Original subtitles

This,

this,

that.

Oh, definitely that.

Oh, I don't know about this.

Oh, why not?

This one, too.

Andrealphus!

There's hardly any of my furniture left.

You can't do this to me.

I like my things.

Stella, we've talked about this.

I'm not doing it to you.

I'm doing it for you.

And these things aren't really yours.

Technically, they're Stolas's.

Which makes them mine.

Until Via comes of age.

I thought you took his throne for a hundred years.

His title, his duties,

his legions, yes.

But his estate passes to Via on her 18th birthday.

Which is...?

Soon?

Next month, you f...

She's your daughter.

It's like you have to try to be this dense.

I'm not good with numbers. I've told you that.

Yes, you've told me a lot of stupid shit.

The point, dear sister,

is that we have a month to auction off everything we can

before you lose your chance at a proper nest egg.

Forever.

But what about Octavia?

Do you really intend to leave her with next to nothing?

Oh, now you care.

Oh, she'll be fine.

I'm not touching her belongings,

only Stolas's.

Besides, it's only a matter of time before she's married off

and living in some other prince's palace anyway.

Mm, speaking of,

have you found any potential suitors?

I know she's all moody and insufferable,

but there has to be one or two out there you can find.

Ooh, how about Shax's boy?

He's ruggedly well-endowed.

Mm, not my mold collection.

I grew most of them from spores.

Oh, no.

Not that.

Oh, damn it.

Heya, Big Bird.

Why the long face?

Did-did you get Moxxie to critique your smut again?

Ugh. He called it derivative.

How could it be?

But, no, Stella and her brother

are apparently auctioning everything I've ever owned--

my art, my books, my-my-my plants.

All of this was meant for Via,

and now she'll never...

Wait.

Wait.

What? No. What?

They wouldn't dare, would they?

Via's birthday's so soon.

It can't be here. It can't.

Oh, that fucking bitch!

Mm-hmm. Yeah, she's a huge fucking bitch.

But for-for what, though?

This!

Wow, that's, uh, really old?

What is...? What-what am I looking at here?

A locket.

From my mother.

It's the only thing of hers I've ever had.

What happened to her?

Gone.

Since just after I was born.

This was my only connection to her.

And that witch is going to sell it off as if it's some worthless trinket.

Can't we just, I don't know, buy it ourselves?

I mean, you're rich. You were rich.

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

I think you're wildly underestimating how much money the Goetia have

and how much they hate me now.

Even the most worthless item is sure to go for a small fortune,

just so they can have the pleasure of destroying it,

lording it over me,

or both.

It's-it's hopeless.

All right.

- What are you doing? - Whiteboard.

Oh, nothing.

Just preparing for my third fucking heist from the same Goetic palace.

You know this is, like, rule number one

on the thieving folks' Do Not Fucking Do list, right?

So we better plan this thing correctly.

- Heist? - Well, yeah, dummy.

You don't think I'm gonna let some other asshole

get their grubby little mitts on your m...

your mom thing, do you?

You, you want to rob Stella

for me?

I know. I'm fucking awesome, aren't I?

Just leave everything to me.

All right!

Okay, step one.

We go to this auction--

you attending obviously as yourself,

and I'll be disguised as your servile, submissive,

and breedable little servant.

This will get me access to the side entrance in the kitchen for...

step next.

You stay in the back and try not to be noticed by any dumb fucking birds

or miscellaneous critters...

...while I change to look like a sexy waiter

and slip into the servants' corridors unnoticed to make my way

to the balcony over the holding area for the auction goods.

Now, uh, part, uh, "C."

When I give you the signal, make a fucking scene, Stolas.

Make it massive, dramatic. Really turn on the waterworks.

Say something depressing.

Get people to cry about your life being ruined or some shit.

Now time for step... my favorite step.

While everyone's distracted,

I rappel down from the balcony and swipe the fucking locket.

Then I rappel back up the way I came,

make my way out of the kitchen and over to the car,

where I'll be waiting for you to get thrown out shortly after

for being a whiny little bitch.

Step last.

We drive off together, laughing victoriously,

because you are holding the best damn birthday gift

your daughter could ask for.

- Any questions? - Did you really have to draw me like that?

I did. Now let's get to work.

Okay. You ready?

No. But I suppose I must be.

For Via.

For Vi... Yes, yeah.

Via. We are, we are doing this for Via.

Good luck, Blitzo.

I don't need luck. I got skills.

Shit!

Who the fuck parks there?!

I mean, come on!

Oh, yes. My brother really wanted to be here.

I just want to be supportive.

Name and title

so I might announce you.

Oh. No, no. There's no need.

Name and title, if you please.

Um, Stolas.

Uh, prin... Well, former prince of the Ars Goetia.

Oh! Um... Pri... um...

Stolas, welcome.

Disgraced former prince Stolas

of the Ars Goetia!

Oh, my Satan.

Oh, fuck me.

Uh, hey there.

I'm-a one of the drivers.

My name is--

Wait a minute.

Are you Blitzo?

You're Blitzo, right?

No. My name-a Giuseppe.

I drive-a the cars.

Ow-a! My mustache!

Oh, shit.

Satan's taint.

It is Blitzo.

Hey! Everyone, check out

who's here.

No, no, no. I'm-a just-a Giuseppe.

I'm a drivey little fellow.

Can I get a picture, man?

I can't believe I get to meet you.

I'm honored.

You got to sign this for my kid.

Oh, Blitzo,

- I love you! - Yeah, thank you.

Th-Thank you, everyone.

I-I got to go, uh...

drop a hot shit.

Don't follow me. It's gonna be vile.

Bye.

Blitzo Buckzo?

Fuck!

Oh, I love parties.

- I just love them. - Did you know

he's paying taxes?

Like a poor person.

Stolas...!

Oh. Um, I, um, uh...

- Shit. - How dare you come to this palace?

You are banished.

You have no place here among your betters.

Everyone here knows that Stolas--

Is my guest.

You did say we could bring whoever we wanted, correct, Stella?

To "share in the humiliation and ridicule of my former husband."

Well, I obviously didn't mean him!

What will the Goetia think if I--

Well, speaking for myself and fellows,

I think they'd think

you are honoring what you said on your invitation.

Cualquiera puede asistir.

Oh. It was

- very gracious of you, querida. - Oh.

Thank you.

Fine. Stay.

I don't care. I'll enjoy watching your stupid face

as I sell every stupid thing you've ever cared about.

Honored as always to have you here, Prince Vassago.

Even with your shitty taste in company.

Thank you for that. Um...

It's been so long, I...

Oh.

Don't tell me you forgot about me.

No, of course not.

Apologies. I-I just don't think I wanted to...

dwell on--

So...

It's been almost 20 years, mi amigo.

What have you been up to?

Other than being banished, of course.

Sorry about that, by the way.

I-I was there.

You were?

Oh, fuck.

Um...

I should go.

No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

It's okay. Really.

It's been a while.

Maybe we can catch up a bit.

Buy you a drink?

Oh, gods, yes.

He just can't help himself.

Can I have a drink?

Honestly, I didn't really expect to see my old classmate singing

about betrayal and ambition right in Satan's face.

It was, it was pretty impressive, all things considered.

Didn't, didn't expect that from you.

You didn't expect me to be such a treasonous fool?

No, no, no, no.

Just to be brave like that.

It's really good to see you again, Stolas.

It's good to see you, too.

You sure got...

older.

I mean you're handsome now.

Uh, not that you weren't before. I mean...

I'll be quiet.

Podría decir lo mismo de ti, pero...

siempre lo has sido.

Uh, I only caught a little of that.

You look good, too, Stolas.

Me encanta tu sonrisa.

Did you get that one?

Yes, I did.

Psst.

Stolas.

No, thank you. We're fine.

Ow!

- Stolas. - Blitzo, what are you--

The servants' corridors are a no-go.

Is there some other way up to the balcony?

Through the second floor of the library, but that way--

Thanks.

Not to come off as ungrateful,

but what are you doing here?

It seems everyone is here to revel in my humiliation.

I would hope...

that's not the case with you?

No. Far from it.

I'm here to win one specific item

I didn't want falling into anyone else's hands.

Ladies and gentlemen

of the Ars Goetia, welcome.

Tonight we have for you a selection of items for sale

belonging to the one, the only,

the utter embarrassment Stolas.

Who was, who was gracious enough to join us tonight.

Everyone... feel free

to point and laugh to your hearts' content.

Hey! Wait, are you Blitzo Buckzo?

Uh, yeah?

Whoa!

What are you doing here?

You gonna fuck with another prince?

Can I help?

Uh...

Can you get me to the balcony over the auction stuff?

Fuck yes.

The next item up for bid is a journal from Stolas's youth.

Sure to be full of embarrassing stories

about being a lonely, pathetic,

unloved little brat.

Hilarious fun for the whole family.

Should we start the bidding at 100,000?

Dear journal,

another birthday in the books.

Mortimer gifted me a rare ghost orchid flower

from Earth. It apparently excels in hot places.

But more exciting still is that today is my first day of arcane training.

I will be under the tutelage of Master Barbatos,

along with one other apprentice.

I cannot wait.

If things go well,

I might finally have a friendship that lasts longer than a day.

Dear journal,

I can't believe it.

Vassago is coming over today to practice our magic out of class.

I'm sure Master Barbatos would be furious if he knew what we were up to.

Is it too much?

Well, that depends.

Is it a study session?

Or a night at the opera?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Just studying. Studying. - Hmm.

Then, uh, perhaps lose the ruffles.

Thank you, Mortimer.

I'll get it, Mortimer. I'll get it.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Vassago!

Hey.

Stolas. Mi amigo.

Wow, you lounge around the house in that?

Uy. Very fancy.

Yes.

I did tell my butler it was

- a bit too much. - Hmm.

Well, I'll be careful not to singe your ruffles.

Been practicing but still seem a bit...

explosive.

Yes, explosions are cool.

Vassago is incredible at drawing sigils,

so I asked him if he would tutor me on the side.

He said that he would

but only if I teach him about the incredible plants on the property.

My plants.

I don't know if he's interested or just being nice,

but I don't really care because I think I can call him a real friend.

Is it sad it's taken me so long to have another friend?

P.S. Is it just me or is Vassago, like, really hot?

And this one's named Franklin.

And this one's named Roosevelt.

And this one's named Steven.

And this one's named Gary.

And this one's named Gertrude.

Wait.

Dear journal...

Vassago and I are growing powerful.

Our spells are stable,

and we are closely approaching the day

where we will be able to fulfill our duties without assistance.

I am continuously impressed with the skill and finesse Vassago exhibits

in his magic.

As excited as I am to complete my training,

I am...

disheartened at the idea

of my time with Vassago coming to an end

and my impending wedding with...

Stolas!

...Stella.

Have you seen what these planners are trying to do to our wedding?!

Cyan?

What about me says cyan?

Yes, darling. What do you need?

Be a man for once and tell those planners they will be listening to me

and not my brother when it comes

- to the color scheme! - Dear journal...

It's graduation day.

Vassago and I have received the highest honors from Master Barbatos.

We are entering high society as two of the most powerful individuals in Hell.

It is the first day of the rest of my eternal life as a Goetia.

So why does it instead feel like my life's over?

It's nice that Stolas finally debuted.

Still not sure how fitting a husband he'll be for my sister.

At least he's a prince.

Mm.

Not as cool as a marquis.

Whoa!

Vassago, what are you--

Oh. I'm sorry.

I've been wanting to do that all year.

A-And I thought you might, too.

Sorry if not. I-I'm so, I'm so sorry.

No. No, I did.

I-I-I really did.

That was...

very nice.

- But Stella-- - Forget about Stella.

Stolas, let's get out of here.

Out of the academy?

The party isn't over yet.

No. Out of Pride.

We can go anywhere,

do anything, be together.

We could go live on the sun

or, or a, or a deserted island.

- What do you think? - Well, the sun is a bit impractical.

This doesn't sound very thought-through.

But I want to.

Gods, do I want to.

But what about our duties, our responsibilities?

We are Goetic princes.

Hell has existed so long,

and it'll be here when we get back,

on our terms,

when we're ready.

♪ I see in your eyes ♪

♪ the risk of flying ♪

♪ high ♪

♪ But I belong in a cage ♪

♪ Love can't just be fun ♪

♪ Even if I try ♪

♪ would it be a lie? ♪

♪ If I let myself go ♪

♪ to be carried by your song ♪

♪ what will happen ♪

♪ to my own? ♪

♪ If I let myself try ♪

♪ maybe these young wings can fly ♪

♪ under our crimson sky ♪

♪ Our crimson sky ♪

♪ Our crimson ♪

♪ Sky ♪

♪ sky ♪

♪ If I give you my hand ♪

♪ and I take your hand ♪

♪ I could lose my soul ♪

♪ My lament of longing ♪

♪ This is now my only choice ♪

♪ My shadowed heart is lonely ♪

♪ I can't seem to find my voice ♪

So, are you ready?

I want to be.

But I can't, Vassago.

I have to do right by my father.

By Stella, by the entire Goetia family.

This last year has been the best of my life...

...but it's over.

It has to be.

It's my duty to produce an heir.

I'm sorry.

Dear journal, I've felt this way only once before,

but Vassago isn't a fantasy.

He's offered me something real,

and I was too afraid of what would happen if I took it.

I can't stop thinking about him, about what could have been.

It's destroying me inside, making me miserable.

But what I want doesn't matter.

Stella is expecting an egg soon.

This is my purpose.

Perhaps I can find joy in being a father.

Only time will tell.

I'm truly sorry, Vassago.

Sold!

To Prince Vassago.

- What? - I told you.

Just one thing.

Wow.

You don't want to read your prize first?

Eh, I'm pretty sure I know what's in there.

No, no, no, no. Shit, shit.

Ow! Get back here, you bitch!

Stolas, uh, I was, uh, wondering--

- No! - Oh! Okay.

Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.

The next item is some old locket.

Not much to speak of.

It's dreadfully pedestrian.

Andrealphus, please! You can't!

But Stolas seems to like this piece of shit,

so, uh, let's start at 100,000.

Stolas, what's so special about that thing?

It, it was meant for Via.

It was my mother's.

- 200,000! - What?

Oh, no.

Oh, fuck no!

300,000!

Stella, what the fuck are you doing?

He's going to give it to Stolas.

Stella, you're supposed to make money on these things,

not spend it.

I don't care! 400,000.

You're already the top bid, you stupid...

- Anyone else? - 600,000!

Hey, you!

Hey, get back here!

Holy shit, you're Blitzo.

Can I get a selfie?

Oh!

700,000.

850,000.

900,000.

900,001.

Fuck you! One million!

No, fuck you! One hundred millones!

Okay. Did not expect that, but okay.

Sold to Prince Vassago.

Please deliver the locket.

You! Guards!

Sorry about this,

Mr. Blitzo.

Blitzo. No.

Uh, uh, unhand my valet at once.

Your what now?

He's, he's working for me tonight, Andrealphus.

Merely securing my property.

You'll have to pardon me for breaking protocol, but...

I did just promise you a lot of money for it.

Right you are.

Unhand the imp.

Play along, little one.

Why-why don't you bring my car around

before you cause these nice people any more alarm?

- Por favor. - Whatever you say...

...sir.

Okay.

We really should be leaving.

Hasta luego.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Your locket, mi principe.

I... I can't believe it.

Vassago, you...

Thank you.

But why?

Because I meant what I wrote in there.

Whoa. Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no.

Ignore that. No, no, no...

Oh.

Oh.

You know, I heard somewhere that you were banished,

so no responsibilities,

no duties.

No wife.

How about it, Stolas?

You ready now?

Ready? To run away?

To-to live on the sun? What?

How about we just start with dinner. Hmm?

I've become more patient with age.

Oh.

Uh, just give me one moment?

Are you fucking serious?

After everything I went through for you tonight, you just...

So?

Yes.

I'm ready.