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HOST: T o night's stars,

Gera I dine Page,

and Leif Ericks o n.

Good evening.

On behalf of the management, I'm authorized to tell you

that your presence here gives them great pleasure.

They'd all be here to greet you personally,

if not for prior commitments.

Several are attending funerals

and would've been here if it weren't so difficult

to get out of the box,

which should give you some idea

as to the nature of our art.

Now, this painting, for example.

Stairway and specter, cobwebs and darkness.

It's called S o mething in the W oo dw o rk.

It tells of what one might look for when purchasing a house,

because that creak you hear in the dead of night is not always an errant rafter.

Sometimes if you walk up those attic steps,

you'll find yourself face to face

with the very thing that goes thump in the night.

This, ladies and gentlemen isthe Night Ga Il ery.

(HEART BEATING)

(BANGING)

(HEAVY BREATHING)

(HUMMING)

I planed down your bedroom door, Mrs. Wheatland.

Just a bit warped is all she was.

Should be fine now.

Elegant, huh?

Ma'am?

Elegant.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, real elegant.

It's a little surprise dinner for my husband.

My ex-husband.

It's his birthday and I asked him to come over,

just to talk over a few little things,

and when he walks into the room,

this will be waiting for him!

That's... That's real nice.

How about a drink?

Thank you, no, ma'am.

How about a cup of coffee?

Fresh and hot. I just made it.

Please?

Well... Well, okay.

Just one cup, though.

I've got a bunch of other calls I've got to make.

Oh, well, you just sit right down here.

I'm gonna get you a nice cup of coffee.

And I'll get you some

Toll House cookies that I just made this morning.

Oh, no cookies, ma'am. Coffee would just be fine.

Well, Charlie loved my cookies.

He ate them all the time.

He said I should have gone into commercial baking,

that's what Charlie said.

Well, you take cream and sugar?

No, ma'am, just black.

Charlie always drank it black,

but I told him, he needed lots of energy,

and you get lots of energy from cream and sugar.

(SIGHS)

It took me almost a year and a half

to change his habits,

but he finally came around.

(SIGHS)

It really needs cream and sugar, but...

"Drink hearty," that's what Charlie always used to say.

Drink hearty. (LAUGHS)

Well,

where were we?

I... I really ought to be getting along, Mrs. Wheatland.

Did you fix all the doors upstairs?

Yes'm. All fixed.

Did you fix the leak in the bathroom?

All plugged up. Shouldn't give you any more trouble.

What about...

What about the attic room?

What about it?

I wanted the lock removed from that door.

There's no key for it, Mrs. Wheatland. You'd have...

Ever been in this house before?

My dad did some of the carpentry.

Then you know something about this house.

A little.

Just what my dad told me. Oh.

I expect you've heard more stories than that.

Well... About the attic room.

Yeah.

About the attic room.

You know what happened?

Honest, Mrs. Wheatland, I'd like to stay and talk with you, but...

That's more than talk. A man was killed up there.

His name was Dilman. Jamie Dilman.

And he had robbed a bank downtown,

and he tried to get away.

Got as far as this house.

It was just being finished at the time, and he ran upstairs

and then on up into the attic.

And then he had a big gun fight with the police.

And he died there.

He was just...

Torn to pieces, they said.

Well, the original owners didn't even move in.

They just left the house standing there. They couldn't even sell it.

Well. That's what they say, all right.

Stood empty for over 30 years.

Until I bought it.

I'll tell you something, Mr. Wilson.

It would take more than an empty room

in an attic

to scare me off.

Well, I'll be seeing you, ma'am.

What about the attic room?

You want it opened, Mrs. Wheatland?

Indeed, I do.

I have been here three months. I think it's about time,

that I saw every inch of it.

I'll tell you something, ma'am.

It's just a partial attic up there.

Real low ceiling. And the way those corners are angled,

it's not much good for storage.

Are you scared, Mr. Wilson?

Ma'am?

It's haunted. That's what they say, isn't it?

Jamie Dilman is still up there.

Never left it. That he walks around at night.

I've heard the story.

Well, as a matter of fact...

Oh, Mr. Wilson.

Go on up there, and saw off that lock.

You don't have to go inside the room.

I'll do that myself.

It's like Charlie says,

never had a scared bone in my body.

Never have.

Nothing scares me.

Really.

Nothing scares me.

(SAWING)

(HEART BEATING)

MOLLY: I know you're here.

I can feel you.

You're in the woodwork.

You're behind the walls.

But you don't frighten me.

You hear me?

You don't frighten me.

As a matter of fact.

I could use the company.

Will you be long?

No. Only as long as it takes to hear her

current inventory of her despair and my deceit.

That poor, sad, drunken broad.

But I owe her, Julie.

I owe her.

Charlie, what do you owe her?

She took 15 years of your life and alimony.

And she gave you a heart condition in return.

So, what do you owe her?

Humoring.

Occasional humoring.

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

Oh, how nice!

Molly. Nice, Charlie.

(LAUGHS) Come in.

Isn't it elegant?

Elegant, isn't it?

I bet you thought I was gonna forget your birthday.

But, I didn't.

Happy birthday, lovey.

Uh.

Come on, come on, open it up.

It's a pill box.

For your heart pills.

It's an antique.

Molly, that's very thoughtful of you.

Now, you sit right down here.

No, no. I can't stay.

You can't stay? What do you mean, you can't stay.

Of course you can stay.

That's crazy.

I fixed the table all up. I even baked a birthday cake.

You know what you always used to say about my baking?

No, I can't stay, Molly.

I thought you said you had something you wanted to talk...

Well, it was part of the surprise.

Don't you get it? That was to get you here.

Molly. I've got someone waiting for me.

Who?

Who have you got waiting for you?

Just some little floozy.

Some filthy street walker? Listen, Molly.

We are not married anymore.

Whenever I go out with another woman, it's a date

and not an act of infidelity.

Here, you better keep this. You give it to the next guy.

In all probability he'll need it.

Oh, you and sickness.

That's a matched set.

You know what you are, Charlie?

Now, let's not have another of our raging scenes, Molly. I just wanna tell you

what you are, Charlie.

You're scum!

That's what you are.

(YELLING) You're scum! You're really scum!

I don't want you.

I don't need you!

(SOBBING) Charlie.

MOLLY: Hey, ghost. (GIGGLES) Don't be afraid of me.

I'm not afraid of you.

Can't we just talk together?

(HEART BEATING)

You prefer the dark.

Why don't you come out?

Why don't you let me look at you?

Won't you say something?

JAMIE: (DISTORTED) Leave me a Io ne.

(WHISPERING) I need you!

Do you understand?

(SOBBING)

I need you.

I need you.

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Oh, Jamie. Guess who's at the front door? (GIGGLES)

(HEART BEATING)

(HEAVY BREATHING)

Jamie?

Jamie, can you hear me?

JAMIE: Why d o n't y o u I eave me a Io ne?

Well, I don't have to. It's my house.

(SING-SONG VOICE) Charlie's at the front door.

It's Charlie.

(HEART BEATING)

I'm beginning to see you, Jamie.

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

JAMIE: I can't I eave here.

Well, you don't have to. Nobody's kicking you out.

I died here.

S o I have t o remain here.

You mean for good?

Don't you...

Don't you have any form?

I have

a shad o w,

that's a Il.

But, you... You can see.

Yes.

You can feel, too, can't you?

S o me things.

Well, can you, uh...

Can you touch?

Can you pick up anything?

Move something?

I d o n't want t o.

Can you...

What?

Can you hurt anything?

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

You'd better try this instead of that.

(LAUGHING) Hmm.

What's it to you?

Oh, nothing, really.

But, Molly, there is something that does concern me.

Oh? What's that?

You've been phoning my girl.

All hours of the night.

(LAUGHS) Who says?

Your voice is not difficult to identify once you get going.

I'll ask you one favor.

Leave her alone.

Oh, I don't care if she falls off a bridge.

Believe me. I don't care.

Then leave her alone.

And please, leave me alone.

Oh, I don't need you.

I've got friends of my own.

You believe me, Charlie?

Friends of my own.

Upstairs. In the attic.

I've got a friend up there, Charlie.

He lives

behind the walls,

in the woodwork, and he's made of shadow.

And at that, he's... (LAUGHS)

There's more to him than some ex-husbands I know.

Whatever you say, Molly.

Where you going?

I'll be back.

Tonight.

Tonight?

Why would you be back tonight? Charlie.

Molly, you're ill.

You need help.

Well, perhaps you're right.

Charlie, you come back tonight.

And you bring all the help you can get.

Get a priest,

a couple of psychiatrists,

brain surgeon,

somebody from Alcoholics Anonymous.

Just bring the whole group. I'll be right here.

(DOOR CLOSES)

MOLLY: Jamie.

Jamie, I need you.

JAMIE: G o away.

P I ease,I et me be.

I'm going to make a deal with you.

Charlie wants to commit me.

I know that now, and I want you to stop him, Jamie.

I'm o n I y a shad o w.

You help me, Jamie, or I'll burn this house down.

That immortal soul of yours will be out on the sidewalk.

What can I d o?

Charlie has a bum ticker, Jamie.

Frighten him to death.

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

Couldn't stay away, could you, Charlie?

Molly, I told you I'd be back.

Oh, so you did.

Did you bring the salvage squad with you?

Where are all the little men in the white coats?

Do you have some kind of fancy-schmantzy

court order to take me away to the funny farm?

Molly, I have a friend.

Dr. Phillips.

He'll be over later.

I thought that you and I might have a talk.

We don't have anything to talk about, Charlie.

I told you already. I don't need you.

Do you know who's up there?

Some kind of...

Some kind of ghost, you said.

It's just a shadow.

Puff of smoke.

It's all that's left of him.

'Cause they fed his body to the worms.

Poor Jamie.

He's got no body.

Molly...

Why don't we...

Why don't we go into the living room?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, Charlie, there's plenty of time for the living room.

Why don't you go upstairs and shake hands with the haunt.

He's waiting for you.

Waiting to say hello.

And I'll tell you something, Charlie,

about shadows

in empty rooms.

And dead men doomed behind walls.

They don't run out on you!

They don't turn you in for nicer and newer models.

Go on up, Charlie! Go on. I dare you!

Go on up!

All right, if it'll give you some pleasure, Molly.

To you, dear.

(LAUGHS)

May be in for some lonely times.

But,

for Charlie Wheatland...

(CHARLIE SCREAMING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(BODY TUMBLING)

Oh.

There's always another goblet.

But unfortunately...

Unfortunately,

there's only one heart to a customer.

And I'm afraid Charlie...

(LAUGHS EVILLY)

I'm afraid yours just gave out.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie.

Are you all right?

(WITH JAMIE'S VOICE) Char I ie is n olo nger with us, Mrs. Wheat I and.

Char I ie is g o ne.

Where is Charlie?

He's in the attic r oo m.

M o ving ar o und,

getting used t o things.

Why c o u I dn't y o u I eave me a Io ne?

There was peace in the w oo dw o rk.

Peace.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(WHIMPERING)

(SCREAMS)

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