Original subtitles

Let's sing.

We can have a date night. That would be so nice.

Who's here?

Who's here?

Hi, big girl.

Someone has been counting the seconds until you showed up. It's so good to see

you. I'm so excited to do some crafts with you. I made some very good plans

for us.

You made some good plans for us? Yeah.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear Adria.

It was at some Chinese supermarket.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Hey.

Good to see you.

Right on time. 30 minutes late.

I almost did not come today.

Oh, no.

I just want you both to know that.

I broke up with Adrian.

And I quit my job.

And I'm living in Billy's pool house again.

Everything's great.

Oh.

All in the last seven days?

I think more than anything, I just feel like this extreme amount of self-hate.

And he loved me so much, and he took such good care of me, and he... Like, I

really thought that he was gonna be the one.

Yeah. You know?

Investing four years into something. Like, I'll just be like my mom forever.

Just... That's not true. Searching for a yes and not finding it, but... Maybe

it's time to take a break.

You know? I mean, I know that's a... Take a break from what? Dating? A

radical idea, but yeah.

Yeah, a break from all of it. A break from dating. A break from running and

chasing and, like, reaching out for some outside thing and just take time alone.

That's terrifying.

That's probably a good thing. And, you know, if you need work, why don't you

just take a couple shifts here?

I could totally use the help.

Oh, yes.

There's a million things you could do here, are you kidding?

Be great.

So six months?

Six solo months. Just be me and my vibrator.

And I'm just gonna throw alcohol in there because why not? Wow.

That would be very impressive.

Have a little faith in me. I have faith in you. You can do it.

I know you can do it. I mean, I was just...

look i have to do it for the next seven months too so it's nice to have a

partner in crime right so

um yeah so fill me in like let me know

what you've been up to and yeah i mean similarly to what we spoke about on the

phone i was in from los angeles originally moved to new york that's

where i really got my feet off the ground i've never actually worked in a

gallery before but i have a lot of experience dealing with galleries and

understanding how they function and you know what people want from the outside

what people are desiring from the inside and it's exciting to me specifically

curation okay so you were in programming at lachlan for four years and then the

los angeles center for progress in the arts for for six months that's

Yeah, it just wasn't the culture for me.

Hmm.

Okay.

Cobra coverage, this is Beth speaking. How can I help you?

Hi there. I just need to check and see how long my coverage is going to last.

Can I get the contact of your previous supervisor?

Um, Jed Hill.

Yeah, of course.

I don't know why you're doing this.

I don't really know.

hi my name is daphne mirador it's so lovely to speak with you thank you so

much for taking the time um i worked for los angeles center for progress and i

have a lot of experience in the non-profit art world uh bringing art and

creative expression whether that be fine art in five years i would love to be

working i mean i would love to be working with you guys and that's really

something that i'm passionate about because so many artists as you know are

out there struggling and just trying to get by and trying to make it and there's

oftentimes yeah of course no worries at all i'll check back in in a few months

and see where you guys are at yeah no no problem um would it be good perhaps if i

checked back in in a couple of weeks okay i said this

sorry um do you happen to know anyone else who may be hiring right now

but what do you want to be i'm whatever i want

There you go.

Yep, that's your magical wand.

Hey, can we get some partners, please?

Oh, there you are.

Merry Christmas.

Same to you. Come on in.

Have you heard from Billy?

She hasn't told me when they're coming.

Uh, yeah, no, Abby has the flu, so I don't think they're gonna make it. Oh,

no. Unfortunately. Oh, and... Looks nice in here.

Yeah, you know, Carl has really let me sort of put my own personal touch on

this place, so it feels much more like home.

I haven't been for a while, but...

I guess so, like everywhere, though. Mm-hmm.

You know, who I did that for, and sometimes not what year

or stuff, but... Yeah, yeah, of course.

Yeah, and you spend, like, a month out of the year in a blind... Okay,

actually, I'm not drinking right now. Why not? I just need to take a break.

Oh, honey, this is not the time to stop drinking on Christmas.

Here. Is Adrian gonna meet us here, or...? Um, Adrian and I broke up.

When did this happen?

Um, a few weeks ago.

Well, I did not know that.

I can't say that I'm surprised.

What do you mean?

Well, I... Look, Adrian was a very lovely guy, but he clearly wasn't the

one, right?

Time will tell.

There was no... There was no fire, there was no...

It wasn't that passion.

We had a great relationship.

He's a wonderful person.

So where are you living now?

At Billy's.

Ah, right.

My daughters are very secretive. I had no idea. Not intentionally. You can call

us anytime.

You know that.

I'm really glad. I'm glad you're with Billy and...

get to be with your niece i'm sure she's thrilled about that oh

all right i gotta give this to you i can't i

came across this and i thought this belongs to daphne

Wow, is this that your wedding ring from my father?

I have a life with Carl now and You know, I came across that and I thought I

thought it would make you happy.

Yeah, it's beautiful

Is this why you quit your job is this why out of nowhere you decided to up and

leave your job last week

Honey, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I feel bad about not going, but I... It's just so strong. I'm just trying to

stay super zen about everything right now, and she really triggers me. You

don't need that in your life. Baby, and I know that it's important.

And then it's so confusing, because then she's...

Really wonderful, but then I almost don't believe the sincerity of how

wonderful she is. You know, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be

compared to other years.

Sent you into the lion's den alone.

Are these going inside or outside? These are going to go outside.

All right, let's start with these.

Hey, do you, uh...

You got another one?

Thank you.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year. You ready?

You ready for the New Year? I actually am. I'm very ready for the New Year.

Really? Ready for this one to be done.

That's good.

How do you know these people?

Billy's my sister.

Billy's your sister. That's nice.

How do you know her? She seems like a nice person.

I don't know her.

No, I'm here because a friend brought me, you know, and I didn't have any New

Year's plans. I was going to sit at home and watch The Pianist, but instead I

decided that, you know what?

People sounds like a good idea for New Year's Eve, so I'm here. Yeah.

Where's your drink?

Taking a little break.

Probably why I'm in a corner by myself.

Yeah.

I'll drink for you. How's that?

Who are you hiding from in that dress?

All right.

That's that.

I just started to feel pain listening to myself talk to you.

No, that's because you're in my suffer zone.

Is that what it is? That's what it is. Oh, dear God.

I never had a suffer zone.

I mean, I suffer everywhere, but I would like to keep it to his own if I could.

Yeah, you should probably leave now.

Oh, okay. Before I destroy you with my radioactive cypress. But you already

did.

Because now I know you're here, so I have to deal with that fact. But I guess

I'll just try and deal with it here.

This is good, right?

You're going to have to move another step. I'm sorry.

It's still too close.

Still too close.

Good of you to come.

All right, I'm gonna go die.

See you later. Cheers.

Hi.

Hi.

Yeah.

Hi.

Yeah, how are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm good. How are you? I'm good.

You're a writer.

I'm a writer, yes. You're a writer.

Okay, yes, I know. Okay, hi. And you're an artist?

Well, I'm not an artist. I work in the art world.

Okay.

Were you writing a book?

I was writing a book. Did you read my book?

What was it called?

The Great Book by Jack.

Yeah, The Great Book. Maybe it was by Nathaniel West.

Yes. I didn't read your book.

But I remember hearing about it.

I was about to ask you why you're here and then I remembered you're Billy's

sister. I'm sorry, that's stupid.

No, I'm really here because I live in the Bull House.

Oh, wow.

Currently. Wow. I should not have told you that. That's a really embarrassing

fact. Well, now I know where you live. Why did I do that?

Well, that's dangerous.

We don't know each other very well. I just admitted to you that I'm living in

my sister's schoolhouse.

That's fine. What's wrong with that?

I don't know. What's wrong with that? Everything is wrong with that.

Unloading on you.

That's cool. That's fine.

Was it, um... I don't know. Was it unexpected?

I think everyone feels like that. I

think everyone is juggling with this idea of a bad version of themselves, a

good version, some things they did right, things they did wrong.

And then they're casting variations of that on the people that they loved. And

they have totally different ideas.

of what they think they did right and what they think they did wrong.

So... You're such a writer.

That's not... Yeah, they're okay.

Up in here?

Up in here, yeah.

High food?

It's great.

Oh that's good.

Is it? Or is it not?

The moving crest Awaiting

We go to bed

Alone

Seneca

Cries for makeup love

Fighting best in the know.

Do you think Ingrid will notice if I end up just stealing half the clothing items

that are in here?

I won't tell.

Have you always worked here? Does that work, like, in your relationship?

To be together all the time? I'm not getting paid.

So is that work or is that donation-based? I think that's called

love. Yeah, I just help out. Or leashed. It's one of them. Love or leash?

I don't know about that.

I'm actually planning a trip to Ireland. I was wondering if you had anything

green that I could wear to make me fit in.

Hi. Hi.

Just casually shopping on a weekday afternoon?

Yeah, I am. I can do that. Do you not have a job? I can do that.

You know, I'm a professor, so I can kind of do what I want a little bit.

Good to see you. Good to see you too.

Yeah, I kind of was. I asked Billie where you worked and she told me.

Fucking Billy.

Yeah.

I thought we should get a drink.

I'm not drinking. I know.

Okay. I thought you could watch me drink.

Oh, that sounds so fun.

Yeah. You know, you can have a virgin tequila and soda while you have that.

A soda water.

Yeah, take the tequila away. That's a soda water. Yeah.

Do you want to have a soda water and watch me drink?

Um... My treat.

Yeah, that I mean absolutely I Would have just friends.

Yes. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, of course. Yeah good Great. All right.

All right Good to see you and you see you soon. See you later. See you later

I

think he likes you No,

do not

Please do not tell Ingrid that that just happened.

My lips are sealed.

One sec. Sorry.

That's all right. It's important.

You can take it.

No, no.

Turn that off.

Hi. Hi.

Just wanted to hang out.

Yeah, I don't know.

I felt like... You know, I just... I don't know. I don't know. I just wanted

to see you.

I feel like you're something a little bit different to other people, and

I wanted a good conversation, and... You know what? If you, like, stole a

teenager's notebook, opened it up, and added, like, a little bit of form to it,

that's what my art looks like. That sounds cool.

No, it's really...

That sounds really cool.

I want to see it. Do you have any?

I don't even know what I would have to show you.

You know what? I have an Etsy shop.

You do?

I used to be really into it. I would buy old ceramic teapots and plates and

then paint on them.

This is amazing.

This is really great.

It's fine.

I love it.

This is great.

Thank you.

I don't feel guilty that I'm not married.

I don't feel guilty that I don't have kids. I don't feel guilty that maybe I

don't want kids.

You know, people put so much pressure on that shit these days and it's like

everyone's on their own path.

It doesn't mean that we're less adult.

Maybe I'm jaded and I don't feel like there is a world that exists where you

can have that fire and have that comfort at the same time. I like the kind of

liberties that I have.

I like that I'm not beholden to some person.

I like that I don't have to wake up in the middle of the night. And who knows

what, you know, maybe we'd be the people that... I'm at this very weird stage in

my life where I feel like... Give me a lighter.

A cigarette for this one.

I feel like I'm in a place where all I want to do is do the things that I

should have done in my early 20s, like travel the world and explore new

cultures or maybe join the Peace Corps.

I think there's something really important about doing shit for others.

And I don't really know what that looks like, but that's the phase I'm in.

I really want to talk much more about this. Okay. But I need to pee. I'll give

you a pee.

You're going to be okay without me? Yeah.

Okay. I'll survive. Okay.

Hi. Hello.

Thank you. You're welcome.

No matter how much fall you shovel in the mouth of your child These

furnaces still want more, these furnaces still want more They come

in pleats and in droves with puritanical votes These furnaces

still want more, these furnaces still want more

Hi. Hi.

Do you want a drink?

Can I get a glass of water please?

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

Still holding strong.

Standing strong.

Thank you. What's going on?

I should be asking you that.

I don't know what that means.

No?

No.

Should I?

I don't know.

You're... You're kind of killing me.

What are you talking about?

You are. You're making me all crazy.

I'm jealous. It's working.

Whatever you're doing, it's like... A little bit confused right now.

My friend is Jack.

He brought me to the New Year's party. Yeah.

Okay. Jack's your friend?

Yeah, he's my friend.

I didn't know that.

Sorry. You know what? I'm... I should not be fucking talking to either of you,

to be honest.

I'm just trying to stay away from...

Men and alcohol and everything else in my life. Probably shouldn't have even

gone on a date with Jack. Yeah, but you're not really doing a good job at

that, so let's just move on to the next thing. No, I'm not. I'm not doing a good

job at that.

Um, here's the thing.

I love Jack, and I'm not gonna, you know, do anything

to fuck him over. I just can't.

Yeah. You understand?

Of course.

I don't need to be a wedge in your friendship at all.

It's gonna be alright.

And I don't... I don't want to deal with it, but I do. I gotta deal with the fact

that now I know you.

Well, you don't really know me.

It doesn't matter. I know you enough.

Okay.

So I should go.

Yeah, you should probably go.

Okay.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Thanks for the water.

You're welcome.

For the clarification.

Thanks for coming.

Yeah, I guess that's it, huh?

Goodbye.

Hope everything works out.

Yeah. No, it won't. It'll be great.

Where are you going?

There's this thing I do with my friends.

It's called Still Life Club. We just, like, get together and paint and talk

about life.

I really gotta go.

And it's get together all the time? Yeah, all the time. And then what

happens? Then we talk.

All right, so can I come with you?

No.

I'm not getting off this floor until you come back. I'm just letting you know.

I'm staying right here. We're gonna be here for a very long time.

I'm serious.

How's the six-month sabbatical going?

Um... It, uh, it

went.

And it went well when it went.

Um... Jeez. Okay, you definitely owe me 20 bucks, Ingrid.

Oh, shut up.

You guys bet on it.

Yeah, I've uh... But it's a good thing. It's a good thing. I'm really mindful of

the dynamics at play. That's actually not true at all. I'm fucking... I don't

know what the fuck I'm doing.

We're done talking about me. I just came in here and stole the show. What's

happening with Roxanne?

What's going on with Graham?

I'm still taking in what you're... The whole point was to change up the

pattern, Daph.

It didn't feel right being alone.

It didn't feel right.

not exploring both of these people.

Okay.

All right.

Well, there you go.

Yeah. We'll see.

Oh my god, the fuck?

Bart coming to say hello.

You look a lot like your dad.

Oh, yeah.

What's his name?

Bart. Bart.

Bartholomew. Ooh, Bartholomew.

You're fancy.

Oh, this is your book.

Yeah.

There's so many copies of it. Oh, they're in different languages.

Bart looks terrified in this picture.

No, no, no, no. That's a look of love.

No, he looks terrified.

That's... Love.

Thank you. You're welcome.

No alcohol.

You know what?

I, um, I fell off the wagon.

You did?

I did.

That's okay.

I mean, life's short, right?

I agree. Fuck it.

To falling off the wagon.

I must have smoked 40 cigarettes with you in two nights.

Sorry. I don't usually smoke that much.

If we spend more time together, one of us will die.

How's your job search going?

That's what I want to know.

Oh, God.

Ask my sister.

It's not going well at all. Does she want you out?

Probably. But I don't want to leave.

I feel like... I gotta... talk to you about...

whatever, Frank.

Your... relationship with him, the... Mm-hmm.

I didn't know that you guys were friends.

Okay.

Um... What do you wanna know?

I don't know, I guess just... the situation, how you... Okay.

...met, uh, if... I didn't, I, yeah, I just wanna...

I respect you and him and don't want to blur any lines.

Okay.

Frank's one of my oldest friends.

I met him 17 years ago when I moved here.

You know, he's one of those people... He's the life and soul of every party.

He's so fun and you need him around most of the time, but then...

Then,

you know...

He's unreliable.

He's volatile. He can be messy.

He owes me money.

But... I love him.

I really do. I fucking love him.

I feel like the last girlfriend he had, she kind of drowned in him.

She drowned in him?

Yeah, I realize now that's quite a weird way of... What does that mean? I don't

know. If you knew Frank, you'd understand.

We were together for three years.

We traveled everywhere together.

We were in Senegal. We lived in Paris for a summer.

She had a research fellowship in Amsterdam.

I went to see her all the fucking time. And then we moved in together.

After six months, we'd killed it.

What happened?

Do you really want to know? I do, yeah.

I saw...

Some of her used dental floss on the side of the sink in the bathroom, and

that was it. It was a nail in the coffin. I couldn't even look at her.

I know exactly what you mean.

You do? I do.

I do.

I didn't know where to go.

I'm gonna wash off some of these potential kids.

Oh, creepy.

Hmm? Creepy.

Sorry.

Yeah, what'd you learn?

About... Colors. Oh, you got to color?

Yeah. That's pretty cool.

I draw... Oh, can I have ice cream?

Yeah, but it's really close to dinner, so you have to promise me not to tell

your mom.

I won't.

Promise. Okay. Bye.

Bye. How much is it?

Uh, $5.

One scoop?

Uh, yeah, we'll just do... Thank you. Okay. Thank you so much. Bye.

What about your ice cream?

What's that?

That was a great time at school.

Hey, you

want to go paint?

We should go paint. Come on. Okay, let's go make something. Let's go make

something for Mommy and Daddy.

Well, that's nice.

Was this yours?

Your mother's?

Was my mother's. It was not really a wedding ring anyway.

It was more of a token of my dad's guilt.

He had another family.

You sure you want to sell it?

Yeah, I'm sure.

You're welcome.

Dee, one day you'll discover this note when you least expect it.

We found each other in this life, and we'll find each other in the next.

We'll have to pay.

Thanks again so much. Anytime.

See you soon. All right.

Get home safe. Thanks.

I have to be honest, I have not been paying attention.

I can tell that you weren't paying attention.

I, however... You're so distracted.

I know everything that's happening.

What's happening?

They are on this holiday trying to make shit right.

You're completely making this up.

Why don't we just cover the subtitles? We can just make our own film.

Okay.

You be him.

No, you be him.

Gloria!

You're her, you're her.

Oh, shit. Yeah, what? Stop fucking calling my name. I'm not called Gloria.

Oh.

What's your name again?

Stephanie. Oh, fuck, that's right. Steph.

Who the fuck's Gloria?

Steffy.

Indian food on my face? There's Indian food in your face.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

There's just an openness.

when it comes to relationships that I think Americans don't tend to have, or

they're scared of. Mm-hmm.

Where you can have, like, the whole father of the... Have you seen that

movie, Father of the Bride?

Yeah, I've seen Father of the Bride. Steve Martin.

Yeah. The idea of having a big family and people to take care of you and look

out for you and all that was so appealing.

So appealing.

But then, this passion.

Mm-hmm.

I feel like that gets lost in the sidelines when you have the...

It

blows my mind.

I think that's what makes you amazing.

You're great.

You know that?

Jesus Christ.

Fucking cardigan.

So I'm thinking I should have a dinner party before I go to Philadelphia next

week. That's a great idea.

Do you think it's weird if I invite Frank?

It's kind of awkward if I don't because he's looking after Bart.

Well, I can look after Bart.

Frank likes dinner.

I'll just stay here.

I mean, I'd take him to my apartment, but no pet policy.

Frank actually uses Bart to pick up girls in the park, so I think he's gonna

be pretty happy.

Anything else happen with you two that night?

No.

You guys don't still talk or text?

No.

You want to do it?

No, go for it. I'm fed of hands. Okay.

Let's eat.

Please.

You guys are sisters.

We're havesies. We're sisters.

We're sisters.

We have same mom but different dad. I can see the similarities.

She's funny and strong.

Open your eyes, everyone.

Somebody was murdered, massacred,

slain in the middle of the night.

Good night, my dear.

Did you kill me?

Daphne, you're gone. You'll never know.

She's gone.

Okay, do we want to nominate who we think might be mafia?

It's the guy dressed in all black.

Really? Is it you?

Yeah, you look like a mafia guy.

I've been very helpful, I'd say, this entire game.

Yes, I have.

Do we want to kill him or save him?

Kill him.

That's one, two, three, four, five, six.

Wow, a lot of suspicion.

He was a townsperson.

Oh,

I'm so sorry.

Sorry.

Everyone close your eyes.

It's what it is.

Mafia. You dirty devils, wake up.

Who would you like to kill?

Good morning.

Everyone wake up.

I'm so sorry, we have another death in the middle of the night.

I'm so sorry. Arm is a bitch.

I'm so sorry. Baby inside of my body. We had two murders.

You horrifying humans.

Good to see you, man. Thank you, man.

Yeah,

that's definitely that guy.

Do people actually buy photos of other people at garage sales? I wonder if he

knows that these are even there. That's really weird. This would look cute over

your belly.

You think?

Ooh, it lasted.

It's going to keep growing and growing.

That's cute. You can also do a little bit of this. Oh, there you go.

You guys missing me in your pool house?

Shut up.

So what's happening?

Nothing. Everything.

Look, you're never going to find the person that gives it all to you, so you

just have to find the person that gives you enough of it.

What if you find two people that give you two different sides of it?

Do you see your future in there?

Whose face do you see? Or do you just see a bunch of skulls? Do you see

Frank's huge penis in that kaleidoscope?

Oh, God.

I feel like maybe Adrian was the one, and I should have just stuck it out

and...

Hi. Hi.

How you doing?

Good. Just painting Billy's baby shower gift.

That's 100% the most beautiful teapot I've ever seen. Oh, come on.

How's Philly?

Philly's been incredible.

I was on this amazing panel today about creative destruction.

And the writer, Cousin Takis.

He says, basically, this idea that destruction is a prerequisite for

creative activity.

How fucking cool is that?

Tell me more. What else is happening over there?

I found out that I'm a finalist for this fellowship in Rome, which...

Hi, I'm sorry. You gotta take him. I can't take the dog. I can't take the

dog. No, you won't take him. I can't. My building won't let me. Because I can't

have him. Don't talk to him. What are you doing? Exactly, and he wants to be

with you. He really wants to be here. Are you fucking crazy? What are you

doing? Take the fucking dog. Sorry, I tried. I couldn't do this fucking thing.

What?

I want it to be alright, I think you know it's not a crime.

Now we're here, what do you feel?

Across the room, passing you, I see your eyes all wet.

And now you're here, what do you mean?

There's nothing I can do to make it all just go away

There's nothing I can say to make it all just go away

So it falls

apart, it falls apart Just like you want it to fall apart It falls

apart, it falls apart

You're gonna forget me in a month, aren't you?

Really, how are you? You're gonna forget me next week.

That's what's gonna happen.

It's okay if you do.

I could just stare at you for fucking... I mean, you're gonna end up seeing some

stuff if you do.

Oh my God.

Oh, look who's here.

This is Daphne, my friend. Hi. Oh, hi. Nice to meet you. You too.

Jezebel, what's yours? Jezebel, okay. Hi.

Hi, guys.

I'm Daphne.

Ready for the night.

I would say anything is possible.

Thank you for having us. Cheers.

Cheers to Bart.

You're the man.

It's nice to see you. Whose dog is this?

That's... My friend Jack.

Do you know Jack?

Because my grandparents emigrated during the Civil War, so in a way, I do have,

like, Spanish blood, you know, filtered through South America. I don't know.

Somehow it's in there.

You live in London now?

I live in London now.

Okay, and then we're... Sorry.

I'm from... Oh, life. Is that... Yeah?

Go ahead. I grew up with this. No, I'm not.

Yeah, come on. 100% that's not happening.

He's literally just playing it for you. Come on. Oh, life is

bigger, bigger than you, and you are not

me.

Lengths that I would go to, the distance in...

That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight

Losing my religion Trying

to keep up with you And I don't know that I can

do it

I've said enough

I was downstairs.

Why did you leave me?

Stop,

stop, stop.

Stop.

Oh, my

God. You're being

stupid. You're being stupid. Don't be stupid.

Come on.

Don't be like that. Don't be like that.

I said don't do that. I know what you're doing.

This is so much shit.

Oh,

hi. Hi.

Are you okay?

I'm so sorry.

What are you breathing?

Doesn't matter. How's the shower going?

Super fine. Yeah, great. This is for you. Oh, thanks.

Can I help with anything?

No, you should just get some food or something.

You've already eaten, but there's really good... Jen made a great kale salad,

so... Yeah.

Okay.

So, yeah, so at least you had, like, time and place. Yeah.

Very nice image.

You reading my book.

I fucking missed you when I was away.

I missed you too.

I feel like I want to call her something.

Don't be scared. You look scared. I don't mean in a scary way. I mean like

in a... a different way to what other people say.

It doesn't have to be boyfriend or girlfriend. It doesn't have to be

anything traditional. It's just...

I like that.

Yeah?

I just don't get it. It's like one minute I'm having a panic attack and the

next I'm high on the chaos.

Maybe you want to rethink the whole sabbatical thing.

Fuck no, nothing good happens when I'm alone, trust me. How would you know?

You've never done it.

I know.

It shouldn't be that hard.

It's not making me feel any better.

I'm not trying to make you feel better.

I keep thinking about this night that happened a while ago when Adrian was out

of town.

We all went out dancing the staff from the center. Remember, we used to go to

the rabbit hole every Thursday? Mm-hmm.

We were so fucked up.

What happened?

Hi. Hi.

Hi. I have an idea.

Uh-oh.

You ready?

Yeah. Hi.

Hi.

I think we should go dancing tonight.

Okay. Yeah? Yeah.

I think it could be really fun. Yeah.

You ever seen me dance?

No, I haven't.

You're in for such a treat.

Oh, I can't wait.

Yeah.

It was a great idea.

that's gonna be fun

oh

then that's

really not your whatnot

Should I get us drinks?

Can you just take me home?

Thank you. Hey.

Can we go?

You wanna go?

Yeah.

Is that okay? I know that's weird, but... Is that alright? Okay, yeah.

No. Okay.

So are we gonna talk about why we left so fast?

You're starving.

That's it?

I'm just hungry.

Hi.

Okay. Some very plain toast.

How are you feeling?

Pretty shitty.

Yeah.

My class starts in 40 minutes. I'm gonna have to go. Yeah, of course.

I'll bring you some soup.

I call her when I get home.

I don't know what to say to him, so I just hold the receiver to my ear for a

minute and listen to him and say hello.

you

So we're gonna have a little celebration because I got some pretty fucking good

news.

Yeah? Yeah.

I got the Ballacosta Fellowship in Rome.

Five months, leaving in August.

How cool is that?

Cheers. Cheers.

Wow. I know.

It's... Feels like a long time, but I think you could come out like every...

Every month, conceivably?

That's so amazing. You've worked so hard for that.

What's going on? What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm just processing it.

It's really... I'm really proud of you.

Thanks.

Tell me more.

Am I wrong?

Mm-hmm.

We can go to the opera, and we can eat pasta and bascula, and

get out of the city one day, and take bicycles, and cycle around the

vineyards.

results back from the ultrasound and baby is measuring about a half inch so

that means you were spot on you're about six weeks you are still early in the

pregnancy so terminating the pregnancy

When you stand up, run, shoot.

Well, I had quite the day.

Yet again.

Jack, I'm pregnant.

Hey.

Hey.

That's great.

That's great.

Hey, that's fucking great.

Huh?

That's so exciting.

Oh, my God.

So this is Frank's kid?

No, I don't know. I don't know. You don't know? I don't know.

That's great.

I should have told you.

Wait, you're so fucking sloppy.

Fuck's sake, Daphne. You can't make such a mess of everything and use it as an

excuse for everything in your life. This is a fucking baby!

They're so fucking stupid.

Like, really.

Okay, well, it's not your finest hour.

If I have this baby, this baby will... God, I would be such a shitty mom.

You know what I think?

I think you're gonna have a great life if you have this baby.

And I think you have a great life if...

You don't have this baby.

I think you have more power than you know.

I just don't know how to say no. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to

just fucking be okay with whatever... I have.

I just don't think you understand.

What? I don't think you understand who's next in line to be loved by...

It's you.

I think for most of my life, I've used my childhood as an excuse for my

behavior and my mom.

But I'm just tired. I'm tired of hurting people.

It's just the same thing, and I'm just so tired.

And the idea of having to unlock all that shit is fucking terrifying.

But I am going to.

And again, I don't, you know, I don't need anything from you, and I don't,

definitely don't expect anything from you.

Okay.

I don't know how that makes me feel.

Like, I know when I have this baby, if I, that's weird, even if, if I have this

baby, that, uh, I, you know, I'm not gonna know how to do things.

And it's not gonna magically change my life.

But I do think that it's given me a reason to look at things differently and

to...

just fucking be a better person.

I think it's great that you're saying all this.

I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to hear you say it.

But I don't know what I'm supposed to say.

I was alone,

but I was thinking about you some.

Now all that I saw around me, baby, was beauty, but violence all the

same.

Been dying to hold you. closer but I keep choosing lonely nights

instead singing I will not give up on

Why aren't you dancing?

I'm good. I'm just watching.

I just want you to come up and be with us. Mom, please, please, please.

Please let me see. You're hurting my hand.

Come on, come on. I don't want you to embarrass me. I want you out there with

your sister.

Can I not dance and still have a good time?

What's going on with you?

I'm fine.

I'm good.

What's going on with you?

Nothing. I'm fine.

I didn't feel like dancing.

That's it.

No, everything clearly is not fine. You just stormed out of there like I did

something wrong. Mom, I didn't want to dance. I don't know what else you want

from me. I'm here. I'm sorry that I can't give you what you need.

I am so proud of you.

Mom.

I am in awe of you.

Do you hear me? I'm happy for you, Mom.

I don't think that you understand why I went from guy to guy, as you say.

My whole life, I've been trying to create something that was stable and

sound, and I granted made some bad choices.

It's okay.

But it was for...

It was for my daughters and that was the whole reasoning behind it. Do you

believe me?

Hi, Helen Crawford, please.

Hello?

Hi, Helen. It's Daphne Mirador. I used to work at Center for Progress.

Of course, Daphne.

I was sorry to hear about you leaving.

Yeah, me too.

It's actually why I'm calling.

I...

I know that you had HR over there, um... And...

This is not an easy conversation to have.

Uh, I just want you to know that I loved my job, and I didn't want to leave.

But something happened that made me feel like I had to, and I would like to

explain why.

Thank you.

Hey. Hi.

How,

I mean how far along are you?

Five and a half months.

I tried calling you a few times. No, I know. I'm sorry.

I wanted to, you know, I want to reach out.

That's fine.

So you're good. You're good.

Things are good.

I'm okay.

Yeah.

Okay is good.

I assume Jack called you?

No, no. We're not talking, actually, anymore.

It's just other stuff.

Hey. Hi.

This is Daphne and this is Lila.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

All right. It was really nice to see you.

Is it mine?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't know is like...

What am I supposed to do with

that?

She. She.

Oh, God.

That's great.

That's really... Yeah, that's...

You know, that scares me.

Girls... Girls scare me.

Just another you to burn down the planet.

It's amazing.

I don't know what I'm gonna do with her.

But I'm gonna figure it out.

I mean, it's gonna be great.

You know, you gotta teach her the basics, you know?

Depression, anxiety.

Being hung over and... Gotta teach her to paint.

You gotta read her stories, you know, but the right kind of stories. You gotta

tell her the truth.

You gotta tell her... You know, you gotta...

I wanna be a dad.

You know?

I do.

Do you want to feel her?

That's crazy.

It's like magic.

You loved me then, but I'm feeling it now.

You're so weird.

It feels like a star's light, how it takes a long time to get where it's

going.

But it's here.

I feel it.

You loved me when I wasn't gonna love myself.

You're amazing.

And I want you to be happy.

Love, Daph.

Hi.

Oh, what's going on, dude?

How are ya? Good, man.

Um, is Adrian around? Oh, no. He's, uh, touring Indian Africa with Laney. Said

he wouldn't be back, like, six months or so.

So... Wow.

That's cool. He'd always wanted to do that.

Yeah, man. Good for him.

Well, can I leave this here for him?

Yeah, I can give it to him. All right.

Thank you. All right.

Good to see you. Yeah, good to see you, too.

I was so little. You were so tiny, and now you got feet like mine.

Where did you buy these things? These are incredible. Sweetie, I didn't buy

them. I made these. Look. You made these? You sewed them?

This is so not great. No, are you kidding? This is incredible. I can't

wait to put my little one in it.

Well, honey, you don't have to do that. You're gonna... No, I want to. It's so

special.

You know, Daph, um... If there's anything that I can do for you, anything

at all, um... You know, if... If you would like to stay with Carl and me for

a while, you know, just... You don't have to do this all on your own.

If I could babysit.

I mean, if you don't want me to, I completely... I would love that.

Away, fuck.

I mean, physically, I'm just so ready.

So ready.

And mentally, I'm just... not

ready.

Imagine that you're in a field of flowers.

You can feel the warmth on your skin from the sun.

You look forward and you notice there's a door.

So you walk over to that door.

But the handle's locked.

You have the keys.

You've always had them.

So you open the door.

A huge beam of bright light shines on you

Everything

might not be okay But

that's okay You're exactly where you need to be

And I keep going back to Help me to forget

about you Rolling back from this place to

bring her right home I was

never happy

We're in temple.

I'll be the change that holds your spark.

You're the change that holds my spark.

You're the maker of the strength.

the church that holds my spine.