Original subtitles

PLAYMOVIE PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS

AN ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY BY MICHAEL CACOYANNIS

UP, DOWN AND SIDEWAYS

- Back, go back! - Back where?

Get the fuck down!

It's a hold up!

The briefcase! Nobody touch!

A bomb!

Catch him!

Thief! Thief! Catch him!

Are you crazy? What are you doing?

Let me, I beg you! I will explain!

Get down or I'll knock your head off.

Green! Go!

Come on up.

- La Callas! Una voce poco fa. - An afficlonado, I see.

This arla Is an acrobatic feat. But sung like that...wow!

Here are the records. Choose.

- Sorry, I don't have... - A present, from me.

Is It yours, all this...?

Partly, since my father's death, that Is.

What happened Stavros? Didn't you go to the bank?

1did, but...

But what? Are they on strike again?

- No. - Well then?

It's a very long story, T'll explain later.

Now come and say thank you to my saviour here...

- What's your name? - Anestis Calogeropoulos.

- Mine Is Stavros. My mother. - How do you do?

Anestis Is a great admirer of a certain namesake of yours.

- Yes? Who? - Callas.

- More than an admirer... - Really?

Well, yes. And a relative of sorts.

Really?

My grandfather and her father were cousins.

Really, mister...

Mamma, stop saying "really”. And drop the mister stuff.

Your mother has manners, my boy.

- Touche. - Go to hell.

How's that for manners?

You're asking for It! And did you know her, mister...

- Anestis! - Honestly I too would prefer...

Aliright. Anestis. Did you know her?

Slightly. We'd gone to Paris with my parents and...

Walt tll I finish with my customer first...

for I'm dying to hear the details.

Tum Into profile. Now back.

Don't tell me you also sing!

Professionally? God forbid! No, I'm a gymnast.

I have a small slimming centre.

- T'll keep It In mind. - Oh, I don't think you need...

Skip the compliments. The banks are still open.

Won't you pop over and cash those...

No, I won't. You pop over yourself.

T'll never set foot In that lousy bank again...

to save my life, do you hear?

God almighty! Have you flipped?

Yes!

You didn't collect the opera tickets for tonight either?

I did. Your girifriend had booked us In her box.

For three! Biblka Is coming too, Isn't she?

Stop calling her Biblka. It Infuriates her.

What should I call her? Zenobla?

Imagine giving the poor girl a name like that.

Stavros and Zenobla! Reminds you of some comy romance...

In a Byzantine monastery.

Witty, Isn't she? Anyway, don't count on her.

Her finals are coming up and, being smart, she's begging out.

Oh, the girifriend I was referring to...

Is making her debut tonight In Traviata.

Dora Barballa, If that means a damn.

Indeed. The talent that shot up from the chorus.

Trust her! Pulling every Imaginable string.

Political and otherwise.

Shame on you!

To prove to you what a viper my son Is...

why don't you come along with us tonight?

Pity to waste a good seat now that Bibl... Zenobla...

I must go In.

Aren't you ashamed? Calling the woman mamma In public?

Can I help It If she Is?

What she Is, Is a creature... Marla, glazla plena.

Dominus te cum. What next?

La Forza del Destino!

- Katina! - Yes, maestro.

- Why aren't you singing? - I am singing.

- Under your breath? - Yes, but with feeling.

- Are you putting me on? - Not at all.

I thought I'd give my throat a rest.

Who ever heard of a rehearsal on the day of the performance?

A disgrace to music, that's what you are.

Is that what you do on stage? You rest It?

Lay off, you bitch, before I let on about your exploits...

on Rigoletto.

Silence! Where Is Barbara? Ane her!

- One day's wages, do you hear? - One? Three Is more like lit!

T'll teach them discipline, you just walt! Da capo.

Stop! Stop! Barbara. Come here!

Ten thousand drachma fine, my beauty!

It's not falr...first the taxi swerved and I fell.

Then they pinched my purse... I sprained my foot.

Lost something?

The programme. Where can It have gone?

I love your perfume. What Is It?

This and that. I like to mix them.

- Did I kick you? - No. I've dropped an earring.

What are you doing?

Are you nuts? Shut up, for Christ sakes.

Shame!

Behave yourselves! They can hear you In the house.

- Do something. - Do what?

- A slap. - What?

- Hit me! - Me, oh no...

Don't argue. Do It!

Harder! Make It hurt!

Again.

What the fuck are you dolng? Trying to kill her?

You're mistaken, I wasn't...

You weren't what, you son of a bitch?

She wanted me to... honest to God!

What God? You godless bastard. A masochist Is she?

Is that why she Is sobbing her heart out?

Christ!

- Where are you going? - To the toilet.

Not that way. That way Is the men's. The women's Is upstairs.

- And where may you be going? - In there.

Leave the lady alone! Haven't you had your fill yet?

Lay off, you clod. You want me to pee In my pants?

Oh no, you don't!

But thank you, anyway. Male gallanty Is so rare these days.

You flatter me. And forgive me for taking so long to catch on.

Come to the bar In the Intermission and let me offer you a drink.

Thank you.

- Are you crazy? - Me or you?

What were you doing In there?

What people usually do. Having a pee.

In the men's? With the waiter?

That's quite a story. T'll explain.

Explain what? And Anestis? Where's Anestis?

- Having a wash. - Where?

- In a washbasin, where else? - In which toilet? The women's?

Don't be ridiculous, Stavros. Anestis!

Just a minute.

Good grief! A threesome.

Come out at once! That's all we need. A scandal!

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Has he cooled down? Did you explain?

You think I could get a word In? You're shaking!

Of course, I am. I could have a stroke any minute.

My blood-presure must be over thirty.

You need a drink. Let's go to the bar.

The bar! With that waiter! You must be joking!

Here he comes.

I'm going home. Are you staying?

Of course I'm staying. I want to see the last act.

Besides, I must congratulate Dora.

- For singing off pitch? - Just once, poor dear.

- Once? At least five times. - Seventeen. I counted them.

Not to mention her croaking at the end at Sempre Libera.

A fine palr of experts you make! One worse than the other!

Well, do you want to hear what happened...

or have you decided that your mother has gone astray...

- In her old age? - What old age?

FAgure of speech! I'm going In to look for my earring.

Your earring?

I have no desire to lose It. That pair's worth a fortune.

Come now!

Yes sir! They are antiques. Byzantine In fact.

- Tut, tut! - Of the twelfth century!

Listen... just as I got up, I heard something go crunch.

- Crunch? - Is this It?

An elephant would be less clumsy!

And Instead of being sorry, apologizing to me...

consoling me, you all but raised a hand to strike me.

Me, you beast? The mother who bore you?

Don't try to get off the hook! Let's have It out first...

and then T'll tell you If I'm sorry and how sorry!

Sh! People are watching! IF you pipe down for one minute...

T'll explain how what happened, happened.

Meaning what? How you made a pass at my mother?

Careful! Don't put ideas In my head! Don't be chiidish.

Come on.

He's hounding me. Wants to see me after the performance.

Get out of the way, will you?

My foot!

- You find It moving? - No!

- Then why are you crying? - For my earring.

Come along. And behave yourselves.

It's too crowded. T'll walt here.

- Me too, I'd better... - Come on.

She'll faint when she hears you are Callas' nephew.

Mr Calogeropoulos Is a nephew of...

Very dramatic.

- Well, we'd better... - Come Into my dressing-room.

No smoking In the wings, sir.

- R's him! - Who?

My purse! What have you done with my purse?

- I beg your pardon. - You stole It, you crook.

You dropped It and I threw It back to you.

Not to me. To that other louse, your chum.

- I was alone, wasn't I? - A gang, that's what you are.

From hand to hand, to throw people Into a muddie.

What's the matter? What happened?

What happened Is that this bum here stole my purse.

Call the police!

She's a raving lunatic. Mamma! Mamma!

- Stavros! Where are you? - Over here! Quick!

Oh, my God! My chiid!

Fanls! What's going on?

Some thief was fleecing the dressing-room.

- Have they caught him? - Red-handed.

Dora! Dora! Help!

Sllenzio!

Barbara!

Careful. The earring!

Where Is Barbara?

She's been wamed not to try and sneak away before I saw her.

Over here!

Look here, you! You want to get fired?

What were you up to In the third act? Sabotage?

Excuse me.

Poor thing!

Poor? She can roast In hell. Calling me all those names!

Louse, bum, purse-snatcher...

- Was she carrying a lot of money? - In that tacky old purse?

A thousand at most, though she says five.

Give her ten and let that be the end of It.

That constitutes admission of gulit.

- You give It to her. - No!

Really, I wouldn't. She'll resent It.

Here! T'll give It to her tomorrow, I must get dressed.

You're my guests for supper. Walt for me In the lobby!

It's late I'm afraid. And tomorrow...

You can't do this to me! Not tonight!

- The biggest serata of my life! - You'll excuse me then...

Excuse you? A Callas, nipote of the divina and my admirer...

to boot? Could I dream of a better escort?

- But... - No buts!

He can thank Dora and his mother, or else...

Keep calm! What do we do now?

I don't know about you, but I don't Intend to give her the pleasure.

Really? And who are you? Gorbachev?

What's Gorbachev got to do with It?

Nothing. You selfish monster. When you get Into a fix...

you yell "mamma, mamma" and she comes running.

Not only, but forks out ten thousand besides.

Yes. With which your diva will wine and dine us.

Shut up! I'll smack you!

Go on laugh! Laugh at my expense.

- I won't forget this night. - And It's not over yet.

- Bhte your tongue, you jinx! - I mean It

I have dark forebodings.

Don't blame me later... you've been wamed, okay?

The oracle has spoken.

Enough nonsense. Let's go to the lobby.

You'll come, won't you?

You stick your neck out, don't you?

Our little Dora looked like she could eat you.

Don't worry, I'm good at getting out of comers.

Yes? How?

If the going gets rough, I'll tell her I'm a homosexual.

- Yes. As If she'd believe you. - Why shouldn't she?

- The army did. - You told them you...

- Don't you mind? - Not one bit. You?

- Me? Me what? - Do you mind?

Come on you two!

You're putting me on your fraud.

Because I thought your kick was older women.

Old? Your mother, my boy, can run rings round...

any twenty-year-old. Puritan! Jealous prig!

Let me Introduce you. Our opera director...

I've seen you on TV.

Maestro, Mr Lambrou, the Prime Minister's adviser.

This Is Indeed a pleasure, sir.

Where Is Stavros?

Stavros! Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Which Is the way out?

Not here mister. The other side of the restaurant.

Where's the back door? For the garbage!

- Go away! Scam! - Please! I'm going to throw up.

- Over to the left. - Thanks.

Stavros!

Go back! They'll be coming after you.

Who? Who Is coming after us?

For the love of Callas, I beg you!

Take my mother and go back.

No! Not before you tell me what's wrong.

Nothing Is wrong, goddammit. You explain...

The P.M.'s adviser at the bank...

And next time, listen to your son!

What P.M.? What bank?

What can they be doing?

Strange people. Especially the son.

Callas' nephew? Is he the lady's son?

- Not he, the other. - What other?

The one who was here. 1 think his head' a litte...

TI'll go and see...

What happened?

Stavros had a spell of dizziness.

The champagne, It seems.

It happens every time. But he won't listen.

- Where Is he? - Gone home.

Yes!

You will forgive me, won't you?

T'll see you home.

- You have a car? - No, but...

The maestro will drive her, won't you?

To Glyfada? Absolutely not. T'll take a taxi.

Goodnight. You were wonderful, bravo!

T'll see you to the taxd.

Don't run out on me. T'll be angry!

I give you my word. Provided you also promise...

What?

Yes, yes, yes!

Come on, maestro. Let's shake a limb.

A tax please.

Well, will you tell me what you whispered In her ear...

and made her swoon?

- Some other time. - No. Now.

Merciful God! And will you do It to her?

- Of course not! - No?

We'll see how you'll get out of It!

It's done already.

With a tip and a message that you looked so terribly worried...

that I couldn't possibly leave you alone.

And she'll fall for It! So I'm to blame, am I?

Do me a favour. Go back at once!

Goodnight, scoundrel! And don't disappear.

Glyfada, please.

What are you doing?

Didn't you tell me not to disappear?

Enough nonsense. Please get out.

Let me make sure that Stavros Is allright and we'll see...

- See what? - Go!

Your own husband, you slut?

He nearly killed the man.

With your brother In law?

Please... let go...

In a fucking brothel? Out of my way! Beat It?

I beg you! Have pity on me!

Our kids, that's whom I pity! You call yourself a mother?

Shameless bitch! Walt till we get home, whore!

Are you there? Driver 83, calling operator.

- Celeste Alda. Forma divina... - Very funny!

What were you doing, cutle-ple? Taking a nap?

Connect me with 34.

Viassis? Bl here. Blll you dope! How's things?

All set for tomorrow? Why not, old pal?

It'll be fucking romantic, on the terrace, by moonlight...

- Full moon, tomorrow. - The day after.

Hey red!

I have a chick lined up for you, extra special.

A model for bikinis, you lucky bastard.

Excuse me, Is It tomorrow or the day after? The full moon?

You're asking me? Hold on a sec, Viassls, don't go.

I don't know, mister. Maybe tonight...

judging by my head that drives me bananas...

when the damn thing fills out!

Are you sure It's the moon and not that contraption...

that roars like a steam-engine?

No! I'm used to It. Viassls... Viassls.

She's cut us off, stupid cow.

You see, the jackals of the competition have swiped...

our night girl, and we're stuck with this dummy.

Oh well, grin and bear It!

Jesus Christ!

Relax! Won't you take It down a litte?

Let's not drain the juices out of It.

Good old Zorba! Are and thunder!

A coke please. And water.

Hey, pal! Can you spare one of those?

Sure.

And one for my friend, Nionlos, okay?

Okay.

Don't put It out.

Some lighter! Is It sliver?

- Plated. - Meaning?

Meaning plated stupid. Coated with sliver. Is It a Dunhlil?

- No, Dupont. - American!

French, you dope!

You stained your jacket!

Holy shit! Is that blood?

Tomato juice. Someone spiit it on me by accident.

Shame! An expensive sult like that!

We were thinking, with my friend here...

of going to a bar for a little scotch.

Good Idea...

Won't you join us, so we can get better acquainted?

- How much better? - Don't...

Lay off! Are you game?

Together? The three of us?

- What does your friend say? - What's to say? Yes, he says.

Just a minute! Who asked you to put words In my mouth?

You're such a smart ass you didn't konw what plated means

and now you know what T'll say before I say It?

- What's bitten you? - Take a guess!

- You're leaving? - No, I'm staying!

So you can do me a tour of Athens by night!

IF this Is what your Ahtens Is like...

you know where you can shove It!

Goodnight. And thanks for the cigarette.

Aren't you coming home? Where will you sleep?

What are hotels for?

I've broken up your party.

Let him go! He's an Islander, first time In the clty.

Nice guy and no saint underneath...

only he's a shy litde bugger.

Unlike you, eh?

What's the rush? Stick around.

Look! A lot has happened to me today and I've got...

to let off steam somehow. So let go of my am...

before I punch your face In.

- Mine? You? - I'm waiting.

Go fuck yourself, milksop!

Bye-bye sea-wolfl

Excuse me! Do you happen to know where Koukakl Is?

- Near the Acropolis. Why? - I was told about this hotel...

that's clean and cheap. Bella Zante, you know It?

No. But I know the street. You're from Zante, aren't you?

- You guessed... - Easy!

Shall I drop you?

- I have money. Don't... - It's on my way. Get In.

- Move over, quick! - What's the matter?

- Hey! Easy on that door! - Sorry! )

Fucking savages.

Sucker!

- What are you doing? - Doing! I'm paying.

- No! The gentieman's going on. - Don't listen to her. Here!

Please! Don't accept.

Whatever the lady says. Come, sit up front so we can chat.

She's being polite. Her son's been taken sick and...

you understand!

- Are you a doctor? - A nurse.

Let me make sure he's all right and...

Ane. Tell him to walt.

Can't I call for another taxi? Plenty around at this hour.

Goodnight and happy recovery.

You live together, eh?

Together and apart. I on top, he down below.

Tell me, do you make a hablt of this?

It depends. When It's for friends...

Friends? I thought we only met today. Or am I wrong?

Is that what counts?

That or having a pee In the same toilet?

Please don't remind me of It.

I don't see any light. Obviously he's not home, yet...

- Maybe he's In bed. - Maybe he Is. So what?

- Aren't you worried? - Why should I be?

- Is there a reason? - No, but you never know...

What are you trying to do? Put ideas In my head?

Me? Heaven forbid! It's just that...

to put your mind at rest, why don't you take a peep?

Stop being so damn patronising. And no, I won't.

Don't you have a key?

If I do, It's not to be used except In an emergency.

I gave him my word on his seventeenth birthday.

Without his asking.

So he wouldn't put to the oppressed act...

which Is very fashionable, along with other stuff...

like dependence, generation gap...

- Oedipus complex... -...etcetera.

Not that I don't worship him, I do, but what we do...

with our lives Is neither one's business.

Easy to say. Didn't you see how he carried on?

Like a jealous lover.

For no reason!

Not entirely no reason. Speaking for myself.

Watch out! I'm not Dora, do you hear?

- Yes. - Yes what?

- You're not. - I'm a serious, balanced...

- Yes... -...mature In years...

Is yes the only word you know?

Can't you say no, just for the hell of It?

No. Happy now?

No. Because I had to say It before you did!

Look! If you are set on having a fight...

why don't we go upstairs, so we can do It in comfort?

Upstairs I shall go. But you...

And how shall I call for a taxd?

Good question.

- What are you looking for? - My keys.

IF I've lost them again, I'll kill myself.

Allow me.

- The suicide Is postponed. - Here! Give them to me!

I don't trust you. T'll open myself.

Laugh, you clown, you crafty, deceitful nephew of...

- Or are you? - By the Holy Cross! Do come In.

Step on It, fellows. We haven't got all night!

What's the hurry? The meter's running.

Just my fucking luck, goddammit.

- Who Is It? - Please! I'd like a room.

At this hour? What do you think this Is? The Hilton?

T'll find something, don't worry.

- Hop In. - Are you sure?

If I say so.

Come on, sailor. If you're so fast on the torpedo trigger...

each time our territorial waters get screwed...

we're cooked. Goodbye Mykonos.

Please! Not so fast.

Sorry!

Look, If you have your menopause we're still young...

and don't want to get killed.

Out you pricks! And next time find someone...

who doesn't have this... what ever the hell you called It.

Menopause. Ask your doctor to explain.

Fucking freak!

- Are they all like that? - One In ten. In five.

It's pot luck every time.

- Where are we going? - To find a tax.

On Syngros avenue, If you've heard of It.

Talk of Athens by night!

- Walt for me, will you? - Where are you going?

- Good Idea.

I read somewhere that you mustn't hold It.

- It's bad for the kidneys. - The bladder, the prostate...

The prostate? And women, who haven't got one?

They have other problems. Ovaries, tubes...

- Can I ask you something? - Shoot!

Have you finished already?

Is that what you wanted to ask?

No. You know, when I've had a couple of beers too many...

It's like the bloody Danube!

Quantity Is not relative to the skze of one's whatnot, Is It?

I don't think so. Does that preoccupy you?

It's like this. Before 1 was drafted, not at all.

But the guys on our ship keep measuring them, making cracks

and If you're a loner or just plain shy...

they call you a sissy. It hurts one's feelings, damn It.

It's the same In the army, believe me.

Done. I feel a lot lighter. Shall we go?

Know what? You stll owe me a question.

Are you gay?

Was that all? What do you think?

- No...but one can't be sure. - I quite agree!

Anyway, I also go with girls. Mostly girls.

Don't! Behave yourself! No, I tell you!

Why?

What's this thing about my hair! Hands off!

If you won't let it down, T'll do It for you.

All right! Swear you won't take another step.

I swear.

There! Satisfied now? It's not even brushed out.

- I could die. - Please! Do your dying...

- Come here.

- Don't argue, come. - Why?

Because If you don't release me from my oath...

how can I caress your hair from where I'm standing?

You are Insane. You know that?

- I do. Now can I move? - No.

And how shall I call for a taxd?

T'll do It for you.

Swear you want me to go and I will.

- I've swomn. - Aloud. On the life of...

Don't!

Slily boy!

- Your halr... - What about my hair?

It's so Incredibly black. Like ebony.

- I dye It! - Liar!

It's the honest truth...

Not here. I'm going In. T'll call you.

Telephone! Shall I answer It?

Are you crazy? That must be Stavros.

I hope nothing happened to him!

Stavros? Oh It's you! Dora...

Who? I don't know, my sweet.

He dropped me at the house and went on.

What? Of course I can hear you.

Both you and Madonna In the background.

Sorry! Michael Jackson, of course!

Go away!

No, darling I wasn't talking to you.

The cat jumped on my bed.

Of course he did, I heard him. But today's young men...

keep neither promises, nor...

Yes, please tell me.

"Tonight Is the night for romance™?

Is that what he whispered In your ear?

Oh, he sang It too, did he?

"Tonight Is the night for romance”.

What? Don't be slily! I have the radio on.

Who could I be with? The nipote of the divina...

that oversized brat, mister wet-pants?

I heard enough drivel from his mouth In the tax.

Now go and have some fun.

And screw him! From me too, Biz-biz!

Oh, the rat! He didn't give her my message.

You can't trust anyone these days.

Stop playacting. Why did you tell me different?

- When? - In my ear.

Because Dora's Dora and you are you...

And why wet-pants, If you please?

T'll wash my feet first and I'll tell you.

It was only water. Walt, I can explain...

Omella! Here my pet!

Bltch!

Stop! Stop It! Let go!

Hi, fellows.

- Hey, where are you going? - Nowhere. Just checking.

Checking? Checking what?

If Marilyn Is there. It's her beat.

Po -Shit licel Scram!

- What's up? - The goddam police.

Come on! Let's get out of here.

Fuck you, bastard.

Marilyn! Marilyn! Over here!

Where to?

- Boys, this Is Marilyn. - Pleased to meet you.

IF you have no objection, Tl drop her a litde further on.

Drop me? In this condition?

That shitface Lllka, fractured my knee.

- See the blood? - Watch It.

Don't you smear It on my upholstery. Wipe It off.

- With what? My purse Is gone. - Here.

- Did you have money In It? - I'm not a dope!

I had It stuffed In my bra. Ten minus three Is seven...

- Seven what? Thousand? - Condoms, stupid. In my purse.

Also my keys, kieenex... That's about It.

- Boys, would you mind If... - Why should they mind?

I'm all shot up, a human wreck I am!

Pipe down, cousin. I was only asking...

Do you mind... Wow!

What have we here! A midsummer night's dream! Buddies?

- No. Cousins. - Oh.

Behave! Tum round or you'll get a wallop.

Allright, aliright. Can't a girl pay a compliment? Bully!

Shut up!

Yes...yes...

- Why did you stop? - A halr.

- Throw the damn thing away! - No! And tum off the light.

Please! I like to watch!

You're perverse!

Me or you? In a nightgown, under the sheet!

It's a wonder you didn't want us to do It from a distance...

by remote control!

Give me time... T'll get used to It.

- There! Oh yes! I could die! - Again?

This time I mean [t.

I was widowed once, so no thanks.

- At what age? - Never you mind.

Six years ago.

- Leave It! The fare's on me. - I Insist. Here.

Vangells, don't accept or you see my nalls?

You'll be scarred for life!

Hear that, boys? Have a heart, go and God bless.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

- Thank you and get well soon. - Sweet dreams.

Shall we?

- Time for a littde joint. - Again?

Where are they going?

They haven't moved. What can they be doing?

That nutcase Is probably talking her head off.

You saw where they live? What were they afraid of?

That we'd be seen together?

Qulet! My mother!

Her hall Is dark. She must be stll out.

Here we are.

Come on.

Here, take a drag. It'll calm you down.

Get out you flashlight so I can see my knee. It hurts like a bitch.

Don't shout!

My flesh Is coming unstuck and you want me not to shout?

Where are you going?

To ask them for disinfectant and some lint.

Get back In! T'll drive you to a pharmacy.

At this hour? By the time you find one open...

T'll have died of gangrene. Walt here!

- Now... now... - Not yet... not yet.

- Tell me when. - I will...I will...

Boys!...Boys!...

- You heard? - What?

- Someone's calling "boys". - Let them.

- Don't open! - Am I crazy?

Gone.

Let's go. They don't want to open, It's thelr right.

Thelr right? I paid thelr goddam fare...

and they'll let me bleed to death on their doorstep?

- The bell! Did you hear? - I heard. Let me finish!

Get up! Get up off me!

Open up you shits!

The bitch! Thank God my mother's not upstairs.

Your clothes! Gather up your clothes from the living-room.

In the dark?

If something has happened to Stavros, It'll be my fault.

Why yours?

- What are you going to do? - Open, what else can I do?

Come, sit In the front room. This way.

My shoes!

Quick! Hide In the bathroom!

Why, Vangells, why? What am I? A plece of fucking trash?

Let's go.

If nobody answers It means you got mixed up about the house.

- You think? - What else?

Who Is It?

It's Marylin. Are the boys upstairs?

What boys? There are no boys here.

Lay off! Do you perhaps have some disinfectant and lint?

I Injured my knee. Very badly.

Walt. T'll come down.

Nionlos! Nionlos! You must leave at once.

If they ask you, say I phoned and booked a hotel for you.

Which? Where?

Bella Vista, Bella Mare, Bella anything.

Quick, before my mother comes down.

- My bag! - Your bag!

Didn't I tell you to get dressed?

Can't I wash first? Who was It?

Some Maryiin person. She hurt her knee.

And did she have to blast people out of bed...

in the thick of night? Give us a fit?

- My heart's jumping up and down. - Whereas mine... a rock!

I've a good mind to go down and beat the hell out of her.

You'll stay where you are... And please get dressed.

- Why? There's no need anymore. - Spare me your wit!

Thank God Stavros Isn't home. What am I saying?

Instead of worrying, which now, of course, I'll start doing...

- God, what an Infermal night! - Not so Infernal...

I had some bandages somewhere. Where did I put them?

Where did I put the fucker?

The little bastards! Why couldn't they open all this time?

Now I'll show them!

Are you really so dumb? Why do you think?

You mean...? They told me they were cousins.

What did you expect them to say, ashhole!

What were they afraid of? That I'd be shocked?

As we sald. Walt for me at the kiosk on Mouson street.

T'll come as soon as the coast Is clear. Go.

Where are you off to, angelface?

I found a hotel nearby... by telephone.

Were you holding It together?

That's why you'd no hands to open?

Over here, young lady. In the light.

How can I? You heard what she called me? Young lady!

- Aren't you? - Yes. And a virgin, besides.

Well, are you coming or aren't you?

If she faints, It will be your fault.

Why mine?

Because If you hadn't wanted your joint we wouldn't be here.

Let me see. Nothing serious. Just a scratch.

A scratch? Not to me It Isn't.

Who was that running off just now?

- The sailor? - I didn't notice.

A sailor? I thought It was. And where did he spring from?

Some door, near the...

He must've been pissing In your garden...pardon the expression...

- Is that what he was doing? - That Is. What else?

It'll smart a little.

Stop It! Shut up!

Shut up, Mitsos!

Don't call me Mitsos, you bugger.

Me? Me a bugger?

Out! Get out!

- Maria! What's happening? - Go back In! Back I tell you!

Anestis!

What's going on? Who's being slaughtered down there?

Nothing's going on. Go Inside before Stavros comes back.

Screw Stavros!

T'll kill them! T'll kill them both!

And as for the sailor, he was down below!

Screwing with the other one! We brought them In the taxd.

The skunk! Could he've been home all along?

Mrs Nakou!

What's going on? Did someone get hurt?

- Are you allright? - Quite aliright, thank you.

What happened?

What can I tell you? You won't believe me!

Some crazy transvestite had a fit of hysteria...

and tried to kill herself on my doorstep.

Good heavens, why?

For some sailor, It seems. He beat her up and bolted away.

All very confusing.

Luckily, a taxi was cruising by and saved her...

In the nick of time... poor thing.

Poor? Such depraved creatures don't deserve any pity.

Athens Is brimming with prostitutes, drug addicts...

deviants, pederasts...

You mean poofs, dykes, floosles, junkies...

Pericles!

Be quiet! Why should we dignify such fiith...

with fanciful names? For digging our graves with AIDS?

Oh, well! The same and worse Is true anywhere.

You can't even go uptown any more for fear a rocket lands...

on your head, compliments November 13th.

17. How often must I tell you!

13 sults better. It's more ominous.

What's the use?

Come, we must let Mrs Nakou get some rest.

Rest? That's easier sald... Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Mrs Nakou! We'll gladly come up and I'll make you...

a nice herb tea.

- Please... don't bother. - It's no bother. Come Penelope.

- Really, there's no need... - IF you're being polite...

No! No, I tell you. Thank you very much and goodnight.

Well, we were only... Come Socrates. Goodnight.

Goodnight.

She's crying!

Mammal!

Mammal!

Please don't. Nothing happened.

I can explain...

I don't want you to explain.

Come, let's go In.

Maria! Marla! She Isn't here.

Where has the bitch gone? Do socks grow wings?

What do you prefer? That we go up?

Yes. No. Down. I don't mind.

Not a sound. Where can she be? Someone abducted her?

Fucking mess I got myself Into!

And before I could phone and book another hotel for him...

she started ringing the bell and yelling and I panicked...

and told him to leave and walt untll he hears from me.

- And where Is he now? - At the kiosk on Mouson street.

If he hasn't left, of course.

What are you waiting for?

Don't leave the poor boy standing out there.

And T'll go upstairs.

- I'm myself again. - Are you sure?

- Sure. And Stavros... - Yes, mamma.

I think It's ime you stopped calling me mamma.

- What should I call you? - Don't I have a name? Marla.

- Go on, try! - Marla.

- Again. - Marla.

- Maria! Maria! Where are you? - Who's calling?

It sounds llke the voice of... Let me see!

Is that you Anestis? Mother Is here. Marla! It's Anestis!

- Walt a minute. I can explain. - No need.

I waited and waited. I got worried. I'm going.

- Where? Back to the disco? - Are you In your right mind?

Of course I'm not. How can I be, when I need a brandy...

and you haven't even thought of offering me one.

- Offer you...where? - Where? Don't I have a home?

- And Stavros? - Stavros what?

Is he a child that needs motering...

or my guardian whose permission I have to ask?

Where was he rushing off to?

Ah! Does he have to account for his moves?

What do you prefer? Metaxa or Martel?

- Metaxa, want a bet? - Martel.

And up... and down...

Now the right leg. And up... and down...

- Sir... sir! The bottle! - Someone broke It. Clean It up.

And up.

Dio mio! Torturer!

It's my job to torture women who pay to be tortured.

Get down. We're not through yet.

Can we let It down?

And down... Now sideways.

This one here.

And that one.

That's the one I want. Up there.

But madam, It's the same as this one here.

No, It Isn't.

I spent enough years In the chorus.

- I've been promoted to soloist. - Left...Good.

Besides, I know you also take people privately.

- Right. I do, but only men. - Why?

Because I'm a homosexual. Caplto?

Hold this, for heavens sakes! Learn some manners!

Give! And It'l land on you head!

Mean, horrid man!

Catch them! Catch them!

It's him! It's him! I saw him!

Shut up, you prick!

Up or down or sideways.

Many and carefree be your days...

with preservatives PLASTEX...

guaranteed for safe sex.

I've prepared a little snack for you.

You can't go back on an empty stomach.

Strange. He knows that my leave ends this evening.

He had a lot of errands to do. Eat now. Come on!

What about you?

T'll walt for him. T'll keep you company with a scotch.

Goodevening, ladles and gentiemen.

The outstanding news tonight concerns a new development...

on the terrorist front.

Our reporter Is on the spot, ready to brief us...

You heard? They've caught one of the terrorists.

High time.

They're going to show where they caught him and how!

Good!

Mrs Maria! Mrs Maria!

- What Is It? - Come quick! It's Stavros!

- Where? - On TV.

On TV...A terrorist... my son!

What's he done to me... the brute!

What are you doing? Come and see him.

Let me be! I want to pass out and never come to...

- He's a hero. - A terrorist...

- A national hero! - A monster...

...] pulled off the motorcycle wires...

toppled It with a kick and hid In a doorway, watching...

- There he Is. Look at him! - No, I don't want to...

I don't want to...

And one of the terrorists started shooting and ran off.

And the other, who was trapped under the motorcycle...

tried to escape...

Stay here! Don't go!

...and I went for him, shouting "it's him, I saw him"!

But no-one dared come anywhere near.

- They ran for their lives... - And then?

Then? Oh yes, then...

- What's he saying? - Sh!

After I'd pinned him down...over there...

Where exactly?

Wil you show us, so that our viewers can see, too?

About...here.

Look at those shoes. He has a whole collection of them...

did he have to wear these?

Of course, he kept on struggling, screaming...

swearing at me, threatening...

Yes Anestls. Yes, yes, I'm watching, call me later.

Do, we'll have champagne.

...but I had him nailed, with my heart In my mouth, mind you.

Fortunately the police arrived and they handcuffed him and...

And what?

Speak up! Where will you get another chance like this?

What can I say? I felt a little strange...

To have all Greece hanging from his lips, eh?

- A sock! - Sh!

...asking what happened, until finally a police van arrived...

and they dragged him kicking over to It...

And what did you do then?

I was taken to the police station...

where I made a deposition...

they wanted to know every detail and I told them...

- Your halr. - What about my hair?

- It's so black. Like ebony! - Look front, will you please?

After that the TV people brought me here and that's all...

Thank you very much, Mr Vakou.

Nakou. With an n. Like nature... Nionlos.

Are we through? I must go home. I'm late.

You may, Indeed.

And congratulations to your parents.

- They must be very proud. - They are... they are!

My mother. My father's not allve and...

Can I say a few words to Maria? I hope she Is watching.

She Is, my darling, she Is.

And who Is Marla? Or ks It a secret?

A secret? Marla and I have no secrets.

You're looking, aren't you?

I love you, dammit! Will you marry me?

You heard, ladles and gentlemen?

This historic day becomes doubly historic...

because for the first time In the annals not only...

of Greece, but of the entire world...

television has served not merely as a means...

for communication, but for proposing marriage!

Listen to that horse's ass!

Subtitling Audio Visual Enterprises