Original subtitles

Today's the biggest day of your life, babe.

Don't get too high.

♪ ♪

♪ I wrote a letter to myself ♪

♪ In the form of a song ♪

♪ I can play when the Sun shines ♪

♪ I know better than to trust anything ♪

♪ That I say to myself when I'm this high ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I just did a interview with my eyes closed, Motherfucker ♪

♪ I just smoked a blunt It looked like pyro ♪

♪ Only comments I see are the bad ones, yeah yeah ♪

♪ Only playlists I like are the sad ones ♪

♪ I let the medicine in I know it don't help in the end ♪

♪ But I got depression again ♪

♪ I had a meeting at seven, I skipped it and slept in ♪

♪ And woke up at 7:00 P.M. ♪

♪ I cut my hair off like Britney ♪

♪ Sprinkle dust like a pixie ♪

♪ Wipe my nose like it's itchy ♪

♪ I'm tatted up ♪

♪ I don't give a fuck ♪

♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪

♪ ♪

London: God, why is anyone up this early?

Who's texting me?

Oh, it's Apple.

I wish I didn't have to do this...

Good mourning with a u?

What the fuck?

Weird.

Woman: Hi, it's Apple, leave me a message.

Uh, hi.

I'm a little confused, could you call me back?

Okay? I love you.

Right, so I haven't left a voicemail in like five years

and why did she spell "mourning" like that?

A time of sadness because of a loss.

What the fuck?

♪ ♪

Well, today should be interesting.

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ All right! ♪

♪ Good Mourning, Good Mourning, Good Mourning ♪

♪ Today might suck ♪

♪ Good Mourning, Good Mourning, Good Mourning ♪

♪ Shoulda never woke up ♪

♪ Good Mourning, Good Mourning, Good Mourning ♪

♪ Today might suck ♪

♪ Good Mourning, Good Mourning, Good Mourning ♪

♪ Shoulda never woke up ♪

♪ Is this a dream? ♪

♪ A really fuckin' bad one? ♪

♪ I'm in between... ♪

Ah!

When I was growing up, my family didn't really

have any money, so when I finally got some,

I bought the coolest thing that I thought money could buy.

I call it the flower shower.

Man, I have no ass. I need to do some squats.

If I haven't said it yet, my name is London Clash.

I'm an actor on this show called Good Bad People.

It's the number one series on TV right now.

Oh yeah, the finale premiered last night.

I hope everyone liked it.

Whoa! Cold showers do make your dick small.

♪ We coulda stopped this car crash ♪

♪ If only she would text me back ♪

♪ And let me know it wasn't true ♪

♪ Now I spell Good Mourning with a "u" ♪

♪ Good Mourning ♪

You know why it sucks when you're going through it

with your partner?

Because everything reminds you of them.

♪ Good Mourning ♪

♪ Shoulda never woke up ♪

♪ Good Mourning ♪

Wow... is it weird she's all I think about?

♪ Good Mourning ♪

♪ Shoulda never woke up ♪

Okay. She has too have hit me up by now.

I mean, there's no way she hasn't said something.

This is Dylan.

I met him when he was working In N Out

and he used to hook me up with free burgers and shakes.

He's been my boy ever since.

He's also convinced that Avril Levigne

wrote the song "Sk8ter Boi" about him,

but we're all pretty sure they've never even met.

Ewww...

My dude.

♪ ♪

Yo, does this look like a break-up text to you

or... or am I tripping?

Yes. Yes, that does look like a breakup text to me.

Damn.

Because like... I called and it went to voicemail.

You know, like I texted, it turned green.

I can't get in contact with her.

It's like everything was all good.

- Now I don't know where to... - Dude. Dude.

You want some?

No.

Aw, fuck, man.

I've created like eight different movies in my head

about what's happened between last night and this morning

and seven of them are horror films.

What's the eighth one?

It's like The Notebook, but without all the happy parts.

So it's just Ryan Gosling crying for two hours straight.

Look, she said "Good mourning"

with a fuckin "u". What, did someone die?

Are you British? Good morning.

If she's breaking up with me, I'm moving back to Ohio,

I swear to God.

♪ ♪

Dylan?

Good talk.

♪ ♪

Um... Hello.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm your new assistant.

Oh.

Wow. I'm... I am so sorry.

My assistant forgot to remind me.

Welcome to my house.

What's your name?

- Olive. - Okay, I'm London.

I know.

Uh, want to take the elevator?

Yeah.

I, uh... I watched an interview

that said that you can't start your day without coffee.

So I got you a latte.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

- No, no. - I mean, well...

- Okay. - I guess I should show you.

It's your house.

All right. This is Leo.

He's been my best friend since third grade

when he gave me his gym shorts after I drank

too much Mountain Dew and peed my pants.

A couple years ago he DJed a rave out in Joshua Tree

and never fully came back.

He's also the reason why I have to find

new assistants every month.

He doesn't trust anyone.

What the fuck?

Did you even check what kind of dairy's in there?

'Cause from here it smells like cows milk.

- No, it's... it's goat milk. - Goat milk.

Where the fuck do you get goat milk from?

I milked a goat.

No, you didn't.

Mmm. That's Photoshop.

I'm just going to stop both you all though real quick.

Why would you give me goat milk?

I watched an interview, you said you like goat milk.

Nah, I didn't even know goats made milk.

You probably heard me say "oat" milk.

Not goat milk.

Is there any way we could do one more coffee run, please?

- I'm sorry. - Man, that's funny.

And that coffee better be organic, sweetie.

Chill. What the fuck?

My dude.

I'm having a shitty day, man.

Apple's ghosting me.

Actually, I think Apple's breaking up with me.

Damn, man.

And on top of that,

I'm still waiting to hear from my agent

about this Batman role,

but I haven't heard anything yet.

Man, your energy all fucked up, man.

Come with me, bro.

Yo, welcome to my Zen den.

Mind closing that door?

Yeah.

What the fuck was that?

Relax, man.

Gotta receive this energy.

Received.

You really need to calm down, man.

That's right. Seems like you're having a lot of problems

in your relationship, man.

- Problems in the bedroom... - Well...

But you see this crystal here activates your sacral chakra.

Costs like $5,000, man.

Feel that.

I don't have a problem with my dick, but...

Johnny Depp uses them after his orgies.

Really rocks out with his cock out, man.

How do you know that?

We're getting your energy right man.

Close your eyes. We're finding your happy place.

I don't want to go to my happy place.

Fucking close your eyes, man.

We're going to fucking find your happy place.

Just go there. Are you there yet?

Check this out. This is brilliance.

The whole world is gonna fuck with this.

It's going to be like next level.

This is Buddha Trap.

♪ ♪

It's dope.

Can you see in that thing?

Yeah, man, third eye.

Sick.

Told you this shit's dope, man.

Maybe you shouldn't...

Oh, shit. Fire.

Told you this shit's fire.

No, idiot. Fire!

Oh, shit shit shit! Get the fuck away from there!

Meet Kennedy.

She moved in with us a couple of years ago

from San Francisco.

I was her first investor in an app she created,

which was kind of like the Peloton, except hers

took a more extreme approach.

Come on, you sweaty bitch.

- Get mad! - I am mad, bitch!

- You real mad? - How mad are you, bitch?

I'm so mad! Ha ha ha!

Honey, what are you doing?

Baby, I'm working it! I'm working it!

Well, work it a little quieter.

I can't!

Ha! That's why your last boyfriend left you. Ooh!

What did you say?

You want one of these, bitch?

She also hates boys and can't really stand any of us.

But she sticks around anyway.

♪ ♪

That is not how I saw that going, bro.

What the fuck?

I can't believe you, bro.

Damn, man. Leave it up to me, right?

Yo, man, I know this isn't the best timing

and all, but if you want to use that song

for your next movie at the end of the credits,

it'd be really tripping, bro.

I'm telling you, that shit's hard as fuck.

Man.

Oh, shit.

- Hello. - Hello?

Hi.

So this is Apple, the girl I've been talking about.

We've been dating for a year and she's

the only person I've ever said, "I love you" to.

She blew up when she was like 13

from this movie called The Baby Butterfly.

She got an Oscar from it.

We got introduced at a movie premiere, and, yeah.

I still have no idea why she likes me.

Hey, can you hear me?

Yeah. Are you okay?

No, I'm not. That text.

What did you mean by it...

♪ ♪

Hello?

Okay.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no. Hello? Hello?

Bro... Trippy, are you serious?

Why are you even here?

I had to come over here extra early to let you know

that finale last night. Seven days.

Weak. That shit was garbage.

You know I don't direct that, right?

Like, I didn't create the show. I just act in it.

You should've acted like you gave a fuck

when you ruined America's favorite TV show.

Just saying.

Damn, man. Why?

Apple done dumped you for a new famous guy?

You're a dick, man.

I don't know how you keep getting in my house.

Leo, can I please use your phone?

Yeah, man. No swiping.

You got Apple's number?

Fuck no. I got boundaries, man.

I'll never have her number.

Bro, you're tripping.

Damn, everything's so weird today, bro.

Damn, London, you're sure right about that, man.

Mercury is in Everglades.

- It's retrograde, Leo. - Fuck.

Thank you. Thank you. What?

How did you even? Okay.

Can you put that in a bowl of rice and see if it'll work?

Hey, that rice better be organic!

Hard.

The universe is talking, man.

Why knock if you're just going to come in anyway?

Kennedy, I need Apple's number.

You don't have your own girlfriend's phone number.

It's in my phone.

Where is your phone?

It's in rice. Um...

Please don't move out.

In here I've already moved out.

♪ ♪

I have a question.

Do you know Dylan is drowning in his bowl of cereal right now?

I do know that because I saved his life.

Leo just committed arson ten minutes ago

and my girlfriend is breaking up with me.

How the fuck do you not care?

Do you care?

Okay, so I paid all of your utilities,

I deposited the mortgage, the fridge is full of food.

There's a plunger in that downstairs bathroom

and Leo should probably explore a new diet.

And also, you're definitely going to need this.

Oh, and no, I don't care,

because you're like 30.

Time to grow up.

You really were the best roommate.

Remember that one time you changed my tire?

Taught me how to tie a tie. Fuck.

Now I'll probably never see you again.

Put your seat belt on.

Farewell, London.

Goodbye, Kennedy.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You moved into the house across the street?

Hello, London.

What the fuck?

This is Angel.

He's another one of my best friends from back home

and he's always been the cool one.

At least in his mind.

He started this clothing company called No Safety,

and it made a bunch of money after for some kid on TikTok

wore it in a video of him smoking his own pubes.

Hey, a win's a win.

I think I got to go full method to get this Batman role.

I don't know, homey. Method actors are weird.

Remember that time on the set of Good Bad People?

Danny Trejo's arrived, he's our guest today on the show.

He's playing a caveman.

Just reminder, he's full method.

Okay.

Sick, this is tight.

Danny, what's up, man?

Dude, I'm such a big fan.

I'm so excited that you're doing this show.

This is so tight.

You need a... you need help with your acting shit?

My agent said that I should do some self tapes or whatever.

Can you film me?

You can't... you can't do those yourself?

I just got hit in the head with a water balloon

and it broke my phone, so...

It happened to me once, too.

So if you want to have me film that, that'd be cool.

No, I know, but it's a self... tape.

I get it. Just fucking help me. Thanks.

Bring your phone.

Use the stairs.

I'll meet you down there.

For fuck's sake. Angel, it's one floor down.

Fuck you.

Okay, this is my impersonation of

Draco Malfoy looking for drugs.

Where's the pot, Potter?

I don't like Draco very much.

You've already started it, haven't you?

I just wanted him to play the viola.

Now go fetch him, tell him I gave him

a five fat dollar gold piece

he plays his little habanero pepper heart out.

Go on.

Anyone know the number of 911?

All righty then.

Wait, am I supposed to... Am I supposed to say...

You're supposed to shut the fuck up.

- Sorry. - I'm a wall.

Yo, what was that one?

Like Game of Thrones or something.

I'm trying to get on one of those shows.

Oh yeah, I can see that. I can see that.

Zombies...

Oh, shit.

- Hey. - Yo.

Olive, really?

This is serious shit, fuck.

You have to go right now.

You have to meet your agent in 20 minutes.

You can't get anywhere in 20 minutes.

This didn't work.

Fuck!

♪ ♪

Okay, so that's Sabrina.

She's my stalker.

She literally sits out here every day, leaves me flowers,

sends me DMs.

Wave to your stalker.

Got my number a couple of times, I don't know how.

Sends me texts.

It's all pretty weird.

Ah, fuck, it's starting to burn my hand.

I got it.

Wait, is that why you wear gloves?

Bro, you never jerked off with those gloves, did you?

Oh, in that case, I don't want to hit that.

- Me, either. - Oh, God no.

Tick tock.

Oh, Jesus. About fucking time. Hi.

Hi. Hello. Hello. Hi, I'm... hi.

Oh no.

Meet Maxine Goldberg.

Probably the scariest person I've ever met in my entire life

and one of the biggest germophobes

I've ever met in my entire life.

In the three years of knowing her,

I've never actually seen her physically touch anybody.

She also happens to be one of.

Hollywood's most powerful agents.

You guys are right on time.

20 minutes late.

Do you want to thank me now for the best day of your life?

You actually want me to thank you?

Fine, get me another purse, this one's disgusting.

For that.

The Batman script. Shut the fuck up!

- How did you get this? - How did I get this?

I'm Maxine. What do you mean, how did I...

Okay, Google me. That's how I got it.

You have a meeting with the director today at 5:00.

You just need to show up.

He's a narcissist, so just say you liked him

on Joe Rogan or some shit and the job is yours.

- Don't put that on your face. - I can't. I can't go today.

- You can't go today? - No.

Apple's like breaking up with me,

my head's all over the place.

I need to figure that out.

I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

That is awful.

But I am going to say to you

what I say to all my clients who are in this situation.

The only thing that will never break your heart is money.

Jesus Christ.

That ho is loyal. You feel me?

Can you push this meeting?

No, I can not push the fucking meeting

with the director of Batman,

for the biggest franchise in the fucking world.

You want me to push the meeting?

You're already a straight white guy.

You're already pushing it.

You already pushed it.

And who got a moderately successful TV actor

to the front of the Batman line

in front of not one but two Hemsworth's?

So feels like I did my job...

- Right. - I need you to do yours.

I have done my job.

I actually did six months of training for this job.

I hung upside down like a fucking bat

from a bunk bed for two weeks.

I've been training my lower, my lower voice

so I can talk like this. Hi, I'm Bruce.

Yeah, pretty good. It's pretty good.

They'll fix it in post.

I didn't even go out last night for the finale party.

Like, I'm dedicated. The work is there.

Yeah, that's not something you should be celebrating.

Why? What? Why are you saying that?

Why is everyone saying that?

I'm the asshole that has to break the news to him

about that piece of shit fucking train wreck nightmare finale?

Let's just be grateful that 15 years ago,

I gave this director a handjob at the Pluto Nash premiere,

and today is the day it pays off.

I'm going to ask you a question,

and I hope you answer it better than Josh Hartnett did.

Do you want to be in love

or do you want to be the biggest star in the fucking world?

Because you can't have both.

- Okay, um... - This is Batman.

All right, I'll be at the meeting.

- Batman! - I got you.

- The only movie that matters. - I know.

I'll be at the meeting.

Fuck.

That was good, that was pretty good,

Don't... why does that smell like pussy?

You're free now, little shrimp.

Hey, London, London, right here!

- You guys energy is all off. - London, hey!

Hey, London, yeah we just saw Apple leaving the Everly

looking all sad.

- You guys good? - London, did you cheat on Apple?

Fucking move.

♪ I got skeletons in my closet ♪

Is that who I think it is?

Oh my God, movie man.

What's up, Barry? Yo, you see Apple?

Yes, she was just here like two minutes ago.

- She left? - Yeah.

Fuck!

Did she say where she was going?

You know what, she did. She actually...

No, are you fucking crazy?

You guys never talk to me.

I mean, the only reason you know my name

is because it's on my nametag right there.

B-E-R-R-Y. Berry.

I don't know, Berry, I feel like we're kind of cool.

Like every time I come here, we always have a little...

- Oh, do ya? - Something.

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah. - All right.

Come here, come here.

- You feel this right here? - Yeah.

- Yeah, that feels good. - That's homie shit.

That's homie shit? We're friends now?

- Yeah. - All right.

- We can be friends. - Yeah.

One second, sir, I am down to party.

And I'm cool around celebrities.

I actually frequent the town with Andy Dick.

If I don't mean to brag.

- That's tight. - The Dick calls me all the time.

He's like, yo, what's up, it's the Dick,

and I'm like, What's up?

You know It's Berry.

Hey, do you get your hair done at the mall?

That's not necessary, sir.

I get mine done at the mall.

If you ever want to come together, we could probably

get a two for one.

-You know, -Sick, dude.

- Yeah, I'm gonna text you. - Yeah...

If you just... I just need you to text me.

Yeah.

I will fuck your wife.

I'ma text you right now.

Yeah, okay. Send my love to the boys.

All right, I will.

Send my love to the boys?

- The ones right here. - Yeah.

- They heard you. - Okay, cool.

All right.

Do you know who that is?

That was the movie man. Get out.

Hurry up. Ridiculous.

Doesn't even have a handle.

Oh, fuck. He doesn't even have my number.

That's so sick. I just got dogged.

Get the fuck out. Come on, today.

Very cool car, sir.

Is this the one that Tiger keeps getting repossessed?

How do you know Berry?

How do I know Berry? How do you know Berry?

Dude saved Fat Joe's life like twice last year.

He can snap anybody out of a bad trip.

True.

What time did y'all say that meeting was?

I don't know, dude.

I can't think about anything else but Apple right now.

- I fucked up. - Let's pull up to her crib.

Babe?

She's not here, man. Let's just leave.

You fucking kidding me, bro?

We drove all the way out here, rush hour traffic, man.

We get some fucking answers.

You know, my dad had this saying, if you breaking up,

you've got to break in.

- Your dad used to say that? - What?

Well, I'm pretty sure he got it. From Aaron Paul

on an episode of Breaking Bad.

Pretty sure he didn't say that.

No.

Well, I'm pretty sure he broke in houses

and got rich with that bald guy, so...

Did you ever finish watching Breaking Bad?

No, because somebody changed their Netflix password.

All right. Look, we're not doing this.

There's like six Kardashians that live on the street.

There's security everywhere.

I'm not breaking into my girlfriend's house.

Can't believe I'm breaking into my girlfriend's house.

Apple?

Babe.

I'm starting to freak out.

This is so weird, I don't get it.

- Yo. - Damn.

What a palace.

Look at that timeless chandelier.

Guys, don't touch anything.

All right? She'll notice. She's OCD as fuck.

I did that shit one time in a rainforest with a shaman.

That's how I got my third eye.

That's DMT, Leo.

Find clues, please.

Hey, don't touch anything, though.

Oh...

I found a clue.

Whoa.

Oh my God.

Leo!

Oh, man.

No, no, no, no, no.

Leo.

What the fuck did you just do?

London, what is this dust?

That's not dust, that's people, man.

Homie, did you just break the dead grandma vase?

Oh, fuck.

We can fix this.

I think that was actually the cousin

that no one really liked. So...

We got to pick him up.

Whoa, I'm not fucking with human remains, man.

Dude, Leo.

You did it.

It's all good. It's all good.

At least it was just one of them.

I mean, it doesn't even look that bad, guys.

Leo...

You are the worst best friend I've ever had.

You just re-killed her entire family.

We got a suspicious vehicle leaving.

Apple Leone's House.

Black G-Wagon covered in safety pins.

I swear to God, y'all better think of some way to fix this.

I got it.

I got it, I figured it out.

I don't want to smoke right now.

Why are we whispering?

Yeah, why are we whispering?

They can hear us.

Who can hear us?

We're wearing her entire family.

I'm gonna make a call.

♪ ♪

Your phone's fucked.

I can get you a new one before the meeting,

and Maxine says you have the Batman script

and you still have to read it.

Okay.

Hey, Angel, who did you just call?

Since you guys want to hit me last minute,

this is our spring/fall collection.

We have blue dreams, blue balls, Blue's Clues,

Blue Man Group, Blue Ivy, Blue Cantrell

and you're my boy blue.

We'll take the whole thing.

Well, give me my money, then.

Angel, no, man. What's the plan?

I got a meeting at 5:00, I don't want to get high.

This is how we fix everything we fucked up.

We're gonna sit right here, smoke all this weed

and we're going to keep the ashes.

Word is from the funeral home, homie,

only ashes that can pass for a cremated human body

are the cannabis flower.

You know what I think? I think you just want to get high.

This ain't no fun and games.

Yeah, we're going to get high.

But we're on a mission.

Our boy is in trouble.

You're tweaking.

We don't got the lung capacity to blow all this weed down, bro.

Like, you buggin'.

Go get Fat Joe, man.

This is Fat Joe.

He's our skater homie from Long Beach

who sometimes crashes at the house.

He's not fat and his real name is not Joe.

But remember that song lean back?

I swear every day since we met him, he gets so high,

he leans back on everything.

Damn, y'all were really about to smoke without me, huh?

Bro, no.

At least pass me some shit, man.

Ooh.

I know y'all were about to smoke without me, too.

I smelt it from the basement.

At least let me connect to Bluetooth, though.

I got a playlist for this one.

♪ ♪

♪ This is stoner music, man ♪

♪ Stoner, stoner ♪

♪ I'm a stoner, I'm a stoner, I'm a stoner ♪

♪ I'm a stoner, I'm a stoner, I'm a stoner ♪

♪ I'm a stoner, I'm a stoner, I'm a stoner ♪

♪ I'm a motherfucking stoner ♪

♪ I just put a forty on my wrist just like a boss ♪

♪ I just put ten thousand on my bitch just like a boss ♪

♪ I just came from YSL just like I'm from Boston ♪

♪ YSL just like I'm from Boston ♪

♪ Just like I'm from Bos Bos ♪

♪ Motherfucker ♪

♪ ♪

Prepare for ultimate liftoff.

Who is going to survive the four fingers of death?

Yes, sirski.

Oh, my God, they're going out his phase.

I win.

Whoa, hey.

Oh, are you all right?

The bowl should be filled by now, right?

This was the moment I realized: We were fucked.

Oh, fuck, sorry, I forgot a box.

Oh shit, did I walk in on a smoke sesh?

What do you guys not understand?

I like girls.

Ah!

You got to let that dream die. Scoot over.

Does anybody have a lighter?

That's glorious.

Oh, man, I can't wait to sleep in my new house.

I've been waiting for this my whole life.

I always get stuck caretaking dysfunctional households.

♪ ♪

Stupid blonde boy.

I know.

You're good.

Are you crying?

Look like you're crying.

- No, I'm not. - Why are our eyes all watery?

Because I'm high.

Smoke this shit, dude, shut up.

Pussies.

Hey, hey. Wake up.

Hey, you! Pencil dick!

Wake up!

Ya lazy bastard.

Did you just hear that?

Don't ask him, pal.

You hear me?

I'm talkin' to you.

My heart's beating really fast.

Fat Joe, you're a Fanny.

You're a sausage.

And a big fuckin' stoner.

I think the lobster just said my name, bro.

What?

You see these clippers of mine?

I will hang from your balls until you're 50 years old.

What the fuck did you say, lobster?

Your balls will be down at your ankles.

I'm gonna get your ass.

Get in here. I will give you such a nip.

You know, there's an electric eel in there, right?

If you touch that shit, it'll be fucking shocking.

I'ma get ya.

Okay. I'm not going to stay here and watch you guys

turn our fish tank into a Sushi restaurant,

so I'm going to leave.

Good luck with Batman.

Oh, and Fat Joe, that lobster is not talking to you.

Smoke me, smoke me.

I can't smoke you anymore.

Whatchoo mean you can't smoke me!

Man, quit acting like a bitch.

You CAN hit this shit. You ain't quitting.

Man, fuck that meeting!

Smoke me, smoke me, smoke meeeeeee...

I don't wanna. I don't wanna...

Got your new phone.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

Um, so have you read that script yet?

Because we should really get you to that meeting.

I'm going to be honest with you, I've smoked

half a pound of weed with my friends because

we killed my girlfriend's entire family

after we broke into her house.

I am a little bit concerned about the

you "killed your girlfriend's entire family" comment, but...

She also might be my ex-girlfriend now.

Hey, Leo.

What's up?

Oh, wait, before you go, can you glue these urns back together?

Yo, take this body bag.

What do you... what do you mean when you say urns?

You know, like a vase for dead people?

There's like a bunch of arts and crafts shit in the garage.

And then after you glue that, fill it with this ash.

You got it.

And that glue better be organic.

You know, you could throw my old phone away.

Whoa...

Apple...

Yes, here we go, here we go, here we go.

London?

- Baby. - Where have you been?

I think someone's broke into my house.

I, I...

London?

Wake up.

Why won't he wake up? Did you guys only smoke weed?

There was a lot of weed.

What the fuck?

[(high-pitched voice] Hey, buddy.

You feeling okay?

Dylan, fuck you, man.

Angel, this was the worst idea you've ever had.

I'm so high and I got the biggest meeting

of my life today.

We could have burned anything to get those ashes.

I've been telling you, man, it's about

the consistency of the ash.

No, you know what? Stop. Okay?

Leo, Fat Joe, Dylan,

take these urns and put them back

in Apple's house without her knowing.

Wait, hold up.

In Calabasas? Hell no, bro.

Hell yes, bro.

Angel, you're coming with me.

I'm legitimately...

Legitimately too high to drive right now, I think.

I could drive us.

Okay.

Let's just take my G-wagon.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Sorry, excuse me. Sorry.

- You know... - Yeah.

- Just... - Yeah, go that way.

Oh, God.

♪ ♪

Good as new.

You didn't forget anything in the room, right?

Who the fuck is that guy?

She already got a new boyfriend?

♪ ♪

Please read this.

Okay. Me, me, me.

Not me, not me, not me, me, me.

Don't care. Don't care.

I save the day. Batman wins, amazing.

Let me just call Leo.

London.

Yo, Leo, how'd it go?

Yo, we got the urns back in Apple's house.

Woo!

Thank God. How's it look?

Well, it looks lovely, like nothing ever happened.

But dude, we kind of got a different problem, man.

Seriously.

What does that mean?

It means you should probably come over to Apple's house

right now, man, it's kind of bad, bro.

Dude, I can't. I'm at the Batman meeting.

- I literally just pulled up. - Yeah, I hear you.

But if you care about your relationship,

you better get over here right now, man.

It's pretty ugly, man.

All right, fuck it, dude.

Just stay right there. I'm coming.

Just don't let her leave.

Why is this happening to me today?

I got to call Maxine.

London.

Maxine, I'm going to be an hour late.

I'm sorry, I'm stuck in traffic.

It's bumper to bumper. It's so weird.

- The 405. - The Rigmarole, crazy.

Maybe there's an accident or something.

You know what? It is an accident.

I'm it's like a Fiat is like tipped over.

So it's like oil, giant oil spill. I think.

An oil spill. Wild.

Fossil fuels, right? So fucking whack.

Right, so whack. Totally whack.

So what do you think?

How much time do you think you need?

I don't know. With the way, the way it's looking right now,

I'm looking at Olive's GPS,

it says 40... 44 minutes.

But, you know, L.A., right?

You know what, London? No problem. I'll handle it.

I mean, Maxine, thank you. And you know what?

I'm going to yell at Olive right now.

Please just drive.

We've hit the shoulder Lane...

Hey, Olive, don't fucking drive at all.

Are you out of your mind?

Well, first of all, I hope your acting

is going to be a little bit better than that

on your second Batman audition.

Oh my God. Oh my God

I swear to God, if you... you know how hard I worked

for you to get this fucking meeting?

Do you have any idea?

Do not fuck this up over a pair of tits in nice clothes.

She's so scary! Drive, drive.

You are not a real feminist. Do not back up!

God damn it! Stop the car! What the fuck is this?

Oh my God, she's getting out of the car.

Do you have any idea how many dicks I sucked in this town

in order to get this meeting?

I did not suck these dicks in vain.

♪ ♪

- Where's Apple at? - She just left.

- You just missed them. - You let her leave?

How was I supposed to stop your girl?

Yo, London, she left with some dude.

She left with a dude?

A buff dude.

And they had bags.

And yes, they left together.

With a fucking neck pillow, look.

Oh, my God, that dude's huge.

Jacked, dude, look at his shoulders.

It took him countless hours to get it

stretched out like that, bro.

- He would beat your ass, dude. - Neck pillow.

Is she about to fly somewhere?

She always flies private out of Van Nuys.

So it's easy to get there.

I got to pull up to the airport.

Hold on one second.

London.

I just fucking answered Maxine's call.

Hi. Yup, I'm about to be there now.

- What are you doing? - Fuck fuck fuck!

I'm supposed to be at that meeting!

Go to the meeting. Fuck love.

Go be Batman.

I'm not losing her over this acting job.

Maybe I don't want to be Batman.

Maybe everyone else just wants me to be Batman.

And I don't want to be... the lead in a 100...

million dollar...

movie that makes you legendary forever.

Dude, you're tripping.

I would literally hire a hitman

and take my parents out to be Batman.

We've already killed one family today.

Hey, I hate to break up this bromance right now,

but I just got a text from Maxine.

It says if you are not at this meeting in 15 minutes,

she is going to cut your dick and balls off.

That's the nice part, do you want me to read the rest?

We're good.

What do I do?

Bro, go to the meeting.

I can't, I can't do it.

I choose love.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I get it if you guys don't want to be friends no more

because this is career suicide.

But if we didn't leave you after that shitty ass,

horrible, terrible, worst thing that's ever

been shown on a television finale?

Respectfully, we're not going to leave you now.

Real friends.

We're good.

Go get your girl, man.

Can I borrow your car?

My dawg.

Sorry, Dylan.

Thanks, Olive.

Yo, hold up.

Hey, where'd you say that meeting was at again?

Van Nuys Airport, how can I help you?

Hey. Are there any flights about to take off

or is there any buff dudes with a neck pillow

at the airport right now?

Uh, yeah, there actually is. Yes.

There is.

Yo, please, break the wing or some shit.

I'm on my way.

All right, bye. Have a good day.

Fucking weirdo.

About to catch this jet, brothers and sisters, what's up?

Yo!

Oh, it's that actor, dude, right?

What the fuck, dude, are you trying to take my girl?

Is she on there right now?

Dennis Rodman?

Why are you so mad, man?

You should be mad at the trash-ass finale, man.

Fuck you, Dennis Rodman.

Great job.

Hey, superstar, what's up, baby?

You stay sleeping.

I'll be in Vegas, baby. I'll be in Vegas.

Stay awake from him!

I can't believe you gave London the keys to your car, bro.

Got us sitting three in the back right now.

Three in the back.

Damn it. Olive!

Where are we going right now?

You know I'm not letting London miss that meeting, right?

- The Batman meeting? - Yeah.

Who are you thinking about for Robin?

What do you think about, you know, maybe like Peter Dinklage?

Oh, thank you.

Hold on one second. Thank you.

Come to mama.

Is he always this late?

Hm? Is he late?

I did not even notice. I'm having such a good time.

Damn, I love acting.

Batman wears a mask.

Just... the actor is going to have to wear it constantly.

So director, tell me about your movie.

I was hoping you read the script.

Have you read the script?

Of course, he's read the script.

Of course you read the script.

London, tell them all about. Just kidding.

Does it look like I'm kidding?

Whose dick do I gotta suck around here

to get some pancakes?

End of scene. See, this is going to be amazing.

This movie is going to shoot itself.

I think I'm going to shoot myself.

I can't believe we let him go in there with that mask.

Leo's fucking wearing an elephant on his head.

Yeah, I got to be honest you guys have had

a lot of dumb ideas, but this one... this one's really dumb.

Shh, shh, shh, be still.

This will hurt now.

What are you doing?

That's perfect.

It's okay, it's okay.

Don't touch it.

Are you feeling okay?

You got hit in the face really hard.

It is so hard to take you seriously...

with that fucking thing on your face!

Good Bad People sucked.

- Your finale was shit. - He didn't write it.

But you're the best thing of the show.

Uh, thanks.

I mean, honestly, thank God

I pulled your old phone out of the garbage can,

found out that your dad's birthday is your passcode

and used Find my iPhone to track your coordinates.

You have been very hard to keep track of today, Mister.

Oh, and you really shouldn't throw that stuff away,

you know, freaking crazy people

could get a hold of that shit.

Did you just give me stitches?

Lucky for you both my parents are doctors.

I never leave home without my sewing kit.

And that's when I realized the only person

that will always be there for you is your stalker.

Um, I want to call my friends. See if they can pick me up.

Sure.

My phone's dead, fuck.

Do you have a charger?

Uh, yeah, there's one in the glove compartment.

♪ ♪

That's a lot of gloves.

Well, yeah, silly, it's the glove compartment.

Right.

Just gotta wait a minute for it to turn on.

♪ It's just me and you ♪

♪ Sitting alone inside my car ♪

♪ It's just me and you ♪

Can you take me home right now?

Yeah, yeah.

I was actually about to head over there anyway.

♪ Nobody here to help you ♪

♪ It's just me and you ♪

♪ In my car ♪

Bro, I can not even fucking see in this car anymore.

Roll down the windows.

Wait, am I high now?

You're literally sitting in a blunt right now.

I have eyes on the suspects in the safety pin car

from the Calabasas break in.

♪ Sitting in a blunt Sitting in a blunt ♪

♪ Da da da da da da da ♪

♪ Sitting in a blunt ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Put that shit out. - I got this.

Oh, God.

Are you serious right now?

Shit.

- What? - Oh, no.

I mean, I've been on this shit for eight hours.

You know us actors and our organic diets.

I'll be back.

That is a Juilliard thing.

They have this whole new nutritional digestive

artistic integration thing.

I've had worse meetings.

He really reminds me of a young River Phoenix.

- Really? - Mm-hmm. Doesn't he?

He reminds me of the fucking elephant man.

This is L.A., man. We can smoke wherever we want.

I'm aware of that.

Come on down. Let's have a little chat.

You a cool cop or something?

Yeah, stoney smurf. Give me a little bit of that.

All right. Thank you, how about that?

- All right. Cool. - Get over here. Get over.

I trusted you!

- Get that out of here. - What the fuck?

Hands in the air. Hands in the air.

Oh, take a dubstep back there, Daft Punk.

- All right. - What up, Leo.

How was the meeting, bro?

Man, you know I killed it. I hope I got the part.

Oh my God.

Okay, here we go.

Did that really just happen, or is this some good-ass weed?

This is some good ass weed, bro.

Oh my God, it's all over my hand.

Why do you always sit outside my house?

Follow me to work.

Um...

I guess I just really relate to you.

I don't think you really know me.

That's just a character on Good Bad People, that's not me.

I'm not talking about Good Bad People.

I've been a fan since I Hate My Parents.

You've seen I Hate My Parents?

- Yeah. - That's crazy.

I feel like no one saw that.

Oh well, I watched it like every single day.

I know every line.

Honestly, I mean, the acting, it's just...

It's so brilliant.

Thanks.

Baby...

No way, how did you get one of these?

They don't even sell these here.

This used to be my favorite drink back in...

- high school. - High school.

♪ I never thought ♪

Shut the fuck up.

This used to be my...

- favorite song. - Favorite song.

♪ I traced the cord back to the wall ♪

♪ No wonder it was never plugged in at all ♪

Damn, why is everyone so worried about me?

Oh. They probably saw the video of the fight.

There was a video of the fight?

Yeah. I mean, it went viral.

It's trending everywhere.

Oh, I look like such a fucking idiot.

No, you don't.

You look amazing even while getting knocked out.

It's crazy.

I got to call Apple.

Damn, straight to voicemail.

She's not answering any of my calls.

Kinda sounds like she sucks.

I shouldn't laugh at that.

It was funny.

This is as far as I can go.

- Oh, right, the, uh... - Restraining order.

- Yes. - Yeah.

Well, I won't tell if you won't.

Also thank you for my stitches.

- The Band-Aid. - Yeah.

Looks good. Poor baby.

You're actually cool.

I'm down to be friends.

Uh... Yeah, okay.

Are you serious?

Is this why you've been acting weird all day?

Baby, I can explain.

Is that your stalker?

- Oh. - No, no, no, no.

I love you.

We can run away together,

I have two first-class tickets to Cancun.

What? No.

Hey, where are you going?

Also, wait, why are you mad at me?

You're the one who is running around town

with some other guy this afternoon.

I came here to make sure you are okay

because I saw your ass getting whupped on Instagram,

but clearly you're doing just fine.

Okay. Yeah, that looks bad, but it's not.

She just kidnaped me after I got knocked out.

Why are you avoiding the fact that I saw you with another guy?

You mean, Luca, my stylist?

The big guy?

Yeah.

He's a stylist?

But you know what, that might get a little confusing for you

when you get high with your friends all the time.

So let me make this not confusing for you.

We need a break.

I'm not doing this right now.

You know what, fuck that.

You started this shit when you said that dumb text message.

What message?

Why did you spell it like that, hm?

It's a typo.

Okay. Okay, well, what about this,

I wish I didn't have to do this through text.

Weird.

Because I wish I could do it in person

because I like waking up next to you.

♪ ♪

Wait, Apple.

Fuck!

Not going that way.

Hey, babe! See you later, okay?

Definitely not.

♪ ♪

Hey, this is London. Leave a message.

All right, Maxine, here.

Um, leaving you a voicemail because you

all of a sudden don't pick up the phone for me anymore.

That's maybe the first time I've left a voicemail in years.

People don't send me to voicemail, but you know what?

I'm going to take this opportunity

to put in recording... a recording

so you can listen to this over and over and over again.

London, you're fucking fired.

After that bullshit you pulled today,

sending one of your fucking friends

to a meeting with the director of fucking Batman.

You humiliated me in front of this entire fucking town...

Here we are. No fucking Batman job.

My name associated with the shittiest finale

in television history.

Worse than Lost.

Worse than fucking Game of Thrones.

I hope you're still listening. I know you're listening.

You're such a fucking narcissist.

Like when I visited you on set that day

and you were simulating a sex scene,

I could tell from that that you can't fuck.

You can't even fuck.

I know you're bad at sex.

Also, I'm not entirely sure you can read.

There. I said it.

Okay, I deleted your old tweets.

I still have them screengrabbed. Okay?

You don't think I keep shit on my cloud?

You're wrong, bitch.

I still have all your fucking nudes, too.

All your Brett Favre dick nudes.

I have them.

I'm not going to waste any more of my minutes on you.

You little fucking bitch.

You crooked-dick fucking illiterate hillbilly.

So...

Feels like a good time for me to be done.

I'd quit, too.

What? No, I'm just done for the day.

I'll see you tomorrow.

'Kay.

Do you want me to turn a light on?

No.

♪ Yo, oh-oh-oh-oh... ♪

♪ Are we oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh... ♪

♪ Yo, oh-oh-oh-oh... ♪

Damn, bro,

I seen you get knocked the fuck out by that big dude.

Fuck you, Dennis Rodman.

Oh, man.

Great job.

Nice Band-aid.

My stalker gave me stitches.

Your stalker...

Gave you stitches?

Yeah, she's like pre-med or something.

You feeling all right, though?

No. This is the worst day of my entire life.

I'm going to sleep, man.

Today sucks. Where's Leo?

Where's Dylan?

Uh...

♪ I'll sit in the jail ♪

No...

No...

She's really hot.

Really?

I don't wanna.

Hello.

Um, hi. We need you.

Ooh.

I'm just really, really busy like, new house shit.

You know what? I got jumped today.

I bailed on the biggest meeting of my life.

Apple hates me and Leo and Dylan are in jail.

Do you see what happens when you move out?

Oh my God, London. Are you okay? Where are you?

I'm outside your house.

Fuck.

Yay! My first night away from you guys,

and here I am... with you guys.

- Sorry. - Yo yo yo.

Can I take a piss in your new crib real quick?

All right, good looking out.

I'm so mad at you.

Scoot the fuck over.

♪ ♪

Bro, they were chanting your name.

They loved you in there.

Yeah!

Woo!

I didn't know they were here.

- Yeah! - Yes, guys, yes!

You guys are so dumb. Let's go home.

- Leo just got out of jail. - We need to do something.

It's time to party!

You heard 'em you heard 'em!

Where are we going?

I... am ordering an Uber

so that I can go enjoy airplane mode at my new house.

So you can never call me again,

but have so much fun.

Shotgun. Okay.

Come on, London, we got plans.

So, did you guys miss us?

Oh! Oh, my, there is...

There's a lot of valuable shit in there.

I just realized I'm still depressed.

♪ Sitting in a blunt Sitting in a ♪

- Fuck you, Dennis Rodman. - Oh...

What the fuck happened to your face, man?

- Fuck you, Dennis Rodman. - Oh...

Yo, Apple dumped him.

Man, fuck all that sad boy shit.

Dylan, find us a party.

On it.

Uh, no. Take me home and I'm not fucking playing.

According to your...

ex-girlfriend?

She are Why-G's house, raging.

You still follow her?

Damn, I blocked her ass.

Whoa, what a good friend.

Why would she be at Why-g's house?

We've been fighting all day,

like why the fuck would she go out?

Because you've been fighting all day?

You apparently broke up.

He looks really cool. He dresses really cool.

He's a huge rapper. Super famous.

He loves me too. I could get us right in.

You're not getting in to this party.

I know Why-G. Just tell him I'm here.

Fine. Just get in line.

- All right. Weird. - Hold on.

Just get in line, everyone.

No. Get in line.

Yeah, I don't even...

Fuck it, dude, if this is how I get my girl back.

♪ Whatever I'm smoking is making it blurrier ♪

♪ I'ma go hard in this bitch ♪

♪ I'ma go hard in this bitch ♪

Yo, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'll catch up.

Oh shit.

Are you willing to pay the price for fame?

Love the finale.

- Really? - Yeah.

Wow, thank you so much.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

All right. Well... I hope I didn't kill the vibe.

All right. Be safe.

Okay, and back to it.

♪ ♪

What's up, Why-G?

- Oh, shit, London, what up dawg? - What up, dude?

Hey, look man, don't come in here with all that sad shit

'cause the whole world saw you get your ass beat.

Fat Joe.

Don't fall asleep in my fucking house, a'ight?

Not tonight, bro.

Leo, don't break shit.

Chill, man. Damn.

What's up?

You, I don't know who you is.

Why the fuck is you wearing gloves?

Fucking idiots, right?

You laughing.

I don't fuck with you.

Y'all have a good time, dawg.

♪ Steppin over bodies like this was a morgue ♪

There's no way Apple's here.

This is not her vibe.

Can I please have a drink before I drown myself in this pool?

Better it be that cup than that pool, man.

Man... Drake has a huge snake.

- What did you just say, bro? - What?

Drake, he has a huge snake.

Shit.

Drake is in the club with a snake.

That's crazy.

Hey, I'm about to stagger my way over there

and get a picture with Drake's snake.

Damn, that is pretty cool.

That's me and Drake's snake.

I got a picture of Drake and Drake's big snake.

I don't think that's Drake.

Fake Drake.

Ah!

Oh, God!

Oh my fucking God!

God's plan.

Oh my God!

Why? Fake Drake!

You okay?

That's some good ketamine.

Drake's snake just bit me.

Drake's snake?

Clearly, this party isn't for you.

Hi, security,

can you please escort five guests off the property?

Come on.

- We're good. - Did we even go inside?

Where's Fat Joe?

- Oh, hell no. - Fat Joe's stuck in the K-hole.

- Fat Joe? - Fat Joe.

Hey, buddy, wake the fuck up, man.

What do we do?

- Berry. - Berry.

Come on, buddy.

We're going to snap you out of this.

Here we go.

We got you. We got you.

Jesus Christ.

Ha! I knew they'd come back.

Movie man!

- Yo, Berry. - What's up?

We fucked up, we need your help.

Did you kill a hooker or something?

No, man.

Oh, Fat Joe. Okay.

Is it a shroom situation?

- No, ketamine. - K-hole? All right.

Well, your girl just got here, so why don't you bring him

up to her room and we'll take care of...

Wait, Apple's here?

No, no. The one with the pink hair and the, uh...

You know, uh...

- Kennedy? - Yes.

Okay. Wait, why is she...

- Give me help. - Yeah, yeah.

I don't think all four of you need to carry... all right.

All right. Go ahead. Yeah. All right.

- Oh hell, no. - Hi.

No, no, no. Please wait. Wait, wait.

Fat Joe's in a k-hole and Berry is going to save his life.

Who the fuck is Berry?

Hi. I'm Berry.

It is Berry nice to meet you. Fuck.

- Berry. No. - I'm sorry.

Come on, Fat Joseph. Come on, Berry.

Ow!

Berry nice room. Sorry again.

Sorry.

He looks really fucked up.

Uglier than usual.

- Respectfully. - He keeps twitching.

What do you think he's thinking about?

♪ ♪

All right. I'm going to need everybody to back up

just a little bit.

-Please hold my jacket, all right?

You, get the fuck out of here.

No, you, Sonic, get in the fucking bathroom, please.

- I'm not... - Get in there!

I had to go to the bathroom.

Jesus Christ, how do you guys fucking hang out with that dude?

All right.

Second, I'm going to need a glass of water.

- Yep, yeah. - All right.

Does somebody have like some Zen music or some sort of calm app

that you could maybe play. Get the mood right? You know.

I don't got the calm app but I got this app Kennedy made.

It kind of like it. It's five times better.

It's called Calm Down, bitch.

This is why you have bags under your eyes,

Go to sleep.

Bitch.

Wasn't my best.

Yeah, yeah, I'll say.

Um, water, please.

What should I do?

You just stay there and look cute.

You see, I've been very dehydrated lately.

My doctor said. My pee is dark brown.

All right, everybody take a nice deep breath.

Ooooo...

I'm just fucking with you. You don't got to do that.

That shit is corny as fuck.

You know, you'd be seeing that in movies.

You'd be like, mm-mm. Okay, right?

Wa!

- Whoa! - Shit!

What the fuck?

Yo, what's good, Berry?

Welcome back, man.

- Yo! - What's up, boys?

Dude, Fat Joe, I thought you were dead low key.

Where's Why-G at?

We left there a long time ago.

Yeah, a lot's happened since then.

Hi, Fat Joe. Welcome back.

Hi, Kennedy.

Hey, I have a question for you.

When you went in my house, did you use the bathroom?

Yeah, I told you I was going to take a piss.

Do you remember if you washed your hands?

Of course I did. What kind of person do you think I am?

I remember that shit vividly.

Oh, I got to piss, I got to piss, I got to piss.

♪ ♪

I took a piss...

Went to go wash my hands,

closed the drain like I always do.

See these rings?

Take no chances losing these bad boys to the sink.

You look good, Fat Joe.

Your rings are busting, though.

Ran outside and jumped in the car with the boys.

Do you remember, vividly,

shutting the water off?

I don't think you did, Fat Joe.

The drain.

So my brand new house is flooded.

That's why I'm in this hotel room

with all these people who I tried to escape.

Thank God it wasn't me for once.

Did you find Apple yet?

- No. - Well, she's not here.

Right?

So maybe you should go look for her somewhere.

Hey, whoa.

You boys best be leaving.

Me and Kennedy, we'll get to it.

- What? - The fuck?

Don't even ask the question. Take him the fuck with you.

Here, take your jacket.

Worth a shot.

None of this would have happened if you didn't move out today.

This is all your fault.

You're an idiot. I hope you find your girlfriend.

I also hope you find your girlfriend.

Facts.

Berry, get the fuck out of here.

Guys?

Can I come out yet?

I wanted to hang out in the bathroom.

It's not because he told me.

Have a good night, Kennedy.

See you later.

It's you.

♪ ♪

You know I wrote "Sk8ter Boi" about you.

I love you!

Guys! Guys!

Best sex I ever had.

I was holding in a fart the whole time.

Where should we go? Bowling at Dave Chappelle's?

- You know Dave Chappelle? - No.

But I did see Bill Cosby on an airplane once.

- Tell me you guys just saw that. - Saw what?

Fuck!

♪ ♪

What a start to the night, boys.

Yeah, man, that was crazy.

- Yeah, you're a legend, Berry. - I know.

So want to go see some titties? Am I coming with you?

What's going on?

Um...

The car's kind of full 'cause of all the guys.

Right, right, right. I'll just Uber.

Yeah, I'm going to text you the address right now.

- Yeah. Hit me with the address. - I'll do it.

All right. Cool.

- Text you right now. - Yeah.

Wait, wait, you don't have my number.

You don't have my fucking number!

I fucking hate this job, bro.

Man, give up. Block her.

Yo, it's this a milkshake from Mel's?

Yeah, that's Redeye cafe, 100%.

Angel, take us to Redeye Cafe.

Avril was in the hallway.

I think she loves me.

She kissed me, man.

First Why-G loves you. Now Avril loves you.

Yo! Why you guys always tell me I'm lying about this shit, bro?

Thank you.

There you go, cutie. Get my number later, huh?

Fuck you.

Whew. She's not in here, dude. I give up.

Family night out with the boys.

We might as well get something to eat.

I don't want to eat.

Oh, wow. Was there a flash sale at Hot Topic?

Ha.

We'll take anything but a booth.

Great. You can have that booth right there.

I'll see in a second.

Fucking hate booths, man.

Man, they got a jukebox in there.

Somebody give me a quarter.

I think it really might be over, man.

Like, did I choose wrong? All I wanted was Apple.

Maxine's right, man.

Can't have the girl and have the job.

Save the world, lose the girl.

In your case, lose the girl.

Don't save the world like Batman would.

It could be worse, man.

Your stalker could have just...

cut off your dick back there, you know?

I can see it now.

Her with a little chain rocking your cut-off dick

all iced out. Oh my God, bro.

But for real, though, man. You just got to let it go.

She was never yours.

It was just your turn, man.

Ouch.

So what can I get you?

Some Panic at the Disco pancakes or some studded belt omelets?

I'm going to have the Eggs Benedict

and a glass of OJ.

Let me get a banana split.

I don't see it on the menu, but can I get yellowtail sashimi?

Can I have Thanksgiving dinner?

You know with cranberry sauce.

- And make sure it's organic. - Really?

I will have a cheeseburger, a milkshake.

Are you writing any of this down now?

No, I just found out

my hamster, GG just got her fucking period.

Who knew a fucking hamster gets her period?

That's so weird, right? I don't get my period anymore.

I'm only 35.

That's what happens when you fuck with too many dirty dicks.

You know what I'm saying?

Jams that shit up like the fucking Holland Tunnel.

Just got to get in there and scrape the sides of the walls

and get the water flowing through again.

You know, nobody wants to go up there and do that for me.

Let me know if you guys are busy later,

at a My fucking Chemical Romance concert,

maybe one of you can come over and fucking unplug it.

Anyway, cheeseburgers and fries for everybody?

See you in a second.

Jesus Christ.

Furries are aggressive.

I'm not a furry.

This is for sleeping. I was asleep.

No one's ever... I've never had sex in this.

Um, Maxine called me like 100 fucking times.

She's on the phone right now, she says.

If I don't hand you the phone,

then she's going to cut my dick off, so...

Oh, jeez.

Hi, Maxine.

London, there you are. I've been trying to get a hold of you.

Hold on. I don't know.

I do not know how to fix her nose. Get a fucking chainsaw.

I don't know. Hey, okay, I need to talk to you.

I don't want to have this talk. I already know I fucked up.

I'm sorry.

I just had a long conversation with the director,

and at first he did not see you as Batman.

He didn't, you know, he couldn't envision it

because the physicality and I told him I was like, look,

we can put him on steroids, we can get him calf implants.

We can do all the fucking shit, right?

He didn't get it until he saw that video of you getting

punched in the face, which he thought

that you staged for him, which...

What?

But the point is, he fucking bought it hook, line and sinker.

And you are the next fucking Batman.

- Shut the... - I know.

I mean, look, there's still a lot of like,

you know, hammering out that I could do

with the vaginas of business affairs.

But those cunts, they know me, they know me.

I have to... I have to call you back. Yes, okay.

You're going to be a fucking little action figure.

You're going to be.

Little kids are going to put you in microwaves and shit

because you are going to be fucking Batman.

I love you.

I mean, you know what I mean? I don't really.

I just... I'm proud of you.

Okay, I love you, too. What? What?

Please don't get canceled. Please...

I got the role.

- I'm fucking Batman. - No!

I'm Batman!

Oh, sick, dude.

Oh my God!

- You got it? - Yes.

I'm fucking Batman!

Can I have my phone.

I'm sorry, here.

Did you look at my photos?

No, no.

This has been the weirdest first day at work ever.

Looks like it's about time for you to hop on out of here.

See you guys.

I... I got to call Apple.

I got to try. I'm sorry, I don't want

to kill the vibe, but like...

Maybe she'll answer.

Hello.

- Baby. Hi. - What do you want?

- Hold on, I just... can we talk? - What?

Like no arguing, just...

just I want to tell you something and...

I'm sorry about today.

Do you remember where we had our first kiss?

Yeah.

Can you meet me there in 30 minutes?

- Yeah. - Okay.

All right. I'm on my way. Bye.

She's going to see you?

Yeah.

What the fuck just happened in the last 35 seconds?

You're Batman.

I'm Batman!

Oh my God.

I wish I had the Batmobile, but I have Dylan's truck.

Can I please use it?

Keys are in the ignition...

of the car...

Which is unlocked outside,

most likely still running.

God, you're an idiot.

Let me out.

Love y'all, man.

Ooh. Don't fall asleep.

Love you too, dawg.

Later, boys.

So it seems like all is good in the world again,

except for this fucking booth.

Oh.

- Mac and Cheese. - Nice.

♪ I'll be your Batman, baby ♪

♪ Call me if you need saving ♪

♪ Don't let no other man in ♪

♪ Banish them to other planets ♪

♪ If you waiting up, up, I'm already down ♪

♪ On the Internet I could see you frown ♪

♪ Yeah I see you frown ♪

♪ Will you love me now? ♪

♪ Oh yeah, ehh-ehh-eh ♪

♪ If you wit' it buttercup I'ma head to town ♪

♪ Wanna save the world I'ma burn it down ♪

♪ Burn it down Say you love me now ♪

♪ Oh yeah, ehh-ehh-eh ♪

♪ I'll be your Batman, baby ♪

♪ Call me if you need saving ♪

♪ Don't let no other man in ♪

Good morning.

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ All right! ♪

♪ Good Mourning, Good Mourning, Good Mourning ♪

♪ Today might suck ♪

♪ Good Mourning, Good Mourning, Good Mourning ♪

♪ Shoulda never woke up ♪

♪ Good Mourning, Good Mourning, Good Mourning ♪

Come on! ♪ Today might suck ♪

♪ Good Mourning, Good Mourning, Good Mourning ♪

♪ Shoulda never woke up ♪

♪ I gotta smoke something for this ♪

Did she say where she was going?

You know what? She did.

She actually did...

That's her.

Um, actually that...

Did she say where she was going?

Uh, you know what? She...

Did she say where she was going?

Yeah, you know what, she...

Okay okay okay... All right...

Your dad's dead.

Actually that works for both of us.

It used to only work for me. I'm so sorry.

Wasn't thinking there.

I can make anybody famous. I can do fucking anything.

Joaquin Phoenix, no one would hire him.

He had half a face.

I made that happen.

Adam Sandler?

They called me about Uncut Gems.

It was initially about circumcision.

Okay? I made them change it.

Adam Sandler went from silly fucking goose

to genius guy in Uncut Gems.

That's why I don't have Instagram cause I'd just be

looking at butts all day.

Big fat butts.

Anyways, you guys should try a finger in your ass.

It's pretty fun.

I wouldn't like, you know, start with it

but you could finish with it.

Oh, wow. Was there a flash sale at Hot Topic?

We'll take a booth.

Or anything but a booth.

Take anything but a booth.

Okay.

We don't want a booth.

But you want a booth.

I can't help you.

We'll take a booth.

We went to the wrong restaurant. Let's go.

God damn it.

You guys decide what you want?

And don't take long cause I've got a big part tomorrow.

I'm playing a Bush in the new Leonardo DiCaprio film.

Hm? Congratulations to me. Correct. Yeah. That's right.

Hey! My agent said this was gonna be an easy gig!

You didn't even give me shoes!

Hey! I'm an A-list player, homes.

I don't play this stuff.

What is this? What am I supposed to be?

A cave man!

Hey! I'm outta here. I'm changing my clothes.

Hey, do you know where you can go, eh?

Go to hell.

Right, everybody take a nice deep breath.

You all right?

Okay, you sure? You need like a Luden's?

You guys got a Luden's?

It was taken from the bedroom...

Why'd you park so fucking far?

Does anybody here have any X?

- You're hanging with us! - Yes! Woo!

Fuck that deeb, dude, he's gone, man!

Fuck him!

I can still hear every word you all are saying.

You're mic'd. It's a movie.

You should give me your number after this scene.

- What? - Nothing.

Did you just ask me to give you my number?

No.

What did you say then?

Because it sounded like "you should give me

your number after this."

No, I said I need a cucumber for me eyes.

You do have really dark bags under your eyes.

Fuck you.

Action! Action!

- Man, what the fuck! - Action!

I'm forgetting the first line thing again.

Let me... one more time, what'd you say?

♪ I gotta smoke something for this ♪

♪ ♪

Am I not in this scene?

Sorry, man.

Why are you even awake right now?

Why are you even up... I'm sorry, I'm thrown off by that ringtone.

Can we not have Britney Spears ringtones go off?

Quiet all around.

Hold, plane.

Yes she just left like two minutes ago.

You wanna do your walking any louder?

That'd be good.

I know I wanted to be Batman, but maybe...

I wanna be Birdman.

So I can get these things shut the fuck up.

Make sure that keeps making noise

I fucking hate you, you fucking cement mixer.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I hate you, ahhhhh!

He's taking a shower.

Holding for garbage.

The giantest garbage truck I've ever fucking seen!

Like, just weave, you gotta weave through...

Car: What would you like to...

Hold on, sorry, this car's yelling at me.

Fuck. Shit. Sorry.

You know what? She's just... it's her first day.

- Mm-hm. - There's um...

Car: What can I do for you?

C-3PO's going crazy. R2D2's going...

Guys, that's my IUD.

What is that?

This whole movie is just me looking over my shoulder

every second going, "what is that?"

Ahh fuck! Fuck!

♪ ♪

Cut. Let's reset. I'm just kidding. That's a wrap.

That lobster is not talking to you.

My God.

Imagine believing that a lobster can talk.

Oh you think you big huh?

There you go. Help yourself to that.

You're a big fucking stoner.

Get over here. Try it.

Get in here. Get in here.

Ha ha! I got you!

Dip me and I will kick your ass.

Bro, this motherfucker's still talking shit.

I'm talking shit?

I'm about to boil your ass, bro.

Oh, dip me deeper, dip me deeper.

Oh, hot demons.

Man, bon appe-tight, my brothas.

Man, you did all that prep for this shrimpy-ass lobster?

What you mean?

Bro, this is a limp shrimp biscuit bro?

Now you all talking shit, bro. I'm gonna take all this shit.

That's a wrap!

And cut!

That is a wrap

on season two finale of Good Bad People.

Let's hear it for our actors.

Stop that, please. Hold up.

Is that our fucking finale?

Can you be a little bit more professional?

- Thanks. - Piss off.

So glad this is over.

So you're telling me London Clash

goes through all of this in the course of one fucking day

because of a text message with a typo?

He's auditioning to become Batman.

He gets high and sends his mate to the meeting

and still gets the job.

What is he? The luckiest cunt in the world?

His stalker saves his life.

Leo breaks not one, but three urns

with his girlfriend's family in it

and his solution is to fill it up with weed ashes.

This is the worst ending I've ever seen.

You were at the table read.

Get me out of this.

You're all wankers.

Fuck! Why am I limping?