Original subtitles

No, David Walliams is not going to swim the channel holding the Olympic torch.

I'm sure it would mean a lot to him, but, you know, get a therapist, go to

bed earlier.

We've already been talking to Channel 4 about Olympic Come Dine With Me, which

is so exciting.

Yeah, they're saying, um, Virginia Wade, Geoffrey Boycott, Ellen MacArthur and

Colin Jackson, and I'm like, it's such a terrific idea, guys, but I don't know

who any of those people are.

I'm sorry, but Gary Lineker does not embody the Olympic spirit. I don't care

who you are.

Well, stay off the Chris for the kick-off.

Yeah, but I don't know who they are, though. That's what I'm saying.

Yes, Danny Boyle will direct the opening ceremony.

No, there won't be any dancing heroin addicts.

Yeah, but I don't know who they are.

No, there won't be any zombies, unless you count the mayor.

No, don't quote me on that. That's off the record.

Oh, I think it's going to be gold!

Oh, it's big! Grab!

What the...

There may be trouble ahead But while there's moonlight

and music and love and romance Let's face the music

and dance Let's face the music and dance

Yeah, the roof was lifted and lowered into place. It's Monday morning as usual

at the offices of the London 2012 Olympic Deliverance Commission in

London. Hi, how you doing? Morning, hi. For Head of Deliverance Ian Fletcher,

it's the start of another busy week.

This doesn't seem to be working for some reason. Could you just let me in?

You have your PIN number.

What PIN number? I don't have a PIN number. You just swipe it, but it's not

working. Who are you seeing?

I'm not seeing anyone. I'm me.

Let me see, please.

Ian Fletcher.

No, there's no point phoning me. I'm not there. I'm here.

I can't get in.

Hello? It's a reception.

I have Ian Fletcher here with me. Sally, it's me. Can you just get him to let me

in? OK, OK, OK.

Thank you. Here's to you.

She's coming. Would you like to take it?

It's not the best start to the morning.

Hang on, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Either it's three athletes to a toilet

or three toilets to an athlete. Someone's got to know that.

But personal assistant Sally Owen has come out to assist Ian personally.

Thanks, Sally. You're a star. Not a problem. Shall I carry your bike?

Thanks. So is there a default pin, do you know?

Yes, it's 2112.

2112. Is that a joke? It's the IT department's idea of a joke. Right.

It's when they think we'll be ready for the games. Right.

Funny, funny, funny.

Boris Johnson left a message. Oh, yes. What about?

I'm not really sure, really.

Did it sound like I needed to call him back?

Well, you know, it was a lot of gosh and piffle, and I think the end might

actually have been in Latin. Right, I think I'll leave that. Hopefully he'll

have blown himself out. OK, and your wife phoned? Yes, she said, could you...

Yes, right.

Thanks.

I think one worry was, if we had separate bins for extruded plastics as

well, we'd be up to eight different types of recycling bin.

I mean, if he wants to be 2012 brand ambassador, his route has strictly come

dancing. There's no shortcut. Well, the other thing is, there are only seven

colours. OK, so here's the thing. I don't care what he thinks he's worth. If

he won't do it, Chris Huckaboozy will, and that applies to anything.

No, I mean, I think there are actually only seven colours, basically.

Right, OK, if we can make a start... For this Monday morning steering meeting,

Ian is joined by Head of Infrastructure, Graham Hitchens...

head of sustainability, Kay Hope, and head of contracts, Nick Jowett, as well

as by head of brand, Siobhan Sharp, from PR company Perfect Curve. Right, before

we start, was I the only person who couldn't get in this morning?

No, you were not. I couldn't get in either.

No, it's all very well. Take a seat. I said to him, I've got a seat in my

office. Suddenly, I'm supposed to have you get another pin number. Yeah, OK.

Well, I've already reset mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, security.

I can't see how all these numbers make anything any more secure.

Right, basically, right, what it is...

It's just ramping up security levels.

Fortunately for the meeting, Graham Hitchens is happy to explain that the

new access protocols are part of a series of triggered security system

upgrades between now and 2012.

In this case, from code brown to code blue.

And so on. That's all it is.

OK, so that's all good. Now, first up this morning, as I'm sure we're all

aware, work on the foundations of the Aquatic Centre was finally begun over

the weekend. So that's a great bit of news to start the new week with. So

that's another milestone for us. So let's get that message out there as much

as we can this week. Totally. We go to press on Wednesday.

Check it out. The steering meeting is also an opportunity for everyone to

share each other's agendas. It means that we should all be across this week.

It's me. I've got some rather good news as well. Great, OK. I can now confirm,

and I only found this out officially late, on Friday, OK, that we will

definitely be operating a closed-loop waste management system across the

entire Olympic site.

Excellent. Well, that's fantastic news. It is, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it's great.

Okay, okay, we still good for that thing. Yes sure Thursday.

You've got to do your blog for the website sometime.

Oh, yes, of course Yes, right don't go showing me here. No no that everybody

else has done. There's no yes courses No, Thursday's perfect and this will be

on camera. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. You good with that. Yes. Absolutely. No

great This is where Kay hope goes global. Yes, good tool Well

Sally I think that must be the biggest ever just sort of be nice after the

meeting and everything I could live for a week on that but with the meeting

barely over The first of the week's challenges arrive suddenly out of

nowhere. So, Martin Sober called from site. Right. What did he want? He wants

you to call him back.

Right. Can't be the Japanese not weed still, surely?

Also, there was a call from your wife. Yes, I know. Tell her I'm doing it.

Right.

Right.

Martin, hi. How are you?

Right.

Right.

You're joking.

Senior construction engineer Martin Soper has phoned with some unexpected

news from the Olympic Park site.

And he's not joking.

Apparently, they found some sort of bones on the site of the aquatic centre.

And some guy from the British Archaeological Society has got very

excited, apparently.

Which frankly sounds like the last thing we need.

So I have that.

You haven't been drinking that, have you? No, I haven't, no. Right.

Well, let's just hope this guy's wrong.

Let's hope it's, you know, just a murder or something.

I'm just so totally excited about this,

because I know how busy you are. Meanwhile, back across town at Perfect

Curve, head of branch Yvonne Sharp has called in composer Ben Hooper for a

meeting. OK, so...

We have got about three seconds to produce an association in the brain

that's going to be strong, unique and permanent, yeah? Da-da-da-da.

Yeah, well, obviously, that's the Intel jingle, so we can't use those four notes

in that sequence.

OK, sure. OK, here's the thing. OK, what we can do is we can choose four

different notes.

She's keen that London 2012 should have its own sonic branding, or audio logo.

Like, da-da-da.

Yeah, shall I just take you through what I was thinking?

Yeah.

OK. OK, cool.

So,

musically, it's already a pretty crowded marketplace out there. It's like, OK,

we've got audio logos now, Intel, DirectLine... Like I said to Siobhan,

you can have your Sonic branding, that's great. As long as the money comes out of

your budget, fine, no problem. Head of contracts Nick Jowett isn't quite so

enthusiastic about the idea. When I was a kid, we had no Sonic branding.

If you ask for Sonic branding, you've got to click round the ear and I don't

care who you are.

This... right is the olympic games it's not a face cream no so how to take the

medium and do something with it that there's never been heard before okay um

so what we do right shall i just okay

don't

say anything i will play it again

So it's like... One note.

Right. Yeah, exactly.

You see, what we're listening to here is rhythm.

It's energy, it's pace, it's the pulse of the world's greatest city.

It's London 2012.

Holy shit. Oh, my God, I love it. Can I hear it again?

Yes.

Can I hear it again?

Can I hear it again?

Can I just hear it one more time?

If I tell you that just whilst I'm waiting for you here, I found a bone

mirror handle and what looks like part of a cheese press.

Really? And that's just me with my own foot. Right.

On the site of the Aquatic Centre at the Olympic Park, Ian is with archaeologist

Richard Watson and senior construction engineer Martin Soper.

He's the man who knows where the bodies are buried.

In this case... literally this is unlikely to be an ordinary find right is

it yeah because where you've got cheese you've nearly always got a very early

settlement right martin this is very exciting Before we know it, we could be

standing on a third Colchester here. Right.

Martin, I have to ask, where's the second Colchester? St Albans.

Right. Martin, where we're standing now... OK, well, if you can imagine the

main competition pool over there... Right, yep. Well, where we're standing

is more or less dead centre of the competition diving pool. Right. When are

we going in here?

We should have been in here weeks ago, obviously. I mean, we could be looking

at the end of the week. OK, well, the good news is it looks like you've got a

couple of days to do your worst. That's all good.

I'm sorry, I don't think that's very funny.

You do realise we're standing on protected ground here?

Right. For Ian, the aquatic centre has suddenly gone from being the week's good

news story to being a mass grave, which isn't what he wanted.

No, I mean, it's all good. Of course, it would have to be the aquatic centre.

First thing is, we'll have to delay all the press stuff now.

Right. Presumably, is that where Siobhan Sharp comes in as head of brand?

Yes, I think that's almost inevitable.

Right, yes.

Yeah, basically, you've got a million extra people flying into London over a

two-week period, yeah?

You've got a finite amount of sky.

After fighting his way back to the office through London traffic, it's time

for Ian to meet Head of Infrastructure Graham Hitchens to talk about traffic of

a different kind, this time of the airborne variety.

Right, one idea is you bring them in over places like Dungeon S or even

Sizewell, further round here, what, here? Right. OK?

Anywhere that they've already got nuclear power stations.

So you know there's not going to be anyone from Mars around.

What, Mum?

No, thanks. It's his job to come up with a recommendation on the sensitive issue

of civil aviation flight paths during the period of the Games.

I think if you want to make the security services really jumpy these days, surely

the best way to do it is to fly a succession of passenger aircraft from

all over the world, one after the other, over the top of nuclear power stations.

Right, yeah.

So what are the other ideas?

Yeah, the what?

You said one idea was to do that.

Yeah, exactly, yeah.

Right.

OK, well, as I said, I'm seeing TFL and BAA on Friday, so... Yeah, that's no

worries, no problem, fine.

This Friday?

Yes. Sorted.

Sorry, could you let me in, please?

You must have the PIN number. I know, but I've forgotten it. It's Tuesday

morning. Can't you just let me in?

If you'd like to take a seat.

Are you sure you want to re-enter your PIN number? Yes, I bloody am.

Having finally got in, Kay has decided to change her security PIN number to one

she can remember.

I should never have chosen that date in the first place. It was a bad omen that

I was thinking of.

God, coffee's great, isn't it? I know it's bad for you, but, you know, sod it.

Yeah, so what actually was the date?

What was it? If you don't mind me asking, yeah. Well, apparently it was

Friday the 31st of April.

I mean, I still think it was March, but apparently I'm wrong. Anyway, wouldn't

let me in.

Yeah, so what happened on that date?

I don't really want to talk about that. OK. I'm not giving him that power over

me. I'm sorry.

Right. OK, good, so... I actually feel sorry for him.

Right. And her.

Wait till she has to stay up half the night playing Mortal Kombat Armageddon.

Right. That'll sort her out.

And to make matters worse, I had a phone call from Dick Whittington's office this

morning. Ian has got a meeting with chief construction engineer Martin

Soper. It's been confirmed that the fragments found on the foundations of

the aquatic centre are definitely part of a Roman burial mound, and Ian has

asked Martin to take him through some of the available options.

Another option would be to look at ways of incorporating the burial site

architecturally into the design of the diving pool itself.

Obviously, this would have major cost implications and would need to get the

architect on site, which in this case could be... It should go off like a

bloody rocket. It'd be very tricky. Plus, I think we've gone past the point

where it's achievable anyway in the time frame we're looking at. Right.

Is it just me, or is the common thread linking all these options that they're

not really options at all?

In engineering terms, there are always options.

In the end, what it often actually boils down to is... finding the one that

works.

OK, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, because it's meaningless.

OK. Hello.

I'm Kay Hope, and I'm head of sustainability.

OK, wait. I think it's gone to sleep.

Can't be that boring. Surely I've already started.

OK.

Thank you.

Shall I? Go, go. Hello, I'm Kay Hope, and I'm Head of Sustainability for

London 2012.

Hello. Head of Brands Siobhan Sharp has arrived to help Kay prepare for her

video blog, or vlog.

She's due to record it for real at the Olympic site on Thursday. ...as a

catalyst for the development of waste processing facilities across East

London, and beyond that, setting new benchmarks... OK, wait, stop.

What? These are the Olympics, OK? They're games, right? So I think we can

have a lot of fun here.

You know?

Yes. Actually, sustainability is not really about fun. It's actually pretty

serious. Yeah, but you're quite excited, right?

Right, am I? Well, you've got the best job in the world and you can't wait to

tell us about it. Right, OK.

Yes. OK.

OK.

Hello. Wait, wait, back up. OK, sorry.

OK, and go, Kay. OK.

Hello, I'm Kay Hope and I'm Head of Sustainability for London 2012.

Um... No, keep going, keep going. OK.

Yes. The Olympic Park will be the most... The greenest new large urban...

The largest new green... The Olympic Park will be the newest large green

urban space in urban... I'm going to start again.

OK, that's cool. You go, girl.

Hello. No.

Sorry.

Hello. I'm Kay Hope and I'm Head of Sustainability for London 2012.

So are.

The 2012 Games will transfer... At school I was Head Girl. I hated it. I

hated speaking in public. I could feel myself going red.

I never wanted to be Miss Goody Goody. I wanted to be Lucy Parker.

And who was Lucy Parker?

Who was Lucy Parker?

Well, OK, if you can imagine a cross between Kristen Scott Thomas and

Emmanuel Bayard.

Right. If you can imagine that. Yes, I can. Well, basically, that was Lucy

Parker. Right.

She had an affair with Mr Williams.

Everybody knew about it. Yeah. She wasn't that clever, never did any work.

She just always somehow managed to. Yeah, yeah.

But as well as that, the physical legacy that the...

Can we stop this now? As well as the physical thing. Thank you.

I hope to have learned it by now. Obviously by Thursday I'll be much

more... Okay, okay.

What? Okay, you're a terrific person.

Okay, you're out there. You're, you know, recycling.

You're saving the planet. You know, it's major stuff.

Well... But we've got a great show here and we've got to sell it.

You make a vlog, you put it out there. You want people to be thinking, hey,

she's cool.

I want to be like her.

I want a piece of what she's got.

Right. You know, so you've got to be thinking, hey, I'm cool.

I want to be like me, you know? I want a piece of what I've got.

Well, er... And if your head's not telling you that, maybe you're in the

wrong head.

OK?

Yes. Yeah?

So the Roman burial pit is here, right under what's currently the competition

diving pool, which is 6.5 metres deep.

And there's our problem.

It's Wednesday, and senior construction engineer Martin Soper is back. Would it

help if we made the diving pool a couple of metres shallower? Could we do that?

Well, we could do that, but that could have some knock-on effects for the

divers. OK, so then we've got the 50-metre competition pool here. This

time, he's come armed with a deliberately scaled-down model of the

aquatic centre itself.

waterhole at the center of it all here.

Right. The urban waterhole? Yes, that's at the center of the whole design

concept. Well, give it to that for the kickoff.

No, no, no. That's very much the architect's vision.

Architect's vision? You're kidding me. Well, apparently it's the first thing

she saw when she thought about the building.

Well, sorry, I'm from Yorkshire. I think the first thing I'd have seen was a

swimming pool. Let's not go there.

Okay, so we could just swap the diving pool directly with the back of house

facilities. No, it's all good. I'm not worried.

It's easy to feel daunted by the sheer scale of what we're involved in here.

But day to day, all you can do in life is focus on what's in front of you that

day and either deal with it or if you can't deal with it, find some other way

of dealing with it. Take the diving pool and put it where the back of house

facilities were.

Okay. Actually, where were the back of house facilities?

I don't know. It's all gone a bit... Well, let's say they were here.

Okay, so then you put the warm-up pool

here.

I mean, that basically works, doesn't it?

I think it might do.

So what have I got here, then?

I know what that is. That's the urban waterhole.

Oh, right.

Oh, fuck.

I mean, I'd call her myself, obviously, but it's probably better coming from

you.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's Thursday morning, and Kay Hope is on her way out to the Olympic Park to

record her video diary or video blog or vlog for the website.

I got Kieran to test me on my lines last night.

It's going to be great.

We're looking at a surgical strike here. We go in, one take, and then we're out

of there.

But then he had this brilliant idea. I record it all on his MP3 player. I have

the ear things in my ear when I'm actually doing the piece. Then all I

have to do is follow my own words and say what I hear in my ear. Right.

I don't have to worry about remembering it.

That's all right, isn't it? Yeah, sure, if you're happier doing it like that.

He taught me how to use it and everything.

Sure, that's totally cool.

Such a great kid.

Sure, totally.

What it is, yeah, I've looked at all the flight data, I've looked at all the

modelling, and it looks like in the end it comes down to either Bournemouth or

Portsmouth. Meanwhile, Graham Hitchens is making progress with his own issues.

It's not easy. I mean, with Portsmouth, I mean, there is an argument for routing

extra flights in over ugly places, because we know fewer people are likely

to complain.

Right, yes. OK.

And then Bournemouth.

Well, this is interesting.

I was there a few weekends ago, actual fact, and I was surprised.

I took that... Do you want one?

I'm not really... I'm just pretending, but carry on.

Oh, right, OK. Yeah, I took the Alpha... See what flavour are they?

They're red onion chutney. Oh, no, thanks. Right.

I took the Alpha down there for a run. Not a bad lunch. I quite liked it. You

took the what down there?

The Alpha. I've got an Alpha Romeo.

Alfetta. 1981 GTV.

Right.

I know.

It's mad. It's totally mad.

Yeah. So what was it that surprised you about Bournemouth? Well, the main thing

was is that I didn't think I was going to go there. I was supposed to be going

to, like, the New Forest, but I had a bit of a brake fluid issue on the M27.

OK, are we all set here?

OK. Yes, just a minute. Hang on.

Yes, right.

Out at the Olympic site, key is under starters' orders.

And action.

Hello, I'm Kay Hope and I'm head of sustainability... Stop.

Sorry? You're too loud. What? You're way too loud.

Is it too loud?

You've got a microphone. Hang on, sorry. Hang on a minute.

I'm just saying relax. That's better. I couldn't really hear. I'm just saying

relax. Take time. Oh, yeah, sure. Yes. OK.

Good.

OK, this is your moment. Yes. You call it when you feel good. I think that's it

now. Sorry about that.

OK, we good? OK, just hang on a minute.

OK. OK?

Right. Great. Good.

And...action.

There's nothing at all there now. Right, OK.

Sorry about this. It's a bit... Just whenever you're good. Hang on. I think

that's... No, still nothing.

Right. Kieran said something last night about shuffling, but I wasn't really...

OK, just give us a sign when you're good to go. I'm also good with digital stuff,

but I'm a bit... Have you got your earpieces?

What? Have you got your earpieces? No, of course.

Thank you. OK.

Stupid.

Sorry, sorry about that. Sorry, everybody.

OK. Honestly, right.

OK. Hang on a minute, just a minute, just a minute. Right.

OK.

Good. Yep.

And...action.

Ah, right.

OK, we're rolling here, so any time you want to join in... I think I might have

actually... Now I've got Snoop Doggy Dog or, you know, whatever is... Hang on.

Ah, right.

I think that's better.

OK, we back on here?

I think this is DJ Fresh, but I think I'm going in the right direction.

It's funny how things happen, innit? I was in this noodle place where I go.

That's just a Thai place around the corner. I go there sometimes when I

can't be bothered to, you know. Yeah, right. And I wasn't thinking of

anything. I wasn't even that hungry.

Suddenly, that hit me.

Head of Infrastructure, Graham Hitchens, has finally had a breakthrough moment

with the flight paths.

First of all, forget this whole bloody Bournemouth-Portsmouth thing.

Right. Bring them in over Southampton. Oh, right.

Right, then what you do is you take them up the M3, OK?

Hang on, up the M3?

Yeah, like in the war, right? They follow the path of the M3. I mean, it's

a bloody great road.

I mean, it's already ruined the environment, so that's all right. Yeah,

right. Have you eaten all of these?

Oh, no, I'm... Bloody hell, you're a double, aren't you? Let's pretend I'm

not here. So, yeah, you take them up the M3 to the M25.

Right. If they're inbound to Gatwick, you turn right on the M25 and hit

clockwise, then follow the M23 south.

Right. If they're inbound to Heathrow, turn left, take the M25 north, then back

up the M4 to Heathrow, yeah?

Right. What do you think?

Well, I think... Or I was thinking you could turn them off earlier, up the A322

to the M4. I mean, that's not a bad road. No. Right, and then you turn them

right. Right, yeah, I think that's probably better, isn't it? It's bloody

good here, isn't it, when everyone else is buggered off?

It's not negative. I'm saying we've actually added something to the whole

design. All changes are improvements, Ian. I know they are. So what we've

added is the idea of not having an urban waterhole. Now, are you talking?

It's Friday.

And Siobhan Sharp has come over to the Olympic Deliverance Commission to go

through the delayed Aquatic Centre press release with Ian. OK, cos what's brand

new here, what we've got to sell, is the Roman stuff. OK. OK, so Roman stuff,

Roman stuff.

Right. OK, wait, wait, wait. It's the Romans that founded the Olympics, right?

No, I think I'm right in saying that the Olympics is basically a Greek thing.

Really? I think so.

It's a shame, because that would have been a slam dunk.

Um, okay.

Ideas.

Ideas. Thoughts.

Okay, I suppose we could say something like, we've got a statement about

modernity, but it's a statement that's founded on the past.

Holy shit. But we've left the past untouched. We've banked it for future

generations. OK, I love this. So basically, well done us.

OK, so now you've moved everything around, the remains are going to end

up... Well, they're going to be under the floor of the entrance lobby here.

OK, you mean the legacy zone.

Exactly, yes, the legacy zone. This is so fun.

Cheers, isn't it?

In buoyant mood, Siobhan is keen to take Ian through a modification to the 2012

homepage. Go on, click on it. Just click on any link on the page. Go on, do it.

It is. All right, thank you. Sure.

Oh, right. How cool is that? It's pretty cool. Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. Yes.

London 2012.

Yes.

Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. Yes, no, it's good, Siobhan.

I love this job. I so love it.

Hello, I'm Kay Hope and I'm Head of Sustainability for London 2012.

Why is she shouting?

Kay's got a big message. Big message, big voice. Right.

Our journey towards a two-planet 1012 starts with... For Ian Fletcher, it's

been another pretty good week. Another pretty good week, I think. I guess you

could say we've taken two steps forward, maybe one step backwards.

So basically, you've taken one step forward. What? Yes, if you like, and as

I say, maybe one step backwards.

Right. So we're basically roughly where we were to start with, really, so no,

that's all good.

They lock automatically at 7.

Right. So, where's the bloody keypad?

Um, well, I... Oh, you know, this is... Has it, er... Right.

Hi,

this is Ian Fletcher of ODC.

I can't seem to get out of the office, so could... Fletcher, Ian Fletcher.

Yeah, hi.

Look, the doors are locked, but there doesn't seem to be a... No, I'm not

visiting anyone, I'm trying to get out.

Hello?

No, there's no point in... Hello?

Hello, yes.

Now, look, this is... No, this is me. I can't get out. Could you... Hello?

No, I don't want to sit down. I want to get out.

Hello?

So what do we mean when we talk about raising the bar?

Okay, well it's funny you should ask that.

Top question.

Now, we have all been... Oh, okay. That guy walks onto the stage with his laptop

with dead history. But what... And the higher you jump, the higher you have

to...

Unless you raise that bar, then you're never going to get over it. I'm not

going to just sack him.

He's a really wholehearted guy. He tries hard, he never gives up.

Naomi, and where do you live, Naomi?

I don't want to know that, obviously.

And then there may be teardrops to shed.

So while there's moonlight... Will Mellor is White Van Man tomorrow.

More comedy here on BBC HD at 10.30. And a darkly comic opera next night that's

caused a sensation.

Anna Nicole from the Royal Opera House.