Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,076 --> 00:00:06,662
Oh, my gosh.
2
00:00:09,938 --> 00:00:10,765
It's...
3
00:00:25,801 --> 00:00:27,663
It's alive!
4
00:00:42,611 --> 00:00:45,799
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
5
00:00:46,283 --> 00:00:49,456
Get ready, rookie.
This is some sick shit.
6
00:00:50,490 --> 00:00:52,190
McDonaldland always
7
00:00:52,214 --> 00:00:53,558
had a dirty underbelly.
8
00:00:53,559 --> 00:00:56,180
Hell, we sold that underbelly
cheap to make McRibs.
9
00:00:56,214 --> 00:00:58,318
But now someone had
whacked McCheese.
10
00:00:58,352 --> 00:01:01,111
The way he ran this town,
it could've been anybody,
11
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:04,835
but it was my job
to figure out which anybody.
12
00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:06,006
Rabble, rabble.
13
00:01:06,007 --> 00:01:07,351
I told you,
he doesn't know anything.
14
00:01:07,352 --> 00:01:09,870
Maybe a piping-hot cup of joe
will change his mind.
15
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:10,972
Ah!, rabble, rabble.
16
00:01:10,973 --> 00:01:14,870
The fry guys, like a two-for-one
McGriddle, it didn't add up.
17
00:01:15,004 --> 00:01:16,313
You salty [bleep]s got anything,
18
00:01:16,314 --> 00:01:17,451
or should I mop
the gutter with you?
19
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,908
- Eat me.
- Two, four, six, eight,
20
00:01:19,943 --> 00:01:21,589
you [bleep] mugs
now you will cooperate.
21
00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:24,011
Okay, we overhead some
chick saying the mayor
22
00:01:24,012 --> 00:01:25,658
was nearing his expiration date, see?
23
00:01:25,659 --> 00:01:29,176
Chick, huh?
And the time of death was 4:30 a.m.
24
00:01:29,211 --> 00:01:31,694
Early, real early.
25
00:01:31,728 --> 00:01:34,383
The early bird gets the worm.
26
00:01:34,418 --> 00:01:37,142
I wasn't going to let some
burger-headed politician
27
00:01:37,176 --> 00:01:40,314
inject cheesy beef
into my daughters.
28
00:01:42,211 --> 00:01:44,763
Mm-hmm.
29
00:01:47,142 --> 00:01:49,418
Ha, ha!
Aah!
30
00:01:49,452 --> 00:01:52,935
Oh, my God!
What have I done?
31
00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:56,176
Forget it, rook.
It's McDonaldland.
32
00:01:56,211 --> 00:01:58,659
McDonald's new
cheesy beef McNuggets.
33
00:01:58,694 --> 00:02:00,763
Your kids will kill for them.
34
00:02:00,797 --> 00:02:03,866
You should've gone for the head.
35
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:07,142
Concussions are nothing to joke ...
By Asgard's asshole, stop!
36
00:02:08,487 --> 00:02:09,658
Don't go, Daddy.
37
00:02:09,659 --> 00:02:11,418
I'm just going out
for cigarettes, sweetie.
38
00:02:11,452 --> 00:02:13,383
I'll be right back.
39
00:02:13,418 --> 00:02:16,659
Just try a little spinach, okay?
Look, Mommy likes it.
40
00:02:19,521 --> 00:02:21,349
My human centipede is complete.
41
00:02:21,383 --> 00:02:23,901
I must take a picture for Facebook.
42
00:02:24,832 --> 00:02:26,797
Oh, come on!
43
00:02:26,832 --> 00:02:29,763
Please, don't jump.
You have so much to live for.
44
00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:32,383
No, I don't.
Nobody loves me.
45
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:36,487
That's not true. Your mother
loves you. Here she is.
46
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,383
Oh, hello, sweetheart.
47
00:02:41,418 --> 00:02:45,970
It's your mother.
Are you washing your underwear?
48
00:02:47,176 --> 00:02:49,004
Oh, how is that my fault?
49
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:51,763
Mr. Peterson, before
we start your colonoscopy,
50
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,038
we'll inject a small bit
of air into your bowels.
51
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:56,418
You might feel some pressure.
52
00:02:57,451 --> 00:03:00,101
Uh, Doc?
53
00:03:01,038 --> 00:03:02,451
New from the makers of Bratz,
54
00:03:02,452 --> 00:03:05,038
more sassy dolls
with oodles of attitude.
55
00:03:05,073 --> 00:03:06,773
Here come the Brats.
56
00:03:06,797 --> 00:03:08,244
Meet Madchen...
57
00:03:08,245 --> 00:03:09,589
Am I covered in onions?
58
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,901
Because when you see my style,
you'll be crying.
59
00:03:11,935 --> 00:03:13,003
...Prinzessin...
60
00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:15,142
The bigger the hot dog,
the better.
61
00:03:15,176 --> 00:03:16,244
...Bruste...
62
00:03:16,245 --> 00:03:17,417
Let's have a beach party,
63
00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:20,211
and when I turn brown,
flip me over!
64
00:03:20,245 --> 00:03:21,417
...and Trottel.
65
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:26,319
Call me a sexy toilet because
when you see me, you must... turd?
66
00:03:26,354 --> 00:03:27,486
- You idiot!
- You stupid!
67
00:03:27,487 --> 00:03:31,418
- You ruined our commercial!
- Catch up with the Brats.
68
00:03:31,452 --> 00:03:35,418
♪ Jacking with fruit
is not the same ♪
69
00:03:35,452 --> 00:03:41,211
♪ As when you call me
by your name ♪
70
00:03:41,245 --> 00:03:42,831
For the crime of witchcraft,
71
00:03:42,832 --> 00:03:45,694
we sentence this
heathen to death.
72
00:03:48,659 --> 00:03:52,211
- More horses.
- You'll never pull me apart.
73
00:03:52,245 --> 00:03:54,763
I'm Stretch [bleep] Armstrong!
74
00:03:54,797 --> 00:03:57,280
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, guys. Come on.
75
00:03:57,454 --> 00:04:01,041
Yo, Joe! Is everyone
clear on the objective?
76
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,351
- Yo, Joe!
- No, we are not.
77
00:04:03,385 --> 00:04:06,420
This country's dictator is a real snake.
78
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:09,799
- His people want freedom.
- So let's liberate them!
79
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:14,178
- Yo, Joe!
- Yo, Joe! Except we actually can't do that
80
00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:17,454
because the oppressed people have
joined forces with terrorists.
81
00:04:17,489 --> 00:04:19,730
Good thing G.I. Joe was made
for smashing terrorists.
82
00:04:19,765 --> 00:04:21,730
- Yo, Joe!
- Yo, Joe-kay.
83
00:04:21,765 --> 00:04:26,351
But if we smash these terrorists, we
risk a nuclear conflict with Russia.
84
00:04:26,385 --> 00:04:28,489
Snake Eyes says
the situation is fubar,
85
00:04:28,523 --> 00:04:30,177
and we should make
a strategic retreat.
86
00:04:30,178 --> 00:04:32,316
We can't do that because
the dictator
87
00:04:32,351 --> 00:04:36,110
is using chemical weapons
against children. Yo, Joe.
88
00:04:36,144 --> 00:04:38,558
And that's one thing G.I. Joe
won't stand for.
89
00:04:38,592 --> 00:04:41,282
- Yo, Joe.
- Dusty, is there sand in your ears?
90
00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:43,282
Removing the dictator
means the terrorists win.
91
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,385
Not on my watch!
Oh, wait, Russia...
92
00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:47,939
We've got to do something...
93
00:04:48,351 --> 00:04:51,730
Good idea, Snake Eyes.
Cross-country, take out that hill.
94
00:04:53,247 --> 00:04:54,660
- We did it!
- Yeah!
95
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,903
- Yo, Joe.
- [Bleep] that hill.
96
00:04:56,937 --> 00:04:59,213
We are going to be here
forever, aren't we?
97
00:04:59,247 --> 00:05:01,696
Mom, why did the vet cut off
Scruffy's testicles?
98
00:05:01,730 --> 00:05:03,834
Well, Billy, they were
making Scruffy aggressive
99
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:06,730
and hard to deal with,
but he'll be much calmer now.
100
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,109
Shut up!
I'm drunk.
101
00:05:08,110 --> 00:05:10,696
Anybody that bugs me is
going to get hit.
102
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:12,868
When did you put
all these stairs in here?
103
00:05:15,075 --> 00:05:16,446
Do it.
104
00:05:18,213 --> 00:05:20,489
♪ Oh, mommy food,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
105
00:05:20,523 --> 00:05:22,316
♪ Daddy food,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
106
00:05:22,351 --> 00:05:24,247
♪ Baby food, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
107
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,765
♪ Human food... ♪
Aah!
108
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,765
♪ Oh, kill the shark,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
109
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,627
♪ Kill the shark, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
110
00:05:33,661 --> 00:05:35,454
♪ Kill the shark,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
111
00:05:35,489 --> 00:05:37,143
♪ Kill the shark ♪
112
00:05:37,144 --> 00:05:39,247
♪ Oh, shark BJ,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
113
00:05:39,282 --> 00:05:40,971
♪ I'm not gay, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
114
00:05:40,972 --> 00:05:42,972
♪ But it's okay,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
115
00:05:43,006 --> 00:05:44,868
♪ I'm dead ♪
116
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,144
♪ Oh, show your teeth,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
117
00:05:50,178 --> 00:05:52,351
- ♪ You son of a
- Dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
118
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,144
♪ Now we're done,
dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
119
00:05:54,178 --> 00:05:56,937
♪ So much fun,
dee-dee-dee-dee-dee ♪
120
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,420
Hi, I'm a helpful Honda guy.
I see you had some trouble.
121
00:06:00,454 --> 00:06:01,626
Is there anything
I can help you with?
122
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:03,074
I've always wanted to know
the truth about
123
00:06:03,075 --> 00:06:04,350
the JonBenét Ramsey case.
124
00:06:04,351 --> 00:06:07,006
- Uh, I can fix your car window?
- You know who had a broken window?
125
00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:08,660
JonBenét Ramsey's house.
126
00:06:08,661 --> 00:06:11,041
I mean, who did it, the parents,
the brother, a kidnapper?
127
00:06:11,075 --> 00:06:14,385
- I would totally like some help with that.
- Uh...
128
00:06:18,385 --> 00:06:20,316
This case is full of inconsistencies ...
129
00:06:20,351 --> 00:06:21,971
the hastily scribbled ransom note,
130
00:06:21,972 --> 00:06:23,453
the time it took to find the body,
131
00:06:23,454 --> 00:06:25,627
the undigested pineapple
in her stomach.
132
00:06:25,661 --> 00:06:29,627
- It doesn't make any sense.
- Are you going to change my flat?
133
00:06:29,661 --> 00:06:32,627
You know who else had a flat?
The back of JonBenét's skull.
134
00:06:32,661 --> 00:06:34,868
It was suicide!
Fix my car!
135
00:06:34,903 --> 00:06:37,558
The body was found here.
136
00:06:37,592 --> 00:06:39,420
Oh, my God!
This is it.
137
00:06:39,454 --> 00:06:43,592
I know who killed JonBenét Ram...
Aah!
138
00:06:43,627 --> 00:06:46,730
Lease the 2019 Civic
SI coupe for as little as $299
139
00:06:46,731 --> 00:06:49,834
a month plus tax for 36 months or
get 0.9% financing on a 2019 Pilot.
140
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,661
If you have any information
about the JonBenét Ramsey
141
00:06:51,696 --> 00:06:53,005
murder case, contact your local
142
00:06:53,006 --> 00:06:54,695
- Honda dealership.
- Ugh.
143
00:06:54,696 --> 00:06:57,799
And that's when they realized
the voice was coming
144
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,799
- from inside the phone.
- Okay, cool.
145
00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:04,144
- Anyone have a story that's actually scary?
- I've got one.
146
00:07:04,178 --> 00:07:05,937
Submitted for the approval
of the Midnight Society,
147
00:07:05,972 --> 00:07:09,592
The Tale of the High School
of Doom.
148
00:07:09,627 --> 00:07:13,454
It was just another day
until shadowy figure appeared.
149
00:07:13,489 --> 00:07:14,936
And in its hand was...
150
00:07:14,937 --> 00:07:17,903
A reverse diary that tells
the future instead of the past.
151
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,868
A Trapper Keeper once
owned by Satan.
152
00:07:19,903 --> 00:07:22,489
Its other hand because
it was chopped off!
153
00:07:22,523 --> 00:07:25,696
No, it was an AR-15.
154
00:07:25,730 --> 00:07:27,834
I'm an outcast,
and you bullied me maybe.
155
00:07:27,868 --> 00:07:30,006
My motivations aren't super
clear because I'm a teenager
156
00:07:30,007 --> 00:07:32,145
with underdeveloped
control of my emotions,
157
00:07:32,146 --> 00:07:33,784
and now I'm going to
take my revenge. Yeah!
158
00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:34,729
Betty Anne, I'm going to stop
159
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:36,834
you right there because this ...
not a scary story.
160
00:07:36,868 --> 00:07:38,246
Oh, yes, it is.
161
00:07:38,247 --> 00:07:40,523
I vote to banish Betty Anne
from the society.
162
00:07:40,558 --> 00:07:42,937
Her story isn't scary.
It's just real life.
163
00:07:42,972 --> 00:07:46,696
- Real life is the scariest tale of all.
- I'm chilled to the bone.
164
00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:48,834
I didn't shit my pants,
but it's, like, half out.
165
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,558
Everyone, shut up!
You're ruining Midnight Society.
166
00:07:51,592 --> 00:07:52,971
I'm so mad!
167
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,765
- What?
- Oh, my God!
168
00:07:54,799 --> 00:07:56,499
- Go, go, go!
- He's got a gun!
169
00:07:58,041 --> 00:07:59,741
Aaah!
170
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:06,972
Did that count as real life?
Because that was scary as [bleep].
171
00:08:07,006 --> 00:08:09,903
Gentlemen, our time of reckoning
swiftly approaches.
172
00:08:09,937 --> 00:08:13,937
Soon we will kill Ethan Hunt
and his mission impossible team.
173
00:08:13,972 --> 00:08:17,144
- Oh, yeah?
- Ethan Hunt!
174
00:08:17,178 --> 00:08:20,454
- Guard, shoot him!
- Sorry, sir, but...
175
00:08:20,489 --> 00:08:23,696
I'm really Ethan Hunt!
176
00:08:23,730 --> 00:08:26,110
I'm really your bodyguard.
177
00:08:26,144 --> 00:08:28,075
That's funny because
I'm really...
178
00:08:28,110 --> 00:08:31,799
- the dog!
- Wait! What?
179
00:08:32,937 --> 00:08:34,696
Ethan Hunt.
180
00:08:34,730 --> 00:08:39,006
Well, if we're all coming
clean, I'm actually...
181
00:08:41,178 --> 00:08:43,172
I forgot my mask.
182
00:08:45,489 --> 00:08:48,006
For our final challenge,
each of you will be creating
183
00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:50,558
dishes made with an
ingredient you fear most.
184
00:08:50,592 --> 00:08:54,075
Bob Belcher, the man who forces
his children to work for free
185
00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:57,144
and still can't turn a profit,
gets a pigeon.
186
00:08:57,178 --> 00:08:58,900
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
187
00:08:58,935 --> 00:09:02,144
For Alfredo Linguini,
a French chef so bad
188
00:09:02,178 --> 00:09:05,041
they named him after cheap,
wet Italian noodles, a rat!
189
00:09:05,075 --> 00:09:09,041
- Sacré blue!
- For SpongeBob SquarePants, water!
190
00:09:09,075 --> 00:09:13,006
Water?! You live in the sea,
you festering gutter slob!
191
00:09:13,041 --> 00:09:16,351
- But I can't swim, Chef!
- It's "Yes, Chef,"
192
00:09:16,385 --> 00:09:19,144
you piss-colored
tampon alternative!
193
00:09:19,178 --> 00:09:21,765
Finally for Chef,
who's cuisine and character
194
00:09:21,799 --> 00:09:24,282
is a little two-dimensional, thetans,
195
00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:26,730
a.k.a. the souls of dead aliens.
196
00:09:26,765 --> 00:09:30,523
STDs are actually
my biggest fear, children.
197
00:09:30,558 --> 00:09:33,144
Contestants, start cooking now!
198
00:09:33,178 --> 00:09:35,178
I'm making open-faced
Krabby Patties
199
00:09:35,213 --> 00:09:38,696
with a cherry tomato
remoulade and a glass of
200
00:09:38,730 --> 00:09:41,006
w-w-w-w-water.
201
00:09:41,041 --> 00:09:43,213
Aah, it got on me.
I'll drown!
202
00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:44,972
Aaah!
203
00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:47,041
Fire!
It's impossible to put out!
204
00:09:47,075 --> 00:09:49,454
I'm making
feta-stuffed-pigeon burgers
205
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,420
if I can open my eyes.
206
00:09:51,454 --> 00:09:53,247
Ah, oh, my heart.
207
00:09:53,282 --> 00:09:57,006
Tell Tina "Me too" goes both ways.
208
00:09:57,316 --> 00:09:58,902
I'm making a linguini rat-fredo,
209
00:09:58,903 --> 00:10:02,351
if I could just get my hands
to chop off this rat's God darn...
210
00:10:02,385 --> 00:10:05,144
Don't do it!
That's my Uncle Joey.
211
00:10:06,041 --> 00:10:08,256
Aaah!
212
00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:10,696
I'm making a thetan
lava cake, children.
213
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:14,351
Just need to pour the thetans
into the chocolate volcano and...
214
00:10:14,385 --> 00:10:17,696
Oh, shit!
Everyone, I'm going clear!
215
00:10:17,730 --> 00:10:19,040
Pew, pew, pew!
216
00:10:19,041 --> 00:10:20,903
Got one!
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!
217
00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:23,213
- Aaaah!
- Hide and cover! Hide and cover!
218
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:25,420
Aaaah!
219
00:10:25,454 --> 00:10:27,972
Thetans, you absolute donkeys!
220
00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:31,316
Either make me a risotto
or get the [bleep] out.
221
00:10:31,351 --> 00:10:33,397
Yes, Chef.
222
00:10:38,592 --> 00:10:43,316
This risotto is...
out of this world!
223
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,144
The winner is Scientology!
224
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,969
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
17553
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof