Original subtitles

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man.

It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.

It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and

superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his

knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination.

It is an area which we call the twilight zone.

Telephone? You have a telephone?

Thank you.

Oh, this is madness.

It's becoming impossible to make a phone call anywhere in New York. You can say

that again.

Thank you.

This is an outrage. He's making another call.

It's only his fifth.

He doesn't even talk. He just dials.

Maybe he's got a dialect, huh?

Mr. Roger Shackleforth, age youthful 20s.

Occupation, being in love.

Not just in love, but madly, passionately, illogically, miserably,

all-consumingly in love.

With a young woman named Leela who has a vague recollection of his face and even

less than a passing interest.

In a moment, you'll see a switch because Mr. Roger Shackleforth, the young

gentleman so much in love, will take a short but very meaningful journey.

Into the Twilight Zone.

Oh, I simply can't stand this. I must get in there next. I will buy your

place. A dollar for your place. Oh, so?

Thank you. Sir, a dollar for your place.

Thank you. Madam, a dollar for your place.

Why should first place be the same as the third?

Two dollars.

Two dollars?

Very good.

There we are.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hello, Leela, darling. It's Roger.

Oh.

Hello, Roger.

What is it?

May I come to see you?

No.

No, I can't. I couldn't bear to see anybody.

I'm a mess.

Oh, you could never be a mess.

Listen, darling, I have to see you.

Roger, it's impossible.

I must see you, darling, must.

Furiously, fiercely, must.

I love you.

Roger, you've got to stop this. You're acting like a baby.

I can't see you now, and that's that.

Well, then talk to me. Say something. Say anything.

Say something.

All right, Roger.

I'll say something.

Why don't you take a flying jump at the moon?

Now, you've finished, haven't you? No, she hung up on me. I've got to call her

back and make sure she isn't sore. No, no, please. I have an emergency. Well,

so have I. Well, it won't do any good to call. You see, I understand your

problem. I heard it all through the door. You can't solve it over the

telephone. Here.

Here's a way to solve your problem. Look, go and see this man.

And go and see him right now. Believe me, there is no other way. I know. Go

and see that man and he'll help you.

Excuse me, you go and see him now and all your problems will be solved before

the day is over. Thank you.

Thank you.

Emergency!

All right, all right. Stop skulking around.

No, I wasn't skulking. I just didn't know if... Common enough disease, not

knowing if.

Sit down on that pile of books there.

Do I know you?

No, sir.

As a matter of fact.

Ah, then you haven't come for a bottle of the glove cleaner.

Glove cleaner?

No. As a matter of fact. Well?

Perhaps another time.

As a matter of fact... You keep saying that. Come to the point.

Well, the point is, I don't know why I came at all. You see, a man gave me your

card. A stranger.

Oh, yes.

Satisfied former customer, most likely. Yes, but I don't know why I came,

though. I was sitting there in this phone booth... Of course you know why

you came. You want what I've got.

But I don't know what you've got.

Ointments, salves, powders, sovereign remedies, nectars, lotus blossoms,

toxins, tonics, antitoxins, decoctions, concoctions, and potions. All

guaranteed.

Oh.

Well, I don't need anything like that. Well, you must, you hear?

Yes, but I don't need any medicine.

You certainly need something. You look feverish.

Oh. Well, it's, uh, sort of, you know, nothing.

Nothing I don't supply.

Something is my specialty. Anything is what you get here.

You're ambitious, is that it?

You want success.

Money admires the world at your feet.

No, that's not it at all. Power.

You want power.

No, you don't understand. All I want is Leela.

Leela? Yeah, if I have Leela, I can do all the rest myself.

I might have known all he wants is Leela.

I offer him practically anything and all he wants is Leela.

And I guess there's nothing you can do about that.

That's the simplest of all. The elementary parlor trick of my science.

You disappoint me.

No, you don't understand.

You see, I'm in love with somebody named Leela, but she's not in love with me.

I don't know why I'm telling you this. I do. I can arrange it so she'll love you.

How?

I promise you she'll never leave your side.

When she isn't telling you she loves you, she'll be gazing at you lovingly.

She won't even eat before you do, and nothing will be too much for you to ask

of her.

She'll worship you, she'll beg for kisses and weep for joy at your touch.

And if in passing time you should perhaps look at another girl, or even do

a little more than look, she'll feel hurt.

But she'll forgive you and love you just the same.

Frankly, you'd get the same shake from a Cocker Spaniel.

But that's wonderful. That's all in the world I want, my Leela's love.

His Leela's love?

It isn't his Leela's love. It's his Dorothy's love, his Ria's love, or his

Gwen's love.

Tell me, are you sure you wouldn't be interested in the Glove Cleaner, as I

call it?

There are many names for it, including the Eradicator.

But glove cleaner is a nice, nondescriptive title.

Clean, colorless, tasteless, unidentifiable, insure.

I'm not really interested in glove cleaners.

Why not?

It's sure, it's swift, leaves no trace, it's perfect for its purpose.

I don't think you're making any sense at all.

My boy, that's all I make.

Which is why I'm such a lonely man.

You're sure you don't want to try the glove cleaner?

It's very expensive.

Perhaps you can't afford it.

For instance, this little bottle costs a thousand dollars.

A thousand dollars? Are all your prices like that?

Some are, some aren't. Yeah, but that thing that's going to make Leela love

me.

Oh, that.

That's only a dollar.

A dollar?

Love potions are my cheapest item.

And they're overpriced at that.

A dollar for my Leela's love?

It won't hurt her.

If anybody gets hurt, it'll be you. But I don't expect you to believe me.

Put it in anything. A drink, stew, soup, coffee, water, anything.

You'll get exactly what you say you are.

Well, I don't really believe this, but I'll try it.

Well, I'll try anything.

Thanks, Professor.

You know, if this works, I'll be the happiest man in the world.

Roger, I told you I was busy tonight.

Well, just a minute, just a little minute.

Flowers, see?

That's very nice, Roger. Thank you. Now, if you'll just run along. I couldn't

have lasted the evening without seeing you, Leela.

You don't know what it's like to love somebody, to love anybody so much and so

desperately.

Look.

Champagne. Just enough for two glasses. Now, that's not asking much, is it? Just

spare me five minutes and have one drink with me.

Roger, you are acting like a Claude. A silly, stupid, sophomoric Claude.

I love you.

Stop saying that.

All right.

One drink.

Five minutes, and then you go.

I've got to put on my dress.

It's like... It's like millennium.

Let's get this over with.

Well, your time's up. Thank you very much for the flowers and the champagne.

Now, goodbye, Roger.

Excellent champagne, wasn't it?

It'll pass.

What are you looking at me like that for?

Well, perhaps it's my last look.

All right.

You've had it.

One last little kiss?

Roger, please, let's not prolong this any longer. I haven't the time.

Now, please go.

Now.

I don't love you.

I don't want you here.

I don't even like you at the moment. Now, please go.

Oh.

Here.

That's the best I can do.

And that took all my strength.

Roger.

Wait a minute.

Perhaps I am being cruel.

I don't mean to be.

Enough.

Roger?

Let me make it a little nicer.

What's happening?

What's happening?

What difference?

Come here, baby.

Leela,

couldn't you please sit in a chair?

Oh, yes, my darling husband.

Oh, I'm sorry if it bothers you.

It's just that I love to kneel at your feet.

Well, kneel in a chair.

Okay.

Which chair, darling?

Uh, any chair. It doesn't matter.

Darling, do you want your slippers now? No, they make my feet hot.

Oh, well, if your feet are hot now, I could soak my hands in ice water and

then caress them. No, no, my feet are fine.

All right.

Darling, don't you want to smoke your pipe?

No, it bites my tongue.

It's not broken in very well.

Oh, well, I'd be happy to break it in for you. I could smoke it all day while

you're at the office and then when you came home. Thanks, Leela, but no thanks.

You're welcome.

Oh, darling.

Oh, darling, I'm sorry.

No, I'll get a cigarette for you in just a minute.

Just one minute.

Here.

I should have put cigarettes in that box by your chair.

Here.

There we go.

Thank you.

Would you like me to rub your back, darling?

You just finished rubbing my back.

I know.

But I adore touching you.

I'd be glad to rub it again. No, thanks, Leela.

Am I disturbing your reading?

No, no, no.

Did I disturb you by asking you if I was disturbing you? No.

No, no, dearest. Not at all.

Oh, Roger.

I love you, Roger.

I'm so happy you're you.

You're just perfect.

I love to say I love you.

I love to love you.

Leela, I've got to go out.

Out? I've got an appointment. I almost forgot.

Darling, will you be long?

I don't know. I may be late.

Would you like me to go, too?

No, no, no, no. I won't be late.

Why don't you stay here and hug my jacket or something?

Is anything wrong, Roger, darling? No, dearest, no. It's just that I've got an

appointment and I'm late and I need a little air. While you're gone, my love

will grow and grow. And when you get back...

Hi there, Professor.

Ah, yes.

I've been expecting you.

You have?

Uh, yes. I rather thought you'd like to hear how things turned out.

I know how things turned out.

Oh.

That potion sure works.

I know. I know.

How are things with you?

Things haven't changed with me in years.

Pretty ugly situation we've got with China, don't you think?

You don't look so good either.

Me? I'm fine. Fine.

I just dropped around to tell you that things are fine.

I'm glad to hear it.

Glove cleaner, huh?

Say, do you sell much of that stuff?

Now and again.

By the way, what's in it?

No trace, no odor, no taste, no way to detect its presence.

And it's sure.

$1,000.

That's what you came for, isn't it?

Me? No, not at all.

Painless? Of course. It's perfect for its purpose. The only thing of its kind

in the world.

Interesting. She loves you as I said she would, doesn't she?

A constant love, and nothing you can do to her will change it.

She worships and adores you and hangs on your every word. Yes, yes, she does.

One thousand dollars.

Professor, I am going out of my ever-loving mind. I can't stand it

anymore. Naturally. Is there such a thing as being loved too much? Isn't

there somewhere we can just quiet it down a little?

No. Well, isn't there some potion that'll transfer a little of this love

to someone else? Like a nice cocker spaniel? Not a chance. She's yours.

But she's so nice to me. She's so very good.

I know. The glove cleaner is the only way.

Well, I can't do that.

Uh, there must be another way.

This is the way.

The only way.

One thousand dollars.

Professor, you don't know what it's like all the time. Love, love, love. I do

know what it's like.

How do you think I came to invent the glove cleaner?

But that's all my savings.

I know. It's always that way.

No trace, no order, no taste, no way to detect.

All right.

All made out, eh?

One thing I must caution you about.

You must use it immediately, do you hear me? Immediately.

And you must use it all.

Immediately? Why? Will it spoil?

No, but you will.

Once you delay, you are lost.

Believe me.

If you fail the first time you try to use it, you'll never have courage to use

it again.

Never.

Goodbye, Professor.

Farewell.

Always the same way.

First stimulant?

And the cheese, sir.

My darling.

Party. I thought we ought to have a party.

After all, it isn't everybody that's been married six months like this.

Darling, what a lovely surprise.

Here you went out, you said you might be late, and instead you come back with

champagne and flowers?

Glasses. You can't have a party without glasses.

It's just like the first time.

Only this time you don't have to beg to stay.

Later. Listen, why don't you sit over there and I'll bring it to you. Over

there. All right.

Oh, darling, would you like to have candlelight? It's so romantic. Let's

have candlelight, huh? Sure, sure.

Candlelight, shmandelite, anything.

It's so wonderful being married to you.

I've never been so completely happy in my whole life.

I've lived just to love you.

Only you.

That's nice.

Sweetest, how did you happen to think of the champagne?

It just came to me.

I remember the first time you brought me champagne, how you looked.

Your eyes were filled with love.

And you watched me drink. And so sadly, because you thought it was going to be

our last drink.

Remember? I remember.

Lover. Lover Marshmallow, come here. Come sit next to your Leela. Come on.

Oh!

There we go.

Baby bunny.

I've got news for you, sweet little rabbit.

Rabbit?

Oh, darling.

We won't worry about it.

We don't need champagne.

We've got each other.

It's all right. I couldn't have done it. I couldn't have gone through with it. I

could never have gone through with it.

Just think of it, darling.

This is only the beginning.

We'll be like this for the rest of our lives, won't we?

The rest of our lives.

Mr. Roger Shackleforth, who has discovered at this late date that love

can be as sticky as a vat of molasses, as unpalatable as a hunk of spoiled

yeast, and as all-consuming as a six-alarm fire in a bamboo and canvas

tent.

Case history of a lover boy who should never have entered the Twilight Zone.

Rod Serling, the creator of Twilight Zone, will tell you about next week's

story after this word from our alternate sponsor.

And now, Mr. Serling.

Next week, you'll stand in this alley at the shoulder of Jack Klugman.

who plays the role of a trumpet player who has run out of music and run out of

dreams.

Poignant is the best word for Mr. Klugman's performance.

Next week on The Twilight Zone, a passage for trumpet.

I think they're unusual notes indeed, and we hope you'll be listening to them.

Thank you, and good night.

Be sure to see the fun-filled family life of one of America's greatest

entertainers, The Danny Thomas Show, Monday nights over most of these

stations.