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We interrupt this episode of "The Outrider"

to bring you the following special report

from PHL news.

Hello. I'm Ken Gardner.

This just in.

We've received reports

that the rocket carrying the American Space

Administration Stardust probe back to Earth,

which was to land tomorrow evening,

has broken up in the upper atmosphere.

According to officials however,

the mission is not a complete loss.

We go now live to Phantom Lake University,

where a pair scientists from the project's

scientific team is holding a press conference.

We cannot speculate at this time

as to what caused the catastrophic malfunction

which led to the destruction of the rocket

carrying the samples collected

by the Stardust probe.

We simply know that everything looked

good up until the moment it...

...well...

...the moment it completely fell apart.

There was no fireball.

There was no rapid ejection of gases.

There was nothing violent about its demise.

It simply... fell to pieces.

As if someone had...

...removed all of the nuts and bolts

from the rocket and it just...

Several years ago we sent a small

space probe to the asteroid Vesta

where it landed, collected samples,

and was then to return to the Earth.

Since this was the first mission

of its kind in human history,

we took the possibility of failure quite

seriously and designed the sample containers...

...like the one I'm holding here...

...to withstand forces up to and surpassing

that of an atomic bomb.

That said, there does exist a known issue

with the container LIDS.

In roughly six to 36% of cases,

which our superiors determined

was within acceptable tolerance limits...

In up to 36% of cases,

the container lids may become loose.

Despite the overall failure of the space-CRAFT,

the issue with the sample container lids

is NOT something we anticipate being a problem.

Reporter: Just for clarity's sake,

you're saying there's a THIRTY-SIX percent

chance of the sample container lids

FAILING, correct?

Yes. Thirty-six.

Potentially thirty-seven.

(Thirty seven!?)

Reporter: So you guys are saying a bunch

of metal sample containers, which are designed

to withstand an ATOMIC EXPLOSION,

but have faulty lids that fail upwards

of 37% of the time, are going to start raining

down from the skies over Phantom Lake County?

Yes.

Unfortunately, what we are saying that very thing.

And it must be unequivocally stated

that we have absolutely NO IDEA

what may be in these containers.

As such, we ask that should anyone

out there spot one, please avoid

any and all contact.

Do NOT go near them.

Do not TOUCH them,

ESPECIALLY if the lid has failed.

I repeat.

Do NOT touch them.

DO.

NOT.

Touch them!

Mute: I've said it before and I'll say it again,

I swear something weird is going on.

HEY. Don't give me that look.

I know you think I'm crazy,

but something is definitely OFF.

I mean, how is it that we both

have such SELECTIVE memory loss?

We did that job, right?

But, I don't remember finishing it.

HOWEVER, we got PAID!

So we must've finished it.

But... did we?

We were sent to nab that redhead,

which we did... I think...

...but then it gets all fuzzy.

Oh, no. No.

I know what you're thinking,

but I was NOT drunk.

I hadn't touched a single drop

of the devil's juice that entire day.

OKAY, maybe I wasn't SOBER,

but I did not DRINK.

Literally not at all.

STILL, even if that explains why

I can't remember what happened

after we found the redhead,

why can't EITHER of us remember

what happened to YOU that day? Huh?

[ SHH-BLAP! ]

What the devil was that?

Huh. That was... unexpected.

Go get it, Mouth!

What? It's your turn to get

the weird thing that'll probably

turn out to be something bad.

Yeah! You heard me! It's your turn!

What're you doing? Why are you doing that?

What? Are you trying to say it's my turn

because YOU chopped this guy up?

That's fair.

I guess it IS actually my turn.

Here.

Gotta HAND it to you.

You can be persuasive when you want to be.

[ GRAB! ]

I swear, you just DO NOT get me.

Well, don't know what the heck it is,

but it looks like a metal... jar, maybe?

But the cover's popped off.

There's some shiny dust coming out of it,

looks almost like gold dust.

That... fell out of the sky?

Why would a can of gold dust

just fall out of the sky?

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute.

WAIT.

A.

MINUTE.

What if this stuff IS dangerous?

I probably shouldn't go poking

my fingers into strange...

...oddly-enticing...

...golden...

...mostly irresistible...

...potentially valuable DUST

that falls from the heavens.

Right!?

RIGHT. Hmm...

[ SNAP! ]

HEY, I think I have a better idea!

Give me a HAND, would ya?

[ TOSS! ]

[ SQUISHY CATCH! ]

I was wrong.

You DO get me.

Sorry, Mr. Whatever-your-name-was,

but I don't know exactly what

this stuff might do.

And, just in case whatever

it is needs to be...

...HAND-led with care...

I want whatever bad thing might happen,

to happen to YOU, and not me. Deal?

[ SQUISHY HANDSHAKE! ]

Deal. Thanks, pal.

[ TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP! ]

Yeah, I know we need to get back to

Mr. Red, but what if this stuff is valuable?

I mean, it seems pretty inert!

I honestly think it's okay!

Hold on...

...looks like there's something written here...

NOPE! Nope. Not okay. NOT OKAY.

Right there on the side.

Big letters.

Danger.

Yeah, we're just going to ignore ALL of THAT.

Just NOT okay.

[ WIPE... ]

[ SMACK! ]

[ SQUELCH! ]

HEY! What's the big idea,

you tongue-tied, frog-faced--

[ SLAP! ]

As God is my witness,

I am going to murder you, brother!

I'm going to choke the very life from your lungs.

I am--

[ SCHMACK! ]

THAT'S IT!

[ POINT! ]

Aw, chips!

[ YELP! ]

Man! Why didn't you say something!

That's a joke...

...because you don't talk.

[ MORE POINTING! ]

Oh. Right.

Idle hands are the devil's workshop!

Catch!

[ DROP! ]

That's what you get for slapping me.

Don't ever do it again.

Oh, come on! No hard feelings, okay!

Here, let me give you a hand!

Hand puns!

Hands-down, my favorite type!

HA!

Did you hear that one Mouth?

Mouth? I said...

...forget it.

Yeah, probably best we leave that stuff alone.

Shame.

Shame, shame, shame.

Mouth! Wait up!

Auf Wiedersehen, Mr. Whatever-your-name-was.

Adios!

Sayonara!

Adiau!

Au revoir!

Do svidaniya!

Arrivederci, baby!

What?

Relax! I will!

Take a breath, Mouth! What's the rush?

[ SIGH! ]

Besides,

I like this ring and I want to keep it.

Let me at least get it off before we turn

this disconnected mitt into fish food.

Thank you.

Huh. I think it's stuck.

Hold on a sec. I can get it.

I'm telling you, I can get it!

AWWW.

HEY!

[ SMACK! ]

HA! There! How do YOU like it?

[ DISARM! ]

HEY! How dare you DISARM me!

[ CRAZY LAUGHING! ]

GET IT?

"DISARM!?"

HA! I am on FIRE today!

[ SLAP! ]

Did you--

[ BACKHAND! ]

What did I say about slapping me!?

[ FOREHAND! ]

ALRIGHT. STOP IT. I GET IT.

I get it. I see it now.

I was getting a little...

...out of hand.

There it is!

Okay. Alright.

But, seriously, give it back.

WHOA! Hey! Hold on, there!

At least give me one last

try to get that thing off!

Come on, brother. I really want that ring.

Thank you.

Okay, there HAS to be a way to get this

beautiful piece of jewelry off this chubby digit.

Why didn't I think of it before!?

Mouth, give me your knife.

Thank you.

Okay, Mr. Whatever-your-name-was ,

I promise this won't hurt one bit...

...because you're already dead.

[ DEFLECT! ]

[ SPLOOSH! ]

What the heck!?

What?! It wasn't me! It was the hand!

I swear, it wasn't me!

This thing just CAME TO LIFE for a second

and smacked the knife out of my hand!

I'm serious!

It's like it has a mind of its--

[ SLAPPING! ]

Not cool, hand!

I SWEAR TO YOU.

IT WAS NOT ME.

IT WAS THE HAND!

[ WAVE! ]

[ GASP! ]

Mouth...

...it's alive!

ALIVE!

Mouth...

...it's...

...it's moving, Mouth!

Oh, man. That hand is MAD.

What do we do, Mouth!?

OH, MY GOD!

Mouth! Help me, Mouth!

[ GACK! ]

Mouth! MOUTH.

It's in my shirt! It's in my--

[ GIRLISH GIGGLE! ]

It's tickling! It's tickling!

NO. NO!

MOUTH! Do something!

HIT IT.

HIT IT, MOUTH!

It's digging into me!

It hurts!

HIT!

IT!

[ PUNCH! ]

OW!

Hit the HAND, NOT ME, you MUTE MORON!

Yes. I heard it.

NOW, JUST...

...HIT THE GODFORSAKEN THING.

[ BIFF! ]

[ POW! ]

[ BASH! ]

[ ASSAULT! ]

OW!

[ ZANG! ]

Forget it!

MY GOD.

STOP.

I'd rather let this thing pull my heart

through my ribcage than let you keep punching me!

Which... might actually be what it's trying to do!

Come on!

COME...

...ON!

[ BONES CRACK! ]

Wait...

...wait!

I think...

...maybe...

...maybe I got it?

NOPE. It's moving!

[ BURSTING FORTH! ]

[ PANICKED YELLING! ]

[ CHOKE! ]

IT'S CHOKING ME!

MOUTH!

IT'S...

...I CAN'T BREATHE...

...MOUTH!

MOUTH...

...CAN'T BREATHE...

...I'M...

...MOUTH...

...I'm... I'm goin' down, Mouth...

...gettin' dark!

[ SOUNDLESS BATTLE CRY! ]

[ SNAP! ]

[ COUGHING! ]

Oh, no you don't. Not again!

[ HIT! ]

[ SOCK! ]

[ BOFF! ]

[ BAM! ]

[ WHAM! ]

[ ZAM! ]

[ THWACK! ]

[ POWIE! ]

[ ULTRA-VIOLENCE! ]

You think it's dead?

You know what I mean!

Like, no longer alive or...

...possessed or WHATEVER.

Do you think it's dead-ER

than it was supposed to be!?

Yeah. Me, neither.

[ BOOT! ]

[ SPLISH! ]

[ SPLASHING! ]

[ SINKING! ]

Well, at least the job's done now.

Rest in peace, Mr. Whatever-your-name-was.

Or, more like rest in PIECES.

Right, Mouth?

Right?

Right.

I really wanted that ring.

What?

Honestly, what?

It was a nice ring!

IT WAS!

And now I need a new hat.

You think Mr. Red would care if I smoked in here?

Ah, who cares? Give me a light.

[ IGNITE! ]

Don't you dare light that thing in here.

[ SNUFF! ]

Where is my prize?

Where is our money?

You know the deal, Mute.

You deliver. I pay.

You don't deliver, there is no pay.

Now, where is he?

What do you mean, "where is he?"

We took care of him, just like you wanted.

Hmph. "Where is he."

I'm going to ask you again.

WHERE...

...is he?

Where is he?

Where is HE?

Where do you think?

Currently taking a rather permanent nap--

--in SEVERAL pieces--

--at the bottom of the lake.

You...

...dismembered him?

Technically MOUTH did.

Did he?

Yes, sir.

So, why don't we skip ahead to my favorite part

where you start lining our pockets with cash?

No.

Excuse me?

I said, NO.

And, do you know why, Mr. Mute?

You know, I sincerely hate it

when people call me MISTER Mute.

My name is just Mute.

DO YOU...

...know WHY...

...I will NOT...

...be paying you today, Mr. Mute?

I swear, one more time.

Just say it ONE MORE TIME.

Because the job was to bring that man to me...

...ALIVE.

Oh.

Well...

...it was Mouth's idea.

Mouth did it. Mouth chopped him up.

[ SMACK! ]

Ow, man, come on!

Is there a REASON you have

to CONSTANTLY be hitting me?!

ENOUGH!

You two have failed me, and for that,

I'm going to have to kill you again.

Now, hold on there a second, boss.

We... wait...

..."again?"

Do you know who I am?

Uh... you're the boss, Mr. Red.

Yes. That is one of my many names.

But, do you REALLY know

who I am and who you work for?

We... work for you.

Yes. You do.

You two have failed me and, for that,

you have to die again.

But, don't worry.

As always, I'll bring you back to life.

Of course, without any memories

of this job you botched.

Right! And... how... exactly...

...will you be able to do all that?

I'll simply ask you again.

Do you know who I am?

I think I'm starting to figure it out.

You know, given the...

OH. I just got it.

"Mr. RED."

Like... yeah... red!

Like the... yeah!

You're that guy!

Yes. I am.

Now, Mr. Mute--

It's just Mute!

[ BANG! ]

Nice try, but it won't work on me.

I'm not a vampire.

You know, maybe I don't need to kill you.

Maybe I'll just revive your brother here

and send you on your way with a warning.

I mean, given the fact that you don't talk,

it's not like you're going to tell anyone

about anything you've learned here today, right?

Right.

[ SHOOT! ]

I swear, if these idiots weren't so useful

I'd let them stay dead.

Rosemary: Well, hello, Mr. Gnome.

How are you this morning?

Gnome: I'm doing well this morning, Rosemary.

Rosemary: That's fantastic to hear, Mr. Gnome.

Today I'm going to be planting

some mums in your garden.

That means that in a few hours,

you'll be surrounded by pretty flowers!

Doesn't that sound nice?

Gnome: It sure does sound nice, Rosemary.

You always do such a wonderful job

taking care of my garden.

Thank you!

Rosemary: You're more than welcome, Mr. Gnome.

Truly, it's my pleasure.

Gnome: The pleasure's all mine, Rosemary.

I feel so privileged to be able to live

in a yard tended by someone

who cares so deeply about--

Evelyn: Mama?

Rosemary: Oh! Evelyn. Good morning.

I didn't realize you were nearby!

Evelyn: I was just feeding the goats and

happened to hear you, uh...

...having a conversation with your garden gnome?

Rosemary: Uh...

Evelyn: AND doing the gnome's voice?

Rosemary: I... uh...

Evelyn: Aren't you worried someone might hear

you and think you've lost your marbles?

Rosemary: YOU heard me.

Do YOU think I've lost my marbles?

Evelyn: I'm going to say that I believe

it may be in my best interests

to NOT answer that question.

Rosemary: I agree.

It's VERY MUCH not in your best interests.

Evelyn: Right. Still, I am curious,

did the gnome have anything interesting to say?

Rosemary: Yes. It said,

"Tell that daughter of yours to mind

her own business and go clean her room."

Evelyn: Really?

That. It said specifically that?

Rosemary: Yes. That's what he said.

Evelyn: Sure sounds like something

a gnome would say!

Rosemary: It sure does, so...

...go clean your room.

Evelyn: Wait, really?

Rosemary: Yes. Go clean your room.

Mr. Gnome commands it.

Evelyn: He's not the boss of me!

I don't have to do what he says!

Besides, what's he gonna do if I don't?

Rosemary: Evelyn?

Evelyn: Yeah?

Rosemary: Go clean your room.

Evelyn: Yes, ma'am.

Rosemary: Don't mind her, Mr. Gnome.

She's just one of those sassy teenagers

who thinks she knows everything.

Gnome: That's okay, Rosemary.

She may be sassy, but she's a good kid.

Rosemary: Oh, my, Mr. Gnome!

Don't let HER hear you say that!

It'd go right to her head!

Gnome: It's true!

She could be much worse.

She could be like those Wellington boys.

Rosemary: Now, Mr. Gnome,

don't get me started on THOSE troublemakers.

You'd think, given all the money

their parents have, they'd be better behaved!

I swear I...

...okay.

She's right.

I do sound like I've lost my marbles.

Sorry, Mr. Gnome.

I'll be right back to plant those mums!

Gnome: You take your time, Rosemary.

Rosemary: And I'm still doing it.

[ AN OWL HOOTS! ]

Dickie: There it is.

The coast is clear. Nab it!

Chauncey: Why do I have to nab it?

You nab it!

Dickie: Come on, you chicken!

Just grab the thing!

Chauncey: Seriously? Why can't you?

Dickie: We already decided this!

I got the fireworks, you get the gnome.

It's right there.

Now go get it before we get caught!

Chauncey: FINE.

Dickie: What are you waiting for!?

Chauncey: I don't know!

I'm having second thoughts!

Dickie: About what!?

It's not like you've never stolen anything before!

Chauncey: I know, but the last time I did

someone stuck a loaded gun in my face!

Dickie: Would you just hurry up

before someone sees us?!

[ A DOG BARKS! ]

Chauncey: Aw, chips! We're cooked now!

Dickie: NO, WE'RE NOT!

COME ON!

IT'S NOW OR NEVER!

GRAB IT!

Chauncey: FINE!

Rosemary: NO, not Mr. Gnome!

Where can he be!?

Holly: That thing is ugly.

Not as ugly as my brother here,

yet you're still dating him.

Rude.

Hey now,

you're cruisin' for a bruisin', Dick.

Look at you, Chauncey!

Actin' all tough in front of your special lady friend!

I'll show you tough!

Alright.

I'm not interested in whatever it is that's happening

right now between you two.

I think I'm gonna go home.

No, Holly! No. I'm sorry.

Stay. This will be fun, I promise.

Okay.

But only if Dickie apologizes, too.

I'm not apologizing.

I have nothing to apologize for.

Dick, come on, just apologize.

No.

Later, alligator.

Holly! Please.

I ain't apologizing!

Go if you want, I don't care!

With or without you guys,

I'm going into these woods and

blowing this stupid thing to Kingdom Come!

[ AIEEE! ]

[ HOLLY AND CHAUNCEY LAUGH! ]

Alright! Shut up! You two comin' or not?

After THAT display,

I think I've changed my mind.

I am definitely coming, if for no other reason

than to watch your klutzy-self

lose a finger or two with those fireworks!

Now who's being rude?

[ DERISIVE GUFFAW! ]

Whoa!

Check this thing out!

[ THROW! ]

[ CATCH! ]

What is it?

I don't know.

It's all scorched.

Looks like there's some writing on it,

but it's all been burned off.

I think I can make out a... D?

Like... a word that starts with the letter D?

Maybe we shouldn't mess with that thing.

Relax.

D...

...A...

...something, something...

...ends with R?

Might be a G in there somewhere?

A word that starts with DA,

ends with an R, and has a G in it...

That's what it looks like, yeah.

You mean a word like "danger?"

[ FLIPPANT CHUCKLE! ]

Yeah, I suppose!

Put it down.

No!

Yes! Put it down!

NO!

I have a better idea!

Chauncey, grab the gnome. Let's go.

Chauncey!

It's fine.

Chauncey?

It'll be fine!

Besides, if it IS something dangerous,

I promise neither you

nor I will go near it.

YOU already touched it.

Okay, I will never go near it AGAIN.

We'll let whatever's going to happen with it,

happen to HIM, deal?

I don't know.

I suddenly have a bad feeling about this.

Weren't you JUST SAYING

how you wanted to watch him lose a hand?

I mean, I guess.

But, I didn't say lose a HAND,

just a finger or two.

Which is an important distinction.

It is!

Right!

This'll be fun! I promise!

Fine!

Thank you.

Man, this thing is really stuck shut.

Maybe that's a sign that you should

put it back where you found it.

It's not.

Well, maybe it is.

IT'S NOT. I swear, Chauncey!

What has happened to you?

What do you mean, "What has happened to me?"

You used to be so cool.

You used to like to take risks,

like that one time you stole money

from the collection plate at church.

You stole money from the

collection plate at church?

It was ONE TIME, okay?

Why would YOU need to steal money

from the collection plate at church?

Aren't your parents like, pretty rich?

It was thrilling, alright!

I was thrilled!

Got it!

Huh.

What is it, Dickie? What's in there?

Looks like...

...a bunch of dust!

Dust?

Yeah. Shiny dust!

Dang. I'm disappointed.

Well, what were you expecting exactly?

I don't know. Not dust.

Oh, well.

Maybe something extra cool will happen

when I light this thing up.

Any last words, you ugly, little troll?

No? Okay, then.

Time to die.

This is stupid.

No. It's fun.

Stupid.

Chauncey, you should probably tell

your special lady friend it's not nice

to call you stupid.

You're stupid, Dick.

Your mom is stupid.

She's your mom, too.

Yes, and she named you Chauncey,

so I stand by my previous statement.

Just light the dumb thing, would you?

[ DISMISSIVE SNICKER. ]

[ BOOM! ]

[ OBTUSELY GLEEFUL LAUGHTER! ]

Wait... what?

How is this possible?

There's not even a scratch on it!

Seriously, how is this possible?

This thing should be a pile of broken pieces!

I don't get it!

Did you buy the worst fireworks in the world?

NO! These were the real deal!

Doesn't look like it.

You saw the explosion, HOLLY.

You heard the bang.

It EXPLODED, did it not?

And yet, the GNOME is STILL THERE!

Wait... where'd it go?

I am so confused right now.

It was just here. Right?

Or, was it just an illusion?

What are you talking about?

An "illusion?"

What, the statue is a magician all of a sudden?

NO. Like an OPTICAL illusion.

What if the thing WAS destroyed,

but the dust from the canister

created the ILLUSION that it was still there!

And then just... dissipated?

Yeah! Why not? It's DUST.

DUST blows away easily in the open air!

I mean...

...I guess it makes a little bit of sense.

Yeah, IT DOES.

SURE, but, only a LITTLE BIT.

You two are annoying.

You know what?

Show's over.

Time to go.

Hey!

What?

Where are you going?

Aren't we heading back home?

Yeah, YOU are.

I thought we all were.

I mean... eventually, yeah.

For now, me and Holly

want to take a little walk.

A walk to where?

Just... a walk.

We all have to take a walk.

Back to our house.

Which is THIS way.

I am AWARE of that, Dick.

However, WE would like to take a WALK.

YEAH. Back home.

At some point, yes.

But not NOW.

What?! Why not now?

Why are you going that...

OH!

YEAH.

Right. Right.

Right. Cool.

You guys have a good "walk."

I'll see you at home.

Right.

Eventually.

Yes. Eventually.

Cool. Cool.

Okay.

Heh. A "walk."

Enjoy your "WALK."

Don't TRIP.

Or FALL.

Or get caught in any THORNY BUSHES!

Chauncey: SHUT UP!

No, you shut up.

[ BIP! ]

OW! DANG IT!

What the HECK!?

Did someone just throw a ROCK at my head!?

What?

Okay, what is this nonsense?

[ BAP! ]

OW! SERIOUSLY! OUCH!

Alright, this isn't funny.

You're doing this, right, Chauncey?

Holly?

This is REALLY hilarious.

What, you went out and found an identical

gnome statue and stashed it in the woods

and now you're just messing with me, RIGHT?

RIGHT!?

Yeah, well, ha, ha, ha,

you JERKS, throwing ROCKS at me.

I swear, Chauncey, when you get home,

I'm gonna--

Whoa...

[ YIPE ! ]

[ TRIP! ]

This can't be real.

I'm seeing things.

Maybe that weird dust in that container

is making me hallucinate or something.

I mean, I blew that dang gnome to dust!

Plus, little gnome statues don't come to LIFE,

chase people, and start throwing ROCKS at them!

Oh, man. I must be losing my mind.

I can't believe I actually felt afraid

of an inanimate GNOME statue.

[ GASP! ]

[ STAB! ]

[ STAB!! ]

[ STAB!!! ]

[ STAB!!!! ]

[ STAB!!!!! ]

[ STAB!!!!!! ]

[ STAB!!!!!!! ]

[ STAB!!!!!!!! ]

Why are we still walking, Chauncey?

I'm just trying to find the perfect spot to stop!

We're SURROUNDED by "perfect spots!"

We're surrounded by OKAY spots.

I'm looking for the perfect--

[ DICKIE SCREAMS IN THE DISTANCE! ]

What was that?

Sounded like Dick.

Should we go check on him?

Nah!

Chauncey Wellington, that is your BROTHER.

But, we're taking a walk!

You know what?

I don't really feel like taking a walk

with a guy who doesn't feel the need

to check whether or not his brother is HURT.

FINE. We'll go check on him.

That's better.

Oh, my gosh! Chauncey! Look!

[ SCREAM!!! ]

Evelyn: Oh, my gosh! The GNOME is back!

Evelyn: Mama! Look! Your GNOME is back!

Rosemary: WHAT!? It is!?

Evelyn: Yeah! It's back in the garden!

Oh, my word!

[ ROSEMARY SCREAMS! ]

Okay, contestants!

First, even though I know I don't HAVE

to introduce myself to you since

you all already know who I am--

I don't.

Uh, yeah, me neither.

Ah. Well--

SHOULD we know who you are?

I should think so, yes,

if for no other reason than I've been the

county comptroller for the last fifteen years.

It's an ELECTED position.

A position I've won in three straight elections.

Right, well, uh, my name is Bjorn Mitchell, your

DULY ELECTED county comptroller and today,

I will be your host and lead judge for this,

the annual hot dog eating contest!

It appears...

Yes! It appears all of your paperwork

is in order and, therefore, it is time

to start going over the rules.

Let me start by thanking you

for joining us today.

As you know, the hot dog eating contest...

...uh...

...is the...

...uh...

...son?

Hello?

SON?

I'm sorry, what is this young man's name again?

That's Chip.

Ah, yes. Chip?

CHIP?

Excuse me, uh...

What is the man's name who is sitting next to...

...the sleeping...

That's Mr. Jensen.

Thank you. Uh, Mr. Jensen?

Call me Dan!

Right. Yes. Mr. Jensen.

Would you do us the favor of

rousing Mr. Chip from his slumber?

No, sir.

Don't think I want to.

Oh...

I'll do it, Mr. Mitchell.

Thank you, Ava.

It's Evelyn, sir.

Oh! I do apologize.

It won't happen again, Ellen.

CHIP!

What happened?! Did I win?

No.

Thank you...

...uh...

It's Evelyn. My name is Evelyn.

Right. As I was saying, the hot dog

eating contest is the most popular

attraction here at the annual

Phantom Lake Hot Dog Festival.

It's the...

...piece de resistance, if you will.

NOW, I'd be remiss if I didn't

point out that our champion--

--five-years-running!--

--will not be competing this year.

Which MEANS,

this year we will be crowning a NEW--

Rosemary: Mr. Mitchell?

It means that this year we--

Rosemary: Mr. Mitchell!

--that this year--

Rosemary: A LITTLE HELP,

PLEASE, MR. MITCHELL!

Oh, for heaven's sake!

I'm so very sorry, everyone.

I shall return shortly.

In the meantime, talk amongst yourselves.

After all, we are all friends here and--

Rosemary: BJORN!

I'm sorry, gentlemen...

...uh...

...and lady.

I won't be but a moment.

Come along, Erin!

Sorry about this.

I know our county comptroller

can be a little high strung.

But, he means well. I think.

What's a "comptroller?"

Who knows?

Say, pal, where's your buddy with the hat?

I was looking forward to finally

breakin' that winning streak of his!

Why isn't he competing?

He went back home...

...to the North Pole.

What is the problem?

Why all the panic?

Well, Bud here had stepped away for a moment--

Dropped my tongs.

Needed to get new ones.

--and while I was guarding the grill,

a couple of teenage boys came over

and were fooling around with the hot dog buns.

I tried to get them to stop,

but they refused to listen to me!

What were they doing to the buns?

I'm not entirely sure how to explain.

Well, how would you describe their actions?

Uh... impolite?

Disrespectful, perhaps?

Or... puerile?

I'm not sure if any of those are the correct term.

Then what would the

"correct term" be, Mrs. Johnson?

Um...

...unholy?

What?

Where are these boys now?

They're over there.

In that case, I will go

have a word with them.

Excuse me.

Should we follow him?

Probably, but no.

After what those boys to those hot dog buns...

...I fear for their safety

should I get anywhere near them!

O... kay... well, INSTEAD, do you think

you and I should go finish telling

the contestants the rules so we don't

fall too far behind schedule?

Yes. That's a good idea. Let's do that.

Huh.

Okay, everyone, sorry for the delay,

but Mr. Mitchell has to take care

of some unruly young people

who felt the need to do some rather

unspeakable things to the hot dog buns!

We don't have to eat those ones, do we?

NO. Thankfully, no. I--

What in the world could that be?

What is that?

You know what?

I think that might be one of those things

the scientists were talking about

on television last night!

Yeah! I saw that!

What scientist? When?

Last night!

They cut right into the latest

episode of The Outrider!

Didn't stop yappin' about it 'til well

into the next hour, so we never got

to see the ending of the show!

Now I'm never gonna know

if they rescued that horse.

I don't like that show.

How can you not?!

The Outrider is the greatest

western TV show ever produced!

If you say so!

Uh... Mama?

Yes, Evelyn?

Correct me if I'm wrong but,

whatever that thing is,

it looks like it's heading right for us!

It does. It really does.

EVERYONE! TAKE COVER!

Mama! Get under the table!

[ YOW! ]

[ BLAMMO! ]

Mama! Where's Bud?

I don't know!

We need to help! Come on, Chip!

Evelyn! Wait!

Hold on, Chip! Look!

Looks like this strange, metallic dust

came from inside that container!

That scientist on TV said that whatever

it might be could be dangerous!

We don't want to risk it!

Evelyn! Do you see Bud?

Mama! Don't go any closer!

But, why? Bud might be under the pile

of coolers and dogs!

He might be hurt! Or worse!

I know, but that shiny stuff

on everything might not be safe!

Mr. Mitchell! Be careful!

My word! What is all of that!?

It's from that space probe! Look!

Space probe? What space probe?

Don't you watch The Outrider?

YEAH. Don't you watch The Outrider?

What is "The Outrider?"

It's a television program!

It's VERY popular!

Oh, well, I don't own a television.

I read books.

Boo! Books.

What is that!?

[ FRIGHTENED YELL! ]

What is what!? Where!?

That!

False alarm. It's just a hot dog.

[ PANICKED SCREAMING! ]

The hot dogs are alive!

Run, everyone! RUN!

[ SCREAMING PANIC! ]

Chip! Wait!

Wait for what?!

We're under attack by killer sausages!

We need to help Mr. Mitchell!

Why?

Because we're good people and good people

help other people in need, especially when

they're being chewed on by bloodthirsty hot dogs!

I get that, and to us, he IS a good person.

However, he's in charge of the

hot dog eating contest!

So, in the eyes of the hot dogs,

he's NOT a good person.

Therefore, if anything,

to them, this is poetic justice!

WHAT!?

Oh, no, you don't!

[ SQUASH! ]

The hot dog eating contest has become

the hot dogs eating US contest!

We need to get out of here!

Mama! Look out!

Mama! Mr. Mitchell is down!

Help me pull him to safety!

I'm a little busy right now!

[ AN UNEARTHLY HOWL! ]

What was that noise?

Where are they going?

They're retreating!

Cowards! Come back out here and fight!

[ BJORN MOANS! ]

Mr. Mitchell!

Oh, jeez!

Take it slow, Bjorn!

Was I...

...just attacked by...

...malicious hot dogs?

Yes. Yes, you were.

Was one trying to eat me?

It's poetic justice!

[ THE GROUND RUMBLES! ]

What is happening now!?

I don't know!

LOOK!

It's the "big daddy hot dog!"

No! It's Bud!

It's both!

I think he's somehow been fused

with the hot dogs and turned into

a human, hot dog HYBRID!

HOW!?

It must be that dust from outer space!

There's no other explanation!

It's coming right for us!

Save yourselves!

Bjorn! Get back here!

Mr. Mitchell!

I can't believe he just ran away

and left US to deal with this thing!

I can. I mean, what else would

you expect from a politician?

Especially a comptroller!

What IS a comptroller?

I have no idea!

We need to figure out a way to stop this thing!

But, what about Bud?

He's gotta be in there somewhere!

Mama, he's been turned into

a person-slash-hot-dog monster who is,

right now, trying to attack my friend!

I doubt there's any real trace of Mr. Bud left!

His FIRST name is Bud, sweetie.

And, truth be told,

I don't think that's his REAL name.

I think it's just a nickname.

How is that important right now!?

It's not! I'm sorry! You're right!

He needs to be stopped!

I'm open to any and all ideas

you may have to do that!

Well, I don't have any!

I mean, how DOES one effectively

destroy a mutant hot-dog man!?

Uh... how would you normally kill a hot dog!?

"Kill a hot dog?!"

Who EVER has to KILL a hot dog!?

"Killing a hot dog"

is not a concept that exists, Mama!

You know what I meant!

If this were just a NORMAL hot dog,

what would you do to dispose of it?

Eat it?

That is NOT an option in this instance!

That creature is half human!

That would basically be cannibalism!

This is the weirdest conversation I've ever had!

AND I'VE HAD MY SHARE

OF WEIRD CONVERSATIONS!

Focus, Evelyn! What can we do!?

Why is it all on me to figure it out!?

Because I'm too scared to think straight right now!

I literally just asked you

how you would normally KILL A HOT DOG.

KILL a HOT DOG!

Those are the words I used!

I...

...wait...

Mama, what's the best way to cook a hot dog?

I have no idea!

On the grill.

You're going to light it on fire?

Yes. Yes, I am. CHIP!

Chip: Whaddayawant!?!

Lead it this way!

I have a plan to take it down!

Chip: Roger that!

What?

You scare me sometimes.

Yeah, well... here it comes!

[ SQUIRT! ]

How about a little fire, scarecrow!?

Evelyn!

What?

Seriously, who ARE you?

[ STRIKE! ]

You know, I hate to say it...

...but that smell is making me hungry.

Chip! That is really not appropriate.

But... it DOES smell pretty good.

It smells like when we go on camping trips!

Evelyn!

What?!

That's just... not okay!

It's true, though!

NO. Just...

...NO!

Why are you doing that?

I have no idea!