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1
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,100
Meet your new god.
2
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:38,871
Wow.
That thing is the bane
of our existence.
3
00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:40,940
Ryan is a nut
for sports and movies.
4
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:44,810
I am talking hours and hours
every single day.
5
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,847
Yeah, well, she never met
a home improvement show
she didn't like, so--
6
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,782
I am nowhere near
as bad as you.
7
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,385
Oh, here we go again.
8
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:54,954
Karen and I used to fight
a lot about the TV, too.
9
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:58,190
I mean, we weren't
fighting, Scott.
We don't fight.
10
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:00,126
Oh, I didn't mean
to imply--
11
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,795
No. Forget it.
Nothing's been implied.
12
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,364
Hey, let's go set
this bad boy up, huh?
Okay.
13
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,867
TV make man happy.
[laughs]
14
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:16,075
It's so funny you thought
that was fighting, Scott.
15
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,244
Hysterical.
[chuckles]
[chuckles]
16
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,219
♪♪ [rock]
17
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:31,190
And I kid you not,
he was the cutest
boy in mathletes.
18
00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:33,526
[chuckles]
Yeah.
19
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,461
Well, fractions
gave me a hard time,
20
00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:37,129
but, uh,
she helped me out, so...
21
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,898
And we've been together
ever since.
Yeah.
22
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,534
Since 7th grade?
[both]
Yep.
23
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:45,237
We made a solemn vow
14 years ago
24
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,473
that we would spend the rest
of our lives together.
25
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:50,976
Yes, we did.
I just consider myself
so lucky
26
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,280
that I met my soul mate
at such a young age, you know?
27
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:56,048
I know so many people
28
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:59,552
that spend so much
of their lives searching,
29
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:02,888
just feeling empty
and unfulfilled.
30
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:08,861
What?
31
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,066
Her?
32
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,568
Excuse me?
33
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:16,602
The girl at the bar
34
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:18,838
you're making
the giggedy-giggedy
eyes at.
35
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,439
[clears throat]
36
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,142
Scott, you can do
better than her.
37
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:24,810
She's a bar skank.
38
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:26,846
[laughs] Rowr.
39
00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,849
I mean, you're probably right,
but it was a little catty.
40
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:33,252
But true. Scott,
when you are ready
to start dating again,
41
00:12:33,285 --> 00:12:35,187
we will hook you up.
42
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:38,891
Oh-ho-ho!
Debra Schmidt.
43
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,392
Exactly who
I was thinking!
44
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,461
Yeah.
I love you right now!
45
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,964
I'm not really looking
for a fix-up right now.
46
00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:46,899
I just...
47
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,901
You what?
Mary, please.
48
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,402
Don't-- Don't push him.
49
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:53,072
Ryan, I'm not pushing.
It's not a big deal.
50
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,940
See, I just tend to get
too serious too fast.
51
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:56,575
I mean, I just rush it.
52
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,912
I'm always looking
for the guarantee.
53
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,448
Well, you gotta stop falling
so hard so fast, Scotty.
54
00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:05,451
Yeah, stop doing that.
55
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,853
Anuptaphobia.
Fear if being alone.
56
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:10,022
That's all it is.
Mm-hmm.
Perfectly normal.
57
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:11,924
It's only been two months
since Karen,
58
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:15,227
and I figure
the best thing to do
is just lay low for a while.
59
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,496
Amen to that, brother.
60
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,598
We will not let you
rush into anything.
61
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,600
Oh. Oh. Oh.
What time is it?
62
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,035
Shots o'clock!
It is.
63
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:24,970
Hey.
It's drinks 30.
64
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,505
Boys.
65
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,543
Cheers.
[together]
Night Court.
66
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,947
[Mary]
Ay, ay, ay!
67
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,082
Just like Grandma
used to make.
[Ryan laughs]
68
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:38,951
[phone ringing]
69
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:42,454
[laughter]
70
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:45,925
Oh! Hello!
71
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,528
Yes. Hello, Karen.
72
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,430
I've heard a lot about you.
Hey--
73
00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,133
Well, Scott--
74
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:57,002
Stop tickling me.
75
00:13:57,036 --> 00:14:00,172
Scott's too busy
to talk right now.
76
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:02,508
He's busy with me.
77
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,578
Well, if you have a message
you'd like me to pass on
78
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:08,247
to Scott for you,
I'd be more than happy to.
79
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,448
Uh-huh.
80
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:10,516
[whispering]
Mary--
81
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,952
You hope he understands.
82
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:15,521
Why? Because his understanding
would alleviate your guilt
83
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:19,592
and the knowledge that you
let a great man get away?
84
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:24,396
Who am I?
I'm someone who cares.
85
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:27,633
Let's leave it at that,
shall we? Mm-hmm.
86
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,935
Okay. Thanks. Bye.
87
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,137
[beeps off]
Oops.
88
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:34,940
Ohh!
Mary, that was--
that was so cruel.
89
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,976
Oh, you say it
like it's a bad thing.
90
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:38,677
No, it was brilliant.
91
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,613
But you should've
let me talk to her.
92
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:42,982
Ah-ah-ah. No.
Mm-mm.
93
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:46,218
Friends don't let friends
talk to exes drunk.
94
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:48,153
Good point.
Very, very good point.
95
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,058
What-- What are
you writing?
96
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:56,328
It's a contract that under
no circumstances
97
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:59,231
will we let you
talk to your exes
98
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:01,500
while you are drunk.
99
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:04,036
And I am adding a clause--
100
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,471
Uh-huh.
...that states
101
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:07,306
that under no circumstances
102
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:09,108
will we allow you
103
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:11,377
to rush back into
a relationship.
104
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,412
And if I do, you're
legally responsible.
105
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:15,314
[together]
Bingo.
106
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:16,615
Sign that!
107
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:22,321
Wow, guys.
108
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:24,590
Tonight has been great.
109
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:26,025
I really needed all this.
110
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:28,027
It's nothing, buddy.
111
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:30,162
That's what friends
are for.
112
00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:32,965
See you in the morning.
Good night.
113
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,341
[Mary]
Scott! We have a contract.
114
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:45,144
[Ryan]
Don't make me put
a Breathalyzer on that phone.
115
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:47,046
[door closes]
[laughs]
116
00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:56,655
[sighs]
117
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:59,425
[Mary]
This is so fantastic.
We really lucked out.
118
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,328
[Ryan]Yeah.
I'm so happy here.
119
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,463
Me, too.
I love you, honey.
120
00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:07,066
Oh, I love you.
Mmm.
121
00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:09,201
Get naked
and get in this bed.
122
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:11,603
Oh, I'm getting
so fucking naked.
[zipper unzips]
123
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:15,240
Oh, my God, it's beautiful!
Oh-ho-ho!
124
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:16,742
You know it is! Oh!
125
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:19,745
It never ceases to amaze me.
Baby!
Oh, my God.
126
00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:21,313
[both moaning]
[bed banging]
127
00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:23,449
Oh, get there.
Get there.
Right there.
128
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:26,218
[moaning continues]
[banging continues]
129
00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:27,219
Okay.
130
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:28,654
Smack my ass!
[slapping]
131
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:31,357
Like that?
Smack it! Oh, harder!
132
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,192
How do you like it?
Ride it!
133
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:34,426
Riding it!
134
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:43,535
♪ Everyone is trying hard
to see ♪
135
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:48,140
♪ Just what you got
hiding up your sleeve ♪
136
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,142
♪ But it's never,
ever gonna be ♪
137
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:53,212
[Mary]
Show me your magic trick...
[Ryan] ...backstabber bitch.
138
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:55,214
♪ You've got another
set of plans ♪
139
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:57,282
♪ And they're a long way out
140
00:16:57,316 --> 00:17:01,220
♪ Do you see yourself
in paradise ♪
141
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:06,592
♪ Falling into space
142
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,329
♪ I cannot sleep
143
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:13,098
So it's no secret
that this guy
144
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,833
is schtupping
his assistant.
145
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,201
Naomi.
Norma.
146
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:19,138
Naomi is
the accounts manager.
147
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:21,240
Systems manager, dear.
148
00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:23,876
The specifics of her title
are hardly important, dear.
149
00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:25,811
The point is--
The point is
150
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:27,479
if you're gonna tell a story,
151
00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:29,782
you should do so properly,
darling.
152
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:32,418
The point is that you
don't absolutely
153
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:35,421
have to correct someone
every single time
154
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,356
they make
a microscopic mistake.
155
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,391
Guys, come on. All right?
We're talking about
156
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,227
the juicy details
of an inter-office affair,
all right?
157
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:44,196
Let's just stay on topic.
158
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,366
Okay. So, you know
those black lights
159
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,568
they use
on crime scene shows?
160
00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:52,805
Oh, my God.
Look who it is.
161
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,674
Ted!
162
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:58,210
Nerissa!
163
00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,378
[squeals]
164
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,813
Oh...
No.
165
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,481
Yes. Yes. No. N--
166
00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,550
We're just gonna say hi
just for a minute.
I don't want to.
167
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,186
I know,
but that's what people do.
Not without bullets.
168
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,554
Hi!
169
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,923
Hey! How have
you guys been?
170
00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:13,192
Probably perfect as ever,
I suppose.
171
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:14,593
Exact-a-mundo.
172
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:17,930
We have been
pretty fantastic.
How about you two?
173
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:19,398
Just fine, Mary.
174
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:23,302
Nerissa went to UCLA,
like us. Mm-hmm.
175
00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:26,572
We met these two jokers
at an alumni thing,
176
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,607
what, three,
four years ago? Um...
177
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,443
Four years ago.
I remember, because it
was right around the time
178
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,178
that I had my IRS audit.
179
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,714
And when it rains,
it pours, so...
Okay.
180
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:37,216
Stop it.
181
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:38,951
Zing!
12828
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