Original subtitles

Grant that, through this mystery,

your servant Theodore Marcus Graves,

who has gone to his rest in Christ,

may share in the joy

of his resurrection.

Forgive whatever sins

he committed through human weakness,

and in your goodness grant him everlasting peace.

How do we still not know what happened?

I can't get anything when it comes to the police.

I'm a leper. I'm sorry.

"His line is gone out through all the earth.

"In them hath he set

a tabernacle for the sun."

...who has gone to his rest in Christ...

Wait. Don't do that. Stop, stop.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm trying to keep you from pulling out the IV.

Billy.

Hey.

You're... you're not a nurse.

How do you know?

You never asked me what I did for a living.

But then again, it was hard to hear anything

from under that leather hood.

No.

Hey, no. No. Ah!

Fighting with my nurse won't improve your condition, Sam.

Theo?

I prefer Doctor.

I see you were admitted with Pneumocystis pneumonia.

It's a pretty serious infection

caused by a fairly common fungus.

What?

It usually resolves on its own,

but your immune system

doesn't seem to be responding.

- No. - I need...

I need to see a real doctor. Just get me out of this dump!

Hey.

Unfortunately,

this is the only hospital that would see you.

People are afraid of this thing.

They're afraid of you.

I'm glad you're on your feet.

It's hard for me to see you like this.

You were always so vital.

So were you.

Theo, I don't know what happened to you that night.

I didn't kill you, did I?

Did you intend to kill me, Sam?

I don't think so.

That should've been an easy answer.

What about the others?

The others?

The other lives you devoured.

You spent a lifetime looking away from the consequences

of your actions,

but everything catches up to you in the end.

Where are you taking me? I don't like this game.

Do you remember when I told you that something was coming?

That I could feel it?

- Yes. - Well...

that something's here.

Oh, Christ, that smell.

No, I don't want to come in here.

No one else will, Sam. That's why you have to.

Come on.

What happened to him?

He was admitted about a month ago

with the same infection you have.

Who is that?

That's Danny, Sam. Don't you remember Danny?

The first guy we opened our relationship up to.

Danny.

He used to be so beautiful.

And more than that,

he was a very talented writer.

I knew that.

He wrote a one-man play. It was...

really good.

He had a kind of flair.

Did you go see it? The play?

No, no, he-he got me tickets...

but, no, I didn't go.

And you never brought it up again, did you?

Danny thought you had seen the play, Sam.

- He thought you didn't know how to tell him that you hated it. - What?

I never told him that he didn't have talent.

Well, you didn't tell him anything, Sam,

and that's the impression that you left.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Help him. Theo, help him.

- There's no use, Sam. - Somebody help him!

There's no one there to hear you.

Why did you bring me here?

Isn't that what you do? You show things

to your clients that they've never seen before.

- Things they'll never forget. - This is not my fault.

Come on. There's more to see.

Stewart.

He was sick before he met you,

but he didn't know it yet.

The doctors don't understand why he's wasting away so fast.

He was fine when we were together.

- Better than fine. - Was that before

or after you wouldn't let him out of the cage?

I was coked up, Theo. I got carried away.

I have always pushed the limits.

"I, I, I."

Look beyond yourself, Sam.

What about him?

I shouldn't be here.

He doesn't know it's you, Sam.

- Give him a kiss. - What?

He needs compassion.

I'm sorry. You've asked the wrong person.

It's not my place.

It's everyone's place to show love, Sam.

Please, Theo.

I'm so tired. I need to get to my room.

That's where we're headed.

This is not my room.

It is, Sam.

Go inside.

How long have I been here?

Long enough to be forgotten.

I would never be left to rot like this.

There are people who love me.

It's one thing to be celebrated, Sam.

It's another thing entirely to be loved.

You've surrounded yourself with beautiful people

who loved beautiful things.

But those beautiful people--

they don't have a taste for this kind of beauty.

What happened to me?

Your immune system continued to decay,

and your body lost all ability to fight off

even the smallest infection.

The lesions on your skin,

those are nothing compared

to what's happening inside your body.

What about medication?

I'll pay. I don't care how much it costs.

There's no cure for this.

Money can't buy your way out this time.

Do something. Help him.

Help me. Do something! I can't die like this.

I don't deserve to die like this.

Theo, do something! Help me!

Please.

Help me.

Somebody help me.

Hello?

Hello?

Where am I?

What's happening?

Where am I?

Hello?

What's wrong?

Being locked in a cage isn't as comfy

- as you imagined it to be? - Get me out of here.

No, no.

We're gonna have a little fun.

Hmm...

Ooh.

What's this?

Gone fishing?

Judge all you want.

Gives a lot of people pleasure. You wouldn't understand.

No, I wouldn't understand such grotesque extremes.

It's people like you who make the world hate people like me.

Says the gay hit man.

You don't know anything about me.

You and I are not that dissimilar.

We're both deeply misunderstood, but there is

one big difference.

I don't believe that my pain

is greater than everyone else's.

It's one thing to indulge in a fetish.

It's another to enjoy torturing people.

I give pain to people to take it away.

Bullshit.

You inflict pain

because you are in pain.

Pain given is pain experienced.

There's an art to the pain I give.

Not like this.

He's hurting him, really. Make him stop.

So it's different with someone you love?

Who is this man, Sam?

- I don't want to see him like this. - Look at him.

Sam, look at the man who caused you the most pain.

- Acknowledge your father's presence. - No!

Stop!

Is this where all the violence began?

Please...

Make it stop!

Ah...

Is this another link in the chain of violence?

Who is this?

My first boss when I worked on Wall Street.

Oh, yes. You so

badly wanted the approval of those cavemen.

They were never gonna accept a faggot

like you into their league.

I worked harder than anyone

at that firm.

I was smarter and faster than all of them combined,

and they still made me feel so small,

so worthless.

You left finance and you became a collector.

Hoarding art and men and money

just to show those Wall Street boys.

No one was ever gonna take away my power ever again.

You can't blame me

for having some self-respect.

Is that what you call this?

I'm not afraid of you.

I am the one

- who should be feared. - Ooh.

So defensive.

Is that how you talk to your God?

Get me out of here!

Time to face him, Sam.

Your fear. Your chaos.

Your shame.

Your shadow.

Avoiding him now

is only gonna make it more painful.

Help! Let me go!

Sam,

you can't outrun him.

You're too slow.

The darkness always wins.

All we can ever do

is...

transcend.

Well done, Sam.

Well done.

Your IV drip is empty.

When was the last time the nurse checked on you?

Okay, shh, shh.

Goddamn it. Where is everyone?

I'm bringing you water.

- You got it? - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

There you go.

There you go.

Okay?

Okay.

I... picked up your meds.

Mr. Read.

It's about time.

Where the fuck is everybody?

His drip is empty, and when was the last time he was fed?

Can you give us the room, please?

Anything that you have to say

to him, you can say to me. I'm his lover.

If you're not a relative, then it's against

- the hospital policy... - Oh, come on.

He can stay. Please, he can stay. He can stay.

Fine.

Please sit.

Come sit down.

We've, uh,

gotten back your retinal imagining, and

unfortunately the cytomegalovirus has completely

detached both retinas from the backs of your eyes.

So, what-what does that mean?

The blindness is permanent.

But, I mean, can't you operate?

It's a, it's a, it's a

detachment, so you just, you reattach it.

AIDS patients aren't eligible for these kinds of operations.

They're not eligible?

Even if he was,

it's a complicated procedure.

You know, this is what you people always say.

It's always too complicated. You're a doctor.

If you don't have any other questions,

I will leave you two alone.

Oh, I have plenty of other questions.

When is a cure coming? Why isn't it here yet?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

This is a fucking horror.

Gino...

can't you just be here with me?

I'm scared.

You want some applesauce?

I got the good kind, the kind with the cinnamon.

Okay.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Okay.

Here we go.

Okay. Okay, here we go. Right...

there, right there.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

Ugh...

I want you to sell my life insurance policy.

There's a cash reserve.

It'll pay for my funeral.

Come on, come on, don't talk like that, Patrick.

- This... - No, no, no, no, no, no, come on.

If you don't sell it, it'll just go to my parents.

I don't want that, okay?

I don't want it to go to them. I want it to go to you.

Please.

- Okay. I promise. - Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

I love you so much.

Okay, all right, here.

Uh... help.

Help me, please.

Shit.

Ow.

Anybody?

Hello?

Nurse?

Nurse?

Somebody there?

Hello?

Who's that? Please.

Speak up, please, please.

Open your eyes.

They are open.

Look at me, Patrick.

I can't, I can't...

I can see.

I can see.

I can s-see... I can see you.

I can see.

You cried when you saw me in this.

Are you here to punish me?

No.

Sweetheart...

There's nothing left of you to punish.

I'm here to help you see.

Do you remember this?

Hey. Downtown Native.

You gonna tell me what happened here,

or am I gonna have to figure it out myself?

Okay, do me a favor and mind the line.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

- I'll mind it. - Gino.

The day after Halloween, 1980.

It was the day you two first met.

We were still married, but you were unhappy.

All right, now your turn, what's the story?

Okay, saucebox.

The story is, the kid fell from the fire escape.

Oh, that explains the mess.

He threw himself out the window high on PCP.

An angel on angel dust.

- Right. - There's got to be another way out.

People like us.

We just need someplace to go, right?

How do you mean?

Somewhere to go. Do you want to...?

What? Do I, do I, do I want to what?

There was something about his swagger.

I'm Gino.

Don't keep me flapping too long.

August 1977...

There was a holdup at a bodega

and your partner shot the suspect.

Here we go, here you go.

He was gonna shoot first, right?

- Right, Patrick? - Right.

You did the right thing, Steve.

We'll take the report later. Go get him cleaned up.

- Yes, sir. - Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Come on, it's okay, come on.

Steve shouldn't have pulled his trigger.

You had things under control.

What have I done?

Now there was blood on your hands.

You know what? I'd...

I'd have done exactly the same thing, buddy.

Really.

A lie.

But you already knew how shame could break a young man.

You got a, uh...

Behind your ear...

Come here, come here.

Okay?

You could be so tender

when you let yourself be, Patrick.

What the hell?

It was either you or him.

More blood down the drain...

Fuck away from me, faggot!

What the fuck is going on in there?

He just, uh, he came onto me. He was kissing my fucking face!

Get out of here, Read. Go!

It was a violent lie.

One that wounded you both.

The shame. The lies. The violence.

It's a cycle, Patrick.

Get the fuck out.

You didn't start it,

but that didn't stop it from breaking you into pieces.

Oh, God.

I can't do it.

Almost. You're close.

Just make the parts fit.

I don't want to.

Neither did I.

But I did it to help people.

To help people like me.

People who needed my help because no one else would.

But it's so... ugly.

Oh, here we go.

So what?

The scars are not attractive?

Maybe you could cover them up, then.

You'll be all right.

Hide them under a uniform.

Put on the head.

Ugh. Never mind.

I'll do it myself.

This is you, Patrick.

You were botched up,

just a mess of a person

throwing yourself down all those escape hatches.

You gathered up all those pieces

and put yourself back together over and over again.

Why did you keep doing that?

Did it make it stop?

What?

That pain.

The pain that made you tear yourself up in the first place.

Your body will keep reminding you of it

until you face that.

Face what?

This, son, is a snub-nosed revolver.

Easy to handle.

Powerful for its size.

Plenty of people met God...

I really don't want to be here.

You need to face this moment.

I remember what happens.

Now... your turn.

Show me your stance, son.

Good. Get the target in sight.

Hold steady, then shoot.

You're not hitting the target

because your grip isn't firm enough.

Huh, you what they call that?

- Limp wristing. - Yes, sir.

So, how about it? Are you a limp wrist?

- No, sir. - Then prove it.

Don't you want to wear a badge

like your old man and your grandpa, huh?

Make us proud.

Steady your aim

and hit the goddamn target this time.

Come on.

Goddamn it!

Your sissy little limp wrist is gonna get us killed!

Goddamn it.

I didn't know if he was reloading for the target

or for me.

I can do it.

Do what? Huh? This?

And this? And this?

And this?

You can't even handle the sound.

Think we had earmuffs on Okinawa?

Huh, cover our ears like little girls?

Had to fire and fight because it was kill or be killed.

We're done.

It's worse than I remember.

Gino.

Hmm?

I'm glad you're here.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

I'm sorry.

- No. - I'm so sorry.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't have anything to be sorry about.

I don't know...

what's real.

I know.

It's the sickness, baby.

It's okay, I got you.

Okay, I got you.

It's okay.

Ooh... ♪

Ooh... ♪

I'm here. I'm here.

I've got you. I've got you.

A desert road ♪

From Vegas to nowhere ♪

Someplace better ♪

Than where you've been ♪

A coffee machine ♪

That needs some fixing ♪

♪ In a little café just around the bend ♪

I am ♪

Calling you ♪

I am ♪

Calling you ♪

♪ A hot, dry wind blows right through me ♪

The baby's crying ♪

And I can't sleep ♪

♪ But we both know a change is coming ♪

Coming closer, sweet release ♪

I am ♪

Calling you ♪

I am ♪

Calling you ♪

I am ♪

Calling you ♪

Ooh ♪

Mmm ♪

I know you hear me ♪

I know you hear me. ♪