Original subtitles

URUSEI YATSURA (Those Obnoxious Aliens)

Don't get so fidgety!

You're always looking all over the place!

Stop looking away from me!

More than anyone else, I...

...love you, love you, love you the best!

...love you, love you, love you!

...love you, love you, love you!

...love you, love you, love you!

On nights when the stars are twinkling...

...I dream all about you.

I love you, but you act like you don't know.

I bet you're crazy for someone else by now!

Ah! Men all have so many loves.

Ah! You're spreading them all over...

...and making me worry!

Don't get so fidgety!

You're always looking all over the place!

Stop looking away from me!

More than anyone else, I...

...love you the best! Love you the best!

Sleepy Springtime Classroom

So, the hyperbola that passes through point A...

...can be described as a quadratic equation...

...in... in other words...

Y = (X - ...

I ...I can't lose this battle! I'm not going to sleep!

A... A teacher doesn't fall asleep in... in class!

Are you guys awake?

Sit up straight!

I ...lf you... plot this... equation on a graph...

...it will be a curve like...

Unbelievable!

If this keeps up, Japan's reputation for fine education will be shattered!

But... I sure am sleepy!

No! I alone must stay rational... Huh?

That fool Moroboshi is studying intensely!

I won't be outdone by a jerk like him!

On my honor as an honor student, I won't fall asleep!

"Stamina" drinks: packed with Caffeine, Vitamins, Herbs, and Hi-grade Hype.

Wow! She's something!

Sleep! Sleep!

Acho! Only two to go!

Acho! Acho! Sleep! Sleep!

Acho! Acho! Acho! Acho!

Man, am I tired!

Hey, Shunmin!

How can you give up on such a simple spell?

Aye aye, sir!

Listen, if you don't make all the humans in that class fall asleep...

...you can't become a spirit, second-class!

Look! Two of them are still awake!

Hey, Shunmin, are you listening?

Sleep! Sleep! Ouch, ouch...

You've got 15 more minutes. Hear?

Sheesh! Every year I have washouts, but she's the worst ever!

It's because my master sucks... Sleep!

Didn't you just mutter something under your breath?

Sleep!

She's really...

Hey, Moroboshi!

Oh! T... Teacher! There's a really good reason for this...

...this is very effective for keeping awake, and...

Oh...! L... Lum...

Hi, Darling!

Hey, let's go flower-viewing! The weather's fine, so let's go!

Don't be silly! I've got class!

But everybody's asleep!

What?

I thought you were studiously reading, but instead, you were looking at this?

So what? You may not know it...

...but every year, when the cherry blossoms bloom, this class...

...always suffers from "class hypnosis."

They say that students, during Spring...

...ah... what proportions...

...fall asleep, and so...

...oh, man, those hips...

...fail all their tests!

Moroboshi, what are you talking about, exactly?

Huh?

You fail!

No! No! Huh?

What are you doing?

Damn, we've been spotted!

Hey, Lum, what's going on? Did you find something?

Since it's come to this, I'll have to put them to sleep by force!

Sleep!

Wha...? They're still awake! Pretty tough!

What happened?

CHARGE!

Sleep, sleep, sleep!

You dummy!

NOW!

You're not doing it right!

So what?

Darling, what are these things called?

Beats me...

Oh, no! Humans have seen us!

It's a disaster, a disaster!

It's too late for that!

So every year, spirits who flunk out must, as a make-up exam...

...make all the people in this class fall asleep.

That's why every year we get a case of class-hypnosis!

And this is my foolish pupil, Shunmin.

And this is my imbecile master, Manchinro.

I've told you not to talk like that!

You went and called me a fool!

Hmph! Spirits? Don't make me laugh!

I don't believe in spirits. That's a superstition!

Can't you see this?

I must be seeing things. It's an illusion!

Then you're talking to an illusion!

I must be hearing things. It's got to be an aural hallucination.

Why you...!

Ooh! What a creep! Get him, Master!

I'm going to make you sleep!

Anyone who mocks the spirits will sleep for a hundred years!

Shunmin! Watch and learn!

Yeah! All right, Master!

Sleep! Sleep!

Go! Go!

Sleepy! Sleepy! Sleep!

Oh, Sleep! Sleep! Secret weapon: mirror reflection!

Yes, I'll sleep!

Imbecile!

How careless of me. I had no idea he'd think to use such a weapon!

That looks like fun. Let me join in!

Oh, I give up!

The man is hopeless!

We've got tough competition here, Shunmin!

Ha!

To put such as them to sleep, listen up...

You've got to be kidding!

Shut up! It can't be helped!

What? An apology party?

Shunmin has been very rude to you.

I want to apologize, and give you a small treat...

Yeah! Let's do it! A party!

Let's get ready, already!

Miss Lum, a moment...

Miss Lum, don't you think this is a tad fishy?

What is?

This might be a trap.

Trap?

Yes, like pretending to want a truce...

...and then putting sleeping medicine into the drinks.

It's a common trick.

And... Presto!

Double Presto!

What a great atmosphere! Come on, everybody, let's party!

This isn't my kind of ambiance...

I have a potion that tests for sleeping medicine.

My, you keep the strangest things in your bra!

This potion will change colors if it's mixed with sleeping medicine.

When they drink this, they'll sleep until they die!

I don't care anymore!

Hey! Is the sake on its way?

Just a moment, sir... table number three, coming right up...!

That's more like it!

Down the hatch!

Darling, just a minute.

What?

Miss Lum, the testing potion...

The color isn't changing!

How strange... I'm just not satisfied!

Hey! Stop fooling around, and...

Come on, you have some too... Here!

I've got a bad feeling about this...

OK... I'll fake drinking it and soak my handkerchief with it instead!

This is great, huh, Mendou!

What? You look so scary!

You're having fun, aren't you?

Yeah, I'm so happy I could cry!

Shunmin, make them drink more!

The other two aren't drinking very much!

We're lacking the party feeling in here! Go spice things up!

Mood? That I can handle!

And now...!

...TRANSFORM!

All right! Drink! Dance!

Very nice!

Please drink some more!

Certainly!

You too!

Well... uh...

Oh, this is good sake!

Shunmin, give me some more!

Come on, Master! Get serious!

Aw, forget the rules!

To drink or not to drink... that is the question.

This is great, isn't it, Mendou?

Fun, right?

Oh, it's fun, it's fun... It's really fun!

Let's party! Let's go!

All right!

Come on, dance up a storm!

That's funny... the more they drink, the livelier they get!

Shunmin, come on and dance!

Why do I have to do this?

Darling!

Shunmin, you're so cute!

Yuck! Let go of me! Don't get so close!

Ooh! Darling! That's enough! Let go!

Ah, Miss Lum, I had no idea! Do you think this much of me?

Actually, I've been thinking of...

You're wrong! Let go!

Miss Lum!

You never learn! Let go!

Shunmin!

Miss Lum!

What did you put in the sake?

Just a sleeping potion.

Wait a minute... I mixed cherry leaves, a lizard's tail...

...a snake, and Korean Ginseng...

Oh, no! That's a stimulant!

Well, then, I'm out of here!

Oh! Darling!

Darling!

Darling! Are you all right?

Wake up! Our plan has failed!

Wha...

If you don't want me to spread the news of today's screw-up...

...you'd better promote me to second- class! Get the picture?

Hell, forget second-class, go straight to level A!

Non-stop Bullet-cloud!

You irresponsible jerks! You left the place in a mess!

But why is the PTA conducting a special investigation?

Well, we heard about the flunking class, so...

How can we allow sleeping in class?

There's no cause for concern...

As I recall, this is the class that has Moroboshi Ataru in it...

I'm getting a bad feeling.

What's wrong, Principal?

Please hurry up and open the door!

I beseech you...

...the honor of Tomobiki High School rests upon your shoulders!

This is...

Miss Lum!

Miss Lum!

You persistent pest! Let go!

Shinobu!

What's going on?

Darling, not again! This is unforgivable!

Peach-Blossom Poetry Contest

"Once, there was a Wizard of Poetry...

"...who had a beautiful maiden...

"...whom he used to seduce men...

"...the better to challenge them to a poetry recital."

Come now, recite some more!

Don't you have any more poems?

In that case...

"And so, he gets eaten!"

That's a story they tell in these parts.

What's this maiden thing?

It's a Peach Spirit.

Oh, a man-eating Wizard of Poetry! Isn't that romantic?

Well, yeah.

People in the old days used to be struck by the beauty of these flowers...

...and would, without meaning to, recite poetry, they say!

Come on, forget those stories!

These days, Peach Spirits and Wizards of Poetry aren't in fashion.

For you, it's either girls or food, isn't it?

His mind is made up of extremes.

Let's eat! Let's dig in! I'm gonna pig out on this, this and this!

You brought all this?

Of course! It's a picnic, isn't it?

We came to recite poetry!

Like I said, it's like a picnic!

You don't get it at all!

Not a bit!

Let us recite.

All right! Go for it, Sakura! Clap, everyone!

Do not let THAT bother you.

I already am aware of THAT!

And so... " In Spring fields...

"...is a white mist...

"...like the white silk worn by a beautiful dancing maiden..."

Sorry, sorry! A peach petal got in my nose.

But those lyrics were great! So where's the music?

Are you an idiot, or what?

"Waka:" a poetic form. "Waka" can also be a type of song.

It's a "Waka" poem!

"Waka:" a poetic form. "Waka" can also be a type of song.

Which means it's a song!

"Baka:" idiot. "Waka:" poem or song.

It's a poem, you idiot!

Who's an idiot?

YOU'RE the idiot!

Don't let the stench of such garbage disturb you.

Now, I shall recite.

"The elegant smell of peach blossoms..."

W... What's that?

Is it a ghost, or a Peach Spirit?

She disappeared!

Uncle, maybe it's the maiden!

What?!

W... W...Where?! Where's the Peach Spirit?

Every time a woman appears, this happens!

Uncle, recite the poem again.

Maybe she won't appear unless you recite the whole poem!

Perhaps...

"The elegant...

Oh! Here she comes! Keep it up!

"...smell of peach blossoms...

"...smell of peach blossoms...

"...smell of peach blossoms..."

Huh? W... W...What's wrong? Stop repeating yourself and go on!

You're the reason she can't appear! Come on!

"...smell of peach blossoms..."

I can't think of any- thing more!

Oh! She's disappearing! Wait for me! Look! She's gone!

OK then! I'll have to drag her back.

Quick, somebody recite a poem!

Shinobu, you do it!

You didn't even believe in the Peach Spirit!

Well, I've changed my mind! A smart man admits his mistakes.

So hurry, Shinobu!

All right then, I'll recite.

Eh?! Mendou, you'll do it?

Hang on.

All right, go!

Man, this is like a sporting event of some kind!

When it comes to Spring poems, the first one that comes to mind...

...is one authored by Otomo no Yakamochi.

Good, Mendou! Keep it up!

"In a Spring field...

"...beautiful peach blossoms...

"...a maiden standing in the road..."

Yippee! She's here!

Well, a... at times like this...

...we chase after them!

Come back here, Darling!

What a rat!

He moved so fast that I didn't have time to react!

We've come far enough. We should be safe here.

Please, I beg you...

Miss, I just told you we're safe!

I don't feel safe!

Well I do!

Darling! Where are you?

Darling!

Uncle!

Hmm... It's been a while since I've sensed ghosts!

Miss, you're fortunate to have a friend like me.

Go ahead, say my name... Ataru!

Ataru!

Miss, I ...

What's that?

What are you doing?

Oh, Wizard! You've come!

It's been so long!

W... What's this?

G... Guys! What took you so long?

I've been waiting for you! What kept you?

"Ghost, Ghost, go away... "Evil out, Good in...

"...and DON'T bother us another day!" "...that for me's a spiritual win!"

I'm not a ghost!

You're not a ghost? Then...

See me, hear who I am, and be stunned!

For I am the Wizard of Poetry!

Miss, are you all right?

Yes...

He's an animal!

Ooh! Darling, you're not getting away with this again!

Are you listening, you guys?!

Er... See ya later!

NO YOU DON'T!

Darling!

We'll hold a poetry contest.

If you lose, I get to eat you.

Wow! Sounds peachy!

It's just like the legend says...

Oh, Wizard, it's been a long time!

Yeah! It's been 500 years! I'll show them how it's done!

We can't hope to beat the Wizard of Poetry at a recital!

What do we do?

Now I will choose one of you to be the judge.

The judge will not be eaten. Who shall it be?

Me!

Me! Me!

Me!

Right! You, the kind of old-looking child. Step forward!

Look, I'm the most aged of the lot!

Well, good luck to the rest of you!

Have fun!

Well done, Peach Spirit.

You got rid of the one that looks the least appetizing.

Eh?! The least?!

Hear that? Least appetizing! Least appetizing!

That's nothing to take pleasure in!

So, who wants to be eaten first?

If you want to eat some- one, eat him first!

Moroboshi!

He's smart, so I'm sure his brain will taste great!

Come on, you go first!

No, you go first!

So, you're the first!

Absolutely! First up, Moroboshi Ataru!

S... Shut up! C... Cut it out!

Well, recite already!

T... T...This can't be happening!

If you don't, I'll eat you anyway!

W... W...Wait! OK! OK! I'll do it! I'll do it!

Er... "A song to... um, praise the beautiful Peach Spirit."

Hey, he's really going to do it!

"This is how it goes: if a dog walks...

"...it will run into a peach blossom...

"...that a lady is hanging on a branch, and which will dry in no time at all."

W... Wonderful!

I will translate. Well...

...the dog may actually be a walking peach blossom and...

...the hanging of a flower on a tree branch, which the girl is doing...

...is the insufficient time even for it to dry, yes?

I can't make heads or tails of it!

Well done, my friend!

Now it's your turn, Wizard!

Then, I shall recite about the peach blossoms too.

"Peach blossoms...

"Peach blossoms...

"Peach blossoms... Peach blossoms..."

"I'm the canary...

"...who forgot how to sing!"

Oops! Sorry! He hasn't recited any poetry for 500 years...

...and it seems like he's forgotten how to do it!

Well, bye now! Bye-bye!

Wizard, wait for me!

I swear! I think I deserve to eat that idiot!

I made a candy, and Cherry had a cake!

When Darling ate both, he split in two!

If both of them are Darling, then one of them is going to live on my planet!

Don't go back to the way you were!

We'll see you next time for "The Duel! Ataru vs. Ataru..."

...and "Wake up to a Nightmare!"

Let's put weird and weird together, and make it even weirder!

Weird, weird space is super-weird!

Hold on. What? What? Something's weird!

Hold on. What? What? Something's definitely a little weird!

If it gets weird, it becomes fun!

Hearts pop up and fly away into the night sky!

Let's put weird and weird together, and make it even weirder!

Weird, weird space is super-weird!

Super-weird! Terrible!