Original subtitles

It's alive!

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~

Oh, my God ... Larry!

Infinity.

Just like that.

Ah, fuck.

I am Sauron, Lord of the Rings!

I did it!

Oh! Nooooo!

Are we expecting anyone?

If you're a salesman, we don't have any mo... Oh!

- Is she here? - I, uh, uh, uh...

Honey, who is it?

- Mother? - Bambi?

Father said you couldn't be with us

because man had taken you away.

Aman, Bambi. Aman took me away.

- This is David. - Um, would you like to come in?

Please do. I ... I have a lot to explain.

No. I just wanted the truth, and I got it.

Mama, who is it?

Bambi II, meet your brother.

- Do you want to play with me? - A brother?! I, uh...

- Come on. I'll show you my salt lick. - Okay.

Well, hello, there, buddy.

Who... Whose bear is this?

Easy, big guy.

Yeah, I got a Code 7 on platform 6.

Ha-ha. N-Nice Teddy.

Are you hungry?

Aaaoww!

Aah! Aaaah!

And then Paddington pulled out his spine and roared to the sky.

- Another trophy for his bloodlust. - This book's awesome!

The San Diego Zoo's last male red panda has died.

With only one female left,

this will be the end of the red panda species.

Marco, you can Animorph into a red panda, right?

Oh, no. No way.

I'm saving myself for the right humangirl.

You're 18 and still a virgin?

Pound that panda! Pound that panda!

Pound that panda!

Dude, you don't have to go down on the red panda.

It's about her pleasure, too, guys.

You think anybody saw you chomping down on that red panda?

Uh, well, I'm not in prison, so no.

Authorities are calling the red panda's pregnancy

a virgin birth,

so we eagerly await the arrival of red panda Jesus.

So, obviously, the Civil War was fought over states' rights.

Whoooooa! Oh!

Brainy, what are you doing?

My glasses! I can't find my glasses!

Papa Smurf always says,

"Brainy Smurf without his glasses

is like Smurfette without her tits ... absolutely useless!"

- They're on your face! - Your tits?

Oh. Oh!

Aah! Argh!

I believe you're suffering from CTE, Brainy ...

chronic traumatic encephalopathy,

most likely from being tossed onto your head

- one too many times. - What do we do?!

Holistic approaches, like acupuncture,

have been shown to ...

Not in the head.

Aah!

Oh, look at that. Looks fine to me.

Fine?! You diagnosed him with CTE

and gave him a loaded handgun, you idiot!

Well, you should have gone to Dr. Smurf.

I'm Costume Party Smurf!

Holy shit! Aliens exist!

I feel so small.

We wasted so much time fighting for turf

when we were just a mote of dust in God's eye.

Here comes the fucking Punisher!

- Wait, wait, wait! - None of this matters now!

Gunshot, gunshot!

- Ooh, shotgun! - Fighting over watches?

Watch me jam your heads up each other's wormholes.

Wait, wait! We're not alone in the universe?

This does change everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got it. You got it!

Hey, aliens, watch me fly!

Steve, your testimony today could help put away a very bad guy.

What did you see on the day in question?

Well, I was playing with my best friend, Blue,

when I heard my neighbor scream.

A stranger ran by covered in blood!

When I went to their house, their faces had been cut off.

There were clues everywhere.

Steve, do you think the stranger killed your neighbors

as retribution for their testimony against the Death Wheels?

Yeah, yeah!

Objection! Leading the witness.

- Objection! - Overruled.

The witness shall answer the question.

Y-Yes.

And is that stranger in this courtroom today?

Over there! Over there!

That's him.

You better sleep with one eye open.

Hiya, Blue. Nice to meet you.

- I'm your new friend, Joe. - Where is Steve?

Steve had to go into... witness protection.

But he's still in touch with, like, his parents or someone, no?

Be good.

No witnesses.

Is the target's limo approaching?

Give the go-code.

Finally, I will see you dead, Wonder Woman.

Or should I call you by your real name, Princess Diana.

Is Princess Diana dead?

What do you mean, wrong limo? Shred everything!

She was a candle in the wind.

I am Skeleton!

No, that's too on-the-nose.

Um... Let's see.

Oh. Hm!

Ho-ho! Hey, now!

They expect us to believe that a single bullet

entered through President Kennedy's head,

ricocheted off the mirror,

came back up through Governor Connally's body,

turned right, then left, then hit the president again?

This Magic Bullet theory is absurd!

Honey, what's wrong?

Hup, we gotta get out of Dallas, Martha.

I've done something bad ... something very bad.

- Did you hear that? - Ah, the Children of the Night.

What beautiful music they make.

Uh, hello. We are the Children of the Night,

and this is Mozart's Third Symphony,

"The Awakening of Autumn."

You're making me look like a real asshole!

Ah, what the hell are you?!

No, don't answer that. I kill you now.

- Did he call yet, Mom? - No, honey.

But you know your father would never miss your birthday.

Mwah!

Caroline, do me a favor and drop off this $400,000 at the bank.

Let me do that shit.

Caroline gets dumb bitch all over everything.

Then it's out of bounds because it's heavy-flow Friday.

You gotta see how I murdered this tampon!

Uh, no, Bitch Pudding. Just go.

Gonna need your gas card.

Suck my dick, temp job.

I'm off to Reno, baby!

Not today, pigs!

A motel for jerking off!

Time to bash my bean on a pile of cash.

There's more dead birds in here

than Woody Woodpecker's fuck dungeon.

My name is Norman Bates. My hobby is taxidermy.

And my hobby is getting stuffed,

but I don't hang my cooch on the wall.

Ugh! This place smells like my granny's embalmed asshole!

Gonna jerk it outside.

- Oh, Mother, she's just a customer. - She's a slut!

Who's a slut? I'ma slut!

Let's party!

Oh, Mother, I'm sorry.

No, no, you're not sorry.

He's straight-up Gollum and shit.

It's time to change your diaper, Mother.

Go smash your testicles with a toilet seat, dear.

Oh, Mama, you got out of my head and you're real.

I'm gonna be up in yo ass if you don't do as I say!

Oh!

Gah!

I did what you said, Mother! Wait.

Mother only makes me smash my testicles on Tuesdays.

That was not my mother!

Huh?

What have you done to Mother?

Sorry, but you can only Real Doll your dead mama

for so long before she needs a freakin' shower.

Oh! Ugh!

Aah! You never hit a mentally ill person

with his dead mother's severed leg! It's a real trigger!

Then trigger warning, bitch!

Oh! I just...

Fore!

Hello? The police?

Yes, this is Norman Bates.

There's a psycho after me.

Snip, snip! Boo, fuck nut!

Ow! Whoa!

10 points!

- I love traveling with you! - Should we, you know...

Put your cock in her!

- What the? - Who said that?

Are we being watched?

Nooo!

Put your hand cock in her!

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~

Well, he's probably just stuck in traffic.