Original subtitles

- Hi, Richard.

- Bambi?

- Yes?

- Would you like to see me again?

- I'd love to.

- This is Dunky.

Duncan.

This is Duncan.

He's my boyfriend.

(sexy upbeat music)

♪ Good morning, good morning ♪

♪ We talked the whole night through ♪

'Clients, like most people, can get stuck in a routine.

David, old favorite and plastic surgeon.

Good with his hands.

♪ Good morning to you. ♪

- Ah!

- Don't you ever fancy something different?

- Why, don't you like this?

- No, no, no, it's fine. It's just, you look a bit bored.

It's the same thing, every booking.

- Well, I like it!

- Yeah, but why do you always settle for--

- Hand shandy?

- Exactly.

When you can try some champagne?

Come on.

Must be something else you'd like.

Some secret desire, some itch you'd like me to scratch.

What is it?

Come on.

Tell me.

I don't judge.

I'm impossible to embarrass.

And this is the one place you can be completely honest.

Come on.

Whisper it.

(whispering)

(gasps) - Is that okay?

(laughs) - Yeah.

You know me, anything goes.

(laughs)

♪ It's not the way you smile ♪

Have you ever done it before?

- Medical school.

Christmas Review.

I sang South Pacific in suspenders.

- Nice!

- Not for the audience.

I still remember the feel of them.

Tight.

Smooth.

- Have you ever worn women's underwear since?

- I did ask a girlfriend once.

- Oh.

- Well, I didn't exactly ask.

- Didn't go down well?

- She jumped to certain assumptions.

She made out I was some kind of--

- Cross-dressing, deviant, latent homosexual.

- Exactly and I'm not.

At least not on a week day.

Don't laugh.

- I won't.

(gasps)

Wow!

How does it feel?

- It's unbelievable.

- It should be.

Pure silk.

- Oh, God!

- Sheer tulle.

- Oh, Christ!

- Chantilly lace.

- Oh.

- Satin bows.

♪ You looking like you've been run down by a truck ♪

♪ That ain't nice to say sometimes I guess I'm really hard ♪

♪ But I'm gonna put buckshot in your pants ♪

- Everyone's got something.

It's just a case of finding out what it is.

Eventually, the truth will out.

(soft music)

Thank you.

- Thanks.

- Now, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to panic,

but this is actually our wedding day.

- Hannah.

- No, no, no, don't worry, it's all sorted.

The vicar's a sweetie, your mum's hat is a triumph

and I've written your vows, top pocket.

(lips smacking)

Come.

Weddings bring out the best in people

even if you don't follow all the traditions.

Who said you had to be a be a virgin to wear white?

You don't have to be a prince to marry a princess.

And not all fairy godmothers carry a wand.

- Hello.

- Bambi!

Come on.

You okay?

- Yeah, I'm just not sure where I'm supposed to be.

- Do you want me to find out?

- Yes. - There you go.

- Okay.

What the hell are you doing here?

I can't believe you came!

- I didn't have much choice.

- Couldn't you've made up some excuse?

- Yeah, I did try, believe me.

- Hannah.

- Oh, hi.

- Did you get my missed calls or is your phone?

- No, no, no, I got them.

All 27 of them.

I was just checking to see which room we're in.

- It's the Westminster Room.

Just up there.

- Nice list!

- It's just in case I forget anything.

- Best man.

It's an important job.

- Yep.

Well, I best get back to Byron.

- Yeah, yeah, me too.

Bambi's as nervous as a kitten.

- Are kittens nervous?

- Yeah, maybe, you know, if there's a dog around.

- Good afternoon.

- Duncan, this is Stephanie.

Stephanie, this is Duncan.

Stephanie is

- Mother of the bride.

Pleased to meet you.

Belle, a word?

How does two weeks in the Maldives sound?

The most fascinating client.

- Jesus Stephanie, this is a wedding.

In case you haven't noticed, I have a boyfriend now.

I can't just disappear off.

- Oh, what a shame.

Did I mention he has his own island?

- I'm really sorry, I can't.

But thanks for thinking of me.

It's very kind of you.

- Well, you know me, 60% heart 40% commission.

- Mhmm.

- Rings?

- In here.

You all right?

Who needs family when you've got friends, right?

- Oh, actually I wanted to give you this.

- Gear?

Byron, really not the time.

- No, I want you to look after it.

Until after.

- Right, of course.

- I don't want it to be blurred, you know?

I wanna remember everything, today.

Sharp around the edges.

- Listen, I know you haven't always been 100% about Byron

but I want us all to be friends.

You, me, Byron, Ben.

- All that matters is you and Byron.

And that you're sure about this.

- I am.

- Good.

- And I'm not even gonna try and explain why,

because I'll just talk too much

and annoy you like I usually do.

- Oh, Bambi.

- I know that I try too hard.

I'm always saying the wrong thing

and then I see that look in people's eyes

like I'm some kind of annoying fly.

- Oh, don't.

- But with Byron, I never have to stop myself

or try and be something that I'm not.

I'm just me.

And that's why I'm sure.

- Do you know what?

You're an inspiration.

- What?

- You just do it.

You make the leap.

Maybe that's what I should do with Duncan.

- Belle. - I mean, why not?

I can't keep just doing this.

I can't keep running away from how I feel.

I love him.

- Oh, fuck.

- What?

- I know him.

He is a punter.

Duncan is a client.

- What?

- I had him the other day.

He called himself Richard.

He booked me.

He said he would book me again.

I am so sorry.

But you should know, shouldn't you?

You should know the truth about him

before you go falling in love with him.

Oh, Belle.

- Registrar's ready.

We're on.

♪ The way I do about you now ♪

- The wedding ring is an unbroken circle.

It has no beginning and no end.

It symbolizes your unending and everlasting.

We have now come to the exchange of rings,

which is the traditional way of sealing the contract.

- I, Byron Seebohm,

give you this ring as a symbol of my love.

- I, Gloria White,

give you this ring as a symbol of my love.

- You are everything.

My best friend.

My Bam-Bam.

Forever.

- The day we met was the first time I felt.

I don't need this.

You know how I feel.

And you know, why?

Cause you are the only one who ever asks.

I love you.

(guests cheering)

♪ One of them, one of them the bedroom blues ♪

♪ She delivers right on time ♪

♪ I can't resist a corny line ♪

♪ But take the shine right off your shoes ♪

- All good?

I have to get back to the office.

Hannah?

- No! If you want me, you can pay for me

like you paid for the others.

Is it true?

Just tell me.

- Is what true?

- Have you slept with Bambi?

- Hannah, please.

- So you did?

You slept with her?

You paid for Bambi.

How many times?

- Hannah.

- Was it just a one-off or have you seen her before?

- I have never been with her before.

- But you've been with other escorts?

- Yep.

- Was it because of me?

Was it the book?

Did I push you towards it?

- It wasn't the book.

Look, we never said what we had was exclusive.

You sleep with other men.

I sleep with other women.

- It's my job!

It's what I do!

It's different.

- Is it?

- How many times?

How many times have you been unfaithful

since we've been together?

10?

More than 10?

- Hannah. - More than 20?

Who with, is it just escorts or other girls?

Other writers? Do you fuck all your authors?

I mean, we all know how you like it over the desk.

Right, downstairs!

- Hannah, this doesn't have to get unpleasant.

- So, why didn't you tell me

if you thought it wasn't so fine?

(sighs)

- Because I knew it would hurt you.

- Okay so, if you knew it would hurt me

then you must have known you were doing something wrong.

You don't even make sense!

- If you look back over our relationship,

I never lied to you.

- How can you say that?

- Okay well, you tell me.

When did I ever misrepresent myself?

I told you I was a fuck up.

I told you I was no good at any of this.

- Right then, that's your answer is it?

your 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card?

I told you I was a fuck up

therefore I can behave how I want?

Fuck who I want?

Lie when I want? - Hannah.

- No, no, don't touch me!

- What did you want, Hannah?

What did you want me to give you?

- I wanted honesty!

I wanted a man who didn't lie.

- I didn't.

I never lied to you. - Yes, you did.

And you know the biggest lie you told me you loved me.

- I did!

I do, I do, love you.

When I said it, I meant it.

- And what about when you're fucking Bambi,

did you mean it then?

What was I to you?

Just a story?

A cash cow?

Look into my eyes.

Tell me you love me.

Squeeze me until the words come out!

- No, Hannah.

- I'm a whore

who has sex for money, who gets judged and looked down on.

But you know what, when I look at you,

I can hold my head up high.

- I wanted to punch him.

You know, like a proper punch, on the nose.

Crunch!

Blood everywhere.

- You'd probably missed.

- Or swung like a girl, arms flailing.

- My job is to read men.

You know what they want, what they are and I missed it.

I really didn't see that coming.

I should've listened to you.

- Hannah.

- Yeah, but you knew.

- Not that.

Didn't know that.

I didn't know anything.

Except that I hate his stupid fucking llama face

and the way he spoke to me.

- I'm sorry.

- You know what I hated the most?

The way I felt when I saw you together.

- Congratulations!

♪ I'm hungry for you my love ♪

♪ One love ♪

- Gloria's husband.

Started his honeymoon a bit early.

- Ben, would you stop calling me that.

- I'm sorry, Gloria.

He did really well today.

- Really well.

- Are you all right, Han?

- You know what I think would make you feel better?

We should break into his office, steal back your book.

- It's not written on some giant scroll, Bambi.

I email it.

- Well then, we'll take his computer.

- That's a good idea.

- Is it?

- She's got a point.

- About what?

- You still wanna do this book?

- Well, it's never really about the writing, was it?

Not this time.

I just did it cause he wanted me to and I got involved.

- So, write about him.

Your last chapter.

Duncan and his little habit.

Do you really want Duncan

to be the man who profits from your life story?

♪ Happiness, hit her like a train on a track ♪

- All right.

♪ She hid around corners and she hid under beds ♪

♪ She killed it with kisses and from it she fled ♪

♪ With every bubble she sank with a drink ♪

♪ And washed it away down the kitchen sink ♪

♪ The dog days are over ♪

♪ The dog days are done ♪

♪ Can't you hear the horses ♪

♪ Cause here they come ♪

- You all done?

- Yeah.

- Feel better?

- Maybe.

A bit.

- So, now--

- We send all.

- He's never gonna publish it now.

You sure?

- Sure.

What do men want from escorts?

Let's start with one man.

Duncan Atwood, my editor.

A serial user of prostitutes.

A man who tells stories for a living

but doesn't know when to stop.

Some men use escorts

because they don't have time for a relationship

or they want something special,

something their wives or girlfriends can't offer them.

And some men, like Duncan, use prostitutes because they can.

Because it's easier.

A simple exchange without truth or consequence.

And for Duncan, a man so fundamentally dishonest,

he doesn't even know when he is lying,

it's the closest to a real relationship he will ever get.

(laughing)

- Come on.

Gloria and her husband are taking us out for breakfast.

- Belle, make him stop calling me that!

- I have no control over Ben, never have, never will.

In my job, secrets are unavoidable.

It's who you tell them to that really counts and from now on

I keep my secrets with those I love best.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

- Belle, Stephanie.

Listen, the offer still stands.

The plane leaves at four.

This time tomorrow you could be waking up

with the sand beneath your toes and a man between your legs.

Your choice!

- Okay, bye.

- Come on, then.

- I'm starving.

♪ You're nobody til somebody loves you ♪

♪ You're nobody til somebody cares ♪

♪ You may be king ♪

♪ You may possess the world and it's gold ♪

- I love my job!

Hey.

♪ When you're growing old ♪

♪ The world still is the same ♪

(phone ringing)

Ben, what is it?

I'm about to get on the plane.

- Look in your bag.

- What?

- Just look in your bag.

- What's going on?

- Read it.

- Duncan was a prick.

All your other boyfriends were pricks.

I'm not a prick.

Ben, what is this?

- Turn it over.

- Oh.

Ben.

I can't talk.

I've got to go to work.

- I know.

Go.

Have adventures.

See the world.

Just come back to me.

- Ben?

Really?

Ben.

Maybe?

♪ But I am about to go ♪

♪ And then you'll know ♪

♪ For me to stay here I got to be me ♪

♪ You'll never be in doubt ♪

♪ That's what it's all about ♪

♪ You can't take me for granted and smile ♪

♪ Count the days I'm gone ♪

♪ Forget reachin' me by phone ♪

♪ Because I promise I'll be gone for a while ♪

♪ When you see me again ♪

♪ I hope that you have been ♪

♪ The kind of person that you really are now ♪