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00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,169
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:05,270
- Hi, April O'Neil.
- The porn star.
3
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,130
- Love your work.
- No, the one from "60 minutes."
4
00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:09,070
60 minutes of porn?
It's too much.
5
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,539
I chafe. It's a disaster.
6
00:00:10,540 --> 00:00:12,410
How do you respond to
charges that your campaign
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00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:14,370
was secretly run by the evil Shredder,
8
00:00:14,410 --> 00:00:15,809
archenemy of the Ninja Turtles?
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00:00:15,810 --> 00:00:17,479
I've never met him,
don't know him.
10
00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:19,850
Here's a photo of the two of you
sharing a milkshake.
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00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:21,820
Fake new, fake shake,
shake news.
12
00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:23,650
So, the two of you didn't conspire
13
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,450
to steal all the pizzas
in New York on June 9, 2016?
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00:00:26,490 --> 00:00:29,675
No, that's a date I remember well.
I have the best memory.
15
00:00:29,676 --> 00:00:31,749
- That was the purge.
- The what?
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00:00:31,784 --> 00:00:33,030
The purge ...
the day when everything
17
00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:34,790
is legal and unimpeachable.
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00:00:34,830 --> 00:00:37,230
Shredder, who I don't know,
and I had a meeting,
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00:00:37,231 --> 00:00:41,770
- and I believe I ate a hobo.
- Uh, Mr. Trump? The purge is not real.
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00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:47,310
My lawyers assure me it is, and
that is why I killed and ate a hobo.
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00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:50,040
We ate his colon like
"Lady and the Tramp."
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00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,010
Lady and the Trump,
write that down.
23
00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:53,579
You can't ...
I already copyrighted it.
24
00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:57,150
Use it in one of your porns.
Also, I do not know Shredder.
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00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:59,390
Sad! The purge, baby.
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00:00:59,420 --> 00:01:00,959
And one more thing...
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00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,220
Both: Live from New York,
it's "Robot Chicken"!
28
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:08,260
Announcer: It's time for
"Robot Chicken," [music]
29
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:10,600
with Seth Green,
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00:01:10,630 --> 00:01:13,430
the Robot Chicken,
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00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:15,770
the Humping Robot,
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00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,840
Pickle Joe,
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00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,570
Bitch Pudding,
34
00:01:19,605 --> 00:01:22,839
- still Kenan Thompson...
- I'm never leavin'!
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00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,350
...Sunshine Cowboy,
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00:01:25,380 --> 00:01:27,910
Rick Sanchez,
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00:01:27,950 --> 00:01:30,280
with Matthew Sandwich,
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00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,889
and tonight's musical guest,
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00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:34,150
the Stone Protectors.
40
00:01:34,190 --> 00:01:36,190
And now, please welcome
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00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:40,160
young Han Solo!
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00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,599
- Name?
- Han.
43
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:43,999
- Full name.
- Just Han.
44
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,700
- I'm traveling alone.
- Alone?
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00:01:45,735 --> 00:01:49,070
All right, then I'm gonna
put you down as "Han Solo."
46
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:52,310
- What?
- Name's, uh, Jack.
47
00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:53,909
Jack Porkins, you mean.
48
00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:55,740
Oink, oink!
Wide boy coming through!
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00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:57,349
You son of a bitch!
[screams]
50
00:01:57,350 --> 00:02:01,650
- Think you're fast, Hobbs?
- Toretto, I was born furious.
51
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:06,790
- But are you fast and furious?
- Too fast, too furious.
52
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:08,520
Both: Tokyo drift!
53
00:02:08,555 --> 00:02:09,559
[goal siren blares]
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00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,930
First one around the rink
has the biggest dick.
55
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,660
Oh, no! I'm redlining!
56
00:02:13,695 --> 00:02:16,500
[music]
57
00:02:16,530 --> 00:02:19,400
It's about family, cuz!
58
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:23,770
[music]
59
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,610
Belle, if you won't
eat dinner with me,
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00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,510
you won't eat at all!
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00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:31,179
[door slams] Oh, wardrobe...
whatever shall I do?
62
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:33,410
Uhh, fall in love with the beast?
63
00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:35,450
I don't know,
we're pretty complicit here.
64
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,380
Do you think chipotle delivers
this far into the woods?
65
00:02:38,420 --> 00:02:41,420
Ah! They do!
Perfect!
66
00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:44,462
Oh, my god, Belle!
Stupid.
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00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:46,460
Yes, hi, police?
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00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:48,960
I'm being held prisoner
by a gigantic horny
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00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,700
- sasquatch in a ...
- Woman: Postmates!
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00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,970
Burrito bowl with carnitas
for Belle?!
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00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,970
Could you hold on?
My food's here.
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00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,540
Uh, thanks so much.
No, not you ...
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00:02:57,570 --> 00:02:58,809
Okay. Sure.
You, too.
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00:02:58,810 --> 00:03:01,270
Uh, did you know
that there's a huge dog
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00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:04,210
in a victorian suit
throwing a tantrum downstairs?
76
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:08,550
- This is private property!
- We've got a code 4-5-9!
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00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:10,780
Giant hamster throwing
household items!
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00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:11,819
Fire!
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00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:13,489
[groaning]
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00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:16,120
[howls]
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00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:17,890
[music]
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00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:20,830
Oh, no! White man down!
Call the paramedics!
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00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:23,030
Did you say he was white?
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00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:26,300
Narrator: In the year 2020,
President Kirk Cameron outlawed
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00:03:26,330 --> 00:03:29,670
all birth control and abortions,
but nobody stopped doing it.
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00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:31,910
Society was flooded by babies,
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00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:33,409
so we fled to the train,
88
00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:36,380
the train we call Baby Piercer.
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00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:40,750
Babies are death.
The train is life.
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00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:43,050
Looks like you, scum,
need a reminder.
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00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,620
No! Not like this!
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00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:48,320
[screams]
93
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:49,860
[babies coo]
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00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:51,309
Narrator: Baby Piercer.
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00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:53,480
But no one was prepared
for the truth.
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00:03:53,510 --> 00:03:56,280
[laughs]
Baby Piercer.
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00:03:56,310 --> 00:04:00,680
This is not my idea of a
swell time, Indiana Jones!
98
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,219
Goodbye forever.
99
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:04,290
Excuse me, sir?
I need a guide to Delhi.
100
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,319
Oh!
101
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,790
[music]
102
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,489
Let me call you a cab.
103
00:04:09,490 --> 00:04:12,600
[music]
104
00:04:12,630 --> 00:04:14,960
Man: Hey!
DJ Marshmallow, over here!
105
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,479
- Ugh!
- Wow!
106
00:04:17,670 --> 00:04:19,800
[all clamoring]
107
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:23,140
[clamoring stops]
108
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,140
- Let's eat him.
- Oh, man. Let me have some.
109
00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:27,210
Man: Oh, goodness.
It tastes ... it tastes...
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00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:29,980
Yes, while it's true that
one of our self-driving cars
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00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,349
killed a woman last year,
112
00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:34,250
we are now happy
to unveil version 2.0.
113
00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:36,720
Whoa, whoa!
Privacy please!
114
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,960
This new Autobot and I are
sharing a private moment.
115
00:04:39,990 --> 00:04:42,290
Optimus Prime,
that is not an Autobot!
116
00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:43,229
[crashing]
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00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,699
That's right.
She's a Decepticon.
118
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:49,100
Uber has already started
her reign of death and terror.
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00:04:49,130 --> 00:04:50,369
Right, my sweet?
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00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:51,969
Automated voice:
Please, buckle up.
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00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:54,740
Indeed.
Buckle up for the destruction
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00:04:54,770 --> 00:04:57,210
that we will impart
on this world together.
123
00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,380
No! Uber!
Tell me it isn't so?
124
00:05:00,410 --> 00:05:01,949
Where would you like to go?
125
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:05,280
I want to go back to a time when
we didn't lie to each other.
126
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,380
Calculating route. Ready to go.
127
00:05:07,420 --> 00:05:09,314
Baby!
[engine starts, tires squeal]
128
00:05:09,790 --> 00:05:11,890
I think I'm in love with you.
129
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,112
[music]
130
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,280
Goodbye, Australia.
America, here I come.
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00:05:16,310 --> 00:05:17,979
♪ Duh-duh-duh ... ♪
132
00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:19,309
[horn blares]
133
00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:22,320
[horns blare]
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00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:26,520
[music]
135
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,360
Billy and Bethany have $200,000
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00:05:32,390 --> 00:05:35,959
to turn this man-baby monstrosity
into the home of their dreams.
137
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,282
The previous owner went missing
while looking for his bike.
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00:05:39,317 --> 00:05:42,800
[chuckling] Wow! This house
is one big '80s coke dream!
139
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:45,252
- Get the fuck off me!
- Hey, what the ...
140
00:05:45,287 --> 00:05:47,270
Chip, stop messing around!
141
00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:49,571
I am not missing around, Joanna!
142
00:05:49,646 --> 00:05:51,515
- That chair hit me.
- No, I didn't.
143
00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:54,880
[screams]
144
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,279
Ooh, the pain!
145
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,619
Ha ha! Get it?
Ah, the pain!
146
00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:01,350
[coughs] Hey,
what is all this crap?
147
00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:05,259
- Today's secret word is... asbestos.
- Asbestos?
148
00:06:05,260 --> 00:06:06,759
All: Yay!
149
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,860
[all cough]
150
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,800
Oh, I'm a conversation piece.
See, I tell the ...
151
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,530
Oh, god!
152
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,000
Are you excited
to see what we did?
153
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,310
[music]
154
00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:21,310
- Oh, my god!
- It's amazing!
155
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,040
Joanna: We trashed
everything with a face,
156
00:06:23,075 --> 00:06:25,150
painted gray tones
over the psycho hellscape,
157
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:27,580
reupholstered the talking
furniture in neutral tones,
158
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:30,280
and repurposed the puppet
theater into a succulent bar.
159
00:06:30,450 --> 00:06:32,579
[bell dings] He he!
Hello, house!
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00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:35,200
It took me 30 years,
but I found my bike in ...
161
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,939
No! I was gone too long!
I'm sorry!
162
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,440
I hurried as-bestos I could!
163
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,610
All: [strained]
Secret word. Yay!
164
00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:47,150
Sometimes I think I hear the
walls screaming. [pee-wee screams]
165
00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:49,650
but in this claymation
rainforest housing market,
166
00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:53,960
- that's a small price to pay.
- I miss my skin.
167
00:06:54,592 --> 00:06:57,630
[music]
168
00:06:57,660 --> 00:07:00,260
Walter, we're the same
model of android,
169
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,170
so it shouldn't be hard
to teach you how to play.
170
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,170
You blow,
and I'll do the fingering.
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00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,540
[instrument plays]
172
00:07:07,570 --> 00:07:11,140
Great, now I'm going to put this
accordion between your thighs.
173
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:14,710
Pump it while blowing.
I'll do the fingering.
174
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:16,079
[instruments play]
175
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,249
- Mmm, yes.
- Ooh! That's good.
176
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:19,950
I'm going to insert this harmonica
177
00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:21,680
down the back of your pants.
178
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:25,189
Just flatulate quarter notes.
I'll do the fingering.
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00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:29,430
[instruments play]
180
00:07:29,460 --> 00:07:32,500
- You're ready.
- Ready for what?
181
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:35,970
[music]
182
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,130
Which is better ...
one or two?
183
00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:39,539
- Uh, one.
- Okay.
184
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:43,409
- And one or two, or the same?
- Uh, red.
185
00:07:43,410 --> 00:07:45,710
It's a good thing
we caught this when we did.
186
00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:48,540
It turns out,
your eyes are in your hands.
187
00:07:49,850 --> 00:07:51,810
[screams]
188
00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:55,020
[music]
189
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:59,590
So... your health insurance
didn't cover any of that.
190
00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:00,789
Here's your bill.
191
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:02,890
[screams]
192
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:08,700
- Debit or credit?
- Credit.
193
00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:12,200
Luke, I am your father.
194
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,309
That's not true!
That's impossible!
195
00:08:15,310 --> 00:08:19,410
Search your feelings.
You know it to be true.
196
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,410
Noooooo!
197
00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:22,779
You see?
That right there.
198
00:08:22,780 --> 00:08:25,650
That "noooooo" ...
you get that from me.
199
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,990
I said the very same thing
when I got this suit.
200
00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:31,450
Noooooo!
201
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:33,189
Noooooo!
202
00:08:33,290 --> 00:08:37,730
- Noooooo!
- Noooooo!
203
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,100
Noooooo!
204
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:42,830
Noooooo!
205
00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:45,440
Noooooo!
206
00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:47,500
- Noooooo!
- Noooooo!
207
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:50,940
Noooooo!
208
00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:59,501
Noooooo!
209
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,640
Oh, we can make a dress
for you, Cinderelli.
210
00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:05,709
The birds will help.
211
00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:07,710
Oh, you're such
wonderful friends.
212
00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:10,540
First, take off
those ratty old clothes.
213
00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:13,480
[humming]
214
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,650
Keep going.
[club music plays]
215
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,416
Narrator: Welcome back to
the overwatch league on ESPN.
216
00:09:19,451 --> 00:09:20,759
Esports are the future
217
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,359
and the future is now,
218
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,960
begging the question
of what time even means.
219
00:09:24,990 --> 00:09:26,029
And here we go.
220
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:27,459
Bastion's in sentry mode
221
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,930
and that means trouble
for exposed players.
222
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,000
Oh! Out of nowhere,
it's Widowmaker
223
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,699
with a perfect sniper shot
224
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:36,370
and the Omaha Tripe
Munchers take the mats.
225
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,055
Yes! Both hands on my tit!
226
00:09:38,056 --> 00:09:39,710
Mm-mm-mm-mm,
suck my dick!
227
00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:43,580
Ooh, sorry about the language,
but this is ESPN, after all.
228
00:09:43,610 --> 00:09:45,950
We still use the name
of Washington's NFL team.
229
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:49,950
Oh, my gosh. I can't
believe I'm actually on ESPN!
230
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,120
Hey, everyone tuning in
to see football.
231
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:54,290
Enjoy watching a bunch
of weird-looking outcasts
232
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,160
play video games instead!
The nerds are taking over!
233
00:09:58,190 --> 00:10:00,530
Can I get a "what-what"?
234
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,759
- What-what...
- I'm not a nerd.
235
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,369
I quit basketball because Stanford
236
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,829
gave me an overwatch scholarship.
237
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:08,999
- I have 11 endorsement deals.
- Yeah, we're not nerds, dude.
238
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,309
How could you
insult us like that?
239
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,010
Well, jeez, I never met
you guys before today.
240
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,210
We only play over headsets, so I just
assumed you were a bunch of dorks.
241
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,249
When did nerds get so hot?
What, did y'all have lasik?
242
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,080
First, I was a nerd,
because I wasn't cool.
243
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,350
And now nerds are cool,
and I'm still not cool?
244
00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:24,320
What the fuck?!
Oh, god, I'm all alone.
245
00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:28,320
[sobbing] Just a stereotypical
nerd spanking it to Widowmaker.
246
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,759
Oh, I spank it to Widowmaker.
247
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,389
Oh, I definitely
spank it to Widowmaker.
248
00:10:31,390 --> 00:10:32,929
I'm spanking it
to Widowmaker right now.
249
00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:35,090
Oh, wow, I'm one of you,
after all.
250
00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:37,330
I belong, because ...
oh, Jesus.
251
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,529
- He's really doing it, you guys ...
- Cut to a real sport!
252
00:10:39,530 --> 00:10:41,400
He's jacking off, for god's sake!
253
00:10:41,401 --> 00:10:42,494
[tone beep]
254
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,940
Announcer: Wow.
A true athlete, folks.
255
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:47,909
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
256
00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:49,339
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
257
00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:51,310
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
258
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,409
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
259
00:10:52,510 --> 00:10:53,849
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
260
00:10:53,850 --> 00:10:55,650
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
261
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:56,579
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
262
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,019
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
263
00:10:58,020 --> 00:10:59,890
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
264
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:00,919
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
265
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:02,319
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
266
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,290
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
267
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,690
- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.
268
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:12,427
sync & correction by f1nc0
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