Original subtitles

Nothing makes you feel like

the world is full of possibilities

like a brand-new baby.

And you wonder,

what are the paths they'll choose?

Will they be a scientist...

or a rock star?

A CEO...

or a farmer?

Will they be a Clippers fan...

or dead to me?

Yep, as parents, you can't wait to find out

who your baby's gonna be.

And it all starts with the first unknown...

boy or girl?

There's only one thing more exciting

than learning the sex of your baby...

I got it! I have it.

Uh-huh.

And that's learning it through cake.

We have a kind of weird request.

Depending on what is inside this envelope,

we want you to make a special cake

that's either blue or pink on the inside...

Come on, Bow. Get to the point, all right?

We need a sex cake.

- What? - Uh, no, no, no, no.

We're not perverts. We are just having a party

to reveal the gender of our baby.

Oh!

You need a "Gender reveal cake."

- Yes! - Yes.

- Yeah, we do them all the time. - Oh, my God. That's so much fun.

- Great. So, you can do this? - Yes.

Oh, yeah, we can bake any kind of cake you want.

Just as long as it's not for a gay wedding.

I s...

- I'm taking this. - Come on, Bow.

All right, before I do this,

You don't discriminate against people

based on race, gender, or sexual orientation,

do you?

Do not like French-Canadians.

Ah.

- I can live with that. - All right.

We need a sex cake.

Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~

So, babe...

Yep?

I had the baby dream.

- Oh! - So, remember?

I had the girl dream before Zoey,

and the boy dream before Junior,

and then with the twins,

I had the boy dream and then that lucid nightmare.

Yes. Okay. What did you dream?

A girl.

Oh.

Really?

See? I knew it was a girl.

A baby girl always steals her mother's beauty.

- And look at your wife. She's a mess. - Oh, come on.

Skin all pale,

eyes somehow both puffy and sunken.

Wow, I see that.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

Thank you, Ruby.

But I'm not gonna let you get to me.

I'm just happy that I get to name our baby.

- If it's a girl... - Mm-hmm.

And if it's a boy, I get to name him.

- Mm-hmm. - That was the deal.

So, I get to name our baby girl.

And from the looks of you, she's gonna be very healthy.

She might even be immortal...

An immortal supermodel.

Yeah.

Ugh, Doug's asking me

about Valentine's Day again.

Delete.

Shelly, is it just me,

or are guys at school super thirsty this year?

Oh, senior guys are the worst.

Let's just skip Valentine's Day.

That's an awesome plan.

Let's do this Ladies' Valentine's Day.

You and me... well, us. No new friends, am I right?

Sorry, little mama, you're a little too young.

And completely creepy.

Like, when did you even get into my room?

I'm positive that door was locked.

Well, good day,

and thank you for the feedback.

I'll keep the 14th open just in case.

Yeah.

World record attempt... take nine.

Boom. Did you get that?

Uh, no.

- I mean, it's really cute. - Oh, hey!

Shelly! Hugs?

Aww, could you get any cuter?

Nope.

- What are you up to? - You know, just chilling.

What's up, Junior?

Pretty big day.

Trying to set the world record on Sir Rubik's.

Oh, he's... He's just chilling, too.

Rubik's Cube? You good at this?

I'm all right.

I bet you're better than all right.

♪

I'll see you later.

Y... You know what that was, right?

You know I don't.

She's feeling you.

What?

Pretty sure she was just being polite,

even though I specifically told her not to.

But, trust me, I know Shelly,

and you're not her type.

I'm still not convinced

you're not gonna get pig's blood thrown on you at prom.

Like they'd do that to me again.

Hey, Shelly just texted you.

Good luck on that world record.

Check out this Rubik's Cube tutorial.

"Winky-kiss emoji."

Wow.

She is really polite.

You're looking a little off today, Dre.

You okay?

You got the 'itis?

No.

And never say that again.

Bow thinks that we're gonna have a girl,

so I'm a little bummed out.

- Ohh. - Uh, yeah, of course you are,

- 'cause girls are the worst. - Mm-hmm.

Everything's "No, Josh." "Leave me alone, Josh."

- "We're cousins, Josh." Or... - Yeah, or like,

"How did you get in here, Josh?"

Or "What is that you're holding in your hand, Josh?"

- Or like, "I have GPS on my phone, Josh." - Okay.

- I'm right there with you, brother. - Cool.

Look, the proof that boys are better

is sitting right here.

Do you see a woman in this room?

Not a one.

Again...

I'm a corporate evaluator here to judge productivity

and ultimately whether or not you should work here.

Merr-merr-merr corporate.

Oh, let me just...

What, uh... What are you...

What are you writing down there?

What do you think I'm writing down?

Anyone else?

Not me.

I think you're intelligent, competent,

and I am completely unattracted to you.

Mm.

- But you can still get it. - Oh, man.

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?

- I... I... I don't know. - W... W... Why do I think like that?

Dre, as you can see,

men are just monsters, you know?

And let's face it,

it's your daughters that are gonna take care of you

when you're old.

Oh, my God.

You're right.

Zoey's gonna take care of me.

And when it's time for you to go,

Diane will put an air bubble in your I.V.

Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

All right, look, Diane is a sweet, good girl.

And if I'm ever in a bar fight,

there's no one I'd rather have than her.

Yeah, that's true.

She... she will get down with you.

Okay, stop it.

Your sons are your pride and joy.

They carry you're name.

They're your little warriors.

Thanks, Papa.

And I'm sure that if my brothers

were not stuck in that Ecuadorian embassy in London,

they would also agree.

Mm. Bingo.

They're in a lot of trouble.

After listening to these idiots,

maybe having a girl was the way to go.

Look in the mirror... Look deep.

What do you see?

A level 7 wizard.

Look deeper.

No way I'm level 8!

I can't control fire.

Junior, no one around here wants me to tell you this,

but you're really starting to become something.

- I am? - Nice face, smooth skin...

Really starting to fill out that frame.

I have thought about wearing a tank top.

I've thought about you wearing a tank top!

Bruh, Shelly's into you.

You've just got to talk to her.

I can't. I...

But that guy can... The one in the mirror.

Can you do that?

I think I can.

No.

I think he can.

What's up, girl?

You just gonna keep walking by my room

looking all good?

Uh, what's up, Junior?

Just counting my birthday money, you know.

What is happening right now?

What you talking about, Zoey?

It's getting hot in here, am I right?

Oh, my G... Mom!

Is that a shark on your tank top?

Great white. Got hella teeth.

They got these down at the Long Beach Aquarium.

You know, if you ever want to roll,

my family's got a membership down there,

which includes a guest,

so that's nothing.

Shelly, I am so sorry. Come on.

Yeah, Shelly, come on.

"Boy, bye." Am I right?

Yeah.

Shark tank top?

So I was 100% Team Girl now.

I'd ditched my dreams of having a boy,

like Kevin Durant ditched the Thunder.

Team Girl! Mm.

All right, everybody, gather around!

Let's find out the gender of this baby

before Rainbow's puffy ankles require her to lie down.

- Come on. - Hey, baby.

Yes? You ready for this?

Oh, I'm very ready. I'm so excited!

Okay, ready?

- You ready? - Mm-hmm.

Three, two, one...

Blue?

Wha... Uh...

- Blue. - Blue?

- Blue! - Yeah...

It's a boy!

- Yes! Yes! - Okay.

Dre, I thought you were "100% Team Girl."

Why would I want that, huh?

Oh! Now I get to finally have

the son I always wanted but never got!

Yes!

Oh, you are the one, son.

You are the one!

DeVonté.

- Yeah! Yes! - DeVonté?

- ♪ Hoo, yeah ♪ - DeVonté?

So...

You're not serious

about naming our kid DeVonté, are you?

- Yes. - No.

What exactly is your problem with that name?

It's unconventional, Dre.

I grew up as "Rainbow," okay?

"Rainbow." That was not easy.

Yeah, that's because Rainbow

is the name that white people...

give cocker spaniels.

- Stop it! - DeVonté is a great name.

It has cultural significance!

"DeVonté" is the name

- of the least important member of Jodeci. - No!

The least important member of Jodeci

- was Mr. Dalvin... - No.

- And you know that. - No, I don't!

There's a different reason

that you don't like the name "DeVonté."

- What? - Yep.

It's because it's too black.

- Thank you, Mama. - Mm-hmm.

And she's right.

Ah. Thank you, Mama.

Oh, my God. That doesn't even sound right coming out of your mouth.

- Well, I felt it. - Listen, listen, listen.

Those made-up names are a travesty.

You need to give that boy a strong name...

Something powerful, biblical.

Something that won't give away the fact that he's black

until you hear him talking on the phone.

Now, you know we can tell if somebody's black

on the phone.

- Yeah, we can always tell. - You can tell.

- That's true. Mm-hmm. - How about "Michael,"

or "Christopher."

Hell, I'd even take a "Dustin."

Just nothing too ghetto, y'all.

Okay, well, I want a strong, Black name.

Oh, boy.

Okay, because we've given our kids White names,

- and they've all ended up "Black-ish." - What?

- Dre... - I just want at least one of my kids

to end up being Black,

- so I could love it. - Hey...

- What? - Oh.

We were just coming downstairs

to see if there was any cake left.

But I guess we'll just eat our sadness instead.

Hi, everybody.

My wife's dumb dream was wrong.

We are having a boy.

- Oh! - Congratulations!

Yeah, so smoke up

in honor of my future son, DeVonté.

- Oh, boy. - Oh.

So you're doing that, huh?

- What? - Wow.

You're not gonna even go, like,

"Vernon" or "Marcus" or "Leon"?

Just going straight to

NFL free safety Black-name territory, huh?

I don't know about that name.

If I'm on a plane and I hear

"Welcome aboard,

I'm your captain DeVonté Johnson,"

I'm no longer aboard.

- Word? - Word.

Dre, "DeVonté" sounds like two names played chicken

and nobody won.

Yeah, you guys have a lot of names like that,

like, uh, "Shaniqua."

- "Montell." - "D'Brickashaw."

- "NyQuil." - Do you hear how racist you both sound?

- Those are real names. - I was just making a point.

- Facts. - Well, growing up,

I did have a friend by the name of "NyQuil."

He was always sniffing and sneezing,

- coughing, stuffy-headed... - You did not have a friend named that.

Yeah. Sometimes I lie.

Seriously, guys, you don't get it, do you?

You remember "Roots"?

Remember? I'm proud to say I never saw it.

- Charlie, you saw "Roots," right? - You know I did, Black man.

Ah, no you didn't.

- I did not, Black man. - Okay, look.

There's a scene in the movie where Kunta Kinte...

Oh, what is that? I don't know what that is.

LeVar Burton?

Oh, "Reading Rainbow."

- The Black dude from "Star Trek." - Yeah.

Okay, look, Levar Burton is forced to give up

his African name

and take the slave name "Toby."

All right, Black people were brought over here,

and when we were,

we were robbed of our African names.

- Hmm. - So when we got the chance

to take control of our destiny

we started by taking control of our names.

- Yes, sir. - The Black Muslims did it first...

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Muhammad Ali.

- Yes, sir. - Then there was the Black nationalists

and Afrocentrists...

Amiri Baraka, Kwame Ture.

- Mm. - Over the years,

we, uh, got a little creative,

and you got the names Michel'le and God Shammgod.

- But... - That's not real.

We are also the people

that gave you jazz and hip-hop,

so back off.

He's right.

We have nothing to be ashamed of.

- Mnh-mnh. - And for now on,

you will know me by my true name...

King Charlemagne Fatback Telphy the Third.

Oh, okay.

Hey, Shelly.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry

for the way I acted yesterday.

You're really beautiful and cool and I'm not,

but I listened to my little brother,

and I shouldn't have,

because I've never seen him with a girl,

and I'm pretty sure he sill wears Pull-ups.

Oh, uh, those are just disposable sleep shorts.

Anyway, like I was saying, I'm sorry.

Now you can go back to ignoring me.

Wait a second.

What if I don't want to ignore you?

What?! Shelly, ew!

And, Junior, don't you have to go text

your super-serious, super-annoying girlfriend?

Girlfriend?

Actually, we've talked,

and Megan's not into the words

"Girlfriend" or "Boyfriend."

We don't believe in labels and ownership.

She's really cool.

She's sounds cool.

That's like sophomore-year-of-college stuff.

Or something two weirdos would do.

- Anyway, I'm gonna go grab a soda. - Wait!

Can I get one of those?

I think we only have one.

Oh, uh, um... Mom just bought some more.

This is the last time

I'm going to save you.

Come on, Shelly. I'll get us some soda.

That's okay.

Junior's got it.

♪

Let's go.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe it, either.

How are you here?

Guess it's time for a little sisters-only Valentine's Day.

Come here, sister!

Ahh.

Is this what hugging feels like?

It's really nice.

Why are you petting me?

Working with racists finally had paid off,

because I knew, more than ever,

I had to defend my choice to give my son a Black name.

Yeah, you don't want to name our son DeVonté,

because you're a racist. Dre...

Just like all the fools at work, Donald Sterling,

and everyone at Ruth's Chris

who assumes I like my steaks well done.

You do like your steaks well done.

- That doesn't mean it's not racist. - Okay.

- Dre, can we just be honest here? - Okay.

There's some names that handcuff you.

There's never gonna be a President DeVonté Johnson.

There was a President Barack Obama.

People are more accepting of African names, Dre.

- Oh. - Everybody knows that.

They sound dignified.

"Chiwetel Ejiofor"?

- Yep. - Ugh.

You're so sure

that America's gonna have a problem with DeVonté?

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah, well, I'm gonna get me a drink.

Okay.

Uh, could I have a large Americano, please?

- Can I get a name for that order? - Sure you can.

It's...

- DeVonté. - Oh, my...

Thanks, DeVonté. Your order will be right up.

- Oh, boy. - Thank you, Scarlett.

- Very nice... Very nice, Dre. - Yes, it is.

- You know, I feel I say this a lot... - Mm-hmm.

You're dead wrong.

- Okay. - Okay?

"Baby boy DeVonté" is gonna be just fine.

Dre, can you look at this for me? Sure.

Okay.

I put two identical résumés

- on this hiring website. - Mm-hmm.

"Michael Johnson" got numerous responses.

- Mm-hmm. - "DeVonté Johnson"...

One ad for a bail bonds.

- I feel sad for you... - Oh, my God.

That your mind isn't as open as our barista's.

- Okay. - I got a Vente for Dave?

Dave, Vente?

Oh, it's a tea for Devon.

Uh...

Devon tea?

Devon's tea?

Got a hot tea for Devon.

Okay, look here, homey, let's stop playing games.

You know this is mine.

All right. You ain't got no Black friends?

DeVonté. Jodeci. Look it up.

And that was the last straw.

The dreams of DeVonté

were dashed by a barista named Augustus.

French bread pizza?

I'm not allowed to use the big oven.

You don't need to know the backstory,

but be assured, it is justified.

Oh! Help yourself to some Coke or Diet Coke.

I put them in the fancy pitchers,

and now I don't know which is which.

Why is she into him?

He's attractive.

He's coming into his body.

Please tell me you didn't tell him that.

He deserves to know.

It's not every day that I get to introduce

two amazing women to each other.

Megan, this is Shelly.

Shelly, Megan.

What is happening here?

You invited your girlfriend to our Valentine's Day?

Yeah, because you said you thought she sounded cool.

- And, besides, she's not my girlfriend. - I'm not?

Yeah... because you said you don't believe in ownership.

I only said that so you'd step up.

Wait, wait. I'm being honest.

I like you, and I also like you,

and I don't want to hide that.

- Oh, so you're a player. - No.

I'm an honest man standing in front of you

asking you both to go out with me.

Separately. Except for tonight.

I made pizza for three.

- Yeah, I'm out. - Me, too.

- Do you need a ride? - Sure.

Wait.

Where are you going?

I... I'm coming into my body.

You're right.

He was not ready to hear that.

Anything interesting?

Uh, nope.

The only thing I came up with

is "Matthew," "Daniel," and "Kevin."

Oh. Those are nice.

Yeah, but they don't mean anything to me, babe.

I like the name DeVonté.

- Dre, this is our baby. - Yes.

You don't choose a name to prove a point, Dre.

But, babe, I'm not trying to.

Look, I grew up with the Ledariuses,

the JaMarcuses, and the DeQuans.

Hey, look, those names reflect who we are.

And the only reason we're not naming our son DeVonté

is so people won't know right away that he's Black.

I hate the fact that when something is Black,

the world sees it as bad.

- Me, too. - So, if we're gonna raise our baby

to be proud of who he is,

we can't be afraid to give him a name that says

"This is who I am."

Oh, wow.

You're right.

He shouldn't have to hide.

And you know what?

If he crosses paths with somebody

- that judges him because of his name... - Mm-hmm.

Then he doesn't want that person in his life.

- Exactly. - No.

- Oh! Foot. Foot. - Ooh, ooh, ooh!

- Ooh, ooh, ooh! - Foot. Right there.

Whoa-ha-ha-oo!

Oh, look at baby DeVonté.

Okay.

- If you want to name our baby... - Mm-hmm...

after the third fiddle

of the fifth most important R&B band of the '90s...

- Fifth?! - The fifth.

- Fifth?! - Boyz II Men...

- Don't let it get you off track, Dre. - Bell Biv DeVoe...

I love the name.

Then I love the name.

- Okay? - Okay.

- So, DeVonté? - DeVonté.

- Good. - DeVonté.

You know what? He's gonna be able to do whatever he wants anyway,

'cause he's our kid.

He's gonna have my brain,

and he's gonna have your...

- My looks? - Ye... Uh...

- Your angry charm! - You know what?

I am charming when I'm angry.

- The most. - Ooh.

All right.

He will have the middle name Matthew.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Solid White-sounding backup. - Very important.

Ahh! DeVonté Matthew,

I think you're my favorite!

You are my favorite!

Wow.

I expect that from him, but from you Mother?

Stings.

Oh, there you are. I got the movie ready.

- Come on! - Ohh, just got a text from Shelly.

We're going out.

Huh?

Sorry, kiddo. Next time.

Uh...

Stupid Diane.

This is what you get for opening up your heart.

One is vanilla, one is french vanilla.

I'm not sure which is which.

I bought them for a night that will not materialize.

Thanks.

What are we watching?

Trampoline accidents. All right.

Come here, daddy!

Watch! Watch this!

Ohh!

Ohh. Ohh.

Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~