Original subtitles

This coke's bad.

Hey, gringo, it's the best.

I want this.

Clever guy, gringo.

Mr Zargas!

This man is The Shark.

A French spy.

The lover of inspector...

Pilar Citron. Grab him!

We're rumbled!

You wanted to see the sights...

I just noticed your perfume.

It's funny, normally...

I'm allergic to it.

Perfume gives me

terrible sneezing fits.

Watch the nun!

Sorry!

See, it's because of your perfume.

Oh, an earring!

You drive like a man!

Don't you like football?

No harm done...

You know,

I'm not very good at this...

but this is too much.

Bad dream?

It's a call from Paris.

Trouble.

Georges here.

There's a problem, captain.

The mike

in the interpreter's ring...

was a good idea

but something cropped up.

Mrs Granianski just asked

for 3 days off...

for her anniversary.

We're going to lose the mike!

Listen. The consul's speaking.

Mrs Granianski...

only you speak Spanish here...

and Zargas doesn't know any

German.

There's no time

to find somebody else.

I'm sorry, Mr Burger,

it's most unfortunate...

but my husband

wouldn't accept my absence.

It's our crystal wedding.

I love my job...

but my married life comes first.

What do we do?

Married life, huh?

We're going to ruin her married life.

Find me a stunner of an agent.

Send her

to seduce and bed the husband.

Take some photos for the wife.

They won't be celebrating

anything after that!

How?

All our agents are ugly cows.

Just do it.

There's that bastard Zargas again.

I dreamed he killed me.

Find a stunner and

break into the consulate too...

to bug the consul's desk.

Break into a consulate...

That's an order.

See you, Georges.

You ordered him

to break into the consulate?

You've one hell of a nerve!

Where do I find a pretty agent?

There is one

but it could cause trouble.

- Who?

- His fiancee, Lt Foureau.

She's his wife!

I'll ask General Masse.

It's a bit much though.

Leaving?

Yes, I'll miss you, Colombo.

Me too, Frenchie.

OPERATION CORNED BEEF

Be careful, Georges.

Loose the dogs.

- We're going to the Elysйe, sir.

- The Elysйe?

Captain Boulier, DST?

Follow us, please.

General Moulin wants to see you.

Hi, Shark.

Hear about Georges?

They want to make his death

look like a car accident.

Georges is dead?

Ears eaten by a dog...

cigarette burns on his butt...

And they call it a car smash!

Do you DGSE people think...

you can work on French territory...

without us at the DST?

I don't get any of this, sir.

I respect the law.

The DGSE works abroad

and the DST in France.

I'm not working here,

I'm on vacation.

Have a nice day, sir.

I'll be watching you!

Sorry about Georges!

Drive!

Shocking news about Georges.

I should never have given

the go-ahead on this.

You couldn't let those DST nerds

handle it!

You told me it would be over

in next to no time.

You know full well that we can't act

on French soil.

This way, gentlemen.

Sit down, gentlemen.

- Coffee?

- No, thank you.

Negative.

How does the DGSE dare spy

on a consulate in France...

one of our allies?

It's for the DST and

General Moulin to deal with.

The Defence Minister here

wasn't even informed.

We were preparing a

detailed file for the President...

but we needed evidence.

Especially as influential officials

are concerned...

Do you mean there's a traitor

in my entourage?

No doubt, probably...

Well... it's possible.

Be more precise.

Suppositions won't do.

Obviously.

Our best agent,

Captain Boulier found out...

around 6 months ago in Bogota...

thanks to

the Hotel Meridien cook...

that former Argentinian colonel,

Augusto Zargas...

the infamous gunrunner...

is offering,

in his summer catalogue...

an arm which is none other

than the latest French missile.

An arm which hasn't even

left our Clermont factory yet.

- Not the XR 35 B 370 Z6 AA 200?

- Affirmative.

The captain also found out...

that Zargas had already

sold the missile to Libya...

promising immediate delivery...

even though it's not ready...

for the very simple reason

that he doesn't have the plans.

In other words, pardon my French,

Mr President...

he's up shit creek.

He aims to get the plans

in the next few days...

thanks to a high-placed

French mole...

who's supposed to deliver them

through Consul Horst Burger...

whom you know.

At H.Q. we've a nickname for him.

We call him Beef.

So, were staking out the consulate.

By watching Burger,

we hope to discover the traitor.

Satisfied?

And that gives you the right

to send an agent...

Georges Favart to break in.

It's intolerable!

And he got caught!

Who knows why he did it.

In any case, I never gave him

that order... Did I?

It's a bummer, a real bummer,

one hell of a bummer...

Oh, please...

Vulgarity won't help.

That's right. Sorry.

You like dogs?

I love them.

If he dribbles, hit him.

No, it's okay.

We've managed to bug...

the interpreter's ring

without her knowing it.

She's French,

a certain Mrs Granianski.

Thanks to that...

Thanks to that, we know

what's going on in there.

We're so close that we thought...

we should finish on our own...

rather than risk everything...

by handing it over to...

to the DST.

The DST is like a sieve.

They can't keep anything secret.

Look, Shark...

as they call you...

It's his nickname, Mr President,

the Shark...

- I'm not stupid.

- Well, despite your fine record...

I think you're having problems

with your mike.

It's all been worked out.

Thanks to the Shark's brainwave...

we planted a mistress in the bed

of the mike's husband...

and everything's back to normal.

Right?

Affirmative. We sank

the marriage with a direct hit.

They've parted

and the mike's back at work.

A family's life has been shattered.

It's for France.

Didn't the agent concerned find it...

hard to do this?

It was for France, sir.

She's a good girl.

Do you have her address

to thank her?

I'm joking.

Excuse me, sir. Mr Froment,

the secretary, wants to see you.

Excuse me, sir. I was wondering...

if Richelieu needs to go out.

It's been...

3 hours. That's a long time.

Quite. I'm afraid Richelieu

might be a little incontinent.

Poor old thing.

You don't need me, sir?

No, take him out.

I see this operation

is called Corned Beef.

Why English?

Last time, Operation Sunken Boat

was rumbled quickly.

This time,

we need a more refined name.

As I told you, at H.Q.,

we call Consul Burger...

Beef, because of Beefburger

or Corned Beef.

So I thought why not

Beef Burger or Corned Beef...

and I decided on Corned Beef

because Beef Burger...

has Burger in it...

and Corned Beef is more amusing.

The guys work really hard at H. Q...

and they like their flights of fancy.

- Do you find it funny, Minister?

- No.

No, not really...

Beef Steak would be funnier.

Oh yes, Mr President,

that's hilarious.

In any case, Corned Beef or not,

this operation won't be happening.

Are you angry?

No, I lost a friend yesterday

and I'm upset.

I know, but the law is the law.

Clear, Masse?

Call the DST.

Good day.

- No revenge for Georges.

- That's tough.

Look here...

The Minister for the Interior

is just a minister.

He doesn't head the DGSE...

and doesn't always get

the President's meaning.

The boss wants results.

So take a long weekend...

to work on the case

before handing it to the DST.

I don't think

I quite catch your drift, sir.

You're so dense.

Shark, finish your job

and catch me the mole before...

- Masse.

- Before Masse finishes his report.

You're working without back-up.

- Is that clear?

- That's what I expected, sir.

No sightings, no arrests

and no killings.

Oh, it's you...

No Tokyo?

It was cancelled.

Masse gave me another job.

They brought you back from Bogota?

As you can see...

I kept thinking of you.

No, Philippe, I'd love to

but I'm running late.

Shame!

I'm on a job too.

There was time for a quick one.

We've no time together

with you working too!

Marry me...

and we'll live off my pay.

We wouldn't meet here

like strangers then.

I adore you, Shark.

But I'm married...

to my country.

I'm married to my country too.

But you know me...

When I haven't seen you

for a while... it's kind of tough.

Lt Foureau.

Good day to you, general.

I hope you know what you're doing

by bringing the Shark back.

If ever he finds out I slept

with Mr Granianski...

it'll be a catastrophe.

It's already bad enough.

I hope you realize...

Of course I do.

You promised me

he'd stay in Bogota.

I can assure you

he won't stand for this.

He's terribly jealous

and I realize why.

Don't worry so, dear.

He knows sacrifices must be made.

I don't think he'll like

this sacrifice, sir.

He asked me to marry him again.

He's serious!

Calm down, lieutenant.

Remember you're a soldier.

I was just reprimanded

from on high.

Corned Beef is going ahead

without back-up.

I'm risking 20 years...

and so are all my agents.

I don't give a damn

about your love life!

All we can do is succeed.

Sorry, but you're

the only fuckable agent we have.

It's just great tailing people,

the guns, whiskey...

But what's it for?

Is it a job for a woman?

The worst shit in this goddam job...

is given to the girls to do!

Yes, sir!

I hope that the Shark

will never find out.

I'm off to Venice.

The husband's so in love...

it's worrying.

Venice is nice.

And you won't meet the Shark there.

Good luck.

I could strut my stuff

in nightclubs...

to get some pathetic info

everybody knows.

It's a totally degenerate job.

Everybody sleeps around...

You should look after me,

dammit!

I'm sick of being a wallflower.

I'll fall for a chick

and there'll be trouble.

Zazou? What's wrong?

Are you mad at me?

Are you jealous?

I was just winding you up.

You know I love you.

She's gone.

Dr Tissot.

Captain Boulier? Cadet Garcia.

Monique.

2nd in my class at the academy.

I'm 26.

It's a great honor to work

with the Shark.

You're a legend for us youngsters.

Now I can put into practice

what we learned.

No sound?

It's recording but

she's in the bathroom so I...

Modesty? There's no room

for that in this job.

True, it is embarrassing.

What's this?

Georges was a bit down sometimes.

No wonder he lost control

and got eaten by a dog!

Turn it up. Maybe she's through.

I'm always cool with the guys.

It's a habit. Forget you're a girl.

To me, you're one of the boys.

That's fine by me.

Man or woman,

we're all in this together.

Poor Mrs Granianski, that'll do.

We have 62 pages of fax

to translate.

So if you're ill, say so

and I'll send for a doctor.

No, I'll be all right now.

I shall do my job properly.

It won't happen again.

I can control myself.

There. I've had

my share of heartbreak too.

You suffer at first

but after a while you forget.

Forget Jean-Jacques? I doubt it.

Mrs Granianski...

At first,

he was such a perfect man...

The ideal man.

Then this shocking business...

It's no fun seeing your husband

bonk a chick.

Colonel Zargas is very tense.

The deal has to be done

as quickly as possible.

It's a matter of life or death

for him.

So let's not delay our answer

for some banal cuckolding.

The swine!

I don't get it.

Mrs Granianski saw these photos...

but not the agent's face.

Don't worry,

she saw the unscratched ones...

with the agent's face and the rest.

So why scratch?

Our agent didn't want her face

on the reprints.

She wants anonymity.

She's married

with quite a few children.

A prude.

It's tough on her family.

This can be a nasty job.

But no one's forced to do it.

The husband?

Yes, Jean-Jacques Granianski.

I scratched that one,

it was embarrassing.

Come, come...

Fax, fax.

- Excellency...

- Isn't it Colonel any more?

We usually call him Colonel.

"Excellency" is for ambassadors.

Zargas was

Minister for Education...

twice Interior Minister...

the Honduras consul

to the Vatican...

and has $300 million

in Swiss banks.

We can call him "Excellency".

I think it suits him.

She's had kids?

She's just well preserved.

How old is she?

She's not too ugly?

Not at all.

Let me listen in.

Hotel Prince de Galles...

- He always stays there.

- Book it.

A whole floor.

What do you mean, a whole floor?

It says that it's for...

his 15 bodyguards, 12

if the others are still in hospital.

Is he trying to ruin me?

He doesn't need his heavies here.

It's a democracy.

- A free country...

- Yes, yes...

We can't let his jungle bunnies...

play Rambo in the streets.

Tell him that, the old spic!

Do you mean His Excellency,

Colonel Zargas?

What date?

Yes, when's he coming?

What's going on?

Some old fogey taking ages

to park his car.

Look at that, the stupid idiot's

measuring the space.

I've seen him before...

Come and see. We're in trouble.

The husband!

It's the mike's husband!

What?!

I don't get it.

Our agent was going away with him.

She obviously hasn't.

I wonder what your pin-up's like.

Who is she?

The cipher, sir!

Talk of the devil...

It's our agent, sir!

She says we're likely

to have a problem.

The husband stood her up

at the airport.

Great! He's here!

He's going inside too.

Why the cipher...

instead of the phone?

Madam's husband is here.

He demands to speak to her.

I won't speak to him.

Lolo, please!

I admit I was wrong.

Please forgive me.

Nice dog, nice dog.

Bango! Mobuto! Calm down!

He's a friend.

- Is he a friend too?

- Of course.

Whenever I hear those dogs,

I think of Georges.

I don't need

a running commentary...

Stop sulking...

Marie-Laurence.

Go and chat to your husband

in my office...

and sort everything out

in 2 minutes.

We have a ton of faxes

to translate. Be brief!

That goes without saying, sir.

Come on.

We'll be as quick as possible.

But we've a psychological mess

to unravel.

Get a move on!

Let's not dawdle, Jean-Jacques.

Got any matches?

Hurry up and get to the point.

Your leaving shocked your father.

He keeps calling me

to threaten reprisals.

The children

are keeping a stiff upper lip...

but the maid left

because she refused to obey me.

I don't want you to feel guilty.

I can't say I noticed.

No one knows why you left...

our family home

for one wild moment.

You call a family home...

the place where you held

filthy orgies...

on Aunt Violaine's carpet!

The carpet's hideous anyway.

You've changed terribly.

You're not the man I married.

I know. That bitch

awoke the beast within me.

I sinned for her body.

Go on, hit me!

Stop it, not here!

Kick me wherever you like...

but come back home this weekend.

Give us another chance!

They're not making up now!

They love each other.

It's terrible what we did.

Stop humiliating yourself.

Get up.

Mind the carpet.

Stop rolling around.

- I'll consider it.

- Any hope?

Intervene or they'll make up.

- Me? But...

- Lift your skirt.

Sorry?

We'll make you a mini-skirt.

You'll look like a model.

What's wrong? Aren't I enough

for you any more?

If you want it

on Aunt Violaine's carpet...

I'm ready and willing!

Lolo! Stop it!

No, if you're a pervert,

I'll submit.

We're not at home!

Our love is stronger

than cheap sex.

Good, I'm glad to hear it.

Excuse me,

there's a young lady outside...

shouting she has a date

with your husband.

Who? Only your father

knows I'm in Paris...

Go for it, cadet. Say something

really compromising.

I'm embarrassed...

Who the hell's that?

Hurry up, honeybunch,

we'll miss the plane!

I don't know that monster!

I love you!

I love Jean-Jacques Granianski!

I love you, man of my dreams!

He wants them all!

He wants every last one of them!

Every last one!

He's a monster!

He's a walking dick!

A walking dick!

I love you, I love you,

you're the man of my dreams.

We're made for each other.

Was that okay?

Just fine. You're a natural.

Come on. Everybody's looking.

Public speaking's really scary.

Sure, sure...

Stop snivelling, Mrs Granianski.

He's gone.

Sorry. I never thought

he'd come here with that fat cow!

She was so common!

Did you see her?

Something from a knocking shop!

We didn't hear.

Jealousy's better than pity.

Sure, sure...

It's amazing the changes

a man can go through.

He was my first.

What's going on?

Why are you on all fours,

Mrs Granianski?

I'm looking for my ring.

It keeps falling off.

I'm so thin...

Georges broke the ring.

He used my finger as a model

to put it back together...

but it isn't the same size.

You can say that again.

Here it is...

It's badly set.

It's loose.

Shit!

I won't be keeping it much longer.

It has bad memories now.

It's dead!

- Turn it up loud!

- I already have.

Look, sir.

It's all because of us.

They're tearing him apart.

Just a few punches...

Jesus, it's dead.

Fancy that!

One of them's got a knife!

If he's hurt we'll have

the cops and the DST everywhere!

I'm going.

Calm down, gents...

What d'you...

You saved my life!

- Shall I call the police?

- It's okay! I'm a doctor!

You're brave.

Unlike everybody else...

You could be killed here.

and no one would move.

- Your keys.

- Help. I might scratch the hood.

It's brand new.

Look at that! My thigh's gaping!

Operate!

You're right.

There's a hospital

just two minutes away.

Mind my fingers!

- Nothing serious?

- No, just a scratch.

You were the tops.

I thought he'd stay.

Experience, kid.

Excuse me.

I see you're a medical centre.

I need a bandage.

I don't want blood on my seats.

It looks serious.

I might need a few stitches.

What do you think?

I don't think. I've work to do.

A hospital can operate.

Operate? Am I done for?

God, I feel dizzy...

Get the police. I can't drive.

Lie there.

- You're a decent chap.

- I haven't all day.

- Who was that woman who called me?

- Sorry?

I'd apologized to Lolo...

and then this fat cow I didn't know

started shouting...

What is all this?

Just outside there!

- I didn't see.

- You didn't?

Are you blind?

Enormous! A monster!

- Yeah?

- Big as an elephant's backside!

Someone there?

- Quiet, you're tiring yourself.

- Thank you.

We showed

the interpreter's husband out.

You fought?

No, we showed him out politely.

He kicked me slightly.

I'm sorry.

But when my husband's wound up...

he can be a real Hercules!

A slight graze.

You'll soon be home.

Good. What a day.

I should have stayed in bed.

No disinfectant first?

- Didn't I do it?

- No.

What an idiot. Sorry.

Don't mention it. There are days

when you make mistakes.

I see a lot...

as I'm a psychological consultant

to companies.

Are you a doctor?

Dr Tissot. Don't worry,

I'm qualified.

- Do you mind if I used bourbon?

- I beg your pardon?

With all these strikes,

I'm out of iodine.

Won't it hurt a lot?

It'll just sting a little.

Here, bite on this.

I hate having no rings.

I'm too sentimental.

- You have a dog?

- Yes, don't panic!

Down, boy.

Quiet now, don't move!

Good boy.

Big dog?

Down, Mandela.

Isn't it unhygienic

in a place like this?

It's not a hospital.

But a bit of fur in a blood sample

could cause problems.

He gets depressed alone at home.

Oh, he's like me then.

I hate being alone.

Hey, look at my credit cards!

- I'm really sorry.

- Look at them!

If it's any consolation,

when they threw me out...

those nazis loosed their dogs.

My pipe fell and they bit it...

Here...

look at the teeth marks.

Isn't that something?

- Tragic.

- A briar pipe...

seasoned with good tobacco.

What a week!

What about a tetanus jab?

They bit the pipe, not you!

Do me a favour?

Depends. What?

Tell them to tell my wife...

that I'm in a bad way.

I don't want another fight.

And neither do you.

No one can get in there now.

Not even the cops.

Just go home.

Your wife's likely to call.

You should be at home.

She has to be there Sunday.

Her father's

an important industrialist...

who gives me a lot of work

in psychological consultancy.

If Marie-Laurence isn't there

for our anniversary...

he'll go elsewhere.

And take my turnover with him.

It'll ruin me.

I won't bore you any longer.

I've taken up enough of your time.

I've work to do

and I have to walk the dog.

I thought he'd never go.

Try to reach our excellent agent.

Send her to that creep's place

in Dreux.

I'll just do a rough version

to copy neatly...

and then we can fax it.

Lt Foureau, sir.

Granianski stood me up.

What's that?

I just don't understand.

Sorry, sir, I've another call.

Isabelle, is that you?

I'm with the captain.

- He asked me to call you.

- Is he there?

Give me that.

This is the Shark.

He's gone to Dreux.

Get out there and do it.

It didn't look too good last time.

Get him horny and fast!

Jump to it!

Hello? She hung up.

- Is she mad at me?

- Maybe she has scruples.

What an old prude!

I just used a crude word...

A spade's a spade.

Women in the army mean trouble.

Jean Jacques just doesn't know

his strength.

When he's angry,

he can beat anyone.

He couldn't open a bottle of cider

the other day...

so he just snapped the neck off.

Fax, fax, Mrs Granianski.

Dr Tissot!

What a ball-buster!

Dr Tissot...

I stalled 6 times on this street.

It's the gears...

I can't change them with my wound.

Could you drive me home?

How do I get back?

There's a train every half-hour.

Take it.

My car'll be rifled

if I leave it here.

It's brand new.

Sure.

And I just leave my job early?

You're right. I'm so sorry.

I'm being a nuisance.

Not at all. But I've a job to do.

Medical work.

I'll stay an hour or two here.

It'll rest my leg.

Then I'll be able to drive.

It'll be more fun for you

to have someone to talk to.

I think we get on really well, huh?

I'll take you.

Wait while I close up shop.

I'll dump him in Dreux.

If not, he'll never go.

You're going to Dreux?

You'll meet our agent!

The woman who...

You know... her!

So? I like to know

who I'm working with.

Well you're in for a surprise.

I should never have done it

on Aunt Violaine's carpet.

That was pretty tasteless of me.

Marie-Laurence is very fond of it.

Lolo's very "family".

Here's a word of advice.

Let a bit of time go by.

Don't see your Loulou

for a week or two...

It's Lolo...

Yeah, you know...

her... your wife...

If ever you beg to a woman,

you're a prick.

And it won't bring her back.

Is it over?

Well, let's just say

it's in a pretty bad way.

That's why, at this point,

you should go away with the other.

When you've reeled in

a catch like that...

And what a catch!

So. Life's too short.

There aren't many opportunities

like that.

No, that's true...

So make the most of it

while you can...

You can always dump her later

and go back to your wife.

Sure, if she agrees. The trouble

is everybody knows about it.

It's crazy. All over France

guys pork their mistresses...

for nights on end and no one knows.

I get one quickie

on the living room carpet...

and the photos are at breakfast

the next day. Crazy, huh?

Rotten luck.

I'm being a pain

but we're doing 140...

and it says not to go over 110

with a new car.

Sure, but I can't fart around

all day.

It's pretty fast, huh?

Run in, it can beat...

an Audi 4 between Paris and Lyon.

A real bomb!

Shit! That was a radar trap.

- Take the wheel.

- Me? Why?

I forgot my licence

and if we get stopped...

you'd best be driving.

- Fine.

- Let's go.

Here, hold this.

Let's go. Shall I drive or you?

I've been banned for a month.

You're a friend...

so I didn't turn you in.

Damn! That's Marilyn's car!

Ah, your new cutie's already here.

She's crazy. I made her promise

to use the visitors' car park.

So what, everybody knows...

Do me a favour.

Tell her she has to go.

I'll call her soon.

You had mad moments with her

on the carpet.

Do you want her?

- Oh yes.

- Well don't give up then.

What'll she think?

Go on, be forceful.

The telephone... I'll call a taxi.

What are you waiting for?

Yes, yes, no... I can hear her...

Go on, be forceful!

I need a taxi at 24, Allйe Dubarry,

Pompadour Estate.

Marie! What are you doing here?

Can I turn it down...

The neighbours...

Where were you?

My father-in-law's blackmailing me.

He wants me to make it up

with my wife for our anniversary.

That's a nuisance

because I'm mad about you.

You won't give in?

No way...

It's just there's the company...

What company?

My company, where you came

for those psychological tests.

Psycho... Psycho Thingy?

Psycho Perform.

A consulting firm.

He's my best customer.

So if I don't get Marie-Laurence

back for a while...

he'll cancel.

- You're selfish.

- Not at all.

You don't want me.

I'm just worried about the money.

Who's that?

Nobody. Just an old pal

who drove me back.

I'll get rid of him.

Excuse me but there are no taxis.

Give me the car keys.

I'll leave the car at the station.

How do I get it back?

You can't drive for a month!

I'll borrow it for a week,

wash it, fill the tank...

- Let's have the keys.

- No, I'll take you. Hold on.

It's dark.

Ever made love to a march?

Can I put a light on?

I need the car keys for...

Hey! What are you doing?

What's going on?

We've had a better idea.

I don't want to risk an accident

so we'll drop you at Orly.

From there,

you've a train to Paris.

So you're taking my advice!

About time too!

You'll enjoy it.

You only live once.

Great records!

Hold on a minute while we pack.

A minute... Start the countdown.

Cadet Garcia?

It's a bad line.

Can you hear music?

Our agent's making up

for lost time.

Have you seen her?

No, but I can hear her.

I take back what I said.

She has one hell of a temperament.

She's doing a good job.

Our man's overjoyed.

How's it going there?

Everything's okay,

temperature normal, no fever.

You sound weird.

What's going on? Are you alone?

I have a patient.

I'm taking a blood sample.

It's an armed DST agent.

- One of Bibi's

- Yes.

Good diagnosis.

- Need any help?

- No.

I managed on my own

and I think he's out of action.

I'll be right there.

Aren't I through yet?

The bottle's almost full.

I'm coming... Don't panic.

Happy, honeybunch?

Sorry, I've an emergency.

- Who said that?

- Just my friend. Who cares.

Jean-Jacques?

No, who's calling?

Mr Chauffereau, his wife's father.

Is he there?

Hold on.

Jesus Christ! What now?

Your father-in-law.

No, I'm coming down.

I'll be right back. A problem.

Hold on, Mr Chauffeur.

Chauffereau! Not Chauffeur!

Get the "r" in the right place!

Get rid of him, we're late.

Hello, I was about to call you.

Is Lolo there?

Not yet, but she soon will be.

It's hell. Your children are as evil

as their father's depraved.

Honestly, daddy-in-law,

it's all over now!

- Get a move on!

- Sure, with this tyrant here!

Look how he's talking to me.

It's horrific.

Little Geoffroy...

called grandma a smelly old bat...

and refused to apologize.

He's in the bathroom.

I won't have Louise insulted.

Geoffroy couldn't have said that.

So I'm lying?

Come and get them right now.

They peed in the garden.

But with a father like you...

it's not all that surprising.

I'm going to sort everything out

but I can't right now...

Hopeless. I'll call their mother.

That's it! Get Marie-Laurence

back for the children.

Maybe you'll convince her.

You're out of your mind!

Give me that!

Don't move.

We'll come for them, Mr Chauffeur.

Chauffereau!

"R" in the middle!

What's it to do with you?

You've been very kind

but keep out of my private life!

You're not going to give up

your weekend for his feeble garden.

We'll go over and talk to the kids.

A quick chat with the old fart

and it'll all be okay.

She can meet you at Orly.

Isn't that great?

Shall we go?

I'm sorry...

but there's one last problem.

I'll meet you at the airport.

I won't let you go!

It's father-in-law.

If you really want to see Venice,

meet me at Orly.

I'm a married man...

You can't have me completely.

I was so lucky meeting you.

You're a dear friend.

My pleasure.

Your neighbour's car's in the way.

If she's dressed,

we can get her to move hers.

Call her. Sound the horn.

Again.

- What?

- Angel, your car's in the way.

Cover up!

In that outfit,

she'd cause a revolution.

Do me a favour?

Tell me, honestly,

what you think of her.

Holy shit!

Not bad, huh?

Marilyn Lemoine.

- Dr Tissot. Your first name?

- Rйmi.

Pleased to meet you.

I'll move...

Mind the bodywork.

What're you doing?

What's wrong?

- We're wasting time. Let's go.

- What's wrong?

- Move!

- I don't get it...

You can get by.

Be at Orly.

Don't forget!

No way, honey!

- Let's go!

- I'm coming.

We held you up a bit.

It's annoying. I'm sorry.

There are times

when you forget things.

Even your best friend...

because

even if it was always very...

satisfactory with Marie-Laurence,

with that chick...

it's 7th heaven!

Keep your smutty confessions

to yourself!

Oh, I'm sorry...

It's hard to find normal words...

for what happens

between her and me.

Don't bother!

What did you think?

- She disappointed you?

- Yeah, that's it.

Aren't we matched?

Yeah, not bad...

You don't match at all!

It's true, she is a bit showy.

- What?

- You know, a bit vulgar.

She doesn't have

the distinction of a wife.

I mean she's not the type

you or I would marry.

But for the old "hubba-hubba"...

there's nothing better,

if I may be so bold...

than a free and easy girl.

Cut the filth, okay!

Want to say tu? Fine.

I'm sorry. I've told you

so many trivial secrets...

But it's hard not to share things

like that with a friend.

Shut your trap!

- Slow down, you almost hit him.

- Didn't notice.

He noticed you!

Hang on, Henriette!

- Where now?

- Take...

Left to Bourmilly.

You mustn't get the wrong idea

about Marilyn.

She's not obsessed by sex.

Really.

She's an intellectual too...

and she's going through hell

with her husband right now.

He's a real dumb brute,

she tells me.

Emergency. Get me a coffee.

Are you sure?

You're already jumpy.

I'll get one too.

It'll buck me up.

How's it going?

Zargas called from his private jet.

He's on his way.

He's landing at 4.30 p. m.

One question.

Who chose Lt Foureau

to seduce the mike's husband?

I think you did, sir.

I know that.

Who had the idea of choosing her?

I think you'll have to ask

General Masse... He...

Well, all I know is

that I volunteered...

and they said I was too young.

That's for sure.

Well, Masse or no Masse...

I'll dump him somewhere...

'cos I'm not letting him

fly off to Venice with my girl...

on the taxpayer's money, dammit!

I fully understand.

No one blames you for cracking up,

least of all me, Philippe.

Don't use that tone of voice with me!

Keep your distances, kid.

I don't care what you think.

I'm not cracking up.

I just felt down for a second.

I'll dump him at Orly.

And never mention this again.

Move, I haven't got all day.

Is this seminary in Venice

with the Japanese a joke?

- No, daddy-in-law.

- Banza:i:!

Quiet, we can't hear.

I don't want to be mean

but I'm surprised...

someone like you

can advise Japanese companies.

I told you to be careful.

You knocked the table...

and Louise's figures.

Forgive him. He's so eager

to see me and apologize to nana.

Apologize and give her a kiss.

I'm sorry, nana.

No, she prickles!

What did you say, Benoоt?

Benoоt, come back here.

That's permissive education

for you...

parents are buddies

and grandparents jerks!

Couldn't agree more!

So you're his cousin the doctor?

Cousin once removed.

On what side?

His father's side or his mother's?

Mother's, I think.

You aren't sure?

Well, you know,

I'm not the family type.

It's funny.

Geneviкve never mentioned you.

It's okay.

Benoоt will kiss nana.

He's promised to be good now,

haven't you?

So this cousin I don't know

is one of your mother's family?

No, my father's. Jean's side.

Mother is an only child.

He just told me the opposite!

Weird, it just fell!

You smashed my figures!

We'd love to stay but...

What else did Marilyn tell you

about her husband?

I don't know.

A flood of recriminations,

poor thing!

Really? What, for instance?

Well, he's pretty basic.

A fat lump with a pea for a brain.

That's not too bad.

The worst part is the sex...

You'll laugh but this poor guy,

at the crucial moment...

see what I mean...

well, he has

these thundering sneezing fits!

It ruins everything. He's impotent.

We can laugh, but it must be awful.

You believed that?

It's possible. With me though,

she really goes wild.

There's something...

It's my calm, reassuring side

that charmed her away...

from that pathetic ape.

You're reassuring?!

You'd be surprised how many women...

feel safe with pipe-smokers.

There was a survey in VSD magazine.

70% of the women interviewed...

said they'd rather

their husband smoke a pipe.

The smell of tobacco in cars

makes me sick.

I'd have put it out.

It was a real meerschaum...

that my wife gave me.

I'm allergic.

I see...

Funny,

allergies are this century's illness.

- Are you married?

- No.

Really? You don't want to

or you're still looking?

Mind your own business!

It's very kind

to have driven me here.

Sweetheart!

I managed to escape

father-in-law's clutches.

Why did you ask Dr Tissot

to come in here?

He needn't have.

I didn't ask him. He insisted.

My case is heavy

and my leg's still weak.

He's probably got better to do.

I've time.

We haven't, we're late.

Come on, your case can go

as hand luggage.

Oh no, I hate being weighed down.

I'll be right back.

Thanks for the serenade at his place.

You can mix business

and pleasure, I see.

For pity's sake!

It's bad enough as it is!

Yeah? So what was all that

hideous, obscene wailing about?

That's not like you.

Don't be stupid.

I was faking it for him.

So why don't you fake it for me?

And you told him about my being

allergic and impotent.

Why impotent?

What d'you mean?

That lie you told him

about my allergies...

That I always sneeze just when...

So? You have lots of allergies?

It happens, right?

Never just then!

I embellished a little,

just to hook him.

What do I look like now?

Who does who look like?

Are you Marilyn's husband?

Just calm down, Shark,

we're on a mission.

Elementary.

You're right, lieutenant.

Honey... Give me your ticket.

You're in non-smoking.

I'll never last till Venice.

What an asshole!

Get lost, Phil!

You'll ruin everything!

Don't worry!

Fucking hell!

He didn't say goodbye.

Fancy old Tissot

just leaving like that.

Doctor! Emergency!

I don't care, I've got a copy here.

- Give me another then!

- Hey! Hey, you!

You're not going to try them all now!

Sweetheart, I can't choose a pipe

just like that.

I'll have this one.

Hey, Tissot's back.

I won't let you ruin your life.

Your wife loves you,

your kids need you...

Benoоt, Guillain...

Not Guillain.

Shut up! You'll lose your job,

your home...

your wife's parents' money.

And for what?

3 days nookie

with a floozy you hardly know!

Dr Tissot!

I hope you have a good reason

for such irresponsibility...

and vulgarity!

- It's a bit much...

- Shut it!

Keep out of this, Isabelle.

You've done enough damage.

Sorry, excuse me...

Her name's Marilyn,

you're confused...

More than confused,

he's off his trolley!

He doesn't realize

what he's doing.

I say it's scandalous

to destroy a French family...

for reasons of State,

with filth like this!

The President told me that

this morning.

Keep the President out of this.

Find a better argument.

Go home, lieutenant.

That's an order!

You're completely out of your mind!

Exactly, he's a lunatic!

Go home! You're pathetic!

I've heard enough.

We've a plane to catch.

Just splash some water

on your face and get...

If you touch her again,

I'll tear you apart.

If you sleep with him, I'll kill him.

Look, Isabelle, this isn't

the husband or the lover speaking.

This is the captain ordering

the lieutenant to stop. Okay?

When an officer

acts against the State...

my duty is to disobey.

You pathetic fool!

Want an anti-State slap?

Let me leave with him

or I'll report you to Masse...

for court-martial.

- My flight's...

- Shut up! What do I care?

Turn me in if you want

but I'll deal with him.

Come here, you!

Jesus!

Can you get it down?

Sorry, mister,

you'll need to see the pound.

Come on, climb up.

- Move it!

- Where're we going?

Dreux. Get in.

- No. Calm down.

- Get in!

- Hey, mister!

- Get lost!

You can't...

I didn't realize

you liked her so much.

Well I do!

Yeah... Look, Tissot,

we're both worn out...

We're both getting angry.

We should just stop...

and talk this over man to man.

I think it's really nice of you

to worry about my family. Really!

Even if you're a little rough

sometimes...

I wholeheartedly share your views

on the family and...

Good!

I'd never leave my wife...

who's very worthy and upstanding...

even if...

I was going to have 2 days off

with that... that broad!

Don't talk about her like that!

That broad as you call her

is my girl!

Get it, blockhead?

Sure!

She's your girl. It's logical. Fine.

Girls like her are anybody's.

She's yours, she's mine,

she's the garage attendant's...

she's the policeman's.

Lay down your money, it's bedtime!

I don't mind, you can have her

if you want her.

You can have my ticket for Venice.

Drop me anywhere and go to her.

She's something else!

Are you really that dumb?

She only slept with you

because I ordered her to.

D'you understand?

It was for France.

I hadn't thought of that. Why not?

For France...

Try driving with your eyes open!

You should slow down.

There are police ahead.

I should've taken full insurance.

Your beeper. Another emergency.

Call the bus.

Go on, I'll just wait here.

- Come here.

- What the hell...

- Get in.

- What...

You disappoint me, Tissot.

I thought we were

better friends than this.

Shark here. What is it?

At last! They're landing early.

They left with the mike.

Listen.

Shall I follow or wait for you?

Shit! Launch Phase 2!

Close tail, take no risks.

Receiver on the front seat,

under a rug.

Earphones hidden by a scarf.

Go for it and don't panic, kid!

Don't panic!

Why're you shouting, Philippe?

I'm perfectly calm.

I'm shouting 'cos

you should have already left.

Jump to it, woman!

What's up?

I'm stifling!

For pity's sake, let me out!

Stop it, I'll let you out.

I want your word of honor

you'll calm down.

I swear!

Great, the lock's jammed.

No, please.

Don't leave me here to die.

Cover your eyes!

Why? What are you going to do?

- Don't damage anything.

- Just cool it.

What's that?

Just something.

What're you doing?

How did you...

You opened it like a can of beans!

Get in, quick!

I'll need a new one.

I bet the guarantee won't cover it.

Jesus, it's a brand-new car!

- Where now?

- An emergency!

You're a pretty impulsive guy, huh?

I have to be in my job.

You know

as a psychological consultant...

I see some nutcases!

Even in companies...

you see that psychological problems

are nearly always linked...

to sex.

It's clear that for some people,

intelligence...

and I don't mean this for you,

can be a handicap.

I always say,

you'll find a shoe to fit you...

but I also say...

if you force your way

into the wrong-sized shoe...

you hurt your foot...

and ruin the shoe.

What's all this shoe business?

Nothing, Tissot.

As a doctor, you should know...

there's nothing shameful

about psychoanalysis.

- What?

- It may cure your sexual hang-ups.

We haven't eaten yet!

If I skip lunch, I'm not 100% after.

That's tough. Now shut it!

My stomach's gurgling.

My case is in Venice by now...

with a linen suit I've never worn.

The bodyguards are armed.

Is that normal?

His life has been threatened.

He has to protect himself.

He doesn't enjoy it.

It's very impressive.

I can smell the gunsmoke.

Where were you?

Sorry, sir.

It wasn't a very precise rendez-vous.

Not very smart.

Get the gear, fast!

You know Fatty?

Shut up or I'll do you!

I don't want to be a nuisance

but she's mad.

She shouted obscenities at me

with my wife listening earlier.

Can it!

That's the mike's husband.

What's he doing here?

I brought him. It's best.

- You're sure?

- I know what I'm doing.

We can't use this.

Get the sound gun.

I get it now!

If you're a doctor, I'm a Chinaman.

You're escaped lunatics.

You strangled your doctors

and took their place!

Just my luck!

No, it's working.

Come on, Garcia!

It isn't ready yet.

Forget it. Pick it up later.

Get over here!

Look out...

I don't want to criticize

but we shouldn't have brought him.

No choice. Shut it.

That's all he says:

Shut it! Can it! I'll do you!

Shut it!

There, I told you so.

The colonel apologizes

for bringing his army...

but his life has been threatened...

by the Communist rabble

of the Pathway of Light.

To help the cause...

of democracy...

That's Lolo! It's her!

Your wife? All voices sound alike

with these tiny mikes.

He asked if I'm staying

at the embassy...

or at his hotel.

It's embarrassing. What do I say?

He just said he thinks

I'm very attractive.

That's a bit much.

Do whatever you feel like doing.

Oh no, he's very nice but...

We should record it for later

because of...

She sounds just like Lolo.

Unbelievable!

He's a odd bod,

he keeps propositioning me.

Let's not exaggerate,

Mrs Granianski.

It is her! It's her! It's Lolo!

You're tailing her?

What is all this?

What's going on, Mrs Granianski?

They think we're being followed.

They want permission to check.

Okay, but discreetly.

We're in France...

not Colombia.

What was that?

Something about "precautions"...

We're rumbled!

Jesus! Just like Bogota!

Real tough guys!

You can say that again.

Okay, we lost them.

Where do we go now?

Why did they shoot?

How the hell do we get out now?

A brand-new car.

Look at the state it's in!

Jesus, Dr Tissot! No...

No! I'm tied up!

Help!

Tissot, I'm tied up!

My bag.

I got him, sir!

Okay, Garcia? No harm done?

Not a scratch, sir!

Let's get your car and go.

What about me?

Just give us a break, will you.

But you...

- Reason of State, okay?

- What?

I'll explain.

I need to infiltrate

a top-level meeting in Paris.

The poor embassy interpreter...

is retained in Dreux

for her wedding anniversary.

So you set up a simple bit

of manipulation with a girl...

who makes the nerd feel

like Cary Grant.

Get it?

No way, I don't believe a word!

Marilyn loves me

and you're jealous!

You dumb fuck! Where d'you think

the photos came from?

Some spiteful character

envious of my standing in Dreux.

No one envies you.

We set it up

to wreck your marriage.

A girl like Isabelle would never

have bothered with you normally.

'Cos if you think for one minute

that you sent her to 7th heaven...

You're way off the mark!

She was faking it all.

Go home now!

And not a word about any of this

or else...

I haven't any sexual hang-ups,

okay?

Okay.

Come on, we're off.

What did he say?

That my almond-shaped eyes

are as deep as his dog's...

Mantequila, who is very playful.

What're you doing here, sir?

Is Zargas here?

One moment, captain.

Cadet, go inside the hotel.

Elevator B, for Bertha

to the 7th floor, room 705.

3 short knocks...

2 long, 5 short...

and 2 long.

- Isabelle'll let you in.

- Isabelle's here?

That's funny, sir, 3 short,

2 long...

5 short and 2 long...

make SNOUF in Morse.

No comment. Move!

Come with me.

Isabelle told you...

Your gun.

I know how it looks...

but she was falling for that nerd.

It would have ruined everything.

Shut up. You're not a Shark,

you're a wet blanket.

Isabelle is an excellent agent...

whom I trust completely.

That's why she's now

heading the operation.

You can't do this!

Like hell I can't.

Go home, take a vacation.

How would you react if Madeleine

got bonked like that?

My Madeleine?

Are you crazy, Boulier?

Sorry, sir.

Good day.

Come in! Gear on the bed!

I'm flattered

to be working with you.

Unpack the gear!

This is Private Grangй.

- Delphine Grangй, delighted.

- How d'you do?

Ever seen action before?

No, it's my first time.

It's really scary.

Let's record.

Where're you going?

Give me a break, cop,

or you're finished!

This cop tortures people.

Mind your arm.

Yeah, that's it. An "accident".

He's breaking my arm!

No kidding!

Shut it!

A cop can do what he likes, huh?

- What're you after?

- My wife.

You haven't heard

the last of this either.

Want my photo?

Think first.

Murder disguised as an accident...

It happens all the time, remember.

What're you up to?

I come sometimes

for a raspberry champagne.

Best in Paris.

A connoisseur...

Come to the bar.

I've a question or two for you.

- Mrs Granianski, please.

- Who, sir?

She's translating for some officer.

- Sorry, sir?

- I'm her husband. I must see her.

You're finished...

you and that leech, Masse...

for tailing Zargas here.

Zargas is in Paris?

What a coincidence.

I tailed him in Bogota.

Give me the phone.

To call who?

The President.

He'll be delighted to hear

that the DGSE...

is operating illegally in France.

He hasn't changed.

I saw him at the Olympia in '52.

Talent never grows old, Helmut.

His hair...

It's a toupet.

Beautifully made.

Mister Minister,

there's an urgent call.

Minister of Defence speaking.

Is something up?

Put him through.

Here, it's for you.

Captain Boulier. I think

the President made himself clear.

You're not allowed

to operate in France...

- But, sir, you yourself said...

- Where?

When? How? What?

Is it on tape?

Unfortunately it isn't, sir.

Put Moulin on.

He's a strongheaded...

triple asshole.

Arrest him.

It'll be a pleasure.

Are you sure he's acting alone?

We're searching the hotel to be sure.

Keep me informed.

You've accomplices.

I'll get them.

- I'm at the Prince de Galles.

- What?

Call Lolo in room 722

and tell her to see me.

I've been trying for an hour,

but she won't talk to me.

You're not in Venice with the Japs?

It's Hiroshima here.

Geoffroy beheaded our greyhound.

- I don't care!

- You what?

Exactly. I'm trying

to get your daughter home...

and I don't care how.

My car explosed

and I just don't care.

Family is more important

that material matters, isn't it?

Slam him in the cooler.

That'll teach him.

No hard feelings, Bibi, you win.

Make way! Make way!

Invalid! Invalid!

Blow a fuse, grandad?

No, no, we can't...

cancel the meeting. The Colonel...

has come all this way to meet you.

Damn Colonel Zargas.

We just heard his helicopter

blew up in the countryside.

What's going on?

You have to realize

we can't meet in France now.

The pilot made

an unfortunate mistake.

I won't risk being caught.

Zargas isn't discreet enough.

It's off.

Your friend wants to change

the date of the meeting.

Sorry, I'm nervous.

He suggests Buenos Aires in 6 months

during the IMF conference.

Impossible, I need the material.

If he won't come to Zargas,

Zargas must go to him.

He says they will meet

as arranged at...

Mrs Granianski...

Where did she say?

Excuse me.

Hurry.

We're on the phone to our friend.

Yes, daddy, it's Lolo.

The mike's been trouble

from the beginning.

It must be terrible

when you love your husband...

to have to cheat on him

because you're ordered to.

It's terrible.

There again...

if the man in question

is a good lover...

Was that the case?

Mind your own business.

I'm here...

What's going on?

Nothing, the kids miss you.

I miss them.

And I miss you.

Hypocrite!

Shut up!

- We're victims of the State...

- Oh...

I hadn't thought of that.

That girl you found so common...

was acting on orders.

Stop coughing.

He didn't think I was common.

She pretended.

No harm was done.

Putting down your mistress

to get me back. Pathetic!

It's our anniversary tomorrow.

You have to be at your parents'.

No, Senor Zargas is going to...

Shit!

Not again!

You're abandoning us

for that spic!

Are you becoming racist?

Your father'll ruin us.

Sorry?

- You're here out of self-interest.

- No!

You don't care about the boys.

You don't care about me.

All you want is the money.

It's all mixed up.

Here,

if you need money that much...

pawn my engagement ring.

Jesus! He's got the mike!

That's too easy. Come home...

and obey, okay.

- Is Bibi okay?

- Fine.

Watch it!

I didn't fight back last time...

but this time'll be different.

Boulier! Help! They'll kill me!

Goddam coward! Yellow-belly!

No, Senor Zargas is going to...

Snouf! One of ours.

Move, it's the DST!

Granianski knows the rendez-vous.

Shit! I'll get him.

I'm in command here!

Shark! You're through!

Run, Philippe!

Don't make a move.

Poor chap...

did they hurt you?

Let me go, you coward.

You didn't even try to help me!

Stop, I hurt all over.

I'm trying to help.

I don't need you.

Sure...

Look at the state you're in.

Do you take me for a fool?

The cops are after you.

Everything you told me was a lie.

Yes, you should know the truth.

Come on.

For 10 years now, Marie-Laurence,

known to you as Lolo...

has been Puce,

agent 712 with the DGSE.

Give me a break.

You never believe anything, huh?

That ring she gave you for me...

Hand it over.

Our engagement ring?

For you?

Gimme.

A mike. Her main equipment.

Wow! Lolo's a spy!

Surprising, huh?

I'm stunned.

Lulu must have given her the idea.

Lucette, her best friend,

a journalist in Versailles.

She was her pack leader at Guides.

- Lucette Bonnet...

- You know her?

Good old Lulu.

I can't really name names...

but it's a lot to do with Lulu.

A lot?

You think I'm a real asshole, huh?

Old Lulu is the dog belonging

to my father-in law's housekeeper.

- My mistake.

- You think I'm an asshole!

Hold on.

We're both French, dammit!

So bloody what!

Look, we missed lunch.

You kept moaning about it.

Food'll help us think.

I'll treat you to a slap-up meal

in a posh restaurant.

I'll have a Plougastel crкpe

with half a bottle of cider.

You've already had 2 Belle lles

and a Perros. Aren't you full?

I missed lunch.

I'm not mean,

but they're tough on expenses.

- Money doesn't count for a friend.

- Sure.

Your wife is going to witness

an illegal deal.

Zargas'll eliminate her

as soon as he can, okay?

I know she mentioned

a rendez-vous.

I want to know when and where.

Tell me. You'll serve France

ad save your wife.

First my wife's a spy,

then she isn't.

You're a doctor, a cop...

and then a secret agent.

I can't trust you.

All this is too strange.

If you are from the DGSE...

I want to see your boss.

The President,

not some underling like you.

Then maybe I'll believe you.

If he wants to know, I'll negotiate.

How much?

Complete reimbursement of

a brand-new Citroлn BX.

A BX 16. A red one.

I'll see if we can.

Stay here.

- Boulier.

- What now?

I've changed my mind.

I much prefer the XM.

Are you very fond of your car?

If you carry on playing about

you'll use up the battery.

Leave him, it's his car now.

Exactly, it's my car.

If I get a flat battery,

I'll repair it.

Are you sure this is the place?

It's a bit strange.

My wife said...

Parc Astйrix at 10.

Wafflum pancakes is open.

Breakfast time.

Send for two sugar waffles for me.

Two sugar waffles, sergeant.

Mr Granianski wants a way

to bring his wife back.

That's normal.

I'll tell her we needed her

at the consulate with her ring...

and that Mr Granianski,

through pure patriotism...

accepted to do

those saucy photos for us.

It was all a frame, with nothing...

between him and my wife.

You're so naive.

Lolo knows what I'm like...

that I can't stay long

on a carpet with a woman...

without something happening.

We'll do a false DGSE certificate...

she'll be proud of her spy husband.

Look over there. Another problem.

Thanks for the information, Masse.

Gen Moulin...

will be taking over now.

Send your men home.

I brought you the others.

Mister Minister, I never thought

you'd go and tell the DST.

Your waffles, sir.

Sugar and maple syrup.

Look, sir. Zargas is here.

Let's go.

Close tail.

Take a kid each.

Intervention possible at any time.

Calm down, kids,

try to act naturally.

Tell Senor Zargas

that we have visitors.

Sorry, sir, but we have a problem.

Mr Granianski...

won't go without his wife.

I'm sure we'll get her back

safe and sound.

In any case, I want to apologize

for everything that happened.

To be quite honest...

I have to admit...

that even if you were faking it...

only natural in your situation...

I certainly wasn't.

Stuff morality. It was good!

Thank you. That's very flattering.

Cut the chit-chat, okay?

Worried about your charming wife,

are you?

Where's Mr Zargas?

He'll take the next one. Get in.

Behave everybody.

- We'll help you.

- Stop the boat.

That's very kind of you.

General! Wait!

Trouble with waffles is the sugar.

Yes, mind my seats.

Jesus! Look who it is!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

The Assistant Secretary!

The one who stinks of dogs.

A man I made!

I've wrecked my knee, dammit.

It's terrible, terrible!

When he saw the police,

he tried to kill the girl.

The nanny stopped him.

I'm here, darling.

The nightmare's over.

Now that you're safe...

I can tell you the truth

about those photos.

Your husband, Jean-Jacques,

is a DGSE agent.

Him?

Sweetheart...

You could've shaken his hand

instead of kissing him.

Look, if I hadn't obeyed

the orders I was given...

I wouldn't deserve

to be an an army officer now.

That's true.

In any case,

next time you try it...

I won't give a damn, okay?

Okay, captain.

Lieutenant Foureau,

someone to see you.

Lieutenant?

The President for you.

- Hello?

- Yes, it's me. Congratulations.

I've a tough job for you.

In the seat pocket.

You'll no doubt recognize him.

The U.S. President and myself

found him depressed recently.

He's sick of everything,

a sorry sight.

He's ready to give up.

We can't let him down now.

He needs to relax.

His wife's away...

on the Black Sea.

He's free for a week.

It's a great chance.

I'm getting married, sir.

I was going on vacation.

That's normal.

This car will take you

to the Elysйe.

I'll tell you in person...

what France expects of you.

I'll tell my husband.

You can tell him later.

3 bull's-eyes. Back on form.

- What's up?

- That story yesterday...

I'm sorry,

Lolo swallowed it no problem...

but daddy-in-law didn't.

He's convinced you're a doctor.

So what?

Come to Dreux with me...

in uniform to convince him.

You can do that.

Sorry but I've things to do.

Another French family to ruin?

Sorry?

Come on!

Mommy-in-law's a wonderful cook.

They're a nuisance

but they eat well.