Original subtitles

I know what he likes touched and where.

Lovemaking is everything.

It's little touches, it's little kisses.

Teasing, you can tease for quite a long time and then stop and it doesn't result

in anything and it's mildly frustrating and it can be very frustrating but it's

still fun and it's still lovemaking.

Sex is really communication. It's really a case of talking to each other.

A good sexual relationship has got to be based on honesty.

and trust and communication and if you're madly in love then it's wonderful

the no pressure to have sex the no pressure to have to please her is the

big turn on because she makes me feel like i'm wanted i like kissing that's

really important because it's um proper contact you know you just haven't got to

have sex just being with someone lying there and whatever happens happens

In our teens and early twenties, sex itself is often seen as something that's

valid in its own right, rather than part of a one-to-one relationship.

As a result, it can become a series of conquests or one-night stands.

However, what most of us are searching for, whatever our sexual orientation, is

a way of combining love and sex that makes sense in a world in which more of

us are trying to stay committed to our one-to-one relationships.

Strange as it may seem, This could mean adopting somewhat different attitudes to

sex and relationships, some of which are pretty traditional.

Everybody has their own views on romance and courtship.

Some couples leap into bed within hours of meeting and then embark on a long

getting-to-know-you period, and others wait for some considerable time and seal

their commitments to one another before having sex.

Either way, most people claim that sex with someone they know and care about is

almost always better and more satisfying in the earliest stages of courtship we

select our partner approach him or her and slowly seek their approval many

animals have highly elaborate courtship rituals and not all of us as human

animals have lost this skill particularly in the early stages of

choosing a partner personality attracts me to the partner um Yeah, looks do

matter, yeah.

Eyes and smile.

Her lips do it for me.

His hair and his body and his eyes, everything, all together.

The hard part, though, is continuing to court one another on an ongoing basis.

If we do, it means that, should the genital part of our relationship falter,

we'll have something else to fall back on.

We won't be tempted simply to throw in the towel and look elsewhere.

Committed involvement means giving up one kind of freedom for another, much

deeper one.

It enables us to be loved and to love, to be understood and to understand,

and to achieve all of this not in spite of ourselves, but for ourselves.

Nurturing this caring and involvement with another creates intimacy in which

we are free to be truly ourselves.

Essential to this process is communication and understanding, sharing

the problems that are an inevitable part of life and openly discussing our needs

and those of our partner.

This touching of minds should, ideally, be as open as the touching of bodies.

If you're close enough to actually make love, then you should be close enough to

be able to talk about it. If you try and do it without talking, you're just

asking for trouble.

We can use ordinary daily activities to build loving behaviour and attitudes

into our lives, to form the basis of our life together.

Sex in this setting becomes a joyous high point, because such a couple are

making love all the time, even if they're not doing anything genitally.

And when they are...

No one forces anyone to do anything sexual, and there are few no-go areas

because the individuals are in tune with one another for so much of the time.

This might sound something of an ideal, and no one is suggesting that

maintaining a relationship is easy.

We all encounter bad times, but it's not that hard to cope with any lows.

if the foundations of the relationship are strong.

Even with all this trust, goodwill and intimacy, building it into our sex lives

usually comes about through trial and error.

In some ways, this can work well.

Unfortunately, many of us can also spend a lifetime making mistakes that could

have been avoided.

The drive to have sex is certainly instinctual, but how, when, where and

with whom we do it is largely learned.

Many of us mislearn a lot about sex early in life, and then find it hard to

unlearn our bad habits and unhelpful attitudes.

Whilst there are many facets to a healthy and happy relationship, sex

plays a very special part.

A great sex life doesn't usually just happen, it's a journey of discovery

between two people.

How we perceive our own sexuality, or that of others, in the formative years,

and how we are initiated into sex itself, can all have a lasting effect.

Often our expectations are quite inappropriate.

As with any learning process, always be prepared to listen and learn, both from

your own feelings and those of your partner.

If you do, the journey will be exciting and fun, whatever stage you're at in

your relationship.

The first step on our journey is to accept our body while trying to care for

it and respect it.

This helps our personal sense of self-esteem.

and is a compliment to our partner actually most people men included want a

caring and sincere partner rather than one who just looks sexy i think you have

to like your body and love your body to appreciate anybody else's and

you can't expect somebody to love your body if you don't self-acceptance means

taking a delight in the things we like about ourselves

and being prepared to live with those that can't be changed.

We like to look nice for each other. Definitely.

If you have confidence in yourself when you're undressed, I think the aura you

give off does help.

I think some people have problems with aura sex because they're ashamed of

their bodies.

The only time I can actually orgasm is if I'm totally happy with my body.

Accepting ourselves also means acknowledging that we have sexual needs.

Our first encounter with our sexual selves is usually self-stimulation.

Masturbation is an activity in which almost everyone indulges, if only from

time to time.

Most people continue to masturbate throughout their lives even if they are

in a happy and committed relationship.

It can simply provide physical relief and is rarely a reflection on the

relationship.

Men's genitals are so obvious that they tend to know them well.

The clearest sign of male sexual arousal is an erection.

Tissue within the penis fills with blood, making it stiffen.

As arousal increases, so does heart rate.

Breathing quickens and the nostrils flare.

The muscles tense, the nipples erect and the man feels excited.

The skin of the scrotum thickens and retracts, and there's an increasing urge

for further stimulation of the penis.

When arousal reaches a certain point, ejaculation is imminent, and he can't

hold back.

At orgasm, there's a rhythmic throbbing of the penis as semen is pumped out.

In some animals, quick and easy ejaculation is actually an advantage.

in the efficient impregnation of females but in human

relationships where females need longer for their own arousal and where love

making is part of an emotional relationship so-called premature

ejaculation can be a real problem i've suffered from premature ejaculation and

coming too quickly depends i can control it much better when i've come once

A man can learn control by bringing himself close to orgasm, then either

stopping or using this squeeze technique to lower his level of excitement.

When the penis is floppy, it can be re-aroused.

This cycle is then repeated through several erections or until a certain

time, say 15 minutes, has elapsed.

Many men find it helps their lovemaking if they have the confidence to control

their time to orgasm and even to know that they can enjoy an erection without

having to ejaculate.

Control and delay can actually make for stronger orgasms for the man himself,

and he'll be able to last much longer when satisfying his partner, which is

nice for her.

Whereas almost all young men feel a need to ejaculate to relieve sexual tension,

many women say that their need for an orgasm is not so compelling.

There are, of course, enormous variations on this, and it's unwise to

generalise too much.

Unfortunately, in a masculine-dominated culture such as ours, both men and women

attempted to think of the responses of the sexes as far too similar, too goal

-centred, and something to be strived for in a masculine-driven way.

Whilst male and female sexual responses are indeed somewhat similar at a

biological level, it seems that for many the emotional significance is rather

different.

Given that all of this can change within any one person over the years, it's

vital that couples talk this through and share their similarities and

differences.

As I encourage people to share their innermost feelings and experiences with

their partners, they come to realise how similar they are in many ways and how

they can learn and benefit from their differences.

This almost always brings couples closer together, both in and out of bed.

Many men believe that if their partner doesn't have an orgasm, they have

somehow failed as lovers.

Surveys show, though, that roughly two-thirds of all women don't reach a

climax from penetrative intercourse alone, and that many greatly enjoy sex

even if they have orgasms only from time to time.

Clearly, every woman should learn about her own arousal.

She can only do this by learning how to masturbate.

Yeah, I've always found it very easy to have an orgasm.

When I was 23, I lived with four other girls, and a friend of mine said, I'm

not sure if I've had an orgasm or not. And I said, if you've had an orgasm, you

would know.

I do masturbate. Why?

Because it's for me. I masturbate because I like to, and I enjoy it.

When women stimulate themselves, they tend not, like men, to recreate the

motion of intercourse.

Instead of replicating the sensation of a penis sliding in and out of the

vagina, by and large, stimulation is centered on the clitoris.

The body changes in a woman are very similar to those in a man.

However, the average woman usually takes longer to become aroused, lasts longer,

and, here there's a big difference, is capable of almost instant re-arousal.

As excitement begins, the nipples erect and the breasts swell.

With increased blood flow, there may be a sex flush over the chest and neck, and

the genitals become filled with blood, which makes them swell and darken,

especially around the inner lips.

Stimulation of the clitoris makes it erect.

The outer lips also swell and open up, and the vagina begins to produce fluid.

As sexual tension grows, the vagina balloons at its top end and the clitoris

may seem to disappear.

Orgasm itself occurs when there are intense contractions of the pelvic

muscles and uterus.

The woman's body may go into a sort of spasm, she may groan or cry out, and

gasp or bite her lip as the sensations flood through her, or it may be hardly

noticeable.

For some women, though, achieving or enjoying orgasms can be more difficult

than for men.

Yet with practice and a willingness to be open, it's possible to make real

progress, particularly if you talk it through with your partner.

If you as a woman are like this, there are several things you can do for

yourself to make orgasms more likely or more pleasurable.

Firstly, learn to relax with your own body.

Appreciate it and discover what feels nice about it, and let yourself go with

your feelings.

Get to know your own genitals, both aroused and unaroused.

While masturbating, caress other areas while concentrating on the clitoris.

Think about using a vibrator to stimulate yourself.

Indulge in your fantasies. Get lost in them.

Remember the mind is probably the most powerful sex organ.

However switched on we think we are in daily life, we all have at least some

inhibitions about sex.

The most important thing to bear in mind about inhibitions is that they are

largely a break on pleasure, not only on what we do.

Dispelling inhibitions can be difficult, though, because many of us find it hard

to be truly open with one another.

I do sometimes feel a bit inhibited.

i feel at times yes i think i could probably be more expressive um i think

people have a lot of hang-ups about sex and i mean some people are perhaps not

um very sexual You know, they just don't have the feelings there. But I think in

the main, it's because people have hang-ups back.

Lack of communication is a problem.

There again, I think that's because of hang-ups as well, because they think

their partner's going to think they're dirty or something if they talk about

what they'd like, you know.

I felt very odd because I thought, I'm really missing out something here, you

know. If a woman can't make love with the lights on and be on top without

feeling... on show she's got to be sitting on top of the guy making love

with the lights on and feeling proud of herself to reach orgasm that's the way i

see it one of the best ways

of discovering each other's bodies is through massage it is a satisfying form

of loving behavior in itself and can be a sensuous prelude to sex massage is

simply a structured way of touching one another

It's a beautiful way of getting closer and learning how to surrender to someone

else.

The basic aim is to produce relaxing and pleasurable sensations for the person

receiving, though of course the giver will also benefit in various ways.

Don't massage bony areas. Stick to the fleshy parts and try to be gentle.

The main things are to keep your hands on your partner's body throughout and to

maintain a soothing rhythmic flow.

Above all, worry less about technique than discovering from one another what

feels best.

Once learned, massage can be an effective way to relax, and not just in

bed.

When one partner, for example, comes in tense from work, it helps if the other

could spare a few minutes to massage their neck and shoulders.

Sensual massage done with love and care builds trust in a way almost nothing

else can.

We get used to seeing our partner totally naked, we put ourselves in their

hands to produce the best feelings for us, and we trust them to handle us with

reverence and respect.

With massage, we learn to relax in someone else's presence and give and

receive love and bodily pleasure without the pressure of having to have

intercourse. Well, I like him licking me and stroking me. He likes to stroke

me and I love it. I find it ever so erotic to be gently stroked.

If the mood is right and one or other of you wants to take things further, it's

fun sometimes to let sensual massage become more erotic.

Try a feather or some fur.

A woman's hair can drive her man wild.

Wetting an area and then blowing on it can be extremely erotic, especially on

the nipples.

Set some special times aside, and with practice and imagination you'll find

that your instincts will take you into realms of pleasure you have never dreamt

of.

Having learnt about our own arousal, and how to appreciate and touch one another

naked, it's very helpful to get to know one another's genital geography and

patterns of arousal.

Ideally, this should happen at an early stage of a committed sexual

relationship.

But even after years of not getting this far, mutual exploration can bring about

real insights and benefits.

So, one day, when you're feeling really relaxed, Try to overcome any shyness or

inhibitions and take it in turns to examine one another's genitals in some

detail.

Take your time and share with one another what you discover.

Start off by simply looking at the outside of her vulva.

What you can see are the large outer lips.

You may have to open these gently to reveal the small inner ones.

These come together at the top to form a little hood, which covers over the tip

of the clitoris.

This is highly sensitive.

For most women, clitoral stimulation is the best way to produce an orgasm.

What looks like a little indentation, or even an obvious hole beneath the head of

the clitoris, is the opening of the urinary passage.

Below this is the vagina, and a bit further back, the anus.

Around the opening of the vagina there are often small flaps of skin.

These are the remains of the woman's hymen that shut off the vaginal opening

before she first used a tampon or had sex.

They're very small in this woman and can hardly be seen.

Now you're ready to feel.

Go back up to the clitoris and run your finger over the body of the organ, just

above the head.

It feels like a little pencil.

Take the inner and outer lips between your fingers and see what they feel

like.

Run your finger around the vaginal opening and then around the perineum.

That's the bridge of tissue between the vagina and anus.

Now, insert a finger into the vagina and feel its walls.

They're wet and crinkly, especially along the front wall up towards the

woman's tummy.

This front wall may have a sensitive area called the G-spot, which gives

pleasure when stroked.

And in some women, can bring them to orgasm if stimulated for long enough.

Push your finger in a little more.

until you come across something that feels like the tip of your nose.

This is the woman's cervix or neck of the womb.

Talk to your partner about all of this and find out which areas are the nicest

when stimulated.

Make sure she is as aware as you have become of what all the parts are.

A man's genitals are easy to see, though many women haven't taken the trouble to

have a detailed look.

Start with the penis itself first, because it's the most obvious bit.

Pull back the foreskin, if the man has one, to reveal the glands or head.

At its tip is the opening that lets out both urine and semen.

Just underneath this is a little ridge of skin called the frenum.

Most men say this is their most sexually arousing part.

Next, turn your attention to the scrotum.

This bag of skin contains the balls or testicles.

You might see the muscles in the scrotum contract under the skin.

Now feel the balls themselves.

They are largely a mass of coiled tubes containing sperms that are maturing

ready for ejaculation.

At the top of each ball is a hard cord which can be felt between finger and

thumb. This is the vas deferens.

It is this tube that is cut and tied when a man has a vasectomy.

Now look at the base of the penis and feel all around it.

The penis has a sort of root that goes back towards the anus.

Feel this and look at the anal area while you are here.

A man's G-spot is centred in his prostate gland, which can be reached by

inserting a well-lubricated finger into his anus.

It can cause exquisite sensations gently to stimulate the front wall of the

rectum with the pad of the finger.

After these exploration sessions, take time, either then or later, to share

what you've discovered.

What was new? What surprised you?

If necessary, go back and repeat any of this.

Being this open with each other shows real care, acceptance and interest, and

such intimate knowledge can make you feel very much closer to one another.

Now you both have an intimate knowledge of the sexual parts, you may be

sufficiently at ease with each other to allow your partner to watch while you

masturbate.

This helps us become an expert on our lover's arousal and to learn to

masturbate them as well or perhaps even better than they can do it themselves.

You know where to touch to make him more turned on.

So more than turn me on, I actually learn from it.

This is a major step in being at ease with one another sexually.

Again, ensure the setting's right.

The room warm and private.

Perhaps put some music on, if it helps, or have a small drink.

Then be guided by what your partner best enjoys.

Some, for example, like to be cuddled, others just to be watched.

It's pleasurable to watch each other masturbate, and it's fun.

Yes, I enjoy watching him masturbate very much. It just seems so rude, you

know. I mean, in a nice way, it seems really rude. I like watching that.

As your man starts to arouse himself, Watch the position of his hands and

fingers. See how much pressure he exerts, the rate and extent of his

movements.

Notice the changes in his penis and scrotum.

Does he stimulate other parts of his body?

Look for changes in breathing, muscular contractions and facial expression.

Is there any pre-ejaculatory fluid?

Watch the amount and force of the initial spurt and further spurts.

What happens as he calms down?

Have a cuddle and kiss, and talk about the experience.

Reversing the roles can be difficult for either sex.

Some women are not only shy about displaying this most private of

activities, but because of this also find it hard to relax sufficiently to

bring themselves to a climax.

even when they have no problem doing so alone.

Their man may have to show a lot of care and consideration at first.

Now it's the man's turn to observe and learn.

I have masturbated in front of my partner.

It's exciting.

Watch her body and leg positions, how she stimulates her vulva and clitoris,

and what she does with the other hand.

What changes are there in her breasts?

Vulva.

And face.

See how she behaves during orgasm and what happens afterwards.

I think it's really, it's nice that you can do that, be really open, just

masturbate without worrying what I think.

For me personally, I think it's more of a turn on, just watching, than actually

learning or looking at it as a learning experience.

I think seeing her giving herself pleasure, if you like, in a state of

pleasure, and just being part of that.

Again, kiss and cuddle, and sometimes try talking about the experience.

Most men find watching their lover masturbating very arousing.

At some stage, once you've had several goes at learning about your partner's

responses, you'll find it useful and exciting.

to try to replicate things for them this is the time to put into practice the

things you've learned from observing your partner earlier on with trust and

patience it should be possible for you to learn perhaps over a few sessions

what best pleases your partner there's

definitely something to be learned from from watching your partner masturbate i

think that um

In terms of the female's body, not every guy is aware of the erogenous zones and

therefore I see it as an essential part of a relationship.

Things are different when my partner does it because it's more exciting,

really. When you do it with your partner, it's like you're enjoying him

enjoying himself and, you know, it's a bit nicer, I think.

Gently correcting him or her by loving guidance always works best.

Encouragement and feedback are the keys to success with this exercise.

And you'll be surprised how quickly you learn if you're both trusting and open.

Yeah, you really do need to watch and learn because I don't think there's

anything worse than getting it wrong.

And if it's wrong, it's absolutely awful. But with us, because we are

attentive and because we are open and honest, and we will say what we like and

don't like, then it's not a problem. And as I say, it just gets better and

better. Changing things round now gives your partner his turn.

Don't forget that every one of us is different, so no matter how many

partners we've had, we'll still need to learn about our particular lover from

scratch, if we are to honour him or her as a unique sexual individual, rather

than treat them like some sort of robot.

Once again, loving discussion is essential at some stage after this

exercise, so that both of you can get the best rewards out of what you've

learnt.

Bye now!

you will probably both be happy and at ease with caressing one another

sensually in a way that doesn't produce arousal, and genitally and in other ways

that do.

Sex isn't just a bodily experience.

It often starts in and is usually maintained by the mind.

People are sometimes ashamed or guilty about the raunchiness of their private

sexual fantasies.

The truth is we all use fantasy in our love lives, even if we only do so

unconsciously.

Improving the quality and excitement of your fantasies can help develop your sex

life. Yeah, I think people probably are afraid of discussing fantasies because

they probably think that nobody else has thoughts like them.

Most of my fantasies are quite wild, I suppose. Things that you

really... would really shock people i think if people don't have their sexual

fantasies they should make them up in a relationship to keep things alive and

booming and it gives your partner imagination as well in fact the level of

anyone's arousal can be vastly increased just by switching to a better fantasy in

pacing sex if you want to try to come together Either person can often bring

themselves to a high state of arousal by thinking of a particularly exciting

fantasy.

A tricky area for many couples is whether they should discuss the subject.

The answer is that it can help understanding and can overcome

inhibitions, and if done like this, is fine.

It's no hang-up, you know, if I've got something weird, you know, and I'll act

out any fantasy that my partner wants. When we're making love, if, you know, I

fantasise or she fantasises with me.

You know, we're not scared to act out or ask.

You're not harming anyone and you're just enjoying each other's company.

When you decide to open up the subject, make sure you are both happy, relaxed

and aroused.

Never share a fantasy just because you want your partner to know something.

Always ask yourself whether the relationship will benefit or suffer as a

result of what you're about to share.

Start off with simple things, and if all goes well, you can safely work up to

more complex themes.

Whether or not you eventually choose to have fun acting out any of your

fantasies will be up to you, of course.

But just because we share something in this way doesn't mean that we have to do

it in real life.

a part of their sexual menu either as a whole banquet or as one dish in a meal.

Mouth play is perhaps the most intimate form of lovemaking.

The lips and tongue are a delicious means of exploring and showing that you

love your partner's body.

I adore oral sex.

I think it's wonderful.

Me too.

We're the oral sex fan club.

Oh, absolutely.

The ultimate maybe mouth-to-genital contact, but there's a lot of skin area

besides. including major erogenous areas such as the lips, earlobes and nipples.

The whole subject calls for trust and reassurance.

Men can sometimes find it difficult to relax and enjoy.

They may even fear that their partner will inadvertently bite their penis.

Either partner may worry about the appearance of their genitals or genital

odour. Women can fear being choked by taking a penis too deeply into their

mouth. or worry about the taste or harm of swallowing semen.

I can't personally think of any reason whatsoever why anybody would find oral

sex giving or receiving distasteful.

I suppose I can see...

maybe from the taste point of view for a girl receiving semen that maybe they

find it unpleasant i think maybe it's because if you haven't done it before

you don't know what to expect you don't know what the taste is going to be like

how much is going to be of it but i think do it once and real convert these

fears and misunderstandings can be overcome if you both want to by ensuring

cleanliness either getting used to the taste of semen or not going as far as

orgasm covering teeth with lips and so on But the real issue is a willingness

to try.

If shyness or deeper inhibitions get in the way, try to overcome them gradually.

One effective way is to build the thought of oral sex into your erotic

fantasies.

How about trying the following practical steps?

Always stopping or even going back a stage as soon as you feel uncomfortable.

Begin by enjoying having oral contact with other parts of the body.

Kiss your partner's genitals.

Take this slowly and find out what you both enjoy.

Gently try licking specific areas.

For the man, begin with the clitoris. For the woman, the head of the penis.

Try taking your partner's penis into your mouth.

Bring him close to orgasm, perhaps, but finish off outside.

Try tasting the semen.

Try going the whole way with each other.

The woman, perhaps starting off by spitting out the semen into a paper

hanky, and the man bringing her to a climax with his tongue.

With time and encouragement, even the most reserved of people can overcome

their inhibitions and open up a whole new area of love and enjoyment in their

sex lives.

Of course, oral sex, including the genitals, isn't everyone's idea of fun,

and for some it'll be a pleasure they enjoy only when highly aroused, or as a

particular favour for one another.

True lovemaking is personalised to one's partner, involves mutual commitment, and

is an integral part of a couple's lifestyle.

It calls for insight and imagination, improves with time, can be varied

according to our needs, knows no barriers, adapts well to occasional

failure and positively encourages improvement.

Above all, it involves communication.

No true partnership can grow unless the people involved are constantly open to

sharing the initiative and reassessing what's going on between them.

In a loving sexual relationship, power and control are not issues.

There's give and take on both sides.

Such a couple are constantly reappraising their loving and sexual

life so that things don't stagnate or become boring.

It'll be obvious by now that the way I see intercourse is not as the start of a

relationship, but as the consummation of a love-making partnership

where

do all the sex positions we hear so much about actually fit in true intercourse

as opposed to loveless copulation has so many valuable aspects to it that the

position in which we make love becomes almost insignificant

Many happily matched couples say that they make love in the same few positions

for the whole of their lives together and greatly enjoy it But

we can enhance our pleasure in sex by choosing positions that are better for

one or both of us So what really matters?

First of all the angle at which the penis enters the vagina can make a lot

of difference to the sensations for both partners

By and large, when the woman has her legs straight, penetration is

shallowest, and when they are drawn back, deepest.

By altering her leg positions, a woman can make her man's penis come into

contact with almost anywhere she likes within her pelvis.

Wendy has got such incredible muscles, and one thing Wendy has done ever since

early days from what I understand, she's always worked very hard in making sure

she can hold her muscles in the right position, and it even practices with,

say, a pencil or something.

Positions in which the woman is on all fours allows the penis to penetrate

deeply and also to stimulate the front wall of the vagina around the G-spot.

This can be exquisite for women, and a few say that they can only ever climax

during intercourse when using this position.

Either can reach the woman's clitoris, and this in itself can make for high

levels of arousal.

Sex at its best involves quite a lot of movement.

Certain positions are best, depending on which one wants to move.

Obviously, man on top positions, like the missionary position, mean that the

woman can't move much.

But when she is on top, she's free to move about as much as she likes.

But it's not just the whole of our bodies that we can move when making

love.

A woman can contract her pelvic muscles on her man's penis.

This can be highly arousing for both.

I enjoy...

a lot of positions whatever feels good at the time basically we're not too

inhibited about what we do if inhibited at all he too can twitch his penis to

produce exciting sensations inside her with practice and openness it's possible

to develop a whole range of arousing and rewarding movements and rhythms that can

transform the sex act from ordinary to memorable this is yet another area in

which a couple can explore tease, enrich, and expand their sexual

repertoire if they're willing to experiment and learn.

As you become more experienced with one another, you'll be able to build up a

collection of lovemaking positions that suit every occasion, every mood.

This personalised sort of lovemaking is an investment that ensures maximum

pleasure most of the time, and makes other members of the opposite sex seem a

very poor second best.

Much has been written and said about how to behave after sex.

The truth is that most people feel content, relaxed, loving and often ready

for sleep, especially if they make love in the evening.

It's a big build-up and then it's like a release and I sort of feel really

relaxed and there's absolutely no strength left and crossed out sort of

thing. Intercourse can stir up big emotions, if only on some occasions, and

some people like to cuddle and talk intimately after sex.

It's probably a mistake, though, to make too much of this and expect meaningful

or deeply significant sharing after most lovemaking sessions.

A satisfactory and satisfying sexual life builds trust and intimacy, which

makes most of us more able to share intimacies at any time.

It's natural for couples like this to want to experiment and enhance their

lovemaking in all kinds of ways.

Sex toys, erotic videos, sexy dressing up games and many other activities can

enable us to indulge our needs for variety and novelty, yet stay faithful

to our one-to-one relationship.

Don't be scared to experiment, you know, not to get stale or in any kind of rut.

You must always keep that spark, you know, try and excite your partner.

In this way, couples can become self-sufficient for a whole lifetime

together.

Sex is a highly complex part of our lives, and reflects our past, our

present, and especially our current moods and emotions outside the bedroom.

Most of us know that sometimes sex is great, and sometimes a disaster.

But for most of us, the majority of the time, sex is simply okay.

If you work on the basic assumption that out of every ten lovemaking sessions,

it'll be brilliant once, a disaster about once or twice, and the rest of the

time it'll simply be okay, you won't go far wrong.

Sex really, when it comes down to it, is really like most things in life.

Sometimes it's an unfulfilled thing for both of you.

Many couples believe the myth that sex should score 10 out of 10 every time.

Of course, it can't.

When there are problems, sex and marital therapists find that helping couples get

things right outside the bedroom often sorts things out within it.

Some people think that a row can be solved by having sex, but there's no

bigger turn-off than when we are feeling hurt, misunderstood and angry.

So much of our enjoyment of sex depends on our current emotional and

psychological state, and few couples who have a bad relationship have a good sex

life.

Other factors which affect sex are our state of health, how much energy we

have, how our partner's feeling,

the stresses and strains of family and everyday life, and so on.

When sex goes wrong, it's helpful to remember to take things gently and not

to start worrying unnecessarily.

Worry in itself can turn a short-term hiccup into a real problem.

Catch things early on, and you won't become disappointed and let failure

start feeding on itself.

Some men...

can come to believe that any sexual failure is the beginning of the end of

their sexual life.

This concern is usually unfounded, but worrying about it can make it become a

fact. If it's just the odd disappointing episode, try abstaining from intercourse

for a few days, and you'll be surprised how quickly things can get back to

normal.

Remember to talk about things.

A partner's problem outside the bedroom may result in the other feeling hurt and

rejected in bed, because they are just not aware of what is going wrong.

On many occasions, a simple chat or a cuddle will avoid hurt and rejection at

a later stage.

Even if one of you has a more persistent sexual problem, there may be things that

you can do for yourselves to remedy the situation.

Poor arousal is the most common complaint in women, but this can often

be overcome if the man spends more time doing what she likes, especially

caressing her clitoris.

I can't actually have an orgasm unless I've been sort of stimulated for a

certain amount of time anyway.

The only time I do orgasm is if I do talk dirty whilst making love,

or if there's a big build-up with oral sex before the intercourse.

It does take a lot of hard work and a build-up for me to reach that.

I think it's just, if you think about it, you won't.

Remember that although most women find intercourse enjoyable, the vast majority

don't have an orgasm from penetration alone.

If a woman does want to have an orgasm during lovemaking, it often helps if she

first learns to bring herself to a climax, and then teaches her partner how

to do the same.

Such a couple can now change their lovemaking techniques to include things

that make orgasms more likely for the woman.

Often this will involve more loving behaviour in everyday life,

when making love.

A man can help his partner have an orgasm during penetration by using a

position that gives maximum stimulation to the clitoris, or they as a couple can

use a position that allows either to stimulate the clitoral area manually

during intercourse.

Ejaculating too soon can be overcome in many cases by the man alone, as we saw

earlier, or by the couple.

You can help your man with his premature ejaculation by getting him aroused and

then asking him to tell you when he feels he's about to come.

When he gives you a signal, use this squeeze technique until he loses his

erection.

Repeat the process over several arousals, perhaps over some weeks, until

he's confident that he can control his ejaculation.

Even a very trigger-happy man can be helped in this way over a few weeks to

have perfect ejaculatory control.

A good start when dealing with sex problems yourself is to take the

pressure off intercourse and get back to courtship.

This helps us learn to love and be loved in other ways.

You could use various parts of this video as a sexual program for

yourselves, doing things in stages in order to develop both the way you relate

and your sex lives together.

Begin by going back to courting each other in your everyday lives.

Make sure you're completely happy with each other naked.

Massage one another sensually, just for the pleasure of it.

Make the massage more erotic, but without going for an orgasm.

Get to know one another's genitals intimately.

Masturbate in front of one another.

Masturbate each other.

Tell one another your fantasies, if they can be shared.

Find which sexual positions suit you best.

And lastly, take it in turns to initiate things.

you'll be well on the way to abandoning old restraints and inhibitions and

learning to cooperate, growing together and trusting one another.

The main point is to increase communication, not just sexually, but

within the relationship generally.

If you follow a program like this, you can change sex from copulation into real

lovemaking.

On the vast majority of occasions that we make love, we are not trying for a

baby. As most couples have only one or two babies in their whole sexual

lifetime together, it's obvious that sex today has much less to do with

procreation than with recreation.

Modern contraception has largely taken away the anxiety that sexual pleasure

might lead to unwanted pregnancy.

All contraceptive methods have their successes and failures.

The two most effective are sterilization and the pill.

However, other types can be very reliable if used with care, and it's

usually a matter of trial and error within any one couple to find which

suits them best at any particular stage of their reproductive life.

In the early years together, the pill is a favorite because it is so easy to use

and is extremely reliable.

Some questions have been raised about its safety, particularly for women who

smoke, are overweight, or have high blood pressure, where the risk is

thrombosis.

Unconfirmed links have been made between using it and breast and cervical cancer,

but equally it may protect against cancer of the ovaries.

And one great gain for women with long and heavy periods is in reducing and

regulating these.

Side effects such as depression or weight gain can usually be overcome by

your doctor changing you to a different brand of pill.

In our relationship, Julie being on the pill is terrific. She used to have

really heavy periods.

They'd go on for upwards of a week or more.

And since she's been on the pill, they're a lot shorter and a lot lighter.

Just from a purely selfish point of view, that's great, because it means we

can have sex more.

Sterilisation is now the most popular method with couples after they have

decided to have no more children.

this is usually the stage in a couple's life before the woman's menopause when

long-term absolute reliability is called for well over a third of all couples in

their 30s and beyond use this method with either the woman being sterilized

or the man having a vasectomy the peace of mind that this brings enables

the couple to devote their love attention and material resources to

their existing children

Many is the couple whose love life starts a new chapter once fears of

unwanted pregnancies are out of the way.

Increasing numbers of couples are learning about natural family planning.

This sophisticated and modern adaptation of the rhythm method is based on

identifying the fertile days of a woman's cycle from changes in her

cervical mucus and body temperature.

The condom or a diaphragm can then be used during fertile days if she wishes.

I was really worried before I had my vasectomy that it would wreck my sex

drive. But exactly the opposite is the case.

I couldn't bring myself to be sterilised because if there was an accident

involving my children and they died, I'd definitely want some more.

So Harry had a vasectomy and we spanked some of his semen as a backup.

It was a big decision for us both to have my tubes tied. We discussed it with

the doctor.

And even if something happened, Dave left me or died.

We just decided that we didn't want any more kids and it was the most sensible

thing to do.

Other methods, such as the IUD, the diaphragm, cap and the condom, are, it

must be said, not as reliable as the pill or sterilisation.

IUDs are small plastic devices, usually wound with copper, which are inserted

into the womb by a doctor.

They are effective long-term and have a high reliability rate.

However, they have been known to increase infection and often lead to

heavier periods.

This and highly publicised problems with early types has made them unpopular.

Diaphragms and the smaller cervical cap are made of soft rubber and fit over the

cervix or neck of the womb as a barrier to sperm.

They must be used with spermicidal cream and are inserted any time up to three

hours before having sex.

I don't want to be taking the pill all the time.

Because Peter's away so much, we only make love a couple of times a month.

So it's more convenient to use the diaphragm. We just use it when he's

around.

The most used barrier method is the sheath or condom. It can be put on as

part of foreplay.

The air is squeezed out of the tip as it's placed on the end of the penis and

then unrolled.

Care needs to be taken to anchor the device during withdrawal so that no

semen escapes.

Keeping sex alive.

fun and exciting, over any length of time, takes imagination, creativity, and

an investment of time, interest, and commitment.

Try making love in new places.

Get away for short breaks with one another whenever you can, and take every

opportunity to enrich and enhance your loving life together.

This will not only make sex an enduring pleasure, but will increase your value

to one another as special people.

Sex, like any other skill, tends to improve with time, practice, and the

little effort needed to try new things.

Most couples who enjoy sex make love frequently.

This reliability takes the strain off when and how many times they have sex.

It becomes an ongoing feature of their loving life together.

Such a couple communicate well in bed, in everyday life, and know that

occasional failures will very soon be overcome.

We've called this video, The Lover's Guide.

But remember, it is only a guide.

The journey is yours, as you seek to enhance your sexual, romantic and loving

life together.