Original subtitles

It's alive!

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~

From the studio that brought you

"Paranormal Activity" and "Sinister"...

- Did you hear that? - It's coming from the attic.

...learn what happens...

Aah!

...when a studio heavily invests in the wrong IP.

Run!

- It's a Weeble! - It glows in the dark!

How is it doing that?

A property so far outside our target demographic,

we were insane to make this movie.

Why won't you fall down?

They never fall down! Never!

- Flag down the car! - Help!

Ruh-roh!

Oh, Shaggy, what did you put a Scooby Snack in my bra?

- Like, what? No! - Oh, I think it's a lump.

Like, dude, you should get that checked out, like, A.S.A.P.

I'm sure it's fine. My boobs are just lumpy.

Scalpel. She was lucky.

Caught the tumor just in time.

And I would've gotten away with it, too,

if it weren't for those meddling kids.

Our baby is hideous!

- What have we done? - Why, God?! Why!

It's an abomination.

- I'll get it, honey. - Hello.

I have come to drink your blood!

Ha-ha!

It's going to be okay, honey.

He can't come in unless we invite him in.

- Isn't that so, you bastard? - Yep.

- Aah! - Ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Come here now.

Wow, well-played. Good job.

Hey!

Aah!

Whenever I travel on the ark

to avoid the destruction of the world,

I go first class.

Captain Noah, iceberg right ahead!

So? The ark was designed by God himself. It's unsinkable.

I can't believe a fancy show horse

like you would ever fall for a stow-away donkey like me.

My father would never approve, Jack.

But, you know, glub-glub drowny-drowny.

Come on, mount me with that donkey D.

Aah!

Oh, no!

Aaah!

God's Rolls-Royce.

Let this be my eternal tomb as I go down with the ship.

This ship, which God designed. Screw you, God!

- Oh, I can see my house from here. - Focus, Rose.

We need to stay alive until the rescue arks arrive.

And if they ...

We're all gonna die!

- Hang on, Jack. I love you. - And I you, Rose.

I want to start a family with you.

A beautiful family of hybrid donkey-horses.

- Those are called mules. - Mules?!

I'm not shooting a mule out of my ass.

They come out of your vagina.

- My vagina?! - Rose!

Ohh... No, don't!

Oh, no. Jack, you're sinking...

Ah, it's cold!

Representing the United States, from OCP,

it's RoboCop.

And from China, it's the People's Republic's

awesome, definitely not stolen, tech corporation

with the RoboCarp.

Halt! You are under arrest

for copyright infringement.

No, you are arrest, white devil.

Oh, shit.

- Follow the yellow brick road. - Follow the yellow brick road?

That's right! Tourists come from all over

the world to walk its golden trail.

Old Shelly O'Malley helped build it.

- Shelly? - Oh. I'm on a schedule

and don't care. So...

♪ It represents the blood of our kin ♪

♪ The blood of our kin, the blood of our kin ♪

♪ They ignored the OSHA rules ♪

♪ The local codes of safety guides ♪

♪ Generations gone, worked to death, children died ♪

♪ I lost my hands ♪

We've got much more information in our gift shop,

if you'll just ... Oh, she's gone.

♪ La-la-la la-la ♪ Garbage!

Wow, Liv. A real Hollywood party.

Oh, Maddie, you sweet Wisconsin rube.

You deserve a taste of your sister's glamorous life once in a while.

Liv Rooney, shining as bright as ever.

- And with a twin? - I'm 17.

- All right, and your twin is... - Also 17, idiot.

Oh, look! An open bar.

Just a warning, Maddie ... out here,

teenage actresses are passed around like party favors.

Wow! Trevor Trembo from that super hero movie!

You ladies looked parched, so I gathered these libations.

- We're underage. - Age is just a number.

So is 9-1-1.

Exit stage left...

Wow, I feel like we have targets on our backs.

Hi. Is one of you Liv Rooney?

Duh! I'm the one without glasses?

Yeah, I don't know your whole life story, but cool, great.

Anyway, that kid from "Stranger Things"

who looks like a soft-boiled egg wanted me to ask

if you and your sister will make out with him

- in his UberBLACK. - I got this one.

- You can tell that creep ... - We'll do it.

Okay. Enjoy your decision.

Liv, I thought you didn't do that.

Maddie, if I could get on "Stranger Things",

it could make my whole career.

Come on, take on for Team Rooney!

Hello? Soft-boiled egg?

Sorry, girls, you snooze you lose.

I can't believe I'm a producer on "Stranger Things" now!

And I have a featured role!

Damn you, egg boy from "Stranger Things"!

Can we go back to Wisconsin now?

How would you like a nice Hawaiian punch?

Oh, yeah!

Oh! Ohh, yeah.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Slender Man, Slender Man, suit and tie.

Slender Man, Slender Man, you will die.

Nothing?

Shh. Listen. I think he's coming.

Sorry I'm late. Far.

- You were far. - Uh...

- Slender Man? - Oh, my God.

- We ... - Just give me a sec.

Give me a sec. Whoa!

Okay. Hey, you girls like Five Guys?

'Cause I am addicted.

Whew! All right, I'm okay.

Seriously, the fries are amazing.

Five Guys. Man, I'm tellin' you...

Sorry, sorry. Go on.

Mary-Sue Elizabeth of Brighton Drive has earned our wrath.

- We summon thee! - Why are you fat?

- Anna! - Yeah, I deserve that.

Look, the first time I was spotted

I was on a cleanse. Nice and slim.

So the girl called me Slender Man.

I have to live up to the name.

And you know the pressure

of keeping your weight down all the time.

Well, you will, girls. Believe me, you will.

Slender Man, Slender Man, all the children run.

- Slender Man ... - Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

Call me Stuart. Right?

I feel like you're fat-shaming me now.

Stuart, Stuart, to him it's fun.

You shouldn't worry about what other people think of you.

You kids are all right. Here. Take this.

Show it at Five Guys, and you'll get $3 off your order.

But don't forget to make sure they see

the referral number so I get $3 off, too.

Stuart, come on. Focus.

This is a picture of Mary, and here is a lock of her hair.

You have to go kill her now. She called me fat.

You know, I feel like there's a subtext here,

and it's making me uncomfortable.

Okay, we have to go home, Stuart.

If our moms wake up and we're not there...

Yeah, yeah. I got it. Fine.

- Mary on Brighton. - Ugh! Do your job!

Ugh, these fries are really good.

Yeah, you see? You get it, Mary.

I could eat Five Guys every day.

Looks like you did eat five guys, fatty. Mm.

Yeah, that kind of hurts, Mary.

Welcome back to the fifth-annual brodeo,

A.K.A. the brony rodeo.

And out of the chute comes Zeb Deacons,

riding last year's reigning brodeo champ, Glitter Snap.

When not bronying, Glitter Snap is a corporate attorney

for a yoga lifestyles brand

and also enjoys go-karting in his spare time.

- Aah! Aah! - Oh, that does not look good, folks.

Oh, [bleep]. Ah!

And Glitter Snap's wife Helen makes the difficult decision...

No! No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!

This isn't Walmart. Where am I?

Happy Family Midge!

- Welcome to the Island of Recalled Toys. - Recalled toys?

But I teach kids about the beauty of pregnancy.

Well, many of us are pulled off the shelves unfairly ... like me!

Anyway, you'll have plenty of company here.

There's very little demand for a lawn dart that kills children.

Or a sky dancer that pokes out eyeballs.

Or an Elmo with Tourette's [bleep]!

But we're all accepted here.

You're home. Right, everybody?

♪ An Easy Bake Oven that's hotter than hell ♪

♪ A Tarzan who jacks it while trying to yell ♪

♪ On Christmas day, you'll see ♪

♪ They won't let us near anyone's tree ♪

♪ The Cabbage Patch dolly who'll scalp your head bald ♪

♪ A Viper that chokes kids ain't long for the mall ♪

♪ It's hard to see how we ever passed toy R&D ♪

♪ Now we're here on the island of toy travesties ♪

Wow, I guess I can really be myself with you guys.

- Whoo! - Ah, just the miracle of ...

Oh, god! No!

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~