Original subtitles

(high pitched background sound)

(narrator) I think we've all been there.

I think we've all been there at some stage in our lives.

You know, when things get bad.

You feel they'll never

never get better.

Ever!

(car door screeches open)

(heavy rustling)

I've been living in my car for about four years.

(birds tweeting)

About four years yeah.

I love it!

It does get lonely though I'm not gonna lie.

I think I may try and sell them one day.

I'm sure someone out there would like them.

I like it here because it's peaceful.

It's my peaceful place.

And in the car

no one can touch you.

They can't really hurt you

they can't get to you, nothing.

They can if you don't park it in the right spot.

I know where all the best spots are.

Because I drive a lot.

I was gonna be an actor.

But my

penis wasn't big enough apparently.

(huffs)

They're very sizist in the audition.

Size queens.

I had big talent but tiny cock.

(outside noise and birds tweeting)

And it is very off-putting.

You know, you try doing the words, with a CD round your knob.

A CD's a casting director by the way,

not a compact disc.

They do shoot dogs out here by the way.

That was her.

Rosie!

My little dog.

Run straight out of my car,

up into those fields

and I never saw her again.

(dramatic sounds)

(calls out) Rosie!

Rosie!

Rosie!

(whistles)

Woo-hoo!

Girl!

(whistles)

(loud constant whistle)

Rosie!

(high pitched shout) Rosie Rose!

Rosie!

Woo hoo!

(loud whistle)

Rosie!

Rosie!

I miss here yeah.

And I still try and look for her.

I still have that hope

that I will one day,

one day find her.

Although it has been three years.

Actually instead of you coming over with me,

do you want me just to,

I can just point, in the sort of direction

and then you can just

edit it together.

Is that OK?

Is that alright?

Yeah, OK so...

I'll just...

If you film my finger

and then that will be,

you can edit that in your clip.

To point to where I'm going to take you,

causes um, it's quite far.

(laughs)

You...

you won't like how far away it is.

It's really far.

Um!

And I, I don't actually want to take you there today.

So,

if you could just follow my finger,

all the way.

Then that'd be great.

Alright?

OK.

Cos I know how filming works,

cos I've got my own camera and everything so,

I know how it works.

They get you to wear this

backpack full of rocks.

To fill the physical burden of being gay.

And they get you to

face a wall

and they'll just add more rocks,

and more rocks,

and more rocks.

And they wouldn't start taking the rocks out

until you'd given up.

And there were these two other guys there.

They were younger than me.

And they used to have to

wrestle each other,

to show how manly they were.

And if they weren’t

hitting each other hard enough,

then,

the guy who ran the camps,

the one who helped out,

he'd go in and physically...

throw the punch!

Like that!

Like...

like that!

It's more like, like,

probably like, like that.

Or, or he'd hit me right there, right up there.

(static electronic sounds)

They deserve to feel the pain.

They deserve to feel

that guilt for the rest of their lives.

For what they've done, you know.

I will never understand how someone can disown

their own child, you know.

Their own flesh and blood.

Baffles me.

(under breath) Which way are we going.

(sighs)

cos it's a bit,

I just get a little bit anxious if it's too close.

I love cameras.

Because they capture things you'd never know about.

If you didn't have a camera.

I don't know what I'd do without it.

I'd be lost.

(camera reel clicking)

(camera sounds)

(camera lens clicks)

A lot of people would say what I do is, sick!

But,

they don't know me.

So, how can they say

(chuckles) what I do is weird.

(laughs) Cos...

they don't know me, um.

It's always people that

you know, they don't really

know you and they judge you, and all that, and

they're the one that get on my nerves.

You got two down there as well.

But I'll show you those

afterwards I think.

So I film suicides.

People would probably call me the suicide watcher,

if they, if they knew what I did.

They never would because I'm very good

at what I do.

Er, never get caught.

And that's the secret to it.

You, you never get caught.

Er,

so yeah.

So basically I have a contracted servicing place.

To help assist

people, in their, in their suicide.

So I'll film them, you know,

sort of swinging,

suppose we could just say swinging, um,

and er,

I will then

capture that

with my camera

and I will send that on to...

to the relative, or family member that, that disowned them.

(soft electronic music)

Suicide is a very personal thing.

But, some people want it witnessed.

They probably just don't want to be alone I suppose.

You know.

When they do it.

And that brings me peace,

makes me feel,

that I'm, you know,

giving back to them and making them

carrying out their wishes to

get a message across.

I like the secret part of it.

Being an eye witness.

My mum used to say to me

(impression of his mum) "Oh stop reading those creepy books you know...

you'll make yourself not very well!"

But I wasn't reading the books.

I was just looking at the pictures.

(out of service phone dial tone)

(phone dial tone recording) The number you have dialed has not been recognised...

please check and dial again.

My girlfriend

um, ex girlfriend,

she made me go.

She found inappropriate

pornography on my phone.

Man and man.

She said "Oh you better not embarrass us!"

So I...

I went and

the guy who runs the conversion,

showed himself to me.

And that just confused me even more.

I did, I did wait outside a house once,

after a drop.

The guy was very handsome.

His eyes had come out of their sockets.

And I just couldn't wait for them to see

the footage.

I've ever heard

anyone scream so loud.

It was guttural.

It filled the whole street.

And the windows were closed.

Some people would say that I'm a killer.

But I don't kill anyone.

I just watch.

(emotive music plays)

(camera and bird sounds)

(camera clicks)

Four's dialogue, four, take one.

(child shouting in the background)

Why you talking like that you stupid little kid.

Sorry I do love kids really.

They do shoot dogs in these woods.

Oh the batteries gone there!

Car, take four.

(sniggers)

That's my stomach rumble.

(inaudible)

Oh God my stomach now,

I think let's just get this done and go have some, yeah,

let's just keep going.

It does get lonely though, I'm not gonna lie.

(car whizzes past)

But I don't mind.

You do meet some interesting... oh for goodness sake.

I can't believe this.

I actually can't believe it.

(noise of kids outside)

Kids!

But...

ah my stomach!

Do it again.

(inaudible)

It was good before.

The sounds are all coming out now, cos I'm doing sound,

have you noticed.

I'll just leave that one there because of the voice over.

So lets just keep going.

Got a plane.

Shall we wait.

Er, not another car.

He's, he's coming down, it's the man, it's the man.

Put the camera away for a second.

Let's just pretend that we're waiting for somebody.

Ah God I can't be dealing with him.

Well I was going to be...

(clears throat)

I was going to be an actor.

I suppose I like the...

(clears throat)

There's a plane,

are we near an airport, we must be near an airport.

Finding body...

scene, take one.

(clicks fingers)

So is this gonna end up on Netflix?

(Interviewer) Possibly. -OK.

I, I haven't got Netflix,

but I know that, that you can watch it

cos I saw it on the billboards, when I drive past the billboards.

Upgraded to my new car! Ahhhhhhh!

How hot is it today!

But we're doing a good job aren't we.

Very good.

You happy so far? - Yeah.

But she's really annoying cos she talks a lot.

Your doors not closed Darius.

Is it the boot?

Did you have your seat belt on? -Yeah.

(inaudible)

It was! -OK!

So as you know this is our lock down film.

I had time making my own costume.

So for Norman's coat I wanted it to be

a bit more worn and ground in.

And so, for that I am using Turmeric.

This was actually a decent coat,

but we're making it do because of our budget obviously.

So, just to give it that worn effect.

Yeah so it would be, what's that like?

It's quite nice with the blue.

Fantastic!

Maybe we'll get into it in one go.

You've got to dab that! On your whole teeth and dab.

It's too white otherwise.

He never used this.

Dab!

Just dab it!

It's an I phone apparently.

Not the Nokia, doesn't need a Nokia.

(drum beats)

(guitar plays)

Is this yours?

Used to be.

Ah there's my blue sock!

That is the one I'm looking for.

It went that way.

I say if you, if the car, if you were in the car,

sat in the car.

Yeah, OK thank you.

Is this nice, is this OK?

-Yep! -Yep!

Well I chose it from best...

for the camera today, so hopefully it'll be,

it'll be alright for you.

This is for when it gets too hot.

And all you've got to do,

is press the button there.

Three times.

Once, twice and three times.

Then it goes through the different speeds.

And I think I like it

more on number two, in the middle.

It's better for me.

So I've flicked it once, that's number one,

and then

that's number two and you can hear it

because it goes a bit louder.

And then three is too loud.

I know Teddy doesn't like it too loud.

Does he, look see watch what he does.

He starts to move, but

he's my sleeping bear.

I found him on the street.

I think a child dropped it

but I didn't give it to the child because I wanted it myself.

(camera bleep)

(fan noise)

(whistles)

A single tree!

(gasps) It's like the poster!

(TV plays quietly in background)

No that's too... actually that still looks quite frumpy.

I'm glad this, this hair's paying off.

Do you see it all coming together Philip? Do you see it?

Do you see the magic happening?

Telling me I could cut my hair, dye my hair,

all of that.

Can you see it happening now for a reason.

It's a good thing we haven't got a glass of water here,

cos you'd be wearing it!

Give it a quick smell, go on.

Can you help me please? -No I can't.

Alright well you're not getting a credit.

Rosie!

Little bitch!

I miss her.

She did used to shit in my car though.

And it stank.

(upbeat music chimes play)

She did used to shit in my car.

Where's that button.

Ready!

(phone speaker) "Where there's light there's hope."

(plays rock music)

(man shouts in the background) Fuck sake!

(huffs)

Oh it's a video.

(laughs) That's right, that's OK. That was funny, that was funny.

I can't see.

(music plays)

OK, give us notice. Is it still going.

OK.

Ready? -Yeah

Let me, let me warm up into it.

(inaudible)

(laughs) Oh gosh!

That was funny though.

(chuckles)

Stop filming me now.

OK.

(camera click)

(intense music)

(song: A peaceful killing)

Hi so we're on the second day of our shoot, A Peaceful Killing,

and we're in Hainult Forest.

And we're getting some drone shots above, into the forest that leads

from the field, into the abyss of the forest.

(music plays)

So we've actually been on two locations for this film.

We've been shooting in Bournemouth,

and we're also shooting in London so,

let's see how well we marry it together.

And let us know if you can tell.

Don't think you will.

Let's do a spin now.

Thank you Alex. -No problem.

Do all my own make-up.

All my own stunts.

All my own catering.

I even go to the toilet myself.

Look, just went.

Got those, to wipe my ass and my hands.

And also er,

bananas.

Shove up your arse.

Come closer a little bit, thank you.

How are you feeling? -Hot! Hot!

But we've done it,

so we're in the shade now, and we're enjoying the shadows.

(pfff)

How far do we... are you filming it?

That's nice, yeah you film it.

Maybe about...

We'll do one on this side, a bit of color.

Can we place there?

Yeah let me get the tape.

It's almost eight o'clock,

and we are wrapped for A Peaceful Killing.

We have now finished out three day shoot,

over two weeks, hasn't it been two weeks.

Two weeks yeah.

Bournemouth,

Hainault, -Hainault.

And High Barnet.

And there's no one here to say hi to.

Absolutely deserted.

And I really need a haircut, and a dentist.

Sorry just... perfect!

That was a joke.

So when I was at school on the Isle Of Wight,

I attended drama classes.

And I absolutely loved them,

It's when I felt most safe and alive and

just so I could be myself.

It was, it was where I found my

passion for it really.

At drama school in...

high school, that's when I first had the

you know, the

the real urge to do it.

(interviewer) Did you feel like you were bitten by a bug.

Yes and it's one I can never get rid of.

Even when I feel a bit strange about the industry,

and a bit you know, up and down, I still

it's still there and it's something I'm very passionate about

so I absolutely love it.

So when I was at school, on the Isle Of Wight,

I attended drama classes,

and I absolutely loved them.

It's when I felt most safe and alive and

just so I could be myself.

It was, it was where I found my passion for it really.

At drama school, in...

high school.

That's when I first had the

you know the

the real urge to do it.

(interviewer) Did you feel like you were bitten by a bug.

Yes and it's one I can never get rid of.

Even when I feel a bit strange about the industry,

and a bit you know, up and down, I still

it's still there and it's something I'm very passionate about

so I absolutely love it.

Darius and I met on a film in Bournemouth.

Which he was producing and cinematography,

um, was done by him as well.

Er that's also where I met Charlotte too.

Er.

So yeah it was the Narcissist

and that's where we first met and then we went onto to

have our Tribeca film, His Hands, which

was screened last year.

I love it.

It was, it was a short film

which was made on a very low budget.

And for four hundred pounds over three days in London.

And it was our first together,

as filmmakers, a duo.

And it ended up being screened at Tribeca.

It was picked from

over five thousand submissions

and sixty three were picked and ours is one of them.

So we had the premier in New York,

which was fantastic, really really great.

So yeah, it was a great experience

and it will be a fond memory for many years to come.

Yeah so obviously the Coronovirus has had a huge affect on peoples

mental states.

I meant emotionally and physically.

Er and it's what to do with that really and how to

exercise that muscle when your confined

into your living space and

your still wanting to be creative

but it's very very hard,

because people can't get close to each other so,

you have to try and figure out

the best way of making something,

creating something,

with those confinements.

In Bournemouth

and part in London in Barnet.

And so we've done the first day today

which was very, very successful.

Er, we had beautiful weather here

and we're just looking forward to getting the next part

of the film done, it will be filmed over two days.

So this is also a very very low budget film,

but you know we're having to make do with what we have.

Our resources, to still be creative and still get that

that muscle exercise so that we feel that we're

progressing in a way

where things are being held back a little bit.

We can still move forward and

and feel that this year hasn't been wasted.

And um, do you think that mental health is connected to the film?

Yes I don't think we fully understand

the extent of how damaging it's going to be.

I know things are lifting now and there's more

you know, restrictions have been eased

but you still feel the affects of being locked away

for a long period of time.

And I know people were going out and exercising and still

being active, but I think it's hard to get the balance right,

when you know what's happening and

you, you don't have the enthusiasm

to go out and do that and exercise constantly and

you know and I think it does have a really big affect and you know,

mentally, physically,

and things are picking up.

But I'm still feeling slightly hazed and

fuzzy and yeah, fragmented.

So it's very, very peculiar and I'm just hoping that it

the fog from my mind,

lifts very soon, so I can get back on track.

Cos I think we're all, I'm not, I'm not just saying that,

I think a lot of people, if they're being honest,

I, I would actually say the same thing.

It's very very trying

and um,

that's the whole reason we made this film as well, is to

break out of that confinement.

Well conversion therapy in this country

was something I had no idea about.

I thought it was other places in the world that

were dealing with that and

it was awful then.

But to hear that it's happening on home soil,

where you're actually from,

in sort of corners and pockets of the UK.

It's very worrying because

we see ourselves as a country that

you know, is sort of more advanced

with those things and to find out

that it's still actually happening here,

is very worrying.

That was a subject that we really wanted to

explore and

delve into and hopefully just set some awareness.

We tackle it in a way that is not you know,

the normal way of doing it.

We sort of wanna...

pull the rug from underneath the viewers.

So they feel uncomfortable to watch it.

We want it to be an uncomfortable watch

Er,

a sort of false sense of security and then

being, you know

knocked, knocked to the ground, so really

hit home what that, what that is and

I think it's going to be a challenge but we're going to do it.

I believe people will receive it mixed.

I think because it is a very hard subject matter,

and the way that we are going to deal with it is,

is quite hard hitting.

And I'm just hoping that the hard hitting

is something that I, I feel that

that in order to make a statement

you can't keep tip-toeing around something.

There's too much tip-toeing going on.

We've noticed that with the Coronavirus and governments

and planes!

But um, you just gotta keep going and

making sure that your voice is being heard

over the planes.

No, um, you've got to, you've got to just keep

driving forward and

getting messages out there because

at the moment, you know, we had a very lovely time.

If you think when the Olympic Games were happening in this country,

it was such a highlight and

the world was in like a euphoria of

you know, bliss.

It was such a, really felt proud of this country

but just recently,

just because of certain situations, I just feel that

that sort of pride

has sort of disintegrated just because

the ugliness is sort of rearing up.

You know, Black Lives Matter and gay conversion therapy

there things that, I think the virus

if we didn't have the virus, it wouldn't have happened.

But I think the virus has brought up other viruses that we need to tackle.

Unlike, um, you know

waiting for a vaccine for a killer virus

which gets into the lungs.

This is the, the other viruses

are actually things that are easier to tackle

if people just, you know

stop doing what they're doing and think about

another human being.

It's a lot easier than trying to

eradicate a virus which is

natural.

Because

what we're doing,

is we're creating things that

other people and other people that

are in our environments are deciding that is wrong.

And in that in itself is wrong.

Yes, yep.

I, I think because we're dealing with it

we're making it a mockumentary about

a character called Norman who,

who lives in his car, who's been

abandoned by his family.

They disowned him because of who he was

and

that's heart breaking in itself.

And he becomes very lonely.

So we've really magnified that and we've really tried to show

that, you know

he's actually and adorable character.

Hopefully.

Er but we are going to do that and just to show that...

People don't deserve to be treated in that way.

And what happens if people give up on

the people that you trust and look up to.

Parents, loved ones, family.

Friends, lovers.

If they turn their back on you,

then you believe that you possibly have nothing.

And that is heartbreaking to, to understand and

I think nobody deserves that.

Yeah absolutely and I think

it's a broken society right now because

there's so much conflict going on.

Leaders have changed and it's gone, it's gone a whole 180

and it's not pleasant at the moment.

And what that does is, it gives people

who possibly had those thoughts

a feeling of entitlement to be horrible

and to be, um,

judgmental on people.

Whereas before it was sort of smoothing out,

it was still bad but it wasn't as bad as it is now.

And I think that

smooth it out, smooth it out again.

We need to... (slaps hands)

Even if, even if it's a plaster it's still going to do some good.