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[eerie music playing]

[man] So here's the deal.

Sometime in like the '40s or some shit,

when niggas was doing the Charleston,

and Lindy Hopping, and whatnot,

there's a couple called the Dempseys.

That's them, plain vanilla yogurt.

Nothing special, right?

But all of a sudden, somehow, these two basic bitches

became the talk of the town, rich beyond imagination

out of nowhere.

And you know that can only mean one thing

if we talking rich White folks, right?

Fucking sorcery.

Everybody in Detroit was talking about it.

The endless extravagant parties they threw with weird music

and masks, and all the STDs.

Shit! They was the freak-off pioneers.

The rumor started that it was all in celebration

of this demon lord that they worshiped,

some ancient, twisted mother-fucker called Clauneck.

One day, the Dempseys just upped and vanished too.

No one knows what happened.

The house was boarded up and abandoned for years.

But the rumors continue that inside

that dark power still remains.

So I guess we're going to find out

what trifling motherfuckers are dumb enough

to get trapped inside,

and awaken this ancient evil once again.

["Haunted Heist Theme Song" by One Shadow playing]

[man] We're in the dawn of a new era.

You know, when I started this company, when I built Risha,

you know, I had a vision.

We have to seize the moment.

Seize the opportunity.

All I'm asking for you to do is trust me.

Trust me like you did in the beginning, Terry.

When you moved out here, Courtney, you trusted me.

Eddie, when you divorced your wife, you trusted me.

And now you got bitches.

Look, all I'm saying is I'm the only one

that can lead this company into financial prosperity.

That's... that's really great, Ellis. [laughs nervously]

Can you let me go now?

I think I just pissed myself.

Goddamn, you did piss yourself.

See, this is y'all leader?

You want me to walk away and let him take this ship,

and crash it into a damn iceberg?

Damn, Ellis, come on, man.

You said you had to get the rest of your shit.

Yeah, I got a couple of things,

but I just wanted to say, fuck y'all!

-This is still my company! -But it ain't, though.

Look, man, one of us still got our job.

Don't fuck it up for me.

I gave you this job, Reggie.

And I appreciate that.

Plus benefits.

I just got my teeth cleaned.

But you gotta get the fuck outta here.

I got... I gotta get the... You talking to me like that?

And you gonna pepper-spray me in front of all these people?

No, man, of course not, you put me on.

Okay, good, so, like I was saying--

-But I am gonna tase you. -[screaming in pain]

Shit! Goddamn.

[all cough]

[slow sensual music playing]

[woman] You are every Black woman's dream, Ron.

[chuckles] You're so smart, funny, you're attentive,

and you got a huge dick, and regular-sized balls.

Oh, I cannot wait to start a family with you.

-Are you ready? -Oh, yeah.

There we go, yes, yes. [laughs]

Oh, yes.

[both laugh]

[shouts] Oh, it's happening!

[laughs] Yes, yes, baby, yes.

Tickle me.

-[clears throat] -Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, what the...

How long you been standing there?

Three very long minutes.

What? Y'all don't knock or nothing?

I did.

And I thought you said, "Come in!

-Come in." -[knocking on door]

[Ron] Come in, oh, come in.

But now I know you were saying, "I'm coming.

I'm coming."

[shudders, gags]

This will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.

[upbeat hip-hop music playing]

SHARI WITH THE FATTIE

That is our folding tutorial.

That's how you pack.

Let's keep it nifty, and let's keep it ooh-wee-swifty!

Wait, what?

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Look, I am not finna be showing no titties, Muff347.

Little blow-up doll, you raggedy mother--

Now, I travel all over the world, as you know.

Let me tell you something, I almost got pregnant

in Miconos, okay?

But... And let me tell you why.

Bunion butter.

Bunion butter saved my life.

Let me show you how the bunion butter works.

[sniffs sharply]

It's amazing.

The aroma.

The aroma, it just...

Have you ever like been in nature

and just been like, "What's that smell?"

Mm... It's very creamy.

[gags] If you want, just go ahead apply it to your ankles.

[gags]

[dry heaves]

[sniffs] I've been traveling so much. Um...

[strained] Bunion butter.

[sobbing]

Did I tell y'all about my candles?

[upbeat hip-hop music continues]

[cell door clanks, buzzes shut]

[hip-hop music playing]

[prisoner] Yo, T, Ratface George is looking for you, man.

[door slams shut]

[chuckles] What's up, Ratface George?

Nigga, it's George!

-[T] You're right. -You know that.

It's just George.

-Let's sit. -You're right.

What's up?

You know I know about your little situation.

That's why I showed you mercy.

But you know what?

About to be a free man.

Well, maybe now you can repay me for the generosity.

You remember what we've been talking about?

-Yeah. -Here is the address.

Swipe this.

That is worth millions.

When you pay me back,

you keep the rest for yourself.

That's my little gift to you.

So if you pull this off,

you'll be good for the rest of your fucking life.

Hey, man, between me and you,

not to get in all of your business or nothing, no disrespect,

but, uh, man, what the fuck happened to your face?

You know, growing up in the hood can be tough.

[emotional piano music playing]

Just one slip-up, that'll change your whole life forever.

When I was five, that happened to me.

You know how Spider-Man got bitten by a radioactive spider?

I, too, was bitten...

-by a fucking rat! -[door buzzes shut]

Bit me right on the lips while I was asleep.

Woke up into his cold eyes, fresh in the back.

I ain't getting no fancy superpowers

with no Mary Jane, with no friendly neighborhoods either.

I was just out here with that rabies.

Hot rabies fresh out the oven.

But I tell you what, I killed the fuck out that rat.

Oh, I killed the fuck out that rat.

As soon as I could piss without assistance,

I was on his ass.

He ain't remember me, but I remembered him.

I was insulted he ain't remember me.

He bit me on the lips. We kissed.

So does that answer your little ignorant-ass question

about my disability, you clown faced bitch?

Uh...

Yeah, man.

-Go and enjoy that little freedom, bro. -Yeah, you do that.

You do just that, yeah. Enjoy that freedom, man.

Let me tell you something before you leave up outta here, man.

Vaccinate your fucking animals, damn!

Thank you, sir, enjoy your stay.

Hello, sir, how's your day going?

Uh... it's been a weird morning.

Technically, we are not divorced yet.

So I mean, me calling you baby ain't really a big deal

because you are my baby...?

Bae, who the... who the fuck is that?

Why the fuck are you in my business, Ron?

What you mean why I'm in your business?

Your business is still my business,

because like I said earlier,

technically, we are still fucking married!

For the most part, it's pretty good.

Look, I'm looking to extend my stay.

Oh, all right, that is fine, punk-ass nigga.

So, uh, you gonna give me your name, or what?

Excuse me?

Um, I asked you for your name, sir.

Sound like you called me punk-ass.

But, um, my name is Ron Hawkins.

And how long are you looking to extend your stay with us?

Honestly, just a few more days until I go home

-to wifey, yeah. -[both chuckle]

Um, nigga, you ain't getting back in that house.

I don't miss you.

I don't miss the way your shit stink.

And I definitely don't miss your dick.

What?

[tense music playing]

Motherfucker, I said you ain't going back into that house

'cause your wife is getting piped down

by a swole thick-ass nigga in your favorite chair,

the bathtub, and even on your George Foreman grill.

Plugged up!

He working it everywhere.

Skeet, skeet!

[yells] You motherfucker!

I'll fucking kill you!

What you say?

What the fuck did you say?

[strained] Sir, do you want silk sheets?

-Silk what? -Silk sheets?

-Silk sheets. -Silk sheets.

-Silk sheets. -Silk sheets.

-[coughs] -You asked me if I wanted...

Silk sheets.

Sorry about that, um...

I've been going through a lot,

and what you said triggered me,

or what I thought you said, and I'm so sorry.

[strained] Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

-Thank you for helping me. -[coughs]

Sorry.

Man, I quit this shit.

[hip-hop music playing]

[door buzzes open]

[indistinct lively chatter]

[T] Hey, hey, Auntie, I can get one of 'em hugs?

[woman] Hell no, get your own damn family.

[Ratface George] If you pull this off, you'd be good for the rest

of your fucking life.

Damn!

-[phone chimes] -[whimpers]

Nasty-ass shit.

[phone chimes]

-Ugh. Shit. -[phone chimes]

[T] Yo, yo, Shari,

Ellis, and Ron, it's your boy T.

What the hell he want?

[T] I just got out again.

I know it's been a minute since we all talked,

and I know you three are busy.

Ellis, you got your company, you making all that money.

Shari, you doing your influencer thing and crushing them.

Ron, you probably got a family with a house and kids.

-Joanna, please. -[Joanna] Fuck your grandma.

[T] Being locked up got me thinking

about how much I missed you guys.

I know things got a little fucked up between us,

but I wanna see y'all.

Hopefully, y'all want to see me, too.

Homie hooked me up with a dope Airbnb as a getting out gift.

Shit, it's got his own ZIP Code, it's so big.

-I'm sending the address. -[phone chimes]

I miss you guys, T.

[foreboding music playing]

Hmm...

Might as well.

-[man] We going on a trip? -Jared,

we're not going nowhere, give me my phone.

But it is with the whole gang, right?

I mean, I just quit.

I mean, fuck those guys for disrespecting you.

Whatever you're doing, just tone it down,

and do not quit your job.

It's expensive out there, man.

I only took this job because of you.

I mean, this is your company,

built on your courage, your virtue, your childish good looks.

Your determination, your... your grit.

-Hey, six, six feet. -Six feet, I forget.

I tell you every time.

Yes, you're right, this, this place was built on me.

This place is nothing without you.

It's nothing without me.

-Huh, so? So? -Mm-hmm.

So let's celebrate you leaving this shit hole.

-Shit hole! -Shit hole of shit!

-Cow dunk! -And we are gonna embrace you

with the destiny that you so richly deserve.

And hey, hey, I'm gonna pull my weight, dog, okay?

-Okay. -Okay?

You get the room keys, I got the hard seltzer.

How the fuck is that pulling your weight?

If I, um... You... You…

-It's okay, fine, we'll do it. -Yeah, we'll do it!

Can you get me some milk for my eyes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can we get some milk? Fuck!

[laid-back hip-hop music playing]

[music stops]

[Ron] What the fuck is this place, man?

[door opens]

T.

What the fuck?

[door closes]

What's this creepy-ass place?

T, where the fuck are you?

T!

This dude is such an asshole.

Got us paying $200 a night for this shit?

This is creepy.

I got my allergies, it's dusty as hell in here.

Start sneezing in a minute.

When I see T...

-[eerie sting] -[laughs]

What the fuck?

You were scared, huh?

What you think, huh?

You almost gave me a heart attack, man! [sighs]

Yeah, scary-ass nigga, what's up?

What?

Dude, don't tell me you wanna do that dumb-ass handshake, huh?

Dumb-ass handshake, what you mean?

We are grownups, I'm not doing that.

We was grown when we came up with it.

No, we wasn't, we was fucking kids.

Wow, fucking kids?

Wow, that's crazy to say.

Never say that. Why would you say that?

No, I said we were fucking kids.

[Ron] No, you know what I mean? I meant we were fucking...

Look, dude, I said we were children.

That's what I meant, I didn't mean we were fucking children.

I heard what you said.

-[laughs] -[Ron] T, you ain't changed, man.

You ain't changed, still a fucking asshole.

I'm just playing, man, calm down.

Shit, hey, you still with, um...

old girl from back in the day?

What's her name? Jovina? Jovanna?

Joanna.

Oh, she was so cold back in the day, bro.

That fat ass, them long pretty legs.

She had that clear skin with that long-ass hair.

Them white teeth, and she was smart, and just talented.

Everybody liked her, but that was a bad bitch.

Okay, brother, T, friend, all right,

Joanna is my wife. I married her.

So you can't be with the disrespect. You hear what I'm saying, T?

So you're mad 'cause I said she a bad bitch?

-T. -Man, that sound

like some shit a bitch would get mad at.

You got some kids?

You gotta have some kids, man, get her pregnant.

-No, okay. -What you waiting on?

First of all, look, that's the plan.

If you must know, I was just on the phone with her

before I got here, and...

and we was talking about, man, we gotta make these babies,

and make this family,

and so we could, you know, do the family thing.

But that... It's in the works, it's in the works.

Everything's straight, 'cause I can make you this juice

that it'll have you...

I don't need any of that juice.

[T] Fucked up in the back.

I'm fine, sir.

-If you say so... -Let's stop talking about me.

Brother, how you doing?

Oh, man, I'm living the dream, baby.

Fresh out.

Halfway house.

Probation, about to move in with my auntie.

They got me taking drug tests weekly.

Can't get no job, can't get no housing,

but, hey, what more could you ask for?

Living the Black man's dream out here.

Look, T, I'm sorry that... that you're going through that.

Don't worry about it, man.

I've been thinking about that shit all the time.

Like what if, like, if I could go back

and do it all over again, I'd be a square, bro.

I'd be a straight-up sucker.

I'm talking about, I'd be wearing sweaters.

Have me a good job.

Be somebody's husband, be a good man.

Be lame as hell, like you.

-Thank you. -Yeah.

[door opens]

-What? -[Shari] Damn.

The lighting in here is trash.

-Is it Shari? -What up, Shari Squad?

It's your girl, yes.

Now, normally, I come to you from exotic locations,

giving you all the hottest tips

and the hotel hacks and whatnot.

But today, we at a different location. Hey, Ron.

-What up? So... -Hey, Shari.

Yeah, now this place is a little bit more creepy

and dusty than what I would normally like--

Hey, y'all.

-Hey, y'all. -But... Ron.

Can I do my live?

I really need you to stop with the dumb shit.

-He look like-- -Ron, stop with the dumb shit.

I'm trying to do my damn live.

-Anyways, you know what? -Can I--

-Come on. -Let me just

let y'all go ahead and get a little blast from the past.

This is my peoples.

I'm gonna let y'all talk to 'em.

-Don't-- -I was trying to brush it.

- [Shari] Ron. -Okay. Hey, y'all.

Hey, y'all, it's me, Ron... Ron.

[Ron] I like, you know, I read a lot of good books.

[T] Damn, girl. You still got it, huh?

Oh! Look at you, all free and shit.

-Looking good. -[T] I'm all right.

But you?

Looking better than you ever looked.

The hell you got us up in this creepy, dusty house?

There's spiderwebs everywhere.

You know I got arachnophobia.

No, "Hey, how you doing?" None of that?

I ain't even get a hug.

Can't I get a hug? Girl, get over here.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[Shari] Mmm! I'm glad you're free, and you smell good too.

I will take these fucking glasses off and kick your ass!

[Shari] Ron, give me my phone.

-Fuck this shit! -Ron, give me this.

Hey, y'all, that's my peoples, we out.

[Ellis] Shari, what's up, how you doing?

Look, I know you expected something exotic,

and T, you did a great job, you really did.

But if you want something that's less haunted and plantation-y,

I can actually call my pilot,

and we can get the private jet going.

Plenty of Wi-Fi, yeah, I got two jets, actually.

You know what?

Just because you got money

don't mean that you gonna get some pussy, okay?

I am nobody's gold-digging-ass ho.

I just did a whole post about how I am the least

and most un-superficial person on this planet.

So in the future, maybe you should check

what a woman is saying, what she is talking about,

and you might get somewhere.

All right, jets ain't my thing.

-Boo-boo. -[laughs] Goddamn.

All that money, you still can't hit nothing.

-Come on, man. -I do respect women.

It's just... I was trying to impress you.

[eerie music playing]

Give me one second.

What do you mean, "one second"?

T. T. T. Oh, this motherfucker.

You know something?

Ellis, brother, it is good to see you.

I'm really happy, matter of fact, this is gonna be great.

I read about you in Forbes, man, not too long ago.

-Oh, yeah. -About your mortgage company.

Man, that's a big deal, man.

We're real proud of you, bro.

Thanks, man, yeah, Forbes, I was, yeah, I was in Forbes.

It's a real competitive market.

We're actually still innovating and stuff at Risha.

We just... We're on the edge of closing a billion-dollar merger.

-Ooh! -So, stock's rising, can't complain--

-Okay, player. Okay, player. -I mean, I'm trying.

Let me come on down to the office and check out your penthouse.

No! No, I mean, uh, because...

Because we're... we're... we're renovating,

we got the mold... We all...

So I'll let my assistant--

T, where are the rooms at?

And hopefully, they're not as fucked up as this.

For real.

All y'all do is complain.

You ever slept on a prison cot?

-No. -You ever slept

-on a prison cot? -[Ron] No, man.

-You? -[Ellis] No.

Until y'all slept on a prison cot,

don't say nothing to me, y'all--

Shari, look, I... I'll... Can I help you find a place

to put your stuff? I'll help you.

Yeah, help me find a room.

Let me borrow your flashlight.

Stop all that.

[thuds]

Did you just drop my flashlight, boy?

Nigga, who you calling boy?

Nigga, who you calling, nigga?

Hey, niggas, chill.

Man, go, go, go, y'all go put this stuff up.

-[Shari] Just don't be weird, okay, Ellis? -[Ellis] Okay, I got you.

Let me take this for you.

Who does she think she is?

[eerie sting]

[eerie music playing]

What is this place?

I don't know.

All these weird little statues.

Titties everywhere, look at all those titties.

-It's a lot. -Lot of titties,

big titties, small titties, perky titties.

Look at these titties, man.

See, that titty, like that.

I wonder what she likes? Maybe she like a little tongue.

What the... Eugh.

[coughs] Damn.

I shouldn't have licked that, for safety reasons,

but it's kind of erotic, right?

You want me to do it again?

-I see that you want me to. -Nah, you just made me dry.

Very, very dry.

Just... [huffs air]

'Cause you're like...

[breathing hoarsely]

[unsettling music playing]

-[T] Ron! -[gasps] Shit.

Would you stop doing that?

I'm sorry, I'm scary, man.

Hey, I need to talk to y'all, man.

Group meeting.

Look, man.

Y'all gotta stop touching shit.

And if you're going to touch shit, you gotta at least put some gloves on.

-What? -For the whole time we're here?

You acting weird as hell, okay?

T, what the fuck is going on?

She right, bro, what's all this weird shit?

I don't know what the fuck y'all talking about.

You know something?

Shit, look at this.

Look at this fucking bag.

And he got on all black and, fuck...

Man, this ain't no Airbnb.

It's a B&E, this is a burglary.

Man, what the fuck? What the fuck?

If the board finds out about this, you know what'll happen to me?

And I could lose millions of followers, my sponsorships.

Boy, if you mess up my bunion bag, I swear to God...

He don't give a fuck.

That's why you got all of us in here fucked up.

-I got you all fucked up? -[everyone] Yes.

That's crazy, especially coming from you.

You of all people.

Dude, I got a fucking family.

I have responsibility.

Well, you know something, I forgot.

This asshole don't know what responsibility means.

You probably don't even understand what the fuck the word mean.

[T] Actually, I do.

I wanted y'all to hit this lick with me.

I mean, sure, yeah, yeah, we're stealing.

We're stealing.

But who are we stealing from?

Probably some old, dead-ass White people

who ain't been here in years.

I mean, it's a victimless crime.

I ain't bring no weapons, none of that.

Nobody gets hurt.

Come on, man, think of it as like mini reparations.

Reparate yourselves.

Why man? How, why would you wanna do this?

Dude, you just got out of fucking jail.

Why you wanna take the fucking risk?

Because I need the money.

Why do you need the money?

Because I got sick!

Cancer.

I got cancer.

I got treatments and medical bills... and debt.

It's a lot, man.

My God, Terrance, I... I didn't know.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm cool, they caught it early.

Dude, why didn't you just tell us?

I mean, when did you check on me while I was in there?

Look, we all went our own separate ways after that.

Honestly, I'm not mad at that,

but I wanted to do this with y'all, man.

People who I knew was going to have my back

whether I was right or wrong.

I wanted to share the wealth with y'all.

Wealth, brother,

you think, and I... and I get you sick, and everything,

but you think this is wealth? Look at this shit.

You got this tall wooden lady with her titties out.

That's not worth anything.

This whole place is worthless.

Man, you don't know what the hell you be talking about.

Hold up. Check that out, you know what that is?

First of all, this paper's nasty as hell.

Second of all, what the... The hell is this?

That is the Clauneck's Misericorde.

The Partridge family that own this house,

apparently came back from a trip with the shit in their luggage,

and everybody been trying to buy it. Like museums,

private collectors.

It's supposed to be valued at like $20 million.

Twenty million? What?

This job on dagger right here? I'm in.

You said 20 million, so we split that four ways.

That's five for each.

I mean, that's chump change, really

I could use that to probably renovate the west wing of my mansion.

But we're here for you, so I'll do it, I'm in.

But just know I'm in for you, not the money,

'cause I don't really need it like that.

What time is it, okay, we got time.

All right.

So, what's up, Ron, Clauneck's Misericorde.

You know, I hate the fact that you feel like you had

to fucking lie to me to bring me here.

But I'm not surprised.

It's T being a T, a regular old fuck up.

Fuck y'all.

-Fuck you, too. -It's a three-way split.

Fuck him, scary... Yeah, he was scared anyway.

Look here, best place to find jawbones is probably in the kitchen.

Fucking nerve.

I'm outta here, I don't need this shit.

[doorknob rattling]

What the fuck?

Got to be another way outta here.

[Dark Ron] Ron.

[eerie music playing]

[eerie sting]

[laughs sinisterly]

[panting]

[Shari] Ellis, can I ask you something?

You can ask me anything, Shari, you know I'm an open book.

Okay, well then, in that case, I'm just a little curious,

you know, why don't you help T on your own?

Yeah, we know you got it like that.

Why don't you just take care of business?

I mean, instead of doing all of this?

Well, yeah, yeah, I would.

I mean, I will, I will.

I... When I have the opportunity, of course,

that's the first thing that's on my mind.

It's just, you know, I don't wanna trigger an audit.

It's crazy if you trigger an audit,

you're... It's a wrap.

IRS. You got the regulations, you got the FDIC, AARP,

all these letters that rich people gotta deal with,

that you... you know, it's just...

What we're doing right now,

if you think about it, it's the actual fastest process.

Right. Okay.

I've had people in the past go down for the same exact thing.

So I gotta make sure that--

[Shari] Sure.

[mutters] Fuck.

[unsettling music playing]

[eerie screaming]

Shit, talking about all that mess.

[mimics Ellis] A private jet.

You can't even get your friend a damn...

Talking all that shit.

[gasps] Shit!

-[Shari] Fuck. -You okay?

Yeah, I just thought I felt something.

We can't get the fuck outta here, man.

Now we gotta split it four ways.

What you still doing here, bro?

I tried to leave, okay, but it's some weird--

What's up? Thought your scary ass left.

I tried to leave, okay?

I really did, but the doors are locked from the outside.

Guys, it is some weird shit happened.

I don't know how to describe it.

Some motherfucker was talking to me in my head.

But it's... I think it's some...

There's other people here.

T, the fuck is wrong with you?

You're trying to recruit us to go to jail with you

-or something? -I'm still in recovery.

Don't be putting your big manly-ass hands on me.

Look, pussies, I told y'all ain't nobody else in here.

[lights buzz on]

[sinister laughter]

Y'all see these monopoly-looking White people, right?

Mm-hmm.

[laughter continues]

Maybe they're like the owners of the house or something.

Why would they... Wow, T, just wow.

Ain't nobody in this damn house when I came here.

I don't know who the hell them people are.

Let's just go over here, talk to 'em really respectful like,

so they won't call the police on us.

-That's stupid. -No, it's not.

It's a great idea.

Hey, hi, hi, guys.

This is...

Look, I don't know, you know, you don't know me,

I don't know you, it's all good.

It was just a bit of a misunderstanding.

Me and my friends, you know, we thought this was an Airbnb,

so we came to have a little vacay.

Right, we didn't know anyone was gonna be here,

so we're so sorry.

You know, you don't have to call the cops or the police or anything.

Why are you talking like that?

-Shut the fuck. -Stop talking. I don't feel safe.

Okay, if you just let us out--

Give us one second?

Sorry about our friend.

-One sec. -Get over here.

Everything just got a whole lot easier.

They could tell us where the shit is.

Why would they wanna do that?

With a little more motivation?

-Oh, fuck! -Shit.

You said you didn't have a gun! You fucking liar.

What gun, this ain't nothing.

But it'll definitely kill somebody

if you don't tell me where the Misericorde is.

Say it in your White voice.

Look at the big fancy word the moon cricket managed to use.

-What the fuck? -[Mr. Dempsey] Good for you, Bojangles.

If I had some ham hocks to feed you, I most certainly would.

Hell, no, I'm stomping these bitches out.

Shoot that motherfucker.

Listen, I'll have you know,

I'm a million-dollar contributor in the NAACP.

I'll have this house bulldozed and a statue of myself put in its place!

Do not disrespect us!

[clapping]

Look at this one.

So well-trained, a true credit to his race.

If only bananas were in season, or watermelon.

And y'all want me to feel guilty about robbing these motherfuckers?

Look, I don't wanna hear shit else

unless you're telling me where that fucking dagger is.

Are you looking for one of your little spears?

Is that how you catch lions in the jungle?

Hey, man, fuck this bitch.

-[gunshot] -Oh, shit!

T, what the fuck are you doing?

Shoot them in the knee!

-[Shari] Oh, my God! -[sobbing] What did you do?

You murdered my wife.

Yeah, I did.

Oh, oh, God.

How can you do this to me?

[sobbing continues]

[laughs menacingly]

[suspenseful music playing]

[imitates monkey sounds]

-[gunshot] -[Ellis] Oh, shit.

What the fuck! I was just playing.

-Why would you shoot-- -Oh shit. You shot both of them.

Man, they saw our faces--

You can't shoot them like that, bro.

Guys!

[Ellis] What the fuck?

[sinister laughter]

[eerie music playing]

[all screaming]

[distorted screaming]

Who's ready to get down?

[all scream]

Y'all look stressed.

I got the solution for that.

Who the hell is this Sleepy Hollow -looking motherfucker

wearing a nice scarf around his neck and shit?

I told you not to wear that. That's my assistant.

That's Jared, we good, you gotta help us, bro, right now.

Nah, nah, nah, he with them other motherfuckers, man.

No, and they coming back, man.

They're coming.

Not loving the vibes here.

What's going on?

Who are you guys talking about?

Me.

[groaning in pain]

I don't feel so good.

Oh, shit.

[sinister music playing]

It's been so long since we've had a fresh body to play with.

-Honey. -Yes, honey?

I think he wants to say something to his friends.

What's that, honey?

"You are all gonna die just like me."

[both laugh sinisterly]

[laughing continues]

[T] Man, what the hell was that?

I don't know, but this spooky shit is scaring the fuck outta me.

I don't know.

[haunting scream]

Why are you screaming like that? I thought someone--

If we survive this shit,

I'm gonna to church from now on.

I'm gonna become a nun, and I'm gonna be a virgin again.

-Yeah. -Just check the doors

and the windows for a way out.

But if anybody see that Freddy Krueger knife, let me know.

Wait, wait, so these racist-ass ghosts are chilling

in this house trying to kill Black people?

What the fuck is going on?

Wait a minute, I can't believe ghosts are fucking real.

That means my grandma's a ghost.

That means she be in the house,

and she probably be seeing me like--

Stroking that meat. Choking that chicken.

Putting that peanut butter on your balls

and letting the dog lick it off.

Shut the fuck up, Shari!

And then you ate it.

Hey, man, your grandma's one of the meanest old bitches...

Old ladies that I ever met, bro.

Okay, look, I can't get mad at you

'cause she could be a bitch, but she was a sweet one, okay?

No, I'm saying I was locked up with serial killers

that wasn't as scary as that lady, man.

-[Shari] Facts. -Well, guys,

what the hell are you talking about?

-My grandmother. -There's people dying outside.

But she was an excellent cook.

She was good, but come on, my assistant dead.

Fuck, man, Ratface George fucked me with the intel.

He could've told me it was ghosted here

that'd steal your soul and shit.

Ratface George, that's the wackiest street name I ever heard,

-like what kind of shit is that? -[both laugh]

-Ratface George. -Why do they call him Ratface George?

Why the fuck do you think they call him Ratface George?

Nigga looks just like a rat.

[imitates a rat squeak]

T. T, don't tell me you are the one

that gave him the nickname Ratface George.

Man, I gave him the name,

but everybody call him Ratface George.

You stupid motherfucker.

-You're the dumbest. -[Ron] You know something?

He ain't gotta worry about a ghost killing him.

You know why?

Because I'm gonna fucking kill him!

[Ellis] Hey, y'all, stop!

Chill out! Chill the fuck out!

I almost killed that boy, man.

-Get the shit together. -Okay, Ellis,

you're right, you're right.

Okay, how about we do this?

[exhales] Let's... let's just spread out, and...

and try to find a way to get out this shit, man.

-Good idea. -[Shari] Spread out, damn.

You know what, I'm gonna go in this closet and check it out.

It seemed vintage and archaic,

and I've seen a lot of scary movies.

And in those movies in the closet,

that's where stuff happens.

That's where the way to get up out, I'm up out, I'm gone.

Yeah, I watch a lot of scary movies, too, you split up,

that's when it's done, so, Shari.

-Sha-- -[Shari] No!

-Yeah, it is locked. -[Shari] I'm checking this by myself.

Yeah, you locked it, I can check it with you.

-Stop being so thirsty. -I'm not being thirsty.

I'm trying to protect. What y'all doing?

-Let's just go find some exits. -Fuck.

We split up, I'm gonna be the first one to die.

You want me to die, Ron?

You want me to die, T?

Man, fuck y'all!

If I die, it's on your hands.

And if I die, trust me, I'm gonna haunt you, bitch.

Hey, I found a bathroom.

Okay, and? So what?

Man, I got a shit, man, my stomach nervous.

Brother, you think this is a good time to take a shit?

Yeah, man, there's ghosts in here.

It ain't gonna take long. I'll be right back.

We're all gonna die. We're gonna die.

Ain't no light switch in here, nothing.

Smells funny too.

Oh, shit.

Fuck.

[suspenseful music playing]

[pills rattling]

Man, look, I reached out to you after your grandma passed, bro.

I left a message with your girl and everything.

Maybe she just ain't tell you.

Maybe she ain't want you communicating

with somebody that was locked up.

I don't know, man.

Look, I know there's a lot of shit

me and you never cleared the air about, but we good.

We always been good on my end. We good.

Life's too short just to be holding shit in.

Right?

What the fuck was that?

[thudding]

Bro?

Brother?

Fuck me.

What is this? Oh!

This is nice.

Feel like a canine. Police dog.

Smell kind of like a police dog too.

Not that I really know what they smell like.

Uh? Is somebody here?

Hello?

Hello?

[eerie indistinct whispering]

[eerie sting]

[Dark Shari] They'll all find out sooner or later.

You're worthless to everybody.

[indistinct whispering]

[eerie sting]

[Dark T] You couldn't die alone.

You had to take all your friends with you.

Wait till you see this thing right here.

I'm a fly player, I'm trying to...

[eerie sting]

[Dark Ellis] Go ahead, Ellis, keep lying.

She still won't love you, why would she?

Just ask Jared.

-[sinister music playing] [Dark Ellis laughing]

[Dark Shari] So desperate for love.

But you know the truth.

You ain't shit.

[Dark T] How much time do you think you have left?

Hours, days?

Oh, that's just to prolong.

-Yeah! -Oh, shit.

[screams, pants]

[eerie sting]

-[banging on door] -[Shari] Open the door.

Shari, what happened?

Shit, what happened to your neck?

But you felt it, right?

-Felt it? It was inside of me. -Shit!

[overlapping chatter]

-What? -Look, let's just stick the fuck together,

-That's what I said in the beginning. -Okay, you're right.

Hey, hey, anybody been in here yet?

-No! -No! I don't wanna go in there.

-That's shit, when we-- -We got no fucking choice!

Well, then you go first.

-Oh, come on, man. -Go!

Somebody just went through a window.

-Come on. -Come on, safety.

-I got you, don't worry. -Fuck.

Shit, that's some bullshit, man.

-You smell funny. -Stomach nervous.

[low unsettling music playing]

Hey, yo, it's a foot in here.

Oh, no, what the fuck is that?

Hey, yo.

Hey, Shari, check this out.

Look what they're holding.

That? Oh, that's the clarinet mystery comb.

That's Clauneck's Misericorde.

-Oh. -Y'all act like y'all can't fucking read.

Yeah.

It looks like they worship this dude.

Hey, why he take his glasses off to read?

What they for?

He's farsighted, he can't see shit

that's long way away, but if it's right there,

he can see it.

He's the demon that made them rich.

Matter of fact, this is who they're trying to sacrifice us to, y'all.

The one that feeds at dawn.

[Ron] He who has granted mortals their most untamed desires.

He who takes bountiful pleasure

and corrupting the putrid souls of men.

[Shari] It's a spell book, dumb-ass.

There's gotta be some dark shit in here that can help us out.

A Necromancy seance.

Let's do this.

That's the one.

Guys, I think we are ready to go here.

So we all hold hands.

-I'll hold your hand. -Okay.

Thank you, and hold hands, and--

-You sure? -[Shari] Yes.

And you're gonna use your heart and your mind.

And you are gonna see, behind your eyelids,

'cause you're gonna close your eyes,

and you're gonna see the biggest,

baddest motherfucker you can imagine, okay?

-Okay. -Let's do this.

[inhales deeply]

[chanting a spell in Portuguese]

-[chanting continues] -[haunting music playing]

[Ellis] Shari, it's working.

-[chanting continues] -[shouting]

[all gasp]

[ominous music playing]

Oh, fuck.

Is that who I think it is?

Oh, my God.

No, it... can't be.

[smooth music playing]

[exhales]

[Ron] Gram?

Oh, fuck.

Wait a minute. I was just smoking weed

with Luther and... Where the fuck am I at?

Ron, is that you?

Hey, Grandma, look, I'm sorry. I... I didn't know.

I didn't... I didn't--

Oh, you mean to tell me

that you brought me all the way from peaceful,

beautiful heaven to this shit hole you got me in?

Okay, Grandma.

I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't know you was--

You never take responsibility for your own fucking actions.

Okay, guys, we were supposed to be manifesting

the biggest, baddest motherfucking thug we could imagine.

Who pictured Gram?

I mean, honestly, I couldn't think of anybody scarier.

Look at her shoulders.

[T] She ain't... Real shit?

Me too.

Okay, well, to keep it 100,

-I was thinking about her too. -See?

[T] Hey, hey, Grandma,

and we sorry to interrupt your little card game up there

with Prince and Martin Luther King.

He ain't up there.

Wait, which one?

Terrance Richards.

Oh, I should have known your little delinquent ass

had something to do with all of this.

Always bringing my Ronald into some bullshit.

You're right, you're right.

But we need you on this one.

If you don't help us on this one, they probably gonna kill us.

Ronald, what the fuck is he talking about?

-[both] Us. -[Ron] Yep.

Yep, that, Grandma, that's them right there.

Those are the ones--

Look, I'm sorry to break up this little family reunion,

but I'm afraid this party is invite-only, Mammy.

What the fuck you call me?

I called you a mammy 'cause it's exactly what you are.

You are our mammy, making our meals

and breastfeeding our children,

'cause that's what mammies love to do.

That's right, Mammy.

[makes sucking noise]

Listen, let me tell y'all something.

I ain't nobody's damn Mammy.

Y'all got me fucked up.

Ooh, y'all about to get fucked up now.

Oh, what's that, Marjorie?

I think some discipline is in order.

Why don't you fetch me my paddle?

Huh. Gladly.

[low suspenseful music playing]

-Fetch you your paddle. -Yeah.

So you actually think you can, uh, tame my Black ass?

Ooh, I'm gonna do a lot more than just tame that ass.

[growls]

That's an interesting strategy.

All I hear is talk, peckerwood.

-Yeah? You want some action? -Mm-hmmm.

Mm-hmm.

[sensual music playing]

[disapproving hum]

What in the...?

Put your clothes back on.

[Mr. Dempsey] How's this for action, right?

[Gram] Yeah!

Grandma, no!

This might be a part of her plan.

[Ron] What plan?

This is so weird.

But she's enjoying it, though.

Who gives a fuck?

Leave my grandma alone!

Watch out!

[screaming in pleasure]

It's like the porn version of Roots.

What the fuck is happening?

[T] They ain't gonna let her back in heaven after this.

They sure not.

You're going to hell, Grandma!

[screams in pleasure]

Grandma, no!

No! No!

Man, you better spit that out. Spit that out, Grandma.

-Come back, Ron. -Yeah.

-[moaning] -[gagging]

I ain't never seen that much areola before.

-Okay. -That's crazy.

Even in the afterlife, you get the puss.

[Mr. Dempsey screaming]

-[Gram] Yeah! -[Mr. Dempsey] Hey, hey!

[Ron] Disgusting. [groans]

What the fuck?

What is this place?

Oh, shit, whoa.

The fuck did he... Where did you go?

The fuck?

[eerie sting]

It's been a long time since I expelled that much ectoplasm.

It's good to know we've still got it.

We're lucky that those imbeciles didn't know

what the hell they were doing.

If they'd managed to summon someone else,

this whole thing would've been shot.

You are paranoid, Alton, there's no way.

Just a few hours more, my love.

Just a few hours,

and we can finally leave this place again

to truly feel once more...

To live again.

As long as we don't fail as we did before,

and allow our sacrifices to escape.

The consequences were quite dire the last time

Clauneck's wrath turned our way.

Come, my love.

Let's make certain all is prepared for him.

[Ron panting] Oh my God.

[uneasy music playing]

So you're saying they need two souls in order

to repay their debt back to Clauneck.

And then two more to get their old bodies back

so they can do this shit all over again.

Yeah, like interest.

Fuck, and y'all think that's real?

That second chance shit?

[Ron] It sounded like it,

but what's even crazier when a ghost possessed me,

he showed me a bunch of things.

Like what?

Like, you know, we could find stuff around here

that maybe help us get a jump on 'em.

Matter of fact, Shari,

did you see anything when you looked

at the book about possessions?

Yes, sir, there's a binding spell to trap spirits.

But they only last for about a few minutes.

Yeah, but that's long enough for us to figure all this out

and get the hell up outta here.

Okay, but, uh... who are we going to use as bait? Not it.

Mm-mmm.

I'll do it.

-What? -I said I'll do it.

I take the risk, that's usually how it go, right, Ron?

Look, all you gotta do is put me somewhere

we know they're gonna be watching.

T, you sure you wanna do this?

[T] What I got to lose?

All right, thank you for your service.

I got you.

All right, y'all ready?

I got this.

[yells] Hey, motherfucker, where you at?

You try so hard to be racist, but you love Black people.

-So much that you wanna be Black. -[electricity crackles]

-Yeah, I get it, we're amazing. -[low suspenseful music playing]

We dance better than y'all.

We age better.

We're more talented.

Yeah, you wish you could fuck like a Black man.

[chuckles] Motherfuckers weak-ass immune system

can't even go outside in the sun.

Yeah, you obsessed.

You love Black people.

That got his attention.

So, what do you say, T,

you wanna show this White boy how to fuck?

Y'all ready?

[sinister music playing]

Now, Shari.

[Shari grunts]

[laughs sinisterly]

[Alton] Release me now!

No, fuck that, okay?

We ain't doing none of that till you get us outta here, huh?

Let us out.

[Alton laughs sinisterly] I guess we're just at a stalemate

because all I have to do is wait till dawn,

and let Lord Clauneck deal with your transgressions.

Damn, he's right, the clock is ticking, man.

He's got the upper hand still.

No, no, fuck all that, he's in a mortal body right now.

And I can feel just how weak it is.

What are you talking about?

He's still sick.

He tricked you.

He's dying.

[laughs sinisterly]

No, T said they caught it before anything happened.

We're not falling for your bullshit, man.

Open the fucking door.

You want to know what your friend thinks of you, Ronald?

He hates you the most.

Just shut up, just shut up!

He's right, Ron. It's all Ronald's fault.

He let T take the blame.

Take the blame?

Remember in high school, where you defaced the statue

of the great Robert E. Lee.

Shut the fuck up.

Just shut up.

Shari.

Do you want to know what he thinks of you?

Particularly, because he thought of you quite often.

That time under the bleachers at the volleyball game,

where things got a little steamy with the school Jezebel.

[Ron] Stop, no.

Did we get him?

[Alton] Yeah, I've never been in a woman before.

[groans]

[laughs sinisterly]

Ellis.

You're gonna let him hurt this beautiful mocha body you lust for?

She'll never fuck you.

All she sees when she looks at you...

is that same pathetic, nerdy loser from high school.

She thinks your dick is little.

[laughs sinisterly]

But don't worry,

because she's an even bigger loser than you are.

She makes all her travel videos on a green screen,

and she doesn't really have any sponsorship,

and she pays for all of her followers.

She's pathetic.

Believe me.

The shame and self-loathing she feels, is clear as day,

besides I'm inside of her and you'll never be.

[Ellis] Get out of her!

[Alton] Whoa, the hipsters keep on hitting, don't they? [chuckles]

Let me tell you about your dear friend, Ellis.

He got fired for running his own company into the ground.

He's months away from being in the streets

like the bum ass nigga he is.

[Ellis] The fuck you call me?

[Alton] It's okay, Ellis, settle down.

I can say it, I'm Black now.

Deep down, he thinks that there's no way out.

Part of him actually welcomes the coming dawn,

so he doesn't have to end his own pathetic life.

Wow, now this is a fun one, Ronald.

Oh, Ronald. Ronald, Ronald.

Joanna.

Yes, your Joanna. Your beautiful Joanna.

When she was leaving you

and she was looking for a place to stay,

guess who she called for real estate advice?

Motherfucker! Whoa!

[laughs sinisterly]

[Alton] Last and very much the least.

[chuckles] Old Ronald.

The biggest loser of the group of losers.

Whose marriage is falling apart.

Oh, he is a man that doesn't take responsibility.

He calls himself a friend.

He's not a friend.

What type of friend would let

one of their best friends take the fall for something they did?

That's right, Terrance.

He ruined your life.

He put you on a path to nowhere.

And he'd never think about it again.

But you know what's even crazier?

None of you are actually real friends.

[laughs]

[sighs]

You are all selfish bastards.

You only do things for self-gain. [laughs]

So us killing you,

we're actually doing you a favor.

That's right, you can call this a, um, a mercy gift.

You'll all be dead, and no one will even miss you.

[laughs sinisterly]

This is gonna be fun.

See you later, my friends.

[laughs sinisterly]

Y'all don't see what they trying to do?

Yeah, and it's working.

Fuck you for bringing us here, T.

But at least we're still here, right?

You know something, man, fuck you.

This is bullshit.

What the fuck you looking at?

Sick-ass nigga.

Fuck, man.

[tense music playing]

[pensive music playing]

[sighs]

[ghost voice] Ron.

Ron.

-[Gram] Ron. -[yelps] Grandma!

You scared me.

[laughs]

When are you gonna stop being such a pussy? [laughs]

You know how bad I wanna brag about my grandson

to Bernie and Mack?

But ain't no way I can brag about you

or say you my blood with the way you been acting.

Oh, the... the way I've been acting?

Child, would've been a pleasure too.

I know Rosa Parks may have sat on some bussies,

but I bet she had a whole lot more fun

sitting on some faces too, baby.

Babe. [grunting]

What?

You need me to show you where the clitoris is

while I'm still here?

No, I don't need you to show me where no clitoris is, okay?

I just need you to stop being a fucking ho!

I'm sorry, I didn't... I...

You know, talk into Grandma good ear.

Say that again.

I said you was being a, um...

-[smacks lips] -[Gram] No, no.

Say it, say it, say it, what?

Say it with your chest, like you just said it.

-Fucking-- -Ho! That's what I thought!

I will fuck you up!

I will go west side up in here!

You know I don't play this.

Let me calm down.

Almost gave you a heavenly-ass whooping.

Calm down.

Okay.

Now I know I gave you tough love

when you was growing up, and you needed that.

But I also know that maybe my tough love was

a little too tough on you sometimes.

Maybe you learned to be less afraid of this world,

but it ain't never too late to switch things up.

No more hiding, no more excuses.

No more blaming anybody else

for who you turned out to be.

Take some responsibility for your own actions.

Now I want you to do this for me, if you will.

I want you to take your narrow Black ass

right on out the door,

and do what the fuck you're supposed to do.

You hear me?

Don't bring me back no bullshit.

One more thing, on a serious note.

You apologize to T.

You make it right.

You make it right.

You got my blood in you.

Now, I'm gonna be watching you.

I love you, son.

I love you too, Grandma.

Do you mind if I join you?

Yeah, of course, come sit.

And I promise, um, I won't try anything.

And I'm sorry if it comes off that way,

like that's the only thing I'm interested in with you,

'cause you should know that there is nothing about you

that I'm not interested in.

I'm for real, like everything, your...

your wit, your fearlessness.

Your ambition, your drive.

It's why I devoted myself night and day to building a multimillion-dollar company

to try and finally impress you.

Yeah, I named it after you.

Wow.

I'm surprised I never realized that. [chuckles]

You didn't look at the letters and see,

"Oh, that, that's my name."

No, I'm not that into myself, I guess.

Well, I'm into you.

Oh, well, I guess I kind of always liked your Jiminy Cricket ears, though too.

[both chuckle]

The truth is, I was always scared.

I know.

What you scared of?

Being happy.

Losing it.

Opening up to the guy who's always been there for me,

no questions asked, my entire life.

[sighs deeply]

It's too late now.

Our lives about to be over.

Hmm...

What you talking about?

We still got 45 minutes.

Oh, word?

[sensual music playing]

[Ron] T, can I...?

Can I holla at you real quick?

[sniffs]

[sighs] Okay, um.... look,

I don't even really know where to start, but...

First, let me start by apologizing.

Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for letting you take the fall.

Sorry for not saying anything.

I'm sorry for being a terrible friend,

'cause honestly, you wasn't just my friend.

You really was my brother.

And for me not to be there for you was totally wrong on my part, man.

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

It is all good, bro.

And you ain't make me make the choices that I made.

It's consequences of my own actions.

You know what I'm saying?

I meant what I said about just, you know...

just being with y'all, man.

Those was some of the best days of my life, bro.

[sighs] You're the best friend I ever had, bro.

I just wanted that feeling, you know?

Just one more time before I hung the jersey up.

You know what I'm saying?

[sniffs]

We're good, bro.

Put the hand up, man.

Come here.

Come on.

-I love you, man. -Love you, too, bro.

All right, look...

Let's, uh, let's get out here. Let's... let's find Shari and Ellis.

Yeah, man, let's get the fuck outta here, man.

I mean, maybe find you some tissue.

You got that Viola Davis snot.

Hey, fuck you, man.

See? Man, you play too fucking much, bro.

[sniffs] Motherfucker about to die and you playing.

[ominous music playing]

Hey, what the fuck y'all doing?

[Shari] What the fuck it look like we doing?

That's what I'm talking about.

Shit!

-Still look good. -Hey, snap out of it.

Okay, focus.

Look, y'all, look, we gotta take these assholes down,

and we only got like 20 minutes to do it.

So what's the point? We can't beat them.

I thought the same thing a few minutes ago.

And I get it, look, we're all liars, right?

We lie to each other.

We lie to ourselves.

We just a bunch of fuck-ups, we're all that stuff.

But one thing about us, when we come together

as fuck-ups, we make shit happen.

We are good as a group of fuck-ups, as one.

Yeah, we should come together, right?

No.

It's your turn to come up with a plan.

So what we doing?

All right, yeah, you know something, I got this shit.

I got a great plan,

but before I give it to y'all,

can Ellis put his fucking shirt on first?

Goddamn, you hating, bro.

-[T] Put your shirt on. -This is

-hard work and dedication. -[T] Baby nipples.

These are man nipples.

No, it look good than a motherfucker.

You gotta see my shit, though.

[Ellis] T, relax.

-Man, fuck you. -[Ellis] Fuck you.

-Fuck you. -[Ellis] Fuck you.

[T] Hey, man, fuck you.

[Marjorie] Welcome, tributes.

Once again, we assemble in joyous anticipation

of our Dark Lord's return.

For tonight, He feasts!

[Alton] Give praise and bear witness,

you who have devoted your souls to His glory.

It is time for our unholy communion.

Okay, guys, I'm telling you, I got the plan of all plans.

I hope y'all ready. Y'all ready?

-[Shari] Mm-hmm. -Okay, here we go.

-Now the knife that they-- -[T] No, no,

it's Clauneck's Misericorde.

-Thanks, T. -[T] Read a book, nigga, damn.

-Cool. -Like I said, the knife--

It's the Clauneck's Misericorde.

Clauneck's Misericorde.

-[T] Yeah. -Does that make you happy?

What y'all doing, we got 20 minutes, hurry up.

Okay, you're right, look, all I'm saying is that the...

-Clauneck's Misericorde... -Clauneck's Misericorde.

...is what they probably use in the first place

to strike a deal with the old boy.

And I'm telling you, I think this thing packs a lot of power.

Which means that's why they want it so bad

so they could possibly strike another deal with him.

All right, so we find it, we kill their plans.

Matter of fact, we find it, and we kill their asses.

Yes!

That's right, we get rid of 'em, man.

Matter of fact, we make them the sacrifices

and fucking destroy their grandma fucking asses.

-[T] Yes. Fuck they grandma. -Nasty.

They fucked my grandma, they fucked my grandma.

Where do we think we find it?

Look, when the ghost went inside of me--

-Hey, yo. -Pause.

Guys, guys, you are silly.

Look, I'm just saying when the ghost came inside of me--

Oh, you gonna double down on that?

Another pause.

Okay, you get it, you know what I meant.

When the ghost "possessed" me, the ghost showed me

where the knife could possibly be.

And look here, guys.

This is our time to shine.

And more than anything,

I'm excited that we're finally coming together.

[hopeful music playing]

-Let's do this. -Let's do this shit, huh?

[all] Yeah!

-That was lame as hell. -It was.

[Ellis] He was in your head while you was giving him head.

[Ron] I did not say that.

[determined music playing]

This is it.

This is exactly it.

Hey, hey, wait, remember that?

[suspenseful music playing]

[all scream]

[Marjorie] He is arriving.

[distorted eerie music playing]

[dark music playing]

[Clauneck] You thought you could fuck with me?

[screams]

[screams]

-Now, he feasts! -[Marjorie] Now, he feasts!

[Alton laughs sinisterly]

Whoa, where the, fuck... Who are you people?

Oh, that's spooky.

Oh, Ellis, Ellis... Something's wrong.

Don't look at me.

[laughs darkly]

I remember you assholes.

Especially you!

You did this thing.

What's this?

[all yelp]

Jared?

[dark suspenseful music playing]

Watch it!

What the fuck just happened?

-[Ellis] Y'all okay? -[Shari] Hell fucking no.

-[Marjorie] The dagger, Alton! -[screams]

Shit.

Yeah, yeah!

[Marjorie] No! [screams]

[Alton] No, my love!

Yeah!

[dark suspenseful music builds]

[growling]

This is it.

Your whole life has led to this single moment.

You have a choice to make, Terrance.

Turn your friends' souls over to me, and I'll cure you.

And you can live the rest of your life in freedom

that they've all had and wasted.

Or sacrifice yourself to me

and join me in the eternal damnation.

The choice is yours, Terrance.

Yourself or your friends.

What will you do?

[suspenseful tense music playing]

I'm like... Misericorde. [laughs]

[Ron] Glowing and everything, ain't he?

[everyone] T, no!

[all groan]

[silence]

[Ellis] I mean, yeah, it's not the beach,

but it's definitely still a nice spot, right?

I got us a good rate.

I'm telling you, we can turn this thing

into something real nice with all the money we got.

I can't believe that crusty-rusty old mansion shit

is actually worth so much, right? [chuckles]

T was low-key a genius for breaking into that spot, I mean.

Yeah, you probably right.

He was blessing in disguise, huh?

-Mm-hmm. -[chuckles]

-When crime pays. -Crime pays.

-Yeah. -[both laugh]

You know, that's why we gotta run it back.

That's why we doing this, right, so we can make more money.

But it doesn't feel exactly right doing this

without T being here to celebrate this with us.

[clicks tongue, sighs]

But think about how much money we get if we sell this.

Maybe we should hold onto it.

[eerie sting]

Yeah.

Yeah, come on, put it...

Yeah, we not selling this.

-Yeah. -You wanna, um,

help me, uh, set up this office?

I got a lot of stuff in there.

I just need help setting up, I think.

We're just gonna...

No, I know what y'all doing.

Do y'all think I'm stupid? Y'all ain't about to be in there setting up nothing.

-Yeah, we gonna set it up. -You're holding hands.

You making the fuck...

Don't be fucking in there, okay?

This is a place of work!

Hi, Ron.

Joanna, what are you doing here?

Listen, I know things are not the best between us right now,

but I heard about T, so I just wanted to check in on you

'cause it sounds like you've been through a lot.

[sighs]

Yeah, you are right, I have been through a lot,

and thank you for checking in on me.

I appreciate that. [chuckles]

But I've been good, you know?

I've been really strong, and honestly, I credit that to you.

Yeah, yeah, for real, like you put me through a lot of bullshit.

Because of that bullshit, I'm a stronger person.

You know we both made mistakes, right?

Nah, nah, I mean, I didn't... I didn't do a lot.

I was really just committed to you.

You... you had a half-naked man in our kitchen.

-He was the handyman. -He was no goddamn handyman.

You know well he was no handyman, but...

but I'm not petty like that.

I've moved on because I've forgiven you.

I forgive you.

That's what I came here for to say I'm willing to forgive you

if you are willing to forgive me.

Cool, it's crazy to forgive people for shit they didn't do.

But it's all good, you know something, this is a good time,

especially when forgiveness is in play, to start over.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

Well, I loved it, I love the idea of starting over.

[smacks lips]

But without you.

Wha... what do you mean?

I mean I don't wanna...

Just me starting over alone.

Okay, Ron.

Good luck, I'm proud of you.

Proud of you too.

[scoffs]

That's right, okay, well, take care.

[sighs]

[exhales deeply]

[T] Fuck Joanna, plenty bad bitches out here.

T, is that you?

[T] Let's find out.

[laughs sinisterly]

[eerie music playing]

["Multiply" by One Shadow playing]

[unsettling music playing]

Yes, my Lord.

They have the blade.

They belong to you now.

Yeah. [laughs]

[Clauneck] You will be rewarded, Ratface George.

[Ratface George] It's George.

It's just George! Damn!

["Haunted Heist Theme Song" by One Shadow playing]