Original subtitles

(ominous music)

(rousing rock music)

♪ She comes to me in my dreams ♪

♪ She leaves high and dry, and ripped at the seams ♪

♪ Always begging for more ♪

♪ And now I'm at the Devil's door ♪

- Checked the perimeter.

No sign of any dangerous animals, but boy am I bushed now.

- That's great, Ron.

Did you happen to find that little poop shovel

you've been talking about ever since we left town?

- Couldn't find it anywhere.

I just did my business.

Covered it up like a big old cat.

Meow.

Funniest thing though, I swear I brought it.

Sure is pretty tonight.

I bet we could see every star in the sky right now.

I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts

that if we were up on top of a mountain,

we'd be able to see right into the future,

the infinite universe we live in

and everything we don't understand.

We're just a minuscule speck of dust.

Kinda puts everything into perfect perspective.

Camping really clears my mind, you know?

When I was a boy, a friend of my father's

used to take me on these camping trips.

They were our special camping trips.

We used to sing and dance,

and when it was hot out,

we'd strip down to our skivvies and jump in the lake.

He used to chase me around the campfire,

and boy, if he caught me, we'd wrestle for hours and hours.

- Jesus.

- When it's quiet though,

and nature's turned in for the night,

I like to pull out my banjo and sing a song.

Nothing makes more sense to me than music, my favorite girl,

and a gorgeous night in front of a roaring campfire.

Oh, my manners. I've been talking up a storm.

Can I get you some coffee or something?

- No, thanks.

Caffeine is really bad for you.

- Far out

(tranquil banjo music)

♪ Gonna have some fun sitting in the sun ♪

♪ Gonna let the rays of light shine on my head ♪

♪ From the sky above, I'm gonna make sweet love ♪

♪ Then take my baby out for a bicycle ride ♪

♪ If you're feeling the same way that I do ♪

♪ Then won't you take a trip and come on too ♪

♪ Come out and play ♪

There. Do you feel a sense of calmness wash over you?

- I feel like you should promise

to never, ever sing to me again.

- Wow.

That...

That was unexpected.

- Was it, Ronald,

really?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I hurt your feelings?

We have been going out for almost five months,

and you have done nothing to show me

that you actually wanna be with me.

You haven't even tried to have sex with me.

And that one time that I thought you were going to,

you started talking about how Han Solo

is your favorite Star Wars character,

and then the topic somehow moved

to how much you love your mother's sweet tea and pancakes,

and how her jaw clicks when she chews.

- Science fiction is a highly underrated genre,

and my mother ended up needing surgery,

which hasn't fixed the problem,

thank you for asking.

- Have sex with me Ronald before I lose my fucking shit.

- All right. All right.

Well, where are you going?

I thought we were gonna, you know, the thing,

the wooka-tooka, wooka-tooka, wooka-tooka.

- I need to freshen up.

Oh, and Ronald, get it ready for me.

- Get what?

Oh, yeah. That.

I'm gonna be a snake in the grass in no time.

Hey, I'm gonna make you hotter

than a three peckered Billy goat.

- Maybe work on your dirty talk.

- Right.

(eerie laughter)

- Hello?

(uplifting music)

- I'm gonna pick you like my banjo, girl.

I'm gonna pluck them strings.

I'm gonna string you up.

Well, that might not work. That's not gonna work.

- I know you're just a herd of deer

bedding down for the night

and not some crazy serial killer.

- Come on, little buddy.

I don't ever ask much outta you.

This girl's top shelf.

(ominous groaning)

- Who's there?

My boyfriend is right over there

and he will kick your ass!

- Oh, for Pete's sake!

(gurgling sounds)

(suspenseful music)

Just think of Farrah Fawcett

and Loni Anderson in a love puddle.

Good golly

It's about time.

Is that you, babe?

I got something for you.

Don't be messing around now.

I've been boxing the bald champ for several minutes

and I'm ready for a knockout.

- [Imitated Voice] Kiss me.

- Well, this is different.

Good thing I like different.

(popping sound)

(Ronald screaming)

(ominous music)

♪ He waits in dark night ♪

♪ Painted face under the streetlight ♪

♪ Laughter echoes from the edge of town ♪

♪ Don't you dare look at the evil clown ♪

♪ Suit so bright, eyes cold as ice ♪

♪ Heartless grin ain't nothing nice ♪

♪ Hiding secrets with a twisted frown ♪

♪ Steps in silence, that evil clown ♪

♪ The clown behind the smile, he's got a wicked style ♪

♪ Red shoes that tap, tap, tap ♪

♪ In shadows he'll interrupt ♪

(rousing rock music)

♪ Bright lights flashing, cities never sleeping ♪

♪ Neon dreams we're chasing ♪

♪ Heartbeats always racing ♪

♪ Shadows in the alleys, music in the air ♪

♪ Dancing in the silence, lost without a care ♪

♪ We're living in neon dreams we're holding tight ♪

♪ Shining through the darkness ♪

♪ We're gonna own the night. ♪

- Devyn?

Devyn?

Devyn?

Devyn!

Devyn?

What was that?

You're a dirty little slut?

Girl, I already knew that.

No, it's fine.

You sleep for six hours straight,

and I'll drive for the entire time.

Penis.

Penis!

Penis!

(tires screeching)

Oh, you're awake.

- What the hell was that?

Where are we?

- We passed through Idaho a couple of hours ago.

- Oh shit. How long have I been sleeping?

- For a couple of hours.

- Hmm?

- You kept farting in your sleeps.

- Oh, my God. Whatever.

- No, seriously.

You are like a farm animal.

- Shut up, bitch.

- Is that him again?

- Devyn? - What?

- Is that him again?

- Yeah.

- He kept calling while you were asleep too.

I'm pretty sure you promised me you blocked his number.

- I did,

but then his mom texted me.

- Oh, my God.

- She asked that I not completely shut him out.

Evidently he's back in therapy,

and she says he's doing really good.

- Oh, really? His mommy?

The only one that would advocate

for that piece of actual amoeba shit,

and she has the audacity to text you

and beg you not to cut off her son.

God, the toxicity exuding from your guys' relationship

is actually horrifying.

Plus, besides me, the only person

that gives two about you is your mom.

And now that she's gone,

getting the hell away from him was the only way.

- I don't need to be rescued, okay?

Staying at my aunt's,

who I haven't seen in over 10 years, with my best friend,

as much of a bitch as she is,

is all I need to clear my head.

- Remind me again why your aunt?

- I told you.

My mom reconnected with her after she got sick.

They were not close at all.

But I guess, even after 12 years

of not talking to each other, they still loved each other.

So they talked, and then we talked,

and she is still the same crazy Aunt Connie that I remember.

Oh, my god.

When I used to visit when I was a kid,

I remember her being so warm and protective of me,

never knowing my dad.

I felt like she kinda took in the reins.

You know?

I don't know.

Maybe she felt sorry for me,

or maybe because she lost her own daughter,

I was just a decent consolation.

Is that a shitty thing to say?

- I mean, calling yourself a consolation prize

is pretty inaccurate.

I would say you're a participation trophy at best.

- Suck my dick.

(rousing metal music)

♪ Dropping that bass, earthquake, vibration ♪

♪ Subwoofers' pump, heart palpitations. ♪

♪ Speakers blow minds, siesmic creations. ♪

♪ And in this rap game, no hesitation ♪

♪ Beat drop savage, rhythm like a beast ♪

♪ Bass drum savage, feast on the least ♪

♪ Amp it up loud, neighbors call the police ♪

♪ Echoes of rebellion, never feeling deceased. ♪

♪ Drop that bass, let shake the foundation ♪

♪ Volume cranked high, no limitations ♪

♪ Feel the ground quake, pure devastation ♪

♪ In our own world, live the sensation ♪

- What the hell are you doing?

- I seriously need to take a piss,

and despite your opposition to doing it outside,

I don't wanna brag, but I'm pretty god dammed good at it.

- We're like 20 minutes away.

You can't hold it?

- Bitch, you have two ginormous children,

and an addiction to energy drinks and ice mochas,

and you see how well your bladder holds up.

- In the time you've talked about needing to pee,

we'd probably be there already.

- Do you wanna come with me?

- Hard pass. Thanks.

- Whatever. You're such a baby.

- You know, don't expect me to pull ticks off of your ass.

- I bet you would like that too, you nasty ho.

- Stupid.

Great... No service.

Hmm.

Where are we?

(birds chirping)

(engine rumble approaching)

(doors lock)

(engine rumbles)

(suspenseful music)

(truck engine rumbling)

(intense suspenseful music)

- Oh fuck!

Unlock the door.

- Unlock the fucking door. - Shit.

(truck engine roaring)

(tires screeching)

- Can I help you?

- Uh, Yeah. Who do we talk to

about finding dead human bones in the woods?

- What?

- What my emotionally dysregulated friend is trying to say,

we found human remains in the woods outside of town.

- And how do you know those were human remains?

- Well, once you see one set of human remains,

you've kind of seen them all.

There was a human skull.

- And what did that skull look like?

- I'm sorry. It looked like your head

with nothing fucking on it.

- Is there a problem, ladies?

- The problem is that we need to talk to somebody

other than Captain Graybush here.

- We found human remains in the woods outside of town.

- Well now, that's not something you see every day, is it?

Officer Briggs,

please escort these young ladies back to my office

so we can get their statements

and maybe get to the bottom of this.

- You hear that?

We're gonna go back there

and they're gonna take our statements,

'cause that's how shit gets done.

Did you hear that, Officer Wrinkles.

Now grab your walker and escort us.

Thank you.

- Detective Oxnard will be in shortly.

- That detective was pretty cute.

I didn't see a ring on his finger.

Do you think he's married?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Are we past practically pissing on human remains already?

- Human remains or not,

you know I cannot resist a man in uniform.

I quiver at the thought of how fast

he'd get those handcuffs on me.

- Oh my God, Jill, shut up.

They might be recording us.

- Oh shit. You think?

So if I just start making ah noises,

they might play it back for us later?

- Jill, stop it.

- Oh my God, detective, show me where you keep your pistol.

Oh, in your gun safe?

Yeah. That's a very safe and responsible spot.

Oh, now read me my fucking rights!

- Shut the fuck up.

- Sorry for the delay, ladies.

Things sometimes move pretty slow around here.

We're not used to lively folk like yourself

interrupting the charm in our peaceful little community,

you understand?

Now, about these remains, what can you tell me?

- So it's like this.

I drink way too much caffeine

because this sleepy bitch over here

can't keep her eyes open to save her life.

Long story short, I pulled over on the side of the road

and sprinted in the woods to pee,

and that's when I found the human remains

under the remnants of a sleeping bag.

- And where were you?

- Me?

I waited in the car.

- My apologies.

What I mean was, where was this skull found?

- Oh.

Out on the old haul road.

- Now, that's a little bit off the beaten path,

don't you think?

- Well, that's the only way I remember taking as a kid.

I did just see that the highway

comes right through town now though.

- And where are you two coming from exactly?

- Denver, Colorado.

- I see.

Well, then what, pray tell, brings y'all to Grant County?

- The human remains mostly.

Yep. It's time to check that off the old bucket list.

- Actually, my mom just passed away,

and I was in a really bad relationship.

I didn't have any other family up there,

so I decided to come and stay with my Aunt Connie

for a while.

- Ah, you're Connie's niece.

That means you must be Devyn

and you must be Jill.

Your aunt Connie's been talking up the two of you for weeks.

(door bursting open)

- Stop!

Don't say another god dammed word to these fucking pigs.

- I tried to stop her, but she's too damn fast.

I told you to wait out there, Connie.

- Fuck him, and fuck you too.

- Jill, Detective, this is Aunt Connie.

- Oh shit. Your aunt is Eminem?

- My niece and her differently abled friend here

are not going to say another word to you

without legal representation.

- Aunt Connie, it's not like that at all.

I told you on the phone, we're just here filing a report.

- Ms. Devereaux, while I do appreciate your enthusiasm,

and sincere lack of tact,

and willingness to help your niece, they're not suspects.

- On the phone, you said

you dumped a whole body in the woods

and were coming here to turn yourselves in.

- That is not at all what I said, Aunt Connie.

I said, we found bones out in the woods

and we're here filing a report.

- Oh hell, that's it?

Well, why the fuck didn't you say so?

- I did,

literally like 20 minutes ago.

- Listen.

We'll get a couple of officers out there

and if we find anything,

we'll be sure to get a forensics team on it.

In the meantime, I took your numbers

in case I need to get ahold of you.

- If you try and pin anything on my niece,

I swear to God I will sue this department,

and you and your cohort will be under the bridge

eating cold soup through your pee holes.

Do you understand me?

You call me.

- Your aunt is awesome.

- This is my guest/junk room.

I didn't have a lot of time to prepare,

so I guess it'll have to do.

- This is perfect, Aunt Connie.

I just really appreciate you giving me a place to land.

- Dibs on the right side.

- This one is beginning to make my ass itch.

- Love you too, aunt Connie.

- Yeah. Dinner's in 30 minutes.

If you're not out there in time,

I'm going to feed your plate

to the neighbor's asshole Chihuahua.

- Tah.

- Oh, perfect.

- You know, I think I'm gonna be okay.

- Bitch, I know you're gonna be okay,

even if the asshole Chihuahua gets our dinner.

(Devyn laughing)

- You know, it's like I took a Polaroid

of what my future is gonna look like,

and I'm just waiting for it to develop.

- Look, other than telling you

how awful of a metaphor that was,

I know, whatever proverbial road

you choose to take from here on out,

you'll always be headed in the right direction.

- Oh, do you like wanna make out with me?

- Oh my God, yes.

- [Aunt Connie] I heard that.

(crickets chirping)

(Devyn's mom coughing)

- Mom, are you okay?

What do you need?

Can I get you your treatment?

Here.

(machine buzzing)

(Devyn's mom coughing)

Why don't you just lay back down?

- I am afraid if I fall asleep

that I won't wake back up.

- Don't be silly, Mom.

I'll take you to your appointment

with Dr. Kendall in the morning,

and we can figure out if the chemo is working.

- We both know what Dr. Kendall is gonna say.

- Mom, please don't say that.

There's still so many other things we can try.

They have trials now, more chemo.

We can even get a new oncologist.

Please, I don't know why you're so ready to give up.

- Maybe if you would just lie next to me for a little while,

like I used to do for you when you were little.

- Of course, Mom.

I'm sorry

(wings fluttering)

(owl hooting)

(door slamming shut)

Mom?

How are you standing?

You haven't walked in weeks?

- I'm better, Devyn, just like you hoped for.

(Devyn's mom laughing)

Don't you wanna come give a hug?

(ominous music)

- Where are you going?

Mom?

(ominous music)

What is this?

Mom, who did this?

- When you bury me, make sure I'm dead.

- Mom, you're scaring me.

- When you bury me, make sure I can't dig my way out.

- Mom, please stop.

- If I get out, I'll find you

and I'll make you pay for letting me die.

What's the matter?

Mommy's right here.

- No, no, no!

(Devyn screaming)

- Burn in hell.

- No! Please.

(Devyn's mom laughing)

Please!

- Burn in hell.

(Devyn whimpering)

(Devyn screaming)

(Devyn screaming)

- Devyn?

Devyn?

(Devyn crying)

Devyn?

Shh. It's okay. It's okay.

I'm right here. It's okay.

(Devyn crying)

It's okay. Shh. Shh.

(pan sizzling)

I hope you know I only know how to cook cereal.

- I am really not that hungry.

- You super skinny bitches are never hungry.

- I'm not skinny.

- Okay, stripper pole with titties.

- Titties?

For real? Are we in middle school again?

- You know that's when I peaked.

I just can't let it go.

(knocking at door)

I'll get it.

- You're not Devyn.

- And you're not Jason Momoa

asking me to ride off into the sunset on his dick,

yet here we are.

- Is Devyn here?

- I don't know, unknown creeper undressing me with his eyes,

is she?

- [Devyn] Who is it?

- I think a stray dog.

- Oh, my God, Trent.

- Oh, my bad.

I guess it's Trent.

- Yeah, Jill, this is Trent,

the guy that I was telling you about

that I used to spend my summers here with.

- Oh, Trent.

Oh, it's just that when you described him,

you didn't make him sound so rapey looking.

- Jill, what the hell?

- That was rude.

- That was rude.

- Sorry about her.

- That's all right.

- Anyways, how have you been?

- Good. Good. When did you get into town?

- Just last night.

What the heck have you been up to lately?

- Not a lot. Just working with my dad

doing odd jobs, things like that.

- Okay. That sounds pretty cool.

- Not really.

But I get to make my own schedule, so.

- Oh, okay. That'd be nice.

- Yeah. So how was the trip out here?

Your aunt told my mom that you were gonna be here,

and here you are,

little miss Devyn Cavanaugh,

the girl used to call me chunky and throw mud pies at me.

- Oh, you're not still mad about that, are you?

- Well, I was overweight,

and I got bullied about it all the way through high school,

but that was forever ago.

- You want a slice, or are you still on a diet?

- Why would I still need to be on a diet?

So anyways, me and some friends

are having a get together later on.

You guys are more than welcome to come and join,

hang out, meet the crew.

You don't have to if you don't want, but offer's open.

- That sounds like it could be fun.

- Cool. I'll text you the address later.

- Don't you need my phone number first?

- Oh shit. Yeah.

Yeah. What is it?

- It's 303-555-8871.

- Just sent you a text.

Save that number.

- Okay. Consider it saved.

- All right, cool. See you later.

- See ya.

- If you let that man anywhere near your lady parts,

I will fucking end you.

- You got problems, dude.

- Yeah, probably.

Pizza?

(phone loudly ringing)

Ah! What the hell is that?

- It's the phone, dummy.

- Oh. Should we answer it?

- I don't know.

Maybe there's a voicemail or something.

- Does something that old have voicemail?

- Well, how the hell should I know, Jill?

- [Aunt Connie] You've reached Connie's phone.

If you're the IRS, fuck you.

If you're a telemarketer, double fuck you.

And if you're calling about the leather catsuit,

it's already been spoken for.

For everyone else, leave a message at the tone.

(answering machine beeping)

- This place just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

- [Detective Oxnard] I'd like to speak to Jill Martin

or Devyn Cavanaugh.

This is Detective Oxnard

with the Grant County Sheriff Department.

We confirmed that those were human remains

at the location that we spoke about.

We're gonna send those off to the lab and have them IDd.

If you have any questions,

please call me at 1-800-649-2568.

- So that's it?

"Hi, dumb bitches, who probably solved our cold case,

we found humor remains

exactly where you said they would be,

proving that even women can be useful.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go eat my wife's meatloaf

and have mediocre sex with her.

Goodbye."

What a fucking joke.

(phone ringing loudly)

Oh my God! Does that thing have a volume on it?

Answer it.

- I should.

It might be Detective calling back.

Hello?

(ominous breathing)

Hello?

- Who the hell is it?

- Who Is this?

- [Unknown Caller] Fuck you, you fucking cunt.

(creepy gurgling)

- Whoever this is, you better fucking think again

before calling here.

- Somebody not like the cat suit?

- That was so fucked up.

- You should hear the shit my brother says

to the 12 year olds he plays video games with.

He's 38.

Speaking of 12 year olds, did Trent invite us out

for a couple of roofie cocktails?

- No. He wanted us to come and meet his friends, you know?

I thought it might be nice for us to get out,

with how messy things have been.

- They gonna have weed, coke, molly?

It doesn't matter. I brought my own.

No. Yeah, let's go out and have a couple of light beers

and listen to the Dave Matthews Band

with your school shooter friend.

It'll be super.

(occupants cheering)

- Try not to be an asshole tonight, okay?

You're gonna be leaving soon,

and these are all the people I'm gonna have left.

I really wanna make a good first impression, okay?

- You shouldn't have worn that outfit then.

- What the fuck, Jill?

- Hey, guys.

- Hey. - Welcome to Casa de Trent.

- Do you mean "Casa de Trent's parent's" house?

- Oh, you got me.

Yeah. I live at my parents' house.

- Fascinating story, Trent.

Do you have time to tell it again?

- Shots fired.

- This is a really nice place you got here, Trent.

- Thanks.

It's a lot bigger than what I remember.

- Ha ha, That's what she said.

Right.

So, excuse me,

you guys just want to follow me,

I'll introduce you to some people.

(rousing punk music)

♪ Dark nights alone again ♪

♪ Shadows dance in my room ♪

- Hey, guys, this is Devyn, one of my oldest friends,

and her friend Jill.

Devyn, Jill, this is Liz,

my baby sister Haylee, and my brother Travis.

- Damn. You got fucking hot.

- Wow. Okay. Hi, Travis.

It's good to see you too.

- Yeah, it is.

You got a hug for me?

- Uh...

Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

Devyn fucking Cavanaugh.

Yeah, we go way back.

- Who are you even talking to right now?

- So, there's Trent, Travis, Haylee.

Your parents run outta "tr" names,

like Trina, Trivana.

- Fun fact, Haylee was actually the name of the doctor

who convinced our parents

it was just a little too late to abort me.

- Lucky you.

- Yeah. I'm still here and everything, so not really.

- So, can I get you something to drink?

- Yeah. I'd have a beer, if you have one.

- One lukewarm beer coming right up.

Jill?

- Got any of the hard stuff?

- We have tequila.

- I guess I'm staying.

- Wow, Trent.

You know, I didn't know you knew so many people.

- No, I didn't invite them.

Easy Steve did.

- What is an Easy Steve?

(Easy Steve exclaiming)

- Hey, Trent!

Great fucking party, man. Woo!

- Easy Steve.

Dude is legendary.

He graduated in the 90s,

but he crashes all the parties.

- He also invites hoards of people to party with him.

- He looks like he did porn in the 70s

and then quit when they switched from film to video.

- So, those beers, can you gimme a hand?

- Yeah, sure.

- Great.

(Travis applauding)

- Is this?

- Yeah, you can have some,

but there aren't any cups out here.

- Where I'm going, I don't need a cup.

That was hot.

(tranquil music)

♪ Lonely nights and empty dreams ♪

♪ Echo of our love, it seems ♪

- I don't recognize any of these people.

- Maybe you should have came around more.

- Oh my God, look at you, little baby Trent.

Oh, that's exactly how I remember you.

- I had that same awful haircut for years.

My mom would always take me to the barber

and ask for "the little boy's haircut."

It always meant something different to everybody else,

but it was always a monstrosity.

- Well, thank God you finally took control over your hair.

- No shit.

Oh shit.

- Oh, my God. Are you okay?

- Yeah, just.

Oh, fuck!

- Are you sure you're okay?

That was intense.

- I'm sorry.

- No, it's okay.

- I know I shouldn't have.

I'm sorry.

- Look. No.

At the risk of sounding like the world's biggest cliche,

I just got out of a really bad relationship.

- Oh shit. Like how bad?

Ah, I shouldn't.

- No, it's okay.

Bad enough that I had to move really far away from it.

- Damn, Dev. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I've never had to move away from anything like that before.

So, it's a really brave thing you did.

It sounds like he needs his ass kicked.

- Yeah. At least once a day

for the rest of his fucking life.

- Do you want a hug?

- I guess.

- So, what do you wanna be when you grow up?

- Are you for real?

- Everything you see here is real.

- Do that again.

- Halle.

- It's Haylee.

- Okay, Halle.

How old are you?

Wait, don't tell me.

- I'm 16.

- You're just a little baby. I thought you were 17.

- Jill, right?

Okay. I'm gonna ask you a question real quick.

- Do you look at yourself in the mirror

and instantly see the child version of yourself

just screaming, writhing, and shouting at your present self

to prepare for an existence

of utter disappointment and anguish?

- No.

But one time I got really drunk at a Texas Roadhouse

and I threw up on the waiter,

and then I banged him in the parking lot.

- Right. And how did that make you feel?

I'm making a documentary about post feminism theory

and how it affects the male ego.

- Baby sis here makes movies.

- No shit? Like Spielberg type stuff?

- Yeah, like Spielberg-type stuff.

- My baby daddy liked to make movies

by himself for money,

and then he cheated on me with a guy named Derrick.

- Oh shit.

He was playing for the other team?

- Yeah, but love is love.

It just sucks to get dumped

for some skinny White guy in glasses.

- Jill, is it?

- Yeah. Why are you here?

- I'm sorry, cuntosaurus, is it?

Did you just ask me why I'm here?

- So do you go to Texas Roadhouse a lot?

- Silence, miniature poodle.

- You're a miniature poodle.

- Fuck you, seven-year senior Travis.

Eat a bag of dicks.

- You've been here what, 20 minutes

and I already cannot stand you.

- Damn, Liz, what's up your ass?

(death metal music)

- What the fuck did you just say to me, you bitch?

What the fuck did you just say?

- Fuck you. - Get the fuck off me!

- Fuck you.

(Easy Steve hissing)

- Cat fight.

(rousing rock music)

(indistinct arguing)

- Fuck you.

- [Liz] What the fuck is wrong with you?

- Fuck you.

It's not me, it's this stupid fucking twat.

- I'm bleeding.

- Try that in a small town, bitch.

. I'm bleeding.

- I'm so sorry, Trent.

She hasn't drank in over a year.

- It's not the drink.

I just remembered how much I hate Ted Cruz.

- Absolutely fuck this bitch.

I'm leaving.

I'm sorry, Liz.

It was nice to meet you.

Shit.

- Oh, is she leaving?

Bye, Liz. Love your hair.

- That was fucking crazy.

Girl went on Marky Mark on the funky bunch

and got MC hammered.

(intense metal music)

- Who even calls someone a cuntosaurus?

(intense metal music)

Fucking bitch.

Like my hair.

Like, fuck you.

(intense metal music)

(suspenseful music)

(Liz screaming)

(intense suspenseful music)

- Dev, why don't we try this again

when you get more settled in?

- Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

- Why don't you make like a mouse and eat cheese, dick?

- Okay. Good talk, Jill. Let's go.

- Dev, wait.

I really am sorry

about what happened earlier in the kitchen.

- No.

- What happened in the kitchen?

- Nothing, Jill.

Why don't you go wait in the car?

Look, like I said,

things are just really confusing right now.

I just, I don't know where any of this goes.

- What happened in the kitchen?

Guys, what happened in the kitchen?

- Nothing, Jill.

Go get in the car.

- I completely understand.

I mean, even if I don't know what it's like

to pack up and pull up roots like you did,

it's a brave thing.

- What happened in the kitchen?

- Get in the car, Jill! - Get in the car, Jill!

- You guys don't have to yell.

- We've got a lot of history,

so let's just ride that wave, you know?

I'm glad that you're here.

- You too.

Drive safe.

- I will.

- They seem really nice.

- Really? That's all you've got, they seem nice?

- I'm sorry I called Trent a school shooter.

And Halle...

And what was that other guy's name,

Parker?

- It's Travis, Jill.

Jesus Christ.

You know, you would know that if he wouldn't have gotten

balls deep in that fucking bottle.

- Yeah, like I'm the only one

that has something to work out.

Why are we here, Devyn?

- That's not even the same.

- Why are we here, Devyn?

- Because I fucked up, Jill.

Because I made a shit ton of mistakes

and everyone around me has to pick up the slack

because I'm so overwhelmingly incompetent.

Is that what you wanna hear?

- I have to pick up the slack every time.

Do you know what kind of bearing that has on me?

I'm a single mom with two kids

and I'm away from them right now, and for what?

So my best friend could have another fresh start.

You know what that does to me?

- [Devyn] Nobody asked you to do any of this, Jill.

Yes, I. (remarks drowned out by background noise)

But if it means you're gonna throw things in my face

when you don't wanna own up your own shit,

then I don't want your fucking help.

- Fine.

- Fine.

- Do you think Taco Bell is still open?

(birds chirping)

(Jill snoring)

(phone buzzing)

- Hey.

What?

Yeah, I can meet you there.

Just gimme a few.

Okay, bye.

Hey. So, what's going on?

- They found Liz's car on the side of the road last night

coming from my house.

- Oh shit. Is she okay?

- They haven't found her.

You didn't see her car when you guys drove by, did you?

- Oh, shit. I don't remember.

Would she have gone the same way as us?

- Yeah, the road kinda dead ends at my house.

You gotta go through your banner forest to get back in town.

- Are they searching for her or anything?

- The Sheriff's Office didn't really elaborate.

Just that they already spoke with my neighbors,

and we were next to my list.

I of course told 'em that she was at my house last night.

- Did you happen to mention the fight?

- No, I didn't think it was pertinent information.

- Well, everybody at that party

saw Jill Hulk smash Liz last night.

- Liz will turn on.

It's fucked up to say,

but she goes missing all the time.

Only difference is, usually she's got her car.

- It's weird.

Why are you friends with her then?

- She had a shit childhood.

Mom ducked out early, dad was an abuser.

Maybe it's sympathy.

That and she's got good weed.

- Oh, there it is.

Okay. The marijuana, huh?

- Yeah.

So anyways.

I was wondering if you guys wanna go camping this weekend?

- Camping? Are you kidding me?

With Liz missing? There's no way.

- What's more freeing than a campfire,

some beer, and Travis burping, "Hey, soul sister."

- Oh. Well, when you put it that way.

- Right?

Think about it.

I gotta run. I gotta go check some game cams

up by Grass Lake.

- Game cams? What for?

- Up at the Roy Farm,

something's been stealing his chicken,

so he asked my dad to put some cameras up,

see what's going on.

- Oh, so you're like a pet detective now, huh?

- Yeah, like Ace Ventura.

Alrighty.

- Okay. Yeah, don't ever do that again.

- All right. All right.

Well...

So, camping?

- I'm gonna have to check with Jillian,

but I think we can probably make it.

- Cool.

Well, text me later.

- Okay. See you, Trent. - See you.

- [Devyn] Good morning.

- Hey, you're back.

Sit down, have a bowl of cereal.

Aunt Connie is currently out of milk,

but that's okay because she has buttermilk,

but she didn't mention it was buttermilk.

Nothing soothes a hangover

quite like thick, buttery buttermilk.

How are you?

- I'm fine, but I just met up with Trent,

and evidently Liz is missing.

- Good. I hope she's getting mauled by a bear,

Leo Decap style.

- You do realize that you came at her

like a crazy person last night?

- Sure do.

I'm still scraping that bitch's skin

out from underneath my fingernails.

- Hmm. You know, I don't care

that you're sitting here at my table giving me cancer.

I like you.

- Love you too, Aunt Connie.

- Anyways.

Trent says she does this kind of thing all the time, so.

- So what's the problem then?

- Well, the problem is that they found her car

outside of Banner Forest last night after the party.

- I'd bet my left nut, she hitchhiked her way

to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.

- Yeah, that seems to be the most likely scenario.

- Well, whatever she's doing,

I hope she's doing it with chlamydia.

Do not come at me when I just met you.

Fuck around, find out.

It's kind of like buttermilk.

I don't know where I was going with that,

because I'm gonna puke.

- Hey, Aunt Connie, can I ask you something?

- Yeah.

How do you know Rachel Cavanaugh?

- How do you know that name?

- Well, I found an old newspaper clipping

in one of your old books.

Are we related or something?

- Rachel Cavanaugh is sort of a second cousin of sorts,

but yeah.

- We have a distant cousin who's also a serial killer?

- Allegedly a killer.

But I swear to you she didn't do anything wrong.

- Oh, I didn't mean to offend.

- That's enough.

Stay outta my things.

(birds chirping)

(suspenseful music)

- What the fuck?

Is that a fucking clown?

(suspenseful music)

(tranquil music)

(fire crackling)

- Man, I haven't been able to hike any of these trails yet.

Aunt Connie wouldn't let me when I was a kid

because of what she called Android bears.

- What the hell is an Android bear?

- An android bear is a robotic bear

that's programmed to kill hikers and people from California.

Yeah, she was pretty specific about it.

- Hey, Haylee, do you remember

when we went down to Mission Creek

and there was this rock, like a 45 degree angle,

and you took your shoes off and you were like,

"I'm gonna slide down it,"

and you did, but you forgot the creek

was down at the bottom.

We heard a splash when you fell in.

You were soaked.

It was so funny.

- Yeah. And then you and Travis

finally found the way down to the bottom

a whole two minutes later,

'cause you're both a bunch of pussies,

but we never talk about that, do we?

- One time, when Devyn and I were both 13,

we both liked the same guy,

so I straight up told him that she had crabs.

- Oh, my God.

You're the one that started that fucking rumor?

Dude, people called me Crabby Patty

for like six fucking months after that.

- Well, maybe don't have crabs, sweaty.

- Oh my God. - I'm sure everyone

forgot about it by now.

- I'll never forget.

- [Devyn] Great.

- That reminds me, Trent.

Remember when we were little

and we used to have to take baths together

and I took a shit in the tub.

I told you it was a tugboat.

You kept playing with it, making motorboat sounds.

I kept calling you "Captain Crap".

Mom was so pissed.

(crickets chirping)

- That's really fucked up, Travis.

- Okay. So, I have a question

- Ye, what's up?

- I asked my aunt about something

that I found in her house earlier today,

and she got really weird and like snappy at me about it.

- Was it her vibrator?

- Ew! - Travis.

(both laughing)

- No, it was not a vibrator.

It was some newspaper clippings from the 80s or something.

Do you guys know a Rachel Cavanaugh?

- You don't know who Rachel Cavanaugh is?

- Well, my aunt said she's like

a distant cousin or something,

but that's all she said about it.

- No fucking way.

- Dude, who is she?

- She was a badass bitch.

- Settle down, turbo.

- So you guys know who I'm talking about then?

- Yeah, Dev, she's our local serial killer.

- I thought I read something about that.

So, what's the story?

- This was like the early 80s.

Rachel Cavanaugh, a bunch of her friends,

they go out camping at this cabin in the woods near here,

and everything was fine

till she starts tripping out, telling everybody

that she sees this guy dressed up as a clown.

Well, she ends up murdering all of her friends,

then skips on down to the Herman farm,

smokes the two brothers there.

There was a third brother.

He was just a baby.

I don't know if she just had a thing for babies

or didn't know he was there,

but what an asshole.

- So that's it?

Did she kill anyone else?

- Fuck yeah, she did.

In the span of a day, she murdered like 10 people.

They found her all bloodied up in a ditch

on the side of the highway, completely silent.

- Oh my God.

I can't even imagine what could have happened.

- So, she's found in a ditch.

Then what?

- Not fit at the stand trial.

Boom. Ends up in an institution,

gets gang banged by a bunch of the male nurses,

ends up pregnant as fuck.

- What happened to the baby?

- I don't know. Probably aborted it.

- Your story seems to have some holes in it.

- Yeah, man.

Like I'm sure this person existed,

but I doubt all of this happened.

- Okay, so where's the cabin then?

Is that still around?

- Yeah, no. It still exists.

My cutter's anonymous group used to go there frequently,

and it is really creepy.

I think we passed it down the road on the way here.

- Oh shit.

I wanna go.

- At night?

You crazy? Hard pass.

No, thank you.

- Yeah, the remaining brother, they say,

squats at the cabin,

waiting to get his much deserved revenge

on the woman that killed his family.

And locals say they see him all the time,

either on the logging roads, or in the woods,

and they all say the same thing,

he's dressed up just like a clown.

- Sure. - Whatever.

- Hey, guys, it's true.

- You know what, actually, I was checking dad's game cams

and I think I saw that guy up at the Roy Farm,

full clown attire and everything.

- No fucking way.

- Yeah. - No.

- No. Yeah. He's been stealing chickens from that farm.

- Now you're full of shit.

- I'll show you when we get back, man.

- Whatever, dickhead.

- You're a douche-canoe.

No wonder you're almost 40 and still single.

- At least I'm not a giant diaper wearing pussy.

(owl hooting)

What the hell was that?

- Okay. Well, on that note,

I think it's time to call it a night.

It's fucking cold out here anyways.

- Come on, you guys, don't leave.

I still got a bunch of stories where Trent touches my shit.

(fire crackling)

(crickets chirping)

(coyotes howling)

- Are you serious?

- I was not built for nature.

- You guys hear that?

(coyotes howling)

- This is exactly what happens right before I die.

I fucking know it.

- It's just coyotes.

Really scary sounding coyotes.

- That's the ghost of all those people

Rachel Cavanaugh killed.

They heard us talking about 'em.

- First of all, we've all seen "Stand by Me",

so you can shut the hell up.

And secondly, you are freaking me out, man.

- Rachel Cavanaugh, is that you?

- [Trent] Dude, knock it off.

- Nah, it's cool, bro.

Hey, Haylee, isn't this where Rachel Cavanaugh

buried all our victims around here?

- Travis, I am three fourths the way to shitting my pants,

and what?

(coyotes howling)

- It's cool, Haylee.

I don't think ghost kill virgins anyways.

- Then you'll be safer than me, you stupid dick.

- [Trent] Guys, it's like 3:30.

Go to bed.

- Goodnight, Rachel Cavanaugh.

(crickets chirping)

(twigs cracking)

- Jill.

(Jill groaning)

Jill, wake up.

- Uh-uh.

- There's something outside the tent.

Travis, are you fucking with the tent?

- [Travis] What are you talking about?

- [Haylee] Yeah, we've all been asleep, Dev.

I would've heard him get out of the tent.

I can assure you, it wasn't him.

(rousing rock music)

- I'm glad you finally got some sleep.

- Yeah, if you wanna call it that.

Shit. I have no idea

what the fuck was outside of our tent last night,

but I've rarely been as scared as I was then.

- Tree branches?

- Come on.

I'll take rabid squirrels over tree branches.

- Looks like my idiot brother

and your asshole friend are getting along.

Why am I not surprised?

- My god. Can you imagine if they procreated?

That's the kinda shit that wakes you up at night

in a cold sweat.

- That's an image I'll never get out of my head.

- Ooooof! - Ooooof!

- Hey, Devy?

- Yeah? What's up?

Is this yours?

- No. Let me see that.

(suspenseful music)

- Oh my God.

Tell me that's not fucking blood.

- It's definitely not blood.

Fuck.

- What the fuck is going on over here?

- I found this necklace in this tree

right outside of where our tent was.

- Oh my God.

- What? - What?

- That's Liz's necklace.

- Bullshit.

That could be anybody's necklace.

- No, dude, she wears that pentacle every day.

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, Devy,

you have blood on you.

- Oh, my god.

- Is that what I think it is?

(suspenseful music)

- Guys, this is somebody's tongue.

- And you just picked it up.

(intense rock music)

- All right, we get into service, we call the police,

tell 'em what we found and where we found it.

- I touched Liz's tongue.

I usually only touch a tongue when it's in my mouth.

- I have bars.

- Good. Call 911.

- One minute I'm thinking about taking a post-camping shit,

and the next, I'm touching someone's severed ball licker.

- Oh, my God.

I have a ton of texts and voicemails from Detective Oxnard.

- I do too.

- Well, see what he wants.

- I'm working on it, Haylee.

- Oh, my god.

- What?

- They found Liz's body.

- Fuck.

- Did they say if she was missing anything,

like, I don't know, her fucking tongue?

- Come on, Haylee.

- Travis?

Is that the fucking tongue?

- Yep.

- Oh, my God. (gagging)

- Oh, my God.

(gagging) (retching)

- What the fuck, man?

Maybe use your head and stop doing stupid shit.

- Listen, we don't have time to stand around

and bitch at each other.

Devyn, get me a cup from the car.

- Do you want the ice mocha cup or the slushy cup?

- It doesn't matter, Devyn.

- Here.

- Okay, Travis,

I want you to put the tongue in inside the cup, okay?

- All right.

- Oh, God.

- [Trent] Oh, my God.

- You could have poured the liquid out first.

- Sorry, Haylee.

It wasn't the first thing I thought about.

All right, if we're all done circle jerking each other now,

we need to get back in the car and call the Sheriff's Office

and calmly explain to them

that we may have found evidence linked to Liz's murder,

and that said evidence has been tampered with

because our friend Travis here is an insufferable fuck hole.

- Wait.

So you want us to just go to the Sheriff's Office,

say, "Hey, guys, I'm here with a cup

with my dead friend severed tongue in it."

Come on, man.

That sounds like a bad movie.

- Look, we'll figure it out when we get there.

We just need to go.

- I'm not sitting next to the tongue.

It's not happening.

Move it somewhere else.

Anyone want gum?

- I'll have some.

- You can keep that.

- What the hell is taking them so long?

- I don't know.

Probably trying to figure out a way

to charge us with tampering with evidence.

- Oh, you mean like the part where we sauntered in

with somebody's fucking tongue?

- Uh, you're welcome.

(militaristic drum music)

- Well, if it isn't the Mystery Inc. gang

back to fuck up my universe.

- I would like to just say

that I practically begged them to put the tongue back.

- Thanks a lot, Judas.

- Well, I can definitely say

that you did act somewhat precipitously

by removing evidence from what is now a crime scene,

and whose bright idea was that anyways?

- You hear that, Travis, you fucking dumbass.

- Easy, Jill.

- So what happened to Liz?

- Ms. Cavanaugh, this is an open investigation,

which means I'm not at liberty to discuss,

for fear of repercussions.

And with the way my luck goes,

it could be raining big fat titties out,

I'd look up and catch a dick.

- What do you mean you can't discuss the case with us?

We brought you the tongue.

We brought you the necklace.

We've practically solved this case.

- [Detective Oxnard] You haven't solved anything,

and I know you must be frustrated.

- Frustrated? Frustrated?

We've been here for one week,

and already we found human remains.

And Liz, even though she is,

was,

sorry, Trent,

even though she was a raging bitch,

she ended up dead too.

I'm just kinda waiting around

to see when I can be turned into a human lamp shade

in somebody's farmhouse.

Frustrated? We're far past frustrated, buddy.

- Okay, let's pump the brakes right there, sweetheart.

First of all, those bones were from a couple of campers

who fought with a grizzly bear some 40 years ago and lost.

Secondly, we'll take the correct measures

to find out what happened to your friend.

It's called due process.

That's how an investigation works.

- Thank you. Thank you, sir.

You are a true inspiration.

Back the blue.

I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry.

- Listen, we have your statements,

and we'll keep you updated with what we can tell you.

For the meantime,

don't be thinking you'll be going too far.

Stay close. We may need more from you.

- Do we get to keep the tongue?

- Ah, for fuck sakes.

Have a nice day.

(rousing rock music)

- That was a complete waste of time.

- They didn't give two shits about anything we had to say.

If anything, it made us look more guilty.

- They've got detective work to do,

and whether we like it or not, it takes time.

- That asshole in there cares more about his wife's meatloaf

than he does about actual detective work.

- Is meatloaf like code for something sexual?

I'm just wondering.

- Look, we just need to do what we do

and wait until we hear back.

- Right. That is a great idea, Devyn.

There is a serial killer on the loose

and I'm just gonna sit back and watch the butchering happen.

Great.

- Oh, pipe down.

Nobody has an hour to listen to you

talk about the fall of the patriarchy.

They'd rather kill themselves.

- So now we're just dishing out self-harm jokes, right?

- Are you gonna make a little TikTok dance about it?

- You gonna keep being

- a millennial bitch about it? - You two, shut the fuck up.

- What the fuck is this?

- Just thought it would help if we had a sketch of the perp.

- That's great, Trav.

- He's right though.

I mean, what if it's the Herman bro?

- Now that we have this incredibly accurate

sketch to go off of.

Look, he even drew a dick on it.

We basically solved the case and caught the perp.

Let's go get fucked up.

- Preach

- Guys, the clown.

We might really have something.

Did anybody ask Travis if he washed his hands?

- Hey, Briggs, why don't you pull me the file

for the surviving Herman kid?

- Yes, sir.

- And one more thing.

Stop microwaving your curry in the break room.

It smells like a rotten moose

embalmed with buttermilk or some shit.

Have a little respect.

- Sure thing, sir.

- [Travis's Mom] Hey, where are you going?

- Heading to the store to get some beer and some jerky.

- [Travis's Mom] I told you

that if you keep drinking like that,

you're gonna get erectile dysfunction just like your father.

- I'm 36 years old, Mom.

Quit talking about my junk.

- I changed your diapers, Travis Michael.

I bet nothing's changed.

- Ma, what the hell is wrong with you?

(engine turning over)

What's up, gorgeous?

- Hey, T.

What are you doing here?

Here for some candy?

- Yeah, lemme go get some beers

and I'll come back for dessert.

- Okay. - All right.

(upbeat music)

Hey. Do you guys sell any, uh, Plan B?

- Plan B?

- Yeah, you know, the pill that like...

- Corrects mistakes?

- Yeah. Yes. Some of that.

- Yeah. This is a convenience store, sir.

Maybe try the Walgreens down the street.

- So much for being convenient.

- Excuse me.

- I mean, you call yourselves a convenience store,

but I can't even get a simple contraceptive.

It's kind of the antithesis of convenient.

- Did you just try to say antithesis?

Have you ever actually touched a woman?

- Look at me. Every day.

They don't call me Travis the fur trapper for nothing.

- Really? Is that what they call you?

- You know it. Or Travis the boner train,

the gash smasher, the cooch crusher,

the muff magician, the dirty Travis Sanchez,

tramp stamper, meat cleaver,

the beaver reliever, and Bishop Travis.

What's up?

- Wow. Impressive.

Are these women usually conscious?

- What?

- Are the women in the room with us right now?

- Is there a manager I can speak to?

- Of course.

Hello. I'm the manager.

What is the problem?

- Yeah. Your employee is harassing me.

- I'm so sorry to hear that.

Would you like to fill out a comment card?

- No, I just want some fucking Plan B.

- Sorry, we don't have Plan B here.

We do have Plan A though.

Try pulling out next time.

- Whatever, bitch.

Have a nice night.

- Thank you.

Please come see us again.

(crickets chirping)

- Damn.

Guess I'm gonna have to get my sugar fix somewhere else.

(ominous giggle)

Candy, is that you?

I got beers.

Candy, where you at?

I'm hungry.

(Candy exclaiming)

Fuck! You scared the shit out of me!

- Did you get the Plan B?

- No, she didn't have it.

- Aw, that's okay.

I'll still be your cum dumpster.

So you ready to get this party started?

- Yeah. I didn't bring my wallet through, girl.

- That's okay. I got a free one for you.

(upbeat music)

♪ You can have whatever you like ♪

- Do you like that, T?

♪ You can have whatever you like ♪

♪ When the beat goes off, we bang to the ♪

♪ You can have whatever you like ♪

♪ Whatever you like ♪

(music cutting out)

(upbeat music)

♪ You can have whatever you like ♪

- Here's your bullseye.

- Fuck.

Candy,

are you all right?

(suspenseful music)

The fuck is that?

(intense metal music)

Oh shit!

Fuck! Fuck!

(smashing sound)

- Detective,

we've got another one.

It's the Travis boy.

- What are you doing?

- I'm looking for more information on Rachel.

My aunt has got to have something somewhere.

I couldn't find like anything on the internet.

What if it's her?

- We don't even know if she's alive.

And if she is, she's probably

locked up tighter than a tick's ass.

- Tighter than a tick's ass, really?

I see you're getting into the country spirit there,

Billy Bob.

(phone buzzing)

Hello.

Wait, Trent, slow down.

Hold on. What?

- Oh, my God.

I'm on my way.

- What's your fucking hurry?

(door opening)

(door closing)

(bong bubbling)

- Travis!

Let me fucking see him!

- Trent, you have to stand back.

You know I can't let you through.

- Fuck you.

Let me see him.

- Trent, no.

- Oh, my God.

- Trent, no!

Shit.

(Trent crying)

- Gee, I'm sorry for your loss, Trent.

I truly am.

We're gonna find out who did this,

then they're gonna pay,

dearly.

Ms. Cavanaugh, can I have a word with you?

- Sure.

- I'll take him home.

I'll be right back.

- Ms. Cavanaugh, do you have any knowledge

of who Rachel Cavanaugh is?

- My aunt said she's like a distant cousin or something.

Why? Did she do this?

- Rachel Cavanaugh is dead.

She has been for years.

- Jesus. Why are you bringing her up then?

- Let me ask you another question, Ms. Cavanaugh.

Are you familiar with the family she killed?

- No. Should I be?

- July 27th, 1980,

Rachel Cavanaugh goes to a cabin

in these hills with four of her friends.

Everything was fine at first,

until at some point, it wasn't.

Her first victim, Nancy Oliver, strangled.

Nancy's boyfriend, Louis,

she cut his head clean off at the neck.

- Why are you telling me this?

- Next, she took out Louis's brother Mark.

Bludgeoned to death with a rock,

much like your friend Travis over there.

And last, but certainly not least, Joshua Miller.

He was gonna be a lawyer, maybe one of the good ones too.

She got him on the front steps, stabbed over 20 times.

The best part, he was in love with her,

had a note declaring his love for her and everything.

The poor bastard never had a chance.

But things went sideways

when she got picked up by the Herman boys.

Talk about unsavory bunch.

In and out of prison, and more than a screw or two loose.

You wanna witness the seedy underbelly of Rural America,

look no further than the Herman clan.

But you know what? She got them too.

Now, I don't know how some 5'4", 110 pound woman

murders two good old boys like she's out grocery shopping,

but she did.

When the sheriff's office picked her up,

she didn't talk much at first,

til the sheriff at that time

started slapping her around a bit,

and that's when she started screaming about

some clown nonsense,

said they were all killed by a vengeful funny man

with a smiley face.

- I'm sorry, detective,

I don't understand what any of that has to do

with any of this.

- Adley Herman, just a baby in a crib when he was found.

When Rachel killed the two brothers,

she left the baby brother to die,

covered in sores and shit, and barely a breath left in him.

But you know what, Ms. Cavanaugh,

Adley Herman's alive and well today.

- What are you saying?

- I'm saying, I can't help you.

I'm saying, one way or another,

Adley Herman's gonna get his pound of flesh.

If you stay here in this county,

well, you're just plain laying down with the devil himself.

Now, your best bet, you go on back to your aunt's place,

you pack your things,

and before another drop of blood hits the ground,

you get the hell out of my county.

(crickets chirping)

(TV chattering)

(indistinct banging)

- Kitty?

Here, kitty, kitty.

Kitty?

Kitty?

(indistinct clattering)

(footsteps departing)

Come on, you son of a bitch.

(TV chattering)

What the fuck is going on here?

(clown chuckling)

(Aunt Connie screaming)

(suspenseful music)

(clown groans)

(door banging)

Have me!

Fucker!

No!

No, no, no,

no, no!

Get out!

(suspenseful music)

(door closing)

(crickets chirping)

I'm gonna get you.

Now I'm gonna get you.

Rip your nuts off, motherfucker.

(cane thudding)

(tone beeping)

Hello? Hello. You gotta get somebody out here.

Some fucking son of bitch dressed up like a juggalo asshole

just attacked me.

What?

914 Whitefield Lane.

You better fucking hurry up.

I am too old for this shit!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

(suspenseful music)

(Aunt Connie screaming)

(Aunt Connie screaming)

- I can't do this anymore.

We have to leave.

- That's great, and go where?

- Shit. Back to Denver, I guess.

I don't know.

Some sort of normalcy.

Back to Sean, back to lies and empty promises.

- I can't let that piece of shit dictate my entire life.

If I do, he wins.

- It seems like we're going

from one piece of shit to another.

Jill, I told you nobody is gonna do anything here.

And all I've done by coming back

is awaken some sort of fucking curse,

and people are actually dead now.

- Dev!

I just know that if you,

that if we, don't try to put a stop to this,

all those people will have died in vain.

- So, what do I do?

- I don't know.

You're the one with serial killing in your blood.

(suspenseful music)

- Fuck! Aunt Connie!

- I don't need to go to the hospital.

I'm telling you, don't put me in that.

- Aunt Connie!

Are you gonna be? Is she gonna be okay?

- Hey, can I get a second to talk to my niece?

- We really need to get you going.

You're bleeding pretty bad, ma'am.

- I've been bleeding for 30 god dammed years, son.

This ain't shit.

- No one needs to hear that.

- Devyn, there's something I need to tell you,

just in case I don't make it.

- Don't talk like that,

- Aunt Connie. - Listen!

I've been meaning to tell you for many years,

and then we lost touch, and life happened.

- What is it?

- The woman that raised you isn't your mom, honey.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, she's your mom,

she'll always be your mom.

She wasn't the one that gave birth to you.

- Then who gave birth to me then?

- I think you know the answer to that, sweetie.

- Oh, my God.

- Rachel Cavanaugh was our sister.

They were gonna put you in foster care

when she gave birth to you in that terrible place.

As children, the three of us,

we were put into the system when your grandfather died.

We all suffered terrible, horrible, unspeakable things.

We couldn't see that happen to you.

So, we talked to the courts,

and Claire Elizabeth Cavanaugh became your mother.

I'm so, so sorry, Devyn.

You deserve to know this.

- We really need to get going.

- I love you so much, Aunt Connie.

- Hey, don't do that.

Or that.

- Sorry.

- I love you too, Devy.

- I love you too. - We gotta go.

- [Aunt Connie] You're not putting me in that thing.

- You're going in.

- I'm riding in the front with you.

I will ride up in, I'm telling you.

- You're not riding in the front.

- I will ride up in the.

Do not put me in there.

I'm telling you, I'm...

- You can't ride there. - There is nothing

wrong with me.

- [EMT] Well, actually, there's a lot wrong with you.

- Do not. No.

Do not put me in here.

No, no.

- Yeah. - No.

Devy!

No, no, no!

- Bye.

- What do you wanna do?

- Let's wipe that painted smile

off that motherfucker's face.

(crickets chirping)

(phone buzzing)

- Hello?

- Hey, Trent.

Look, I can't imagine what you're going through right now.

I'd really hate to ask anything of you,

but we need you,

I need you.

- It's late.

I've given a half a dozen statements to cops.

I took a bunch of downers.

I'm going to sleep.

- Trent, he came after my aunt too.

We need to end this.

Can you meet me here tomorrow?

- Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.

(birds singing)

- Dev, where's your bathroom?

- It's down the hall to the left.

- Thanks.

- Sit down.

- You ever seen a chocolate lava cake?

It's about where I'm at.

- It's down the hall to the left, Haylee.

- Thanks.

- We're getting nowhere.

We don't even know where this Adley guy is

until he's already fucked something up and killed somebody.

- Well, Travis said that he used to stay at the cabin,

you know, where things went down with Rachel Cavanaugh.

- Travis used to hang out there when he was a kid,

when we were younger.

We don't even know if the Adley guy is there.

I vaguely know where it's even at.

- Does anyone know where it's at?

- Easy Steve.

- Well shit, it's not like we can tell 'em

that we're exacting revenge

on some sort of lunatic inbred clown

and we need help finding his lair.

For all we know they're cousins.

- Well, what if one of us texted him

and said we wanted to party?

You know, get him to show us where the cabin's at.

- I guess that's an okay plan.

Who's gonna text him?

- Haylee, buddy,

you wanna take one for the team?

- Team what? What are we doing?

- Texting Easy Steve.

We wanna say that we wanna have a party

and get him to show us where the cabin's at,

you know, where we can find that piece of shit clown

and fuck him up.

- No. Make Jill do it.

I mean, he's not a waiter at Texas Roadhouse,

but I think we could get it done.

- No fucking way.

I don't want him to think I'm flirting with him.

- I don't want him to think I am either.

- Guys, calm down.

Let's just draw straws.

(whimsical music)

- Is this the short one?

Did I get the short one?

Fuck!

- Jill, calm down.

See, it's the same size.

- This election is rigged, okay?

I want a do over.

- This is America Haylee.

We don't rig elections.

(birds singing)

- Yeah okay, I sent it.

- What'd you say?

- I basically said,

hey, man, it's Trent and Travis's sister, Haylee,

was wondering if you wanted to throw one of your lit parties

at that cabin up in the woods tonight?

It's super secret, so come alone.

9:00 p.m. okay?

I'll bring all my friends.

- What kind of an invite is that?

- Oh, he already texted back.

- What'd he say?

- Good question.

It says, "Heel yeah, brother.

I can't wait to get my duck on

with some nasty benches."

And then just a bunch of letters,

- like, "R-U 18?" - Was "benches" plural?

Fuck off.

Damn, he's quick.

He texted me again.

"Meet at the Moon Valley Road train bridge.

I'll take you there."

- Where's that at?

- "Also, can you spot me a 20?"

Still needs some magnums, sis."

He's bringing a gun with him?

- He didn't mean that type of protection.

- What?

- So that's it?

We just show up with weapons and blind enthusiasm

and hope he's there?

- Well, it's like his home turf.

Besides, I don't think he's hitting up

any clown conventions anytime soon.

So, chances are, that's where we'll find him.

- Really?

You've been holding onto that one for a while?

- What are you talking about?

- Clown conventions?

Are we doing puns now?

Got a little standup routine you wanna do for us

before we all die in agonizing pain?

- I just talking about.

- There's a lot of trails, from what I remember,

that lead up to it.

You just have to follow the tracks for a bit.

Take you there.

- Okay, good. See.

That's the play then.

I don't know about you guys,

but I'm ready to take this fucking clown back to the circus.

Oh, I did it again, didn't I?

- Where fuck the is Easy Steve?

I thought he'd be camped out here like it was Black Friday.

- I told him nine o'clock,

so I guess he technically still has a few minutes.

- All right, well...

I brought a rusty ax.

- Great. We'll get 'em with tetanus.

- I brought Aunt Connie's knife block.

- That's her favorite set.

- I know.

They can literally cut through soda pop cans.

- How would you even know that?

- Because maybe I cut through a soda pop can once.

- What did you bring, Haylee?

- I brought my dad's gun.

- Oh, what the fuck? - Jesus!

- What?

- Don't be swinging that thing around

- like it's your dick. - Give me that.

- No bullets.

- Really? You didn't bring any bullets?

- I thought that it would already be loaded.

- The fuck, Haylee?

- Why wouldn't it be?

I don't fucking know.

I've never even held a gun before.

Why would I know that?

- Every person in existence for the last 400 years

knows that a gun needs bullets.

- Whatever.

I don't even know why I thought we could do this.

We're not fucking killers.

- I'm not going anywhere until that fuck is in the ground.

- Should we just go?

I mean, clearly we are not prepared

to handle this situation at all.

(indistinct rock music)

(rousing rock music)

♪ Dark nights alone again ♪

♪ Shadows dance in my room ♪

♪ I can't breathe, I can't see ♪

♪ Lost inside this mental groove ♪

♪ Old stars, they wish for lies ♪

♪ Sudden screams fill the air ♪

- Easy Steve.

(music cutting off)

- Whazzup?

- What's up, man?

- Hey, Trent.

Sorry to hear about your brother.

- Thanks, man.

- Trevor was a good guy.

- Hey, buddy.

- Hey, Haylee.

I feel like I haven't seen you in years.

- You saw me two days ago at my house.

You practically live on our couch.

You asked me if I could fit my whole fist in my mouth.

- Can you?

- Not right now.

- That sounds like an Easy Steve. All right. All right.

Speaking of, do you want something to drink?

Got some IPAs, some fire...

I drank those on the way here.

- Really? I couldn't tell.

I'm gonna have to pass though.

- All right.

- So, Steve, you gonna show us where this cabin's at

or what?

- I don't believe we have been properly introduced.

- My name is Jill,

and if you take one more step close, I swear to God,

I will make a coin purse out of...

- Okay.

Hi, Steve. I'm Devyn.

It's nice to meet you.

You know, I've heard a lot about you.

- It's all true.

- All right, man.

- Hey, Steve, can you show us the way?

- I love Peter Frampton.

- Whatever, man. Cool.

- All right. All right. Cool. Cool.

Well, I'll grab my nine pack, some Jimmies,

and we'll F this fucking pig.

- Did he actually bring a pig?

- I don't fucking know.

- This is a serious matter.

I feel like we should verify.

(rousing rock music)

- The fuck, man?

(doll deflating)

- Judy Rose!

What did you do to her?

I love you.

- Sorry man.

- Fuck you.

- You know, you guys are all a bunch of assholes.

(rousing rock music)

(indistinct classical music)

- Steve, where's this cabin, man?

- It's just right over the hill here, broseph.

- Who the fuck is playing the golden oldies?

(indistinct classical music)

- Hey. Hey. Everybody get down.

- Why the fuck are we whispering?

- Shut the fuck up.

- Bro, that hurt me in the heart.

- I'm going to hurt him everywhere else.

- I don't like this.

- Okay.

- Who is playing that music?

- Steve, there's something we didn't tell you.

There's no party.

We're actually out here looking for the clown

that killed Liz and Travis.

- What the fuck? There's no party?

- Shh. - Shh.

- Shut the fuck up.

(indistinct chatter)

- What is that?

- I might have invited a few of my crew though.

They're cool.

- Oh, my God. - Fuck.

- Wow. Steve has really outdone himself this time.

(all cheering)

- [Guest] Yeah! Free drugs and beers.

- Hey!

- Hey! What you doing?

- Those are my people, man.

- Fuck, man.

(indistinct classical music)

(upbeat club music)

- Oh fuck.

There he is.

- He's going right for them.

- Where the fuck are you going?

(upbeat club music)

(all screaming)

(upbeat club music)

- Hey. Righteous fucking costume, hoss.

(all cheering)

- Shh.

(door thudding)

(all screaming)

(uplifting music)

♪ I'm a clown for you ♪

♪ I'll do whatever you want me to ♪

♪ There is nothing that I wouldn't do ♪

(Devyn moaning)

(Trent moaning)

(muffled screaming)

(muffled screaming)

- Rot in hell, you sadistic motherfucker!

(Devyn screaming)

- [Detective Oxnard] Drop the knife.

Drop the knife right now.

(Devyn whimpering)

- Are you okay?

Good.

Son of a bitch.

Look at you three, a couple of clowns.

I oughta put you all outta your misery right this second,

but I reckon that'd make Aunt Evelyn a little mad at me.

Yeah, I bet she'd shit a brick

if I killed these wastes of oxygen.

- Who are you?

- Well, I tell you who I ain't, a dummy.

My cousins here, they're crazier than shit house rats,

and killing for them,

well, it's like breathing for most people.

And they'll do just about anything I ask 'em to,

except for listening to me when I tell them

to let me kill Rachel Cavanaugh's only fucking kid.

Yeah, that's right.

I bet you didn't know your mama was a murdering whore.

It's been such a long time since I thought about you,

but your Aunt Connie, woo boy, she is a talker,

and when I heard you were coming back into town,

I couldn't wait to roll out the red carpet for you.

But if you ask me, it's not red enough,

at least not yet.

- Oh, Trent.

You were a chubby baby.

Your mama was chubby.

Your dad was chubby.

You know, some people have a gold tongue,

some people even have a silver tongue,

but you know what I have,

I have your brother's tongue right here.

(all whimpering)

Hey, Trent.

"Trent, Trent, there's something I gotta tell you.

It's a little tongue in cheek,

but that Detective Oxnard, he's a bad, bad boy."

Oh, come on.

We're gonna go out on the road with this,

aren't we, Travis' tongue?

Yeah, we might even start ourself an R&B band,

call ourself "Tongue and Groove".

Hell, we might even be bigger than that Jeff Dunham guy.

Do that bit that we did the other night.

"Roses are red, violets are blue,

all your friends are dead, and you smell like glue."

No, the line is, you will be too.

"I can do it any way that I want.

I'm the star of the show."

But I'm the one with the gun.

As a matter of fact, why don't you go hang out

with your brother for a while.

And you, the woman with all the words,

all the bark and no bite.

I ought to kill you first

for being such a foul-mouthed see you next Tuesday,

but I think I'll let you sit there

and watch me kill your friend.

Yeah, the friend that you brought here to die.

This is really all your fault if you think about it.

(all whimpering)

- [Devyn] What the is wrong with you?

What do you want?

- Oh, Ms. Cavanaugh, don't play dumb with me.

You know who your mama was.

You know what she did to my brothers and me.

I lied there for days

rooting around in my own filth like a hog.

She killed those boys,

and in the end, tarnished my family name.

All the police, all the investigations coming into our homes

and taking our things as evidence,

and me, a little boy, discarded into the system

like a piece of garbage.

Do you know what that's like, Ms. Cavanaugh, do you?

Of course you don't.

Somebody rescued you.

- Just untie me, take me with you.

They don't have anything to do with it.

- So admirable, Ms. Cavanaugh.

I bet your tombstone will read something like,

real pretty, real heroic, real fucking dead.

(girls whimpering)

You know, I guess I could let bygones be bygones.

- [Devyn] Please.

- But I just like killing too god dammed much.

(gunshot booming)

(gunshot booming)

- Straight up capped those motherfuckers.

(gunshot booming)

(gunshot booming)

(clown gurgling)

Hey, guys, I brought the popo.

(girls crying)

(tranquil music)

- [Detective Oxnard] I'm saying, one way or another,

Adley Herman's going get his pound of flesh,

and if you stay here in this county,

well, you're just plain laying down with the Devil himself.

(birds singing)

- [Aunt Connie] You call me every time you stop.

You call, do you hear me?

- Yes, Aunt Connie.

I promise, every time we stop.

- If you don't, I will fly out to Denver

and kick the living shit outta you.

- I know.

- Bitch.

- Hag.

- Take care of her.

- I will.

- Please don't let anyone make a movie out of this.

- Come on. It's my way to cope.

I already have half a script written,

and the hero is a woman.

- Okay, all right.

- Face off. Just saying.

- You be good.

- We'll miss you.

- I'll come out and see you.

- I'd really like that.

- You gonna be okay?

- Scout's honor.

- Come here.

- Thank you for everything.

- Okay.

- All right.

Let's do it, let's head out.

Bye, guys.

- See you guys. - Bye.

- Love you. See ya.

- Don't miss us too much.

- [Aunt Connie] Drive safe.

(engine turning over)

- You guys wanna go get high and watch Sound of Freedom?

- I'm a minor. - And?

- Hell yeah.

- I can't keep doing this.

♪ Stars are waiting in the sky ♪

♪ New horizons calling out ♪

(tranquil music)

♪ Stars are waiting in the sky ♪

♪ New horizons calling out ♪

♪ Stars are waiting in the sky ♪

♪ New horizons calling out ♪

(intense suspenseful music)

(rousing rock music)

♪ Are you truly agnostic if you still believe in angels ♪

♪ Two winged seraphic by my side ♪

♪ Gotta make it, make through the day ♪

♪ Conceal your secrets out of fear of all their labels ♪

♪ Suppress my inward Edward Hyde ♪

♪ Let 'em go, help is on the way ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm sick of feeling sick ♪

♪ I try so hard, but only seem to fail here in this mix ♪

♪ The best thing I can do is say goodbye ♪

♪ I am much different than I was last September ♪

♪ Say goodbye ♪

♪ Stop the train, I give up and I surrender ♪

♪ Carry on ♪

(rousing rock music)

- Did you just fucking slap me?

(upbeat music)

- Devyn?

- Sean?

- I want my mommy.

- Shut up.

- That's right. I found you.

- What the hell are you doing here?

- Surprised to see me?

- Yeah. Surprise is one way to put it.

- I hoped you would be.

I came all this way to tell you

that I've been thinking about you constantly

and that I love you.

I love you.

- Who the hell is that then?

- Absolutely nobody.

Don't worry about her at all.

- How did you even find me?

- Well, I was going through your Instagram messages

and some guy under "Easy Steve",

and the way you guys were talking

seemed like he could be a new lover perhaps.

I knew he was from the area.

He's the one that brought us back together.

- That's great, Sean,

but you know, we're kind of busy here.

- Yeah, I saw that.

You join a gang or something?

- A gang?

No.

- Okay.

Well, I could leave you to it,

maybe pop back in town, grab a bite eat.

When in Rome, but I'll find you later.

I'm pretty good at that.

- Okay. Yeah.

- Could I maybe get a hug?

- Sure, Sean, bring it in.

- What the fuck! Is that bear spray?

I fucking hate bear spray.

(rousing rock music)

♪ I'll surely burn in hell for all things I've done ♪

♪ Self inflicted one-way fall ♪

♪ Gotta make it, make it through the day ♪

♪ The day of reckoning for 1981 ♪

♪ Nice to know you're my last call ♪

♪ Let him go, help is on his way ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm sick of feeling sick ♪

♪ I try so hard but only seem to fail here in this mix ♪

♪ The best thing I can do is say goodbye ♪

♪ I am much different than I was last September ♪

♪ Say goodbye ♪

♪ Stop the train, I give up and I surrender ♪

♪ Carry on ♪

(suspenseful music)

(ominous music)