Original subtitles

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the fourth annual Race of the

Rookie. Remember, these are first-year drivers on the Western Sprint Car Race

Circuit. Some of this evening's contestants include Randall Finley from

Sarasota, California, and representing Los Angeles, Mr. Frank Poncherello.

Okay, the important thing to remember is not to press, all right? You got four

cars ahead of you and ten laps to pass them, you hear me?

Ten-four.

This is a beginner's race, so watch out for the guys behind you.

Thanks, Harlan. I needed that.

Hey, John, why am I doing this?

Because it was something you always wanted to do, remember?

Introducing the official starter for tonight's ten-lap sprint car event for

novice drivers.

Representing the Zephyr Battery Corporation, former great motion picture

star, Wayne Cato!

And his famous horse, Zephyr!

Zephyr Battery, they spell horsepower!

Hey, John, remember me?

Oh, yeah, sorry.

I was daydreaming about something I always wanted to do.

Okay, gentlemen, let's get them started.

You realize we're about to commit our very first criminal act?

It's a matter of interpretation.

I suppose.

How do you feel? Tensed up? I do. Of course. It's to be expected.

It's interesting. I didn't think I would be.

You're on a rooftop in the middle of the night. A totally alien environment.

You're about to become a social outcast. You're cold. You're hungry.

Your apprehension is totally understandable.

All right, driving out there in car number 85 is Frank Ponciarello, making

his move into second place.

Yes, the order now is Lucky Edward, Frank Ponciarello, and James E. Freezak.

Hey, have we got a hard charger out there?

What? What'd you think?

Hope you don't forget I bought that car.

Wow, look at him go.

I'm afraid to watch.

Frank Pozzarello at car number 85 appears to be trying

to get into first place.

And they're coming down the stretch at car number 17. Follow my car.

I just hope this stupid thing works.

It'll work.

It's a question of beam diameter expansion. How good were our

calculations? That's what we're here to determine.

It's a full house tonight.

Kind of makes a person wonder how much they got in the tail.

File that thought for future reference.

Check.

Car number 85 has taken the lead from Lucky Edwards.

Yes, it's now car number 85. Come on, bud!

Come on, bud! Lucky Edwards and car number 80, James E. President.

Continuing to drive hard on the course is car number 85, Frank Pontarello.

Okay, it's in the bag. I'll see you later. Hey, we got two more laps to go.

Where are you off to?

I'm going to go over here and shake hands with Dwayne Cato.

Cowboy?

Excuse me later.

Here he comes.

But the lead continues to go to Pozzarello at car number 85.

He's lengthening it. Okay, zap him.

An excellent test, wouldn't you say?

Are you okay?

You tell me.

I'm still in one piece?

Yeah, what happened? How'd you lose it?

I don't know.

I saw this bright flash and then the lights went out.

And they're still out.

I've seen by my examination and the slit lamp.

There's a slight edema of the cornea, but I can assure you it's not permanent.

Close your eyes.

Do you see anything?

Yes. I see flashes of light.

Okay. Open your eyes.

Any pain?

No. Things are starting to clear up. Good.

Your eyesight should be back to normal in a matter of hours.

Sprint cars, huh?

You ever consider taking up a left violin hobby?

I'll tell you what, Doc.

You get me a Formula One car to drive and I'll never get in a sprint car

again. Loose me. He's been doing a lot of that lately.

Hey, what's the verdict?

I've got only one thing to say. Thank goodness for roll cages.

See that?

How many fingers?

Four. And if you move your thumb, I'll read your palm.

Well, cancel the seeing-eye, dog.

Before my vision returned, I was afraid I'd had a stroke.

But the doctor says I'm okay. Good. I'd hate to lose you. I'm short-handed

already. Thanks, Joe. It means a lot to me.

You know, the guy I feel sorry for is Brix's friend. The guy he borrowed the

car from. I mean, you should see it. Nice guy, though. Didn't cry very long

at all.

Hey, Punch, I heard about your bright flashes.

Here it comes.

Well, when they turn hot and cold, you've got a problem, and I'll tell you

what it's called.

Never mind.

This is escort day. Does that give you a bright flash?

Right. Pick up the cashier at the DMV and take her right down to the bank. I'm

on my way.

You gentlemen have a minute?

That depends.

What for?

Well, I've been giving a lot of thought to what happened last night at the

track.

I'll admit it sounds a little wild, but from the evidence, it appears to me that

a stream of compressed photons, More commonly known as... Yeah, well, excuse

me, Harlan. The captain's waiting for me.

Sure. Well, as I was saying, it appears to me that a stream of compressed

photons... Sorry, Harlan. We gotta run.

Yeah, it's noon.

We're late for breakfast.

All I was gonna say was a stream of compressed photons more commonly

known...

There it is.

Pretty as the day I bought it, wouldn't you say?

Must be at least a dozen times you've used that old car as security on a loan.

After today, never again, I hope.

Your chauffeur'd make a nice hood ornament. Who is she?

It's a friend of mine.

A daughter I never had.

Now, your deal with Zephyr Batteries, is it all set?

Signed, sealed, and delivered.

I'll be in the box again before you know it. You sure picked the right name for

that old horse of yours. I'll say that for you.

That's the smartest thing I've ever done.

Hey, here.

Have yourself some fun, old friend.

Antique car race?

Next weekend.

Sponsored by Zephyr Batteries. God bless them.

Whether a little too early or a little too late. Trust me, I'm right on

schedule. Hey, folks, get yourself a starter and a Zephyr battery, and you'll

never have to do this.

Advance the spark, honey.

Here comes the bread.

Pardon me, ladies.

You weren't hit. Why didn't you grab the guy?

I was more concerned about the ladies.

Did anybody get a good look at the thief?

A license plate number?

Partial license plate number? Anything?

Wayne, you saw the man. You saw the car.

What did they look like?

I'm sorry. I was busy.

This is incredible. Just incredible.

What happened?

I just lost $10,000.

That's what happened.

My guess is that the bandit used a low-powered laser beam to blind us

momentarily. A laser beam. That's ridiculous.

Got any better ideas?

I'm about 90% sure I owe you an apology.

Oh? About the bright flashes.

Hey, isn't that Wayne Cato in the backseat?

Is he a friend of yours?

In a way, yes.

Well, if I were you, I wouldn't be bragging about it.

I never realized how few people use cash anymore to pay their bills. It's un

-American to pay cash.

Then again, how would you know? You never have any cash and you never pay

your bills.

That's true.

What about the checks?

Destroy them. You got a match?

Go ahead.

Do the honors.

Seems a shame, doesn't it? Relax.

It's only money.

You haven't said ten words all morning.

What happened yesterday?

Did Zeph of Batteries tear up your contract?

I got a lot on my mind. Don't bug me, Jim.

You got bombed last night. First time in years.

How come?

I was alone.

I didn't like the company.

Do the Battery people know about the horse?

It's none of their business.

You know how people feel about animals.

If it gets out that old Zephyr here's not 100%, a lot of folks might think the

old boy's being abused.

They're the last commercials you ever make.

Like I'm the first to admit that I should have been listening yesterday

when Harlan tried to tell us something.

Oh, it's not the first time either.

If some crackpot out there is using the laser to commit a crime, I want it

stopped before it spreads.

On the assumption that you and Ponch know little or nothing about lasers,

I've arranged for a demonstration, just to show you what you're up against.

You're expected at that address.

Yes, sir.

In addition, I've arranged for an expert to address the watch.

By week's end, you all should be fairly knowledgeable about laser. I can't stand

it. Let's get out of here.

You coming, Bonnie?

No, thanks. I've had my demonstration.

Was it something I said?

Sensation. I love it.

I'd give it four bells.

I feel like I've just taken a meteor shower.

Scan, please.

We use a low-powered laser in light shows such as this one. You can deflect

the beam with your hand, for example, and suffer no ill effects.

You could, however, become disoriented or even momentarily blinded should the

beam strike you directly in the face, especially if you weren't expecting it.

Say that again.

Oh, excuse me.

Good morning, Laser Images.

Yes, sir, he's right here.

Officer Baker?

Yes, sir. Your sergeant.

Yeah,

sorry. Wayne Cato called.

You know who he is?

Yeah, Bonnie's reluctant witness. What's on his mind?

He said he had some information.

Now, Bonnie's busy in court today, so why don't you and Ponch take over?

Sure. Why don't you give me the address?

It's number three, Hillcrest Road West.

If it's anything important, call in. I'll put it on the air. Bye, John. All

right. Talk to you later.

Is that Ron?

Yeah, my boyhood idol. He wants to talk now.

That's Zephyr.

I've seen him in a hundred movies. I've wanted to ride him since I was ten years

old.

I wonder who the girl is.

I wouldn't know.

I thought you said this guy was out of work.

I guess it all depends on what kind of work you're out of.

Oh, howdy, fellas. You just missed him.

You talking about Mr. Cato?

The studio called. He had to make a quick trip into town.

Asked me to give you this.

What is it?

It beats the heck out of me.

Wayne? Yeah?

In 30 years, that's the first time I ever lied for you.

Why'd you have me do it?

Since when do you go around hiding from cops?

Well, I couldn't face them, Jim.

Well, why, for heaven's sake?

Didn't Lisa tell you?

Tell me what?

Yesterday at the bank, I auditioned for a new role.

The part of a frightened old man.

It's gonna take some getting used to.

This description could apply to a million guys, John, and you realize how

many tan vans there are in this town?

Yeah, well, that partial license number may be a breakthrough.

I wonder why your hero didn't stick around and give this information to

Bonnie.

That's a good question.

Okay, that's $150 even, unless you built them last week, right? I think that

comes to about $20.

Okay.

Bye.

Not a bad ball.

All units, a 211 just occurred at the

liquor store at Victory and Staticoy.

Suspect vehicle and green van lasting westbound on Victory at Sepulveda.

Units responding, identify.

LA-15-7, David. Responding from two away.

I got company.

He's still with us. I can't move him. Okay, okay. Keep going.

I'll try to give him a lap.

Jed, can you hear me, man?

Jed, can you hear me?

Say something.

Anything, man.

What's up?

Oh, I had to think. I was worried about you.

It's going to be all right. You just hang in there.

How's he doing?

He's going to be fine.

Good. I'll follow the ambulance.

Look, I got a make on that partial license number. I figured you guys would

want it. Oh, you got that right.

It belongs to a college kid by the name of Richard Foster. He's a senior at West

States College. Lives a block off campus. That's his address.

You tell Turner John and I will be by later to see him. OK. All right.

Are you Richard Foster?

Yes, sir. What's the problem?

You don't see your van around, Richard. Where is it?

Oh, man, I knew it. It was only a matter of time.

What was a matter of time, Rich?

Well, my van. Twice in the last month, somebody's borrowed my van without

permission. You know, guys from school, you know, know I won't report them.

So what's happened? Someone's wrecked it now? Is that what you're trying to tell

me? Did you say that?

I didn't say that.

Under arrest, Mr. Foster.

Under arrest for what?

Suspicion of grand larceny and assault on a police officer. How's that for

starters? Come on, you can't be serious.

You have the right to speak to an attorney before questioning. If you

cannot afford an attorney, the court will appoint one for you. Do you

understand your rights and that I have to explain them?

Look, I'm no dummy. I'm also not a thief.

If you'll check with the school, you'll see I'm very well thought of there.

Not that I expect that to make an impression.

Ever see this guy before?

I can't be certain. It might be him.

It might not be.

Turn around and put your hands on your head.

Oh, boy.

Now take a good look, old-timer, and tell him that you never saw me before.

That's your man, all right. I'd know him anyplace.

You're lying, man. I was nowhere near that bank.

Easy, mister. You're in enough trouble already.

I'm telling you, if you were 20 years younger... Get him out of here.

This way, Jack.

I'm not gonna forget this. I'm warning you.

All right.

Witnesses from the liquor store ought to be here shortly. In the meantime, why

don't you take Mr. Cato across the hall and give him a cup of coffee?

Thanks.

Half the suspects we bring in here, especially the guilty ones, threaten the

eyewitnesses, so Fazio wouldn't worry about it.

You know, I made movies for 30 years.

Most of that time I done my own stunts. Took the follows, had the bones broken,

got in my share of honest-to-goodness knuckle-dusters.

So why should I get cold chills all of a sudden when some punk kid threatens to

punch me out?

Well, maybe you're wising up.

You know, senior citizens are known to do that.

Yeah, well, this morning, this senior citizen was so ashamed of himself, he

couldn't face you guys.

Come on, maybe you're being a little too hard on yourself.

I mean, what happened in there today was reality, not make-believe.

As for yesterday, I mean, if you would have chased that kid like you think you

should have, you could have been shot. That's a possibility.

Well, thanks, but your alibis on my behalf don't help one bit.

What about the girl that was driving your car? Could she identify the

suspect?

Name's Lisa Taylor.

We're having dinner tonight. Feel free to drop by and ask her.

Excuse me.

John, we're ready.

Yeah, I'll be right with you.

Before I go, will the kid be released on bail?

He'll probably be home before you are.

Until later then.

Looking forward to it.

Thanks a lot.

John, this is Scotty Peterson.

John Baker.

Mr. Peterson.

My pleasure.

Scotty knows everything there is to know about lasers. Right, Scotty?

Everything? Well, I wouldn't say that. Not hardly.

Scotty's a teaching assistant at West States Institute.

He volunteered at no charge to come here and talk to us about lasers.

Hey, John.

I'll catch up with you later, okay?

Yeah, right.

Does the name Richard Foster mean anything to you?

Foster?

No, I don't believe it does.

Okay. All lasers have certain features in common.

You have your laser medium, in this case a gas.

You have the resonator and your power pack.

Your supermarket price scanner, for example, is a laser. The floor you're

sitting on was probably leveled by a laser beam.

I could cite dozens of commercial uses, from construction work to the operating

room, from metal welding to cloth cutting.

Any questions?

We happen to know that a laser can blind a person, at least temporarily.

What do you suggest for a countermeasure?

These.

See? They're dark glasses.

Guaranteed to protect your eyes.

See? They work.

First,

I thought it was a great idea, right?

Mingling with the police, divert suspicion.

My big mistake was saying that I'd never heard of you before.

Do you really think they connected us?

Oh, come on. When I saw you in that station, I almost fainted. Those cops

didn't pick up on that. They're dumber than I think they are.

Well, so what? You got a lousy memory for faces.

It's still that cowboy's word against mine.

But if we split now, it's like a confession.

What about the people in the liquor store?

Did anybody identify you?

No. No, not a soul. As far as the liquor store is concerned, I'm home free.

Okay.

Now, look, I'm going straight from the raceway to the airport.

What?

Well, you can do what you want to.

That's great. That's great. I'm broke, my van is in some canyon off Mulholland

Drive, and now my partner wants to leave me here holding the bag.

Yeah, some choice I got.

Nice of you to see it my way.

Where'd you get this crate?

Oh, I borrowed it.

Getting the plane tickets wiped us out.

I've come to a belated conclusion.

What's that?

This life of crime isn't all it's cracked up to be.

We're still learning our trade.

Be patient.

No way I was mistaken. They recognize one another. I'm sure of it.

Didn't Harlan know our suspect was from the same school?

Harlan didn't even know we had a suspect.

I say we run over there first thing in the morning and ask around.

What do you think?

I have a day off tomorrow.

So do you.

That's what I said. Bonnie ought to run over there first thing in the morning

and ask around.

I don't know why you insisted on being late for dinner. Because we weren't

invited for dinner.

Hi. John and Frank, right?

Uh-uh.

He's John. I'm Frank.

I'm Lisa Taylor. I heard your car. I thought it might be Wayne's. My dinner's

getting cold. Mr. Cater wasn't home?

He called me hours ago, told me to expect you, and I haven't heard a word

from him since.

Maybe that's him now.

It better be if he wants to eat.

Should have taken him to a drunk farm, but I'm all heart.

That's twice in two days now. It's getting to be a habit with you, isn't

it? Nag, nag, nag.

You want to shed a little light on this, mister?

I'd be glad to.

About an hour ago, Mr. Cato here rang my front doorbell and threatened to punch

me out if I didn't confess to a crime that I never committed.

It's lucky for him I don't fight drunks.

Well, I was wrong. I apologize.

Now all you have to do is convince the Mounties here.

Looks his name up in the phone book.

Figured I'd get the truth out of him if I had to knock it out of him.

I gather Mr. Foster had to do some fast talking. Yep.

Hey, John, you want to give a hand to a senior citizen?

You're never going to believe the first words he said to me.

Prepare to defend yourself.

Yeah, how did you know? I saw the movie.

Come on, cowboy.

Let's get you in the house.

Could you give me a little ham, please?

It'll be all right.

Thank you, thank you.

How are you? Good, sir.

Good.

Thanks for bringing him home.

No problem, man. Glad to do it. First movie star I ever met.

What the heck, huh?

So you're off the hook, huh?

Is that how you see it?

Yes, sir.

That's exactly how I see it.

Good night, Mr. Forster.

I don't see why you did it. I mean, you must have known the kid could have

whipped you without half trying.

You think so, huh?

Yeah, well, sober you might have had half a chance.

Then I would have had to come back and arrest you for assault.

Is that why you got drunk before you went to see the kid?

Very smart guy.

I asked you the question.

Figured if I was drunk...

Killer tried to take me.

Fooled me, though.

Told Pink Plum out of it.

So you wanted to have a fight and you went to a lot of trouble to promote one.

Why?

I was looking for something.

Something that got misplaced the other day in front of that bank.

Your big-screen reputation?

Or your macho self-image?

come from. It's called self-respect.

Well, all about now, I could use a little.

You mean the cowboy doesn't live here?

I thought this was his place.

For the past several years, my parents have been leasing the house.

They're in Europe right now.

I stable Wayne's horse for him, that's all.

Well, his horse and that old car are so attached to.

You think a lot of them, don't you?

The man, not the horse.

I grew up watching his old movies on TV.

When I met him, it was like running into an old friend.

I think the world of him.

He's closer to me than my own father.

One lady in my book, that makes him a lucky guy.

Thank you.

We'll do some follow-up, of course, but any case we would have had against

Foster is thrown out the window.

I hope you realize that.

Please, John, not now.

Ice for the hot head and coffee will be up in a minute.

All right, sheer love, I ask you.

Hey, John, I'm racing again at Ascot, and so are you.

What are you talking about?

You tell me, son.

Well, Wayne will be in no shape to operate a kiddie car tomorrow, much less

that antique monstrosity of his. So I've arranged for a new team to ride in the

race. Meet with your approval?

See how she pushes me around?

Well, I love it.

Cost you a kiss.

So how long's he been this way?

Couple years now. Best kept secret in town.

That's too bad.

Tell Wayne I'll look him up after the race.

Richard Foster's one of our brightest students.

He carries a B-plus grade average.

His counselor rates his conduct on campus as exemplary.

Well, if he's our man, it's his conduct off campus that needs looking into.

Well, I have a note here that indicates Mr. Foster left town last night to

attend the funeral of a relative.

If Mr. Foster left town, what he did was jump bail.

This is incredible.

I don't know what to say.

How many classes of Mr. Peterson's did Richard attend?

Two. No, three.

Three hours weekly.

Can I assume they were acquainted?

Oh, of course.

In fact, Richard and Scotty, as it refers to be called, are close friends.

May I speak with Scotty, please?

Well, I'm afraid that's impossible.

There's a note here that he left this morning for a two-week sabbatical in the

High Sierras.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to welcome you to our third annual...

You're sure that's the way you want it?

If you need me, I'll be in the back seat with Lisa.

Punch, the rules are as follows.

Mechanics will make all repairs.

After one lap, drivers will stop.

Mechanics will replace the fan belt.

After lap two... Hey, wait a minute. Is there a problem? Yeah.

You be the mechanic, I'll drive.

No way. You crank her up. So would the drivers and crews please take your

starting positions.

Cars are on the starting grid and the engines are running.

Flag is up and about to drop.

I don't know what that's all about.

Go check it out.

Holy man.

What a race.

this thing.

I

know

I couldn't hit you, but what about the horse? Why couldn't I blind him?

Simple.

He's already blind.

You're crazy, you know that? You ought to have your head examined.

Why? Because sometimes old ways are better than new?

Because the horse is blind, John.

I'm aware of that. Sometimes if an animal's got confidence in its rider, it

don't make any difference.

Great. Now you tell me.

Well, your secret's out, old friend.

But after a day, anybody says you're not 100%, you've got me to fight.

That item you lost the other day, I get the impression that you found it.

You mean it showed?

How about you get that fan belt changed?

Oh, wait a minute.

You mean this belt?