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Here's a new taste treat, the Corn Dog.

Here's a new taste treat, the Corn Dog.

Plump, juicy wieners

are dipped into a thick,

southern-style corn batter

that seals in all

their freshness and flavor.

If you like hot dogs,

then you'll love Corn Dogs.

Available at the refreshment counter now.

Beware, the silent killer.

Carbon monoxide.

Remember, turn off your engine.

Enjoy the movie and your life.

What?

The movie is a classic.

Oh, yeah, it was on all

the critics' top 10 lists.

Matt just likes

anything with boobs in it.

Come on, seriously?

A ton of boobs and

blood in the same movie?

What's not to like?

Well, I think we should

talk about something other

than naked people that get chopped up.

Well, you can do that.

I'm going to go take a piss.

I'll be right back.

You watch for them snakes out there

that'll bite your wanker off.

Shit, I got way too much for it to handle.

Right, Emily?

Well, I think I'm gonna go lay down.

Hey, wait.

You can't, you can't go to bed without me.

You have the most magnificent ass.

I'm sure you tell all the girls that.

Why don't you try telling me

something real for a change?

Well, you have real nice boobs.

Try harder.

I don't get any harder

than I am, I can assure you.

I'm serious.

So am I.

You don't want to go out there by

yourself, not alone.

Yeah, and why is that?

Because these woods, they be haunted.

Haunted?

Yep, that's what they t- (cough)

That's what they tell me in town.

OoooOOooOOOooo!

Laugh all you want to but it's true.

It is.

A long time ago, there

was a family, lived out here in these woods.

Deep in these woods.

And the locals, they say that uh, they had a kid.

So disfigured...

that you couldn't even look at him.

So one night, the dad...

he got drunk...

and he went out...

and he...

BURIED HIM!

Buried him alive.

See, the family, they picked up.

They got out of here.

But the locals say that

all these disappearances,

it's that kid come back for revenge.

So you think it's safe

bringing girls out here?

Well, you know, if some crazy mutant

fucking kid comes after you,

I'll protect you.

God, you are so full

of shit, you know that?

Yeah, but I still get laid.

Well, that was going to

happen no matter what.

Oh, yeah.

Shit!

Aren't you supposed to squat for that?

What are you doing? I thought you wanted

to get some sleep tonight.

I mean, I do, but there's something else

I'd like to do first.

Oh, yeah?

Stay right there.

I'm not going anywhere.

(screaming)

(coughing)

(screaming)

(crying)

(screaming)

(dying breath)

(coughing)

(Twing Snap)

What was that?

Uh, that was a raccoon.

That sounded too big to be a raccoon.

Oh, well you know, these fucking

critters out in the woods,

they always sound ten times

bigger than they really are.

Wow, you're a real outdoorsman.

That was a fucking raccoon.

Well then, poke your head out there and

make sure it's a raccoon.

Fine.

(tent zipper opening)

There's nothing out there.

Jim!

I'm really not in the mood for this!

(screaming)

(screaming)

(gasping)

(screaming)

(crunching)

(door closing)

You know, I'm really glad we

had one of these date nights.

You know, me too.

I'm just, you know,

sorry things have been so...

crazy lately.

It's okay.

I know it's, it's been a busy season for you, so...

Why don't you go lay down?

I'll be right in, okay?

(sighing)

(sighing)

I love you.

I love you too, Katie.

Scott?

Yeah?

Why'd you let this happen?

Huh? What?

You said we'd be together forever.

What are you talking about?

(gushing)

Oh!

Oh! Oh, God!

(grunting)

(grunting)

(screaming)

(cell phone vibrating)

(breathing heavy)

(grunting)

(cell phone vibrating)

(sighing)

Hello?

Wooooo!

It's camping time, baby.

Please, do not scream

into the microphone.

Buddy, are you fucking hung over right now?

No, I was just, um...

trouble sleeping.

Are you kidding me? You sound terrible.

What, um...

What time is it?

Dude, it's late.

I thought you were coming over to our place?

Yeah, that was the original plan.

I'm sorry.

Get up. Get a cold shower.

(fly buzzing)

Jesus.

Cold shower, okay.

Shoot back an spirin, maybe some tequila.

And we're gonna pick you up

in like 15 minutes, all right?

Yeah, all right.

(sighing)

You better make it 30.

All right, whatever, man. See you in 30.

(sighing)

(horn honking)

Ok, here he comes.

Do not mention the breakup.

Why would I mention the breakup?

I don't know. I'm just saying don't mention it.

I'm not going to mention the breakup-

Because you have a tendency to bring-

Shh shh!

Heyyy!

Scotty, what's up, brother?

Look at that Jess.

One bag, it's not impossible after all.

Oh, my God. Everybody knows that girls

have a ton more stuff than guys do.

True story.

I mean, they've got what?

Shampoo, conditioner, dry shampoo.

What the fuck is dry shampoo?

(sighing)

G- afternoon, Jess.

Good afternoon, Scott.

Real quick, we do have to pick up one of

Jess's old friends...

on the way out of town.

Who?

Michelle.

She's super sweet and unique.

And single. Do not do this to him.

Do not do this to him.

You have no chance

this girl cannot have

chemistry with a brick wall.

Well, I actually happen to think that

Scott is exactly her type.

Okay. I'm just saying, I've known the

girl for, like, five years, and I've

never seen her on a date.

Okay, well, maybe that's because she

hasn't met a guy who can

interpret girl behavior.

I mean, you definitely

couldn't on our first date.

Okay, you want to talk about our first date?

You called me the wrong name.

Oh, I'm surprised you even remember.

You were hammered.

What you think I was (cackles)

I was gonna go sober to that?

(scoffs)

Wow. You're a real romantic.

I mean, I'm just saying, it's, you know,

it would be nice to have a little...

Honestly, though, I don't even know how

you survived a first date with this clown.

Get the fuck outta here man.

Well, unlike Kyle...

I have a lot of patience.

Why would you say I'm not patient?

Dude, what the fuck is taking so long?

Jess, what are we--

Okay. You're totally fine, sweetie.

Take your time. We're not in a hurry.

All right, well...

Okay.

Soooo, for your information,

Michelle slept in through her alarm

so she's a few minutes behind.

Hmm.

There seems to be a lot of that going on this morning.

Huh?

Oh, fuck, Scotty. I'm sorry, buddy.

Yes.

You're gonna be fine.

I just feel like I'm gonna be a burden.

No way. You're gonna get some fresh air,

lighten up, have some fun for a change.

Okay, come on.

Don't make me drag you to that car.

You know I will.

Okay, fine.

Does your boyfriend still hate me?

Um...

Look, I know what you

and Katie had was real.

I know. I know.

And I'm not asking you to go, fuck around.

I'm just saying have some fun man.

Just cut loose.

It's been a long time since you've been single.

And frankly, it's been a long time since I've

seen my friend smile.

Just have some fun this weekend.

Okay.

No strings attached, right?

Hey, Michelle.

Michelle, this is Scott.

He is incredibly single, and incredibly well-hung.

Just, get in the car.

Of course. Of course.

It's good to see you ladies.

Alrighty.

Everybody good?

Sweet.

Let's ride.

You like barbecue?

Yeah, I do.

Good because there will be nothing else on the menu besides it.

After you guys.

Okay.

Okay.

Pickled okra?

Really?

I'm sure they do.

Howdy, y'all! Welcome to the Slick Pig.

Have a seat anywhere y'all like.

My name's Bruce, if y'all need anything.

Okay.

Um...

Works for me.

Cool.

I'm gonna use the restroom

real fast, so be right back.

(fist bump)

Yeah ummm. I'm gonna take a piss as well.

So, Scott.

Yeah? What's up?

I mean, it's none of my business, but

it's pretty fucked up

the way Katie left you.

I mean, no note.

No voicemail. No closure.

Yeah, well, you know, I'm

sure she had her reasons.

This is...

This is gonna sound weird, but sometimes

I feel like, you know,

she didn't actually...

Leave me.

Hi. I'm Martina,

and I'll be taking care you guys today.

How are you?

Hi, Martina. We're good.

Uh, we've got two more coming.

No problem. I'm gonna go ahead and get

you four waters while you wait, okay?

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

(smack)

I could use me a piece of that.

Yeah, and I could use it right after you finish.

Go fuck yourselves!

That's good- I'm curious.

Do you guys think that's gonna work?

Or do you think you have a shot with

anyone other than your cousins?

I don't know. I can't tell...

Sorry, I don't... I

I didn't quite hear you, friend.

What was that, huh?

Wanna try that again?

Hey!

What the hell's going on here?

None of your fucking business, buddy.

You know what? This would probably be a

good opportunity for

you guys to leave, huh?

Fuck you, buddy.

Yup.

Sorry, chief.

Motherfucker!

(grunts)

Dude, are you kidding me!?

Yes!

Come on!

No, no, no, no, no.

Earl, Junior, I swear. If you backwood bitches

come in my barbecue

and start another fight!

You want me to call Buck Benson

down here, boss?

Yeah, give him a call, Kenny.

Get out of here, before Buck comes down and

sticks it in!

You little bitches!

Come on, guys. Whatever you want.

It's on me. It's on me.

We're celebrating tonight.

We got the karate kid! Let's go!

We're celebrating! Get out of here!

We're celebrating. Get out of here!

Fuck you!

Let's go. We're ce-

Whatever y'all want.

Drinks on me, foods on me, let's go.

We're partying.

We're celebrating. Good job!

What in the fuck was that shit?

You let the whole bar just

speed bag your face in there.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to take point

from the fucking senior.

I'm just a junior motherfucker.

What's your excuse?

Huh!?

Well, either way, I had glass in my eye.

My good eye!

Oh, your good eye?

Dude, you ain't had a good eye

since you was 12, boy.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Glass in your eye?

Cry me a fucking river.

(gibberish)

You said you weren't going to bring up

the firecracker.

Is this what you're really

going to come at me with right now?

This cry baby

fucking bullshit.

Fuck all this shit.

What did pops always say?

We never let a, goddamn city slicker

take a shit on a country boy.

Hey! Asshole! Move out of the way!

Ohhh! Kia Soul!

We got ourselves a city boy!

Fuckin move-

Everyone's taking their goddamn time today.

Yeah, nice going, asshole!

Fuck!

Fuck all this shit, man.

Yo, you want to slash all these

motherfuckin' tires?

Every single- I'm keying-

Every single one of em.

-these assholes. Alright, I'm down.

Every single one.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey.

(whistles)

Liquor store. Liquor store.

Hell yeah brother, let's get some shooters.

Oh, and then we can go home and get the uh-

bolt cutters.

Hell yeah, brother.

Hey, Michelle.

Hey, ummmm-

you doing okay?

Just part of being a woman, I guess.

Fun, right?

Yeah, fun.

Well, look, if you need anything or,

you know, if you just want to

say fuck it and go home, I'm-

more than happy to help.

I appreciate that.

Scotty, I don't want to cock block you buddy,

but we got to hit the road.

Right.

Thanks.

Any day now.

(radio) Hey y'all, it's Johnny Funky G and WPLN.

The number of mysterious disappearances

surrounding the Old Hickory Woods

continues to rise.

If you have any--

(music plays)

Ooh. Yeah, that.

You like this?

Oh, I love this. Let's go.

Yeah, no, this is good shit, man. You got

to play it fucking loud.

I had to learn how to read

lips when I started dating him.

What?

I had to learn how to--

Hey!

Excuse you.

What?

I had to learn how to read lips

when I started dating him.

I actually really like metal.

Really?

Yes, a girl with some taste. I love it.

Well, I'm glad you decided to join us.

We're going to have fun.

Is that a fact?

We're going to have a

good time, everyone.

Hmm. That's weird.

What?

I mean, they're not in their car, and

neither one of them is

a camping fanatic, so.

Maybe they just went for a walk?

Nah, because Tiffany hates bugs, and

trees have bugs, and it's the whole thing

I don't think they're walking.

I think that they're

definitely in their car.

You think so.

[Horn honking]

[Laughing]

Oh my God.

Great fucking timing.

Shit.

You're fucking too much, dude.

Hey man.

What's up, dude?

That was a good pop.

Yeah.

Did you, uh, did you honk the horn?

No, it was Jess.

Oh. I was just about to--

Come on, girl. You totally cut your hair.

Oh, like a little.

It looks so good.

Thank you.

Hey, Michelle. Long time no see.

Hey, Tiff.

Uh, actually, it's not Tiff anymore.

It's just Tiffany.

Cool.

[Laughing]

Excuse me, pigeons.

Can I get a fucking hand here

before I throw my back out?

Did Julie come with y'all?

Uh, no.

(car approaching)

But that's her car!

Eeeeeek!

[girl noises]

[more girl noises]

Hi!

Hi bestie!

Oh my god

Awwwww

Uh, reporting for duty.

yeah-

Sir!

at ease, at ease, at ease-

frickin, clean this thing up man.

Heyyyy- (girl noises again)

Okay, I gotta go help.

Okay.

Be right back.

Oh my god, I'm so glad you're here.

Oh god, I'm so glad you're here.

Eeeeek!

My God.

Okay, Kyle looks really good.

(snickering)

Oh, yeah. You're definitely gonna throw

your back out carrying these.

Yeah.

Well.

Maybe I would.

Maybe I wouldn't.

Ope-

Ey-Yupe

Hey.

(laughing)

I almost got him, dude. I almost got him.

Dude, you did.

Okay. Well, you got these.

My bags are in my car. Alright?

Cool.

Dick.

Hey.

Hey.

You need some help?

I mean...

would you mind?

mmm-mm

Please?

Yeah-

Thanks.

Good luck.

Yeah. Thanks.

I gotta go help Derek.

(girl noises)

Uhhh, okay.

Hey, Scott.

Do you mind getting mine too?

When you have a second?

Um.

Yeah, totally. Ummm-

Just let me take care of this first.

Oh, yeah. No problem. Thank you.

Keys are in-the ignition.

When you have a second? Thanks.

Of course they are.

[sighs]

Fuck.

So, what are we supposed to do out here

these next couple of days?

(ominous breathing)

Uh, camp? Explore?

There's a lake up here.

We can go swimming.

Ooh.

We should definitely go swimming.

Tiff, I got that bikini I've been dying to show you.

It's a good idea, right?

Swim in lake full of fish.

That shit.

It's basically a lake full of shit.

I don't know.

Ew.

Oh my god, you guys. It's fine.

It's a nice lake, with clean water.

Kyle's the only one here

that's full of shit.

I don't know about you guys but,

I'm really looking forward to doing some hiking.

Me too.

I'm also down for some hiking.

As long as I get to stay behind Tiffany,

that way I get the best view in the woods.

(giggles)

Baby, that's so sweet.

Aww. That is really sweet.

Right?

(more giggles)

Gross.

Gross.

You okay, Jess?

Yeah.

I just...

I get the feeling things are still kind

of uncomfortable for Michelle.

Come on, Jess, ehh-

-she should be over it by now.

Yeah, I mean...

I guess, you're probably right. I-

It's fine.

Look, once we all start drinking,

no one's going to even care anymore.

Let's catch up to em.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if I could have your attention, please.

For the greater good of this trip, for a

fun-filled,

nature-filled bonding experience,

I will be taking everyone's cell phones.

I know it's terrible,

but I feel like it will

boost group morale.

If you will.

So Scotty, buddy, if I could start with you man

if you wouldn't mind putting the phone in the bag, sir.

I know you called me on it this morning,

so no attitude would be awesome.

Thanks, chief. I appreciate it.

Yeah.

I know. You hate me, but I promise you,

it'll be better for the group.

If you wouldn't mind,

just... I'll take that.

Thank you very much, Michelle.

We'll get a great kick out of this.

Thank you very much, queen.

Jules, if you wouldn't mind...

I like that lock screen.

Thank you.

D-Man, if you wouldn't mind,

putting the phone in the bag, buddy.

I promise you, I won't have to go through any

uh, you know, Instagram ho's.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Tiffany.

No no no-

I know.

Please. - I'm sorry.

I know. It's the worst.

But guys,

we're nature, right?

Let's have some fun.

I'm gonna put these in the car.

It's for the best, it's for-

It's for us.

And I promise you, we're gonna have a great weekend.

You'll get these back at the end of the trip.

I love you and good night.

Now what are we supposed to do?

(whack)

Mmm.

So, anybody got a scary story?

I do.

Anybody?

Hey, you know I do.

Anybody but Kyle.

Why don't we want to hear Kyle's story?

Thank you.

Cuz it's stupid. And it's about these woods.

Translation, it gives her nightmares.

You tell this story while I'm here, and

you'll be sleeping with me to find out if

I have any nightmares.

Okay.

Like, you don't have to listen to it.

I want to hear your story, Kyle.

Thank you. Exactly.

Okay. Fine. Tell your story. I'm going to

get my stuff ready for bed.

Jess. Jess. Jess.

Could you get my stuff ready too?

You're such a fucking asshole.

That's what I'm talking about-

I love you.

I think the real reason Jess hates this story,

is because her family lives near these woods.

Like people around here,

they believe this shit actually happened.

So you guys want to hear it?

Mmm-hmm.

(slurping)

Twenty years ago,

The Wallace family lived right here.

Right in these exact woods.

[baby crying]

Can't you get this little bastard to shut up!?

I really wish you

wouldn't call him that, James.

Why not, Ethel?

He's just some asshole's kid.

Why shouldn't I call him names?

He ain't ever going to be a Wallace.

He's never done

anything to hurt anybody. Okay.

That's your excuse for everything.

He never hurt anybody.

Well this little fucker cries all the time.

i haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks.

I'm sorry. Babies cry. Okay.

Yeah, well shit stain here is expensive too

Baby food might as well be made of gold

as much as I pay for it.

Okay. You know what? We'll scrape money

together. We always figure it out.

Spoken like a true woman.

Y'all just think money grows on trees.

We live in the goddamn woods. I've never

seen a fucking money tree.

Okay, and you know what?

I'll go get a job in town. Okay?

Great. You get to go out whoring.

While I gotta raise this little bastard.

uh ok-

- I never cheated on you, okay?

I was raped.

(cries)

(baby crying)

No baby, it's okay.

We should have buried this ugly bastard in the woods.

Listening to you bitch and moan about a dead kid

would be a helluva lot better

than listening to this shit stain.

He's just an innocent little baby boy.

Who never hurt anybody!

Never hurt anybody, my ass.

I got to raise this little bastard

because he never hurt anybody.

No, no. You're going to raise him-

because I love him. And you love me.

You do love me, right?

Daddy, I just saw a monster in my closet

and it's giving me nightmares.

Can you get it to go away?

Daisy, how many times do I got to tell you?

Monsters aren't real.

It's okay, sweetheart. I can come up and help you,

with the monster.

No, I want Daddy to do it.

You know what, honey?

Daddy and I are having an

adult conversation, so do you think maybe

tonight you can sleep on your own?

Nah, nah. I'll do it.

I'll come scare the monsters away.

You go on back to bed.

I'll be right behind you.

Good night, Dawson.

It's going to be okay.

Good night, Daisy.

Oh my!

(gags)

(baby crying)

Don't you ever!

Contradict me infront of my daughter!

She's the only kid I have!

(baby crying)

(screams)

Now clean all this up!

Have me a fresh drink when I get back.

Daddy's coming, sweetie.

(baby crying)

Supposedly Ethel Wallace, had killed her husband, James.

and then cut her fucking neck, because she couldn't live

with what she'd done.

God, that's so fucked.

Yeah.

Well, what happened to Daisy, Kyle?

They found Daisy walking down the highway,

and they checked her into the Old Hickory Mental Institution,

I think she's still there.

What about the baby?

Well, that's the thing, right?

They never found the baby.

And there's no records that Miss Wallace

ever had another child.

It's like this... this story Daisy concocted to-

to cope with whatever happened.

It's a spooky story, Kyle.

It is spooky.

And it gets even spookier.

People that come out to these woods...

they disappear.

(snap)

Just like that.

It's like there's something out here.

There's rumors that the

baby brother, he never left.

That there's this like feral version of

himself, stalking these

woods, living off of whatever...

Or whoever he can get his hands on.

BOOGADY BOOGADY BOOGADY!

(screams)

WHAT'RE YOU KIDS DOING IN MY WOODS!?

(grunt)

(in pain noises)

You-

fucking idiot! Dude,

I coulda killed you!

(laughing)

Moron!

(laughing)

Ooooo

Huh Uhhh

Ahhh

Ahhhhhh

Is everyone okay?

Fucking Moron,

he popped and scared all of us.

(mimicing her) Fucking Moron. He popped out and...

(fart noise)

Shut up.

Oh my God, man.

Who the fuck

invited fucking-

Ewwwww

Michelle.

(grimace)

Oh man, Kyle, that was so fucking funny dude,

that have could not have gone better.

Holy shit.

Ahh HAHA

Wooo!

Woah.

Glad you can join us.

Yeah, you know me, baby. I'm here ta-

wine, dine, 69, and maybe

break some hearts while I'm at it, huh?

What do we say, fellas?

Well, man, you are just a tad bit too

late because...

I just grabbed the last beer.

We severely underestimated.

Uh, but, you're welcome to some s'mores.

A s'more?

(laughing)

A fucking s'more?

I just see you guys, raw-dogging marshmallows

I don't even see any crackers around here.

A s'more?

Girl, what I want, is some more booze.

But uh, you know, I'll settle for some boobs, huh?

How's it going?

Brandon, nice to meet you.

Alright. Well uhhh...

Julie's...

preoccupied.

But uh, Michelle's single.

I'd rather be dead.

Jesus Christ, okay.

Uh...

That's everybody?

That's seriously everyone?

Are you fucking s- Kyle!

You invited me to a party in the woods, man.

When you said a party in the woods,

I pictured enough booze to drown in.

You know, some weed, some kush, some gas,

some ecstasy maybe, and

like at least...

Three strippers!

Dude it's, a party in the woods,

not a rave in Miami.

Yeah.

Well why, did I bring these?

You really broke my heart

with this one, Kyle.

What the fuck?

You know what? Fuck this.

The vibes cooked,

and you dorks are the chefs.

Thanks for nothing and uh...

enjoy your miserable lives dorks.

Hey, Brandon. Uh, while you're out, can you

pick up some Jello shots?

Hey, Tiffany?

Can you uh,

get rotated?

Idiot.

(laughing)

Loser!

What does that mean?

Bye, Brandon.

(Coyote howling)

(fire crackling)

(in the distance) Fucking Kyle, man.

and his lame ass woods party.

You could be fucking Michelle man...

Nice going asshole...

Ahh, she's just so fucking hot, though.

Shit.

Fuck.

Get lost in the woods.

Wander off and get lost in the woods.

Classic, Brandon. Nice move, man.

Fuck. Alright.

Which way?

Left?

Or right?

Left? orrrr Right?

Left it is.

Ahhh I'm fucking done with the woods man.

Get me the hell out of here!

Oh.

Holy shit.

Hello?

Huh.

Uh...

Anybody in here?

I'm, uh...

I'm looking for, uh...

the gift shop.

(laughs)

Or...

I don't know, maybe a strip club.

Hello?

Sorry to bother you. I, uh...

I come in peace.

(laughs)

You know?

I'm coming in.

Oh!

PFFFF!

Oh my God.

Woah!

Big spider.

Uh...

Anybody in here?

I'm not just trying to barge into your house-

I just...

need some direction.

(WHACK!)

(groaning)

Fuck, no!

No! Please!

(crying) Please!!!

(groaning)

(screaming)

Mommy!

Ahhh!!!

(outside tent) Hey, guys. Let's do better about putting

this fire out before we go to bed, huh?

Good morning, what's up boss man?

Dude I cannot catch a single fucking fish out there.

At least there's no fish shit in it either.

Probably has something to do with the fact that

you're using the wrong bait.

Kudos to you for getting up this morning and going fishing.

If you would have caught something,

we gotta figure out how to flay it, so.

Flaying a fish isn't that bad.

It's gutting a deer that

takes a little bit of skill.

Can we please stop talking

about gutting and flaying things?

Hey, Tiff, don't forget about all the

fish shit you have to clean off, though.

Don't call me Tiff.

Morning, Julie. How'd you sleep?

Kyle's story last night gave

me some interesting dreams.

Nothing really, scary though.

So, did Brandon with her come back?

Hell no.

Nah, knowing him, he probably went to a

strip club and he's still there.

So, what are we doing today?

Uh, anything you want, really.

I think some of us are gonna

go swimming, if you wanna come?

Yeah, I think I'll just go for a walk.

It's really beautiful out here.

Except for the bugs.

Well, I think that we're gonna get

started on that swimming idea.

I'll come with you guys.

Kyle, are you gonna come?

Uh, yeah, in a bit.

Okay. I'll see you there.

Alright, see ya.

I saw you last night.

Okay. I saw you too.

Oh, don't play stupid.

I saw you with Julie.

With... Okay.

I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry.

Because if there's anything

that jumps out of the woods,

I won't protect any other girls except...

Jess, hold on. Wait. I'm not...

Jess!

So, uh...

You really think you're gonna go for a

walk instead of swimming?

Yeah, I mean, it's gonna be real tense

with Jessica, Kyle, and Julie,

all in the same place. Add bikinis?

Yeah.

I think I'd rather just

take a walk alone. Thank you.

I get it. Totally fair.

Uh, do you want company?

I'm good. Thank you.

Sure.

Yeah, this is all very over-simulating to me

so I would rather just be by myself.

Alright. I get it. Cool.

Well, um... Have a good time.

You know where we'll be.

Okay.

Yeah. I'll just, um...

In "Much Ado About Nothing" Beatrice calls

the Devil an old cuckold.

Oh, SHIT!

(Tire Squeals!)

The fuck are we doing?

Woah!

What are we doing?

Y'all are illiterate.

That's why you should be wearing a seatbelt.

What are we doing? You'll find out.

Ahhh Haaa

Fucking answer!

(laughing)

Fucking cocksucker.

Shut the fuck up, Junior.

Bitch what? What?

Hey, we're getting out?

Yeah.

Shit.

Help me Bobby.

Can I carry you?

Yeah.

Ooooo

Yeahooooo!

Wooo!

(laughing)

Ain't this the truck from the Slick Pig yesterday?

Must belong to them big mouth city fuckers.

Ahhh yeah man. Fuck those guys!

Hey, yo, they did have some pretty hot

tail on them, though.

I'm sure they're probably out here camping.

H-huh huhhh man.

Hey, dude-

it must be our lucky day.

(gibberish)

I'm a- I'm gonna give you a

scratch-off when we get back into town.

Hey, look, look...

Mhmmm.

I bet you a cold one later.

They're somewhere out here close.

What are we gonna do if we find em?

Well, these woods are supposed to be haunted

so let's go get them

something to be scared of.

(laughing)

Straight up, brother.

Let's fucking do it.

Should be pretty easy

to snag one of em up.

Mmmm (snap).

What about the chicks?

Well Bobby Joe and Sherry,

they could take care of the chicks.

Ain't that right, girls?

Uh, I think Bobby Joe

could do it all by herself.

Mm-mm.

(kissing noises)

Yeah, we gotta get a pride flag up on the fuckin-

up on the truck, brother.

You know I could.

I know.

You know I could! Hey!

HEY HEY HEY!

Hey, easy bitch!

You know I could!

All right.

(making dog noises)

Fuck off.

Why you never kiss me like that, Earl?

Huh?

You never kissed me like that.

I would kiss you like that if you didn't

smell like fucking beer.

I love fucking beer.

Shit. is that mine or yours?

(music on speaker playing)

(laughing in the distance)

Hey, babe.

I bet you'd love to do

some skinny dipping, huh?

You mean like this?

(laughs)

Not happening.

Aw, come on, Tiff.

Don't call me Tiff.

I don't mind skinny dipping.

It's what being one with

nature is all about, right?

I couldn't agree more.

You're really gonna do it?

Sure. Why not?

Hey, Kyle.

Julie's going skinny dipping!

Oh, fuck.

Wait, no.

No, no, no, babe.

Come on.

You gotta come back out

and do it again, please.

Sorry, babe.

Hey, Julie.

It's not actually skinny

dipping unless you're fully naked.

Okay, then.

Well, I don't know about y'all, but I'm

not that comfortable.

But at least I know I

look good in this bikini.

(laughs)

Damn straight you do.

(glass break)

(twig snap)

Y'all, look at Earl walk.

(mimics a trombone sound)

Gotta kick in his ass.

(laughing)

That's pretty good.

Would y'all shut the fuck up.

(laughing)

I'm bored.

Shut up.

I wanna go home.

Keep moving.

Ahh fuck come on, man.

This place sucks-

ASS!

Would you-

Shut the fuck up Junior!

Shut the fuck up Junior!

Shut the fuck up!

We ain't going back

Gimme that fuckin hat!

until we find these motherfuckers

and teach em a lesson!

Yeah, I wanna see the fuckers

who beat my cuck's ass.

They didn't beat my ass, Sherry!

That ain't what we heard.

Besides, if you don't

want me hanging up on you,

I know someone who does.

Hell, yeah.

(kissing noises)

Would you look at these two?

Yeah, I'm looking.

Can you keep your tongue

out of her mouth for two hours

so we can go find these motherfuckers?

Fuck you, Earl.

Go fist yourself.

Why are you always talking about fisting?

Don't be a fucking prude. Cuz I like to fist.

Yeah, don't be a prude, Earl.

Shut the fuck up.

Why?

Shut the fuck up. I can't belive you.

Jesus, I was on your side on that one.

I thought we were fucking cool.

No one likes you.

No, none of us are cool with you.

Why?

Man, all you do is complain.

I'm bored.

Shut up.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, guess who I just um-

ran into on the trail?

Who?

Those guys from the restaurant.

Oh, God. Um-

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

I mean, they didn't see

me and I didn't like stay.

It sounded like they were leaving

but I uh, I don't know.

Okay.

Well lets hope they do.

I mean,

it's the thing we need right now.

Well, if they do, Scott and I

can always uh,

Kick their ass.

How does that go again?

Are you giving me an attitude?

Listen, Mr. Champion, you're not the only

one who knows about boxing.

Come over here and show me a thing or two.

Come over there?

Yeah.

Come over here, motherfucker.

What's up?

I'm not scared of you.

I- I don't know.

Ope-

Giv me-

Hit me with anothe one.

I got you.

Are you really going to eat those off the ground?

Five second rule.

They're clean enough.

There ya go.

Thank you.

All right, boys and girls, it has been

brought to my attention

that we need-

a group activity.

So I suggest, we do some hide and seek.

Boo.

Boring.

All right.

Uh, with the added motivation for some of you...

We'll toss some truth or dare into the mix.

Still boring,.

Nahhh.

Fine.

Uh, to spice things up-

We will...

If you're caught, the dare is to whip out

your titties or your dick.

All right.

I'm listening.

Um Jess, I uh thought you were

uncomfortable showing your tits.

Mmm-maybe you just inspired me, Julie.

I'm it.

So who wants to be it?

Me.

Jess, me.

Come on.

Oh, God.

Come on.

Make it me.

Me.

All right, Derek's it.

Yes!

I'm going to see all

your titties tonight.

If you find us.

I just found Tiffany.

Okay, well, we haven't started yet.

Come on.

Okay, so how do we know when we're

supposed to come back?

How about you just

scream when you've been found?

I like that.

We cool?

Yeah.

All right, Derek, on the count

of 30, you start your hunting.

Alright.

1, 2, 3, 4

Uhhh we haven't started yet.

Slow down.

and add a Mississippi or

something between those numbers.

Okay, okay.

Ok...

You've all been warned.

On the count of three.

Three.

Oh, shit.

One Mississippi,

Two big old titties.

Who hit me with a marshmallow?

Three Mississippi,

Four boobs.

This is fucking stupid.

Five,

Six tatas.

I'm coming.

And I'm ready to see boobs.

Un-uh.

Un-uh.

(scoffs)

You don't think they'd

actually be in there, do ya?

Well, they might be.

They weren't anywhere else.

There's only one way we could find out.

Oh, my God.

Is this actually fucking worth it, Earl?

I think it's worth it.

I could be on my back, legs

in the air for you right now.

And we're doing this shit.

Stop questioning me.

J.R., Junior, whatever the fuck your name is?

I'm your brother, you fuck-head, it's Junior.

I don't care.

God damn it.

You'll go wherever I tell you to go.

I'm going round back.

Go around back.

I'll go around back.

Go on!

Go back and check then.

Cuz I fucking wanted to, not cuz you told me.

Not cuz you told me, bitch!

So glad he's fucking gone.

Now what the hell are we supposed to do?

What are we supposed to do?

I don't know.

If they get by us, kick them in the dick,

beat them with some sticks.

Do something, get creative.

You always were a brain man.

Not right now.

It's not fun when he's not here.

Go back out there, Junior.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

You ever been in nature before?

This shit sucks.

I'm getting acorns thrown at me and shit.

Bugs all over my

(fly buzz)

fucking ear, man.

God, fuuuuuck.

Well...

I'm here, asshole.

Guess what?

They ain't.

(laughing)

Ooh, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It must be my lucky day.

Fuck.

(gasp)

[door opens]

Oh I got you now,

you big-mouthed city fucker.

[grunting]

[snorting]

You know, Earl says I give the best head.

He just doesn't want to

know how I got that good.

(laughs)

Don't you go getting me wet,

thinking about the nasty.

Well you know,

if they're in there fucking around,

you can be out here fucking around.

Mm.

(kissing noises)

[screaming]

[crying]

(SNAP!)

[screaming]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

[screaming]

Ah.

Fuck.

(ominous breathing)

[gasp]

Jesus.

Whoa, slow down.

It's not worth getting hurt over hide and-

Shut up, shut up.

I just heard something.

What?

I don't hear anything.

It's nothing.

You probably heard a raccoon,

or one of the others hiding,

or it doesn't matter because I dare you

to show me your tits.

Truth it is, um...

You gonna sleep with Scott tonight?

Go fuck yourself.

[screams]

I'll take that as a yes.

She's it.

Tits?

No tits.

(snaps)

You wanna know why

I didn't show him my tits?

Cuz you have pepperoni nips?

One Mississippi.

Two Mississippi.

Three Mississippi!

Four Mississippi.

Five, Kyle's tiny little dick!

Six.

Uh, big old titties.

Seven.

I fucking hate this game.

[silence]

Oh!

Sorry.

(laughs)

Sorry.

Um, I don't have my stick.

Sorry, Michelle.

Hey.

Hey.

Truth or dare?

Um, truth.

Why are you so nice to me?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, like, you have gone out of

your way to talk to me

and hang out with me when

the others are out, like,

having fun or whatever.

Come on, you make it sound like

talking to you isn't fun.

You know what I mean.

Did you think anyone lives there?

(scoffs)

I think they moved out several years ago.

There's something kind of peaceful

about it, though.

You think, you think that's peaceful?

I mean, yeah, but

imagine it during the day.

I mean, maybe a fresh coat of paint.

New shutters.

New roof, maybe.

Okay-

Like less critters.

Okay, okay. I get it.

Betcha it's real homey out here with no one

to bother you, though.

Yeah, I don't know.

In reality, it's creepy as hell.

Hmm.

Jesus!

God.

Hey, guys.

You were that close

from getting a black eye.

Whyyy would you do that?

I mean, it didn't look like you guys were

about to fall into each other's arms and...

fuck, so...

I thought I'd remind you that

we're playing hide and seek.

Did you uh, get to see his dick?

You had to like go out of your way

and scare us. Why?

Hmm?

I don't know, Michelle.

With the first coat of paint...

Some new shutters.

God, you're stupid.

Ow! What was that for?

(screams)

Shit.

(laughs)

So, do you think it's true?

Are uh, shrimp actually bugs?

No. Shrimp are like, fish.

Hmm, interesting.

So, who's it?

I am.

Wait a minute.

Where's Kyle and Julie?

Maybe they didn't hear me scream,

we were pretty far away.

No, Kyle's probably planning to pop out

and scare one of us.

Let's just get another round going.

I second that.

Are you sure?

Oh, absolutely.

He's probably hiding in that house.

I mean, it was the

best place to hide, right?

What house?

Scott and Michelle's new love nest.

(kissing noises)

You're such an asshole, you know that?

Yeah.

An asshole that got

jipped out of seeing your peps.

I'm gonna fuck you up right now.

Woah, woah, woah.

Okay, okay.

Okay, so ummm, who is it again?

Well, it's Scott, but I was wondering,

could I take your turn?

Please, take my turn.

Alright, great.

So...

whoever I catch first

gets to make me breakfast.

(fart noises)

Alright?

Cool.

Cool.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

Twenty.

Twenty One.

Twenty Two.

Twenty Three.

Twenty Four.

Twenty Five.

Twenty Six.

Twenty Seven.

Twenty Eight.

Twenty Nine.

Thirty!

Ready or not, here I come!

(screams)

Help!

Help me!

Derek!

(screams)

Shit.

Whoo.

Uh, how did you find me?

I've been following you

since the campsite.

Uh, why?

So I can do this.

Mmm

N-no

Umm

I'm

Ahhhh

Yeah...

no, I c-

I'm sorry, I can't.

Jess...

would literally,

cut my balls off.

Actually.

Well, that's only if she catches us.

(kissing noises)

Plus, I'll protect your balls, for you.

Hey, Michelle, can I ask you something?

Yeah?

What happened to you a few years ago?

What do you mean?

Why don't you hang

out with anyone anymore?

I don't know, I just don't feel like

dealing with people.

Jess said she was

worried about you, that's all.

Look,

I certainly don't wanna

make you feel uncomfortable,

but you know, I think you're really cool,

and I don't think you should have

to cut yourself off like that.

It's a little bit more

complicated than that.

There was this guy,

and I,

I thought that things were getting, like,

pretty serious between the two of us.

And then I found the text messages.

I'm sorry, that's... that's awful.

Yeah, the worst part was

just, it was my best friend.

Wait, Jessica?

It was Tiffany.

Derek was the guy.

That was the real reason

that I, wasn't sure

if I wanted to come out here.

I get it, I totally get it now.

Wow, I'm sorry.

You know, for what it's worth,

you could have any guy you wanted.

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you, that's very sweet of you.

So what's your deal?

My deal?

My girlfriend, Katie, and I,

we've been having problems for a while,

and...

one night we had this, huge fight.

And when I woke up the next morning,

she was gone.

I'm so sorry, I can't,

I can't imagine just, being left

in the unknown like that.

Yeah, I mean, I can't

imagine what it's like

to be cheated on, so.

Okay, well, it's not

like a misery contest.

Okay, okay.

(ominous breathing)

(kissing sounds)

Ohhhh.

I might finally get to see some titties.

Hey um,

what do you say after all this,

you and I get lunch or something?

I know this great taco

place, you like tacos, right?

Tacomania?

Yeah, wait, have you been?

Yeah, they have like the worst tacos.

Oh...

Well um-

Okay, I was just kidding.

That was a joke, I was kidding.

(lauhgs)

Kidding.

Okay.

Bad joke.

Okay.

Uh well,

It's a date then?

We can call it a date.

We'll call it a date.

Okay.

Okay.

Uh (coughing) Mmm Mmmmm

Looks like someone's feeling better.

All right, I, I think we

ought to head back to camp.

Either Tiffany's completely given up

or she sucks at this game.

So...

we keep losing people.

Do you think that maybe we

should play a different game?

Okay, how about when we

get back to camp, we'll...

fuck!

Shit.

Jess, Jess, Jess.

Oh, God.

Shit.

Um.

Yeah, no, I, I, I...

I fucked up.

She found me out here and...

seduced me.

and-

Kyle.

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna kill you later.

I am so-

fuck, man.

Julie!

Do you mind if I pull

you for a chat really fast?

Yeah.

Jess.

Jess.

We, we should get out of here.

Should I? Should I go with-

No, come on, let's, let's go to camp, come on.

Jess.

Come on.

Do I go with you guys, or?

Okay.

I swear, I swear, I didn't...

I didn't mean to.

I mean...

She...

Kyle-

She touched me the last time I--

Jesus Christ.

Oh my God!

Tell me you know something about this.

Wait, is she okay?

Oh.

(GASP!)

Oh my God!

(screams)

OH!!!

(screams)

Kyle, why is Tiffany's body in your tent?

Did you kill her!?

I don't know, I don't.

You don't know, Kyle!?

Kyle, look at me, right now.

Tell me, tell me you didn't do this.

No, I didn't.

No, I didn't do it.

I was hiding in the, in the woods.

And I,

oh fuck.

No, I, I uh, I

I saw something.

I saw someone or something.

I thought it was, a bear.

A bear, Kyle!? Come on!

I didn't fucking kill her, Michelle!

(arrow sound)

(gurgling)

God!

Come on!

(screaming)

(screaming) Oh my God.

(gasping)

Wait no, no this isn't gonna protect us.

This isn't gonna protect us!

We need to find the others, okay?

We need to get the fuck out of here!

Wait, wait, hold on.

Hold on.

No, no, no, Michelle.

Miche-

(gasping)

Michelle.

(gurgling)

Michelle.

(screaming)

(groaning)

Jess, no, get down!

Oh my God, oh my God.

Kyle!

(gasping)

Kyle.

I don't know what to do-

I don't know what to do!

(arrow sound)

(screaming)

(heavy breathing)

Jess, go.

He was mine.

We gotta go.

He was mine.

Come on.

Michelle?

I'm okay!

Jessica, hey, listen to me.

Hey, listen.

Where's Julie?

She, she got really pissed at me

and she stormed off down the trail.

It's the last time I saw her.

(crying)

Okay, come on.

Look, hey! Listen to me.

Whoever's out there isn't going to be

in the same spot for too long.

We have to move.

(heavy breathing)

Look, alright, on the count of three, alright?

Stay with me, okay?

We can do this.

One...

Two...

Three, come on!

(heavy breathing)

(footsteps approaching)

Hey.

Hey, it's ok...

Oh, thank god-

Are you okay?

Hey, we're good.

We're good, we're good.

Okay.

We're gonna have to split up, okay?

Wait, wait.

(gasps)

Look, look,

Look, look,

Look, look,

I found Kyle's keys.

Okay, perfect, okay.

Listen, take Jessica, get to the car,

drive to town and get help, all right?

I'm gonna go find Julie and Derek.

We're gonna get out of here, okay?

She can't leave us.

You have a better idea?

Yeah, okay, you guys got this.

I'm gonna go find Julie and Derek.

(crying)

Hey, hey-

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Breathe...

Breath, we're gonna be okay.

We're gonna be okay.

We're gonna be okay.

(crying)

(breathing heavily)

Fuck.

(breathing heavily)

Oh, God.

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

What the hell are you doing here?

I thought you were with Jess and-

Is that Brandon?

(breathing heavily)

Yeah.

Oh my God.

That's Brandon.

Oh my God.

Where's Jessica?

Um...

I, I left her in the car.

I told her to lock the doors

and that, and that I would come back.

What the hell, you're

supposed to be going to get help?

The tires are flat!

Fuck!

Uh-

Kyle he, he took all of our phones

he put em in a bag.

Uh, wh-

Y-

Do y-

Where are the-

Where are the phones?

They're not there, I couldn't find em.

Does he have a cell phone?

Did ya check?

Go ch-please check.

Just.

I don't.

(sighing)

(gagging)

(coughing)

Mmm Mmm (No)

Okay, so what do we do?

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna go find Julie.

We're gonna find Derek.

We're gonna get back to that car

and four flat tires are not,

we're gonna get the hell out of here.

Come on, let's go, come on.

Come on!

Are we really gonna go in there?

It can't be much safer in

there than it is out here, right?

Do you really think

Julie would go in there?

I mean, if she was forced to.

Fuck.

Come on, come on.

Julie?

Derek?

Come on.

Come on.

(heavy breathing)

Derek.

Shh.

Julie.

Guys.

(twig snap)

There's somebody out there.

Is it Julie?

(door creaks)

I know you're in there

you son of a bitch!

You're gonna pay

for what you did to my family

and what you did to me and

what you did to my daughter!

(branch snap)

(grunting)

Shh, shh.

(grunting)

(grunting)

(gasping)

(thud)

(screaming)

Oh my god.

(crying)

Fuck!

Quick, quick, quick,

get in here, get in here.

Go, go!

Oh.

Oh god.

Oh-

That's Derek.

Oh god.

Scott, we're gonna die.

Fuck, it's blocked.

(crying)

Michelle...

Get in.

Um...

Corner, get in the corner, get down in the corner.

Are you kidding me?

There's gotta be-

Perfect.

Here, take this.

Okay...

keep it on the door, on the door.

(crying)

Okay.

(crack)

(metal scraping on wall)

(gasping)

Jessica?

You are so scared.

What are you doing?

You didn't think I was

gonna wait in the car...

miss all the fun, did you?

Kyle's dead.

Brandon.

Julie, Tiffany, Derek.

Oh, come on, Michelle.

Let's not pretend

we're gonna miss those last two, huh?

(laughing)

You killed all of them.

You sound just like my mother, you know?

She's the only kid I have.

Oh my God.

You know, I thought

she'd actually be grateful.

That I killed, that abusive piece of shit.

But instead, she looked at

me like I was the monster.

Daisy!

So I figured she had to go too--

What the fuck is wrong with you?

No way, were they gonna be able to raise him!

What the hell is wrong with you?

So I took matters into my own hands.

What the fuck!?

Even found a way to hide him,

when people came looking.

The campfire story...

You're Daisy Wallace.

Oh.

(laughing)

I haven't been called

that name, in a long time.

After they found Mom and Dad,

they shipped me off to--

(whistling)

Crazy hospital!

where they pumped me full of meds

and called me a schizo!

Anyway...

got out of there when I was 18

and came right on back home,

to baby brother.

Cuz he survived.

Can you believe that?

So I got older...

baby brother got bigger.

And we found plenty of ways to keep

ourselves entertained.

For example,

luring people into the woods.

And chopping them up

into itty bitty pieces!

(grunt)

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

(stab sound)

(crying)

(panting)

(thud)

(breathing heavily)

Come on.

(panting)

(panting)

So.

Tacomania?

(laughing)

(ominous breathing)

(ominous breathing)

Yeah.

Tacomania.

(laughing)

(chainsaw starts)

(ominous breathing)

(screaming)