Original subtitles

Mood music?

You think we're going to do it without the manual?

See, John.

Cindy, I have a nice little surprise.

I threw away the manual.

John. I'll tell you, a year of trying to read that manual, I'd make love to you

at the same time.

Well, it did get a little ridiculous.

It certainly wasn't any fun.

Well, I'm glad you agree.

Lovemaking begins with foreplay.

Step one, kiss her lips.

gradually probing her mouth with your tongue.

Step two.

Put your hands on her breast and squeeze them gently, occasionally

rubbing her nipples, which should become erect.

Oh, John.

Step three.

Slide your hand along her thighs until you reach the pubic region.

Rub along her vagina, stroking the budding clitoris.

Stroking the budding clitoris.

Stroking the budding clitoris. John.

Stroking the budding clitoris.

Stroking the budding clitoris.

Stroking the budding clitoris.

Stroking the budding clitoris.

Make sure you won't be late for work, honey. We could do this later on

Hey, this is on step three already.

Step four.

Lubricate the vagina with your tongue.

Using a brushing motion.

Occasionally darting your tongue into the opening.

Oh yeah.

Now you're ready to mount her.

Spread her legs and slide your erect penis into her vagina.

Oh, my God.

Oh, John.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, John.

Oh, John.

Now you should both be ready to climax.

Start moving faster.

Stroke in and out.

following the rhythm of the record.

In, out.

In, out.

A lot better than the record.

Did you count?

I don't think so.

But I was closer this time.

Well, we've only been married for a year.

We'll get it pretty soon.

Sure, John.

Well, I have to run.

Maybe we could do it again tonight.

That record seems to be just the thing.

Sure, John.

Have a nice day at the office.

I love you I love you too

Is it all right?

No. I don't know how to fix the thing either.

Not too many cars around here.

Are you sure this is a shortcut?

I was sure.

Now, we're lost.

And the car's busted. So we're going to have to just sit around and wait for

someone to help us out.

At least there's beautiful scenery.

Yeah.

Well, because I got so comfortable.

Yeah. Relaxed.

No. Look, you're not the innocent little virgin.

And I'm not the big bad wolf.

So, uh... I'm upset.

I just left my husband.

Oh. Are you running away?

Did he beat you?

It was neglect then, right?

Well, listen.

I'm not a hammer club like you. I make you feel better.

Take your mind off it, hmm?

Let's get it.

Are you sure that no one will see us?

Are you kidding?

Just be gentle.

You're the only second man I've ever had.

Yes, I think.

Get all your problems, huh?

Don't think about him anymore, okay?

My bad.

Like that.

My bad.

My bad.

My, my.

Never done it any place like

this. Just like everything, right?

This feels so good.

This feels so good.

anxious, aren't you?

Yeah. Yeah.

I think I can finish you off.

Shit. What are you trying to do, drown me?

I guess I came.

You guess?

What happens when you know for sure?

I don't know.

I've never come before.

Oh, really?

I don't think they made virgins anymore.

What is your name?

Cindy. Oh, I'm Barry Horn.

Hand shake instead of a kiss?

Listen.

I gotta go get back to work, so... Come on.

Get ready, okay?

What do you mean?

What about the car?

You mean you fell for that?

You mean it wasn't broken down?

I suppose I should be mad at you.

But I'm not.

as far as I'm going.

Okay. Thanks.

Bye. Bye.

Sorry I'm late, Mr. Putt.

Just call me Elmo.

Okay, Elmo. Have a seat.

Okay, now.

You're interested in a nice investment, right? With high return.

Something you can really sink your soybeans into, right?

Chickens.

Right. Chickens.

Well, I can give you something really solid.

There is nothing more solid than the Brooklyn Bridge.

New York City is going broke.

They're selling everything they've got. You can get that for a steal, Elmo.

Shit, what would I do with a bridge in Brooklyn, boss?

Oh, you dumb piece of... Elmo, you could put a toll on the bridge, charge the

cars going either direction, and make five grand in one day.

Let's talk turkey, Elmo.

Chickens.

Whatever.

A hundred grand, it's yours.

I can't afford it. Eighty grand.

I can't afford it.

Fifty grand, Elmo.

Well... And I'll throw in a concession stand at the Statue of Liberty.

Just sign right over here.

Yeah?

You can see it go.

Okay.

Where's the cash?

I got shit down in my truck.

A list of drugs? I'll give you 50 cents on the dollar.

No, I got chicken shit. I got 25 tons of chicken shit in my truck downstairs.

Chicken shit?

It's the finest fertilizer you can buy.

You're serious, aren't you?

Chicken shit.

I can bring it up here for you.

Get the fuck out of my office.

Chicken shit?

You can blow this chicken shit out of your fucking ass.

Get out of there.

Chicken shit.

Someone get your ass in here.

Chicken shit.

Now what do you want?

I want to play carnival. I want you to sit on my face so I can guess your

weight. Don't you ever give up.

I told you, I never fucked the man I worked for.

Yeah, I know, I know.

If you worked for me so well, why do you let me waste my time on that hick?

Huh? Didn't you read that article I left on your desk this morning? You know,

the one about the chicken shit that went in price and to murder? What article?

What article?

Black hole.

Here.

I can't believe that you opened my shoulder like that.

God, what are you wearing?

You've seen this outfit before.

My charm finally got to you, huh?

I'll get your clothes off.

I'm going to violate my only principle.

No.

I'm going to violate your principles.

Come here.

Oh, yeah, boss.

Oh,

I love it. Oh, you do.

Oh, it's very good.

I just want to fuck my tits too.

Oh, I am here, Gary.

Yes, I'm here.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm here.

Right up here, right up.

Oh, what am I missing out on?

Everything was so good.

Oh, I knew there was more.

Oh, yeah.

the cologne.

Oh man.

Have a bath.

Oh, baby.

Actually,

I'm surprised you resisted my challenge as long as you did.

I know you had an anxious crotch.

What made you finally give in?

Well, it wasn't your charm, you moron.

This cologne you're wearing.

It made me so hot I didn't give a damn who you were.

Thanks a lot.

I'm not wearing any cologne.

Holy shit.

The girl this morning.

Oh, have I got an idea.

I see millions of dollars hitchhiking on a country road in the middle of the

woods right this minute.

Don't ask any questions. Get your clothes on, grab one of my standard

and hurry up.

Oh, move it!

Standard contract?

I haven't seen a standard contract since I started working here.

I'm one of some of these lovely 45 -inch suckers.

Well, fuck off, you dirty little bitch. I didn't want you anyway.

Thank God I found you.

Wait, listen, come on out for a minute. It's important.

It was fun and everything, but... Listen, I want you to be my partner,

Charlene, get the contract!

Cindy?

I don't care how you do it, but you've got to make this girl come.

And when she does, I want you to have this beaker ready and catch every single

drop.

Drop? Oh, yeah.

When Cindy comes, it's like all things.

Oh, you know what I call it.

No, you remember, so I'm not there. I've spoken about... Oh, there she is.

Hi.

I'm really looking forward to this, partner.

Right, partner.

Well, let's get started. This is my good friend, and this is Charlene. We're

going to help you release your sexuality.

What's your friend's name?

I don't know. He's Charlene's friend. I'm Jed.

And Charlene, what can you do to help?

I see.

I'm just going to sit here and watch in case any of you need me.

Yeah, you just sit there, Doc.

Oh,

this is great.

Hey,

you need some blessings.

Charlene, just show Cindy here how you used to suck me off in the school yard.

Yeah, you too.

I'll help you out later on.

I think I'm beginning to get the idea.

enough uh cindy we

were just showing you what oh

Oh yeah.

Oh.

Thank you.

I can't take this

I'm starting to feel that feeling.

I'm starting to feel that feeling.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Shit. Wait a minute.

That's it.

Oh, that's it.

in business.

We'll be back right after this.

Gusher. One word.

What is it?

We can't tell you.

What does it do?

We can show you.

Gusher Cologne.

That is action guaranteed.

Gusher.

Stands alone.

But you won't.

How you doing, Kat?

Brad, they just showed that cologne commercial on TV again.

How about that?

You getting ready for a hot date with Suzanne, huh?

Is my little brother getting laid tonight?

You know, the old man would kick your ass if he heard you talking like that.

Besides, Dad, Suzanne's not that kind of girl. Sure, Brad.

Hey, Kath, thanks for the cologne, huh?

You're welcome.

Do I get to smell it on you?

Yeah, sure, you get a smell.

A little kiss.

You're welcome.

Interesting.

You like that, huh?

Think it'll work with Suzanne?

Oh, there's possibilities.

Say, what are you doing?

Oh, I just want you to thank me the right way.

Oh, you

know, Fred, really.

I always wanted you to be the first.

Really?

Yeah. Well, I guess it's a little late for that now.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

Well, at least I got to spy on you through the keyhole.

You watched.

What a wacky little ass.

What? Oh, maybe there's something else you could take care of for me.

Yeah? Like what?

Where'd you learn to do that?

From all those boys you used to bring home.

So what?

It's all relative.

I don't know what to say to you.

What's that smell?

What is that smell?

God, are you wearing that? Who's wearing that smell?

Oh, that smells wonderful.

That's great.

That's my little brother.

Well,

I guess we can keep this all in the family, can't we?

What are you doing, Suzanne?

Oh, I'm just going to join in.

Help me, darling.

Oh,

that smell is gorgeous.

I think she wants to be fucked.

Yeah, hello?

Talking? Oh.

Yeah, look, can I give you a store just so much?

Is that a bribe?

Oh, it's okay. Come on. Ten grand? Great. Okay, thank you.

Oh, dynamite.

Yeah, hello?

Uh, yes, you're 50 now.

Okay, that's 300.

Okay, that's 350. Keep talking, schmuck.

Can I take a look? Yeah, you will? Okay, great. Okay, fine.

All righty. We'll send it to you shortly.

Yeah, hello?

There's nobody here.

What are you doing? I'm losing thousands of dollars a second.

Hold on. I've been trying to tell you. Your little cutie pie, Cindy, ain't

producing enough.

And as a result, you can't fill half of these orders, so you're going to jail

for fraud.

Me? Very going to jail?

Well, don't let it happen.

Come on. You're a depraved slut. Think of something. Use your imagination.

Give or take some variety.

Look, sweetheart, if I go to jail, I'm not going to go alone.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I think I'll catch you drifted sleazy dumb.

I love you too, sweetheart. You know what? We get going.

All right, I've explained to each of you what you have to do. It'll be a $500

bonus to the person that makes it. All right?

I'll get you up front.

That's you.

Good luck.

Right in there.

No problem.

Go on.

All right.

Who's next?

Leave us here.

Take this place.

Good luck.

Well?

Who's next?

You did it!

Oh, shit.

Hey, boss.

I got an idea.

I always had this certain fantasy, and I think it might help Cindy.

What's that?

Fellas, this isn't E .F. Hutton.

WHAT THE -

That's life

Like me tasty.

God be pleased.

Bitches are good.

Godlike.

It's hot out.

Barry better pay us overtime. That's all I've got to say.

Yeah, he better. I'm going to bust his balls.

Get out of here.

You feeling okay, kid?

Charlene. Can I talk with you?

Of course. Us girls gotta stick together.

Well, I've really been missing my husband lately.

And I'd like to see him, but I'm afraid to.

Yeah, I understand.

Hey, how about if I go see him for you? You know, I can tell him that you want

to see him, but you need a little bit more time.

Would you do that for me, Charlene?

I mean, if you did that, I'd be so grateful to you.

I've been thinking...

It's about time that I go back with him.

Yeah, they'll take you.

Ah, shit.

She went to the bathroom.

Listen, you know what to do. I don't want any chance of her going back to

husband of hers. You understand?

Yeah, is this John Rushing?

Well, I'd like to meet with you someplace private.

It's about your wife.

The park?

Half an hour is fine.

Thank you. Bye.

Nice going.

I'm a psychologist.

Now, this is highly irregular, but I felt I must get in touch with you.

Well, what's happened?

Your wife's a nymphomaniac.

Now, she's in therapy.

But she's still fucking everything that moves.

Oh, no.

Yeah, pretty disgusting.

Oh, it's all my fault.

Of course I can never expect you to take her back after all the filthy things

she's done with her body.

I'd forgive her anything.

Stop being such a sap.

The girl's a fucking slut.

I can't believe it.

Hey, buddy boy, will you relax?

Come on.

Come on. I'm bringing two really beautiful women over here tonight.

We're going to have a good time.

Hey, I... I can't speak to women.

Cindy is the only girl that I ever did anything with.

Fuck! Cindy.

I wish I had.

Look, you're not going to have to talk to any women.

I got Gusher. Gusher.

Yeah. What is gusher? I never heard of gusher. Give me that. It's $300 a

It's worth every single penny of it.

Gusher.

Well, what does it do?

You're really stupid, and I thought you were.

When I went to the department store today to get this stuff, there was a

Five guys were raped just trying this stuff on.

Oh, what do you mean?

Come here.

Come here. Come here.

You take a tiny bit of this stuff.

You put it on, and the women go crazy.

Paradise. You'll love it.

I miss Cindy.

Forget Cindy.

Gusher.

Charlene, have you spoke with my husband?

Yeah. Uh,

he said I couldn't believe you.

Oh, God.

No, no, it's okay. We'll take care of it, kid.

Chalene.

Oh, what's this?

Oh, I don't know.

I just have been so moody lately.

Well, it's probably from all that pent -up sexual energy from not being able to

come. Listen, I have a great idea. I can't tell you about it now because we

a meeting inside, but it's going to make everything a lot better.

Really, I have a good idea, okay? Just hang in there.

Let's get the bottle. What bottle? I'll show you. Come on.

$2 ,000 is about right, isn't it?

Give the man a bottle.

Anything, just give me the bottle. Bye!

Barry, you know that was just colored water.

Oh, I know that, sure.

I had to make the man happy somehow, didn't I?

Besides.

I'm going to have that little cunt Cindy coming like crazy in no time. Because I

have a plan.

Yeah? Want to hear it?

What are you doing?

Sarah?

My tie?

It's John.

Hello.

You're cute.

Mind if I sit next to you? Well, yeah.

They also dance.

They also dance, and they promised they'd give us a show.

My dear.

That's bad, huh?

Wow. Oh, come on. Come on.

I want to look. This is so nice.

I see this now.

Is that enough?

Mm -hmm.

Oh,

man. Look at that.

It's amazing.

Oh,

good. See what I mean?

Oh, my goodness.

Oh,

my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

Is that better than real thing, huh?

Oh,

that's

good.

Jeez, if this is what he gets, I like the cologne.

Love to try this one.

Oh, they both smell so good.

I know. I don't know what it is.

I feel like putting it in. How about you?

Oh, yes.

Right on.

Let's see if we got any.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, where'd you find such a great lover?

I don't know.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, that tongue.

Where'd it go?

Hey, terrific.

Thank you.

Come on down.

Okay.

Right here.

Yeah, come on. Oh, she turned. Fuck it.

Now you. Now you. Yeah, yeah.

Now get my ball.

Oh,

Karen, fuck it.

Never had a man last as long as you before, John.

Oh, he's a superman.

Not like what's -his -name -over -there.

I taught him everything he knows.

Well, maybe you should start taking some lessons.

I feel like a new man.

World's greatest lover.

That's Princess... Andalucci.

Oh, you know her, too?

Uh, yes.

I cured her in one night. Oh.

You know, I'm not so bad myself, you know.

In fact, I'm the first one to make Cindy come.

Counting on you to do the same.

I've never failed.

Oh, I know.

I know.

Have a seat.

I know because I'm going to be the helping you out.

I'm going to catch all the lovely cub.

I don't need any help.

I figured you could show me a few techniques.

I could show you a few.

I work alone. This isn't a fuck clinic.

Hey, I'm paying you $25 ,000 for an afternoon of pleasure.

Huh? You want to get somebody else?

No, no.

Okay, half now, half later. You drive a hard bargain.

By the way, um...

I don't want you anywhere near us.

Okay. You want to see me?

Shall I talk about it?

It must be.

Well,

hello.

Hello.

You're, uh, very beautiful.

Oh, come on. You've just been found.

No, I'm not.

I guess I'm just used to a rougher approach lately.

I understand.

Look, we're here alone.

We'll have a good time.

The only other gentleman I've ever known was my husband.

Ex -husband.

He didn't know much about pleasing a woman.

That's too bad.

You know, it's... It's not that difficult.

All you have to do is do the things you feel you like.

Wait. I forgot something.

I got two grand bet on this game.

So,

how do you like these?

Yeah, great.

What about this?

Hey.

I'm sorry, what?

Oh, yeah.

Stupid.

A great athlete, and he'll give Hawthorne all he can handle.

Hawthorne respects that and kicks it off to Peacock, who will do most of the

ball handling. Sets up Hawthorne.

Dallas is trying to go and help out a little bit. What Daly on defense do,

and the fact that he goes for an all -out steal. He's loving steals.

He plays a lot like Clyde Bradshaw defensively. Wait a minute. You stop.

get too far.

Wait, wait, wait. Stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Pull him back up.

Pull him back up.

Please.

Wait.

Put this on.

Now do that again.

Oh, my God.

How far can you push that on?

Very far.

Can I see the hand again, please?

Gladly. Because you know what I want to do with this, don't you?

What?

Give me that.

Oh, my God.

It's hot.

Hot for you.

Feel it, baby.

Feel it.

Oh, yeah.

Babe,

it's...

Ooh.

You feel sexy?

Told you to stay away.

I just wanted to back you up.

Totally. It's your money, man.

My money.

Not so fast.

She didn't come yet.

If you don't pay me, I'm going to fuck you in the ass and make you come.

So, Sally, wrong number.

That little bit has got us in a lot of trouble, you know?

Who's got us in a lot of trouble?

Are you forgetting which side your bread is buttered on?

When do I get paid?

When you start coming, that's when.

I've already come a million times, and I haven't seen a goddamn dime.

Well, I've got news for you two.

I quit.

Oh, and where do you think you're going to go?

I'm going to call my husband.

Oh, your husband. I think he's going to take you back after all you've been

doing.

Sweetheart, for the love of the truth, I don't care if you ever come again. In

fact, I hope you don't, because we have a million and a half dollars in cash

here. We're going to Brazil.

So what about all the people that invested money and got your cologne?

You're being dishonest.

Oh, my heart bleeds.

Excuse me.

Get your hands off of me, you cheap son of a bitch. Cheap son of a bitch? Let go

of me, you bitch.

I've been called a lot worse. Can you do any better than that?

Say ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah.

I'll meet you down there in a second. Go ahead.

Please don't. Hush.

There's nobody here.

I've had a wonderful time getting to know you.

I'll show myself out. It's okay.

See you tomorrow.

Is this the Gusher Cologne Company?

Never heard of it. Tried down the hall.

I think I can make you happy. I love you.

Will you ever forgive me?

Did you say what I think? Did you say what I thought you said?

I love you.

I love you so much.

I never knew a woman could do that.

I guess we both learned a few things.

Honey, we're back in business.

Only this time, it's me and you.

50 -50.

And I'm your only partner? In the office and in the lab.

Deal?

Deal.