Original subtitles

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[Bart] I can't believe Quimby banned Halloween.

No candy, no pranks, 8:00 curfew.

And the only party in town is this?

Marge, I'm going to Moe's.

Nuh-uh-uh. Remember,

Moe's can't serve alcohol tonight.

And that's fine.

Halloween has been too fun for too long.

Right, liver?

Thanks for being such a good sport tonight.

You know, we are invited to the Van Houtens'

nonalcoholic boo-ze cruise. Huh?

Ooh, that doesn't sound crap-tastic at all.

[phone buzzing]

[bell tolls]

[metallic creaking]

Hello?

I came alone,

like the text said.

[moans softly]

- [buzzing] - [maniacal laughter]

Sup, player? You here for the Spookeasy?

[groans] Weren't you at least a little scared?

This getup cost a fortune.

Greetings, fellow revelers.

Nice costume.

Beaker from the Muppets, right?

Uh, no, there was an accident at the lab.

Beaker, nice.

So where the hell is this secret party?

[muffled electronic music playing]

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[indistinct chatter, whooping]

Yeah!

[crowd cheering]

[all grunting excitedly]

[muffled electronic music playing]

[Homer moaning]

Leapin' Liza, what a party!

You know how many sexy ketchup bottles I made out with?

Three!

Come on, drunk-os. Get in the car.

No, no, we are far too inglayvinated to drive.

[car chimes]

Meet my latest invention,

Glayv-mo.

[gasping]

Hey, while the car is self-driving,

why don't we do a little self-drinking, eh?

- Oh, yeah! - Yes!

Easy there. Your primitive cork removal method

is bound to- [yells] It happened!

- [alert beeping] - [voice] Manual mode selected.

- [all screaming] - [tires screech]

[all sighing]

[all gasp]

[tires screech]

Oh, crap, crap, crap!

Great Caesar's ghost!

- Tom of Finland! - Good glayvin.

[Homer gasps]

We just killed a guy.

We have to call the cops.

No cops!

We take this to our graves.

What, are you crazy?

We have to call the police.

Think about how this looks.

We're super drunk.

W-We're soaked in booze.

And technically we were all driving.

But there's a dead body in the road!

What if there wasn't?

[all grunting]

Oh, this feels wrong.

I believe it was Kenny Loggins who once said,

"Karma sharpens its blades on the bones of our sins."

Shut up and heave corpse!

One, two, three.

- [grunting] - Oh, I hurled him.

Done and done.

No guilt whatsoever.

[Homer moans softly]

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[knife buzzing]

[all yell]

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[Bart chuckling]

[Marge moaning softly]

Come on, kids.

We've got to get to the Halloween store

before the only costumes left are... meta.

[groans] It just sucks that the town is doing Lame-o-ween again.

Dad, can we pick you up a costume?

I'm afraid no costume can disguise my shame.

- Sounds good! - Later, dude.

Love you, Dad!

[TV announcer] The Jump Scare Channel

now returns to the revenge slasher classic

A Killer Knocks Loudly.

[loud knocking]

[shrieks]

Who is it?

If it's about Jesus,

I may be interested.

[wind whistling]

[gasps]

Remember what I said last year

right before we dumped that body?

"Karma sharpens its blades..."

"On the bones of our sins."

Oh, dear.

We never should've dumped that body. Hoyvik!

Ever since that night, I- hoyvik- developed a tic.

Whenever I'm stressed- hoyvik-

I break out in a series of slightly annoying-

We get it!

My life has fallen apart, too.

Geoffrey broke up with me.

He took our Lhasa apsos.

And one dark, lonely night,

I found myself...

buying an Xbox!

[crying]

[Chalmers scoffs]

Unlike you blubbering betas,

I've never been better.

I got a raise, a certified pre-owned Porsche,

and I have a new lady in my life.

Don't you get it?

Karma is coming for us.

Oh, these don't mean anything.

There is no such thing as karma.

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Grab your baton, big dog.

Show the maestro your skills.

[dramatic operatic music playing]

Noice! Bitchin' arpeggio!

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[man singing opera in Italian]

[creaking]

[singing continues]

Drop the ictus,

arc it dolce,

arc it.

[singing continues]

Hmm? [gasps]

? ?

[choir singing dramatically]

No, no, not you.

It couldn't be you!

[choir continues singing]

? ?

Your moves are wack-issimo.

Game over.

Springfield is a symphony of diverse voices.

And we just lost our conductor.

But fret not, for Dewey Largo's legacy will live on forever

in the music of his students.

[playing discordantly]

[all groaning]

I heard the killer carved up Largo like a fat Greek lamb.

Who could've done something like this?

Well, what if it's the man we left for dead?

[gasps] That dead guy's probably mad we killed him.

We have to call the cops.

No cops!

I'm not throwing away my sweet-ass life for you cowards!

Besides, if some freak wants to come after me,

I'll be ready.

And if you two pants-wetters even think of snitching,

I'll be ready.

I think it's safe to say that he's- hoyvik-

lost his mind.

What kind of a psycho strangles another person?

Do you think it's possible that he's the one that killed Largo?

- [grunts] - [cawing]

[humming]

[engine starts]

[tires screeching]

[whirring, clicks]

[flies buzzing]

He did it.

These are obvious signs of a disturbed man.

With the flies and the moldy Chinese food

and the creepy mannequin that's clearly been kissed.

[sniffs] Ew.

- [lock clicking] - Huh?

He's back. Hide.

Silly me. Got all the way down the block before I realized

I didn't get my goodbye kiss.

Mwah.

Wait, wait.

Wait a minute.

Where the hell's my year-old Chinese food?

[slurps]

I know you're in here!

Hope you enjoyed the noodles!

Because they will be your last.

[stomach gurgling]

Ooh.

Lo mein!

You have three seconds to get out of that closet

before I fill it with lead!

[chuckling] One.

[both whimpering]

[Chalmers] Two.

Get ready to...

[yells]

[groaning]

[choking]

[exhales]

[quietly] Hoyvik, hoyvik, hoyvik, hoyvik...

[muffled] hoyvik, hoyvik, hoyvik,

hoyvik!

[Homer gasps, whimpers]

[grunting]

[both grunting]

[Homer whimpering]

Hoyvik!

Hoy-

- [pained yelling] - [Homer whimpering]

[Frink] That hurts.

[tires screech]

Marge! Marge!

Oh, thank God! We have to get out of here!

Marge?

[Marge] This was in the mail.

Honey, I can explain.

Something terrible happened last Halloween.

I killed someone!

What? But I thought I-

Shush! I need to unburden myself.

It happened one year ago tonight...

[bell tolls]

I left the kids at Safe-o-ween

and went to the Van Houtens' boat party,

which was a little...

livelier than I was expecting.

- [music playing] - [laughter]

Hmm. We're getting a little far out, aren't we?

Well, you're a little far out yourself.

[groaning]

Uh, does anyone here know how to boat a ship?

Hello? Uh...

Oh, fine.

[motor revs]

- [screaming] - Oh, God. Oh, God!

Body!

There's a body in the water!

He's dead!

We have to call the cops!

No cops!

We take this to our graves.

Think. We're on a boat full of contraband,

on an illegal cruise with a captain that I OD'd.

I can't go to jail!

You know what they do in that exercise yard?

Exercise!

Yarr, then it's agreed.

We get rid of the body,

then make a pact to never speak of this night again.

[Marge] Before I knew it,

we were back on land

and life just went back to normal.

But every day since,

I've been haunted by what we did to that poor robot priest.

Robot priest?

That night, me and some fellas killed a guy

in the exact same costume.

Do you know what that means?

[both] We killed the same guy but he's not really dead

and he's back for revenge!

He's already killed everyone in my pact!

Mine, too! Look!

[Homer] Aw, Disco Man.

We got to get the kids and go somewhere safe.

But where?

- [crowd clamoring] - [wind howling]

Whoa, what's going on here?

[clamoring continues]

Homer, look.

Other people have the same note.

They weren't in my pact.

Mine either.

All of my friends are dead!

Tina Ballerina,

Blue-Haired Lawyer,

the man who says "yes" in a humorous fashion.

We're getting slaughtered

and you're not doing a damn thing about it!

[overlapping shouting]

Order! Order!

Now, we just received doorbell camera footage

with a clear visual of the killer.

[screams] Mamma mia!

That's a spicy me-ball!

[all gasping]

Why, that's the costumed yutz my sponsor and I

drunk drove over last Halloween!

- [all murmuring] - I did the same thing.

Huh. Okay, uh, show of hands-

who here thought they killed this guy last Halloween?

You all killed someone last Halloween night?

But I thought there was a curfew.

Haw-haw!

[singsongy] You weren't cool enough

to accidentally kill a guy.

Uh, don't worry, citizens.

This twisted maniac-

who I-I also kind of killed-

is being hunted by every cop in town.

You're in the safest place you could possibly-

[groaning]

[crowd gasping]

[gasping]

It's the Cyborg Reaper!

The Electro-Pope!

The Android Jesuit!

Uh, the hell are you supposed to be anyway?

[deep voice] Seriously? It's so obvious.

I'm Daft Monk.

You know, a monk plus the French electronica duo Daft Punk.

It's a very clever pun!

No one cares about that!

Who are you and why are you killing everyone?!

[deep voice] Who am I?

I am the man you left for dead.

I am the shame you tried to bury.

I am the one you pretended never existed!

[crowd murmuring]

I... am... Apu!

- [crowd gasps] - Apu?

That's right. You thought

you could just get rid of me?

That I'd disappear?

That there wouldn't be consequences

for the horrible thing you did?!

Uh, what did we do, again?

It was exactly one year ago.

[bell tolls]

[Apu] I was enjoying the craziest night of my life.

But little did I know, danger was right around the corner.

I am a Freak-A-Zoid.

Come on and wind me up.

This is gonna be so awesome, man.

[kids laughing, exclaiming]

[all scream]

Holy crap, we just killed a guy.

We gotta call the cops.

No cops!

We take this to our graves.

Let's get out of here.

[clamoring]

[groaning, laughing]

[Apu] Oh, Halloween mischief.

Well, no harm, no foul.

[tires screech]

Holy crap!

We just killed a guy.

We gotta call the cops.

No cops!

We take this to our graves.

Secret pact. Oh, yeah!

[tires screeching]

[Apu] I couldn't believe what happened.

I was the "hit" half of a hit-and-run.

- [raccoons chittering] - Bruised and battered,

I set off looking for help.

Well, well, well, illegal contraband,

breaking curfew, spooking a cop with your scary costume.

You're going away for a long time.

[groaning echoing]

Ah! Real zombie!

Holy crap, Chief!

You just killed a guy!

We gotta call the cops!

No cops!

We take this to our graves.

[Apu] Stretching the very limits of credulity,

I was left for dead, yet again!

But not for the last time.

[tires screech]

No one called an ambulance.

No one checked my wallet.

No one even looked under my very cool helmet

to see who I was!

I drifted for hours, assured that I had left this cruel world

and entered into nirvana,

where I heard the most beautiful, angelic voice.

Hi, floating body!

Hi... Dr. Nick.

[groans]

Twist the bunny ears,

pull together.

Bullet hole is gone forever!

[squeaking]

What is this place?

It's "The Island of Forgotten Garbage."

All the junk Springfield gets rid of winds up here.

- Like you! - Hmm?

How long have you been stranded here?

Oh, I've been on the island for eight seasons!

Winter, spring, summer, fall,

another winter, another spring-

I need to get back home!

I'm a beloved member of the community!

Ha, you're still stupid from the surgery.

If you wound up here, it's for a reason.

- Right, Leon? - Shh.

[Apu] I needed to get off that kooky island

and back to Springfield.

So as soon as I healed, I got to work.

? ?

What I thought was going to be a long and arduous journey

only took 30 minutes.

It would have been so easy to bring me back!

I immediately ran home to my family.

But they were gone.

Then I went to the Kwik-E-Mart and was shocked

to find it abandoned.

As I wandered aimlessly through town,

no one even noticed me.

It was as if I was...

- invisible. - [thunder rumbles]

That was when I vowed

to take my revenge on Springfield.

[maniacal laughter]

[thunder crashing]

[laughter continues]

Apu, we're so sorry we left you for dead.

Believe me, we wanted to do the right thing,

but, but, but...

We were so scared and just didn't know what to do.

If it's any consolation,

we had so many internal conversations about it.

Uh, they kind of just didn't go anywhere.

Enough! It is time for your reckoning.

I am dousing this stage with Kwik-E-Mart kerosene,

and I've sealed the doors with Kwik-E-Mart door chains!

Karma has come to collect.

And all of you will pay!

For "Karma sharpens its blades..."

[gasps] "...on the bones of our sins."

That's where it's from.

Apu said it to me when I got my tongue stuck

in the hot dog rollers.

Apu! Wait!

Yes, we all played a part in this,

but we don't all have to die.

Just kill me!

You, Homer Simpson, would sacrifice yourself

to save everyone else?

I would expect that from Mr. Flanders but not you.

[Flanders grunting]

[yelling]

Daddy?

I'm just doing what the old Apu would've done.

The guy who loved this town and everyone in it.

You were on our bowling teams, our barbershop quartets,

our dad-rock cover bands.

And we took you for granted.

I took you for granted.

You can hack me to bits if you want,

just give me the lighter first.

? ?

[yelps] Hot lighter!

[distorted yell]

[all gasp]

- [crowd gasps] - Oopsie.

[screaming, clamoring]

- Oh! - Oh, no!

This is on you, bro.

[glass cracking]

- [explosion] - [gasps]

Bye, honey.

We're going trick-or-treating.

Uh, which one of you has a peanut allergy again?

Apu, my man, what's shaking?

Homer, I just had the most disturbing nightmare.

Everyone in town killed me and tried to cover it up.

It seemed so real.

The whole town forgot about me.

Come on, that could never happen.

Springfield loves you!

And after all we've been through,

I know I could never forget about you.

Oh, crap, that reminds me,

I forgot to invite you to our Halloween party.

Uh, it's BYOB so these are on you.

You gotta come!

I have to work.

Come on, Apu.

It wouldn't be the same without you.

What the hey, I'll do it.

A Halloween party sounds kind of fun.

Plus, I feel like I haven't seen everyone in ages.

Oh, but I wish I had a costume.

Who cares? I don't have a costume either

and it's my party.

[both laughing]

[Apu] You are a terrible host.

[Homer] I sure am, Apu.

I sure am.

? ?

["Robot Rock" by Daft Punk playing]

Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

? Rock, robot rock ?

? Rock, robot rock ?

? Rock, robot rock ?

? Rock, robot rock ?

? Rock, robot rock ?

? Rock, robot rock ?

? Rock, robot rock ?

? Rock, robot...?

Shh!

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