Original subtitles

( blows whistle )

- ( grunts ) - ( woman screams )

( blowing whistle )

( phone ringing )

UH, PARDON ME. I WONDER IF YOU WOULD MIND

WORKING ON THAT SHOE FOR A WHILE.

( phone continues ringing )

THIS IS SMART, MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86.

86, REPORT TO HEADQUARTERS IMMEDIATELY.

JUST A MINUTE. WHO IS THIS?

THIS IS THE CHIEF. WHO ELSE WOULD BE CALLING YOU ON YOUR SHOE?

YES, WELL, YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.

WOULD YOU MIND GIVING ME THE DAY'S PASSWORD?

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, MAX. THERE'S NO TIME FOR--

I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE TO FURTHER IDENTIFY YOURSELF.

I'M TELLING YOU, MAX, THIS IS THE CHIEF.

WELL, IF YOU CAN'T GIVE ME THE DAY'S PASSWORD,

I'LL ACCEPT THE COUNTERSIGN OR TODAY'S SECRET CODE NUMBER.

MY LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT.

GET IN HERE, MAX, OR I'LL PERSONALLY TEAR YOU APART!

THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME, CHIEF.

I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

EXCUSE ME. I'M IN A HURRY.

( theme music playing )

- 86, I'VE GOT A NEW ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU. - RIGHT, CHIEF.

- IT'S A KIDNAPPING CASE. - OH, GOOD. WHO DO YOU WANT ME TO KIDNAP?

NO, MAX. I WANT YOU TO PREVENT A KIDNAPPING.

IN THE LAST 10 DAYS EIGHT BLONDES HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED

IN WASHINGTON FROM THIS AREA. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THAT?

WELL, IT'S EITHER A CONSPIRACY

OR SOME GUY'S GOT A PRETTY WEIRD HOBBY.

THESE ARE THE GIRLS. ALL OF THEM WERE REGISTERED

AT THE HOTEL CRAMLEY. NOW, WE HAVE ONE CLUE--

ORIENTALS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED AT THE SCENE OF EACH KIDNAPPING.

86, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

HMM? OH, YES. YES, OF COURSE, CHIEF.

WE SUSPECT THE ORIENTAL ARM OF KAOS MAY BE INVOLVED.

MM-HMM, KAOS, THE INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF EVIL.

THAT'S RIGHT. NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY.

- MAX! - HMM?

PRINCESS INGRID OF SCANDINAVIA IS VISITING WASHINGTON.

SHE'S STAYING AT THE HOTEL CRAMLEY AND SHE'S A BLONDE.

- ANY QUESTIONS SO FAR? - UH, YES.

COULD I SEE #4 AGAIN?

THE PRINCESS IS TRAVELING INCOGNITO

BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO AVOID NEWSPAPERMEN

AND SECURITY AGENTS.

BUT WE'VE GOT TO PROTECT HER!

OH, YOU'RE AFRAID

THAT SHE'LL BE KIDNAPPED, RIGHT?

THERE'S A NATO MEETING ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE IN HER COUNTRY.

IF ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO HER,

OUR GOVERNMENT'S POSITION WOULD BE SERIOUSLY COMPROMISED.

NOW LET ME GET TO THE REASON I'M PUTTING YOU ON THIS CASE.

YOUR FOLDER IS RIGHT HERE. LET ME SEE...

SALZMANN, SAXON, SCHWARTZ--

SCHWARTZ?THAT'S-- HE'S A REAL GO-GETTER.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF, I CAN HANDLE THIS JOB.

REMEMBER HOW I HANDLED MY LAST TWO ASSIGNMENTS?

SEND IN SCHWARTZ.

SCHWARTZ IN RANGOON? WHAT'S HE DOING THERE?

OH, HE IS BEING HELD PRISONER. WELL, ANYWAY, HE'S ON THE JOB.

OKAY, SMART...

LET'S SEE...

OH, YES, THIS IS WHY WE PUT YOU ON THIS CASE.

FIVE YEARS AGO, WHEN THE PRINCESS'S FATHER SPOKE

AT THE UNITED NATIONS, YOU SAVED HIS LIFE.

OH, THAT PRINCESS INGRID!

OF COURSE, YES.

SHE KNOWS YOU AND SHE TRUSTS YOU.

I'M PUTTING HER SAFETY IN YOUR HANDS.

YOU WON'T REGRET IT, CHIEF.

NOW I'VE WRITTEN THE LOCATION OF YOUR CONTACTS

ON THIS PIECE OF PAPER. BE SURE TO DESTROY IT.

RIGHT, CHIEF.

NO NO NO, MAX!

FIRST MEMORIZE IT, THEN DESTROY IT.

I'M SORRY, CHIEF.

LET'S GO SEE CARLETON IN THE LAB.

HE'S GOT SOME NEW EQUIPMENT FOR YOU.

UH, THIS IS OUR NEW 27-F CIGARETTE LIGHTER.

IT SIGHTS DOWN THE WICK AND IT FIRES A .22-CALIBER BULLET.

- IT WHAT? - I SAID IT...

...FIRES A .22-CALIBER BULLET.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

LET'S GET ON TO SOMETHING.

WHAT ABOUT THE NEW WRIST COMMUNICATOR T-37?

RIGHT HERE, SIR.

NOW, MAX, YOU'LL USE THIS TO STAY IN CONTACT WITH US.

BUT, CHIEF, I STILL HAVE MY SHOE PHONE.

TURN IN YOUR SHOES, MAX. I THINK THE WRIST COMMUNICATOR WILL BE MORE EFFECTIVE.

GEE WHIZ, CHIEF, I STILL HAVE 60 MESSAGE UNITS LEFT THIS MONTH.

WE'VE DEVELOPED A NEW PAIR OF SHOES IN THE LAB, 86.

NOTICE THE STEEL-ENFORCED TOES FOR KICKING?

AND INSIDE THE HEELS THERE ARE SECRET COMPARTMENTS

CONTAINING OUR LATEST EMERGENCY PELLETS.

CAN I SEE IT IN A 10?

SHOW HIM THE PELLETS, CARLETON.

IN THE LEFT HEEL COMPARTMENT THERE ARE TWO PELLETS.

THE SMALLER ONE IS A CONCUSSION PELLET.

NOW IF IT'S THROWN UP AGAINST SOMETHING OR ACTIVATED BY HEAT,

IT WILL BLOW A 10-BY-15 ROOM TO SMITHEREENS.

NOW, MAX, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS LARGER PILL IS FOR?

LARGER ROOMS.

MAX, KAOS DOES HAVE WAYS OF MAKING A MAN TALK.

IF YOU ARE CAPTURED AND IF IT LOOKS REALLY TOUGH,

THIS MAY BE YOUR ONE ACE IN THE HOLE.

THIS PILL WHEN SWALLOWED WILL BRING PAINLESS DEATH

IN ABOUT 20 SECONDS.

- ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? - HOW DO I GET THEM TO TAKE IT?

LET'S GET ON TO THE NEXT PELLET.

THIS--

THIS PELLET CONTAINS A VERY VOLATILE LIQUID.

WHEN ACTIVATED, IT PRODUCES A THICK

PROTECTIVE SMOKE SCREEN.

NOW I'M ASSIGNING AGENT 99 TO ACCOMPANY YOU ON THIS ONE, MAX.

THE PRINCESS HAS A REPUTATION OF BEING A LITTLE BIT WILD

AND I THINK IT'LL TAKE BOTH OF YOU TO WATCH HER AND KEEP HER OUT OF TROUBLE.

I'M RARING TO GO, CHIEF,

JUST AS SOON AS I GET THIS SHOE ON.

ACTUALLY, CHIEF, I DON'T THINK I'LL BE NEEDING THE SMOKE PELLET.

( theme music plays )

MAXWELL SMART.

- ( knocking ) - Woman: COME RIGHT IN. IT'S OPEN.

SHE SHOULDN'T LEAVE HER DOOR UNLOCKED LIKE THAT.

- WHO IS IT? - UH, AN OLD FRIEND.

I'LL BE THERE IN A MOMENT.

HEY, YOU KNOW THE PRINCESS ALREADY, DON'T YOU, MAX?

YES, I MET HER FIVE YEARS AGO.

SHE WAS A SWEET FRECKLED-FACED 15-YEAR-OLD KID.

- WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO WITH US? - DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, 99.

- WHY WOULDN'T SHE WANT TO GO WITH US? - MAXIE!

MAXIE, DARLING!

INGRID?

( chuckles ) ISN'T SHE SWEET? SHE HASN'T CHANGED A BIT.

SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME 15-YEAR-OLD.

UH, AHEM, PRINCESS, UH...

I WANT YOU TO MEET AGENT 99.

WE'VE BEEN ASSIGNED TO ESCORT YOU AROUND WASHINGTON.

- WHERE DO YOU WANT TO TAKE ME? - UH, YES, WELL,

- WE'LL GO AND SEE ALL THE SHRINES AND MONUMENTS. - ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I COME TO WASHINGTON ONCE A YEAR, AND I WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN.

YES, WELL, WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?

- TO YOUR PLACE. - MY PLACE.

WELL, THERE'S NO REAL HISTORICAL

- SIGNIFICANCE TO MY PLACE. - MMM, THERE COULD BE.

Ingrid: I WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN.

I'M GOING TO GO GET MY COAT, AND THEN I'M GOING DANCING.

( snapping fingers ) I'M GOING TO DO THE WATUSI AND THE WALK

AND THE SWIM AND THE PONY.

AHEM. YES. WELL, 99,

YOU'RE A WOMAN, AREN'T YOU? WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP HER?

HOW ABOUT A TRANQUILIZER?

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

( mimicking ) WELL, MAXIE, DARLING,

I THINK YOU'VE GOT TO SHOW HER WHAT A SWINGER YOU ARE,

THAT YOU CAN DO THE FRUG AND THE WATUSI AND THE SWIM

- AND THE PONY-- - I KNOW, I KNOW. JUST GIVE A GOOD EXAMPLE.

BUT OF COURSE. ( hums )

OKAY, NOW GIVE ME A BAD EXAMPLE.

- ( knocking ) - I'LL GET IT.

- PACKAGE FOR MISS SWENSON. - OH, THANK YOU.

- 99! - WHAT IS IT, MAX?

- QUICK, COME HERE. - Ingrid: WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAX? - SHH.

DON'T MAKE A MOVE, DON'T MAKE A SOUND.

I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, PRINCESS,

BUT I THINK I'VE JUST SAVED...

YOUR FLOWER.

THEY NEED A LOT OF WATER, YOU KNOW.

NOW ABOUT OUR ITINERARY--

BEFORE WE GET TO THE DANCING,

WE'RE GOING TO VISIT SOME REAL SWINGING PLACES--

the White House, the Lincoln Memorial,

Washington Monument, the Smithsonian Institute,

and the National Art Gallery.

OH, BOBO, HOW IRONIC--

OUR OLD FRIEND MAXWELL SMART

HAS LED US TO OUR TARGET.

WHAT A PLEASURE IT WILL BE TO ELIMINATE HIM.

I WILL FORCE AIR BUBBLES INTO HIS BLOODSTREAM.

STOP STOP! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT.

YOU KNOW HOW I DETEST VIOLENCE.

I WILL THANK YOU TO DO YOUR FIENDISH WORK,

- BUT DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT. - YES, MASTER.

HOW DO YOU FORCE AIR BUBBLES INTO THE BLOODSTREAM?

- UH-- - NEVER MIND. I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR.

WE MUST CONCENTRATE ON OUR PLAN

WHICH HAS IMPROVED

NOW THAT WE KNOW THEIR FULL ITINERARY--

KIDNAP THE PRINCESS AND...

GET SMART.

NO NO, MAX. I DON'T WANT TO SEE

ANYMORE OF YOUR SHRINES AND MONUMENTS.

YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO SOME SWINGING PLACES.

WELL, WE JUST SAW THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTE.

THAT WAS EXCITING, WASN'T IT? MY HEART IS STILL THUMPING.

REALLY? LET ME FEEL.

- STOP THAT, PRINCESS. - YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO FIND THE STOP THRILLING.

- WON'T SHE, MAXIE? - PLEASE, 99.

WOULD YOU PLEASE SHOW THE PRINCESS AROUND THE ART GALLERY?

- I HAVE TO REPORT IN. - OF COURSE.

RIGHT THIS WAY, PRINCESS.

THIS IS 86 REPORTING IN TO CONTROL.

HELLO, CHIEF? THIS IS MAX.

I'M AT THE NATIONAL ART GALLERY.

ANYTHING UNUSUAL TO REPORT?

WELL, WE JUST CAME FROM THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTE

AND WE SAW THE PLANE "THE SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS."

SO?

CHIEF, WAS CHARLES LINDBERGH CHINESE?

OF COURSE NOT.

THEN I THINK WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED.

OVER AND OUT.

REALLY, MAX, THIS TOUR IS INTOLERABLE.

THE DAY IS NEARLY GONE AND WE HAVEN'T HAD ANYFUN.

ALLOW ME, PRINCESS.

WONDERFUL, MAXIE. AT LAST SOME EXCITEMENT.

99, PUT PLAN 49-K INTO EFFECT IMMEDIATELY.

- THAT'S 49-K. - RIGHT, 86.

- MAX? - HELLO CONTROL, HELLO CONTROL?

- 99? - YES, 86?

- WHAT IS PLAN 49-K? - I TAKE THE SUBJECT TO MY APARTMENT

- AND DON'T LET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT. - RIGHT.

- THIS IS AGENT 99, AGENT 99-- - 99?

- YES, 86? - WHAT DO I DO?

- YOU FOLLOW THE SUSPECT. - RIGHT.

CONDITION RED.

COME ON, PRINCESS.

THE OLD PICTURE-IN-THE-KEYHOLE TRICK.

THAT'S TWICE THIS MONTH.

A SIMPLE TRICK, BUT EFFECTIVE ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU OUR PRISONER.

NOT QUITE YET, MY FRIEND.

IF HE SHOOTS ME, I SHOOT YOU.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BOBO.

INGENIOUS, ISN'T IT, MR. SMART?

IT'S ACTS LIKE THAT THAT KILLED VAUDEVILLE.

VERY AMUSING, MR. SMART.

I SUPPOSE YOU CAN GUESS WHAT THEY CALL ME.

LEFTY?

NO, MR. SMART.

I AM EMPLOYED BY KAOS,

THE INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF EVIL.

( Chinese accent ) MY NAME IS THE CLAW.

- THE CRAW? - NO, NOT "THE CRAW."

- THE CLAW. - OH, YES, "THE CRAW."

PERHAPS YOU WOULD TELL ME, MR. CRAW,

WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH ALL THOSE BLONDES YOU'VE KIDNAPPED.

THEY ARE ALL PERFECTLY SAFE, MR. SMART.

ACTUALLY, THE ONLY GIRL WE WANT IS PRINCESS INGRID.

THEN WHY DID YOU ABDUCT THE OTHERS?

UNFORTUNATELY, MR. SMART,

ALL AMERICANS LOOK ALIKE TO US.

WE MAY BE DIABOLICAL, BUT WE ARE NOT PERFECT.

BOBO.

AND NOW, MR. SMART, YOU WILL TELL US THE PRINCESS'S WHEREABOUTS.

NO, MY FRIEND, YOU WILL NEVER GET YOUR CRAWS ON HER.

NO NO NO, NOT CRAWS, CRAWS.

- ( clicks ) - OH, YES, OF COURSE, "CRAWS."

I SUPPOSE YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT ME BURIED IN THIS BACKROOM

IN THIS BUILDING ON COMMONWEALTH AND EIGHTH STREETS.

HAVE ALL MOBILE UNITS STAND BY FOR MY INSTRUCTIONS.

NOT EIGHTH STREET, MR. SMART,

- "F" STREET. - OH, YES, "F" STREET.

The Claw: And it's "Crover" Avenue.

"CROVER" AVENUE. UH, CLOVER.

OH, THAT MUST BE NEAR NINTH AND DELAWARE?

- ONLY IF YOU TAKE THE CUTOFF AT EXIT 4. - OH, EXIT 4.

- That must be under the overpass. - No no no--

- over the underpass. - Over the underpass.

OVER THE UNDERPASS. GOOD, THAT'S ALL WE NEED TO KNOW.

INDEED IT IS, MR. SMART.

YOUR CHIEF WILL NEVER FIND YOU WITH THOSE DIRECTIONS.

AND NOW YOU WILL TELL US THE LOCATION OF THE PRINCESS.

- NEVER! - I HAVE A WAY TO LOOSEN YOUR TONGUE, MR. SMART.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE CHINESE

BAMBOO-STALKS- UNDER-THE-FINGERNAILS TORTURE?

NO.SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD. HOW DOES IT WORK?

YOU PLACE CHINESE BAMBOO STALKS

- UNDER THE FINGERNAILS. - UNDER THE FINGERNAILS.

- YES, I REMEMBER NOW. - BOBO, EXECUTE

THE CHINESE BAMBOO-STALK- FINGERNAIL TORTURE.

( screams ) HIM, YOU FOOL,

NOT ME.

AND DON'T IMAGINE YOUR CRIES OF PAIN

WILL BRING ASSISTANCE, MR. SMART!

THE ACTIVITIES OF OUR SHANGHAI A-GO-GO DISCOTHEQUE

- ARE JUST GETTING STARTED. - ( dance music playing )

IN ADDITION TO PROVIDING A USEFUL FRONT TO OUR ORGANIZATION,

THAT RAUCOUS SOUND WILL SMOTHER YOUR CRIES FOR HELP.

( music stops )

MR. SMART, ONE LAST APPEAL TO REASON--

I DO NOT CARE FOR TORTURE.

MUST YOU BE SO STUBBORN?

I'D LIKE A CHANCE TO THINK THIS OVER. DO YOU MIND IF I SMOKE?

OH, NOT AT ALL.

- TAKE YOUR TIME. - THANK YOU.

THESE THINGS NEVER WORK.

YOUR TIME IS UP.

WELL, I'M AFRAID I HAVE NOTHING TO TELL YOU, MR. CRAW.

THEN FOR MY FIRST TORTURE PLEASE REMOVE YOUR SHOES.

MY SHOES?

YES, OF COURSE, I'D BE GLAD TO REMOVE MY SHOES.

YOU ARE FORCING ME TO DO THIS, MR. SMART.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE BAMBOO-STALKS-UNDER- THE-FINGERNAIL TORTURE?

I KIND OF LIKED THAT ONE.

WE FOUND THIS TO BE

MORE EFFECTIVE.

ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, STAND BACK. HOW BIG IS THIS ROOM?

- ABOUT 1O-BY-15. - PERFECT.

DON'T MOVE OR I'LL BLOW YOU ALL TO KINGDOM COME.

- BOBO, DROP THAT GUN. - HE'S BLUFFING. BOBO, GET HIM!

STAND BACK.

WRONG PILL. I THINK I'VE JUST POISONED THE ROOM.

The Claw: NO, MR. SMART, THERE'LL BE NO MORE OF YOUR SILLY TRICKS.

( coughing )

- 86! - 99.

OH, MAX, I'M SO SORRY BUT THE PRINCESS GOT AWAY FROM ME.

I COULDN'T HELP IT. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES, BUT WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

THE SHANGHAI A-GO-GO IS A KAOS FRONT.

THIS IS THE ONE PLACE THE PRINCESS MUST NOT COME.

- OH, NO. - HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?

I DIDN'T. LOOK.

- I FOLLOWED HER HERE. - WELL, WE'VE GOTTA GET THE PRINCESS--

OH MY GOSH!

THE POOR DEVILS! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THEM?

THEY'RE DANCING, MAX. THAT'S THE STYLE NOW.

LISTEN, 99, WE'VE GOTTA GET THAT PRINCESS OUT OF HERE

- WITHOUT LOOKING CONSPICUOUS. - RIGHT.

- LET'S DANCE OVER. - BUT I--

INGRID.

INGRID, YOU'RE IN TERRIBLE DANGER. AS A FRIEND OF YOUR FATHER,

I MUST REMIND YOU THAT YOU'RE A PRINCESS.

- I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY, MAX. - GOOD. NOW REMEMBER,

DIGNITY AND DECORUM AT ALL TIMES.

- 99. - OH, HEY, MAX.

- 99, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - OH, WHAT'S THE PLAN, MAX?

THE PLAN IS TO GET THE PRINCESS AND GET HER OUT THAT EXIT.

WELL, LET'S GO.

- HOW ABOUT NOW? - WELL, THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO US

WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE AROUND. I THINK WE'D BETTER KEEP DANCING.

- OKAY. - AND WATCH YOUR ELBOW, 99.

MAX, LOOK OUT! BEHIND YOU!

99, LOOK OUT! BEHIND YOU!

99, I THINK WE'VE GOT THE BEAT.

YEAH!

YOU STILL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH, MR. SMART.

YOU HAVE INTERFERED WITH KAOS FOR THE LAST TIME.

JUST A MINUTE, MR. CRAW.

CRAW, NOT CRAW!

CRAW!

( thumps, clanks )

- HAVE YOU GOT A GUN, 99? - RIGHT.

KEEP HIM COVERED. ALL RIGHT, MR. CRAW,

ONE FALSE MOVE AND SHE BLOWS YOUR HEAD OFF.

DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE SIZE OF THE GUN, MR. CRAW.

IT FIRES A .1-CALIBER POISONED PIN

THAT KILLS INSTANTLY.

THIS IS AGENT 86 REPORTING TO CONTROL.

HELLO, CHIEF? SMART HERE.

YES, THE PRINCESS IS SAFE.

I'M AT THE SHANGHAI A-GO-GO DISCOTHEQUE.

BETTER SEND SOME MEN AND SOME HANDCUFFS.

SORRY ABOUT THAT. HANDCUFF.

NO, CHIEF, YOU MAKE A RIGHT ON SPRING AND A LEFT ON "CROVER"--

UH, CLOVER. YES.

THEN IT'S THE SECOND LEFT TO CONSTITUTION.

NO, CHIEF, YOU GO UNDER THE OVERPASS AND OVER THE UNDERPASS.

NO, CHIEF, A RIGHT AT SPRING

AND A LEFT AT CLOVER-- "CROVER"...

I AM PROUD OF BOTH OF YOU.

THE CLAW AND HIS MEN ARE BEHIND BARS, THOSE EIGHT GIRLS HAVE BEEN RESCUED,

AND THE PRINCESS IS ON HER WAY TO SCANDINAVIA.

- CONGRATULATIONS, MAX. - THANK YOU.

- CONGRATULATIONS, 99. - THANK YOU.

- ALL IN A DAY'S WORK. - I'M SORRY YOU COULDN'T HAVE

ACCOMPANIED THE PRINCESS BACK TO HER COUNTRY AS SHE REQUESTED,

- BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT OF VIEW. - CHIEF--

- MY WHAT?! - YOUR WRITTEN REPORT,

- IN WHICH YOU POINTED OUT THE INADVISABILITY... - UH, CHIEF--

...OF A SINGLE MALE AGENT TRAVELING WITH THE PRINCESS.

- I QUITE AGREE WITH YOU. - BUT I NEVER MADE OUT

- ANY WRITTEN REPORT. - I'D LIKE TO CHECK OUT NOW.

- ANYWAY, WE SENT K-13 ALONG. - FANG?

- YES, HE'LL TAKE CARE OF HER. - WELL, FANG'S A GOOD MAN,

- BUT CHIEF-- - 86, DO YOU MIND

IF I TALK OVER SOME CONFIDENTIAL ASPECTS OF THIS CASE WITH 99?

I'LL SEE YOU IN A MOMENT.

YOU WROTE THAT REPORT, DIDN'T YOU?

UM, YES, SIR.

I, UH...

I JUST WANTED TO SAVE MAX SOME EMBARRASSMENT. HE GETS SEASICK.

IN A PLANE?

IT FLIES OVER WATER. ( chuckles )

- NO NO, CHIEF, YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. - ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE, 99?

I'M POSITIVE. I'M AN EXPERT ON THIS.

Chief: NOW YOU GOT TO SHOW ME. IT'S VITAL.

- NOW THAT'S AN ORDER. - ALL RIGHT.

NOW FIRST YOU JUST STAND STILL AND YOU GET YOUR HIPS MOVING FIRST.

THEN YOU ADD THE ARMS. ( hums )

- THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT. - OH, I SEE.

- NOW TRY THE PONY. - THE WHAT?

( continues humming )

( theme music playing )