All language subtitles for S02E06 Under A Rock with Tig Notaro - NBA Star Richard Jefferson Once Took Improv Comedy Classes at UCB

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Original subtitles

(audience laughing)

- Hey!

You got the meat and potatoes there.

(host laughs)

(upbeat music)

- [Announcer] Please welcome Tig Notaro.

- Hi.

Welcome to Under a Rock with Tig Notaro.

I'm Tig Notaro.

I'm a comedian and I don't follow pop culture,

so I haven't seen a lot of TV shows or movies,

and that makes it hard for me to recognize famous people.

And on this show I interview famous people,

to try and figure out who they are.

So, please welcome, this person.

(audience applaud)

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- How are you doing?

- I'm doing well.

How are you?

- I'm great.

- You are for sure the tallest person we've had.

- Oh.

- On Under a Rock.

- Okay.

- And I said, "Bring me the tallest person."

- And did they do a height thing

when they had all the pictures and that?

- Yeah. - They did?

- Running past the 7-Eleven.

- Running past the 7-Eleven?

(audiences laughs)

- You would be awful in a police line-up.

(audience laughs)

- Could you say who the perp was?

No.

- But, I might have gotten a glimpse of the perpetrator.

I just didn't watch that person's show.

- Oh. (laughs)

(audience laughs)

- You know?

I would love to do a fun fact.

(audience laughs)

- The excitement is just...

- Well, it's fun.

- Oh, yeah, that's the idea.

(audience laughs)

- Wow, okay, so you do like comedy.

You took improv classes at the

Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater.

- Yes, I did.

- What is something that you've learned in improv,

that even if you don't become a professional improviser.

- Yes.

(audience laughs)

- What can you take with you?

- It kind of allows you to just lighten up

a little bit, have a little bit more fun.

It's like you're going to be a child

lost in the desert.

It's like, okay, I guess that's what I'm doing this morning.

Right?

And so...

- Well let's see that.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, you want to see it?

- Yes, I want to see it.

(audience laughs)

- I want to see a child lost in the desert.

- Oh, wow.

Yeah, are you doing to be in this improv act with me?

- I'm just going to jump in.

I've never done improv, other than life.

(audience laughs)

(guest laughs)

- I'll do what I can.

- Oh, gosh, we're going to need make-up

because I'm going to start sweating.

Okay.

(audience laughs)

- We typically ask... no, no this is what I learned...

We ask the audience for a one-word suggestion.

- [Audience Member] Desert!

(guest laughs)

(audience laughs)

- Okay, desert.

How about a baby lost in the desert?

- Okay, come on.

(audience claps)

- We're probably gonna need more space.

- We're definitely gonna need more space.

- This is nuts.

(audience laughs)

- Okay, so, a one-word suggestion is desert.

- And it's a baby lost in a desert.

Oh my god, it's so hot.

- Whew!

Oh, a little baby!

- Mommy?

(audience laughs)

- You're still so tall.

- Mommy?

- Yes, baby.

- It's getting really hot out here.

Thank you for coming down to my level, mother.

(audience laughs)

- You're such a big baby.

- Can't you see?

- Yes, I can.

Let me take you home to our house.

Let's get out of the desert.

- Wait, we could have done that this whole time?

- Yes.

- Why are just now telling us?

- Well, because I'm trying to wrap up this scene.

(audience laughs)

(guest laughs)

(audience claps)

- Now you and I both have to write

an apology letter to UCB Theater.

- Oh, this is going to just kill their enrollment.

- Now, I could go, all right, you're six-seven...

- Black.

- Gigantic hands.

You're black?

(audience laughs)

- Yeah.

(audience laughs)

- I didn't even notice.

(audience laughs)

- But I could be like, okay, this guy's really tall.

Maybe you're an athlete?

- Am I supposed to give an answer?

(audience laughs)

- Yes, yes, yes.

- You are an athlete?

- Yes.

- This completely makes sense.

- Okay.

(audience laughs)

- Is it possibly basketball?

- Yes, there is a possibility.

A high, high possibility that it's basketball.

(audience laughs)

Would you like another clue?

- I would love another clue.

- Okay, good.

There are some things over there that might help you.

- Oh, all right.

- Let's see, can you make a shot?

Oh, wow.

(audience laughs)

- Hey!

(audience cheers)

- You got the meat and potatoes there.

Here you go.

This is from me to you.

- I'll open this when I get home tonight.

- Okay, perfect.

(guest laughs)

(audience laughs)

- You went out and got this?

- You know, it's for having me here.

- Oh...

- Look at that!

- This is incredible.

- Yes.

- Is this for you or me?

- I think it's for you because it has your name on it.

- This is so nice, thank you.

- I just assume that after this,

you'll want to take up basketball.

Similar to me, wanting to do stand-up.

(audience laughs)

All right, here we go.

Would you like another clue?

- Yeah, I want another clue.

(audience laughs)

- All right now.

For my final clue, I wanted to give you

my take on Mount Rushmore to help you guess my first name.

One of the original faces on Mount Rushmore

shares my last name.

(audience laughs)

- Wait, what am I looking at?

- This is the Mount Rushmore.

- Richard Simmons?

Is that Richard Simmons?

(audience laughs)

- Oh, these are all Richards.

- Yes!

(audience claps)

- Yes.

- There's Little Richard.

- Yes.

- Richard Nixon.

- Okay, you're getting it.

I'm going to take this home with me

by the way.

I don't know what your prop budget

but this is gonna come with me.

- We use this prop for every episode.

(guest laughs)

(audience laughs)

- We make it work.

- Do you?

Okay.

And one of the original ones on Mount Rushmore,

also carries my last name.

- Alexa, who is on Mount Rushmore?

- [Alexa] Mount Rushmore is a massive sculpture

carved in the Black Hills region of South Dakota

and the granite faces depict U.S. presidents

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson,

Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln.

- Jefferson?

- Yes.

There you go!

(audience laughs)

- Richard Jefferson.

Very nice to meet you.

- Richard Jefferson.

Right here in the flesh.

- Yes, yes, yes.

- I'm going to go ahead and still reveal who you are.

- Okay, your reveal.

- Even after I guessed it.

- Yes.

You did a really good job, by the way.

That's the big reveal.

(audience claps)

- You did an excellent job.

- Oh, thank you.

- And you remember, like half an hour ago

when we were both on our knees improving?

- Yeah.

- My guest today launched his basketball career

with the Arizona Wildcats.

- Beared out.

- Reaching the championship game of the NCAA tournament.

- Yes.

- In 2001, he was a first-round pick in the NBA draft,

signing with the New Jersey Nets.

And in 2016, he won the NBA championship

with the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Alexa, what are Richard Jefferson's lifetime stats?

- Do they have that?

- [Alexa] Richard Jefferson averaged twelve points

six points, four rebounds, and two assists

per game in his career while winning one championship.

Did that answer your question?

- Damn right it did!

(audience laughs)

- Gosh, I was a little nervous.

- He continued his career

as a game and studio analyst for ESPN.

- Yes.

- So, you're a TV star?

- I wouldn't say star.

- Come on.

- You can say it.

- In 2008, the University of Arizona named

the Richard Jefferson Gymnasium in his honor.

- Yes.

- That's really cool.

- That's really really cool.

- I would love to have a gymnasium named after me.

- Really?

- I mean, especially for the confusion it would cause.

(guest laughs)

(audience laughs)

- That's why, the confusion is definitely high up there.

- Alexa, sports lighting.

- [Alexa] Okay.

(audience laughs)

- That's more of like disco lighting, right?

That's sport lighting?

- Well, you know what?

- Tell me.

- It turns out my guest today

was Richard Jefferson, who we already uncovered.

- Yes, you figured it out.

(audience claps, cheers)

(guest claps)

- Richard Jefferson from the Richard Jefferson Gymnasium.

- Yes.

- Thank you so much for coming.

- My pleasure.

This was...

- That throw you off?

- No, no, it was perfectly normal.

(cat meows)

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