your teenage daughter.

We're gonna have such a laugh about this when I...

And eye shadow?

So if you want to turn to page six in your folder, I'll walk you through the

final number.

I want to be your man.

Yeah.

Oh, have you played it for your dad yet?

No, not yet.

Been a little busy. Come on already.

Two weeks ago, you were all like, guys, guys, I think my dad's the Dagger. He's

the lead singer for Rock Toxin. If your dad's his rock and roll hotshot, how

come you won't play on Mark Dimmel? Oh, because maybe he's not the Dagger. Can

we think about this for just one minute? All right, I know it's insane, but the

scar, the tape.

I mean, they're rehearsing down the street. They're playing at the Kings of

Metal concert tomorrow night at the Palace.

There's no way he can't be.

It's okay, guys. Don't... Don't bother.

Luke, you're delusional.

Wow, look at you.

Early for a change, huh?

I think I might be early a lot from now on.

I'm gonna run out and grab us some dinner.

Olivia and Liam are eating at friends tonight.

Maybe we should hang out and talk tonight.

I mean, just lay around.

I think we really need to do some talking. That'd be nice.

Yeah. Great.

Keys, please.

It is so not what you think. What I think is that I really am an idiot

confronting you, giving you the benefit of the doubt, and I thought that I was

the one that was pulling us apart. We're not growing apart. I'm holding another

woman's bra.

I mean, that is about as apart as you can get. Wait, I'm not having an affair,

though I have lied to you, and you have every right to think that you don't know

who I am anymore. I was always so afraid that if you knew the truth, that

you'd... Well, you'd leave, much like you're doing now. What truth, Jerry?

When we met, I truly didn't believe that I would live to see the next week.

And then you were there.

And I knew that I could have a future, a future with you, if I just left

everything behind, started over, became the man that you thought I was. Jerry.

But I screwed up. I thought I could go back, but I can't. I'm so sorry. What

are you talking about? I'm dead!

I'm the lead singer for Rock Toxin.

What? It's the truth.

No. No, it is not possible. Why are you making this up?

This afternoon. I'm very sorry, love.

The last 20 years of everything?

No. No, not everything.

It's all a lie.

One great, big, huge lie.

Dad?

Yeah?

Are you the dagger?

Oh, my God, I knew it! I told them, but they didn't believe me because you don't

really look like a rock star. But, oh, man, when I was a kid, I used to wish

that you were a spy or something, but, man, this is so much cooler.

Spider and Dove and I pulled our savings together and recorded a demo of the

songs we wrote.

Can you maybe listen to it and tell us what you think?

You wasted your savings on this?

Have you not listened to a word I've said to you?

Ted, you're headlining a show at the... palace tomorrow night and i can't even

write a couple of songs and you are you are such a hypocrite no i'm not a

hypocrite because i'm not playing tomorrow rock toxin was dead and it

should have stayed that way liam trust me when i tell you that music is a path

to nowhere but what if i don't want to go anywhere what if i just want to play

music unfortunately that's not the way it works

I'm sorry, Mrs. Hardin's not in right now.

No, I don't know when she'll be back.

She slept on the floor in her office. She looks like hell. I thought Leather

Girl was genius.

I'll leave a message you called.

Bye-bye.

That was him.

I know.

Life has just been very, very surreal lately. I...

I think I was having a midlife crisis.

You know, like when you bought that little red car, you could barely even

get inside of it. It was so... And this is nothing like that. I messed up, and I

accept full responsibility for it.

Short of being fired.

Get your priorities in line.

You consider this your last chance?

I can't believe I screwed up like that. How did you screw up?

Other than picking a very odd time to show your softer side.

We got the account.

We got it? So Donaldson thinks you're a nutter. He also thinks you came up with

the best darn proposal he's ever seen.

We got that account because of you.

You'll notice I still haven't asked about the eye shadow.

But I just stood in there groveling, begging for my job.

Pardon? Do something about that.

How can you do this to me? You can't quit now.

I just gave mom my two weeks notice. My life is a complete disaster because of

you. Me?

I'm not the one who lied to everyone. Everybody I know for the last 20 years.

I didn't have a choice. Look, I'm sorry about the concert, but getting Allison

back is my one and only concern right now. Well, she sure ain't going to take

you back while you're still living the lie. Exactly.

No, Jerry, this, this is the lie. It's not that simple.

Why not?

Why can't it just be about the music? That's the same thing that Liam asked.

Smart kid.

Hey, Jerry!

What is going on?

I'm getting my priorities in line. And being overworked and underpaid by an

egomaniacal fascist is definitely not a priority.

Do what you love, people.

You want to breed shih tzus for a living? Do it.

Jonathan, you want to be a DJ?

Do it.

Roger. You like dressing up and impersonating Shirley Bassey?

I bet that was a secret!

All I'm trying to say is... I am

out of here!

You're going to carry her out of here like Richard Gere in the end of Officer

and a Gentleman, aren't you?

Love lift us up where we belong.

Is she here?

No, she's out with clients all afternoon.

Oh, but I was kind of hoping that she might want to come and see me.

Could you just tell her that I know that what I did was stupid and selfish, but I

couldn't be that guy anymore. I had to make a choice, and my choice was to make

a life with her.

But maybe I spent so much energy hiding from the past, I was hiding from her,

too. If she comes tonight, tell her... I'm up to what you did with Stupid?

That'll be fine.

Jerry? I heard.

He seems pretty rare and wonderful to me.

Serafina, the phone's ringing. Don't you think you should answer it?

Bluebird Real Estate, this is Seraphina.

Don't worry, Iz.

I'll be there. I just had some errands to run.

I said I'll be there.

Bye-bye.

kind of guy who let a good thing like you get by

makes me feel like

I was only kidding. It's only for Tim.

Hey.

I wanna be your man.

Yeah.

How long is this gonna take?

It'll take as long as it takes.

You should just be glad nobody was hurt.

That's being out of my way.

This is so cool. I can't wait for it, man. Awesome.

He'll be here.

He said he'll be here, and he'll be here.

Let's get dressed.

Ramon, put on the freaking makeup.

Right behind you.

that we can speed this up. I've got to be at the Kings of Metal concert at the

Palace. Yeah, we've all got places we'd rather be. But I'm headlining.

I'm the dagger.

Why didn't you say so?

I'm Mick Jagger. When Keith gets here, we'll all go together.

chick sending out an sos my soul is in distress

sorry dude you really are

dagger yeah man i used to play your album all the time this

is great can i have your autograph

well sure sure yeah

No, push harder. We have to be all the way down in front. I'm pushing, I'm

pushing. Make way, make way.

You know, with all the stuff I read, I kind of figured you guys were dead by

now. Seems to be the general consensus.

Well, thanks for the tour.

No problem.

I better, I mean, I'm sure you've got to go get ready. No, no, I've got plenty of

time. Hey, I don't think I've shown you this room yet.

Okay. Not for you.

Thanks. No problem.

Easy on the bumps, okay? I'm trying to do my lips. I'm sorry.

I'm there.

Excuse me, has rock toxin gone on yet?

No, I think they got bombed.

Oh, still pathetic after all these years.

I mean, I'm flaky and unreliable, too, but that's because I drink and smoke too

much.

He's got no excuse.

All right, twisted frenzy just went on.

You guys are next. Where the hell is everybody?

The camp.

I'll pump Megadeth up a slot, but if Dagger's not here in five minutes, I'm

scratching him.

Thanks. Enjoy the show.

drinking, partying, promiscuity. Is this what we want for our children?

I'm Helen Hunter, and I say it's time we take... This chick rocks, man. The last

time that we partied together, she gave me this as a souvenir.

What?

What's your private number?

I gave you this bra for Christmas.

Oh, yeah, and Acorn Bank's free checking? It's a scam.

You leave me no choice.

We're scratching rocks. What are you guys all standing around for? We've got

a show to do. Never mind. They're on their way. I knew you'd make it. Hey,

did Allison get hot? Will you stay, babe? Hey,

where's Ramone? Who cares? We don't need him.

Oh, uh, he ran out of time, Chica. He knows, and he's giving the backstage

tour. That kid learns pretty fast.

Where's...

No, no, no, you're supposed to be a joke, but without dagger? We don't blame

you.

No wonder I only used to do that when I was drunk.

No, no, no, no. Let's put it together for some real rock and roll legends.

Rock time!

Where's your dad?

I don't know.

Olivia, are you back here?

Olivia,

are you all right?

What did he do to you?

Dad? Oh, honey, everything's going to be okay. I think she broke my hand, man.

Oh, let me see.

Yeah, that's definitely broken. We should have somebody look at that.

Let's go, sweetheart. Daddy's got a rock and roll.

Thank God. I was so worried you actually wore those tights to the gym.

He's not coming.

Let's go.

It wouldn't be much of a band if we had nobody on bass.

You want to help out the old man?

Come here.

We

started

out as a couple of kids rocking out in Izzy's mom's garage.

What we live for, it's what we love.

But I kind of lost sight of that. But tonight, it's about the music.

My name is Jerry Harden, and...

If it's okay with you... I'M GONNA ROCK YOUR WORLD!

You found your soul is rocked in.

Rocked in.

Don't waste your time with cyanide.

Don't have a bite that I'll provide.

You're gonna get yourself rocked in.

Rocked in.

Rocked in.

Rocked in. We got the poison to dip your clothes in. Taste it on your lips and

let your mouth slip. Losing control.

Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop.

we got the poison

Yeah.

Tomorrow, the kid who couldn't play Little League. Your grandfather gave you

the Twins. I've named myself the new manager of the Minnesota Twins. Is

hitting the big leagues.

Any questions?

Go away.

I think we should win this thing. The Twins have something cooking.

Little Big League, tomorrow at 8, 7 central on ABC Family.

They brought their advanced forms of communication.

Their superior intelligence.

Now spit.

Their technological dominance.

This is brilliant!

And their artistic integrity.

I'm gonna need more pink.

Third Rock from the Sun, Sunday at 10, 9 Central, on ABC Family.