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Welcome everybody, so happy that you could all be

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

here for the Nurse Narratives Initiative,

the premiere of some really wonderful stories

made by nurses in our community.

My name is Allison Myers and I'm the director of StoryCollab,

and we have some very, very special guests

in the audience, and so I'd like to ask our nurse storytellers

to please stand up, and give them a big round

of applause please.

At StoryCollab we believe in the power

of first-person storytelling, and... we believe that

people are the experts of their own stories and should be able

to have the opportunity to tell those in their own words.

Every day, girls, when I drive to work, "Lord, thank you

for the day.

Please let me help somebody today,

and don't let me kill anybody today."

That's really what I'm thinking.

I've seen a lot of codes

in the ER for a couple years...

but this is the first time I've had like...

a connection with the patient... um...

- ...a plane that day. - And...

So I drove home, I was crying, I called my mom...

um, and I told her, I was like, "I cannot do this,"

I was like, "This is the wrong career choice."

For many, many years, you know, we always like to say,

especially on a bad day, "Don't take your work home with you,

don't take your work home with you," um...

but this is two times that I'm really glad I took my work home

with me... and we did choose to go...

I feel like we have our own social workers but

sometimes, like, you're dealing with so many different family

dynamics that it almost feels like you're doing two different

- jobs at the same time. - What spoke to me

so much during that time... was that his chemo nurses drove

almost an hour to come and pay their respects...

and it was that impact that led me into Oncology Nursing...

There is no career that compares to what I get to do every day.

There's no greater joy than knowing that I can make

even the slightest difference in someone's cancer journey.

- That I can make them laugh... - It's not something that...

can come overnight or can come...

you know, in six months

or a year, 'cause every experience, every patient,

every patient's story, that's where you build this stuff up.

That's where. And you be-- and I have become more compassionate

with my age and I love my job even more now than I ever did

- when I started. - We've just started,

we've just worked with 19 nurses so far

but we're gonna be working with more nurses,

we're gonna be working with faculty, we're gonna be working

with patients and with students and we're gonna collect

a really amazing library of stories that then can be shared

and integrated into the curriculum for nursing students

across the region. You can imagine that nurses

have a lot of really hard stories,

a lot of really wonderful stories as well and so...

this was an opportunity we felt to give nurses a place

to really process some of the experiences that they've had,

the lessons that they've learned to connect with other nurses...

and hopefully to be able to share those stories

and that wisdom, for the next generation of nurses

so that they can cultivate empathy, they can see

the human side of nursing to connect and to learn

from those who have gone before, and so they made

these stories themselves. They had a little help,

but these are their stories,

they're their stories and we're really grateful

to them for being willing to share them with us tonight.

So, without further ado...

All right... who's first?

- Josie, thank you. - Yes.

All right, thanks for stepping up and being first.

Hold on... it's loading...

Okay, I don't have a title for mine, and I need to, like--

I did not change the ending but, like...

- Mm-hmm. - fix it or add something

- or something-- but anywho. Okay. - Mm-hmm.

Okay. Um... It's January.

It is so hard... to be needed for 12 hours

and even more sometimes. You are so stimulated.

People are constantly calling out, "I need my nurse,

I need medicine, I need you to come get me back on the monitor.

I don't know what's happening," and that's what I'm there for,

that's my job...

but probably the hardest thing for me is to...

constantly be stimulated and then

come home and try to have a life,

and, like, talk to my husband and, um, most of the time

I come home, and he's like, "How was your day?" And I say...

"Good... or bad..."

And I don't wanna talk, like,

I don't wanna talk about it. I don't-- because I'm-- I don't

wanna look at my phone, I don't wanna watch TV.

A lot of times I drive home in silence

because there's so many noises every day.

Oh, and I have to put a smile on my face.

"Hi, I'm Josie, I'm gonna be your nurse today."

Sometimes you push with a patient for three hours

then you have to go to a c-section,

and then you have to chart everything that you just did

which takes hours...

and so I'm like--

I think the hardest thing there--

that I didn't know about would be just...

trying to have--

keep your Zen about you almost, and like...

make time for yourself. I thought it was just gonna be,

"Oh, I'm gonna go to work and I'm gonna deliver babies,

and I'm gonna go in when I'm supposed to,

and I'm gonna leave when I'm supposed to...

and... that's gonna be my job."

And... it's really-- it's--

it's a really hard time...

really, and why did I, uh--

Why did I choose a job

that was so...

...needy? And I'm also not much-- I know--

I don't know if it seems like it or not,

but I'm not much of a...

nurturing person.

So I'm like, "Why did I choose a job

where you have to be with people all the time,

and you have to help people?"

One day...

when I look back on my life...

...I wanna be able to say, "Yeah,

I have no regrets. I did what I wanted to do.

I did what I was called to do...

...and I didn't miss anything.

I was there for my kids. I was there for my husband,

and doing this job I don't know

that I'm gonna be able to say that.

Yay! Look here!

Happy Birthday!

It was all wrapped up. 9:12!

Here we go, here we go, buddy.

Cough it up buddy,

cough it up.

Sorry.

Hi buddy. Wanna see Mama?

Say hello. Wanna cry a little bit more for Mama?

There we go... Hi buddy.

Here we go. Here you go, Knox.

Let it out, buddy. Let it out!

Yeah, buddy.

I did! At 9:12.

I got it... I don't know.

It was just great, and the patient got everything

she wanted. She didn't tear.

She only pushed for, like, four minutes, um...

and she didn't have to have a c-section or anything like that,

so-- and the baby did well... and everybody's happy and good,

so... I don't know, that was just amazing.

I get to be the start of that little person's life, even though

they'll never know who I am.

But their mom will,

and they'll tell them about me

even if they don't know my name

or remember who I am.

It is a true honor to witness firsthand the miracle that life

really is and I'm eternally thankful for the opportunity

I have to help mothers welcome their babies into the world every day.

Thank you.

Great job. Are you open to some feedback?

- Yeah. - So, um, about your last

sentence, um...

I really have a profound respect

for labor and delivery,

um... You see the beginning of life,

- Mm-hmm. - sometimes you also see

the full circle of the ending of life.

Whereas most of the time like on my side

- I just see the ending of life. - Mm-hmm.

And what a respect I have to you all is bring that in,

like, you're there with them for sometimes the full cycle,

- Mm-hmm. - of life...

...and that takes a lot of courage.

One person with coronavirus in King County,

Washington State has died.

- Nine Americans now have died. - Eleven people have died.

The U.S. death toll from the virus has surpassed

- one hundred people. - Twenty thousand.

- More than 46,000. - One hundred and fifty thousand.

- Two hundred thousand. - Four hundred thousand.

Five hundred thousand, seventy-one... dead.

All right, who's next?

I'm sorry.

Uh... um...

So, I'll just read...

it and then I'll tell you a little bit about...

like, the-- the journey.

Um... I've loved Acute Care Nursing from the day I started.

Every day is another opportunity to learn something new

especially in intensive care.

Several y-- several years passed by,

with business as usual

and along came the virus that shall not be named.

The days were hard... then they were harder...

and then even harder.

There were feelings that I experienced that I still...

can not fully explain.

"What am I doing here...

and why did I choose this?"

Sorry...

I've never gone to war on a nursing unit.

I've never had to do this consistently.

At some point...

I'll never forget her telling me

that she...

...was stepping over patients' families...

as patients died...

...as they crumpled on the floor.

Um...

As a nurse...

...we don't do that.

It was really hard...

for me to hear...

...my sister say...

"...I'm stepping over people

during a time of grief when as a nurse

I know I'm responsible or should at least be in a position to

comfort, to assist, to care for the dead and dying,

to-- to be respectful, um, to empathize, to have compassion."

And it was like all of that just kinda got pushed away.

I do remember hearing her say

how much difficulty she was having.

When you watch...

...all of those things happening...

...and you can't fix it...

and there's no reason why...

...and it feels nefarious although you can't...

say it is, it just feels that way.

A few-- I wanted to say a few,

I'll say, with me...

...I...

...lost my ability to...

One thing that we have to remember as nurses

is that there are going to be times in our careers where

you're going to see things or experience things with patients

and families that will make you question your belief system.

It was just gone.

I think part of this too-- um... this goes back to something

that we talk about with military resilience counseling,

is you have to talk about

the moral injury.

Moral injury refers to...

...when your job makes you do things or...

harms you in some way that also harms you morally or ethically.

I would like for her to become as healed as she possibly can.

Um... I don't think there's any 100% healing.

When we talk to clients who have experienced trauma from

a therapist aspect, you never go back

to who you were before that. You can't expect yourself to.

You've been through something that has quite literally

changed your brain structure and your brain chemistry.

You're gonna have to close yourself off.

You're gonna have to protect yourself during this

and you're just gonna have to--

I hate to say "not care" at that time,

which was, again...

really difficult for me to say because

that's not who we are. It's not who nurses are.

So I did say, "You're gonna have to close yourself off for a bit

- to get through this." - When you were talking

about separating yourself from everything that was going on,

I kept picturing Vietnam or something where...

I just saw a war

where people, to survive

day by day, would've had to do that too.

It felt like war.

Disconnect, go to work, do your job, go home.

She still very much grieves her patients

and the things that she went through um...

and I think that that's where a lot of

people get it wrong, is they try to move on from death

and grief, and all the things that come with that...

but you don't forget that. You never forget that.

And to expect a human being to forget that...

...would be doing them an injustice.

You don't move on from grief.

You don't. You move forward.

And I'll be totally honest, I think her...

getting into this...

whole production, this whole project really helped her

because I think that-- that she was able to hear

other people's stories, whether it had to do with COVID or not.

I think that she was able to say,

"Oh, other people also feel this way

and... it's kind of normal for an abnormal circumstance."

He said-- I'm sorry, I'll quit talking now.

You don't need to apologize or quit talking.

Y'all are my therapy group right now.

I apologize.

First off, uh, I just wanna say thanks

because when I was

in school was during COVID. So being a two-year nurse,

I didn't experience all that. So when I came in...

the nurses were pretty beat down,

but it was a nurse from the ER

that made me wanna work in the ER.

If we always try to find the good in the bad,

which, you know, we do as nurses,

if you think about all the things

that we truly learned during COVID

about giving care to patients,

different ways to do things that we would

never thought of before, things that we're still using now

as a daily practice,

maybe you pull something in about that...

It's one thing to say COVID was really hard

and a lot of people suffered

but to hear your very personal exp--

I mean to say, uh, "In that time I lost my faith, even."

I think there's space where you can add some detail about your

own... darkness.

Because I-- I also don't wanna

sound overly dramatic

- and um... - Okay.

Okay can-- may I...

- comment on that? - Yes! Please. Yeah.

So... when you talked about it,

it didn't sound overly dramatic.

It sounded really real.

And it really, felt...

kind of bloody raw,

which is, I think, where your story is going and--

it's not a story that everybody talks about...

but it-- it's-- but people are still reeling from that,

not just nurses but I think particularly, um...

And so I think if you're willing to go there, like I was--

Um... it would be a really great gift to people...

- Yeah - ...and I think to yourself

because I think what I hear you saying is...

...that it's just-- the processing it

is giving you space to think about what really happened,

and who you are, and where you're going with it.

I've loved Acute Care Nursing from the moment I started.

Every day was another opportunity to learn

something new, and help patients use the knowledge I've gained.

Until the virus which shall not be named.

- Do-- I'm sorry... - Just do that sentence again,

- Yes. - with a little bit more of the...

"Until the virus which

- shall not be named," okay? - Okay.

Until the virus, which shall not be named.

Keep going.

"Do everything to save them," the family would say.

Like other hospitals, we tried everything.

We'd get a group of patients in,

then weeks later they'd begin to code,

one... after the next.

I began wondering...

We're all set. We're ready to get started over here.

Are we ready over here, out here?

- Oh, we have a f-- a question here. - Okay.

Okay, what's up?

Like right up on it, okay?

So, have you ever done a voiceover recording before

- for school or anything? Okay. - No.

- I think I do. I mean, I have pictures of me. - Yeah.

- There we go. - With scrubs.

None of my patients knew

what I left behind that morning.

I figured becoming a registered nurse in the ER...

would come natural to me.

I graduated from nursing at home in the Philippines,

and spent eight years working in Dubai.

Did you know what it meant already?

Or-- let me ask you this, what do you think your story means?

What-- if you could say it in one word,

like, what do you think it's really, really about?

Your story, not--

Not Riley's parents' story, but your story.

What do you think it's really about for you?

You know, I think it's...

...compassion and--

and, like, kind of going further passion in general,

- Uh-huh. - because, you know, to be a nurse

you really need to have that passion and you need to...

have a heart to... extend to others and, you know,

put yourself... kind of in the back burner.

- Mm-hmm - And put someone else's...

you know, life and their family, in...

...a little more than you.

♪ Soul searching ♪

♪ Fall apart ♪

♪ Tunnel vision ♪

♪ Hiding in the dark ♪

♪ I ain't gonna holler Before I ♪

♪ Really bleed ♪

♪ Salvation ♪

♪ Or quick-fix remedy ♪

♪ You said I never could Ever could change ♪

♪ I thought I never could Ever could change ♪

♪ They said I never could Ever could change ♪

♪ Damn right never would ♪

I always thought that I was gonna be in the medical field,

but I never thought I wanted to work with people

in a one-to-one setting and be that close to people.

I just didn't think that was for me.

I've always been kind of uncomfortable

in social situations.

- I have social, like, awkward-- - Anxiety.

Kind of social anxiety.

I see babies that I took care of

when I was still learning

to be an NICU nurse.

Seeing them learn how to walk,

see them eating food for the first time or...

doing these milestones, it's-- that is what

makes it worth it.

And then connecting with these parents in ways that, I mean...

you have a connection with people that you-- I mean,

I never thought that I would have with anybody really.

And seeing joy on people's faces is one of the most...

wonderful, remarkable things that, like--

and you are part of that.

I've always said there's worse things than death sometimes.

And...

...you know whenever a baby is suffering

more than it should.

And you know what kind of life it's gonna have...

af-- if-- if it does survive and if it does go further.

And I've never...

...wanted so bad for a baby to be okay,

even though you can see the reality in it.

You can see... where it's going.

Riggs was getting a little overstimulated.

And so we put the blanket over him,

his NICU bed, make it dark and quiet,

but I put my hand underneath it.

And I was just leaning over the bed, and I was just praying.

And she came up and hugged me.

And she just started praying over me.

And she started praying over Riggs.

And she started praying over me.

And that's, like, something-- that is Amber.

And that's the part of her that I think...

I'm so grateful for. Because not only did she care

for my child, but, like, she prayed over me.

And she was praying over him, while, like, it's above

and beyond... her call.

We knew that...

...things weren't looking good.

And...

I-- I can remember putting

her hand on my back...

...you know--

And it was just--

It was a way that...

...you knew it probably wasn't gonna be good.

You know what was getting ready to happen.

To have somebody there, when you feel them touch you.

You know, that-- that's a comfort,

knowing that a nurse...

- is feeling what you're feeling too. - Mm-hmm.

And they're being strong and they have to be strong.

They're superheroes. They are.

Because...

...it takes a special person to do what they do.

This is Riggs's footprint...

And I keep it with me so I can take him everywhere.

He can see all the things. I got--

She also did give me...

...this keychain as well.

And then she...

gave me this with a letter.

Um, and it's...

Riggs on a little charm

and it's got a Bible verse on it.

My bad day is never...

...the worst day in the world.

It could feel... like...

the world is crashing down around you,

but someone somewhere is having a day,

worse than you will ever have probably.

Feeling that kind of loss, it's, um...

you shouldn't be so attached but you kind of are.

And... he was the first one that I did ever lose.

And it's hard to-- Hard to think about.

I mean, he'll forever hold a place in my heart.

...you have already been talking about maybe

getting together again, or a Zoom call or something.

I hope you do that because this community that you've formed...

over three days, guys, we did all this in three days.

And we were all strangers pretty much when we got here.

I would say we're not strangers anymore...

...because we have-- we-- we know the hearts of the people in the room

and that's-- that connection for me is-- is amazing.

So thank you for all that.

Um... So thank you for doing this

and I hope that you're proud of your stories.

I think they're amazing and we haven't even seen them up on the big screen.

The screening of the stories at the end, when people watch those,

they're watching as witness

and as audience as opposed to... the storyteller.

They're watching it. They're hearing themselves.

They don't even sound like themselves to themselves, right?

So they-- they s--

they see it almost as an outsider

watching the story happen,

or reading a novel.

And...

...when they do that, I think they can...

adjust how they see themselves

or see that... thing in their lives...

...and they regroup a little bit.

And I've seen it happen so many times.

And, you know... we give them...

I think, the opportunity to do that.

They don't always take us up on it.

Some people don't wanna dig that deep or go that far.

But the people who take us up on it, they--

They find something...

um... that they didn't know they

were missing or that they didn't know...

...they needed.

So...

in the hospital, especially in the ER,

a lot of times when we're really really busy

we say we're drowning. "Oh my gosh, we're drowning."

It was quiet in the emergency department for a Friday.

The med-surg unit was full, so we were holding

some patients in the ED.

Around 9:30 my CNO called and asked for a breakdown of

how many patients, who needed oxygen,

and who needed a wheelchair or stretcher.

"We have to evacuate," she said.

I wasn't aware of the situation brewing outside,

but I looked out and saw my CNO walking toward the hospital

through ankle-deep water.

All my life my greatest fear

was being washed away in a flood.

Once at Sliding Rock, I flailed around helplessly

after the water took my breath.

Another time, I was trapped in a vehicle during a flood,

where the road got washed out.

I've had nightmares

where I'm tumbling in flooded waters.

I've written this verse on a sticky note.

"When you go through deep waters I will be with you...

...and through the rivers, they will not overtake you."

For years, I've kept it to remind me that

when I'm drowning at work,

He is with me.

It was on a cabinet in my office.

I quickly put together the list of patients.

We loaded patients in ambulances but the waters had already

flooded our driveway.

While we unloaded everyone back in the ED,

swift water rescue teams were deployed.

Now the waters were too violent, and there was too much debris

to safely evacuate.

Our only option was to shelter in place.

The water rose, covering our

wheelchair-bound patients' feet

and moving fast towards power outlets.

Gary ran to shut down the generators.

In darkness, the water rose to our knees.

Dr. Sutherland carried two patients to the roof

and a few climbed with our assistance.

We loaded the rest, including the sickest

and those we couldn't carry, into the boats.

We could hardly push the stretchers against the current.

The water was past our waist now and rising.

The boats were secured in the corner by the ambulance bay,

where an eddy had formed.

Emergency crews stayed with those patients.

The last of us climbed the aluminum extension ladder to the roof.

I surveyed the island our little hospital had become.

A house floated by, a container from an 18-wheeler, a truck,

huge propane tanks, and enormous trees.

Then, empty life jackets,

that I prayed didn't start out with someone in them.

Would helicopters be able to get to us?

Would our hospital hold up?

We formed a circle, and Keith led us in prayer.

I said to him, "You aren't going to believe this,

but my biggest fear is all around me...

...and I'm not afraid.

I feel God's presence."

As I waited for the helicopters, I thought...

"All the career choices I've made

have brought me to this day...

...this moment.

I was made for such a time as this.

After the flood, I had a strong urge to go back to the hospital.

I was escorted back into my office and there was my note.

Muddy but legible...

...God's word survived the flood.

I don't really feel the horror of it,

I feel I can see the devastation,

um... and...

...for a long time after it happened,

I was not able to cry...

...as much as I would--

I would spend time at night,

just going through video after video after video online of...

...clips of the flood and all of this and I would just...

...watch all this just like obsessively.

Couldn't cry. Even though it broke my heart,

I just... couldn't cry.

And then, after I watched the final...

...video, f-- for the first time I cried.

And it's--

That just felt like that was really a healing--

time of healing for me.

I-- it brings back a lot...

...about that day...

and about...

all the events that have transpired since that day.

You guys, three days. You made those in three days.

Give yourselves a round of applause, everybody.

If there's anything else you'd like to say,

about this experience or what you're taking with you,

um, I'd love to hear if you have something to share,

please feel free.

If not, if you're just...

word out and tears out,

that's totally fine. We can-- we can wrap it up.

But... is there anything else?

- Thank God. And thank you, honey. - Anybody here wants to say?

Listen, I'm overwhelmed and I'm speechless...

...about these amazing people in here.

Thank you for letting me be part of your stories.

And I-- yes, I'm crying and I'm almost speechless.

You better film this, guys.

I love you all.

Thank you.

I left home at 18,

newly married and eager for adventure.

I was 27,

a new grad LPN working in the ER. I was very nervous.

My wonderful clinical instructor,

Ms. Beatrice Love,

was so patient with me.

Even as a little girl,

I felt sorry for the residents with dementia

in the long-term care unit where my mama worked.

When I look back on how I raised

my biological children...

...I wish I knew then

what having these two has taught me.

But this was different... It was another person's life.

I walk into another room,

a mother addicted to drugs.

The words just came out of my mouth...

I told the surgeon to his face,

"You need to take this patient back to surgery."

He didn't take him back to surgery...

...and the outcome was not good.

Over the next days, we shared

our personal religion with each other.

It seemed to divert his attention away

from the disease that we both knew

was slowly taking his life.

I've been an Oncology nurse for ten years now

and I know why those nurses drove

all that way to honor my father.

Now...

...I never enter a patient's room without

taking the time to sit,

look into their eyes...

...and just listen.

In 1970,

nurses weren't allowed

to tell a family that a patient had died.

Every shift, it seemed like

nothing the doctor or I did,

was helping these patients get better.

We had just placed my Mimi

- on hospice. - I love you.

The end of my time with her was nearing,

but I put on a smile

and cared for my patients like

I would any other day.

I began wondering, "What am I doing here?"

I lost my faith.

I lost several family members.

And for a while, I lost myself.

We face each shift together.

We aren't just a team.

We're family.

And when the moment came...

I printed out a record of

of my patient's last heartbeat...

...and put it in a glass bottle.

I waited, not sure how they would react.

But they pulled me in and hugged me so tight.

We all stood together and cried.

At the risk of stating the obvious, those were just incredibly impactful.

I-- I think the Marvel Universe

has nothing on you all. Um...

You know, real-life superheroes versus what Hollywood does.

And I just... deeply thank you for you all taking the time

to be that vulnerable, you know, to put that out there.

I don't really have a question. I have a comment

that I wanted to share with each of you. Um...

Nine years ago today, my father passed away.

Four days later, my brother passed away.

A few years ago, my mother passed away.

In 2018, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer.

And I think through all these stories...

...it-- all these memories started f-- flooding back...

And I don't remember much about doctors...

...but what I do remember are the nurses...

...that took the time to...

...talk to us, console us...

explain things to us, be advocates for us.

And sometimes the doctors didn't seem as...

caring about what's going on with our family members.

It was the nurses that...

...stood out to me.

Um, I just had a-- well, first of all, let me just say

I was blown away by your stories,

like, uh, as a...

non-healthcare professional, I...

have only been...

...sort of exposed to nurses

just, you know, when I had my kids.

But... um...

w-- the just compassion, the empathy...

...um, amazing.

So what I wanted to ask you is...

...is there anything...

that we can do, as a community...

to support you all?

In these days, there's a lot of things to get upset about.

It seems you don't have to spend two minutes in front of the TV,

listening to news, and it's just really depressing.

And to listen to all of you tonight...

...fifteen, 20 of you. Uh...

How heartwarming...

it is to see...

genuine people that love other people

that are n-- are... more than willing to-- to share,

really touches your heart. Touches my heart.

Now, I've-- I've heard that nursing

is the most trusted profession,

and-- and you all painted that

in a wonderful, wonderful way tonight, so...

thank you to each and every one of you.

Keep doing what you're doing. You're making a difference.

God bless you.

I wanna take the opportunity

to speak to the nurse who's to your left.

I'm not sure if you all can tell...

...but she's my baby sister.

I love you.

I'm proud of you.

You are a far better nurse than I ever thought about being.

Thank you.

So why do I do it all the time?

- Yeah. - Like, why-- why do I choose to continue

to-- to work like that?

Um, because I love nursing.

It is what I was-- This is what I was made to do.