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1
00:00:12,076 --> 00:00:13,662
Oh, my gosh.
2
00:00:16,938 --> 00:00:17,765
It's...
3
00:00:32,801 --> 00:00:34,663
It's alive!
4
00:00:49,611 --> 00:00:52,799
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
5
00:00:53,283 --> 00:00:56,456
Get ready, rookie.
This is some sick shit.
6
00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:59,190
McDonaldland always
7
00:00:59,214 --> 00:01:00,558
had a dirty underbelly.
8
00:01:00,559 --> 00:01:03,180
Hell, we sold that underbelly
cheap to make McRibs.
9
00:01:03,214 --> 00:01:05,318
But now someone had
whacked McCheese.
10
00:01:05,352 --> 00:01:08,111
The way he ran this town,
it could've been anybody,
11
00:01:08,145 --> 00:01:11,835
but it was my job
to figure out which anybody.
12
00:01:11,870 --> 00:01:13,006
Rabble, rabble.
13
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,351
I told you,
he doesn't know anything.
14
00:01:14,352 --> 00:01:16,870
Maybe a piping-hot cup of joe
will change his mind.
15
00:01:16,904 --> 00:01:17,972
Ah!, rabble, rabble.
16
00:01:17,973 --> 00:01:21,870
The fry guys, like a two-for-one
McGriddle, it didn't add up.
17
00:01:22,004 --> 00:01:23,313
You salty [bleep]s got anything,
18
00:01:23,314 --> 00:01:24,451
or should I mop
the gutter with you?
19
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,908
- Eat me.
- Two, four, six, eight,
20
00:01:26,943 --> 00:01:28,589
you [bleep] mugs
now you will cooperate.
21
00:01:28,590 --> 00:01:31,011
Okay, we overhead some
chick saying the mayor
22
00:01:31,012 --> 00:01:32,658
was nearing his expiration date, see?
23
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:36,176
Chick, huh?
And the time of death was 4:30 a.m.
24
00:01:36,211 --> 00:01:38,694
Early, real early.
25
00:01:38,728 --> 00:01:41,383
The early bird gets the worm.
26
00:01:41,418 --> 00:01:44,142
I wasn't going to let some
burger-headed politician
27
00:01:44,176 --> 00:01:47,314
inject cheesy beef
into my daughters.
28
00:01:49,211 --> 00:01:51,763
Mm-hmm.
29
00:01:54,142 --> 00:01:56,418
Ha, ha!
Aah!
30
00:01:56,452 --> 00:01:59,935
Oh, my God!
What have I done?
31
00:01:59,970 --> 00:02:03,176
Forget it, rook.
It's McDonaldland.
32
00:02:03,211 --> 00:02:05,659
McDonald's new
cheesy beef McNuggets.
33
00:02:05,694 --> 00:02:07,763
Your kids will kill for them.
34
00:02:07,797 --> 00:02:10,866
You should've gone for the head.
35
00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:14,142
Concussions are nothing to joke ...
By Asgard's asshole, stop!
36
00:02:15,487 --> 00:02:16,658
Don't go, Daddy.
37
00:02:16,659 --> 00:02:18,418
I'm just going out
for cigarettes, sweetie.
38
00:02:18,452 --> 00:02:20,383
I'll be right back.
39
00:02:20,418 --> 00:02:23,659
Just try a little spinach, okay?
Look, Mommy likes it.
40
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,349
My human centipede is complete.
41
00:02:28,383 --> 00:02:30,901
I must take a picture for Facebook.
42
00:02:31,832 --> 00:02:33,797
Oh, come on!
43
00:02:33,832 --> 00:02:36,763
Please, don't jump.
You have so much to live for.
44
00:02:36,797 --> 00:02:39,383
No, I don't.
Nobody loves me.
45
00:02:39,418 --> 00:02:43,487
That's not true. Your mother
loves you. Here she is.
46
00:02:46,659 --> 00:02:48,383
Oh, hello, sweetheart.
47
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:52,970
It's your mother.
Are you washing your underwear?
48
00:02:54,176 --> 00:02:56,004
Oh, how is that my fault?
49
00:02:56,038 --> 00:02:58,763
Mr. Peterson, before
we start your colonoscopy,
50
00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:01,038
we'll inject a small bit
of air into your bowels.
51
00:03:01,073 --> 00:03:03,418
You might feel some pressure.
52
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,101
Uh, Doc?
53
00:03:08,038 --> 00:03:09,451
New from the makers of Bratz,
54
00:03:09,452 --> 00:03:12,038
more sassy dolls
with oodles of attitude.
55
00:03:12,073 --> 00:03:13,773
Here come the Brats.
56
00:03:13,797 --> 00:03:15,244
Meet Madchen...
57
00:03:15,245 --> 00:03:16,589
Am I covered in onions?
58
00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:18,901
Because when you see my style,
you'll be crying.
59
00:03:18,935 --> 00:03:20,003
...Prinzessin...
60
00:03:20,004 --> 00:03:22,142
The bigger the hot dog,
the better.
61
00:03:22,176 --> 00:03:23,244
...Bruste...
62
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,417
Let's have a beach party,
63
00:03:24,418 --> 00:03:27,211
and when I turn brown,
flip me over!
64
00:03:27,245 --> 00:03:28,417
...and Trottel.
65
00:03:28,418 --> 00:03:33,319
Call me a sexy toilet because
when you see me, you must... turd?
66
00:03:33,354 --> 00:03:34,486
- You idiot!
- You stupid!
67
00:03:34,487 --> 00:03:38,418
- You ruined our commercial!
- Catch up with the Brats.
68
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:42,418
♪ Jacking with fruit
is not the same ♪
69
00:03:42,452 --> 00:03:48,211
♪ As when you call me
by your name ♪
70
00:03:48,245 --> 00:03:49,831
For the crime of witchcraft,
71
00:03:49,832 --> 00:03:52,694
we sentence this
heathen to death.
72
00:03:55,659 --> 00:03:59,211
- More horses.
- You'll never pull me apart.
73
00:03:59,245 --> 00:04:01,763
I'm Stretch [bleep] Armstrong!
74
00:04:01,797 --> 00:04:04,280
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, guys. Come on.
75
00:04:04,454 --> 00:04:08,041
Yo, Joe! Is everyone
clear on the objective?
76
00:04:08,075 --> 00:04:10,351
- Yo, Joe!
- No, we are not.
77
00:04:10,385 --> 00:04:13,420
This country's dictator is a real snake.
78
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,799
- His people want freedom.
- So let's liberate them!
79
00:04:16,834 --> 00:04:21,178
- Yo, Joe!
- Yo, Joe! Except we actually can't do that
80
00:04:21,213 --> 00:04:24,454
because the oppressed people have
joined forces with terrorists.
81
00:04:24,489 --> 00:04:26,730
Good thing G.I. Joe was made
for smashing terrorists.
82
00:04:26,765 --> 00:04:28,730
- Yo, Joe!
- Yo, Joe-kay.
83
00:04:28,765 --> 00:04:33,351
But if we smash these terrorists, we
risk a nuclear conflict with Russia.
84
00:04:33,385 --> 00:04:35,489
Snake Eyes says
the situation is fubar,
85
00:04:35,523 --> 00:04:37,177
and we should make
a strategic retreat.
86
00:04:37,178 --> 00:04:39,316
We can't do that because
the dictator
87
00:04:39,351 --> 00:04:43,110
is using chemical weapons
against children. Yo, Joe.
88
00:04:43,144 --> 00:04:45,558
And that's one thing G.I. Joe
won't stand for.
89
00:04:45,592 --> 00:04:48,282
- Yo, Joe.
- Dusty, is there sand in your ears?
90
00:04:48,316 --> 00:04:50,282
Removing the dictator
means the terrorists win.
91
00:04:50,316 --> 00:04:52,385
Not on my watch!
Oh, wait, Russia...
92
00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:54,939
We've got to do something...
93
00:04:55,351 --> 00:04:58,730
Good idea, Snake Eyes.
Cross-country, take out that hill.
94
00:05:00,247 --> 00:05:01,660
- We did it!
- Yeah!
95
00:05:01,661 --> 00:05:03,903
- Yo, Joe.
- [Bleep] that hill.
96
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,213
We are going to be here
forever, aren't we?
97
00:05:06,247 --> 00:05:08,696
Mom, why did the vet cut off
Scruffy's testicles?
98
00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:10,834
Well, Billy, they were
making Scruffy aggressive
99
00:05:10,868 --> 00:05:13,730
and hard to deal with,
but he'll be much calmer now.
100
00:05:13,765 --> 00:05:15,109
Shut up!
I'm drunk.
101
00:05:15,110 --> 00:05:17,696
Anybody that bugs me is
going to get hit.
102
00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,868
When did you put
all these stairs in here?
103
00:05:22,075 --> 00:05:23,446
Do it.
104
00:05:25,213 --> 00:05:27,489
♪ Oh, mommy food,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
105
00:05:27,523 --> 00:05:29,316
♪ Daddy food,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
106
00:05:29,351 --> 00:05:31,247
♪ Baby food, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
107
00:05:31,282 --> 00:05:33,765
♪ Human food... ♪
Aah!
108
00:05:36,454 --> 00:05:38,765
♪ Oh, kill the shark,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
109
00:05:38,799 --> 00:05:40,627
♪ Kill the shark, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
110
00:05:40,661 --> 00:05:42,454
♪ Kill the shark,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
111
00:05:42,489 --> 00:05:44,143
♪ Kill the shark ♪
112
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,247
♪ Oh, shark BJ,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
113
00:05:46,282 --> 00:05:47,971
♪ I'm not gay, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
114
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:49,972
♪ But it's okay,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
115
00:05:50,006 --> 00:05:51,868
♪ I'm dead ♪
116
00:05:54,972 --> 00:05:57,144
♪ Oh, show your teeth,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
117
00:05:57,178 --> 00:05:59,351
- ♪ You son of a
- Dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
118
00:05:59,385 --> 00:06:01,144
♪ Now we're done,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
119
00:06:01,178 --> 00:06:03,937
♪ So much fun,
dee-dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
120
00:06:04,316 --> 00:06:07,420
Hi, I'm a helpful Honda guy.
I see you had some trouble.
121
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:08,626
Is there anything
I can help you with?
122
00:06:08,627 --> 00:06:10,074
I've always wanted to know
the truth about
123
00:06:10,075 --> 00:06:11,350
the JonBenét Ramsey case.
124
00:06:11,351 --> 00:06:14,006
- Uh, I can fix your car window?
- You know who had a broken window?
125
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,660
JonBenét Ramsey's house.
126
00:06:15,661 --> 00:06:18,041
I mean, who did it, the parents,
the brother, a kidnapper?
127
00:06:18,075 --> 00:06:21,385
- I would totally like some help with that.
- Uh...
128
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,316
This case is full of inconsistencies ...
129
00:06:27,351 --> 00:06:28,971
the hastily scribbled ransom note,
130
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,453
the time it took to find the body,
131
00:06:30,454 --> 00:06:32,627
the undigested pineapple
in her stomach.
132
00:06:32,661 --> 00:06:36,627
- It doesn't make any sense.
- Are you going to change my flat?
133
00:06:36,661 --> 00:06:39,627
You know who else had a flat?
The back of JonBenét's skull.
134
00:06:39,661 --> 00:06:41,868
It was suicide!
Fix my car!
135
00:06:41,903 --> 00:06:44,558
The body was found here.
136
00:06:44,592 --> 00:06:46,420
Oh, my God!
This is it.
137
00:06:46,454 --> 00:06:50,592
I know who killed JonBenét Ram...
Aah!
138
00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:53,730
Lease the 2019 Civic
SI coupe for as little as $299
139
00:06:53,731 --> 00:06:56,834
a month plus tax for 36 months or
get 0.9% financing on a 2019 Pilot.
140
00:06:56,868 --> 00:06:58,661
If you have any information
about the JonBenét Ramsey
141
00:06:58,696 --> 00:07:00,005
murder case, contact your local
142
00:07:00,006 --> 00:07:01,695
- Honda dealership.
- Ugh.
143
00:07:01,696 --> 00:07:04,799
And that's when they realized
the voice was coming
144
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,799
- from inside the phone.
- Okay, cool.
145
00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:11,144
- Anyone have a story that's actually scary?
- I've got one.
146
00:07:11,178 --> 00:07:12,937
Submitted for the approval
of the Midnight Society,
147
00:07:12,972 --> 00:07:16,592
The Tale of the High School
of Doom.
148
00:07:16,627 --> 00:07:20,454
It was just another day
until shadowy figure appeared.
149
00:07:20,489 --> 00:07:21,936
And in its hand was...
150
00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:24,903
A reverse diary that tells
the future instead of the past.
151
00:07:24,937 --> 00:07:26,868
A Trapper Keeper once
owned by Satan.
152
00:07:26,903 --> 00:07:29,489
Its other hand because
it was chopped off!
153
00:07:29,523 --> 00:07:32,696
No, it was an AR-15.
154
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:34,834
I'm an outcast,
and you bullied me maybe.
155
00:07:34,868 --> 00:07:37,006
My motivations aren't super
clear because I'm a teenager
156
00:07:37,007 --> 00:07:39,145
with underdeveloped
control of my emotions,
157
00:07:39,146 --> 00:07:40,784
and now I'm going to
take my revenge. Yeah!
158
00:07:40,785 --> 00:07:41,729
Betty Anne, I'm going to stop
159
00:07:41,730 --> 00:07:43,834
you right there because this ...
not a scary story.
160
00:07:43,868 --> 00:07:45,246
Oh, yes, it is.
161
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,523
I vote to banish Betty Anne
from the society.
162
00:07:47,558 --> 00:07:49,937
Her story isn't scary.
It's just real life.
163
00:07:49,972 --> 00:07:53,696
- Real life is the scariest tale of all.
- I'm chilled to the bone.
164
00:07:53,730 --> 00:07:55,834
I didn't shit my pants,
but it's, like, half out.
165
00:07:55,868 --> 00:07:58,558
Everyone, shut up!
You're ruining Midnight Society.
166
00:07:58,592 --> 00:07:59,971
I'm so mad!
167
00:07:59,972 --> 00:08:01,765
- What?
- Oh, my God!
168
00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:03,499
- Go, go, go!
- He's got a gun!
169
00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:06,741
Aaah!
170
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:13,972
Did that count as real life?
Because that was scary as [bleep].
171
00:08:14,006 --> 00:08:16,903
Gentlemen, our time of reckoning
swiftly approaches.
172
00:08:16,937 --> 00:08:20,937
Soon we will kill Ethan Hunt
and his mission impossible team.
173
00:08:20,972 --> 00:08:24,144
- Oh, yeah?
- Ethan Hunt!
174
00:08:24,178 --> 00:08:27,454
- Guard, shoot him!
- Sorry, sir, but...
175
00:08:27,489 --> 00:08:30,696
I'm really Ethan Hunt!
176
00:08:30,730 --> 00:08:33,110
I'm really your bodyguard.
177
00:08:33,144 --> 00:08:35,075
That's funny because
I'm really...
178
00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:38,799
- the dog!
- Wait! What?
179
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,696
Ethan Hunt.
180
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:46,006
Well, if we're all coming
clean, I'm actually...
181
00:08:48,178 --> 00:08:50,172
I forgot my mask.
182
00:08:52,489 --> 00:08:55,006
For our final challenge,
each of you will be creating
183
00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:57,558
dishes made with an
ingredient you fear most.
184
00:08:57,592 --> 00:09:01,075
Bob Belcher, the man who forces
his children to work for free
185
00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:04,144
and still can't turn a profit,
gets a pigeon.
186
00:09:04,178 --> 00:09:05,900
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
187
00:09:05,935 --> 00:09:09,144
For Alfredo Linguini,
a French chef so bad
188
00:09:09,178 --> 00:09:12,041
they named him after cheap,
wet Italian noodles, a rat!
189
00:09:12,075 --> 00:09:16,041
- Sacré blue!
- For SpongeBob SquarePants, water!
190
00:09:16,075 --> 00:09:20,006
Water?! You live in the sea,
you festering gutter slob!
191
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:23,351
- But I can't swim, Chef!
- It's "Yes, Chef,"
192
00:09:23,385 --> 00:09:26,144
you piss-colored
tampon alternative!
193
00:09:26,178 --> 00:09:28,765
Finally for Chef,
who's cuisine and character
194
00:09:28,799 --> 00:09:31,282
is a little two-dimensional, thetans,
195
00:09:31,316 --> 00:09:33,730
a.k.a. the souls of dead aliens.
196
00:09:33,765 --> 00:09:37,523
STDs are actually
my biggest fear, children.
197
00:09:37,558 --> 00:09:40,144
Contestants, start cooking now!
198
00:09:40,178 --> 00:09:42,178
I'm making open-faced
Krabby Patties
199
00:09:42,213 --> 00:09:45,696
with a cherry tomato
remoulade and a glass of
200
00:09:45,730 --> 00:09:48,006
w-w-w-w-water.
201
00:09:48,041 --> 00:09:50,213
Aah, it got on me.
I'll drown!
202
00:09:50,247 --> 00:09:51,972
Aaah!
203
00:09:52,006 --> 00:09:54,041
Fire!
It's impossible to put out!
204
00:09:54,075 --> 00:09:56,454
I'm making
feta-stuffed-pigeon burgers
205
00:09:56,489 --> 00:09:58,420
if I can open my eyes.
206
00:09:58,454 --> 00:10:00,247
Ah, oh, my heart.
207
00:10:00,282 --> 00:10:04,006
Tell Tina "Me too" goes both ways.
208
00:10:04,316 --> 00:10:05,902
I'm making a linguini rat-fredo,
209
00:10:05,903 --> 00:10:09,351
if I could just get my hands
to chop off this rat's God darn...
210
00:10:09,385 --> 00:10:12,144
Don't do it!
That's my Uncle Joey.
211
00:10:13,041 --> 00:10:15,256
Aaah!
212
00:10:15,291 --> 00:10:17,696
I'm making a thetan
lava cake, children.
213
00:10:17,730 --> 00:10:21,351
Just need to pour the thetans
into the chocolate volcano and...
214
00:10:21,385 --> 00:10:24,696
Oh, shit!
Everyone, I'm going clear!
215
00:10:24,730 --> 00:10:26,040
Pew, pew, pew!
216
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:27,903
Got one!
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!
217
00:10:27,937 --> 00:10:30,213
- Aaaah!
- Hide and cover! Hide and cover!
218
00:10:30,247 --> 00:10:32,420
Aaaah!
219
00:10:32,454 --> 00:10:34,972
Thetans, you absolute donkeys!
220
00:10:35,006 --> 00:10:38,316
Either make me a risotto
or get the [bleep] out.
221
00:10:38,351 --> 00:10:40,397
Yes, Chef.
222
00:10:45,592 --> 00:10:50,316
This risotto is...
out of this world!
223
00:10:50,351 --> 00:10:53,144
The winner is Scientology!
224
00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:58,969
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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