Original subtitles

welcome to the fantasy draft race guys

everybody get on the line get ready

get set and go

alright everyone settle down

it's time for this year's draft to begin

well well well

if it isn't my favorite group of losers

oh come on you ready to witness this greatness

well well well

this isn't for my prodigal sister

what sexy schemes do you have up your sleeve this time

Vic

oh Andre

you're always such a skeptic

just wait until you watch me dominate this draft

you're gonna be asking me for advice

or begging for something more

hahaha

that must be my date

date date

did he say date yeah he said date

don't be sorry I was so happy you were able to make it

Angie

everybody

this is my date Angie and Angie this is my pussy

did you say brought a date to the draft

for the draft yeah

I mean yeah

I thought it would be a super

you know fun and fresh idea

alright fantasy football draft as a first date

mixing it up bold move Andre

bold move wait

wait wait Andre

you brought me to a fantasy football draft

for our first date yeah

I thought it would be a unique and you know

fun way to get to know each other a little bit

um yeah

it's really romantic watching a bunch of dudes

like yell at the TV um

correction 2 ladies what are we

chop liver hello

is it yeah I'm taco

is that short for

yes it is

uh I just wanted to introduce myself

and I don't want you to worry about Andre

I'm here to save you from all this you know

masculine energy won't you come have a seat

I'm gonna grab you a drink and uh

maybe you and I could get to know each other

that sounds absolutely delightful Taco

it does you admit it sounds delightful

hey too Taco

alright now that everyone's here

I got a special surprise

for this year's fantasy football league

alright

everyone feast your eyes on this year's league trophy

oh wow that's beautiful wow

this trophy is incredible

that's not even the best part

best part is this year

the winner gets the trophy named after them

I can't get over how amazing

this looks better with my name engraved on it

my name

is Roxanne Trump

all right and as this year's Commish

I'm calling an honorable

this year we're doing speed rounds

speed rounds

what's that mean what's that mean

what's that mean what's that mean

what does it mean what does it mean

what does it mean what does that even mean

what do you mean what is it

what it means

is that you're gonna have 10 seconds to make your pick

and no cheat sheets

no cheat sheets

I spent hours and hours and hours studying the rankings

I need my cheat sheet

what do you mean that's so unfair oh contraire

not my friend

this year it's all about quick thinking and instincts

I like the mission after all

I like this

it tests our abilities to make snap decisions

okay Takito

it's not gonna affect you one bit

we'll see about that

this year it's all about who can thrive under pressure

they don't care about preparation anymore ready

steady go

with the first pick of the speed round

I pick Patrick Mahomes

Patrick Mahomes come on babe

you can't resist Patrick Mahomes

even in the speed round

well I'm the Queen and Patrick Mahomes is my royal pig

yeah I'm like your royal secret crush

really the best quarterback in the league

maybe this isn't such a bad first date after all

I think I have a hand

unique yeah

romantic

alright Russ

get on the clock bro oh

I need my lucky coin flip

lucky coin flip don't you have a magic crystal ball

for this type of thing that one is a family heirloom

and you know what its track record is

purple

whatever you know what

I know I know wow

I'm gonna pick Cherry Kill

what you knew I wanted that one

well mine now

you're trying to beat me with that pick

I'm trying to beat everybody

you better watch out I'm gonna beat me

I'm gonna beat everybody

alright guys round 3 and my pick is Ezekiel Elliot

seriously Ezekiel Elliot

are you sure you're not just choosing him because of

his ABS

it's about skill not eye candy

maybe the Aqua Boy from Aqua Muchacho

so how are you feeling about this fantasy draft

I wasn't so sure earlier

but like I'm kind of liking it now yeah

yeah honestly

I wasn't so sure about it either

and then I got super hot and I like did some research

yeah and now I think it's really cool no

yeah it's super interesting yeah

I know I told you it would be interesting oh

hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

hmm hmm hmm

hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

so what's your pick gonna be

who's turn is it

so why do they call you the Oracle

don't care if he's a football legend

oh I get it

I get it I get it

you're a kind of thing he's the prodigy

can't wait to have my name on that trophy

yeah fucking right

my name is gonna be on that trophy no

you're gonna get get hell no

whatever toquito

no my god

I finally have my name on that trophy

I don't even know why

I don't even know why

you guys bother trying'cause you already know

it's gonna be me that wins

you're fucking right you wish you'd win

there's a better chance of Andre getting a second date

than your name going on that fucking trophy

alright well

next round I choose Jamal Douglas Douglas yeah

what I choose Jamal Douglas

uh uh that's it

are you hoping he's gonna run as fast as you

when you lose

hahaha

well you know what

this time I have a trick up my sleeve Mona

what do you got dick

oh God

starting to get tense in here

it's over for you haha

just you wait we'll see

you better sleep with your eyes open Roxanne

I will after today so I could look at my trophy

whenever I'm trying to get a little rest

when I carry up the trophy with mine yeah

that trophy's no not gonna be in your room

I'll tell you that right now guys

the trophy's for me definitely dreaming

the trophy is for me

my name's gonna be plastered right across that trophy

finally y'all don't even know

I'll tell you what we're gonna take that shit

after I win that trophy you're welcome to

you know keep fucking drinking

that's my stepsister

not my stepsister

your step sister ate me out

my bad

hey that was supposed to be a secret

that's out of the bag you guys kissed

and she followed me into the bedroom the other day what

what are you talking about

right before the voting bro

you didn't catch on Oracle

fifth round is here Jenny

you're up my pick is George Kittle

George Kittle you're choosing another tight end

I think

we should be a little concerned about your whole

strategy and game plan

going forward

ugh listen Andre

it's not about being hand

it's about strategy do you know anything about football

uh huh hahaha

you know anything that

your name is not gonna be on that trophy hahaha

it's gonna say Andre on it

I know Tyler isn't gonna win it for you definitely not

hmm

that trophy is definitely not Rex's

it's mine

it's definitely not Rex's

what it's definitely gonna be mine

you're in your dreams you're trippin'

I'm trippin'but you know

my dreams kind of tend to come true

so we'll see about that

every single dream that came true

and again again

we got some good position players left still

luckily for me

everyone else's pics have been pretty mid

so I think I'm definitely getting the best ones

whatever taquito

just you guys wait I'm gonna win

you mean it's not taquito

it is don't worry

I love the keto they just make fun of greatness

hmm I get it

I get it greatness

well sixth round taco

you're up well

I'm picking the No. 1

that I'm surprised none of you guys picked

Odell Beckham Jr top pick

so play out bro

play out like a bunch of Adam bro

just throwing stuff together shit what

what the fuck does that even mean

I mean he is one of the top receivers exactly

you cannot pay it on the back

I actually like this Phantom

this is a fun first date

don't encourage it

haha

oh God

mish so

good at them speed rounds yeah

I just wanted to make it you know

more intense

more intense and more to the point yeah

pressure's been on

definitely the pressure is so on right now

make sure these guys are studying memory

you better pick fast competition is so fierce

it's steamy and I had to throw the Oracle for a loop

you know I had all those rankings set up

and now I have to figure it out on the fly

I had everything ready that's why he's the boss

find out how that Oracle works under pressure

not well I could already set up

see you got something

oh don't we

ah

I'm curious

if you'll even still keep calling yourself that

after this draft

well it should only go to well deserving people

oh my God

alright Broski

you're up

alright well

I'm gonna pick a Chris Godwin

oh God you think

Godwin's actually gonna bring you home a trophy

I mean come on Russell

that was definitely a mediocre pick for real

I got the stats I got the skills

he's got all of them too he's gonna win

Rixton you're so full of your ego

just name three things that he does not have

including that trophy hahaha

I'll see about that when I have that trophy

when you don't have that trophy

I'm gonna have that trophy

that's some big dreams you got there buddy

I don't need a dream

what are you guys gonna do taking someone good ah

you're just scared that you're gonna lose to non

legends but you know what

you're looking at one right now

there's no legend that

I don't see any legends in the room here

I don't see any mirrors around

I still think I'm winning

I think I'm winning oh my God

when I pick that trophy out

I picked it out for me eyes

who's next

we gotta wait for the next rounds

I thought someone studied fantasy football

but yeah

I lost track okay

come on

I love your hair who does that

oh um

I'm myself actually oh my gosh

it's so pretty thank you

I mean your hair thank you

I know right

we got a pizza on the way

you should totally join our league

you think so yeah

yeah I think it should be great

hold on hold on

hold on hold on

there is a system here that is in place

shut up Tequito

I think it's all decided already for this year

maybe next year she can earn her right yeah

oh my God guys she's so hot though yeah

oh thank you

I feel so honored do you know anything about the game

oh my God

uh she's Learned just by listening yes

what do you know about it besides that

there's a ball

you put the ball in the thing on the side

that works for me that's how it works

alright round 7 you're

up babe

my pick I pick Courtland Sutton

Courtland Sutton I guess you like them thick

just like your team name huh

Andre you're always so obsessed with my team

are you sure you're not a fan

I think we're all fans Vic

I think Andre sounds a little jealous of her pics

yeah yeah

jealous of my stepsister yeah right

I'm just jealous of her pics that was a good choice

you know I always pick you

yeah right

actually she's mine

just wait

oh the rocks in your throat

I'm having so much fun on our date

yeah good

and it would be a nice fun

fresh way to get to know each other

nice round Ginny

your pick okay I pick CJ Clark

CJ Clark CJ Clark

I guess you're just trying to ride the wave of his jaw

some performances aren't you

oh Andre

nothing ever beats those cringe worthy puns of you oh

I thought it was a good plan

and the Jenny Trophy

Jenny Trophy

my trophy

my time to shine guys

we had it in my house so

it'd be easier for me to carry the trophy to my comfort

it's definitely Pete's trophy

it's a repeat year we haven't even picked a good player

right

I'm definitely gonna win this year

who's got that bet

yeah right

yeah right

oh

I like the blue team

blue team

the hell are you talking about how many teams are blue

a lot a lot

of them yeah OK

I like all of them

then she's totally on your team next year yeah

she she can stay with you

don't worry I'll take care of you all

you're sitting in the bathroom

oh my God

what nothing

nothing nothing never you mind girl talk

oh no I think I'm gonna get a nice

big splash for my next draft already oh God

so I believe there's an elephant in the room here

something about a bathroom

Vic

what I mean

how do you think I got onto the team

well you mad you got on cause of me what

I don't know anything about our bathroom

you guys oh yeah

what you guys talking about

she was talking to my pussy

oh my God what are you guys

fuck my sister let's just say and she liked it

oh are you serious

she slept her way in

she can't smoke in Jenny's ballot box

is that in like fair a fair way to like

is that how we get to yes

fuck my sister and cheated on the boat

I never fucked her

she just blew me while I was taking a nap

just blew you while you're taking a nap

I'm being honest here you're my bud

I'm an honest man so that's how she got the vote

well that's how she got my vote

I think that's totally fair

I don't think that's fair

sexual favors for a billion

come on I make

this team better you know it I agree

whatever guys

I don't really

I don't really know what to say about this

I say get a less hot stepsister

and then you wouldn't have this problem

it's all irrelevant because I'm winning anyway

thanks for being so hot babe

no that's weird

just all my friends your stepsister Andre

you're up hmm

I think I'm gonna pick

Tyler Boyd hmm

ha ha ha boy I guess

you're going to try to catch more than just footballs

I'll have you know that

he's gonna be a secret gem of a pick this year

so sure Andre

you guys better stay tuned

guys I found a quiz online

that tells you what NFL mascot you are

who do you think you are

wow I think I'm the Minnesota Vikings

you game let's do it focus

we're in the middle of the draft

oh come on

this can finally settle the debate

on who has the best mascot in the league

who cares who cares

this is something that's been on my mind for 3 years

damn bro that's a long time

shut up

hmm hmm

hmm hmm hmm

hmm hmm hmm hmm

gotta give him that

I bet you 20 bucks doesn't help

you know 20 bucks

twenty bucks I guess we could do that

elbow on it oh my God

you wanna get on this let's make it for you

I'm out

I'm better things to waste my time like winning

the trophy

let you fucking a million dollars

that would happen I'll tell you

oh yeah

oh

um um

um

um um um

oh

um um um

oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh oh oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh oh oh

oh

oh

ah

um

ah

um um um

ah

oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

yeah oh yeah

oh yeah

oh oh oh oh

oh oh

oh yeah

oh oh

oh oh oh

oh

oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh

oh oh oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh oh oh oh

hmm

hmm hmm hmm hmm

ah

ah yes yes

yes yes

ah ah ah

ah ah yeah

oh fuck yeah

oh

oh oh

oh oh

oh yeah

oh yeah oh oh

oh oh yes yes

yes yes

yes yes

oh yeah

mmm

oh

mmm

oh

oh

oh oh oh oh

yeah yeah

oh yeah

oh oh

oh oh

ah ah

yeah

ah ah

ah yeah yes

yes yes

yes yes

fuck me fuck me

fuck me fuck me

ah ah

15th round you're up Rusk oh

that's it um

oh you know

I'm gonna I'm gonna pick up Jared Goff

feel good about him oh Goff

he always pick the goofiest motherfucker

I swear to God Rexon

I don't care how goofy he is

as long as he's getting those touchdowns

he's gonna not get that trophy for

you I'm telling you it's not yours

you're just jealous'cause I picked the golf

it's mine it's okay

the golf next year baby

Trophy's not yours

it's gonna be real funny

when I have that trophy sitting in my room

and all yours like hey

can I see it can I touch it

like no

only if you pay that's a nice daydream

forget the truck is mine

oh oh

oh oh

Bos never used 51bce0c785ca2f68081bfa7d919

I cannot wait until next year

this might be my best draft pick yet

shut up Roxanne

hahaha

can't wait to give you all my victory speech

oh my your victory speech

oh yeah

yeah whatever

present you my trophy

telling that victory speech you gave

my ballot box is great

hahaha

you see I'm already at practice

if you guys could stop perving over my sister

I'd really appreciate it she's so fucking hot though

bro what's that remember

whatever

oh my God I wonder who the winner is

no doubting over here

I know it's not you Roxanne

you pick the goofiest players

I know it's me I pick the smartest players

smartest players that finished last

huh

huh

huh huh

huh huh

huh

huh huh

well I'd say it's another successful draft

at the Andre residence

I'd say so as well good picks everyone

thanks Andre for having the draft here

shall we cheers

I think we just did hahaha

to another great football game

football