Original subtitles

Phew!

I think I'll go change in the car.

Good thinking.

You watch the road.

Okay.

You know who that was?

Burt Reynolds.

I'm almost positive.

I have a feeling you'll be seeing a lot of stars.

Pacific Coast Highway is the main route from the studios to Malibu.

Now that's what you call seeing stars.

I've seen that look before.

You're thinking about the CHP charity annual?

You really think I've forgotten last year's party, John?

Down to the wire changes, temperamental stars opening night flop sweat.

Well, remember those words at the meeting.

Hey, watch your lane.

Watch it.

Thank you.

It could have been your frame.

It's cold.

Maybe I can save some parts.

I

see

some identification.

What caused all this, officer?

I was jammed out of my lane.

You wimps are supposed to hang in the slow lane like on freeways.

Look, he was racing out of his class. You belong in midgets.

OK, all right, get out of here.

Here, take it easy. Take it easy, would you?

Hey, uh, where are your parents, Dane?

I live with my mom. She's working.

I'll call for a pickup.

Any unit in the vicinity of PCH, 1198 meet for transportation.

Hi. What have you got?

Unsupervised male juvenile and a case of nerves.

Put your bike in the trunk. You can go with Oscar Clark.

Okay, so I'm busted.

I want a regular cop.

Put your bike in the trunk.

Now.

Wipe the oil from your hands and wait for me in the front.

I'll follow this up and tell you about it at briefing.

Well, what do you think?

I hope we didn't shake you with that head-on.

Hansgar likes to showboat a little.

That's all right.

Something wrong with a little showmanship when you're calling

attention to a new product?

It's the most exciting innovation I've seen in years.

We figured to compete with it, but the track officials... They said that it

gave us an unfair advantage, but then we saw the real use for it.

I mean, this is safe, cheap transportation, and we know everybody

likes to ride motorcycles.

Any guy can sit his old lady and the rugrats in the sidecar and boogie on

down the road.

Yeah, I can see that.

All right, we'll start with a patent search. Then I'll line up a good patent

attorney.

Well, aren't you a patent attorney?

The patent advisor, the way the ad reads.

I handle the big picture, the manufacturing, licensing rights, foreign

merchandising.

Now, the patent search will cost you $1,500 at the outside.

Is there a problem with the money?

Well, we hadn't thought about it. I mean, your ad said free advice.

Exactly.

My free advice is you pay for a patent search.

All right.

My partner meant that he wasn't prepared for the cash outlay right now.

I understand that. What if we bring the cash up to your office?

That's fine.

Just don't wait too long.

The delay could cost you guys a fortune.

We'll have the money to you, say, tomorrow.

I'll be there.

$1,500 tomorrow.

Everything we got is tied up in this cycle.

We can get the cash in minutes.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Will you face reality?

You know, we're nothing but a couple of washed-up racers with nothing going for

us but this cycle car.

We had our skins on the lines on tracks all over the country.

Now we do a stunt in the freeway, and we've got the money.

Who could catch us in this?

One time only, right?

Just one.

Okay,

can I have your attention, please?

It's CHP charity time again.

Now, if you'll recall, last year we raised a lot of money for a very worthy

cause. This year, proceeds will go to actors and others for animals.

Now, if you're not familiar with it, the organization includes some of

Hollywood's biggest names who devote a lot of time and energy to furthering the

cause of animal welfare.

Their participation should be good news to the person in charge of lining up

celebrity guests, a post filled last year by Frank Poncherella, who did an

excellent job, by the way.

Harder! Okay, the first thing on the agenda is the theme.

Anybody have any fresh ideas?

Okay, um, barbecue's an American institution, right?

Uh, how about a giant cookout?

Yeah, we could get the merchants to donate all the ingredients.

I'll do the cooking.

And we can stage it on a blocked-off section of freeway.

Uh, thanks, Artie.

Any other suggestions?

Uh, yeah, Sarge. How about a CHP rodeo? I think my riding club would let us use

the facilities, and people would make a lot of donations. Besides, John, how

many bronc riders do we have here?

I'd love to have a cowboy. Yeah.

Why don't we show the public a side of the CHP they've never seen before?

In fact, most of us have never seen before.

A duty-ready motorcycle, completely disassembled. Huh?

I can just see all the parts strung out.

Pistons, springs, valves, gaskets.

Softball game. We play the civilians.

Hold on. Let's keep in mind what we're looking for here.

It's got to be timely, something that everyone would enjoy and would pay to

see. I cook a great crepe la con pollo.

How about a bike-a-thon?

Now, that's a good idea. How would it work, Frank?

Uh, we could make it a relay race, get more riders involved, keep it short,

five, uh, kilometers, uh, you know, around three miles.

Actually, uh, 5K works out to, uh, 3.106 miles.

Now, that's a great idea, Frank, but do you think enough people would be

interested in watching us race each other? Hey, we get a few celebrities on

bicycles. Everyone would be interested.

Punch, remember last year?

Celebrities, stars, ulcers. Stars!

With some celebrity officials and star contestants we can't miss!

It's the CHP Charity 5K Star Race!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Just when you think you've seen everything.

Description of the motorcycle?

Having too fast, a suspect in a sidecar dropped a few coats and started all

this. Yeah, I got a list of the stolen merchandise.

Three Autumn Hayes car coats, a beaver jacket.

What's the one with the question mark?

Uh, it may be a sale.

They're negotiating.

This coat was left on the highway.

Well, so it's got a few miles on it. Wear and tear.

Look, you guys can untangle this without me. I got a lot of paperwork, all right?

I saw you drive up.

I needed some additional information.

Sure.

The juvenile office is talking to my mom.

But come on in.

The cop's here, Mom.

The one that saved my skin.

Oh, I'm Dane's mother.

I'm so happy to meet you. Please, won't you come in?

Julie Barris, county juvenile department.

John Baker, nice to meet you.

Look, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Oh, no, not at all. I want you to know how very grateful I am for what you did

for my son.

I'm just glad I could be there.

It was gnarly. He came in scarfing up the blacktop. I'm glad you're here,

officer.

Apparently, there's no citation issued.

Oh, right. I could not be conclusive as to why he was in the motor traffic

lanes. Well, there's a history of Dane's behavioral problems. In the past year,

he's tried to sail to Catalina on a raft.

The Coast Guard found him after a two-day search.

He was at Stowaway on an international flight with climbing gear.

The plan was to climb Mount Everest.

I thought I heard the phone.

Linda, this is John Baker.

Linda, dear, go upstairs and turn off your stereo.

I was just explaining the Big Brother program to Dane. Well, how about him?

I'd go along with that.

There's more to the program than selecting someone you admire, Dane.

I was just asking a question.

Discuss it with your mom, and I'll expect a decision by the end of the

week.

If you have any questions, call me.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

on a talk show. You know what I'll go for?

An album of your own. Right. I'm so sick of washing my hair.

In the kitchen.

Roberta. Chris, this is John Baker.

I'm so sorry for all the confusion today.

That's all right. Come on outside. We can talk.

I just have a few more questions.

How'd you end up in the center lane?

Okay, I'm jamming along, looking for a move.

And you lost it.

Yeah.

My sister Wendy.

I met all your sisters?

One to go.

Carol.

She's at her diet class.

Need anything else?

Just your serial number on your bicycle.

I've got it here.

Someplace. Look, Dane, why don't you tell me something straightforward, all

right?

Why did you ask for me as a big brother?

OK.

You know that girl cop that picked me up?

Officer Clark?

That's her.

She brought me in here.

And the lady juvenile officer called my mom.

Get the idea?

Keep going.

You know what they really call that program?

Big brother, big sister program.

And with the way my luck's going... You'll get a big sister.

That's not the only reason.

But that's what I was thinking when I asked.

So I blew it. Look, Dean, the big brother program is a carefully

supervised situation with qualified volunteers, all right?

Sure.

It's okay.

My, uh...

Quarter Horse Club has a program for youngsters.

I'll take you if you're interested.

Really?

When? As soon as I can. I'll call you.

Don't forget!

I want you to check this for final approval.

Wow. That's good.

I highlighted star.

That's the big draw, right?

Right, yes.

That's a great poster, Harvey.

Okay. Goes to the printers today.

Terrific. Let me take a look.

How come I wouldn't?

Rocks on the coast highway. That's an everyday occurrence, Grossi. Who's the

complainant? Well, all we got is an address.

You want to check it out?

Yeah, why not?

Maybe I could use them.

Hey, who you got lined up, huh?

Any real biggies?

Superstars? We just formed the committees.

You had stars sandbagged, right, huh?

Waiting in the wings?

Come on, just give me a couple names.

Some other time, Grossman, okay?

Gotcha. You don't want to dilute the impact.

Right. Hold out for a big announcement.

That's very professional, Ponch.

Thank you.

See you, Grossman.

No.

You Milton Berle?

If I'm not, I'm having a lot of fun with his wife.

What took you guys so long?

I'd hate to be waiting inside of a whale.

That'll be a Coast Guard problem.

Very funny.

Do all you brownies come up with these snappy one-liners?

Sorry.

The complaint mentioned a road hazard.

Rocks from up there.

Gone now, and you know where they went?

Right past here.

But they'll be back.

Like the mudslides, the fires, the smog.

I was a sweet guy before I moved here.

Then why do you live here?

I'm a star.

Where should I live? Oxnard?

Now look, what about the rocks?

Well, it's a condition that exists along the highway.

I mean, those bluffs are unstable.

Good answer, but I'd like another opinion, please.

Okay. The coastline here hasn't changed much in several thousand years, huh?

Like that?

That one I like.

But no more funnies, huh?

Sometimes I get this feeling, this gut feeling that maybe there's someone up

there tossing down rocks just to bug me.

Maybe I got an enemy.

Maybe somebody wants to kill me.

What do you think?

That's a definite possibility.

Oh.

We'll check it out, sir.

Do that, will you? Thank you very much.

Oh, uh, Mr. Burrell?

Yeah?

There's this charity event I'm working on. And you want me to appear on it?

Would you? You got me, kid. I'm yours.

For a bicycle race.

A bicycle race?

Make a touch football and I'll be there.

You serious?

Only on one condition.

If somebody's out to get me, find them.

Thank you.

Who's tossing rocks up here?

Put you in touch with nature, huh?

You know the football game the great icebreaker And that beach is perfect

spectators to watch from the sand

What do you think, John?

It's a bike race.

It's a star race, John.

And the football game will be a great warm-up event.

And it gives me a star.

He's your only star?

I'm running out of time.

It seems that way.

Up until curtain time.

It's not fair. It's not fair.

It's not fair.

It's not fair.

It's not fair.

No luck, right?

Do you know the furs we got have got numbers tattooed on them right on the

pelt under the lining?

How much did you get?

500.

We need a thousand more for the patent search.

Well, if you're planning another freeway heist, deal me out.

This is how we're going to wind up, huh?

The hottest racing cycle team in the country, on the circuit, any place.

That was a long time ago.

We were champions. We deserve better than this.

Hey, what were you listening to me?

Just listen to my plan.

You know the flea market by the Santa Monica Pier?

Where they have the outdoor sales?

Yeah, that's right.

Only this time we'll get something without numbers that's the same as cash.

I'm talking about gold.

Gold?

Real gold.

See who was in that little... Whoa!

It's Edie Marshall.

That was Steve with her. I'm not seeing stars.

That was Edie.

Dennis, what's causing this? An accident?

Oh, just beach traffic, Mom. On hot days like this, highways are always jammed.

I wonder if the judge had any idea of the traffic situation when he approved

this custody plan.

Mom.

It's a valid point, honey.

It's dangerous driving you back and forth through this traffic. The beach

isn't a safe place for you.

Riptides, bodybuilders.

But I like the beach.

Broken glass.

Hmm? Sharks?

None of these things could happen in Beverly Hills.

I'm taking you back home, baby.

Dad will be really angry.

Notice how it catches the light. Very fine pattern.

Once in every five years, I get a chain like this. Why don't you feel my weight

a bit?

May I?

Of course.

Excuse me.

Is all this stuff solid gold?

Everything on the table is 14 karat. Solid.

Everything. Everything.

You like this chain?

Yes, I do.

I'll be back.

Really.

Okay.

Amen.

Yeah.

Marriott 3. All units in the Malibu area.

We've got a landslide at the Pacific Coast Highway in Sunset. Request

paramedics. LA-15 Marriott 3. Advising on a landslide at Pacific Coast Highway.

Get away from the landslide. Get back.

Head down the highway.

Let's go.

Come on, folks. Down the highway. Get back. Get back off the highway. Get

back. Come on.

Get off the highway.

Take it. Take it down the highway.

Somebody take him over.

Come on, get out of there! Get out of there! That thing's gonna go any minute!

No, I think it's over.

Come on, let's find out if anyone's home.

The place is wired. I know. There's signs all over the place.

That slide impact must have set off all the alarm systems.

They'll reset them when the highway's clear.

Terrific. Now it's housebreaking.

What? You know who this house belongs to?

Who? A television producer.

One of the biggest in Hollywood.

I've seen his name on the credits.

He's good.

Not great, but good.

I figured he'd live like this.

Kelly, look at this.

This note's to his housekeeper. The guy's in Europe shooting a picture.

If we play it right, we could stay here until the road's clear.

Oh,

we've got that gold. It wouldn't be hard to slip away in all this confusion.

Yeah, how about the cycle?

Well, hide it. Come back later.

It's registered to you. If the police found it, you'd be in trouble.

I'll report it stolen.

Then we're in the clear, right?

Well, when we were building the cycle, I had to economize on parts.

Picked them up wherever I could.

They ran a check on all the serial numbers.

Hot parts.

You let me register that cycle with stolen parts on it?

Which parts?

The engine, forks, suspension.

Transmission. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd worry. Worry? Yeah, worry.

What's the big deal? I mean, we could hide out here until the highway's

cleared and then slip out.

Cash in that gold jewelry and get that patent search going, right?

Okay. All right, good. I'll take care of the cycle, and you just relax.

Hey, will you lay back, enjoy this joint? Relax.

At least we're safe for now. The housekeeper won't be here till Thursday.

Relax.

Yeah, I'm in a brothel dump, right?

And two skips.

Roger.

That was the big one. That was the big one.

Ready to get out of here. That was the big one.

I got all of my stuff.

All of my stuff.

Relax, son.

It was a simple landslide, that's all.

You mean they gave me a second chance?

The engineer's checking it out.

Mr. Rhodes!

I hear you.

It's nothing really unusual.

Just a case of sediment adjustment.

What would you call that?

That's really lovely. You have excellent taste.

He means the boulder.

Up there.

Oh, yeah, well, that's a boulder.

That's, um...

Probably part of a rock outcropping.

I'll go up there and take a look, but I wouldn't worry about it.

I wouldn't either if I lived in Barstow.

That rock cuts loose down the hill, it rolls right through my sauna, and then

into my bedroom where I sleep, and then knocks off my hot tub on the way to the

beach. Well, no, sir.

Actually, that wouldn't happen. You see, a boulder that size on impact with a

highway would just explode.

Explode.

Like shrapnel?

That's nice.

I'll get a flak jacket and a Buck Rogers hat like yours and go through life

waiting for a crash.

You know, you really got a great sense of humor.

But look, don't worry about it.

I'll check out the rock, okay?

I'll let you work.

We're closing the highway to vehicles along the slide.

Malibu CHP is covering the north end.

We'll cover this end.

We'll work out a schedule to have a crowd control and security.

Some of the residents will be leaving the area until the slide is cleared up.

How long will it take?

Clearance? A few days.

Not sure about that boulder.

Now, we'll put you in soft uniforms, walking shoes, and light duty gear.

Like beach control?

Yeah, and 10 speeds, too.

10 speeds, as in bicycles?

The roads will be jammed with clearance crews and equipment. It's either that or

a foot beat.

You can hack that, can't you?

I can hack it.

Officials expect the Pacific Coast Highway to be cleared within the next

few days, but they're still not sure about the boulder.

That giant rock has prompted a number of area residents to evacuate their

beachfront homes.

But some of the people from around here are refusing to leave.

Among them, Mr.

Television, Milton Berle.

You're definitely not leaving, is that right, Mr. Berle? That's the way it is,

Felicia. Now, believe me, I'm not talking like a big star.

Just an ordinary guy clinging to his land.

90 feet of beachfront.

You see, the...

You see, Felicia, I am fighting for a right that's basic to all Americans.

Which right?

The right not to have to live under a boulder.

Thank you, Mr. Perot. You're welcome. And thanks for being with us. This is

Felicia Jeter reporting live from beneath the boulder on Pacific Coast

Highway.

Get that part about people evacuating the homes along here?

Yeah, so what?

Just thinking.

I can understand how you feel about bicycles.

A lot of people are afraid of heights.

Say, I bet you can play touch football.

You do?

Hi, this is John Baker. May I speak to Dane, please?

Oh, hi.

Uh, yeah, just a moment.

It's for you.

Hello?

Hello, Dane.

Hi, John.

I suppose you've heard about the coast landslide. Yeah, I was a little worried.

I didn't know you guys would ride in there with stuff like that. That's why

I'm calling. We'll be patrolling the slide area until the road's clear.

Guess I'm going to have to cancel that riding lesson until later.

I understand.

It's your job.

Let me know when you have the time.

Okay, I will. Talk to you later.

All right, bye.

Believe me, there's some things people never forget.

A few minutes on a bicycle and it'll all come back.

Okay, see you there.