Original subtitles

You know that evil heavy metal that your parents hate you listening to?

You know those lyrics about hell and doom?

Demons ripping you new orifices to shit out of?

What if I told you it's all real?

I know.

I was there.

But wait, let's start at the beginning.

It all started in Greyport, middle of ass fuck nowhere.

I had to shift here after my mum went on a massive meth bender and tried to suck

off a Santa Claus in a crowded mall.

Mum got sent to a mental ward and I got stuck with my uncle.

My uncle Albert was balls deep into Jesus.

He thought Ricky Martin was heavy. He heard me cranking some disemboweled

corpse and he hasn't slept for days.

I brought about the end of the world.

Biggest dick move ever.

This is Dion.

And that is probably the least embarrassing orifice that Dice has been

shoved into.

Wait! Yes, it's in!

And this is my dickhead cousin. Hey, David.

He's hospitalized more nerds than asthma.

Saw Uncle Albert washing his sheets this morning. He shit the bed or something.

Fucking devil worshipper.

I can't wait till my dad kicks you out on the streets and you go to blow truck

drives for food like your psycho mum.

His mum's a psycho.

Here's your dice.

It's actually a die. Dice is the plural.

And it's a D10, but... Thanks.

Jesus. Who's that?

Medina Darcy.

Number one cause of awkward boners in Greypoint.

Uh... No, dude.

What do you mean, no?

No way, you're tapping that. Chicks like that, they don't go out with metal

heads, they bang apes like your cousin.

Forget her, man.

At lunchtime, do you want to do something completely badass?

And that's...

Eight points of non-lethal damage exceeds your HP.

Your cleric's unconscious.

No fucking way!

How's it still breathing? I cast a fireball. You cast it at a fire troll?

It's immune to fire?

This is bullshit.

Well, that's Giles.

He was once suspended for violating the CPR training dummy.

I'm the DM, Giles. What I say goes, okay? I am the law.

This is your problem, Dion.

Okay, yeah. This is why no woman will talk to you. Hey, do you know what?

A whole family of goblins has just amassed around your dead body, and one

of them is humping your foot. How do you like that?

How do you like...

It's piss.

They sprayed us with piss.

Again! Oh, the player's guide is totally ruined!

My friends are losers, my uncle keeps trying to christen me in my sleep, and

I'm drenched in my cousin's bodily fluids. X minus one.

X plus one.

Good work, Brodie.

Nice technique.

Great shading on the demon penises.

Is that me having hot pokers stuffed up my rectum by skeletons?

Yes, sir. Nice likeness. Very detailed.

Two weeks detention.

Silence!

So, that's me, Brodie. Fuck my life.

Fucking late again.

Oh Christ, it's my Satanist cousin Brody.

I mean, look at that ugly loner.

I'm gonna make his life hell on earth.

Wow, that's really cool, David. Can you please take me home now?

I thought we'd take a drive or something.

Okay, it's hard to believe but talking about bullying isn't really eternal.

There was only one cool thing about Greypoint.

Alien Records.

Byron sold the sickest vinyl, while his psychic girlfriend Abigail told fortunes

to bored housewives.

Welcome to Alien Records.

How are things, kid?

Things are shitty.

Check it out.

Oh, Axe and Sword. Epic.

Yeah, man, it's only one of 666 ever printed, numbered in blood by Ricky

Sturgis himself.

Metal vinyls are over there by that kid.

Fuck yes Now that's a record man. Yeah, I should been after that one for a

while.

I'm Brody by the way

Zack after I made

Zack my life changed mother was gonna call me storm though Red I

know

He was a tornado of chaos, leaving a trail of destruction and teen

pregnancies in his wake.

Zack got expelled after stabbing a kid with a math compass because he stepped

on his king diamond tape.

Or was it a set square?

He used to help his dad out at a car workshop, but mainly he just stole

anything not bolted on, and then unbolted the rest.

Yeah, fuck you too, boy.

You gonna do something crazy?

It's not role-playing, is it?

What the fuck is role-playing?

Zack

played

bass. So we started a band.

Hey, this is Giles and Dion.

Hey.

Right,

first things first.

What are we called?

Uh, murder boner?

Toothed vagina.

Oh, maggot spoon.

Cannibal unicorn.

How about, like, 13 S's? You know, like... Got it. Got it.

Death gas.

All spelt in capitals. Lowercase is for pussies.

Cool. What about that fucking Sid?

So

I

fucking spit it!

Dude, I thought you said you could play.

Sorry. I can't, I can't.

I'm just, I'm just rusty.

Right, from the top.

What? I'm just mixing it up.

Where we going? This is a surprise.

What the hell is that for? Dude, chill out. It's fine.

Alright, you stay here.

Your lookout.

What? Shit!

Zack!

Zack!

You shit yourself?

Nice surprise.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're an accomplice, mate.

Don't puss out on me now. Come on.

Check it out.

Man, these guys were legends back in the day.

Check it out.

Ricky Daggers.

He was a maniac. Didn't he used to kill live rabbits on stage with a crowbar?

No, man. It was a claw hammer.

I wonder what happened to him.

Spent all his money on coke hookers and satanist shit.

Last I heard he was hiding out in some small crappy New Zealand town.

No fucking way. Yes fucking way.

Fuck, look at those amps.

They're old as hell.

Probably all busted.

Is that... It's an amp.

Is he dead?

I fixed that recorder.

Dude, that's low.

I can go much lower.

And Sean, are you two cunts doing it in my house?

Let's get out of here, come on. Don't you fucking move!

I answered you, didn't I?

When are you occultist cunts ever gonna fucking earn?

We're just, we're just metalheads.

We're fans.

Where'd you find me?

Latest death stream, dude.

You were outed.

Oh, fuck.

Shit, someone's coming.

Here, take it.

Take it!

Hide it and guard it with your life.

Come on, let's bail. Let's bail.

So

you

fuckers finally found me.

Where is it, Diggers?

Who are you talking to?

I heard voices.

Why don't you go home and delay on the fucking show?

Go on then, you fucking pussy!

Slow,

mister. Well, that was fucked up.

Dude, what the hell?

It's a fucking Rick Astley record!

What the hell was that?

Weird.

It's music.

Can you read it?

Yeah, I think so. It's pretty universal.

It's really old.

Holy fuck.

Look at that title.

What the fuck does it say?

I don't know, I think it's Latin.

What, like Dora the fucking Explorer?

No, like Romans and shit.

Dude, we should learn this. Turn it into a Deathgasm song.

It'll be fucking brutal!

You wanna bet?

Uh, yeah.

Phaedon.

I found daggers. Straight to it?

Not even a... How are things, Anne?

You're direct.

I've always liked that about you.

Aeon, the pages.

Black hymn, Phaedon.

Pages are just paper.

Black hymn is absolute power.

Please, give it the reverence it deserves.

Daggers didn't have it. The black hymn.

I think someone got to it before us.

Oh.

That's a shame.

There was a break-in.

The pages should be in Greypoint somewhere. I just need more time.

Winners don't make excuses for their failures, Vaden.

They learn from them.

No! Please! Take his fucking head off.

No!

Oh come on, that's a custom made Satori rug, idiots!

You put a tarp down first!

Do it again.

That's good.

Yeah, I think they worked.

Get a car.

We're heading into Greypoint.

Zach, that's good.

Brodie, can you put your foot up on that tree?

Yep, but higher?

Higher?

Trust me, this is gonna be awful.

Does anybody want anything from the shop?

Condoms, Vaseline, jumper cables, and ammonium nitrate.

I don't think they sell that combination of things.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Could I please have my tampon?

Yeah, sure.

You're Brody, right?

Yeah.

I'm Medina from maths class.

Right, you're David's girlfriend, right?

You know what? I was just going to get an ice cream. Did you want one?

Yeah. I was just helping these guys.

We're all done here.

Catch you later.

Yeah, that'd be great.

Cool.

Exterminator, dude!

So, um, the other day in Mass... Yeah, like, Mr. Capernaust is such a dick.

I, um, I saved this. Well, I rescued it from a bin.

You're a really good drawer. Like, really talented. I wish I could draw

like that.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thanks.

You know, I was thinking about getting a tattoo. It would drive my dad crazy.

I should get you to design it.

Maybe that's lame.

Of course.

I mean, of course, I would help you design it, not of course, I think it's

lame.

Okay.

You know, I was thinking about getting it just, um, here.

Yes.

Good spot for it. Or maybe here on my upper thigh.

Yeah, yes, yeah. I mean, again, both great areas, places, and hard decision.

So you're in a band?

Yeah, I play guitar.

I mean, axe.

Do you like metal?

Isn't it just a bunch of guys screaming?

No way.

Well, apart from grindcore.

And death metal. It's kind of like that.

And deathcore, screamo, porno, grind, black metal, mathcore, thrash, and

mortalcore, but apart from those.

It's just not my thing.

I don't really get it.

It's like when life sucks and you feel alone and empty.

Stick on some metal and life is better because somebody else knows the pain and

the rage that you're going through, you know?

I'll lend you a CD.

You should have a listen.

Anal cunt.

This one.

Awesome.

These are really, really old.

How are they not in a museum?

Where did you say you got these again, dude?

I, uh, found them.

I'm gonna skip.

I'm warning you, Brody!

Stop that devil music now!

No.

Shit, man.

Where's Bud?

Dude, you choked again.

Sorry, I started panicking.

Have you ever had that feeling where you can't breathe?

Like there's a crushing weight on your chest and the room gets really small and

your heart starts beating insanely fast?

No, never heard that.

Although this one time, this chick grabbed my nuts too hard and my splooge

came out red.

Brother to steal?

Brother to steal.

Later.

Whoa. The expression...

3A plus

2B...

When a equals 3 and

b equals 4,

how do you weigh 3a

plus 2b?

2.

Four. Hey, cuz.

What the fuck do you want?

Fuck off, dude.

What are you gonna do about a fudge packet? Tell my dad.

He hates you too.

You go near my bitch again, and I'll punch you in the dick every morning.

Fuck, Todd.

Rip Rudy's girly earring out. No!

No! No!

No!

Come

on,

run into him!

Are you stealing petrol?

No. I'm stealing diesel.

You don't feel guilty?

No. All dead.

You're Zach, right? Brodie's friend?

Do you know where he is? He skipped class this afternoon.

Brodie.

Oh yeah, he lost his dick in a freak bouncer accident.

Treacher.

Okay.

Can you give him this?

Don't read it.

Time to solve the form of the eye

I

know the grave there always

tried to hide

Zack. Where's Bertie?

Told me to pass on a message.

He's not interested.

He's got other shit going on.

Well, that's shit.

Yeah.

Well, I thought I'd come down and tell you.

See if you're waiting all night freezing your tits off, eh?

Thank you for considering the well-being You're welcome

Yeah, you're freezing

Sweet

helps

take the bullshit away

He's not the psycho.

always try to

You gonna tell us who gave you the shiner?

My medicine.

Let's just fucking do this.

Dude, you know I have your back.

Tell me who the hell fucked them up.

I'm fine.

All right, well, if I give you any more shit, I know a trick, all right?

Point down at the zipper and say, ooh, gross, your cock's hanging out. And when

they look down, boom!

You punch them in the face.

My dad taught me that.

All right, ladies, from the top.

God damn, I have the worst headache.

Well, we're asleep.

Abs are buggered.

Guys.

Guys, do I look different?

More like... more powerful?

You could be weaker than before.

Something... What the fuck happened?

My head is throbbing.

Something went wrong.

It didn't work.

What are you talking about, dude?

Wouldn't it be crazy if the music had something to do with demons?

Demons.

Demons?

What do you want, asshole?

Can you hear the trumpets, Brody?

They're getting louder.

The blind one is coming.

He's going to suck out your intestines for a thousand years and use your ribs

as toothpicks.

Okay.

Did I match?

He's going to roast your nuts over an open fire.

One is still attached, of course.

No, Terry, you didn't mention that.

Well, he is.

Mr. Cooperhouse, are you okay?

There's just blood everywhere, from every hole.

It's crazy.

Weird. It's mental, man.

Medina too, just totally ignored me.

Did she say what?

Nah.

Feels like everybody in my neighbourhood has gone insane.

This town's always been fucking crazy.

Probably the Illuminati pouring fucking fluoride in the water or something.

What the fuck is that noise?

Dad?

Fuck's sake.

Dad?

Dad?

Dad, what the fuck are you doing?

Dad?

What are you doing?

What's wrong with him?

Is he drunk?

I don't think so.

Dad, talk to me.

Look, I'm gonna take this t-shirt off your face.

Yeah?

He has a fucking engine for a head.

I don't think he's going to be walking this one off, man.

Shit.

Your dad, I'm really sorry.

Fuck!

You know, it's weird, but...

I think you would have wanted to go out like this.

His eyes ripped out, face grinded off, and then head mounted under a car

engine.

Totally.

For whom the bell tolls, old man.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Dude, dude, I am so sorry, man.

This is all my fault, okay?

I translated those pages, and they were all to do with summoning demons, okay?

And now, people are turning crazy. Like, possessed.

Crazy. You knew that was some black magic shit, and you didn't fucking tell

me? I didn't want you to think I was crazy.

It's a bit fucking late now, isn't it?

This is fucking twisted, man.

Fucking demons?

Abigail. Fucking Abigail, you know, the chick from the record store, the psychic

chick. She knows all about this stuff. We should go see her.

The

lights

are on. They could still be here.

I'm out of ideas.

Jesus!

These things suck!

What are you doing?

Who brings a dice purse to a demon apocalypse anyway?

We had axe skills.

Thanks.

I wanted to come up with like a one-liner, like you were axing for this

or something. That would be really cool, right? That was pretty cool. As is, I

mean, the axe and the... Fucking awesome.

Abigail, we need to get you to a hospital, okay?

It's too late.

It has possessed their bodies.

Whoa. Is that Satan?

And is Aloth king of the demons?

Aloth? Sounds like a badass.

These words were in music pages.

The Black M.

You have it.

Have it?

We fucking played it.

The possessed bodies.

They kill all in their path in preparation for Aeloth's ascension

on the next Blood Moon.

The Devil's Hour.

Oh, shit.

The moon is red tonight.

When's the Devil's Hour?

3am.

3 a.m. Pacific or Eastern Time?

Do demons recognize daylight savings?

When Haloth returns, his soul will fuse with that of the darkest human host.

How can we stop him?

Do you still have the black hem? Yeah, it's back at my ankles.

Well, then we can...

Have you guys seen Brodie tonight?

Everyone I've seen is either dead or psychoed. No sign.

Hey, my dad said we should head to the school in an emergency at some Greypoint

Civil Defence Centre.

He's a warden.

I mean, was.

Until he got possessed and ate Mum's skin off.

Dude, are you still going on about that? It was hours ago.

Get the fuck over it.

Let's head to the school. We're not going to survive out here. Wait a sec.

Let's hope the demons can't read, eh?

You ready?

Let's go.

We need you to destroy the Book of the Equator, Eximonia.

Destroy it?

We came here to get it.

Those who perform the Black Hymn may try to reverse it before Aeloth's ascension.

Can't you destroy it?

No. Only those who still have a soul can touch the pages.

I do not.

I have one condition.

I want to become Aeloth's vessel.

It has to be me.

His soul will bind with the blackest human soul nearby.

A soul that will not resist his power.

No, please.

No,

who doesn't have a gag reflex?

I pledge allegiance to Alof the Blind.

Kill anyone who gets in your way.

You will be rewarded with more power than you can imagine.

Fine Brody, here's the key.

Before she died, Abigail was trying to tell us something.

Maybe... Hey, we're gonna go back to my place, alright? We're gonna get my

guitar and the pages. I'm gonna try and play this song backwards, Rob Halford

style, man. I mean, it makes sense, right? Reverse all this shit? Fuck that.

This town is shit.

We're going up to the lookout, rolling a three skinner, cranking some slayer, and

watching this town burn to the fucking ground!

Dude, what about Medina, Giles, and Dion? They could all still be alive.

Those guys are dicks.

Medina's never gonna put out for you, man.

You're never gonna get the second bass with that girl.

What?

You know, anal.

Okay, firstly, I don't want to know what you think fourth bass is, alright?

But I'm going for the music pages.

Dude, fucking stop.

Don't you give a shit about anyone but yourself. No, I don't.

Fuck them.

Hey, Cocktopus, you win.

I'll take you to the thing with the music or whatever.

Do!

Come on, get in.

Come on.

Okay. So all the shit is in my room, all right? But just watch out for my aunt

and uncle, because they hate you. And also, they might be demons.

All right, okay.

Holy shit.

Well, they're into all that God shit, right?

It'd be sweet to just pray themselves to safety.

No, no, um... No, they were at home when we played the song.

Well, they definitely would have heard it, okay?

Looks all clear.

I'll get the music.

We need armour.

Did your uncle have a gun? I doubt it, man!

Fuck!

Fuck yes!

Bet there are some crosses in there. Some Bibles we can bash them with.

What the hell?

I think they're rosary beads.

What part of church are they praying this bad boy, Brodie?

Great. What?

Oh, fuck!

Why would you do that?

What the fuck?

Pretty sure he wasn't possessed.

What? Oh no, of course he wasn't. Because when he came in, he said

something about Satan.

You didn't hear him say that?

Hey, the pages are blowing away. You have to help me... Oh, sick, man!

What? They were like that when I found them. Come on, we have to get the music.

Alright, look.

I'm gonna help you do this, but only because you suck at it.

It was always kind of fun stabbing shit, but we need to get better weapons.

Yeah?

Rude. Brutal as fuck.

You're pretty good at waking guys up, bro.

Did you see that?

You gotta check it out.

Brody, you've got the page. Let's go.

Brody!

Oh, shit!

Medina!

Brody.

Hey.

Hey.

We just holed up and inside.

We?

What a half-chup.

Look, let's get back to the matter at hand here. Seeing as how you're in an

underground dwarven citadel, it looks as if it has nested hinges which are... Oh!

Brodie!

Told you that'd be okay.

No you didn't.

You said they were probably dead already.

You wanted dibs on his guitar.

Ow! I found these guys outside your house.

You were looking for us?

Of course!

You got our note, right?

No, I didn't see any note.

Who would have thought that Mr. Proctor's rock collection would come in

handy?

Oh my gosh, your hand.

Oh, it's okay.

That's Zach's jacket.

When did you get that?

He, um... He lent it to me.

He stopped by the other night to tell me that, you know,

you weren't interested.

What?

The note that I gave Zack to give to you to meet me at the park at nine.

I didn't get that note either.

So...

Did you guys hook up?

Motherfucker! Brodie, just leave it!

Fucking wanker! You knew I liked her!

Calm the fuck down, alright?

I'm not even into her, I was just bored.

Well, that's supposed to make it fucking better!

What happened to Brotherhood of Steel?

You know what, everyone was fucking right about you. You're a piece of shit.

Fuck you!

You let this happen by being such an insecure pussy.

Yeah, that's right, walk away.

Grow some fucking balls, man.

Motherfucker!

You motherfucker, you knew I liked her.

Good luck fighting evil without me, you're all gonna fucking die!

Death to false metal!

I expected this.

He's chaotic neutral and you're lawful good.

Your alignments are totally mismatched.

How are we going to play it backwards? It was hard enough playing it forwards.

We'll take a few goes.

Well, time isn't exactly on our side. Another problem. When we first played

the song, everyone in the neighbourhood got possessed first, right?

So? Well, they were all within earshot.

But our amps blew up.

Right, okay, so we need some serious decibels.

Well, does the school have any? Are you kidding?

The whole music class said they share the same recorder.

I can still taste it.

I know a place that has amps.

Big ones.

Not sure if they still work, but it's our only chance. Out there?

It's gonna be crazy, and we don't have a car without Zach.

Zach can eat my ass.

We don't need him.

We can do it on our own. Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Let's tear shit up.

It's chill, alright? We're not demons.

Drop the weapons.

Now.

Damn.

I can't tell if I have a fear boner or a boner boner.

I can't even say anything. Hit him.

Listen, just let us go, okay? You don't know what you're doing. The whole town

is overrun with fucking demons. We know exactly what we're doing.

Give me the Vogue Cattyquake Rexdemony. It's actually pronounced the Vogue

Cattyquake Rexdemonia.

That tongue wasn't mean for later.

Oh, come on!

The black hem. Where is it?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well,

don't tell this Manson family.

Come back at anything.

Tie them up. Take them to the bedroom.

They can be a live offering for Alof. No! No, please, let us go!

You had your chance.

You awakened Alof, pleaded with him to take away your weakness and vanquish

your enemies.

He would have given you power, fame, fortune, and any woman you want.

But you blew it.

Is that true, Brodie?

You did all of this for power?

I didn't want this. Get them out!

Do you think if we soil our pants they'll let us go?

I guess we'll find out soon.

Hey, I never meant for this to happen, okay?

I just want to let you know that.

I was desperate, I... I just... I felt so fucking powerless.

You are not powerless, Brodie.

You can still stop this.

I know you can.

What was that guys?

There's something in there!

Did you miss me?

I thought you were off to the lookout to watch the town

burn. I realised I couldn't live with my mate in the shit.

Not with all these demons to mega kill.

Metalheads stick together, right?

Well wait you decided that you wanted to help us and then you went and applied

makeup Well, how long did that take about 10-15 minutes? It's not makeup.

It's fucking corpse paint for going into battle. Okay?

Well, you look adorable really brings out your eyes What's the plan

yeah, I'll get my guitar you guys get me to the amps cover me But she ripped up

the pages.

Do you really think you can play it from memory?

I have to try

One more thing.

Can you quickly pull me off?

You know, I'm not even sure I'm in the right tuning.

So, dude, I'm thinking about doing a Berza.

Starting my own solo project.

The rest of the band is just getting wet.

Luke, zip up your fly. I can see your don.

You can't do me. You can't stop me. I'm gonna destroy this world of shit.

One man at a time.

You're about to defy KG without crash time.

Fuck it.

That's not gonna work.

You have to play the black hand, fucking idiot.

Zack!

Thanks, man.

It'll walk me back.

Drone hold him off.

It's gonna destroy everything.

Dude, fight it. You gotta be strong. I mean, you're the strong one, remember?

I can't.

He's too powerful.

Finish me!

Take over again!

I can't! I can't!

You have to! There's no other way!

Send him back to hell!

Brotherhood is still there.

Brotherhood is still forever.

I don't know, I just... I can't stand my cupping.

Cannibal Corpse do it.

No, Barnes used to do it, for sure.

Straight from the books.

Shit.

Did I just get schooled?

I'm a very fast learner.

How's the tat?

It's all healed up.

I'll see you later.

Nah, just kidding dude.

Zach?

It brings the power out of my sight.

It brings me to my knees.

Causing the dark of the night.

It's a different look in my eyes When there's nothing you can hold

With another disguise

So, what's it like?

Being dead?

Hell is awesome.

Like, met some music legends.

Dio, Kurt Cobain, Dimebag, John Bonham, Paul McCartney.

Oh. Yeah, the True True Mayhem have reunited too. So cold, dude.

Fucking brutal ass.

Anyway, the band.

You gotta keep playing, dude.

Yeah, but everyone's dead.

We can't keep calling ourselves Deathgasm.

Doesn't feel right.

Intesticide? How about, like, bestiality bliss?

Yeah, how about birth canal boat riders?

How about the god buggers?

How about David Bayne's scrotum?