Original subtitles

Okay, item 37, uh, the cafeteria staff is cooking up some...

- Boo. Boo. - ...new options for, uh, lunches.

Uh, the menu is pretty set,

but they are allowing for one option to be chosen by the community.

Ribs. End of discussion.

Mm-hmm. Yep. I was thinking something a little maybe easier for the kids.

What could be easier than ribs? You don't even need silverware for that.

Any other suggestions?

Crab legs.

Say less because I like when my meal comes with a bib in a bag.

Okay, how-how about something that's not going to make a huge mess?

- Uh, burgers? - Okay.

Now we're getting fired up!

- Sliders. - Yes, yes.

Yes. Slide, sliders, sliding.

Electrically, electronic. Electric slide.

We're gonna do the electric slide, y'all. Come on.

No, no, no dancing, okay?

We've got a big agenda here because we danced all last time.

Okay, you know what? Let's just...

Can't line dance to that.

♪ I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing Roman cavalry choirs... ♪

Guys, we really have work to do!

♪ Be my mirror, my sword and shield ♪

♪ My missionaries in a foreign field ♪

Think about it. It doesn't even actually make sense. Okay?

Oh, Ava, Ava, um, the podcasters and I want to explore acoustics

and reverb today, so we were hoping to use the gym.

No, step class is in there.

It's the one thing those girls look forward to.

Besides, the last thing your kids need is you plus reverb.

Okay.

Very well, to the stairwell!

♪ Ay, I don't pop pills, I'm the wave ♪

What is going on in here?

I know you're not bootlegging my choreography, Mr. Johnson.

Cut. Step team asked me to record their audition tape.

Hate to go Fincher on y'all, but we're going again.

You're filming for what now?

The Homeroom Showdown.

All-School Dance Contest is having an open casting call.

If they like our tape, then we compete to represent West Philly at regionals,

and then if we win regionals, we get to go to Disneyland.

Disneyland.

Y'all sound goofy. Ah-hyuck!

I know this is step club, but that's a lot of steps.

- Mr. Jay, what's in it for you? - Haven't you heard?

Hollywood is snapping up all the young YouTube directors left and right,

and I'm next in line. Duh.

Let's go for another take, Mr. Jay.

Come on, let's do this.

♪ Wave, wave, wave ♪

I'm not gonna stop them from making a tape,

but let's be realistic. This isn't going anywhere.

You saw that website, it was legit. Not a single pop-up.

So, therefore, five-eighths divided by three-fourths is...

Michael, why don't we try using this pencil, okay? Not the pen.

I think that's better.

Oh, sorry. [chuckles] Go on.

So that's Ms. Pitman.

She's a special needs teacher working with my student Michael.

She's real good at her job.

It's very nice and everything to just...

I don't love having someone else in my classroom.

Nothing against her or anything. I just hate it.

I'm pretty much done with this lesson.

The kids are just going to do a worksheet from here on out.

So if you've got other classes you've got to go to...

Oh, nope. I've been assigned to Michael today, so, uh, I'm here.

Yeah, and I know... I know you've got to be certified to teach special ed,

but you know, I've been teaching a long time, so...

Uh, I-I totally get it.

Um, it's just that you do need the certification,

but it sounds like you'd be a great candidate for the class I'm teaching.

A couple of months, you'll get your classroom back and you'll make more money.

Continue.

I know it's last-minute, but, um, we actually have a few spots left, so...

- Not anymore, you don't. - Oh.

I know you're new, but around these parts, I pick up the trash.

My job, janitor, your job, teacher.

I got something to tell you. Some things you should know.

Is that the new sub getting Mr. Johnson's classic trash lecture?

Yep, that's Natalie.

I remember when he first gave me that talk.

I cried for a week.

I stopped by the class earlier. The kids seem to like her.

- Mmm. - Hopefully this one sticks.

Yeah, I'm very tired of meeting new people.

By the time I finish the friendship bracelets, they're already gone.

I don't know. I feel like if Mr. Jay keeps it up with the trash talk,

we're going to lose her.

You know what? Let's skip the initiation phase

and bring her right into the inner circle.

I can't be that fast, but yes, let's do that. It's a good plan.

Oh, here she comes. Everybody smile.

Oh, okay.

Hey, Natalie. How's subbing going?

Kids giving you a hard time for being new?

Heavens no. They've been nothing short of angelic.

Besides, I used to get a little rowdy to subs back in school,

so who am I to throw the first stone, you know?

Yeah.

Hey, I don't know what you're up to later, but the three of us,

we're going to go to Bone Town after school.

You know, get some dinner, if you want to join.

Oh, my gosh. I'd love to.

I have to meet my sisters, but I can come after.

- Absolutely. Yeah. - Yeah.

- I'll see you there. - Okay.

Yes, yes.

Hey, Barb. Barb, Barb, Barb,

what do your evenings look like for the next, say, six months?

- I'm not certain. - Great, clear your schedule.

Because Ms. Pitman just told me

that she's teaching a course in special ed certification,

and it's basically stuff we already know.

So we would just get to hang out and make some extra dough.

Yeah, six months sounds like a long time.

It's 2,000 bucks.

2,000 bucks will go a long way on a cruise.

- Mm-hmm. - And it's stuff we already know?

Yeah, it'd be like a walk in the park, all the way to the bank.

- All right, I'm in. - Yes.

- For the kids, of course. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- For the kids. - Mm-hmm.

Of course.

We got in, Principal Coleman! We made it to the tryouts!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This office is at capacity for both people and positivity.

What's up, y'all? We're going to tryouts.

Follow our journey straight to the championship.

Okay, well, hold on now.

We're trying out against dozens of other teams.

Now I gotta figure out transportation, chaperones.

Don't you guys want to skip it and go to the arcade?

They got Dance Dance Revolution.

It's kind of like stepping, and you can win a lava lamp.

I'm here to share the good news.

My film got accepted. They love me.

Step competition today, Independent Spirit Awards tomorrow.

Yeah.

It's important to build trust...

I'm just excited to be back in the classroom.

Yeah, me too. It's gonna be fun.

Hello.

Uh, class started at 4:00.

Yes, but I have a standing nail appointment, so you see my dilemma.

Yeah, Laura, this is Barb. It's okay. She's cool.

- I prefer you call me Ms. Pitman. - Oh.

- What? - You're both late.

Yeah, but somebody here is probably taking notes.

Probably that guy.

Take your seats. Quietly, please.

- Ooh. - Okay.

Miss Thang.

- It's Ms. Pitman. - Oh.

All right, folks, chips and guac for the table.

Yay. Oh, I thought we ordered queso, didn't we?

Again, we don't have queso on the menu.

Mmm.

I can bring you a slice of cheese.

- That would be amazing. Thank you. - Thank you.

- Yes. Love cheese. - Uh-huh.

Hi.

- Hey. - Uh, hi.

Boo! Early Halloween?

Ah, I have always thought Halloween should be a week long.

We contain multitudes. One day is not enough.

Right.

Nope, no costume.

So... so you're a nun?

Oh, Ava didn't tell you?

I'm not a nun. I'm a sister.

You know, I've never been to Bone Town before.

So as you may recall, I have been known to partake in marijuana after school

and, as you may also know, it is after school.

So I am high.

Please don't tell her, though.

She'll tell God.

Sorry, I was running late from Bible study,

and I didn't have time to do my hair. I didn't mean to catch you all off guard.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, none of us... We don't...

- Yeah. Yeah. - We don't judge. No.

We just leave that to the big man upstairs.

- Yeah. - Well, that's good to hear

'cause people usually do treat me differently when they find out.

What is wrong with people?

Jesus. I mean... Oh, my God. Oh! Holy hell, Jacob.

Jacob, Jacob, stop talking.

Janine, say something.

- Peace be with you. - Mmm.

- Right? - Mmm.

All right, drinks are ready.

- Who had the Sex On The Beach? - Mmm.

Oh. Yeah.

- And Porn Star Martini. - That'd be me.

- Thanks. Yeah. - And you ordered--

Nothing.

- You did. - Mm-mmm.

- You ordered the two Buttery Nipples. - Mm-hmm.

- You did. - Yeah.

- Thank you. - Enjoy.

I am so sorry.

The drinks at Bone Town are all really sacrilegious, and we should do better.

You guys, it's cool.

Relax, really, just treat me like you would anyone else.

You've never been Bone Town.

That's such a good joke because of course you haven't because you're not allowed to.

But that's okay.

Thank you.

Can you believe we've been assigned homework?

I know, right? Seems like a waste of time. Let me just copy your worksheet.

Eyes on your own paper, Melissa.

It just says, "I heart Gerald."

Because I do.

Oh, look at this.

They are recommending sensory headphones to ease moments of overstimulation.

That's weird. I never heard of that.

Like, that would make it harder to listen in class, right?

You know, they've got a few of those over in admin if you ever need--

Jacob, we're trying to study.

Mmm.

Oh, hey, did you guys tell everyone about last night?

About how the three of us took a nun to Bone Town?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You did what now?

Thanks for the invite.

What she means is we took the new sub to Bone Town,

and by "sub" we mean the new substitute, and by "Bone Town" we mean the restaurant.

Yeah, it turns out she's a Catholic nun.

Yeah, and it was really funny to me at the time, but now it's just unnerving.

You know, I was almost a nun.

Yeah, right.

Why does everybody always... I could have done it.

Well, I for one think it's wonderful that we have another woman of God amongst us.

Who's the other one?

Well, technically she's a sister,

but I got to say I admire the simplicity and discipline of the lifestyle.

Yeah, now I went to Catholic school and it was hell, okay?

We didn't have a single recess in third grade

because Sister Mary Teresa told us

that we broke a commandment, but wouldn't say which one.

I mean, there's ten of them!

Either she goes or I do.

- We'll figure it out, buddy. - Okay. Yeah.

Take a deep breath. You're okay.

Checking in for Abbott Elementary.

Terrific.

Your audition slot's in about an hour.

You can check the website for results in a couple of days.

Feel free to warm up wherever you can find space,

and there's a water bottle filling station around the corner.

And where do we get the water bottles?

The teams bring their own, of course.

Or, wait, you were joking, weren't you?

I'm so bad at jokes.

That's Chester Preparatory.

West Philly champs, three years running.

Well, this should be quick.

At least we don't have to waste time filling any water bottles.

Melissa, did you say you bought dinner?

- You know it. - Oh.

Might I interest you... ...in a cobb salad?

Well, you most certainly may.

- Oh, and did you happen to bring-- - Don't insult me.

- Ooh. - Okay, just say when.

Ooh.

Mmm. Mmm. When.

Okay, not only is that way too much pepper...

I'm going to have to separate you two.

You stay there.

You sit over here.

- Me? - Yeah, come on.

A-pepper police.

Sorry, it was... it was the-the pepper.

I think we just watch Sister Act 2 tonight and get it out of our systems.

Okay, honestly, I prefer the first one, but...

I can't believe we're dating sometimes.

- Well, believe it. - Mmm.

- Hi, you two. - Oh.

- I'm sorry, um... - Oh, God.

...Janine had an eyelash that fell into her mouth.

Mm-hmm. He was getting it out.

So just sitting in the car with the engine off, Natalie?

Oh, I was just wrapping up with Saint Christopher on the holy hotline.

- You can call him? - Praying for a traveling grace.

- Praying, praying. - Yeah, okay, yeah.

Don't worry, I included you lovebirds.

Thanks.

It is so wonderful that you carpool.

Yes, yeah, of course we carpool because we live separately

in our very separate homes,

for we're not married, we are just...

Have a great evening.

- Bye! - Bye.

- Did you hear the way she said that? - There was a tone.

There was definitely a tone.

- Yeah, she got to go. - Yeah.

♪ Wait, wait, now I'm going outta state ♪

♪ You ain't where I'm from So you can't relate ♪

♪ Man, these, man, these bums Get 'em out my face ♪

♪ Go and get a check, all you do is hate ♪

♪ Charge it to the game 'Cause I'm here to play ♪

♪ I been going in, I don't need breaks ♪

♪ No, for real ♪

♪ Wave, wave, wave, wave ♪

♪ I don't pop pills, I'm the... ♪

♪ Wave, wave, wave, wave, wave ♪

♪ I don't pop pills, I'm the... ♪

Principal Coleman, we crushed it.

All right, all right, everybody calm down.

You all did great, but sometimes the judges get it wrong,

- so let's just take it step by step. - That's what they've been doing.

I know, I'm just saying let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Totally, totally. Real quick, can I get dibs on the window seat to Disneyland?

This is gonna be bad.

I know what it's like to have your dreams crushed.

When I was little, I tried out for Annie. They told me I was Black.

Should've waited a couple of years.

I've got to do something about this.

And that is why we use alpha commands.

Directions like "sit in your chair" or "voices at zero" are clear and concise.

You know what's always worked in my classroom,

is when I threaten more homework.

Boom, alpha!

Well, we don't want to threaten, okay?

What's direction without some stakes? I mean...

I like to add a touch of warmth so their little spirits don't bruise.

Oh, please.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Mm-hmm.

Marcus, baby, the good Lord gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Please hush.

Mm-hmm.

Marcus is one of my students.

Yeah, that is not what I'm teaching in this class.

But I think you could, which is why I'm telling you.

Yeah, we were just trying to help.

I'm just saying your alpha commands could use a little more bite.

- Oh, oh, great idea. - Yeah.

Out of my class, now.

See, that's much better.

Get the hell out of my class.

Uh, that was for us.

Alpha, boom.

Hmm.

What time do you think step practice is over today?

Ms. Carol and I have front row tickets to see the new Street Fighter.

Oh, I canceled practice for the rest of the week.

Why? Those girls live for step practice.

Because until we get the results,

those girls'll be all giddy thinking they're going to Disneyland,

and they're not.

If I cancel practice until after they find out,

then they'll have less time together to get their hopes up.

Hold on, did you see the same performance I did?

They killed it.

They were amazing, I'll be the first one to say it.

But entering a competition against kids

who just stepped off Dance Moms thinking it'll go our way is delusional.

They're kids, a little delusion's not gonna hurt them.

Take it from me, that fairy tale nonsense can ruin kids like these,

because how many of them are really gonna get a happily ever after?

I'm just trying to protect them.

Life's gonna hit them with defeat.

It's inevitable, but who's to say if it's now?

And if it doesn't work out and they get their hopes crushed,

at least they'll have you to teach them how to get through it.

It's a win-win even if they lose, lose.

So I guess we can say I won that conversation.

Can y'all make some noise for the new lunch menu?

Yeah.

I can't hear you.

Yeah!

I can't believe they're doing a whole assembly

just to announce the school lunch lineup.

Well, how else are they supposed to get the word out?

A lousy email? This is lunch, Barb, lunch.

Oh, Michael, where are you going?

Don't you want to find out when Corn Dog Day is?

It's just really bright and loud, and people keep bumping into me and--

Okay, sweetheart, come on now, just come on and just stand right here, next to me.

- There you go. - Wait a minute, Barb.

Next up, we've got chili bowl...

Sensory headphones.

I guess Ms. Pitman isn't the worst teacher after all.

Yeah, yeah, 'cause when you boil it down,

we're just too good of students to not keep taking her class.

Role models. That's what we are.

Then coming up on the 9th...

We got sliders, y'all!

Are you sure this is gonna work?

Are you kidding me? It's freaking bulletproof.

One look at me in this getup

selling drugs on campus, you two, like, canoodling.

We're gonna scandalize Little Miss Sister right out of the school.

Yes, let's show her what a bunch of untamed

public school educators really look like, right?

Yes, I know. Here she comes.

Oh, um...

- I can't keep my hands to myself. - And why would you?

Because we don't care about the rules of the school, or otherwise.

- Mm-mmm. Mm-hmm. - We like to do the nasty.

- We like to be nasty. - Yeah.

Hey, Gregory Eddie.

I heard you've been talking trash about the Pope.

- What the... No. What happened to the drugs? - You said drugs.

- Oh, you need drugs? I got-- - Stop.

Please, please stop.

You're all so bad at whatever it is you're trying to do right now.

I'm already quitting.

- Oh, you are? - This happens all the time.

I told you, people get weird when they find out I'm a sister.

I just thought you guys would be cooler, but you clearly are not,

which is why I took a job at a Jesuit school.

They can hang.

Did she just break up with us?

Why do you never stick to the script of this character?

Because the character doesn't like rules, Gregory. Huh!

All right, now keep that energy up.

That's it.

All right, y'all, looking good.

- Looking good? We're looking unstoppable. - Okay, confidence. I like that spirit.

Just know, no matter what happens, we've got each other.

Sorry, afraid I got some news.

We got in!

We're going to regionals!

Wait, wait, wait, bad news.

I forgot to hit record.

Okay, everybody back to one, we're losing daylight, people.

Mr. Johnson was right. Maybe believing's not so bad.

We're gonna get our ass kicked at regionals, though.

But you never know.

Dream big. That's what I always say.

Okay, so let's talk support plans.

That was really sweet.

Earlier, I got so inspired by myself that I decided

to make my own short film based on my own original idea.

Behold.

Action!

Where am I?

What's going on with the lights?

Who's there?

Oh, it's just you.

What are you doing?