Original subtitles

- Subtitles - Lu�s Filipe Bernardes

Home from the war in Europe.

Into New York harbor steams the world's biggest boat load.

Yes, it's a day of thrill, the day these G.I. guys and gals...

...have been dreaming about for long months.

Home sweet home.

"Telephone call for Mr. Peter Morely."

"Mr. Morely, please go to telephone near pier entrance."

"Telephone call for Mr. Morely."

"Telephone call for Peter Morely.#

"Mr. Morely, please go to telephone near pier entrance."

"Telephone call for Mr. Morely."

Nasty spill, wasn't it? I saw the whole thing.

- That lady again. - Oh, thanks, pal.

Hello, honey.

Have you talked to your wife yet, dear? Is she off the boat?

Maybe it would simplify matters if she just fell overboard.

That's a fine thing to say about my wife,

she couldn't fall overboard now if she wanted to.

- No, well I... - Now remember, dear.

Don't become involved with her.

Simply get her signature on the divorce consent and come right over here.

Sure, honey.

Oh, I'll get her settled the minute I see her. She's as anxious as I am.

Yeah... Well, I'll go...

Hm?

Oh, you know I do, honey.

Haven't I been proving it to you?

Yeah... Well, I...

Oh...

Honey, it's docking. They're raising the gangplank.

Oh... Hello?

Hello, honey, you all right?

No, I mean... No, no, the ship didn't blow up.

I'll tell you about it later. Yeah... goodbye, honey.

Goodbye.

What goes on?

- Who's in charge of this pier? - I am.

Well, what kind of a phone booth do you call that?

Do you realize that the wrong kind of man would sue you for damages?

Legally this is a pure and simple case of res ipsa loquitur.

- But what happened? - What happened, he says.

I'm standing in the thing and it falls apart.

- How could that be? - I don't know, but look at it.

I might have killed myself.

Just watch it, friend, don't let those things happen.

Sorry, mister, pass holders only.

But I was in here before, I'm a husband.

- Adley! - Go ahead.

Hartley.

- Gordon, - Edward, T.

- Stewart. - Glen, G.

- Morgan. - John, C.

- Martin. - Robert E.

Mary! Here I am, Mary!

Peter! Hello, hello!

There's my husband.

Lambert.

- MacArthur. - George C.

Yes, ma'am.

- Noble - Leonard, A.

- Morely. - Mary, G.

Well!

I don't know quite how to act, did you get my letter about the divorce?

Yes, I didn't expect it.

Oh, Sgt. Denny this is my husband. The sergeant's my assistant.

They said we could get in the bus, so you go right ahead.

Yes, ma'am. Glad to have met you, sir.

- How do you get into this place? - Oh, there's a gate right around here.

You look fine.

Thin. Trimmed down a bit.

I lost 30 lb. in the Pacific, but I gained most of it back, though.

- How do I look? - You look fine.

I've got the divorce agreement in my pocket.

It seems funny because you're in uniform I have to get your consent, but...

Milk, Captain?

Fresh milk, thank you.

Fresh milk.

- Hey, Pops! - Stinkey!

- It's wonderful, it's like nectar. - Yeah...

- Look, about the divorce consent... - Dad!, Hello, sir!

Mom!

Look, can't we gome some place?

- Excuse me, Capt. Morely? - Yes.

I'm Jurgens, public relations.

How do you do, this is my husband, Peter Morely.

- Hello. - Wonderful!

Jones, over here!

Over here, please. This is wonderful.

You know, you've become quite a celebrity.

I recognized you from those pictures in Yanks.

Excuse me, fellows, do you mind?

Oh, the article on my marital relations work in the Army.

I'd say the publicity's gone a bit overboard.

Captain Lonely Hearts, they call me.

- Fellas, come here! - Isn't that wonderful?

This is a natural.

The famous Capt. Lonely Hearts comes back from overseas...

- ...and into the arms of her husband. - Oh now, wait a minute.

- Are you bashful, Morely? - Well, no, I...

Mr. Morely, arms around your wife, a big smackeroo!

Look, we don't go for this kind of publicity.

Oh, give us a break, we've got lots to cover.

Come on, we'd better...

How did you get into this marriage saving business?

Lady, will you please get out of the way, I wanna get this on film.

It's simply a continuation of my work as a civilian attorney.

You're looking at Morely and Morely, attorneys-at-law.

- Now, the smackeroo! - But...

- Come on, do it nicely, come on... - Now the kiss.

Fine, now smile.

Smile! That's it.

- Thank you. - Is the lady free to talk, Captain?

I'll give you all that information later. Capt. Morely must check in for processing.

Thanks a lot, Captain.

- Better get into one of those buses. - I know. Come on, Peter.

- Goodbye, boys! - Goodbye, thank you.

- That second bus, Captain. - Thank you.

We haven't settled anything, I've got the papers right here in my pocket.

Not now! Looking for Morely?

- Right here, Captain. - Thank you.

This bus, please.

No, no, WACs only, sir.

But I have something very important to say to my wife.

I'm sorry, WACs only.

Go on, go on.

When will I see you? When are you gonna be free?

I don't know!

All you can do is wait for me at the apartment.

Nasty spill, wasn't it? I saw the whole thing.

Yeah... just a minute, I'm, coming.

- Hello. - Oh, hello.

I have no key.

You'll find one in your dressing-table drawer.

- I'll take your bags. - Oh, thanks.

I've got my gear all packed. You gave me such short notice...

...about your arrival that I didn't have a chance to get out.

Peter.

You know, it almost seems as though we'd never been away, doesn't it?

- Yeah. Darling... - Yes, dear.

I've been making a list of our assets for the settlement.

You never cared much for the beach house anyway,

so I thought I'd take it and you could have the apartment. Is that fair enough?

You called me darling a moment ago.

Why?

I don't know, just force of habit, I guess.

We haven't seen each other for years and you always called me Counselor.

Yeah, that's right, Counselor.

Peter, if there's someone else.

Even if there were, what difference would that make to you?

Have you forgotten that the divorce was your idea?

Yes, back in 1941.

I guess we should have settled this before we enlisted.

Peter... are you sure you want to go through with this?

Oh, I'm making it as easy as possible.

We haven't seen each other for so long...

our attitudes might have changed.

Are you absolutely sure?

What is this, a cross-examination?

I said I wanted to make the separation as simple as possible for you.

Simple?

Here I am in the Army teaching quarreling couples...

...how to make marriage work and you make everything easy by demanding a divorce.

I'm not demanding.

Well, you'd better not, you're likely to get nowhere.

What do you think we ought to do, Counselor?

I won't be in a uniform forever and you're in no hurry.

Are you?

Oh no, no, but...

Couldn't you take a six-weeks' leave and get a quiet divorce?

No.

Whatever's done must be as a last resort, we...

We mustn't destroy the effect of the work that I've done in the Army, you know.

Well, we'll work it out some way, Counselor, don't worry.

- Are you looking for something, Counselor? - Yes, my bags.

Well, I put them in the bedroom.

Isn't something missing there?

Missing?

From there?

Oh!

You were so much prettier than the picture, actually, that I...

That's better.

Counselor!

Are you doing anything tonight?

- Not particularly. - Well then, would you have dinner with me?

Are you being nice to a returning serviceman?

Well, there are some things we might want to talk about.

May I pick you up at eight?

It would be nice to make an appearence together.

The Moonlight Terrace is still open, you always liked that.

All right, Peter.

Fine, I'll store my things some place now. See you at eight.

Shall we both bring briefcases?

- Hello, Charlie. - I might have known, Mr. Morely.

What do you mean?

Miss Fay sending me out for champagne and you bringing in flowers.

- Elementary, my dear Watson. - Yes, sir.

Why, Peter Morely, you're out of the Army.

- Hello... yes. - Have you moved here?

No, no.

I see, calling on some young lady.

Yes.

- Floors, please. - Nine

- Fourteen. - Eleven, please.

Eight, please.

Yes, Mr. Morely.

But aren't you married to that lovely Mary whatsername?

Yes.

- How is she? - Well, she's in the Army.

Overseas?

No, not anymore, she just got back from overseas today.

She's still in uniform, I suppose.

Yes.

So I'm taking flowers to a sick horse!

Eighth floor, Mr. Morely.

- Darling! - Hello, honey.

You dear! Roses to celebrate.

See, it wasn't so difficult, was it?

You mean about Mary?

- She signed the papers, didn't she? - Well... no, she didn't.

- Why not? - Now look, believe me,

there's nothing to worry about, it's just that...

Well, we can't rush things, we...

- We're up against the army. - Oh, Peter, you weakened.

- No, honest, I... - Then you didn't go about it intelligently.

I tell you there's nothing to worry about.

I'm picking her up at our apartment tonight...

- Our apartment? - Well, I mean, her apartment,

- Then I'm taking her out to dinner and... - And there's nothing to worry about.

You just don't have faith in me. I keep telling you everything's going...

Oh, I have faith in you, but what about her?

I don't pretend to be a child, dear.

But as a woman who's been married, I know something about men.

And more about women.

I was unhappy once and you are now.

As mature people we know we could be happy together.

So we must act quickly.

That's what I'm trying to do.

But every hour you delay makes the separation more difficult.

It also makes me wonder about your sincerity.

Oh now, honey!

No, you aren't a free man and we mustn't cheapen ourselves.

- What were we up to now? - Peter, please.

You mustn't come here again until your wife has consented to the divorce.

- But... - And that had better be soon.

I tell you, I'll have the papers signed by morning.

Well, I hope so, for both of us. Now you'd better go.

- One little kiss? - That's for the future.

- You sure smell good. - Remember that.

And I won't be waiting forever.

What are you doing here?

- Hello. - How did you get in?

My key. Peter lets me stay here whenever I come up from Washington.

Well, I don't mean to be brash, but would you get out of here?

I'm a client of Mr. Morely.

How will he be able to buy pretty things if you drive clients away?

He'll manage. The door's right over there.

- What ever happened to Gloria? - Glor... Oh!

Oh, she... you know.

Now, don't be so modest.

It's all quite apparent.

Peter met you and that was the end of Gloria.

And it wasn't a month ago that he swore she was the one woman in the world.

Of course Peter told me about Gloria but...

...I've never met her. She's quite pretty, isn't she?

I'd vote for you. Peter's to be congratulated.

- Thank you. - Nice fellow, in a way.

- At least he's fun. - Is he?

You're a very serious young lady.

Is that bad?

Well... what if Peter finds someone else later?

Could you thank him for nothing and go away with a smile?

Do you, um... think that may happen?

It happened to Gloria, didn't it?

And a man doesn't change overnight.

Well, I'll face that problem when the time comes.

- You poor kid. - Now.. if you'll excuse me, Mister, um...

Lindsay, Jack.

Well, as you can see, I must get dressed and, naturally, you can't stay here tonight.

Naturally.

Goodbye, Mr. Lindsay, I'll tell Peter you were here.

I'll see you again. And may I offer a compliment?

Yes?

I wish I'd met you first.

- I believe my daughter's here. - I can assure you I didn't bring her here.

- Mother! - Darling, my famous mate.

You look wonderful!

Just as you were when you went away.

The disillusionment comes later.

- What's he, a souvenir? - He's a friend of Peter's, Mr. Lindsay.

Oh, so you're a friend of my daughter's husband.

Husband?

Have you heard any good stories lately, Mr. Lindsay?

May I... may apologize? And please don't believe a word I said.

Young man, how long have you known Capt. Morely?

- Captain? - I'm a WAC, Mr. Lindsay.

Don't be too concerned about what you told me.

Peter and I have been separated for years.

Oh!

- Well! - I believe you have a key.

Oh... that.

So Peter never told you he had a wife from whom he was separated.

Of course, you're the Morely of Morely and Morely.

Nicely put.

Thanks. Now that Peter doesn't live here any longer, you might find it embarrassing...

...to have me running in and out of the apartment at all hours.

I'll find a hotel room with the aid of a small miracle.

By the way, Mr. Lindsay, what are you doing tonight?

Why, um... nothing.

Peter and I are having dinner at the Moonlight Terrace.

Congratulations.

Would you do something for me?

- I might. - Would you take Gloria to the same place?

I wouldn't make many friends doing that.

Well, I'd be indebted to you.

Interesting thought.

- I'll take her. - Thanks so much!

- If she'll go. - She'll go.

Simply hint that Peter and I will be there.

Isn't it terrible how completely women know each other?

- I'm going to enjoy this. - See you tonight.

You know, I'm beginning to doubt Peter's judgment.

As a client, I have a feeling I should take my business elsewhere.

Are you opening your own law office soon?

- Perhaps within a few months. - Well, may I offer myself?

- As a client. - And why not?

- Good day, Mother. - Goodbye!

Did you hear what he called me? He's very nice.

- A bit obvious. - Oh, what man isn't?

- Where are your stockings? - The clean ones are in the brown bag.

A man's pajamas.

I bought those for Peter in Paris, it was just a little gift,

now put them back.

Don't be so snappy.

Frankly, I'm scared stiff.

A date with my own husband, I'm shaking like a schoolgirl.

Have you forgotten what you said in that clipping you sent me from London?

What?

"Remember this, said Capt. Morely,

every impression you make with your actions, every word you..."

Yes, Mother, I know.

"...must convince the man that you're the most wonderful woman on earth."

Fits like a glove.

Stop giving me my own routine.

I hadn't realized how easy it is to advise people...

...and how difficult it is to make the advice work.

Come on, darling.

The first time he sees you tonight is so important.

I know, I know...

Now, let's see your entrance into the living room.

Mother, please now, I'll be late.

Oh, try it, try it, it will be time well invested.

That first sight of you, completely a woman. Come on!

Be careful, my nails are wet. Oh, it seems so silly actually rehearsing.

Well, you told other women to do it. Pay attention to yourself, come on.

No, no, no! Not so stiff. You're not a soldier now.

What do you want me to do?

Like a woman.

Well... that's better.

- Hello, Peter. - Hello, Mary.

Mother!

Hello, Mother.

Glad to see you.

- Didn't you understand eight o'clock? - Will you please wait in the other room?

Sure.

You sure look funny.

Funny? He said I looked funny.

Oh, darling.

In consideration of such agreement, the following...

...real and personal property shall be divided.

One cooperatively-owned apartment, Mary.

One beach house with location as specified in the Hall of Records.

Why don't you go watch Rome burn?

I asked him to come over.

Oh... that was very pretty, thanks very much.

- Be seeing you. - Thank you.

Now let's, um, where were we?

Oh... Hall of Records, etc, etc... usual wording.

Now, you know that this is very generous.

One baby grand piano, Mary.

One combination radio and phonograph...

One table-model radio, Mary.

One portable radio, me.

One vacuum cleaner, Mary.

One washing machine, Mary.

Why don't you wait for the headwaiter?

This isn't up his alley.

One combination checkers, chess and backgammon set, me.

I didn't think that you'd want the...

- What's the matter? - My hand went to sleep. Better now, though.

Uh...

One four-burner electric stove, Mary. One electric refrigerator, Mary.

- One set sterling silver, Mary... - Well, Pete Morely!

Oh, Jack...

I suppose all you people have a fair idea...

Mrs. Morely, my wife... I mean, Capt. Morely, this Jack Lindsay.

- He's a client of mine. - How do you do, Mr. Lindsay?

Charming... charmed.

And, um...

Oh, yes, of course, Gloria Fay, Capt. Morely.

How do you do, Miss Fay?

How do you do?

Well, fancy meeting you here.

Oh, yes, Miss Fay, may I present Mr. Peter Morely.

- Oh, how do you do? - So happy to know you.

Well, won't you join...

I mean, you two have a table of your own, of course.

- Yes, we must have. - Actually, we haven't.

Really, Jack, these people might like to be alone.

What can Pete say, after all, I'm his best client.

So you're old Pete Morely's wife, I've heard so much about you.

I'll bet you have.

- Well, Jack... when did you get in town? - Today.

Well, about the apartment, I'm having a little redecorating done.

- So if you don't mind... - I have a room at the South Park.

Good, you're lucky.

Well, when does the fur start flying?

- Fur? - Fur.

The saying means when somebody is going to trip over his own tongue...

...and reveal that Mr. Morely's sitting between Mrs. Morely and his girlfriend.

Touch�.

Girlfriend isn't quite the phrase, Mrs. Morely.

- I was just being sweet. - You are a darling.

I feel honored to have won your husband.

You know, it's too bad you can't celebrate a moral victory.

Well...

Now that we know each other, we can face the situation like grown people.

Mary and I have just been looking over the settlement papers.

Of course you and I realize this involves some sacrifice on her part.

You know, her work in the Army as marital relations expert.

You and I appreciate that deeply, don't we, darling?

Oh, I'm sure the captain will be able to preserve her reputation.

Perhaps in the same mysterious way she obtained him.

Oh, thank you, and if there's ever anything I can do for your reputation.

I know, nothing but the best for Peter.

And now he's going to have it.

Tell me, my dear, how did you ever manage to meet him?

Oh, a man without love, is that difficult?

It depends. In your case obviously no.

Oh, it's wonderful to meet such an understanding woman.

I was afraid for a moment...

...you might either be an extremely spiteful, a very selfish person...

...who would refuse to sign the divorce consent.

Shall we dance?

I told you Mary wasn't the type to stand in anybody's way.

- Are you, Counselor? - No, not when I face a superior opponent.

Now that she understands the situation, I'm sure she'll sign the papers right away,

won't you, Counselor?

You can see the place is marked right here for your signature.

Mr. Lindsay, did I hear you ask me to dance?

- I must have been thinking out loud. - Excuse us, you lucky people.

Is she going to sign or must we sit here all evening and click our teeth between insults?

Insults? I thought you two were getting along beautifully.

She'll sign, we just have to be careful.

Why don't you shoot her?

I thought you meant that.

Did you?

Quite a woman.

Hm-hmm.

Great idea of yours bringing her right to the table.

I had confidence in you.

Whether he likes it or not, Peter must be saved from that...

booby trap.

You mean for yourself.

- Is it that obvious? - To me.

Peter can't see the end of his nose.

He's in love, you know.

- Take me home, please. - And leave him with his papers blank?

Come on!

- I'll get your jacket and purse. - You will not!

Things could be so lovely. Why don't you give the goof his freedom?

You watch, now that she's had her little moment,

she'll sign the papers without a word.

That's just her way.

What would you say if I told you she isn't here?

No...

Why, she wouldn't walk out without saying a word.

- She wouldn't do that to me. - She's doing it to me.

Yeah, but her coat and purse.

You'll take them to her, tonight.

She knows that.

And you know how weak a man can be.

Honey, believe me, there's nothing I want more...

...than to come to you and tell you I'm free.

But the way Mary's acting, leaving with a man she's just met.

Something's bothering her.

- You don't know what it is? - Have you any idea?

Not the slightest.

Stay as sweet as you are.

Thank you so much, Mr. Lindsay, good night.

- I'll take you up. - Oh, no!

You've been very kind, but I have things to do, good night.

Is this my reward for risking my best friend's friendship?

To be turned out into the night?

Perhaps I'll see you again soon, good night.

Why not now, when you need the comforting advice of an unprejudiced mind?

Oh, please, some other time, good night.

I'm very thirsty, could I please come up and have a glass of water?

There's a fountain right over there, good night.

Would you like to keep this key, Mrs. Morely?

No, thanks, my husband will return in a little while, good night.

Good night, Mrs. Morely.

Bless you!

Oh, my, oh...

Ah-ah-ah!

Peter!

Counselor.

Who is it?

Open up.

By what right do you take Gloria to dinner when I'm out with my wife?

Tell you what.

You make a list of all women belonging exclusively to you...

...and I'll try and get by with what's left.

What are you doing here?

Couldn't get a room, so I'm staying with you.

Nice of you to tell me.

I thought you'd had twin beds.

I'll stay way, way over on my side.

Operator, Plaza 51598, please.

Yes, thanks.

Hello, Mary dear, this is your husband.

There just happen to be some papers which need your signature...

...before I can be true to my girlfriend.

Oh, lay off, will you, if I don't get these papers signed soon, I'm a cooked goose.

Gloria wouldn't let me...

I mean, I didn't get a chance to talk to Mary in the apartment tonight.

Already I smell feathers burning.

I love these characters who drop in at all hours and start using your telephone.

You always did it to me.

I'm different. I'm your client.

No answer?

Oh... thanks.

You know what I think?

Unfortunately, I think your wife loves you.

That's what I thought once.

Would you tell me one thing?

What does Gloria have that Mary doesn't have?

- One year older. - Now don't get cute.

You know I can take my patronage elsewhere.

What brought you to town anyway?

Won a bid on some war surplus equipment, heavy machinery.

Tyres, presses, you know.

I'll need your help on legal procedure.

Did you hear me?

What?

I said your slip is showing.

Hello?

Oh!

Pardon me for calling you at this hour but Mother's gone and I'm here alone.

- I'll be right over. - No, no, no!

What I mean is I have a million things to do in the morning...

Sign in and out, pick up my new orders, go to Governor's Island.

Means that I have to get up at 5:30 and there's no alarm clock in the apartment.

Would you be so kind as to ask your hotel operator to call me here at that time?

Five-thirty?

I guess it could be done. Hang on.

Hello, operator, this is Lindsay in 412.

Would you do a very special favor for a dear friend of mine?

Tell her, dear.

Thanks, operator, you're a darling.

And honey... No, I mean the other honey. Goodbye, operator.

Honey, remember me when the time is right.

I'm a good thing. Good night.

Who was that?

Somebody's wife.

Some poor sap thinks he's got the world by the tail.

Move over.

Why doesn't a fellow like that get wise to himself?

I'd better not answer that.

This is where she was stationed before she went overseas.

She has to be some place.

Don't worry, my business can wait. I've enjoyed this.

Particularly Governor's Island at dawn.

I'll be right back.

What about the procedure on interviews, is it the same as before?

Yes, except one additional question's been added, number 11.

- Next please. - What special...

I wonder if you could tell me where...

Well, at last a familiar face.

I'm Mr. Morely, I'm Capt. Morely's husband, I met you at the boat.

- Yes, sir, I know. - I...

I'm trying to track down Mrs... I mean, Capt. Morely.

- Didn't you know? - Know what?

Well, that Capt. Morely's leaving town.

No, I didn't.

I've been pretty busy and we didn't get a chance to...

- Did she leave something for me? - Yes, sir.

This package.

Package?

Is this all she left?

This envelope.

- That's too little. - Sir?

When she returns.

- When did she leave? - She hasn't.

She leaves on the North Shore Limited in five minutes.

In five minutes? Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Morely!

Oh!

Thanks.

Grand Central Station, fast!

There's an entrance right up the street there.

Oh, sure. Go ahead, Jack, pay the man.

See you later.

Hey, wait, what goes on?

Hey, wait, wait!

Wait, Pete!

Stop thief! Stop thief!

Stop thief! Stop thief!

Thief!

He got away but I got your pajamas.

Thanks.

Hey, open up, I have to get in, open up!

I'm sorry, sir, but that's against the rules.

That's all right, I won't report you.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Thank you.

- Your pajamas. - Thanks.

- You were yelling "Stop thief". - Why did you run off?

Do I have to explain my private life?

Yes.

If you give the air to a client who's come all the way from Washington...

...on important business.

Oh now, Jack, I'm in a mess and you know it.

You gotta make allowances.

Mary's on this train and she hasn't signed the divorce consent.

Mary on this train? Well, where are we going?

You can get off in the next stop. It's Harmon.

I hope I can too.

- Section 3, Chicago. - Section 3, Chicago.

Pardon me, do you have a Capt. Morely aboard?

Capt. Morely... Morely, Morely...

Brown hair, wavy, clean teeth, beautiful eyes.

- Oh, the WAC. - Oh, yes.

Drawing room A in this car.

- Thank you. - Just a minute.

Your tickets, please.

Oh, we didn't have time to buy them, we're just going as far as Harmon.

You take care of it, I paid the cab fare.

Come in.

Oh no, I...

Please believe me, if you make any attempt to fool that man,

you're making the greatest mistake of your life.

Let him go, sign those papers, get him out of your hair.

You're young, you have a...

Well, speak of the devil.

What were you talking about?

Each other.

I see you got the pajamas.

Oh yes, thanks.

I had quite a time finding you.

Did you try last night?

Oh, that... Gloria thought that...

I mean, I thought maybe you didn't want to be disturbed.

- Well, won't you sit down? - Oh, with pleasure.

Cozy, isn't it?

Jack, old man, I realize this is rank impudence on my part,

but could I have a word alone with my wife?

If you wish. But I know what you're going to talk about.

And as an old friend, I thought I might be of help to you both.

I think we can blunder through it alone.

As you sit there looking at him, Mary,

just think of sitting there looking at him for the next fifty years.

I'll be waiting.

He seems rather fond of you in a small way.

He's a good catch, rich.

Now, Counselor, about this...

Too bad I have to leave town in such a hurry.

New assignment advising girls at Fort Sheridan...

...on the art of being happily married.

I have to make a stopover at Detroit to address a group.

- Perhaps you'd be interested. - No, I wouldn't be going that far.

My, there seem to be so many misunderstandings these days.

So many marriages breaking up for no tangible reason.

Well, that's life.

Counselor, I...

People shouldn't give up so easily.

A marriage should be given every possible chance to survive.

Yes, you're right. I'm glad we did it that way.

But we didn't. We made no attempt to save our marriage.

Think what it would have meant if one of us had gone to the other and said,

"Dear, there are difficult days ahead. If we believe in each other,

if we have faith, we can ride the storm."

Storm?

Sitting across from each other at the office all day...

and then going home to sit across from each other at the dinner table...

...and ask each other what's new?

You call that a storm?

Now you're being honest with me and that's what I want to hear, sit down.

Now tell me, was there anything else wrong?

Well, the little fact that you suggested we separate.

Do you know what I'd do if I had that moment to live over again?

What?

Harmon. Next stop Harmon.

Already? Pardon me.

Pardon me.

Said you could be soft, didn't I?

Some day I'm going to saw you in half!

I know it sounds strange, honey,

but this morning she wasn't at our apar... I mean, her apartment...

or at Fort Dix, or at Headquarters.

And then this train thing came up and I...

Oh, sure. Yes I will, honey...

Yeah, well believe me, by the time we get to Poughkeepsie...

...I'll have her signed and unsealed.

- All aboard! - Yes, honey, I will.

- All aboard! - Yeah, honey.

Well, uh... yeah. Well honey, the train's leaving, I'll...

Yeah. Well... honey, I've got to hurry.

Yes, I will!

Honey, there she goes... yeah...

Yes, I will... yeah! Goodbye!

Thank you.

Following your rules again, huh? You're gonna get caught one of these days.

Yes, thank you, sir.

This train's making better time than I am. One to Poughkeepsie.

Why didn't you get off?

I came to New York on business.

If I'm willing to let your pleasure interfere, please don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

I wish you weren't such a good client.

Oh dear.

- Who is it? - Peter.

I'll be out in a minute.

Them that has gets.

Well... Mary, I just talked to...

I thought I'd put on something comfortable.

Oh.

After all, husband and wife.

I just talked to Gloria.

I promised her that by the time we got to Poughkeepsie...

...I'd have the divorce consent signed and start back for New York.

Do you have the divorce papers?

If you haven't, I have carbon copies.

I have them.

Well... I must say you're getting a beautiful woman.

Thanks.

Surprising she's never married before.

- Oh, she has. - Her husband passed away.

No, um... divorced.

I wonder why.

I don't know, I never asked her.

Did she ever ask about us?

Yes.

I won't ask you what you told her.

Well, actually I told her you were a swell guy.

And she and I agreed that what a husband needs isn't a swell guy.

Of course I explained to her that this wasn't true when we were first married.

Well, thank you.

As a matter of fact I didn't dare tell her how much of a woman you really were.

The way you became such a darned good lawyer.

Then you do remember.

Who could forget?

I did for quite a while, and then... wham.

Wham?

Wham...

- May I come in, ma'am. - But we're busy. I mean, can't you...

This is life and death practically, ma'am.

The gentleman outside told me all about you.

- Mr. Lindsay. - Yes, ma'am.

About your helping people's marriages that are about to go to pieces.

And that's exactly what's...

...happening to me, ma'am. Something terrible.

- I'll be right outside. - Oh no, don't go, please.

Corporal, this is my husband, Mr. Morely.

- How do you do, sir? - How do you do?

I'm Corporal Michaels, ma'am.

My husband's sitting right out there and I'm sure I can get him to come in.

Corporal, can't this matter possibly wait until later?

By Poughkeepsie he'll leave the train, separated forever.

I'll hurry.

Oh dear!

Counselor, I seem to be getting more involved in this than I...

Here he is, ma'am.

- Stop shoving! - Harold Michaels.

This is my husband, Mr. Morely.

- Mr. Michaels. - It's a pleasure.

Won't you, um... sit down?

- I think it would probably be better if I waited outside.

No, please, sit down.

Now, I want both of you to feel perfectly free...

...to tell me about yourselves and about each other.

In that manner we can get to the bottom of things and correct any misunderstanding.

Well, there's no misunderstanding. I know what I'm doing.

I wasn't just born yesterday.

Or the day before.

But everything was fine before I went overseas.

- It wasn't fine. - But it seemed fine and...

...when I got back yesterday on the boat, there he was,

waiting to tell me he didn't want me anymore.

He met the boat to tell me that.

The way you tell it, you make me sound like a heel.

She doesn't tell you anything about what happened before.

Why don't you tell us, Mr. Michael?

I will. I'll bust the case wide open.

When we first got married, we were happy, see?

And then came the war.

So the draft board calls me.

Am I complaining? No, I go right there, I'm ready to get shot,

or to dig a ditch, or fly a plane.

Punctured eardrum, 4-F. So, what happens?

What?

My wife, my own wife decides to make me look like a perfect dope.

With me in civilian clothes, she joins the WACs.

Why shouldn't she be a WAC?

What makes you think she joined to spite you?

A husband knows those things, see?

It's intuitive.

Your wife joined the WACs for the same reason mine did.

To help finish a war.

Can you prove it?

Would a wife in love try to destroy her own marriage?

Right now your wife is doing everything in her power to hold you.

Oh, sure, she's had her fun, now she's ready to settle down.

What do you mean by that?

While I stayed home and worked my fingers to the bone,

where was she? Overseas.

With millions of men, soldiers.

Everybody knows about servicewomen overseas.

Look, junior, one more idiotic crack out of you...

Don't hold me back, honey!

I'll talk to him, sit down, sit down, I'll talk to him.

Please, sit down, Mr. Michaels.

Now,

it's quite understandable that a man whose wife is away...

...could let his imagination get a little out of hand.

I also know that there was plenty of malicious rumor and hearsay...

...about women in uniform.

But those are things from which a real man defends his wife.

Through no fault of yours you weren't in uniform...

...but fortunately you had a wife who could help.

You should be proud of her.

How did you feel about your wife being in uniform?

Like she says, proud.

You mean you weren't, you know, jealous about her being away from home?

All those soldiers?

Well, maybe, um...

But little personal feelings were so unimportant with a war on.

There's something else to consider, Mr. Michaels,

if your wife was a good wife before she went into uniform,

you're due for a very pleasant surprise.

The Army will return you a better wife tenfold.

What did the Army do to her?

Well, it's just something that can't be explained.

You have to experience it to realize what I mean.

Well, what do you say? Will you give that marriage another trial?

Well, of course it would be a little silly to bust up before...

You know...

Besides, a man should give his wife a chance to prove...

...that the Army hasn't changed her or... has changed her.

Oh, honey, I promise you'll never be sorry for this!

I'm so happy.

You're wonderful.

Oh no, I'm not.

I'm just being fair.

Thank you so much, ma'am, and bless you both.

Stop shoving, dear.

Thank you.

- What a character. And she loves him. - Yes.

That's the way women are.

Thanks so much for your help.

I hadn't realized how you felt about certain things.

I should apologize for losing my head.

It's a good thing we weren't treating a case.

Yes.

That thing you said about...

about this fellow getting a surprise when he...

...finds out what the Army does for a woman.

Oh, that...

Well... what is it?

Do you really want to know?

Would anybody be interested in a farewell look at Poughkeepsie?

Poughkeepsie?

I promised Gloria that by Poughkeepsie I...

Of course you can save me a lot of trouble if you...

...sign those papers right now.

I think we're going about this matter in a very sensible way.

You'll get those papers in due time.

But I promised her that by Poughkeepsie I...

I'll be right back.

You'll thank me some day.

That is a moment I hope I don't live to see.

The career of martyr is a thankless one.

Mr. Lindsay, just what is it you expect from me?

You.

Young man,

you are trying to interfere with destiny.

Out! Out! Out!

Hello, Gloria? Listen, honey.

Let me say first that you haven't a thing to worry about.

Oh, I'm in Poughkeepsie.

I know, honey, but things keep happening.

Oh, no, no, of course not. By things happening I mean...

I mean interference from other people.

Now please, Gloria, please...

But you can't just do that, just walk out of my life right in the middle of everything.

Go on, beat it!

Oh, no, not you, honey.

Now please, Gloria, look...

Please don't make any snap decisions. I'll be back just as soon as...

Glor... hello?

Hello, Gloria?

Hel...

- What do you want? - The train, it's gone.

Gone?

Why didn't you say something?

I tried to, in my half-hearted way.

Gloria doesn't think I'm trying.

Said goodbye and then hung up on me.

What did you expect her to say?

Hello? Let's have some coffee while you plan your next move.

Next move?

Do you realize that the way things stand now I can't win?

You'll win, or I'll die trying.

Come in.

Come in!

Oh, pardon me, miss.

But that gentleman friend that kept getting on and off.

What about him?

Was Poughkeepsie as far as he was going?

Where is he?

- Poughkeepsie. - Oh, no!

Oh, yes.

Perfect.

Mary's stopover in Detroit, gives us plenty of time to get back to La Guardia...

...and beat it to Chicago by plane.

She can't possibly get there before tomorrow night.

Our problem's solved.

Nothing's solved.

Mary isn't gonna give me a divorce until she's ready and Gloria won't wait.

You say things were never better.

You'd have no trouble with Gloria if you could go to her with the divorce signed.

And you can persuade Mary to sign the consent...

...if you quit using your hands and start using your head.

I wish I were like you, it'd be so easy to kill myself.

Drink that coffee while I lend you my mind.

Consider your ignorant procedure up to now.

You've tried to have your wife divorce you by turning on your charm like a cover boy.

So, the more you're around her the more she wonders if she should let you go.

I know Mary, you can't get anything from her by hitting her over the head.

All right.

You also must know there's a certain type of man she can't stand.

The type of man who'd be her pet hate.

You mean if I should show up in Chicago transformed...

...into one of those characters, it would drive Mary to agree.

She'd hand over that divorce consent like it was a hot potato.

Oh, Mary's too smart, she'd see through that.

You can also see through water.

But people swallow it.

Believe me, if you're as repulsive as I'm sure you can be,

it won't matter to her whether you're acting or simply reverting to type.

Maybe it would work.

- I could get her burned up enough... - That's the spirit.

Go right on.

Make her so sick of you that the very mention of your name will make her gag.

And let's get going while you're still revolting.

It's wonderful of you, Jack, to help me like this.

So... unselfish.

Like a bat borrowing blood.

Poor Mary, how she'll hate you in Chicago.

There she is! Captain Morely!

Watch your step there.

Watch your step.

Gangway, Capt. Morely, how are you?

- I'm fine. - Good.

- Genevieve! Oh, you made captain! - Oh, you look wonderful, you saved...

We'd like a picture, Capt. Morely.

- Certainly... Major! - Cheever is my name, Captain.

You should be quite busy at Fort Sheridan.

As you can see, your reputation has preceded you.

Would you mind stepping up on the steps, Captain?

How about we firing a few questions, Captain?

What is your advice to a WAC with an unhappy husband?

Or a boyfriend.

We future civilians are relying on you to show us how to hang on to our men.

Captain!

Well, I'm a married woman and I know a married woman's problems.

I don't say I know all the answers but, um...

Generally speaking, a woman's greatest aid in readjustment will be tolerance.

- Smile, Captain! - You mean close your eyes...

...and pretend everything's all right?

I didn't say that.

A woman who won't fight to hold a good man doesn't deserve him.

Of course, the ideal marriage is based on trust and faith.

It develops with gentleness and dignity.

- Now? - Now.

Surprise!

- Peter! - Yahoo! A WAC woman!

- Peter! - All we had in the Pacific was coconuts, huh?

- Let her go! - That's her husband, folks, stand back!

Hey, what is this, can't a man kiss his little woman without drawing flies?

Go on, scram!

I'm Mr. Mary Morely, folks, attorney at law.

If you ever get in a jam, drop up and see me.

- Give me a card, bud. - Here's my card.

Hey, pass those out, will you?

Look out, Mary, here comes that man again!

Pete's been away from me so long!

Mr. Morely, pardon me for inturrupting, Mr. Morely,

but we must get back to Fort Sheridan. Come along, Captain.

Oh, but I've got reservations at the hotel.

Can't you give the little woman a break, hum, Major?

With your permission, Major, please, just this one evening,

there are a few things that have to be ironed out.

Ironed out she says.

Well, if you wish.

We have a staff car parked outside, shall we drop you at the hotel?

Well, what are we waiting for? Come on, girls.

My luggage now, please.

Oh, Jack, take care of the little woman's luggage, will you?

Come on, Major!

Mr. Morely, Mr. Morely.

What's the man's slant on this hanging on to a husband?

Oh, that's a cinch.

The way for a lady to hang on to her husband is to refuse to let him go.

My husband fancies himself a witch. Let go of the major.

You know you'd be surprised how well that works out.

I know because it happened to a friend of mine.

Of course this friend finally shot his wife and had to go to prison for life,

but at least he feels free.

Murder, huh?

What's your idea on the ideal marriage, Morely?

- What's that, chum? - I say what's your idea on the ideal marriage?

Well, I know my wife's routine.

She says the ideal marriage is based on faith and trust.

Of course that means faith in your opinion of your husband and trust that he won't find out.

I trust that you gentlemen will be discrete in your report of this situation.

What the major means is she hopes you'll think I'm nuts, eh, Major?

What's the matter, Major, you ticklish?

So, I'm sitting there alone, see?

Then I say to myself, how about hopping a plane to Chicago for a second honeymoon?

You know, demonstrate what she's trying to prove.

Help the little ball and chains' professional standing.

My husband's so understanding. He's so unselfish about my work.

So I hop a plane and here I am, old eveready himself.

It reminds me of the story of the travelling salesman.

Seems it was raining, see, and his car broke down.

Mr. Morely, I must remind you there are ladies present.

Ah, ah, Major, correction. You're soldiers.

You know, the trouble with women in uniform is they can't figure out what they are.

Reminds me of the story about the gopher and the kangaroo.

- Mr. Morely! - Is there such a story?

How about a little smackeroo? These gals must know about the bees.

How far do you intend to go?

Ouch... tell her, Major.

Well, here we are.

Oh, come on up all of you. I want you to see the surprise I got for the little woman.

I think we've had enough surprises, Mr. Morely.

Yes, they have to get back to the post and you must have had a hard day somewhere.

Oh, they'd never forgive themselves if they didn't come up. Come on!

Maybe we'd better go up... for Mary's sake.

Mary, wait until you get a load of this, it'll kill you.

- Actually there's no need, Major. - That's quite all right, Captain.

I knew they'd see it my way.

Women always do.

Come on, honey.

How am I doing?

Did I tell you the story about the skunk and the stubborn mule?

The baggage belongs to Capt. Morely.

I'll tell you how I figure this thing, Major.

The little woman's been overseas for a couple of years...

...and had a lot of dreams doing things not brown when she got back.

Well, I'm the kind of a guy that knows how to make those dreams come true.

If you know what I mean.

So I flashed a little lettuce around town and came up with this.

Entrez-vous! This is what she must have been dreaming about in those fox holes.

Look at that!

Come on in, kid, you'll love it, you'll love it!

Well, how do you like it? The bridal suite, the booby trap.

This is it, kid!

Now, step right in closer, folks, the two-bit tour starts immediately.

Note the French pictures on the wall,

all done by lean artists in silk pajamas while drinking cr�me d'amour.

And in each and every corner an overstuffed love seat dressed in rare perfumes.

Smell them, Major.

That's all, just a whiff.

Lamp shedding filtered moonlight on chilled champagne.

And over here, a cabinet filled with rare liquors.

Distilled from stewed poets.

Here you are, son.

- Thank you, sir. - How much did I give you?

- Ten bucks. - Ten b...

Loaded!

And now...

Of this we do not speak.

We close our eyes and listen to the echoes of a thousand whispers.

Or to the cheeks turn fiery red as we tiptoe on a carpet of goosepimples.

Serious...

Darling, my friends are simply fascinated...

...but they have a long drive ahead.

You'll forgive them, won't you?

Well, now they know, life's life and they've gotta live it.

You wait right here.

Captain, I don't think you should stay here.

Oh, it's all right, he was in the Pacific, you know, on a little hot rock.

Please remember that there are quarters available for you on the post.

In case of an emergency.

Mary, I'm just beginning to realize how much courage it took...

...to carry out your wondeful work.

- You're sweet. - I don't see how you could bear up.

Hey, Mary! You brought them!

That's a kind of little woman I like.

Thinks of everything.

How do you like it, Major?

Liberated in Paris for a night in Chicago.

The ladies were just saying good night, dear.

Oh, leaving us to that privacy we so richly deserve, eh?

Drop up anytime, Major.

Drop on a love seat.

Any friend of my wife must have a friend of her own.

You know, that reminded me of a story about the milkman and three maids.

- It seems they were... - Good night, Major.

- You don't want to hear it? - See you tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow she says, when the evening's so young.

Good night, Captain.

Good night, good night, girls!

Well... alone at last.

Yes.

I... I know you're ready to cut my throat but...

- Peter, kiss me. - Huh?

You've become the most fascinating man I've ever met.

- Kiss me. - No, honest, I'm supposed to be revolting.

I hadn't the faintest notion there was this other you, the strong, possessive type.

But, Mary, believe me, it was just an act.

I don't care what it was, you swept me completely off my feet.

- This changes everything, now kiss me. - Now, Mary, please.

Oh, well, it's... it's all right, dear.

I won't rush things. I can wait.

But...

Counselor, we... we have to talk.

Counselor.

Counselor, please.

Oh, just the guy I'm looking for.

Well, how are we doing?

How are we doing, you and your tired ideas...

Mary says that I'm... the most fascinating character she's ever met.

She's fallen in love with that goon you've turned me into.

That's impossible.

You'd know it immediately if you could take a good look at yourself.

Thanks for the compliment.

Well, I give up, I'm going back to New York.

And what are you going to say to Gloria?

Well, I'll just tell her that...

Well, I won't have to tell her anything, I'll just listen.

Pete, are you out of your mind?

You can't leave now.

Not with victory just around the corner.

Victory? I'm up to my ears in victory.

What does it get me? Heartburn.

Now, Pete, I don't care what Mary said.

She's on the verge of breaking. One more smart move and you'll do it.

Like what?

Go back into that bridal suite and ignore her.

- Ignore her? - That's the final blow to her pride.

That's the one move that will give you your freedom.

You always sound so convincing and you never make sense.

You can see through water but you swallow it, he says.

Believe me, believe me, you're... you're upset.

You're a confused man.

How right you are.

You've almost won your battle and you don't know it.

Now, get in there and do as I say.

But how do you ignore someone who's locked in a bedroom?

That door is going to open, and you know what to do then.

- Ignore her. - Check.

Peter.

Come in.

I... thought it was locked.

I thought you were asleep.

There's somebody ringing the bell, I... think maybe you'd better answer it.

Let it ring.

But it's probably those three WACs worried about you.

Let them worry, I want to talk to you for a minute, Peter, come here.

I'm supposed to ignore.. I mean...

Sit down, Peter.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about us...

...and your willingness to do anything to get your freedom.

I practically had to.

Belittling my work to the newspapers,

embarrassing me in front of my fellow officers.

I guess I maybe overdid it.

But what worries me most is seeing you making a fool of yourself to get rid of me.

I've only tried to hold you because I loved you but...

If this is what it's doing to you...

I signed them.

Well, Counselor,

I wish things hadn't... I mean...

Oh, brother!

Hello, Gloria.

Pardon the intrusion, but when people refuse to answer their doorbell...

This is a completely innocent situation, Miss Fay.

Yes, completely innocent, we thought you were three other people.

Naturally! Mrs. Morely, I imagine you expect me to fly into a tantrum...

...but I'm not that kind.

And let me tell you you're the worst loser I've ever met.

- Gloria... - I came here to take this man...

...away from your unfortunate influence.

And the fact that I find him in rather unusual circumstances...

...doesn't alter my decision one bit!

- Gloria... - You're a very noble woman...

...and I'm happy that my husband is getting a mentality of such stature.

I could punch your nose for that!

Gloria, Mary signed the papers.

Oh?

Oh!

Well, get into your clothes.

Um... Gloria, Mary's been very sweet about this, I...

- I know you want to thank her. - Oh, that's not necessary.

Goodbye, Peter.

Maybe we should go upstairs and see if she's all right.

Oh, what if she is all right? We'd look like a couple of idiots.

Who could be all right with that man?

A client.

Client.

Bridal suite, on the double.

Oh, it's you again. Go away!

An old friend of the family can come in handy at a time like this.

Stop pacing about.

Well, I've got a perfectly good pace coming to me.

What do you expect me to do, break down and cry?

Exactly. That's what you want to do, isn't it?

You're mean.

You'll feel so much better.

Come on.

- But I won't. - Come on now.

- I just... - Cry.

I guess we've been away too long.

If we fool around here much longer, we're gonna miss that train.

Do you really read these old law books?

Sure, almost every night.

That's going to be something to look forward to.

That was me right there... and that's Mary.

- What else, mister? - Well, these books and... let's see.

Oh, one combination checkers, chess and backgammon set.

We have that.

- How about the piano? - That's Mary's.

- The couch? - Mary.

- The silver? - Mary.

And we get the combination chess, checkers and backgammon set.

Somebody in this family is a smart lawyer.

All that matters, honey... is our future together.

Poor Mary.

Why do you say "poor Mary"?

Well, being so upset and all.

You know, I think she's falling for that walking gold mine.

What a horrible fate, marry a millionaire.

What else is wrong with Jack besides his money?

- Well... - Yes, what else is wrong with me?

Oh, hello, Jack, how's my best client?

I wouldn't know. My account's been transferred to attorney Mary Morely.

Cut my future husband off in the middle of a job?

You can't do that to us!

I know where my bread is buttered. Where is she?

She's in the bedroom.

But you'll have to wait because the door is locked.

How did you find out?

Gloria checked.

Where are you going tonight?

The Panel Room. Quite exclusive, I'm sure you've never been there.

What makes you so sure?

Mary told me.

- Anything else besides the books, mister? - No, I guess that's all.

- It's Jackie, dear. - I'll be right out.

"It's Jacky, dear"!

Well, thank you.

- Hello, Jack. - Hello.

Oh, Peter, you shouldn't make Gloria work so hard, look at her.

By the way, when are you leaving for Reno with old hubba hubba here?

Tonight. So sweet of you to ask.

Counselor, I wish you get the divorce, I feel so silly.

- You are? - The pleasure's all yours, Peter.

But a grown man going to Reno.

But isn't that what men always wanted, equal rights with women?

Are you going to pose for the newspapers with your legs crossed?

We're wasting our time. Now that you have your games and old books...

...let's leave the lady lawyer with her spoils.

I take it that you're not satisfied with the property settlement.

Oh, it's no concern of mine, but I hate to see a man cheated out of his rightful share.

May I remind you, Miss Fay,

that the property division was suggested by my husband...

...and that I didn't request a single change.

Why should you?

He'd have simply paid those workmen to remove your junk.

- Junk? - Let's not make an issue of it, honey.

I'm perfectly satisfied.

Speaking of junk, Peter, did you show her the family skeleton?

You wouldn't be interested.

That, Miss Fay, is the domestic institution known as the skeleton closet.

Behind this door lie the bleached bones of the Morely marriage.

What are you up to now?

If I were you, I instinctively wouldn't ask that.

You'll be sorry.

Of all the idiotic...

How on earth do you associate this rubbish with your marriage?

These items should reveal a great deal to you about your future, Miss Fay.

Bleached bones she says.

Quite a bone.

All right, answer me this...

Honestly, the salesman told me it'd make a wonderful present for a big, strong man.

What did it do for me? Gave me an inferiority complex.

I know you won't believe me, Peter,

but it didn't matter a bit to me that you couldn't lift it.

Didn't matter?

I wish you could have seen the look on your face when I straightened up... without it.

Something seemed to snap inside me.

Naturally. Hernia.

Any doctor could have warned you.

You see how important something trivial can become in a marriage?

The fact that Peter couldn't lift that barbell...

caused a major change in his attitude toward me and...

And that in turn caused a change in my attitude.

So the barbell dragged its little attitude into the closet and locked the door.

Utterly fascinating.

Do you mean to say that you can't lift this?

Is your tone implying you can?

Almost unbelievable that a man your size...

What's in it? Glue?

You couldn't lift it even if you had the strength.

I'll show you how it's supposed to be done.

You got it! After all these years.

Yeah, look! Straight up!

You can't talk and lift at the same time.

I wonder why I can lift it now.

Say, the Army must have done something for you.

Yeah.

And you know the silliest one of all?

Yes, the time I threw your love letters in there because you hadn't saved mine.

- No, this. - The music box? You call that silly?

It had a practical function to it, it held cigarettes.

Amazing.

I gave that to him on out first anniversary.

Did without a permanent to get it.

It played a tune when you opened the lid.

They usually do.

It was Mary's favorite song. She said it reminded her of our honeymoon.

In a rooming house.

Then you broke it.

Yeah, but it wasn't deliberate, I simply said the tune didn't remind me of our honeymoon.

All right, so politely I ask, how did you break it?

Well, Mary asked me what did the tune remind me of and...

Well, you know how people clown, they...

I took the box like this...

...and I started to do a little spring dance like this.

# Why is my heart dancing, Spring is here... # - He'd had four martinis when he started.

Three.

I warned him he'd break the box if he didn't stop but he said, what if he did?

- Oh! my goodness, are you hurt? - I guess I've seen everything.

- I'm not dead. - Well, get up and see if you're all together.

This is exactly what happened before.

You're getting out of here while you've still got head on your body.

Oh, I'm sorry I ever opened that door.

- That was my prediction. - Too bad about the box, Counselor.

- It was broken anyway. - Well, I'll have it fixed.

I wanted to get it fixed before, but it got to be such an issue.

I guess we both acted like children.

A miracle! You fixed it!

Yeah, I guess all it needed was a little shaking up.

Yes.

Remind me not to have them fix my watch.

Well, it almost came true.

I wish I could convince you that it wasn't so important to me, Mary.

But you wanted one.

Yes, but we could have talked it over and maybe...

Well, people do adopt babies.

Babies? Peter Morely, you're acting like a hypnotized stooge!

Have you forgotten that this woman makes a business...

...of trying to force unhappy people to remain together?

And she's up to her neck in her job right now.

- Gloria, maybe if we discussed this... - There's nothing to discuss!

The divorce consent is signed and delivered.

And you've asked me in all sincerity to become your wife.

- Shall we leave, Jack? - I'd like nothing better.

Well... have a good time.

Here, let me straighten your tie.

I know these situations are always difficult.

But you'll get over it. Be the happiest man in the world.

Yes, honey.

- Now, we'd better not miss that train. - Yes, honey.

Oh, down!

- Thank you. - No trouble at all.

- All the way? - All the way.

Down we go.

Up, down, down, up.

Pretty monotonous, huh?

Somebody... you know, somebody ought to invent an elevator that goes sideways.

Reminds me of a story that was told to me by my sister who lives in California.

This husband, the guy says...

Every time... every time I get to the place where...

It'll kill you... the guy...

He says...

I can't tell it in front of a lady... it's terrible...

Why, Peter!

Hey, you were right, I'm beginning to feel like my old self again.

Own self?

On to Reno!

Don't they know that tune's supposed to be gay?

Just ignore them. Mary...

Could you give me a little encouragement for the future?

Could you say, um, Jack old fellow,

you look like the type of man who'd treat a wife right.

I wonder if Peter caught the train.

I don't claim I'm the ideal man. Wealthy, yes.

Handsome, perhaps.

Charming disposition.

This way, please.

Sorry, monsieur, no tables.

But I'm not going to stay, I'm just looking for my wife.

I'm sure your wife wouldn't be here, monsieur.

- There are also rules regarding dress. - But I'm just...

No one is admitted without dinner clothes, sorry, monsieur.

Mademoiselle, Monsieur Hemsworth! This way, please.

Thank you.

Out of my way, chums, I'm dynamite!

Stay calm, everybody, it's just the house detective.

If you're with your own wife, just relax.

Mary, where are you, Mary?

Peter, here I am!

Oh, no, he's that man again!

I had to do this to get in.

Take me back, Mary, I don't want a divorce, I love you.

Let him alone!

You and your fancy clothes, isn't there a man in the crowd?

- He's my husband. - Is this a way to treat a veteran?

- Let him go! - I'm a vet. What's wrong?

While I was overseas that rat stole my wife.

Oh, yeah? That's the same deal I got.

I did not, he was already back.

Jeronimo!

- Good work, Joe. - That ought to calm him down.

Come on, bud.

- You're under arrest. - But this isn't the man.

There he is!

- What happened to Gloria? - It worked with her too.

Old Mr. Repulsive himself.

Stand where you are!

One more move and we'll sue.

This is a rank violation of constitutional rights.

To say nothing of imposition of mental duress and attempted false arrest.

You're going to pay through the nose for this.

Don't you know better than to try an unlawful detention?

Ladies and gentlemen, the management has deliberately created...

... a breach of the peace leading to riot.

My husband and I will be glad to handle your case.

Here, pass these cards, will you, Joe?

Morely and Morely, see us for a square deal.

Thanks for using the hall.

All right, back to your posts, everybody.

All right, back to your posts, back to your posts.

What... what was the trouble, sir?

I created a monster.

And it bit me.

Um, Counselor,

what does the Army do for a woman?

Oh.

Tell me again.

- Subtitles - Lu�s Filipe Bernardes