Original subtitles

Bye.

. .

with a hop skip and a one o'clock jump we wind up another saturday session but

before we put the hepcat out for the night i want to thank our guest stars

miss constance shaw and as i was saying miss constance shaw mr larry west

for their appearance this evening connie and larry were really digging with the

dignified dialogue tonight folks i'm letting in on a little secret the scene

that connie and larry played for us early in the program is from the revival

of Dixie Lou, that romantic musical saga of the old South in which they are co

-starring at the Martinique Theater.

You really shouldn't have mentioned Dixie Lou, Jimmy, but thanks just the

same. Yes, thanks, Jimmy. But what we do want to plug is our USO benefit party

next Wednesday at the Park Savoy. Please come.

Music by Jimmy Dorsey.

Dances by Connie Shaw.

But remember, folks, bring your own coffee.

Did you pack my duds? Did you put my boots away?

I got a call from Uncle Sam and I gotta leave today.

So long, Sarah Jane.

If some cowboy should invite you down the lane, take my faithful pony band,

cause I always taught them when to whoa, whoa, giddyap, whoa, giddyap, giddyap,

whoa.

So long.

girl of mine if some old hand tries to hand you some new line

though my horse knows what to do i must still depend on you to whoa

giddyap whoa giddyap giddyap whoa if they corner you in

some corral and they rope you i hope you remember you're my gal

solo

I must leave you with the prairie and the plain.

Just be careful as can be and save all your love for me till I giddyap,

giddyap, giddyap, giddyap, giddyap home.

If they corner you in some crowd and they rope you, I

hope you... Remember you're my gal. So long, so long, little Sarah Jane.

I must leave you with the prairie and the wide open plain.

Don't be staying out too late.

Don't open up that gate till I get here.

so so

For the picky old sum of $5, you may buy a kiss from the most beguiling lips west

of the moon or east of Broadway.

A kiss from the lips of Miss Constance Shaw, the charming star of Dixie Lou.

Buy your tickets from the young lady. Dixie Lou, gentlemen, which incidentally

I am currently producing at the Martinique Theatre.

Matinees Thursday and Saturday.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!

Step forward, Miss Constance, and show the gentlemen what a bargain they're

getting. Line forms on the right, young man. Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

Hey, what goes?

Oh, have a heart, fella. You sailors get all this you want for nothing.

On your way.

Ticket, please, ticket.

Thank you.

Miss Seawolf. Hey, get it back in the line. All right, ticket, please.

Hey, hey, young man, no crashing the gates of paradise.

What do you mean?

In the vernacular, your ticket, please.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What's this?

Well, that's for coffee. We're selling sugar.

Step aside now. Make room for the cash and carry cash over us, thank you.

Is the marathon over, Ken? Yes, that's all.

Oh, Larry, you don't actually believe that gossip about your being engaged to

Connie? Afraid I do. She's wearing my ring.

Be reasonable, my dear.

Larry's crazy about you, you know that.

All he's trying to do is to get some of her money to back our... Just wait till

I get my hands on that Park Avenue she-wolf.

This is Connie.

Connie!

Connie! Connie!

Be nice to Miss Brenton.

Remember, there comes a time in every producer's life when he can use seven

million dollars.

I could be nice to a cobra with less wear and tear.

Now, Connie.

Connie.

Connie. Ah, Miss Brenton, I'll wait till your ears are burning.

Miss Shaw's been saying the nicest things about you.

I can imagine.

If you girls have anything to say to each other, I wish you wouldn't say it.

Oh, uh, how were the kissing receipts? Not too disappointing, I hope.

Oh, they were all right, considering I was up against professional competition.

Oh, Constance.

Oh, Miss Shaw.

I found it. I found it. Well, congratulations, young man. Just what is

it you found?

My ticket to paradise.

Oh, to coin a phrase, you missed the bus.

Oh, a customer with a complaint already?

Oh, no, ma'am. I'm not complaining. I just wanted my kiss, that's all.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, Connie.

That's taking money under false pretenses.

Any complaints now?

You see?

Hold my hat, Kenneth.

Say when, partner.

Now we'll talk. Can't you talk a little softer? Joe, isn't it bad enough you

wear the customer's clothes? Do you have to ruin them too?

What am I going to tell the guy in 602? He's been calling for a suit all

afternoon. Well, I'm cleaning the... Joe, this is a valet service. You're

supposed to clean clothes, not sabotage them.

You've been chasing that actress again, haven't you? No, no, no, don't, don't,

Ed, don't. She kissed me. She kissed you? Honest, she did.

Oh, gee, I feel like a cat even talking about it, but she kissed me.

Right in the USO bazaar. Joe, that wasn't a kiss, that was a war effort.

Now, look, let's sit down.

Let's have a heart-to-heart talk, just the two of us.

Joe, I had high hopes for you.

You were the best accordion pleader in the business.

You had a great future.

I was even going to take you in as a junior partner with that $700 you had

saved up. $300?

What happened to the other four?

Well, you can't be a man about town on peanuts, you know. That's what I mean!

That's what I mean!

Instead of buying into a sweet proposition like this, a regular gold

mine. What do you do?

What do you do?

You toss your door away on a gold digger. I know.

Now, wait a minute.

Take it easy, Ed.

You may be my boss, but if you make one more crack about Miss Shaw, it's friend

against friend.

Get to work on that rag pile.

And do this one first.

The guy in the orchid suite's gotta have it by 7 o'clock. Okay. I'm sorry I lost

my temper. I'm sorry I lost my temper.

Joe.

If what's running through my mind is running through yours, I swear I'll whip

you to an inch of your life.

You could do it, too.

If I do, I get a whipping.

Boy, that Jimmy Dorsey's really got a band, hasn't he?

Yeah. Oh, boy, what a brass section. What arrangements.

Hey, did you ever hear his brother Tommy? Oh, sure.

Too many fiddles, though.

There's a guy that's solid murder. Yeah, I like Bob Hope, too. Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

So, you finally got here.

Tally-ho, what are you made up for? Duck hunting?

I thought we were going to the opera.

A tailor.

He didn't bring my tails back, but he promised faithfully that... Alice, if

anything happens to that suit... You'll get another one from the insurance

company. Oh, no, no, not like that one. Not with those lapels.

I brought those lapels all the way from Bond Street, London. You remember the

trouble. Yes, Alfred, I remember, and you had the whole suit built around

them. Wait till I get my hands on that tailor.

Yes, Alfred, but can't we eat first?

Oh, filet mignon, a la stroganoff.

That's an appell.

What do you expect him to have on? A ruffle?

Mr. West's table, please. Mr. West?

Follow me, please.

Hello, Connie.

I've got a surprise for you. I just ran into Soretta. She's joining us for

dinner.

Oh, how nice. You'll have company.

You know, I'd completely forgotten I had another engagement. You will forgive me,

won't you?

Hello, darling.

How are you, dear?

Gee, Monsieur.

I'm so sorry I kept you waiting.

Look, would you mind terribly sharing your table with me?

Oh, gee, I'd be honored.

Thank you. Sit down, please.

Gosh, I never dreamed I'd ever be sitting at the same table with Miss

Connie Shaw.

Oh, please be careful.

You'll ruin your suit.

Oh, think nothing of it.

There's plenty more where this came from.

My, what beautiful lapels. Shh.

Gee, I'll bet every man in this room envies me.

Well, here's to the three of us.

Mighty dry wine, isn't it?

You know what they're playing, Miss Shaw?

Star Eyes.

That's you.

You've got stars in your eyes.

What? Well, they're sort of shooting stars tonight.

Excuse me. Have you got a match?

Why, certainly. I mean, you come here often?

Oh, now and then.

I'm a stranger in town myself.

Well, aren't we all?

I sort of like a touch of nightlife, though. Yes, it keeps us out of the

rain. Don't you think so?

Oh, could be.

Let's see here.

May I ask you a personal question?

Why, certainly, any time.

Miss Shaw, would you dance with me? This is an emergency.

Of course, I owe you an emergency.

Oh.

Gee, you dance divinely.

Well, won't you join me?

What is the matter?

Gee, I guess it's my feet.

Well, what's wrong with them? Well, all of a sudden they feel like feet.

Your front row, Mr.

Mann hasn't shown up yet.

Really?

No, he hasn't. Good heavens, how can the show go on without him? Here he comes

now.

Hello, Gracie.

Nice house tonight.

Think we'll hit the 18,000 mark this week? With you here every night, we

can't miss.

There's a nice theater party over there.

Got a nice hunk of carriage freight in my section, too.

Say, why am I showing you to your seat anyway?

Bye.

Hello there, Ruthie. Hello.

Patched things up to your boyfriend? I did.

Howdy, fellas.

Don't get up. I can jump it.

Well, sir, how do you like the show?

How should I know? I haven't seen it yet. Oh, stranger in the theater, huh?

Well, this is my 65th performance tonight.

Doubtless you will be awarded a suitable trophy.

Yeah.

Oh, could I borrow your program a second?

You got a pencil, sir?

Thank you.

Floorbell Keith has been out of the course ever since last Wednesday. I

thought I'd give you the new lineup.

Boy, what a balcony. $200 better than last night. Shh!

Lights.

Music.

Hey, did you get a haircut?

Say, Jim, has Hartwood showed up yet? No, I haven't seen him yet, Pete. Is he

in the theater? Well, he checked in, but he isn't in his room. What's the matter

with that guy?

Roy Hartwood!

Roy Hartwood!

Roy Hartwood!

Roy Hartwood!

Roy Hartwood! Roy Hartwood!

What have you got down that cellar anyway? How did you know? I'm writing my

memoirs and I need quiet.

The next time I have to call you about being late, it'll be through equity. All

right, all right.

Hello, Brinker.

Practicing to be a spy?

How's it going?

Oh, not bad, considering there's a 10-foot cellar wall to tunnel through.

I'm getting sandhog hands.

Say, what's in that warehouse next door, anyway?

Lend-lease munitions.

And our orders are they've got to explode on this side of the Atlantic.

And here's the baby that will do the trick.

You don't seem to be very much impressed.

That's the latest thing in capsule destruction.

Just make your hook up to this.

And then arrange to be out of the neighborhood when it explodes.

When will you be ready? By Sunday. Good.

Hey, I'm blowing myself right out of a good job. Monday I'll be an unemployed

actor. That's right.

Well, maybe I can induce some architect to build a theater next to the war

office.

Five minutes, Hartman. Will you be ready?

I'll be ready.

The show must go on.

Mr. Paul's a-comin'. Oh, but he mustn't.

Where did you see him? Cuttin' across the swamp, down near Curlfeather Creek.

Oh, what'll we do, Uncle Zig?

Oh, we've got the heavy war.

The Union forces will be here any minute.

Oh, the Union forces will be here any minute. They're at the Whitford

plantation already.

Lou.

Oh, Paul.

Darling. I know every line in this show.

Oh, my dear, it's funny.

Why did you come? Don't worry about me, Lou.

I got through their lines and I'll get back.

There are a few things I could teach our northern visitors about the geography of

Georgia.

Yeah, he did that much better last night. You're hurt, Paul.

You've got to hide, Paul.

You're in danger.

Don't worry about me, Lou. I'll hide out in back of Whitford still tonight.

They never get him. Stay here, Paul.

You're in no condition to travel like this.

Mammy. Yes?

Mammy. Yes?

Hide him in the house, quickly. Oh, yes.

Come here.

Hey, you missed the best part. She's hiding her lover in the house. Is that

so?

Detail dismissed.

Corporal Randy, stand by.

He gets killed in the third act.

Captain Robert Allen of the New York Regulars. That's your service, miss.

Bob Allen.

You took a war to put me on your visiting list again, Miss Raleigh.

If you're visiting, I'd much prefer you pay your social calls someplace else,

Captain Allen.

Unfortunately, this is not a social call.

A southern officer has made his way through our lines.

You don't happen to know where Captain Paul Mercer is at the moment?

Why, I... Certainly not.

I haven't seen Paul since he left to join his regiment a year ago.

Rather peculiar kind of bleeding hearts you grow here in Georgia.

And with real blood on them.

I must have pricked my finger when I was cutting my roses.

Even in wartime, we southern girls like to wear a few roses now and then.

And very becoming, too.

Is this also a new style for Southern Belle?

Where is he?

I don't know.

I won't tell you. Miss Raleigh, plantations have been burned to the

ground for less than this.

That won't be necessary, sir.

Oh, Paul.

Captain Mercer, I place you under arrest.

Then I demand that you place me under arrest, too.

I want to stay with Paul.

I'm afraid you wouldn't have much time to spend with him.

What are you going to do?

Spies found behind enemy lines are usually shot. It's an old northern

custom. Oh, darling.

Captain Mercer, have you any final request before we attend to the details?

Nearly that you select some adequate marksmen. The ones I've encountered in

your army, sir, couldn't hit the Raleigh stables at 20 paces.

The firing squad will blast that arrogance out of you.

Take him away, Corporal Randy.

Wait.

Oh, Bob.

I'm only a woman, and I don't understand the ways of war.

A year ago, Paul was your friend.

You two drank together, you laughed together, you rode together.

And now you order him shut down like a dog.

There's no friendship in war, Miss Raleigh, and only one winner.

Stand over there, Lou, among the roses.

That's the way I want to remember you.

What are we waiting for, corporal?

He'll only die once.

I'll die a thousand times.

What a little fool you are, squandering your tears on a worthless rebel, wasting

your loyalty on a hopeless cause.

I'm the biggest fool of all.

Because I love you, Lou.

I've retaken the town!

Captain Robert Allen, your sword, sir. I demand your surrender in the name of the

First Savannah Volunteers and the Commonwealth of Georgia.

Come in.

Connie. Good evening, Connie.

A lovely performance tonight, my dear.

Connie, I wonder if I could borrow the script of our next play.

I'd like to have Soretta read it.

Of course.

There you are, Soretta. I think you'll find it quite interesting.

Admiring my bracelet?

It's lovely, isn't it? Like it?

Why, yes, I've always... I've always liked rubies.

It was made especially for me.

That's funny.

I thought I saw it for sale at Carlton's.

Well, that certainly isn't what Larry told me.

Come on, come on, Siretta. We'd better go.

Uh-oh, here it comes.

Now, Connie.

Connie, there's nothing to get excited about, my dear.

Now, Connie, Connie, remember what the doctor said.

Annette. Shall I get you one of your sleeping pills, Miss Carnie?

Carnie, please. Please, Carnie. Control yourself, Carnie. Control yourself.

Carnie.

I'm busy.

Carnie, dear.

Michelle, may I present these flushing flowers?

Say, you like me a lot, don't you?

Oh, Michelle, I'm so crazy about you, I'm crazy.

Well, I'm going to give you a chance to prove it.

Star eyes, that to me is what your eyes are.

Soft as stars in April skies are.

Tell me someday you'll fulfill the promise of a thrill.

Star eyes, flashing eyes in which my hopes rise.

Let me prove that it adores that loveliness of

yours. All my life I felt content to

stargaze at the skies.

Now I only want to melt the stardust

in your eyes.

When, if ever, will my lips know if it's me for whom those eyes

glow? Makes no difference where you are.

Your eyes still hold my wishing star.

Oh, star eyes.

Star eyes, that's the way you make my eyes shine.

When those lips of yours caress mine, just to have you by my side

would leave me starry-eyed.

Oh, star eyes, lonely eyes you put a dream in, eyes

that only you're supreme in.

Sparkle as they do, though the stars aren't real, I know they

show how much I care.

Tell me how it makes you feel to know you put them there.

Star eyes, when if ever will your heart know that

it's you for whom the...

kiss me and wish on a star

like

i was saying though it's not as if though i didn't have a future ed that's

my boss has promised me a partnership he says that place will be a regular gold

mine have you got something on your mind i heard what you said you have a gold

mine how nice oh no i didn't mean it exactly that way you see I press men's

pants, but this is the slack season.

I didn't mean I really had a gold mine.

Well, I may as well face her now.

Suretta, are you sure those were your last words about Connie being out of the

show? Yes.

In fact, those were my first words.

Well, well, my old sweet Connie again.

Sunshine after the storm, eh?

You're positively radiant, my dear. Oh, I feel radiant, darling.

If you can get rid of this stage door character, I'd like to talk to you. Get

rid of him? How can I, Kenny? I just married him.

Didn't I, dear? Yes, ma'am.

Mr. Lawler, meet my husband.

How do you... What?

You married him?

Yeah, I married her, too.

Here's the Murray's license. Isn't it marvelous what you can get for two bucks

nowadays?

You don't even know him.

Well, don't you think marriage ought to fix that up?

Look here, Connie, who is he? What does he do?

Except change his clothes.

Oh, he doesn't have to do anything.

He owns gold mines or something.

Gold mines?

Well, well.

So you're in gold mines, eh?

Congratulations, mister... Reynolds.

Joseph Reynolds.

You know, as a matter of fact, Mr. Reynolds, I have a gold mine myself.

You have? Right here on 42nd Street, the Martinique Theater.

Oh. You know, something tells me that your gold mine and my gold mine ought to

get together.

Look, you know what beautiful picture comes to my mind?

A theater marquee, flashing electric lights. I can see it now.

Kenneth Lawler and Joseph Reynolds present.

Say, would it cost too much to make that Joseph Rillington Reynolds? I'd like to

park my name in the middle. Why, of course not. Of course not.

Oh, but this is no place to talk business.

Why don't we meet tomorrow morning? Stay in your hotel suite, 11 o'clock.

Well, at 11... Hotel suite?

Well, at 11 o'clock, I have a few things to iron out.

Oh, hello, sir. Hello, Connie.

Well, did you break the news to Miss Shaw?

Oh, I never had a chance to. She scooped me.

Hold on to your hats, folks. I want you to meet Mr.

and Mrs.

Joseph Rivington Reynolds.

Connie, what did you do that for?

Mr. Reynolds owns a gold mine.

How sweet.

A love match.

Yes, Serena. He just swept me off my feet.

Goodbye, Mr. Reynolds.

Sometime I'd like to know more about that fabulous gold mine of yours.

So would I.

There you are, my dear.

Thank you. Mr. Reynolds.

There.

Here's to the bride and groom.

Yep. Bottoms up.

Heads or tails? Tails.

Heads, I win.

What's that for? I was just tossing to see who gets the first chance to murder

Mr. Joseph Rivington Reynolds.

But don't you worry about your dress suit, Mr. Spellman. The Parks and Void

Valley Service stands behind every stolen garment.

Pardon me, Mr. Reynolds?

Yes. There are two gentlemen waiting outside to see you, sir.

Never a quiet moment for you tycoons. You folks will excuse me?

Right over there, sir. Thanks.

Sugar. Lemon.

Juice. Fork.

Fork. Fork. Squeeze.

Fork. Fork.

Juice. Drop.

Quattro. Quattro.

Addie on. Oui, monsieur.

Oh.

Ketchup. Ketchup.

Horseradish. Horseradish.

Water. All that.

Sugar. Sugar.

Wine.

Glass. Egg.

Shell.

Pigeons.

Carry on.

Put my hat in cold, please.

Here you are, sir. Oh, thank you, ma'am.

I wonder what's keeping him.

I hope nothing's happened to him. Oh, don't worry about your 11 o'clock date,

Ken. I'm sure he'll be there.

Ah, here he is.

I'm sorry if I kept you waiting.

Well, sir, thank you very much for a ducky evening. I guess we'll waddle

along now.

Well, cheerio, chum.

Good night, Ken. Good night, Connie.

Hey, Charlie, come here, will you?

Take my luggage up to the bridal suite, would you?

Bridal suite?

What's the matter with you, Joe? Have you been drinking cleaning fluid? No,

this is on the level. You can check with the desk. It's all bought and paid for.

Here, bring me a bottle of champagne, too, will you? With a lot of ice.

Okay.

Hello? Who?

Mrs. Reynolds?

You must have the wrong room.

Oh, wait a minute.

I'm Mrs. Reynolds.

Oh, yes, of course, Larry. I didn't realize who was calling at such a late

hour.

Look, honey, we've been together three years now, on the stage and off. I know

I've broken some of the rules, but I didn't mean for you to get hurt this

way. What makes you think I'm hurt?

I'm really very happy.

Joseph is crazy about me, and he's planning a wonderful honeymoon in the...

South America.

South America? Well, how about our next show?

Oh, so that's what's in your mind.

Well, I'm afraid you'll have to discuss that with Soretta.

After all, I don't think you realize this is my wedding night.

I realize it's your wedding night, all right.

Do you?

Oh, gee, it was nice of you to meet me.

Well...

Miss Shaw?

This is a moment I've often stayed awake dreaming about

Me carrying my wife you

across our threshold

Isn't this where I get off?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, here we are.

Yes, aren't we though?

We certainly are.

No, what I'm trying to say is... Well, here we are.

Look, there's something I want. Oh, that must be the champagne I ordered.

I thought we might want to celebrate later.

Oh, thanks, Charlie.

Are you ready, Mrs. Reynolds?

Oh, I hope you don't mind me calling you Mrs. Reynolds, Miss Shaw.

I'll be right in, Mr. Reynolds.

Don't you think it would be more romantic with just the lamp?

Oh, one for you.

Well,

pleasant dreams.

Yep.

It tickles.

Gee, that was good. I feel a little dizzy already.

Really?

Well, I guess it affects different people different ways.

Don't you find it makes you awfully sleepy, too?

Oh, not especially. In fact, I feel wide awake.

Oh,

come to think of it, I am a little sleepy. Oh, that's fine.

Now, just sit back here and relax. There you are. Come on, relax.

That's it.

Feel comfy?

Oh, well, I won't. Now, please, just go to sleep.

Let those tired muscles unravel.

You know, I purposely got this room on the 12th floor so the streetcars

wouldn't keep us awake. Oh, Joseph, you're not trying to relax.

Please.

Bunny, you're a little sleepy myself.

Why don't you stay here tonight? I mean, would you like some more champagne?

Shh.

You know, I never thought I'd be crowzing around in a hotel suite,

drinking wine and cutting up like this.

I hope you don't think I'm a wolf, Michelle.

You don't really, do you, Michelle?

Michelle?

Michelle?

Michelle?

Michelle?

Michelle?

Michelle?

Good heavens, what happened? Oh, gee.

I guess I must have dozed off.

Dozed off?

You're quite a heavy dozer, aren't you?

You'll be all right.

We'll get you over in this.

Michelle.

Michelle. Michelle.

Wake up, Michelle.

Michelle.

Here, Michelle.

Here you are, Michelle.

Oh, Miss Shaw.

Miss Shaw, could I have my hand, please?

my foot.

Just be patient, Miss Shaw.

Miss Shaw!

Michelle, morning.

Good morning.

I'm so sorry I frightened you.

Oh, that's all right. I probably frightened you, too.

After all, it's the first time you've ever married me.

Oh, yes. I remember that now.

Well, I guess I better get out of my wedding dress.

By the way, don't forget you have an appointment at 11 o'clock.

I had one at 7, too.

Hello, give me the valet service, please.

Park Savoy, valet service. Good morning.

Hello, Ed.

This is Joe.

Oh, hello, Joe.

Having a nice holiday?

I miss you, Joe.

Battling Burke misses you.

Yeah, the gray flannel in room 806 misses you, too.

Well, I'm in the hotel here.

Oh, you're in the hotel?

Where?

You're going to tell me when I cool off.

Well, let me tell you something. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to rip up

your seams or quarry and pleat your face.

And then I'm going to fold you into the steam machine and press you.

Look, I'll call you back later when you feel better.

Come back here.

Come back here.

Oh, Joe.

Yes. Would you mind calling the valet service and have them pick this up? Oh,

sure.

Valet service.

Well, if it's all the same, I could just press it out up here.

Now, don't tell me you can cook, too.

Good morning, good morning.

Well, well, the bridegroom up and doing already, eh?

You're looking wonderful, my boy, wonderful.

Well, Mr. Reynolds, on your way to the cleaners?

I hope you don't mind Saretta and me coming along, too. You see, Saretta's

just come through with a magnificent offer.

Yes, sir, she's offered to put up as much money as you, Mr. Reynolds, dollar

for dollar.

Isn't that marvelous?

Why, my boy, with that kind of backing, we won't have much to worry about.

With that kind of backing, you won't have anything to worry about.

Good morning.

Well, there's the little lovebird.

Good morning, Connie.

Is there a phone inside I can use? Certainly. Help yourself.

Hello. Valid service, please.

Now, here. Here are the figures covering the entire cost of production, all

carefully budgeted. I think you'll find everything in order.

I don't know anything about that stuff. Well, dear, can't you just give Mr.

Lawler your opinion?

I won't do that.

Costumes, $25,000.

Yeah.

Scenery, $12,000.

Equity bond, $10,000.

Well, that's all right for an equity bond, I guess.

What's this?

$350 a week for cleaning and pressing?

Boy, is there something wrong?

Something wrong?

I could do the cleaning and pressing for three shows for that kind of money. Even

if all the dresses had tucking and pleating.

Tucking and pleating?

What an amusing hobby for a gold miner.

Kenneth, it couldn't be you were doing a little padding.

Look, folks, I don't know anything about show business, except watching Miss Shaw

out front for seven weeks.

But if I was putting on a new show for Miss Shaw, I mean, a new show for Miss

Shaw, well, I'd, uh... Well, I've always liked boats.

I'd open on a big white battleship with guns. They'd be white, too.

Then the spotlight swings to the top of the starboard and reveals Miss Shaw.

And she comes floating down to the main floor on a big, beautiful white cloud.

And she does a dance on the guns, and then for a finish, they fire broadside.

Boom! Boom! That's right. Then there's another beautiful white cloud. There's a

beautiful white cloud that's leaving in three minutes for the tailor shop in the

basement, and you better be on it.

Look, my good man, you'll find the things to be cleaned over on that chair.

Oh, I will, huh?

Well, what about the suit you got on? Do I take it off here, or will you come

quietly? Oh, look, Ed, you don't understand.

These are all my friends, and this is Michelle, my wife.

Your wife? Oh, why, of course.

Who is this man, and what does he want?

I'll tell you who I am. I'm Ed Jackson. I run the valley service downstairs, and

this guy presses pants for me. What?

What? What?

I tried to tell you, Miss Shaw.

Well, supposing he is a pants presser.

What about it?

What about it?

When people find out that you're married to a pants presser, you'll be laughed

out of show business.

Wait a minute.

Then this wedding is on the level.

Yes, they were married last night.

Well, what am I so surprised about?

My pants presser borrows a suit, meets a stage star, they exchange three words,

and they get married. It happens every day.

This is a fine mess.

Now what are we going to do?

Of course, you'll have to go to Reno at once. Yes, in disguise.

Look, don't worry, Miss Shaw. I won't cause you any trouble.

I want you to know it was nice being married to you, even if it didn't take.

Well, Connie, next time you put on an act, I hope you have a longer run.

Look, bub.

As much as I hate touching ham on a meatless Tuesday, I gotta do this.

So I...

Beg your pardon, I thought this was the bridal suite.

All right, that's all.

Go on back to Camp Estrano or wherever you live.

Go on, that's all there is on the blue plate.

Tomorrow you can find another pigeon to feed you.

Why, Mr. Reynolds, we hardly recognized you.

Oh, well,

my suit may not be very zoot, but it's all mine.

Won't you sit down?

Hey, what is this?

French poodle.

Free French.

I'm sorry, Mr. Reynolds.

I mean about the way things ended. Yeah, before they even began.

But Miss Connie hasn't anything against you. Even if she did marry you the way

she did, it's something bigger than either you or she.

It's Broadway.

Well, there's no room and lights for my name, even in a dim out. I know how you

feel, Mr. Reynolds.

I had a tragic romance in my life, too.

What did you take for it? I mean, what did you take for it? A large dose of

forgetfulness. He was an actor, a strolling minstrel.

He just strolled right in and strolled right out.

Well, the only difference between you and me is that you still get to see Miss

Shaw every night.

Where are you going now, Mr. Reynolds?

I don't know.

Out to get a dose of that forgetfulness I get.

That's the way I want to remember you.

Among the roses.

Feel those tired muscles unravel.

Oh.

Thank you.

Come on, get out of the...

You

hear me? You're fired. I never want to see you again. Look, Ed, I'm dead. Sure

you're dead, from the neck up. No, you don't understand.

I turned on the gas. Ah, that thing has been turned off since five o'clock.

How do you like that?

I'm even a failure at killing myself.

It wasn't bad enough that you were wearing the customer's clothes. You had

to go ahead and marry a customer. She threw me out.

She did, huh? She's smart.

They're smart people.

I should have thrown you out months ago.

Yeah, they're smart, all right.

What business has a pants presser got being married to a big Broadway star

like Miss Shaw?

Finally, you're making sense.

That's what I've been telling you for months.

Where do you, a pants presser, come off to marry a big star like Connie Shaw?

It's ridiculous. It's a marriage that was...

Wait a minute.

What's wrong with a pants presser?

Why shouldn't a pants presser marry a star like Connie Shaw?

I'm a pants presser myself. My father was one before me.

Some of the greatest men in history started out as pants pressers. Who?

Who? Well, there was... Oh, what's that got to do with it? Is there anything

wrong with you? You're tall, you're handsome, you're healthy.

Don't, Ed, I'm getting... Why, any girl would be glad to get a guy like you.

Any girl would be glad. Why, they can't do this to me. It's an insult to me and

the entire membership of Presser's Local 675.

I'm going to see to it. Come on.

Where am I going? You're going up to the Martinique Theater. You're going to bust

past the stage doorman.

You're going to barge into your wife's dressing room. You're going to sit her

down. And you're going to say, Constance Shaw, come home.

I'll show you who presses the pants in this family.

Now, you got a beautiful suit of clothes on and you know exactly what to do.

Don't be a weakling. Make me proud of you. Go.

Show them the kind of cloth you cut out of. Get in there and pitch. Okay, Ed.

Next time you see Mr.

Spelman's suit, there'll be an armful of Miss Connie Shaw in it. Now you're

talking. Go on. Throw yourself into it.

Just going up to see the wife. Okay.

Oh, no, you don't, Reynolds.

Mr. Wallace, if anyone lets you in this house, it ain't working here anymore.

Well, I only want... Just a minute.

Who do you want to see?

I'm Hazel Scott.

We're here for the audition.

Oh, Miss Scott. Yes, they're waiting for you. Go right in.

Now, if you know what's good for you, Reynolds, you...

I'm not much good at promoting, gentlemen, so this audition will have to

do the talking for me.

But with Lena Horne and Hazel Scott in a new review, why, you've got a surefire

hit before you can even reach for your checkbook.

I wonder what's keeping them, Tim.

Yes, I wonder. We have to open the house in 20 minutes for the evening

performance. Oh, here they are.

Hello, Hazel. Glad to see you. Promise to get you back to the pub in an hour,

so we'd better get going.

How's the piano, Hazel?

I guess it'll hold up.

is lena well it's about time i'm terribly sorry i just couldn't find a

taxi hello lena i'm so sorry that's all right lena ladies and gentlemen miss

lena horn now right over here lena that's it all right gene let's have

some light

Way, way back in the Bible days When they had no craze for jazz People

knew when they went to war What a kick the cornet had Walls of

Jericho began to cave in When the trumpet blew, the people gave in

Jericho, Jericho Was a jazzy old town

Jericho

Jericho liked her music low down.

We know she fought the foe till the trumpet blast.

Then Jericho, Jericho did surrender at last.

happy in Jericho with nothing to worry about.

way back there long ago.

They had nightclubs, gambling and drinking of gin.

Life there was mighty low.

One day the Lord got mighty tired of watching that miserable mob.

So he called out in a mighty voice and got Joshua on the job.

Joshua got an army of first class...

Do you give in? Do you give in? Do you give in?

You might as well because you're going to.

Now Joshua, by Joshua, you better keep away from Jericho.

You think you can wreck it, but you stand to wreck it, because we have a

wreck it. A great big, gigantic, tremendous, colossal, extremely large

big wall.

That's all, brother, that's all, that's all. And Joshua looked at the wall.

It was mighty, terrifically tall, that wall.

And Joshua said, well, boys, we's up against it. Yeah, Joshua.

Yeah, Joshua. We got to get this wall down.

Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. To fall down. Yuck, yuck, yuck,

yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.

But how we gonna do it?

How, Joshua? How, Joshua?

What to do? What to do?

How we gonna get this wall down?

No, no, that will never do the trick. We gotta do something and mighty quick.

Instruction I got my instruction get me

Throw yourself into it. I threw myself into it, but they threw me out. Joe, are

you a man or a mouse? I'm going to give you one more chance. Oh, I get it.

Either you beat me up or they do. Exactly.

I'm going to count to ten. One.

Hey, pardon me. How do I get out of here?

What do you think you're doing down here?

I sort of dropped in from up there. Well, you just drop out again, and next

time watch where you're going.

Okay, okay.

See you later, Kevin. I know. Give me a good show tonight.

Hello,

sweetheart.

Well, how do you feel?

Oh, I was just leaving, Mr. Hartwood. Oh, no, you don't.

And why are you following me? Who sent you?

I'm not following you.

Honest. All right, I'll come clean.

I'm listening. Well, I'm following Miss Shaw.

Of course, she won't even see me.

Oh, that's who you are. I didn't recognize you without an audience around

you. I've been playing your part for two months now.

From my seat, of course.

I know the whole play backwards.

Oh, you do?

Sure.

You don't mind, do you?

Miss Service you're at.

Regulars York knew thee of Alan Robert Captain.

What is this?

That's your opening speech in the first act.

Backwards.

Captain Robert Allen of the New York Regulars.

At your service, miss. Very good.

Note for you, Roy. Thanks.

You know, that's the part I like the best in the whole play.

Captain Robert Allen of the New York Regulars. At your service.

Hello, Brinker.

What's this note mean? You must be out of your mind. I can't finish the job

tonight. You said I'd have three more days.

Forget everything I've told you. Something's come up.

We've got to get out quick.

You'll have to work something out yourself, but see that it's done.

9 o'clock's the deadline.

I can't talk anymore right now. But who's going to cover for me? I haven't

got an understudy. They'll know something's up if I'm not on that stage.

Wait a minute, I've got an angle. How do I make my getaway?

We'll get word to you at the theater.

Now move.

Okay.

Hey, you.

Look, I'm in a hurry. This won't take long. It'll be all right.

You say you know the show backwards?

Sure. Miss Service Show. All right, all right, all right. All you've got to do

is remember my part frontwards. You're going on for me.

Oh, what?

Oh, now, wait a minute. Something came up, an emergency.

You're taking my place in the show in ten minutes. Oh, no, you ain't getting

me in front of all them people. Oh, sure, sure. You won't even know they're

there.

Especially when you get to kiss Shaw at the end of the first act.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Sure.

Come on.

Put on that crepe hair.

Crepe hair?

Oh, one more thing.

We don't want the switch to get out.

Oh, don't worry.

I got enough people following me now.

What am I doing?

Five minutes, Hartford. Will you be ready?

Yes, I'll be ready.

On stage.

On stage, please.

Bye.

What a little fool you are.

Squandering your tears on a worthless rebel.

Wasting your loyalty on a hopeless cause.

But I'm the biggest fool of all.

A submarine will pick you up off Gravesend at 11 o'clock.

Same light sickness as last time.

A submarine will pick you up off Gravesend at 11 o'clock because I love

you.

Hey, what's the idea of interrupting me? Can't you see I'm rehearsing?

I understand, Mr. Hartwell.

What a little fool you are.

Down near Cloverfield Creek.

Oh, what do you think?

A few things I could teach our northern visitors, but their geography is...

Oh, come on.

Stand by.

Come on, go on, scram.

Yes, miss.

Miss Service, you owe us that.

Regular Jacques knew of the...

I mean, Captain Robert Allen of the New York regulars. At your service, miss.

Joe.

Reynolds.

Bob Allen.

I just had to see you, Miss Shaw. You don't mind, do you?

It took a war to put me back on your visiting list again, Miss Rawley.

If you're visiting, I'd much prefer you pay your social calls someplace else,

Captain Allen.

It so happens this is not a social call.

One of your southern officers has broken through our lines.

You don't happen to know where Captain Paul Mercer is, do you, Miss Rowley?

Certainly not.

I haven't seen Paul since he left to join his regiment a year ago.

A peculiar type of blood you have here in bleeding hearts.

What's the matter with him? I don't know.

Do you know who that is? No. That's that Reynolds guy.

Reynolds guy? Yeah.

Miss Rowley, plantations have been burned for less than this.

Oh, Paul.

Captain Mercer, I place you under arrest.

Then I demand that you place me under arrest, too.

I want to stay with Paul.

I'm afraid you won't have much time to spend with him.

What are you going to do?

Spies caught behind enemy lines are usually shot. It's an old northern

custom. Oh, Paul, darling.

Captain Mercer, have you any final request?

Captain Mercer, have you any final request before we attend to, uh,

details?

Merely that you select some adequate marksmen. The ones I've encountered in

your army, sir, couldn't hit the Raleigh stables at 20 paces.

Couldn't hit the Raleigh stables at 20 paces.

Why, sir?

Shoot him. They'll think he's part of the show.

The blasting squad will fire that arrogance out of you, sir.

Corporal Randy.

Take him away.

Wait.

Oh, Bob, I'm only a woman, and I don't understand the ways of war.

But a year ago, Paul was your friend.

You two drank together.

You laughed together.

You rode together.

And now you order him shut down like a dog.

Will you get off this stage?

What, and run the show?

There's no friendship in war, Miss Raleigh.

And there can only be one winner.

Oh, Paul.

Stand over there, Lou.

Among the roses.

That's the way I want to remember you.

Come on, I want to talk to you.

What are you waiting for, Corporal?

He'll only die once.

I'll die a thousand times.

Oh, what a little fool you are.

Squandering your tears on a worthless rebel.

Wasting your loyalty on a hopeless cause.

I'm the biggest fool of all.

Submarine will pick me up off of Gravesend at 11 o'clock.

Because I love you.

Submarine.

Gravesend.

Hey, that guy Hartwood's a saboteur.

That's why he had me to come on in his place.

Kiss me, you idiot.

He's downstairs now. I saw him. He's tumbling. He's gonna blow up the

warehouse next door.

Yeah, that's it.

Read down that good? Gentlemen, my sword.

Howdy, Mr. Hartwood.

Hey, wait a minute. You're the guy I met.

Oh, no, you don't.

You're not blowing up any warehouses tonight.

There's nothing you can do about it.

Stop it!

Stop it!

I'll give it more in the theater.

I'll get that Reynolds and the six-month siege.

There he goes!

Come on!

Quick,

line this set!

No, Ken, don't do that!

Please!

I think he knows what he's doing.

Anyway, I'm going to find out.

Now, saboteur.

Oh, my God.

Listen, you fool, there's a bomb down here. I'll set the blow at 9.30.

We've got about three minutes to get out of here. A bomb?

I'll give you three seconds to tell me where it is. You idiot will be blown to

bits. Where's that bomb?

All right, now, where is it?

Hartwood. Oh, now what have I done?

Speak to me.

Where is it? Speak to me.

Where is it?

Where's that bomb? Where is it? Snap out of it. What do you mean?

Where is it? Are you all right, Joe?

Connie, you've got to get out of here. What is it? It's a bomb. It's going to

blow up at 9.30.

9.30? It's almost that now.

Oh, no.

What's it look like?

Looks like a rabbit. What, you mean the bomb? I don't know. I wish I knew.

Look honey, you gotta get out of here. Then I'll never ask you to leave me

again. I'm not gonna leave you Joe

Where's

that bomb wake up and tell me don't be still frozen But Connie I'm still your

husband you're gonna take orders from me now get out of here

No matter what happens, I want you to know I really love you.

Now she tells me.

I think I found him.

What do I do with it?

Oh, don't!

Don't!

Connie,

my dear, I'm awfully sorry.

You ought to be. Yes, well, it's bad judgment on my part, I admit it. Are you

all right, Joe?

I'm all right, yes. These gentlemen from headquarters, this Mr. Reynolds, boys.

Set for 9.30.

Nice going, fella.

What do you think of my Joe now?

If you never had a gold mine, Joe, you've got one now. There's a big reward

coming to you, and I'm going to see that we get it.

Thank you.

Oh.