Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

(snoring)

Mr. President, the Bovin inoculation serum,

aka Bovin killer, is now complete.

However, we are still awaiting the results of certain tests

to determine the drug's safety.

Without longitudinal studies, I fear we may never know for sure.

(snoring)

Now, Mr. President, the green one is for go.

(shooting sounds)

The red one is for no.

(siren alarm sound)

I shall now place these buttons on either side of your outstretched arm.

And the decision is yours, Mr. President.

(music increases)

(explosion) (siren goes off)

(snoring) (siren continues)

(relaxing music)

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four.

See, I don't really give a fuck if they change the grease or not.

Because if the fries good, I'm good. I eat this shit tomorrow too.

Hey, what's this look like to you?

Come on, man, grow up. On that freaky shit still.

(laughing)

(music continues)

My lady and gentlemen,

it has become "crystally" clear that the end times are here.

(music fades)

It is a critical moment for Sleepy Joe,

our first narcoleptic president of the United States.

Hopefully he can stay awake long enough to witness

the mass distribution of his administration's novel, 'Bovin Killer'.

(groans)

Get the fuck out of here, Trumper!

Rot in hell, you goddamn Sleepy Joe supporters!

Go home, motherfucker, and get a fucking life.

Hell have no fury like former President Baby Trump.

He will rise again. He will save us from the end times.

The election's been over for eight years now!

Get a fucking life, pal!

Little hands, Trumper! Little hands.

Big hands, huge! Larger than any hands I've seen before!

Massive hands!

This just in, we've received word from a highly reputable source

that two more senators have voted in favor

of the Bovin Killer mass distribution bill.

The bill is just six votes shy of passing in Congress.

Under this bill, the HOW or Health Organization of the World

will administer treatment to your current place of residence.

Keep testing my patience, Trumper.

Imma take that sign and shove it straight up your ass.

I'd like to see you do it.

For the last time: go home, Trumper!

This is my home, land of the free, home of the brave.

- The Great Debate is on! - This shit again?

Welcome back to the great debate.

I'm your host, Chuck Plank, and boy, do we have a show for you.

Today, our nation remains on edge about the Bovin Outbreak

that has now killed millions of Americans.

I know, I know. It's tragic. Thank God for Sleepy Joe.

Am I right?

(applause)

Unfortunately, some of us in Congress don't agree with inoculations.

Denial of science from our leaders.

You can't make this shit up.

But today, you get to see two members of Congress duke it out on stage.

How's that for live television?

Without further ado, I give you the very conservative,

the king of controlling a woman's uterus, Red Hughes.

Boo, boo!

Okay, okay, go easy on the guy.

Now on the liberal side, please give a warm welcome

to the very progressive, forward thinking, Ben Chandler.

Let's get into it, shall we?

So a vast majority of scientists are saying that the treatment is 99% effective,

still one of us in this room disagrees with this.

Red.

Sure, Chuck, I will gladly illuminate my views to these fine folks in the audience.

First off, for how long did science think the Earth was flat?

Red, I see what you're trying to do here. It's not a fair argument.

I'm sorry, can I speak?

I thought this was The Great Debate, not The Great Interruption.

Please, carry on, Red.

Right, and how long did science propose the geocentric theory?

The idea that the universe rolls around the Earth?

Wrong again, science.

That was before we had experimental means to know better.

We've widened our understanding of the universe

in congruence with technological advances.

You can't simply invalidate science based on old technology.

But doesn't that just feed my point?

What technology are we yet to acquire

that will give us an even broader view of the universe?

Look, all I'm saying here is, I'm not going to jump on

the science bandwagon just because it's science.

All right, buddy. I'd like a few minutes to respond.

Thank God. I mean, sure.

You see, Chuck, my opponent here wishes to deny science.

So what does he do? He turns these dated arguments of science.

Denial from a time when science was less rigorous.

It lacked peer review and painstaking verification.

So you know, Red, the hell with your anti-science rants.

(applause)

Second of all, Chuck, we need to really look at what we're talking about here.

Immunizations and boosters.

Immunizations are an established and verifiably successful science.

Half the audience, if not more, would have died

from simple diseases had it not been for immunizations.

An established science, huh?

Is that why just last week Janet from Dallas

became a cripple from a simple flu shot?

- Come on now, Red. - No, you come on.

I think I stand with the 16% of Americans

who either feel that inoculations are harmful

or are at least hesitant to answer the question.

Red, are you admitting to being an anti-inoculator?

Now wait just a second, Chuck.

I am simply saying that we need to take a step back and wait for all the evidence.

Wait for the evidence?

Hasn't Sleepy Joe's team of experts done enough scientific studies for you?

Goodness, Lord, help me.

I wouldn't trust Sleepy Joe with all the studies in the world.

It's ridiculous, Chuck. I just can't with this guy.

- Me neither! - Fellows, I think that concludes

round one of The Great Debate, Bovin Edition.

Somebody patent that immediately.

Catch us again later on and watch Ben and Red duke it out

on another nail biting segment of The Great Debate.

To ensure the safety of our nation,

Sleepy Joe woke up today to announce his new federal mandate.

All treatment must be supervised and documented by a government official.

Aw, man, can you believe that?

(chuckles) I'm sorry I'm only halfway in and out of this shit.

I'm about to get the highest score.

- Pause it, Dave. - Game don't pause, James.

You're playing Egg Cannon. That does pause!

Yeah, I don't think so.

(game turning off)

The HOW worker has to watch us take the vaccine.

- That's big news! - I mean...

I don't really trust the vaccine to begin with, but

especially not the government.

Are you serious, Dave?

You have to take the vaccine.

It's for the safety of our country.

Well, excuse me for expressing a bit of skepticism.

Skepticism, Dave? When has the country ever done us wrong?

Okay, okay, don't answer that.

Look, the point is, this isn't some nefarious bill

packed with political hidden agendas.

It's the single most important issue facing our nation today.

Our lives depend on this.

All right, governor, relax.

I mean, if it comes down to life or death, I'll take the vaccine.

Thank God, you started to remind me of those damn Trumpers.

Hell have no fury like former President-

- Speaking of which. - Baby Trump.

(window opens)

I thought I told you to get the fuck out of here.

There is no rest for the wicked.

Man, shut the hell up.

I am but a soldier for Trump's army, for God's army.

And you sir, are hiding from God's truth.

I spoke to God. You know what he told me? Trespassing is bad.

And we forgive those who trespass against us.

This mother fuck-Yo, you hear this? He's a Bible thumper too. Fucking figure.

Just ignore it, Dave. It never ends.

Man, fuck that shit! He throw shit in my window!

This is the Lord's country, and God is country, and Trump is God's president.

As seen in the Holy Bible and as verified

by the great Blake Sheldon and Leonard Skinner.

You're a baby penis, man.

Bro, where do you even come up with this shit?

You're a dick for brains, bro.

You got dick on the brain.

Remember back in high school, you was drawing dicks on the wall?

If you ask me, that's the problem. That right there is a red flag.

- Man, whatever, pee-pee boy. - Pee-pee boy. Bro, at least I pause.

Huh?

When you say shit like that, you talking about another man,

just give me a pause, at least.

Man, you can pause on my pee-pee.

- Pause. - Trump will prevail.

- Mark my words. - Go home, Trumper.

- And who do you guys vote for? - Your mama.

See, y'all are part of the problem.

Yeah, I guess, man, go ahead. Get out of here.

Get out of here.

Part of the problem.

Hell has a special place for you, bastards.

Say, where'd you get those fries?

McMomma's.

(growls)

That gotta be related.

Welcome to McMomma's. How may momma best serve you?

Well, now, I like some of them sweet oily fries with the sprinkly cheese on top.

So, a number seven?

Why you ain't just say that?

Just trying to make friendly conversation.

Anything else?

Nothing but your number. My sweet caramel macchiato.

Huh?!

What'd you say, Roxanne?

Okay, uh-huh. Yeah, I gotta go.

You see, I could listen to this nonsense once I got some food in my stomach.

That's all it took.

- Wish I had known that earlier. - How long you know me, James?

Your entire life?

Ain't gonna lie. I could go for some McMomma fries right now.

Really?

You're imagining takeout after already ordering takeout?

- So, it's a gratitude. - Gratitude?

I'm the one who paid for the food.

But you owed me.

Wait, how I owe you and you ain't got a job?

Forget it. The news is on. Pay attention.

(news music on)

Damn you Sleepy Joe! End times are near! End times!

Yo, look. It's that crazy Trumper from our neighborhood.

As more citizens receive treatment, we inevitably face pushback from Trumpers.

As you can see here, Trumpers have a particularly hard time

with government-mandated treatment.

May God have mercy on your souls.

Jeez.

You should have just taken the damn thing instead of creating a whole scene.

You know what that means, right?

What's that?

(mystery music)

They coming for us next.

(music builds up)

Say HOW!

As soldiers of HOW, what is our mission?

To inject our citizens and patients, sir!

- Do we show mercy? - No, sir!

- Little children, do we inject them? - Yes, sir!

And whatever they're like 'Oh, we don't like those',

'We don't like that at all'. Oh, what?

- Give it to them anyway, sir! - That's right.

Now, you know the mission. You know what to do.

To HOW, move out.

(tense music) (footsteps approaching)

No, please.

It's the government, bitch.

Taste the government. You like the juice.

Freaky bastard.

(music continues) (footsteps leave)

Hey, you.

What the fuck?

You got a problem?

(music continues)

Feels good, Tony.

Bitch.

(thuds)

(music)

Come out, come out wherever you are.

(creaking sound)

(music fades in)

My lady, and gentlemen.

It has become "crystally" clear that the end times are here.

Mark 13, 7, you must prepare for the second coming of Christ.

You must be double it. No, triple it, vigilant.

The inoculation is a virus. That's six letters.

666, mark of the beast. Virus, V-I-R-U-S-S, "viruss".

Time to wake up

to the end times.

Time to wake-(thuds)

What in the flat Earth?

No, stop, get your government hands off my wife!

No, no, only God can judge you!

Only God, only God! No!!

Please! (screaming)

(military music)

(birds chirping)

(screaming) Get the fuck off of me!

Me so horny! Don't resist!

- Oh shit, what the fuck? - Get off!

Me so horny!

We are loyal soldiers from the HOW,

the ministry's Sleepy Joe's government mandate.

Get the fuck off of me.

Your breath, man! Get the fuck off me!

Me so horny.

Taste the government in your arm.

(military music)

(mumbling)

Shit, here we go.

All right, just chill.

Relax, pee-pee boys.

Y'all fucking up my fries,

we already ain't got no ketchup, y'all bought ketchup?

Packer guys.

(footsteps)

(together) We are loyal soldiers from the HOW,

administering Sleepy Joe's government mandated inoculation syrup!

Do not resist!

You're a spacey fuzzy tank.

Submit to the HOW!

Submit, submit to the HOW!

(buzzing sound)

Submit!

(military music)

(music stops)

(birds chirping)

(music resumes)

(tickling sound)

Former President Baby Trump, you claim time and time again

that the election was stolen from you

without providing any valid evidence to the courts.

What do you have to say about that?

You know, you're a weasel for going there, you know that?

Are you gonna cry about it?

Funny you mentioned that. You're a cunning little weasel.

Not today I won't.

I promised my advisors I wouldn't cry.

(sniffs loudly)

How do you feel Sleepy Joe has done so far as president?

Laughable, disgraceful, the worst president in the history of all presidents.

Worse than Obama?

Sweetheart, we've got crazy people being freed from asylums,

illegals crossing the border.

This guy's been asleep the whole time.

It's a travesty, really.

He's narcoleptic.

(smacks lips) This conversation is making me narcoleptic.

Let's keep it moving.

Women, it seems that you're polling not so well with suburban women.

Why do you think that is?

Nobody has a better relationship with women than me. Nobody!

You said you like to grab them by the pussy.

(smacks lips) I treat all women with kindness

and a nice finger or two up the pleasure hole is exactly what some women need.

Kindness. Mr. Former President,

in this interview alone, you called me a weasel twice.

Three times, you dirty weasel.

That's why we call it the fake news.

If Sleepy Joe's inoculation serum turns everyone into zombies,

how will you prevent the zombie apocalypse from happening?

Finally, a decent question.

I predict that Sleepy Joe will become a Zombie Joe

after taking the inoculation serum, and he will try to destroy America.

He will become the most diabolical zombie the world has ever seen.

And when he does, I will put up the fisticuffs and face him mano a mano.

With these big hands, I will knock him out, problem solved.

Now that's very specific.

We'll be right back after these messages.

(tickling sound)

(bell ringing)

Did somebody order government mandated death serum?

I'm just joshing with you gentlemen.

My name's Craig. Let's get this on the road, shall we?

To the dungeons. (chuckles)

(birds chirping)

(mysterious music)

- (coughs) - Gotcha!

(laughs)

(tense music)

(coughs)

Hey, what's this look like to you?

Come on, man. It's a small fry. That's what it looks like.

(laughs)

Grow up on that freaky shit still.

Don't throw the fries, we're eating it.

(laughs)

(coughs)

That should sound contagious.

(choking)

For real, you good?

Roscoe.

(coughing)

Yeah, yeah.

Okay. You all right?

Hey Roscoe.

It's good, it's good.

You sure?

(tense music fading)

Excuse me miss, how long until my food order is ready?

How long until this food is ready?

- 45 minutes. - 45 minutes.

Excuse me miss, chicken doesn't take 45 minutes.

Wait, I'm sorry, do you work here or do I?

Last time I checked, I woke up and put the McMomma's uniform on.

Wait, something's not right. Roxanne, you hear this mess?

He says our food doesn't take 45 minutes. He says he knows.

Something just ain't right.

It doesn't take 45 minutes.

Then why did you said that?

Girl, who said 45 minutes?

And who you talking to like that?

I shouldn't have to pay a cent.

Well, I can get you a free cup of water.

And for 50 cents extra, I can throw in some ice.

Forget it, I'm not even hungry.

(coughs)

(music builds up)

(groans)

♪ And I will always love you. ♪

Aw... baby.

Relax, it's just a song.

That's why I can't stand you.

I was just playing.

You see, that's your problem. You play too fucking much.

Baby, you know I got love for you.

(mumbling)

What did you say, babe?

I just said I wanted some McMomma's biscuits, babe, that's all.

(turns radio on) (song playing)

You know what? I don't wanna look at your face right now.

I'm gonna get in the back.

Are you serious?

As a fucking aneurysm I am.

You don't even know what that big word means.

Fuck you!

Alas, the truth is revealed.

The government has injected us with the juice of the beast.

You see?

(coughs)

It's already happening.

(coughs)

Well, Sleepy Joe's gonna wake up and be the devil himself.

No one is free of the end times.

No one is free-(coughing)

from the end times.

(tense music stops)

(music resumes) (choking)

Father Simmons?

Hey Craig, how'd it go?

You know, two vaccinations. Smooth sailing, all way.

No! No fuck ups like in training?

You probably stabbed the needle in his heart and gave him an aneurysm.

Come on guys, I got the same training you guys did.

Craig Nipper, certified vaccination list.

Read it and weep, gentlemen.

Wow, Craig, you lost some weight.

Yeah, I've been getting back in the gym lately.

It's been a...

Ah, you guys are just messing with me.

No, no, of course not, buddy.

We would never bust your balls, Craig.

(laughs)

(chokes) (coughs)

Are you all right?

(coughing harder)

Gentlemen, you're just busting my balls here, right?

(tense music)

Jeez, what's going on?

Aw, jeez, I don't think you're busting anything.

Your colors don't look so hot.

Hey, tight gentlemen, I got just the thing, all right?

I'm gonna get the first aid kit, one second.

(music fades)

You still watching the news?

Man, I haven't learned shit.

It's packed with critical information, Dave.

Where did you come from?

The dream world, where I dreamt about what I learned from the news.

And what did you learn?

I learned from the news that B12 supports energy metabolism.

I've been taking B12 everyday.

That explains those pills in the bathroom.

Man, I thought those were your herpes, man.

Shut up, Dave.

Man, I'm sick of the news.

(chill music)

McMomma's.

It's crispy, it's soft, it's Momma.

Okay, we need that right now.

Man, I already got my shoes on.

I can taste McMomma's from my lips.

I sure hope Katie still operates the drive-thru.

You still dwell on that?

Man, you pushed out way too many times.

Shoulda got a number years ago.

It's a damn shame.

Man, you still ain't giving back a necklace?

Tonight's the night, Dave.

I can feel it.

Well, I wanna hold my breath, buddy.

(guitar music)

Only hours after receiving Bovin 19 treatment,

(coughing)

citizens are experiencing persistent side effects.

(coughing)

And an uncontrollable desire for-human flesh!

Jeremy?

(breathing heavily)

Jeremy?

(breathing heavily)

(screaming) (chewing sounds)

(screams loudly)

Can I get my food now?

That depends. Did you order something?

Yeah, I got the meatloaf with the gravy, and the fully loaded fries.

So what, number 10?

Why you ain't just say that?

How long on the number 10?

Just give me the number 10 so I can get this man out my face.

I'm sorry, sir, you did not hear that.

I'm pretend I didn't hear that,

as long as I can get your phone number.

(sneezes)

Seems like I'm allergic to-

(sneezes)

fuck boys, it must be one really, really close.

Come on, stop playing with me, girl.

You wouldn't know what to do with it, even if you had it.

(suspenseful music)

Damn, baby, I knew you were hungry, but relax.

I got your food right here.

(growls)

What you want me to do, feed you?

(music stops)

All right, baby, I'm sorry for being a dick.

Here, how's it make Momma fries?

(screams)

Fuck, baby, that's not the fry!

I said I wanted you to taste me. I didn't mean like this.

(screaming louder)

(heavy metal music)

(song stops)

(tense music)

(thuds)

(engine starts)

(tires screeching) (screams)

(tires screeching)

Father Simmons?

(tense music)

(screams)

Mr. President, I know it's late and you're probably...

(snoring)

The good news is, the Bovin inoculation serum

was distributed nationwide in a matter of hours.

The bad news is, the drug was a complete disaster.

It's turning people into flesh-eating zombies.

Once again, I will place these on either side of your arm.

And once again, the decision is yours.

Mr. President, do you authorize military action?

Mr. President, do you authorize military action?!

(louder) Mr. President, do you authorize military action?!!

(tense music)

Very well, Mr. President. I will wait.

(trumpet fades)

(coughing)

See, it's all of you, it's getting to you finally.

Finally.

What is wrong with you, bro? Are you alright?

(tense music)

(coughing and choking)

(music builds up)

I sure hope Katie's here. This will be my lucky night, Dave.

(distant siren)

(screams)

(suspenseful music)

(siren approaches)

(tires screeching)

Boy, God.

What the fuck is going on?

Yeah, how about nice to see you too, gentlemen?

How did you find this?

Please, how about a little thanks for saving our lives?

Thanks.

All right, I'll tell you what's going on.

It all started back at HOW headquarters.

Now they were teaching us how to inject people, patients,

with Sleepy Joe's Bovin killer.

As the drug was not yet approved, they had us practice

by injecting vitamins into unhealthy individuals.

The whole thing just seemed a little fishy to me.

Now, before we were sent out to shoot up the American people,

we were asked to distribute it to ourselves.

And, bennosed to the government, I opted for the vitamins.

(suspenseful music)

Flash forward to you gentlemen's apartment.

Now, the government asked us to set up cameras at the injection sites

to make sure that we were shooting everybody up properly.

Wait a minute, if you injected us, why aren't we turning into monsters?

Now, when you guys expressed concern,

I took the opportunity to go and relieve my bladder, or so you thought.

(chuckles)

Now, instead, I took some equipment with me into the bathroom

with the intention of replacing the inoculation liquids with my own piss.

You injected us with piss?

You know that would kill this, right?

(laughs) Of course not. Are you crazy?

Are you insane? (clears throat)

Anyways, when I saw the vitamin B12 sub lingual,

I knew that was the ticket to saving your lives.

So, I took the time to replace the inoculation juices

with the vitamin B12 sub lingual.

See, I told you they knew it was good.

That still don't explain how you found us.

Come on, gentlemen, I mean, the government's tracking us at all times.

The HOW has access to everyone's health records and cell phone location, always.

That's fucked up.

- You can say that again. - That's really fucked up.

Why is the vaccine doing this to people?

God, that's a good question, Dave.

My uncle's something of a scientist and a war vet.

He'll help us get to the bottom of this.

Come on, gentlemen.

(rhythmic knock)

(door unlocks)

♪ Oysters Bay, Timbuktu, Axelgrace ♪ ♪ Big Beef Stew, Tiger Claw, Manly Fist ♪

♪ America Makes You Her Bitch, Ah-Ah, ♪ ♪ Ah-Ah, Manly Sandwich, yeah. ♪

I skipped some huzz in there, but it's fine.

♪ Oysters Bay ♪

(metal sounds)

How the hell are you, comrade? Why the two straves?

The sleeping giant has awokened.

You shitting me? Ten-four? Get the hell in here, you stat!

(metal sounds)

If you were to show your face here with two stray cats, I knew it had to be bad.

You mind telling me the situation on the outside?

You could say that the pot has boiled a rat.

You mean the chicken's come to roost?

Negatory. The burden's on the farmer.

So I was right all along.

The Bovin killer cure is nothing but a government death trap

designed for population control.

Sleepy Joe wants you all dead.

No way. I don't believe it.

Sleepy Joe's been a dedicated politician his whole life.

He wouldn't want that for his country, not a chance.

Do you honestly think the major drug companies

can't come up with a remedy for some punk-ass virus?

You've been lied to, pal.

So the American dream is stabbed in the back.

Poison. But never mind the why. Let's get to the what.

If you want to know what you're really dealing with,

you're going to have to bring me one of them zombies so I can run some tests.

Then I can come up with a remedy for the remedy.

If that makes any sense.

Uncle Jasper, how long is that going to take?

Well, kid, I'm a fucking genius, so...

A couple hours of all-go-smoothly.

Let's go back to McMomma's.

- What? - Yes.

Maybe we can save Katie and give her just for that thing.

You mean that lovely girl I, like, launched with my truck earlier?

It's worth a try. Maybe I can finally get my chance with her after all.

Man, that's crazy. But sometimes crazy work.

- Yeah! - Let's do this.

Uncle Jaspy, what about you?

Oh, I can't. The government's been after me for 50 years.

I can't risk being seen now.

Okay, buddy. Stay put.

One zombie coming up.

(eerie music)

Katie?

Yo, Katie! Wait!

(growls) (thuds)

(laughs)

- Katie, I've always wanted you. - Fuck me, Dave!

But maybe not like this.

Come on, Katie. Please, I don't want to hurt you.

(laughing)

Katie, please step out of it.

Yes! Fuck me!

Okay, I don't know.

(growling sound)

(thuds)

You got me right where you want me.

Fuck me, Dave! Fuck me! Fuck me!

Please, snap out of it.

Bitch!

(crashing)

Katie! (sobbing)

I told you to step out of it.

Oh, Katie... (sobbing)

I guess you won't get her number now.

Hey, man.

At least you didn't get dead-eat.

(military music)

Excellent job, flanking two wandering bogeys.

Was the kitchen clean?

I'm out of speed crop. Dusted? Bugs Bunny Teap. Manly.

Ah, cunning linguist.

Any peach fuzz?

A rainbow needs to go.

Guys, speak English.

Fine.

I've been studying these two zombies incessantly,

and I must say, Sleepy fucking Joe's done a number on them.

Right this way, gentlemen.

Welcome to the lab.

Here's where I invented bean Puff.

All those years ago.

Back in the days when I actually liked the government.

Hey, uh, you got any of that bean Puff still lying around?

Is that really important now, Craig?

When we're on the brink of a government-induced zombie apocalypse?

Maybe not.

Anyway.

It seems the inoculation brings out primitive aspirations and desires.

Some of them sexual in nature.

The zombies?

When your primitive brain is in charge,

you become purely instinctual,

like an unnooted feral dog.

You see, zombie number one on the left here,

is likely of the heterosexual variety,

showing no sexual interest in us or the other male zombie.

Zombie number two, on the other hand,

seems to seek zombie number one's affection

and sexual gratification.

(laughs)

And this is a human finger.

Obtained through strictly legal means, of course.

- Legal? - Stay focused, Craig.

These brooding idiot zombies seem relatively harmless at first glance,

until they become violent,

which is what these creatures essentially are.

They possess an innate desire to kill and...

(high pitched sound)

devour human flesh.

Fear not, I'll have a proper antidote by tomorrow morning.

It'll reconfigure their DNA using a newly designed,

reverse transcriptase zinc-fingonuclease.

In other words,

it'll set them back on the straight and narrow.

Wow, Uncle Jaspy, that is fantastic.

I've set up a box in the kitchen that emits televised signals directly into the hall.

- You mean the TV? - Precisely.

With a television, we can monitor what's going on in the outside world.

And the last I checked,

things weren't looking too pretty.

Quick, to the kitchen.

Welcome back to The Great Debate Bovin Edition.

(coughing)

Excuse me.

I'm your host, Chuck Plank,

and I bring to you Round Two.

Ben Chandler, versus Red Hughes.

(coughing)

Watch these two men sift through the hottest topic our nation faces today.

The Bovin Killer Mass Distribution Bill.

Hey, I took the shot. You took the shot.

We all had to get it. Thank God.

(clears throat)

Sorry, gentlemen. Let's get right into it.

Bovin has killed millions of Americans.

Scientists insist that the inoculations were the best decisions.

(coughs) Did Congress make the right decision?

(coughing) Chuck, let me start by saying

we're fighting a noble cause here.

(coughing)

(choking) We're in the business of saving lives.

With all due respect, my esteemed colleague,

many Americans are turning into flesh eating zombies.

Red, really? Zombies?

See, Chuck-

(coughing)

My opponent-

He was hoarse to...

(coughing)

a tax.

I mean, take a look at your sound engineer.

(dramatic music)

Well, with the poor ventilation in this room,

(coughing)

she certainly seems like a zombie.

The outrageous claims by my opponent were true.

We should expect a statement by our President Sleepy Joe by now.

Well, apparently-(coughing)

Sleepy Joe will be addressing the nation tonight.

I'm sorry, we're going to have to cut this segment short.

Join us tonight-(coughing)

for the final round of The Great-

(coughing) The Great Debate.

(coughing)

(choking) Bovin, Bovin Edition.

(coughing)

President Sleepy Joe will now demonstrate

the safety of the Bovin killer inoculation serum

in this rare, live, publicly broadcast event.

(dramatic music)

Mr. President, have you any words to say to this great nation?

(snoring)

I will now inoculate the President.

(dramatic music)

(liquid sound)

(snoring)

(growling)

(dramatic music)

(screaming) (tearing up)

(music stops)

I can't believe Sleepy Joe would eat a government agent like that.

That's not the Sleepy Joe you knew, James.

Far as I'm concerned, he's Zombie Joe now.

Man, this shit is crazy.

Affirmative.

When the cure is ready, we have to save Sleepy Joe immediately.

Negatory!

We use the cure only if we are in danger.

We continue to hide from the government

and stay in the bunker for the rest of our days.

You have to save the country or else everyone turns into zombies.

We're still human, aren't we? And I'd like to keep it that way.

Mark my words.

I will never help the government again, least of all, Sleepy fucking Joe!

Fuck Sleepy Joe! Fuck Sleepy Joe!

Tricky dick, tricky dick. Where are you? Where are you, tricky dick?

(suspenseful music)

(dramatic music)

(music builds up)

James.

- What, Dave? - I got an idea.

Now, what idea could you possibly have, Dave?

The world is ending and Katie is dead.

I can't bring back Katie.

But, I know a way we can save humanity.

Before your very eyes, you will witness

the live healing of not one, but two zombies.

(dramatic music)

What?

What did I say?

I'm not gonna say it, bro.

He was a gay ass zombie, bro.

Imbeciles, fools, morons!

Hey! Hey!

Do you realize how many government bureaucrats want me dead?

- It's okay, Jasper. - You don't know that.

I need to get more views before it draws any more attention.

Your live broadcast might well have been my death sentence.

I wouldn't be surprised if we hear-(alarm sound)

You've done it now, kid.

Uncle Jasper, you're expecting company? What's going on?

Quick! To the secret exit.

I love a good secret exit.

Come on, this way. Come on, hurry! Hurry, hurry!

(dramatic music) (alarm continues)

- Craig... - You found the bean puff?

No. Here, take these.

What about you?

I'll hold them off. Go, go, go!

(metal screeching)

(screeching sounds)

(dramatic music)

(gun sound)

Any last words before the government blows your brains out?

Yeah. Lick...

my... balls.

(gunshot)

Right behind you, fellas.

Alright.

You gotta get Craig.

My buns.

Craig! Come on, Craig!

I got you!

Craig! Come on, Craig! Come on!

I got you!

No! Craig!

(squishy sounds)

We are here to fight the government.

We wouldn't miss it. Yee-haw!

So where are these people government spies?

Where the fuck did you guys come from?

Everybody in the world knows

you made the MyTube stream about saving the world.

Told you it'd work.

The problem is, every zombie in town is now coming for you.

That's okay. We're here to kick some liberal asses.

Gotta figure, it's the libs who took the jab.

- Damn straight. - That's highly offensive.

Now let the beating begin!

Yee-haw!

Motherfucker just taken my bat?

Yeah?

Come on, man. We gotta get moving.

(screaming)

(laughing) (screaming)

(crickets chirping)

Katie! How did you find us here?

(grunts)

Got a cell phone?

You can operate that thing as a zombie?

That's a skill right there.

Give me the bag.

No, no, no, Dave. I got it.

Look.

(grunts)

(sighs)

Look, Katie, remember.

Remember.

(screams)

(grunts)

That's how you take care of business.

Alright, come on. Let's go.

(dramatic music)

(growling)

(music builds up)

(door creaking)

(static buzzing)

Come on, come on.

(growling)

Man, this is it.

I'm not done with you yet, Sleepy Joe!

(growling)

(thuds)

(growling)

Sleepy Joe wants you all dead.

Stabbed in the back.

♪ America makes you her bitch ♪

♪ Ha-ha, ha-ha ♪

♪ America makes you her bitch ♪

- Stabbed in the back. - Ha-ha, ha-ha.

You can't lie to me, pal.

Stabbed in the back. Stabbed in the back.

(explosion)

I did do it. I did do it.

It's sick!

It's sick! Come on, this is sick people!

This is sick! I'm getting out of here!

Stop this, damn! It was great!

(sobbing)

You want to do the honors?

Nah, James. It's all you.

No, Dave. This is your moment, too. I insist.

You know what? Together.

One, two, three.

(dramatic music)

(music builds up)

(munching)

(music stops)

(music resumes and stops)

Welcome back to another episode of The Great Debate.

My name is Jessica Plank,

and unfortunately, my husband was eaten live on television yesterday.

But boy, do we have something for you.

On tonight's special guest edition,

we have the two great gentlemen

that saved America from the zombie apocalypse.

Please give a round of applause for Mr. Dave and James.

What up, what up, America? (chuckles)

Look, saving the world from the zombie apocalypse

it ain't an easy task, you know?

Takes street smarts, tenacity, laser-type focus.

If the government good, if the government bad,

I no longer think of these simplistic terms.

I tend to think the devil is in the detail, folks.

There's a lot of great in his life.

In the end, you saved the world from a zombie apocalypse.

The hell you did!

The cure for the cure is a lie.

It's all a big conspiracy.

Ah, okay. Somebody call the police.

Let the Trumper speak.

If you took the antidote for the antidote, you turn into a cat.

- That ain't to be... - Are you serious, Trumper?

You know, I took the antidote,

and I came out just f-f-

(choking)

(coughing)

(squeals)

(screaming)

(dramatic music)

(roaring)

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)