Original subtitles

♪ So I break down the walls that I made ♪

♪ Won't hold back, I'm here to stay ♪

[mellow guitar music plays]

♪ And the clown ate some pie ♪

♪ As the mermaid swam by ♪

♪ And the crow in the tuxedo Soon took flight ♪

[imitates cawing]

♪ That's what I dreamed ♪

♪ Last night ♪

Whoo!

[Pepper] Thank you!

Story time, chickadees!

Wow! No applause.

Remember last week in the parking lot

when someone backed into an armored car full of money?

-Um, that was you. -Good! So you remember.

Anyway, the school has to cover the cost of the damages,

so to raise the money, they rented out Hollywood Arts tomorrow for a…

Renaissance Faire!

Have… fun with that?

Well, you'll be having fun too because you're working it!

-Whoa, wait! What? -What?!

Working on a Saturday? Man, that's Ren-unfair!

-Clever! -Thank you!

That was the biggest selling point to the Ren Faire.

A host of talented young people working it for absolutely no money.

-What? -Oh, this is ridiculous!

Gosh, you don't have to like "work work," just have to dress up and set the scene.

Knights, maidens, jesters, turkey legs.

It's basically a carnival, but like, Shakespeare.

Actually, Shakespeare came a couple hundred years after the Renaissance.

Okay, mathlete.

It's Shakespeare-adjacent. Can we agree on that?

Yeah, we can agree that Shakespeare is boring!

Boring?

"To be or not to be, that is the question."

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind

to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…"

"Or to take arms against a sea of troubles."

Maybe… boring was the wrong word.

I'm feeling things.

Shakespeare is super cool!

Duels, magic, fairies, ghosts, love potions and romance!

Shakespeare write anything about demon hunters as in K-pop?

-What? No, but-- -I rest my case.

I'm sure that Shakespeare was great for his times,

he's just not relatable anymore.

Come on! Who hasn't loved someone they shouldn't?

Or gone against their family's wishes?

Or taken the advice of three witches in the woods?

Okay, maybe not that last one.

But Shakespeare is all around us.

You'll see. At Ren Faire!

-Hey, can Oscar Shakespeare us again? -Cosign!

Okay, focus up, people, you've all been assigned a role for the fair,

so take a look under your seats.

Is what I would have said if I had gotten here early enough to put them there.

Minstrel lady? Da what?

You get to sing.

I rescind my "Da what?"

A witch?

No, read underneath it.

A witch with warts?

Yeah!

-Ah! -Fair maiden.

Cool. A lot of depth there.

Dashing lord. I already got the dashing part down.

-Just gotta get my lord on. -[both laugh]

Royal guard.

[gasps] Wait!

-Does this mean…? -[both gasp]

-You don't get swords. -[both] Oh!

[fanfare music plays]

My students think the Bard's a bore.

Methinks a lesson is in store.

Yon fair doth bring a fertile ground.

Oh, let me take that again.

Trina, that was take eight.

I can't keep filming you all day for The Dap. I have flower crowns to sell.

And people are stealing them. I gotta go deal with that.

What about my content?

Get thee a tripod.

♪ Come one, come all To the Renaissance Faire ♪

♪ Come gaze at my dress And long, healthy hair ♪

♪ Such sights, such sounds Such beauty to see ♪

♪ But the loveliest sight ♪

♪ Is me ♪

[cheering]

Your claps fill me so,

but so doth your shillings.

Ye olde QR code.

Yo, Jen, that song was fire.

-Oh! -It was abso-lute-ly gorgeous.

Hah. Notice how I emphasized "lute"?

-We're having fun with language here. -Oh!

Thanks, guys. Attention is my favorite.

Especially from guys whose names rhyme with "Roscar."

I can have fun with language too.

Ah-choo!

Ew!

[sniffles]

Does anybody have a tissue?

I think I might be allergic to something at this Ren Faire.

Yeah, I think so too.

I'm surprised you didn't sneeze those warts off.

These bad boys? They're on real good.

-Want to poke them? -I do not.

Jen told me that these things can really fly.

-Ahh! -[loud thud]

[upbeat regal music plays]

Flower crowns!

Get your flower crowns!

I'll take a flower crown.

Handsome.

I mean, h-hand…

some to you… right now.

Thanks.

Uh, is that for your girlfriend?

No. Don't have one of those.

Oh, I… Me neither. [laughs]

The-the boy-- The boy version of a girlfriend, that is.

Um, who is it for?

My little sister.

She loves Ren Faires.

Yeah, I'm starting to see the appeal myself.

Me too.

[Pepper] Ah-choo!

Excuse me.

I have an idea.

Why don't I just buy the whole basket?

That way your work is done and…

we could spend the day together?

[soft, romantic music plays]

Uh, yeah, I would like that.

[chuckles softly]

-[whispering] Oh, my God! -Oh, my God!

[Trina] Hey! Mankowitz.

-Where'd you get those coconuts? -What are you, a cop?

I found them in a locker marked Sikowitz.

You can't sell those. They expired like ten years ago.

What are you, the health board? I'm just trying to make a buck.

Who knows what old coconut juice can do? If someone drank that,

it could make them act all loopy! You should be ashamed of yourself!

-What are you, my mother? -No.

But follow me and stand up straight, young man.

Oh!

[trills lips]

-I'm kind of bored. -Yeah, me too.

Wanna drink those unmarked vials of mystery juice?

Say less.

[eerie music plays]

Uh, hold on. It says "love potion." You sure we should drink it?

[scoffs] Of course!

-Cheers to not thinking things through. -Alright.

-[gags] Ugh. -[coughs]

Dude, why would you let me drink that?

-Ugh. -[stomach rumbles]

-Oh… -[stomach rumbles]

[groggily] I don't feel too good.

Neither do I.

[loud thud]

Ah-choo!

[exhales, sniffles]

Oh, good! You're awake.

-Wow! -Wow!

Yeah, yeah, warts and sneezes. Laugh it up.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

What?

[giggling] Mm…

-Ah-choo! -Ah!

Ew! You got your snot all over me, witch.

How dare thee speak to this beautiful warted wonder so?

You think I'm beautiful?

More beautiful than any creature mine eyes hath beheld.

Oh! What is happening?

Yeah, Oscar.

Our thing is that we fawn over you and you barely acknowledge it.

-Ah-choo! -Ah!

Mine ears worship the melody of thy precious sneeze.

Far more pleasing than any vile lute.

What is happening?!

"What's happening?" the girls inquire.

I sense some strangeness 'twixt those two sires.

The scene doth glisten with mischief's light.

And also, these shoes are way too tight.

[grumbles]

[regal, upbeat music playing]

دانلود رایگان فیلم و سریال با زیرنویس فارسی چسبیده FileMovieBot

Whoo! [chuckles]

Oh! Oh, you have to meet my brother!

Meeting family on the first date.

-This really is the 1500s. -[chuckles]

-Oscar, this is… -Oscar!

-Matty! -[tense music plays]

Oh, hate this right away.

Wait, wait, wait. Matty? As in…?

Catty Matty.

Wait, the one who goes to Montague Prep,

that you've been competing for parts with since you were like six?

The same.

Wow, my brother's been talking about you for years.

-[deep breath] -Never mentioned how hot you were.

Her crush's nemesis, her only bro.

The plot has thickened now, and thickened so.

Then we'll angle it back on them.

Mm! Scorsese over here.

Okay, enough circling!

I can't believe that you're Catty Matty.

Didn't you blast a fog machine during Hollywood Arts' production of Wicked?

I was coughing through "Dancing Through Life."

I only did that because Oscar locked me in the prop closet

during Montague Prep's production of Annie.

Daddy Warbucks couldn't adopt Annie.

Okay, well, I am glad that that's all in the past

and we're all mature enough to move on.

I forbid you from ever talking to my sister again.

Or not.

Look, I'm gonna let Oscar cool off.

-I'll see you later, Emmy. -No, you won't.

-Yes, I will. -[Emmy chuckles]

No, you won't! Ha! Got the last one in.

-Yes, I will. -Gah!

I can't believe that I fell for your biggest rival.

Pfft. Simple Emmy.

Um, okay.

You think it's a coincidence, out of all the girls here,

he happens to flirt with… you?

Well, I'd assume it's because he thinks I am charming and beautiful.

[chuckles]

Simple, simple Emmy.

Stop calling me simple!

You're his smoke machine.

He's just using you to get under my skin.

-Maybe you're right. -Of course--

-[stomach rumbling] -Oh… Oh…

What's wrong?

I don't know.

My tummy really hurts.

[Pepper] Ah-choo!

Hark!

The siren sound of Pepper's sneeze.

My lady's in need of nasal remedy. Away!

Fair maiden's split between her heart and home.

And then some rhyme to finish it. I don't know, we'll fix it in post.

[upbeat regal music plays]

There has got to be some allergy medicine somewhere. [heavy breathing]

Ah-choo!

-[Oscar] My Peptress. -Huh?

To rid you of this hypoallergenic plague, I humbly offer you… this.

[shimmering music plays]

Nasal spray.

For my true love's dust-filled lady nostrils.

The way the light hits your precious warts.

To gaze, perchance… to poke?

Ah!

Oscar,

I can't believe you suddenly love me.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think something weird was going on.

-Knave! -Mm!

You scheme to win fair Pepper's heart, knave? She is mine!

-Yeah, something weird's going on. -Oh, hey, guys.

I'm a witch now since you seem to like 'em warty.

-Anyone care to offer me attention? -Not now, Jen!

Oscar's trying to steal my love with trinkets. Heave!

-[loud thud] -Ow! My nose!

[cries]

I challenge thee.

Not if I challenge thee first!

-[stomach rumbling] -Whoa, hold up, my guy.

Oof. Stomach sounds.

Right. Mine's been barking all day.

Weird.

But no bubbling of mine guts shall stop me from winning fair Pepper's hand.

A duel then!

Boys, Trina said no swords!

-A fight! -[both] For Pepper's hand!

No, no, my-my hands want nothing to do with this!

I don't know what's going on, but I don't like it!

Mateo…

Mateo…

Why did you have to be Mateo?

My mom liked the name.

You know, you could have just taken the stairs over there.

No romance in taking the stairs.

So you do like me?

Yes!

I mean, I was worried that you were just pretending to like me to annoy my brother.

Doubt thou the stars or fire.

Doubt that the sun doth move.

Doubt truth to be a liar.

But never doubt my crush.

Whoa.

Shakespeare.

Yeah, Trina was right.

The Bard's got bars.

-[creaks] -I'm-I'm falling.

-For me? Whoa, whoa! -Yeah, but also, I'm-I'm falling!

Are you okay?

[strained] Never better.

[lively music playing]

[both grunting]

Eat sword!

-[stomach rumbles] -Don't say "eat"!

[grunting]

-We got it! -We got it!

My nasal spray?

-No! -Crud.

Okay, so I found this girl crying over a broken nose.

I was crying over lack of attention. Be accurate.

And she told me the boys were acting super weird.

Yep. Two guys in medieval garb fighting to the death over me

used to be my fantasy, but…

-[grunting] -…now I've got the absolute ick.

[grunting continues]

I've been filming and doing this adorable omniscient narrator thing all day

and look what I found on my phone!

Huh?

See? This is why I don't eat vegetables!

Oh, not that one.

I left my camera running on my tripod, and, well, look!

-Cheers to not thinking things through. -Alright.

That's why they're acting like this?

They drank old coconuts, which made them act loopy!

So what do we do now?

We take them to Yaktown!

Is that in Nevada? I didn't bring my passport.

She means we need to make 'em throw up!

-Oh. -Yeah.

-Ah! -[stomach rumbles]

Them moving around so much seems to be making 'em sicker.

-We just gotta get them to fight harder! -[gasps] Not a problem.

[clears throat]

[clears throat] Oh, boys?

[both grunt]

You call that thrashing?

I'm looking for an able-bodied knight, not a namby-pamby squire.

[grunting]

Now jump up and down!

[whining]

Think about hot cottage cheese!

[grunting]

[groaning, retching]

He loves me.

He loves me not.

I think he likes me.

Are you okay?

[Mateo panting]

Good call on the stairs.

We have to make this quick. I don't want my brother seeing us together.

I saw this sign-up sheet in the hallway

for this big Renaissance Faire next weekend in Modesto.

They're looking for theater kids who'll work it. A whole weekend. Just us.

No brothers.

Wanna run away together?

Two stair-crossed lovers plot a sweet escape.

Atop the balcony, the plan takes shape.

Reminds me of a tale written by the Bard.

And people said that teaching would be hard. [chuckles]

[soft music plays]

So what do you say, brown-eyed girl?

Wanna spend next weekend surrounded by theater nerds?

Arm's getting a little tired.

Forsooth!

-[chuckles] -Is that yes?

I think. You know, this morning I was a Ren Faire hater

and now I am just forsoothin' all over the place!

-Let's go before your brother catches us. -Yeah.

Uh, but first… while we're alone, if I may…

Forsooth!

[deep inhale] Okay.

I throwed up, Mama.

Uh, you sure did, honey.

So, just to confirm, you yacked up your weird obsession with me, right?

[gasps]

Pretty Pepper?

This one's got some more yacking to do. Come on!

Matty.

What's going on here? Catty Matty still bothering you?

Oh, no, no, I just… Uh…

You know, why am I hiding this from you?

Mateo and I just signed up for another Renaissance Faire next weekend.

I'm gonna turn around now.

Would you care to remove the knife in my back?

You know, the one you stabbed me with

when you decided to run away with my archnemesis!

Oh…

You really should cross your name off that list.

-Thank you! -What? Why?

Trust me, it's the right thing to do.

Wisdom of elders, the only true currency we have.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to barf my guts out.

But your name better be crossed off that list when I get back.

-Excuse me! -Hey.

Excuse me!

Why did you take his side?

I know siblings. He can't stop you from going away with Mateo,

but he won't stop bugging you about it. So, here's the plan.

When Oscar comes back, you're gonna make a big show of crossing your name off.

Then, get him in a Pear car, come back, and re-sign up again.

What? That…

That's actually a great plan.

But what if Mateo comes back and sees that I crossed off my name?

-He'd be heartbroken. -Relax!

I'll stand guard. If Mateo comes back in, I'll tell him it's not a real cross-off.

[sighs] Yeah, why does this plan feel familiar,

and not in a happily-ever-after kind of way?

Do not… go out there.

Ah! Oscar, we missed you!

Yes, I can only imagine how much a space suffers when I leave it.

Now, to simply check if my sister's crossed her name off

this accursed sign-up sheet.

Well, I wanted you to witness

my gesture of goodwill with your own eyes.

Oh. Chill move.

There we are!

And you, poor, poor brother, plagued by such ill-tempered humors,

let us get thee to a Pear car.

Now,

simply to stand guard.

Hey, Mr. Mankowitz!

Quit selling old coconuts!

Make me!

[grunts]

[Mankowitz] Uh-oh.

[tense music plays, then stops]

[soft music plays]

She crossed off her name.

Cruel fate.

My only love sprung from my only hate.

Thus, with a pen,

my crush…

dies.

Thank you, Trina! I--

Trina!

[gasps]

[dramatic music playing]

Now he probably thinks that I hate him.

Good! He's hateable. Doomed from the start.

-Boo! -Hater!

A little space, bro!

No, it's okay. He's probably right. I mean…

he crossed off his name, and he is my brother's nemesis.

So it probably just wasn't meant to be from the beginning. [inhales]

What a tragedy.

Exactly!

You might even say it was a Shakespearean tragedy.

Ha!

Booyah!

What are you booyahing about?

I'm booyahing about how y'all were like,

"Shakespeare's mid. It's low-key not relevant. He's dead."

'Kay. Well, let me tell you something, Oscar, Qwest, Jen, Pepper.

You guys went full-on Midsummer Night's Dream.

She's right. Love potions, chaos, drama in the woods.

-Barf? -That was in the subtext.

And you, fairest maiden,

you were our very own Juliet.

Star-crossed lovers from feuding families with a supes tragic ending?

Dang.

Yeah, you kinda ate with this one, Miss V.

Say it.

-God, I'm a good teacher! -Whoo!

-[laughter] -She said it!

That thing she says!

Oh, did we get enough money to cover the bank car accident?

-Who cares? -So, no?

Not even close.

Hey, Bardy people, get up here, let's act!

-Whoo! -Alright, yeah!

-Okay. -[cell phone chimes]

-Alright, so… -[indistinct chatter]

[gasps] Mateo?

[Mateo] Hey, I know you crossed off your name,

but I couldn't let it go without one last try.

Wanna hang out sometime?

-[indistinct chatter] -[Trina] Perfect!

Forsooth.

[uplifting music playing]

Okay, what's the scene?

[upbeat regal music playing]