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1
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:34,689
Barkeep, what's
the drunkest I can get for, um,
2
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:36,194
two bucks?
3
00:00:36,228 --> 00:00:37,591
For two bucks I can let you drink
4
00:00:37,627 --> 00:00:39,787
everything that spilled
on my overpour mat tonight...
5
00:00:39,829 --> 00:00:41,294
Splatmat Special.
6
00:00:41,328 --> 00:00:43,795
That sounds terrible.
7
00:00:43,830 --> 00:00:46,089
Bring it.
8
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:02,657
- Third-wheeling it, huh?
- Huh?
9
00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,949
Oh, yeah.
They're just friends from work.
10
00:01:07,990 --> 00:01:10,388
You want some advice?
11
00:01:10,424 --> 00:01:12,185
Watch your back
around those two.
12
00:01:12,224 --> 00:01:16,054
- Watch my back?
- Couples are not to be trusted.
13
00:01:17,557 --> 00:01:19,488
We just work together.
14
00:01:19,522 --> 00:01:21,546
Yeah, it all seems innocent,
15
00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:23,851
till one day
you're sitting in a bar,
16
00:01:23,888 --> 00:01:27,287
telling a stranger about
how your life got ruined.
17
00:01:27,323 --> 00:01:30,014
- You don't have to tell...
- It all started four months ago.
18
00:01:45,786 --> 00:01:47,650
Karen Elizabeth Beale,
19
00:01:47,687 --> 00:01:51,241
will you do me the great honor
of marrying me?
20
00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:07,205
Look what you've done
to Alfonse!
21
00:02:17,614 --> 00:02:20,274
Hey, you know,
it could have been worse.
22
00:02:20,315 --> 00:02:21,302
How?
23
00:02:21,348 --> 00:02:23,540
Technically she never said no.
24
00:02:24,614 --> 00:02:26,273
Maybe it was too soon.
25
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:29,406
Too soon? We've been
dating for three months.
26
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:30,913
Almost.
27
00:02:30,947 --> 00:02:33,843
I think anything under
a solid decade is impetuous,
28
00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:36,209
if not downright irresponsible.
29
00:02:36,246 --> 00:02:38,972
I'm sorry about this, man.
This is such bad timing.
30
00:02:39,012 --> 00:02:41,275
I wish I could be here for
you right now, but...
31
00:02:41,313 --> 00:02:43,798
No, I know. Look, it's fine.
32
00:02:43,843 --> 00:02:45,174
I know how long you've
wanted this job, so...
33
00:02:45,211 --> 00:02:50,701
Yeah well, if you ever
find yourself in central Germany,
34
00:02:50,745 --> 00:02:52,300
you know,
schtop by!
35
00:02:52,344 --> 00:02:54,002
Yeah, for sure.
36
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,672
Hey, do you mind?
37
00:02:59,709 --> 00:03:01,472
We're having
a modern male moment here!
38
00:03:01,510 --> 00:03:04,667
Take your time, Mr. Sensitive.
It's not my flight we're gonna miss.
39
00:03:04,708 --> 00:03:07,641
Oh shit. Um, okay, I gotta bolt.
40
00:03:07,675 --> 00:03:09,435
You sure you're gonna be okay?
41
00:03:09,474 --> 00:03:10,701
Yeah, I'll be fine.
42
00:03:10,741 --> 00:03:13,866
Oh, listen. Don't go falling for the
first girl that comes along, okay?
43
00:03:13,908 --> 00:03:17,305
I know how you get.
All that hopeless romantic shit
44
00:03:17,341 --> 00:03:18,897
will get you in nothing but trouble.
45
00:03:18,940 --> 00:03:21,303
Trust me. Any shred of romance
that was left in me
46
00:03:21,340 --> 00:03:22,864
was ground to
a bloody pulp yesterday.
47
00:03:22,908 --> 00:03:24,532
Oh, good.
48
00:03:24,573 --> 00:03:26,628
I mean, not good. I mean...
49
00:03:26,671 --> 00:03:28,366
fuck, you know what I mean.
50
00:03:28,406 --> 00:03:31,303
Well, auf wiedersehen.
51
00:03:31,339 --> 00:03:32,999
Eat some schnitzel for me
or something.
52
00:03:33,039 --> 00:03:34,595
Aye. Be well.
53
00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:37,201
And stay out of trouble.
54
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,428
Echo?
55
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,890
# La la la la #
56
00:04:02,467 --> 00:04:04,194
# La la la la #
57
00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:07,198
Knock it off, fuckhead!
58
00:04:07,232 --> 00:04:09,130
# La la la la #
59
00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:14,288
Asshole.
60
00:04:14,332 --> 00:04:15,993
She won't let you out
for one beer?
61
00:04:16,033 --> 00:04:18,054
Come on. What's that all about?
62
00:04:19,397 --> 00:04:21,194
No, I'm not calling your wife a bitch.
63
00:04:21,232 --> 00:04:22,527
No no no...
64
00:04:22,565 --> 00:04:23,962
Hello?
65
00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:26,590
Come on, man.
How long have we been friends?
66
00:04:26,632 --> 00:04:29,561
Okay. How long have
we been acquaintances?
67
00:04:29,595 --> 00:04:33,494
Scott Teller. I bought
your futon a few years ago.
68
00:04:33,530 --> 00:04:35,892
# Last night
I picked up the phone #
69
00:04:35,928 --> 00:04:38,418
# Late call said
you were alone #
70
00:04:38,463 --> 00:04:40,359
# Crying to me about #
71
00:04:40,394 --> 00:04:43,225
# All of the things that we said #
72
00:04:43,262 --> 00:04:45,692
# Apologized
for your ways #
73
00:04:45,727 --> 00:04:48,024
# Said that you hadn't
slept in days #
74
00:04:48,062 --> 00:04:49,549
# Said that you need me... #
75
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,888
Hey. I'm Nina.
76
00:04:51,926 --> 00:04:55,017
Hi. Hi, Nina. I'm Scott.
77
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:57,687
I know this is
incredibly forward, but
78
00:04:57,728 --> 00:05:00,657
I think you're really cute
and I was just wondering
79
00:05:00,692 --> 00:05:02,056
if you'd maybe like to go out.
80
00:05:02,091 --> 00:05:03,524
I'd love you.
81
00:05:05,225 --> 00:05:06,690
I mean, I'd love to
82
00:05:06,725 --> 00:05:08,555
go out sometime.
83
00:05:08,592 --> 00:05:11,556
Not to say that I couldn't
love you at some point.
84
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:14,988
It's just, you know,
life is a very funny thing.
85
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:16,614
You never know what's
going to happen next.
86
00:05:19,159 --> 00:05:20,181
Nina?
87
00:05:20,224 --> 00:05:23,016
# So I came back,
opened my mind #
88
00:05:23,055 --> 00:05:25,454
# Decided to
give you the time #
89
00:05:25,489 --> 00:05:27,249
# To make it up to me #
90
00:05:27,288 --> 00:05:29,812
# And not turn away... #
91
00:05:33,321 --> 00:05:34,947
I gotta get a roommate.
92
00:05:36,287 --> 00:05:38,752
You know, the best way
for me to introduce myself
93
00:05:38,787 --> 00:05:40,583
would be to do a monologue.
94
00:05:40,621 --> 00:05:41,609
Okay.
95
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:46,815
As she leads me to her bed,
96
00:05:46,853 --> 00:05:49,647
I see for the first time
97
00:05:49,686 --> 00:05:54,117
piles and piles of pink panties.
98
00:05:54,151 --> 00:05:55,515
Heh.
99
00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:57,518
Harold just has difficulty
communicating with others.
100
00:05:57,552 --> 00:05:59,346
- Mmm.
- Don't you, Harold?
101
00:05:59,384 --> 00:06:00,475
Mmm...
102
00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:14,280
My vagina is unto the world's
103
00:06:14,315 --> 00:06:15,940
vagina!
104
00:06:15,981 --> 00:06:17,641
I live just around the corner,
105
00:06:17,682 --> 00:06:19,943
so I can visit all the time.
106
00:06:25,013 --> 00:06:26,535
Thank you.
107
00:06:29,147 --> 00:06:31,010
Ryan Beckett.
108
00:06:31,047 --> 00:06:33,775
Mary Kincaid. Hi.
109
00:06:33,814 --> 00:06:36,642
Hi. Scott Teller.
Nice to meet you.
110
00:06:36,679 --> 00:06:40,407
So, this place is awesome.
111
00:06:40,446 --> 00:06:43,070
I was looking for a change last year,
so I moved downtown.
112
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:46,235
I'm a senior product reviewer
for "Open Collar Worker."
113
00:06:46,277 --> 00:06:49,608
It's a magazine for work-at-home
professionals.
114
00:06:49,645 --> 00:06:51,439
How do you like working
from home?
115
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:53,442
I won't lie to you.
116
00:06:53,476 --> 00:06:54,671
It gets lonely sometimes.
117
00:06:56,145 --> 00:06:58,802
Which one of you is interested
in the apartment?
118
00:06:58,842 --> 00:07:02,138
- Actually...
- Both of us.
119
00:07:02,176 --> 00:07:06,007
To be honest, I'm not really sure
about living with a couple.
120
00:07:06,044 --> 00:07:09,872
No offense, but it seems like
it could get kind of awkward.
121
00:07:12,241 --> 00:07:14,263
Is everything okay?
122
00:07:14,307 --> 00:07:17,502
Yeah. We've just been
having a hard time
123
00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:19,970
trying to find a place.
124
00:07:20,005 --> 00:07:25,131
Yeah, and we're really into the whole
downtown loft thing, so...
125
00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:26,934
Yeah.
126
00:07:32,272 --> 00:07:35,169
- Are you okay?
- Hmm?
127
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:36,966
No, it's just your beard...
128
00:07:37,005 --> 00:07:38,732
Yeah, that.
129
00:07:38,772 --> 00:07:42,635
It itches like a bastard.
I don't know why I keep it.
130
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,330
Someone on the street yesterday
called me "Vermont Guy."
131
00:07:47,071 --> 00:07:48,696
I keep meaning to shave it off,
132
00:07:48,737 --> 00:07:51,064
but I guess I really haven't
had a reason to,
133
00:07:51,101 --> 00:07:53,500
not since Karen...
134
00:07:55,303 --> 00:07:58,928
but I don't want to bore you
with that story.
135
00:07:58,969 --> 00:08:03,332
Uh, no. We're not in
any rush, Scott. Try us.
136
00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:05,332
You can tell us, Scott.
137
00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:08,293
Okay.
138
00:08:12,531 --> 00:08:13,829
# We sit around #
139
00:08:13,867 --> 00:08:18,388
# Looking for flaws
in the diamonds #
140
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:24,058
# We sit around spilling our
ice cubes on the lawn #
141
00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:27,086
# We sit around
fighting our way #
142
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:30,689
# Through the darkness #
143
00:08:30,731 --> 00:08:33,559
# And we waste our time #
144
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,756
# When we could be
righting every wrong #
145
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:43,592
# And we trace heartbreak
where we #
146
00:08:43,628 --> 00:08:46,652
# Can see heartbreak
don't belong... #
147
00:08:46,695 --> 00:08:51,025
Drum roll, please.
Here he comes.
148
00:08:51,062 --> 00:08:52,721
- Yay!
- Hey!
149
00:08:52,762 --> 00:08:54,453
Much much better.
150
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:58,186
Yeah, considerably less
"creepy shut-in" with this look.
151
00:08:58,226 --> 00:09:00,555
That's exactly what I was going for.
Thanks.
152
00:09:00,592 --> 00:09:03,649
Well, this was really fun
meeting like this.
153
00:09:03,692 --> 00:09:05,213
- We should get going.
- We should.
154
00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:09,384
Hey, listen. Here is our card.
155
00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:12,858
Yeah, call us sometime if you
want to do something,
156
00:09:12,892 --> 00:09:15,412
or just talk.
157
00:09:15,456 --> 00:09:16,889
Good luck with
the roomie search.
158
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:20,753
Whoever you find is lucky to live
with a guy like you.
159
00:09:25,822 --> 00:09:28,152
Hey, guys, let's do it.
160
00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:29,348
Why don't you move in?
161
00:09:31,522 --> 00:09:32,989
Scott, are you sure?
162
00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:34,921
You guys are the
nicest people I've met,
163
00:09:34,956 --> 00:09:37,545
and let's face it... you're
the nicest people I'm gonna meet.
164
00:09:37,587 --> 00:09:40,146
This place is totally big enough
for the three of us.
165
00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:43,348
Scott, you are not gonna regret this!
166
00:09:43,389 --> 00:09:45,684
We will totally keep
to ourselves. It will be like
167
00:09:45,721 --> 00:09:47,343
- having just one roommate.
- Yeah.
168
00:09:47,385 --> 00:09:48,683
When can you guys move in?
169
00:09:48,719 --> 00:09:50,514
- This weekend?
- Yeah?
170
00:09:50,552 --> 00:09:52,040
- This weekend!
- Great!
171
00:09:52,085 --> 00:09:53,072
I'll see you then.
172
00:09:53,118 --> 00:09:54,881
- All right!
- Awesome!
173
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:57,610
Okay. See ya!
174
00:09:57,651 --> 00:09:59,048
See you soon.
175
00:10:14,049 --> 00:10:17,379
I can't believe how well our colors
work together. We're both autumns.
176
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:18,506
Is that fate or what?
177
00:10:18,548 --> 00:10:21,481
Uh, yeah. Looks great.
178
00:10:21,515 --> 00:10:24,708
Give him a break, Mary.
He's only got one X chromosome,
179
00:10:24,748 --> 00:10:27,840
which is why he is much more
interested in this bad boy!
180
00:10:27,882 --> 00:10:29,869
Holy crap!
181
00:10:29,913 --> 00:10:32,539
Meet your new god.
182
00:18:36,979 --> 00:18:40,002
Well, I am just so glad to see
183
00:18:40,046 --> 00:18:42,341
that you two stayed together.
184
00:18:42,378 --> 00:18:45,607
Yeah, it really looked like
you guys
185
00:18:45,645 --> 00:18:48,201
were on the ropes
there for a little while, so...
186
00:18:50,345 --> 00:18:54,334
Well, fortunately Nerissa has
a high bullshit threshold.
187
00:18:54,378 --> 00:18:55,366
Aww.
188
00:18:55,412 --> 00:18:57,807
Come on, you two
scallywags, join us.
189
00:18:57,842 --> 00:18:59,035
What?
190
00:18:59,078 --> 00:19:00,633
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
191
00:19:00,677 --> 00:19:02,609
I know I always do this.
I know I suck. I'm so sorry,
192
00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:04,542
but it really isn't my fault.
I was driving here from work
193
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,805
and I was on the PCH and
the traffic suddenly stopped
194
00:19:06,843 --> 00:19:10,638
and there was a turned-over beekeeper's
truck from some almond farm up north
195
00:19:10,676 --> 00:19:12,107
and there was a cop
who was supposed to be
196
00:19:12,142 --> 00:19:13,199
directing traffic
around the truck
197
00:19:13,242 --> 00:19:15,232
and he's swatting at all the bees.
198
00:19:15,276 --> 00:19:18,467
Everybody gets confused,
and there's like six more accidents
199
00:19:18,507 --> 00:19:20,063
so there was honey
all over the cars.
200
00:19:20,106 --> 00:19:22,800
Ted, it was not my fault this time,
I swear to God. It was not my fault.
201
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,135
Okay, calm down. We have
a couple of minutes.
202
00:19:25,173 --> 00:19:26,697
Calm down.
203
00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:30,865
That's the most ridiculous thing
I have ever heard. That's awesome.
204
00:19:30,906 --> 00:19:32,098
I'm gonna use that one
the next time I'm late.
205
00:19:32,139 --> 00:19:33,900
Are you accusing me of lying?
206
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:37,837
No. That's what's perfect about it.
You couldn't make that up.
207
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:41,565
You'd be surprised.
I am the master of excuses.
208
00:19:41,605 --> 00:19:43,332
All right, what's
your best one?
209
00:19:43,371 --> 00:19:45,029
My best one?
Dude, it would dazzle you
210
00:19:45,070 --> 00:19:46,365
and I don't think
you could handle it.
211
00:19:46,403 --> 00:19:47,927
I've got an idea.
212
00:19:47,971 --> 00:19:50,799
How about we have a date,
213
00:19:50,835 --> 00:19:53,961
Saturday night, 8:00, here?
214
00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:55,195
You come at 9:30
and dazzle me.
215
00:19:56,235 --> 00:19:58,896
- This guy's got game.
- Yeah.
216
00:19:58,937 --> 00:20:01,230
Uh, do we know this guy?
217
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:04,530
Leslie, these are my friends
from UCLA, Ryan and Mary.
218
00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:06,000
- Friends? Really?
- Stop it, please.
219
00:20:06,035 --> 00:20:08,968
Hi. And this is
our roommate Scott.
220
00:20:09,002 --> 00:20:11,965
He is a good man.
221
00:20:11,999 --> 00:20:14,989
Vouchers. I like vouchers,
222
00:20:15,034 --> 00:20:19,796
but I gotta say no, because I'm not into
the one-on-one thing with a stranger.
223
00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:22,660
Okay. Well, we'll all go,
all six of us.
224
00:20:22,697 --> 00:20:25,493
- Right? Saturday.
- We're busy.
225
00:20:25,531 --> 00:20:27,292
- Honey.
- No, we are.
226
00:20:27,331 --> 00:20:28,796
We have that thing
with Phil and Barbara Griffin.
227
00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:30,263
We could go.
228
00:20:30,299 --> 00:20:31,321
- Yeah.
- Huh?
229
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:32,726
Yeah, sure.
230
00:20:32,763 --> 00:20:35,855
Chaperones.
Are we on?
231
00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:40,519
Uh, nnnnn... okay.
232
00:20:40,564 --> 00:20:42,358
Why not?
233
00:20:44,628 --> 00:20:46,720
But we're late
because of the bees,
234
00:20:46,763 --> 00:20:48,126
- so...
- Bye.
235
00:20:48,162 --> 00:20:51,185
Good. No chance for me
to say anything stupid.
236
00:20:51,229 --> 00:20:52,717
I'll see you on Saturday...
237
00:20:52,762 --> 00:20:55,249
- Oh, Leslie Green.
- Leslie.
238
00:20:55,294 --> 00:20:58,022
- Scott Teller.
- Scott Teller.
239
00:20:58,061 --> 00:21:01,051
- See you Saturday.
- See you Saturday.
240
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,517
- Bye.
- Bye.
241
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,025
See ya Saturday.
242
00:21:07,927 --> 00:21:12,586
Scotty Scott Scotterton
over here! Scotterino!
243
00:21:12,626 --> 00:21:15,089
Way to get back
in the saddle, partner!
244
00:21:15,124 --> 00:21:16,716
- I'll say. Giddyup, huh?
- Huh?
245
00:21:16,759 --> 00:21:18,088
Did you see that?
246
00:21:18,125 --> 00:21:20,147
Who's got two thumbs
and is impressed?
247
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:22,351
- This guy.
- Yeah.
248
00:21:36,288 --> 00:21:38,380
- You've been a bad girl.
- That'll work.
249
00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:39,547
- That'll work.
- Yeah.
250
00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:41,611
Oh! Aha!
251
00:21:41,655 --> 00:21:43,519
The whisk.
252
00:21:46,420 --> 00:21:48,978
You gonna take me
downtown, Officer?
253
00:21:49,021 --> 00:21:52,884
- I'm taking you all the way down!
- Yeah!
254
00:21:54,288 --> 00:21:56,718
There was a farmer
who tapped that ass...
255
00:21:56,752 --> 00:21:59,049
...and Ryan was his name...
Oh!
256
00:22:25,583 --> 00:22:28,775
# I'm gonna take you
take you home. #
257
00:22:28,813 --> 00:22:29,938
- Unh!
- Nice!
258
00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:31,708
- Harmonies. What?
- Unh!
259
00:22:31,748 --> 00:22:33,906
- Scott. Scotty!
- Huh?
260
00:22:33,947 --> 00:22:36,380
- Nervous, buddy?
- Flutterbies?
261
00:22:36,415 --> 00:22:37,607
- Mmm?
- Mmm?
262
00:22:37,648 --> 00:22:40,169
Um, yeah, a little bit, I guess.
263
00:22:40,213 --> 00:22:43,441
- I'd be nervous.
- I'd be going apeshit.
264
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:45,672
I'm talking fucking apeshit!
265
00:22:45,712 --> 00:22:48,009
Yeah.
266
00:22:53,179 --> 00:22:55,235
- Hi.
- Hey.
267
00:22:55,278 --> 00:22:56,709
- Hey.
- Hi.
268
00:22:56,744 --> 00:23:01,232
Hey! How are you?
269
00:23:01,276 --> 00:23:03,436
- Flaming Gorilla Nipple?
- Uh, no, that's okay.
270
00:23:03,477 --> 00:23:05,533
I see you guys
started without me.
271
00:23:05,576 --> 00:23:08,770
Well, it was 5:00
somewhere, right?
272
00:23:10,708 --> 00:23:12,434
I don't even drink anymore.
273
00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:13,567
Of course I don't
drink any less, either.
274
00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:14,596
Hiyo! What are you drinking?
275
00:23:14,642 --> 00:23:16,107
Probably just a glass of red wine.
276
00:23:16,141 --> 00:23:17,800
- Mmm.
- Ooh.
277
00:23:17,841 --> 00:23:22,000
Scotty Dog is not much
of a wine drinker.
278
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:26,063
- The tannins give him headaches.
- He's more of a beer guy.
279
00:23:26,107 --> 00:23:28,572
Thanks, guys.
I can speak for myself.
280
00:23:28,606 --> 00:23:30,402
Of course you can!
281
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,666
If there's anything
Scott can do,
282
00:23:32,705 --> 00:23:34,899
it's talk... a lot.
283
00:23:34,940 --> 00:23:38,200
Like, yap yap yap yap.
He is a regular little chatterbox.
284
00:23:38,238 --> 00:23:40,501
Like a Chihuahua.
Show her!
285
00:23:41,739 --> 00:23:43,431
Yeah, come on,
say something, hotshot.
286
00:23:45,705 --> 00:23:47,102
Oh!
287
00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:50,635
Watch this!
288
00:23:50,672 --> 00:23:51,659
This will be good.
289
00:23:53,435 --> 00:23:54,900
Here it comes.
290
00:23:57,369 --> 00:23:58,392
Really?
291
00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:00,591
How have you been?
292
00:24:02,569 --> 00:24:04,999
- Brilliant!
- The man should be a writer.
293
00:24:05,034 --> 00:24:06,523
Hemingway
over here, right?
294
00:24:06,568 --> 00:24:08,056
Guys, really, I...
295
00:24:08,101 --> 00:24:09,760
- So how have you been, Les?
- Mmm.
296
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,699
Oh. Uh, I've been good.
297
00:24:12,735 --> 00:24:15,460
Can't say I love being called Les.
298
00:24:15,499 --> 00:24:18,624
- Oh! Hmm!
- I know what you're saying there.
299
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:22,429
I can't stand it when
people call me Mare.
300
00:24:22,467 --> 00:24:24,364
- Yes.
- It's like, what am I?
301
00:24:24,399 --> 00:24:25,795
- Right.
- Am I a horse?
302
00:24:25,831 --> 00:24:28,128
- No.
- Am I some kind of horse,
303
00:24:28,166 --> 00:24:30,654
- like a pony?
- Or like some kind of
304
00:24:30,698 --> 00:24:33,130
mare or something,
you know?
305
00:24:33,166 --> 00:24:36,392
Guys, I don't think this whole
double-date thing is working out.
306
00:24:36,430 --> 00:24:37,588
We're gonna get going.
307
00:24:37,630 --> 00:24:39,426
- What?
- Why?
308
00:24:39,464 --> 00:24:41,396
You guys are shitfaced.
309
00:24:41,430 --> 00:24:44,487
How dare you?
310
00:24:44,531 --> 00:24:47,086
That is silly.
311
00:24:47,128 --> 00:24:49,856
I am sober as a fucking judge!
312
00:24:49,896 --> 00:24:52,622
I think it's fine.
They're just a little drunk.
313
00:24:52,661 --> 00:24:53,923
We've all been there.
314
00:24:53,962 --> 00:24:56,517
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
315
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,389
Oh!
316
00:24:58,426 --> 00:25:00,484
Oh, God! You know what
we gotta do?
317
00:25:00,528 --> 00:25:02,050
- Say it.
- Mexican food.
318
00:25:02,094 --> 00:25:04,059
- Unh!
- That does sound good!
319
00:25:04,093 --> 00:25:06,651
We have to go get Mexican food.
320
00:25:06,693 --> 00:25:07,680
It's so good.
321
00:25:07,726 --> 00:25:09,693
- I don't know, guys...
- We should do it.
322
00:25:09,727 --> 00:25:11,715
- Shall we v�monos?
- Yes!
323
00:25:11,759 --> 00:25:13,587
- Si, se�orita.
- V�monos.
324
00:25:13,625 --> 00:25:16,218
I know the best spot.
We could take a taxi.
325
00:25:16,260 --> 00:25:17,247
- Yes.
- And that way
326
00:25:17,292 --> 00:25:18,279
we'll get fucking hammered.
327
00:25:18,324 --> 00:25:19,550
- So fu...
- king...
328
00:25:19,590 --> 00:25:22,386
hammered! Oh!
329
00:25:22,424 --> 00:25:23,855
I love the sound of this.
330
00:25:23,891 --> 00:25:26,414
Oh, boy.
331
00:25:26,458 --> 00:25:28,048
Somebody get this guy
a fucking drink.
332
00:25:28,091 --> 00:25:31,921
- You should sleep with him.
- Sleep with him.
333
00:25:31,957 --> 00:25:33,081
- He's awesome.
- Yeah!
334
00:25:33,123 --> 00:25:34,349
They crack me up.
335
00:25:34,389 --> 00:25:35,979
Everybody in the
bar have sex tonight.
336
00:25:36,022 --> 00:25:38,012
Ryan,
what do you do?
337
00:25:38,056 --> 00:25:40,985
Mary and I are in contract law.
338
00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:43,453
- We're both paralegals.
- Hmm.
339
00:25:43,487 --> 00:25:45,679
But we'll probably be going back
to law school soon.
340
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,381
Oh? What school
do you want to go to?
341
00:25:47,421 --> 00:25:49,885
Wait a minute.
Diddling?
342
00:25:49,919 --> 00:25:51,215
Yeah, diddling.
343
00:25:51,253 --> 00:25:53,685
- You know, with...
- I know what it means.
344
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,173
- I can't believe you just sat there.
- I didn't!
345
00:25:57,218 --> 00:26:01,479
Well, Stanford's the dream,
but it's pretty expensive.
346
00:26:02,852 --> 00:26:05,181
I know. Fuck yeah.
347
00:26:06,185 --> 00:26:07,616
You okay, Mary?
348
00:26:07,651 --> 00:26:09,641
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
349
00:26:09,685 --> 00:26:11,546
- Stop it.
- Stop what?
350
00:26:12,782 --> 00:26:15,341
Driver, turn left here.
It's quicker.
351
00:26:15,384 --> 00:26:16,406
And you didn't say anything?
352
00:26:16,450 --> 00:26:18,211
What was I supposed to do,
353
00:26:18,250 --> 00:26:21,511
let Leslie know that a finger banging was
happening a foot and a half behind her?
354
00:26:21,549 --> 00:26:24,209
That's not first-date material, bro.
I mean, come on.
355
00:26:24,250 --> 00:26:27,682
I'm sorry. Please continue.
356
00:26:27,715 --> 00:26:29,205
So have you guys
ever thought about
357
00:26:29,250 --> 00:26:31,579
one of you going to school
while the other one works?
358
00:26:31,616 --> 00:26:32,874
Uh-huh.
359
00:26:32,913 --> 00:26:35,176
What, you mean like one of us go
and the other one stay?
360
00:26:35,214 --> 00:26:36,372
- Mmm.
- Yeah, you know, take turns.
361
00:26:36,413 --> 00:26:40,812
Yes! Yes!
Definitely!
362
00:26:40,847 --> 00:26:43,038
Well, it sounds like
Mary likes the idea.
363
00:26:43,079 --> 00:26:44,305
Mm-hmm.
364
00:27:00,510 --> 00:27:01,500
Oh! Wow!
365
00:27:03,676 --> 00:27:06,507
They're really drunk,
aren't they?
366
00:27:06,544 --> 00:27:09,065
Yeah.
367
00:27:09,109 --> 00:27:11,599
Uh, she's a little, uh...
368
00:27:11,644 --> 00:27:14,437
tired, so I think we're just gonna
369
00:27:14,475 --> 00:27:17,271
go home and hit the sackaroo.
370
00:27:17,309 --> 00:27:18,706
You guys are cool
to get home, right?
371
00:27:18,742 --> 00:27:19,900
Safely? Safely? Safely?
372
00:27:19,941 --> 00:27:22,135
Yeah, we can do that.
373
00:27:22,176 --> 00:27:25,230
Okay.
I will check you later, bro.
374
00:27:29,340 --> 00:27:31,202
Let's go home.
375
00:27:35,006 --> 00:27:39,529
- Hasta lasagna!
- Bye now!
376
00:27:39,572 --> 00:27:41,799
That was weird.
377
00:27:41,838 --> 00:27:44,236
You have no idea.
378
00:27:44,339 --> 00:27:46,803
So, the three of you
spend a lot of time together?
379
00:27:46,870 --> 00:27:48,861
Um, yeah.
380
00:27:48,905 --> 00:27:50,927
I mean, we have.
381
00:27:50,971 --> 00:27:52,436
Maybe that's a little strange.
382
00:27:52,470 --> 00:27:55,436
Mmm. I get it. I've been the
third wheel with Ted and Nerissa
383
00:27:55,470 --> 00:27:56,900
way more times
than I want to admit.
384
00:27:56,935 --> 00:28:00,663
Well, tonight notwithstanding,
Ryan and Mary are good people.
385
00:28:00,703 --> 00:28:05,363
Very perky, maybe
a little too perfect,
386
00:28:05,402 --> 00:28:08,525
if you know what I mean.
387
00:28:08,567 --> 00:28:11,090
Well, the way Ted explains it,
they might as well be the Antichrist.
388
00:28:11,135 --> 00:28:13,498
- What?
- Oh, don't take Ted seriously.
389
00:28:13,534 --> 00:28:15,899
He is a cynic with
a flair for the dramatic.
390
00:28:15,935 --> 00:28:19,125
Nerissa says they're good people,
and that's good enough for me.
391
00:28:19,165 --> 00:28:21,825
Well, next time we go out,
it's just the two of us.
392
00:28:21,866 --> 00:28:24,956
Oh, so there's gonna be
a next time, huh?
393
00:28:24,998 --> 00:28:28,056
Yeah. You can't let
tonight be the end of it.
394
00:28:28,099 --> 00:28:31,394
I mean, this has
just been ridiculous.
395
00:28:33,331 --> 00:28:35,126
What are you
doing tomorrow?
396
00:28:35,164 --> 00:28:36,994
Something with you, I hope.
397
00:28:37,031 --> 00:28:40,483
Wow, you really play
hard to get, don't you?
398
00:28:41,997 --> 00:28:44,962
Okay, well, in that case,
399
00:28:44,996 --> 00:28:47,622
you should come by
at 6:00.
400
00:28:47,663 --> 00:28:50,059
I'm there.
401
00:28:50,095 --> 00:28:52,561
Cool.
402
00:28:52,596 --> 00:28:53,993
What?
403
00:28:54,028 --> 00:28:57,050
Nothing. I just...
404
00:28:57,094 --> 00:28:59,924
I just realized I probably
should have waited
405
00:28:59,961 --> 00:29:02,587
till the end of the date
to ask you on a second date,
406
00:29:02,628 --> 00:29:05,422
'cause now there's no buildup,
407
00:29:05,460 --> 00:29:07,584
there's no tension,
there's no mystery.
408
00:29:09,927 --> 00:29:11,822
How great is that?
409
00:29:23,858 --> 00:29:24,846
Wow!
410
00:29:27,923 --> 00:29:29,787
- Hey!
- Scott!
411
00:29:29,824 --> 00:29:33,345
Hi. We are so so
412
00:29:33,388 --> 00:29:36,355
so sorry about last night.
413
00:29:36,389 --> 00:29:39,013
Yeah, we were
way over the line.
414
00:29:39,055 --> 00:29:41,045
I don't know what happens
to me when I drink.
415
00:29:41,089 --> 00:29:44,484
- I just get so H-O-R-N-Y.
- Yeah,
416
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:49,180
and I am a total man-whore
after four cocktails.
417
00:29:49,221 --> 00:29:51,450
We practice hot monogamy.
418
00:29:51,489 --> 00:29:53,476
I'm what you'd call
a monogamist slut.
419
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,509
One of the pillars of our relationship.
It keeps it spicy.
420
00:29:57,553 --> 00:29:58,541
- Mmm.
- Huh?
421
00:29:58,587 --> 00:29:59,882
And it doesn't hurt that I rarely
422
00:29:59,919 --> 00:30:02,511
- if ever wear panties for him.
- No it does not.
423
00:30:02,553 --> 00:30:05,142
You must think
that we are total pervs.
424
00:30:05,183 --> 00:30:07,673
The whole thing
must seem so tawdry.
425
00:30:07,718 --> 00:30:09,945
Ooh! Tawdry.
Fantastic word.
426
00:30:09,984 --> 00:30:11,417
- It's awesome, right?
- That is an awesome word.
427
00:30:11,452 --> 00:30:15,245
Guys, let's just try to establish and
respect some boundaries, all right?
428
00:30:15,282 --> 00:30:17,806
- Can do, Mr. Magoo.
- Absolutely.
429
00:30:17,851 --> 00:30:20,940
And to make it up to you,
we made brunch.
430
00:30:20,982 --> 00:30:22,381
I can see that.
431
00:30:22,417 --> 00:30:23,973
I could see that from space.
432
00:30:24,016 --> 00:30:26,912
- Diggith inneth.
- Bon app�tit.
433
00:30:27,916 --> 00:30:30,903
- We need more eggs.
- Eggsellent idea.
434
00:30:30,948 --> 00:30:34,437
- My thoughts eggsactly.
- Guys, really,
435
00:30:34,482 --> 00:30:35,878
none of this was
necessary. I...
436
00:30:39,714 --> 00:30:41,906
Um...
437
00:30:41,947 --> 00:30:46,003
you know, the less we talk or think
or remember about last night the better.
438
00:30:46,046 --> 00:30:48,605
We just feel terrible
439
00:30:48,647 --> 00:30:51,077
that we ruined it for you
with Lisa.
440
00:30:51,113 --> 00:30:54,342
Leslie. And, um,
you didn't ruin anything.
441
00:30:54,379 --> 00:30:55,867
We're going out tonight.
442
00:30:58,809 --> 00:30:59,799
Wow,
443
00:30:59,845 --> 00:31:02,901
two dates in two days.
444
00:31:02,943 --> 00:31:04,102
Jesus H. Christ, Scott,
445
00:31:04,143 --> 00:31:06,110
I thought we weren't gonna
rush into anything this time.
446
00:31:06,144 --> 00:31:10,098
I'm not rushing into anything.
It's more of a do-over date anyway.
447
00:31:10,143 --> 00:31:13,835
Whatever. It's like you want
to get your heart broken again.
448
00:31:13,875 --> 00:31:17,966
Scott, uh, what about
the guy code?
449
00:31:18,007 --> 00:31:21,770
You don't even call the girl the next
day, let alone go out with her.
450
00:31:21,808 --> 00:31:23,000
You're never gonna
get rid of her now.
451
00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:25,268
I'm not really a guy-code guy, Ryan.
452
00:31:25,307 --> 00:31:27,274
I like to play it by ear.
453
00:31:27,308 --> 00:31:29,205
Yeah. That's been
real successful so far.
454
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,434
- Mary!
- Dude, she's kidding.
455
00:31:31,474 --> 00:31:34,803
She's kidding. I mean,
she is and she isn't.
456
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,830
I am and I amn't.
457
00:31:36,874 --> 00:31:39,360
Look, thank you for breakfast,
but I'd like to drop the subject now.
458
00:31:39,405 --> 00:31:40,632
- It's dropped.
- Like a bad habit.
459
00:31:40,672 --> 00:31:43,002
- Like a hot potato.
- Like an atom bomb.
460
00:31:43,039 --> 00:31:44,766
- Like a prom dress.
- Like a...
461
00:31:47,606 --> 00:31:50,727
Well, it looks like
somebody got up
462
00:31:50,769 --> 00:31:52,895
on the wrong side
of the bed this morning.
463
00:31:52,937 --> 00:31:54,164
Your eggs are getting cold, Scott.
464
00:32:01,801 --> 00:32:04,734
Other lightweight vacuums
are light on power.
465
00:32:04,769 --> 00:32:09,827
That's why Dyson
engineered the Dyson Slim...
466
00:32:09,869 --> 00:32:11,333
See you all later.
467
00:32:11,367 --> 00:32:13,357
Wait!
468
00:32:13,402 --> 00:32:15,526
- We have to come with you.
- Why?
469
00:32:15,568 --> 00:32:18,762
To apologize to Leslie.
470
00:32:18,801 --> 00:32:20,789
That won't be necessary.
471
00:32:20,834 --> 00:32:23,732
I know, but it would just make
us both feel so much better.
472
00:32:23,767 --> 00:32:26,630
Yeah. We got off
on the wrong foot.
473
00:32:26,666 --> 00:32:28,461
Such the wrong foot.
474
00:32:29,633 --> 00:32:31,598
Okay.
475
00:32:31,632 --> 00:32:35,120
But you leave after the apology,
and absolutely no drinks.
476
00:32:35,165 --> 00:32:37,722
Don't worry, we'll be good.
I'm even wearing panties today.
477
00:32:37,764 --> 00:32:39,252
Ow.
478
00:32:40,466 --> 00:32:43,429
It just keeps coming.
479
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:46,452
Look, I really want to spend
some time with her.
480
00:32:46,496 --> 00:32:47,893
Alone.
481
00:32:47,929 --> 00:32:50,522
- Right. Say, Ryan?
- Hmm?
482
00:32:50,564 --> 00:32:52,358
What's the name of
the Canadian rock trio
483
00:32:52,396 --> 00:32:53,655
that recorded the song
"Tom Sawyer"?
484
00:32:53,694 --> 00:32:56,354
Why, Mary, that would be
Rush.
485
00:32:56,395 --> 00:32:58,622
Which is exactly what
Scott is doing with Leslie.
486
00:33:00,127 --> 00:33:03,253
Okay, you guys clearly
planned that, and that's just odd.
487
00:33:05,226 --> 00:33:06,216
Come on.
488
00:33:19,093 --> 00:33:20,456
She stood you up, man.
489
00:33:20,492 --> 00:33:23,754
- Left you hanging.
- High and dry.
490
00:33:23,792 --> 00:33:25,779
I feel awful.
491
00:33:25,824 --> 00:33:28,087
This is obviously our fault.
492
00:33:28,125 --> 00:33:29,784
Oh, man, this sucks.
493
00:33:29,824 --> 00:33:31,847
So what do you say we go get
a drink or 12, nurse the wounds?
494
00:33:31,890 --> 00:33:33,754
- All you can do, really. Right?
- Yes.
495
00:33:33,791 --> 00:33:34,881
Shall we?
496
00:33:36,655 --> 00:33:37,643
Hi!
497
00:33:37,687 --> 00:33:39,086
Are you here to see someone?
498
00:33:39,122 --> 00:33:40,519
Uh, yes. Leslie.
499
00:33:40,555 --> 00:33:42,145
Leslie Galinsky?
500
00:33:42,188 --> 00:33:43,519
No, Leslie Green.
501
00:33:43,556 --> 00:33:46,645
Oh, Leslie G.
You must be Scott.
502
00:33:46,687 --> 00:33:47,743
Come on in.
503
00:33:47,786 --> 00:33:49,083
Thanks.
504
00:33:50,620 --> 00:33:52,483
Oh, I'm sorry.
Invited guests only.
505
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,111
We're with Scotty.
506
00:33:54,154 --> 00:33:56,846
I'm just a woodland nymph
with five lines, so...
507
00:34:05,886 --> 00:34:07,645
- Bye.
- Thank you.
508
00:34:16,718 --> 00:34:17,909
Oh, hey, you made it.
509
00:34:17,950 --> 00:34:19,938
Hey, yeah, I did.
510
00:34:19,982 --> 00:34:21,176
Sorry to drag you by work like this
511
00:34:21,217 --> 00:34:22,614
but we've been
so pressed for time
512
00:34:22,650 --> 00:34:24,206
I've had very little
social life lately.
513
00:34:24,249 --> 00:34:28,146
- This is work?
- Oh, yes. I do costumes.
514
00:34:28,182 --> 00:34:31,081
I am the seamstress
to the semi-stars.
515
00:34:31,116 --> 00:34:32,308
Cool.
516
00:34:32,348 --> 00:34:35,608
But I thought maybe you'd want
to see the dress rehearsal, so
517
00:34:35,647 --> 00:34:37,376
I put together some snacks.
518
00:34:38,814 --> 00:34:41,337
And I brought some wine...
and beer,
519
00:34:41,381 --> 00:34:43,074
because I know
you are a beer man.
520
00:34:44,913 --> 00:34:47,107
Is that cool?
521
00:34:47,147 --> 00:34:48,942
Yeah. That'll do.
522
00:34:48,979 --> 00:34:50,807
Okay, well, let's get a seat.
523
00:35:16,942 --> 00:35:18,500
Leslie!
524
00:35:19,976 --> 00:35:22,132
Leslie!
525
00:35:22,174 --> 00:35:24,936
We're sorry!
We're so sorry.
526
00:35:24,974 --> 00:35:27,734
- It's all on us.
- Our bad, not Scott.
527
00:35:27,773 --> 00:35:29,172
- Oh my God.
- Leslie Green!
528
00:35:29,208 --> 00:35:31,173
- Not Galinksky!
- No, you're cool, Galinsky!
529
00:35:31,207 --> 00:35:33,728
Scott didn't do anything!
530
00:35:33,772 --> 00:35:36,671
So if you were planning
on hooking up or making out...
531
00:35:36,706 --> 00:35:38,295
Or going all the way
or whatever...
532
00:35:38,338 --> 00:35:40,771
Full speed ahead!
533
00:35:40,807 --> 00:35:42,896
Thumbs up
if you can hear us.
534
00:35:42,938 --> 00:35:44,301
Groovy?
535
00:35:44,337 --> 00:35:45,895
Dude playing Puck,
536
00:35:45,939 --> 00:35:47,767
- you are awesome!
- Great!
537
00:35:47,805 --> 00:35:50,328
- Scotty, we'll see you at home.
- They gave the thumbs up, right?
538
00:35:50,372 --> 00:35:51,894
- Yeah.
- Okay.
539
00:35:57,371 --> 00:35:59,461
Fantastic.
540
00:36:27,499 --> 00:36:29,465
Again, I'm sorry
about Ryan and Mary.
541
00:36:29,498 --> 00:36:31,725
Just forget about it.
I don't want to get worked up over it,
542
00:36:31,764 --> 00:36:36,627
let some gut-wrenching, potentially
job-threatening embarrassment
543
00:36:36,663 --> 00:36:38,029
ruin a good date.
544
00:36:38,065 --> 00:36:39,587
Good date? Come on,
545
00:36:39,631 --> 00:36:41,858
this is undoubtedly the best date
that I've ever been on.
546
00:36:41,897 --> 00:36:44,693
Yeah, I kind of
impressed myself tonight.
547
00:36:44,731 --> 00:36:47,957
Yeah. I mean, the bar
has been set ridiculously high.
548
00:36:47,996 --> 00:36:50,554
I'm clearly gonna have to involve
air travel on our next date
549
00:36:50,596 --> 00:36:51,584
if I even hope to top this.
550
00:36:51,629 --> 00:36:55,154
Well I don't know about air travel,
but...
551
00:36:57,628 --> 00:36:59,095
how do you feel
about a wedding?
552
00:37:00,228 --> 00:37:01,784
Ours?
553
00:37:01,828 --> 00:37:03,793
No.
554
00:37:03,827 --> 00:37:05,658
Ted and Nerissa are getting
married in two weeks
555
00:37:05,695 --> 00:37:06,819
and I'm the maid of honor.
556
00:37:06,861 --> 00:37:10,951
And I don't have a date.
557
00:37:10,993 --> 00:37:14,424
And I kind of don't think
I'm gonna meet anyone
558
00:37:14,458 --> 00:37:16,358
I'm gonna want to go with
more than you before then,
559
00:37:16,393 --> 00:37:21,290
so come with me.
560
00:37:21,325 --> 00:37:25,346
Yeah, absolutely. Weddings
are a total turn-on for chicks.
561
00:37:25,390 --> 00:37:27,516
You don't
stand a chance after that.
562
00:37:27,558 --> 00:37:29,988
I like this.
563
00:37:30,023 --> 00:37:34,046
- What?
- That I can tell you that I like you
564
00:37:34,090 --> 00:37:37,682
and not have to worry
that I'm gonna regret it later.
565
00:37:37,724 --> 00:37:39,449
No, you definitely won't.
566
00:37:39,488 --> 00:37:42,649
I feel like I don't have
to play games with you.
567
00:37:42,689 --> 00:37:45,620
I don't have to couch anything.
568
00:37:45,655 --> 00:37:47,884
I don't even know
what couch means as a verb.
569
00:37:47,923 --> 00:37:50,784
So, no,
570
00:37:50,820 --> 00:37:52,583
you definitely don't have
to do that.
571
00:37:59,121 --> 00:38:02,084
Leslie, time to go!
572
00:38:02,118 --> 00:38:05,278
Oh, that's my ride.
573
00:38:05,318 --> 00:38:07,408
I can take you home.
574
00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:10,384
That's all right.
As great as this date has been,
575
00:38:10,419 --> 00:38:12,280
I don't want to rush anything.
576
00:38:13,585 --> 00:38:14,880
Me neither.
577
00:38:20,451 --> 00:38:21,438
I'll call you.
578
00:38:21,482 --> 00:38:24,211
- Okay.
- Good night.
579
00:38:41,548 --> 00:38:44,307
Please, just shut up!
580
00:38:53,677 --> 00:38:57,076
Hey! There's the man!
581
00:38:58,677 --> 00:38:59,938
Mary, is everything okay?
582
00:38:59,977 --> 00:39:02,342
Everything's fine.
Was it a good night?
583
00:39:02,378 --> 00:39:04,740
It was great, after you guys
stopped shouting at us.
584
00:39:04,777 --> 00:39:06,937
Oh, you did hear.
Good.
585
00:39:06,978 --> 00:39:09,034
Yeah, they heard in Cucamonga.
586
00:39:09,077 --> 00:39:10,201
What's with this plate?
587
00:39:10,243 --> 00:39:13,607
Oh. Little accident on my part.
588
00:39:13,643 --> 00:39:15,608
It's a long story.
589
00:39:15,641 --> 00:39:18,438
I will replace that.
Nothing major.
590
00:39:18,476 --> 00:39:20,498
Nothing major.
591
00:39:21,608 --> 00:39:23,575
Were you guys fighting?
592
00:39:23,609 --> 00:39:27,541
Hah! I told you,
we don't fight.
593
00:39:27,575 --> 00:39:29,335
It's not our thing, buddy.
594
00:39:30,740 --> 00:39:33,333
I think they're clean,
lamb chop.
595
00:39:33,375 --> 00:39:35,861
I'll decide that, honeybunches.
596
00:39:35,906 --> 00:39:39,202
Ryan, who were you
just yelling at to shut up?
597
00:39:39,240 --> 00:39:42,966
What? No one. What?
598
00:39:43,005 --> 00:39:46,663
So, Scotty, was it a good night?
599
00:39:46,704 --> 00:39:49,001
- Did you tap that ass yet?
- Mary!
600
00:39:49,039 --> 00:39:52,969
Aw, come on. Did you give her
the old hot beef injection?
601
00:39:53,003 --> 00:39:55,129
- Mary, what the hell?
- Did you make like Sam the Butcher
602
00:39:55,171 --> 00:39:57,635
- and bring Alice the meat?
- Jesus, Mary.
603
00:39:57,669 --> 00:40:01,362
Mmm. This sex talk have me
heap big in the mood.
604
00:40:01,403 --> 00:40:04,734
Oh, I love it
when you talk caveman.
605
00:40:04,771 --> 00:40:06,633
That was, uh,
Indian, dear.
606
00:40:06,669 --> 00:40:09,258
No, don't be silly.
Indian is like,
607
00:40:09,300 --> 00:40:11,597
"Oh, curry in a hurry,
Mr. Curry Man."
608
00:40:11,635 --> 00:40:13,725
Native American Indian.
609
00:40:13,768 --> 00:40:15,030
- Oh.
- Oh.
610
00:40:15,069 --> 00:40:17,432
- Geronimo.
- Mmm.
611
00:40:18,867 --> 00:40:20,629
- Come here.
- Ooh!
612
00:40:20,667 --> 00:40:22,928
- Good night.
- Good night.
613
00:40:22,967 --> 00:40:24,864
Take me
to your wigwam, Chief.
614
00:40:24,899 --> 00:40:29,627
I'm gonna trade you $27
worth of trinkets for that ass.
615
00:40:29,665 --> 00:40:31,995
Hi-ya, hi-ya...
616
00:40:32,033 --> 00:40:35,328
Put me
on the bearskin rug!
617
00:40:35,365 --> 00:40:36,525
Here's some wampum.
618
00:40:46,930 --> 00:40:48,987
I got it!
619
00:40:54,629 --> 00:40:58,425
Hey, Scotty Dog, phone!
620
00:41:03,229 --> 00:41:05,853
- Hello?
- Hi, Scotty Dog!
621
00:41:05,894 --> 00:41:09,758
Hey, Leslie. Have you been talking
to Mary for the last 20 minutes?
622
00:41:09,794 --> 00:41:11,156
Is that a problem?
623
00:41:11,192 --> 00:41:14,421
No, it's just... they were
acting really weird last night.
624
00:41:14,460 --> 00:41:17,583
In fact I'm beginning to think
they're just weird in general.
625
00:41:17,625 --> 00:41:19,320
What were
you guys talking about?
626
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,551
Oh, you know, girl stuff.
627
00:41:23,557 --> 00:41:26,853
So, what are you doing Friday?
Do you want to hang out?
628
00:41:26,891 --> 00:41:28,950
Yeah, I'd love to.
629
00:41:28,992 --> 00:41:30,855
I hear you like the batting cages.
630
00:41:34,457 --> 00:41:37,513
- Where did you hear that?
- I have my sources.
631
00:41:37,555 --> 00:41:39,521
So, Friday at 7:00?
632
00:41:39,557 --> 00:41:44,043
And by the way,
I have now asked you out twice.
633
00:41:44,087 --> 00:41:46,145
I know,
and I'm way behind.
634
00:41:46,188 --> 00:41:48,710
I have to log at least twice
as many as you
635
00:41:48,755 --> 00:41:50,813
if I'm going to feel
even remotely like a man.
636
00:41:50,856 --> 00:41:54,445
Well, get to work, lazybones.
I'll see you Friday, okay?
637
00:41:54,487 --> 00:41:56,420
- Okay.
- Bye.
638
00:41:56,454 --> 00:41:57,817
Bye.
639
00:42:04,386 --> 00:42:06,182
Jesus, you guys hungry
or something?
640
00:42:06,220 --> 00:42:08,549
Oh, I don't know, Scott.
Maybe we're just being weird.
641
00:42:08,586 --> 00:42:10,448
Yeah, weird
that you would say that,
642
00:42:10,485 --> 00:42:12,850
because I've been
feeling weird lately.
643
00:42:12,886 --> 00:42:14,316
That is so weird!
644
00:42:14,351 --> 00:42:15,338
- That's weird.
- Weird.
645
00:42:15,384 --> 00:42:17,749
Guys, is something going on?
646
00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:19,580
Is this, like, a thing?
647
00:42:19,617 --> 00:42:22,812
She heard you tell Lisa
that you think we're weird.
648
00:42:22,852 --> 00:42:24,781
- Leslie.
- Leslie! Fuck!
649
00:42:24,815 --> 00:42:26,337
Why do I have such
trouble with that name?
650
00:42:26,382 --> 00:42:28,349
I do too. It's like,
Lisa, Leslie...
651
00:42:28,383 --> 00:42:29,542
But you had no right
to hear that.
652
00:42:29,583 --> 00:42:33,038
I was just in the process
of hanging up the phone
653
00:42:33,083 --> 00:42:34,412
and making sure you'd
picked up the call,
654
00:42:34,449 --> 00:42:38,108
and that it was connecting,
and...
655
00:42:38,148 --> 00:42:41,806
Scott, come on.
656
00:42:41,847 --> 00:42:43,006
Do you think we're weird?
657
00:42:44,348 --> 00:42:46,903
Yeah. Yes.
658
00:42:46,946 --> 00:42:50,401
If you want to know the truth, yes,
I think you guys are a little weird.
659
00:42:50,446 --> 00:42:51,877
Us?
660
00:42:51,912 --> 00:42:53,468
I'm sure.
661
00:42:53,512 --> 00:42:56,172
Scott, I was a Gerber baby.
662
00:42:56,213 --> 00:42:59,872
And I am from Marblehead,
Massachusetts...
663
00:42:59,912 --> 00:43:01,377
- Idyllic!
- Born and raised.
664
00:43:01,412 --> 00:43:04,776
- Yeah.
- Scott, what is so weird about us?
665
00:43:04,812 --> 00:43:07,537
Well, okay, for starters,
the whole no-fighting thing.
666
00:43:07,577 --> 00:43:09,008
That's... it's just odd.
667
00:43:09,043 --> 00:43:11,976
We're not into
the conflict thing, Scott.
668
00:43:12,011 --> 00:43:15,774
I'm just curious. Do you want us
to break up or something?
669
00:43:15,811 --> 00:43:17,865
- Right?
- No, I don't want you to break up.
670
00:43:17,908 --> 00:43:20,534
But it's just that
normal couples fight,
671
00:43:22,641 --> 00:43:24,833
and it's very healthy
for the relationship.
672
00:43:24,874 --> 00:43:26,501
Now I'm just confused.
673
00:43:26,542 --> 00:43:29,370
I mean, I don't even know
how to do that.
674
00:43:29,407 --> 00:43:33,499
Okay. Just... here, come here.
675
00:43:33,540 --> 00:43:36,234
Okay. Mary, you sit here.
676
00:43:36,274 --> 00:43:40,727
Ryan, you sit here.
677
00:43:40,772 --> 00:43:44,102
No no, guys, get...
trust me here.
678
00:43:44,139 --> 00:43:45,764
Sit apart.
679
00:43:45,805 --> 00:43:47,170
There.
680
00:43:50,337 --> 00:43:54,531
Now, clearly
there was something
681
00:43:54,571 --> 00:43:55,934
going on last night,
682
00:43:55,970 --> 00:43:57,699
so let's draw from there.
683
00:43:57,739 --> 00:43:58,726
All right?
684
00:43:58,771 --> 00:44:01,997
Now, tell him what you think.
685
00:44:02,036 --> 00:44:05,366
Okay.
686
00:44:05,403 --> 00:44:07,425
Ryan,
687
00:44:08,504 --> 00:44:11,092
- you were being a dummy.
- Okay, uh,
688
00:44:11,134 --> 00:44:14,897
I appreciate that you're speaking
from a place of anger right now.
689
00:44:14,935 --> 00:44:17,399
- Thank you.
- No! Okay, look.
690
00:44:17,433 --> 00:44:19,832
Tell her what you were
really thinking last night.
691
00:44:21,367 --> 00:44:23,423
Okay. Uh, I...
692
00:44:23,466 --> 00:44:28,262
Mary, I wish that you
would shut your trap, uh,
693
00:44:28,299 --> 00:44:31,822
about the toilet seat.
694
00:44:31,865 --> 00:44:33,921
- Yes, very good.
- Blabbermouth.
695
00:44:33,964 --> 00:44:36,397
Nice. Okay now, Mary,
your rebuttal.
696
00:44:36,432 --> 00:44:38,862
Um,
697
00:44:38,897 --> 00:44:41,023
Freak.
698
00:44:42,230 --> 00:44:44,321
Twat.
699
00:44:44,363 --> 00:44:45,830
- Ass hat.
- Bitch.
700
00:44:45,864 --> 00:44:47,420
Shitheel.
701
00:44:47,464 --> 00:44:48,861
Strumpet.
702
00:44:48,896 --> 00:44:50,386
Jerkoff.
703
00:44:50,431 --> 00:44:51,896
Queef waffle.
704
00:44:51,931 --> 00:44:53,555
Nagfucker.
705
00:44:53,596 --> 00:44:54,891
Tampon wrapper.
706
00:44:54,929 --> 00:44:56,294
Mama's boy.
707
00:44:56,330 --> 00:44:58,557
Bloody fucking cun...
708
00:44:58,596 --> 00:45:01,358
Ow! Oh!
709
00:45:04,326 --> 00:45:08,054
You know, in the UK that word's
not really that big of a deal.
710
00:45:08,094 --> 00:45:09,457
I know.
711
00:45:09,493 --> 00:45:12,891
But this is an important lesson
on escalation.
712
00:45:14,425 --> 00:45:19,188
You can't go from a slap fight
to a C-bomb.
713
00:45:19,226 --> 00:45:22,852
And look. You had a fight
and you're not breaking up.
714
00:45:22,892 --> 00:45:25,118
- No.
- No, no.
715
00:45:25,157 --> 00:45:27,784
Scott, you're right.
716
00:45:27,826 --> 00:45:30,915
We have a lot of issues
that we've repressed
717
00:45:30,957 --> 00:45:34,412
and you're right,
we need to work on that.
718
00:45:34,458 --> 00:45:36,684
Yeah. Thank you, Scott.
719
00:45:36,723 --> 00:45:39,713
I think it's clear that we both
learned a lot tonight.
720
00:45:41,923 --> 00:45:43,913
I can't tell you how much
you mean to us, buddy.
721
00:45:43,957 --> 00:45:47,387
Wow. Well, that's really nice.
722
00:45:47,421 --> 00:45:49,581
I'm just so glad we found you.
723
00:45:51,255 --> 00:45:52,913
Aw, come here.
724
00:45:56,453 --> 00:45:58,850
Oh.
725
00:45:59,021 --> 00:46:01,451
# Let's go, let's go,
it's on #
726
00:46:01,519 --> 00:46:04,748
# Let's go,
let's go along #
727
00:46:04,787 --> 00:46:06,047
# Let's go, let's go... #
728
00:46:06,087 --> 00:46:08,710
- What's up, roomie?
- Whoa!
729
00:46:14,085 --> 00:46:15,813
- Hey.
- You okay there, buddy?
730
00:46:15,852 --> 00:46:18,112
Do you want to move on
to free weights, blasts those delts?
731
00:46:18,150 --> 00:46:19,615
- Pump your lats?
- Pound your glutes?
732
00:46:21,617 --> 00:46:22,809
What do you say?
733
00:46:22,850 --> 00:46:25,817
Uh, no thanks.
I'm done.
734
00:46:25,851 --> 00:46:27,839
- What a coincidence.
- We're done too.
735
00:46:27,883 --> 00:46:29,643
Yeah.
736
00:46:29,682 --> 00:46:31,342
But you guys just got here.
737
00:46:31,383 --> 00:46:33,406
Hey, we work hard, not long.
738
00:46:33,449 --> 00:46:35,381
- That's how we roll.
- God damn right it is.
739
00:46:35,415 --> 00:46:37,007
Where are you headed?
740
00:46:37,049 --> 00:46:38,571
Mind if we come with?
741
00:46:38,615 --> 00:46:40,579
No, it won't be necessary.
742
00:46:40,613 --> 00:46:44,138
My head's kind of hurting, so I'm gonna
go get some aspirin or something.
743
00:46:44,181 --> 00:46:45,272
Golly.
744
00:46:45,314 --> 00:46:47,974
Didn't think it was a crime to want
to spend some time with a friend.
745
00:46:48,015 --> 00:46:50,807
Yeah, I mean if you want
to be alone, be alone.
746
00:46:50,845 --> 00:46:52,506
- We're history.
- Past tense.
747
00:46:52,547 --> 00:46:54,136
- Ghosts.
- Hasta lasagna.
748
00:46:54,179 --> 00:46:56,337
- Peace out...
- Okay, later.
749
00:46:56,378 --> 00:46:58,346
Okay.
750
00:46:58,380 --> 00:47:01,208
Well, what time will
you be home?
751
00:47:01,244 --> 00:47:04,233
# Let's go, let's go,
it's on #
752
00:47:04,278 --> 00:47:07,471
# Let's go,
let's go along #
753
00:47:07,510 --> 00:47:10,964
# Let's go, let's go,
we'll get it on #
754
00:47:11,010 --> 00:47:13,977
# Let's go,
I'm going off #
755
00:47:14,011 --> 00:47:17,203
# Let's go, let's go
right now #
756
00:47:17,242 --> 00:47:20,505
# Let's go,
we're going out #
757
00:47:20,543 --> 00:47:23,771
# You'll never know
until you go #
758
00:47:23,810 --> 00:47:26,968
# Just what
it's all about... #
759
00:47:27,008 --> 00:47:29,407
Damn, you're good.
Our kids would be Hall-of-Famers.
760
00:47:29,443 --> 00:47:32,498
We had three dates.
You've got us having kids?
761
00:47:33,506 --> 00:47:36,302
- Just an expression.
- You never know.
762
00:47:40,941 --> 00:47:43,403
- You moving?
- I have to.
763
00:47:43,438 --> 00:47:45,871
My apartment building
is going condo.
764
00:47:45,906 --> 00:47:47,871
How long do you have
before you have to move?
765
00:47:47,905 --> 00:47:49,734
Mmm, like 40 days.
766
00:47:52,638 --> 00:47:54,432
Leslie...
767
00:47:54,470 --> 00:47:57,494
I know this sounds crazy and we
haven't known each other that long,
768
00:47:57,538 --> 00:48:00,468
but... move in with me.
769
00:48:00,502 --> 00:48:02,163
What?
770
00:48:02,204 --> 00:48:03,930
I'm serious.
771
00:48:03,970 --> 00:48:06,664
You can have
your own room and...
772
00:48:06,704 --> 00:48:08,998
you know,
it'll be like we're roommates.
773
00:48:09,035 --> 00:48:12,661
Oh, my God.
774
00:48:12,703 --> 00:48:15,259
I mean, what about
Ryan and Mary?
775
00:48:16,367 --> 00:48:19,596
To be honest,
it's not really working out.
776
00:48:19,635 --> 00:48:23,294
I'll give them plenty of notice
and it'll be fine.
777
00:48:23,335 --> 00:48:25,595
L- I don't know.
I mean, I... I guess
778
00:48:25,633 --> 00:48:28,532
I just need to think about it.
This is so out of the blue, Scott.
779
00:48:28,567 --> 00:48:31,532
I'm gonna need, like,
some time to...
780
00:48:31,566 --> 00:48:33,590
- I...
- Yeah.
781
00:48:33,634 --> 00:48:36,563
I... I think...
782
00:48:36,597 --> 00:48:38,587
we should go back
to your place right now.
783
00:48:38,632 --> 00:48:39,961
Okay.
784
00:48:39,998 --> 00:48:42,622
'Cause I don't want
to wait another minute.
785
00:48:42,663 --> 00:48:44,597
- Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
786
00:48:48,063 --> 00:48:50,053
Happy birthday to me.
787
00:48:51,064 --> 00:48:52,756
It's just right here.
788
00:48:53,764 --> 00:48:55,695
Okay, now...
789
00:48:55,730 --> 00:48:57,626
Let me check to make sure
Ryan and Mary aren't here.
790
00:48:57,661 --> 00:48:59,753
Okay, well, hurry up.
Hurry up. Hurry up.
791
00:49:03,728 --> 00:49:06,524
Oh, hey!
Where are you going?
792
00:49:06,562 --> 00:49:08,549
I was going to get us
something to drink.
793
00:49:08,593 --> 00:49:10,254
Oh.
794
00:49:10,295 --> 00:49:13,851
Well, there is no time
for that.
795
00:49:13,893 --> 00:49:15,758
Where is your bedroom?
796
00:49:17,492 --> 00:49:19,787
I like where this is heading.
797
00:49:23,859 --> 00:49:27,053
Slow down. What are you doing?
Slow down.
798
00:49:27,093 --> 00:49:28,852
Hold on... watch out.
799
00:49:30,489 --> 00:49:32,456
Why are you going outside?
800
00:49:36,091 --> 00:49:39,214
Surprise!
801
00:49:39,256 --> 00:49:41,882
# For he's a jolly good fellow #
802
00:49:41,923 --> 00:49:44,286
# For he's a jolly
good fellow #
803
00:49:44,323 --> 00:49:48,846
# For he's a jolly good fellow #
804
00:49:48,889 --> 00:49:51,479
# Which nobody can deny... #
805
00:49:51,521 --> 00:49:54,113
- Stop! Okay, that's fine. Stop.
- # Which nobody can deny... #
806
00:49:54,155 --> 00:49:56,643
Yeah, stop.
807
00:49:56,687 --> 00:49:59,519
- Who planned this?
- That would be us.
808
00:49:59,554 --> 00:50:02,645
- Chicka chicka boo-ya!
- Hey!
809
00:50:02,688 --> 00:50:04,676
Happy b'day.
810
00:50:04,720 --> 00:50:07,514
Did you take that picture
while I was sleeping?
811
00:50:07,552 --> 00:50:10,280
You just looked
so peaceful.
812
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:14,979
We figured since you don't have any
friends that throw in a rockin' party,
813
00:50:15,019 --> 00:50:16,847
it'd be a great way for you
to make some new ones.
814
00:50:16,885 --> 00:50:18,977
- Right?
- Yeah!
815
00:50:19,019 --> 00:50:21,982
No no, that's very funny,
but I have lots of friends,
816
00:50:22,016 --> 00:50:24,983
just not in L.A.
right now, okay?
817
00:50:25,017 --> 00:50:27,413
Were you a part of this?
818
00:50:27,449 --> 00:50:30,904
This is what Mary and I
were talking about on the phone.
819
00:50:30,950 --> 00:50:33,812
You know, right before
you called us weird.
820
00:50:33,847 --> 00:50:36,643
- Mmm, yeah, thanks again for that.
- Yeah.
821
00:50:36,682 --> 00:50:38,977
How did you even know
it was my birthday?
822
00:50:39,014 --> 00:50:42,741
Well, you left your driver's license
on the counter a couple days ago...
823
00:50:42,781 --> 00:50:44,541
And so you just...
you just picked it up?
824
00:50:44,579 --> 00:50:47,069
Dude, she wanted to know
your middle name. What...
825
00:50:47,114 --> 00:50:48,443
- It's Paul.
- Paul.
826
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,002
Everyone, it's Paul.
827
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:52,774
Paul!
828
00:50:52,813 --> 00:50:55,803
Do you two have any awareness of what
personal space and privacy are?
829
00:50:55,847 --> 00:50:59,209
Is the idea of keeping your
pesky noses out of my business
830
00:50:59,246 --> 00:51:02,042
so impossible for you
to fathom?
831
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,067
Good night, everybody.
Thank you for coming
832
00:51:04,111 --> 00:51:07,078
but there's no party!
833
00:51:08,778 --> 00:51:10,175
Good night.
834
00:51:11,177 --> 00:51:12,405
Scott!
835
00:51:12,445 --> 00:51:14,306
Scott?
836
00:51:14,343 --> 00:51:16,365
Scott!
837
00:51:16,409 --> 00:51:18,535
How could you do that
to Ryan and Mary?
838
00:51:18,576 --> 00:51:21,234
They went to all this trouble
to throw a party for you and...
839
00:51:21,275 --> 00:51:23,469
granted, I guess the people
they invited
840
00:51:23,510 --> 00:51:26,440
aren't the coolest people on the planet,
but they seem really nice.
841
00:51:26,474 --> 00:51:28,997
Can't you just be thankful
that you have such good friends?
842
00:51:29,042 --> 00:51:31,098
Leslie,
you don't understand, okay?
843
00:51:31,141 --> 00:51:33,801
There's something very very wrong
about Ryan and Mary.
844
00:51:33,841 --> 00:51:35,430
What?
What did they do?
845
00:51:35,473 --> 00:51:37,438
Well, they...
846
00:51:37,472 --> 00:51:39,235
and...
847
00:51:40,540 --> 00:51:44,303
It's hard to explain, okay?
But... they're freaks, all right?
848
00:51:44,340 --> 00:51:49,136
Wow. Okay, well remind me never
to throw you a surprise party.
849
00:51:49,173 --> 00:51:51,694
Leslie, wait, sorry.
Please...
850
00:51:51,738 --> 00:51:53,830
I'm sorry.
Could you just wait?
851
00:52:02,537 --> 00:52:04,663
Everyone?
852
00:52:06,936 --> 00:52:10,391
I... I am...
I'm sorry about all this.
853
00:52:10,436 --> 00:52:12,333
Um, I hope you stay.
Please stay.
854
00:52:12,368 --> 00:52:15,960
It'd mean a lot to me.
Um, I'll be honest:
855
00:52:16,002 --> 00:52:18,523
I, uh, I...
856
00:52:18,566 --> 00:52:21,033
I don't have any friends
right now in L.A.
857
00:52:21,068 --> 00:52:25,055
So I didn't tell the few people
that I do know about my birthday
858
00:52:25,099 --> 00:52:28,929
because I was afraid that I would
look like a complete loser...
859
00:52:28,966 --> 00:52:30,899
um...
860
00:52:30,934 --> 00:52:33,297
if I didn't have anybody
to celebrate with.
861
00:52:34,565 --> 00:52:36,930
I, um,
I'm glad you're all here
862
00:52:36,967 --> 00:52:39,487
and I hope you'll stay
863
00:52:39,531 --> 00:52:41,521
and forgive me for
lashing out at you.
864
00:52:44,932 --> 00:52:47,091
And let's have some fun.
865
00:52:47,132 --> 00:52:50,028
DJ, drop it like it's hot.
866
00:52:52,864 --> 00:52:56,261
# Die now, die #
867
00:52:56,297 --> 00:52:59,661
# Die now, die #
868
00:52:59,697 --> 00:53:03,219
# Die now, die! #
869
00:53:03,262 --> 00:53:07,124
# Die now, die... #
870
00:53:15,027 --> 00:53:17,424
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
871
00:53:17,459 --> 00:53:19,051
You're not gonna leave, are you?
872
00:53:19,094 --> 00:53:23,319
I'll bet the DJ can play
some Norwegian black metal,
873
00:53:23,358 --> 00:53:25,416
maybe some Limp Bizkit.
874
00:53:25,459 --> 00:53:28,117
Uh, Limp Bizkit is
a deal breaker.
875
00:53:28,158 --> 00:53:29,954
# I can't wait #
876
00:54:00,821 --> 00:54:03,649
# My love #
877
00:54:03,686 --> 00:54:06,812
# Tell me what it's all about #
878
00:54:10,818 --> 00:54:13,285
Sporty Spice.
879
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,783
- Oh!
- Look at that... cute.
880
00:54:17,519 --> 00:54:20,506
Holy shit, he really does live
with them. I thought you were kidding.
881
00:54:20,550 --> 00:54:22,108
Honey, you promised, remember?
882
00:54:22,152 --> 00:54:24,582
- I need to talk to you.
- Hi, I'm...
883
00:54:24,617 --> 00:54:26,343
Hi.
884
00:54:28,851 --> 00:54:30,339
Aww!
885
00:54:30,384 --> 00:54:32,816
- Thank you, thank you.
- Mwah!
886
00:54:32,851 --> 00:54:37,281
Hey, Ted, you have history
with Ryan and Mary.
887
00:54:37,315 --> 00:54:39,838
Can I talk to you
about them?
888
00:54:39,882 --> 00:54:43,043
You're going to want something
much stronger than beer.
889
00:54:45,947 --> 00:54:48,345
Okay, I'm not even going to tell you
what I had to promise Ted
890
00:54:48,381 --> 00:54:49,677
to get him here.
891
00:54:49,714 --> 00:54:52,440
You know, it's not that
I mind doing it, but...
892
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:54,742
I'm not gonna tell you.
893
00:54:54,780 --> 00:54:56,574
The joys of
a long-term relationship.
894
00:54:56,612 --> 00:54:58,168
Girl, you have no idea.
895
00:54:58,212 --> 00:54:59,906
No, I don't.
896
00:54:59,946 --> 00:55:02,002
Oh, speaking of which,
what's going on with that one?
897
00:55:02,045 --> 00:55:06,841
Yeah, that's the thing.
Um, Scott asked me to move in with him.
898
00:55:06,877 --> 00:55:09,342
Jeez, he doesn't waste
any time.
899
00:55:10,711 --> 00:55:12,472
Wait a minute...
what did you say?
900
00:55:12,511 --> 00:55:15,602
Well, I'm kinda leaning
toward yes.
901
00:55:16,678 --> 00:55:19,005
Not again.
Are you serious?
902
00:55:19,042 --> 00:55:21,703
- It's different this time.
- How? How is it different?
903
00:55:21,744 --> 00:55:24,765
Because I'm going to wait to
commit to a decision...
904
00:55:24,808 --> 00:55:25,935
Good... wait.
905
00:55:25,977 --> 00:55:29,304
- Until after we go
to your wedding together.
906
00:55:30,374 --> 00:55:33,239
A week? You're going to wait one week?
That's the difference?
907
00:55:33,275 --> 00:55:36,265
A week is long...
908
00:55:36,309 --> 00:55:37,468
- ish.
909
00:55:37,508 --> 00:55:39,994
Oh my God.
Have you even...
910
00:55:40,039 --> 00:55:42,233
- No. I know.
- So you're going to live here and...
911
00:55:42,274 --> 00:55:44,966
- No, it's his birthday tonight.
- Okay.
912
00:55:45,006 --> 00:55:48,030
And so I'm thinking, you know,
if he plays his cards right,
913
00:55:48,073 --> 00:55:51,037
- like...
- Oh my God.
914
00:55:51,070 --> 00:55:53,560
Oh my God!
915
00:55:53,605 --> 00:55:56,434
Okay, well, then
we're going to need this.
916
00:55:56,471 --> 00:55:57,461
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
917
00:55:57,505 --> 00:55:59,471
- Let's open that.
- Let's open it
918
00:55:59,505 --> 00:56:01,764
'cause we're both
gonna be busy.
919
00:56:12,801 --> 00:56:15,132
Damn near killed her!
920
00:56:15,169 --> 00:56:17,191
- We need to talk.
- You get the olives?
921
00:56:17,235 --> 00:56:19,793
How can you think about olives
at a time like this?
922
00:56:19,836 --> 00:56:22,664
Well, what am I supposed to put
in my martini, love? A pork chop?
923
00:56:22,700 --> 00:56:25,360
Just shut up and come
with me to the bathroom!
924
00:56:25,401 --> 00:56:27,060
Okay.
925
00:56:27,101 --> 00:56:29,432
Have a cocktail.
926
00:56:29,469 --> 00:56:32,193
See? They even go
to the friggin' can together.
927
00:56:32,232 --> 00:56:34,529
Have you ever once seen them apart?
928
00:56:34,566 --> 00:56:36,929
No, I guess not.
Not really.
929
00:56:36,965 --> 00:56:40,091
No, of course not, because they,
my friend, are a couple monster.
930
00:56:40,133 --> 00:56:42,562
- A couple monster?
- They go to lunch together;
931
00:56:42,597 --> 00:56:44,460
they go to the gym together;
they go to bars together;
932
00:56:44,497 --> 00:56:48,156
they commute together.
I heard they share a cubicle at work...
933
00:56:48,197 --> 00:56:52,062
not an office; a cubicle.
That's not right.
934
00:56:53,063 --> 00:56:54,755
And the sick part
about it is,
935
00:56:54,795 --> 00:56:56,524
because they spend
all of their time together,
936
00:56:56,564 --> 00:56:58,960
they have absolutely nothing
left to talk about...
937
00:56:58,996 --> 00:57:02,225
nothing to keep them from
going lighthouse crazy.
938
00:57:02,264 --> 00:57:04,887
- That's why they latch.
- Latch?
939
00:57:04,928 --> 00:57:08,122
Back when I knew them, they spent
all of their time with this girl,
940
00:57:08,161 --> 00:57:10,752
um, Amy. Amy was like
the buffer between them.
941
00:57:10,794 --> 00:57:11,988
She was their third wheel.
942
00:57:12,029 --> 00:57:14,152
She was the one they
could talk about their day with.
943
00:57:14,194 --> 00:57:15,819
She was the one
that they could deflect
944
00:57:15,860 --> 00:57:18,088
all their weird fuck tension onto
instead of each other.
945
00:57:18,127 --> 00:57:19,854
- So what happened to Amy?
- Don't know.
946
00:57:19,894 --> 00:57:22,293
She got wise, got out. Maybe they
cooked and ate her. Who knows?
947
00:57:22,327 --> 00:57:26,086
But the important thing is, dude,
you are the new Amy.
948
00:57:27,126 --> 00:57:29,250
And from what
you've told me
949
00:57:29,292 --> 00:57:31,280
about them trying to screw up
your dates with Leslie...
950
00:57:31,324 --> 00:57:34,416
I didn't say that they were trying.
They just... they nearly did.
951
00:57:34,458 --> 00:57:35,821
Think about it:
952
00:57:35,857 --> 00:57:38,050
If you end up with Leslie,
they are out of the picture.
953
00:57:38,091 --> 00:57:40,716
They are clearly not
going to let that happen.
954
00:57:40,757 --> 00:57:42,279
And let me tell you
one more thing:
955
00:57:42,322 --> 00:57:44,017
If I wanted to make you
look like a loser
956
00:57:44,057 --> 00:57:45,783
in front of a potential girlfriend,
957
00:57:45,823 --> 00:57:49,347
this is pretty much exactly
the party I would throw for you.
958
00:57:53,321 --> 00:57:55,788
Happy birthday, Amy.
959
00:58:05,688 --> 00:58:07,379
And that's when
I realized they were trying
960
00:58:07,419 --> 00:58:09,818
to sabotage my relationship
with Leslie.
961
00:58:09,854 --> 00:58:11,342
I don't know, man.
962
00:58:11,387 --> 00:58:13,943
Sounds like they were just maybe
trying to keep you from rushing it,
963
00:58:13,986 --> 00:58:15,647
like they said they would do.
964
00:58:15,687 --> 00:58:18,877
You're listening to Ted?
Leslie told you he was a cynic.
965
00:58:18,917 --> 00:58:21,316
Plus you planned
to kick 'em out.
966
00:58:21,352 --> 00:58:23,044
That's a pretty douchey move.
967
00:58:23,084 --> 00:58:25,711
Hey, whose side are
you guys on anyway?
968
00:58:25,752 --> 00:58:27,216
Right now?
969
00:58:27,251 --> 00:58:30,215
Don't answer that until
you hear the rest.
970
00:58:30,249 --> 00:58:34,012
Well, thanks again for
helping with the table.
971
00:58:34,049 --> 00:58:36,243
Have fun, you two.
Drive safe.
972
00:58:36,284 --> 00:58:38,340
Yeah, get home
carefully now.
973
00:58:47,716 --> 00:58:51,977
Well, that was some party.
974
00:58:52,015 --> 00:58:53,378
Mmm.
975
00:58:56,280 --> 00:58:59,076
Well, gosh,
that was fun, huh?
976
00:58:59,114 --> 00:59:00,635
Wasn't that fun?
977
00:59:00,679 --> 00:59:04,043
Tables are inside;
guests have all left. It's all good.
978
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:07,102
Say, Leslie, do you need
a ride somewhere, honey?
979
00:59:07,144 --> 00:59:09,441
It doesn't matter how far it is.
We'd be happy to take you.
980
00:59:09,479 --> 00:59:11,669
Oh, I think I'm gonna
stay for a little bit.
981
00:59:11,710 --> 00:59:13,700
Wonderful!
982
00:59:13,744 --> 00:59:17,505
You know, we need to make sure
that we do this all the time,
983
00:59:17,543 --> 00:59:19,874
the four of us just hosting
these little shindigs.
984
00:59:19,911 --> 00:59:21,431
- Mm-hmm.
- The four of us?
985
00:59:21,475 --> 00:59:24,533
Oh, we heard the big news and
we could not be happier.
986
00:59:24,576 --> 00:59:27,904
I mean, this place is plenty
big enough for four.
987
00:59:27,941 --> 00:59:29,965
- When you moving in, Lisa?
- Leslie.
988
00:59:30,009 --> 00:59:32,371
- God damn it.
- It's okay, honey.
989
00:59:32,407 --> 00:59:34,704
Hold on, guys. There's some stuff
we need to discuss first.
990
00:59:34,742 --> 00:59:37,206
- What stuff?
- Yeah, what kind of stuff?
991
00:59:37,241 --> 00:59:39,936
I mean, I'm assuming
she'll live in your room,
992
00:59:39,975 --> 00:59:42,996
go in a fourth on rent and utilities,
buy TP when it's her turn.
993
00:59:43,039 --> 00:59:45,733
And besides that, what is there
really to discuss?
994
00:59:45,773 --> 00:59:48,170
Look, this is not how
I wanted this to come up.
995
00:59:48,206 --> 00:59:49,194
Mmm, why not?
996
00:59:49,239 --> 00:59:51,104
How did you want it
to come up, Scottsdale?
997
00:59:51,140 --> 00:59:53,161
Were you gonna
shoot us an email?
998
00:59:53,205 --> 00:59:56,933
Or maybe you were
gonna blog it on... your blog?
999
00:59:57,938 --> 00:59:59,665
Can we just talk about this
another time?
1000
00:59:59,705 --> 01:00:01,695
Scotty Dog, you seem
a little tense.
1001
01:00:01,739 --> 01:00:03,170
Are you sure you're okay?
1002
01:00:03,205 --> 01:00:06,692
Darling, I think maybe we should discuss
this under the light of a new day.
1003
01:00:06,737 --> 01:00:08,827
You know, honey,
you're right.
1004
01:00:08,870 --> 01:00:10,529
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1005
01:00:10,569 --> 01:00:13,263
- Let's go.
- Good night, roommates.
1006
01:00:25,933 --> 01:00:27,525
I'm so sorry that happened.
1007
01:00:27,568 --> 01:00:29,829
No, I'm sorry.
I said something to Nerissa
1008
01:00:29,867 --> 01:00:31,560
and she must have said
something to Mary
1009
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:33,533
without realizing it was...
1010
01:00:33,567 --> 01:00:36,463
whatever it was.
1011
01:00:36,498 --> 01:00:38,522
I'll talk to them
tomorrow morning.
1012
01:00:40,832 --> 01:00:43,628
Oh, that's it,
Farmer Jack.
1013
01:00:43,666 --> 01:00:46,153
Oh, shit.
Just wait.
1014
01:00:46,198 --> 01:00:47,890
- Oh!
- We'll miss the fall!
1015
01:00:49,298 --> 01:00:50,286
- Mmm!
- Ahh!
1016
01:00:50,332 --> 01:00:53,195
- Ryan? Hey hey, Ryan!
- Ahhh!
1017
01:00:53,231 --> 01:00:55,857
Mary, listen to me.
Okay, tonight,
1018
01:00:55,898 --> 01:00:58,827
I beg you, while Leslie's here,
could you please not...
1019
01:00:58,864 --> 01:01:00,886
- Please...
- Please don't.
1020
01:01:00,929 --> 01:01:03,723
- Sounds like... how many syllables?
- Is it bigger than a breadbox?
1021
01:01:03,761 --> 01:01:05,490
Please don't have sex
while Leslie is here.
1022
01:01:05,529 --> 01:01:07,221
- What?
- Why not?
1023
01:01:07,261 --> 01:01:10,785
Because the sound...
the noise that you two make,
1024
01:01:10,828 --> 01:01:12,418
it's... it's insane,
1025
01:01:12,461 --> 01:01:15,257
both in the volume
and the graphicness.
1026
01:01:15,295 --> 01:01:17,021
Scott,
1027
01:01:17,061 --> 01:01:20,618
have you been listening to us
have sex?
1028
01:01:21,627 --> 01:01:23,888
Shh! No, I haven't been listening.
I can just hear it.
1029
01:01:23,926 --> 01:01:26,552
How many times, Scott?
1030
01:01:26,594 --> 01:01:28,455
Every.
1031
01:01:28,491 --> 01:01:31,549
All right? I turn my music up,
but I can still hear it.
1032
01:01:31,593 --> 01:01:33,524
This is creepy.
If we had known
1033
01:01:33,558 --> 01:01:36,991
that you were eavesdropping
on our sex...
1034
01:01:37,025 --> 01:01:40,183
I know what you're trying to do.
You're trying to break me and Lisa up...
1035
01:01:40,224 --> 01:01:41,589
- Leslie!
- Hard name.
1036
01:01:41,625 --> 01:01:42,851
- It is.
- It is, yeah.
1037
01:01:42,891 --> 01:01:45,856
We are not trying to
break you up, Scotty.
1038
01:01:45,890 --> 01:01:48,721
We are just trying to
slow you down.
1039
01:01:48,757 --> 01:01:50,220
Like we said we would, pal.
1040
01:01:50,255 --> 01:01:52,313
No rushing, remember? Huh?
1041
01:01:52,356 --> 01:01:54,820
- That deal is off.
- God damn it, Scott!
1042
01:01:54,855 --> 01:01:56,844
No one wants to see it
work out between you and Leslie
1043
01:01:56,887 --> 01:02:00,149
more than Ryan and I, but you are
screwing everything up.
1044
01:02:00,187 --> 01:02:01,482
What... what am I screwing up?
1045
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:04,043
You asked her to move in with you
after two dates.
1046
01:02:04,087 --> 01:02:05,712
- Two!
- Come on, man.
1047
01:02:05,753 --> 01:02:07,879
Couldn't scare her away any faster
if you told her you were
1048
01:02:07,921 --> 01:02:11,646
a Nazi sympathizer who's into
fondling puppy balls!
1049
01:02:11,686 --> 01:02:14,880
- Or a chronic masturbator.
- You know, with a Scott fetish.
1050
01:02:14,919 --> 01:02:16,714
- Into she-males!
- Furries!
1051
01:02:16,752 --> 01:02:18,548
- Bukaki.
- Tentacle porn.
1052
01:02:18,587 --> 01:02:20,484
Ahhh!
1053
01:02:24,419 --> 01:02:26,247
Ooh!
1054
01:02:26,284 --> 01:02:28,749
It was for your own good.
1055
01:02:28,784 --> 01:02:31,273
This is for my own good.
1056
01:02:31,318 --> 01:02:33,078
Ahhh!
1057
01:02:35,251 --> 01:02:38,340
- I got you. Just get...
- Eat less cake, bitch!
1058
01:02:39,451 --> 01:02:41,609
How dare you, sir?
1059
01:02:44,080 --> 01:02:46,343
- Oh, I got you.
- No no!
1060
01:02:46,381 --> 01:02:48,074
Don't let him go!
1061
01:02:48,114 --> 01:02:50,172
Ahh!
I got him!
1062
01:02:51,181 --> 01:02:54,009
- Scott!
- Ahh! Bad!
1063
01:02:54,046 --> 01:02:56,411
- Oh, shit.
- Ha ha!
1064
01:02:56,447 --> 01:02:59,843
Oh, God,
this was fun.
1065
01:02:59,879 --> 01:03:02,346
Oh, it is never
a dull moment here.
1066
01:03:02,380 --> 01:03:04,037
- Let me tell you.
- I'll admit
1067
01:03:04,078 --> 01:03:06,068
that this probably looks
kinda bad...
1068
01:03:06,112 --> 01:03:08,010
Yeah, but you know,
just playing.
1069
01:03:08,046 --> 01:03:09,568
- Tomfoolery.
- Shenanigans.
1070
01:03:09,611 --> 01:03:11,771
- Rough-housing.
- Little, uh...
1071
01:03:11,812 --> 01:03:14,470
no big biggie.
You know, you want some cake?
1072
01:03:14,511 --> 01:03:16,739
No, thanks.
1073
01:03:17,978 --> 01:03:19,500
I'm gonna go.
1074
01:03:19,544 --> 01:03:21,509
It was great
to see you, Leslie.
1075
01:03:21,543 --> 01:03:24,101
- See you soon, roomie.
- Can I drive you home?
1076
01:03:24,144 --> 01:03:25,369
That's okay.
1077
01:03:25,409 --> 01:03:28,274
I know this looks insane,
but it's like they said, you know?
1078
01:03:28,310 --> 01:03:31,968
- Just playing around.
- Mmm! Ahhh!
1079
01:03:32,008 --> 01:03:33,838
- You're delicious.
- No, you're delicious.
1080
01:03:33,876 --> 01:03:36,032
We're still on for
the wedding next week, right?
1081
01:03:36,073 --> 01:03:39,165
- You're like a cupcake!
- I don't know.
1082
01:03:39,208 --> 01:03:43,163
Listen, Leslie, this is not me.
Okay? None of this is.
1083
01:03:43,208 --> 01:03:46,536
Just please give me one more chance
without anybody else around,
1084
01:03:46,573 --> 01:03:48,301
- just me.
- We're still on for the wedding.
1085
01:03:48,340 --> 01:03:49,896
I'll see you at the wedding.
1086
01:03:49,940 --> 01:03:52,427
You want to hang out before?
1087
01:03:52,471 --> 01:03:55,768
Let's just stick with the wedding.
I mean, you've got this thing
1088
01:03:55,806 --> 01:03:58,065
going on with your roommates that
you need to work out.
1089
01:03:58,103 --> 01:04:00,162
I know, I will. Promise.
1090
01:04:00,205 --> 01:04:02,034
- Okay.
- Okay.
1091
01:04:02,071 --> 01:04:03,434
Bye.
1092
01:04:04,638 --> 01:04:06,728
Come on! Yeah!
1093
01:04:08,703 --> 01:04:11,397
- Harder!
- Get there, get there, get there!
1094
01:04:11,437 --> 01:04:13,368
- Oh! Hi!
- Hey!
1095
01:04:13,403 --> 01:04:16,199
Great party, isn't it?
Huh? Ha ha!
1096
01:04:16,237 --> 01:04:17,758
You two are sick.
1097
01:04:17,802 --> 01:04:20,462
I want you out of this apartment.
I want you out of my life!
1098
01:04:20,503 --> 01:04:22,128
- Really?
- We love you!
1099
01:04:28,567 --> 01:04:30,931
I didn't see them at all
that last week.
1100
01:04:30,967 --> 01:04:33,989
I assumed they'd just
gone away for good.
1101
01:04:34,033 --> 01:04:36,523
Well, did they?
1102
01:04:36,568 --> 01:04:38,895
Does herpes?
1103
01:04:40,032 --> 01:04:42,362
No.
1104
01:05:15,562 --> 01:05:18,552
What the fuck
are you doing here?
1105
01:05:19,728 --> 01:05:21,657
Who invited that guy?
1106
01:05:21,692 --> 01:05:23,557
Who says "fuck" in church?
1107
01:05:27,258 --> 01:05:29,657
It's fine.
Try not to worry about it.
1108
01:05:29,693 --> 01:05:31,352
Okay.
1109
01:05:31,393 --> 01:05:32,550
- Yeah, go.
- I'm...
1110
01:05:32,591 --> 01:05:34,581
- Okay. Sorry.
- It's fine.
1111
01:05:34,625 --> 01:05:35,682
It's fine, right?
1112
01:05:35,725 --> 01:05:39,748
Well, that was
a beautiful service. Ha ha.
1113
01:05:39,792 --> 01:05:42,722
Aside from your little outburst,
yeah, it was lovely.
1114
01:05:42,757 --> 01:05:44,222
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
1115
01:05:44,256 --> 01:05:47,848
I just couldn't believe they had
the gall to show up here.
1116
01:05:47,889 --> 01:05:50,254
- Who?
- Ryan and Mary.
1117
01:05:51,257 --> 01:05:54,482
I did the guest list with Nerissa.
Ryan and Mary weren't invited.
1118
01:05:54,521 --> 01:05:57,488
Yeah, like that would stop them.
Where the hell did they go anyway?
1119
01:05:57,522 --> 01:05:59,181
- Who?
- Ryan and Mary.
1120
01:05:59,222 --> 01:06:01,882
Okay, I have to
do photographs.
1121
01:06:01,923 --> 01:06:05,945
Just stay here and try to be...
1122
01:06:05,988 --> 01:06:08,044
sane-ish.
1123
01:06:24,318 --> 01:06:26,942
# I can't wait... #
1124
01:06:28,451 --> 01:06:31,938
Aha!
What are you two doing here?
1125
01:06:31,983 --> 01:06:34,745
Making out.
What does it look like we're doing?
1126
01:06:34,784 --> 01:06:36,645
Weddings make me
so horny.
1127
01:06:36,682 --> 01:06:39,444
Of course! Everything makes you horny.
Toaster ovens make you horny.
1128
01:06:39,483 --> 01:06:40,709
You were not invited.
1129
01:06:40,749 --> 01:06:44,910
That is never gonna stop us from
helping out our good buddy.
1130
01:06:44,949 --> 01:06:47,970
Friendship does not wait for
an invitation, mister.
1131
01:06:48,014 --> 01:06:50,708
And besides,
we have a contract.
1132
01:06:56,048 --> 01:06:58,511
This contract...
1133
01:06:59,848 --> 01:07:02,835
is null and void,
same as our friendship.
1134
01:07:02,879 --> 01:07:05,142
- Unappreciative asshole!
- Yeah.
1135
01:07:28,842 --> 01:07:31,308
Scott, what are you doing?
1136
01:07:32,409 --> 01:07:35,862
Leslie, I didn't bring this gift
but it has my name on it.
1137
01:07:35,910 --> 01:07:39,567
Why would that be?
1138
01:07:39,607 --> 01:07:41,540
You see, Ryan and Mary
1139
01:07:41,575 --> 01:07:43,802
placed this gift
with my name on it
1140
01:07:43,841 --> 01:07:45,635
to set me up to
make me look bad.
1141
01:07:45,673 --> 01:07:47,470
How does the gift
make you look bad?
1142
01:07:47,508 --> 01:07:49,734
See, it's not a gift.
1143
01:07:49,773 --> 01:07:52,739
It's a trap. It's probably a box
of tainted pork
1144
01:07:52,773 --> 01:07:55,863
or dogshit or angry bees.
1145
01:07:55,906 --> 01:07:58,395
- I have to get rid of it.
- Are you completely insane?
1146
01:07:58,439 --> 01:08:00,198
- No, I...
- Young man,
1147
01:08:00,237 --> 01:08:02,636
any reason you're absconding
with the gift I brought?
1148
01:08:02,671 --> 01:08:05,466
I... I'm sorry, but this
isn't your gift.
1149
01:08:05,503 --> 01:08:06,934
I assure you, it is.
1150
01:08:06,969 --> 01:08:11,026
- Scott?
- Now look, you bizarre human being...
1151
01:08:11,069 --> 01:08:13,433
- Okay, Scott, you're making a scene.
- This package contains
1152
01:08:13,470 --> 01:08:16,560
- a ridiculously expensive...
- Just give him the gift.
1153
01:08:16,602 --> 01:08:19,364
- Give him the gift. Give him the gift!
- It's Leslie Green's date.
1154
01:08:19,403 --> 01:08:21,367
- I remember placing it on that table...
- Why's he picking on Dr. Cooper?
1155
01:08:21,401 --> 01:08:23,162
- An hour ago!
If you don't believe me,
1156
01:08:23,201 --> 01:08:25,633
make a complete ass of yourself
and open it!
1157
01:08:25,668 --> 01:08:27,997
Oh, we're way beyond
the complete-ass situation.
1158
01:08:29,835 --> 01:08:32,799
- Leslie!
- Oh!
1159
01:08:36,134 --> 01:08:37,655
Oh my God.
1160
01:08:37,699 --> 01:08:39,667
What the fuck?
1161
01:08:39,701 --> 01:08:42,130
Oh!
1162
01:08:42,166 --> 01:08:44,654
Leslie, come on.
Look, this isn't me, okay?
1163
01:08:44,700 --> 01:08:47,426
- The... I'm not usually like this.
- What are you usually like?
1164
01:08:47,466 --> 01:08:49,989
Normal, I swear.
1165
01:08:50,033 --> 01:08:52,430
This is Ryan and Mary, okay?
1166
01:08:52,466 --> 01:08:55,397
- They're trying to keep us apart.
- Why would they want to do that?
1167
01:08:55,430 --> 01:08:57,725
Because they need me.
1168
01:08:57,763 --> 01:08:59,626
They need a third wheel
to keep sane.
1169
01:08:59,663 --> 01:09:01,425
That's why they keep trying
to scare you off,
1170
01:09:01,464 --> 01:09:03,291
so they can have me
all to themselves.
1171
01:09:03,328 --> 01:09:06,352
And how did you come up
with this incredible theory?
1172
01:09:06,396 --> 01:09:08,759
Actually, Ted said it.
1173
01:09:08,796 --> 01:09:11,695
You're going to take anything
Ted says seriously?
1174
01:09:11,730 --> 01:09:14,455
But it makes sense.
They say they're trying to keep me
1175
01:09:14,494 --> 01:09:16,356
from rushing into
anything with you, but...
1176
01:09:16,393 --> 01:09:18,587
But we were rushing.
1177
01:09:18,628 --> 01:09:21,650
I mean, the fact that we were even
considering moving in together
1178
01:09:21,693 --> 01:09:24,091
after a couple of nice dates...
that's rushing.
1179
01:09:24,127 --> 01:09:26,387
I mean, I was willing
to consider it
1180
01:09:26,425 --> 01:09:28,551
- because I...
- "Was"?
1181
01:09:28,593 --> 01:09:31,422
Why are you speaking in
the past tense like that?
1182
01:09:31,459 --> 01:09:33,756
Because I don't know you, Scott.
1183
01:09:33,794 --> 01:09:35,781
I don't know you at all.
1184
01:09:35,825 --> 01:09:38,656
- But it's Ryan and Mary...
- Scott.
1185
01:10:03,754 --> 01:10:05,846
Leslie won't return
my phone calls.
1186
01:10:05,889 --> 01:10:09,182
I haven't been back
to the apartment.
1187
01:10:09,219 --> 01:10:12,674
They're probably up there
waiting to strike again.
1188
01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:16,118
- Jackals!
- Well, they did kind of have a point.
1189
01:10:16,154 --> 01:10:18,778
- What point?
- About the rushing it with Lisa.
1190
01:10:18,819 --> 01:10:21,785
- Leslie!
- Ooh, sorry.
1191
01:10:21,819 --> 01:10:24,512
Maybe they really thought
they were doing the right thing.
1192
01:10:24,551 --> 01:10:27,110
I mean, sure, they're a little strange,
but you know,
1193
01:10:27,153 --> 01:10:29,174
their hearts were
in the right place.
1194
01:10:29,217 --> 01:10:31,514
Have you heard a word
that I have said?
1195
01:10:31,552 --> 01:10:33,744
Have you?
1196
01:10:35,250 --> 01:10:37,150
"Have you"!
1197
01:10:54,981 --> 01:10:56,741
Oh!
1198
01:11:00,979 --> 01:11:03,446
Oh, golly, did we wake you?
1199
01:11:03,480 --> 01:11:06,309
Yeah, what lousy friends
we must be.
1200
01:11:06,346 --> 01:11:09,370
Of course, you know all about
being a lousy friend, huh, Scott?
1201
01:11:09,413 --> 01:11:10,899
Me?
1202
01:11:10,944 --> 01:11:13,673
After everything we've been through...
the good times
1203
01:11:13,713 --> 01:11:16,143
We helped you rebound, man.
1204
01:11:16,178 --> 01:11:19,975
We were just trying to help you like
we promised you we would
1205
01:11:20,012 --> 01:11:22,373
and you treated us
1206
01:11:22,409 --> 01:11:26,137
like... like we are a couple of raging
lunatics or something.
1207
01:11:28,878 --> 01:11:30,400
I'm sorry.
1208
01:11:33,241 --> 01:11:35,470
Just put your keys
on the counter.
1209
01:11:42,507 --> 01:11:43,995
Both of them.
1210
01:11:44,039 --> 01:11:46,733
We only had the one.
1211
01:11:46,774 --> 01:11:48,501
Of course.
1212
01:11:48,540 --> 01:11:52,234
Why would you need two?
You probably share a toothbrush.
1213
01:11:54,705 --> 01:11:57,967
You'll be happy to know we'll
be packed out by tonight.
1214
01:11:58,005 --> 01:12:00,734
- Super.
- You'll never hear from us again.
1215
01:12:10,437 --> 01:12:13,461
"We will not..."
1216
01:12:13,505 --> 01:12:15,492
I want you to sign this contract.
1217
01:12:15,536 --> 01:12:17,526
You said that I will not
hear from you again.
1218
01:12:17,570 --> 01:12:19,933
I want to make it official.
1219
01:12:25,567 --> 01:12:27,625
There, prick.
1220
01:12:27,668 --> 01:12:29,633
Thanks, bitch.
1221
01:12:33,201 --> 01:12:35,688
- Choke on it, ass.
- Shhh!
1222
01:12:35,733 --> 01:12:38,631
We have a contract.
1223
01:12:39,700 --> 01:12:41,427
Ryan?
1224
01:12:41,465 --> 01:12:44,024
It is a tragedy
that we can't talk to Scott
1225
01:12:44,067 --> 01:12:46,997
'cause we can't tell him
where Leslie's going.
1226
01:12:47,031 --> 01:12:49,395
That is a shame.
I heard that she's leaving L.A.
1227
01:12:49,432 --> 01:12:52,226
- I heard the same thing.
- What?
1228
01:12:52,264 --> 01:12:53,925
Oh!
1229
01:12:55,198 --> 01:12:57,889
No no, there's something that
you two know and you're not telling me.
1230
01:13:00,431 --> 01:13:02,225
Fine!
1231
01:13:04,865 --> 01:13:06,330
Now tell me.
1232
01:13:07,395 --> 01:13:10,260
We overheard Leslie
talking to some friends at the wedding
1233
01:13:10,296 --> 01:13:12,488
- after you left.
- You stayed after I left?
1234
01:13:12,529 --> 01:13:14,995
- Duh.
- Open bar, dude.
1235
01:13:15,029 --> 01:13:16,290
Come on.
1236
01:13:16,330 --> 01:13:19,054
She said she needed to
get out of L.A.
1237
01:13:19,093 --> 01:13:20,787
And she decided...
1238
01:13:23,160 --> 01:13:25,252
to go work with her sister.
1239
01:13:25,294 --> 01:13:27,691
- Where?
- If we tell you,
1240
01:13:27,727 --> 01:13:30,020
you have to promise
to forgive us, huh?
1241
01:13:30,058 --> 01:13:32,252
Fine, I forgive you.
You're forgiven.
1242
01:13:32,292 --> 01:13:35,018
- Now tell me.
- Not so fast.
1243
01:13:42,625 --> 01:13:44,181
I got it.
By signing here,
1244
01:13:44,257 --> 01:13:48,418
you acknowledge that we have acted
entirely in your best interest.
1245
01:13:48,458 --> 01:13:50,683
Fine. Fine.
I'm willing to buy that for now.
1246
01:13:50,722 --> 01:13:54,382
And that we really do care
about you as a friend.
1247
01:13:54,423 --> 01:13:55,854
Okay, yes. Whatever.
1248
01:13:55,889 --> 01:13:59,980
And if you go after Leslie,
we get to come with you.
1249
01:14:00,021 --> 01:14:01,919
No no no!
No way. Nah!
1250
01:14:01,955 --> 01:14:05,717
Dude, your piece-of-shit car
will never make it. You need us.
1251
01:14:05,755 --> 01:14:09,552
And company.
No one likes to travel alone.
1252
01:14:09,589 --> 01:14:11,882
- Huh?
- I can rent a car.
1253
01:14:11,919 --> 01:14:16,045
And trust me, traveling alone
really beats the alternative.
1254
01:14:16,086 --> 01:14:17,880
Hmm.
1255
01:14:17,918 --> 01:14:20,545
Suit yourself.
1256
01:14:20,586 --> 01:14:23,050
It just would have been such
a great opportunity
1257
01:14:23,084 --> 01:14:25,313
for Ryan and me
to explain to Leslie
1258
01:14:25,352 --> 01:14:28,510
that we caused all of this
and not you,
1259
01:14:28,550 --> 01:14:30,847
but, hey, we don't...
1260
01:14:30,885 --> 01:14:32,645
Seriously?
1261
01:14:32,683 --> 01:14:35,310
- Yeah.
- We want out of this friendship.
1262
01:14:35,351 --> 01:14:38,248
That means no loose ends;
no unfinished business.
1263
01:14:38,283 --> 01:14:41,249
- We seek closure, nothing more.
- Nothing more.
1264
01:14:41,283 --> 01:14:42,907
Huh?
1265
01:14:42,949 --> 01:14:45,143
Okay, we'll go together.
1266
01:14:45,183 --> 01:14:47,478
Just whatever...
whatever it takes.
1267
01:14:47,516 --> 01:14:49,504
Just tell me where she is.
1268
01:14:49,548 --> 01:14:53,604
Okay, I'm gonna need you to sign here
and initial here and here and here.
1269
01:14:53,647 --> 01:14:55,671
That one too.
1270
01:14:55,715 --> 01:14:56,908
- Good eye.
- Thank you.
1271
01:14:56,948 --> 01:14:59,277
You guys are sick.
1272
01:14:59,314 --> 01:15:02,008
Okay. Now...
1273
01:15:02,048 --> 01:15:03,909
tell me where she is.
1274
01:15:03,946 --> 01:15:07,208
She went to work for
her sister's theater in Oregon.
1275
01:15:07,246 --> 01:15:09,074
Okay, where in Oregon?
1276
01:15:09,112 --> 01:15:11,375
You're gonna find out
when we get there.
1277
01:15:11,413 --> 01:15:13,708
- Wiki-wiki road trip!
- Yeah!
1278
01:15:13,746 --> 01:15:15,210
Blau!
1279
01:15:16,410 --> 01:15:18,434
# The love we have #
1280
01:15:18,478 --> 01:15:22,672
# Will never fade away #
1281
01:15:23,878 --> 01:15:27,741
# If ever two hearts were
meant to be #
1282
01:15:27,777 --> 01:15:29,675
# Forever in love #
1283
01:15:29,710 --> 01:15:32,072
# It's you and me #
1284
01:15:32,109 --> 01:15:34,042
# Every lonely heart #
1285
01:15:34,076 --> 01:15:36,370
# Every lonely moment #
1286
01:15:36,408 --> 01:15:38,705
# Feels like eternity #
1287
01:15:38,743 --> 01:15:40,469
# Ah oooh #
1288
01:15:40,508 --> 01:15:41,667
- # The life we... #
- Oh oh oh.
1289
01:15:41,708 --> 01:15:44,470
- You're tailgating.
- I'm not, sweetheart.
1290
01:15:44,509 --> 01:15:46,336
Please back up, dear.
1291
01:15:46,373 --> 01:15:48,670
Damn it, woman,
I know what I'm doing, shrew.
1292
01:15:48,708 --> 01:15:50,605
- Assrod.
- Harpie.
1293
01:15:50,640 --> 01:15:52,901
- Nancy boy.
- Slut.
1294
01:15:52,940 --> 01:15:54,100
- Fartknocker.
- Whore!
1295
01:15:54,141 --> 01:15:55,368
Fuckstick!
1296
01:15:55,407 --> 01:15:57,870
I fucking love
this fighting shit.
1297
01:15:57,904 --> 01:15:59,962
- I do too. It's amazing!
- Ahh!
1298
01:16:00,005 --> 01:16:02,799
Scott, what's the plan
with Leslie?
1299
01:16:02,838 --> 01:16:05,737
I don't really have a plan;
I'm just gonna play it by ear.
1300
01:16:05,772 --> 01:16:08,292
Scotty, you gotta
have a game plan.
1301
01:16:08,336 --> 01:16:11,497
We made a plan a long time ago;
we've stuck to it.
1302
01:16:11,537 --> 01:16:13,729
How do you think we've been
together all these years, huh?
1303
01:16:13,770 --> 01:16:15,760
Just because you've done
something for a long time
1304
01:16:15,804 --> 01:16:17,201
doesn't mean you're doing it well.
1305
01:16:17,237 --> 01:16:20,032
Yeah, look at the Clippers.
Hi-yo! Ha ha!
1306
01:16:20,070 --> 01:16:22,591
- Burn, right?
- Watch it, laughing boy.
1307
01:16:22,635 --> 01:16:24,624
I was talking about the Clippers.
I wasn't talking about us. Jesus Christ.
1308
01:16:24,668 --> 01:16:28,066
Ryan, pull off here.
Let's stay for the night.
1309
01:16:28,102 --> 01:16:29,794
Dude, we're, like,
not even halfway there.
1310
01:16:29,834 --> 01:16:32,528
If we stop now, it's gonna take us
two days to get there.
1311
01:16:32,568 --> 01:16:34,227
I know.
1312
01:16:34,267 --> 01:16:35,962
I've got a plan.
1313
01:16:36,002 --> 01:16:38,330
Ho ho, you've got
a plan now. Okay.
1314
01:16:38,367 --> 01:16:39,991
- All right, Mr. Plan.
- Okay.
1315
01:16:44,567 --> 01:16:47,261
- Room service.
- Land shark!
1316
01:17:01,329 --> 01:17:04,023
Ow! We were thinking
1317
01:17:04,063 --> 01:17:05,790
since we're on vacation,
1318
01:17:05,830 --> 01:17:08,422
maybe we should get
a little drinky-poo!
1319
01:17:08,464 --> 01:17:11,292
I'll go, but only with Ryan.
1320
01:17:11,328 --> 01:17:13,091
- What?
- Huh?
1321
01:17:13,129 --> 01:17:15,617
I want to go out for a beer,
but just us guys.
1322
01:17:15,662 --> 01:17:18,595
Well, do I smell funny
or something?
1323
01:17:18,629 --> 01:17:21,888
Tonight I'll go out with Ryan;
tomorrow I'll go out with Mary...
1324
01:17:23,126 --> 01:17:24,287
alone.
1325
01:17:24,328 --> 01:17:25,793
Why?
1326
01:17:25,828 --> 01:17:28,224
Because couples do things
separately.
1327
01:17:28,259 --> 01:17:30,852
Well, did you ever think
1328
01:17:30,894 --> 01:17:33,790
that maybe we just enjoy each other's
company more than most couples?
1329
01:17:33,825 --> 01:17:36,656
Most couples spend a good
percentage of any relationship
1330
01:17:36,692 --> 01:17:38,715
sick of each other's face.
1331
01:17:38,759 --> 01:17:40,589
That's just part of
being in love.
1332
01:17:40,626 --> 01:17:42,350
Ha! Ha, hmm.
1333
01:17:42,390 --> 01:17:46,346
That is not a part
that I'm interested in...
1334
01:17:46,391 --> 01:17:49,288
but I do want that drink.
1335
01:17:49,323 --> 01:17:51,313
You...
1336
01:17:56,956 --> 01:17:59,183
Well, what do I do?
1337
01:17:59,222 --> 01:18:02,382
# I got a stripper pole
in my bedroom #
1338
01:18:02,422 --> 01:18:05,114
# And I like the way
you drop it low #
1339
01:18:05,154 --> 01:18:07,712
# What you tryin' to do,
shorty? #
1340
01:18:07,755 --> 01:18:11,415
# Oh, I can tell that
you're down for whatever #
1341
01:18:11,456 --> 01:18:13,683
# If you think that
you can handle me #
1342
01:18:13,722 --> 01:18:14,811
# I'm trying... #
1343
01:18:14,853 --> 01:18:16,911
I never really took you
for a stripper type.
1344
01:18:16,954 --> 01:18:19,680
Oh, no, I've never been
to a strip club before.
1345
01:18:23,220 --> 01:18:26,412
Oh, 11.
1346
01:18:26,452 --> 01:18:28,043
11 what?
1347
01:18:28,086 --> 01:18:31,847
11 breasts I've seen.
1348
01:18:31,884 --> 01:18:33,511
You've only seen
11 breasts?
1349
01:18:33,553 --> 01:18:36,879
I mean, you know, in real life.
I've seen more on, you know, TV
1350
01:18:36,916 --> 01:18:39,747
and magazines.
Internet... ho!
1351
01:18:39,783 --> 01:18:42,247
Oh... 13.
1352
01:18:42,282 --> 01:18:45,443
- Two.
- Why is this an odd number?
1353
01:18:45,483 --> 01:18:47,879
I saw one of my grandma's
when I was a kid.
1354
01:18:47,915 --> 01:18:49,381
I wish I hadn't asked.
1355
01:18:49,415 --> 01:18:52,505
Nana; Mary, naturally;
1356
01:18:52,548 --> 01:18:55,413
uh, Wendy Harper; Tracy Price;
1357
01:18:55,449 --> 01:18:58,436
Theresa What's-her-name;
and, uh...
1358
01:18:58,480 --> 01:19:00,878
and these strippers, yeah.
1359
01:19:00,914 --> 01:19:02,936
14!
Even number! Boom.
1360
01:19:02,979 --> 01:19:05,503
And these other girls were, what?
Exes?
1361
01:19:05,548 --> 01:19:07,705
No. No, Mary's the only girl
I've ever dated.
1362
01:19:07,746 --> 01:19:09,838
Uh, they were girls Mary and I
had three-ways with.
1363
01:19:09,880 --> 01:19:12,470
- You've had three three-ways?
- Seven.
1364
01:19:12,512 --> 01:19:15,774
Seven?
The other four were with...
1365
01:19:15,813 --> 01:19:17,835
I should have known.
1366
01:19:17,878 --> 01:19:19,604
Oh, thank God you're here!
1367
01:19:19,644 --> 01:19:22,906
Oh, I see you're already out looking
for a better offer, you motherfucker!
1368
01:19:22,944 --> 01:19:25,468
- Mary, come on.
- Son of a bitch! Asshole!
1369
01:19:25,512 --> 01:19:27,534
Look, Ryan's not scamming.
1370
01:19:27,578 --> 01:19:30,370
And trust me, this is not the kind of
place one goes to for a better offer.
1371
01:19:32,309 --> 01:19:34,433
I turn my back for one second
1372
01:19:34,475 --> 01:19:37,136
and you are out philandering
with strippers?
1373
01:19:37,176 --> 01:19:40,402
- I am not a prude, Ryan.
- Yeah, no shit.
1374
01:19:40,441 --> 01:19:43,169
Excuse me, Scott, but this...
1375
01:19:43,208 --> 01:19:46,196
this is beyond
the pale, okay?
1376
01:19:46,240 --> 01:19:48,537
Simply beyond the pale!
1377
01:19:48,574 --> 01:19:50,902
Mary, look, okay?
I don't know how you got here,
1378
01:19:50,939 --> 01:19:54,031
but you have to leave. You have to
show Ryan that you trust him.
1379
01:19:54,074 --> 01:19:56,096
Well, how can I trust him
1380
01:19:56,139 --> 01:19:58,231
- when he's sporting a chubby?
- Okay.
1381
01:19:58,274 --> 01:20:00,067
Mary, come on!
1382
01:20:00,105 --> 01:20:01,695
Come on what?
1383
01:20:01,738 --> 01:20:04,500
You want me to act like it's no big deal
that my man's at half-mast?
1384
01:20:04,539 --> 01:20:07,096
- It is a big deal.
- We're just having some guy time.
1385
01:20:07,137 --> 01:20:09,502
All right?
He'll keep it in his pants.
1386
01:20:09,539 --> 01:20:11,299
Uh-huh.
1387
01:20:11,337 --> 01:20:13,826
- I promise.
- And if it's any consolation,
1388
01:20:13,871 --> 01:20:17,495
as you can see, I am
completely flaccid now.
1389
01:20:17,537 --> 01:20:20,402
We all are, Ryan.
We all are.
1390
01:20:29,003 --> 01:20:32,024
Don't wait up for us, Ryan.
1391
01:20:32,067 --> 01:20:35,159
I was...
I couldn't find the...
1392
01:20:35,201 --> 01:20:37,393
I was just trying to...
1393
01:20:39,232 --> 01:20:42,891
If you guys see
my gym-membership card,
1394
01:20:42,932 --> 01:20:45,331
just...
1395
01:20:45,367 --> 01:20:47,093
give that to me.
1396
01:20:47,132 --> 01:20:48,995
Okay.
1397
01:20:49,032 --> 01:20:50,726
I'm gonna go.
1398
01:20:52,166 --> 01:20:55,096
Okay, have fun.
1399
01:20:55,130 --> 01:20:58,961
# Let's fall in love #
1400
01:21:00,130 --> 01:21:02,654
# Let's fall in love #
1401
01:21:04,130 --> 01:21:07,062
# Everything I see around #
1402
01:21:07,097 --> 01:21:08,995
# Reminds me of... #
1403
01:21:09,030 --> 01:21:11,224
My God, this place is
like an advertisement
1404
01:21:11,265 --> 01:21:12,820
for choosing a partner
at a young age.
1405
01:21:12,863 --> 01:21:14,588
I am getting hepatitis
just being in here.
1406
01:21:14,628 --> 01:21:16,720
That's the spirit.
1407
01:21:16,762 --> 01:21:21,090
Look, I want you to have a conversation
with one of these fine gentlemen.
1408
01:21:21,127 --> 01:21:23,491
- Why?
- Because
1409
01:21:23,528 --> 01:21:26,084
I want to see how you talk
to a man that isn't Ryan.
1410
01:21:26,126 --> 01:21:29,183
Scott, this is silly.
Can we just go home? I can't...
1411
01:21:29,226 --> 01:21:31,885
Hey, there, pretty lady.
1412
01:21:31,926 --> 01:21:33,654
Can I buy you a drink?
1413
01:21:33,694 --> 01:21:35,555
Scott?
1414
01:21:41,059 --> 01:21:43,651
Could you just give us
a moment, please?
1415
01:21:43,693 --> 01:21:44,681
Sure.
1416
01:21:44,726 --> 01:21:47,883
You have to get rid of him!
He is trying to get in my pants.
1417
01:21:47,923 --> 01:21:49,550
So? He's not going to.
1418
01:21:49,591 --> 01:21:51,351
It's not like you're tempted to
sleep with him or anything.
1419
01:21:51,390 --> 01:21:53,584
I'm tempted to
fuck his brains out.
1420
01:21:55,091 --> 01:21:56,749
I'd fuck him;
I'd fuck that guy;
1421
01:21:56,790 --> 01:21:58,516
I'd fuck the guy air-guitaring
back there.
1422
01:21:58,555 --> 01:22:00,455
I'd fuck everybody I could
see right now
1423
01:22:00,489 --> 01:22:03,319
because I just want the chance
to be with somebody else!
1424
01:22:03,355 --> 01:22:05,584
This is the reason I cannot be
trusted without Ryan around me
1425
01:22:05,623 --> 01:22:07,177
at all times.
1426
01:22:07,220 --> 01:22:10,744
Just once I want to be with another guy
without Ryan in the room.
1427
01:22:10,788 --> 01:22:13,719
Can you understand that?
I am so sick of fucking the same person
1428
01:22:13,753 --> 01:22:16,219
over and over and over
and over again.
1429
01:22:17,852 --> 01:22:19,874
Wow.
1430
01:22:19,920 --> 01:22:21,885
That was frank.
1431
01:22:23,485 --> 01:22:25,918
She's gonna take a rain check
on the whole talking thing.
1432
01:22:25,953 --> 01:22:27,747
Thanks, though.
1433
01:22:31,819 --> 01:22:33,875
Watch it. I...
1434
01:22:37,851 --> 01:22:40,508
- I'm gonna need another.
- Yeah.
1435
01:22:40,549 --> 01:22:42,540
Excuse me?
1436
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:44,980
All I'm saying is that...
1437
01:22:45,016 --> 01:22:46,983
both of you clearly
have some issues
1438
01:22:47,017 --> 01:22:48,642
that you're not addressing
with each other.
1439
01:22:48,684 --> 01:22:51,375
But what happens if we address them
and then we break up?
1440
01:22:51,415 --> 01:22:54,677
Look, relationships take work...
real work.
1441
01:22:56,214 --> 01:22:58,511
You can't just pretend
that everything's okay
1442
01:22:58,549 --> 01:23:00,535
so you don't have to
deal with the hard stuff.
1443
01:23:00,579 --> 01:23:03,046
You have to be brutally
honest with each other.
1444
01:23:03,081 --> 01:23:04,705
Doesn't that hurt?
1445
01:23:04,746 --> 01:23:06,473
It can.
1446
01:23:06,513 --> 01:23:09,139
Love hurts,
but it's worth it.
1447
01:23:09,180 --> 01:23:11,542
And that's why I'm chasing
after a girl
1448
01:23:11,578 --> 01:23:13,909
who probably won't
even take me back.
1449
01:23:13,945 --> 01:23:17,342
Because if there's even the slightest
chance that she will,
1450
01:23:17,378 --> 01:23:19,140
I have to risk it.
1451
01:23:19,179 --> 01:23:21,200
We can't play it safe
all the time.
1452
01:23:21,244 --> 01:23:24,439
That's what it is with Ryan and me,
isn't it?
1453
01:23:24,478 --> 01:23:27,136
We play it too safe.
We're so afraid of this thing failing,
1454
01:23:27,177 --> 01:23:28,699
that we don't deal with it.
1455
01:23:28,745 --> 01:23:32,197
- Anuptaphobia.
- Fear of being alone.
1456
01:23:32,243 --> 01:23:34,607
Why'd you do this?
1457
01:23:35,777 --> 01:23:39,105
- Do what?
- Try to help us,
1458
01:23:39,142 --> 01:23:40,973
our relationship.
1459
01:23:41,010 --> 01:23:43,905
Well, at first it was
because I figured
1460
01:23:43,940 --> 01:23:46,339
the only way I was going to get
you two lunatics out of my life
1461
01:23:46,375 --> 01:23:48,806
was if you got
your shit together, but...
1462
01:23:48,841 --> 01:23:52,001
actually I like you guys a lot,
1463
01:23:52,042 --> 01:23:54,335
and I want you
to be happy.
1464
01:23:55,340 --> 01:23:57,669
You're a good friend, Scott.
1465
01:24:00,371 --> 01:24:03,962
- Um, about the m�nage thing...
- Mm-hmm?
1466
01:24:04,004 --> 01:24:06,403
I don't know if you two
ever talked about,
1467
01:24:06,439 --> 01:24:08,336
you know, me in that way...
1468
01:24:08,371 --> 01:24:11,735
Oh, no! Never.
1469
01:24:11,772 --> 01:24:14,259
Okay, good, because
that would have been
1470
01:24:14,303 --> 01:24:16,667
- a little weird.
- Yeah.
1471
01:24:19,037 --> 01:24:21,525
Any particular reason why not?
1472
01:24:37,635 --> 01:24:40,600
Well, this is it.
1473
01:24:40,634 --> 01:24:42,565
This is where Leslie is.
1474
01:24:42,600 --> 01:24:44,533
Are you ready?
1475
01:24:44,567 --> 01:24:47,689
- Not in the least.
- Well, good luck.
1476
01:25:05,598 --> 01:25:07,153
Okay, dude,
1477
01:25:07,196 --> 01:25:09,560
no more skateboarding
with your costume on.
1478
01:25:09,597 --> 01:25:12,426
If I have to fix your butt again,
I'm gonna kick it.
1479
01:25:12,462 --> 01:25:13,757
Capisce?
1480
01:25:16,030 --> 01:25:18,290
Okay, now get out of here.
Go.
1481
01:25:25,262 --> 01:25:27,160
Hi.
1482
01:25:28,860 --> 01:25:30,521
Hi.
1483
01:25:30,561 --> 01:25:32,151
What are you doing here?
1484
01:25:32,194 --> 01:25:34,420
I wanted to clear some things up.
1485
01:25:34,459 --> 01:25:35,858
Can we talk?
1486
01:25:35,894 --> 01:25:38,257
Uh, okay.
1487
01:25:38,293 --> 01:25:39,620
Okay.
1488
01:25:39,658 --> 01:25:42,318
But just not here. Just...
1489
01:25:48,858 --> 01:25:50,913
I've never been stalked before,
1490
01:25:50,956 --> 01:25:53,515
so if you can give me, like,
an idea of how long this might take,
1491
01:25:53,557 --> 01:25:55,215
'cause I only have
40 minutes for lunch.
1492
01:25:55,256 --> 01:25:58,348
I'm not stalking you.
At least not in the creepy way.
1493
01:25:58,391 --> 01:26:00,617
There you are! Hi!
1494
01:26:00,656 --> 01:26:03,555
There's nothing creepy
about this at all.
1495
01:26:03,590 --> 01:26:05,452
- Hi.
- Hi, Leslie.
1496
01:26:05,489 --> 01:26:08,388
Um, Mary and I just...
1497
01:26:08,423 --> 01:26:10,649
wanted to make it clear
1498
01:26:10,688 --> 01:26:13,984
that we did do everything
Scott said we did.
1499
01:26:14,022 --> 01:26:17,509
We thought we could control
everything for him;
1500
01:26:17,553 --> 01:26:19,782
take away the risk
of getting hurt.
1501
01:26:19,821 --> 01:26:22,182
Thank you guys.
I've got it from here.
1502
01:26:22,219 --> 01:26:25,879
Just like we've been trying to do in
our own relationship for years.
1503
01:26:25,919 --> 01:26:27,907
- But you can't do that.
- Nah.
1504
01:26:27,952 --> 01:26:29,749
Nobody can.
1505
01:26:29,787 --> 01:26:32,579
A wise man once said to me,
1506
01:26:32,617 --> 01:26:36,515
"Love is all about
taking chances, even if it hurts."
1507
01:26:36,550 --> 01:26:38,879
- So...
- Which is why
1508
01:26:38,916 --> 01:26:42,279
Mary and I...
Have decided...
1509
01:26:42,316 --> 01:26:44,043
To split up.
1510
01:26:44,082 --> 01:26:46,208
- Just for a while.
- It's just a trial thing
1511
01:26:46,250 --> 01:26:48,874
to see if we're really meant
to be together.
1512
01:26:48,915 --> 01:26:51,848
So if we can take a chance...
1513
01:26:51,883 --> 01:26:53,972
Maybe you guys
can too.
1514
01:26:54,015 --> 01:26:57,005
It was really great
meeting you, Leslie,
1515
01:26:57,049 --> 01:26:59,809
and we are sorry
about all of this.
1516
01:26:59,848 --> 01:27:04,177
But I have a hunch you two
are going to be just fine.
1517
01:27:05,679 --> 01:27:07,476
Hasta lasagna.
1518
01:27:11,514 --> 01:27:15,171
So you're not a total psycho,
1519
01:27:15,212 --> 01:27:17,043
but your friends are?
1520
01:27:17,079 --> 01:27:18,977
Yeah, something like that.
1521
01:27:22,613 --> 01:27:24,303
Can I buy you lunch?
1522
01:27:25,610 --> 01:27:28,406
I am pretty hungry...
1523
01:27:28,444 --> 01:27:30,432
and broke.
1524
01:27:31,643 --> 01:27:33,940
So yeah, okay.
1525
01:27:33,977 --> 01:27:35,874
But this does not mean
that I am moving in with you.
1526
01:27:35,875 --> 01:27:38,365
- Right.
- And sex, is like, way down the road
1527
01:27:38,408 --> 01:27:39,964
and we're not even
kissing anytime soon,
1528
01:27:40,008 --> 01:27:42,168
and we have to completely start over
from, like, the very very very
1529
01:27:42,209 --> 01:27:45,037
very very very beginning,
and there's no guarantees.
1530
01:27:45,074 --> 01:27:48,200
That's exactly what
I wanted to hear.
1531
01:27:48,242 --> 01:27:51,605
Okay.
1532
01:27:51,640 --> 01:27:54,697
- I'm glad we talked.
- Yeah, me too.
1533
01:28:05,205 --> 01:28:06,295
Hey!
1534
01:28:12,338 --> 01:28:15,305
And the Oscar goes to...
1535
01:28:15,339 --> 01:28:17,564
Oh, you were fantastic.
1536
01:28:17,602 --> 01:28:19,762
No, you were fantastic
1537
01:28:19,803 --> 01:28:21,961
and they totally bought it.
1538
01:28:22,002 --> 01:28:26,129
Well, love is all about
taking chances,
1539
01:28:26,169 --> 01:28:28,191
even if it hurts.
1540
01:28:28,235 --> 01:28:31,100
Give me a fucking break!
1541
01:28:31,136 --> 01:28:33,828
"Oh, we're gonna break up. We're just
gonna give it a trial break-up.
1542
01:28:33,868 --> 01:28:35,199
A little trial break-up thing..."
1543
01:28:35,236 --> 01:28:37,791
"Just to see if we really are meant
to be together, you know."
1544
01:28:39,801 --> 01:28:42,164
Oh my God.
Ha ha ha!
1545
01:28:42,200 --> 01:28:44,222
- Oh.
- He'll be back.
113402
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