Original subtitles

-Did you look him in the eye? -I did.

What did you see?

He's no clown.

How has it taken you this long to realize

Ireland is a different country?

When are you gonna tell me what this is about?

You mean, what's the reason for your quest?

Kevin and Conrad are on the brink of civil war.

This family is in a death spiral.

Why was Finch at the yard on his own?

Kavanagh's taken your knees out, mate.

Information runs this world,

and you're no longer welcome to it.

Please.

I know you love me, but it's not enough.

Let me take you to lunch.

You, Harry, are not enough.

Anyone calls you, you call that number,

tell the person on the other end exactly what was said,

-word for word. -You're in with Kat now.

That's good for us. We'll use that.

I am going up to town.

Bully for you. Why?

Business.

You want a war, Cooper?

I'll give you a fucking war!

This JoJo. Is he a talker?

-Paul. -Hey, Harry.

Listen, we just hit Frankie now.

Took out four fucking foot soldiers.

Where are you?

We're in the Cotswolds.

Also...

there's something else.

Harry, Kevin.

Paul.

Where is he?

In the barns.

Thanks, Paul.

Morning.

♪ "Starburster" by Fontaines D.C. playing ♪

♪ It may feel bad ♪

♪ It may feel bad ♪

♪ I wanna see you alone, I wanna sharp the stone ♪

♪ I wanna bounce the bone, I wanna mess with it ♪

♪ I wanna lay the Deville, the whole crew on the sill ♪

♪ I want the preacher and pill, I wanna bless with it ♪

♪ I wanna head to a mass and get cast in it ♪

♪ That shit's funnier than any A-class, innit? ♪

♪ I wanna talk with the clown who has apologies down ♪

♪ Pay him 300 pound to take a class in it ♪

♪ I wanna bite the phone, I wanna bleed the tone ♪

♪ I wanna see you alone, alone, alone, lone ♪

♪ I wanna strait the shark and find me somewhere to park ♪

♪ Like the light when it's dark, it's dark, it's dark, dark ♪

♪ A few stars about make it feel like peace ♪

♪ In a way, a complimentary round ♪

♪ Constellation got ♪

♪ A twist in it for a GPO ♪

♪ And all the hits in it ♪

♪ I'm gonna hit your business ♪

♪ If it's momentary blissness ♪

♪ I'm gonna hit your business ♪

♪ If it's momentary blissness ♪

♪ I'm gonna hit your business ♪

♪ If it's momentary blissness ♪

♪ As down the glen ♪

♪ One Easter morn ♪

♪ To a city fair ♪

♪ Rode I ♪

♪ There armed lines ♪

♪ Of marching men ♪

♪ In squadrons passed me by ♪

♪ No pipe did hum ♪

♪ No battle drum ♪

♪ Its loud ♪

♪ Tattoo ♪

♪ But the Angelus bells ♪

♪ O'er the Liffey's swells ♪

♪ Rang out ♪

♪ In the foggy dew ♪

Found this morning by a jogger.

Classic hangman's fracture.

C2, C3 dislocation, snapped clean.

Show me the pictures.

Do you see many of these?

Two or three a year in the forest.

Where's the knot, typically?

Round the back. Or the side, left or right.

-Depending on? -Which hand you favor.

Left side, right-handed. Right side, left.

So you can pull it tight. Like here, on the left.

Finch was left-handed.

If I'm Finch, I don't lie down with the Harrigans

without a cast-iron exit strategy.

That wasn't panic. That was theatre.

I saw you working all night in the barn there.

Did your man sing?

Like a fucking Spice Girl.

I know Frankie's hat size, his shoe size and his cock size.

Intelligence. It's the key component to any war.

And now Harry's here to bring us all together.

Peace in our time, hands across the divide.

Oh, who the fuck does he think he is?

Bob fucking Geldof?

Harry knows his place.

He's a good soldier.

Don't forget who the generals are

and who's the cannon fodder.

-Ah. -And don't go getting all gooey

-over Kevin. -Yeah.

He made you look like a right cunt over that...

Bazooka, K-Kabuki, whatever his name was.

His name's fucking Gakbu.

Jan, it's me. Listen, um...

I really need to talk to you.

Can you please call me back urgently?

-Zosh? -Kavanagh,

two blokes and a woman.

Uh, Iqbal Khan, Michael Atkins.

No fucking idea.

Kavanagh, Khan, Atkins. Can you get a name for the girl?

On it.

Bella. Welcome back.

You look awful.

Thank you, Maeve. I stole your stash.

Harry.

♪ Feed the world ♪

♪ Let them know it's Christmas time ♪

Conrad tells me you've organized a wee sit

for the warring factions.

That is so kind of you.

And how's your own family, by the way?

You know, Gina and Jan?

Saved a little bit of fairy dust for them, have you?

Where are they, by the way? Are they here?

Are they hiding somewhere?

-No, they're not here. -Well,

let's hope they're safe.

And for the record, this sit of yours?

My arse sits when I fucking tell it to.

Good morning, Sneem.

Top of the morning to you.

What a track to wake up to.

It's coming up to eight...

The weather, as always, is changeable.

Hello?

Look at this big boy.

Who's it from?

Doesn't say.

-Croissants? -Mm-hmm.

Now we need coffee.

I'm gonna have a shower, get ready.

-Why don't you go and get some? -Okay.

♪ Hang down your head and cry ♪

♪ Hang down your head, Tom Dooley ♪

♪ Poor man, you're going to die ♪

Harry.

Welcome back.

Breaking news:

our friend Frankie's down a whole stack of munchkins.

You should have been there, Harry.

You should've seen the look on Paul's face.

The poor fucker thought we were stopping for chips.

Yeah, Paul filled us in on the basics.

He said it was, um...

somewhat impromptu.

Strike hard, circle the wagons.

Sharpen the cutlass.

Bluff the bunderbluss.

Did you clock choppers out there on the lawn?

If that doesn't make your tassel go straight, nothing will.

I looked out the window and I thought,

"Jesus, I'm in the Alamo."

The man in the barn...

JoJo. Working for Frankie since he was 14.

Staunch.

Loyal. Tickle his tum and he spilled the lot.

He's dead.

He's what?

He's dead.

Oh, the fucker.

-Silly ponce. -Mm.

And we was just getting acquainted.

Do you know what happened at the Alamo?

Kevin. I didn't see you there, my boy.

It's so grand to have you back in the house.

My house.

All that stuff that got said,

it's all just water under the bridge now.

Water under the bridge.

Let's shake hands

and go up the lane, now, shall we?

Yeah, yeah, we'll get to all that.

Okay, um, just to lend some perspective here,

w-we are all aware of what's going on, yeah?

And we also know that there is a lot at stake, so...

to that end, I'm not sure

the best place to start is with a pissing contest

about the fucking Alamo.

The Alamo was an ambush

in which a small band of Texans

were completely wiped out by the Mexican Army.

Now I suggest we just get our cocks out and we'll see

which one's the biggest.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

Shall we do that Kevin, now?

Shall I go first? Hmm?

Or shall we ask Bella?

I'm sorry, Conrad.

Gonna have to think of something

a bit better than that.

Well, now, it's a wondrous thing you've done, Harry.

Yep. When everyone's gathered, we'll, uh,

we'll light the fire, open a bottle

and let the healing begin.

Yeah, tell me now, is Brendan here? Hmm?

Brendan?

Brendan's dead.

You think I don't know that?

You think I don't know my son is in the ground?

I meant Eddie.

My other son.

Ah.

Well, he's not coming, either.

Came round, got his passport and he's fucked off abroad.

Huh.

-Maeve! -Where's Eddie gone?

I don't know.

Maeve!

Conrad, she's over at the stables.

Well, don't just stand there,

you great goggle-eyed cunt!

Fetch her.

You all right?

Yeah, Donnie's called me seven times.

What's happened?

Let's go for a walk.

When you do get in contact, yeah?

This is your party line.

You've been with Conrad all morning,

Conrad got very excited

and told you all about his lovely attack.

-What attack? -Him and Paul had a foray

into Frankie's backyard last night, all right?

-He's told you about JoJo... -Who the fuck is JoJo?

Well, okay. Conrad snatched him

and then brought him here in his boot, but sadly,

he's bled to death on the way.

-Oh, fuck, it's him. -Listen, do you understand?

Yes, I've got it.

Do not mention the name JoJo,

because we do not know it yet.

Yep, don't mention JoJo.

Okay.

-Donnie. -Where the fuck you been?

I called ten fucking times.

So first of all, good morning.

Second, stop shouting at me, prick,

or this whole thing is over.

Do you know what happened last night?

Of course I know what happened.

Okay? I've been with Dad all morning.

-Jan. -You've got one minute.

Okay, Jan, um...

Listen, something has happened,

and I feel uncomfortable bringing it up

due to the fact that it's actually very...

sensitive and unpleasant, but I'm, uh,

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to.

Where are you?

Cotswolds.

Course you are.

How goeth thine quest?

Maeve, what the fuck is going on?

Did you get the gift basket?

-Yes. -Did you find the card?

-Yes. -And the other thing?

Yep.

Jan, somebody was in the house, and they

took a video of you and a man.

What the fuck?

Come to the address I just sent you.

Frankie wants to debrief, face-to-face.

Mm-mm. No, sorry. I have to be here.

Let me tell you what's happening here.

You've had someone following me,

they've seen me with someone, and now

you want to know their name so you can chop them up

into little pieces and feed them to Conrad's dogs.

No, that's not what's happening here.

You-you genuinely have been set up.

Now get in your fucking car and come back to London.

I mean, Donnie, I can't fucking come.

There's a big powwow at the house, everyone's here.

Can't just say I've got theatre tickets

and fuck off back to town, it does not work like that.

Jan, please, listen. I'm being very serious.

No, you listen to me, Harry.

Remember your daughter, Gina?

Remember that note she left?

Well, I want you to know, I 100% agree.

I wish I had killed the cunt.

You're all set.

I didn't send you all the way to Kenmare

to sit on your cracker, ride Gina and pick your hole.

You've a job to do.

Now it's time to find out if those balls are Harrigan balls.

Maeve, please. Listen.

I'm a bit in the dark here.

I mean, what the fuck is it you want me to do?

Here is your quest, O prince.

Bring me the head of the fucking Medusa.

Paul, what are you doing sneaking around?

You ought to be careful.

You might get shot like your eejit nephew.

Message from Conrad.

You're, uh, needed back at the house.

Is it from Conrad or Harry?

Donald.

Sera just let it slip.

The Harrigans are all under one roof in the Cotswolds tonight.

I'll call you back.

Seraphina told Donnie

there's a full house in the Cotswolds.

So, how sure are we she's kosher?

Well, we're-we're not.

But if she is,

that's the whole Brady Bunch in a job lot.

We can win this war tonight.

Gather your troop, sunshine.

Fly up to Edinburgh,

meeting with the Scottish secretary

regarding whiskey export tariffs.

3 p.m. Murrayfield,

Scotland versus U.S. game with the first minister.

What sport? Wait. No, no, no.

I don't really care.

Hey.

Kat, you get my text?

Yeah, so all the eggs are in one basket?

In the house, full effect, one night only.

Tattersall spoke to Frankie.

We're set for the Cotswolds tonight.

What you want to do?

Do it.

Hey, Jan. This is a surprise.

I've changed my mind.

I need to see you.

Seraphina. What a surprise.

Hello, Maeve.

Seraphina, Maeve.

If you're ready.

What for?

The sit, Maeve.

Oh.

Harry's Davos.

If we needed a babysitter, we'd fucking ask for one.

Cunt.

I'll be a couple of minutes.

Mm.

Is there an art to cooking

the perfect sausage?

-Great question. -Kev.

Have you made up with Daddy?

-Mahogany brown pork sausage. -Or not?

Everyone's here. Are you coming?

I can't miss an episode of this.

Bella, stop fucking around.

And why is that so important?

I'll be down when I'm ready.

Do you know what?

Stop here. You're a fucking embarrassment.

Brown is the secret to the flavor.

We are going to be reviewing the SIG SP2022.

How do I look?

Like a tourist.

Come on, let's get out of here.

What's up with you?

-Nothing, I'm fine. -Can I help you?

Hi. Can I have this gift wrapped, please?

What brings you to Kenmare?

Our honeymoon.

My husband's actually from around here.

He's Irish. Aren't you, Eddie?

My name's not Eddie.

It's Powell.

See you outside.

Harry.

Could I have a word, please?

Mum.

Don't "Mum" me, you twicing cunt!

So, I was in the stables earlier,

and I overheard Maeve talking to Eddie on the phone.

She said, and I quote... he's in Ireland, by the way.

-Ireland? -Ireland. She said, and I quote,

"I didn't send you and Gina..." your Gina...

"all the way to Kenmare to pick your hole."

And then she said something else that was quite concerning,

which is why I'm fucking talking to you right now.

-So, what did she say? -She said...

Mm-hmm.

What did she say, Paul?

She said, "Bring me the head of the fucking Medusa."

Fucking smirking bastard whore.

-Bella. -Seraphina,

looking good.

Fancy a drink?

Right, give me your weapon.

Come on.

Is this what you're looking for?

Spare mag. Let's go.

-I'll be right back. -Okay.

So, who's the mark, then?

Seraphina?

Harry?

Or is it me?

Conrad Harrigan.

Now I know you've finally lost it.

If you could think for one minute

that I want to poison my tiger,

my babes, the love of my life?

I mean, sure, you're a mad bad bastard with a head like a rock,

and sometimes I've wanted your balls for baubles,

but honestly, if you could think that I...

that I would do such a thing, you're a sick, sick man.

Hmm.

What's going on in that head of yours?

Mm?

-Let me take a look now. -Mm...

-See what I see. -Hmm.

Oh...

It's fine, there's absolutely nothing there.

Oh...

What the fuck is that?

Looks like the cuckoo has flown the nest.

Party.

Evening.

Pint of lager, please.

Two.

How old are you?

Nine.

You don't look a day over seven.

I get that a lot.

What's going on?

-What? -You've been squirming all day.

And then catatonic.

You're a fucking zombie with piles.

Keep your voice down.

Why are we here, Eddie?

Evening, boys.

-Ive. -How's it going, Ive boy?

-All right. How you doing? -Good to see you.

How'd the jumps treat you?

Egregious.

-What? -Yeah.

There's not one fucking winner.

Well, you can't win 'em all, Medusa.

-The usual, so? -Yeah.

Actually, my wife's away on business,

so this is just perfect timing.

When you've been with someone 20 years,

you walk in a place, you can tell straightaway.

The sofa...

those coffee tables.

Trust me. You're not married.

When was this now?

Ah, so, this is five year back.

I mean, the stable boy gives us a tip

that there's a horse coming through from Dubai.

-I want to go, Eddie. -We haven't finished.

We knew this old whore,

Moira McGee from Cloyne.

60 years of age.

But by Christ, she'll have the handle off you.

That's a good one.

That's a good eye, eh.

Oh, the least. Listen to this, though...

-Eddie, let's go. -I haven't finished.

A pint glass

of stone-cold worthless pony spunk.

What did you do?

The only thing I could.

Made the fucker drink it.

Yeah. Then I took him out the back

-and put a bullet in his head. -Oh!

Well, boys?

Another? Medusa?

No, no, no. Time for my beauty sleep.

Oh, lads, you should've seen...

Drink up.

-Excuse me? -You wanted to go? Let's go.

Eddie, where are we going?

Oh. For a drive.

There's this pub we used to go to, just out of town.

Music, craic.

Come on. I'll show you.

Listen, Gina, I've not been entirely straight with you.

What do you mean, Eddie?

What's going on?

Firstly, and please don't get angry,

I've never been here before.

What, as in, you've never come here as a child?

No. Would you come back if you had?

-We're here to do something. -"We"?

That bloke in the car ahead.

His name is the Medusa.

I mean, it's not. I don't know his fucking name, but...

We're here to...

You know.

No, Eddie. I don't fucking know.

What are we here to do?

Whose idea was this?

-Gina... -Tell me now.

Stop the car. Stop the fucking car!

-Sleep well, Medusa. -Good night.

You're not gonna rob me tonight.

See you tomorrow, then.

Night, lads.

-Gina. -Fuck off.

-Gina, come back. -You drag me out here

-to the middle of nowhere... -Keep your voice down.

Lie to me, put my fucking life in danger

for that mad old bitch...

It's my family.

They're all I've got.

You have a choice here, Eddie.

You can come back to London with me

or you can never see me again.

I'm sorry.

-Fuck off. -Gina...

-I said fuck off! -It's miles back to town.

So, Harry has deserted us,

and here we are,

home alone.

Who wants to go first?

I know, I know, it's fucking rude,

-but I just have to do this. -Don't mind me.

Excuse me.

More wine?

Don't worry, I won't get carried away.

Don't worry, I can handle it.

Hi, it's Jan.

Leave a message.

Mum, it's me. I...

I really need you to pick up the fuck...

Fuck!

I got to warn you,

I don't know anything about wine.

That makes two of us.

Actually, you know, I should, um...

I should probably go.

Did I say something wrong?

No. No.

I'll call you.

Zosh, it's me. Listen.

This motor I've lifted is nearly out of juice.

Have you, have you got Medusa's location yet?

I'm tracking you, H. Go straight out of town

for nine kilometers, then turn for...

-Hello? -Zosia?

Hello, Harry?

Zosia, are you there?

Fuck.

Harry's right.

This family needs to stop turning on each other.

He's not always right,

and I wish he'd listened to certain things I've said.

Certain... oh, how can I put it?

Suggestions, offers,

which, despite my persistent and valiant attempts,

he has steadfastly and doggedly refused to entertain.

Bella...

-Kevin, let me finish. -Oh, let her speak.

This is getting to be interesting.

No. No!

No.

I love my son very much.

If he can't be here with his family...

his mad, fucked-up family... and let's face it,

if I was looking for a fucking family

to enter into the Eurovision Fucked-Up Family Contest...

But it's all he's got.

And you've got.

And you.

And you and me.

Who sent you?

Maeve Harrigan.

Well. That was easy.

Did Maeve Harrigan tell you

why I'm called the Medusa?

-No. -Well, I'm in concrete.

So, you double-cross me, you end up in a bridge support

or a-a drainage chamber.

Now, I admit, it's not a very accurate alias.

No, a better one would be, uh,

"Depraved, Deranged, Dangerously Unsupervised Sadist."

Harry? Can you hear me?

It's about one kilometer as the crow flies.

Well, I'm here because Harry said it was

the right thing to do.

That the family working together as one

is the only way to beat Kat McAllister.

I trust Harry.

And I know you do,

'cause there's no way on God's Earth

you'd ever ask me here.

You must need me for something.

This morning, you walked in there,

and what did you do?

Mend fences?

No. You played some fucking game,

like I'm not even there.

I asked you a question,

and all I wanted was a fucking answer.

Okay, everyone, we need to leave right now.

Hang on, you jumped-up nutsack. Since when do you give orders?

Maeve, if there's ever a time

to fucking listen to me, it's now!

You were right, Conrad.

-What? -The antifreeze in the tonic

was for this one.

-Jesus. What the f... -Shit!

What the fuck?!

We're under attack. Paulie, get the big bag.

-For you. -What's going on?

You know what to do.

Maeve!

-Kev! -Fucking whores!

Take off your slacks.

-What? -Slacks off now.

I'll get my gun.

Fuck you.

And the coke.

I got you, Maeve!

Just stay behind me, all right?

Turn around.

Hands on the armrests.

And bend over.

Please.

Oh, no, t-this is the easy way, kid.

Don't make me go the hard road round.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Go, go, go!

Brace yourself.

I'm told this can smart a little.

Eddie! Get off him!

Fuck!

What the fuck is that?

Eddie, go!

No...

Over here, boys. Fuck.

-Over here! -Don't you fucking touch me!

Well, boys, it looks like we've got us some interlopers, huh?

♪ "Emer's Dream" by Colm Mac Con Iomaire playing ♪

Come on, hurry up!

-Go, go. -Hurry up! Come on!

Get in, get in, get in!

Fuck!

-Let's go! -My dogs are back there!