Original subtitles

Poor suckers have no idea what they're being exposed to.

It'd be hilarious if it wasn't so funny.

Morning,

Raoul. Wait, I'm not doing anything. Hager wanted me to get a file.

Sounds great. Have a good one.

Because you look terrific.

Give me the number. My husband's always looking for a place. Yeah, absolutely.

Raul!

You forgot to sign Keith's birthday card.

Morning.

You want me to grab that for you?

That's fine. The mailbox is right there. I'll just shove it in. Right.

Wouldn't it be quicker for you just to give it to me?

It's kind of sensitive information, that's all.

Maybe it's something you shouldn't be mailing then.

I'm afraid my parasitic illness has progressed more rapidly than doctors

anticipated.

Shoals, would you?

Raoul Chamberlain worked at the offices of Hagar and Marmaduke as a law clerk

until he was mailed to death at 10.25 a.m. yesterday, just missing the morning

pickup. Let me guess.

Hagar and Marmaduke represents Vegelon, the largest industrial farming company

in America.

Vegelon raised eyebrows at the EPA when they released a new pesticide, and a

study was commissioned.

Once their lawyers got involved, all of a sudden the study vanished.

Good guess. That's exactly right. Let me also guess.

Chamberlain had the goods on Vegellon and was going to sing like a canary.

That's also exactly right. And he missed the concert because of his death.

I'm the most perceptive person anyone's ever met, and I still can't figure out

how this involves us.

Although, you really dislike Tribeca. Something happened between you. That's

ridiculous.

I love Tribeca.

But people see the government is powerless against these giant

corporations.

Sorry, not powerless, paid by.

Vagilon has unleashed this pesticide on the town of Cheyenne, Wyoming.

And in addition to having to live there, people are already experiencing health

issues. But all their complaints are being squashed by Vagilon's lawyers.

So we're going to take them down.

Hager and Marmaduke, Vagilon, and maybe a few townspeople, just to let them know

we're really serious.

Whoa.

So we're actually fighting evil people for the sake of innocent people.

We're the good guys.

You see, Tribeca, the Special Division Force is a good force.

It's a force for truth and justice.

Shoals, pass out the phony law degrees.

This just feels wrong. That's my phone.

What about the team? What do you think they're starting to suspect?

Trust me, they're clueless.

They are so going to Plowtown.

That's my son.

Soon to be your grandson.

Am I right?

What about the age difference?

You're 24, I'm 23.

Yeah, and in 20 years we'll both be the same age.

I just know this is going to go south somehow.

I'm counting on it.

Wait,

Murphy, who's driving?

Ms. Black.

It is your contention that the toxic pesticides used by Vegelon have caused

you grievous and irreparable harm.

Objection! Objection! You do not have to answer that. I don't? No, you don't.

Excuse me, honey. Give mommy one second, okay?

I'm Connie Sparsner, and I'll be representing Ms. Blatt in this case.

I just got my law license after 15 years of being a homemaker. My husband was

laid off from the deodorant plant, so I kind of had to pick up the slack.

We don't need to know all that.

Again. Ms. Blatt, you're claiming that you suffered harm due to my client's use

of pesticides, and yet you seem perfectly fine.

In what way did these FDA-approved pesticides cause you any health issues?

I've been getting headaches, nosebleeds, and I've been diagnosed with high blood

pressure. All of which could be pre-existing conditions. Ms. Farsner,

let me give you your first real-world experience as a lawyer.

You have no case, and you're going to lose. This is America.

Where the evil guys always win at first. Then I guess I'll see you later in the

story.

We got this.

This pesticide is some pretty nasty business.

It penetrates the blood-brain barrier and disrupts the endocrine system.

Well, it looks pretty innocuous.

How is it killing pests?

Unbeatable. Doesn't even compare to the stuff you can get at the store.

Sir, no.

It'll have no effect on the parasite.

I gotta do something. It's starting to affect my work.

And things are starting to feel very loose inside.

Don't worry about it, Chief.

We've got you covered. Charo and I go undercover at Hagar and Marmaduke this

afternoon.

Schultz? Headed to my new job at Vegellon's processing facility.

Tribeca? I'm gonna go sit with Dorothy Blatt and hear her story, but if I don't

get back by four, I'm gonna have to pump again.

Oh, what? I'm sorry? Is my making food for my child offending you?

And after that, we try a motion for dismissal on the grounds of insufficient

standing. And if that doesn't work, we move to disqualify the evidence.

Any questions?

I have one.

Can you explain the strategy behind the defense of Vegelon's pesticides?

That's what we've been doing for the past hour and a half.

I'm sorry.

Who are you?

Uh, this is Morton.

Peppercorn. He is one of the new associates.

And who are you?

That's, uh, Marla, Flender, the other new associate.

I wasn't aware that we brought on any new associates.

Oh, yeah, it was in the memo.

All right, Flender, here's everything we have on the plaintiff, Dorothy Blatt.

Find anything we can use to discredit her.

Peppercorn, research these precedents. Find any support for getting the

evidence tossed.

Your Flender, your Peppercorn. Now get to work.

After the baby carrots are pulled from their mothers, they're brought here.

You see this robot?

It sorts the good carrots from the bad.

Make sure it stays on.

Think you can handle it? Seems easy enough.

Whoa!

You gotta wear these.

Never touch the carrots with your bare hands.

Now glove up and get to it. We have a shipment for the preschool that leaves

at 2.

Are you aware of the use of dangerous pesticides by Vegelon?

Listen lady, I just train people to keep the robot on and to add dangerous

pesticides to the carrots.

Yep, I see it.

That's a parasite alright.

I don't mean to question your credentials, Dr. Zayas, but as I

remember, you got your doctorate in art? Is the human body not the world's most

beautiful piece of art?

I guess.

The theory of this treatment is that the only thing that can kill a parasite is a

more powerful parasite.

This is an egg salad sandwich that was made on Monday.

That doesn't sound so bad. Monday, 2008.

Okay, now that you've finished your snack, let's begin your treatment.

Nurse, the specimen, please.

This is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating sea louse. Once we

introduce it into your system, it will begin consuming everything inside your

body, hopefully beginning with your parasite. After that, it's just a race

to see who dies first, you or it.

I like my chances.

All right.

Here we go.

Oh boy, that's really on there.

All right, that's not moving. You want me to give it a shot? No, no, no. I got

it.

I thought I felt it budge.

Oh, maybe it opens the other way.

Nope, that just tightened it. Sometimes if you bang it... No, no, no. This is

coming off.

Wow, this just does not want to budge.

My hand's starting to hurt.

Oh, maybe if I use the other hand.

That's ridiculous.

I don't have enough strength in this hand.

Maybe your hands are sweaty. Oh, they're very sweaty. Okay, this is it. This is

the part where I just pop it off and everything gets moving. Here we go.

Gosh darn it, this thing's on really tight.

Maybe the key is to hit it suddenly.

I'm making this more difficult than it is.

Sometimes if you run it under warm water... No, the faucet's all the way

down the hall. That seems like a waste of time. Maybe if I push down on it and

then turn... Hey, looky there!

Now we know how to do it.

So, it's pushed down, and now it's not moving again.

Charles, check it out.

Dorothy Black is a total fraud.

Take a look.

She's been involved in over 200 lawsuits. She sued Crest White Strips

because they made her teeth too white. She sued Subway because the stores were

above ground. And she sued Folgers because it wasn't the best part of

waking up. Jesus, five aliases, ten years in jail? Yeah, take a look at her

rap sheet.

What? She tried to write Miracle with Spiritual?

That's whack. No, I'm no lawyer, but I think this makes her a vexatious

litigant, which means that my mother's fighting on the wrong side again.

She's going to lose her mind. Exactly.

That's why we can't tell her. What are you talking about? That's my mother.

You don't hatch from someone's egg and then keep secrets. What? If she finds

out that Blatt's a fraud, she'll drop the case and Vagilon will win. Is that

what you want? No, but if they didn't do anything wrong... You saw the labs.

That stuff is poison.

Your mom has to be on her game and win this case. Do you remember what happened

the last time she lost it?

She sent me away to boarding school. I was two.

Yeah? And how did that make you feel?

The older kids used to make fun of me because my skull hadn't closed.

Vagilon has to lose this case. You understand?

I mean, I guess... They have to lose, okay?

Okay, okay.

Good boy.

Your Honor, in light of recent new evidence, we would like to ask that the

case of Blatt v. Vagilon be dismissed.

And what new evidence is that?

That you guys are pure evil?

Order! Order! Order!

I like that medium rare.

Thank you.

Mr. Hagar, on what grounds should I be dismissing this lawsuit?

Exhibit A.

Neanderthal Man.

And this is a record of Dorothy Blatt's visit to a doctor three years ago, long

before any exposure to Vegelon's delicious pesticide.

And as you can see, the doctor is listed as symptoms, headaches, nosebleeds, and

high blood pressure.

Pre-existing conditions.

Wait a second.

This isn't a medical record. This is a blank job application for Best Buy.

Damn it.

She's got us.

Vagelon is ruined.

Make that check out to Fraud Squad LLC.

That's the name of my loan out company.

This isn't right.

What are you doing? I'm not going to stand by and let an innocent gigantic

corporation get trampled by a...

single middle-aged woman.

Your Honor, I submit that Dorothy Blatt, a.k.a. Dorothy Blart, a.k.a. Mrs.

Stephen Blart, a.k.a. Mrs.

Stephen Conway, a.k.a. Stephen Conway, a.k.a. inmate number 8675309,

has been the plaintiff in over 200 lawsuits, none of which have any merit.

Her real name should be Sue Happy.

I remember you.

You sued Grape Nuts for being neither grapes nor nuts.

Well, what the hell are they?

Gravel-tasting mutant cereal.

It is the opinion of this court that the case of Blatt v.

Vegelon be... Objection, Your Honor.

Permission to speak to opposing counsel.

Flender, is it? Oh, my God.

That's Flender.

That's peppercorn. Sure.

I'll see where you're going with this.

Oh, you going over there?

Why are you tanking my case? We gotta take these guys down. Your client is a

fraud, Mama.

A criminal.

Yeah, well, you know who else was a criminal? Me.

20 years worth. Just because this woman had made a mistake doesn't mean she's

not entitled to justice. This isn't justice, so I guess... It's

on. It's on, all right.

Your Honor, in spite of everything that was just said, no need to relive it, I

move not to dismiss the case, but to continue it under Statute 21C of Wyoming

Civil Code.

Continuance granted.

This court is in recess.

Have you two lost your minds?

Sorry, I'm on edge. I have an insatiable snail eating every calorie I take into

my body.

This woman has a case. It doesn't matter who she was before.

The company has abused the law and abused the rights of our citizens. Isn't

that what we're fighting for?

No.

It's Dorothy Blatt or whatever her name is that's abusing the law here.

Part of outside the law or beyond the scope of normal law enforcement, don't

you get?

We're a special division force, not a division force.

The vice president has lost interest in this case, and therefore so have we. The

company killed a man for what he knew.

Companies kill people.

That's capitalism.

What are we, huh?

We just take and drop cases as it suits the vice president's whims?

I spent 20 years in prison and this is what the world is now?

Shoals.

You and I haven't always seen eye to eye.

But you know what this company is doing.

You've seen their carrots up close.

Those defenseless little baby carrots.

I had a baby once.

And I loved him more than I've ever loved anything.

And then I found out that he was your baby.

And you took him from me and you sent him away without even asking me if I

wanted to take care of him.

And now that baby's all grown up and he's back.

But he's still all yours.

And I come to work here every day with my heart torn in half and I don't say a

word about it.

That's what I've become.

That's the world now.

No.

Okay, can we get back to my thing now?

Time to go, Tribeca. We're moving out.

I'm not going anywhere.

Let justice be done, though the heavens fall.

This lawsuit is garbage.

I'm dismissing it immediately.

This view taken?

Nah, there's plenty to go around.

Whiskey? Yeah, if you're drinking.

Looks like I lost my case.

Looks that way.

Felt good for a second, you know?

Fighting for innocent people.

Going up against a bully.

I was thinking about what you said about the world now.

And I know AJ is not my son, but he was once.

And this is the world he's going to inherit.

And maybe it can be better than this.

Not with me as its lawyer.

Maybe you just need a little expert advice.

Tribeca, this is my uncle, Leonard Scholz.

Nice to meet you.

Beautiful night.

Whiskey?

I brought my own.

You know, I did a little lawyering myself back in my day.

You ever hear of Brown versus the Board of Education?

Yeah. Well, I lost that one.

But I did pick up a few things along the way.

Oh, yeah?

You need a class action suit.

No. I can tie that up for years.

They have the money and the manpower.

Not if you can convince the majority of your plaintiffs to opt for binding

arbitration.

Binding arbitration?

That's it. Then the court has to hear it immediately. That's the exact solution

from Aaron Brockovich.

Uncle Leonard, you're a genius.

Well, Earl Warren didn't think so, but I appreciate the thought.

Yes,

Mr. Vice President.

Okay.

Joe.

Everything went exactly according to plan.

Charo played them like a Stradivarius.

It's a kind of violin.

Vigilon's going to be bankrupt after this, leaving all of Wyoming open for

French development.

I told some cockamamie story about missing my baby, and they ate it up.

Okay, sweetheart.

I love you.

No, you hang up for... Oh.

You did.